1 00:00:00,310 --> 00:00:02,978 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE." 2 00:00:02,978 --> 00:00:07,649 TONIGHT, TIM ALLEN. STACEY ABRAMS. 3 00:00:07,649 --> 00:00:11,820 AND SMUSIC FROM ARI LENNOX. AND NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL! 4 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:15,624 >> Jimmy: I'M JIMMY, I'M THE HOST. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. 5 00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:18,527 THANKS, EVERYBODY. HERE WE ARE AGAIN. 6 00:00:18,527 --> 00:00:22,131 ME HERE, YOU AT HOME, GUILLERMO ON A STOOL. 7 00:00:22,131 --> 00:00:24,900 HOW YOU DOING WITH THIS SHOPPING, GUILLERMO? 8 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,702 YOU FINISHED YOUR CHRISTMAS HOPPING? 9 00:00:26,702 --> 00:00:29,938 >> Guillermo: NO, I JUST BOUGHT ONE CHRISTMAS PRESENT. 10 00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:30,806 >> Jimmy: FOR WHO? 11 00:00:30,806 --> 00:00:31,907 >> Guillermo: MY SON. 12 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,275 >> Jimmy: THAT'S IT? ANYTHING FOR YOUR WIFE THIS. 13 00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:34,968 >> Guillermo: NO, NOT YET. 14 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,037 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE NICE TO GET YOUR WIFE FOR 15 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:37,871 CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR? 16 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:38,705 >> Guillermo: A CHILL PILL. 17 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,252 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 18 00:00:41,252 --> 00:00:45,283 >> Jimmy: I WAS GOING TO SAY, NAPKIN RINGS. 19 00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:45,716 BUT YEAH, ALL RIGHT. 20 00:00:45,716 --> 00:00:49,520 [ LAUGHTER ] 21 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,591 BY THE WAY, LAST NIGHT OUR DAUGHTER, JANE, WHO IS 6 YEARS 22 00:00:53,591 --> 00:00:57,929 OLD, WAS MISBEHAVING SO MY WIFE, MOLLY, SENT HER TO HER ROOM R. 23 00:00:57,929 --> 00:01:01,966 AFTER A FEW MINUTES MY WIFE WENT UP THE STAIRS TO CHECK ON HER. 24 00:01:01,966 --> 00:01:05,970 SHE OVERHEARS JANE TALKING TO HER ELF ON THE SHELF SAYING, "I 25 00:01:05,970 --> 00:01:09,607 KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, ELF, YOU THINK I'M A BAD KID, BUT I'M 26 00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:13,845 NOT, MY MOM'S THE BAD ONE." 27 00:01:13,845 --> 00:01:14,178 [ LAUGHTER ] 28 00:01:14,178 --> 00:01:17,982 "YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE." 29 00:01:17,982 --> 00:01:18,850 [ LAUGHTER ] 30 00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:25,389 "HELP ME, ELFIE ONE KENELFI." DONALD TRUMP KNOWS WHAT HE'S 31 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:28,359 GETTING HIS LOVED ONES FOR CHRISTMAS, ASSUMING HE'S CAPABLE 32 00:01:28,359 --> 00:01:31,162 OF LOVE. ACCORDING TO AXIOS, HE'S BEEN 33 00:01:31,162 --> 00:01:33,364 TALKING ABOUT HANDING OUT PARDONS AS IF THEY WERE 34 00:01:33,364 --> 00:01:36,534 CHRISTMAS GIFTS AT THE CHRISTMAS. HE REPORTEDLY TOLD ONE INSIDER 35 00:01:36,534 --> 00:01:40,905 HE'S GOING TO PARDON EVERY PERSON WHO EVER TALKED TO ME. 36 00:01:40,905 --> 00:01:41,238 [ LAUGHTER ] 37 00:01:41,238 --> 00:01:44,275 SORRY, MELANIA, I GUESS YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK. 38 00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:47,445 TRUMP IS SAID TO BE KEEPING A PARDON LIST, AND HAS BEEN 39 00:01:47,445 --> 00:01:51,349 TELLING PEOPLE HE MIGHT ADD THEM TO IT. THIS IS FUNNY. 40 00:01:51,349 --> 00:01:55,853 ONE SOURCE SAYS TRUMP OFFENDED A MEMBER OF HIS STAFF BY OFFERING 41 00:01:55,853 --> 00:01:59,690 THAT PERSON A PARDON EVEN THOUGH THE PERSON DIDN'T COMMIT ANY 42 00:01:59,690 --> 00:02:00,023 CRIMES. 43 00:02:00,023 --> 00:02:00,356 [ LAUGHTER ] 44 00:02:00,356 --> 00:02:03,094 I DON'T KNOW, I ASSUMED SINCE YOU WERE HERE, WORKING FOR ME. 45 00:02:03,094 --> 00:02:05,563 FINE, NO PARDON FOR YOU, THEN. THE BIG QUESTION IS WILL TRUMP 46 00:02:05,563 --> 00:02:09,133 BE ALLOWED TO PARDON HIMSELF? HE MUST THINK SO BECAUSE HE'S 47 00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:11,569 STILL TRYING TO PUT THE SQUEEZE ON STATE OFFICIALS. 48 00:02:11,569 --> 00:02:15,039 YESTERDAY WE LEARNED HE DIALED THE REPUBLICAN SPEAKER OF THE 49 00:02:15,039 --> 00:02:17,508 HOUSE IN PENNSYLVANIA, NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE, OVER THE PAST WEEK, 50 00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:20,578 TO ASK HIM TO REVERSE THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION. 51 00:02:20,578 --> 00:02:22,947 THIS IS WHERE WE ARE AS A COUNTRY RIGHT NOW. 52 00:02:22,947 --> 00:02:27,451 OUR PRESIDENT IS COLD CALLING STATE REPRESENTATIVES, ASKING 53 00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:30,254 THEM TO THROW THE ELECTION HIS WAY, LIKE IT'S A BEAUTY PAGEANT 54 00:02:30,254 --> 00:02:32,823 OR SOMETHING. OVER THE WEEKEND, A GROUP OF 55 00:02:32,823 --> 00:02:35,793 ARMED SO "STOP THE STEAL" PROTESTERS GATHERED AROUND THE 56 00:02:35,793 --> 00:02:39,530 HOUSE OF THE MICHIGAN SECRETARY OF STATE AND LAST NIGHT THE 57 00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:43,334 REPUBLICAN PARTY IN ARIZONA TWEETED A CLIP OF RAMBO, ASKING 58 00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:46,804 PEOPLE IF THEY'RE WILLING TO DIE FOR THIS FIGHT. 59 00:02:46,804 --> 00:02:51,742 SO THE PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER GOING REALLY WELL SO FAR. 60 00:02:51,742 --> 00:02:53,744 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 61 00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:56,814 TODAY WHAT IS THEY CALL V‐DAY IN THE UK. 62 00:02:56,814 --> 00:02:59,850 THE VACCINE IS OUT THERE, AND THE FIRST TO GET THE SHOT WAS A 63 00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:02,553 90‐YEAR‐OLD WOMAN NAMED MARGARET KEENAN. 64 00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:05,423 YOU THINK THEY'D HAVE GIVEN IT TO THE QUEEN FIRST, BUT I GUESS 65 00:03:05,423 --> 00:03:09,393 NO, THEY WANTED TO TRY IT OUT ON SOMEONE WHO ISN'T THE QUEEN. 66 00:03:09,393 --> 00:03:13,364 AND MARGARET, GOD BLESS HER, DIDN'T SEEM THE SLIGHTEST BIT 67 00:03:13,364 --> 00:03:13,965 NERVOUS ABOUT IT AT ALL. 68 00:03:13,965 --> 00:03:17,902 >> YOU'RE THE FIRST TO RECEIVE THIS VACCINE. HOW DOES THAT FEEL? 69 00:03:17,902 --> 00:03:22,340 >> I'M SO VERY THANKFUL TO HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY. 70 00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:25,009 THIS IS GOING TO BE ON THE TELLY. 71 00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:25,343 >> YES, MA'AM. 72 00:03:25,343 --> 00:03:30,648 >> THEN I'D LIKE TO SAY TO MY SON, GEOFFREY, PISS OFF, I'M 73 00:03:30,648 --> 00:03:35,886 STILL NOT COMING OVER FOR CHRISTMAS, YOU BLOODY COCK‐UP. 74 00:03:35,886 --> 00:03:36,220 [ LAUGHTER ] 75 00:03:36,220 --> 00:03:38,923 >> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S UNFORTUNATE. 76 00:03:38,923 --> 00:03:41,726 MARGARET KEENAN IS NOW ‐‐ SHE'S AN OVERNIGHT SENSATION ALL OVER 77 00:03:41,726 --> 00:03:45,029 THE WORLD. IT'S LIKE SHE GOT THE GOLDEN 78 00:03:45,029 --> 00:03:47,765 TICKET. SHE GOT A CHEERY SEND‐OFF FROM 79 00:03:47,765 --> 00:03:49,867 THE STAFF AT THE HOSPITAL WHERE SHE GOT THE SHOT. 80 00:03:49,867 --> 00:03:53,804 ON THE WAY HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL, THEY DROPPED HER OFF 81 00:03:53,804 --> 00:03:54,238 AT PICADILLY CIRCUS. 82 00:03:54,238 --> 00:03:55,873 [ LAUGHTER ] 83 00:03:55,873 --> 00:04:01,312 WHERE A LARGE CROWD GATHERED TO WATCH HER BUST IT TO SOME CURTIS 84 00:04:01,312 --> 00:04:03,981 BLOW. SO SHE'S DOING WELL. TURNS OUT THE VACCINE IS JUST A 85 00:04:03,981 --> 00:04:04,482 VERY HIGH‐GRADE COCAINE. 86 00:04:04,482 --> 00:04:08,252 [ LAUGHTER ] 87 00:04:08,252 --> 00:04:08,586 [ APPLAUSE ] 88 00:04:08,586 --> 00:04:11,122 THE SECOND PERSON TO RECEIVE THE VACCINE, AND BEFORE I SHOW THIS, 89 00:04:11,122 --> 00:04:13,224 THIS IS REAL. WE DIDN'T MESS WITH THIS OR MAKE 90 00:04:13,224 --> 00:04:15,926 IT UP. VACCINE RECIPIENT NUMBER TWO IS 91 00:04:15,926 --> 00:04:18,963 PERHAPS THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF ENGLAND. 92 00:04:18,963 --> 00:04:22,099 >> THE SECOND PERSON TO RECEIVE THE JAB THIS MORNING WAS 93 00:04:22,099 --> 00:04:24,035 81‐YEAR‐OLD WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 94 00:04:24,035 --> 00:04:27,772 [ LAUGHTER ] 95 00:04:27,772 --> 00:04:35,312 >> Jimmy: WAS HIS BLOOD TYPE "BE" OR NOT "BE"? THANK YOU. 96 00:04:35,312 --> 00:04:39,517 WIMBLEDON BACK TO LIFE, BILL. MAYBE WE'LL FINALLY GET A SEQUEL 97 00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:42,053 TO "MacBETH." WE LEARNED FROM "THE NEW YORK 98 00:04:42,053 --> 00:04:45,456 TIMES" OVER THE SUMMER THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION REFUSED AN OFFER 99 00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:47,858 FROM FEES TORE PREORDER ADDITIONAL DOSES OF THE VACCINE, 100 00:04:47,858 --> 00:04:50,528 SO THOSE ADDITIONAL DOSES, WHICH COMMITTEE COULD HAVE USED, ARE 101 00:04:50,528 --> 00:04:54,999 NOW SET TO GO TO OTHER COUNTRIES. OOPS. 102 00:04:54,999 --> 00:04:59,136 SO TODAY TO COVER HIMSELF TRUMP SIGNED AN EXECUTIVE ORDER THAT 103 00:04:59,136 --> 00:05:02,239 SEEMS TO HAVE CONFUSED EVEN THE GUY HE HAS RUNNING "OPERATION 104 00:05:02,239 --> 00:05:02,740 WARP SPEED." 105 00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:05,109 >> CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS EXECUTIVE ORDER THE PRESIDENT'S 106 00:05:05,109 --> 00:05:09,080 GOING TO BE PUTTING OUT? I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND IT. 107 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:10,347 HE'S SAYING FOREIGN COUNTRIES AREN'T GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET 108 00:05:10,347 --> 00:05:12,149 THE VACCINE UNTIL EVERYBODY IN THE UNITED STATES GETS IT? 109 00:05:12,149 --> 00:05:15,720 IT SOUNDS LIKE THE PROBLEM IS THE OPPOSITE, PFIZER HAS MADE 110 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,221 DEALS WITH OTHER COUNTRIES THAT ARE GOING TO LIMIT THE SUPPLY 111 00:05:17,221 --> 00:05:19,457 HERE. 112 00:05:19,457 --> 00:05:23,160 >> FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW. AND FRANKLY, I'M STAYING OUT OF 113 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:24,762 THIS. I CAN'T COMMENT. 114 00:05:24,762 --> 00:05:25,529 >> YOU DON'T KNOW? 115 00:05:25,529 --> 00:05:27,331 >> I DON'T KNOW. 116 00:05:27,331 --> 00:05:29,033 >> BUT YOU'RE THE CHIEF SCIENCE ADVISER FOR "OPERATION WARP 117 00:05:29,033 --> 00:05:33,571 SPEED." 118 00:05:33,571 --> 00:05:33,904 [ LAUGHTER ] 119 00:05:33,904 --> 00:05:36,974 >> OUR WORK IS ROLLING, WE HAVE PLANS. WE FEEL WE CAN DELIVER THE 120 00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:39,810 VACCINES AS NEEDED. SO I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT 121 00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:40,845 THIS ORDER IS ABOUT. 122 00:05:40,845 --> 00:05:42,880 >> Jimmy: WELL, AT LEAST HE WAS HONEST, I GUESS. 123 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:43,414 [ LAUGHTER ] 124 00:05:43,414 --> 00:05:46,117 WELL, THAT'S REASSURING. 43 MORE DAYS, EVERYBODY. 125 00:05:46,117 --> 00:05:48,853 AS YOU KNOW, RUDY GIULIANI TESTED POSITIVE OVER THE 126 00:05:48,853 --> 00:05:53,224 WEEKEND, AND TODAY WE LEARNED THAT TRUMP'S OTHER LAWYER, JENNA 127 00:05:53,224 --> 00:05:56,727 ELLIS, SEEN HERE SEATED VIRUS ADJACENT, HAS COVID TOO. 128 00:05:56,727 --> 00:06:02,900 DID SHE GET IT FROM MAYOR TOOTTY? WE'LL NEVER KNOW, I GUESS. 129 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:05,569 ELLIS WAS SPOTTED AT THE WHITE HOUSE STAFF CHRISTMAS PARTY ON 130 00:06:05,569 --> 00:06:09,006 FRIDAY. THERE SHE IS, NO MASK, NO BRAIN. 131 00:06:09,006 --> 00:06:09,339 [ LAUGHTER ] 132 00:06:09,339 --> 00:06:12,143 SENIOR TRUMP OFFICIALS ARE SAID TO BE UPSET THAT SHE WAS AT THE 133 00:06:12,143 --> 00:06:14,779 PARTY. WELL, WHY WERE THEY AT THE PARTY? 134 00:06:14,779 --> 00:06:17,281 WHY DID YOU HAVE A PARTY IN THE FIRST PLACE? 135 00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:23,187 BUT OF COURSE, THIS JENNA ELLIS JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO, SHE 136 00:06:23,187 --> 00:06:25,523 TWEETED, THERE IS NO PANDEMIC. SO I'M STARTING TO THINK THE 137 00:06:25,523 --> 00:06:27,792 VIRUS MAY HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT ALL THIS. 138 00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:28,225 [ LAUGHTER ] 139 00:06:28,225 --> 00:06:30,461 THIS IS THE OTHER THING SPREADING AROUND. 140 00:06:30,461 --> 00:06:33,297 YOU HEARD ABOUT THE MONOLITH? THE MONOLITHS POPPING UP ALL 141 00:06:33,297 --> 00:06:36,600 OVER THE WORLD. ON NOVEMBER 18th, A METAL WHAT 142 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,538 THEY CALL MONOLITH, IT'S REALLY JUST A TALL RECTANGULAR THING 143 00:06:40,538 --> 00:06:43,107 WAS FOUND OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE UTAH DESERT. 144 00:06:43,107 --> 00:06:46,110 NO ONE KNOWS WHY IT WAS THERE OR HOW IT GOT THERE. 145 00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:49,814 BUT AROUND THAT SAME TIME, ANOTHER MONOLITH APPEARED ON A 146 00:06:49,814 --> 00:06:53,083 HILLSIDE IN ROMANIA. THEN ON WEDNESDAY, THEY 147 00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:55,085 DISCOVERED ANOTHER METAL STRUCTURE ON PINE MOUNTAIN NOT 148 00:06:55,085 --> 00:06:58,622 FAR FROM US IN SAN LUIS OBISPO. SINCE THEN, MONOLITHS HAVE BEEN 149 00:06:58,622 --> 00:07:03,160 POPPING UP IN COLOMBIA, THE NETHERLANDS, THE UK, LAS VEGAS. 150 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,763 MULTIPLE PLACES IN COLORADO. THERE ARE MORE MONOLITHS THAN 151 00:07:05,763 --> 00:07:07,097 STARBUCKS RIGHT NOW. 152 00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:07,531 [ LAUGHTER ] 153 00:07:07,531 --> 00:07:10,034 AND OF COURSE, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, I'VE BEEN WONDERING WHAT'S 154 00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:12,837 GOING ON? SO WE REACHED OUT TO THE 155 00:07:12,837 --> 00:07:16,941 PUBLICIST FOR THIS MONOLITH, AND HERE NOW TO EXPLAIN IT IS THE 156 00:07:16,941 --> 00:07:19,343 MONOLITH HIM OR HERSELF. HELLO, MONOLITH. 157 00:07:19,343 --> 00:07:19,844 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 158 00:07:19,844 --> 00:07:25,749 >> HEY! JIMMY! GOOD TO SEE YOU, MY MAN! 159 00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,518 WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? 160 00:07:27,518 --> 00:07:29,019 >> Jimmy: WELL, SOME OF BOTH, I GUESS, REALLY. 161 00:07:29,019 --> 00:07:31,188 GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO. 162 00:07:31,188 --> 00:07:32,156 >> NICE, NICE. 163 00:07:32,156 --> 00:07:34,058 >> Jimmy: I GUESS MY FIRST QUESTION FOR YOU, MONOLITH, IS 164 00:07:34,058 --> 00:07:36,794 WHAT ARE YOU? 165 00:07:36,794 --> 00:07:39,830 >> WELL, THAT'S THE MILLION‐DOLLAR QUESTION, RIGHT? 166 00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:40,231 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 167 00:07:40,231 --> 00:07:43,033 >> YOU KNOW, LIKE ‐‐ LIKE WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? 168 00:07:43,033 --> 00:07:45,903 I HAVE BEEN WATCHING, JIMMY, YOU ARE KILLING IT. 169 00:07:45,903 --> 00:07:48,539 >> Jimmy: OH, WELL THANK YOU. IRAPPRECIATE THAT. 170 00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:51,675 AGAIN, I'M INTERESTED IN YOU AND WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU. 171 00:07:51,675 --> 00:07:58,949 >> LOOK. I'M ‐‐ A MYSTERY. AM I THE THING FROM 2001:A 172 00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:03,020 SPACED ONDY"? MAYBE. AM I SOME KIND OF VIRAL 173 00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:06,557 MARKETING STUD TO SELL IHOP'S NEW PANCAKES? MAYBE. 174 00:08:06,557 --> 00:08:09,960 OR AM I A WORK OF ART THAT MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT SOMETHING 175 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,631 BESIDES YOURSELF FOR A MINUTE? 176 00:08:13,631 --> 00:08:17,868 >> Jimmy: WELL, WHICH OF THOSE THINGS ARE YOU? CU 177 00:08:17,868 --> 00:08:18,235 [ LAUGHTER ] 178 00:08:18,235 --> 00:08:22,439 >> NONE OF THEM! I'M AN OMEN FOR TELLING THE END 179 00:08:22,439 --> 00:08:25,609 OF HUMANITY. AND I'M ON A WORLD TOUR! 180 00:08:25,609 --> 00:08:28,012 >> Jimmy: HOLD ON, I WANT TO GO BACK FOR ONE SECOND, WHAT WAS 181 00:08:28,012 --> 00:08:29,914 THAT THAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE END OF HUMANITY? 182 00:08:29,914 --> 00:08:34,018 >> OH, YOU GUYS HAVE ABOUT TWO LUNAR CYCLES LEFT, TOPS. 183 00:08:34,018 --> 00:08:39,089 WHILE YOU WERE ALL LOCKED INSIDE, I'M OUT ON THE ROAD, 184 00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:39,823 LOKI, SEEING THE SIGHTS. 185 00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,526 >> Jimmy: WHAT SIGHTS EXACTLY ARE YOU SEEING? 186 00:08:42,526 --> 00:08:42,993 >> OH, CHECK MY INSTA. 187 00:08:42,993 --> 00:08:45,362 >> Jimmy: UH‐HUH. 188 00:08:45,362 --> 00:08:49,934 >> I POPPED OVER TO AMSTERDAM TO SEE WHAT ALL THE KUSH WAS ABOUT, 189 00:08:49,934 --> 00:08:51,101 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. 190 00:08:51,101 --> 00:08:55,806 >> Jimmy: YES. YES, I DO. UH‐HUH. OKAY. 191 00:08:55,806 --> 00:08:56,907 >> YEAH. WEED. 192 00:08:56,907 --> 00:09:00,010 >> Jimmy: YES, WEED, I WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT, YES. 193 00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:04,048 >> THEN I SWUNG BY PERU. YOU KNOW, TO SEE WHAT THIS MODEL 194 00:09:04,048 --> 00:09:10,955 I'VE BEEN DM'ing ‐‐ AND WHILE I WAS DOWN THERE, I STOOD 195 00:09:10,955 --> 00:09:14,992 PERFECTLY STOOL AMONG THE RUINS AT MACHU PICCHU AND DRIPPED 196 00:09:14,992 --> 00:09:15,693 BLOOD OR WHATEVER. 197 00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:17,494 >> Jimmy: SEE, THAT SCARES ME, MONOLITH. 198 00:09:17,494 --> 00:09:22,800 >> HA. IT SCARED A LOT OF PEOPLE, JIMMY. 199 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,568 KYLIE JENNER GAVE IT A LIKE. 200 00:09:24,568 --> 00:09:27,171 >> Jimmy: KYLIE JENNER? WAIT, ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR 201 00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:29,106 LIKES? 202 00:09:29,106 --> 00:09:31,642 >> NO. NO, I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR LIKES. 203 00:09:31,642 --> 00:09:35,145 I'M DOING IT FOR CORPORATE TIE‐INS. 204 00:09:35,145 --> 00:09:38,649 I AM HERE FOR A LIMITED TIME, AND THE McRIB IS TOO. 205 00:09:38,649 --> 00:09:39,984 >> Jimmy: I SEE, ALL RIGHT. 206 00:09:39,984 --> 00:09:40,718 [ LAUGHTER ] 207 00:09:40,718 --> 00:09:43,420 WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TRAVELS, MONOLITH. 208 00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:46,557 >> GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TRAVELS, BITCH. 209 00:09:46,557 --> 00:09:46,890 [ LAUGHTER ] 210 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,625 >> Jimmy: OKAY, THANK YOU. THAT'S THE MONOLITH. 211 00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:49,827 THANK YOU, MONOLITH. 212 00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:53,263 >> SEE YOU IN THE FIRES OF HELL, JIMMY. 213 00:09:53,263 --> 00:09:53,764 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 214 00:09:53,764 --> 00:09:56,467 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. DID YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS 215 00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:57,301 GOING ON THERE? THAT WAS THE MONOLITH. 216 00:09:57,301 --> 00:09:58,602 >> Guillermo: YEAH, EXACTLY. 217 00:09:58,602 --> 00:10:00,604 >> Jimmy: COST US LIKE $30,000. 218 00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:03,407 >> Guillermo: OH MY GOD, WHY SO EXPENSIVE? 219 00:10:03,407 --> 00:10:06,343 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW. BACK TO THE DONOLITH. 220 00:10:06,343 --> 00:10:11,849 WE ARE ON DAY 35 OF SQUATTERGATE. DONALD TRUMP HAS YET TO CONCEDE 221 00:10:11,849 --> 00:10:15,285 BUT IT SEEMS LIKE HE'S FINALLY STARTING TO COME AROUND. 222 00:10:15,285 --> 00:10:17,755 >> WHY NOT INCLUDE MEMBERS OF THE BIDEN TRANSITION TEAM AS 223 00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:19,723 PART OF THIS SUMMIT YOU'RE HOSTING TODAY? 224 00:10:19,723 --> 00:10:23,794 >> WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SEE WHO THE NEXT ADMINISTRATION IS. 225 00:10:23,794 --> 00:10:26,463 BECAUSE WE WON. IN THE SWING STATES. 226 00:10:26,463 --> 00:10:27,998 AND THERE WAS TERRIBLE THINGS THAT WENT ON. 227 00:10:27,998 --> 00:10:31,402 SO WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SEE WHO THE NEXT ADMINISTRATION IS. 228 00:10:31,402 --> 00:10:33,637 >> Jimmy: OH, WAIT, HE'S NOWHERE NEAR COMING AROUND. 229 00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:33,970 [ LAUGHTER ] 230 00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:36,707 IN FACT, HE'S ABOUT A WEEK AWAY FROM CLAIMING JOE BIDEN WAS BORN 231 00:10:36,707 --> 00:10:38,842 IN KENYA. BUT DONALD TRUMP IS, BELIEVE IT 232 00:10:38,842 --> 00:10:41,979 OR NOT, A SENSITIVE MAN. THAT'S WHY HE CAN'T COME TO 233 00:10:41,979 --> 00:10:44,048 TERMS WITH LOSING. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S LIKE THIS. 234 00:10:44,048 --> 00:10:48,886 MAYBE HIS PARENTS DIDN'T SHOW HIM LOVE, MAYBE HE WAS RAISED BY 235 00:10:48,886 --> 00:10:50,754 A HOUSEKEEPER WHO PUT HIM IN THE HAMPER WHEN HE CRIED, I DON'T 236 00:10:50,754 --> 00:10:54,992 KNOW. BUT IT'S THE HOLIDAYS, SO I 237 00:10:54,992 --> 00:10:58,695 DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO SAY HELLO, LET HIM KNOW IN 238 00:10:58,695 --> 00:11:06,003 PERSON THERE IS SOMEONE WHO CARES. 239 00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:09,973 >> DONALD, WHO IS IT? 240 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:11,041 >> IT'S CAROL SEGERS. 241 00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:18,515 >> WHO IS THIS CAROL SINGER? ONE OF YOUR HOOKERS? 242 00:11:18,515 --> 00:11:22,419 >> NO. CAROL SINGERS. THEY COME TO YOUR DOOR AND SING 243 00:11:22,419 --> 00:11:24,822 ABOUT THE BABY MESS SIGH YEAH. 244 00:11:24,822 --> 00:11:27,858 >> WHO GIVES A [ BLEEP ]? CHRISTMAS TALK. 245 00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:35,265 ♪ ALL IS CALM ALL IS BRIGHT 246 00:11:35,265 --> 00:11:40,771 ♪ ROUND YON VIRGIN MOTHER AND 247 00:11:40,771 --> 00:11:47,311 CHILD ♪ 248 00:11:47,311 --> 00:12:03,393 ♪ 249 00:12:04,228 --> 00:12:11,635 >> I HAD ENOUGH, I'M LEAVING YOU, DONALD! 250 00:12:11,635 --> 00:12:11,968 [ LAUGHTER ] 251 00:12:19,109 --> 00:12:19,473 ♪ 252 00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:24,815 ♪ 253 00:12:24,815 --> 00:12:29,286 >> Jimmy: WAIT. YOU CAN'T READ, CAN YOU? 254 00:12:29,286 --> 00:12:35,325 >> NO, READING'S FOR LOSERS. 255 00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:36,927 ♪ CHRIST THE SAVIOR IS BORN 256 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:41,265 CHRIST THE SAVIOR IS BORN ♪ 257 00:12:41,265 --> 00:12:41,765 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 258 00:12:41,765 --> 00:12:45,736 >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I TRIED. I TRIED. 259 00:12:45,736 --> 00:12:47,771 WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 260 00:12:47,771 --> 00:12:50,674 STACEY ABRAMS IS ON THE SHOW WITH US TONIGHT. 261 00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:51,175 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 262 00:12:51,175 --> 00:12:55,812 WE'VE GOT MUSIC FROM ARI LENNOX. BE RIGHT BACK WITH TIM ALLEN! 263 00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,043 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 264 00:13:12,043 --> 00:13:13,970 ♪ 265 00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:17,707 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT ON THE SHOW, SHE IS THE 266 00:13:17,707 --> 00:13:21,844 FOUNDER OF "FAIR FIGHT," WORKING HARD TO WIN THE SENATE IN 267 00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,179 GEORGIA, STACEY ABRAMS IS WITH US LATER ON. 268 00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:25,248 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 269 00:13:25,248 --> 00:13:28,985 THEN, WITH A PERFORMANCE FROM THE 930 CLUB IN WASHINGTON, 270 00:13:28,985 --> 00:13:30,987 D.C., THIS IS THE SONG "IF YOU WANT ME TO STAY." 271 00:13:30,987 --> 00:13:36,960 IT IS A COLLABORATION WITH AUNTHNY RAMOS AND CROWN ROYAL, 272 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:42,165 MUSIC FROM ARI LENNOX TONIGHT. ARI AND DOWN ROYAL HAVE TEAMED 273 00:13:42,165 --> 00:13:45,301 UP TO HELP SAVE AMERICA'S FAVORITE CLUBS, BARS AND STAGES. 274 00:13:45,301 --> 00:13:53,076 FIND OUT MORE BY GOING TO MAINSTREETALLIANCE.ORG. 275 00:13:53,076 --> 00:14:00,350 TOMORROW NIGHT, MUSIC FROM ANDRE INDRIS, AND TOOIL TANNER AND 276 00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:03,353 STURGILL SIMPSON. PLEASE JOIN US FOR THAT. 277 00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:06,689 A GOLDEN GLOBE WINNING ACTOR, TV HANDYMAN, AND THE WORLD'S 278 00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:11,728 GREATEST CLASSIC ASTRONAUT, THE SEASON PREMIERE "LAST MAN 279 00:14:11,728 --> 00:14:16,366 STANDING" AIRS JANUARY 3rd ON FOX. 280 00:14:16,366 --> 00:14:22,238 PLEASE SAY HELLO TO TIM ALLEN! 281 00:14:22,238 --> 00:14:22,739 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 282 00:14:22,739 --> 00:14:32,548 ♪ 283 00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:33,483 >> Jimmy: DON'T WORRY. 284 00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:34,050 >> COME ON! 285 00:14:34,050 --> 00:14:36,552 >> Jimmy: I'VE BEEN TESTED, I'VE BEEN MILKED. 286 00:14:36,552 --> 00:14:37,854 >> OH, GOD. 287 00:14:37,854 --> 00:14:39,222 >> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU GREETING PEOPLE? 288 00:14:39,222 --> 00:14:40,590 >> DID YOU SAY MILKED? 289 00:14:40,590 --> 00:14:43,493 >> Jimmy: I'VE BEEN MILKED A FEW TIMES, YES. 290 00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:44,627 >> TESTED, MILKED. 291 00:14:44,627 --> 00:14:47,296 >> Jimmy: HOW'S IT GOING? THANKS FOR COMING IN TO BE HERE. 292 00:14:47,296 --> 00:14:49,866 HOW ARE YOU GREETING PEOPLE NOW? I STILL HAVE THIS WEIRD THING, 293 00:14:49,866 --> 00:14:53,369 EVEN THOUGH WITH ELBOWS, I FEEL LIKE ‐‐ I KNOW YOU'RE NOT 294 00:14:53,369 --> 00:14:55,738 SUPPOSED TO, I FEEL LIKE THERE HAS TO BE A TOUCH, A BUMP. 295 00:14:55,738 --> 00:15:00,977 >> I DID A THING. THIS IS A ‐‐ ODDLY ENOUGH, I GOT 296 00:15:00,977 --> 00:15:03,613 INVOLVED IN THIS EXOTIC CAR THING FOR CHARITY. 297 00:15:03,613 --> 00:15:04,747 IT WAS A FERRARI CLUB. 298 00:15:04,747 --> 00:15:05,548 >> Jimmy: OKAY. 299 00:15:05,548 --> 00:15:09,018 >> IN MICHIGAN. THEY WERE LIKE, DIDN'T KNOW ‐‐ I 300 00:15:09,018 --> 00:15:12,155 SAID, THIS IS A GOOD IDEA? TO BE DRIVING CARS AND STEERING 301 00:15:12,155 --> 00:15:13,556 WHEELS? THEY'RE ALL WIPED DOWN AND 302 00:15:13,556 --> 00:15:15,591 EVERYTHING. WHEN YOU GOT THERE, EVERYBODY 303 00:15:15,591 --> 00:15:21,097 WAS, HEY, TOOL MAN, I LOVE IT! I KEPT DOING, HEY! 304 00:15:21,097 --> 00:15:23,032 >> Jimmy: I KNOW. 305 00:15:23,032 --> 00:15:25,101 >> HEY! ONE GUY AFTER ANOTHER. 306 00:15:25,101 --> 00:15:29,272 NO ONE NOTICED. HEY! WOW, ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING? 307 00:15:29,272 --> 00:15:30,907 >> Jimmy: DID YOU HIDE THE PURELL? 308 00:15:30,907 --> 00:15:34,711 >> NO, IT WAS RIGHT OUT, A HUGE BOTTLE, FERRARI LOGO AND 309 00:15:34,711 --> 00:15:37,046 EVERYTHING. THE GUY SAID, OH, HE GOES, 310 00:15:37,046 --> 00:15:41,651 YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE PLANDEMIC. 311 00:15:41,651 --> 00:15:41,984 >> Jimmy: AH. 312 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,921 >> I'M, I HOPE YOU MISPRONOUNCED THAT. 313 00:15:44,921 --> 00:15:47,957 I DIDN'T WANT TO GET INTO THIS STUFF. 314 00:15:47,957 --> 00:15:48,725 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE BACK AT WORK NOW? 315 00:15:48,725 --> 00:15:52,929 >> BACK AT WORK AT THE SAME ‐‐ THE SAME SITUATION WHERE I SAID, 316 00:15:52,929 --> 00:15:55,865 THEY'VE TAKEN THE SHOW OUT OF SHOW BUSINESS. 317 00:15:55,865 --> 00:15:58,735 YOU'RE JUST DOING YOUR WORK AND THE LIGHTING GUY'S GOT TO COME 318 00:15:58,735 --> 00:16:01,337 IN, SEPARATE ‐‐ IT'S DISNEY PROTOCOLS AND THEY'RE DOING IT 319 00:16:01,337 --> 00:16:06,008 TO SAVE EVERYBODY'S LIFE AND ALL OF THAT, IT'S JUST ‐‐ IT'S 320 00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:09,412 WEIRD. OUR SHOW IS BASED ON ‐‐ IT'S 321 00:16:09,412 --> 00:16:13,649 LIKE THEATER BUT IT'S STANDUP. WE LOVE OUR LIVE AUDIENCE SHOW. 322 00:16:13,649 --> 00:16:14,450 NOT THERE. 323 00:16:14,450 --> 00:16:15,318 >> Jimmy: NO LIVE AUDIENCE. 324 00:16:15,318 --> 00:16:18,221 >> NO LIVE AUDIENCE, SO WE HAVE A BUNCH OF PENALTY BOXES. 325 00:16:18,221 --> 00:16:18,554 [ LAUGHTER ] 326 00:16:18,554 --> 00:16:21,324 >> Jimmy: THAT FIRST TIME YOU DID IT, HOW DID YOU ‐‐ 327 00:16:21,324 --> 00:16:26,129 >> IT WAS VERY SAD. DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ‐‐ IT WAS DRY. 328 00:16:26,129 --> 00:16:29,532 NO ONE KNEW WHAT TO DO. WE HAVE PAID LAUGHERS IN PENALTY 329 00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:29,897 BOXES. 330 00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:31,400 >> Jimmy: YOU DO? 331 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:31,734 [ LAUGHTER ] 332 00:16:31,734 --> 00:16:33,136 >> THEY'RE JUST UP IN THESE BOXES. 333 00:16:33,136 --> 00:16:36,205 AND THEN THEY WERE GETTING DRY AFTER A WHILE. 334 00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:40,209 SO WE HAD A PAID WARMUP GUY TO WARM UP THE PAID LAUGHERS. 335 00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:40,543 [ LAUGHTER ] 336 00:16:40,543 --> 00:16:42,745 YOU'RE GOING, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 337 00:16:42,745 --> 00:16:44,747 COME ON, PEOPLE, LET'S GO, COME ON! 338 00:16:44,747 --> 00:16:46,149 >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S LIKE A HOOKER PAYING FOR SEX. 339 00:16:46,149 --> 00:16:47,850 [ LAUGHTER ] 340 00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:53,356 >> YEAH, I'M GLAD YOU SAID IT. HEY, COME ON, IT WASN'T THAT 341 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:53,689 FUNNY. 342 00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:54,290 [ LAUGHTER ] 343 00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:56,659 >> Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT PEOPLE THAT ARE ‐‐ WHY DO THEY FEEL LIKE IF 344 00:16:56,659 --> 00:17:01,030 THEY PAY THE PEOPLE THAT IT'S OKAY? 345 00:17:01,030 --> 00:17:02,799 >> HOW DO YOU GET THE JOB? 346 00:17:02,799 --> 00:17:03,633 >> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU? 347 00:17:03,633 --> 00:17:06,402 >> I CAN LAUGH AT ANYTHING! LITERALLY ANYTHING! 348 00:17:06,402 --> 00:17:11,607 OH, YOU'RE GOOD! THAT'S GREAT! YOU SHOULD GET A JOB AS A PAID 349 00:17:11,607 --> 00:17:13,476 LAUGHER! I'VE WORKED WITH THESE PEOPLE 350 00:17:13,476 --> 00:17:16,846 ALL DURING THE WEEK. NOW WE'VE GOTTEN INTO A RHYTHM. 351 00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:22,485 AND THEY ACTUALLY ARE LAUGHING AT IT. BUT THEY WATCHED EVERY REH 352 00:17:22,485 --> 00:17:24,220 REHEARSAL, THROUGH PROTOCOLS. ONCE YOU GET INTO THE SET, YOU 353 00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:26,389 CAN'T LEAVE. WE'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE 354 00:17:26,389 --> 00:17:30,226 THERE ALL WEEK. IT'S DIFFERENT. BUT WE'VE GOTTEN USED TO IT. 355 00:17:30,226 --> 00:17:32,595 I'M MORE SAD ABOUT, THIS IS OUR NINTH SEASON AND I DON'T WANT 356 00:17:32,595 --> 00:17:34,831 TO ‐‐ I'D PREFER IT NOT END THIS WAY. 357 00:17:34,831 --> 00:17:36,699 >> Jimmy: SURE, YEAH, OF COURSE NOT, OF COURSE NOT. 358 00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:41,938 >> IF THE VACCINATION WORKS, MAYBE THE LAST FOUR EPISODES 359 00:17:41,938 --> 00:17:43,472 WOULD GET OUR LOVE PRODUCT. 360 00:17:43,472 --> 00:17:46,742 >> Jimmy: IT'S HARD TO TELL WHAT'S FUNNY ANYMORE. 361 00:17:46,742 --> 00:17:50,880 NOT ONLY IS THERE DOOM IN THE AIR, PEOPLE ARE WEARING ‐‐ 362 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,449 EVERYBODY'S DRESSED LIKE BOBA FETT NOW. 363 00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:53,883 >> DOOM IN THE AIR? 364 00:17:53,883 --> 00:17:56,752 [ LAUGHTER ] 365 00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:59,655 >> Jimmy: YEAH, THERE QUITE LITERALLY IS DOOM IN THE AIR. 366 00:17:59,655 --> 00:18:01,224 >> DOOM IN THE AIR, WOW. 367 00:18:01,224 --> 00:18:01,791 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 368 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:04,327 >> LITTLE GERMETTES. 369 00:18:04,327 --> 00:18:06,562 >> Jimmy: WE'LL SEE, I DON'T KNOW, TELL RUDY GIULIANI IT'S A 370 00:18:06,562 --> 00:18:07,263 LITTLE DRAMATIC. 371 00:18:07,263 --> 00:18:09,398 >> I UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND. 372 00:18:09,398 --> 00:18:11,968 >> Jimmy: BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS, THOUGH, IT'S LIKE PEOPLE 373 00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:15,304 CAN'T EVEN HEAR YOU. YOU CAN'T SEE PEOPLE'S LIPS. 374 00:18:15,304 --> 00:18:18,541 I JUST FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING IN A NURSING HOME. 375 00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:21,110 I CAN'T HEAR ANYONE. THEY CAN'T HEAR ME. 376 00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:22,945 IT'S TERRIBLE. 377 00:18:22,945 --> 00:18:24,614 >> I GET IT, I GET IT. THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS THAT'S 378 00:18:24,614 --> 00:18:29,252 REALLY TAKEN THE SHINE OUT OF IT. COMEDY'S REALLY HARD TO DEAL 379 00:18:29,252 --> 00:18:30,386 WITH RIGHT NOW. 380 00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:32,188 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I THINK IT'S HARDER THAN BEING A DOCTOR. 381 00:18:32,188 --> 00:18:36,392 [ LAUGHTER ] 382 00:18:36,392 --> 00:18:38,060 >> WHAT IF YOU'RE A FUNNY DOCTOR? 383 00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:41,964 >> Jimmy: OH, MAN, THEY'RE REALLY SCREWED. 384 00:18:41,964 --> 00:18:44,500 YOU'RE PATCH ADAMS? THEY'RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE. 385 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:48,104 >> YOU DON'T WANT TO BE FUNNY AND LOOKING FOR PROSTATE TROUBLE. 386 00:18:48,104 --> 00:18:48,437 [ LAUGHTER ] 387 00:18:48,437 --> 00:18:51,140 >> Jimmy: BEFORE YOU HAD TO GO BACK TO WORK, WHERE WERE YOU, 388 00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:51,707 HERE? L.A.? 389 00:18:51,707 --> 00:18:55,344 >> IN L. A. WE GOT UP TO BAD ‐‐ OUR LAST 390 00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:57,613 SHOW OF THE SEASON. MONDAY, WE SHOOT TUESDAY. 391 00:18:57,613 --> 00:19:00,850 MONDAY, IT WAS COMING ON. NO ONE WANTED TO COME IN THE 392 00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:03,686 NEXT DAY. DISNEY DIDN'T WANT TO OPEN IT UP. 393 00:19:03,686 --> 00:19:07,757 WE DIDN'T SHOOT OUR LAST SHOW. THEN MY KID, IT WAS ON SPRING 394 00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:09,759 BREAK, IF YOU ALL RECALL. ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE SAYS, WE'LL 395 00:19:09,759 --> 00:19:13,930 BE BACK AFTER THIS, THIS WILL PROBABLY GET BETTER IN MAY OR 396 00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:16,866 JUNE. BOOM. NOTHING. SO WE WENT BACK TO OUR COTTAGE 397 00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:17,667 IN MICHIGAN. 398 00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:18,100 >> Jimmy: OH, OKAY. 399 00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,002 >> AND IT ‐‐ 400 00:19:20,002 --> 00:19:20,536 >> Jimmy: THAT'S NICE. 401 00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:21,003 >> YEAH. 402 00:19:21,003 --> 00:19:23,739 >> Jimmy: WERE YOU OUT IN THE MIDDLE ‐‐ OH, WAS IT? 403 00:19:23,739 --> 00:19:27,610 >> IT'S A SMALL HOUSE, A COUPLE OF WEEKS IN THE SUMMER. 404 00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:28,010 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 405 00:19:28,010 --> 00:19:33,516 >> IF YOU GET IN THERE WITH A ‐‐ I'M BLESSED, I HAVE A GREAT 406 00:19:33,516 --> 00:19:35,952 FAMILY. BUT YOU GET AND UP YOU GO, OH, 407 00:19:35,952 --> 00:19:37,887 YOU AGAIN. IT'S THAT. 408 00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:38,321 [ LAUGHTER ] 409 00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:39,322 >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE SOLITUDE? 410 00:19:39,322 --> 00:19:41,691 >> NO, NO. IN THE MIDDLE OF A SMALL TOWN. 411 00:19:41,691 --> 00:19:45,194 AND IT WAS A SMALL TOWN. THEY DIDN'T ‐‐ THEY WEREN'T ‐‐ 412 00:19:45,194 --> 00:19:47,830 MICHIGAN'S DIFFICULT TO PINPOINT. THEY WERE KIND OF REBELLING 413 00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:52,168 AGAINST IT, AND IT'S NOT THAT BAD. SOME PEOPLE, DON'T YOU CARE 414 00:19:52,168 --> 00:19:53,970 ABOUT OLD PEOPLE? OF COURSE WE DO. 415 00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:56,672 THE NEXT‐DOOR NEIGHBOR, 90‐YEAR‐OLD DUTCH WOMAN, SHE WAS 416 00:19:56,672 --> 00:20:00,476 ALWAYS IN HER YARD, I DON'T WANT TO GET THE RASH! 417 00:20:00,476 --> 00:20:02,645 [ LAUGHTER ] 418 00:20:02,645 --> 00:20:06,882 THE WHOLE SUMMER, I DON'T WANT THE RASH! 419 00:20:06,882 --> 00:20:11,620 AND I GO, I LIKE THE WORD RASH, MAKES IT SEEM LIKE, YOU KNOW ‐‐ 420 00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:13,823 STAY OVER THERE, I'LL BRING SOME SMOKED HERRING OVER, BUT I DON'T 421 00:20:13,823 --> 00:20:18,627 WANT THE RASH! WHATEVER THAT IS. 422 00:20:18,627 --> 00:20:21,530 >> Jimmy: YOU BROUGHT A PHOTOGRAPH ‐‐ I ASSUME THIS IS 423 00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:22,932 YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW. THIS IS YOUR STUDIO. 424 00:20:22,932 --> 00:20:25,701 THIS IS YOUR ZOOM ROOM? 425 00:20:25,701 --> 00:20:28,738 >> IT'S THIS BUSINESS. EVENTUALLY I WAS, YOU KNOW ‐‐ 426 00:20:28,738 --> 00:20:34,310 PEOPLE WANT ‐‐ I DO SOME INTERVIEWS ON ‐‐. 427 00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:34,877 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 428 00:20:34,877 --> 00:20:37,046 >> ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU GO, THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE. 429 00:20:37,046 --> 00:20:39,715 YOU REALIZE THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS BUSINESS THAT DO THIS STUFF. 430 00:20:39,715 --> 00:20:45,187 I'VE GOT TO CALL MY LIGHTING GUY. I SAW ALL PEOPLE, AL ROKER, HOW 431 00:20:45,187 --> 00:20:47,390 DOES THAT DUDE LOOK SO GOOD? WHERE IS HE? 432 00:20:47,390 --> 00:20:50,559 THAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU LOOK AT. HIS BACKGROUND LOOKED GOOD. 433 00:20:50,559 --> 00:20:55,131 I CALL MY PEOPLE AT APPLE. WELL, WE SEND THESE KITS OUT. 434 00:20:55,131 --> 00:20:58,367 NOT THE VOICE, THE SINGING SHOW, BLAKE SHELTON. 435 00:20:58,367 --> 00:20:59,135 >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH. 436 00:20:59,135 --> 00:21:02,271 >> HOW DOES HE LOOK GOOD AT HIS HOUSE? 437 00:21:02,271 --> 00:21:03,139 >> Jimmy: HE ALWAYS LOOKS GOOD. 438 00:21:03,139 --> 00:21:03,539 [ LAUGHTER ] 439 00:21:03,539 --> 00:21:06,475 >> EVEN IN PERSON HE LOOKS GOOD. THEY SENT TWO CAMERAS. 440 00:21:06,475 --> 00:21:10,513 THEY SAID, WE'LL HAVE TWO iPHONE 11s. 441 00:21:10,513 --> 00:21:13,582 I DON'T HAVE TWO WHEN YOU HAVE TO THIS, THIS ‐‐ I SET UP THE 442 00:21:13,582 --> 00:21:17,920 STUDIO. BUT NOW I'M LIKE A NUT. EVERY TIME MY WIFE'S ON WITH HER 443 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,425 FAMILY, I'M IN THE ROOM GOING, NO, HONEY, LET ME GET THIS. 444 00:21:22,425 --> 00:21:26,095 >> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF BEING A NUT, CAN I SEE ‐‐ IT APPEARS YOU 445 00:21:26,095 --> 00:21:27,396 HAVE A MICROSCOPE IN THAT STUDIO? 446 00:21:27,396 --> 00:21:28,431 >> MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE SHOWED YOU THAT. 447 00:21:28,431 --> 00:21:30,266 [ LAUGHTER ] 448 00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:33,569 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU WORKING TO FIND A CURE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS? 449 00:21:33,569 --> 00:21:37,706 >> I AM A FASCINATING GUY. I HAVE A MICROSCOPE AND A 450 00:21:37,706 --> 00:21:38,474 PERIODIC CHART BACK THERE. 451 00:21:38,474 --> 00:21:39,175 >> Jimmy: I NOTICED. 452 00:21:39,175 --> 00:21:42,244 >> I TELL MY KIDS THE ONLY WAY TO SOLVE A PROBLEM IS YOU'VE GOT 453 00:21:42,244 --> 00:21:46,449 TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT. EVERY TIME YOU DO SOMETHING, I 454 00:21:46,449 --> 00:21:48,818 WANT HER TO LOOK THROUGH A MICROSCOPE IF WE CAN FIGURE IT 455 00:21:48,818 --> 00:21:50,686 OUT. BASICALLY I'VE GOT THIS THING, 456 00:21:50,686 --> 00:21:55,324 SCIENCE FICTION BOOK, "CHILDREN OF TIME." IT'S ABOUT SPIDERS. 457 00:21:55,324 --> 00:22:00,830 I'M FASCINATED BY SPIDERS. AND IF I KILL THEM BY MISTAKE ‐‐ 458 00:22:00,830 --> 00:22:03,265 I WILL NOT KILL SPIDERS, THEY'RE ALL GIRLS BY THE WAY, MOST OF 459 00:22:03,265 --> 00:22:03,598 THEM. 460 00:22:03,598 --> 00:22:05,267 >> Jimmy: REALLY? 461 00:22:05,267 --> 00:22:09,205 >> THE BIG ONES ARE. I MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEM, MY 462 00:22:09,205 --> 00:22:11,207 FAMILY HATES IT. I TALK TO INSECTS. 463 00:22:11,207 --> 00:22:15,044 BECAUSE I GOT TIME. I GOT TIME. YOU GET CLOSE TO THEM. 464 00:22:15,044 --> 00:22:17,546 I TAKE PICTURES. IF THEY DIE IRK PUT THEM UNDER 465 00:22:17,546 --> 00:22:23,519 THE MICROSCOPE, I SHOW MY YOUNGEST THAT THEY'RE SCARY AS 466 00:22:23,519 --> 00:22:24,653 HELL. 467 00:22:24,653 --> 00:22:26,522 >> Jimmy: THYME AIM ALLEN IS A LONELY MAN. 468 00:22:26,522 --> 00:22:29,158 THE SHOW IS "LAST MAN STANDING." MORE TIM WHEN WE RETURN, WE'LL 469 00:22:29,158 --> 00:22:29,492 BE RIGHT BACK. BE RIGHT BACK. 470 00:22:29,492 --> 00:22:31,827 >> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU 471 00:22:31,827 --> 00:22:34,563 BY MY WALGREENS. THE ALL NEW EASIER WAY TO SHOP. 472 00:22:34,563 --> 00:22:38,194 SAVE AND STAY WELL. 473 00:22:40,201 --> 00:22:43,078 >> I HAD THIS TV SHOW FOR EIGHT YEARS CALLED "TOOL TIME." 474 00:22:43,078 --> 00:22:45,547 >> YET HERE YOU ARE. 475 00:22:45,547 --> 00:22:46,214 [ LAUGHTER ] 476 00:22:46,214 --> 00:22:48,817 >> IT RAN EIGHT YEARS, THEY CALLED ME THE TOOL MAN. 477 00:22:48,817 --> 00:22:51,686 >> OH, OH, UH. 478 00:22:51,686 --> 00:22:56,491 >> OH, OH! KIND OF A THING. BECAUSE IT WAS, YOU KNOW, MAN, 479 00:22:56,491 --> 00:23:01,006 OH, OH. OH? OH, OH! 480 00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:05,403 >> LITTLE ANNOYING. 481 00:23:05,403 --> 00:23:08,906 [ LAUGHTER ] 482 00:23:08,906 --> 00:23:12,844 >> Jimmy: THAT WAS TIM TAYLOR FROM "HOME IMPROVEMENT." 483 00:23:12,844 --> 00:23:16,247 WITH MIKE BAXTER FROM "LAST MAN STANDING." 484 00:23:16,247 --> 00:23:19,684 MEETING IN SOME KIND OF MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE TYPE OF 485 00:23:19,684 --> 00:23:20,017 SITUATION. 486 00:23:20,017 --> 00:23:23,020 >> THEY CALLED THE EPISODE "DUAL TIME." 487 00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:26,791 >> Jimmy: DUAL TIME, THAT'S GOOD. 488 00:23:26,791 --> 00:23:32,830 >> IT WAS PITCHED TO ME, A STANDALONE EPISODE, THE TWO GUYS 489 00:23:32,830 --> 00:23:34,565 MEET. THEN IT GETS INTO THIS WEIRD 490 00:23:34,565 --> 00:23:39,036 WORLD ‐‐ THE ONLY OTHER CHARACTER I'VE DONE THIS WITH IS 491 00:23:39,036 --> 00:23:42,640 BUZZ LIGHTYEAR. SOMETIMES I SAY, BUZZ WOULDN'T 492 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,109 SAY THAT. INEVITABLY PEOPLE ARE TELLING ME 493 00:23:45,109 --> 00:23:48,045 HOW TO GRUNT. THE WRITERS ARE GOING, CURIOUS 494 00:23:48,045 --> 00:23:53,050 GRUNT! THEY WRITE IT. THEY SAY, THAT'S A CURIOUS GRUNT? 495 00:23:53,050 --> 00:23:56,921 I GOT SO INTO IT, TIM TAYLOR, I GOT SO INTO IT, TIM TAYLOR, 496 00:23:56,921 --> 00:24:00,057 NUMBER ONE, I'M NOT SURE HE TRANSLATES TO MIKE BAXTER. 497 00:24:00,057 --> 00:24:03,361 IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT TO BE THE TWO GUYS. 498 00:24:03,361 --> 00:24:05,463 BECAUSE I DID MOST OF THE SCENES, OBVIOUSLY ‐‐ DID ONE 499 00:24:05,463 --> 00:24:09,233 SIDE, DID THE OTHER SIDE. WHAT'S TIM TAYLOR LIKE NOWADAYS? 500 00:24:09,233 --> 00:24:10,301 I GOT WAY INTO THIS. 501 00:24:10,301 --> 00:24:10,868 >> Jimmy: HIS HAIR'S WHITE. 502 00:24:10,868 --> 00:24:12,804 [ LAUGHTER ] 503 00:24:12,804 --> 00:24:14,906 >> THAT'S ONE OF THE BETTER JOKES IN THERE. 504 00:24:14,906 --> 00:24:19,210 TAYLOR GOES, WE LOOK JUST LIKE EACH OTHER, EXCEPT I DON'T COLOR 505 00:24:19,210 --> 00:24:20,278 MY HAIR. 506 00:24:20,278 --> 00:24:20,611 [ LAUGHTER ] 507 00:24:20,611 --> 00:24:22,647 IT WAS REALLY CLEVER. IT'S A STANDALONE EPISODE. 508 00:24:22,647 --> 00:24:25,416 I APPRECIATE SO MUCH THAT THESE WRITERS CAME UP WITH IT. 509 00:24:25,416 --> 00:24:26,451 >> Jimmy: IT'S FUN, YEAH. 510 00:24:26,451 --> 00:24:30,321 >> IT WAS REAL FUN TO BRING TIM TAYLOR TO ‐‐ IT'S STANDALONE, 511 00:24:30,321 --> 00:24:33,291 HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REGULAR EPISODES. 512 00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:37,795 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE DOING ANOTHER SHOW FOR HISTORY CHANNEL WITH 513 00:24:37,795 --> 00:24:41,365 RICHARD CARN. THE IDEA OF THE SHOW IS A GREAT 514 00:24:41,365 --> 00:24:45,436 IDEA. CORRECT ME IF I HAVE THIS WRONG. 515 00:24:45,436 --> 00:24:48,706 PEOPLE, WORKERS, BUILDERS, ET CETERA, FIX THINGS. 516 00:24:48,706 --> 00:24:52,710 >> I'VE ALWAYS BEEN FASCINATED BY MY CREW ON BOTH SHOWS WHERE I 517 00:24:52,710 --> 00:24:55,613 BRING STUFF FROM HOME. THIS TOASTER. 518 00:24:55,613 --> 00:24:57,915 I DON'T WANT TO GET A TOASTER, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS TOASTER? 519 00:24:57,915 --> 00:25:00,651 IT'S ALWAYS AMAZED ME. IT'S ALWAYS A LITTLE THING. 520 00:25:00,651 --> 00:25:04,155 I LOVE PEOPLE, MEN AND WOMEN THAT TAKE STUFF APART INSTEAD OF 521 00:25:04,155 --> 00:25:06,757 THROWING STUFF OUT. THEY CAN MAKE IT BETTER, EVEN. 522 00:25:06,757 --> 00:25:09,727 LET'S GET A SHOW WHERE WE CELEBRATE THE WOMEN AND MEN, 523 00:25:09,727 --> 00:25:11,896 PEOPLE THAT SOLVE PROBLEMS. UNLIKE IN POLITICS AND 524 00:25:11,896 --> 00:25:15,666 EVERYTHING ELSE. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE ‐‐ 525 00:25:15,666 --> 00:25:20,104 GIVE ME THE DETAILS AGAIN, LET ME GO FIX IT, OR AT LEAST TRY TO 526 00:25:20,104 --> 00:25:23,174 FIX IT. THEN WE FOUND ‐‐ IT WAS SUPPOSED 527 00:25:23,174 --> 00:25:25,576 TO BE DONE IN A WIG STUDIO WHERE WE SET UP. 528 00:25:25,576 --> 00:25:28,446 INSTEAD WE HAD TO GO TO THEIR HOMES BECAUSE IT WAS COVID. 529 00:25:28,446 --> 00:25:31,749 IT TURNED OUT TO BE EVEN MORE INTERESTING, TO ME. 530 00:25:31,749 --> 00:25:34,886 THE BIG SIDE OF IT WAS, I'M OUT OF MY MIND BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF 531 00:25:34,886 --> 00:25:37,722 A REALITY SHOW. SO THERE'S NO END TO IT. 532 00:25:37,722 --> 00:25:38,122 >> Jimmy: RIGHT. 533 00:25:38,122 --> 00:25:41,392 >> YOU'RE IN A THING, PRETTY SON I'M OUT OF MY MIND, I'M 534 00:25:41,392 --> 00:25:42,894 SWEATING. THE DIRECTOR'S GOING, YOU'VE 535 00:25:42,894 --> 00:25:45,897 NEVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION. I GO, WHEN DOES IT STOP? 536 00:25:45,897 --> 00:25:46,230 [ LAUGHTER ] 537 00:25:46,230 --> 00:25:49,000 HE GOES, YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH 90‐MINUTE BUILDS. 538 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:53,638 WHEN DO WE GO TO THE BATHROOM? WHEN DO I EAT? 539 00:25:53,638 --> 00:25:57,542 >> Jimmy: WHERE'S THE SNACK TABLE? 540 00:25:57,542 --> 00:26:00,945 >> CARN WAS GREAT AND HE WOULD CALL ME DOWN. 541 00:26:00,945 --> 00:26:03,548 WE'RE ACTING LIKE REAL PEOPLE, THAT'S WHAT IT FELT LIKE. 542 00:26:03,548 --> 00:26:06,617 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOSTING THIS. IT TURNED OUT SO DRAMATIC. 543 00:26:06,617 --> 00:26:08,753 YOU GET PEOPLE THAT REALLY CAN FIX STUFF. 544 00:26:08,753 --> 00:26:12,723 AND ME, I WANTED TO GO AT ONE POINT ‐‐ MAYBE WE WILL IN THE 545 00:26:12,723 --> 00:26:15,826 FUTURE. WE'VE SHOT 10 EPISODES. IT'S AMAZING WHAT THE MEN AND 546 00:26:15,826 --> 00:26:19,096 WOMEN WE FOUND, ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, THAT CAN DO STUFF. 547 00:26:19,096 --> 00:26:20,865 AMAZING STUFF. AND THEY DON'T SAY NO. 548 00:26:20,865 --> 00:26:25,369 THEY GO, "LET ME FIGURE IT OUT." I WANTED TO THROW ‐‐ BECAUSE I'M 549 00:26:25,369 --> 00:26:28,506 SO DISHEARTENED BY THE HOMELESS IN LOS ANGELES. 550 00:26:28,506 --> 00:26:28,973 >> Jimmy: YES. 551 00:26:28,973 --> 00:26:32,143 >> I'VE WORKED AT THE MIDNIGHT MISSION DOWNTOWN. 552 00:26:32,143 --> 00:26:35,780 ANYTHING I CAN DO, AND NOBODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO. 553 00:26:35,780 --> 00:26:40,785 I WONDERED IF YOU TOOK PEOPLE THAT BUILD STUFF WHAT WOULD YOU 554 00:26:40,785 --> 00:26:43,521 DO, HOW WOULD YOU AT LEAST CHIP AWAY AT THIS INSTEAD OF THROW 555 00:26:43,521 --> 00:26:45,756 MONEY AT IT OR TALK ABOUT IT? YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS HERE AND 556 00:26:45,756 --> 00:26:46,924 IT'S VERY DIFFICULT. 557 00:26:46,924 --> 00:26:49,527 >> Jimmy: IT AS VERY, VERY COMPLEX SUBJECT, YES. 558 00:26:49,527 --> 00:26:52,163 >> YES. WHAT IF A PERSON THAT WAS A ‐‐ 559 00:26:52,163 --> 00:26:54,165 LET ME JUST FIX ‐‐ INSTEAD OF TALKING ABOUT IT, THEY JUST DUG 560 00:26:54,165 --> 00:26:59,103 IN. JUST GIVE THEM ALL TENTS WITH 561 00:26:59,103 --> 00:27:03,841 PHONES IN THEM OR ANYTHING, JUST ONE IDEA TO MOVE IT FORWARD AND 562 00:27:03,841 --> 00:27:07,278 HAVE FACILITIES, OR I WANT TO HELP YOU OUT, GIVE ME SOME IDEAS 563 00:27:07,278 --> 00:27:09,647 WHAT I CAN DO WITH IT RATHER THAN JUST CHAT ABOUT IT. 564 00:27:09,647 --> 00:27:13,684 LITERALLY IN MY AREA, IT'S SO FRUSTRATING TO WATCH. 565 00:27:13,684 --> 00:27:15,086 >> Jimmy: "HOMELESS IMPROVEMENT." JUST AN IDEA. 566 00:27:15,086 --> 00:27:15,920 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 567 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,522 >> I LIKE IT. 568 00:27:18,522 --> 00:27:22,193 >> Jimmy: THE SHOW IS CALLED "LAST MAN STANDING." 569 00:27:22,193 --> 00:27:26,364 JANUARY 3rd ON FOX. AND "ASSEMBLY REQUIRED" COMING 570 00:27:26,364 --> 00:27:29,800 TO HISTORY CHANNEL. TIM ALLEN, EVERYBODY. 571 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:30,301 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 572 00:27:30,301 --> 00:27:36,440 BE RIGHT BACK WITH STACEY ABRAMS! 573 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,778 >> GUILLERMO, WHY ARE YOU WRAPPING YOUR HAND WHEN IN HAM? 574 00:27:40,778 --> 00:27:43,781 >> I GOT A BLISTER AND WE ARE OUT OF BANDAGES. 575 00:27:43,781 --> 00:27:44,348 >> WHY DON'T YOU USE MY 576 00:27:44,348 --> 00:27:44,682 >> WHY DON'T YOU USE MY WALGREENS? 577 00:27:44,682 --> 00:27:46,951 THEY CAN HAVE THEM READY FOR YOU IN AS LITTLE AS 30 MINUTES. 578 00:27:46,951 --> 00:27:48,518 IN AS LITTLE AS 30 MINUTES. THERE YOU GO, GOOD AS NEW. 579 00:27:48,518 --> 00:27:49,991 >> NOW CAN YOU DO THIS ONE? 580 00:27:49,991 --> 00:27:51,028 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 581 00:27:53,582 --> 00:27:56,824 ♪ 582 00:27:56,824 --> 00:27:59,526 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. ARI LENNOX IS ON THE WAY. 583 00:27:59,526 --> 00:28:02,896 A COUPLE OF MOMENTS AGO THE AT STROKE OF MIDNIGHT OUR NEXT 584 00:28:02,896 --> 00:28:05,999 GUEST TURNED ANOTHER YEAR OLDER. ALL SHE WANTS FOR HER BIRTHDAY 585 00:28:05,999 --> 00:28:08,001 IS TWO SEATS IN THE U. S. SENATE. 586 00:28:08,001 --> 00:28:11,638 THE GEORGIA RUNOFF IS ON JANUARY 5th. 587 00:28:11,638 --> 00:28:14,541 PLEASE WELCOME STACEY ABRAMS. 588 00:28:14,541 --> 00:28:15,042 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 589 00:28:15,042 --> 00:28:15,409 HI, HOW ARE YOU? 590 00:28:15,409 --> 00:28:18,312 >> I AM WELL, THANK YOU. I LOVE YOUR IDEA FOR A BIRTHDAY 591 00:28:18,312 --> 00:28:18,645 PRESENT. 592 00:28:18,645 --> 00:28:21,515 >> Jimmy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU BY THE WAY, STACEY. 593 00:28:21,515 --> 00:28:22,816 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 594 00:28:22,816 --> 00:28:25,252 >> Jimmy: AM I THE FIRST OR HAVE YOU BEEN WISHED A HAPPY BIRTHDAY 595 00:28:25,252 --> 00:28:25,617 ALREADY? 596 00:28:25,617 --> 00:28:29,756 >> YOU ARE THE FIRST TO DO IT AS OF THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT, YES. 597 00:28:29,756 --> 00:28:30,257 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 598 00:28:30,257 --> 00:28:32,593 >> Jimmy: VERY EXCITING. MAY I ASK HOW OLD YOU ARE ON 599 00:28:32,593 --> 00:28:33,861 THIS BIRTHDAY? 600 00:28:33,861 --> 00:28:34,428 >> I AM NOW 47 YEARS OLD. 601 00:28:34,428 --> 00:28:38,332 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 602 00:28:38,332 --> 00:28:41,969 >> Jimmy: CAN YOU DEMAND ARY COUNT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS? 603 00:28:41,969 --> 00:28:42,936 [ LAUGHTER ] 604 00:28:42,936 --> 00:28:46,740 >> GIVEN THE EVIDENCE THAT'S PILED UP OVER THE LAST 46 YEARS, 605 00:28:46,740 --> 00:28:53,347 I THINK I WOULD HAVE A SIMILAR LOSING STREAK TO DONALD TRUMP. 606 00:28:53,347 --> 00:28:55,515 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 607 00:28:55,515 --> 00:28:57,551 >> Jimmy: IT'S TOUGH HAVING A BIRTHDAY IN DECEMBER. 608 00:28:57,551 --> 00:29:00,888 YOU HAVE TO COMPETE WITH JESUS AND SANTA CLAUS AND EVERYBODY. 609 00:29:00,888 --> 00:29:04,691 >> AND SISTER. MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY WAS SUNDAY. 610 00:29:04,691 --> 00:29:08,462 I GOT HER FIRST BUT HERS IS DAYS BEFORE ME. 611 00:29:08,462 --> 00:29:11,331 >> Jimmy: WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO. 612 00:29:11,331 --> 00:29:12,933 HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU THINK PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS TO LOSE 613 00:29:12,933 --> 00:29:15,602 GEORGIA BEFORE HE CONCEDES? WE'RE UP TO THREE ALREADY. 614 00:29:15,602 --> 00:29:15,936 [ LAUGHTER ] 615 00:29:15,936 --> 00:29:18,505 >> I'M OFFERING A FOURTH. 616 00:29:18,505 --> 00:29:22,075 [ APPLAUSE ] 617 00:29:22,075 --> 00:29:25,045 >> Jimmy: I'M SURE YOU'RE AWARE OF THIS, BUT REPUBLICANS SEEM TO 618 00:29:25,045 --> 00:29:29,316 BE SOMEWHAT OBSESSED WITH YOU. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS VIDEO. 619 00:29:29,316 --> 00:29:33,186 >> LET ME SAY YOU KNOW THING, GOVERNOR KEMP IS NO DIFFERENT 620 00:29:33,186 --> 00:29:39,593 THAN STACEY AN RAMS. SHE DID THIS CONSENT DECREE. 621 00:29:39,593 --> 00:29:43,163 >> REPUBLICANS SIMPLY HAVE TO TURN OUT MORE VOTES THAN STACEY 622 00:29:43,163 --> 00:29:43,897 ABRAMS CAN STEAL. 623 00:29:43,897 --> 00:29:47,901 >> FOR WHATEVER REASON, YOUR SECRETARY OF STATE AND YOUR 624 00:29:47,901 --> 00:29:53,140 GOVERNOR ARE AFRAID OF STACEY ABRAMS. THEY'RE AFRAID OF HER. 625 00:29:53,140 --> 00:29:57,945 >> Jimmy: NOW, WHY ‐‐ DO YOU AGREE THAT THEY ARE AFRAID OF 626 00:29:57,945 --> 00:29:58,478 YOU? 627 00:29:58,478 --> 00:30:03,216 >> I DON'T TRY TO PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF THEIR MINDS. 628 00:30:03,216 --> 00:30:04,051 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] 629 00:30:04,051 --> 00:30:05,953 >> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE VERY NICE. 630 00:30:05,953 --> 00:30:08,622 I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WOULD BE AFRAID. 631 00:30:08,622 --> 00:30:12,059 >> I'M ‐‐ I WANT ONE THING. THAT IS FOR EVERY ELIGIBLE VOTER 632 00:30:12,059 --> 00:30:16,763 TO BE ABLE TO CAST THEIR BALLOT, FOR THAT BALLOT TO GET COUNTED. 633 00:30:16,763 --> 00:30:19,366 APPARENTLY THEY DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO BE COUNTED, THEY 634 00:30:19,366 --> 00:30:22,536 DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO VOTE. WE JUST DISAGREE. 635 00:30:22,536 --> 00:30:25,839 AND I WOULD SAY THAT THE REST OF AMERICA AGREES WITH ME. SO YAY. 636 00:30:25,839 --> 00:30:26,273 >> Jimmy: YES, YES. 637 00:30:26,273 --> 00:30:28,642 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 638 00:30:28,642 --> 00:30:32,179 I THINK PROBABLY ALMOST ALL OF AMERICA AGREES WITH THAT 639 00:30:32,179 --> 00:30:34,915 PRINCIPLE, BUT THEY ARE GETTING MANY CONFUSING MESSAGES. 640 00:30:34,915 --> 00:30:40,220 ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT GOVERNOR KEMP HAS NOT KIND OF CAPITULATED 641 00:30:40,220 --> 00:30:42,889 TO THE PRESIDENT'S DEMANDS? 642 00:30:42,889 --> 00:30:46,693 >> THIS ISN'T ABOUT HEROISM OR STRENGTH. THIS IS ABOUT THE LAW. 643 00:30:46,693 --> 00:30:50,163 A NUMBER OF LAWSUITS HAVE BEEN FILED THAT HAVE FORCED THE HAND 644 00:30:50,163 --> 00:30:53,867 OF THE SECRETARY OF STATE AND THE CONSTITUTION PRECLUDES THE 645 00:30:53,867 --> 00:30:55,769 GOVERNOR'S INTERVENTION. WE KNOW THAT VOTER SUPPRESSION 646 00:30:55,769 --> 00:30:57,838 IS REAL. IN FACT ACTION WE WERE ABLE TO 647 00:30:57,838 --> 00:31:01,274 PROVE IT IN A COURT. I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT IT, "OUR 648 00:31:01,274 --> 00:31:04,678 TIME IS NOW." I DID A FILM ABOUT IT, "ALL IN, 649 00:31:04,678 --> 00:31:07,447 THE FIGHT FOR DEMOCRACY." WE'VE GOT EVIDENCE, THEY HAVE 650 00:31:07,447 --> 00:31:09,116 NONE. AND THE PROBLEM IS, YOU HAVE A 651 00:31:09,116 --> 00:31:12,285 HARD TIME WINNING AN ARGUMENT WHEN YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO 652 00:31:12,285 --> 00:31:17,290 PROOF THAT SOMETHING HAPPENED. BUT I DON'T GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR 653 00:31:17,290 --> 00:31:24,064 HEROISM, I GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR BEING AFRAID OF THE LAW. 654 00:31:24,064 --> 00:31:24,431 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 655 00:31:24,431 --> 00:31:24,764 [ APPLAUSE ] 656 00:31:24,764 --> 00:31:28,835 AND REALLY FOR THE PRINCIPLES ON WHICH THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED, 657 00:31:28,835 --> 00:31:31,071 THAT WE EACH HAVE A VOTE AND WE HAVE A DEMOCRACY. 658 00:31:31,071 --> 00:31:33,507 WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED THAT WOULD BE CHALLENGED IN ANY WAY? 659 00:31:33,507 --> 00:31:38,278 NOW WE HAVE THE RUNOFF ELECTION THAT IS ON JANUARY 5th. 660 00:31:38,278 --> 00:31:43,450 IT COMES DOWN TO THESE TWO SEATS THAT WOULD TIP THE BALANCE OF 661 00:31:43,450 --> 00:31:45,852 THE U. S. SENATE. AND THERE YOU ARE. 662 00:31:45,852 --> 00:31:49,322 AND AGAIN, YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE ARE 663 00:31:49,322 --> 00:31:54,461 ABLE TO VOTE AND THAT EVERYTHING IS DONE FAIRLY. 664 00:31:54,461 --> 00:31:56,329 WAS THE FIRST ELECTION DONE FAIRLY? 665 00:31:56,329 --> 00:31:59,466 >> YES, IT WAS. WE HAVEN'T DEFEATED VOTER 666 00:31:59,466 --> 00:32:03,570 SUPPRESSION, LET'S BE CLEAR. IT STILL EXISTS. 667 00:32:03,570 --> 00:32:06,039 IN FACT, REPUBLICANS HERE IN GEORGIA ARE ALREADY DISCUSSING 668 00:32:06,039 --> 00:32:09,009 HOW THEY CAN REINTRODUCE IT COMING IN JANUARY WHEN THE 669 00:32:09,009 --> 00:32:11,845 LEGISLATIVE SESSION STARTS AGAIN. BUT FOR NOW, WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO 670 00:32:11,845 --> 00:32:16,116 MAKE IT EASIER FOR ELIGIBLE VOTERS TO CAST THEIR BALLOTS. 671 00:32:16,116 --> 00:32:19,686 AND NEARLY 5 MILLION OF THEM DID. AND BIDEN WON. 672 00:32:19,686 --> 00:32:26,293 BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, THEY FORCED A RUNOFF, AND I BELIEVE 673 00:32:26,293 --> 00:32:30,097 WARN NOVEMBER WILL ALSO WIN BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE HAVE A 674 00:32:30,097 --> 00:32:33,467 CHOICE BETWEEN TWO EXISTING SENATORS WHO PLUNDERED AND 675 00:32:33,467 --> 00:32:36,136 PROFITED DURING THIS PANDEMIC, AND TWO WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING 676 00:32:36,136 --> 00:32:38,638 BUT SERVE THE PEOPLE, I THINK THE PEOPLE OF GEORGIA WILL MAKE 677 00:32:38,638 --> 00:32:39,906 THE RIGHT CHOICE. 678 00:32:39,906 --> 00:32:40,407 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 679 00:32:40,407 --> 00:32:43,710 >> Jimmy: OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS AN EXHAUSTING CAMPAIGN. 680 00:32:43,710 --> 00:32:47,214 AND WE'RE REALLY ‐‐ REALLY PULLED OUT ALL THE STOPS TO GET 681 00:32:47,214 --> 00:32:49,149 PEOPLE TO VOTE. DO YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE ARE 682 00:32:49,149 --> 00:32:52,686 FIRED UP IN GEORGIA, THAT THEY ARE READY TO DO THIS, THAT THEY 683 00:32:52,686 --> 00:32:54,287 WANT TO CAST THEIR VOTES? 684 00:32:54,287 --> 00:32:58,391 >> WE HAD A WONDERFUL STATISTIC THAT CAME OUT TODAY OF THE MORE 685 00:32:58,391 --> 00:33:02,462 THAN 1 MILLION ABSENTEE BALLOTS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN REQUESTED. 686 00:33:02,462 --> 00:33:05,332 70,000 ARE FROM PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T VOTE IN NOVEMBER. 687 00:33:05,332 --> 00:33:08,802 AND THEY ARE DISPROPORTIONATELY YOUNG AND DISPROPORTIONATELY 688 00:33:08,802 --> 00:33:10,670 PEOPLE OF COLOR. THESE ARE THE FOLKS WHO ARE THE 689 00:33:10,670 --> 00:33:14,975 LEAST LIKELY TO TURN OUT, AND THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT'S AT STAKE 690 00:33:14,975 --> 00:33:18,278 AND THEY NEED TO SHOW UP AND FAIR FIGHT IS THERE WITH THEM TO 691 00:33:18,278 --> 00:33:20,747 MAKE SURE THEIR VOTES GET COUNTED. 692 00:33:20,747 --> 00:33:22,415 >> Jimmy: I GUESS THIS IS ONE OF THE GOOD ‐‐ THE SILVER LINING TO 693 00:33:22,415 --> 00:33:26,253 ALL OF THE CRAZINESS THAT HAS GONE ON IS THAT YOUNG PEOPLE ARE 694 00:33:26,253 --> 00:33:30,957 GETTING OUT AND VOTING IN NUMBERS THAT THEY HAVEN'T BEFORE. 695 00:33:30,957 --> 00:33:36,329 YOU'RE HAVING A TV SHOW CAST REUNION YOU'RE A PART OF FOR THE 696 00:33:36,329 --> 00:33:41,835 SHOW "SUPERNATURAL," WHICH WAS ON WITH THE CW? WB? 697 00:33:41,835 --> 00:33:42,936 WAS THAT A CW SHOW? 698 00:33:42,936 --> 00:33:45,705 >> IT WAS BOTH. 15 SEASONS. THEY CROSSED OVER. 699 00:33:45,705 --> 00:33:48,708 >> Jimmy: AND IS THIS A SHOW THAT YOU LOVE? 700 00:33:48,708 --> 00:33:50,243 WHY ARE YOU INVOLVED IN "SUPERNATURAL"? 701 00:33:50,243 --> 00:33:53,513 >> I STARTED WATCHING "SUPERNATURAL" DURING MY PRIMARY 702 00:33:53,513 --> 00:33:57,684 IN 2017, BECAME HOOKED. I'VE NOW BINGE WATCHED EVERY 703 00:33:57,684 --> 00:34:01,388 SINGLE SEASON. I'M THREE EPISODES AWAY FROM THE 704 00:34:01,388 --> 00:34:03,056 END, PLEASE DON'T SPOIL ANYTHING. 705 00:34:03,056 --> 00:34:03,557 [ LAUGHTER ] 706 00:34:03,557 --> 00:34:05,792 IT IS THE MOST FANTASTIC SHOW AND I LOVE IT. 707 00:34:05,792 --> 00:34:08,862 >> Jimmy: WILL YOU HAVE WATCHED THE FINALE BY THE TIME THE CAST 708 00:34:08,862 --> 00:34:11,031 REUNION HAPPENS? 709 00:34:11,031 --> 00:34:13,700 >> I WILL NOT. BUT I WILL PLUG MY EARS AND HUM 710 00:34:13,700 --> 00:34:16,269 TO MYSELF IF THEY START SAYING ANYTHING I DON'T WANT TO KNOW 711 00:34:16,269 --> 00:34:16,703 YET. 712 00:34:16,703 --> 00:34:20,040 >> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T CRAM THREE EPISODES IN BETWEEN NOW AND THEN? 713 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:24,044 >> WELL, I'M TALKING TO YOU, I'VE GOT A BIRTHDAY TO 714 00:34:24,044 --> 00:34:26,112 CELEBRATE, I'VE GOT TWO SENATE SEATS TO WIN. 715 00:34:26,112 --> 00:34:26,580 IT'S BEEN A BUSY WEEK. 716 00:34:26,580 --> 00:34:30,016 [ LAUGHTER ] 717 00:34:30,016 --> 00:34:30,517 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 718 00:34:30,517 --> 00:34:34,421 >> Jimmy: I UNDERSTAND. WERE THEY CONFUSED WHEN YOU 719 00:34:34,421 --> 00:34:38,325 CALLED THEM AND SAID YOU WANT E THIS? 720 00:34:38,325 --> 00:34:41,027 >> ACTUALLY, THEY REACHED OUT TO ME. 721 00:34:41,027 --> 00:34:44,531 I TALKED ABOUT THEM, ACTUALLY IN AN INTERVIEW I THINK WITH EITHER 722 00:34:44,531 --> 00:34:47,400 "TIME" MAGAZINE ‐‐ I THINK IT WAS "TIME" MAGAZINE, TALKED 723 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:51,204 ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVED THE SHOW. I AM KNOWN TO OCCASIONALLY TWEET 724 00:34:51,204 --> 00:34:55,375 OUT MY AFFECTION FOR TELEVISION SHOWS THAT I ADORE. 725 00:34:55,375 --> 00:35:00,780 I THINK THEY SAW ME, REACHED OUT. ONCE I FINISHED SQUEALING 726 00:35:00,780 --> 00:35:04,251 INTERNALLY I RESPONDED WITH A PROFESSIONAL TONE, "WE'D LOVE TO 727 00:35:04,251 --> 00:35:06,019 HAVE YOUR SUPPORT OF FAIR FIGHT." 728 00:35:06,019 --> 00:35:09,055 >> Jimmy: I THINK IT'S UNUSUAL TO BE INVOLVED IN AN ELECTION IN 729 00:35:09,055 --> 00:35:12,726 A STATE THAT YOU DON'T LIVE IN. BUT HOW CAN AND IS IT 730 00:35:12,726 --> 00:35:16,329 APPROPRIATE FOR PEOPLE TO BE INVOLVED IN AN ELECTION IN 731 00:35:16,329 --> 00:35:17,530 GEORGIA WHO DON'T LIVE THERE? 732 00:35:17,530 --> 00:35:21,801 >> THERE ARE TWO THINGS YOU CAN GO. GO TO GASENATE.COM. 733 00:35:21,801 --> 00:35:27,140 ALSO GO TO HELPWINGEORGIA.COM. BOTH THOSE WEBSITES HELP YOU 734 00:35:27,140 --> 00:35:29,075 EITHER CONTRIBUTE TO THE WORK THAT WE'RE DOING TO TURN OUT 735 00:35:29,075 --> 00:35:34,314 THOSE VOTERS WHO NEED THE MOST HELP GETTING BACK TO THE POLLS 736 00:35:34,314 --> 00:35:39,919 AND HELPWINGEORGIA.COM TELLS YOU HOW YOU CAN SIGN UP TO BE A 737 00:35:39,919 --> 00:35:40,854 VOLUNTEER. ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO DO, 738 00:35:40,854 --> 00:35:45,025 WE'LL HELP YOU GET DIRECTED TO DO IT. PLEASE STAY WHERE YOU ARE. 739 00:35:45,025 --> 00:35:47,727 SEND YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT BUT KEEP YOURSELF AT HOME, COVID IS 740 00:35:47,727 --> 00:35:50,563 REAL, WE WANT EVERYONE TO BE SAFE WHEN WE WIN THIS ELECTION. 741 00:35:50,563 --> 00:35:51,064 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 742 00:35:51,064 --> 00:35:52,999 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANKS FOR ALL THE WORK THAT 743 00:35:52,999 --> 00:35:54,501 YOU'RE DOING. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 744 00:35:54,501 --> 00:35:56,903 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH, JIMMY. IT'S BEEN DELIGHTFUL. 745 00:35:56,903 --> 00:35:58,705 >> Jimmy: STACEY ABRAMS, EVERYONE. 746 00:35:58,705 --> 00:35:59,205 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 747 00:35:59,205 --> 00:36:03,434 WE'LL BE BACK BUSINESS ARI LENNOX! 748 00:36:06,344 --> 00:36:07,653 >> Dicky: MUSIC ON "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE" IS PRESENTED BY CROWN 749 00:36:07,653 --> 00:36:11,590 ROYAL WHO'S HELPING SAVE BARS, CLUBS AND STAGES IN DANGER OF 750 00:36:11,590 --> 00:36:17,629 BEING LOST FOREVER. VISIT MAINSTREET ALLIANCE TO 751 00:36:17,629 --> 00:36:18,297 LEARN MORE. 752 00:36:18,297 --> 00:36:20,365 >> Jimmy: THANKS TO TIM ALLEN AND STACEY ABRAMS. 753 00:36:20,365 --> 00:36:21,600 APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST, 754 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,535 WITH THE SONGS "CHOCOLATE POMEGRANATE" AND "IF YOU WANT ME 755 00:36:23,535 --> 00:36:24,169 TO STAY," FROM THE 9:30 CLUB IN 756 00:36:24,169 --> 00:36:31,610 WASHINGTON D. C., ARI LENNOX! 757 00:36:33,946 --> 00:36:34,311 ♪ 758 00:36:34,311 --> 00:36:41,887 ♪ 759 00:36:41,887 --> 00:36:48,327 ♪ OH OH OH OH 760 00:36:48,327 --> 00:36:49,862 ♪ JAY HANGING OFF 761 00:36:49,862 --> 00:36:55,167 YOUR BROWN LIPS LEAN OVER EXHALE INTO MY KISS ♪ 762 00:36:55,167 --> 00:36:57,936 ♪ PROBLEMS WEIGHING YOU DOWN 763 00:36:57,936 --> 00:37:01,540 I POWER LIFT I JUST WANT 764 00:37:01,540 --> 00:37:08,881 SOME MORE OF THIS ♪ 765 00:37:08,881 --> 00:37:09,248 ♪ KISS IT FOR ME 766 00:37:09,248 --> 00:37:16,388 MORE ON MY MIND THAT I WOULD LIKE TO EXPLORE THIS TIME ♪ 767 00:37:16,388 --> 00:37:19,124 ♪ FLIP ME OVER 768 00:37:19,124 --> 00:37:26,632 DON'T TAKE ME AS UNKIND I NEED YOU TO FALL BEHIND ♪ 769 00:37:26,632 --> 00:37:29,902 ♪ TRY ME IN PUBLIC 770 00:37:29,902 --> 00:37:33,138 BUT I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE NO ONE'S GONNA RIDE 771 00:37:33,138 --> 00:37:34,907 AND LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪ 772 00:37:34,907 --> 00:37:36,875 ♪ OOH‐OOH 773 00:37:36,875 --> 00:37:41,613 OH, CHOCOLATE POMEGRANATE COME LIVE IN THIS TRUTH ♪ 774 00:37:41,613 --> 00:37:43,081 ♪ NO ONE'S GONNA RIDE 775 00:37:43,081 --> 00:37:44,850 AND LOVE YOU LIKE I DO 776 00:37:44,850 --> 00:37:56,395 OOH‐OOH ♪ 777 00:37:56,395 --> 00:37:58,630 ♪ IF YOU WANT ME TO STAY 778 00:37:58,630 --> 00:38:02,901 I'LL BE AROUND TODAY TO BE AVAILABLE 779 00:38:02,901 --> 00:38:09,608 FOR YOU TO SEE ♪ 780 00:38:09,608 --> 00:38:11,643 ♪ I'M ABOUT TO GO 781 00:38:11,643 --> 00:38:12,878 AND THEN YOU'LL KNOW FOR ME TO STAY HERE 782 00:38:12,878 --> 00:38:15,380 I GOT TO BE ME ♪ 783 00:38:15,380 --> 00:38:17,382 ♪ YOU'LL NEVER BE IN DOUBT 784 00:38:17,382 --> 00:38:20,819 THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU CAN'T TAKE ME 785 00:38:20,819 --> 00:38:25,591 FOR GRANTED AND SMILE ♪ 786 00:38:25,591 --> 00:38:26,859 ♪ COUNT THE DAYS I'M GONE 787 00:38:26,859 --> 00:38:29,661 FORGET REACHIN' ME BY PHONE BECAUSE I PROMISE 788 00:38:29,661 --> 00:38:39,738 I'LL BE GONE FOR A WHILE ♪ 789 00:38:39,738 --> 00:38:40,606 ♪ WHEN YOU SEE ME AGAIN 790 00:38:40,606 --> 00:38:43,876 I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THE KIND OF PERSON 791 00:38:43,876 --> 00:38:44,409 THAT YOU REALLY ARE NOW ♪ 792 00:38:44,409 --> 00:38:45,210 ♪ YA GOT TO GET IT STRAIGHT 793 00:38:45,210 --> 00:38:49,081 HOW COULD I EVER BE LATE WHEN YOU'RE THE WOMAN 794 00:38:49,081 --> 00:38:53,085 TAKING UP MY TIME ♪ 795 00:38:53,085 --> 00:38:54,119 ♪ WHOA, OH HOW COULD 796 00:38:54,119 --> 00:38:56,855 YA EVER ALLOW I GUESS I WONDER HOW ♪ 797 00:38:56,855 --> 00:38:59,091 ♪ HOW COULD YA 798 00:38:59,091 --> 00:39:03,629 GET OUT A POCKET FOR FUN ♪ 799 00:39:03,629 --> 00:39:04,096 ♪ WHEN YOU KNOW THAT 800 00:39:04,096 --> 00:39:08,133 YOU'RE NEVER NUMBER TWO NUMBER ONE'S GONNA 801 00:39:08,133 --> 00:39:13,372 BE NUMBER ONE ♪ 802 00:39:13,372 --> 00:39:14,273 ♪ OHH OWW OOHH 803 00:39:14,273 --> 00:39:15,841 ♪ I'LL BE GOOD 804 00:39:15,841 --> 00:39:23,282 I WISH I COULD GET THIS MESSAGE OVER TO YOU NOW ♪ 805 00:39:23,282 --> 00:39:23,646 ♪ 806 00:39:23,646 --> 00:39:35,527 ♪ 807 00:39:35,527 --> 00:39:41,199 ♪ OH BABY YEAH YEAH 808 00:39:41,199 --> 00:39:42,367 ♪ WHEN YOU SEE ME AGAIN 809 00:39:42,367 --> 00:39:46,405 I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THE KIND OF PERSON 810 00:39:46,405 --> 00:39:49,675 THAT YOU REALLY ARE NOW ♪ 811 00:39:49,675 --> 00:39:51,376 ♪ I'LL BE SO GOOD 812 00:39:51,376 --> 00:39:57,916 I WISH I COULD GET THIS MESSAGE 813 00:39:57,916 --> 00:40:00,652 OVER TO YOU NOW ♪ 814 00:40:00,652 --> 00:40:07,225 ♪