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>>> from hollywood, it's "jimmy
kimmel live."

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I'm jimmy.
I'm the host of the show.

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Thank you for watching.
I'm assuming you are awake.

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On yet another day of electile
dysfunction in washington dc.

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This is day 13 of
"squattergate."

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president donald is still in
denial, still refusing to

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cooperate.
He spent the weekend

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rage-tweeting about how the
election was rigged.

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But I feel like he may be coming
around.

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Last night he tweeted that he
won the election in all caps.

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But this morning he backed off a
little bit.

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He tweeted that he won in
lowercase.

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That's as close as trump is
gonna get to making a concession

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speech.
He's like a kid slowly realizing

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nobody's coming to his birthday
party.

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We should never have given him
that diet coke button!

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This had to put a little crinkle
in his tin foil hat.

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The department of homeland
security's cybersecurity and

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infrastructure security
agency -- this is one of trump's

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own cabinet agencies, put out a
statement debunking his claims

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of widespread fraud.
They wrote, "the November 3rd

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election was the most secure in
american history."

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and then they took another dig
at the boss baby, "while we know

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there are many unfounded claims
and opportunities for

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misinformation about the process
of our elections, we can assure

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you we have the utmost
confidence in the security and

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integrity of our elections, and
you should, too."

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and how did the president react
to that statement of reassurance

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from his own government agency?
"most fraudulent election in

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history!"
so everything's going great.

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If donald trump gets any more
embarrassing, we're gonna have

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to start calling him
donald junior.

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I wonder if he really even
believes any of this garbage?

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He says it was "rigged."
he says everything is rigged.

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When donald trump says something
is rigged, you can rest assured

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that it probably is not.
>>> we are running against a

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rigged race.
Some of the voting was rigged.

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The game was rigged.
Our country is rigged.

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The economy is rigged.
Republican system is was rigged.

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Hillary clinton was rigged.
The media is rigged.

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These polls are rigged.
The whole deal is rigged.

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The banks are rigged.
The process is rigged.

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I think my side was rigged.
It's a rigged everything.

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The whole deal is rigged, folks.
Rigged, rigged, rigged, rigged.

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I call plenty of things in the
country, rigged.

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>> jimmy: It is going to take
the president some time to

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digest this loss.
Here's how it will go, these are

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the trump stages of grief in ten
parts.

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First up, denial.
>> we were getting ready to win

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this election, frankly we did
win this election.

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>> jimmy: Then, anger.
>> joe biden is a criminal, and

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he has been a criminal for a
long time.

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And you are a criminal and the
media for not reporting it.

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>> jimmy: After anger comes
blame.

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>> this is a horrible thing that
the united states supreme court

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has done to our country.
I will say it and I say it loud

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and I say it proud.
>> jimmy: Then delusion.

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>> I see thousands of ballots.
Right?

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Unsolicited ballots being given
out by the millions and dumped

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in dumpsters.
>> jimmy: Litigation.

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>> there's tremendous litigation
going on.

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>> jimmy: Discombobulation.
>> if people wanted their b

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ballots in, thernd have gotten
them in for a long time.

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>> jimmy: More delusion.
>>

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>> jimmy: Incoherence.
I can tell you stories about

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lady gaga, I know a lot of
stories, lady gaga, and john bon

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jovi, every time I see him he
kisses my ass.

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>> jimmy: Hallucination.
>> ding, ding, ding, bong, bong,

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bong,
>> jimmy: And finally,

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acceptance.
>> this is china's fault.

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>>.
>> as closes you can get.

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>> jimmy: Now bend over and take
it like a man getting spanked

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with a rolled-up magazine.
It's just going to take time.

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Four more years and he'll be
over it.

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And it may take his supporters
longer than that.

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There was a rally on Saturday in
washington, the "million" maga

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March.
They were about 985,000 short of

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a million, but don't say that to
white house press secretary

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kasey macaroni, who did what
trump press secretaries are

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expected to do.
She added a few zeros to it.

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"amazing!
More than one million marchers

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for president @realdonaldtrump
descend on the swamp in support.

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Best base in political history.
We love you guys!"

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even sean spicer was like "that
number seems a little high."

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local authorities estimated the
size of the crowd at around ten

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thousand.
But bear in mind, in fairness to

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kayleigh, if you ask her how old
she is, she holds up her fingers

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and says "this many."
the president did not speak at

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the rally, but he did drive
through the crowd to give a tiny

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little thumbs up on his way to
the golf club he would never

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allow any of the people he drove
past to join.

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I think I have an idea to solve
this.

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I have other ideas to solve and
I know they have had not solved

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it.
But here's another one.

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You with me on this guillermo?
>> I'm with you.

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Here's what we do.
We tell trump he's going to

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"re-sign" the presidency.
We hand him a piece of paper.

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It says, "I, donald j. Trump
hereby re-sign as president of

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the united states effective
immediately."

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we give him a big-fat sharpie
and let him go to town.

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Once that thing is notarized, we
put him in a sack and ship him

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right back to mar-a-lago.
Trump is desperate for a win

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right now.
He took a victory lap today

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after the very good news that
another covid vaccine is on the

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way.
Writing, "another vaccine just

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announced.
This time by moderna, 95%

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effective.
For those great 'historians,'

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please remember that these great
discoveries,which will end the

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china plague, all took place on
my watch!"

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don't worry.
We will make sure that no one

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ever forgets what took place on
your watch.

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With the virus hitting all-time
highs, trump's new top

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coronavirus advisor,
scott atlas, urged people in

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michigan to "rise up" against
safety measures.

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"yeah!
Down with safety!"

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but the fact that we have two
viable vaccines is great news.

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This morning I was actually
fantasizing about being on an

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elevator with people.
Guillermo, which vaccine are you

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into, pfizer or moderna?
>>> pfizer.

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>> you like pfizer, huh?
>> yeah, yeah.

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>> what is it about the pfizer
that you like?

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>> I don't know, defense the
first one that came.

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>> it is the first one?
>> yeah.

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>> it's the original, it's like
coca-cola and pepsi.

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Coke's the real thing.
>> exactly.

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>> how do you like it?
>> well, I still prefer the

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first one.
>> you still prefer the first

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one.
Who's name you cannot remember

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now?
>> faster, pfizer!

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Pfizer!
>> the first one.

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>> f-f-pfizer.
>> I have one more question.

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Do you know how to do a
cartwheel?

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>> no, no.
I don't know how to do a

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cartwheel, I'm too fat.
I don't know.

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>> you never do a front
cartwheel?

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>> I don't know, but one of my
good writers over here --

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>> you are have writers?
>> yeah.

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Daniel --
>> wait a minute, the words you

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say, are being provided to you
by writers?

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>> yeah, yeah.
>> I made a decision, I made it

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last weekend it was reaffirmed
for me.

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I want to be -- I am 53, and it
seems like the right time.

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And you and I --
>> then let's try it.

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You go ahead and go ahead and
give it a try.

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I want to learn.
I want to get an olympian to

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teach you.
>> okay.

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I will give it a try.
>> give it a try.

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>> are we going to have time?
>> yeah, we have time?

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>> it's a cartwheel, how long
can it take?

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>> remember, I don't know how.
[ bleep ]

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this time.
>> let's go over here so I can

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see what's happening.
Go ahead.

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>> that was actually really
good.

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>> oh, my god, that was
terrible.

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>> what were we talking about?
Oh, trump, yeah, what else?

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Team trump is 1 for 24 in court
right now, wasting our money

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trying desperately to convince a
judge, at this point any judge,

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that there was voter fraud.
Multiple cases were dismissed

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and withdrawn today.
Because they have no evidence.

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The odds are piling up against
trump, but when you're the

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underdog, who do you go to for
an unexpected win?

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That's right, none other than
rudy.

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>> every ballot they could see
had biden's name on it.

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Nobody else, not even another
democrat.

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Why does that happen?
It happens because you know you

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are behind.
Dominion notifies you and you

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call off the counting and you
start doing ballots like this.

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You can't, you can't do the down
ticket.

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That's why you have biden and no
down ticket because they had

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enough time to get biden's name
in.

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"it's true, I read about it on a
jpeg on facebook."

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looks like somebody treated
himself to a new pinky ring!

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And while you may be wondering
why donald trump would put his

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legal fate in the hands of the
only person who is more out of

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it than he is.
The reason may be as simple as

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this commercial that runs
opposite mypillow on fox news.

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>>> looking for a lawyer who
doesn't give a -- calmed the

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notorious rudy g, rudy giuliani
and associates.

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555 am I a mess?
Maybe.

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Something is wrong!
Call me at 555- -- I will answer

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the phone.
I always answer the phone.

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I have a scab on my income that
I keep picking and rudy giuliani

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and associates.
I have no associates they quit

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weeks ampth remember this?
What happened to me.

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Call now.
>> call, now.

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>> jimmy: Fun fact, did you know
rudy giuliani is the only

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vampire who loves garlic?
He even smells like it!

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What a confusing time it is to
be alive.

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Especially if you're a parent.
Kids know more about what's

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going on than we think they do.
Last night on "60 minutes,"

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president obama was talking
about trump refusing to concede,

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he said "we would never accept
behavior like that from our own

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kids if they lost."
and that's true.

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So what are the lessons our
children have learned from this

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president known as trump?
Some of them are these.

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♪
>>> cheating is okay.

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>> lie.
Always lie.

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>> never tell the truth.
>> if somebody disagrees with

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you, they are a loser.
>> cheat on your stocks.

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>> cheat on your taxes.
>> being attractive and rich is

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most important.
>> don't follow the rules.

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>> never apologize.
Ever.

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>> apologies are for losers.
>> don't help sick people.

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>> don't help poor people.
>> never take responsibility for

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anything.
Blame everyone else.

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>> don't exercise.
>> stare in to an eclipse.

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>> fried chicken is good for
you?

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>> call people names.
>> sleepy.

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>> nasty.
>> crazy.

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>> lazy.
>> low iq.

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>> little.
>> weirdo.

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>> ugly.
>> loser.

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>> pocahontas.
>> call a winner a cheater if

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you lose.
>> don't let anybody talk.

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>> interrupt people.
>> people who are different

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are -- keep interrupting,
interrupt, interrupt, interrupt.

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>> hire rudy giuliani.
>> and don't forget to

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00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,895
interrupt.
>> he is an inspiration to all

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of us.
>> jimmy: We have a good show

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for you tonight.
David cross is with us.

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We've got music from wallows.
And we'll be right back with

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ryan phillippe.
>> jimmy: Welcome back.

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Tonight, a very funny and dare I
say subversive man, david cross

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is with us.
Then later, their ep is called

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00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:52,564
"remote" music from wallows.
This week, we've got new shows

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00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:56,234
with goldie hawn, alison brie,
alex winter.

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We'll have a visit from
people magazine's sexiest man

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00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:06,077
alive, whose identity has not
yet been revealed.

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We'll have music from g-eazy
featuring blackbear,

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bee-ba-doo-bee, and zac brown
band.

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And on Thursday, president
barack obama.

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You know that guy, right?
You know our first guest from

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those things we used to go to
called "movies."

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his latest is a tv show.
He plays private investigator

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cody hoyt in the new tv show
"big sky."

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it premieres tomorrow night on
abc.

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Please welcome ryan phillippe.
Snet

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♪
>>> please, how's it going?

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00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:57,929
>> it's going good.
You know, it's actually nice to

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00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,197
see anyone these days.
>> jimmy: I know, it is.

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00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:04,769
When people say nice to see you,
you cannot help but feel "you"

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00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:08,806
means humanity.
>> yeah, yeah, get out of the

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00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,074
house.
>> jimmy: Have you been getting

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00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:14,712
out of the house or staying?
>> I was working in vancouver

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00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:16,981
doing big sky.
I went through the early days of

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00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,918
the quarantine and stayed in the
house and did everything and

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00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:23,788
then I needed to hit the road,
jimmy.

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00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:24,989
>> jimmy: By yourself?
>> yeah.

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00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:33,464
>> jimmy: Where did you go?
>> I went on a road trip across

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00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:38,603
country.
I'm from delaware who is having

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00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:42,840
a moment right now.
>> jimmy: I have news, neither

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00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:45,743
of you were there already, he
was the vice president before

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00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:48,913
this.
>> I know, I know, but I have a,

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00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,082
I'm from delaware.
I have a small beachhouse there

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00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,918
and I kept thinking about how
badly I wanted to be there had.

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00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,687
>> jimmy: Oh.
>> and this idea of driving

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00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:59,157
across country in an electric
vehicle which, you know, four

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00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:03,328
years ago was not a possibility.
That got me so excited.

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00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:09,934
I hopped in the tesla, and I
allowed it to dictate my path.

260
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,502
You want to hit the super
chargers.

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00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:16,240
If you don't hit the super
chargers you will sit for a long

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00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:20,545
time.
>> jimmy: I found out the wrong

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00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:21,679
way.
We miscalculated and I tell you

264
00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:25,583
a sneaky thing they do.
On the super charger, if you put

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00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:33,858
your destination in the car, it
will only give you enough super

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00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,160
charge to get you to the
destination.

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00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,997
>> I know, you are holding your
breath the last few miles and

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00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:43,067
you are seeing it tick down to
under 5%.

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00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:47,171
>> jimmy: And the result is you
end up in a nonsuper charger, in

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00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:51,275
my case, a parking lot of a
walmart store.

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00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,611
>> yeah, they are not always in
the best place.

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00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:58,649
>> jimmy: It would give you one
mile every 40 minutes, or

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00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,718
something like that.
I don't know if you are like

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00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:04,555
this -- if I see someone's cell
phone is not fully charged, I

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00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:07,658
will just grab it and plug it
in.

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00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:15,867
>> yeah there's a term for this.
Range anxiety.

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00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:19,070
>> jimmy: Really?
>> it's a tesla driver known

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00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:23,374
term, you have range anxiety.
>> jimmy: I may have to be

279
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:27,912
hospitalized for it, and I can't
get in for it.

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00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,414
>> I let the tesla dictate my
path.

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00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:35,887
If I had to go out of the way to
get to a super charger that was

282
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,622
okay.
Time is irrelevant.

283
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,424
It doesn't mean anything
anymore.

284
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,427
So, you know, and also, I really
wanted to try out the camping

285
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,529
mode.
Do you know about camping mode?

286
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,631
>> jimmy: I have read about it,
yeah.

287
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:51,135
>> so camping mode keeps your
climate controlled all night if

288
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:55,773
you have enough charge and you
can put on netflix, at some

289
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:59,744
point in my journey I was like,
I have to try out the camping

290
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:03,448
mode.
>> jimmy: You can put netflix on

291
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:10,254
in the car?
>> yeah, you curl up in the

292
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:14,459
couch with big screen.
So, on the way across country.

293
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,295
I did stop, I was determined to
have one night in the vehicle.

294
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:25,036
I wanted on to try that out.
But I was really tired and

295
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,238
needed to shower a couple of
times and I went to the holiday

296
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:30,842
inn, these were the days where
things were just opening up.

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00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:37,782
So the guidelines and protocols
of checking in were over the

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00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,585
top.
You walked in and everything was

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00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,054
covered in plastic.
To check in at the check-in

300
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:47,191
counter I had to yell to the
woman because she is behind a

301
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:52,730
couple of panes and the stand
here thing was eight feet away

302
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,065
from her.
I had to throw the credit card

303
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,468
like a chinese star to get it to
h

304
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,403
her.
No go in the room, from the

305
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,806
remote, to buttons on the
bathroom, everything is covered

306
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,908
in plastic.
It was very odd.

307
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:08,746
But I made my way across
country, and I figured out a way

308
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:14,619
to hack the self drive.
>> jimmy: Oh, on the at the time

309
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:17,355
la, the self driving feature,
does it work?

310
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:20,525
I have not tried it.
>> I went hours without touching

311
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,260
the wheel.
>> jimmy: Really?

312
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:28,099
>> jimmy I took off my shoes.
I had multiple screens on the

313
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:32,904
windshield so I can facetime
with my kids and friends.

314
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:37,108
>> jimmy: How did it go?
>> it was like a super slow

315
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:40,478
first class.
>> jimmy: Tell me what this is,

316
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:44,815
this is a terrible idea to tell
anyone how you did it, how did

317
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:51,489
you do it?
>> it's easily searchable on

318
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,624
you
youtube, but I will say, there

319
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,593
was nobody on the road.
Height of the pandemic.

320
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:59,697
The straight highs across texas,
oklahoma, and I did not see

321
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:03,801
anybody for miles so I got super
comfortable.

322
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:06,204
I was reclined.
Like I said, I was chilling.

323
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,471
Yeah.
>> jimmy: Do you put a pair of

324
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:11,509
gloves on the wheel so it feels
like there's hands there or what

325
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:16,013
do you do?
>> a -- a -- adequately weighted

326
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:20,184
water bottle does the trick.
>> jimmy: Oh, is that right?

327
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:24,255
>> you tuck it in the corner of
the wheel.

328
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:27,225
>> jimmy: Imagine that is how
you die.

329
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,827
Imagine.
Yeah, they found an evian

330
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,463
bottle, you don't want to know
where they found it.

331
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:37,902
Apparently he was laying on his
stomach.

332
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:40,471
>> so I realize this was a
couple of days in the journey,

333
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:43,941
I'm getting close to delaware, I
have to try out the camping

334
00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:46,877
thin.
So I go online in a charging

335
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,279
session and I'm looking at the
koa spots.

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00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:50,915
>> jimmy: Yeah, yeah.
>> and I didn't find one that

337
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:56,821
was, you know, reasonably
reachable with my range.

338
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,623
Again.
So, I started researching where

339
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:03,094
are you allowed to sleep safely
when you are on the road?

340
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,229
Walmart.
>> jimmy: That's right.

341
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:07,164
I know this.
>> walmart is a haven for

342
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,432
drivers.
Anyone, if you are in danger or

343
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:12,770
driving a truck, you are allowed
to legally park and sleep in a

344
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,605
walmart parking lot.
>> jimmy: Most of them, yeah,

345
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:18,909
rvs, they will let you park in
the walmart parking lot.

346
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,579
>> yeah, and so jimmy, that's
what I the did.

347
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,515
I got to a walmart somewhere in
virginia.

348
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:26,984
>> jimmy: Wow.
>> and they had a tesla charger

349
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:30,955
and I put on camping mode and I
curled up and I spent the last

350
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:37,128
night of my journey a --
>> jimmy: The stars are really

351
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:39,563
just like us.
It's remarkable.

352
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:41,032
>> I'm very much a man of the
people.

353
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:43,000
Very much.
Very much.

354
00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:45,102
>> jimmy: How old are your kids
now?

355
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:48,472
>> 17, 20 and 9.
>> jimmy: Oh, oh, so, are -- are

356
00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:51,876
you still allowed to hang out
with them or is it --

357
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:55,546
>> you know, you should have
them on and ask them.

358
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:59,717
No, I think they like me.
My son and I have a very, very

359
00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:02,586
close relationship and we do a
lot of road trips together.

360
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:04,422
>> jimmy: He is 17?
>> yeah, yeah.

361
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:09,627
>> jimmy: Where do you go with
him and are you sleeping behind

362
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,996
the wheel while --
>> no, by the way.

363
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:13,898
Disclaimer I was the only person
in that vehicle, so I would

364
00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:16,067
never do that.
>> jimmy: It's too late for any

365
00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,302
disclaim ers.
You let us down.

366
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:20,037
We were already on a bad path in
the country.

367
00:22:20,073 --> 00:22:24,108
Now there's no one literally at
the wheel anymore.

368
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:25,209
>> doesn't the it feel like
that?

369
00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:31,248
>> jimmy: Yeah, it does.
You encapsulated the country

370
00:22:31,284 --> 00:22:33,084
right there.
>> in the past few years, deacon

371
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:40,624
and I have gone, we did a road
trip to jyellow stone.

372
00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:46,197
We went to north dakota and
yellow stone and tokyo and kioto

373
00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:49,500
recently and most recently for
his 17th birthday.

374
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:51,402
I didn't tell him where we were
going.

375
00:22:51,437 --> 00:22:59,210
I am like, I'm going to pick you
up from mom's and go on a tand

376
00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:03,647
have a celebration -- I said we
are going to joshua tree and

377
00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:05,249
contact aliens.
>> jimmy: That's the middle of

378
00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:11,255
the desert here in california.
>> so I rented an alien filmed

379
00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:14,058
air bnb.
Are you familiar with dr.

380
00:23:14,093 --> 00:23:15,993
Stephen greer.
>> jimmy: I am not.

381
00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:18,696
>> there's been a couple of
documentaries about him.

382
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:23,567
He is a ufohogist, I don't know
if that is where his doctrate

383
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:27,104
comes from and he has an app
called the contact app.

384
00:23:27,140 --> 00:23:32,676
It's called c-5, and there's
meant to be the steps that you

385
00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:35,746
take to conjure up interaction
with alien life.

386
00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:38,015
And I have seen videos of people
that went out with him and

387
00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:42,119
something appears in the sky.
I mean, I have seen it.

388
00:23:42,155 --> 00:23:46,957
Demi lovato went out.
>> jimmy: Well, that settles it

389
00:23:46,993 --> 00:23:50,761
for me.
Wait a minute, are you saying

390
00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:55,132
demi lovato, really?
>> so, so, we he go out to

391
00:23:55,168 --> 00:23:56,200
joshua tree.
>> jimmy: Let's go and do this

392
00:23:56,235 --> 00:24:00,337
with him by the way.
We will do cart wheels the whole

393
00:24:00,373 --> 00:24:02,540
time.
>> dude, I would go.

394
00:24:02,575 --> 00:24:05,109
You me, stephen greer.
>> jimmy: I would absolutely do

395
00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:06,644
it.
Yes.

396
00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:10,281
>> I'm sure he would be down.
>> jimmy: Did you contact any

397
00:24:10,316 --> 00:24:12,183
alien
aliens?

398
00:24:12,218 --> 00:24:16,720
>> no, we spent the day rock
climbing and I dropped on him

399
00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:19,723
the reason that we were there.
I was like, we are going to

400
00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:24,862
contact aliens.
He was in to it.

401
00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:28,332
I think it's a family thing.
My dad was of in to aliens and

402
00:24:28,367 --> 00:24:35,573
the prospect of alien life.
>> jimmy: Did he ever see

403
00:24:35,608 --> 00:24:37,575
anything?
>> my mom and he claimed they

404
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:40,144
did.
>> jimmy: That's their way of

405
00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:44,048
saying they smoked weed.
>> it was the 70s.

406
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:50,221
>> jimmy: Speaking of "the big
sky," ryan philippe is with us,

407
00:24:50,256 --> 00:24:52,356
we will be right back.
>>> 1200 missing women, all in

408
00:25:01,634 --> 00:25:05,669
the last two years.
Most of them last seen in truck

409
00:25:05,705 --> 00:25:07,204
stops.
>> there's a lot of truck stops

410
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:12,843
along the way.
>> the church membership include

411
00:25:12,879 --> 00:25:16,080
longhaul truckers?
That he is a faction of truckers

412
00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:18,015
mixed up in sex trafficking.
>> really?

413
00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:20,885
>> how do you feel about driving
up there?

414
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:30,361
>> to the church, now?
>> you got kids, rick?

415
00:25:30,396 --> 00:25:37,401
>> say no more.
>> jimmy: "big sky" premieres

416
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:41,505
tomorrow at 10 on abc.
From david e lee, did --

417
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:45,609
>> pickett fences.
On and on, the guy has an

418
00:25:45,645 --> 00:25:47,411
incredible track record.
>> jimmy: Can I tell you

419
00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:49,713
something, when I heard you
played a private investigator,

420
00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:57,888
that pleased me.
In the '70s, and '80s, every

421
00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:01,892
fourth actor was a private
investors.

422
00:26:01,928 --> 00:26:04,895
You name it.
>> to the extent that I thought

423
00:26:04,931 --> 00:26:11,402
about wanting to be a private
investigator because of that.

424
00:26:11,437 --> 00:26:12,803
>> jimmy: You do not realize
that you will be sitting across

425
00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:17,808
the street from a hooker's
apartment trying to catch a

426
00:26:17,843 --> 00:26:19,777
cheating husband all day.
>> acting is better.

427
00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:21,445
>> jimmy: Acting is really
better.

428
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:26,283
Although, you in the walmart
parking lot is not far off from

429
00:26:26,319 --> 00:26:29,086
what these people do.
>> a little method there.

430
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:30,521
>> jimmy: I wanted to ask you
about your tweets.

431
00:26:30,556 --> 00:26:33,891
First, tell me what's the
process as far as tweeting goes?

432
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,160
Will you?
Do you have any rules that you

433
00:26:36,195 --> 00:26:38,162
set for yourself?
>> I have no rules outside of

434
00:26:38,197 --> 00:26:41,532
trying to make people laugh and
not taking any of it too

435
00:26:41,567 --> 00:26:42,933
seriously.
>> jimmy: Okay.

436
00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:45,436
Now --
>> very --

437
00:26:45,471 --> 00:26:48,639
>> jimmy: That is correct.
And I -- so I wanted to play a

438
00:26:48,674 --> 00:26:53,677
game in which you tell me
whether this is something that

439
00:26:53,713 --> 00:26:57,081
you tweeted or kanye west
tweeted.

440
00:26:57,116 --> 00:27:00,384
Okay.
Here we go.

441
00:27:00,419 --> 00:27:04,321
There's no emoji for a tire?
Is that ryan or kanye?

442
00:27:04,357 --> 00:27:08,592
>> that's me.
>> jimmy: That is ryan.

443
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:09,760
Correct.
[ cheers and applause ]

444
00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:14,865
>> and I'm not wrong.
>> jimmy: There isn't, huh?

445
00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:16,900
>> no.
>> jimmy: Weird, just want to

446
00:27:16,936 --> 00:27:22,106
watch whale videos and hear
whale sounds, what stage of

447
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:23,807
quarantine is this?
Ryan or kanye?

448
00:27:23,843 --> 00:27:29,079
>> that is ryan, I love whales.
>> jimmy: You do not have to

449
00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:31,715
clap after each one.
He is not really accomplishing

450
00:27:31,751 --> 00:27:34,551
anything.
>> but I do love whales.

451
00:27:34,587 --> 00:27:36,186
>> jimmy: Sometimes I get
emotional over fonts.

452
00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:39,790
Ryan or kanye?
>> that would be mr. West.

453
00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:42,359
>> jimmy: That is kanye.
That is correct.

454
00:27:42,395 --> 00:27:45,462
Now you can clap.
[ cheers and applause ] the only

455
00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:49,566
thing the humans ever game me
was all this baggage.

456
00:27:49,602 --> 00:27:52,569
Ryan or kanye?
>> I think that is both of us.

457
00:27:52,605 --> 00:27:54,838
>> jimmy: Sounds like --
>> no I'm going to take

458
00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:57,508
ownership for that.
>> jimmy: That is you, that is

459
00:27:57,543 --> 00:28:00,244
correct.
I wish I could run across a

460
00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:06,050
beach in to my own arms.
>> that is kanye.

461
00:28:06,085 --> 00:28:11,155
>> jimmy: That's so kanye.
Man, ninjas are kind of cool, I

462
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:16,326
just don't know any personally.
>> is that me?

463
00:28:16,362 --> 00:28:20,064
>> jimmy: That was kanye.
That was not you.

464
00:28:20,099 --> 00:28:26,937
Is it called content because
none of us are content?

465
00:28:26,972 --> 00:28:30,741
>> that pearl of wisdom came
from right up here.

466
00:28:30,776 --> 00:28:35,746
>> jimmy: All right, one more.
Room service, ugh, I hate it

467
00:28:35,781 --> 00:28:39,416
when I order fruit and I can
taste the other food they can

468
00:28:39,452 --> 00:28:44,054
cut with the same knife, beef
flavored pineapples.

469
00:28:44,090 --> 00:28:47,858
>> I'm going can kanye.
>> jimmy: Yeah, that is kanye.

470
00:28:47,893 --> 00:28:52,830
You know yourself well.
The show is called "big sky," it

471
00:28:52,865 --> 00:28:58,102
premiered tomorrow night,
eig10:00,

472
00:28:58,137 --> 00:29:01,905
on abc.
We will be right back with david

473
00:29:01,941 --> 00:29:04,641
cross.
♪

474
00:29:18,124 --> 00:29:21,058
>> jimmy: Welcome back.
Our next guest is a very funny

475
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:22,259
man.
You know him from "arrested

476
00:29:22,294 --> 00:29:25,129
development," "mr. Show," and
now as a butterfly hunter who

477
00:29:25,164 --> 00:29:28,265
goes deep into the forests of
the pacific northwest in "the

478
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:32,603
dark divide."
it's available now on vod,

479
00:29:32,638 --> 00:29:38,675
please welcome david cross.
>> jimmy: Hey, david, hello, how

480
00:29:38,711 --> 00:29:40,244
are you doing?
>> good, hi.

481
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:42,613
>> jimmy: You know what I was
thinking about you, and you

482
00:29:42,648 --> 00:29:47,584
are -- I have not seen you since
you became a father.

483
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:51,321
Congratulations on had that.
It's been a --

484
00:29:51,357 --> 00:29:57,194
>> that's right, it's
intentional for legal purposes.

485
00:29:57,229 --> 00:29:58,695
Yeah, thank you.
>> jimmy: How are you going

486
00:29:58,731 --> 00:30:01,999
that?
Are you good at it?

487
00:30:02,034 --> 00:30:06,103
>> yeah, I think so.
I think I'm good, so far, so

488
00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:11,975
good.
You know, she is, on the other

489
00:30:12,011 --> 00:30:15,779
side of 3-1/2, so, she is
whatever, three months away from

490
00:30:15,815 --> 00:30:21,985
being four.
So, you know, I haven't spoken

491
00:30:22,021 --> 00:30:25,322
to her in english.
I just do gibberish and see what

492
00:30:25,357 --> 00:30:26,590
that creates.
It's an experiment.

493
00:30:26,625 --> 00:30:33,764
You know, we will find out in a
couple of years how it works.

494
00:30:33,799 --> 00:30:36,633
And --
>> jimmy: I like that.

495
00:30:36,669 --> 00:30:41,238
>> all right.
No, I am bringing her up as a

496
00:30:41,273 --> 00:30:48,545
very, very strict orthodox jew,
I'm not, nobody else in the

497
00:30:48,581 --> 00:30:53,851
family is, just her.
>> jimmy: You know what's weird,

498
00:30:53,886 --> 00:30:58,021
it would work.
It would work, wouldn't it?

499
00:30:58,057 --> 00:31:05,562
Does she know what dad and mom,
the do for a living?

500
00:31:05,598 --> 00:31:11,134
Is she aware of what you do?
>> yes and no, she knows the the

501
00:31:11,170 --> 00:31:13,003
things that we do.
She doesn't have a full grasp on

502
00:31:13,038 --> 00:31:15,739
it.
I actually, when she was oh,

503
00:31:15,774 --> 00:31:23,413
gosh, I guess 2, 1-1/2 to
2-year-old.

504
00:31:23,449 --> 00:31:27,918
She was on the tour bus with me,
and she came out on stage one

505
00:31:27,953 --> 00:31:29,620
time.
I was at the montreal just for

506
00:31:29,655 --> 00:31:32,122
laughs festival and I didn't
know she was going to come out.

507
00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:35,192
My wife arranged it.
And I'm not -- I'm closing my

508
00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:41,531
set and I'm doing like an encore
and I hear people behind me,

509
00:31:41,567 --> 00:31:46,603
like 2,000 people going, awe!
And it -- you know, didn't make

510
00:31:46,639 --> 00:31:49,973
any sense and I look over and
she -- that's the I'll never

511
00:31:50,009 --> 00:31:53,877
forget that moment as long as I
live and she came out and I held

512
00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:58,448
her up and I tried to get her --
I have one of the -- what is the

513
00:31:58,484 --> 00:32:02,819
looney tunes thing with the
bullfrog that sings and the guy

514
00:32:02,855 --> 00:32:03,887
discovers it.
>> jimmy: Yeah, right, right.

515
00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:07,691
>> it was like that.
I was like, oh, do the thing and

516
00:32:07,726 --> 00:32:10,260
she just stood there.
But it was adorable.

517
00:32:10,296 --> 00:32:12,930
>> jimmy: It's funny, when the
kids come out, you want them to

518
00:32:12,965 --> 00:32:16,433
not cry and to like it but you
don't want them to like it too.

519
00:32:16,468 --> 00:32:22,973
>> no I wanted herr to cry, tha
was what I was trying to get her

520
00:32:23,008 --> 00:32:24,241
to do.
There's big money in kids

521
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,375
crying.
You go watch tv the.

522
00:32:25,411 --> 00:32:30,647
There's tons of money in it.
>> jimmy: So I heard, yes.

523
00:32:30,683 --> 00:32:33,550
The, your movie is called the
dark divide, and I watched it

524
00:32:33,585 --> 00:32:36,286
today and it's very enjoyable to
watch.

525
00:32:36,322 --> 00:32:39,589
Really, an unusual movie and
your acting is great in it and

526
00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:43,026
you are alone for a lot of the
movie and a lot of the movie you

527
00:32:43,062 --> 00:32:48,298
are not saying anything at all.
Can did that take some getting

528
00:32:48,334 --> 00:32:49,933
used to?
>> I mean, it was, it was kind

529
00:32:49,969 --> 00:32:53,470
of nice to do.
I will tell you though, you

530
00:32:53,505 --> 00:32:56,406
know, the scene, it's towards
the beginning where I'm in the

531
00:32:56,442 --> 00:33:01,611
gas station and I'm trying to
get directions and buy the map?

532
00:33:01,647 --> 00:33:06,149
That was one of the last things
we shot and I was so starved to

533
00:33:06,185 --> 00:33:12,356
just talk to somebody and play
and improvise and have a scene

534
00:33:12,391 --> 00:33:15,625
with dialog.
I had been in the woods at that

535
00:33:15,661 --> 00:33:18,595
point like for 14 days.
So it came out in that aspect.

536
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:22,699
I mean, it was like I was on
speed and just hyped and excited

537
00:33:22,735 --> 00:33:24,368
like a little kid just to talk
to people.

538
00:33:24,403 --> 00:33:27,671
>> jimmy: It's the way everyone
feels now, I think, probably.

539
00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:29,139
>> yeah.
>> jimmy: Yeah.

540
00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:32,409
>> well the movie is certainly
the timing could not have been

541
00:33:32,444 --> 00:33:36,546
better you know, for a movie
like this to come out and give

542
00:33:36,582 --> 00:33:40,584
people a 90 minute respite from
the horrors in the world, you

543
00:33:40,619 --> 00:33:42,552
know, to actually go out in the
woods.

544
00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:45,655
With me.
In my underwear.

545
00:33:45,691 --> 00:33:52,462
>> jimmy: It's a ridiculous
movie to explain, not just in

546
00:33:52,498 --> 00:33:56,733
your underwear, but nude, thank
you for that david.

547
00:33:56,769 --> 00:34:01,171
>> full on nude, you can get a
digital descrambler and see the

548
00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:03,673
real deal if you want.
>> jimmy: One of the crazy

549
00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:08,912
things and I watch it like four
times in a row trying to figure

550
00:34:08,947 --> 00:34:12,883
out if it's real or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong, it does

551
00:34:12,918 --> 00:34:14,951
appear to be real, an owl lands
on your head.

552
00:34:14,987 --> 00:34:17,154
>> oh, yeah, yeah, that was
real.

553
00:34:17,189 --> 00:34:28,231
The owl, we had owlwrangelers
came up from georgia, I don't

554
00:34:28,267 --> 00:34:33,970
know why you cannot get one from
the pacific northwest.

555
00:34:34,006 --> 00:34:36,173
First of all, a owl is a heavy
dense creature.

556
00:34:36,208 --> 00:34:40,544
>> jimmy: Interesting, I would
not guess that it was heavy had.

557
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:44,614
>> it was heavy hand I didn't
know until I shot the thing and

558
00:34:44,650 --> 00:34:49,986
there's padding under my hat,
but it's still, the talons

559
00:34:50,022 --> 00:34:52,823
really did scratch me and cut me
open, even though there's that

560
00:34:52,858 --> 00:34:55,559
much thick of padding underneath
the hat.

561
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:58,962
The owl also, it's an owl.
>> jimmy: Yeah.

562
00:34:58,997 --> 00:35:03,900
>> and it does not play by our
rules.

563
00:35:03,936 --> 00:35:06,336
It's rude.
Very unprofessional.

564
00:35:06,371 --> 00:35:10,474
But, they were trying to get it
to, you know, fly from the

565
00:35:10,509 --> 00:35:17,247
branch to land on my head, and
the way they did that was with

566
00:35:17,282 --> 00:35:22,686
frozen dead mice.
So, the wranglers are about, you

567
00:35:22,721 --> 00:35:28,291
know, 20 yards or ten yards
away, something like that, off

568
00:35:28,327 --> 00:35:29,459
in the woods and they are off
camera.

569
00:35:29,495 --> 00:35:33,130
It was a big wide shot.
And they are throwing frozen

570
00:35:33,165 --> 00:35:37,167
dead mice at me to get the owl
but also they are trying to hit

571
00:35:37,202 --> 00:35:43,039
had my chest but they would hit
my face, dead frozen mice just

572
00:35:43,075 --> 00:35:48,712
like a lot of that.
And then eventually the owl --

573
00:35:48,747 --> 00:35:52,883
>> jimmy: Wae have a clip, let'
look at the owl descending and

574
00:35:52,918 --> 00:36:11,902
landing.
Now, I know this is based on a

575
00:36:11,937 --> 00:36:16,039
real guy, and a real story.
Did that really happen to him?

576
00:36:16,074 --> 00:36:19,743
>> the owl.
>> jimmy: Yeah.

577
00:36:19,778 --> 00:36:24,114
>> no, that is hollywood magic,
jimmy.

578
00:36:24,149 --> 00:36:26,049
Don't mean to spoil it for
everyone.

579
00:36:26,084 --> 00:36:29,986
>> jimmy: A little frozen rodent
magic.

580
00:36:30,022 --> 00:36:37,160
It's good, it's called "the dark
divide" on vod and other digital

581
00:36:37,196 --> 00:36:38,728
platforms.
David cross everybody.

582
00:36:38,764 --> 00:36:41,565
We will be right back with music
from wallows.

583
00:36:45,871 --> 00:36:51,808
♪
>>> the "jimmy kimmel live"

584
00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:53,810
concert series is brought to you
by mercedes benz.

585
00:36:53,845 --> 00:36:55,178
>> jimmy: I want to thank
ryan phillippe and david cross,

586
00:36:55,214 --> 00:36:59,249
apologies to matt damon.
"nightline" is next, but first

587
00:36:59,284 --> 00:37:01,651
their ep is called "remote."
with the songs, "virtual

588
00:37:01,687 --> 00:37:06,323
aerobics" and "are you bored
yet," wallows!

589
00:37:06,358 --> 00:37:11,861
♪
♪ hey there safe travels

590
00:37:11,897 --> 00:37:15,966
read it I unravel
simple words that

591
00:37:16,001 --> 00:37:19,469
might kill me ♪
♪ let's spend the night

592
00:37:19,504 --> 00:37:22,706
doing some
virtual aerobics

593
00:37:22,741 --> 00:37:26,810
hey watch my grapevine ♪
♪ and my side kick

594
00:37:26,845 --> 00:37:30,480
I'm not too good
but I try my best

595
00:37:30,515 --> 00:37:33,750
work hard no matter ♪
♪ what happens next

596
00:37:33,785 --> 00:37:37,420
want to dress in what
makes you like me

597
00:37:37,456 --> 00:37:43,159
I'll probably overwear ♪
♪ these nikes

598
00:37:43,195 --> 00:37:48,331
I'll clean'em off
when they get a scuff

599
00:37:48,367 --> 00:37:49,799
tell me when you think ♪
♪ they've had enough

600
00:37:49,835 --> 00:37:55,472
there's no color
in san francisco

601
00:37:55,507 --> 00:37:59,276
you laughed and said ♪
♪ just look around you

602
00:37:59,311 --> 00:38:03,680
being here for the
first time with you

603
00:38:03,715 --> 00:38:05,181
it lets me see it ♪
♪ totally new

604
00:38:05,217 --> 00:38:05,949
yeah you called me
out like that

605
00:38:05,984 --> 00:38:06,783
like that ♪
♪ yeah you made

606
00:38:06,818 --> 00:38:07,751
me blush like that
like that

607
00:38:07,786 --> 00:38:10,153
only been here one night ♪
♪ leaving doesn't

608
00:38:10,188 --> 00:38:11,554
feel right
we could live a

609
00:38:11,590 --> 00:38:14,090
life like that ♪
♪ like that

610
00:38:14,126 --> 00:38:16,893
I love how you
move like that

611
00:38:16,928 --> 00:38:20,063
I love how you ♪
♪ kiss like

612
00:38:20,098 --> 00:38:25,268
when we aren't together
all of the weather

613
00:38:25,304 --> 00:38:26,236
I'll get to your side like ♪
♪ that let's spend the

614
00:38:26,271 --> 00:38:28,204
night doing some
virtual aerobics

615
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:32,075
hey, watch my grapevine ♪
♪ and my side kick

616
00:38:32,110 --> 00:38:34,844
I'm not too good
but I try my best

617
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,881
work hard no matter ♪
♪ what happens next

618
00:38:37,916 --> 00:38:41,751
want to dress in what
makes you like me

619
00:38:41,787 --> 00:38:44,621
I'll probably overwear ♪
♪ these nikes

620
00:38:44,656 --> 00:38:48,725
I'll clean'em off
when they get a scuff

621
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:54,097
tell me when you ♪
♪ think they've had enough

622
00:38:54,132 --> 00:38:58,768
♪
♪

623
00:38:58,804 --> 00:39:01,004
♪'cause we could
stay at home or

624
00:39:01,039 --> 00:39:03,740
watch the sunset
but I can't help from ♪

625
00:39:03,775 --> 00:39:09,212
♪ asking are you bored yet
and if you're feeling

626
00:39:09,247 --> 00:39:10,547
lonely you should tell me
before this ends up ♪

627
00:39:10,582 --> 00:39:16,052
♪ as another memory
will you tell the truth

628
00:39:16,088 --> 00:39:27,864
so I don't have to lie
will you tell the truth ♪

629
00:39:27,899 --> 00:39:44,781
♪ so I don't have to lie
♪

630
00:40:07,406 --> 00:40:23,886
♪