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Hello, Rudy.
Normally I'd frisk you to make sure you're not packing but...
in this case, I'll make an exception.
Do you know who I am?
- Al Nicoletto. - It's a nice hotel.
I killed a guy here in 95?
96, 96?
96. Memories.
I don't have the money.
- I swear to god. - We'll then I'll just let you go, right?
Nobody who swears to god could possibly be lying.
You and your partner stole $3.1 million from our friends in Miami.
More or less.
They don't have the exact figure yet.
- I don't have it! - One hell of an account.
Ben took the money!
- Ben Gruber, your partner, right? - That's right.
We were supposed to meet up next week, split the money.
Meet where?
I don't know. Ben was gonna call.
- Where is he? - California. That's all I know.
Oh, god, that postcard over there.
"Sit tight. I'll call next week."
That's all I know.
- I swear. - I got bad news for you, Rudy.
I believe you.
MONK Season 4 Epi. 5 Mr. Monk Gets Drunk
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ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON USA: 2005/08/05
Mr. Monk Gets Drunk
The winery's over there.
- And this is the inn. - Oh, it's so beautiful.
You come here every year?
I couldn't do it.
Mitch and I honeymooned in Paris.
I still haven't been back.
I have to come.
I promised Trudy.
Well, I am so looking forward to relaxing.
You know, reading a book.
Taking a bath.
Oh, I may never leave that bathtub.
Uh, wait a minute. Let me get that one.
Here you go.
Thank you.
- Oh, oh, the mail. - Pardon me?
I forgot to tell Kevin to bring in the mail.
That's okay, I talked to him.
Maybe we should call him, just to, just to be sure.
Mr. Monk, I took care of it. He's bringing in the mail.
What are you doing?
What, you don't believe me?
Why would I lie about something like that?
To shut me up.
Mr. Monk, I'm not a liar. I called him.
Just to be sure.
Mr. Monk, we are partners now.
That means we have to trust each other.
That is the rule, okay?
I have to trust you.
You have to trust me.
No matter what we say.
You're right.
I'm sorry. / Okay.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. / What?
Oh, it's so different.
This is not at all the way I remember it.
Feel better? / A little.
Adrian! Hello!
Welcome back.
Uh, welcome home.
Hello, Sylvia.
Has it really been a year already?
Oh, you must be Natalie.
Welcome to wine country.
Sylvia Willis.
Sylvia to my friends, whom I hope is everybody.
Oh, Adrian, I've got your room all ready.
Your special pillows, special towels, and your special soap.
And I hope you got my letter about the rug.
Oh, yes. They had to replace one of the rugs.
Oh, thank you for being so understanding.
Uh, would you sign in, please?
You're going to be in room 204 at the top of the stairs. / Oh, sure.
Sylvia, I want to apologize again for last year.
Oh, don't mention it. It's ancient history.
What happened last year?
Well, it's not worth mentioning.
We had a mystery weekend.
And we hired some actors who were going to act out a little murder.
I'm really, really sorry.
And, uh, it was supposed to be for three days.
And everybody paid in advance for three days.
Adrian solved the case in, what was it, 12 minutes?
Well, I, I knew that the general's daughterwas lying about meeting Churchill,
because Churchill wasn't knighted until 1953.
Which meant that Reginald, the limping chauffeur,
who supplied her alibi, was also lying.
So obviously, they were lovers who were planning to kill the sultan,
- and steal the Arabian emerald. - Anyway, uh,
we had to refund everybody's money.
No big deal.
But we learned our lesson.
No more mysteries when Adrian Monk is in town.
This time we're having a wine tasting.
Uh, do you enjoy wine, Natalie?
- A little more than I should. - Oh, then you must join us.
Uh, Adrian, you don't drink, do you?
No.
Oh, good. Perfect.
Here are your keys.
You know the way.
Now, if you need anything, you just call.
Okay.
Natalie, I'm going to sit down here for a little while.
It's sort of a tradition.
- You want some company? - No, no, I'll...
- I'll be fine. I won't be alone. - Okay.
Well, have a good night, Mr. Monk.
Get some rest.
Not a day goes by
when I don't think about you.
And I, I never feel as close to you as I do when I'm here.
It's always...
Oh, no, no,
Please, leave it. Please.
It's 1984.
Yes, sir. Allacco cabernet, 1984.
- It had your name on it. - It was my wife's favorite.
Thank you.
Thank you for marrying me.
What were you thinking?
I'm sorry. That's, that's probably me.
I was a little enthusiastic with the aqua velva.
- Do you mind if I rest my cheeks? - Actually, I do.
Oh, well, if someone comes, I'll get up.
I hate drinking alone.
- Um, por favor? - Senor.
Oh, I'm, I'm, uh, bilingual.
My mother was Venezuelan.
That means I can make an ass of myself in two languages.
Excuse me. Pardon me, I'm sorry.
For my heart.
My old ticker. Larry Zwibell.
Adrian Monk.
Adrian, nice to know you. So what brings you here?
Are you here for the, uh, what, the wine tasting?
No, I come every year. It's kind of a tradition.
All right, that's nice. Ah, please.
Good.
Oh, transcendent. Like a meal in itself.
Oh, just think. A week ago,
I couldn't even afford a bottle of pop.
Oh, fabulous.
Hey, are you all right?
I'm not much of a drinker.
Oh. How many have you had?
- One bottle? - One sip.
Well, if you wake up tomorrow and you're still hammered,
you gotta come find me. I'm in room 202 by the back staircase.
I got a great cure for a hangover, it's 100% guaranteed.
So, um, if you'll excuse me, I'm, uh...
I'm gonna teach these rubes how to play some poker.
Nice knowing you.
Hello, hello, everybody. Hi.
So, uh, what are you playing?
It's a friendly little game.
Oh, I thought you were playing poker.
Hey, is this seat taken?
- Go ahead, sit down. - Thank you.
I'm sorry, that's, you know what? That's probably the aqua velva.
Oh, my god, what'd you do? Take a bath in it?
No, I didn't. But that's not a bad idea.
I'll try it next time.
Hey, Larry Zwibell.
Hey. / Hi.
I brought a couple friends with me. Maybe you'd all like to say hi.
Cal Gefsky, hi, how are you doing? This is my wife Heidi.
Heidi. / Wife? I just can't get used to that.
Oh, we just got married on Saturday.
- Congratulations. - I'm Dr. David Sobin.
Nice to see you.
He's a psychiatrist, you know. So watch out for him.
A shrink? No, you're kidding. Wait, hold on.
I got a great joke. Okay. Have you guys heard this one?
A guy goes to a psychiatrist and he says,
"doctor, my wife thinks she's a refrigerator."
And the psychiatrist says, "well, just ignore her."
And the guy says, "I can't."
"When she sleeps with her mouth open, the little light keeps me awake all night."
Hey, Adrian, now what, are you gonna give up?
I think so. Good night.
Oh, excuse me?
Um, excuse me?
Um, before you go, would you take our picture?
Oh, sure.
Hold still.
Hold, hold still.
Ready...
Smile.
Wait, let, let's stand oldest to youngest.
So that would be you, then you, then you...
Mr. Monk. I will take the picture.
Oh, Mr. Monk. I was just coming to get you.
It's a beautiful day.
They have an amazing breakfast downstairs.
Are you okay?
Were you drinking?
Just a little.
Not even a glass.
Oh, I met a guy. He's in 202.
He said he hada cure for this.
Uh, he said it was, he said it was guaranteed.
- Come on, here. 202. - 202.
Larry? It's, it's Adrian from last night.
Hello?
Oh, I'm sorry. I, I was looking for Larry.
- Uh, did you switch rooms? - No, no, no.
Well, he said 202.
At the back.
Who, who are you talking about?
Larry...
Larry Zwibell.
Uh, from last night. You played poker with him?
Uh, no, no. You're mistaken.
I don't know anybody by this name. Excuse me, more talk.
Oh, good morning. I hope you're hungry.
Hi, good morning.
We're looking for a guest. A Larry Zwibell.
Who?
He checked in last night.
You remember? Room 202.
Adrian, nobody checked in yesterday except for you and Natalie.
No. No, no, no, Sylvia.
I talked to him.
He, he, Larry Zwibell.
See for yourself.
He was here.
I talked to him.
You have to believe me.
Okay.
There are three cars in the parking lot, plus mine.
The same three cars that were there last night.
Maybe he left.
But that wouldn't explain why everybody's lying.
- Then why didn't he check in? - He did check in.
He said room 202.
Look.
We signed in on the bottom of this page.
Sylvia could have removed the next page.
Why would she do that, Mr. Monk?
I don't know.
Something happened.
Something happened here.
Come on.
Are you sure you only had one drink?
Natalie, I met him.
He, he spoke Spanish.
And he reeked of aqua velva.
You believe me, right?
You said we have to believe each other.
You said that was the rule.
That's true.
Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you all. But we're looking for a guest.
Larry Zwibell.
- He was here last night. - Who?
I told you I never heard of him.
He played poker with you.
He told you that joke about the psychiatrist.
The wife who thinks she's a refrigerator.
And the psychiatrist says, "Just ignore it."
But the man says, "I can't because when she sleeps"
"with her mouth open, the little light inside her mouth keeps me awake."
- That's brilliant. - Why, why are you laughing?
Because it's funny.
But, but you already heard it.
You heard it last night.
- They already heard it. - Maybe it's your delivery.
Did you notice the French guy did this?
That's his tell.
I was watching him play poker last night.
Whenever he bluffed, he rubbed his nose.
I'm telling you, he did it upstairs earlier too.
He's lying. They are all lying.
It's, it's a conspiracy.
Mr. Monk, why?
They don't even know each other.
Ricardo. / Senor?
Ricardo, you remember my friend.
He was, he was sitting with meat that table right there.
He spoke Spanish to you.
He ordered the degout pinot.
I am sorry, senor.
There was no one there.
- You were alone all night. - Ricardo...
Excuse me.
Well, you're getting an early start.
The tasting doesn't begin until noon.
May I?
Oh, they make this here.
They just released it this morning.
And how is it?
It's good. It's, uh, sweet.
But it has a, um...
it has a weird after taste to it.
Do you taste it?
No, not really.
I'm a little bit worried about your friend.
I'm a psychiatrist,
and I saw him yesterday talking to an empty chair.
Oh, yeah, he does that.
His wife died eight years ago. He talks to her.
Mrs. Willis said he used to be a detective. He was discharged?
May I ask, why is he here?
Well, it's his anniversary, and they honeymooned here, so.
So this is probably a time of stress for him.
Does he handle stress well?
No. He handles stress unwell.
Lonely children will sometimes make up a person in their minds.
An imaginary friend, if you will.
I've seen it a lot in my practice.
- I've seen adults do it too. - Well, you don't know Adrian Monk.
He's a great detective.
The police don't make a move without talking to him first.
I don't know what's going on here.
But if he says he met a man named Larry Zwibell,
then he met a man named Larry Zwibell.
Oh, this is interesting.
There's nothing upstairs.
What's going on?
Um...
excuse me.
Larry Zwibell
What do you think?
About what?
The signature.
The painter.
He has the same name as...
As my hallucination?
Hey, I didn't say that.
Now, Mr. Monk, you gotta admit,
it looks kind of bad.
People might think that you...
saw the name and...
made up a person.
Or the man I met saw the name on that painting
and decided to use it for himself.
The camera.
Natalie, they took a photo last night.
A group photo.
And he was in it.
And this is our 2002 cabernet sauvignon. I think you'll like it.
It's slightly softer and more tannic than the merlot.
- You've got to get that camera. - Okay.
Okay, then you stay here.
Ah, will you be joining us? Good.
- The more the merrier. - Thank you.
Next, we're going to try the syrah.
Now, the syrah comes from our very own grapes in the east vineyard.
What are you drinking?
Uh, it's the, uh, the sierra springs.
How is it?
It's exquisite.
Is this your first wine tasting?
I'll explain what they're doing.
There are five steps. We call them the five S's.
See, swirl, sniff, sip, and spit.
Now, they're on step one.
How does that wine look?
Is it rich in color? Does it react with the light?
Excuse me, uh, what was that last one?
Uh, step five.
Spit.
So they, they, they're going to be...
- spitting? - That's it.
- I can hold your camera for you. - Oh, I'm good.
- Now they're on step three. - Oh, step three.
Sniffing. You smell the wine. Inhale deeply.
Do you smell the fruit or the herbs?
Uh, so that means, really, there's only two steps left until the...
spitting.
That's right.
Uh, all, all at once?
All of them spitting on the porch here?
With me on the porch?
Now they're sipping.
Sipping! So spitting is next. Oh, god.
Oh, here it comes.
This is so much fun, isn't it? How about a group shot?
A little newly wed group shot.
- I'll take it. - Oh, maybe later.
Oh, my god.
It's a kissing fern.
A what?
Yeah. They're called kissing ferns.
It's supposed to be good luck for newlyweds to kiss underneath one.
Haven't you heard that song?
Kiss me under the kissing fern, baby.
Yeah, okay, well,
Yeah, in that case, uh...
Here? Ready?
Oh, wow. You don't get it.
It's so cute. Let me take a picture.
I Gotta get a great angle here.
You can take the picture.
Kiss me
underneath the kissing fern baby
the hanging plant
of love
the kissing...
You'll feel better when you get home.
We'll call Dr. Kroger.
It's Saturday.
We'll call Dr. Kroger.
Natalie, I met him.
I talked to him.
He was so real.
How could I, how could I be so wrong?
I'm never taking another drink as long as I live.
Mr. Monk, some people just have no tolerance.
I used to work in a bar. I saw it all the time.
You had two sips. That's like 10 shots to a normal person.
Thank you.
Hey, folks, how you doing?
Listen, I'm looking for my brother. He's gone missing.
Have you seen him?
That's him!
- That's the guy! - You know him?
- I, I met him last night. - Really?
That's him!
Wanna tell me about it?
I don't know what he told you, you know. His real name is Ben Gruber.
Our mother's been worried sick about him.
Thank god!
I thought I was losing my mind.
I knew he was into wine,
so I've been checking all the vineyards and the little hotels in the area.
- And you're his brother? - Allen, Allen Gruber. Pleasure.
- Hi, Natalie Teeger. - Natalie.
This is Adrian Monk.
Let me get this straight.
Everybody here is pretending they never met him?
Everyone.
Oh, poor kid.
He's gotta be scared to death.
Why?
He stole some money.
From a bank that he works for, right?
And he took off.
I talked to the local D.A. and she said, you know,
they'd go easy on him if he turned himself in.
That's why I'm here.
I figured, you know, if I showed up, maybe I could find him.
Maybe I could talk him into returning the money.
How much did he take?
$3.1 million.
Although it sounds like he's spending some of it already.
He's been paying people off
to say they've never heard of him.
You think he's still here?
I mean, why would he stay?
What was he driving?
'86 Buick, last I heard.
What are the odds?
An '86 Buick.
Well, it can't be his. This car has been here forever.
I don't think so.
There's a dent here, but no rust.
And there's no rust in the wheel wells.
This car hasn't been here long.
So he's still here somewhere.
Well, he's not in that house.
And we call this the barrel room.
These containers are filled with 60 gallons of our world-famous chardonnay.
It's gonna age in these containers for exactly 11 months.
I like to think of it as a living thing.
Like a baby growing inside a mother's womb. Mr. Gruber!
I thought we'd lost you.
Oh, sorry. I just got turned around.
If you follow me, we're literally gonna be stepping back in time.
Wine stomping, it's a tradition that goes back thousands of years to the Greeks.
We're one of the last vineyards in California
that at least makes some of their wine using this method.
Oh, my god.
Do people actually drink that?
Yeah, I think so.
Are they insane?
Go, ask her if they're insane.
Just ask her.
I'm not gonna ask her that, Mr. Monk.
And of course we can't press all of our wine like this.
It would take too long.
But we do make one label using this method.
The allacco cabernet.
It can be bought from our store out front.
The cabernet, that's the allacco cabernet.
I know, just take it easy.
I've been drinking that wine for 15 years.
It's foot wine!
- I can taste it. - Oh, no, come on!
You cannot taste it.
I, I can. I can taste the feet now.
I can taste and the toes.
- And what's between the toes. - And the fungus.
It really is barbaric.
Okay, I didn't see any fungus.
But I'm sure they have clean feet.
There are probably rules about that stuff.
Okay, I admit it. That's pretty disgusting.
Saw a vending machine back there. You want a soda?
Excuse me?
To wash your mouth out. You want a soda?
That would be great. Thanks.
Tome su tiempo.
What?
It means, "take your time."
Right.
Natalie.
Natalie, he's lying.
This guy and the man I met last night are not brothers.
He just said "soda."
And Zwibell, Gruber, whatever his name is said "pop."
And he was bilingual. This guy doesn't speak a word of Spanish.
They could not have grown up in the same house.
Okay, I need to find out who he really is.
Listen, can you break into his car?
Can I break into his car?
- Yes, I can. - Okay. I'll keep him busy.
I'll take him to the bar. Try to get him drunk.
I'll loosen him up. Maybe he'll make a misstep.
Wait, wait, wait. You're gonna drink?
Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.
Hi.
I'm sitting with my friend over there.
He would like a bottle of your house white.
Okay.
And, uh, do you have any non-alcoholic wine?
We have a very nice claret.
Zero alcohol.
- No alcohol at all. - That's what I said.
I'll have that.
Could you put it in a carafe?
You don't have to bring the bottle.
You got it. We'll bring it over to you.
Table twelve needs a bottle of the house white.
And a carafe of that claret.
You got it.
Here you go.
Thank you.
I do appreciate you taking such an interest, Mr. Monk.
Oh, I have a brother too.
I'd be worried sick if anything happened to him.
So...
to your brother.
Wherever the hell he is.
Thirsty boy.
Catch me if you can.
Do you have a lot of friends?
I'll bet you do.
Sometimes I...
turn on the TV.
And I turn the sound way down...
and I pretend that they're talking to me.
And everybody likes me.
"Adrian. Welcome back."
"Oh, we're so happy to see you."
"We are so happy to see you."
I'll bet you have a lot of friends.
You look like a moose.
You do.
I'm gonna call you Mr. Luke like-a-moose.
Luke like-a-moose.
So about your brother...
I'm sorry about the moose thing.
Hey, wait, wait, oh, oh, wait, first, listen.
What song is this?
Al Nicoletto?
Captain Stottlemeyer, please. It's important.
Maybe you've had enough, Mr. Monk.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Isn't this great?
Just a couple of guys sitting in a revolving restaurant.
Ah, I love that.
Hey.
Mr. Monk, could I just talk to you for a second in private?
- You're drunk! - No, it's non-alcoholic.
I got him right where I want him!
Look! I'm winking.
Okay, Mr. Monk, listen to me! You were right.
His name isn't Gruber. It's Al Nicoletto, Jr.
He has five arrests, no convictions.
- He's a contract killer. - Al, is this true?
Yes or no, is this true?
I already called the police.
They're on their way, so don't do anything stupid.
- Don't you do anything stupid. - And so it is agreed!
And let the word go forth that nobody will do anything stupid.
- Let's go, what are you doing? - Oh, you'll thank me later.
Forget the bottle!
- Mr. Monk, hit him! - With what?
The bottle!
Which one?
It doesn't matter!
Oh, my god. I almost had a heart attack.
Oh, god.
Heart attack.
Yeah, I'd say he's pretty important.
The feds are sending a private plane to pick him up.
It's 9mm.
Ben Gruber's partner was found shot to death
in his hotel room in New York city five days ago.
Now, I'm betting that those bullets match this gun.
They got him.
Watch the feds take all the credit.
Captain, you have got to see this.
What? / Monk's in there doing one of his summation things.
He's wasted.
When I hear, when I heard Natalie
say she almost had a heart attack...
I remember, I remembered that Larry Zwibell,
AKA also known as Ben Gruber,
was taking heart medicine.
Cappy!
Ladies and gentlemen, captain Leland Stottlemeyer, homicide!
Show, show me your badge.
No. / Show it. Show, show, show it.
Show, wet. / Monk...
- I solved the case. - Good, good, good, good.
- Let's, let's, um... - Okay, show it.
let's let these people go up to their rooms, okay?
Where's your gun?
He got a gun.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
You don't understand.
No, no, no.
These are the suspects.
Oh, yeah. They're all in on it.
- Well, what did they do? - Well, they, look at them!
I mean, look! Oh, look at them!
Okay. Okay.
They may not look like cold-blooded killers,
but they're...
they're crinimals.
Yeah. They're crinimals.
Crinimal.
Criminals.
Mr. Monk! / They're criminals, I'm telling you!
Oh, yeah.
We're gonna need a big old paddy wagon.
Do they still have paddy wagons?
Here you go, Mr. Monk. Please, please drink this coffee.
Okay.
Wow.
Cup O' Joe. Keep them warm.
No, no, no.
Here's what happened.
I went to bed around 10.
They were still playing poker.
Guber must have needed more cash,
so he went upstairs to get it.
I went to bed around 10.
They were all still playing the poker.
Monk!
- We've heard this part already. - Cappy!
Cappy, you made it.
How you doing?
I...
I love you. I just...
I love you too.
You just, you just got...
you...
Okay. Let's go sleep it off.
And thanks, thanks, thanks for the...
What? / thanks for the...
Look at that. What's that thing?
All right, come here. Come here a minute.
- I'm gonna get me one. - Up to bed.
Oh, oh, wait!
See, Gruber never came back.
They got worried and decided to go upstairs and check him!
They found Ben Gruber dead.
He was dead from a heart attack.
And cash, $3.1 million.
They must've figured somebody would be coming around looking for it.
That's the kind of money people come looking for.
What to do? What to do?
They decided to hide the body and split the money.
If anybody asked, they were gonna pretend they never heard of him.
Hold on.
Here's what happened.
They got rid of Gruber's car.
Then they removed his signature from the guest book
and retook the group photo without him.
He was gone.
It was like he never existed.
Gone like a ghost.
Did you find the money?
Not yet.
He says there was a conspiracy, and we all took the money.
I say this character Gruber junked his own car,
took the cash, and hitchhiked to Mexico.
Can you prove I'm wrong?
Nope. He's right.
Without a body, we don't have a case.
Monk...
Monk!
Okay, um...
I guess you're all free to go.
Lieutenant, take everybody's address.
- Make sure it's a valid I.D. - Yes, sir.
If everybody can just follow me.
We're sorry about the inconvenience.
- God, what is it? - What is what?
This is their new wine. They bottle it next door.
But it has this funky, weird aftertaste, and I cannot put my finger on it.
Here.
Smells like aqua velva.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
It's aqua velva.
What's gonna happend to them?
They didn't kill anybody.
They'll be probably home soon.
Well, he's a real party animal.
Okay.
You drive safely, Natalie.
- We'll see you around campus. - Okay, thank you, captain. I will.
Happy anniversary, Adrian.
Sorry I didn't believe you.
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