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>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S

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"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE."

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TONIGHT, CAREY MULLIGAN AND

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ALANIS MORISSETTE.

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AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!

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>> Jimmy: HI, THERE.

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HI, EVERYBODY.

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I'M THE HOST, THANKS FOR

9
00:00:19,967 --> 00:00:20,332
WATCHING.

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THAT'S VERY NICE, THANKS.

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WE ARE COMING TO YOU FROM LOS

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ANGELES, HOME OF THE NUMBER ONE

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AND TWO HIGHEST‐PAID CELEBRITIES

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IN THE WORLD.

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EVERY YEAR "FORBES" PUTS OUT A

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LIST OF THE 100 CELEBRITIES ON

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MADE THE MOST MONEY.

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FOR 2020, THE HIGHEST‐EARNING

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CELEBRITY, ANY GUESSES?

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OPRAH?

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TYLER PERRY?

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ADAM SANDLER?

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GUILLERMO?

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>> Guillermo: THE ROCK.

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>> Jimmy: THE ROCK IS NOT

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CORRECT.

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THE HIGHEST‐PAID CELEBRITY OF

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THE YEAR FOR 2020 IS KYLIE

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JENNER.

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THAT'S ONE OF THE ‐‐ THEM, YOU

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KNOW, THE FAMILY.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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00:00:55,835 --> 00:00:57,470
KYLIE JENNER TOOK HOME $590

34
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MILLION THIS YEAR.

35
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YOU KNOW HOW SHE DID IT?

36
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SHE KNIT SWEATERS AND SELLS THEM

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ON ETSY.

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00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,242
[ LAUGHTER ]

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00:01:03,242 --> 00:01:05,578
RIGHT BEHIND KYLIE AT A DISTANT

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NUMBER TWO, WITH $170 MILLION IN

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EARNINGS, IS HER HALF

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BROTHER‐IN‐LAW, KANYE WEST.

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KANYE DID WELL WHILE RUNNING FOR

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PRESIDENT.

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A LOT OF HIS MONEY, MORE THAN

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HALF, CAME FROM HIS WIFE.

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EVERY NIGHT, KIM PAYS HIM $2

48
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MILLION TO STOP YELLING AND GO

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TO BED.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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KYLIE'S NUMBER ONE.

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KANYE'S NUMBER TWO.

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KIM WAS ONLY NUMBER 48.

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SHE ONLY MADE $49 MILLION THIS

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YEAR, SHE'S POOR, GUYS, REALLY

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POOR.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE DO, AGAIN?

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THIS YEAR, THE FOURTH MOST

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POPULAR MEMBER OF THE KARDASHIAN

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FAMILY MADE MORE MONEY THAN

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LeBRON JAMES HAS MADE PLAYING

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BASKETBALL IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.

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I'M STARTING TO THINK MAYBE MY

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LIPS AREN'T PLUMP ENOUGH.

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[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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PRESIDENT TRUMP DID NOT MAKE THE

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LIST, I'M SURE HE LOVES THAT.

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DONALD TRUMP COULD USE A GOOD

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SPANKING FROM "FORBES" MAGAZINE

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RIGHT NOW.

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THIS IS DAY 42 OF SQUATTERGATE.

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THE TRUMP TRAIN HAS A LOT OF

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EMPTY SEAT YESTERDAY THE

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ELECTORAL COLLEGE MADE IT

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OFFICIAL FOR JOE BIDEN.

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SOME REPUBLICANS HAVE FINALLY

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STARTED TO CONGRATULATE JOE FOR

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WINNING AN ELECTION HE WON SIX

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WEEKS AGO.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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EVEN THAT TURTLE‐FACED SON OF A

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MITCH McCONNELL TOOK A BREAK

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FROM BLOCKING COVID RELIEF TO

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CONGRATULATE BIDEN TODAY.

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McCONNELL SAID, AS OF THIS

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MORNING OUR COUNTRY OFFICIALLY

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HAS A PRESIDENT‐ELECT.

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AS IF WE HADN'T HAD ONE FOR THE

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40 BEFORE THAT.

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BUT THESE PEOPLE, THEY'RE SO

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SCARED OF DONALD TRUMP.

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MOST OF THEM STILL REFUSE TO

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ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS VERY CLEAR

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TO EVERYONE, THAT JOE BIDEN IS

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THE NEXT PRESIDENT.

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ONE REPUBLICAN IN THE HOUSE,

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PAUL MITCHELL OF MICHIGAN,

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ANNOUNCED HE'S SO UPSET IF THIS

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ENABLING OF TRUMP'S BOGUS CLAIMS

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OF ELECTION FRAUD, HE'S LEAVING

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THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

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HE'S AN INDEPENDENT NOW.

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SO NOT ONLY ARE REPUBLICANS

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LOSING PAUL MITCHELL IN THAT

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SPOT, THEY'RE ALSO LOSING THE

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FRIENDS AND FAMILY DISCOUNT ON

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ALL HIS HAIR CARE PRODUCTS.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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THIS MUCH BEEN A PUNCH IN THE

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McRIB.

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JOE BIDEN GOT A CONGRATULATORY

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MESSAGE FROM TRUMP'S KGBFF,

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SUGAR DAD BYDY PUT TIN,

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00:03:10,436 --> 00:03:14,640
ACKNOWLEDGING BIDEN'S VICTORY.

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"FOR MY PART I'M READY FOR

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COOPERATION AND CONTACTS WITH

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YOU."

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WHICH WILL BE EASY BECAUSE

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RUSSIA JUST HACKED OUR CONTACTS.

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IF PUTIN'S OFFERING A

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CONGRATULATORY HANDSHAKE TO JOE

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BIDEN, WHAT IS TRUMP EATING

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PELLETS OUT OF?

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[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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WAS STRANGE WATCHING COVERAGE

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YESTERDAY, IT WAS LIKE WATCHING

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AN OLD WORLD SERIES ON ESPN

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CLASSIC.

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FIRST OF ALL, AS FAR AS I KNOW,

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THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE HAS NEVER

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BEEN TELEVISED BEFORE, CERTAINLY

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NOT ON CNN.

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USUALLY THEY'RE MIND NUMBINGLY

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BORING AND THE OUTCOME IS

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ALREADY KNOWN.

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BUT NOTHING IS NORMAL ANYMORE.

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THIS TIME AROUND SOME OF THE

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ELECTORS I GUESS KNEW THEY WERE

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GOING TO BE ON TV, THEY HAD ONE

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LAST CHANCE TO GIVE TRUMP A

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LITTLE STROKE BEFORE HE GOES.

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THEY PUT ON A SHOW.

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THIS GUY IS AN ELECTOR FROM

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TEXAS WHO DESCRIBES HIMSELF ON

147
00:03:56,348 --> 00:03:58,317
TWITTER AS A CHRISTIAN

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CONSERVATIVE SPORTSMAN AND

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JEWELER.

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AND GET A LOAD OF HOW GIDDY HE

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IS.

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>> IT IS MY HONOR TO REPORT TO

153
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YOU THAT WE HAVE FINISHED

154
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TALLYING THE VOTES FOR THE

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PRESIDENTIAL ELECTORS OF THE

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STATE OF TEXAS.

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AND THE VOTE TOTALS ARE AS

158
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FOLLOWS.

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ALL 38 VOTES FOR PRESIDENT

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00:04:21,674 --> 00:04:22,441
DONALD J. TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT OF

161
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THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

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>> Jimmy: WOW.

164
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THAT IS ‐‐ THAT IS ONE HAPPY

165
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LOSER.

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[ LAUGHTER ]

167
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MAYBE HE'LL BE OUR ATTORNEY

168
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GENERAL IN THE NEXT MONTH, WHO

169
00:04:38,424 --> 00:04:39,224
KNOWS.

170
00:04:39,224 --> 00:04:40,359
WHY DO THESE PEOPLE THINK TRUMP

171
00:04:40,359 --> 00:04:41,160
STILL HAS A CHANCE?

172
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,896
I HAVE NO IDEA.

173
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OUR EL CAPITANING BED KEEPS

174
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TELLING THEM HE'S GOING TO WIN.

175
00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:50,235
TOMORROW HE WROTE, TREMENDOUS

176
00:04:50,235 --> 00:04:51,470
EVIDENCE POURING IN ON VOTER

177
00:04:51,470 --> 00:04:52,638
FRAUD, THERE HAS NEVER BEEN

178
00:04:52,638 --> 00:04:54,307
ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN OUR

179
00:04:54,307 --> 00:04:54,640
COUNTRY.

180
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:55,507
THAT PART WAS TRUE.

181
00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,376
BUT THE REST WAS IMMEDIATELY

182
00:04:57,376 --> 00:04:58,177
FLAGGED BY TWITTER.

183
00:04:58,177 --> 00:04:59,078
TWITTER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE

184
00:04:59,078 --> 00:05:00,713
BOTHERING TO PUT UP THE LITTLE

185
00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:02,247
WARNING UNDER EVERY ONE OF HIS

186
00:05:02,247 --> 00:05:03,482
BOGUS TWEETS.

187
00:05:03,482 --> 00:05:05,050
AT THIS POINT POST A BANNER ON

188
00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:06,719
TOP OF THE WHOLE FEED THAT SAYS

189
00:05:06,719 --> 00:05:08,154
"THIS SPACE IS CONDEMNED."

190
00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:08,487
[ LAUGHTER ]

191
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LIKE IT OR NOT, 36 DAYS FROM

192
00:05:09,955 --> 00:05:11,457
NOW, WE WILL HAVE A NEW

193
00:05:11,457 --> 00:05:11,857
PRESIDENT.

194
00:05:11,857 --> 00:05:14,326
BUT DON'T TELL WHITE HOUSE PRESS

195
00:05:14,326 --> 00:05:18,197
SECRETARY KAYLEIGH MACARONI,

196
00:05:18,197 --> 00:05:19,231
BECAUSE SHE THINKS THEY'RE THERE

197
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:19,932
TO STAY.

198
00:05:19,932 --> 00:05:21,400
>> NOW THAT THE ELECTORAL

199
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,268
COLLEGE HAS VOTED DOES THE

200
00:05:23,268 --> 00:05:24,203
PRESIDENT ACKNOWLEDGE JOE BIDEN

201
00:05:24,203 --> 00:05:24,870
IS IS PRESIDENT‐ELECT?

202
00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:28,640
>> THE PRESIDENT IS INVOLVED IN

203
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,641
ONGOING LITIGATION RELATING TO

204
00:05:29,641 --> 00:05:30,442
THE ELECTION.

205
00:05:30,442 --> 00:05:33,011
>> WHAT IS HIS REACTION TO

206
00:05:33,011 --> 00:05:34,179
LEADER McCONNELL CONGRATULATING

207
00:05:34,179 --> 00:05:35,481
JOE BIDEN AND CALLING HIM THE

208
00:05:35,481 --> 00:05:35,848
PRESIDENT‐ELECT?

209
00:05:35,848 --> 00:05:37,616
>> I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE

210
00:05:37,616 --> 00:05:38,517
PRESIDENT'S REACTION TO THAT

211
00:05:38,517 --> 00:05:39,685
YET, BUT THE PRESIDENT, AGAIN,

212
00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:42,020
IS PURSUING ONGOING LITIGATION,

213
00:05:42,020 --> 00:05:43,456
I WOULD REFER YOU TO THE

214
00:05:43,456 --> 00:05:43,789
CAMPAIGN.

215
00:05:43,789 --> 00:05:44,590
>> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, YOU KNOW

216
00:05:44,590 --> 00:05:45,561
WHO THE SPOKESPERSON FOR THE

217
00:05:45,561 --> 00:05:45,895
CAMPAIGN IS?

218
00:05:45,895 --> 00:05:46,260
HER.

219
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:46,625
SHE IS.

220
00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:50,696
LAUGH

221
00:05:50,696 --> 00:05:51,029
[ LAUGHTER ]

222
00:05:51,029 --> 00:05:52,231
I REFER YOU TO MYSELF.

223
00:05:52,231 --> 00:05:53,532
I THINK THE SUBTEXT WAS, WHEN

224
00:05:53,532 --> 00:05:55,267
THE PRESIDENT STOPS THROWING

225
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:57,336
LEGOS AND PUNCHING HOLES IN THE

226
00:05:57,336 --> 00:05:59,705
WALL, I'LL ASK HIM ABOUT IT.

227
00:05:59,705 --> 00:06:01,040
UNTIL THEN, I'M NOT GOING TO.

228
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:01,373
[ LAUGHTER ]

229
00:06:01,373 --> 00:06:03,342
YESTERDAY WE LEARNED ATTORNEY

230
00:06:03,342 --> 00:06:05,379
GENERAL BILL BARR IS "STEPPING

231
00:06:05,379 --> 00:06:05,744
DOWN."

232
00:06:05,744 --> 00:06:09,281
BUT TRUMP STILL HAS PLENTY OF

233
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,616
"ONLY THE BEST PEOPLE" IN HIS

234
00:06:10,616 --> 00:06:12,918
CORNER, INCLUDING MIKE LINDELL,

235
00:06:12,918 --> 00:06:15,287
CEO OF MY PILLOW, WHO'S BEEN OUT

236
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:16,922
THERE LIN BELLING IT LIKE IT IS.

237
00:06:16,922 --> 00:06:18,390
>> SO MANY VOTES CAME IN FOR OUR

238
00:06:18,390 --> 00:06:20,492
PRESIDENT THAT THE ALGORITHMS

239
00:06:20,492 --> 00:06:22,561
AND MACHINES BROKE AT 11:15.

240
00:06:22,561 --> 00:06:25,364
THEY SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN AT THE

241
00:06:25,364 --> 00:06:27,366
EXACT SAME TIME, WHICH IS

242
00:06:27,366 --> 00:06:28,200
IMPOSSIBLE, THAT SOMEBODY HAD TO

243
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:28,667
ORDER THAT.

244
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,436
I'M GOING TO CALL MY HAND FRAUD,

245
00:06:30,436 --> 00:06:32,304
AND I'M GOING TO CALL MY FOOT,

246
00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,205
THAT THERE WAS NO FRAUD.

247
00:06:33,205 --> 00:06:35,407
ALL NINE OF THOSE SUPREME COURT

248
00:06:35,407 --> 00:06:38,177
JUSTICES ARE GOING TO VOTE 9‐0

249
00:06:38,177 --> 00:06:39,378
BECAUSE HERE'S ‐‐ IS THAT A HAND

250
00:06:39,378 --> 00:06:39,845
OR A FOOT?

251
00:06:39,845 --> 00:06:40,412
THEY'RE GOING TO GO, IT'S A

252
00:06:40,412 --> 00:06:42,714
HAND.

253
00:06:42,714 --> 00:06:43,649
[ LAUGHTER ]

254
00:06:43,649 --> 00:06:46,652
>> Jimmy: WELL.

255
00:06:46,652 --> 00:06:47,153
WHY IS THERE A SHOE ON IT?

256
00:06:47,153 --> 00:06:47,486
[ LAUGHTER ]

257
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THANKS, MY PILLOW GUY, NOW GO

258
00:06:48,620 --> 00:06:49,988
BACK TO SLEEP, PLEASE.

259
00:06:49,988 --> 00:06:50,622
CRACK IS A HELL OF A DRUG, ISN'T

260
00:06:50,622 --> 00:06:54,693
IT?

261
00:06:54,693 --> 00:06:55,060
[ APPLAUSE ]

262
00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:56,962
PRESIDENT‐ELECT BIDEN IS

263
00:06:56,962 --> 00:06:57,996
STOCKING HIS CABINET.

264
00:06:57,996 --> 00:06:59,465
TODAY HE ANNOUNCED A NOTABLE

265
00:06:59,465 --> 00:07:01,867
NOMINEE FOR SECRETARY OF

266
00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:03,469
TRANSPORTATION, NONE OTHER THAN

267
00:07:03,469 --> 00:07:04,736
MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG, WHO YOU

268
00:07:04,736 --> 00:07:05,304
CAN SEE HERE HE LOVES

269
00:07:05,304 --> 00:07:05,671
TRANSPORTATION.

270
00:07:05,671 --> 00:07:12,611
[ LAUGHTER ]

271
00:07:12,611 --> 00:07:14,446
RUNNING HIS BUTTI‐CHOO CHOO

272
00:07:14,446 --> 00:07:15,180
AROUND THE TRACK.

273
00:07:15,180 --> 00:07:17,049
IF TRANSFORMED HE'D BE THE FIRST

274
00:07:17,049 --> 00:07:19,551
OPENLY LGBTQ CABINET SECRETARY,

275
00:07:19,551 --> 00:07:20,486
AND THE FIRST CABINET SECRETARY

276
00:07:20,486 --> 00:07:21,954
WHO CAN ACTUALLY FIT IN A

277
00:07:21,954 --> 00:07:23,322
CABINET, WHICH IS NICE.

278
00:07:23,322 --> 00:07:23,655
[ LAUGHTER ]

279
00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:24,990
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS SAID TO BE

280
00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:27,125
PLOTTING HER POLITICAL FUTURE?

281
00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:27,459
IVANKA TRUMP.

282
00:07:27,459 --> 00:07:28,827
IVANKA TRUMP IS REPORTEDLY

283
00:07:28,827 --> 00:07:30,829
THINKING ABOUT RUNNING FOR U. S.

284
00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:33,398
SENATE IN FLORIDA, WHERE SHE AND

285
00:07:33,398 --> 00:07:34,635
JARED JUST BOUGHT A LUXURIOUS

286
00:07:34,635 --> 00:07:35,000
HOME.

287
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,602
THE TRUMPS ARE TRYING TO BECOME

288
00:07:36,602 --> 00:07:37,269
A DYNASTY, I GUESS.

289
00:07:37,269 --> 00:07:38,971
NOT A POLITICAL DYNASTY.

290
00:07:38,971 --> 00:07:41,206
A DYNASTY LIKE THE OLD SHOW.

291
00:07:41,206 --> 00:07:43,108
WHERE WOMEN FIGHT IN WATER

292
00:07:43,108 --> 00:07:43,676
FOUNTAINS.

293
00:07:43,676 --> 00:07:44,009
[ LAUGHTER ]

294
00:07:44,009 --> 00:07:46,044
SOME CRITICS SAY IVANKA LACKS

295
00:07:46,044 --> 00:07:47,246
EXPERIENCE TO REPRESENT A STATE

296
00:07:47,246 --> 00:07:48,747
AT THE NATIONAL LEVEL.

297
00:07:48,747 --> 00:07:50,517
AND THOSE CRITICS ARE RIGHT, SHE

298
00:07:50,517 --> 00:07:50,850
DOES.

299
00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:51,183
[ LAUGHTER ]

300
00:07:51,183 --> 00:07:53,218
BUT WHAT SHE LACKS IN KNOWLEDGE

301
00:07:53,218 --> 00:07:55,821
AND EXPERIENCE, SHE MAKES UP FOR

302
00:07:55,821 --> 00:07:57,689
IN BEANS.

303
00:07:57,689 --> 00:07:58,156
[ LAUGHTER ]

304
00:07:58,156 --> 00:07:59,925
GLORIOUS GOYA BEANS.

305
00:07:59,925 --> 00:08:01,393
SO LOOKS LIKE THE TRUMPS ARE

306
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:04,563
ABOUT TO MOVE ON MARCO RUBIO

307
00:08:04,563 --> 00:08:05,698
LIKE AN ELF ON THE SHELF.

308
00:08:05,698 --> 00:08:06,031
[ LAUGHTER ]

309
00:08:06,031 --> 00:08:07,232
WE ARE BARRELING TOWARDS THE

310
00:08:07,232 --> 00:08:08,667
MOST DEPRESSING HOLIDAY SEASON

311
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,636
OF OUR LIVES.

312
00:08:10,636 --> 00:08:12,205
SANTA IS BEHIND PLEXIGLASS THIS

313
00:08:12,205 --> 00:08:12,538
YEAR.

314
00:08:12,538 --> 00:08:16,041
THE ELVES ARE WEARING N95 MASKS.

315
00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:17,876
WE'LL MISS OUR FAMILIES AT

316
00:08:17,876 --> 00:08:18,343
CHRISTMAS.

317
00:08:18,343 --> 00:08:19,545
WE'LL ALSO MISS OUR HOLIDAY

318
00:08:19,545 --> 00:08:20,479
PARTIES AT WORK.

319
00:08:20,479 --> 00:08:21,682
UNLESS YOU WORK AT THE WHITE

320
00:08:21,682 --> 00:08:22,047
HOUSE.

321
00:08:22,047 --> 00:08:23,782
THOSE PARTIES HAVE BEEN

322
00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:24,283
CANCELED.

323
00:08:24,283 --> 00:08:26,218
BUT ONE COMPANY IS TURNING THIS

324
00:08:26,218 --> 00:08:26,952
UNFORTUNATE SITUATION INTO

325
00:08:26,952 --> 00:08:27,986
OPPORTUNITY.

326
00:08:27,986 --> 00:08:30,122
>> AS THE PANDEMIC RAGES ON,

327
00:08:30,122 --> 00:08:31,523
AMERICANS ARE MISSING YET

328
00:08:31,523 --> 00:08:34,693
ANOTHER TIME‐HONORED HOLIDAY

329
00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:36,395
TRADITION.

330
00:08:36,395 --> 00:08:38,463
THE OFFICE PARTY.

331
00:08:38,463 --> 00:08:39,331
THAT ONE MAGIC NIGHT TO GET

332
00:08:39,331 --> 00:08:41,266
DRUNK IN YOUR CUBICLE.

333
00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:45,338
IT WILL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER

334
00:08:45,338 --> 00:08:45,671
YEAR.

335
00:08:45,671 --> 00:08:47,139
OR DOES IT?

336
00:08:47,139 --> 00:08:48,206
INTRODUCING THE OFFICE PARTY

337
00:08:48,206 --> 00:08:48,941
PARTY BOX.

338
00:08:48,941 --> 00:08:50,275
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO HAVE A

339
00:08:50,275 --> 00:08:51,143
CORPORATE CELEBRATION IN THE

340
00:08:51,143 --> 00:08:52,778
SAFETY OF HOME.

341
00:08:52,778 --> 00:08:54,212
EACH OFFICE PARTY PARTY BOX

342
00:08:54,212 --> 00:08:55,948
INCLUDES EGGNOG, NO‐NAME RUM,

343
00:08:55,948 --> 00:08:58,283
AND A PREMIUM RED PLASTIC CUP.

344
00:08:58,283 --> 00:08:59,484
A WHITE ELEPHANT GIFT YOU'LL

345
00:08:59,484 --> 00:09:00,686
IMMEDIATELY THROW AWAY.

346
00:09:00,686 --> 00:09:06,058
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.

347
00:09:06,058 --> 00:09:07,693
JUST ABOVE ROOM TEMPERATURE

348
00:09:07,693 --> 00:09:08,927
DEVILED EGGS.

349
00:09:08,927 --> 00:09:10,295
AND JUST ENOUGH WEED IN THE

350
00:09:10,295 --> 00:09:12,030
THIRD FLOOR BATHROOM.

351
00:09:12,030 --> 00:09:17,869
PLUS A CD OF A CO‐WORKER'S

352
00:09:17,869 --> 00:09:19,138
CONVERSATION YOU WANT NOTHING TO

353
00:09:19,138 --> 00:09:19,471
WITH.

354
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,273
TURN UP MANHEIM STEAMROLLER AND

355
00:09:21,273 --> 00:09:23,175
GET READY TO PARTY LIKE YOUR

356
00:09:23,175 --> 00:09:24,843
BOSS IS PAYING FOR IT.

357
00:09:24,843 --> 00:09:26,511
THE OFFICE PARTY PARTY BOX.

358
00:09:26,511 --> 00:09:27,546
PLEASE ENJOY RESPONSIBLY.

359
00:09:27,546 --> 00:09:30,549
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DW. S,

360
00:09:30,549 --> 00:09:33,485
HR VIOLATIONS, OR ANGELA THE

361
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:35,454
RECEPTIONIST EMBRINGING NATION.

362
00:09:35,454 --> 00:09:37,356
AVAILABLE WHEREVER YANKEE

363
00:09:37,356 --> 00:09:39,958
CANDLES ARE SOLD.

364
00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:40,459
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

365
00:09:40,459 --> 00:09:42,594
>> Jimmy: WHERE ARE THOSE SOLD?

366
00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:43,462
EVERY YEAR AROUND THIS TIME

367
00:09:43,462 --> 00:09:45,530
THERE'S A CONSUMER ADVOCACY

368
00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:47,299
GROUP, WORLD AGAINST TOYS

369
00:09:47,299 --> 00:09:54,006
CAUSING HARM, W. A. T. C. H.

370
00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:55,142
THEY RELEASE DANGEROUS TOYS

371
00:09:55,142 --> 00:09:55,507
LISTS.

372
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,676
IT IS TIME FOR "DANGEROUS TOY

373
00:09:57,676 --> 00:10:01,647
WARNINGS WITH GUILLERMO."

374
00:10:01,647 --> 00:10:03,081
>> Guillermo: JIMMY, HERE ARE

375
00:10:03,081 --> 00:10:04,583
SOME OF THE WORST TOYS YOU COULD

376
00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:05,617
GIVE TO YOUR KIDS FOR

377
00:10:05,617 --> 00:10:12,090
CHRISTMAS ‐‐ HANUKKAH ‐‐

378
00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:13,291
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS THAT SOUND?

379
00:10:13,291 --> 00:10:14,326
DOES ANYONE HEAR A SOUND?

380
00:10:14,326 --> 00:10:14,926
>> SHALOM AND HAPPY HANUKKAH!

381
00:10:14,926 --> 00:10:16,962
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

382
00:10:16,962 --> 00:10:22,367
>> Jimmy: OH, OH ‐‐ HAPPY

383
00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:23,568
HANUKKAH, GARY.

384
00:10:23,568 --> 00:10:25,270
>> I'M NOT GARY, SILLY.

385
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:27,806
I'M THE CHANUCORN.

386
00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:30,008
THE MAGICAL HANUKKAH UNICORN.

387
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:31,810
I WISH I COULD BE WITH YOU IN

388
00:10:31,810 --> 00:10:34,880
PERSON, BUT I DON'T WANT TO

389
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:38,717
CATCH CH‐CH‐CORONAVIRUS.

390
00:10:38,717 --> 00:10:39,618
>> Jimmy: THIS IS ONE OF OUR

391
00:10:39,618 --> 00:10:41,386
WRITERS, GARY GREENBERG.

392
00:10:41,386 --> 00:10:43,321
FOR THE PAST SEVEN HANUKKAHS

393
00:10:43,321 --> 00:10:44,923
HE'S RUN INTO THE STUDIO AND

394
00:10:44,923 --> 00:10:45,791
INTERRUPTED THE MONOLOGUE WITH

395
00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:46,858
THIS RIDICULOUS CHARACTER HE

396
00:10:46,858 --> 00:10:47,592
CAME UP WITH.

397
00:10:47,592 --> 00:10:49,494
NOT TONIGHT, GARY, WE HAVE

398
00:10:49,494 --> 00:10:50,762
SAFETY PRECAUTIONS THIS PLACE,

399
00:10:50,762 --> 00:10:52,197
I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE TIME ‐‐

400
00:10:52,197 --> 00:10:54,232
>> BUT I WAS BORN IN A MANGER IN

401
00:10:54,232 --> 00:10:57,037
THE KITCHEN OF THE CARNEGIE

402
00:10:57,037 --> 00:10:57,402
DELHI!

403
00:10:57,402 --> 00:11:03,241
>> Jimmy: OKAY, THANK YOU, GARY.

404
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:04,810
ONCE AGAIN, "THE MOST DANGEROUS

405
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:06,211
TOYS OF 2020."

406
00:11:06,211 --> 00:11:07,379
>> Guillermo: OKAY, JIMMY.

407
00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:08,680
SOME OF THE TOYS YOU ARE ABOUT

408
00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:10,782
TO SEE MIGHT DISTURB YOU.

409
00:11:10,782 --> 00:11:13,485
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

410
00:11:13,485 --> 00:11:19,257
THE FIRST DANGEROUS TOY IS ‐‐ MY

411
00:11:19,257 --> 00:11:21,026
FIRST ‐‐

412
00:11:21,026 --> 00:11:22,027
>> Jimmy: OH, NO.

413
00:11:22,027 --> 00:11:25,332
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

414
00:11:25,332 --> 00:11:25,697
♪

415
00:11:25,697 --> 00:11:34,706
♪

416
00:11:34,706 --> 00:11:35,273
>> THESE TOYS ARE DANGEROUS.

417
00:11:35,273 --> 00:11:38,710
SHALOM, SHALOM, EVERYBODY!

418
00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:39,945
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

419
00:11:39,945 --> 00:11:41,313
>> Jimmy: SHALOM.

420
00:11:41,313 --> 00:11:42,914
>> HAPPY HANUKKAH!

421
00:11:42,914 --> 00:11:44,182
>> Jimmy: WE SHALOMED ALREADY.

422
00:11:44,182 --> 00:11:46,885
WHAT IS GOING ON ALREADY?

423
00:11:46,885 --> 00:11:47,753
WHY ARE YOU BACK?

424
00:11:47,753 --> 00:11:51,658
>> I'M BACK WITH EXCITING NEWS,

425
00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:52,023
JIMALA.

426
00:11:52,023 --> 00:11:54,693
I HAVE DEFINITIVE PROOF THAT THE

427
00:11:54,693 --> 00:11:55,494
CHANUCORN IS REAL!

428
00:11:55,494 --> 00:11:57,729
>> Jimmy: YOU SAY THAT EVERY

429
00:11:57,729 --> 00:11:58,999
YEAR, BUT YOU NEVER REALLY HAVE

430
00:11:58,999 --> 00:11:59,364
PROOF.

431
00:11:59,364 --> 00:12:01,867
>> HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE 1964

432
00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:04,770
HOLIDAY CLASSIC "RUDOLPH THE RED

433
00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:06,772
NOSED REINDEER"?

434
00:12:06,772 --> 00:12:08,006
>> Jimmy: YES, 100 TIMES,

435
00:12:08,006 --> 00:12:09,343
THERE'S NO CHANUCORN IN IT AT

436
00:12:09,343 --> 00:12:09,708
ALL.

437
00:12:09,708 --> 00:12:13,478
>> THAT'S BECAUSE THE CHANUCORN

438
00:12:13,478 --> 00:12:14,713
DENIERS CUT ME OUT.

439
00:12:14,713 --> 00:12:18,717
[ LAUGHTER ]

440
00:12:18,717 --> 00:12:21,853
I WENT ON YJEWTUBE AND DUG UP TE

441
00:12:21,853 --> 00:12:23,455
ORIGINAL, INCIRCUMCISED VERSION.

442
00:12:23,455 --> 00:12:23,889
>> Jimmy: YOU DID?

443
00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:25,023
>> DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?

444
00:12:25,023 --> 00:12:25,859
>> Jimmy: NO, THEY DON'T WANT

445
00:12:25,859 --> 00:12:26,224
TO ‐‐

446
00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:30,028
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

447
00:12:30,028 --> 00:12:31,596
>> HERE'S THE SCENE WHERE SANTA

448
00:12:31,596 --> 00:12:32,132
MEETS RUDOLPH FOR THE FIRST

449
00:12:32,132 --> 00:12:32,497
TIME.

450
00:12:32,497 --> 00:12:34,499
ROLL IT!

451
00:12:34,499 --> 00:12:35,667
>> HO HO HO!

452
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:40,839
AREN'T YOU A CUTE ONE.

453
00:12:40,839 --> 00:12:44,442
GREAT BOUNCING BABUSHKAS!

454
00:12:44,442 --> 00:12:45,744
>> I'M SURE IT WILL STOP AS SOON

455
00:12:45,744 --> 00:12:46,578
AS HE GROWS UP.

456
00:12:46,578 --> 00:12:48,413
>> LET'S HOPE SO, IF HE WANTS TO

457
00:12:48,413 --> 00:12:49,514
MAKE MY TEAM SOMEDAY.

458
00:12:49,514 --> 00:12:50,448
>> HAVE YOU MET MY OTHER SON?

459
00:12:50,448 --> 00:12:53,585
HE'S SPECIAL TOO.

460
00:12:53,585 --> 00:12:55,554
>> HI, SANTA!

461
00:12:55,554 --> 00:12:58,690
I'M CHANUCORN, THE HANUKKAH

462
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,227
UNICORN.

463
00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:00,592
♪

464
00:13:00,592 --> 00:13:05,230
♪

465
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:06,898
I CAN HELP SCHLEP THE SLEIGH

466
00:13:06,898 --> 00:13:07,499
TOO, AS LONG AS MY BACK HOLDS

467
00:13:07,499 --> 00:13:10,769
UP.

468
00:13:10,769 --> 00:13:12,103
>> JOLLY JERUSALEM, WHAT'S THE

469
00:13:12,103 --> 00:13:14,673
DEAL WITH HIS NOSE?

470
00:13:14,673 --> 00:13:18,143
>> WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A

471
00:13:18,143 --> 00:13:18,476
SCHNOZ BEFORE?

472
00:13:18,476 --> 00:13:19,511
BY THE WAY, IT'S VERY DRAFTY IN

473
00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:22,714
HERE.

474
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:28,119
DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SHAWL?

475
00:13:28,119 --> 00:13:29,988
I REST MY CASE!

476
00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:30,488
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

477
00:13:30,488 --> 00:13:30,889
I REST MY CASE.

478
00:13:30,889 --> 00:13:31,456
>> Jimmy: YOU DO?

479
00:13:31,456 --> 00:13:32,290
>> I DO, I DO.

480
00:13:32,290 --> 00:13:35,260
>> Jimmy: FIRST OF ALL, SANTA IS

481
00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:35,660
NOT ANTI‐SEMITIC.

482
00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:38,864
>> OH, SO HE JUST FORGETS TO

483
00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:40,332
BRING TOYS TO JEWISH KIDS?

484
00:13:40,332 --> 00:13:42,000
OPEN YOUR EYES, MAN.

485
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,703
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.

486
00:13:44,703 --> 00:13:46,171
AND SECONDLY ‐‐ AND SECONDLY,

487
00:13:46,171 --> 00:13:48,206
THAT CLIP IS CLEARLY DOCTORED.

488
00:13:48,206 --> 00:13:49,675
THAT WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL

489
00:13:49,675 --> 00:13:50,008
SPECIAL.

490
00:13:50,008 --> 00:13:52,044
>> OH, SO NOW WE'RE ALL DOCTORS.

491
00:13:52,044 --> 00:13:52,377
[ LAUGHTER ]

492
00:13:52,377 --> 00:13:53,280
>> Jimmy: NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I

493
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:53,645
SAID.

494
00:13:53,645 --> 00:13:54,880
ALL RIGHT, GARY, THANK YOU.

495
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:55,213
GOOD NIGHT.

496
00:13:55,213 --> 00:13:57,415
>> NO, NO, NO, JIMMY, PLEASE.

497
00:13:57,415 --> 00:13:59,050
CAN I PLAY ONE MORE CLIP?

498
00:13:59,050 --> 00:14:00,285
>> Jimmy: UH ‐‐

499
00:14:00,285 --> 00:14:02,053
>> THIS BIT COST ME AN ARM AND A

500
00:14:02,053 --> 00:14:02,487
HOOF.

501
00:14:02,487 --> 00:14:02,821
[ LAUGHTER ]

502
00:14:02,821 --> 00:14:03,655
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THEN YOU

503
00:14:03,655 --> 00:14:04,723
PROMISE YOU'LL LEAVE US ALONE?

504
00:14:04,723 --> 00:14:05,690
>> I SWEAR?

505
00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:07,659
WE HAVE MORE DANGEROUS TOYS TO

506
00:14:07,659 --> 00:14:08,827
WARN PEOPLE ABOUT.

507
00:14:08,827 --> 00:14:15,968
>> I SWEAR ON MY BUBBA'S

508
00:14:15,968 --> 00:14:16,301
TITCHES.

509
00:14:16,301 --> 00:14:17,135
ROLL THE CLIP!

510
00:14:17,135 --> 00:14:18,870
>> WAIT A SECOND, YOUR NOSE CAN

511
00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:19,571
GUIDE US THROUGH THE STORM.

512
00:14:19,571 --> 00:14:23,441
CHRISTMAS IS BACK ON!

513
00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:25,710
>> SANTA, CAN I COME TOO?

514
00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:26,511
I HAVE EIGHT TIMES AS MANY

515
00:14:26,511 --> 00:14:29,381
LIGHTS, SEE?

516
00:14:29,381 --> 00:14:33,118
♪

517
00:14:33,118 --> 00:14:37,155
>> I'M SO SORRY, CHANUCORN, NO

518
00:14:37,155 --> 00:14:37,489
JEWS ALLOWED.

519
00:14:37,489 --> 00:14:38,990
YOU'RE A LIABILITY.

520
00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:42,260
LET'S GO, RUDOLPH!

521
00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:48,066
>> MORE LIKE ADOLPH, AM I RIGHT?

522
00:14:48,066 --> 00:14:48,466
[ LAUGHTER ]

523
00:14:48,466 --> 00:14:50,969
>> UP, UP AND AWAY!

524
00:14:50,969 --> 00:14:54,739
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

525
00:14:54,739 --> 00:14:59,611
HIP HIP FOR THE YOU KNOWS WHO!

526
00:14:59,611 --> 00:15:02,280
>> WHO NEEDS SANTA AND HIS

527
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:02,681
SLEIGH?

528
00:15:02,681 --> 00:15:03,848
I'M GOING TO DELIVER TREATS TO

529
00:15:03,848 --> 00:15:10,722
ALL THE JEWISH KIDS MY MYSELF!

530
00:15:10,722 --> 00:15:14,660
LIGHT THEM UP, MENORAH!

531
00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:14,993
WHEE!

532
00:15:14,993 --> 00:15:15,827
♪

533
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:20,265
HEY, KIDS, WHO WANTS KNICHES?

534
00:15:20,265 --> 00:15:21,299
HERE YOU GO, HERE YOU GO.

535
00:15:21,299 --> 00:15:26,271
BOMBS AWAY!

536
00:15:26,271 --> 00:15:26,738
WATCH YOUR HEAD.

537
00:15:26,738 --> 00:15:30,842
YOU WOULDN'T WANT A KANCHE

538
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:31,176
CONCUSSION.

539
00:15:31,176 --> 00:15:32,911
>> HO HO HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

540
00:15:32,911 --> 00:15:37,649
>> YOU MEAN, HAPPY HANUKKAH!

541
00:15:37,649 --> 00:15:40,719
>> AND SO THE LEGEND OF THE

542
00:15:40,719 --> 00:15:44,723
CHANUCORN WAS BORN.

543
00:15:44,723 --> 00:15:46,791
THE TUCHUS.

544
00:15:46,791 --> 00:15:47,292
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

545
00:15:47,292 --> 00:15:47,892
>> Jimmy: WELL, THANK YOU.

546
00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:49,761
WHERE DID THE CHANUCORN ‐‐ WHERE

547
00:15:49,761 --> 00:15:50,729
IS THE CHANUCORN?

548
00:15:50,729 --> 00:15:55,000
WHERE DID THE CHANUCORN GO?

549
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,036
>> I'VE GOT KN IICHES, BITCHES!

550
00:15:58,036 --> 00:16:01,341
WHO WANTS ONE?

551
00:16:01,341 --> 00:16:01,706
KNICHE.

552
00:16:01,706 --> 00:16:03,575
HAPPY HANUKKAH TO ALL!

553
00:16:03,575 --> 00:16:04,843
>> Jimmy: WOW.

554
00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:06,511
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

555
00:16:06,511 --> 00:16:08,913
AND THE FULL‐SIZED ONES TOO,

556
00:16:08,913 --> 00:16:09,948
THANKS, CHANUCORN.

557
00:16:09,948 --> 00:16:12,617
YOU'RE A REAL MENSCH.

558
00:16:12,617 --> 00:16:12,951
[ LAUGHTER ]

559
00:16:12,951 --> 00:16:14,853
WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT.

560
00:16:14,853 --> 00:16:16,521
ALANIS MORISSETTE IS WITH US.

561
00:16:16,521 --> 00:16:17,155
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CAREY

562
00:16:17,155 --> 00:16:23,161
MULLIGAN!

563
00:16:23,161 --> 00:16:24,229
>> I'M ON MY WAY TO THE

564
00:16:24,229 --> 00:16:26,531
ROSENBERGS!

565
00:16:31,036 --> 00:16:31,536
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

566
00:16:31,536 --> 00:16:33,938
♪

567
00:16:33,938 --> 00:16:35,207
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE

568
00:16:35,207 --> 00:16:35,540
SHOW.

569
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:40,445
TONIGHT, WITH THE COVER OF

570
00:16:40,445 --> 00:16:42,914
JOHN AND YOKO'S SONG "HAPPY

571
00:16:42,914 --> 00:16:43,448
CHRISTMAS (WAR IS OVER),"

572
00:16:43,448 --> 00:16:44,649
ALANIS MORISSETTE IS HERE.

573
00:16:44,649 --> 00:16:48,119
TOMORROW NIGHT, POST MALONE WILL

574
00:16:48,119 --> 00:16:52,390
BE WITH US, MUSIC FROM LEWIS

575
00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:54,159
CAPALDI.

576
00:16:54,159 --> 00:16:54,926
AND ON THURSDAY, VIOLA DAVIS,

577
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:55,927
DAVEED DIGGS, AND THE BIRD AND

578
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:56,561
THE BEE FEATURING DAVE GROHL.

579
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:58,696
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

580
00:16:58,696 --> 00:16:59,964
OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN OSCAR AND

581
00:16:59,964 --> 00:17:01,199
GOLDEN GLOBE‐NOMINATED ACTRESS

582
00:17:01,199 --> 00:17:02,300
AND ENGLISHPERSON WHO MARRIED A

583
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,902
MUMFORD MINUS THE SONS.

584
00:17:03,902 --> 00:17:04,402
HER NEW MOVIE IS CALLED

585
00:17:04,402 --> 00:17:05,437
"PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN," IT

586
00:17:05,437 --> 00:17:06,071
OPENS IN THEATERS CHRISTMAS DAY.

587
00:17:06,071 --> 00:17:10,642
PLEASE WELCOME CAREY MULLIGAN.

588
00:17:10,642 --> 00:17:12,343
HI, CAREY, HOW ARE YOU?

589
00:17:12,343 --> 00:17:12,844
>> HI.

590
00:17:12,844 --> 00:17:13,511
I'M GOOD.

591
00:17:13,511 --> 00:17:15,747
I LIKE BEING DESCRIBED AS AN

592
00:17:15,747 --> 00:17:16,114
ENGLISHPERSON.

593
00:17:16,114 --> 00:17:16,948
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE, YOU ARE.

594
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:18,883
I HAVE TO TELL YOU, AFTER SEEING

595
00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:21,553
YOUR MOVIE, YOUR ACCENT IS SO

596
00:17:21,553 --> 00:17:21,920
GOOD.

597
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,656
IT IS SO UNBELIEVABLY AMERICAN

598
00:17:24,656 --> 00:17:25,390
THAT IT IS ‐‐

599
00:17:25,390 --> 00:17:26,925
>> THANK YOU.

600
00:17:26,925 --> 00:17:27,659
>> Jimmy: ‐‐ ACTUALLY SHOCKING

601
00:17:27,659 --> 00:17:29,494
FOR ME TO BE SPEAKING TO YOU IN

602
00:17:29,494 --> 00:17:31,663
THIS PRETEND ENGLISH ACCENT THAT

603
00:17:31,663 --> 00:17:32,197
YOU HAVE.

604
00:17:32,197 --> 00:17:32,530
[ LAUGHTER ]

605
00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:33,398
>> THANK YOU, I'VE BEEN WORKING

606
00:17:33,398 --> 00:17:35,366
ON MY PRETEND ENGLISH ACCENT FOR

607
00:17:35,366 --> 00:17:35,767
A WHILE.

608
00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:36,701
>> Jimmy: YOU ARE IN ENGLAND

609
00:17:36,701 --> 00:17:37,569
RIGHT NOW, YES?

610
00:17:37,569 --> 00:17:37,936
>> I AM, I AM.

611
00:17:37,936 --> 00:17:39,938
>> Jimmy: IS THAT THE BEST PLACE

612
00:17:39,938 --> 00:17:40,538
TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS?

613
00:17:40,538 --> 00:17:41,172
BECAUSE TO ME IT SEEMS LIKE IT

614
00:17:41,172 --> 00:17:43,241
IS.

615
00:17:43,241 --> 00:17:44,509
>> OH, 100%, YEAH.

616
00:17:44,509 --> 00:17:45,110
WE HAVE ALL THE THINGS, YEAH.

617
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:48,546
[ LAUGHTER ]

618
00:17:48,546 --> 00:17:49,347
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S REALLY ‐‐

619
00:17:49,347 --> 00:17:50,215
IT'S BUILT FOR CHRISTMAS.

620
00:17:50,215 --> 00:17:52,717
IN A WAY, CHRISTMAS WAS ‐‐ NOT

621
00:17:52,717 --> 00:17:53,952
TECHNICALLY INVENTED THERE, BUT

622
00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:55,453
KIND OF INVENTED THERE, BY

623
00:17:55,453 --> 00:17:56,654
CHARLES DICKENS, RIGHT?

624
00:17:56,654 --> 00:17:57,122
>> PRETTY MUCH, YEAH.

625
00:17:57,122 --> 00:17:59,858
[ LAUGHTER ]

626
00:17:59,858 --> 00:18:00,458
>> Jimmy: I MEAN, OUR IDEA OF

627
00:18:00,458 --> 00:18:02,327
CHRISTMAS.

628
00:18:02,327 --> 00:18:05,197
MY STAFF IS LAUGHING AT ME.

629
00:18:05,197 --> 00:18:05,530
[ LAUGHTER ]

630
00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:06,531
>> WE HAVE SOME SORT OF

631
00:18:06,531 --> 00:18:07,198
OWNERSHIP OVER CHRISTMAS.

632
00:18:07,198 --> 00:18:08,366
>> Jimmy: YES, OWNERSHIP.

633
00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:09,701
BECAUSE IT WAS MANGER‐THEMED

634
00:18:09,701 --> 00:18:10,635
BEFORE THAT.

635
00:18:10,635 --> 00:18:11,769
AND NO ONE WANTS TO SPEND

636
00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:12,237
CHRISTMAS IN A MANGER.

637
00:18:12,237 --> 00:18:16,608
[ LAUGHTER ]

638
00:18:16,608 --> 00:18:16,941
>> NO.

639
00:18:16,941 --> 00:18:18,376
>> Jimmy: DO YOU LOVE CHRISTMAS?

640
00:18:18,376 --> 00:18:19,377
IS IT ONE OF YOUR THINGS?

641
00:18:19,377 --> 00:18:22,815
>> OH, CHRISTMAS IS MY ONLY

642
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:23,148
THING.

643
00:18:23,148 --> 00:18:23,882
PARTICULARLY THIS YEAR,

644
00:18:23,882 --> 00:18:25,550
CHRISTMAS JUST FEELS LIKE THE

645
00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:26,618
SORT OF BEACON OF LIGHT AT THE

646
00:18:26,618 --> 00:18:27,819
END OF THE YEAR.

647
00:18:27,819 --> 00:18:29,489
YEAH, I'M A BIG, BIG CHRISTMAS

648
00:18:29,489 --> 00:18:29,854
PERSON.

649
00:18:29,854 --> 00:18:31,356
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOUR FAMILY

650
00:18:31,356 --> 00:18:31,689
TRADITIONS?

651
00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:32,690
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DO THAT

652
00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:33,491
OTHER PEOPLE DON'T?

653
00:18:33,491 --> 00:18:35,593
>> IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE THEY'RE

654
00:18:35,593 --> 00:18:36,761
NOT FUN.

655
00:18:36,761 --> 00:18:37,829
THEY'RE JUST SORT OF RULES.

656
00:18:37,829 --> 00:18:38,563
>> Jimmy: UH‐HUH.

657
00:18:38,563 --> 00:18:40,331
>> WHERE I INSIST ON THINGS

658
00:18:40,331 --> 00:18:42,100
BEING DONE A CERTAIN WAY.

659
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:42,433
>> Jimmy: OH.

660
00:18:42,433 --> 00:18:45,203
>> AND IF THEY'RE NOT, I GET

661
00:18:45,203 --> 00:18:46,206
SORT OF CROSS.

662
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:46,571
YEAH.

663
00:18:46,571 --> 00:18:47,739
>> Jimmy: WOULDN'T WOO YOU SAY

664
00:18:47,739 --> 00:18:49,073
YOU INSIST ON THEM ‐‐ IS THIS

665
00:18:49,073 --> 00:18:50,608
WITH YOUR PARENTS, YOUR KIDS,

666
00:18:50,608 --> 00:18:52,177
WITH ALL OF THEM, OR WHAT?

667
00:18:52,177 --> 00:18:54,012
>> THE KIDS ARE NOW PART OF IT

668
00:18:54,012 --> 00:18:55,380
NOW, I GUESS.

669
00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,549
YEAH, IT'S SORT OF ‐‐ MY PARENTS

670
00:18:57,549 --> 00:18:59,918
AND MY HUSBAND AND EVERYONE HAS

671
00:18:59,918 --> 00:19:01,920
TO SORT OF STILL BE IN THEIR

672
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,154
PAJAMAS, NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO

673
00:19:03,154 --> 00:19:04,989
HAVE A SHOWER FIRST, YOU HAVE TO

674
00:19:04,989 --> 00:19:07,392
GET YOUR DRINK READY, YOU'VE HAD

675
00:19:07,392 --> 00:19:08,793
BREAKFAST, GET YOUR DRINK READY,

676
00:19:08,793 --> 00:19:11,062
SIT DOWN ON THE FLOOR, FOCUS,

677
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,164
DON'T BE ON YOUR PHONE OR

678
00:19:13,164 --> 00:19:14,165
DISTRACTED WITH OTHER THINGS.

679
00:19:14,165 --> 00:19:15,633
EVERYONE HAS TO WATCH THE PERSON

680
00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:16,401
OPENING THE PRESENT.

681
00:19:16,401 --> 00:19:17,869
>> Jimmy: YOU WILL ALLOW

682
00:19:17,869 --> 00:19:18,770
BREAKFAST, THOUGH, BEFORE THE

683
00:19:18,770 --> 00:19:19,671
GIFTS ARE OPENED?

684
00:19:19,671 --> 00:19:21,139
>> YEAH.

685
00:19:21,139 --> 00:19:22,707
BUT LIKE A QUICK BREAKFAST.

686
00:19:22,707 --> 00:19:27,579
[ LAUGHTER ]

687
00:19:27,579 --> 00:19:28,613
>> Jimmy: A QUICK BRACKEAKFAST.

688
00:19:28,613 --> 00:19:29,180
>> SUSTENANCE.

689
00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:30,949
>> Jimmy: WHAT IF THE RULES ARE

690
00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:31,282
VIOLATED?

691
00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:32,450
IS THERE A PENALTY?

692
00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:33,451
>> THERE WAS ONE SERIOUS

693
00:19:33,451 --> 00:19:34,052
VIOLATION ONE YEAR.

694
00:19:34,052 --> 00:19:35,987
MY FAMILY KNOW HOW SERIOUSLY I

695
00:19:35,987 --> 00:19:36,423
TAKE CHRISTMAS AND IT'S NOT A

696
00:19:36,423 --> 00:19:36,788
GAME.

697
00:19:36,788 --> 00:19:39,157
[ LAUGHTER ]

698
00:19:39,157 --> 00:19:40,992
THE FIRST YEAR THAT MARCUS AND I

699
00:19:40,992 --> 00:19:42,527
WERE MARRIED, AND WE WERE AWAY.

700
00:19:42,527 --> 00:19:45,663
MY PARENTS HAD A ‐‐ WE WERE IN

701
00:19:45,663 --> 00:19:46,164
AUSTRIA.

702
00:19:46,164 --> 00:19:47,566
WE'D GONE ON HOLIDAY THERE FOR

703
00:19:47,566 --> 00:19:47,899
CHRISTMAS.

704
00:19:47,899 --> 00:19:49,200
MY BROTHER WAS STAYING WITH MY

705
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,602
PARENTS, WE WERE ACROSS THE ROAD

706
00:19:50,602 --> 00:19:52,070
IN A HOTEL, WHICH KIND OF

707
00:19:52,070 --> 00:19:53,204
TROUBLED ME THAT WE WEREN'T ALL

708
00:19:53,204 --> 00:19:55,440
GOING TO WAKE UP IN OUR PAJAMAS.

709
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,443
I SAID, WE'LL COME OVER IN OUR

710
00:19:58,443 --> 00:19:59,844
PAJAMAS IN THE MORNING BUT DON'T

711
00:19:59,844 --> 00:20:01,279
DO ANYTHING UNTIL WE GET THERE,

712
00:20:01,279 --> 00:20:02,247
YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT

713
00:20:02,247 --> 00:20:02,580
US.

714
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:05,883
WE ARRIVED AT THE TIME WE WERE

715
00:20:05,883 --> 00:20:06,317
MEANT TO GET THERE.

716
00:20:06,317 --> 00:20:08,653
I TOLD MY BROTHER, TEXTED HIM,

717
00:20:08,653 --> 00:20:10,054
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

718
00:20:10,054 --> 00:20:11,656
AS WE COME THROUGH THE DOOR, I

719
00:20:11,656 --> 00:20:13,124
SEE MY BROTHER, HE'S GOT

720
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:14,092
WRAPPING PAPER AND A THING.

721
00:20:14,092 --> 00:20:16,561
HE'S GOING, OH MY GOD, I LOVE

722
00:20:16,561 --> 00:20:16,894
IT!

723
00:20:16,894 --> 00:20:19,564
AT WHICH POINT I SAY ‐‐ I CAN'T

724
00:20:19,564 --> 00:20:22,934
BELIEVE YOU STARTED WITHOUT ME.

725
00:20:22,934 --> 00:20:24,802
AND I BURST INTO TEARS AND

726
00:20:24,802 --> 00:20:26,604
WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM.

727
00:20:26,604 --> 00:20:28,806
AND SLAMMED THE DOOR BEHIND ME.

728
00:20:28,806 --> 00:20:31,243
AND LOCKED MYSELF INTO THE

729
00:20:31,243 --> 00:20:31,576
BATHROOM.

730
00:20:31,576 --> 00:20:32,577
AND MY BROTHER WAS LIKE, OH MY

731
00:20:32,577 --> 00:20:35,046
GOD, IT'S A JOKE!

732
00:20:35,046 --> 00:20:36,714
THIS IS A BIT OF WRAPPING PAPER.

733
00:20:36,714 --> 00:20:37,215
HE WAS TOTALLY KIDDING.

734
00:20:37,215 --> 00:20:41,720
[ LAUGHTER ]

735
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:42,053
[ APPLAUSE ]

736
00:20:42,053 --> 00:20:43,755
FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES, MARCUS WAS

737
00:20:43,755 --> 00:20:45,523
THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED INTO THE

738
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:47,792
BATHROOM AND I FELT LIKE A

739
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:48,126
12‐YEAR‐OLD.

740
00:20:48,126 --> 00:20:48,726
BUT I WAS SO CROSS.

741
00:20:48,726 --> 00:20:50,161
THEY SORT OF ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW.

742
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:50,495
ANYWAY.

743
00:20:50,495 --> 00:20:52,363
YEAH, I TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY.

744
00:20:52,363 --> 00:20:53,598
>> Jimmy: SOUNDS LIKE IT.

745
00:20:53,598 --> 00:20:54,632
SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BROTHER'S A

746
00:20:54,632 --> 00:20:55,933
GOOD ACTOR, TOO.

747
00:20:55,933 --> 00:20:58,269
>> I KNOW, IT'S ANNOYING.

748
00:20:58,269 --> 00:20:59,537
>> Jimmy: SO YOU SENT US A

749
00:20:59,537 --> 00:20:59,871
PHOTOGRAPH.

750
00:20:59,871 --> 00:21:02,307
BEFORE WE GET TO THE PHOTOGRAPH,

751
00:21:02,307 --> 00:21:03,441
YOU HAVE A STORY.

752
00:21:03,441 --> 00:21:04,876
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU DELIVER YOUR

753
00:21:04,876 --> 00:21:06,678
OWN ‐‐ YOU DO THE DELIVERIES OF

754
00:21:06,678 --> 00:21:07,879
CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOURSELF?

755
00:21:07,879 --> 00:21:08,446
>> YES.

756
00:21:08,446 --> 00:21:11,616
SO I WAS BRINGING A ‐‐ LIKE A

757
00:21:11,616 --> 00:21:13,384
VERY BIG SUITCASE FULL OF

758
00:21:13,384 --> 00:21:13,818
PRESENTS.

759
00:21:13,818 --> 00:21:14,886
IT WAS SORT OF THOSE KID‐FREE

760
00:21:14,886 --> 00:21:16,454
MOMENTS WHERE I HAD A LATTE, AND

761
00:21:16,454 --> 00:21:18,489
I WAS LISTENING TO MUSIC, AND I

762
00:21:18,489 --> 00:21:21,259
WAS LISTENING TO TAYLOR SWIFT,

763
00:21:21,259 --> 00:21:23,229
AND I WAS LIKE, 'TIS THE DANCE

764
00:21:23,229 --> 00:21:23,594
SEASON.

765
00:21:23,594 --> 00:21:27,065
AND I WAS SO IN MY LITTLE ZONE.

766
00:21:27,065 --> 00:21:28,700
AND THEN LIKE A VERY

767
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:30,435
CONSCIENTIOUS PERSON, I REALIZED

768
00:21:30,435 --> 00:21:31,936
I SHOULD SANITIZE.

769
00:21:31,936 --> 00:21:33,104
BECAUSE COVID.

770
00:21:33,104 --> 00:21:34,939
SO I SORT OF REACHED INTO MY

771
00:21:34,939 --> 00:21:36,941
POCKET TO GET THE SANITIZER OUT.

772
00:21:36,941 --> 00:21:38,776
AS I WAS SANITIZING MY HAND I

773
00:21:38,776 --> 00:21:41,646
SAW THIS SORT OF MOTION OUT OF

774
00:21:41,646 --> 00:21:42,647
THE CORNER OF MY EYE.

775
00:21:42,647 --> 00:21:50,555
THEN TURNED WITH MUSIC STILL AMY

776
00:21:50,555 --> 00:21:53,958
KLOBUCHARING BLARING TO SEE MY

777
00:21:53,958 --> 00:21:54,726
SUITCASE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE

778
00:21:54,726 --> 00:21:55,526
TRAIN TRACKS.

779
00:21:55,526 --> 00:21:56,761
>> Jimmy: AND YOU STOPPED TO

780
00:21:56,761 --> 00:22:00,031
TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH?

781
00:22:00,031 --> 00:22:02,600
>> I WANTED TO SHOW MARCUS HOW

782
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,102
BAD IT WAS, AND MY COFFEE WAS

783
00:22:04,102 --> 00:22:05,002
THERE AS WELL.

784
00:22:05,002 --> 00:22:07,004
IN MY PANIC I'D THROWN MY

785
00:22:07,004 --> 00:22:07,472
COFFEE.

786
00:22:07,472 --> 00:22:10,675
AND ONE OF MY EAR PODS ALSO SORT

787
00:22:10,675 --> 00:22:12,278
OF GOT CAUGHT UP IN ALL THE

788
00:22:12,278 --> 00:22:12,643
THINGS.

789
00:22:12,643 --> 00:22:14,979
MY COFFEE, AIRPOD, SUITCASE IS

790
00:22:14,979 --> 00:22:16,948
DOWN THERE ON THE TRAIN TRACK?

791
00:22:16,948 --> 00:22:19,617
DID YOU GO DOWN AND GET IT?

792
00:22:19,617 --> 00:22:21,452
>> THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT,

793
00:22:21,452 --> 00:22:22,186
I'LL GO GRAB IT.

794
00:22:22,186 --> 00:22:24,722
I STARTED SHOUTING, HELP!

795
00:22:24,722 --> 00:22:27,024
BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO

796
00:22:27,024 --> 00:22:28,995
DO, DIDN'T WANT A TRAIN TO COME

797
00:22:28,995 --> 00:22:29,360
ALONG.

798
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,662
THIS STATION MASTER MAN CAME

799
00:22:31,662 --> 00:22:32,897
ALONG, AND I SAID, I CAN JUST

800
00:22:32,897 --> 00:22:34,632
GET IT, THERE'S 10 MINUTES TILL

801
00:22:34,632 --> 00:22:35,500
THE TRAIN COMES.

802
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:37,335
HE WAS LIKE, NO, YOU CAN'T JUST

803
00:22:37,335 --> 00:22:37,935
GET IT.

804
00:22:37,935 --> 00:22:39,537
YOU CAN'T JUST WALK ONTO A TRAIN

805
00:22:39,537 --> 00:22:41,372
TRACK AND TRY AND RETRIEVE A

806
00:22:41,372 --> 00:22:41,773
SUITCASE.

807
00:22:41,773 --> 00:22:45,076
ENDED UP BEING LIKE SEVEN GUYS

808
00:22:45,076 --> 00:22:46,544
IN HIGH VISIBILITY JACKETS, THEY

809
00:22:46,544 --> 00:22:48,746
MADE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, THE WHOLE

810
00:22:48,746 --> 00:22:49,781
TRAIN STATION WAS LOOKING AT ME

811
00:22:49,781 --> 00:22:50,948
BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WAS MY

812
00:22:50,948 --> 00:22:52,417
FAULT THAT THE TRAIN WAS

813
00:22:52,417 --> 00:22:53,217
DELAYED.

814
00:22:53,217 --> 00:22:54,285
IT WAS JUST ‐‐ I WANTED THE

815
00:22:54,285 --> 00:22:59,090
EARTH TO SWALLOW ME UP.

816
00:22:59,090 --> 00:23:00,525
THANKFULLY, IN MY BIG FACE MASK,

817
00:23:00,525 --> 00:23:01,359
JUST HIDING.

818
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:02,293
>> Jimmy: SOMETIMES THE MASKS

819
00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:04,128
COME IN HANDY, I GUESS,

820
00:23:04,128 --> 00:23:06,565
ESPECIALLY IN THIS PARTICULAR

821
00:23:06,565 --> 00:23:06,898
SITUATION.

822
00:23:06,898 --> 00:23:08,533
LIKE A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE, THEY

823
00:23:08,533 --> 00:23:09,834
RESCUED ‐‐ DID THEY GET THE EAR

824
00:23:09,834 --> 00:23:10,701
PODS TOO?

825
00:23:10,701 --> 00:23:12,470
>> WELL, THAT WAS THE POINT

826
00:23:12,470 --> 00:23:14,238
WHERE I SORT OF ‐‐ I WAS JUST

827
00:23:14,238 --> 00:23:15,773
ABOUT TO ASK, DO YOU MIND HAVING

828
00:23:15,773 --> 00:23:18,209
A LITTLE LOOK FOR MY EAR PODS?

829
00:23:18,209 --> 00:23:18,677
AND I THOUGHT PERHAPS THAT

830
00:23:18,677 --> 00:23:19,010
WAS ‐‐

831
00:23:19,010 --> 00:23:19,477
>> Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT.

832
00:23:19,477 --> 00:23:20,378
[ LAUGHTER ]

833
00:23:20,378 --> 00:23:23,915
>> A BIT TOO MUCH.

834
00:23:23,915 --> 00:23:24,348
I JUST LEFT IT.

835
00:23:24,348 --> 00:23:24,816
YOU KNOW.

836
00:23:24,816 --> 00:23:25,817
>> Jimmy: A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE,

837
00:23:25,817 --> 00:23:26,717
IF EVER THERE WAS ONE.

838
00:23:26,717 --> 00:23:28,753
WHEN WE COME BACK, CAREY

839
00:23:28,753 --> 00:23:29,554
MULLIGAN IS WITH US.

840
00:23:29,554 --> 00:23:30,988
WE'LL SEE A CLIP FROM HER NEW

841
00:23:30,988 --> 00:23:32,457
MOVIE "PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN."

842
00:23:32,457 --> 00:23:33,524
IT OPENS IN THEATERS CHRISTMAS

843
00:23:33,524 --> 00:23:35,893
DAY.

844
00:23:35,893 --> 00:23:36,828
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

845
00:23:38,663 --> 00:23:40,465
>>> I JUST THOUGHT THAT YOU

846
00:23:40,465 --> 00:23:41,699
WERE ‐‐

847
00:23:41,699 --> 00:23:43,501
>> YODRUNK?

848
00:23:43,501 --> 00:23:44,302
>> YEAH.

849
00:23:44,302 --> 00:23:44,903
>> REALLY DRUNK?

850
00:23:44,903 --> 00:23:45,236
>> YEAH.

851
00:23:45,236 --> 00:23:46,604
>> WELL, I'M NOT.

852
00:23:46,604 --> 00:23:48,372
BUT THAT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT?

853
00:23:48,372 --> 00:23:49,140
>> I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

854
00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:50,107
>> OH, NOW YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?

855
00:23:50,107 --> 00:23:54,812
>> NO, JUST ‐‐ I'M REALLY HIGH.

856
00:23:54,812 --> 00:23:55,881
LIKE I'M REALLY [ BLEEP ] HIGH

857
00:23:55,881 --> 00:23:56,214
RIGHT NOW.

858
00:23:56,214 --> 00:23:59,083
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

859
00:23:59,083 --> 00:24:00,184
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO.

860
00:24:00,184 --> 00:24:01,552
>> A SECOND AGO YOU WERE

861
00:24:01,552 --> 00:24:03,955
DETERMINED FOR ME TO STAY.

862
00:24:03,955 --> 00:24:05,724
YOU WERE PRETTY INSISTENT,

863
00:24:05,724 --> 00:24:06,057
ACTUALLY.

864
00:24:06,057 --> 00:24:06,791
>> I'M A NICE GUY.

865
00:24:06,791 --> 00:24:10,294
>> ARE YOU?

866
00:24:10,294 --> 00:24:10,828
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

867
00:24:10,828 --> 00:24:12,663
>> Jimmy: THAT IS CAREY MULLIGAN

868
00:24:12,663 --> 00:24:14,899
IN "PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN."

869
00:24:14,899 --> 00:24:16,200
I ENJOYED THIS MOVIE.

870
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,668
I WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO BEGIN TO

871
00:24:17,668 --> 00:24:19,170
DESCRIBE IT, SO I'M GOING TO

872
00:24:19,170 --> 00:24:20,571
LEAVE THAT TO YOU.

873
00:24:20,571 --> 00:24:22,373
>> OH, MAN.

874
00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:23,341
THAT'S A HARD ONE.

875
00:24:23,341 --> 00:24:24,242
>> Jimmy: IT'S A COMBINATION OF

876
00:24:24,242 --> 00:24:25,309
A LOT OF THINGS.

877
00:24:25,309 --> 00:24:26,143
>> IT IS.

878
00:24:26,143 --> 00:24:27,912
WE'VE BEEN ‐‐ IT'S ‐‐ SO FAR

879
00:24:27,912 --> 00:24:30,147
WE'VE BEEN SAYING IT'S A DARK

880
00:24:30,147 --> 00:24:33,084
COMEDY, REVENGE THRILLER,

881
00:24:33,084 --> 00:24:33,484
ROMANCE?

882
00:24:33,484 --> 00:24:34,285
NO, NOT ROMANCE.

883
00:24:34,285 --> 00:24:35,253
BUT IT'S A LOT.

884
00:24:35,253 --> 00:24:36,888
IT'S A LOT OF THINGS.

885
00:24:36,888 --> 00:24:37,522
>> Jimmy: I THINK I'D SAY ‐‐

886
00:24:37,522 --> 00:24:40,091
THERE'S SOME ROMANCE IN THERE.

887
00:24:40,091 --> 00:24:41,326
>> OH, THERE'S A MONTAGE OF

888
00:24:41,326 --> 00:24:41,659
ROMANCE.

889
00:24:41,659 --> 00:24:44,095
[ LAUGHTER ]

890
00:24:44,095 --> 00:24:45,830
>> Jimmy: I GUESS YOU DO NEED A

891
00:24:45,830 --> 00:24:46,731
MONTAGE, DON'T YOU?

892
00:24:46,731 --> 00:24:47,665
I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

893
00:24:47,665 --> 00:24:49,066
>> DO YOU?

894
00:24:49,066 --> 00:24:50,001
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE RIGHT ON THAT.

895
00:24:50,001 --> 00:24:51,469
>> THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT.

896
00:24:51,469 --> 00:24:53,170
>> Jimmy: THERE SURE IS A

897
00:24:53,170 --> 00:24:55,940
MONTAGE WITH BEAU BURNHAM, YOUR

898
00:24:55,940 --> 00:24:57,241
LOVE INTEREST IN THIS FILM.

899
00:24:57,241 --> 00:24:59,443
AND HE'S VERY GOOD IN IT.

900
00:24:59,443 --> 00:25:01,145
>> OH, MAN.

901
00:25:01,145 --> 00:25:02,380
HE'S SUCH A GOOD ACTOR.

902
00:25:02,380 --> 00:25:03,414
>> Jimmy: FUNNY GUY, TOO.

903
00:25:03,414 --> 00:25:06,083
>> VERY FUNNY.

904
00:25:06,083 --> 00:25:07,451
VERY, VERY FUNNY.

905
00:25:07,451 --> 00:25:08,886
AND, YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY THAT WE

906
00:25:08,886 --> 00:25:11,422
JUST ‐‐ THAT JUST CAUSED HAVOC

907
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:12,790
ON SET BECAUSE I COULDN'T KEEP

908
00:25:12,790 --> 00:25:13,457
IT TOGETHER WHEN I WAS WORKING

909
00:25:13,457 --> 00:25:15,326
WITH HIM, BECAUSE HE WAS

910
00:25:15,326 --> 00:25:15,660
HILARIOUS.

911
00:25:15,660 --> 00:25:16,894
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A LOT OF VERY

912
00:25:16,894 --> 00:25:18,462
FUNNY PEOPLE IN THIS MOVIE.

913
00:25:18,462 --> 00:25:20,565
AGAIN, THE SUBJECT MATTER IS,

914
00:25:20,565 --> 00:25:21,799
WELL, WHEN PEOPLE SEE IT, THEY

915
00:25:21,799 --> 00:25:23,000
WILL UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS

916
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:23,367
WEIRD.

917
00:25:23,367 --> 00:25:25,336
BUT YOU'VE GOT ALISON BRIE,

918
00:25:25,336 --> 00:25:28,139
CHRISTOPHER WE JUST SAW, MOLLY

919
00:25:28,139 --> 00:25:28,873
SHANNON, JENNIFER COOLIDGE,

920
00:25:28,873 --> 00:25:32,377
YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF VERY FUNNY

921
00:25:32,377 --> 00:25:32,710
PEOPLE.

922
00:25:32,710 --> 00:25:34,011
WHO DID YOU BOND WITH ON SET?

923
00:25:34,011 --> 00:25:37,481
>> I HAVE TO SAY, THE JENNIFER

924
00:25:37,481 --> 00:25:38,917
COOLIDGE EXPERIENCE IS LIKE NO

925
00:25:38,917 --> 00:25:39,250
OTHER.

926
00:25:39,250 --> 00:25:40,119
>> Jimmy: SHE'S VERY FUNNY,

927
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:40,484
YEAH.

928
00:25:40,484 --> 00:25:42,253
>> OH, MAN.

929
00:25:42,253 --> 00:25:43,955
JUST THE WAY THAT SHE CAN

930
00:25:43,955 --> 00:25:44,922
IMPROVISE.

931
00:25:44,922 --> 00:25:47,558
IT'S JUST ‐‐ I MEAN, IT REALLY

932
00:25:47,558 --> 00:25:48,093
FEELS LIKE YOU'RE WATCHING A

933
00:25:48,093 --> 00:25:48,426
GENIUS.

934
00:25:48,426 --> 00:25:50,394
AND I HAVE BEEN SUCH A MASSIVE

935
00:25:50,394 --> 00:25:52,630
FAN OF HERS IN THE CHRISTOPHER

936
00:25:52,630 --> 00:25:54,699
GUEST MOVIES, GETTING TO WATCH

937
00:25:54,699 --> 00:25:57,535
HER ‐‐ THIS IS AMAZING DINNER

938
00:25:57,535 --> 00:25:59,537
TABLE SCENE IN THE FILM, WHERE

939
00:25:59,537 --> 00:26:00,871
BEAU, WHO'S PLAYING MY

940
00:26:00,871 --> 00:26:01,706
BOYFRIEND, MEETS MY PARENTS FOR

941
00:26:01,706 --> 00:26:04,942
THE FIRST TIME.

942
00:26:04,942 --> 00:26:06,844
AND SOME SORT OF AWKWARD

943
00:26:06,844 --> 00:26:08,012
CONVERSATION ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE

944
00:26:08,012 --> 00:26:09,347
DID FOR A LIVING.

945
00:26:09,347 --> 00:26:12,016
SO BEAU ASKS, YOU KNOW, VERY

946
00:26:12,016 --> 00:26:13,253
INNOCENTLY, WHAT MY MOTHER'S JOB

947
00:26:13,253 --> 00:26:13,618
IS.

948
00:26:13,618 --> 00:26:15,053
JENNIFER COOLIDGE STARTED

949
00:26:15,053 --> 00:26:15,386
IMPROVISING.

950
00:26:15,386 --> 00:26:17,622
AND THE FIRST JOB THAT SHE CAME

951
00:26:17,622 --> 00:26:21,426
UP WITH, FISH TANK INTERIOR

952
00:26:21,426 --> 00:26:21,759
DESIGNER.

953
00:26:21,759 --> 00:26:22,093
[ LAUGHTER ]

954
00:26:22,093 --> 00:26:25,329
SHE LATE IN LIFE FOUND A PASSION

955
00:26:25,329 --> 00:26:26,031
FOR INTERIOR DESIGN OF FISH

956
00:26:26,031 --> 00:26:26,364
TANKS.

957
00:26:26,364 --> 00:26:28,199
THE SECOND ONE THAT GOT ME THAT

958
00:26:28,199 --> 00:26:29,934
RUINED ‐‐ I COULDN'T KEEP IT

959
00:26:29,934 --> 00:26:30,635
TOGETHER, WAS THAT SHE WAS

960
00:26:30,635 --> 00:26:32,370
SOMEBODY WHO TRAINED SMALL

961
00:26:32,370 --> 00:26:33,371
ANIMALS TO DETECT CARBON

962
00:26:33,371 --> 00:26:33,704
MONOXIDE.

963
00:26:33,704 --> 00:26:37,408
[ LAUGHTER ]

964
00:26:37,408 --> 00:26:39,844
SHE DELIVERS THESE COMPLETELY

965
00:26:39,844 --> 00:26:40,511
DEADPAN.

966
00:26:40,511 --> 00:26:44,015
AND DYLANCY BROWN IS

967
00:26:44,015 --> 00:26:45,449
BRILLIANTLY, STEADFASTLY

968
00:26:45,449 --> 00:26:46,884
STANDING, IMPRESSED WITH HIS

969
00:26:46,884 --> 00:26:48,653
WIFE AND MANAGES ‐‐ THE POWER OF

970
00:26:48,653 --> 00:26:49,854
COMEDIANS TO KEEP IT TOGETHER

971
00:26:49,854 --> 00:26:50,588
THROUGH STUFF LIKE THAT.

972
00:26:50,588 --> 00:26:51,355
>> Jimmy: WELL, YEAH.

973
00:26:51,355 --> 00:26:53,057
THE MOVIE IS REALLY GOOD.

974
00:26:53,057 --> 00:26:54,825
GIVE MY BEST TO MARCUS.

975
00:26:54,825 --> 00:26:56,293
AND I HOPE YOUR BROTHER DOESN'T

976
00:26:56,293 --> 00:26:57,995
RUIN CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.

977
00:26:57,995 --> 00:26:58,496
[ LAUGHTER ]

978
00:26:58,496 --> 00:26:59,764
THANKS FOR BEING WITH US, WE

979
00:26:59,764 --> 00:27:00,865
APPRECIATE IT.

980
00:27:00,865 --> 00:27:01,666
I THINK IT'S BEDTIME WHERE YOU

981
00:27:01,666 --> 00:27:02,833
ARE NOW, GO TO SLEEP.

982
00:27:02,833 --> 00:27:03,768
>> IT IS.

983
00:27:03,768 --> 00:27:05,036
>> Jimmy: CAREY MULLIGAN,

984
00:27:05,036 --> 00:27:05,836
EVERYBODY.

985
00:27:05,836 --> 00:27:07,772
"PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN" OPENS IN

986
00:27:07,772 --> 00:27:08,305
THEATERS CHRISTMAS DAY.

987
00:27:08,305 --> 00:27:09,273
WE'LL BE BACK WITH ALANIS

988
00:27:09,273 --> 00:27:13,044
MORISSETTE!

989
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,015
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.

990
00:27:18,015 --> 00:27:19,750
ALANIS MORISSETTE IS ON THE WAY.

991
00:27:19,750 --> 00:27:21,318
FIRST, THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US

992
00:27:21,318 --> 00:27:23,054
AND GUILLERMO HAS TEAMED UP WITH

993
00:27:23,054 --> 00:27:25,122
THE GOOD FOLKS AT PANDORA TO

994
00:27:25,122 --> 00:27:25,690
DELIVER MUCH‐NEEDED HOLIDAY

995
00:27:25,690 --> 00:27:29,160
CHEER.

996
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,863
>> WHAT A LOUSY CHRISTMAS!

997
00:27:32,863 --> 00:27:33,898
MAKES ME WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!

998
00:27:33,898 --> 00:27:34,965
>> DON'T SAY THAT.

999
00:27:34,965 --> 00:27:35,833
>> WHO ARE YOU?

1000
00:27:35,833 --> 00:27:38,969
>> I'M YOUR GUARDIAN ANGLE.

1001
00:27:38,969 --> 00:27:42,373
>> DON'T YOU MEAN ANGEL?

1002
00:27:42,373 --> 00:27:43,007
>> YEP.

1003
00:27:43,007 --> 00:27:44,909
BUT LISTEN, IF YOU WERE NEVER

1004
00:27:44,909 --> 00:27:46,077
BORN, YOU WOULD NEVER GET TO

1005
00:27:46,077 --> 00:27:48,846
ENJOY PANDORA'S AMAZING HOLIDAY

1006
00:27:48,846 --> 00:27:50,014
HITS RADIO STATION.

1007
00:27:50,014 --> 00:27:52,383
>> WELL, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR

1008
00:27:52,383 --> 00:27:53,384
HOLIDAY HITS.

1009
00:27:53,384 --> 00:27:57,855
>> IT'S OKAY.

1010
00:27:57,855 --> 00:27:59,290
PANDORA HAS SEASONAL HITS FOR

1011
00:27:59,290 --> 00:28:00,725
ANY MOOD.

1012
00:28:00,725 --> 00:28:02,927
LIKE "POP HOLIDAY."

1013
00:28:02,927 --> 00:28:04,762
"MUSICAL DUETS."

1014
00:28:04,762 --> 00:28:05,963
"HOLIDAY ORIGINAL."

1015
00:28:05,963 --> 00:28:07,131
>> "HOLIDAY PARTY."

1016
00:28:07,131 --> 00:28:08,265
>> COMING RIGHT UP.

1017
00:28:08,265 --> 00:28:09,667
>> WOW, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!

1018
00:28:09,667 --> 00:28:13,938
YOU REALLY ARE AN ANGLE!

1019
00:28:13,938 --> 00:28:14,705
WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

1020
00:28:14,705 --> 00:28:15,673
RINGING BELLS?

1021
00:28:15,673 --> 00:28:20,010
>> THAT MEANS I EARNED MY WINGS!

1022
00:28:20,010 --> 00:28:22,880
>> WINGS FOR GILL‐MERO?

1023
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,648
>> GUILLERMO.

1024
00:28:24,648 --> 00:28:25,349
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

1025
00:28:25,349 --> 00:28:27,384
>> LISTEN YOUR WAY WITH ALL‐NEW

1026
00:28:27,384 --> 00:28:29,987
SEASONAL MODES ON HOLIDAY HITS

1027
00:28:29,987 --> 00:28:30,988
RADIO, PANDORA.COM/HOLIDAY.

1028
00:28:35,526 --> 00:28:35,862
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1029
00:28:35,862 --> 00:28:36,227
♪

1030
00:28:36,227 --> 00:28:39,396
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK.

1031
00:28:39,396 --> 00:28:41,265
25 YEARS AGO OUR NEXT GUEST PUT

1032
00:28:41,265 --> 00:28:42,299
HER HAND IN HER POCKET AND TOLD

1033
00:28:42,299 --> 00:28:46,003
US WHAT WE OUGHT TO KNOW.

1034
00:28:46,003 --> 00:28:46,771
LAST WEEK SHE RELEASED THIS

1035
00:28:46,771 --> 00:28:47,338
REMIXED ALBUM, "SUCH PRETTY

1036
00:28:47,338 --> 00:28:48,005
FORKS IN THE MIX."

1037
00:28:48,005 --> 00:28:48,506
PLEASE WELCOME

1038
00:28:48,506 --> 00:28:54,044
ALANIS MORISSETTE.

1039
00:28:54,044 --> 00:28:54,512
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1040
00:28:54,512 --> 00:28:55,112
HI, ALANIS.

1041
00:28:55,112 --> 00:28:55,946
>> HI, JIMMY.

1042
00:28:55,946 --> 00:28:56,547
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?

1043
00:28:56,547 --> 00:28:58,115
>> I'M PRETTY WELL, HOW ARE YOU?

1044
00:28:58,115 --> 00:28:59,116
>> Jimmy: I'M DOING WELL.

1045
00:28:59,116 --> 00:29:01,986
IT'S CRAZY THAT IT'S BEEN 25

1046
00:29:01,986 --> 00:29:03,621
YEARS SINCE "JAGGED LITTLE PILL"

1047
00:29:03,621 --> 00:29:04,255
CAME OUT.

1048
00:29:04,255 --> 00:29:05,756
DOES IT FEEL LIKE THAT TO YOU?

1049
00:29:05,756 --> 00:29:07,925
>> IT FEELS LIKE 25 MINUTES AND

1050
00:29:07,925 --> 00:29:09,660
50 YEARS, IN SOME WAYS.

1051
00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:11,062
IT FEELS LIKE A WHOLE OTHER

1052
00:29:11,062 --> 00:29:11,395
LIFETIME.

1053
00:29:11,395 --> 00:29:11,762
>> Jimmy: YEAH.

1054
00:29:11,762 --> 00:29:14,999
>> I REMEMBER PUTTING THE ‐‐

1055
00:29:14,999 --> 00:29:16,567
FIRST RELEASED, I REMEMBER GOING

1056
00:29:16,567 --> 00:29:17,902
TO RADIO STATIONS AND THE

1057
00:29:17,902 --> 00:29:20,104
PROGRAM DIRECTOR'S RESPONSE WAS,

1058
00:29:20,104 --> 00:29:21,605
"WE'RE PLAYING TORI AMOS, SO

1059
00:29:21,605 --> 00:29:22,273
WE'RE ALL GOOD, OUR QUOTA IS

1060
00:29:22,273 --> 00:29:26,744
MAXED OUT."

1061
00:29:26,744 --> 00:29:29,146
THERE WAS ONLY ROOM FOR ONE

1062
00:29:29,146 --> 00:29:29,580
WOMAN AT THE TIME.

1063
00:29:29,580 --> 00:29:31,448
IT WAS A TURNING POINT WE WERE

1064
00:29:31,448 --> 00:29:32,049
ALL PART OF.

1065
00:29:32,049 --> 00:29:34,084
>> Jimmy: I WORKED AT ONE OF

1066
00:29:34,084 --> 00:29:39,557
THOSE RADIO STATIONS HERE IN LOS

1067
00:29:39,557 --> 00:29:40,660
ANGELES.

1068
00:29:40,660 --> 00:29:41,025
KROC.

1069
00:29:41,025 --> 00:29:41,859
>> NO WAY.

1070
00:29:41,859 --> 00:29:42,626
>> Jimmy: I REMEMBER US

1071
00:29:42,626 --> 00:29:43,394
INTERVIEWING YOU.

1072
00:29:43,394 --> 00:29:44,762
I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I

1073
00:29:44,762 --> 00:29:47,598
HEARD THE SONG.

1074
00:29:47,598 --> 00:29:48,999
I REMEMBER THINKING, OH MY GOD,

1075
00:29:48,999 --> 00:29:49,600
THIS IS A SCARY, SCARY WOMAN.

1076
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,569
[ LAUGHTER ]

1077
00:29:51,569 --> 00:29:53,170
>> THAT'S GREAT.

1078
00:29:53,170 --> 00:29:55,573
AND IT'S TRUE.

1079
00:29:55,573 --> 00:29:56,006
>> Jimmy: YEAH.

1080
00:29:56,006 --> 00:29:57,308
BUT YOU DIDN'T SEEM THAT SCARY

1081
00:29:57,308 --> 00:29:59,278
WHEN WE MET YOU, YOU JUST SEEMED

1082
00:29:59,278 --> 00:29:59,643
POLITE.

1083
00:29:59,643 --> 00:30:01,812
>> NO, I THINK I HAD GOTTEN IT

1084
00:30:01,812 --> 00:30:02,780
ALL OUT.

1085
00:30:02,780 --> 00:30:03,914
EMINEM AND I HAVE THIS THING,

1086
00:30:03,914 --> 00:30:05,082
EVERYONE ASSUMES WE'RE GOING TO

1087
00:30:05,082 --> 00:30:06,717
COME IN AND RIP EVERYTHING APART

1088
00:30:06,717 --> 00:30:07,651
AND SCREAM AT EVERYBODY.

1089
00:30:07,651 --> 00:30:10,721
BUT WE'VE GOTTEN IT OUT IN OUR

1090
00:30:10,721 --> 00:30:12,923
MUSIC, SO BY THE TIME WE SEE

1091
00:30:12,923 --> 00:30:15,492
YOU, WE'RE VERY CONVIVIAL.

1092
00:30:15,492 --> 00:30:15,860
[ LAUGHTER ]

1093
00:30:15,860 --> 00:30:18,095
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR

1094
00:30:18,095 --> 00:30:19,964
BROADWAY MUSICAL BASED ON YOUR

1095
00:30:19,964 --> 00:30:22,633
MUSIC IS NOMINATED FOR MORE

1096
00:30:22,633 --> 00:30:24,635
TONYS ‐‐ 15 TONYS OR SOMETHING?

1097
00:30:24,635 --> 00:30:25,169
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1098
00:30:25,169 --> 00:30:25,536
>> YES.

1099
00:30:25,536 --> 00:30:25,903
?

1100
00:30:25,903 --> 00:30:26,604
THAT'S CRAZY.

1101
00:30:26,604 --> 00:30:28,038
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE SITTING

1102
00:30:28,038 --> 00:30:30,307
IN THE AUDIENCE AND LISTENING TO

1103
00:30:30,307 --> 00:30:30,941
AND WATCHING OTHERS PERFORM YOUR

1104
00:30:30,941 --> 00:30:33,377
WORK?

1105
00:30:33,377 --> 00:30:37,882
>> WELL, I'D ALWAYS BEEN

1106
00:30:37,882 --> 00:30:39,149
MONOLOGIZING IN SOME WAYS,

1107
00:30:39,149 --> 00:30:40,150
SINGING AT.

1108
00:30:40,150 --> 00:30:42,453
THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN A DIALOGUE

1109
00:30:42,453 --> 00:30:42,786
ENERGETICALLY.

1110
00:30:42,786 --> 00:30:43,454
SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE AND

1111
00:30:43,454 --> 00:30:44,388
HEARING THE SONGS THROUGH

1112
00:30:44,388 --> 00:30:46,457
DIFFERENT GENDERS OR NONGENDERS

1113
00:30:46,457 --> 00:30:48,459
AND THROUGH THE STORY DIABLO

1114
00:30:48,459 --> 00:30:50,060
CODY PULLED FROM THE SONGS MADE

1115
00:30:50,060 --> 00:30:52,363
IT SUPER COHESIVE.

1116
00:30:52,363 --> 00:30:54,398
I COULD NOT STOP SOBBING.

1117
00:30:54,398 --> 00:30:55,666
DIABLO CODY AND I WOULD

1118
00:30:55,666 --> 00:30:57,067
CHALLENGE EACH OTHER TO SEE IF

1119
00:30:57,067 --> 00:30:58,435
WE COULD HANG OUT AND NOT WEEP,

1120
00:30:58,435 --> 00:30:59,570
TO THE POINT THE MUSICAL

1121
00:30:59,570 --> 00:31:02,106
DIRECTOR TOM USED TO COME UP

1122
00:31:02,106 --> 00:31:03,540
BEHIND ME AND PUT HIS HANDS DOWN

1123
00:31:03,540 --> 00:31:09,647
BECAUSE I'D BE SHAKING,

1124
00:31:09,647 --> 00:31:09,980
SERIOUSLY.

1125
00:31:09,980 --> 00:31:10,648
>> Jimmy: DOES $THAT CONFUSE

1126
00:31:10,648 --> 00:31:11,949
OTHER PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE

1127
00:31:11,949 --> 00:31:13,050
SITTING NEXT TO YOU?

1128
00:31:13,050 --> 00:31:15,152
>> WHO WERE PERFECTLY FINE?

1129
00:31:15,152 --> 00:31:16,987
>> Jimmy: YEAH, ALANIS IS HERE,

1130
00:31:16,987 --> 00:31:18,623
AND SHE'S HAVING A NERVOUS

1131
00:31:18,623 --> 00:31:18,956
BREAKDOWN.

1132
00:31:18,956 --> 00:31:20,090
>> SHE IS, AND MAYBE WE COULD DO

1133
00:31:20,090 --> 00:31:21,025
IT ALONG WITH HER.

1134
00:31:21,025 --> 00:31:22,059
FOR ME, I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE

1135
00:31:22,059 --> 00:31:22,459
IN THAT, YOU KNOW?

1136
00:31:22,459 --> 00:31:25,195
[ LAUGHTER ]

1137
00:31:25,195 --> 00:31:25,963
>> Jimmy: YOU LIVE IN SAN

1138
00:31:25,963 --> 00:31:27,064
FRANCISCO NOW.

1139
00:31:27,064 --> 00:31:28,132
ARE YOU READY FOR CHRISTMAS?

1140
00:31:28,132 --> 00:31:29,667
IS IT A BIG DEAL IN YOUR HOUSE?

1141
00:31:29,667 --> 00:31:31,568
>> IT WAS NEVER A BIG DEAL UNTIL

1142
00:31:31,568 --> 00:31:32,970
MY SON WAS BORN, CHRISTMAS

1143
00:31:32,970 --> 00:31:34,705
MORNING, 6:34 AT OUR HOUSE, 10

1144
00:31:34,705 --> 00:31:35,539
YEARS AGO.

1145
00:31:35,539 --> 00:31:36,776
HE'S TURNING 10, I CAN'T BELIEVE

1146
00:31:36,776 --> 00:31:37,141
IT.

1147
00:31:37,141 --> 00:31:37,641
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1148
00:31:37,641 --> 00:31:40,111
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW, A CHRISTMAS

1149
00:31:40,111 --> 00:31:40,444
BIRTHDAY.

1150
00:31:40,444 --> 00:31:41,378
YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR HIM.

1151
00:31:41,378 --> 00:31:43,047
>> THAT CUTS BOTH WAYS.

1152
00:31:43,047 --> 00:31:43,914
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO COMPETE

1153
00:31:43,914 --> 00:31:46,717
WITH GEEZ, YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

1154
00:31:46,717 --> 00:31:47,918
>> JESUS IS OKAY, APPARENTLY,

1155
00:31:47,918 --> 00:31:50,754
WITH THE COMPETITION.

1156
00:31:50,754 --> 00:31:52,489
BUT WHAT WE DO IS IN THE MORNING

1157
00:31:52,489 --> 00:31:54,058
WE HAVE MRS. CLAUS, SANTA CLAUS,

1158
00:31:54,058 --> 00:31:54,925
THE WHOLE THING.

1159
00:31:54,925 --> 00:31:56,293
THEN THE AFTERNOON IT'S A

1160
00:31:56,293 --> 00:31:57,194
BIRTHDAY REGALIA.

1161
00:31:57,194 --> 00:32:00,297
>> Jimmy: OH, YOU SWITCH TO

1162
00:32:00,297 --> 00:32:00,864
BIRTHDAY IN THE AFTERNOON.

1163
00:32:00,864 --> 00:32:01,765
>> WE HAVE TO.

1164
00:32:01,765 --> 00:32:03,300
LAST YEAR I BLEW IT.

1165
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:05,135
HE TOLD ME LAST YEAR I BLEW IT.

1166
00:32:05,135 --> 00:32:06,503
>> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK HE GETS

1167
00:32:06,503 --> 00:32:07,404
AS MANY GIFTS AS HE WOULD GET IF

1168
00:32:07,404 --> 00:32:09,673
HIS BIRTHDAY WAS IN JUNE?

1169
00:32:09,673 --> 00:32:12,443
>> I DO, BECAUSE WE COMPENSATE.

1170
00:32:12,443 --> 00:32:13,310
>> Jimmy: YOU DO.

1171
00:32:13,310 --> 00:32:14,845
>> WE HAVE THE GUILT OF HAVING

1172
00:32:14,845 --> 00:32:16,113
TO SPLISH THEM BOTH ON ONE DAY.

1173
00:32:16,113 --> 00:32:17,881
HE'S ARE LOVELY PROBLEMS TO

1174
00:32:17,881 --> 00:32:18,349
HAVE.

1175
00:32:18,349 --> 00:32:18,682
[ LAUGHTER ]

1176
00:32:18,682 --> 00:32:19,750
>> Jimmy: HOW IS THE

1177
00:32:19,750 --> 00:32:20,417
HOMESCHOOLING GOING?

1178
00:32:20,417 --> 00:32:23,554
YOU HAVE A FEW KIDS, RIGHT?

1179
00:32:23,554 --> 00:32:24,221
>> THREE, YEAH.

1180
00:32:24,221 --> 00:32:27,191
WE'VE BEEN HOMESCHOOLING FOR A

1181
00:32:27,191 --> 00:32:27,925
LONG TIME.

1182
00:32:27,925 --> 00:32:29,393
PEOPLE REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO

1183
00:32:29,393 --> 00:32:31,128
KNOW ABOUT IT, AND IT SOUNDED

1184
00:32:31,128 --> 00:32:32,162
DAUNTING, WHICH IT IS.

1185
00:32:32,162 --> 00:32:35,099
THEN ONCE THE PANDEMIC HAPPENED,

1186
00:32:35,099 --> 00:32:36,066
MY PHONE STARTED RINGING OFF THE

1187
00:32:36,066 --> 00:32:36,399
HOOK.

1188
00:32:36,399 --> 00:32:37,534
PEOPLE SAYING, TELL ME A LITTLE

1189
00:32:37,534 --> 00:32:38,869
BIT MORE ABOUT THIS THING YOU

1190
00:32:38,869 --> 00:32:39,234
DO.

1191
00:32:39,234 --> 00:32:40,471
>> Jimmy: I'VE HEARD OF

1192
00:32:40,471 --> 00:32:41,605
UNSCHOOLING BUT I DON'T KNOW

1193
00:32:41,605 --> 00:32:43,374
WHAT IT IS, EXACTLY.

1194
00:32:43,374 --> 00:32:45,342
>> FOR US ‐‐ IT'S DIFFERENT FOR

1195
00:32:45,342 --> 00:32:46,243
EVERYONE.

1196
00:32:46,243 --> 00:32:47,378
FOR US IT'S CHILD LED.

1197
00:32:47,378 --> 00:32:49,680
NOT IN THAT WE'RE ASKING THEM TO

1198
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,815
BE PARENTIFIED OR LEAD THE WAY.

1199
00:32:51,815 --> 00:32:53,050
WE CREATE OPPORTUNITIES FOR THEM

1200
00:32:53,050 --> 00:32:56,487
TO LEARN, LITTLE PODS OF PAINT,

1201
00:32:56,487 --> 00:32:57,888
OTHERWISE, AND WE FOLLOW THEM.

1202
00:32:57,888 --> 00:32:59,323
SO THEY MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN

1203
00:32:59,323 --> 00:33:00,791
SOMETHING FOR AN HOUR AND A

1204
00:33:00,791 --> 00:33:01,925
HALF, AND THAT'S GREAT.

1205
00:33:01,925 --> 00:33:03,494
THEY MIGHT BE INTERESTED FOR 30

1206
00:33:03,494 --> 00:33:04,828
SECONDS AND WE'RE DONE.

1207
00:33:04,828 --> 00:33:06,930
AND WE USUALLY GO BY HOWARD

1208
00:33:06,930 --> 00:33:08,165
GARDNER'S MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCE

1209
00:33:08,165 --> 00:33:08,498
THEORY.

1210
00:33:08,498 --> 00:33:09,633
WHEN OUR FAMILY, SOMEONE SAYS,

1211
00:33:09,633 --> 00:33:11,802
THAT PERSON'S SO SMART.

1212
00:33:11,802 --> 00:33:13,137
IT WILL BE OFTEN ANSWERED WITH,

1213
00:33:13,137 --> 00:33:14,071
SMART HOW?

1214
00:33:14,071 --> 00:33:15,272
THERE'S SO MANY DIFFERENT KINDS

1215
00:33:15,272 --> 00:33:15,605
OF SMART.

1216
00:33:15,605 --> 00:33:16,273
>> Jimmy: WOW.

1217
00:33:16,273 --> 00:33:17,808
DO THEY KNOW HOW TO READ?

1218
00:33:17,808 --> 00:33:18,141
[ LAUGHTER ]

1219
00:33:18,141 --> 00:33:18,675
>> THEY DO.

1220
00:33:18,675 --> 00:33:20,677
>> Jimmy: THEY DO, THAT'S GOOD.

1221
00:33:20,677 --> 00:33:22,179
SO THAT YOU INSIST ON.

1222
00:33:22,179 --> 00:33:23,647
>> NO, THERE'S NO ‐‐ THE THING

1223
00:33:23,647 --> 00:33:25,849
IS, JIMMY, IT'S NOT EVEN THAT WE

1224
00:33:25,849 --> 00:33:26,483
INSIST ON IT.

1225
00:33:26,483 --> 00:33:29,420
I BARELY FORMALLY TAUGHT IT.

1226
00:33:29,420 --> 00:33:32,056
SOME KIDS LEARN IN CLUSTERS OF

1227
00:33:32,056 --> 00:33:33,557
WORDS, SOME KIDS LEARN ONE WORD

1228
00:33:33,557 --> 00:33:34,224
AT A TIME.

1229
00:33:34,224 --> 00:33:35,659
AT ONE POINT MY FATHER, WHO'S A

1230
00:33:35,659 --> 00:33:37,161
TEACHER, MY MOM'S A TEACHER,

1231
00:33:37,161 --> 00:33:39,163
THEY BOTH ASKED THE SAME

1232
00:33:39,163 --> 00:33:39,596
QUESTION YOU DID.

1233
00:33:39,596 --> 00:33:40,831
ARE THEY READING?

1234
00:33:40,831 --> 00:33:42,332
WE GAVE MY SON A PIECE OF PAPER

1235
00:33:42,332 --> 00:33:44,068
AND SAID, WITH OUR FINGERS

1236
00:33:44,068 --> 00:33:45,169
CROSSED BEHIND OUR BACK, READ

1237
00:33:45,169 --> 00:33:45,903
ALL THESE.

1238
00:33:45,903 --> 00:33:47,137
HE READ ALL OF THEM.

1239
00:33:47,137 --> 00:33:48,672
SO YES, THEY LEARN HOW TO READ

1240
00:33:48,672 --> 00:33:49,807
AND WRITE WHEN THEY'RE READY.

1241
00:33:49,807 --> 00:33:51,008
>> Jimmy: OKAY, WOW, HOW ABOUT

1242
00:33:51,008 --> 00:33:51,373
THAT.

1243
00:33:51,373 --> 00:33:53,744
I REALLY FEEL LIKE MY SON WOULD

1244
00:33:53,744 --> 00:33:56,647
JUST MAJOR IN PAW PATROL IN

1245
00:33:56,647 --> 00:33:57,012
COLLEGE.

1246
00:33:57,012 --> 00:33:57,346
[ LAUGHTER ]

1247
00:33:57,346 --> 00:33:57,681
>> THAT'S GREAT.

1248
00:33:57,681 --> 00:33:59,016
>> Jimmy: IF WE GAVE HIM THAT

1249
00:33:59,016 --> 00:33:59,381
OPTION.

1250
00:33:59,381 --> 00:34:00,050
>> IS THAT A BAD THING?

1251
00:34:00,050 --> 00:34:00,851
>> Jimmy: YES, THAT IS A BAD

1252
00:34:00,851 --> 00:34:01,184
THING.

1253
00:34:01,184 --> 00:34:01,517
>> OKAY, OKAY.

1254
00:34:01,517 --> 00:34:04,088
[ LAUGHTER ]

1255
00:34:04,088 --> 00:34:06,523
>> Jimmy: SO THIS ALBUM IS A

1256
00:34:06,523 --> 00:34:08,092
REMIX OF THE ALBUM YOU PUT OUT

1257
00:34:08,092 --> 00:34:09,893
OVER THE SUMMER.

1258
00:34:09,893 --> 00:34:10,260
WHAT HAPPENED?

1259
00:34:10,260 --> 00:34:10,861
DID YOU GET BORED AND START

1260
00:34:10,861 --> 00:34:11,261
FIDDLING WITH IT?

1261
00:34:11,261 --> 00:34:13,363
[ LAUGHTER ]

1262
00:34:13,363 --> 00:34:16,500
>> I WISH I COULD TAKE CREDIT.

1263
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:19,603
IT'S A TRANS INCLUSIVE, ALL

1264
00:34:19,603 --> 00:34:21,472
WOMEN PRODUCED, REMIX RECORD.

1265
00:34:21,472 --> 00:34:22,539
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1266
00:34:22,539 --> 00:34:24,675
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS.

1267
00:34:24,675 --> 00:34:26,376
THE OTHER ONE IS NOT?

1268
00:34:26,376 --> 00:34:28,745
>> PRODUCED BY ALEX AND

1269
00:34:28,745 --> 00:34:34,318
KATHERINE MARKS, WRITTEN BY MARK

1270
00:34:34,318 --> 00:34:34,685
FERRELL.

1271
00:34:34,685 --> 00:34:35,452
THIS CAME TOGETHER OVER THE LAST

1272
00:34:35,452 --> 00:34:37,221
FEW MONTHS AND I'M FINISHING A

1273
00:34:37,221 --> 00:34:38,288
MEDITATION RECORD RIGHT NOW.

1274
00:34:38,288 --> 00:34:39,089
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU REALLY?

1275
00:34:39,089 --> 00:34:40,157
>> I CAN CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING

1276
00:34:40,157 --> 00:34:40,757
THAT HELPS.

1277
00:34:40,757 --> 00:34:42,126
>> Jimmy: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, A

1278
00:34:42,126 --> 00:34:42,860
MEDITATION RECORD?

1279
00:34:42,860 --> 00:34:44,628
YOU SAY NOTHING FOR 45 MINUTES?

1280
00:34:44,628 --> 00:34:44,961
[ LAUGHTER ]

1281
00:34:44,961 --> 00:34:45,596
>> YES, WHICH IS VERY RELIEVING

1282
00:34:45,596 --> 00:34:48,999
FOR ME.

1283
00:34:48,999 --> 00:34:49,633
SHUT IT!

1284
00:34:49,633 --> 00:34:51,502
YES, IT'S NOT 45 MINUTES.

1285
00:34:51,502 --> 00:34:53,504
IT'S A REALLY LONG ONE.

1286
00:34:53,504 --> 00:34:55,139
FOR ME I THOUGHT, WHAT CAN I

1287
00:34:55,139 --> 00:34:56,507
GIVE OR SERVE OR SUPPORT PEOPLE

1288
00:34:56,507 --> 00:34:58,308
IN DOING THAT IS GOING TO HELP

1289
00:34:58,308 --> 00:34:59,510
US CALM DOWN DURING PANDEMIC

1290
00:34:59,510 --> 00:35:00,444
TIME?

1291
00:35:00,444 --> 00:35:01,645
MEDITATION RECORD.

1292
00:35:01,645 --> 00:35:02,246
>> Jimmy: MEDITATION RECORD.

1293
00:35:02,246 --> 00:35:03,180
>> THAT'S ALMOST FINISHED.

1294
00:35:03,180 --> 00:35:04,314
>> Jimmy: WOW, INTERESTING.

1295
00:35:04,314 --> 00:35:04,648
ALL RIGHT.

1296
00:35:04,648 --> 00:35:06,183
>> I'M GOING TO DO A GUIDED ONE

1297
00:35:06,183 --> 00:35:07,851
TOO, WHERE I DO A LITTLE

1298
00:35:07,851 --> 00:35:08,452
WALK‐THROUGH.

1299
00:35:08,452 --> 00:35:10,654
IF IT'S ABOUT SLEEP, INSOMNIA,

1300
00:35:10,654 --> 00:35:11,822
DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, ADDICTION,

1301
00:35:11,822 --> 00:35:12,890
WHATEVER IT IS, THERE'S GOING TO

1302
00:35:12,890 --> 00:35:14,658
BE A GUIDED MEDITATION FOR THOSE

1303
00:35:14,658 --> 00:35:16,860
WHO DON'T REALLY WANT TO DO

1304
00:35:16,860 --> 00:35:17,194
MEDITATION.

1305
00:35:17,194 --> 00:35:18,295
SOME PEOPLE, IF YOU LEAVE US

1306
00:35:18,295 --> 00:35:20,063
ALONE WITH SEA LENS, ALL THE

1307
00:35:20,063 --> 00:35:21,665
VOICES GET LOUDER.

1308
00:35:21,665 --> 00:35:22,900
GUIDED MEDITATION HELPS.

1309
00:35:22,900 --> 00:35:24,601
>> Jimmy: YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY

1310
00:35:24,601 --> 00:35:26,803
FROM TERRORIZES EX‐BOYFRIENDS TO

1311
00:35:26,803 --> 00:35:32,209
HELPING US MEDITATE.

1312
00:35:32,209 --> 00:35:32,542
[ LAUGHTER ]

1313
00:35:32,542 --> 00:35:32,875
[ APPLAUSE ]

1314
00:35:32,875 --> 00:35:33,310
>> IT'S MY STORY.

1315
00:35:33,310 --> 00:35:35,579
>> Jimmy: "THE REMIX ALBUM, SUCH

1316
00:35:35,579 --> 00:35:36,847
PRETTY FORKS IN THE MIX."

1317
00:35:36,847 --> 00:35:37,881
IT'S OUT NOW.

1318
00:35:37,881 --> 00:35:39,383
WHEN WE COME BACK, CHRISTMAS

1319
00:35:39,383 --> 00:35:40,250
MUSIC FROM ALANIS MORISSETTE.

1320
00:35:40,250 --> 00:35:43,554
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

1321
00:35:43,554 --> 00:35:44,054
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1322
00:35:44,054 --> 00:35:47,591
♪

1323
00:35:47,591 --> 00:35:48,725
D THE "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"

1324
00:35:48,725 --> 00:35:49,359
CONCERT SERIES IS PRESENTED BY

1325
00:35:49,359 --> 00:35:49,693
MERCEDES‐BENZ.

1326
00:35:49,693 --> 00:35:51,428
THE BEST OR NOTHING.

1327
00:35:55,499 --> 00:35:56,400
>> Dicky: THE "JIMMY KIMMEL

1328
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,434
LIVE" CONCERT SERIES IS

1329
00:35:57,434 --> 00:35:58,902
PRESENTED BY MERCEDES‐BENZ.

1330
00:35:58,902 --> 00:36:00,237
THE BEST OR NOTHING.

1331
00:36:00,237 --> 00:36:00,737
?

1332
00:36:00,737 --> 00:36:01,538
THANKS TO CAREY MULLIGAN.

1333
00:36:01,538 --> 00:36:04,208
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON.

1334
00:36:04,208 --> 00:36:04,942
"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,

1335
00:36:04,942 --> 00:36:05,709
WITH A COVER OF JOHN AND YOKO'S

1336
00:36:05,709 --> 00:36:06,443
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS (WAR IS OVER),"

1337
00:36:06,443 --> 00:36:08,946
ALANIS MORISSETTE!

1338
00:36:08,946 --> 00:36:12,416
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1339
00:36:14,017 --> 00:36:14,585
♪ AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

1340
00:36:14,585 --> 00:36:20,023
AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ♪

1341
00:36:20,023 --> 00:36:23,527
♪ ANOTHER YEAR OVER

1342
00:36:23,527 --> 00:36:32,002
AND A NEW ONE JUST BEGUN ♪

1343
00:36:32,002 --> 00:36:36,006
♪ AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

1344
00:36:36,006 --> 00:36:39,309
I HOPE YOU HAD FUN ♪

1345
00:36:39,309 --> 00:36:43,046
♪ THE NEAR AND THE DEAR ONES

1346
00:36:43,046 --> 00:36:47,985
THE OLD AND THE YOUNG ♪

1347
00:36:47,985 --> 00:36:53,290
♪ A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

1348
00:36:53,290 --> 00:37:04,134
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ♪

1349
00:37:04,134 --> 00:37:06,837
♪ LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE

1350
00:37:06,837 --> 00:37:08,005
WITHOUT ANY FEAR ♪

1351
00:37:08,005 --> 00:37:15,512
♪ AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

1352
00:37:15,512 --> 00:37:23,987
FOR WEAK AND FOR STRONG ♪

1353
00:37:23,987 --> 00:37:24,588
♪ FOR RICH AND THE POOR ONES

1354
00:37:24,588 --> 00:37:27,991
THE ROAD IS SO LONG ♪

1355
00:37:27,991 --> 00:37:33,297
♪ AND SO HAPPY CHRISTMAS

1356
00:37:33,297 --> 00:37:37,801
FOR BLACK AND FOR WHITE ♪

1357
00:37:37,801 --> 00:37:44,074
♪ FOR YELLOW AND RED ONES

1358
00:37:44,074 --> 00:37:46,310
LET'S STOP ALL THE FIGHT ♪

1359
00:37:46,310 --> 00:37:51,281
♪ A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

1360
00:37:51,281 --> 00:37:57,054
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ♪

1361
00:37:57,054 --> 00:38:00,357
♪ LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE

1362
00:38:00,357 --> 00:38:06,797
WITHOUT ANY FEAR ♪

1363
00:38:06,797 --> 00:38:08,632
♪ SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

1364
00:38:08,632 --> 00:38:10,300
WAR IS OVER

1365
00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:12,836
AND WHAT HAVE WE DONE

1366
00:38:12,836 --> 00:38:16,573
IF YOU WANT IT ♪

1367
00:38:16,573 --> 00:38:20,010
♪ ANOTHER YEAR OVER

1368
00:38:20,010 --> 00:38:20,577
WAR IS OVER

1369
00:38:20,577 --> 00:38:22,512
AND A NEW ONE JUST BEGUN

1370
00:38:22,512 --> 00:38:25,048
NOW ♪

1371
00:38:25,048 --> 00:38:28,618
♪ AND SO HAPPY CHRISTMAS

1372
00:38:28,618 --> 00:38:30,520
WAR IS OVER

1373
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,789
WE HOPE YOU HAD FUN

1374
00:38:32,789 --> 00:38:35,992
IF YOU WANT IT ♪

1375
00:38:35,992 --> 00:38:36,760
♪ THE NEAR AND THE DEAR ONES

1376
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,262
WAR IS OVER

1377
00:38:39,262 --> 00:38:40,797
THE OLD AND THE YOUNG

1378
00:38:40,797 --> 00:38:44,067
NOW ♪

1379
00:38:44,067 --> 00:38:48,071
♪ A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

1380
00:38:48,071 --> 00:38:55,979
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

1381
00:38:55,979 --> 00:38:57,280
LET'S HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE

1382
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:07,557
WITHOUT ANY FEAR ♪

1383
00:39:07,557 --> 00:39:12,062
♪ WAR IS OVER

1384
00:39:12,062 --> 00:39:17,334
IF YOU WANT IT

1385
00:39:17,334 --> 00:39:17,801
WAR IS OVER NOW ♪

1386
00:39:17,801 --> 00:39:33,817
♪

1387
00:39:35,152 --> 00:39:35,517
WHOO!

1388
00:39:35,517 --> 00:39:39,623
YEAH, BUDDY!

1389
00:39:39,623 --> 00:39:39,988
♪

1390
00:39:39,988 --> 00:39:40,352
♪

1391
00:39:40,352 --> 00:39:56,039
♪