1 00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:08,942 >>> FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE," TONIGHT, MILEY 2 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:13,280 CYRUS AND TONY ROMO, NOW, JIMMY KIMMEL. 3 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,850 >> Jimmy: HELLO. I'M JIMMY. I'M THE HOST OF THE SHOW. 4 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,018 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. 5 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,020 I HOPE YOU ARE HEALTHY. I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD WEEKEND. 6 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,690 WE ARE COMING TO YOU FROM HOLLYWOOD, WHERE A STAY AT HOME 7 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:27,895 ORDER IS IN EFFECT. AS OF MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT, EVERY 8 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:29,296 PARENT IN L. A. HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO THREE MORE WEEKS OF 9 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,965 "PAW PATROL." MAYBE THEY CAN SAVE US! 10 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,166 NO ONE IS SAFE FROM THE CLUTCHES OF COVID. 11 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:36,403 NOT EVEN THE ARCHITECT OF THE DONALD TRUMP LEGAL TEAM! 12 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:39,106 WE LEARNED YESTERDAY VIA PRESIDENTIAL TWEET THAT 13 00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:45,245 RUDY GIULIANI HAS TESTED POSITIVE FOR THE VIRUS. 14 00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:48,482 HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? HE WAS BEING SO CAREFUL! 15 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:53,887 RUDY MAY HAVE GIVEN HIS LIFE TO OVERTURN THE RESULTS OF THIS 16 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,290 ELECTION. THIS TELLS YOU ALL YOU NEED TO 17 00:00:56,290 --> 00:01:01,295 KNOW ABOUT WHAT THE PRESIDENT CARES ABOUT. 18 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:06,533 "@RUDY GIULIANI, BY FAR THE GREATEST MAYOR IN THE HISTORY OF 19 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,870 NYC, AND WHO HAS BEEN WORKING TIRELESSLY EXPOSING THE MOST 20 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,472 CORRUPT ELECTION ‐‐ BY FAR! ‐‐ IN THE HISTORY OF THE USA, HAS 21 00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:15,242 TESTED POSITIVE FOR THE CHINA VIRUS. 22 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,945 GET BETTER SOON RUDY, WE WILL CARRY ON!!!" 23 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:21,014 AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID WHEN HIS SON GOT IT. 24 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:24,685 "MY SON DONALD IS DOING VERY WELL. THANK YOU!" 25 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:27,554 SADLY, THIS COVID TEST IS THE ONLY POSITIVE THING TO COME OUT 26 00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:28,755 OF RUDY GIULIANI IN FOUR YEARS. RUDY IS IN THE HOSPITAL BUT 27 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:38,599 CLAIMS HE IS FEELING GOOD, 28 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,834 RECOVERING QUICKLY, AND FEASTING ON THE BLOOD OF NEWBORN BABIES 29 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,869 IN THE MATERNITY WARD. THEY HAD TO SHUT DOWN THE 30 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,671 ARIZONA STATE LEGISLATURE BECAUSE RUDY SPENT TWO DAYS 31 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:46,139 THERE CHATTING IT UP MASKLESS WITH REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS. 32 00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:53,246 THESE GENIUSES EVEN POSED FOR A 33 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:57,317 PICTURE WITH HIM. HE'S GONE FROM AMERICA'S MAYOR 34 00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,252 TO "AMERICA'S SPRAYER." YOU KNOW, IF SOMEONE MADE THIS 35 00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:03,557 STORY UP, WE'D SAY IT WAS TOO MUCH. THIS MAN HAS PUT UP SOME 36 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,460 INCREDIBLE STATISTICS OVER THE PAST SIX WEEKS. 37 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:12,065 OCTOBER 23rd WE SEE HIM ON CAMERA PLAYING POCKET POOL WITH 38 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:17,871 BORAT'S DAUGHTER. NOVEMBER 7th HE HOLDS A PRESS 39 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:21,174 CONFERENCE IN AN ALLEY OUTSIDE A LANDSCAPING BUSINESS, ACROSS 40 00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:24,478 FROM A DILDO SHOP. NOVEMBER 19th MOTOR OIL LEAKS 41 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:29,249 OUT OF HIS HEAD. 42 00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:34,721 DECEMBER 2nd HE FARTS LOUDLY DURING A PRETEND ELECTION 43 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:35,789 HEARING IN MICHIGAN. AND HERE WE ARE ON DECEMBER 7th 44 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,591 AND COUNT FLATULA HAS THE CORONAVIRUS. 45 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:42,629 HAVE WE EVER SEEN A STREAK LIKE THIS? 46 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:48,468 I MEAN, THIS PUTS DiMAGGIO'S 47 00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:52,873 56‐GAME HITTING STREAK TO SHAME. MANY OF THE PEOPLE WHO CAME IN 48 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,007 CONTACT WITH MR. GIULIANI ARE NOW FORCED TO QUARANTINE, 49 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,242 INCLUDING THE WOMAN WHO DYES HIS SIDEBURNS WITH HERSHEY SYRUP. 50 00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,510 AND, OF COURSE, I KNOW YOU WILL JOIN ME IN WISHING RUDY A FULL 51 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,545 AND SPEEDY RETIREMENT. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE 52 00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:00,514 HOW THIS PLAYS OUT. ASSUMING RUDY IS GETTING THE 53 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,149 INVITE‐ONLY REGENERON TREATMENT THE PRESIDENT GOT, HE COULD COME 54 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,686 OUT OF THIS BIGGER THAN EVER. IN FACT, THERE'S TALK THAT CBS 55 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:09,289 IS IN TALKS TO MAKE HIM TV'S HOTTEST NEW CANTANKEROUS DEFENSE 56 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,757 ATTORNEY. 57 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,293 >> Jimmy: THE BIG DIFFERENCE IS MATLOCK ALWAYS WON. 58 00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:18,498 SO ANYWAY, IT LOOKS LIKE RUDY 59 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:51,331 >> Jimmy: YEAH. 60 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:52,232 THE BIG DIFFERENCE IS MATLOCK ALWAYS WON. 61 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,667 SO ANYWAY, IT LOOKS LIKE RUDY WILL BE SPENDING SOME TIME NOW 62 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,768 DOING THE OTHER KIND OF LYING. THE DOWN KIND. 63 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,637 YOU KNOW, THERE WAS SO MUCH ATTENTION ON THAT DIZZY BLONDE 64 00:03:57,637 --> 00:04:01,641 WOMAN AT THE HEARING IN MICHIGAN LAST WEEK, SHE GOT THE FULL 65 00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,077 TREATMENT ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," WE MAY HAVE OVERLOOKED A 66 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:09,282 STAR OF A DIFFERENT TYPE. HER NAME IS DANA SMITH. 67 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:12,619 SHE WAS ALSO AT A RUDY HEARING, THIS ONE IN GEORGIA, AND THIS 68 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,154 WOMAN ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HER OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT SHE 69 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:17,290 REALLY KNOWS HOW TO SPIN A YARN! 70 00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:23,563 >> Jimmy: AS THE LATE 71 00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:27,567 >>> THE REC CENTER WILL BEEN A BARN, AND IT WAS CONVERTED IN TO 72 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:32,506 A REC CENTER. IT WAS FREEZING COLD WHEN WE GOT 73 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:40,180 IN THERE, AN HVAC GUY CAME IN 74 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:45,452 AND SAIDS THE SHUT OFF. IT HAS TO BE IN A CLIMATE 75 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:50,857 CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT. HAVING IT IN A FREEZING AREA IS 76 00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,592 IN THE A CLIMATE CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT. 77 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:53,560 THE GEORGIA MOUNTAINS CAN BE CHILLY. 78 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:58,665 YOU SHOULD LOOK IN THOUGH T THAT ‐‐ 79 00:04:58,665 --> 00:04:59,766 >> Jimmy: AS THE LATE JOHNNIE COCHRAN ONCE SAID, "IF 80 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:00,901 THE MACHINES ARE CHILLY, THE VOTES DON'T COUNT, SILLY." 81 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,068 THIS PERSON WAS ONE OF THE WITNESSES CLAIMING SHENANIGANS 82 00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:02,903 WERE AFOOT. AND SHE HAD A LOT OF VERY 83 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:07,107 INTERESTING THINGS TO SAY. 84 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:13,213 >>> THERE WAS A POLL WATCHER WALKING AROUND WITH SPECIAL 85 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:18,718 BALLOT PAPER, WRITING DOWN COFFEE ORDERS ON THIS SPECIAL 86 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:24,624 BALLOT PAPER THAT PRINTS THE BALLOTS. 87 00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,960 THOSE PRECIOUSES B BALLOTS, SHE TAKING A COFFEE ORDER ON IT. 88 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,495 >> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S IT! ELECTION OVERTURNED! 89 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,296 ON WHAT GROUNDS ARE YOU BASING 90 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:40,740 YOUR CLAIMS? 91 00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:43,410 >> JUST SAT THERE WATCHING THE BALLOTS. 92 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,278 I WAS NOT GOING LET IT OUT OF MY SIGHT. 93 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:49,783 THERE WAS A GAL NAMED GLORIA, AN ELDERLY GUY THAT I THINK HAD 94 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:53,353 COPD, BECAUSE I BROUGHT HIM HIS OXYGEN. 95 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,890 I FLAGGED DOWN THE SUPERVISOR AGAIN AND SAID, HEY, IS SOMEBODY 96 00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:01,094 BRINGING THE TAB LOCKS AND SHE SAID ‐‐ 97 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,363 >> MS. SMITH CAN YOU WRAP IT UP. 98 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:07,033 >> YEP, SO SHE SAID WE DON'T NEED THEM. 99 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,168 >> Jimmy: HEY, THAT'S MY TIME, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT. 100 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,338 OH WAIT, WHAT? THERE'S MORE?! 101 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:15,108 >> ISN'T IT TRUE THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP WON THAT COUNTY? 102 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:19,646 >> I DON'T GIVE A RIP WHO WON. WHAT MATTERS TO ME IS THAT THE 103 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:22,949 PEOPLE'SES VOTE IS MORE PROTECTED THAN THEIR URINE. 104 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:26,086 THE PROCESS IS FLAWED WHEN YOUR URINE IS MORE PROTECTED THAN 105 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:26,419 YOUR VOTE. 106 00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:29,856 >> Jimmy: AND ON THAT NOTE, LET'S TAKE A BATHROOM BREAK. 107 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:33,860 SHE'S TERRIFIC. I WONDER IF SHE HAS A PODCAST? 108 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:37,364 BUT THIS IS WHAT TRUMP IS CLINGING TO, TESTIMONY FROM 109 00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:40,834 CRAZY PEOPLE AND SOME WELL‐PLACED BULLYING. 110 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,636 THIS WEEKEND, TRUMP CALLED THE GOVERNOR OF GEORGIA, BRIAN KEMP, 111 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,871 AND REPORTEDLY ASKED HIM TO ORDER A SPECIAL SESSION OF THE 112 00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:52,646 STATE LEGISLATURE TO OVERTURN THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION. 113 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,347 KEMP, WHO HAS BEEN A BIGLY SUPPORTER OF THE PRESIDENT SAID, 114 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:58,318 "I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T HAVE THE LEGAL AUTHORITY TO DO THAT." 115 00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,854 AND SO, OF COURSE, TRUMP LASHED OUT VICIOUSLY AT HIM. 116 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:05,659 HE EVEN WENT TO GEORGIA TO DO IT. I LOVE THE FACT THAT THIS DUMMY 117 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:10,897 BRIAN KEMP ‐‐ FOR YEARS, BOWED TO TRUMP. 118 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:11,998 HE BENT OVER TO LET TRUMP FULLY PENETRATE HIM, GLADLY 119 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:13,199 SURRENDERING WHATEVER SHRED OF COMMON SENSE HIS SUPPORTERS 120 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,936 THOUGHT HE HAD, OVER TO THIS REALITY SHOW BUFFOON. 121 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,504 AND NOW HIS REWARD IS TRUMP TRAVELS TO HIS STATE TO CALL HIM 122 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:21,408 A STUPID, WORTHLESS CRIMINAL WHO SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM OFFICE. 123 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:24,577 THAT'S WHAT WE CALL LOYALTY, DONALD TRUMP STYLE. 124 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,714 GOVERNOR KEMP DID NOT ATTEND TRUMP'S RALLY ON SATURDAY. 125 00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:32,052 TRUMP VISITED THE STATE, PURPORTEDLY TO PROMOTE THE TWO 126 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,920 REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES FOR SENATE IN THEIR RUNOFF ELECTION. 127 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,623 BUT THAT TURNED INTO A PRESIDENTIAL PITY PARTY ALMOST 128 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:40,093 RIGHT AWAY. 129 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:43,730 >>> THEY WANT YOU TO BE QUIET. THEY WANT YOU TO GO AWAY, BUT WE 130 00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:50,737 DON'T GO AWAY. WE DON'T GO AWAY. WE WILL NEVER SUR REARSURRENDER 131 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:54,007 WILL ALWAYS WIN. WE ALWAYS WIN, SOMEHOW, WE FIND 132 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,942 A WAY TO WIN. BECAUSE WE ARE ALL VICTIMS. 133 00:07:55,942 --> 00:08:00,613 ALL THESE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT, THEY ARE ALL 134 00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:03,550 VICTIMS EVERY ONE OF YOU. 135 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,686 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, EVERY ONE OF YOU NOT WEARING A MASK IS 136 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:09,289 A VICTIM. WHAT AN INSPIRING MESSAGE ON 137 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,256 PEARL HARBOR DAY FROM OUR COMMANDER‐IN‐CHIEF. 138 00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,257 TRUMP HAD A LOT TO SAY THIS WEEKEND IN GEORGIA. 139 00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:12,959 SO WE SLOWED HIM DOWN TO HALF SPEED FOR ONE OF WHAT WILL 140 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:17,297 PROBABLY BE FEW REMAINING EDITIONS OF "DRUNK DONALD 141 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:21,334 TRUMP." 142 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,070 ♪ 143 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:28,208 CUCUMBERS, WHO, WHO DOES CUCUMBERS AROUND HERE? 144 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:33,646 BECAUSE I LIKE CUCUMBERS, CAN YOU ‐‐ I'M THE ONLY ONE. 145 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,518 I LIKE CUCUMBERS. 146 00:08:36,518 --> 00:08:36,883 ♪ 147 00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:41,755 >> Jimmy: HE LIKES CUCUMBERS. THE STATE OF GEORGIA 148 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:45,291 RE‐CERTIFIED THEIR RESULTS TODAY AND GUESS WHAT? 149 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,061 JOE BIDEN WON AGAIN. TRUMP HAS YET TO CONCEDE. 150 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:53,433 HE WILL NEVER CONCEDE. THIS IS DAY 34 OF SQUATTERGATE. 151 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:57,771 TODAY HE AWARDED THE MEDAL OF 152 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:02,809 WHICH IS A ‐‐ FREEDOM TO THE GREAT WRESTLING 153 00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,077 CHAMPION DAN GABLE, AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS, BUT 154 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,379 HE SOMEHOW EVEN MADE THAT ABOUT HIM. 155 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,082 >> HE WON 117 CONSECUTIVE MATCHES, AND LOST ONLY ONE. 156 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:15,455 WELL, YOU KNOW, IN POLITICS, I WON TWO, SO I'M 2‐0. 157 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,323 AND THAT'S PRETTY GOOD TOO. BUT WE WILL SEE HOW THAT TURNS 158 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:18,625 OUT. 159 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:23,930 >> Jimmy: HE'LL BE THE ONLY PRESIDENT TO AWARD HIMSELF THE 160 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,198 MEDAL OF FREEDOM BEFORE HE GOES. TRUMP IS MILKING THIS FOR EVERY 161 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,268 DROP. THERE ARE REPORTS THAT HE'S EVEN 162 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:33,073 PLANNING A BIG TV SEND‐OFF FOR HIMSELF. 163 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,676 ONE SCENARIO BEING DISCUSSED IS ON JANUARY 20th, TRUMP WOULD FLY 164 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:38,745 TO FLORIDA ON AIR FORCE ONE TO HOLD A RALLY AT THE EXACT SAME 165 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,582 TIME AS BIDEN'S INAUGURATION SPEECH. 166 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:48,621 I WONDER IF HE REALIZES THAT, AS OF JANUARY 20th, HE DOESN'T GET 167 00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:52,592 TO RIDE ON AIR FORCE ONE? IT'S NOT HIS PLANE. 168 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,461 THE MINUTE JOE BIDEN PUTS HIS HAND ON THAT BIBLE, I HOPE THEY 169 00:09:54,461 --> 00:10:00,033 HAND HIM A PARACHUTE AND OPEN THE DOOR. 170 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,001 EVERYONE IN THE TRUMPERVERSE IS MAKING A RUN FOR THE EXIT. 171 00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:05,271 THERE ARE REPORTS THAT ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR MIGHT QUIT 172 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:09,843 BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR. BARR SAYS HE WANTS TO SPEND MORE 173 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:15,648 TIME ORGANIZING HIS DRAWER OF ARMPIT‐STAINED UNDERSHIRTS. 174 00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:19,919 ONE GUY THAT IS NOT GOING IS DR. ANTHONY FAUCI. 175 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:23,423 FAUCI SAID HE HAS BEEN CONTACTED TO STAY ON. 176 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:28,261 AND HE WOULD LIKE TO STAY ON AS COVID CONTINUES TO HIT NEW HIGHS 177 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,231 IN THE COUNTRY. THEY SAY WE CAN BE IN FOR A 178 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,566 FRIGHTENING CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR. A HAD LOT OF HOSPITALS ARE ON 179 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:37,737 THE VERGE OF BEING OVERWHELMED AND WHEN FAMILIES GATHER IN 180 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:44,911 DOORS, BAD THINGS HAPPEN. IN ADDITION TO NEW WARNINGS, THE 181 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:47,714 NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF HEALTH IS TRYING TO KEEP SAFETY AT TOP OF 182 00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,115 MIND THIS SEASON. 183 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:53,520 >>> ELF ON A SHELF KEEPS KIDS ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOR. 184 00:10:53,520 --> 00:11:00,627 THERE'S A NEW SET OF GUIDELINES IN 2020 INTRODUCING FAUCI ON A 185 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,095 COUCHI, KEEPING COVID IN CHECK. 186 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:06,399 >> EXCUSE ME, DON'T GO ABOUT OUTSIDE WITHOUT YOUR MASK. 187 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:11,204 >> NOTHING ESCAPES DR. FAUCI'S WATCHFUL EYE. 188 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,506 >> HEY! SNEEZE IN TO YOUR ELBOW, WE 189 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,974 DON'T WANT FLYING DROPLETS. 190 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:18,511 >> YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE HE WILL POP UP NEXT. 191 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:22,448 >> YOU ONLY WASHED YOUR HANDS FOR 14 SECONDS. 192 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:27,086 SING THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG TWICE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. 193 00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,588 SING IT WITH ME. 194 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,557 ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU 195 00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:36,296 ♪ CHA, CHA, CHA. 196 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,931 >> EACH ONE HAND CRAFTED AND ACTUAL SIZE. 197 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:43,736 AND ONCE EVERYONE IS SNUG IN BED, FAUCI ON A COUCHI DISPENSES 198 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,539 ANTI‐BACTERIAL MIST TO SANITIZE THE HOUSE. 199 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,741 DON'T LET FAUCI CATCH YOU SPREADING MISINFORMATION. 200 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:54,247 >> MY DADDY SAID THE VIRUS IS A HOAX PERPETRATED BY THE DEEP 201 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:59,352 STATE AND THE VIRUS HAS TINY MICROCHIPS ‐‐ 202 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,920 >> WHOA! CD SEE YOU LATER. 203 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,490 >> KEEP YOUR KIDS COVID SAFE 204 00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:14,367 WITH FAUCI ON COUCHI. 205 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:18,371 FAUCI ON A COUCHI, AVAILABLE AT COSTCO. 206 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,839 >> AVOID COSTCO AT ALL COSTS. STAY HOME. 207 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,308 >> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 208 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,743 TONY ROMO IS WITH US, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MILEY CYRUS. 209 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,691 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONIGHT, DALLAS COWBOYS LEGEND 210 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:42,729 AND FOOTBALL ANALYST EXTRAORDINAIRE, THE ONE AND UNO 211 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:47,667 TONY ROMO IS WITH US. ALL THIS WEEK, WE'VE GOT NEW 212 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,469 SHOWS WITH EMILY BLUNT, KEEGAN‐MICHAEL KEY, 213 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,305 STACEY ABRAMS, ISLA FISHER, KYLE CHANDLER, AND TIM ALLEN. 214 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,707 WITH MUSIC FROM ARI LENNOX, INGRID ANDRESS, AND 215 00:12:54,707 --> 00:13:02,348 STURGILL SIMPSON. PLEASE JOIN US FOR ALL OF THAT. 216 00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:04,217 OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A GRAMMY‐NOMINATED ARTIST WITH 217 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:08,021 MUSIC AND MULLETS IN HER DNA. THIS IS HER NEW ALBUM, "PLASTIC 218 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:12,225 HEARTS." PLEASE SAY HELLO TO MILEY CYRUS. 219 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,260 >>> HELLO, MILEY CYRUS. 220 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:17,530 >> HI, HOW ARE YOU? 221 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:18,197 >> Jimmy: I'M GOOD. 222 00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:19,399 >> GOOD TO SEE YOU. 223 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:22,969 >> Jimmy: GOOD TO SEE YOU, I WISH YOU COULD BE HERE IN PERSON. 224 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:26,472 BUT WE HAVE THIS VIRUS TO DEAL WITH. 225 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,675 IS THAT TECHNICALLY A MULLET, YOUR HAIRSTYLE? 226 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,911 >> YES, YOU KNOW, IT'S ACTUALLY ALL OF US HAVE HAD TO DO ADJUST, 227 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:35,315 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THINGS SHUTTING DOWN AND KEEPING US 228 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:39,218 FROM DOING OUR STANDARD ROUTINES WHICH ONE OF THEM WAS GOING TO 229 00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:43,056 GET A HAIRCUT FOR ME. AND SO MY MOM OFFERED, MY BANGS, 230 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,125 MY BANGS WERE GETTING LONG AND SHE SAID, I CAN CUT YOUR HAIR 231 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,328 AND I ONLY KNOW HOW ON DO ONE HAIRSTYLE. 232 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,564 AND I HAVE BEEN DOING IT SINCE 1992 FOR YOUR DAD AND YOUR 233 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:58,004 BROTHERS AND ALL MY MOM CAN DO 234 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:01,107 IS A MULL ET, SO I HAD ONE OPTIONS AND I NEEDED IT. 235 00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:07,046 >> Jimmy: WE LEARNED THE HISTORY OF THE CYRUS FAMILY MULLET, WAS 236 00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:13,820 YOUR DAD FLATTERED THAT YOU GOT A CUT SIMILAR TO HADIS? 237 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:17,357 >> I THINK IT IS SOMETHING GENETICALLY WHERE IT GROWS 238 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,459 LONGER ON THE TOP THAN IN THE BACK. 239 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,828 IT'S A NATURAL SHAPE OUR HAIR GROWS? 240 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:25,264 >> Jimmy: SO IN A WAY, YOU WERE BORN TO HAVE A MULLET? 241 00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:26,666 >> YES, YES. 242 00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,835 >> Jimmy: ARE YOU IN L. A. RIGHT NOW? 243 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,703 >> I AM, I THOUGHT YOU WERE COMING TO ME FROM YOUR STUDIO, 244 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,974 SO I'M JOINING YOU FROM MINE. THIS IS MY MUSIC STUDIO. 245 00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,943 >> Jimmy: I LIKE IT. HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR DAD SINCE IT 246 00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:37,810 HAS BEEN GOING ON? 247 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:42,014 >> I HAVE NOT AND MY DAD, ACTUALLY HAD A BIRTHDAY KIND OF 248 00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:44,384 IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS PANDEMIC. 249 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,986 THIS IS THE LONGEST I HAVE GONE WITHOUT SEEING MY DAD. 250 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:50,757 MY DAD WENT A YEAR WITHOUT EATING PIZZA AND HE JUST, YOU 251 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:54,694 KNOW ‐‐ I THINK KEEPING, YOU KNOW, PURPOSE IN THIS PANDEMIC 252 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:58,698 HAS BEEN IMPORTANT TO ALL OF US. MY DAD THOUGHT HE WOULD TRY 253 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,567 SOMETHING HE HAS NEVER DONE, GOING A YEAR WITHOUT PIZZA AND 254 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:05,838 FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, I MADE HIM ONE THAT WAS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS. 255 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,708 EVERYTHING ELSE I DO. I TRY TO KEEP IT RIDICULOUS. 256 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,310 AND I NEVER ACTUALLY GOT TO DELIVER HIM HIS PIZZA. 257 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:13,246 SO NOW I'M STUCK WITH IT. 258 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,215 >> Jimmy: OH, AND LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THE PIZZA. 259 00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:18,951 IT LOOKED LIKE A PRETTY GOOD PIZZA. 260 00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,853 IT'S NOT REALLY A PIZZA, IS IT? 261 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:24,257 >> SO MY DAD WAS A BIT DISAPPOINTED, BUT HE SAID IT WAS 262 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,927 JUST A REFLECTION ON LIFE BECAUSE I GOT HIM A PIZZA AFTER 263 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:31,130 A YEAR OF NOT HAVING ONE. BUT IT WAS NOT REAL BECAUSE MY 264 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:36,669 PRIORITIES WAS, BEING ABLE TO KEEP IT, AND YOU KNOW, IT COULD 265 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,504 BE MORE OF LIKE SOMETHING HE COULD REMEMBER ME BY EVERY TIME 266 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:43,843 HE WALKED BY AN OVER SIZED RIDICULOUSLY BAKED PIZZA. 267 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:48,881 SO HE COULD BE DISAPPOINTED AND HE PROBABLY WAS IN MY MANY YEARS 268 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,284 OF THE EVOLUTION OF ME. 269 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:55,755 >> Jimmy: SO FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, YOU DECIDED TO TORTURE HIM. 270 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:56,722 THIS IS A MAN WHO LIKES PIZZA, WHY YES? 271 00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,658 >> YES. 272 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,327 >> Jimmy: AND DECIDED TO CUT IT OUT. 273 00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:07,133 >> THAT'S BEEN OUR DAD/DAUGHTER DYNAMIC WAS TO SEE HOW MUCH I 274 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,670 COULD DISAPPOINT MY FATHER. LAST TIME I WAS ON YOUR SHOW, I 275 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,506 WORE NO CLOTHES. THE PIZZA IS GOING UP IN THE 276 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,607 GAME, IT'S A GOOD THING. 277 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:18,478 >> Jimmy: YEAH, MY DAD WOULD BE MORE DISAPPOINTED IF I WERE TO 278 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:23,751 WEAR NO CLOTHES THAN THE FAKE PIZZA. BUT EVERY FAMILY HAS THEIR 279 00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:24,116 QUIRKS. 280 00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:27,887 >> I BOUGHT MY FIRST SWEATER SINCE I SAW YOU LAST TIME. 281 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:31,224 I THOUGHT I WOULD WEAR IT TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I HAVE GROWN. 282 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,326 >> Jimmy: THAT TRUE, YOU NEVER PURCHASED A SWEATER BEFORE? 283 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:38,731 >> I THINK NO, MY PARENTS USED TO BUY ME SWEATERS AND WHEN I 284 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:46,239 WAS A KID, I USED TO STRIP DOWN NAKED IN PUBLIC PLACES AND THEY 285 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:50,710 THOUGHT I WOULD OUTGROW IT AND I OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T. 286 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:54,247 MY PARENTS WOULD BUY ME SWEATERS AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU WOULD 287 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,650 BUY FOR A CHILD AND MY FAVORITE PLACE TO STRIP DOWN WAS IN 288 00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,552 CHURCH. 289 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,754 >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU MAY AS WELL DO IT IN FRONT OF THE LORD. 290 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,891 >> YEAH, EXACTLY. I WILL GET FORGIVEN AND DO IT 291 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,125 THERE AND KEEP IT CONVENIENT. 292 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,261 >> Jimmy: I'M SURE YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS. 293 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,631 BUT WHEN JOE ABIDE INWON THE ELECTION, YOU DO AGREE THAT JOE 294 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,300 BIDEN WON THE ELECTION, YES? 295 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,969 >> YES, YOU I LIVE ON EARTH AND YES I DO. 296 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:23,376 >> Jimmy: WHEN JOE BIDEN WON THE ELECTION, YOUR SONG "PARTY IN 297 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:30,583 THE USA" ISSE E10 OR 11 YEARS O IT CHARTED AGAIN. 298 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,051 IT KIND OF CAME BACK ON ITS OWN. 299 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:36,822 >> ONE THING THAT'S BECOME PRETTY AMAZING ABOUT "PARTY IN 300 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:39,559 THE USA," IT'S BECOME A SONG THAT REPRESENTS VICTORY. 301 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:43,229 IT'S PLAYED AT, WHEN TEAMS WIN BASEBALL AND ALL DIFFERENT 302 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,966 SPORTS, IT ENDS UP CHARTING. THIS WAS A WHOLE TAKING THAT, 303 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,367 YOU KNOW, THAT MEANING AND PURPOSE. 304 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:53,673 WHEN YOU WRITE A SONG OR CREATE A SONG LIKE PARTY IN THE USA, 305 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,975 YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE TEN YEARS LATER. 306 00:17:55,975 --> 00:18:00,046 IT WAS AN HONOR THAT IN SOME SMALL WAY I COULD PLAY A PART IN 307 00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:03,983 THE CELEBRATION THAT TOOK PLACE AFTER JOE BIDEN AND KAMALA WON 308 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:06,352 THIS ELECTION. VERY PROUD TO BE A PART OF IT. 309 00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:10,656 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU BEEN ASKED TO PERFORM AT THE INAUGURATION? 310 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:15,361 >> I HAVEN'T YET. BUT I HAVE NOW, I HAD TWO 311 00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,663 VERSIONS OF PARTY IN THE USA ACTUALLY, ON DECK. 312 00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:21,867 I HAVE TWO VERSIONS READY. ONE THAT WAS MELANCHOLY, THAT 313 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:29,942 WAS ALL ON A VIOLIN THAT WAS ONE 314 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,645 REFLECTION OF A DIRECTION WE COULD HAVE GONE. 315 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:35,047 SO I HAVE THE OTHER THAT IS OPTIMISTIC AND I WOULD LOVE TO 316 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:35,815 DO THAT. 317 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:39,085 >> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT THINKING. YOU ARE COVERING ALL THE BASES 318 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,887 WE SENT OVER EARLY, A HOLIDAY PRESENT FOR YOU. 319 00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:45,558 I KNOW THIS IS A GENUINE SURPRISE. 320 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,027 I HOPE SOMEBODY HAS IT THERE. THEY WILL GIVE YOU A PACKAGE 321 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,562 RIGHT NOW. I WOULD LIKE IF YOU WOULD NOT 322 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,231 MIND TO OPEN THE PACKAGE AND ‐‐ 323 00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:52,698 >> THANK YOU. 324 00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,368 >> Jimmy: TO SEE WHAT IS INSIDE. HOPEFULLY IT'S ‐‐ 325 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:59,238 >> MY DOG IS SO TALENTED, MY DOG JUST BROUGHT THIS TO ME. 326 00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:02,508 >> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT IS. THERE'S ANOTHER DOG IN THERE. 327 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,577 SO ‐‐ OKAY. HERE WE GO. 328 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:08,416 >> I NEED LIKE A KNIFE, BUT USUALLY THEY DON'T HESITATE ME 329 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:08,781 HAVE. 330 00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,249 >> Jimmy: ASK THE DOG FOR A KNIFE? 331 00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:14,320 >> CAN I HAVE A KNIFE! HOLD ON, I NEED A NIEMPT. 332 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,722 >> Jimmy: WE DIDN'T THINK IT THROUGH AS WELL AS WE PROBABLY 333 00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:17,823 SHOULD HAVE. 334 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,058 >> YOU KNOW? 335 00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,126 >> Jimmy: BUT ‐‐ 336 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:25,865 >> OKAY, HERE WE GO. I WILL DO IT WITH MY NAILS. 337 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:29,168 I COULD DO IT WITH MY TEETH BUT THEY WERE EXPENSIVE AND I DON'T 338 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:34,340 WANT TO RUIN THEM HAD. 339 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:37,977 >> Jimmy: I DON'T WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR A TOOTHLESS 340 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,879 MILEY CYRUS. 341 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:42,782 >> OKAY, WE ARE GETTING THE PACKAGE OPEN. 342 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,383 >> Jimmy: NEVER BEFORE SEEN ON TELEVISION. 343 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:47,053 >> I KNOW, RIGHT? YOU CAN'T CUT THIS DOWN EITHER 344 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,155 IN THE EDIT. 345 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,756 >> Jimmy: NO, THERE WILL BE NO EDITING THIS. 346 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,124 >> OKAY, WE ARE ALMOST THERE. 347 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,659 >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE THE ONLY EDIT. 348 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:56,595 >> I HAVE TO USE THE FOOT, WHAT THE HELL THE DID THEY THINK? 349 00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:57,096 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW. 350 00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:58,464 >> OKAY, HOLD ON. 351 00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:02,068 >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW. BUT BELIEVE ME THERE WILL BE 352 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,670 CONVERSATIONS POST SHOW. YEAH, THAT IS, WOW. 353 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,706 >> OKAY, HOLD ON. 354 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:12,278 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. MILEY ‐‐ 355 00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:13,512 >> THIS IS NOT GOING. 356 00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:14,714 >> Jimmy: OKAY, NOW. 357 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,415 >> I'M LIKE A CHILD. 358 00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:18,651 >> Jimmy: POTENTIALLY DAMAGED THE ITEM. 359 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,686 >> SORRY, I'M SORRY. 360 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:23,489 >> Jimmy: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 361 00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:23,956 >> OKAY. 362 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:27,260 >> Jimmy: THIS MAY BE THE DUMBEST THING WE HAVE EVER DONE 363 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:27,593 HERE. 364 00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:30,563 >> I WOULD NOT DISAGREE. OKAY, HOLD ON. 365 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:34,700 >> Jimmy: I'M AGAIN, VERY SORRY, MILEY. 366 00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:38,473 >> I SEE WHAT IT IS, YOU THE DID NOT THINK THIS IT THROUGH AT 367 00:20:38,473 --> 00:20:38,838 ALL. 368 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,406 >> Jimmy: YES, WE DID NOT THINK IT THROUGH. 369 00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:42,208 >> I CAN GET IT. 370 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:46,345 >> Jimmy: THIS ITEM THAT SHOULD NEVER COME OUT OF THAT BOX ‐‐ 371 00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,748 >> OKAY, IT'S GOING TO BE HUNG IN THE BOX TO REMEMBER THIS. 372 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:54,754 >> Jimmy: IS A PLATINUM RECORD, NOT A PLATINUM RECORD, A DIAMOND 373 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:59,391 RECORD INDICATING THAT PARTY IN THE USA HAS REACHED DIAMOND 374 00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:02,094 STATUS, WHICH MEANS TEN TIMES PLATINUM. 375 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,765 >> WELL, THANK YOU. NOW, I AM GOING TO HANG THIS IN 376 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,901 MY HOME. BUT I'M LEAVING IN THE ‐‐ BOX. 377 00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,703 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. ANYWAY, CONGRATULATIONS, WE WILL 378 00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:14,240 BE RIGHT BACK WITH MILEY CYRUSS. 379 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:25,084 ♪ 380 00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:27,987 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. TONY ROMO IS ON THE WAY. 381 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:31,757 THERE'S MILEY CYRUS WITH HER DIAMOND CERTIFIED RECORD. 382 00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:35,127 >> I GOT IT AND IT'S WRAPPED IN PLASTIC, IT'S PERFECT. 383 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,096 IT GOES WELL WITH THE NEW RECORD. THANK YOU. 384 00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:40,199 >> Jimmy: YOU ARE WELCOME, YOU ARE WELCOME. 385 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,334 MOST PEOPLE KNOW A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT MILEY CYRUS, IS 386 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:45,871 IT POSSIBLE THAT THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE, A SUPERFAN. 387 00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:52,178 WHO KNOWS MORE ABOUT MILEY THAN MILEY HERSELF. 388 00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:57,183 AND WE ARE TO FIND OUT AS WE PLAY "WHO KNOWS MILEY?" 389 00:21:57,183 --> 00:21:59,652 >> I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET YOUR COMPETITION, HE IS A YOUNG MAN, 390 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:04,190 HE IS 20 YEARS OLD. HE IS A SUPERFAN, WE HAVE A 391 00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:08,093 PHOTO OF HIS CHILDHOOD BEDROOM, YOU CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE 392 00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:12,031 FEATURED PROMINENTLY. 393 00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:21,207 >> THANK YOU. 394 00:22:21,207 --> 00:22:22,441 HE'S BEEN TO MANY OF YOUR CONCERTS, HAD A MILEY‐THEMED 395 00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:23,642 BIRTHDAY PARTY, AND RECENTLY STARTED USING KETCHUP ON HIS 396 00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:24,510 FOOD BECAUSE HE LEARNED YOU LIKE KETCHUP. 397 00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:25,411 MEET YOUR OBSESSED OPPONENT, PAUL FEENO! 398 00:22:25,411 --> 00:22:27,413 PAUL, TELL US WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT MILEY. 399 00:22:27,413 --> 00:22:30,115 >> HI, HOW ARE YOU. 400 00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:32,284 >> Jimmy: BALL, SAY HELLO TO MILEY. 401 00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:34,119 >> HI, MILEY, HOW ARE YOU? 402 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,522 >> I HOPE YOU HAVE NOT LIVED YOUR LIFE BY DOING EVERYTHING 403 00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,924 THAT I DO. IT'S VERY CONTROVERSIAL SOME OF 404 00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:39,758 THE ACTIVITIES. 405 00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:42,995 >> IT COULD DEFINITELY GET ME IN A BIT OF TROUBLE. 406 00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:47,166 BUT IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT. 407 00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:50,436 >> Jimmy: BAPAUL, DOES YOUR MOM CUT YOUR HAIR? 408 00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:51,303 >> NO. 409 00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:52,805 >> MY MOM CAN CUT YOURS. 410 00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:54,039 >> WOULD SHE? 411 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,308 >> IT WOULD LOOK SICKENING ON YOU. 412 00:22:56,308 --> 00:23:00,012 >> Jimmy: PAUL, I WANT TO SHOW A PHOTO, THIS IS PAUL'S FIRST 413 00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:05,152 CONVERT AS A YOUNG BOY. YOU WERE HEADED TO SEE MILEY 414 00:23:05,152 --> 00:23:05,517 WHERE? 415 00:23:05,517 --> 00:23:11,924 >> HANNAH MONTANA BEST OF BOTH WORLDS TOUR. IT WAS THE MOMENT. 416 00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:13,092 IT HONESTLY WAS THE MOMENT. 417 00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:16,962 >> ALL RIGHT, WELL, LISTEN, THIS IS THE MOMENT, THIS WHERE ARE IT 418 00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:18,931 ALL HAPPENS. THIS GAME IS VERY SIMPLE. 419 00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:22,534 I WILL ASK A SERIES OF QUESTIONS ABOUT MILEY CYRUS, IF YOU KNOW 420 00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:25,537 THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTIONS, I WAS THINKING YOU WOULD HOLDUP A 421 00:23:25,537 --> 00:23:30,876 SHOE, BUT MILEY YOU DON'T HAVE 422 00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:36,849 ANY SHOES. 423 00:23:36,849 --> 00:23:37,683 >> THEY SAY MILEY. 424 00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:38,550 >> WE LOVE. 425 00:23:38,550 --> 00:23:42,755 >> I PLAY GAMES BUT I DON'T PLAY GAMES. YOU KNOW? 426 00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,390 >> YEAH. 427 00:23:44,390 --> 00:23:46,859 >> WHOEVER RAISES THE SHOE FIRST, I WILL CALL ON. 428 00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:49,028 A CORRECT ANSWER IS WORTH TEN POINTS IF YOU ARE WRONG YOUR 429 00:23:49,028 --> 00:23:55,000 OPPONENT GETS A CHANCE TO STEAL, HERE WE GO. 430 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,670 ARE YOU READY? 431 00:23:57,670 --> 00:23:59,538 >> I WILL NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS, 432 00:23:59,538 --> 00:24:05,978 I HAVE SMOKE LOT OF WEED, BUTTOCK. 433 00:24:05,978 --> 00:24:06,545 >> Jimmy: MILEY. 434 00:24:06,545 --> 00:24:07,713 >> IT'S A DREAM CATCHER. 435 00:24:07,713 --> 00:24:09,815 >> IT IS, YOU HAVE TO RAISE YOUR SHOE, PAUL. 436 00:24:09,815 --> 00:24:13,385 YOU HAVE TO RAISE YOUR SHOE. FOR GOD'S SAKE. 437 00:24:13,385 --> 00:24:14,620 DO YOU HAVE A SHOE? 438 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:15,854 >> I'M SORRY. 439 00:24:15,854 --> 00:24:20,859 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. HOW MANY TATTOO DOES MILEY 440 00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:22,928 CURRENTLY HAVE? PAUL? 441 00:24:22,928 --> 00:24:24,997 >> 27. 442 00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:27,900 >> Jimmy: OH. GO UP. MILEY? 443 00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:28,567 >> I HAVE NO IDEA. 444 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:31,904 >> Jimmy: HOW DO WE KNOW THIS AND YOU DON'T? 445 00:24:31,904 --> 00:24:38,144 >> BECAUSE YOU PROBABLE ARE MUCH MORE COHERENT WHEN I GET THE 446 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:38,477 TATTOO. 447 00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:41,213 >> Jimmy: THE ANSWER IS 74. 448 00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:49,121 >> HUH? ON HANNAH MONTANA WHICH SNACK 449 00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:53,025 DID OLIVER AND JACKSON ACCIDENTLY INVENT, PAUL? 450 00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:54,059 >> CHEESE BEEF JERKY. 451 00:24:54,059 --> 00:24:57,596 >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, PAUL, CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE TIED. 452 00:24:57,596 --> 00:24:58,430 WE HAVE A TIE GAME. 453 00:24:58,430 --> 00:24:59,164 >> SO GOOD. 454 00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:03,836 >> Jimmy: WHAT IS THE NAME OF 455 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:10,042 THE SONG PA PARODY THAT WEIRD 456 00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:14,947 DID OF MILEY'S SONGS? NEITHER OF YOU KNOW IT? 457 00:25:14,947 --> 00:25:15,881 I KNEW THIS ONE. 458 00:25:15,881 --> 00:25:16,782 >> NO. 459 00:25:16,782 --> 00:25:18,650 >> Jimmy: GUILLERMO, DO YOU KNOW THE ANSWER? 460 00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:25,059 THE ANSWER IS PARTY IN THE CIA, NOT ONE OF HIS BETTER PARODIES 461 00:25:25,059 --> 00:25:25,424 IS. 462 00:25:25,424 --> 00:25:31,930 >> WE DON'T KNOW STERN TRIVIA. NAME THREE OF MILEY'S DOGS. 463 00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:34,199 >> MARY JANE, EMU AND GENE. 464 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:37,369 >> Jimmy: THAT IS CORRECT. PAUL, CAN YOU NAME THE OTHERS? 465 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:43,976 >> YES, TAMMY, HAPPY, DORA ‐‐ 466 00:25:43,976 --> 00:25:45,944 >> Jimmy: IS THERE A TAMMY? 467 00:25:45,944 --> 00:25:46,578 >> LITTLE DOG. 468 00:25:46,578 --> 00:25:48,680 >> IT'S TAWNEY. 469 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,849 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD, PAUL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 470 00:25:50,849 --> 00:25:52,084 YOU ARE CHOKING HERE. 471 00:25:52,084 --> 00:25:54,353 >> IT'S THE NERVES I'M SORRY. 472 00:25:54,353 --> 00:25:58,891 >> Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WHAT WAS MILEY WEARING IN HER 473 00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:00,025 FIRST INSTAGRAM POST? 474 00:26:00,025 --> 00:26:02,394 >> WHAT? 475 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:03,796 >> Jimmy: PAUL. 476 00:26:03,796 --> 00:26:05,230 >> NOTHING. 477 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:06,732 >> YEAH. 478 00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:10,836 >> Jimmy: INCORRECT. YOU WERE WEARING A GOLD 479 00:26:10,836 --> 00:26:12,671 ONE‐PIECE SWIMSUIT. 480 00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:13,739 >> OH! 481 00:26:13,739 --> 00:26:15,040 >> AND THAT'S THE LOOK. 482 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:20,279 >> Jimmy: NAME THREE MILEY CYRUS ALBUMS TO REACH 100 ON THE BILL 483 00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:21,880 BOARD 100. PAUL? 484 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:28,255 >> HANNAH MONTANA AND BANGERS AND THE NEW ALBUM, PLASTIC 485 00:26:28,255 --> 00:26:28,620 HEARTS? 486 00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:31,857 >> Jimmy: NO, IT'S NOT RIGHT, PAUL. 487 00:26:31,857 --> 00:26:33,325 >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT IS NUMBER ONE. 488 00:26:33,325 --> 00:26:35,260 IT'S NUMBER ONE ON THE ROCK CHART. 489 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:41,233 >> Jimmy: MEET MILEY CYRUS BREAK‐OUT AND BANGERS WERE THE 490 00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:44,937 ANSWERS. YOU NO HE WH‐‐ YOU KNOW WHAT I' 491 00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:47,139 TO DO? I'M GOING TO AWARD THE PRIZES TO 492 00:26:47,139 --> 00:26:48,908 MYSELF FOR THE GAME. THEN, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE 493 00:26:48,908 --> 00:26:49,241 HAVE. 494 00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:52,177 >> DO YOU HAVE A PRESENT THAT YOU CANNOT OPEN BECAUSE IT'S SO 495 00:26:52,177 --> 00:26:55,448 SECURELY PACKAGED THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN GET IN TO THE 496 00:26:55,448 --> 00:26:55,781 CONTENTS? 497 00:26:55,781 --> 00:27:00,018 >> Jimmy: YES, MILEY, WHAT WILL YOU SAY, PAUL? 498 00:27:00,018 --> 00:27:02,254 WHY NOT GIVE HIM THE BOX THAT THAT THAT THING CAME IN. 499 00:27:02,254 --> 00:27:07,326 >> PAUL, I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU THIS RAZOR THAT I JUST SHAVED 500 00:27:07,326 --> 00:27:09,161 WITH THAT STILL HAS THE HAIR IN IT. 501 00:27:09,161 --> 00:27:11,964 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. WHAT A TREASURE. 502 00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:13,932 >> MY HAIR BRUSH. 503 00:27:13,932 --> 00:27:14,466 >> Jimmy: SEND IT ALL. 504 00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:15,667 >> AND THIS KNIFE. 505 00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:19,738 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. WOW. ALL RIGHT, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL 506 00:27:19,738 --> 00:27:21,306 GIFT. MILEY HAS A GREAT PERFORMANCE 507 00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:26,445 FOR US LATER ON, I THANK YOU 508 00:27:26,445 --> 00:27:33,185 PAUL, THANK YOU MILEY. STICK AROUND. 509 00:27:35,621 --> 00:27:38,590 >> WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE DOG'S COHN? 510 00:27:38,590 --> 00:27:48,702 >> I NEE‐‐ ORDER UP CASH REWARDN 511 00:27:48,702 --> 00:27:49,101 MY PHONE. 512 00:27:49,101 --> 00:27:50,569 >> YOU ARE RIGHT, IT WORKS. 513 00:27:50,569 --> 00:27:51,090 >> OH, GUILLERMO. 514 00:27:58,477 --> 00:27:58,844 ♪ 515 00:27:58,844 --> 00:27:59,978 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK. MUSIC FROM MILEY CYRUS IS ON THE 516 00:27:59,978 --> 00:28:04,183 WAY. OUR NEXT GUEST WENT FROM UNDRAFTED QUARTERBACK FROM A 517 00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:06,485 SMALL COLLEGE TO LONGTIME ALL‐PRO FOR THE DALLAS COWBOYS, 518 00:28:06,485 --> 00:28:11,657 AND NOW, THE MOST CELEBRATED FOOTBALL ANALYST IN TV HISTORY. 519 00:28:11,657 --> 00:28:13,959 HE'S PROBABLY PSYCHIC, TOO. FROM "THE NFL ON CBS," PLEASE 520 00:28:13,959 --> 00:28:17,729 WELCOME, TONY ROMO. 521 00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:21,366 >> HEY, TONY. HOW ARE YOU? 522 00:28:21,366 --> 00:28:24,336 >> DOING GOOD, JIMMY. THANKS FOR THAT AUDIENCE. 523 00:28:24,336 --> 00:28:25,704 THAT WAS REALLY A NICE GESTURE. 524 00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:29,007 >> Jimmy: YEAH, WE HAVE LIKE A TENTH OF THE AUDIENCE HERE, BY 525 00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:31,643 THE WAY, LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE SHOW, WE WERE IN AUSTIN, WE 526 00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:36,014 HAD THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE. IT WAS 2015. 527 00:28:36,014 --> 00:28:38,250 DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE SHOW THAT NIGHT? 528 00:28:38,250 --> 00:28:41,887 >> I DO REMEMBER, ACTUALLY. YOU DECIDED ON TO GO AHEAD AND 529 00:28:41,887 --> 00:28:47,125 SIGN EVERY AUTOGRAPH FOR EVERYBODY, AND I HAD TO LEAVE 530 00:28:47,125 --> 00:28:49,061 BECAUSE YOU JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO ME. 531 00:28:49,061 --> 00:28:50,762 >> Jimmy: NO, THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED. 532 00:28:50,762 --> 00:28:52,331 >> I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. THAT IS WRONG. 533 00:28:52,331 --> 00:28:55,200 >> Jimmy: WE WENT TO WILLIE NELSON'S HOUSE AFTER THAT SHOW. 534 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,437 WE DROVE AN HOUR AND A HALF TO WILLIE NELSON'S HOUSE AND WHEN 535 00:28:58,437 --> 00:29:02,307 WE GOT THERE, WILLIE WAS SOUND IS ASLEEP. 536 00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:05,811 >> HE IS NOT EXAGGERATING. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TOO, IS 537 00:29:05,811 --> 00:29:10,015 HE GOES, HEY, LET'S GO TO WILLIE NELSON'S, WE WILL HAVE A GREAT 538 00:29:10,015 --> 00:29:12,651 NIGHT. WE ARE IN AUSTIN. IT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO HERE. 539 00:29:12,651 --> 00:29:16,555 IT'S A BIG TIME DEAL, THIS IS FUN. IT'S GOING TO BE FANTASTIC. 540 00:29:16,555 --> 00:29:19,791 I'M LIKE GREAT, LET'S DRIVE AROUND THE CORNER AND GO TO 541 00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:23,595 WILLIE'S HOUSE AND WE GET IN THE CAR AND IT'S LIKE, OKAY, IT'S 97 542 00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:25,931 MINUTES AWAY. AND I'M LIKE, OKAY, THIS SHOULD 543 00:29:25,931 --> 00:29:28,500 BE A GREAT TIME. BUT AT THAT POINT, IT GOING TO 544 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:30,168 BE MIDNIGHT, SHOULD WE CONTINUE TO GO? 545 00:29:30,168 --> 00:29:36,375 OR JUST HAVE A DRINK NEXT DOOR AND JIMMY, YOU KNOW, AS GOOD A 546 00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:38,877 FRIEND AS YOU ARE WITH WILLIE YOU DECIDED WE SHOULD GO AND IT 547 00:29:38,877 --> 00:29:40,212 WAS AN INTERESTING NIGHT. 548 00:29:40,212 --> 00:29:44,716 >> Jimmy: NOT ONLY THAT, WE WERE IN THE LAST ROW OF A CHEVY 549 00:29:44,716 --> 00:29:47,853 SUBURBAN, THE ONE WHERE YOU MAYBE PUT TWO KIDS. 550 00:29:47,853 --> 00:29:51,590 WE WERE JAMMED IN THERE AND WHEN WE GOT THERE, NOBODY WAS AWAKE. 551 00:29:51,590 --> 00:29:53,892 THEY SAID ‐‐ WE SAID, WELL, WILLIE INVITED US. 552 00:29:53,892 --> 00:29:57,529 IS SO THEY WENT AND WOKE WILLIE UP AND WILLIE CAME OUT. 553 00:29:57,529 --> 00:30:04,536 HIS BRAIDS WERE ALL ‐‐ UP. AND IT WAS, IT WAS ‐‐ YEAH. 554 00:30:04,536 --> 00:30:04,936 WELL, ANYWAY. 555 00:30:04,936 --> 00:30:09,274 >> BY THE WAY, BY THE WAY. WE ACTUALLY WENT THERE, YOU HAVE 556 00:30:09,274 --> 00:30:11,610 TO REMEMBER, IT WAS NOT JUST HEY LET'S GO HANG OUT WITH WILLIE. 557 00:30:11,610 --> 00:30:15,047 THERE WAS A GOOD SHIN DIG GOING ON. IT'S GOING TO BE A FUN PARTY, 558 00:30:15,047 --> 00:30:16,782 GET TOGETHER FOR LIKE FRIENDS AND FAMILY. 559 00:30:16,782 --> 00:30:19,785 JUST A BUNCH OF FUN PEOPLE. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT 560 00:30:19,785 --> 00:30:22,521 TIME. I'M LIKE, WOW, JIMMY IS INVITING 561 00:30:22,521 --> 00:30:23,855 ME. THIS IS COOL AND SPECIAL AND I 562 00:30:23,855 --> 00:30:27,526 GET TO SEE WILLIE NELSON. I'M SO EXCITED. 563 00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:31,096 GUESS WHAT, WE GO 97 MINUTES. WILLIE WENT TO SLEEP. 564 00:30:31,096 --> 00:30:33,498 NO ONE IS HERE. THE PARTY ENDED TWO HOURS AGO. 565 00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:37,736 DO YOU GUYS WANT TO HANG OUT? I'M LIKE, WELL, WE DROVE 97 566 00:30:37,736 --> 00:30:41,640 MINUTES MAYBE WE SHOULD AT LEAST HANG OUT FOR FIVE MINUTES. 567 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,242 IS ARE WE ALLOWED TO COME THROUGH THE GATE. 568 00:30:44,242 --> 00:30:45,043 THAT WAS QUESTIONABLE TOO. 569 00:30:45,043 --> 00:30:47,612 >> Jimmy: AND THEN WE WERE RIGHT BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. 570 00:30:47,612 --> 00:30:50,749 97 MORE MINUTES HOME. BUT, BOY, WOW, THAT SEEMS LIKE, 571 00:30:50,749 --> 00:30:53,952 I MOW IT WAS ONLY FIVE YEARS AGO, IT SEEMS LIKE 30 YEARS AGO. 572 00:30:53,952 --> 00:30:57,622 YOU WERE PLAYING FOR THE COWBOYS AND NOW YOU HAVE BECOME A BIG 573 00:30:57,622 --> 00:31:01,526 TIME BROADCASTER AND I REALLY, I WANT TO SAY THIS, AND I AM NOT 574 00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:02,561 JUST TOOTING MY OWN HORN HERE. 575 00:31:02,561 --> 00:31:14,206 I FEEL LIKE MY COUSIN SAH AND I 576 00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:17,909 ARE PARTILY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SUCCESS. 577 00:31:17,909 --> 00:31:23,615 >> YOU ARE RIGHT. I DECIDE TODAY TO MAKE A CHANGE 578 00:31:23,615 --> 00:31:24,916 AND YOU HELPED ME. 579 00:31:24,916 --> 00:31:28,053 >> Jimmy: BEFORE YOU SIGNED TO FOR CBS, AND CORRECT ME IF I 580 00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:30,956 HAVE ANY OF HIS WRONG. WE TAME TO YOUR HOUSE, CAME TO 581 00:31:30,956 --> 00:31:34,025 DALLAS FOR YOUR RETIREMENT PARTY AND IT WAS THE DAYTIME. 582 00:31:34,025 --> 00:31:38,430 WE SHOWED UP WAY EARLY FOR THE PARTY. 583 00:31:38,430 --> 00:31:39,631 WE ARE EITHER LATE OR EARLY. NO IN BETWEEN. 584 00:31:39,631 --> 00:31:42,367 WE SHOWED UP WAY EARLY FOR THE PARTY AND YOU AND SAL WERE 585 00:31:42,367 --> 00:31:45,203 TALKING AND SAL SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A GOOD WAY TO 586 00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:49,474 PRACTICE IS TO PLAY MADDEN AND ALL THE ELEMENTS ARE THERE. 587 00:31:49,474 --> 00:31:52,043 WE COULD PLAY MADDEN AND YOU COULD DO THE COLOR COMMENTARY 588 00:31:52,043 --> 00:31:53,745 DURING THE VIDEO GAME. AND YOU SAID, THAT'S A GREAT 589 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:56,515 IDEA, SAL. SO THE TWO ON YOU SAT DOWN AND 590 00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:59,785 STARTED PLAYING MADDEN, AND I THINK YOU PRACTICED FOR ABOUT 591 00:31:59,785 --> 00:32:02,788 THREE MINUTES. AND THEN, YOU JUST STARTED 592 00:32:02,788 --> 00:32:05,457 PLAYING MADDEN THE WHOLE TIME. AND THEN WE WATCHED YOU PLAY 593 00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:10,762 MADDEN FOR LIKE FOUR HOURS. AND A TEENAGER WAS TAUNTING YOU 594 00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:13,398 AS I RECALL. RIGHT? 595 00:32:13,398 --> 00:32:17,002 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLINE. THERE'S A LOT OF COMPETITION 596 00:32:17,002 --> 00:32:18,503 INVOLVED. SOY WISH I COULD HAVE REALLY 597 00:32:18,503 --> 00:32:22,874 BEEN MORE RECEPTIVE TO YOU AND SAL BEING NEXT TO ME. 598 00:32:22,874 --> 00:32:26,778 YOU KNOW, ALL OF YOUR STUFF ABOUT WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY 599 00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:29,848 TOMORROW FOR FUNNY STUFF. AND I'M LIKE, THERE'S NOTHING 600 00:32:29,848 --> 00:32:33,485 YOU CAN SAY THAT IS FUNNY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FUNNY AND 601 00:32:33,485 --> 00:32:35,287 SAL IS LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 602 00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:38,757 I WAS LIKE, THERE'S A KID THAT IS IN THE TOP 100 IN THE WORLD 603 00:32:38,757 --> 00:32:41,593 AND WE HAVE TO PLAY HIM SNUFRMT NOT PLAYING YOURSELF. 604 00:32:41,593 --> 00:32:43,829 I THOUGHT IT WAS INTERESTING THAT YOU PICKED BEN 605 00:32:43,829 --> 00:32:47,365 ROETHLISBERGER AS YOUR PLAYER AND THEN THIS KID WAS TAUNTING 606 00:32:47,365 --> 00:32:53,839 YOU, NOT HAVING ANY IDEA THAT HE WAS PLAYING THE REAL TONY ROMO. 607 00:32:53,839 --> 00:32:59,678 >> WELL, I'M NOT PREJUDICE AT ALL TO WHO I PLAY WITH OR WHO I 608 00:32:59,678 --> 00:33:07,185 PLAY AGAINST. AT THE END OF THE DAY IT'S ABOUT 609 00:33:07,185 --> 00:33:10,021 WINNING, I DECIDED IF I AM GOING TO TRY AND WIN, I HAVE TO GET 610 00:33:10,021 --> 00:33:12,524 RID OF TONY ROMO IN THIS GAME. 611 00:33:12,524 --> 00:33:14,392 >> Jimmy: AND YOU GOT BIG BEN IN THERE. 612 00:33:14,392 --> 00:33:17,562 BUT YOU WERE ‐‐ I HAVE TO DO SAY, I WAS AMAZED AT HOW WELL 613 00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:20,565 AND QUICKLY AND I GUESS IT'S DUMB, BUT HOW QUICKLY YOU READ 614 00:33:20,565 --> 00:33:23,835 ALL THE DEFENSES PLAYING MADDEN, AND IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT 615 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:27,606 MADDEN IS REALLY LIKE, I MEAN, THAT'S A, THAT'S LIKE A REAL 616 00:33:27,606 --> 00:33:28,206 GAME. RIGHT? 617 00:33:28,206 --> 00:33:31,643 >> IT'S A REAL GAME. I WILL SAY THIS. 618 00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:35,614 THEY HAVE DONE A BETTER JOB. IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS THEY HAVE 619 00:33:35,614 --> 00:33:38,950 EVOLVED IT TO WHERE YOU COULD TEACH YOUR HIGH SCHOOL KIDS BY 620 00:33:38,950 --> 00:33:41,887 PLAYING MADDEN. I KNOW THAT'S CRAZY. 621 00:33:41,887 --> 00:33:45,090 OUR KIDS GET VIDEO GAME TIME CUT OFF AT CERTAIN TIMES. 622 00:33:45,090 --> 00:33:47,692 IT ULTIMATELY TEACHES YOU. COVER THREE, THESE ARE THE 623 00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:51,530 CONCEPTS THAT BEAT COVER 2, COVER 3, MAN‐TO‐MAN. 624 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,798 AND THE GAME DOES A GOOD JOB AT THAT. 625 00:33:53,798 --> 00:33:55,367 THAT IS WHAT TAUGHT SAL ABOUT FOOTBALL. 626 00:33:55,367 --> 00:33:56,701 HE DID NOT KNOW ANYTHING. 627 00:33:56,701 --> 00:33:59,004 >> Jimmy: THAT IS HOW COUSIN SAL LEARNED ABOUT FOOTBALL. 628 00:33:59,004 --> 00:34:02,974 ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR GIFTS AND I THINK IT'S A HIDDEN TALENT AND 629 00:34:02,974 --> 00:34:05,477 I'M HOPING THAT YOU CAN SHARE IS WITH THE WORLD. 630 00:34:05,477 --> 00:34:10,549 IT'S YOU DO IMPRESSIONS AND NOW, A LOT ON PEOPLE DO IMPRESSIONS, 631 00:34:10,549 --> 00:34:14,185 BUT THESE ARE NOT THE TYPICAL VOICE IMPRESSIONS, YOU DO 632 00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:15,287 IMPRESSIONS OF OTHER QUARTERBACKS. 633 00:34:15,287 --> 00:34:16,955 >> NO, I DON'T. 634 00:34:16,955 --> 00:34:20,292 >> Jimmy: OH. NOW, I SEEM TO RECALL BEING IN A 635 00:34:20,292 --> 00:34:25,330 RESTAURANT WITH YOU AT WHICH TIME YOU DID THE STANCES OF 636 00:34:25,330 --> 00:34:27,465 VARIOUS QUARTERBACKS. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? 637 00:34:27,465 --> 00:34:29,401 >> NEVER, DON'T REMEMBER THAT AT ALL. 638 00:34:29,401 --> 00:34:31,002 >> Jimmy: THAT DOESN'T RING A BELL AT ALL? 639 00:34:31,002 --> 00:34:35,640 >> THAT'S CRAZY. THAT'S THE FIRST I HEARD OF IT. 640 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,109 >> Jimmy: DID YOU FORGET IT AT WILLIE'S HOUSE? 641 00:34:38,109 --> 00:34:42,480 >> THAT WAS THE NIGHT I FORGOT A LOT OF STUFF. 642 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,318 YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING ‐‐ I ARE WILL GO AHEAD 643 00:34:46,318 --> 00:34:48,186 AND MAKE IT LOOK OKAY. 644 00:34:48,186 --> 00:34:51,423 >> Jimmy: DO TOMB BRADY. BECAUSE THESE ARE FANTASTIC. 645 00:34:51,423 --> 00:34:54,392 DO A LITTLE TOM BRADY. LET'S SEE ‐‐ 646 00:34:54,392 --> 00:34:56,361 >> I DON'T KNOW, WHO DO YOU WANT? 647 00:34:56,361 --> 00:34:58,330 >> Jimmy: TOM BRADY. TOM BRADY. 648 00:34:58,330 --> 00:35:03,034 >> I DON'T KNOW. ALL RIGHT, WE WILL SEE, THIS IS 649 00:35:03,034 --> 00:35:05,470 THE BEST I GOT, I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S SILLY. 650 00:35:05,470 --> 00:35:07,539 >> Jimmy: WE WILL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. 651 00:35:07,539 --> 00:35:08,506 WE WILL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. 652 00:35:08,506 --> 00:35:13,445 >> HE GETS A SNAP. 653 00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:19,618 >> Jimmy: OKAY. THAT'S GOOD. 654 00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:21,753 >> ALL RIGHT HAD. NOW PEYTON MANNING, READY? 655 00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:38,136 >> Jimmy: DO PEYTON, YEAH. 656 00:35:39,204 --> 00:35:41,272 >> Jimmy: THAT IS GREAT. 657 00:35:41,272 --> 00:35:46,878 >> ALL RIGHT, BRETT FAVRE, BRETT FA FAVRE, LET'S GO BACK IN TIME. 658 00:35:46,878 --> 00:35:54,619 >> Jimmy: YOU ARE ON A ROLL. 659 00:35:54,619 --> 00:35:58,256 WOW. THAT'S, YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK YOU HAVE A SHOW, I THINK 660 00:35:58,256 --> 00:36:02,293 THIS COULD, YOU COULD, YOU COULD BE IN VEGAS IN THE OFF‐SEASON. 661 00:36:02,293 --> 00:36:04,029 DOING THIS STUFF. THINK BIT. 662 00:36:04,029 --> 00:36:08,166 >> I COULD BE AND THEN MY WIFE WOULD GO AHEAD AND SAY, GO AHEAD 663 00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:08,800 AND STAY THERE. 664 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,102 >> Jimmy: TONY, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU. 665 00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:14,239 I KNOW YOU ARE DOING THE SUPER BOWL, YOU THINK THERE WILL BE A 666 00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:15,974 SUPER BOWL THIS YEAR? WILL WE HAVE ONE? 667 00:36:15,974 --> 00:36:20,011 >> I DO. I THINK THE NFL HAS DONE A 668 00:36:20,011 --> 00:36:24,149 UNBELIEVABLE JOB. THE FACT THAT THEY ARE AT THIS 669 00:36:24,149 --> 00:36:29,854 POINT IT'S INCREDIBLE. THEY HAVE DONE THINGS RIGHT. 670 00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:32,957 IT WILL NOT BE LIKE YOU HAD WITH MILEY CYRUS, OTHER THAN THAT, 671 00:36:32,957 --> 00:36:33,825 IT'S SECOND. 672 00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:40,532 >> Jimmy: CAN WE WATCH YOU OPEN A BOX FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR. 673 00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:40,899 TONY ROMO. 674 00:36:40,899 --> 00:36:43,635 >> I CAN DO IT WITH MY HANDS. 675 00:36:43,635 --> 00:36:51,443 >> Jimmy: WATCH TONY AND JIM NANCE AND THE SUPER BOWL 676 00:36:51,443 --> 00:36:53,812 FEBRUARY SEVENTH. WE BE BACK WITH MUSIC FROM MILEY 677 00:36:53,812 --> 00:37:03,621 CYRUS. 678 00:37:12,197 --> 00:37:13,665 >> Jimmy: THANKS TO TONY ROMO. APOLOGIES TO MATT DAMON. 679 00:37:13,665 --> 00:37:15,934 "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT, BUT FIRST, HER ALBUM IS CALLED "PLASTIC 680 00:37:15,934 --> 00:37:19,070 HEARTS." WITH THE SONG, "PRISONER," 681 00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:20,305 MILEY CYRUS! 682 00:37:20,305 --> 00:37:23,074 ♪ PRISONER PRISONER 683 00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:27,612 LOCKED UP CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND ♪ 684 00:37:27,612 --> 00:37:28,146 ♪ OFF MY MIND 685 00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:31,082 LORD KNOWS I TRIED A MILLION TIMES ♪ 686 00:37:31,082 --> 00:37:35,086 ♪ MILLION TIMES OH‐WOAH 687 00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:42,827 WHY CAN'T YOU WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 688 00:37:42,827 --> 00:37:43,361 ♪ STRUNG OUT ON A FEELING 689 00:37:43,361 --> 00:37:46,798 MY HANDS ARE TIED YOUR FACE ON MY CEILING ♪ 690 00:37:46,798 --> 00:37:47,132 ♪ I FANTASIZE 691 00:37:47,132 --> 00:37:52,137 OH I CAN'T CONTROL IT I CAN'T CONTROL IT ♪ 692 00:37:52,137 --> 00:37:53,638 ♪ I TRY TO REPLACE IT 693 00:37:53,638 --> 00:37:59,077 WITH CITY LIGHTS I'LL NEVER ESCAPE IT ♪ 694 00:37:59,077 --> 00:38:01,379 ♪ I NEED THE HIGH 695 00:38:01,379 --> 00:38:07,118 OH I CAN'T CONTROL IT I CAN'T CONTROL IT ♪ 696 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:07,585 ♪ YOU KEEP MAKING IT 697 00:38:07,585 --> 00:38:13,424 HARDER TO STAY BUT I STILL CAN'T RUN AWAY ♪ 698 00:38:13,424 --> 00:38:16,394 ♪ I GOTTA KNOW WHY CAN'T YOU 699 00:38:16,394 --> 00:38:19,097 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 700 00:38:19,097 --> 00:38:19,531 ♪ PRISONER PRISONER 701 00:38:19,531 --> 00:38:23,067 LOCKED UP CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND ♪ 702 00:38:23,067 --> 00:38:25,103 ♪ OFF MY MIND 703 00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:26,604 LORD KNOWS I TRIED A MILLION TIMES ♪ 704 00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:29,307 ♪ MILLION TIMES OH‐WOAH 705 00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:35,113 WHY CAN'T YOU WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 706 00:38:35,113 --> 00:38:36,981 ♪ PRISONER PRISONER 707 00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:38,249 LOCKED UP CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND ♪ 708 00:38:38,249 --> 00:38:38,583 ♪ OFF MY MIND 709 00:38:38,583 --> 00:38:43,188 LORD KNOWS I TRIED A MILLION TIMES ♪ 710 00:38:43,188 --> 00:38:44,255 ♪ MILLION TIMES OH‐WOAH 711 00:38:44,255 --> 00:38:47,725 WHY CAN'T YOU WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 712 00:38:47,725 --> 00:38:49,561 ♪ I TASTED HEAVEN NOW I 713 00:38:49,561 --> 00:38:55,099 CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT I CAN'T FORGET YOU AND ♪ 714 00:38:55,099 --> 00:38:55,667 ♪ YOUR LOVE IS THE LOUDEST 715 00:38:55,667 --> 00:38:58,636 OH I CAN'T CONTROL IT I CAN'T CONTROL IT ♪ 716 00:38:58,636 --> 00:39:01,739 ♪ YOU KEEP MAKING IT 717 00:39:01,739 --> 00:39:07,111 HARDER TO STAY BUT I STILL CAN'T RUN AWAY ♪ 718 00:39:07,111 --> 00:39:11,115 ♪ I GOTTA KNOW WHY CAN'T YOU 719 00:39:11,115 --> 00:39:15,587 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 720 00:39:15,587 --> 00:39:19,090 ♪ PRISONER PRISONER 721 00:39:19,090 --> 00:39:25,430 LOCKED UP CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND ♪ 722 00:39:25,430 --> 00:39:27,065 ♪ OFF MY MIND 723 00:39:27,065 --> 00:39:31,069 LORD KNOWS I TRIED A MILLION TIMES ♪ 724 00:39:31,069 --> 00:39:33,137 ♪ MILLION TIMES OH‐WOAH 725 00:39:33,137 --> 00:39:37,375 WHY CAN'T YOU WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 726 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:39,077 ♪ PRISONER PRISONER 727 00:39:39,077 --> 00:39:43,348 LOCKED UP CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND ♪ 728 00:39:43,348 --> 00:39:47,118 ♪ OFF MY MIND 729 00:39:47,118 --> 00:39:49,988 LORD KNOWS I TRIED A MILLION TIMES ♪ 730 00:39:49,988 --> 00:39:51,723 ♪ MILLION TIMES OH‐WOAH 731 00:39:51,723 --> 00:39:52,824 WHY CAN'T YOU WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 732 00:39:52,824 --> 00:39:54,259 ♪ CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND 733 00:39:54,259 --> 00:39:56,561 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO ♪ 734 00:39:56,561 --> 00:39:56,928 ♪ MILLION TIMES 735 00:39:56,928 --> 00:39:59,097 I WANNA KNOW WHY CAN'T YOU WHY CAN'T YOU ♪ 736 00:39:59,097 --> 00:39:59,697 ♪ I WANNA KNOW WHY CAN'T YOU 737 00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:03,067 WHY CAN'T YOU I GOTTA KNOW WHY CAN'T YOU ♪ 738 00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:19,317 ♪ WHY CAN'T YOU 739 00:40:23,121 --> 00:40:25,290 ♪