>>> THERE ARE MANY THINGS I WISH FOR THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON.
I WISH FOR SEX WITH YOUNG UKRAINIAN SEASON.
I WISH TO GOD THE DILDO STORE NEXT TO FOUR SEASONS LANDSCAPING
WOULD HONOR MY COUPON. I WISH THE PRESIDENT WOULD PAY
ME FOR MY SERVICES SO I COULD STOP DYEING MY HAIR WITH DECK
VARNISH. MOSTLY, I WISH THE SIGHT OF A
CRUCIFIXION DON'T MAKE MY SKIN BURST INTO FLAMES.
>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE"!
TONIGHT, EMILY BLUNT. KYLE CHANDLER.
AND MUSIC FROM STURGILL SIMPSON. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: HI THERE, HI EVERYONE,
I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST. THANKS FOR WATCHING.
THANKS FOR -- GUILLERMO, THANK YOU FOR BEING ON THAT STOOL.
>> Guillermo: YOU'RE WELCOME, ANY TIME.
>> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING? >> Guillermo: GOING GREAT.
>> Jimmy: ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPEN TO YOU THIS AFTERNOON?
>> Guillermo: NO, JUST HAVING A FEW DRINKS, THAT'S IT.
>> Jimmy: OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DID YOU SEE THE BIG NEWS TODAY?
THEY ANNOUNCED THE COLOR OF THE YEAR.
AND IT'S NOT TRUMP-FACE TANGERINE.
THAT WAS LAST YEAR'S COLOR. PANTONE HAS ANNOUNCED THEIR
COLOR OF THE YEAR FOR 2021. THIS TIME THERE ARE TWO OF THEM.
DRUMROLL PLEASE? OH, DRUMMER'S NOT HERE ANYMORE.
THE COLORS OF THE YEAR ARE "ULTIMATE GRAY" AND
"ILLUMINATING," ALSO KNOWN AS YELLOW.
PANTONE SAYS THEY CHOSE THIS COMBO BECAUSE IT GIVES US
RESILIENCE AND HOPE. I DON'T KNOW, ALL I THINK ABOUT
WHEN I SEE THIS IS SOUL CYCLE THAT I'VE NEVER GONE INTO.
HOW COULD TWO COLORS BE THE COLOR OF THE YEAR?
THAT'S LIKE SAYING THE WINNER OF THE ELECTION IS JOE BIDEN AND
DONALD TRUMP -- THEY ARE SAYING THAT?
THEY SHOULD STOP. THE COVID VACCINES WILL BE
AVAILABLE SOON WHETHER WE WANT THEM OR NOT, A LOT OF US, TURNS
OUT, DO NOT. ACCORDING TO A POLL BY AP, LESS
THAN HALF OF AMERICANS ARE PLANNING TO GET THE VACCINE WHEN
IT COMES OUT. ONLY 47% OF AMERICANS WANT IT.
THE OTHER 53% WANT TO STAY HOME IN SWEAT PANTS FOREVER, I GUESS.
TO ME THAT'S NUTS. I'LL TAKE THAT SHOT IN MY
EYEBALL IF IT MEANS I CAN GO TO DINNER, I REALLY WILL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] A LOT OF AMERICANS ARE SAYING
THEY WANT TO WAIT AND SEE, WHICH IS A STRATEGY THAT WILL RESULT
IN THE UNNECESSARY DEATH OF A LOT OF PEOPLE.
IF THE MAJORITY OF US DON'T GET IT, IT WON'T WORK AS WE.
HALF OF US ARE WORRIED ABOUT PUTTING THE SUBSTANCE IN OUR
BODIES BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IT IN.
YET WE HAVE NO PROBLEM DOWNING 16 OUNCES OF SOMETHING CALLED
MONSTER ENERGY ASSAULT. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, I'LL HAVE A SWIG OF THAT. SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
IF YOU ARE IN THE HALF OF AMERICANS WHO DO WANT THE
VACCINE, YOU STILL MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO GET IT.
WE LEARNED THIS WEEK THAT OVER THE SUMMER, THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION PASSED ON THE CHANCE TO LOCK IN AN ADDITIONAL
100 MILLION DOSES OF THE PFIZER VACCINE.
THEY WILL NOW GO TO OTHER COUNTRIES.
AND WE ARE WAY BEHIND THE REST OF THE WORLD WHEN IT COMES TO
STOCK. THIS IS A CHART OF NATIONAL
VACCINE SUPPLIES. YOU CAN SEE BY NOT PREORDERING
ENOUGH VACCINE, DEALMAKER DON PUT AMERICA WAY BEHIND CANADA,
THE UK, AUSTRALIA, AND ALL 27 COUNTRIES IN THE EU.
AND UNTIL WE GET THE VACCINE, WE JUST HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.
WHICH WE ARE NOT. EVEN PEOPLE WHO ARE BEING
CAREFUL AREN'T BEING CAREFUL. HAVE YOU NOTICED THIS?
SOMEHOW I AM LITERALLY THE ONLY PERSON ANYONE I KNOW HAS SEEN IN
MONTHS. EVERYONE IS LYING.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU ASK YOUR WIFE
HOW MANY GUYS SHE HAD SEX WITH, WHATEVER THE NUMBER IS, TRIPLE
IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU -- SOMEONE SAYS, MY SISTER CAME
OVER, JUST TO DROP SOMETHING OFF.
THAT MEANS, MY SISTER LIVES WITH US NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] SOMEONE TELLS YOU, WE HAD A
COCKTAIL WITH A COUPLE IN OUR POD OUTDOORS, WE WERE SOCIALLY
DISTANCED IN MASKS. THAT MEANS, EIGHT PEOPLE CAME
OVER, WE KEPT OUR MASKS ON FOR SIX MINUTES AND THEN ALL GOT IN
THE HOT TUB. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M GOING TO SAY, EVEN I HAVE BEEN LYING.
I GET TESTED THREE TIMES A WEEK, FOR WHATEVER REASON, I ALWAYS
TELL PEOPLE IT'S FOUR. [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO IT. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I DO.
SO TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT.
TRUST NO ONE. THIS IS WHAT THEY'RE DOING IN
CHINA. THE CHINESE AREN'T MESSING
AROUND. CHINA IS ORDERING CABIN CREWS ON
CERTAIN FLIGHTS TO NOT USE THE BATHROOM.
THEY'RE INSTRUCTING THEM TO WEAR DIAPERS, FOR REAL.
THEY'RE RECOMMENDING THEY WEAR DIAPERS ON ANY FLIGHT TO A
HIGH-RISK AREA, OR IF YOU ATE AT SBARRO'S AT THE AIRPORT.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S GOING TO BE SOME CABIN
SERVICE. YES, SIR, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH YOUR DIET COKE AS SOON AS I FINISH SOILING MYSELF.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S NOT JUST CHINA.
IN AMERICA THERE'S A PLANE WHERE A GUY WEARS DIAPERS.
IT'S CALLED AIR FORCE ONE, MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF IT?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] DAY 37 OF SQUATTERGATE.
YELLVIS HAS NOT LEFT THE BUILDING, THERE'S BEEN NO
CONCESSION. OUR DEAREST LEADER HAS LOST ONE
OF HIS MOST POWERFUL WEAPONS. YOUTUBE IS TAKING DOWN VIDEOS
THAT CLAIM THE ELECTION WAS A FRAUD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IF PEOPLE WANT TO POST
CONSPIRACY THEORIES I GUESS THEY'LL HAVE TO DANCE THEM OUT
ON TIKTOK, I DON'T KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE MANY REPUBLICANS ARE ANGRY ABOUT THIS.
SENATOR JOSH HOLLY OF MISSOURI LAMBASTED YOUTUBE'S DECISION.
HE CALLED IT AN AFFRONT ON FREE SPEECH, ALTHOUGH IT WAS HARD TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SAYING, HE WAS EATING TIDE PODS AT THE
TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M A LITTLE MUST HAVED TOO. IF I CAN'T POST LOW-QUALITY
VIDEOS FROM MY BASEMENT CLAIMING A SECRET CABAL OF LIZARD PEOPLE
RUN BY GEORGE SOROS STOLE THE ELECTION, WHY DO WE EVEN CALL
THIS A FREE COUNTRY ANYMORE? [ LAUGHTER ]
THE CAPS ARE LOCKED AND LOADED THIS MORNING.
THE PRESIDENT WROTE, WISDOM AND COURAGE.
WHICH I THINK MEANS HE'S ABOUT TO GO VISIT THE WIZARD OF OZ.
[ LAUGHTER ] TRUMP IS STILL PRESIDENT, WHICH
MEANS THAT MIKE PENCE IS STILL VICE PRESIDENT AND HAS 41 MORE
DAYS OF KISSING ASS. >> PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
DESERVES HIS DAY IN COURT. THE SUPREME COURT.
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT COURT. WHY DOES HE DELIVER EVERY LINE
LIKE HE'S DONE A PERSONAL INJURY ATTORNEY COMMERCIAL?
[ LAUGHTER ] ATTORNEYS FOR DONALD TRUMP ARE
NOW A COMBINED 1 FOR 56 IN COURT.
TRUMP'S TEAM HAS SO MANY LOSSES, THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT CALLING
THEMSELVES THE NEW YORK JETS FROM NOW ON.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] AGAIN, WE MISSED THE DRUMMER.
THE PRESIDENT SAYS HIS LATEST CASE, THE ONE THAT MAY BE HEADED
TO THE SUPREME COURT, THIS IS THE BIG ONE.
BASICALLY, TEXAS AND 17 OTHER STATES THAT ALSO HAPPEN TO BE
REPUBLICAN LED, ARE TRYING TO GET THE SUPREME COURT TO THROW
OUT THE RESULTS IN WISCONSIN, GEORGIA, MICHIGAN, AND
PENNSYLVANIA, FOUR STATES TRUMP LOST.
THEY WANT THE COURT TO BLOCK CERTIFICATION IN THOSE STATES,
WHICH WOULD PUSH BIDEN BELOW 270 DELEGATES WHICH KICK THE
ELECTION TO CONGRESS, WHERE REPUBLICANS COULD HAND IT TO
TRUMP. IN OTHER WORDS, 17 RED STATES
ARE SUING TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION IN OTHER STATES.
NOT EVEN THEIR OWN STATES. THIS IS LIKE IF YOU COMPLAINED
ABOUT THE FOOD IN A RESTAURANT THAT IS 900 MILES AWAY.
IF BY SOME CHANCE THE CASE ACTUALLY DOES MAKE IT TO THE
HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND, TRUMP HAS ASKED SENATOR TED CRUZ TO
ARGUE IT ON HIS BEHALF. I DON'T THINK EVEN TOM CRUISE
COULD WIN THIS CASE. [ LAUGHTER ]
TED CRUZ CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. THIS IS A LAST-DITCH
EMBARRASSING AND GENUINELY DESPICABLE ATTEMPT TO GO -- MAKE
AN END RUN AROUND DEMOCRACY. WHILE I DISAGREE WITH TED CRUZ
ON PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING, TO HIS CREDIT, HE WAS FORTHCOMING
ON THE SUBJECT OF HIS FUTURE CLIENT, DONALD TRUMP.
>> I'M GOING ON TELL YOU WHAT I REALLY THINK OF DONALD TRUMP.
THIS MAN IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. HE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN TRUTH AND LIES. HE LIES PRACTICALLY EVERY WORD
THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH. AND IN A PATTERN THAT I THINK IS
STRAIGHT OUT OF A PSYCHOLOGY TEXTBOOK.
HIS RESPONSE IS TO ACCUSE EVERYBODY ELSE OF LYING.
>> Jimmy: OH, WAIT. I'M BEING TOLD THAT WAS BEFORE
HIS SPINE REMOVAL SURGERY. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WAS 2016. THAT WAS WHEN TRUMP WAS
DISHONEST, NOW DONALD TRUMP IS HONEST.
FOR AS MUCH MONEY AS HE TAKES FROM THE NRA YOU'D THINK TED
CRUZ WOULD HAVE SOME IDEA HOW TO STICK TO HIS GUNS, BUT HE
DOESN'T. [ LAUGHTER ]
TRUMP, OF COURSE, FAMOUSLY CALLED TED CRUZ'S WIFE UGLY, HE
SUGGESTED HIS FATHER HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE
ASSASSINATION OF JFK, MAY HAVE EVEN QUESTIONED THE INTEGRITY
HELD BY TED HIMSELF. >> I'VE MET PEOPLE THAT ARE MUCH
TOUGHER THAN TED CRUZ. BUT I'VE NEVER, EVER MET ANYBODY
THAT LIED LIKE HIM. THIS GUY LIES SO MUCH.
LYING TED CRUZ. HE WALKS IN, BIBLE HELD HIGH,
PUTS IT DOWN, GOES OVER HERE, AND HE STARTS LYING MORE THAN
ANY HUMAN BEING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
LYIN' TED. LYIN' TED.
ONE OF THE BIGGEST LIARS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY WIFE.
LYING, LYING, LYIN' TED. LYIN' TED, BOO MANY.
YOU HAVE TO SPELL IT RIGHT. L-Y-I-N APOSTROPHE, LYIN' TED.
>> Jimmy: YES, AND HE WILL BE REPRESENTING ME IN FRONT OF THE
SUPREME COURT. [ APPLAUSE ]
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WONDERING WHY TED CRUZ WOULD EVEN DO THIS.
I HAVE A THEORY. I THINK TED CRUZ IS GOING TO GO
TO THE SUPREME COURT AND PULL A FULL NICOLE KIDMAN IN "THE
UNDOING" ON HIM. TED CRUZ STILL WANTS TO BE
PRESIDENT. HE HASN'T GIVEN THAT DREAM UP.
HIS PLAN IS TO PRESENT HIMSELF AS A SCHOLARLY FRIEND OF DONALD
TRUMP, AND THEN WHEN HE RUNS AGAIN IN 2024, TRUMP WILL BE IN
PRISON. IF THEY LET TRUMP HAVE A PHONE,
HE'LL BE TWEETING HIS BIG ORANGE ASS OFF TRYING TO GET TED
ELECTED BECAUSE HE'LL THINK TED CRUZ IS GOING TO WAVE HIS MAGIC
PRESIDENT WAND AND LET HIM OUT. IN 2028, TRUMP WILL RUN AGAINST
TED CRUZ AND CALL HIM A LYING LITTLE BITCH AGAIN, AND WE'LL GO
THROUGH THIS WHOLE -- IT'S TOUGH FOR THE TRUMPERS TO ACCEPT THE
RESULTS OF THIS ELECTION. THEY WERE PROMISED, YOU KNOW --
TRUMP SAID YOU'RE GOING TO GET TIRED OF WINNING.
AND INSTEAD WE'RE ALL TIRED OF WHINING.
[ LAUGHTER ] WHEN THE LEGAL FIGHT DOESN'T PAN
OUT LIKE THEY HOPE IT WILL, I KNOW EVERY ONE OF TRUMP'S MOST
DIE-HARD SUPPORTERS WILL BE CLAMORING FOR ONE OF THESE.
>> I'M THE INVENTOR OF MY PILLOW.
THANKS TO YOUR SUPPORT IT'S BECOME THE GREATEST PILLOW IN
HISTORY. JUST ASK DONALD J. TRUMP.
>> MIKE LINDELL OF MY PILLOW, BOY, DO YOU SELL THOSE PILLOWS
WHAT A GUY. I'VE INVENTED A NEW PILLOW
DESIGNED TO GET US THROUGH THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.
MY PILLOW SLUMBER SACK. A BIGLY BODY-SIZED PILLOW MADE
IN MY HOME STATE OF MINNESOTA. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
UNZIP THE SIDE SEAM AND CLIMB INTO THE HOLLOW CHAMBER IN THE
CENTER. YOU'LL BE CUSHIONED BY COOL,
BREATHABLE FILLING. EVERY MY PILLOW SLUMBER SACK
COMES INFUSED WITH PROPOFOL, TIME RELEASED TO KEEP YOU
IGNORANT FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE PHONY JOE LYING PRESIDENCY.
GET IN LINE TO VOTE FOR THE DONALD IN 2024.
>> ARE YOU [ BLEEP ] KIDDING ME? >> ORDER THE MY PILLOW SLUMBER
SACK FOR THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $19.95.
CALL NOW AND GET A SUPER ABSORBENT MEGA DIAPER ABSOLUTELY
FREE. ♪ TAKE IT FROM A GUY WHO USED TO
SMOKE CRACK ♪ ♪ AND CLIMB ON INTO A SLUMBER
SACK ♪ >> Jimmy: LOOKS COMFORTABLE.
I WOULD LIKE TO WISH A HAPPY FIRST NIGHT OF HANUKKAH TO THOSE
CELEBRATING TONIGHT, GUILLERMO. >> Guillermo: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A SECRET WITH DELL
GUILLERMO. YOU KNOW WHAT HANUKKAH IS?
>> Guillermo: YEAH. >> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT?
>> Guillermo: JEWISH HOLIDAY. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY
LIGHT? >> Guillermo: A CANDLE?
A -- WHATEVER THEY DO. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CALL IT.
IT'S LIKE THIS. >> Jimmy: GUILLERMO SMOKED A
JOINT IN THE PARKING LOT THIS AFTERNOON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TO CELEBRATE HANUKKAH.
>> Guillermo: I DID, YES. >> Jimmy: WILL THIS BE GOINGS-ON
FOR SEVEN MORE NIGHTS? >> Guillermo: NO, JUST TONIGHT.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO
BE PROTECTING ME HERE, NO? >> Guillermo: NO, THAT WAS ON MY
BREAK. >> Jimmy: THAT WAS ON YOUR
BREAK, ALL RIGHT, IT WAS ON HIS BREAK.
[ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY.
HANUKKAH DOESN'T GET THE ATTENTION THAT CHRISTMAS DOES.
NONE OF THE JEWISH HOLIDAYS DO, REALLY.
WE THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN TO PLAY A GAME TONIGHT TO SHINE A
MENORAH ON THEM. IT'S TIME TO PLAY "JEWISH
HOLIDAY OR PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION?"
THAT'S RIGHT. LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANT.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? >> LAURIE.
>> Jimmy: I SEE IT ON YOUR SHIRT.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM, LAURIE? >> SAN FRANCISCO.
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU BEING SAFE? >> AM I BEING SAFE?
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> I BELIEVE I AM.
>> Jimmy: VERY GOOD. ARE YOU JEWISH?
>> I COULD BE. >> Jimmy: WELL --
>> SORRY ABOUT THE NOISE. I VETCH A LOT.
I COULD BE. >> Jimmy: YOU VETCH.
>> I VETCH A LOT. >> Jimmy: WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU
A "K." >> ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: THE WAY THIS GAME WORKS IS THIS.
I'LL READ THE WORD, YOU TELL ME IF IT'S A JEWISH HOLIDAY OR A
PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION. >> OH, DAMN.
>> Jimmy: IF YOU GET IT RIGHT ARE YOU WIN A PRIZE.
IF YOU DON'T, YOU VETCH. >> I WILL VETCH.
>> Jimmy: I'VE BEEN PRACTICING THESE PRONUNCIATIONS SO BEAR
WITH ME. TUBISHVAT, JEWISH HOLIDAY OR
PRESCRIPTION? >> I WOULD SAY PROBABLY A JEWISH
HOLIDAY. >> Jimmy: THAT IS CORRECT,
YOU'VE GOT ONE, ONE CANDLE. ANAKINRA.
>> ANAKINRA? [ TRUCK BACKFIRING ]
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOD, HOLD ON A MINUTE.
>> I WOULD SAY IT'S PROBABLY A MEDICATION.
>> Jimmy: IT IS CORRECT, A MEDICATION.
WE MAY HAVE TO WEAR MASKS FOR REASONS OTHER THAN COVID-19.
[ LAUGHTER ] INVOKANA.
>> THAT'S A JEWISH HOLIDAY. >> Jimmy: NO, THAT'S A DRUG USED
TO TREAT TYPE 2 DIABETES. NEXT ONE, SUKKOT.
>> I WANT TO SAY THAT'S A MEDICATION.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS A HOLIDAY. OH, NO.
THE AUTUMN HARVEST. >> WOW.
>> Jimmy: SIMKATORAH. >> WOW.
WELL. THAT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE A JEWISH
HOLIDAY. >> Jimmy: THAT IS RIGHT, YES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HUMIRA.
>> THAT'S A DRUG. >> Jimmy: THAT'S A DRUG, YES.
PURIM. >> I WANT TO SAY THAT'S A JEWISH
HOLIDAY. >> Jimmy: THAT IS RIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SHAVOUT.
>> HUH? >> Jimmy: SHAVUOT.
>> THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A DRUG.
I WANT TO SAY JEWISH HOLIDAY. >> Jimmy: YES, IT IS.
TARKA. >> TARKA?
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DRUG. >> Jimmy: THAT IS A DRUG, THAT
IS CORRECT. TISHABAV.
>> NOT SHISHKABOB? >> Jimmy: NO.
>> A JEWISH HOLIDAY? >> Jimmy: OH, YOU GOT IT,
LAURIE, CONGRATULATIONS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, LAURIE. WE'RE GOING TO SEND YOU HOME
WITH A DELICIOUS BOX OF PERK COSET AND MATZA BALL SOUP.
WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT. STURGILL SIMPSON, KYLE CHANDLER,
BE RIGHT BACK WITH EMILY BLUNT SO STICK AROUND.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, THE ALWAYS CHARISMATIC
KYLE CHANDLER IS WITH US. THEN LATER, HE IS GREAT, HIS
ALBUM IS CALLED "CUTTIN' GRASS VOLUME 1 THE
BUTCHER SHOPPE SESSIONS." FROM THE STATION INN IN
NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE, MUSIC FROM STURGILL SIMPSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] IF YOU WANT TO JOIN
STURGILL AND CROWN ROYAL TO HELP AMERICA'S FAVORITE BARS, CLUBS,
AND STAGES, GO TO MAINSTREETALLIANCE.ORG.
NEXT WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW SHOWS WITH VIOLA DAVIS, KAWHI LEONARD,
CAREY MULLIGAN, DAVEED DIGGS, CHRISTIAN SERRATOS,
ALANIS MORRISETTE WITH MUSIC FROM SABRINA CLAUDIO, LEWIS
CAPALDI, AND THE BIRD & THE BEE FEATURING DAVE GROHL.
AND ON MONDAY, TAYLOR SWIFT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT YOU KNOW
AS A GIRL IN A QUIET MARY POPPINS PLACE ON THE TRAIN WHO
WEARS PRADA. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT, YOU CAN SEE HER STAR ALONGSIDE JAMIE DORNAN AND
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IN THE MOVIE, "WILD MOUNTAIN THYME," IT
PREMIERES IN THEATERS AND ON DEMAND TOMORROW, PLEASE SAY
HELLO TO EMILY BLUNT. HI, EMILY.
>> HI, JIMMY, HOW ARE YOU? >> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
>> I MISS YOU. >> MISS YOU TOO.
THIS IS REALLY OUR TIME. THIS IS THE TIME WHERE WE WOULD
PLAY PRANKS ON EACH OTHER AND HAVE ALL SORTS OF FUN AROUND THE
HOLIDAYS. >> I KNOW.
I DO MISS YOUR LITTLE CHRISTMAS ELF PRANKS.
I MISS YOU A LOT. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU IN NEW YORK
RIGHT NOW? AND WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?
>> JUST SOME WATER WITH LIME CORDIAL.
>> Jimmy: IT LOOKS DIRTY. [ LAUGHTER ]
HOW'S EVERYTHING? HOW'S THE FAMILY DOING?
>> THE FAMILY ARE REALLY GOOD, REALLY GOOD.
WE'RE JUST BACK HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
WE'VE BEEN IN LONDON FOR ABOUT FIVE MONTHS FOR SOME WORK AND
STUFF, AND TO ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO --
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER.
THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE WAS MARCH 10th.
IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE EVERYONE GOT LOCKED IN THEIR HOMES.
YOU WERE PROMOTING "A QUIET PLACE 2," WHICH IS GREAT, BY THE
WAY. AND I'M GLAD THEY PUSHED IT,
BECAUSE THAT IS A MOVIE THAT YOU WANT TO SEE, I THINK, WITH OTHER
PEOPLE, IDEALLY. AND THEN YOU HAD ANOTHER MOVIE,
RIGHT? "THE JUNGLE CRUISE" GOT PUSHED
AS WELL. >> YEAH, YEAH.
IT WAS A BIT OF A -- WE JUST GOT BONED FOR BOTH MOVIES.
>> Jimmy: YOU DID. >> AND I HAVE SO MANY GREAT
DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON STORIES THAT I'M JUST GOING TO
PUT ON ICE. >> Jimmy: HANG ON NO THOSE, GOOD
IDEA. >> HANG ON TO THOSE.
>> Jimmy: NO ONE WANTS A MOVIE ABOUT A CRUISE DURING A
PANDEMIC, I THINK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I ACTUALLY REMEMBERED THE LAST SKETCH I DID WITH YOU, WE
WERE ON A PLANE. I JUST THOUGHT, WOW.
THAT WAS JUST PROBABLY NOT THE RIGHT MOVE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'VE BEEN IN BROOKLYN FOR MOST OF THIS TIME?
>> WE WERE IN WESTCHESTER FOR MOST OF IT.
>> Jimmy: I SEE, OKAY. YOU WENT BACK TO VISIT YOUR
FAMILY. DID YOU STAY WITH YOUR FAMILY OR
GET YOUR OWN PLACE? >> DO YOU MEAN IN LONDON?
>> Jimmy: OH, I DON'T KNOW. WESTCHESTER I WAS THINKING WAS
IN ENGLAND. NEW YORK?
>> NEW YORK, YES. BUT WE'VE BEEN IN LONDON FROM
AUGUST. SO WE HAVE HAD OUR OWN PLACE FOR
A LITTLE HEALTHY SEPARATION FROM ALL OF THOSE BLUNTS, YOU KNOW.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHY, WHEN I HEAR WEST OR CHESTER, I THINK
OF ENGLAND. WHEN I HEAR BLUNT, I THINK OF
GUILLERMO IN THE PARKING LOT. [ LAUGH TER AND APPLAUSE ]
HOW ARE YOUR PARENTS DOING? >> THEY'RE GOOD.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT -- THEY'VE SORT OF FARED PRETTY
WELL. I MEAN, I'M AMAZED THEY DIDN'T
DRINK THEMSELVES TO DEATH, YOU KNOW, BEING QUARANTINED WITH
EACH OTHER FOR SO LONG. BUT -- YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THEY'RE OKAY? >> THEY'VE DONE WELL.
THEY'RE SORT OF BEHAVING WITH ALL OF THE COVID RULES, WHICH
I'M GRATEFUL FOR. >> Jimmy: WHEN YOU BROUGHT THE
KIDS, YOUR LITTLE GIRLS, OVER TO LONDON, DID THEY CONTINUE WITH
ZOOM SCHOOL BACK HOME? OR -- BECAUSE THAT'S -- THE TIME
DIFFERENCE IS TREMENDOUS THERE, RIGHT?
>> YEAH. THEY'VE ACTUALLY BEEN IN A
PROPER SCHOOL WITH LIKE SCHOOL UNIFORMS.
>> Jimmy: OH. >> AND MIRACULOUSLY, THEY'RE
SOUNDING QUITE BRITISH. WHICH I'M COMPLETELY OVER THE
MOON ABOUT. >> Jimmy: YOU LIKE THAT, YEAH.
>> YEAH. LIKE MY LITTLE ONE SENT ME A
VIDEO, WELL, SHE DIDN'T SEND IT, SOMEONE SENT IT, OF HER SINGING
"JINGLE BELLS." ALMOST LIKE A COCKNEY, LIKE DICK
VAN DYKE SINGING. THE CRAZIEST ACCENT EVER.
IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY. >> Jimmy: I WANTED TO ASK YOU ON
THE SUBJECT OF JINGLE BELLS. WHAT, IN YOUR OPINION, ARE THE
THREE GREATEST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF ALL TIME?
I'M GOING TO ASK TAYLOR SWIFT THIS QUESTION AS WELL.
THEN MAYBE WE'LL SEE HOW YOU GUYS COMPARE.
>> YOU'RE EVEN WRITING THEM DOWN, THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE.
>> Jimmy: A LOT OF PRESSURE HERE.
>> I WOULD SAY -- I MEAN, BING CROSBY'S "WHITE CHRISTMAS" IS
PRETTY STUNNING. >> Jimmy: VERY GOOD, YES.
>> CLASSIC. "SANTA BABY," EARTHA KITT.
>> Jimmy: EXCELLENT. >> "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS" BY
MARIAH. >> Jimmy: WOW, ALL RIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MARIAH CAREY MAKES THE LIST.
>> OF COURSE SHE DOES. ISN'T SHE IN LIKE SOME SEXY
SANTA SUIT? OF COURSE SHE MAKES THE LIST.
>> Jimmy: YES. DURING THIS MONTH SHE IS IN A
SEXY SANTA SUIT AT ALL TIMES. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S SOME KIND OF WORLDWIDE LAW NOW.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK. WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GOING
TO SEE A CLIP FROM EMILY BLUNT'S MOVIE "WILD MOUNTAIN THYME"
AFTER THIS, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU BY MY WALGREENS.
THE ALL-NEW EASIER WAY TO SHOP. SAVE AND STAY WELL.
>>> YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ANTHONY. >> IT'S MORE THAN LOVE.
>> GO WHILE YOUR DAMN GATES ARE OPEN.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO. >> IT'S NOT NORMAL.
>> I DON'T CARE. >> YOU'LL NEVER MARRY.
>> NEITHER WILL I, AND HE'LL BE IN HIS HOUSE AND I'LL BE IN
MINE. >> ROSEMARY!
BE QUICK, I NEED TO PEE! >> Jimmy: THAT'S EMILY BLUNT,
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, AND A LADY TO NEEDS TO PEE IN "WILD
MOUNTAIN THYME." THIS IS A MOVIE THAT YOU HAVE TO
KNOW HOW IT'S SPELLED. BECAUSE IT'S THYME.
IF YOU HEAR "WILD MOUNTAIN TIME," YOU MIGHT THINK IT'S A
WHOLE DIFFERENT TYPE OF THINGS. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS A ROMANTIC, DRAMATIC, ROMANTIC HIVE DR
DRAM-COM? >> A LYRICAL ROMANTIC COMEDY.
I WAS TALKING TO A JOURNALIST WHO WITH FULL CONFIDENCE SAID
"TH-YME." I LET IT FLY.
WE LOVED TH-YME. >> Jimmy: IT MUST BE SOMEONE WHO
DOESN'T DO MUCH COOKING. HAVE YOU KNOWN CHRISTOPHER
WALKEN BEFORE MAKING THIS MOVIE? >> NO, I MEAN, I'VE COMPLETELY
BEEN BEWITCHED BY CHRISTOPHER WALKEN DURING THIS EXPERIENCE.
I JUST LOVED HIM. AND HE'S SO SPECIAL AND SORT OF
FRAGILE AND GENTLE. ACTUALLY, THAT SCENE THAT YOU
JUST SAW WAS MY FIRST DAY WORKING WITH HIM.
AND HE'S A MAN OF FEW WORDS. I THINK YOU'VE PROBABLY HAD HIM
ON THE SHOW. I MEAN, HE'S -- BUT HE'S VERY
FUNNY AND VERY WITTY. AND -- THESE STORIES HE TELLS
YOU COME OUT OF NOWHERE. AND HE WAS SORT OF SILENT WITH
ME FOR MOST OF THE DAY, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN WE HAD TO STOP
FILMING. WE'RE ACTUALLY SHOOTING ON A
FARM, ABOUT 100 COWS STARTED TO PASS THROUGH THE BACKGROUND.
THEY HAD TO STOP FILMING. OUT OF NOWHERE CHRISTOPHER GOES
TO ME -- I'M NOT GOING TO DO A BAD IMPRESSION OF HIM, ALTHOUGH
YOU CAN'T HELP BUT SPEAK IN HIS CADENCE.
IT'S NOT MY CHRISTOPHER WALKEN. OUT OF NOWHERE HE GOES, "YOU
KNOW COWS ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS ANIMAL ON PLANET EARTH."
AND I WENT, WHAT? AND HE GOES, "YEAH, THEY LOOK AT
YOU, THEN THEIR EYES TURN TO SLITS, YOU KNOW THEY WANT TO
KILL YOU." AND I WENT, "CHRISTOPHER, HAVE
YOU HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH A COW?"
AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND HE WENT, "BUFFALO."
THAT WAS IT, THAT'S ALL HE SAID. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
I'M DESPERATE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AND HE WILL NOT TELL ME
ANY MORE. I HAVE TO KNOW.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S BREPRETTY GOOD YEAH.
I HAVE TO SAY, WHEN I SAW THIS MOVIE, AT FIRST I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE IT WAS SET. IT IS MAYBE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
PLACE I'VE EVER SEEN, EVER. I MEAN, IT IS JUST UNBELIEVABLY
BEAUTIFUL. YOU SHOT IT IN THE IRISH
COUNTRYSIDE. IS THAT A PLACE --
>> WE DID. >> Jimmy: -- GROWING UP THAT YOU
WOULD GO? >> YOU KNOW, I'D NEVER BEEN TO
THAT SORT OF BEAUTIFUL, RURAL PART OF IRELAND.
I'D ALWAYS WANTED TO. AND IT REALLY IS THE MOST
STUNNING COUNTRY EVER. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ANYWHERE
ELSE ON EARTH. THE PEOPLE ARE EXTRAORDINARY.
YOU JUST KIND OF DON'T WANT TO LEAVE.
YOU WANT TO STAY IN THE SPIRIT OF THAT PLACE.
I MEAN, THE GRASS IS SO GREEN, YOU WANT TO EAT IT, IT LOOKS SO
NOURISHING. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> IT'S SO FAB. THE ONLY PLACE I'VE BEEN -- I
WENT TO DUBLIN WHEN I WAS LIKE 14 ON A NETBALL -- NETBALL IS A
SPORT WE PLAY IN ENGLAND, NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF IT IN THE U.S.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WE DON'T HAVE THAT ONE.
WHAT IS NETBALL? >> IT'S KIND OF LIKE BASKETBALL,
BUT YOU CAN'T RUN WITH THE BALL. >> Jimmy: OH, WELL, YOU CAN'T
RUN WITH THE BALL IN BASKETBALL EITHER, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
BOUNCE IT. >> YOU DRIBBLE IT.
YOU CAN MOVE. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE JUST THROWING
IT? >> YOU GET THROWN THE BALL, AND
YOU CAN DO ONE TWO-STEP, THEN YOU HAVE TO PASS IT ON BEFORE
YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP. >> SEE.
YOU WERE ON THE TEAM? >> I WAS ON THE TEAM.
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> YEAH, WE WENT TO THE GUINNESS
FACTORY IN DUBLIN. I WAS 14.
I THINK THAT'S AN APPROPRIATE AGE TO TAKE SOME KIDS TO A
GUINNESS FACTORY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DID YOU SAMPLE THEIR WARES?
>> YES. I THINK WE MUST START VERY YOUNG
IN ENGLAND. EVEN THE SPORTS TEACHERS WERE UP
FOR IT. >> Jimmy: SO THEY BROUGHT THE
TEAM OF 14-YEAR-OLDS TO ANOTHER COUNTRY AND GOT THEM DRUNK.
>> YES. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. I THINK YOU BETTER GET YOUR
DAUGHTERS BACK TO BROOKLYN VERY, VERY QUICKLY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> EXACTLY.
>> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU.
BY THE WAY, JUST BECAUSE OF COVID DOESN'T MEAN THERE'S NOT
GOING TO BE A PRANK THIS YEAR. I WANT TO SAY, I'M GOING TO SEND
JOHN SOME EGGNOG, DON'T DRINK IT, OKAY?
[ LAUGHTER ] WHATEVER YOU DO.
>> NO, I WON'T. NO.
LACED NOG. >> Jimmy: "WILD MOUNTAIN THYME"
IN THEATERS AND ON DEMAND TOMORROW.
EMILY BLUNT, EVERYBODY! GOOD NIGHT, EMILY, THANK YOU.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH KYLE CHANDLER.
>> GUILLERMO, WHY IS YOUR FOOT IN MY GOOD SOUP TUREEN?
>> BECAUSE IT IS THURSDAY. >> SO?
>> MY FOOT ITCHES ON THURSDAYS. >> WHY DON'T YOU USE MY
WALGREENS? ORDER FOOT CREAM OR SPEAK TO THE
PHARMACIST DIRECTLY FROM THE APP.
OH, GUILLERMO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: KYLE CHANDLER AND STURGILL SIMPSON ARE ON THE WAY.
FIRST, IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME TO BLEEP AND
BLUR THE BIG TV MOMENTS OF THE WEEK WHETHER THEY NEED IT OR
NOT. IT IS "THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY
CENSORSHIP." >> I BELIEVE THAT TRUMP UNLESS
THE MIDDLE OF THIS, I BELIEVE HE KNOWS ABOUT IT, I BELIEVE THAT'S
WHY HE HAS SUCH AN UNGLUED PERSONALITY IS THAT ALIENS HAVE
[ BLEEP ]ED HIM FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS.
>> IT'S NOT JUST THAT THE NUMBERS CAME IN BELOW
EXPECTATIONS, IT'S THAT THEY'RE WAY TOO LOW TO FILL IN THE HUGE
[ BLEEP ] HOLE THAT WAS DUG EARLIER THIS YEAR.
>> YOU CAN [ BLEEP ] US. >> WHERE SHOULD I PUT IT?
>> IF YOU GOING TO [ BLEEP ], YOU WOULD [ BLEEP ] AINSLEY.
>> SHE WOULD BE MY FIRST [ BLEEP ].
>> OF COURSE, WE'VE SEEN IT BEFORE.
>> WE HAVE EVERYTHING MARKED OFF SO EVERYBODY CAN BE SAFE.
YOU CAN SIT ON SANTA'S [ BLEEP ] IF YOU WANT TO.
>> TALKING ABOUT THAT, I [ BLEEP ] MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM
AT TIMES. >> ONE OF SANTA'S ELVES WAS
ARRESTED FOR TRYING TO [ BLEEP ] SANTA'S WHAT?
>> HIS [ BLEEP ]. >> SO THEY SAID?
♪ COME OVER HERE LET ME HOLD YOU CLOSE LET'S SHARE A KISS UNDER
THE MISTLETOE ♪ ♪ I HOPE YOU WILL AGREE TO TAKE
A [ BLEEP ] ON ME ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WE'LL BE BACK WITH KYLE CHANDLER!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. MUSIC AND A BIG SURPRISE FROM
STURGILL SIMPSON IS ON THE WAY. OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN
EMMY-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS,"
"BLOODLINE," AND FROM THE MOVIES TOO.
HIS NEWEST GEORGE CLOONEY'S "THE MIDNIGHT SKY" PREMIERES
DECEMBER 23rd ON NETFLIX. PLEASE WELCOME KYLE CHANDLER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HI, KYLE.
>> HELLO. HELLO.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
>> THIS IS VERY INTERESTING. VERY GOOD, SIR.
HOW ARE YOU? >> Jimmy: I'M GOOD.
YOU'VE GOT THE VOICE OF GOD RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AH, REALLY?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S REALLY BOOMING.
YOU'VE GOT THE BEARD OF GOD AS WELL.
IS THAT FOR A ROLE? OR HAVE YOU JUST --
[ LAUGHTER ] HAVE YOU GIVEN UP?
>> NO, I JUST FORGOT TO SHAVE THIS MORNING.
[ LAUGHTER ] NO, YES, OF COURSE IT'S FOR A
ROLE. AND I WAS TOLD TO KEEP SOME
STUBBLE. >> Jimmy: YEAH.
>> THEN I DIDN'T HEAR BACK. AND THE FILM WAS PUSHED DOWN THE
LINE A LITTLE BIT. AND I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
SO I KEPT GROWING IT. FINALLY I CALLED UP, DO YOU WANT
ME TO JUST GROW IT OUT? THEY SAID, YEAH, GO AHEAD.
SO THIS IS WHAT IT IS NOW. I KIND OF LIKE IT.
>> Jimmy: ISN'T IT KIND OF A WEIRD THING?
I THINK MOST HUMANS DON'T EXPERIENCE A SITUATION IN WHICH
SOMEBODY ELSE TELLS THEM WHAT THEIR HAIR SHOULD BE LIKE.
THIS IS WHAT'S GOING TO BE ON YOUR FACE.
>> IT IS KIND OF -- I'M WAITING FOR THAT ROLE WHERE SOMEONE
SAYS, YOU NEED TO GAIN 30 POUNDS.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT NEVER HAPPENS EITHER.
>> Jimmy: WOULD THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, OR BUM YOU OUT, KNOWING
YOU'D THEN HAVE TO GET RID OF IT?
>> I'D BE SO HAPPY. >> Jimmy: YOU WOULD?
>> I'VE GOT A MENU SET UP IN MY MIND.
[ LAUGHTER ] OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE AWARE OF THIS.
ON THE SUBJECT OF HAIR. YOUR DIRECTOR AND COSTAR FROM
"THE MIDNIGHT SKY," GEORGE CLOONEY, WAS HERE LAST WEEK.
AND HE'S USING A FLOWBEE TO GIVE HIMSELF A HAIRCUT, AND HE'S BEEN
DOING IT, HE SAYS, FOR MANY, MANY YEARS.
>> YEAH, THAT'S -- UH. [ LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN, HE'S -- I MEAN, I DON'T LIKE PAYING 30 BUCKS FOR A
HAIRCUT, BUT I MEAN, COME ON. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M PAYING 30 BUCKS FOR A HAIRCUT.
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER ORDERED A PRODUCT FROM TELEVISION?
>> A PRODUCT FROM TELEVISION. >> Jimmy: YEAH, LIKE -- THAT
STUFF THEY ADVERTISE LATE AT NIGHT ON THE CABLE, YOU KNOW?
>> WAIT, I'M SORRY. MY WIFE UNLESS THE ROOM.
SHE'S GOING, "THE BUTT THING." >> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW! OH, NO, NO, WE'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
FORGET ABOUT THAT, NO, SIR. [ APPLAUSE ]
I'LL TELL YOU LATER. >> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
WE MAY HAVE TO HAVE HER ON THE SHOW EVERY TIME YOU'RE ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY, THIS IS YOUR, WHAT,
THIRD MOVIE WITH GEORGE CLOONEY, RIGHT?
OR ACTUALLY, WHAT -- YOU DID A TV SHOW WITH HIM.
YOU DID "CATCH-22" WITH HIM. AND WHAT ELSE DID YOU GUYS DO
TOGETHER? >> WELL, HE PRODUCED "ARGO."
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT. >> THEN YEAH, THEN "22," THEN
THIS. >> Jimmy: AT WHAT POINT DO YOU
BECOME ONE OF THE FRIENDS HE GIVES A MILLION DOLLARS TO, DO
YOU KNOW? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I TRIED TO FIGURE THAT OUT, I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW. >> Jimmy: YOU WERE ONE OF THE
SEXIEST MEN ALIVE WELL BEFORE GEORGE CLOONEY WAS SEXIEST MAN
ALIVE. AND WE ACTUALLY HAVE -- WHY
DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S NOT YOU. >> NO, THAT'S NOT ME.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT YOU. >> I HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT'S NOT
ME. >> Jimmy: 1992, SEPTEMBER.
INSIDE, JOHN CORBETT. THEN IF WE COULD ZOOM IN, KYLE
CHANDLER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> DARN, WHAT A HANDSOME DEVIL THAT IS.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A COPY OF THIS?
THIS MAGAZINE? >> SEVEN OF THEM.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I SELECTED ONE OF THE
QUOTES. "KYLE CHANDLER HAS THAT PRELL
HAIR, CONTROLLED POUT, AND HURT HAZEL EYES.
THE REST OF HIM COULD MOONLIGHT AS A CHIPPENDALE'S DANCER."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT, JIMMY.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: IT ALSO SAID YOU WERE
SINGLE AND LOOKING FOR LOVE. IS THAT HOW YOU MET YOUR WIFE?
GOT INTO WHATEVER BUTT THINGS? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, JIMMY, IT IS, ACTUALLY. >> Jimmy: IT IS, WOW.
>> I SENT OUT THAT CALL, YEAH. YOU KNOW, THIS THING ABOUT
GEORGE, THOUGH, I'D LIKE TO STEP BACK.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, GO AHEAD. >> I CAN'T TELL YOU, DOING THIS
MOVIE WITH HIM -- HOW MANY WONDERFUL THINGS I'VE HAD TO
COME UP TO SAY ABOUT HIM. >> Jimmy: AH, YES.
>> LET'S JUST GET ONE THING STRAIGHT.
HE TALKS OFTEN ABOUT BEING THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE TWICE.
INDEED. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, TWICE IS ONLY
TWO MORE TIMES THAN YOU AND I HAVE GOT.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I HAD MY SEXIEST, WELL --
ONE OF THE TEN SEXIEST GUYS OF THE YEAR BACK IN '91.
WHEN DID HIS COME OUT? >> Jimmy: I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> '97 OR SO, I THINK. >> Jimmy: OH.
YEAH, YOU DEFINITELY BEAT HIM TO IT.
ALTHOUGH I DO WANT TO SAY, IT WAS 1992, NOT TO SPLIT HAIRS.
IT WAS 1992. HEY, ONE OF THE GUYS CHECKING
YOUR CONNECTION BEFORE TOLD ME YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF A NIGHT
VISION GOGGLES BEHIND YOU. IS THAT THE BLACK THING THAT YOU
HAVE BACK THERE? >> I DO, YEAH.
EVER SEEN THOSE? >> Jimmy: I'VE SEEN THEM IN LIKE
SHARPER IMAGE CATALOG OR SOMETHING.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT. >> NO, THIS IS A -- SEE, TURN IT
ON, IT GOES DARK. >> Jimmy: YEAH?
>> YOU TURN ON IT -- NO, JUST KIDDING.
IT'S A MONOCLE. IT'S USED -- THE SAME NIGHT
VISION THEY USE OVER IN AFGHANISTAN, IRAQ.
IT'S A REALLY QUALITY PIECE. I HAD A FRIEND OF MINE WHEN I
WAS DOING "BLOODLINE" IN FLORIDA.
HE SHOWED ME THIS AT NIGHTTIME. AND WE USED IT ON THE BOATS.
WE'D BE OUT AT NIGHT ON THE BOATS.
IT WAS VERY HELPFUL. ALSO, WHEN YOU AIM IT UP AT THE
SKY, IF YOU'RE SEEING A THOUSAND STARS THIS WILL MULTIPLY IT
TIMES ANOTHER THOUSAND. IT'S ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE HOW
CLEAR IT GOES THROUGH. BUT AS WELL, I USE IT OUT HERE
ON THE PROPERTY TO -- WHEN I GO OUT -- I'VE GOT AN ARMADILLO
THAT I CHASED THE OTHER NIGHT. LA
[ LAUGHTER ] PUTTING HOLES IN THE PROPERTY.
MY WIFE SAID I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE DONKEYS ANYMORE.
BUT I LIKE TO TRY TO SNEAK UP ON THE DONETIES IN THE PASTURE AT
NIGHT, THAT'S FUN. [ LAUGHTER ]
TRYING TO WALK UP ON DEER. IT'S AMAZING.
YOU CAN SEE IT'S DAYTIME. IT'S ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
THAT'S WHAT I USE IT FOR. >> Jimmy: IS IT A GOOD IDEA TO
SNEAK UP ON A DONKEY? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, YEAH, YOU KIDDING ME? WHO COULD HAVE MORE FUN THAN
THAT, SIR? [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
>> WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR EVENINGS?
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT SOUNDS -- IT'S SOMETHING I WOULD
DEFINITELY GIVE A TRY. I PROBABLY WOULDN'T SNEAK UP
FROM THE REAR, BUT YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES.
"THE MIDNIGHT SKY," IT'S REALLY GOOD.
HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO SEE THE WHOLE THING?
>> I HAVE. KATHERINE AND I WATCHED IT THE
OTHER NIGHT, ABOUT FIVE NIGHTS AGO.
IT WAS SPECTACULAR. IT WAS VERY INTERESTING.
REAL QUICK, IT WAS VERY INTERESTING FINISHING THAT MOVIE
IN FEBRUARY, KNOWING WHAT YOU HAD MADE, KNOWING WHAT THE
SCRIPT WAS, THEN COMING HOME. OVER THE LAST 10 MONTHS, HOW THE
THEMES OF THAT MOVIE WERE ACCENTUATED, UNFORTUNATELY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> BUT IT WAS A COMPLETE
DIFFERENT MOVIE. THE EMOTIONAL LEVELS ON IT,
IT'S -- >> Jimmy: I COULD NOT GET OVER
HOW MUCH IT REALLY SPOKE TO WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
ESPECIALLY KNOWING THAT IT HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO -- YOU
FINISHED IT BEFORE ALL OF THIS STARTED.
>> IT REALLY DOES GO TO SHOW, YOU KNOW, THE TIMING WHEN MOVIES
ARE MADE TO WHEN THEY COME OUT. IT'S A HUGE FACTOR IN HOW A FILM
PLAYS. >> Jimmy: I UNDERSTAND IF YOU
WATCH "MIDNIGHT SKY" WITH NIGHT GOGGLES IT'S A THOUSAND TIMES
BETTER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THERE'S EASTER EGGS EVERYWHERE.
>> Jimmy: "THE MIDNIGHT SKY" PREMIERES DECEMBER 23rd ON
NETFLIX. KYLE, APPRECIATE IT, GOOD TO SEE
YOU. >> HAPPY NEW YEAR.
>> Jimmy: YOU TOO. BE RIGHT BACK WITH STURGILL
SIMPSON. >> Dicky: MUSIC ON
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" IS PRESENTED BY CROWN ROYAL, WHO IS HELPING
SUPPORT BARS, CLUBS AND STAGES IN DANGER OF BEING LOST FOREVER.
VISIT MAINSTREETALLIANCE.ORG TO LEARN MORE.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO THANK EMILY BLUNT AND KYLE CHANDLER,
APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST,
MOMENTS AGO, HE SURPRISE-RELEASED ANOTHER ALBUM,
"CUTTIN' GRASS VOLUME 2." THIS IS VOLUME 1.
WITH THE SONG "ALL THE PRETTY COLORS," FROM
NASHVILLE'S STATION INN, STURGILL SIMPSON!
♪ ♪
♪ GREY IS THE COLOR OF MY WORLD
SINCE YOU LEFT ME ♪ ♪ ON THAT BRIGHT AND SUNNY
ORANGE AND MOURNFUL DAY NO MORE RAINBOWS ♪
♪ SHINING OUT MY WINDOW LIKE YOU
MY SKIES OF BLUE ♪ ♪ HAVE GONE AWAY
I GUESS YOU BOUGHT AND SOLD ♪
♪ ALL THE SILVER AND THE GOLD THIS OLD WORLD
DON'T SEEM TO ♪ ♪ SHINE NO MORE
YELLOW, PURPLE PINK, AND RED ♪
♪ HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY LEAD LIKE THE FOGGY HOLLOW
THAT I'M HEADED FOR ♪ ♪ AND ALL THE COLORS
ARE BLEEDING WHERE'S OL' VAN GOGH ♪
♪ WHEN YOU NEED HIM I BET YOU MY LEFT EAR
HE CAN RELATE ♪ ♪ AND ALL THE PRETTY BLUE
IS FADING FROM THE SEA OF TEARS ♪
♪ I'M WADING AND IT'S CAUSE OF YOU
MY WORLD'S GONE GREY ♪ ♪
♪
♪ WELL, SOME SAY GREY'S
A BETTER WAY TO LIVE THAN BLUE ♪
♪ NOT QUITE BLACK AND WHITE
BUT IN BETWEEN ♪ ♪ BUT I'VE BEEN SO DOWN
EVER SINCE THOSE EYES OF BROWN ♪
♪ FOLLOWED WHITE LINES BACK TO PINES
ETERNAL GREEN ♪ ♪ AND ALL THE COLORS
ARE BLEEDING WHERE'S OL' VAN GOGH ♪
♪ WHEN YOU NEED HIM I BET YOU MY LEFT EAR
HE CAN RELATE ♪ ♪ AND ALL THE PRETTY BLUE
IS FADING FROM THE SEA OF TEARS ♪
♪ I'M WADING AND IT'S CAUSE OF YOU
MY WORLD'S GONE GREY ♪ ♪ AND ALL THE PRETTY BLUE
IS FADING FROM THE SEA OF TEARS ♪
♪ I'M WADING AND IT'S CAUSE OF YOU
MY WORLD'S GONE GREY ♪ ♪
♪