>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE."
TONIGHT, CAREY MULLIGAN AND
ALANIS MORISSETTE.
AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
>> Jimmy: HI, THERE.
HI, EVERYBODY.
I'M THE HOST, THANKS FOR
WATCHING.
THAT'S VERY NICE, THANKS.
WE ARE COMING TO YOU FROM LOS
ANGELES, HOME OF THE NUMBER ONE
AND TWO HIGHEST‐PAID CELEBRITIES
IN THE WORLD.
EVERY YEAR "FORBES" PUTS OUT A
LIST OF THE 100 CELEBRITIES ON
MADE THE MOST MONEY.
FOR 2020, THE HIGHEST‐EARNING
CELEBRITY, ANY GUESSES?
OPRAH?
TYLER PERRY?
ADAM SANDLER?
GUILLERMO?
>> Guillermo: THE ROCK.
>> Jimmy: THE ROCK IS NOT
CORRECT.
THE HIGHEST‐PAID CELEBRITY OF
THE YEAR FOR 2020 IS KYLIE
JENNER.
THAT'S ONE OF THE ‐‐ THEM, YOU
KNOW, THE FAMILY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
KYLIE JENNER TOOK HOME $590
MILLION THIS YEAR.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE DID IT?
SHE KNIT SWEATERS AND SELLS THEM
ON ETSY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
RIGHT BEHIND KYLIE AT A DISTANT
NUMBER TWO, WITH $170 MILLION IN
EARNINGS, IS HER HALF
BROTHER‐IN‐LAW, KANYE WEST.
KANYE DID WELL WHILE RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT.
A LOT OF HIS MONEY, MORE THAN
HALF, CAME FROM HIS WIFE.
EVERY NIGHT, KIM PAYS HIM $2
MILLION TO STOP YELLING AND GO
TO BED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
KYLIE'S NUMBER ONE.
KANYE'S NUMBER TWO.
KIM WAS ONLY NUMBER 48.
SHE ONLY MADE $49 MILLION THIS
YEAR, SHE'S POOR, GUYS, REALLY
POOR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE DO, AGAIN?
THIS YEAR, THE FOURTH MOST
POPULAR MEMBER OF THE KARDASHIAN
FAMILY MADE MORE MONEY THAN
LeBRON JAMES HAS MADE PLAYING
BASKETBALL IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
I'M STARTING TO THINK MAYBE MY
LIPS AREN'T PLUMP ENOUGH.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
PRESIDENT TRUMP DID NOT MAKE THE
LIST, I'M SURE HE LOVES THAT.
DONALD TRUMP COULD USE A GOOD
SPANKING FROM "FORBES" MAGAZINE
RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS DAY 42 OF SQUATTERGATE.
THE TRUMP TRAIN HAS A LOT OF
EMPTY SEAT YESTERDAY THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE MADE IT
OFFICIAL FOR JOE BIDEN.
SOME REPUBLICANS HAVE FINALLY
STARTED TO CONGRATULATE JOE FOR
WINNING AN ELECTION HE WON SIX
WEEKS AGO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
EVEN THAT TURTLE‐FACED SON OF A
MITCH McCONNELL TOOK A BREAK
FROM BLOCKING COVID RELIEF TO
CONGRATULATE BIDEN TODAY.
McCONNELL SAID, AS OF THIS
MORNING OUR COUNTRY OFFICIALLY
HAS A PRESIDENT‐ELECT.
AS IF WE HADN'T HAD ONE FOR THE
40 BEFORE THAT.
BUT THESE PEOPLE, THEY'RE SO
SCARED OF DONALD TRUMP.
MOST OF THEM STILL REFUSE TO
ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS VERY CLEAR
TO EVERYONE, THAT JOE BIDEN IS
THE NEXT PRESIDENT.
ONE REPUBLICAN IN THE HOUSE,
PAUL MITCHELL OF MICHIGAN,
ANNOUNCED HE'S SO UPSET IF THIS
ENABLING OF TRUMP'S BOGUS CLAIMS
OF ELECTION FRAUD, HE'S LEAVING
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
HE'S AN INDEPENDENT NOW.
SO NOT ONLY ARE REPUBLICANS
LOSING PAUL MITCHELL IN THAT
SPOT, THEY'RE ALSO LOSING THE
FRIENDS AND FAMILY DISCOUNT ON
ALL HIS HAIR CARE PRODUCTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS MUCH BEEN A PUNCH IN THE
McRIB.
JOE BIDEN GOT A CONGRATULATORY
MESSAGE FROM TRUMP'S KGBFF,
SUGAR DAD BYDY PUT TIN,
ACKNOWLEDGING BIDEN'S VICTORY.
"FOR MY PART I'M READY FOR
COOPERATION AND CONTACTS WITH
YOU."
WHICH WILL BE EASY BECAUSE
RUSSIA JUST HACKED OUR CONTACTS.
IF PUTIN'S OFFERING A
CONGRATULATORY HANDSHAKE TO JOE
BIDEN, WHAT IS TRUMP EATING
PELLETS OUT OF?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
WAS STRANGE WATCHING COVERAGE
YESTERDAY, IT WAS LIKE WATCHING
AN OLD WORLD SERIES ON ESPN
CLASSIC.
FIRST OF ALL, AS FAR AS I KNOW,
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE HAS NEVER
BEEN TELEVISED BEFORE, CERTAINLY
NOT ON CNN.
USUALLY THEY'RE MIND NUMBINGLY
BORING AND THE OUTCOME IS
ALREADY KNOWN.
BUT NOTHING IS NORMAL ANYMORE.
THIS TIME AROUND SOME OF THE
ELECTORS I GUESS KNEW THEY WERE
GOING TO BE ON TV, THEY HAD ONE
LAST CHANCE TO GIVE TRUMP A
LITTLE STROKE BEFORE HE GOES.
THEY PUT ON A SHOW.
THIS GUY IS AN ELECTOR FROM
TEXAS WHO DESCRIBES HIMSELF ON
TWITTER AS A CHRISTIAN
CONSERVATIVE SPORTSMAN AND
JEWELER.
AND GET A LOAD OF HOW GIDDY HE
IS.
>> IT IS MY HONOR TO REPORT TO
YOU THAT WE HAVE FINISHED
TALLYING THE VOTES FOR THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTORS OF THE
STATE OF TEXAS.
AND THE VOTE TOTALS ARE AS
FOLLOWS.
ALL 38 VOTES FOR PRESIDENT
DONALD J. TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW.
THAT IS ‐‐ THAT IS ONE HAPPY
LOSER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
MAYBE HE'LL BE OUR ATTORNEY
GENERAL IN THE NEXT MONTH, WHO
KNOWS.
WHY DO THESE PEOPLE THINK TRUMP
STILL HAS A CHANCE?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
OUR EL CAPITANING BED KEEPS
TELLING THEM HE'S GOING TO WIN.
TOMORROW HE WROTE, TREMENDOUS
EVIDENCE POURING IN ON VOTER
FRAUD, THERE HAS NEVER BEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN OUR
COUNTRY.
THAT PART WAS TRUE.
BUT THE REST WAS IMMEDIATELY
FLAGGED BY TWITTER.
TWITTER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE
BOTHERING TO PUT UP THE LITTLE
WARNING UNDER EVERY ONE OF HIS
BOGUS TWEETS.
AT THIS POINT POST A BANNER ON
TOP OF THE WHOLE FEED THAT SAYS
"THIS SPACE IS CONDEMNED."
[ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE IT OR NOT, 36 DAYS FROM
NOW, WE WILL HAVE A NEW
PRESIDENT.
BUT DON'T TELL WHITE HOUSE PRESS
SECRETARY KAYLEIGH MACARONI,
BECAUSE SHE THINKS THEY'RE THERE
TO STAY.
>> NOW THAT THE ELECTORAL
COLLEGE HAS VOTED DOES THE
PRESIDENT ACKNOWLEDGE JOE BIDEN
IS IS PRESIDENT‐ELECT?
>> THE PRESIDENT IS INVOLVED IN
ONGOING LITIGATION RELATING TO
THE ELECTION.
>> WHAT IS HIS REACTION TO
LEADER McCONNELL CONGRATULATING
JOE BIDEN AND CALLING HIM THE
PRESIDENT‐ELECT?
>> I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE
PRESIDENT'S REACTION TO THAT
YET, BUT THE PRESIDENT, AGAIN,
IS PURSUING ONGOING LITIGATION,
I WOULD REFER YOU TO THE
CAMPAIGN.
>> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, YOU KNOW
WHO THE SPOKESPERSON FOR THE
CAMPAIGN IS?
HER.
SHE IS.
LAUGH
[ LAUGHTER ]
I REFER YOU TO MYSELF.
I THINK THE SUBTEXT WAS, WHEN
THE PRESIDENT STOPS THROWING
LEGOS AND PUNCHING HOLES IN THE
WALL, I'LL ASK HIM ABOUT IT.
UNTIL THEN, I'M NOT GOING TO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YESTERDAY WE LEARNED ATTORNEY
GENERAL BILL BARR IS "STEPPING
DOWN."
BUT TRUMP STILL HAS PLENTY OF
"ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE" IN HIS
CORNER, INCLUDING MIKE LINDELL,
CEO OF MY PILLOW, WHO'S BEEN OUT
THERE LIN BELLING IT LIKE IT IS.
>> SO MANY VOTES CAME IN FOR OUR
PRESIDENT THAT THE ALGORITHMS
AND MACHINES BROKE AT 11:15.
THEY SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN AT THE
EXACT SAME TIME, WHICH IS
IMPOSSIBLE, THAT SOMEBODY HAD TO
ORDER THAT.
I'M GOING TO CALL MY HAND FRAUD,
AND I'M GOING TO CALL MY FOOT,
THAT THERE WAS NO FRAUD.
ALL NINE OF THOSE SUPREME COURT
JUSTICES ARE GOING TO VOTE 9‐0
BECAUSE HERE'S ‐‐ IS THAT A HAND
OR A FOOT?
THEY'RE GOING TO GO, IT'S A
HAND.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WELL.
WHY IS THERE A SHOE ON IT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
THANKS, MY PILLOW GUY, NOW GO
BACK TO SLEEP, PLEASE.
CRACK IS A HELL OF A DRUG, ISN'T
IT?
[ APPLAUSE ]
PRESIDENT‐ELECT BIDEN IS
STOCKING HIS CABINET.
TODAY HE ANNOUNCED A NOTABLE
NOMINEE FOR SECRETARY OF
TRANSPORTATION, NONE OTHER THAN
MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG, WHO YOU
CAN SEE HERE HE LOVES
TRANSPORTATION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
RUNNING HIS BUTTI‐CHOO CHOO
AROUND THE TRACK.
IF TRANSFORMED HE'D BE THE FIRST
OPENLY LGBTQ CABINET SECRETARY,
AND THE FIRST CABINET SECRETARY
WHO CAN ACTUALLY FIT IN A
CABINET, WHICH IS NICE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS SAID TO BE
PLOTTING HER POLITICAL FUTURE?
IVANKA TRUMP.
IVANKA TRUMP IS REPORTEDLY
THINKING ABOUT RUNNING FOR U. S.
SENATE IN FLORIDA, WHERE SHE AND
JARED JUST BOUGHT A LUXURIOUS
HOME.
THE TRUMPS ARE TRYING TO BECOME
A DYNASTY, I GUESS.
NOT A POLITICAL DYNASTY.
A DYNASTY LIKE THE OLD SHOW.
WHERE WOMEN FIGHT IN WATER
FOUNTAINS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SOME CRITICS SAY IVANKA LACKS
EXPERIENCE TO REPRESENT A STATE
AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL.
AND THOSE CRITICS ARE RIGHT, SHE
DOES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT WHAT SHE LACKS IN KNOWLEDGE
AND EXPERIENCE, SHE MAKES UP FOR
IN BEANS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
GLORIOUS GOYA BEANS.
SO LOOKS LIKE THE TRUMPS ARE
ABOUT TO MOVE ON MARCO RUBIO
LIKE AN ELF ON THE SHELF.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE ARE BARRELING TOWARDS THE
MOST DEPRESSING HOLIDAY SEASON
OF OUR LIVES.
SANTA IS BEHIND PLEXIGLASS THIS
YEAR.
THE ELVES ARE WEARING N95 MASKS.
WE'LL MISS OUR FAMILIES AT
CHRISTMAS.
WE'LL ALSO MISS OUR HOLIDAY
PARTIES AT WORK.
UNLESS YOU WORK AT THE WHITE
HOUSE.
THOSE PARTIES HAVE BEEN
CANCELED.
BUT ONE COMPANY IS TURNING THIS
UNFORTUNATE SITUATION INTO
OPPORTUNITY.
>> AS THE PANDEMIC RAGES ON,
AMERICANS ARE MISSING YET
ANOTHER TIME‐HONORED HOLIDAY
TRADITION.
THE OFFICE PARTY.
THAT ONE MAGIC NIGHT TO GET
DRUNK IN YOUR CUBICLE.
IT WILL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER
YEAR.
OR DOES IT?
INTRODUCING THE OFFICE PARTY
PARTY BOX.
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO HAVE A
CORPORATE CELEBRATION IN THE
SAFETY OF HOME.
EACH OFFICE PARTY PARTY BOX
INCLUDES EGGNOG, NO‐NAME RUM,
AND A PREMIUM RED PLASTIC CUP.
A WHITE ELEPHANT GIFT YOU'LL
IMMEDIATELY THROW AWAY.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
JUST ABOVE ROOM TEMPERATURE
DEVILED EGGS.
AND JUST ENOUGH WEED IN THE
THIRD FLOOR BATHROOM.
PLUS A CD OF A CO‐WORKER'S
CONVERSATION YOU WANT NOTHING TO
WITH.
TURN UP MANHEIM STEAMROLLER AND
GET READY TO PARTY LIKE YOUR
BOSS IS PAYING FOR IT.
THE OFFICE PARTY PARTY BOX.
PLEASE ENJOY RESPONSIBLY.
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DW. S,
HR VIOLATIONS, OR ANGELA THE
RECEPTIONIST EMBRINGING NATION.
AVAILABLE WHEREVER YANKEE
CANDLES ARE SOLD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WHERE ARE THOSE SOLD?
EVERY YEAR AROUND THIS TIME
THERE'S A CONSUMER ADVOCACY
GROUP, WORLD AGAINST TOYS
CAUSING HARM, W. A. T. C. H.
THEY RELEASE DANGEROUS TOYS
LISTS.
IT IS TIME FOR "DANGEROUS TOY
WARNINGS WITH GUILLERMO."
>> Guillermo: JIMMY, HERE ARE
SOME OF THE WORST TOYS YOU COULD
GIVE TO YOUR KIDS FOR
CHRISTMAS ‐‐ HANUKKAH ‐‐
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS THAT SOUND?
DOES ANYONE HEAR A SOUND?
>> SHALOM AND HAPPY HANUKKAH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: OH, OH ‐‐ HAPPY
HANUKKAH, GARY.
>> I'M NOT GARY, SILLY.
I'M THE CHANUCORN.
THE MAGICAL HANUKKAH UNICORN.
I WISH I COULD BE WITH YOU IN
PERSON, BUT I DON'T WANT TO
CATCH CH‐CH‐CORONAVIRUS.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS ONE OF OUR
WRITERS, GARY GREENBERG.
FOR THE PAST SEVEN HANUKKAHS
HE'S RUN INTO THE STUDIO AND
INTERRUPTED THE MONOLOGUE WITH
THIS RIDICULOUS CHARACTER HE
CAME UP WITH.
NOT TONIGHT, GARY, WE HAVE
SAFETY PRECAUTIONS THIS PLACE,
I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE TIME ‐‐
>> BUT I WAS BORN IN A MANGER IN
THE KITCHEN OF THE CARNEGIE
DELHI!
>> Jimmy: OKAY, THANK YOU, GARY.
ONCE AGAIN, "THE MOST DANGEROUS
TOYS OF 2020."
>> Guillermo: OKAY, JIMMY.
SOME OF THE TOYS YOU ARE ABOUT
TO SEE MIGHT DISTURB YOU.
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
THE FIRST DANGEROUS TOY IS ‐‐ MY
FIRST ‐‐
>> Jimmy: OH, NO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> THESE TOYS ARE DANGEROUS.
SHALOM, SHALOM, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: SHALOM.
>> HAPPY HANUKKAH!
>> Jimmy: WE SHALOMED ALREADY.
WHAT IS GOING ON ALREADY?
WHY ARE YOU BACK?
>> I'M BACK WITH EXCITING NEWS,
JIMALA.
I HAVE DEFINITIVE PROOF THAT THE
CHANUCORN IS REAL!
>> Jimmy: YOU SAY THAT EVERY
YEAR, BUT YOU NEVER REALLY HAVE
PROOF.
>> HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE 1964
HOLIDAY CLASSIC "RUDOLPH THE RED
NOSED REINDEER"?
>> Jimmy: YES, 100 TIMES,
THERE'S NO CHANUCORN IN IT AT
ALL.
>> THAT'S BECAUSE THE CHANUCORN
DENIERS CUT ME OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WENT ON YJEWTUBE AND DUG UP TE
ORIGINAL, INCIRCUMCISED VERSION.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID?
>> DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?
>> Jimmy: NO, THEY DON'T WANT
TO ‐‐
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HERE'S THE SCENE WHERE SANTA
MEETS RUDOLPH FOR THE FIRST
TIME.
ROLL IT!
>> HO HO HO!
AREN'T YOU A CUTE ONE.
GREAT BOUNCING BABUSHKAS!
>> I'M SURE IT WILL STOP AS SOON
AS HE GROWS UP.
>> LET'S HOPE SO, IF HE WANTS TO
MAKE MY TEAM SOMEDAY.
>> HAVE YOU MET MY OTHER SON?
HE'S SPECIAL TOO.
>> HI, SANTA!
I'M CHANUCORN, THE HANUKKAH
UNICORN.
♪
I CAN HELP SCHLEP THE SLEIGH
TOO, AS LONG AS MY BACK HOLDS
UP.
>> JOLLY JERUSALEM, WHAT'S THE
DEAL WITH HIS NOSE?
>> WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A
SCHNOZ BEFORE?
BY THE WAY, IT'S VERY DRAFTY IN
HERE.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SHAWL?
I REST MY CASE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I REST MY CASE.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO?
>> I DO, I DO.
>> Jimmy: FIRST OF ALL, SANTA IS
NOT ANTI‐SEMITIC.
>> OH, SO HE JUST FORGETS TO
BRING TOYS TO JEWISH KIDS?
OPEN YOUR EYES, MAN.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
AND SECONDLY ‐‐ AND SECONDLY,
THAT CLIP IS CLEARLY DOCTORED.
THAT WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL
SPECIAL.
>> OH, SO NOW WE'RE ALL DOCTORS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I
SAID.
ALL RIGHT, GARY, THANK YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.
>> NO, NO, NO, JIMMY, PLEASE.
CAN I PLAY ONE MORE CLIP?
>> Jimmy: UH ‐‐
>> THIS BIT COST ME AN ARM AND A
HOOF.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THEN YOU
PROMISE YOU'LL LEAVE US ALONE?
>> I SWEAR?
WE HAVE MORE DANGEROUS TOYS TO
WARN PEOPLE ABOUT.
>> I SWEAR ON MY BUBBA'S
TITCHES.
ROLL THE CLIP!
>> WAIT A SECOND, YOUR NOSE CAN
GUIDE US THROUGH THE STORM.
CHRISTMAS IS BACK ON!
>> SANTA, CAN I COME TOO?
I HAVE EIGHT TIMES AS MANY
LIGHTS, SEE?
♪
>> I'M SO SORRY, CHANUCORN, NO
JEWS ALLOWED.
YOU'RE A LIABILITY.
LET'S GO, RUDOLPH!
>> MORE LIKE ADOLPH, AM I RIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> UP, UP AND AWAY!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
HIP HIP FOR THE YOU KNOWS WHO!
>> WHO NEEDS SANTA AND HIS
SLEIGH?
I'M GOING TO DELIVER TREATS TO
ALL THE JEWISH KIDS MY MYSELF!
LIGHT THEM UP, MENORAH!
WHEE!
♪
HEY, KIDS, WHO WANTS KNICHES?
HERE YOU GO, HERE YOU GO.
BOMBS AWAY!
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT A KANCHE
CONCUSSION.
>> HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
>> YOU MEAN, HAPPY HANUKKAH!
>> AND SO THE LEGEND OF THE
CHANUCORN WAS BORN.
THE TUCHUS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, THANK YOU.
WHERE DID THE CHANUCORN ‐‐ WHERE
IS THE CHANUCORN?
WHERE DID THE CHANUCORN GO?
>> I'VE GOT KN IICHES, BITCHES!
WHO WANTS ONE?
KNICHE.
HAPPY HANUKKAH TO ALL!
>> Jimmy: WOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND THE FULL‐SIZED ONES TOO,
THANKS, CHANUCORN.
YOU'RE A REAL MENSCH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT.
ALANIS MORISSETTE IS WITH US.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CAREY
MULLIGAN!
>> I'M ON MY WAY TO THE
ROSENBERGS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE
SHOW.
TONIGHT, WITH THE COVER OF
JOHN AND YOKO'S SONG "HAPPY
CHRISTMAS (WAR IS OVER),"
ALANIS MORISSETTE IS HERE.
TOMORROW NIGHT, POST MALONE WILL
BE WITH US, MUSIC FROM LEWIS
CAPALDI.
AND ON THURSDAY, VIOLA DAVIS,
DAVEED DIGGS, AND THE BIRD AND
THE BEE FEATURING DAVE GROHL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN OSCAR AND
GOLDEN GLOBE‐NOMINATED ACTRESS
AND ENGLISHPERSON WHO MARRIED A
MUMFORD MINUS THE SONS.
HER NEW MOVIE IS CALLED
"PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN," IT
OPENS IN THEATERS CHRISTMAS DAY.
PLEASE WELCOME CAREY MULLIGAN.
HI, CAREY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> HI.
I'M GOOD.
I LIKE BEING DESCRIBED AS AN
ENGLISHPERSON.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE, YOU ARE.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, AFTER SEEING
YOUR MOVIE, YOUR ACCENT IS SO
GOOD.
IT IS SO UNBELIEVABLY AMERICAN
THAT IT IS ‐‐
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: ‐‐ ACTUALLY SHOCKING
FOR ME TO BE SPEAKING TO YOU IN
THIS PRETEND ENGLISH ACCENT THAT
YOU HAVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THANK YOU, I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON MY PRETEND ENGLISH ACCENT FOR
A WHILE.
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE IN ENGLAND
RIGHT NOW, YES?
>> I AM, I AM.
>> Jimmy: IS THAT THE BEST PLACE
TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS?
BECAUSE TO ME IT SEEMS LIKE IT
IS.
>> OH, 100%, YEAH.
WE HAVE ALL THE THINGS, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S REALLY ‐‐
IT'S BUILT FOR CHRISTMAS.
IN A WAY, CHRISTMAS WAS ‐‐ NOT
TECHNICALLY INVENTED THERE, BUT
KIND OF INVENTED THERE, BY
CHARLES DICKENS, RIGHT?
>> PRETTY MUCH, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I MEAN, OUR IDEA OF
CHRISTMAS.
MY STAFF IS LAUGHING AT ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE HAVE SOME SORT OF
OWNERSHIP OVER CHRISTMAS.
>> Jimmy: YES, OWNERSHIP.
BECAUSE IT WAS MANGER‐THEMED
BEFORE THAT.
AND NO ONE WANTS TO SPEND
CHRISTMAS IN A MANGER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU LOVE CHRISTMAS?
IS IT ONE OF YOUR THINGS?
>> OH, CHRISTMAS IS MY ONLY
THING.
PARTICULARLY THIS YEAR,
CHRISTMAS JUST FEELS LIKE THE
SORT OF BEACON OF LIGHT AT THE
END OF THE YEAR.
YEAH, I'M A BIG, BIG CHRISTMAS
PERSON.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOUR FAMILY
TRADITIONS?
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DO THAT
OTHER PEOPLE DON'T?
>> IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE THEY'RE
NOT FUN.
THEY'RE JUST SORT OF RULES.
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.
>> WHERE I INSIST ON THINGS
BEING DONE A CERTAIN WAY.
>> Jimmy: OH.
>> AND IF THEY'RE NOT, I GET
SORT OF CROSS.
YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WOULDN'T WOO YOU SAY
YOU INSIST ON THEM ‐‐ IS THIS
WITH YOUR PARENTS, YOUR KIDS,
WITH ALL OF THEM, OR WHAT?
>> THE KIDS ARE NOW PART OF IT
NOW, I GUESS.
YEAH, IT'S SORT OF ‐‐ MY PARENTS
AND MY HUSBAND AND EVERYONE HAS
TO SORT OF STILL BE IN THEIR
PAJAMAS, NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO
HAVE A SHOWER FIRST, YOU HAVE TO
GET YOUR DRINK READY, YOU'VE HAD
BREAKFAST, GET YOUR DRINK READY,
SIT DOWN ON THE FLOOR, FOCUS,
DON'T BE ON YOUR PHONE OR
DISTRACTED WITH OTHER THINGS.
EVERYONE HAS TO WATCH THE PERSON
OPENING THE PRESENT.
>> Jimmy: YOU WILL ALLOW
BREAKFAST, THOUGH, BEFORE THE
GIFTS ARE OPENED?
>> YEAH.
BUT LIKE A QUICK BREAKFAST.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: A QUICK BRACKEAKFAST.
>> SUSTENANCE.
>> Jimmy: WHAT IF THE RULES ARE
VIOLATED?
IS THERE A PENALTY?
>> THERE WAS ONE SERIOUS
VIOLATION ONE YEAR.
MY FAMILY KNOW HOW SERIOUSLY I
TAKE CHRISTMAS AND IT'S NOT A
GAME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE FIRST YEAR THAT MARCUS AND I
WERE MARRIED, AND WE WERE AWAY.
MY PARENTS HAD A ‐‐ WE WERE IN
AUSTRIA.
WE'D GONE ON HOLIDAY THERE FOR
CHRISTMAS.
MY BROTHER WAS STAYING WITH MY
PARENTS, WE WERE ACROSS THE ROAD
IN A HOTEL, WHICH KIND OF
TROUBLED ME THAT WE WEREN'T ALL
GOING TO WAKE UP IN OUR PAJAMAS.
I SAID, WE'LL COME OVER IN OUR
PAJAMAS IN THE MORNING BUT DON'T
DO ANYTHING UNTIL WE GET THERE,
YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT
US.
WE ARRIVED AT THE TIME WE WERE
MEANT TO GET THERE.
I TOLD MY BROTHER, TEXTED HIM,
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
AS WE COME THROUGH THE DOOR, I
SEE MY BROTHER, HE'S GOT
WRAPPING PAPER AND A THING.
HE'S GOING, OH MY GOD, I LOVE
IT!
AT WHICH POINT I SAY ‐‐ I CAN'T
BELIEVE YOU STARTED WITHOUT ME.
AND I BURST INTO TEARS AND
WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM.
AND SLAMMED THE DOOR BEHIND ME.
AND LOCKED MYSELF INTO THE
BATHROOM.
AND MY BROTHER WAS LIKE, OH MY
GOD, IT'S A JOKE!
THIS IS A BIT OF WRAPPING PAPER.
HE WAS TOTALLY KIDDING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES, MARCUS WAS
THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED INTO THE
BATHROOM AND I FELT LIKE A
12‐YEAR‐OLD.
BUT I WAS SO CROSS.
THEY SORT OF ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW.
ANYWAY.
YEAH, I TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY.
>> Jimmy: SOUNDS LIKE IT.
SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BROTHER'S A
GOOD ACTOR, TOO.
>> I KNOW, IT'S ANNOYING.
>> Jimmy: SO YOU SENT US A
PHOTOGRAPH.
BEFORE WE GET TO THE PHOTOGRAPH,
YOU HAVE A STORY.
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU DELIVER YOUR
OWN ‐‐ YOU DO THE DELIVERIES OF
CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOURSELF?
>> YES.
SO I WAS BRINGING A ‐‐ LIKE A
VERY BIG SUITCASE FULL OF
PRESENTS.
IT WAS SORT OF THOSE KID‐FREE
MOMENTS WHERE I HAD A LATTE, AND
I WAS LISTENING TO MUSIC, AND I
WAS LISTENING TO TAYLOR SWIFT,
AND I WAS LIKE, 'TIS THE DANCE
SEASON.
AND I WAS SO IN MY LITTLE ZONE.
AND THEN LIKE A VERY
CONSCIENTIOUS PERSON, I REALIZED
I SHOULD SANITIZE.
BECAUSE COVID.
SO I SORT OF REACHED INTO MY
POCKET TO GET THE SANITIZER OUT.
AS I WAS SANITIZING MY HAND I
SAW THIS SORT OF MOTION OUT OF
THE CORNER OF MY EYE.
THEN TURNED WITH MUSIC STILL AMY
KLOBUCHARING BLARING TO SEE MY
SUITCASE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
TRAIN TRACKS.
>> Jimmy: AND YOU STOPPED TO
TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH?
>> I WANTED TO SHOW MARCUS HOW
BAD IT WAS, AND MY COFFEE WAS
THERE AS WELL.
IN MY PANIC I'D THROWN MY
COFFEE.
AND ONE OF MY EAR PODS ALSO SORT
OF GOT CAUGHT UP IN ALL THE
THINGS.
MY COFFEE, AIRPOD, SUITCASE IS
DOWN THERE ON THE TRAIN TRACK?
DID YOU GO DOWN AND GET IT?
>> THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT,
I'LL GO GRAB IT.
I STARTED SHOUTING, HELP!
BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO
DO, DIDN'T WANT A TRAIN TO COME
ALONG.
THIS STATION MASTER MAN CAME
ALONG, AND I SAID, I CAN JUST
GET IT, THERE'S 10 MINUTES TILL
THE TRAIN COMES.
HE WAS LIKE, NO, YOU CAN'T JUST
GET IT.
YOU CAN'T JUST WALK ONTO A TRAIN
TRACK AND TRY AND RETRIEVE A
SUITCASE.
ENDED UP BEING LIKE SEVEN GUYS
IN HIGH VISIBILITY JACKETS, THEY
MADE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, THE WHOLE
TRAIN STATION WAS LOOKING AT ME
BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WAS MY
FAULT THAT THE TRAIN WAS
DELAYED.
IT WAS JUST ‐‐ I WANTED THE
EARTH TO SWALLOW ME UP.
THANKFULLY, IN MY BIG FACE MASK,
JUST HIDING.
>> Jimmy: SOMETIMES THE MASKS
COME IN HANDY, I GUESS,
ESPECIALLY IN THIS PARTICULAR
SITUATION.
LIKE A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE, THEY
RESCUED ‐‐ DID THEY GET THE EAR
PODS TOO?
>> WELL, THAT WAS THE POINT
WHERE I SORT OF ‐‐ I WAS JUST
ABOUT TO ASK, DO YOU MIND HAVING
A LITTLE LOOK FOR MY EAR PODS?
AND I THOUGHT PERHAPS THAT
WAS ‐‐
>> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> A BIT TOO MUCH.
I JUST LEFT IT.
YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE,
IF EVER THERE WAS ONE.
WHEN WE COME BACK, CAREY
MULLIGAN IS WITH US.
WE'LL SEE A CLIP FROM HER NEW
MOVIE "PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN."
IT OPENS IN THEATERS CHRISTMAS
DAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>>> I JUST THOUGHT THAT YOU
WERE ‐‐
>> YODRUNK?
>> YEAH.
>> REALLY DRUNK?
>> YEAH.
>> WELL, I'M NOT.
BUT THAT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT?
>> I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
>> OH, NOW YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?
>> NO, JUST ‐‐ I'M REALLY HIGH.
LIKE I'M REALLY [ BLEEP ] HIGH
RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO.
>> A SECOND AGO YOU WERE
DETERMINED FOR ME TO STAY.
YOU WERE PRETTY INSISTENT,
ACTUALLY.
>> I'M A NICE GUY.
>> ARE YOU?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS CAREY MULLIGAN
IN "PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN."
I ENJOYED THIS MOVIE.
I WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO BEGIN TO
DESCRIBE IT, SO I'M GOING TO
LEAVE THAT TO YOU.
>> OH, MAN.
THAT'S A HARD ONE.
>> Jimmy: IT'S A COMBINATION OF
A LOT OF THINGS.
>> IT IS.
WE'VE BEEN ‐‐ IT'S ‐‐ SO FAR
WE'VE BEEN SAYING IT'S A DARK
COMEDY, REVENGE THRILLER,
ROMANCE?
NO, NOT ROMANCE.
BUT IT'S A LOT.
IT'S A LOT OF THINGS.
>> Jimmy: I THINK I'D SAY ‐‐
THERE'S SOME ROMANCE IN THERE.
>> OH, THERE'S A MONTAGE OF
ROMANCE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I GUESS YOU DO NEED A
MONTAGE, DON'T YOU?
I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
>> DO YOU?
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE RIGHT ON THAT.
>> THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT.
>> Jimmy: THERE SURE IS A
MONTAGE WITH BEAU BURNHAM, YOUR
LOVE INTEREST IN THIS FILM.
AND HE'S VERY GOOD IN IT.
>> OH, MAN.
HE'S SUCH A GOOD ACTOR.
>> Jimmy: FUNNY GUY, TOO.
>> VERY FUNNY.
VERY, VERY FUNNY.
AND, YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY THAT WE
JUST ‐‐ THAT JUST CAUSED HAVOC
ON SET BECAUSE I COULDN'T KEEP
IT TOGETHER WHEN I WAS WORKING
WITH HIM, BECAUSE HE WAS
HILARIOUS.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A LOT OF VERY
FUNNY PEOPLE IN THIS MOVIE.
AGAIN, THE SUBJECT MATTER IS,
WELL, WHEN PEOPLE SEE IT, THEY
WILL UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS
WEIRD.
BUT YOU'VE GOT ALISON BRIE,
CHRISTOPHER WE JUST SAW, MOLLY
SHANNON, JENNIFER COOLIDGE,
YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF VERY FUNNY
PEOPLE.
WHO DID YOU BOND WITH ON SET?
>> I HAVE TO SAY, THE JENNIFER
COOLIDGE EXPERIENCE IS LIKE NO
OTHER.
>> Jimmy: SHE'S VERY FUNNY,
YEAH.
>> OH, MAN.
JUST THE WAY THAT SHE CAN
IMPROVISE.
IT'S JUST ‐‐ I MEAN, IT REALLY
FEELS LIKE YOU'RE WATCHING A
GENIUS.
AND I HAVE BEEN SUCH A MASSIVE
FAN OF HERS IN THE CHRISTOPHER
GUEST MOVIES, GETTING TO WATCH
HER ‐‐ THIS IS AMAZING DINNER
TABLE SCENE IN THE FILM, WHERE
BEAU, WHO'S PLAYING MY
BOYFRIEND, MEETS MY PARENTS FOR
THE FIRST TIME.
AND SOME SORT OF AWKWARD
CONVERSATION ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE
DID FOR A LIVING.
SO BEAU ASKS, YOU KNOW, VERY
INNOCENTLY, WHAT MY MOTHER'S JOB
IS.
JENNIFER COOLIDGE STARTED
IMPROVISING.
AND THE FIRST JOB THAT SHE CAME
UP WITH, FISH TANK INTERIOR
DESIGNER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SHE LATE IN LIFE FOUND A PASSION
FOR INTERIOR DESIGN OF FISH
TANKS.
THE SECOND ONE THAT GOT ME THAT
RUINED ‐‐ I COULDN'T KEEP IT
TOGETHER, WAS THAT SHE WAS
SOMEBODY WHO TRAINED SMALL
ANIMALS TO DETECT CARBON
MONOXIDE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SHE DELIVERS THESE COMPLETELY
DEADPAN.
AND DYLANCY BROWN IS
BRILLIANTLY, STEADFASTLY
STANDING, IMPRESSED WITH HIS
WIFE AND MANAGES ‐‐ THE POWER OF
COMEDIANS TO KEEP IT TOGETHER
THROUGH STUFF LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: WELL, YEAH.
THE MOVIE IS REALLY GOOD.
GIVE MY BEST TO MARCUS.
AND I HOPE YOUR BROTHER DOESN'T
RUIN CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THANKS FOR BEING WITH US, WE
APPRECIATE IT.
I THINK IT'S BEDTIME WHERE YOU
ARE NOW, GO TO SLEEP.
>> IT IS.
>> Jimmy: CAREY MULLIGAN,
EVERYBODY.
"PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN" OPENS IN
THEATERS CHRISTMAS DAY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH ALANIS
MORISSETTE!
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.
ALANIS MORISSETTE IS ON THE WAY.
FIRST, THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US
AND GUILLERMO HAS TEAMED UP WITH
THE GOOD FOLKS AT PANDORA TO
DELIVER MUCH‐NEEDED HOLIDAY
CHEER.
>> WHAT A LOUSY CHRISTMAS!
MAKES ME WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!
>> DON'T SAY THAT.
>> WHO ARE YOU?
>> I'M YOUR GUARDIAN ANGLE.
>> DON'T YOU MEAN ANGEL?
>> YEP.
BUT LISTEN, IF YOU WERE NEVER
BORN, YOU WOULD NEVER GET TO
ENJOY PANDORA'S AMAZING HOLIDAY
HITS RADIO STATION.
>> WELL, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR
HOLIDAY HITS.
>> IT'S OKAY.
PANDORA HAS SEASONAL HITS FOR
ANY MOOD.
LIKE "POP HOLIDAY."
"MUSICAL DUETS."
"HOLIDAY ORIGINAL."
>> "HOLIDAY PARTY."
>> COMING RIGHT UP.
>> WOW, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!
YOU REALLY ARE AN ANGLE!
WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
RINGING BELLS?
>> THAT MEANS I EARNED MY WINGS!
>> WINGS FOR GILL‐MERO?
>> GUILLERMO.
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!
>> LISTEN YOUR WAY WITH ALL‐NEW
SEASONAL MODES ON HOLIDAY HITS
RADIO, PANDORA.COM/HOLIDAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.
25 YEARS AGO OUR NEXT GUEST PUT
HER HAND IN HER POCKET AND TOLD
US WHAT WE OUGHT TO KNOW.
LAST WEEK SHE RELEASED THIS
REMIXED ALBUM, "SUCH PRETTY
FORKS IN THE MIX."
PLEASE WELCOME
ALANIS MORISSETTE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HI, ALANIS.
>> HI, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M PRETTY WELL, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL.
IT'S CRAZY THAT IT'S BEEN 25
YEARS SINCE "JAGGED LITTLE PILL"
CAME OUT.
DOES IT FEEL LIKE THAT TO YOU?
>> IT FEELS LIKE 25 MINUTES AND
50 YEARS, IN SOME WAYS.
IT FEELS LIKE A WHOLE OTHER
LIFETIME.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> I REMEMBER PUTTING THE ‐‐
FIRST RELEASED, I REMEMBER GOING
TO RADIO STATIONS AND THE
PROGRAM DIRECTOR'S RESPONSE WAS,
"WE'RE PLAYING TORI AMOS, SO
WE'RE ALL GOOD, OUR QUOTA IS
MAXED OUT."
THERE WAS ONLY ROOM FOR ONE
WOMAN AT THE TIME.
IT WAS A TURNING POINT WE WERE
ALL PART OF.
>> Jimmy: I WORKED AT ONE OF
THOSE RADIO STATIONS HERE IN LOS
ANGELES.
KROC.
>> NO WAY.
>> Jimmy: I REMEMBER US
INTERVIEWING YOU.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I
HEARD THE SONG.
I REMEMBER THINKING, OH MY GOD,
THIS IS A SCARY, SCARY WOMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S GREAT.
AND IT'S TRUE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH.
BUT YOU DIDN'T SEEM THAT SCARY
WHEN WE MET YOU, YOU JUST SEEMED
POLITE.
>> NO, I THINK I HAD GOTTEN IT
ALL OUT.
EMINEM AND I HAVE THIS THING,
EVERYONE ASSUMES WE'RE GOING TO
COME IN AND RIP EVERYTHING APART
AND SCREAM AT EVERYBODY.
BUT WE'VE GOTTEN IT OUT IN OUR
MUSIC, SO BY THE TIME WE SEE
YOU, WE'RE VERY CONVIVIAL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR
BROADWAY MUSICAL BASED ON YOUR
MUSIC IS NOMINATED FOR MORE
TONYS ‐‐ 15 TONYS OR SOMETHING?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YES.
?
THAT'S CRAZY.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE SITTING
IN THE AUDIENCE AND LISTENING TO
AND WATCHING OTHERS PERFORM YOUR
WORK?
>> WELL, I'D ALWAYS BEEN
MONOLOGIZING IN SOME WAYS,
SINGING AT.
THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN A DIALOGUE
ENERGETICALLY.
SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE AND
HEARING THE SONGS THROUGH
DIFFERENT GENDERS OR NONGENDERS
AND THROUGH THE STORY DIABLO
CODY PULLED FROM THE SONGS MADE
IT SUPER COHESIVE.
I COULD NOT STOP SOBBING.
DIABLO CODY AND I WOULD
CHALLENGE EACH OTHER TO SEE IF
WE COULD HANG OUT AND NOT WEEP,
TO THE POINT THE MUSICAL
DIRECTOR TOM USED TO COME UP
BEHIND ME AND PUT HIS HANDS DOWN
BECAUSE I'D BE SHAKING,
SERIOUSLY.
>> Jimmy: DOES $THAT CONFUSE
OTHER PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE
SITTING NEXT TO YOU?
>> WHO WERE PERFECTLY FINE?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, ALANIS IS HERE,
AND SHE'S HAVING A NERVOUS
BREAKDOWN.
>> SHE IS, AND MAYBE WE COULD DO
IT ALONG WITH HER.
FOR ME, I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE
IN THAT, YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU LIVE IN SAN
FRANCISCO NOW.
ARE YOU READY FOR CHRISTMAS?
IS IT A BIG DEAL IN YOUR HOUSE?
>> IT WAS NEVER A BIG DEAL UNTIL
MY SON WAS BORN, CHRISTMAS
MORNING, 6:34 AT OUR HOUSE, 10
YEARS AGO.
HE'S TURNING 10, I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW, A CHRISTMAS
BIRTHDAY.
YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR HIM.
>> THAT CUTS BOTH WAYS.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO COMPETE
WITH GEEZ, YOU DON'T WANT THAT.
>> JESUS IS OKAY, APPARENTLY,
WITH THE COMPETITION.
BUT WHAT WE DO IS IN THE MORNING
WE HAVE MRS. CLAUS, SANTA CLAUS,
THE WHOLE THING.
THEN THE AFTERNOON IT'S A
BIRTHDAY REGALIA.
>> Jimmy: OH, YOU SWITCH TO
BIRTHDAY IN THE AFTERNOON.
>> WE HAVE TO.
LAST YEAR I BLEW IT.
HE TOLD ME LAST YEAR I BLEW IT.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK HE GETS
AS MANY GIFTS AS HE WOULD GET IF
HIS BIRTHDAY WAS IN JUNE?
>> I DO, BECAUSE WE COMPENSATE.
>> Jimmy: YOU DO.
>> WE HAVE THE GUILT OF HAVING
TO SPLISH THEM BOTH ON ONE DAY.
HE'S ARE LOVELY PROBLEMS TO
HAVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HOW IS THE
HOMESCHOOLING GOING?
YOU HAVE A FEW KIDS, RIGHT?
>> THREE, YEAH.
WE'VE BEEN HOMESCHOOLING FOR A
LONG TIME.
PEOPLE REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO
KNOW ABOUT IT, AND IT SOUNDED
DAUNTING, WHICH IT IS.
THEN ONCE THE PANDEMIC HAPPENED,
MY PHONE STARTED RINGING OFF THE
HOOK.
PEOPLE SAYING, TELL ME A LITTLE
BIT MORE ABOUT THIS THING YOU
DO.
>> Jimmy: I'VE HEARD OF
UNSCHOOLING BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS, EXACTLY.
>> FOR US ‐‐ IT'S DIFFERENT FOR
EVERYONE.
FOR US IT'S CHILD LED.
NOT IN THAT WE'RE ASKING THEM TO
BE PARENTIFIED OR LEAD THE WAY.
WE CREATE OPPORTUNITIES FOR THEM
TO LEARN, LITTLE PODS OF PAINT,
OTHERWISE, AND WE FOLLOW THEM.
SO THEY MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN
SOMETHING FOR AN HOUR AND A
HALF, AND THAT'S GREAT.
THEY MIGHT BE INTERESTED FOR 30
SECONDS AND WE'RE DONE.
AND WE USUALLY GO BY HOWARD
GARDNER'S MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCE
THEORY.
WHEN OUR FAMILY, SOMEONE SAYS,
THAT PERSON'S SO SMART.
IT WILL BE OFTEN ANSWERED WITH,
SMART HOW?
THERE'S SO MANY DIFFERENT KINDS
OF SMART.
>> Jimmy: WOW.
DO THEY KNOW HOW TO READ?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THEY DO.
>> Jimmy: THEY DO, THAT'S GOOD.
SO THAT YOU INSIST ON.
>> NO, THERE'S NO ‐‐ THE THING
IS, JIMMY, IT'S NOT EVEN THAT WE
INSIST ON IT.
I BARELY FORMALLY TAUGHT IT.
SOME KIDS LEARN IN CLUSTERS OF
WORDS, SOME KIDS LEARN ONE WORD
AT A TIME.
AT ONE POINT MY FATHER, WHO'S A
TEACHER, MY MOM'S A TEACHER,
THEY BOTH ASKED THE SAME
QUESTION YOU DID.
ARE THEY READING?
WE GAVE MY SON A PIECE OF PAPER
AND SAID, WITH OUR FINGERS
CROSSED BEHIND OUR BACK, READ
ALL THESE.
HE READ ALL OF THEM.
SO YES, THEY LEARN HOW TO READ
AND WRITE WHEN THEY'RE READY.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, WOW, HOW ABOUT
THAT.
I REALLY FEEL LIKE MY SON WOULD
JUST MAJOR IN PAW PATROL IN
COLLEGE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S GREAT.
>> Jimmy: IF WE GAVE HIM THAT
OPTION.
>> IS THAT A BAD THING?
>> Jimmy: YES, THAT IS A BAD
THING.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SO THIS ALBUM IS A
REMIX OF THE ALBUM YOU PUT OUT
OVER THE SUMMER.
WHAT HAPPENED?
DID YOU GET BORED AND START
FIDDLING WITH IT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WISH I COULD TAKE CREDIT.
IT'S A TRANS INCLUSIVE, ALL
WOMEN PRODUCED, REMIX RECORD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS.
THE OTHER ONE IS NOT?
>> PRODUCED BY ALEX AND
KATHERINE MARKS, WRITTEN BY MARK
FERRELL.
THIS CAME TOGETHER OVER THE LAST
FEW MONTHS AND I'M FINISHING A
MEDITATION RECORD RIGHT NOW.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU REALLY?
>> I CAN CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING
THAT HELPS.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, A
MEDITATION RECORD?
YOU SAY NOTHING FOR 45 MINUTES?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES, WHICH IS VERY RELIEVING
FOR ME.
SHUT IT!
YES, IT'S NOT 45 MINUTES.
IT'S A REALLY LONG ONE.
FOR ME I THOUGHT, WHAT CAN I
GIVE OR SERVE OR SUPPORT PEOPLE
IN DOING THAT IS GOING TO HELP
US CALM DOWN DURING PANDEMIC
TIME?
MEDITATION RECORD.
>> Jimmy: MEDITATION RECORD.
>> THAT'S ALMOST FINISHED.
>> Jimmy: WOW, INTERESTING.
ALL RIGHT.
>> I'M GOING TO DO A GUIDED ONE
TOO, WHERE I DO A LITTLE
WALK‐THROUGH.
IF IT'S ABOUT SLEEP, INSOMNIA,
DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, ADDICTION,
WHATEVER IT IS, THERE'S GOING TO
BE A GUIDED MEDITATION FOR THOSE
WHO DON'T REALLY WANT TO DO
MEDITATION.
SOME PEOPLE, IF YOU LEAVE US
ALONE WITH SEA LENS, ALL THE
VOICES GET LOUDER.
GUIDED MEDITATION HELPS.
>> Jimmy: YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY
FROM TERRORIZES EX‐BOYFRIENDS TO
HELPING US MEDITATE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> IT'S MY STORY.
>> Jimmy: "THE REMIX ALBUM, SUCH
PRETTY FORKS IN THE MIX."
IT'S OUT NOW.
WHEN WE COME BACK, CHRISTMAS
MUSIC FROM ALANIS MORISSETTE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪
D THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"
CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY
MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.
THE BEST OR NOTHING.
?
THANKS TO CAREY MULLIGAN.
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,
WITH A COVER OF JOHN AND YOKO'S
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS (WAR IS OVER),"
ALANIS MORISSETTE!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS
AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ♪
♪ ANOTHER YEAR OVER
AND A NEW ONE JUST BEGUN ♪
♪ AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS
I HOPE YOU HAD FUN ♪
♪ THE NEAR AND THE DEAR ONES
THE OLD AND THE YOUNG ♪
♪ A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ♪
♪ LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE
WITHOUT ANY FEAR ♪
♪ AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS
FOR WEAK AND FOR STRONG ♪
♪ FOR RICH AND THE POOR ONES
THE ROAD IS SO LONG ♪
♪ AND SO HAPPY CHRISTMAS
FOR BLACK AND FOR WHITE ♪
♪ FOR YELLOW AND RED ONES
LET'S STOP ALL THE FIGHT ♪
♪ A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ♪
♪ LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE
WITHOUT ANY FEAR ♪
♪ SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS
WAR IS OVER
AND WHAT HAVE WE DONE
IF YOU WANT IT ♪
♪ ANOTHER YEAR OVER
WAR IS OVER
AND A NEW ONE JUST BEGUN
NOW ♪
♪ AND SO HAPPY CHRISTMAS
WAR IS OVER
WE HOPE YOU HAD FUN
IF YOU WANT IT ♪
♪ THE NEAR AND THE DEAR ONES
WAR IS OVER
THE OLD AND THE YOUNG
NOW ♪
♪ A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR
LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE
WITHOUT ANY FEAR ♪
♪ WAR IS OVER
IF YOU WANT IT
WAR IS OVER NOW ♪
♪
WHOO!
YEAH, BUDDY!
♪