1 00:00:01,330 --> 00:00:03,028 COMPUTER VOICE: K-B-S-C. 2 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,532 RADIO PLUG: 99.9. 3 00:00:06,657 --> 00:00:08,033 [COMPUTER VOICE] K-B-S-C. 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,244 Jiggle me timbers. 5 00:00:10,327 --> 00:00:11,620 You... 6 00:00:11,703 --> 00:00:12,996 are gorgeous! 7 00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:14,373 [WOLF WHISTLE] 8 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,041 And you got a movie opening up on Friday. 9 00:00:16,125 --> 00:00:16,875 Mm-hmm. 10 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:18,377 And, by the way, I saw it last night. 11 00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:20,087 Jiggle me timbers! 12 00:00:20,295 --> 00:00:22,256 That was a long 2 1/2 hours, boy. 13 00:00:22,339 --> 00:00:23,424 I'm sorry. 14 00:00:23,507 --> 00:00:25,217 Hey, Max, you've been sayin' that all morning. 15 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:26,760 Jiggle me timbers-- where'd you get that. 16 00:00:26,844 --> 00:00:28,220 Well, maybe it'll be my new catch phrase. 17 00:00:28,303 --> 00:00:30,681 I didn't know I had to clear everything with the Lollipop Guild. 18 00:00:30,889 --> 00:00:32,391 Whoa! Whoa! Careful, boss. 19 00:00:32,474 --> 00:00:34,476 Willie'll beat the crap out of your kneecaps. 20 00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:36,019 - Or higher, even. - KIMBERLY: You guys... 21 00:00:36,228 --> 00:00:37,521 No. I think it'll catch on. 22 00:00:37,646 --> 00:00:39,648 Jiggle meeeee timbers!! 23 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:40,649 Whoo! 24 00:00:40,732 --> 00:00:42,734 You're listening to "Mad Max In The Morning." 25 00:00:42,901 --> 00:00:44,945 And we're talking with Kimberly Dennaman, 26 00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:47,072 whose new movie is opening everywhere on Friday. 27 00:00:47,212 --> 00:00:49,089 WILLY [OVER RADIO]: And closing everywhere on Saturday! 28 00:00:49,158 --> 00:00:50,742 [LAUGHS] 29 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:01,628 Gas leak. 30 00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:02,796 I can smell it. 31 00:01:02,838 --> 00:01:04,173 Yeah, shut off the main valve, 32 00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:05,841 but we gotta check inside just to make sure. 33 00:01:05,924 --> 00:01:07,342 All right. 34 00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:17,352 [ALARM BEEPING] 35 00:01:17,519 --> 00:01:19,396 MAX [ON RADIO]: If--If--If I wasn't married... 36 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,858 would you take a bath with me... 37 00:01:22,941 --> 00:01:24,485 right now in the back room? 38 00:01:24,568 --> 00:01:26,153 J.J. [ON RADIO]: Oh, yeah! 39 00:01:26,778 --> 00:01:28,113 [ALARM BEEPING] 40 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:36,622 Is that coming from upstairs? 41 00:01:36,728 --> 00:01:38,855 - I hear voices. - Sounds like a radio. 42 00:01:39,041 --> 00:01:40,542 KIMBERLY: Max, seriously, You shouldn't joke about that. 43 00:01:40,584 --> 00:01:41,693 - MAX: It's true. - Hello? 44 00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:42,895 - KIMBERLY: It's bad karma. - It's true. 45 00:01:43,031 --> 00:01:44,330 - She just told me last night... - Hello? 46 00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:45,797 to start looking for wife number two. 47 00:01:45,923 --> 00:01:47,299 - It's her dying wish... - Better check upstairs. 48 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,592 Oh, my God. 49 00:01:48,751 --> 00:01:51,595 That's what's-his-name from the radio. [LAUGHS] 50 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:52,930 Max Hudson. 51 00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:55,057 A gas leak at Max Hudson's house? 52 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,017 Oh, he's gonna have a field day with this! 53 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,101 Yeah. 54 00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,603 MAX [OVER RADIO]: Whoa! 55 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,272 Whooo-whooo! 56 00:02:02,773 --> 00:02:05,275 MAX: Tell me, Kimberly, that you actually believe 57 00:02:05,442 --> 00:02:06,652 in the sanctity of marriage. 58 00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:07,986 - KIMBERLY: I do. - [COUGHING] 59 00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:09,613 MAX: Kimberly can't even spell "sanctity." 60 00:02:09,821 --> 00:02:11,114 GAS MAN: I'll turn the gas off. 61 00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:12,407 WILLY [OVER RADIO]: Say sanctity. 62 00:02:12,491 --> 00:02:13,492 KIMBERLY: Santity. 63 00:02:13,575 --> 00:02:15,160 - MAX: Close enough! - [LAUGHTER] 64 00:02:15,327 --> 00:02:16,995 Close enough! [WHISTLE BLOWS] 65 00:02:17,079 --> 00:02:18,705 We have a winner! 66 00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:21,375 [WHIRRING OVER RADIO] 67 00:02:21,625 --> 00:02:23,168 RADIO PLUG: We'll be right back. 68 00:02:23,252 --> 00:02:24,253 Hey, Max. 69 00:02:24,419 --> 00:02:25,671 There's a cop on line one. 70 00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,130 He says it's important. 71 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,383 Okay, uh... 72 00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:31,051 I'll just take it in the back, all right? 73 00:02:31,093 --> 00:02:32,302 Anybody you know? 74 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,762 No, man. 75 00:02:39,309 --> 00:02:40,477 [QUIETLY] My God, is she all right? 76 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,145 [CLEARS THROAT] 77 00:02:42,187 --> 00:02:43,438 [MORE DRAMATICALLY] Oh, my God... 78 00:02:43,522 --> 00:02:45,190 Is she all right? Oh, my God. 79 00:02:47,442 --> 00:02:48,777 Hello. 80 00:02:48,944 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaking. 81 00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:53,824 My wife...? 82 00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,910 Oh, my God, is she all right? 83 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,247 Yes, sir. 84 00:03:00,372 --> 00:03:01,999 I-I understand. 85 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,500 I'll be right there. 86 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:11,800 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 87 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,345 ♪ It's a jungle out there ♪ 88 00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:18,473 ♪ Disorder and confusion everywhere ♪ 89 00:03:20,058 --> 00:03:22,352 ♪ No one seems to care ♪ 90 00:03:22,519 --> 00:03:23,437 ♪ Well, I do ♪ 91 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,315 ♪ Hey, who's in charge here? ♪ 92 00:03:26,398 --> 00:03:28,609 ♪ It's a jungle out there ♪ 93 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:33,071 ♪ Poison in the very air we breathe ♪ 94 00:03:33,572 --> 00:03:35,824 ♪ Do you know what's in the water that you drink? ♪ 95 00:03:35,907 --> 00:03:40,078 ♪ Well, I do, and it's amazing ♪ 96 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:43,415 ♪ People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time ♪ 97 00:03:43,498 --> 00:03:45,584 ♪ If you paid attention, you'd be worried, too ♪ 98 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:50,756 ♪ You better pay attention, or this world we love so much ♪ 99 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:54,468 ♪ Might just kill you ♪ 100 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,470 ♪ I could be wrong now ♪ 101 00:03:56,928 --> 00:03:58,805 ♪ But I don't think so ♪ 102 00:03:58,889 --> 00:04:01,433 ♪ 'Cause it's a jungle out there ♪ 103 00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,769 ♪ It's a jungle out there ♪ 104 00:04:08,357 --> 00:04:09,775 You put the blades up? 105 00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:11,652 That is really interesting. 106 00:04:11,777 --> 00:04:13,737 I'm always afraid I'll cut myself. 107 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,530 Yeah, I'm a "blade-down" man. 108 00:04:15,614 --> 00:04:18,325 But that's what makes horse races, am I right? 109 00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:19,868 Doesn't mean we still can't be friends. 110 00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:21,745 Actually, I run them twice. 111 00:04:21,787 --> 00:04:23,622 Blades up and then blades down. 112 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,040 That's fascinating. 113 00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:26,583 Ooh! Is this dishwasher safe? 114 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,834 Let me just-- 115 00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:29,127 Yes, it is. 116 00:04:29,211 --> 00:04:31,296 Funny story: I have a casserole dish. 117 00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:32,881 It was a gift from my sister. 118 00:04:32,964 --> 00:04:34,466 Not the sister you met. 119 00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:35,926 The one who used to live in Milwaukee 120 00:04:35,982 --> 00:04:37,818 but moved to St. Paul last summer. 121 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,180 - Well, not summer, per say. - Okay, yeah. 122 00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:42,182 K-Kevin... It doesn't matter. 123 00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:45,185 Anyway, the dish didn't say "dishwasher safe," 124 00:04:45,268 --> 00:04:46,853 but, you know what? 125 00:04:46,937 --> 00:04:48,605 I took a chance. 126 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,692 'Cause you only go around once in this life. 127 00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:53,527 That's the best news I've heard all day. 128 00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:54,986 [DOORBELL RINGS] 129 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,655 Mmm. I'll finish up. 130 00:04:56,738 --> 00:04:58,740 You get the door. How's that sound? 131 00:04:58,824 --> 00:05:00,450 [DISHES CRASH] 132 00:05:05,956 --> 00:05:07,124 Mr. Monk? 133 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,500 Yeah? 134 00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:09,751 I'm sorry to bother you at home, 135 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,129 I read about you on the internet. 136 00:05:12,162 --> 00:05:14,548 And I looked up your address. I just... 137 00:05:15,757 --> 00:05:17,801 I don't know where else to go. 138 00:05:19,302 --> 00:05:21,054 I'm on the internet? 139 00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:26,101 Um, uh... 140 00:05:26,643 --> 00:05:28,019 Uh, thank you. 141 00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:32,190 Thank you. 142 00:05:32,983 --> 00:05:34,484 [BLOWING] 143 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:40,115 If you could wait until my assistant gets here. 144 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,076 She's in charge of saying the right things. 145 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,328 KEVIN: Adrian, I'm putting the tablespoons in front 146 00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:47,622 and the serving spoons in back. Any objections? 147 00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:49,708 Kevin, it doesn't matter. 148 00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:51,251 Okay. 149 00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:55,130 My sister, Jeanette, died four weeks ago. 150 00:05:55,213 --> 00:05:57,299 - There was a gas fireplace in-- - Excuse me. 151 00:05:58,550 --> 00:06:00,969 Actually, I do prefer 152 00:06:01,178 --> 00:06:02,846 the serving spoons in the front. 153 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,140 Really? In the front? 154 00:06:05,223 --> 00:06:07,726 Okay, you're the boss. 155 00:06:09,895 --> 00:06:10,854 Sorry. 156 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,481 There was a fireplace...? 157 00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:14,983 There was a gas fireplace in the bedroom. 158 00:06:15,025 --> 00:06:19,196 It was turned on, and she was asphyxiated. 159 00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:24,409 This is a copy of the coroner's inquest. 160 00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:26,369 - They said it was an accident. - [DISHES CLATTER] 161 00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,789 But, Mr. Monk, Jeanette never used that fireplace. 162 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,957 I know he killed her. 163 00:06:31,082 --> 00:06:32,292 Who? 164 00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:33,543 Her husband -- Max. 165 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:36,171 Getting a divorce would have cost him $30 million. 166 00:06:36,254 --> 00:06:37,756 I'm sorry. Could I have another? 167 00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:39,216 [SNIFFLES] 168 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,592 Here's the thing. 169 00:06:40,675 --> 00:06:41,843 Uh... 170 00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:44,846 I buy ten boxes at a time, 171 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,390 And they have to last me the whole month. 172 00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:50,185 Oh. 173 00:06:52,938 --> 00:06:54,314 Uh, so... okay. 174 00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:55,899 Okay, okay, okay. 175 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,162 Thanks. 176 00:07:09,371 --> 00:07:11,373 KEVIN: Okay, I'm pouring the detergent. 177 00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:13,750 - You're missing it. - Kevin, please. 178 00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:16,253 Please, I'm trying to talk to-- I'm sorry. 179 00:07:16,461 --> 00:07:17,754 Linda Riggs. 180 00:07:17,921 --> 00:07:19,506 Jeanette Hudson was my sister. 181 00:07:19,562 --> 00:07:21,069 Jeanette Hudson? 182 00:07:21,132 --> 00:07:23,385 Max Hudson's wife? 183 00:07:24,302 --> 00:07:26,680 Yeah, everyone thinks he's so funny. 184 00:07:27,097 --> 00:07:28,515 Jeanette was terrified of him. 185 00:07:28,890 --> 00:07:31,643 You know, he once got arrested for assault. 186 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,311 He has a terrible temper. 187 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,355 - So you've actually met him? - Kevin. 188 00:07:35,564 --> 00:07:38,191 Yes I've met him. I think he killed my sister. 189 00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:39,609 What's he like? 190 00:07:39,985 --> 00:07:41,403 He's a monster! 191 00:07:41,611 --> 00:07:42,863 Kevin. 192 00:07:42,946 --> 00:07:44,948 Forget it. Withdrawn. 193 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,116 Never said it. 194 00:07:46,783 --> 00:07:48,618 Excuse me. I have dishes to do. 195 00:07:53,915 --> 00:07:55,834 Well, I don't like that guy either. 196 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,961 He's such a bully. Have you ever heard his show? 197 00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,170 I don't think so. 198 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,464 - What station is he on? - 99.9. 199 00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,258 Ahhh... so close. 200 00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:04,843 I just don't see how he could have done it. 201 00:08:04,926 --> 00:08:06,553 - Have you looked at this? - Mm-mm. 202 00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:08,221 So when Jeanette died, 203 00:08:08,263 --> 00:08:10,390 Max was on the radio doing a live show. 204 00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:12,726 And the night before, he's in Los Angeles at a party. 205 00:08:12,809 --> 00:08:14,227 He hasn't been home in two days. 206 00:08:14,311 --> 00:08:16,104 I promised her sister I'd look into it. 207 00:08:16,146 --> 00:08:18,690 I had to. She was using up all my Kleenex. 208 00:08:18,773 --> 00:08:19,941 Hi. 209 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,443 I don't think he's home. 210 00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:25,030 Did you tell him I was coming? 211 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,865 NATALIE: No, Mr. Monk, That's not for you. 212 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,366 That's a joke. 213 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,868 It's a joke? 214 00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:32,162 How--How is-- How is that funny? 215 00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,331 Um, well, I guess it's funny 216 00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,916 because it says the opposite 217 00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:38,376 of what a Welcome Mat would normally say. 218 00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:41,212 So it's an opposite joke. 219 00:08:41,296 --> 00:08:43,089 Yeah, that's right. 220 00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:45,008 He's not home. 221 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,426 I live right there. 222 00:08:46,468 --> 00:08:48,303 I saw him leave about two hours ago. 223 00:08:48,470 --> 00:08:49,596 Okay. 224 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,723 - That's a nice dog. - MAN: Well, thank you. 225 00:08:51,806 --> 00:08:53,141 That's a nice cat. 226 00:08:53,308 --> 00:08:54,643 [GIGGLING] 227 00:08:54,726 --> 00:08:55,894 Come on. Let's go. 228 00:08:57,020 --> 00:08:58,021 Phew! 229 00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,189 That's it. 230 00:08:59,397 --> 00:09:01,942 This is still my sister's home. I'm going in. 231 00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:16,081 LINDA: This is where she was found. 232 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,165 On the bed. 233 00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,377 This morning, I heard him joking about it on his show. 234 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,921 I don't know how somebody can joke about something like that? 235 00:09:23,046 --> 00:09:24,297 I don't know. 236 00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:26,049 Anytime I'm at a restaurant or a store 237 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,635 and he's on the radio, I just have to leave. 238 00:09:28,843 --> 00:09:30,261 According to the police, 239 00:09:30,512 --> 00:09:32,138 Jeanette turned on the gas, 240 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:35,558 then forgot that it was on and just went to sleep. 241 00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:36,935 Uh-oh. 242 00:09:37,936 --> 00:09:39,187 What? 243 00:09:39,296 --> 00:09:42,524 There's only 39 shoes here. There's one missing. 244 00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:44,359 NATALIE: Mr. Monk, is that important right now? 245 00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:46,820 It looks like a dark-brown Ramato loafer. 246 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,990 It's about a size 10 1/2 or 11, I guess. 247 00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:51,533 Okay, okay. 248 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,785 - That's a 10 1/2. - Okay. 249 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:57,122 So, Mr. Monk, Jeanette was found here. 250 00:09:57,414 --> 00:09:58,790 Okay. 251 00:10:03,795 --> 00:10:05,672 So she turned it... 252 00:10:05,797 --> 00:10:07,132 like this? 253 00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:08,800 [HISSING] 254 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,428 And then forgot it was on? 255 00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:13,763 No. 256 00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,686 [GROANS] 257 00:10:19,936 --> 00:10:21,021 Eh! 258 00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:22,689 NATALIE: Mr. Monk, are you okay? 259 00:10:22,897 --> 00:10:24,524 - Oh! Yeah. - That's gas. 260 00:10:24,649 --> 00:10:26,735 Yeah, I'm--I'm fine. I'm fine. 261 00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:29,571 It's just a little-- a little gas. 262 00:10:29,821 --> 00:10:31,906 MONK: According to the police report, 263 00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:34,492 the flue was-- was--was closed? 264 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:35,618 Right. 265 00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,120 Right. 266 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,788 It's closed. 267 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,670 - Look at this. - Hmm. 268 00:10:45,754 --> 00:10:47,047 It's just... 269 00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:50,967 dried out-- 270 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,053 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 271 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,721 Dried... 272 00:10:54,846 --> 00:10:56,639 Dried leaves. 273 00:10:57,515 --> 00:11:00,518 Fire would have burned them or charred them. 274 00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,354 No, no. This thing hasn't been used in months, 275 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,556 if ever. 276 00:11:04,647 --> 00:11:07,400 LINDA: That's what I was saying. It couldn't have been an accident. 277 00:11:07,609 --> 00:11:09,194 MONK: Oh. 278 00:11:09,444 --> 00:11:10,403 Oh, oh, oh. 279 00:11:10,487 --> 00:11:11,738 Oh. 280 00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:17,077 - You have the inventory there? - Yes. 281 00:11:17,452 --> 00:11:20,705 Are there any matches or cigarette lighters 282 00:11:20,789 --> 00:11:22,332 in the room? 283 00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:23,750 Um... no. 284 00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:27,045 No--no-- no matches anywhere. 285 00:11:27,128 --> 00:11:28,421 That makes no sense. 286 00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:40,600 She died on the 15th? 287 00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:41,810 Yeah, that's right. 288 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,312 Two days before her tenth wedding anniversary. 289 00:11:44,395 --> 00:11:45,772 They always did something special. 290 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:48,517 Go on a big trip. Last year they went to Cabo. 291 00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:50,026 Not this year. 292 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,238 Look, July 17th, 293 00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:54,989 "Tenth anniversary". 294 00:11:55,073 --> 00:11:56,324 Natalie, Nothing's written. 295 00:11:56,407 --> 00:11:57,867 Nothing planned. 296 00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,536 Nothing erased. 297 00:12:00,537 --> 00:12:02,664 He knew she wouldn't be around. 298 00:12:04,165 --> 00:12:06,000 Linda, I think you're right. 299 00:12:06,543 --> 00:12:08,128 I think he killed her. 300 00:12:14,509 --> 00:12:16,803 I'm going to be down at the Book Barn 301 00:12:16,886 --> 00:12:18,471 on Market Street tomorrow, 302 00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:22,225 signing copies of my new book "Sex, Lies, and Radio." 303 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,185 So come on down. But get there early. 304 00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:26,104 I was at a book signing in Dallas last week. 305 00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:28,064 And, I mean, it was freakin' insane. 306 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,357 It was a riot. 307 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,692 It was on the news and everything. 308 00:12:30,859 --> 00:12:32,068 It's an amazing book. 309 00:12:32,194 --> 00:12:33,444 Like you know. You can't even read! 310 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,741 You didn't read it. 311 00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:36,273 That's true. I'm waiting for the movie. 312 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,158 - J.J.: I read it, boss. Twice. - Kiss ass. 313 00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:39,868 All right, Mr. Monk, when you question him, 314 00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:41,911 you have to be very careful. He's very quick. 315 00:12:41,953 --> 00:12:43,037 I'm quick. 316 00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:44,122 No, Mr. Monk. You're not quick. 317 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,416 You have to focus. He'll try to make fun of you. 318 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,543 Why would he make fun of me? He doesn't even know me. 319 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:49,794 Howard Stern, if you're listening-- 320 00:12:49,878 --> 00:12:51,504 and I know you are-- you're going down. 321 00:12:51,588 --> 00:12:52,755 [SHOOTING NOISE] Goin' down. 322 00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:57,635 MAX: So, uh... let's take some calls. 323 00:12:57,802 --> 00:12:59,721 Bill, from San Diego, you're on the air. 324 00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:02,175 Mr. Monk, Please don't do that. No. No, no, no. 325 00:13:02,307 --> 00:13:04,184 MAN OVER PHONE]: It was amazing. It changed my life. 326 00:13:04,309 --> 00:13:06,477 MAX: Uh, yeah, thanks. Micky? 327 00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:07,896 Micky, who the hell is that? 328 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,607 His name is Adrian Monk. He says you invited him down. 329 00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:12,817 Oh! Yeah. The private dick. 330 00:13:12,984 --> 00:13:14,068 WILLY: Ouch. 331 00:13:14,144 --> 00:13:16,188 My sister-in-law hired a private detective. 332 00:13:16,613 --> 00:13:18,531 J.J.: What's he doing to Mr. Limpey? 333 00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,283 MAX: Uh, excuse me, Monk? 334 00:13:20,491 --> 00:13:22,368 - Monk. - [CUCKOO CUCKOO] 335 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:23,661 Please, don't. 336 00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:25,288 [BELL DINGS] 337 00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,582 Whoa! A little freak's show in our control room. 338 00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:29,167 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 339 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:30,501 J.J.: A left, a right. 340 00:13:30,627 --> 00:13:31,628 Oh! Oh! Oh! 341 00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:35,131 Oh my God! He killed Mr. Limpey! 342 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,090 Monk. 343 00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,542 MAX: Get in here! 344 00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,344 - J.J.: What is that? - He's a maniac. 345 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,721 - Do not go in there. - Monk, get in here, buddy. 346 00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:42,931 Come on, Monk. 347 00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,432 Hey, Detective, you want to talk to me? 348 00:13:44,474 --> 00:13:46,309 Now's your chance, okay? It's now or never. 349 00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:48,061 Don't be afraid of me. I won't bite ya. 350 00:13:48,144 --> 00:13:50,521 I'm the one that bites! Rawwrr rawwrr rawwrr! 351 00:13:51,105 --> 00:13:53,483 - [DOG BARKING] - Come on. That's it. 352 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,860 I'm just gonna talk to him. I talk to people all the time. 353 00:13:55,944 --> 00:13:57,528 Yeah, yeah. But these aren't people. 354 00:13:57,695 --> 00:13:59,030 - Okay, here he comes, eventually. - The sleeves. 355 00:13:59,197 --> 00:14:00,615 Look at the sleeves. [LAUGHS] 356 00:14:00,698 --> 00:14:02,075 - Come on. - [WILLY BARKS] 357 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,785 MAX: Here they come. 358 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,245 Oh. Ooh, hello. 359 00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:06,537 Hello, there. Hello. 360 00:14:06,704 --> 00:14:07,789 MAX: Who is this? 361 00:14:07,829 --> 00:14:09,289 This is Natalie. She's my assistant. 362 00:14:09,374 --> 00:14:10,917 - MAX: Ooh, Natalie. - Ooh, hello. 363 00:14:11,626 --> 00:14:12,752 Ooh, nice. 364 00:14:12,961 --> 00:14:13,836 Ha ha ha. 365 00:14:14,045 --> 00:14:15,088 Do a little twirl, Natalie. 366 00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:16,464 - No, thank you. - MAX: "No, thank you." 367 00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:18,091 Okay, she's feisty. Ha ha! 368 00:14:18,299 --> 00:14:20,551 She's brassy. She's sassy. She's got gusto! 369 00:14:20,718 --> 00:14:22,637 Sassy, brassy, but she won't show her assy. 370 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:23,888 I like it. 371 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,431 Doin' a neck crank. 372 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,100 You can't see it, ladies and gentlemen. 373 00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:28,601 Yeah, I talked to this guy last night. 374 00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:30,853 He wants to talk to me about what happened to Jeanette. 375 00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:33,022 Why don't we talk about that after the show? 376 00:14:33,231 --> 00:14:35,233 You don't get it, sugar bumps. He is the show! 377 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,110 My life is the show. 378 00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,403 Detective, why don't you have a seat, please? 379 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:39,937 Somebody give him some headphones, please. 380 00:14:40,029 --> 00:14:40,822 There you go, buddy. 381 00:14:41,072 --> 00:14:43,116 - Please don't do this. - It's okay. 382 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,784 Please be careful. 383 00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:47,203 MAX: This looks exciting. 384 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:48,871 Wipe. Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe. 385 00:14:49,372 --> 00:14:50,957 MONK [ON RECORDING]: Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe. 386 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,500 - Ha ha! - [LAUGHING] 387 00:14:52,583 --> 00:14:54,043 MAX: Okay, folks. 388 00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:55,503 Uh, folks, you gotta see this. 389 00:14:55,586 --> 00:14:57,755 First of all, his shirt is buttoned up to his eyeballs. 390 00:14:57,922 --> 00:15:00,967 And he's swabbing at his headphones with a baby wipe. 391 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,760 This is not a baby wipe. 392 00:15:02,844 --> 00:15:04,929 This is-- This is an adult wipe. 393 00:15:05,096 --> 00:15:06,597 I stand corrected. 394 00:15:06,723 --> 00:15:08,099 You gotta know the difference. 395 00:15:08,266 --> 00:15:09,392 MAX: Sorry about that. 396 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,019 Hey, Adrian, let me ask you something. 397 00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,562 When you go to a crime scene, 398 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,856 do you take a police car or a short yellow bus? 399 00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:16,357 Mr. Monk, you don't have to answer that. 400 00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:17,692 No. I'll be happy to-- 401 00:15:17,775 --> 00:15:19,610 I'll be happy to answer that. 402 00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:21,070 Natalie drives me. 403 00:15:21,112 --> 00:15:22,322 MAX: I bet she does. 404 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:24,073 She's drivin' me, baby. 405 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,908 - Who's drivin' Natalie? - I wanna change your tires. 406 00:15:26,117 --> 00:15:27,910 - Natalie! - [SCRATCHES MIC] 407 00:15:28,036 --> 00:15:29,037 Ooh! Ow! Ah! 408 00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:30,455 You're hurting me. 409 00:15:31,122 --> 00:15:32,749 Ow! Ooh! This guy is great. 410 00:15:32,957 --> 00:15:33,958 He's--He's possessed. 411 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,710 J.J.: "Yo! Adrian!" 412 00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:37,837 Yo. 413 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,255 Ha ha! [LAUGHING] 414 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,340 Yehh! What? 415 00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:42,383 Okay, we just lost a third of our audience. 416 00:15:42,592 --> 00:15:43,801 All rightee, then. 417 00:15:43,885 --> 00:15:46,637 So, uh, just for the record, you're here because of my sister-in-law-- 418 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,264 - "Loony Linda." - MAX: That's right. 419 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,141 Loony Linda, who thinks 420 00:15:50,308 --> 00:15:52,143 I murdered my wife. Isn't that charming? 421 00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,145 So what do you think, Mr. Monk? 422 00:15:55,063 --> 00:15:56,731 Are we on the air? 423 00:15:56,814 --> 00:15:58,358 Yeah, we're on the air, buddy. 424 00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,860 It's okay. I have no secrets from my fans. 425 00:16:01,152 --> 00:16:02,570 Oh, I think you do. 426 00:16:02,653 --> 00:16:03,571 - Ooh. - Ooh! 427 00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,198 Cool, okay. 428 00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:06,282 So you think 429 00:16:06,407 --> 00:16:07,909 I murdered my wife, 430 00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:13,331 even though I was right here, on the air, live, when she died? 431 00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,458 Well, I do have a few questions. 432 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,293 - Oh, of course. - 'Cause from what I've seen, 433 00:16:17,502 --> 00:16:20,213 it seems unlikely that that bedroom fireplace 434 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,631 was ever used. 435 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,257 According to the crime scene photos, 436 00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:24,967 the fireplace flue was closed, 437 00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:26,135 and there were no matches anywhere. 438 00:16:26,344 --> 00:16:27,428 Okay, that's great. 439 00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:29,514 That's very compelling, compelling cross-examination. 440 00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:30,807 Uh, how's this? 441 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,267 Uh... you can ask me three questions, 442 00:16:33,518 --> 00:16:35,269 which I will answer right here 443 00:16:35,353 --> 00:16:37,063 in front of 4 million witnesses, 444 00:16:37,271 --> 00:16:40,149 if Natalie sits on Willie's lap. 445 00:16:40,358 --> 00:16:41,776 - LITTLE WILLIE: Oh! - [J.J. LAUGHS] 446 00:16:41,984 --> 00:16:43,361 Please. 447 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,321 Don't do it, Natalie. It's a trick. 448 00:16:45,530 --> 00:16:46,364 Do it. 449 00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:47,782 Adrian. I thought you'd like to know 450 00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:50,002 that the last guy who wore those headphones had head lice. 451 00:16:50,118 --> 00:16:51,869 Ooh! Wipe! Wipe! 452 00:16:52,036 --> 00:16:53,079 Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe. Wipe! 453 00:16:53,287 --> 00:16:54,414 Wipe, wipe. 454 00:16:54,497 --> 00:16:55,581 Gimme. 455 00:16:56,791 --> 00:16:58,876 You should be ashamed of yourself. 456 00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:00,711 I agree. I should be. 457 00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:02,213 - But I'm not. - Oh! 458 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,507 LITTLE WILLIE: And there we got the view. 459 00:17:04,715 --> 00:17:05,550 She gave us a twirl. 460 00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:06,717 I think he's the guy. 461 00:17:06,801 --> 00:17:08,428 I do too. At least I hope he is. 462 00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:09,971 Max Hudson, the jerk on the radio? 463 00:17:10,054 --> 00:17:11,431 According to her sister, 464 00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:13,975 his wife had recently started taking sleeping pills, 465 00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:15,017 30 milligrams. 466 00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:16,519 NATALIE: Which is the maximum dosage... 467 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,979 MONK: And it was Max's suggestion. 468 00:17:18,020 --> 00:17:20,148 He called the doctor personally to get the prescription. 469 00:17:20,231 --> 00:17:22,024 Here's what happened: Max is out of town. 470 00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:23,317 It's a perfect alibi. 471 00:17:23,401 --> 00:17:25,570 He knows his wife is gonna take those pills, 472 00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:27,196 so she's out cold-- 473 00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:28,239 Something funny? 474 00:17:28,573 --> 00:17:30,032 Uh, no. Sorry. 475 00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:32,452 He knows his wife won't be waking up. 476 00:17:32,535 --> 00:17:34,162 So he has one of his guys-- 477 00:17:34,245 --> 00:17:35,580 Randy? 478 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,415 Do you want to share it with the rest of the class? 479 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,543 I'm sorry. I-- I heard you on the show. 480 00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:41,794 You really got zung. 481 00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:43,671 Oh, my God, you listen to that creep? 482 00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:45,089 I think he's great... 483 00:17:45,173 --> 00:17:46,215 ting. 484 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,341 It's grating. 485 00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:48,259 De-grating. 486 00:17:48,426 --> 00:17:49,927 Degrading to women. 487 00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:51,721 Yeah, I keep listening, hoping he'll grow up, 488 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,431 but he never does. 489 00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,308 Anyway, one of his guys-- 490 00:17:55,391 --> 00:17:56,809 Goons. They're called Goons. 491 00:17:56,893 --> 00:17:58,728 - The Goon Platoon. - Goons. 492 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,229 One of his Goons -- thank you -- 493 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,314 snuck into the house, 494 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,732 turns on the gas-- 495 00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:04,066 It could have been J.J. 496 00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:05,359 The guy's a joke machine. 497 00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:06,819 He's been with Max for 15 years. 498 00:18:06,903 --> 00:18:07,904 Since Philadelphia. 499 00:18:07,945 --> 00:18:09,155 Whoever it was, 500 00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:11,365 turned on the gas, closed the bedroom door. 501 00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:12,742 She never woke up. 502 00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:14,368 All right. How did they get in the house? 503 00:18:14,577 --> 00:18:15,828 Max made an extra key. 504 00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:17,705 It sounds good, but it doesn't track. 505 00:18:17,788 --> 00:18:19,123 This is new. 506 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,335 It's from the security company. That house is wired. 507 00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:24,253 It's monitored 24-7, 508 00:18:24,295 --> 00:18:25,588 sealed tight. 509 00:18:25,755 --> 00:18:27,882 No door or window was opened all night long. 510 00:18:28,049 --> 00:18:30,551 No one -- no thing -- came in or out. 511 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,428 What about that window? It says "open". 512 00:18:33,304 --> 00:18:35,681 LELAND: That is a ventilation window to the basement. 513 00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,558 It only opens 8 inches. 514 00:18:37,642 --> 00:18:38,809 Little Willie! 515 00:18:38,893 --> 00:18:39,852 Who? 516 00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:41,145 Little Willie-- He's a... 517 00:18:41,229 --> 00:18:42,563 little person. 518 00:18:42,605 --> 00:18:44,148 He'd do anything for Max. 519 00:18:44,232 --> 00:18:45,983 Last week, he ate his own weight in bologna. 520 00:18:47,818 --> 00:18:49,946 Jiggle me timbers! 521 00:18:50,571 --> 00:18:52,031 I think I just solved the case! 522 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,407 "Jiggle me timbers"? 523 00:18:53,574 --> 00:18:55,409 Yeah, that's something that Ma-- 524 00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:57,787 I heard on the radio. I don't remember who says it. 525 00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,080 LELAND: I don't know. 526 00:18:59,163 --> 00:19:01,123 I mean, we don't even know if a little person 527 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,792 can get through an 8-inch window. 528 00:19:02,833 --> 00:19:03,960 Sure they could. 529 00:19:04,418 --> 00:19:05,836 It's awful small. 530 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,672 Monk, Could a little person fit through an 8-inch window? 531 00:19:07,838 --> 00:19:09,674 I am proud to say I don't know. 532 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,134 LELAND: Look, we don't even know where this Little Willie person was 533 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,219 the night she died. 534 00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:14,845 Wait a minute. We can settle it right now. 535 00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:16,472 They're all downtown at a book signing. 536 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,474 We go down, we talk to Little Willie. 537 00:19:18,599 --> 00:19:20,393 If we get a chance -- if it happens to come up -- 538 00:19:20,476 --> 00:19:22,562 we measure the circumference of his head. 539 00:19:22,812 --> 00:19:24,105 Then divide it by pi. 540 00:19:24,188 --> 00:19:25,147 Or something. 541 00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:28,568 What do you think? 542 00:19:31,195 --> 00:19:33,072 I think we have to check it out. 543 00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:43,082 [BELCHING LOUDLY] 544 00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,333 RANDY: See that guy over there? 545 00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:45,793 He's on the show all the time. 546 00:19:45,876 --> 00:19:47,086 They call him "The Burpinator." 547 00:19:47,169 --> 00:19:48,879 Really? The Burpinator is here? 548 00:19:48,963 --> 00:19:50,006 Is he single? 549 00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,632 Do you think you could introduce me? 550 00:19:51,716 --> 00:19:53,551 Yeah... Sure, come on. 551 00:19:53,676 --> 00:19:55,469 I was kidding. 552 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,555 You knew that, right -- I was kidding? 553 00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,015 Come on, Randy. 554 00:19:59,056 --> 00:20:00,808 Let's get this over with. 555 00:20:02,893 --> 00:20:04,854 - William Karelli? - That's me. 556 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,148 Hey. Word with you? 557 00:20:09,692 --> 00:20:11,402 I'm Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. 558 00:20:11,485 --> 00:20:13,863 - This is Lieutenant Disher. - We're big fans. 559 00:20:14,739 --> 00:20:16,824 Not--Not "big" height. 560 00:20:16,907 --> 00:20:18,534 Just I love the show. 561 00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,038 We are looking into the death of Jeanette Hudson. 562 00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:23,748 Why? There was an inquest. 563 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:24,790 It was an accident. 564 00:20:24,874 --> 00:20:26,208 Don't you guys talk to each other? 565 00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:27,501 You're probably right. 566 00:20:27,585 --> 00:20:29,211 There's just a few loose ends that, uh... 567 00:20:29,587 --> 00:20:30,963 we want look into. 568 00:20:31,047 --> 00:20:32,006 Um... 569 00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:33,758 Where were you the night she died? 570 00:20:34,008 --> 00:20:35,718 Where was I? I was on the air. 571 00:20:35,926 --> 00:20:38,387 No. I mean before that, the, uh, the night before. 572 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,556 I know Max was in Los Angeles. 573 00:20:40,765 --> 00:20:41,766 But you didn't go with him. 574 00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:42,767 That's true. 575 00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:44,685 I was with my wife and kid. 576 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,312 I got nothing more to say to you guys. 577 00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:47,980 You want to talk, talk to my lawyer. 578 00:20:48,189 --> 00:20:50,066 Hey, I'm not done talkin' to you yet. 579 00:20:53,527 --> 00:20:55,488 Thank you very much. Thank you, man. 580 00:20:55,571 --> 00:20:57,406 I'm a big fan. I just-- 581 00:20:57,573 --> 00:20:59,033 Nice to meet you. 582 00:21:02,536 --> 00:21:03,913 RANDY: Tape measure. 583 00:21:03,954 --> 00:21:05,164 NATALIE: Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 584 00:21:05,373 --> 00:21:06,791 It was right here. Hold on. Hold on. 585 00:21:06,911 --> 00:21:08,334 - Hurry up! - It was right here. 586 00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:10,878 - You're moving your hands. - I'm not. 587 00:21:10,961 --> 00:21:12,963 I don't know what the hell this is, but it isn't police work. 588 00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:14,423 "10 1/2 inches." 589 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:15,591 What? 590 00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,385 He's not the guy. 591 00:21:17,468 --> 00:21:18,969 And we're all going to Hell. 592 00:21:19,073 --> 00:21:21,075 Just... wait here. 593 00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,225 Do it again. 594 00:21:24,308 --> 00:21:26,102 [SLAPS TAPE MEASURER, RATTLING] 595 00:21:28,104 --> 00:21:29,939 MAX: Oh, well, well, well. 596 00:21:30,106 --> 00:21:31,565 The Defective Detective. 597 00:21:31,649 --> 00:21:33,401 [LAUGHING] 598 00:21:35,069 --> 00:21:36,237 You're not gonna like it. 599 00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,072 I know. I read a couple of pages. 600 00:21:38,155 --> 00:21:41,283 It's nothing but toilet talk and opposite jokes, right? 601 00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:42,430 - [LAUGHING] - Uh-huh. 602 00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:43,786 So how would you like me to sign it? 603 00:21:43,994 --> 00:21:46,414 How about "I confess"? 604 00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:51,544 I'll be taking a little break. 605 00:21:52,128 --> 00:21:53,045 Come with me. 606 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,972 You don't think what happened to Jeanette was an accident, do you? 607 00:22:03,514 --> 00:22:04,682 Uh... 608 00:22:04,765 --> 00:22:05,725 Yeah. 609 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:07,059 Well, I'm gonna tell you something. 610 00:22:07,268 --> 00:22:09,703 Just between us, man to... man, 611 00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,732 I loved Jeanette... 612 00:22:13,190 --> 00:22:14,734 but she was sick. 613 00:22:14,859 --> 00:22:16,861 She was clinically depressed. 614 00:22:17,361 --> 00:22:19,196 - Depressed? - Yeah. 615 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,031 Her own family didn't even know. 616 00:22:21,198 --> 00:22:23,534 She turned on the gas, and closed the door, and-- 617 00:22:23,701 --> 00:22:24,744 Suicide. 618 00:22:24,869 --> 00:22:26,495 I tried everything. [SCOFFS] 619 00:22:26,579 --> 00:22:28,664 See? You happy now? 620 00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:31,709 Was she seeing a doctor, a psychiatrist? 621 00:22:31,792 --> 00:22:34,086 Nah. She never went. She wouldn't go. 622 00:22:34,712 --> 00:22:37,047 And she didn't even tell her sister? 623 00:22:37,465 --> 00:22:39,967 And you dealt with this clinical depression 624 00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:42,094 by mocking her on the air 625 00:22:42,178 --> 00:22:46,182 and not making any plans for your anniversary? 626 00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,225 I'm not buying it. 627 00:22:49,769 --> 00:22:51,395 You killed her. 628 00:22:51,812 --> 00:22:52,938 How? 629 00:22:53,022 --> 00:22:54,148 Hmm? 630 00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:56,275 How could I possibly have killed her? 631 00:22:56,317 --> 00:22:58,360 The house was locked. I was on the radio. 632 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,155 I don't know... yet. 633 00:23:01,363 --> 00:23:02,740 According to your publicist-- 634 00:23:02,823 --> 00:23:04,158 No, no. That's it. That's it. 635 00:23:04,241 --> 00:23:06,577 You have any questions for me, you talk to my lawyer. 636 00:23:07,828 --> 00:23:09,789 Unless... 637 00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,707 you want to come back on the show. 638 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:13,626 On the show? 639 00:23:13,751 --> 00:23:16,504 I'll talk to you anytime about anything on the air. 640 00:23:16,587 --> 00:23:18,088 What about Monday morning? 641 00:23:22,676 --> 00:23:24,136 [CHUCKLES] 642 00:23:24,428 --> 00:23:25,971 I didn't think so. 643 00:23:28,432 --> 00:23:29,767 Na-Natalie. 644 00:23:29,850 --> 00:23:31,143 Wipe, wipe! 645 00:23:31,227 --> 00:23:32,311 Wipe. Hey! 646 00:23:32,478 --> 00:23:33,896 Here's the Wipe Guy! 647 00:23:33,979 --> 00:23:35,481 Wipe! Wipe! 648 00:23:35,689 --> 00:23:37,900 ALL: Wipe! Wipe... 649 00:23:38,108 --> 00:23:40,277 Well, I think our work here is done. 650 00:23:40,361 --> 00:23:42,071 Wipe! Wipe! 651 00:23:42,112 --> 00:23:44,573 Wipe! Wipe! Wipe! 652 00:23:45,616 --> 00:23:47,660 - NATALIE: Mr. Monk! - [VACUUM WHIRRING] 653 00:23:47,743 --> 00:23:49,119 Mr. Monk! 654 00:23:49,203 --> 00:23:50,579 Mr. Monk, come on. 655 00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:51,956 You have to call the captain. 656 00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:53,374 I can't hear you. 657 00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:55,209 [UNPLUGS VACUUM] 658 00:23:55,292 --> 00:23:56,252 You heard me. 659 00:23:56,293 --> 00:23:57,920 If you think Max Hudson killed his wife, 660 00:23:57,962 --> 00:23:59,380 then we need to call the captain. 661 00:23:59,547 --> 00:24:00,840 And tell him what? 662 00:24:00,881 --> 00:24:02,216 I have no proof. 663 00:24:02,258 --> 00:24:03,968 Okay, let me see if I understand. 664 00:24:04,051 --> 00:24:05,636 One: you need proof. 665 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:08,138 One-A: to get this proof, 666 00:24:08,222 --> 00:24:09,890 you need to talk to your suspect. 667 00:24:09,974 --> 00:24:10,975 One-B: 668 00:24:11,183 --> 00:24:13,644 your suspect won't talk to you unless you go on his show. 669 00:24:13,686 --> 00:24:15,521 One-C: omitted. 670 00:24:17,064 --> 00:24:19,608 Two -- you're afraid to go back on the show 671 00:24:19,692 --> 00:24:21,485 because you think he might embarrass you. 672 00:24:21,569 --> 00:24:22,736 No, no. 673 00:24:22,778 --> 00:24:23,988 I'm not afraid. 674 00:24:24,071 --> 00:24:25,990 I'm terrified. There's a big difference. 675 00:24:26,073 --> 00:24:27,700 You heard what happened. 676 00:24:27,783 --> 00:24:29,034 It was a massacre. 677 00:24:29,118 --> 00:24:31,120 They ripped me apart in there. 678 00:24:31,287 --> 00:24:33,247 I felt like I was back in seventh grade. 679 00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:34,874 Okay, then the next time you go on, 680 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,166 you'll know what to expect. 681 00:24:36,250 --> 00:24:37,418 No. It won't help 682 00:24:37,626 --> 00:24:39,211 because I can't fight back. 683 00:24:39,295 --> 00:24:41,422 I'm just... not funny. 684 00:24:41,505 --> 00:24:42,590 I'm not funny. 685 00:24:42,631 --> 00:24:43,799 Mr. Monk, that is not true. 686 00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:45,301 Natalie, you've known me for three years. 687 00:24:45,384 --> 00:24:46,886 Have I ever said anything funny? 688 00:24:47,094 --> 00:24:48,554 Yeah-- [SCOFFS] 689 00:24:49,513 --> 00:24:50,990 Um... 690 00:24:52,766 --> 00:24:54,977 Kevin, have I ever said anything funny? 691 00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:57,104 That's a good question. Okay. Let's see. 692 00:24:57,187 --> 00:25:00,733 I met you in October, 1998. 693 00:25:00,816 --> 00:25:02,526 First week... No. 694 00:25:02,610 --> 00:25:04,570 You were kind of a Gloomy Gus. 695 00:25:04,778 --> 00:25:06,280 Second week... 696 00:25:13,871 --> 00:25:14,830 No. 697 00:25:15,539 --> 00:25:16,832 Third week... 698 00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:17,958 [LAUGHS] 699 00:25:18,542 --> 00:25:20,169 [LAUGHS] What? 700 00:25:20,377 --> 00:25:21,170 Yes! 701 00:25:21,253 --> 00:25:22,755 [LAUGHS] The-- Wait. 702 00:25:22,963 --> 00:25:24,590 Sorry. No, that wasn't you. 703 00:25:24,673 --> 00:25:25,966 It was Arsenio Hall. 704 00:25:26,342 --> 00:25:27,760 He's hilarious. 705 00:25:27,843 --> 00:25:29,428 It's like a blind spot. 706 00:25:29,511 --> 00:25:32,222 It's like everybody else in the world 707 00:25:32,389 --> 00:25:34,266 can speak another language 708 00:25:34,391 --> 00:25:35,851 that I can't learn. 709 00:25:35,935 --> 00:25:37,436 Maybe it's genetic. 710 00:25:37,519 --> 00:25:40,105 I don't remember my parents ever laughing. 711 00:25:40,189 --> 00:25:42,358 Okay, Mr. Monk, that is not possible. 712 00:25:42,524 --> 00:25:43,776 Everybody laughs. 713 00:25:43,859 --> 00:25:45,778 You're just blocking it out. 714 00:25:47,613 --> 00:25:48,906 Sit down. 715 00:25:48,989 --> 00:25:50,699 Sit down. I want to show you something. 716 00:25:52,785 --> 00:25:53,786 Sit down. 717 00:25:55,079 --> 00:25:56,789 These... 718 00:25:56,956 --> 00:26:00,167 are home movies my brother Ambrose 719 00:26:00,376 --> 00:26:01,752 edited together for me. 720 00:26:01,794 --> 00:26:03,253 KEVIN: Oh, what a treat. 721 00:26:03,337 --> 00:26:05,130 Mr. Monk, I love home movies. 722 00:26:05,339 --> 00:26:08,467 They always make me feel better about my own family. 723 00:26:08,550 --> 00:26:10,511 [LAUGHS] 724 00:26:12,888 --> 00:26:13,973 KEVIN: Oh. 725 00:26:14,014 --> 00:26:15,474 [NATALIE LAUGHS] 726 00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:17,184 Is that you? 727 00:26:17,267 --> 00:26:18,852 - Adorable. - Look at you! 728 00:26:19,019 --> 00:26:20,604 That's my Aunt Clara. 729 00:26:23,649 --> 00:26:24,942 NATALIE: Ahem. 730 00:26:28,237 --> 00:26:29,780 NATALIE: Did somebody die? 731 00:26:30,447 --> 00:26:32,282 Christmas morning. 732 00:26:35,703 --> 00:26:38,789 Oh, that's me playing Hide. 733 00:26:38,914 --> 00:26:40,708 You mean Hide-and-Seek? 734 00:26:42,418 --> 00:26:44,336 You still don't get it, do you? 735 00:26:46,046 --> 00:26:49,425 Oh, this--this one 736 00:26:49,591 --> 00:26:51,218 is my cousin's birthday party. 737 00:26:51,969 --> 00:26:54,763 And... there's me. 738 00:26:57,141 --> 00:26:58,767 Got a balloon there. 739 00:27:04,189 --> 00:27:05,983 [MONK SIGHS] 740 00:27:06,984 --> 00:27:08,861 MONK: I don't remember his name. 741 00:27:10,738 --> 00:27:12,031 KEVIN: Huh. 742 00:27:16,368 --> 00:27:17,828 Oh, and... 743 00:27:18,078 --> 00:27:19,747 family picnic. 744 00:27:20,664 --> 00:27:22,249 There's Ambrose. 745 00:27:28,839 --> 00:27:31,383 Oh, there's more. There's--There's a lot more. 746 00:27:31,425 --> 00:27:34,053 Mr. Monk, that's the saddest movie I've ever seen. 747 00:27:38,182 --> 00:27:39,683 I'm not hugging you. 748 00:27:39,767 --> 00:27:42,061 I'm hugging the little boy in that movie. 749 00:27:46,441 --> 00:27:48,317 I am so sorry. 750 00:27:53,030 --> 00:27:53,947 Enh. 751 00:27:54,156 --> 00:27:55,991 [KNOCKING] 752 00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:03,207 [KNOCKING] 753 00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:07,544 Kevin. 754 00:28:07,628 --> 00:28:08,837 What time is it? 755 00:28:08,921 --> 00:28:10,964 Did I ever tell you about my uncle? 756 00:28:11,632 --> 00:28:12,758 No. 757 00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:14,635 Sy Dorfman? 758 00:28:15,636 --> 00:28:17,179 The comedian? 759 00:28:17,304 --> 00:28:18,931 Sy Dorfman? 760 00:28:19,181 --> 00:28:20,265 Uh... 761 00:28:20,349 --> 00:28:21,850 You've heard of Milton Berle, right? 762 00:28:22,017 --> 00:28:24,144 - Uncle Miltie? - Uh, yeah. 763 00:28:24,228 --> 00:28:26,271 Well, they were contemporaries! 764 00:28:26,355 --> 00:28:28,065 Worked a lot of the same venues, 765 00:28:28,190 --> 00:28:29,900 had a lot of friends in common. 766 00:28:29,983 --> 00:28:31,235 Take a seat. 767 00:28:31,568 --> 00:28:32,945 Come on. 768 00:28:39,076 --> 00:28:42,704 When I think about all the great Milton Berle stories 769 00:28:42,830 --> 00:28:45,082 they would tell Uncle Sy 770 00:28:45,165 --> 00:28:46,959 and then he would relay to me. 771 00:28:48,418 --> 00:28:50,337 And when he died... 772 00:28:50,754 --> 00:28:52,756 he left me this. 773 00:28:56,802 --> 00:28:58,554 It's his joke file. 774 00:29:01,932 --> 00:29:03,392 Professional jokes? 775 00:29:04,393 --> 00:29:06,061 Field-tested. 776 00:29:06,145 --> 00:29:07,479 Guaranteed. 777 00:29:07,604 --> 00:29:09,690 You want to go back on the Max Hudson show, right? 778 00:29:09,898 --> 00:29:11,316 Well, here's your chance 779 00:29:11,525 --> 00:29:13,402 to give him a taste of the medicine 780 00:29:13,485 --> 00:29:14,736 that he prescribes. 781 00:29:17,698 --> 00:29:19,575 "For the first year of my marriage, 782 00:29:19,658 --> 00:29:22,119 I thought the only flavor was charcoal." 783 00:29:22,286 --> 00:29:23,912 [SNICKERS] 784 00:29:24,371 --> 00:29:26,540 Uh... uh. 785 00:29:27,624 --> 00:29:29,710 Yeah, 'cause she was a bad cook. 786 00:29:29,835 --> 00:29:31,044 She burnt everything. 787 00:29:32,004 --> 00:29:33,297 You see? 788 00:29:33,422 --> 00:29:35,340 That's good. 789 00:29:35,549 --> 00:29:39,303 Oh, wow. That's... powerful. 790 00:29:40,137 --> 00:29:41,805 Are they all that good? 791 00:29:41,930 --> 00:29:44,516 Well, he performed a lot of them at my Bar Mitzvah. 792 00:29:45,309 --> 00:29:46,727 And he killed. 793 00:29:46,810 --> 00:29:48,145 [LAUGHS] 794 00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:50,063 Oh, thank you, Kevin. 795 00:29:50,189 --> 00:29:51,481 Wow. 796 00:29:51,607 --> 00:29:52,900 All right, let's see. 797 00:29:53,025 --> 00:29:54,193 I'll... 798 00:29:54,610 --> 00:29:56,695 I'll take some "Mother-In-Laws." 799 00:29:56,778 --> 00:29:57,779 Splendid. 800 00:29:58,030 --> 00:29:59,698 Oh, "Hippy jokes." 801 00:29:59,781 --> 00:30:02,159 - I bet those are good. - Those are good. 802 00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:04,995 And what are these red ones? 803 00:30:05,454 --> 00:30:07,497 Those are his dirty jokes. 804 00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:10,417 He only used those when he was in real trouble. 805 00:30:14,796 --> 00:30:16,798 I'll just take one of those, okay? 806 00:30:16,882 --> 00:30:18,091 Take it. 807 00:30:19,885 --> 00:30:21,887 I think I'm going to change that to "B.M." 808 00:30:21,929 --> 00:30:23,722 Yeah, that still-- still works. 809 00:30:23,931 --> 00:30:26,016 Hey, Max, guess who's back. 810 00:30:26,099 --> 00:30:28,060 The psycho wipey detective. 811 00:30:28,268 --> 00:30:29,228 MAX: Monk? 812 00:30:29,311 --> 00:30:30,562 Spunky monkey is here? 813 00:30:30,771 --> 00:30:32,731 I didn't think he had the nerve, the way he skedaddled 814 00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:34,066 outta here last time. 815 00:30:34,149 --> 00:30:35,275 Is the blonde with him? 816 00:30:35,359 --> 00:30:37,527 Natalie, I love you. [MOANING] 817 00:30:37,736 --> 00:30:38,654 That's disgusting. 818 00:30:38,737 --> 00:30:40,530 Hey, well, let's bring him on inside here. 819 00:30:40,614 --> 00:30:42,574 Let's hear what's on his so-called mind. 820 00:30:42,783 --> 00:30:44,493 Mr. Monk, maybe we should wait for the captain. 821 00:30:44,568 --> 00:30:46,453 No, no, no, no. Look. 822 00:30:46,536 --> 00:30:47,704 [FLICKS CARD] 823 00:30:47,788 --> 00:30:49,039 What are those? 824 00:30:49,248 --> 00:30:51,625 Those are golden bullets. 825 00:30:51,667 --> 00:30:52,918 What are you talking about? 826 00:30:53,001 --> 00:30:54,503 What are those cards? What are you doing? 827 00:30:54,544 --> 00:30:57,005 Don't worry. It's in the bag. 828 00:30:57,547 --> 00:30:59,258 - He's scared. - Whup! 829 00:30:59,633 --> 00:31:01,802 - And the sleeve. - [APPLAUDS] 830 00:31:01,927 --> 00:31:03,053 Yay. 831 00:31:03,262 --> 00:31:05,847 Hi, Max, J.J., Willie. 832 00:31:05,931 --> 00:31:07,224 Did you guys miss me? 833 00:31:07,307 --> 00:31:08,850 MONK [ON RECORDING]: Wipe. Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe. 834 00:31:08,934 --> 00:31:10,560 [ALL LAUGHING] 835 00:31:10,789 --> 00:31:12,040 Well, well, well. Look who's back. 836 00:31:12,187 --> 00:31:15,107 - Surprised? - More like annoyed, actually. 837 00:31:15,148 --> 00:31:16,984 For those of you who missed it last week, 838 00:31:17,192 --> 00:31:19,278 Adrian Monk is a private detective 839 00:31:19,403 --> 00:31:21,488 who was hired by my ex-sister-in law 840 00:31:21,697 --> 00:31:25,242 who's delusional 'cause she thinks I killed my... 841 00:31:25,450 --> 00:31:26,952 my wife. 842 00:31:27,077 --> 00:31:30,163 So what can we do for you today, Mr. Mo-o-onk? 843 00:31:30,247 --> 00:31:31,873 Well, ahem, 844 00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:35,377 for three weeks before Jeanette died, 845 00:31:35,460 --> 00:31:38,588 you left the house at 2:00 every afternoon. 846 00:31:38,797 --> 00:31:40,465 - Yes. - According to her sister, 847 00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:43,719 you said you were going to the gym. 848 00:31:43,927 --> 00:31:45,637 - That's right. - Well, I went to your gym. 849 00:31:45,846 --> 00:31:47,472 And they said that you haven't been there 850 00:31:47,556 --> 00:31:48,598 in six months. 851 00:31:48,807 --> 00:31:50,475 So my first question is: 852 00:31:51,184 --> 00:31:54,187 what were you doing at 2:00 every day? 853 00:31:55,147 --> 00:31:57,858 Well, uh, that's really none of your business, 854 00:31:57,941 --> 00:31:59,860 but, uh, I'm gonna tell you anyway. 855 00:32:00,485 --> 00:32:03,780 It's no secret Jeanette and I had an understanding. 856 00:32:03,864 --> 00:32:06,533 We had what some people would call an "open marriage". 857 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:08,618 In my house it's called, "The Impossible Dream." 858 00:32:09,536 --> 00:32:11,079 So you're absolutely right. 859 00:32:11,121 --> 00:32:12,414 I did not go to the gym. 860 00:32:12,622 --> 00:32:14,916 I was getting a different kind of workout. 861 00:32:15,125 --> 00:32:16,293 - J.J.: Yeah, baby! - [BELL RINGS] 862 00:32:16,501 --> 00:32:18,211 - B-b-b-b-b-wah! - J.J.: Hey! 863 00:32:18,462 --> 00:32:20,714 And for those of you keeping score at home, 864 00:32:20,922 --> 00:32:22,466 that's Max one, Monk nothing. 865 00:32:23,133 --> 00:32:24,593 You wanna play? 866 00:32:24,718 --> 00:32:26,219 Okay. 867 00:32:26,470 --> 00:32:27,888 Let's--Let's play. 868 00:32:29,389 --> 00:32:31,725 Oh... here we go! 869 00:32:31,933 --> 00:32:33,518 [CUCKOO CUCKOO] 870 00:32:33,602 --> 00:32:34,936 You know, Max. 871 00:32:35,020 --> 00:32:36,980 You look like you're out of shape. 872 00:32:37,064 --> 00:32:39,107 When you go to a restaurant, 873 00:32:39,232 --> 00:32:41,068 you don't use a fork. 874 00:32:41,193 --> 00:32:43,445 You use a harpoon. 875 00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:46,698 MAX: Uh... 876 00:32:46,907 --> 00:32:47,783 What? 877 00:32:47,991 --> 00:32:49,201 You heard me. 878 00:32:49,409 --> 00:32:51,286 When you took your dog to the dog show, 879 00:32:51,370 --> 00:32:53,663 you won first prize, not your dog. 880 00:32:54,247 --> 00:32:55,999 [CRICKETS CHIRP] 881 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:58,543 Yeah, that's, uh... 882 00:32:58,627 --> 00:32:59,669 that's not funny. 883 00:32:59,878 --> 00:33:01,963 [WOLF HOWLS] 884 00:33:02,923 --> 00:33:04,841 - Yes, it is. - No. No, it's not. 885 00:33:05,008 --> 00:33:07,344 Yes, it is. You know who you remind me of? 886 00:33:08,261 --> 00:33:12,265 The hippie who came home and gave his dog fleas. 887 00:33:12,516 --> 00:33:13,850 "Hippie?" What year is this? 888 00:33:14,059 --> 00:33:14,935 [CHUCKLING] 889 00:33:15,102 --> 00:33:18,730 Actually, you remind me of several different hippies. 890 00:33:18,939 --> 00:33:21,608 Like the hippie who moved into a new apartment 891 00:33:21,691 --> 00:33:22,943 and it was six months 892 00:33:22,984 --> 00:33:25,779 before he realized there was no hot water. 893 00:33:26,613 --> 00:33:28,240 [CRICKETS CHIRPING] 894 00:33:29,491 --> 00:33:32,160 I'm sorry, but you had that coming. 895 00:33:32,369 --> 00:33:33,453 Yeah, um... 896 00:33:33,537 --> 00:33:36,540 Adrian, uh, are you telling jokes, buddy? 897 00:33:36,748 --> 00:33:37,958 Max, you've got a caller. 898 00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:39,042 Thank God. 899 00:33:39,126 --> 00:33:40,585 KEVIN [OVER PHONE]: Hello, Mr. Hudson. 900 00:33:40,669 --> 00:33:42,212 Long-time listener, first-time caller. 901 00:33:42,295 --> 00:33:44,089 - I love the show. - Thank you. 902 00:33:44,297 --> 00:33:46,049 I can't believe I got through. 903 00:33:46,133 --> 00:33:49,594 Listen, I just got back from Los Angeles 904 00:33:49,803 --> 00:33:51,888 and the smog was terrible. 905 00:33:52,097 --> 00:33:55,642 I was wondering if anyone there has any thoughts 906 00:33:55,851 --> 00:33:57,060 on the subject. 907 00:33:57,227 --> 00:33:58,979 Max, I'll take this one. 908 00:33:59,062 --> 00:34:00,605 I know what he means. 909 00:34:01,523 --> 00:34:02,858 The smog was so bad, 910 00:34:02,941 --> 00:34:07,028 one time I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck. 911 00:34:07,237 --> 00:34:08,321 [SNICKERING] 912 00:34:10,282 --> 00:34:11,783 In the a--air. 913 00:34:15,203 --> 00:34:16,705 just stuck. 914 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,582 From the smog. 915 00:34:19,249 --> 00:34:21,376 [DUNKING, FARTING] 916 00:34:21,460 --> 00:34:23,253 Yeah. Yeah, J.J., that sound-effect 917 00:34:23,336 --> 00:34:25,130 is about as funny as my wife's cooking. 918 00:34:25,714 --> 00:34:27,424 Do you know what she made every night? 919 00:34:27,591 --> 00:34:28,550 A noose? 920 00:34:28,758 --> 00:34:31,470 [J.J. AND LITTLE WILLIE LAUGH] 921 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:33,180 No. No, not a noose. 922 00:34:33,263 --> 00:34:34,389 Leftovers. 923 00:34:34,473 --> 00:34:36,266 - Why would she make a noose? - Yeah, seriously, though. 924 00:34:36,475 --> 00:34:37,809 Are--are you married? 925 00:34:37,893 --> 00:34:41,271 Because that's a woman I would love to meet. 926 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,148 [LAUGHTER] 927 00:34:43,231 --> 00:34:44,816 I was married. 928 00:34:45,317 --> 00:34:46,943 Her name was Trudy. 929 00:34:47,027 --> 00:34:48,361 She died. 930 00:34:49,321 --> 00:34:50,947 She was murdered. 931 00:34:51,490 --> 00:34:53,116 It was a car bomb. 932 00:34:55,494 --> 00:34:56,661 Aw, man, that sucks. 933 00:34:56,745 --> 00:34:57,746 May she rest in peace. 934 00:34:57,913 --> 00:34:59,831 Well... rest in pieces. 935 00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:02,918 I mean, at least my wife was buried in a coffin. 936 00:35:03,168 --> 00:35:05,754 What was Trudy buried in, a bunch of little snack bags? 937 00:35:06,004 --> 00:35:07,422 Oh, God. Let me in there! 938 00:35:08,465 --> 00:35:10,091 - Whoa, whoa. Max, take it easy. - No, no, seriously. 939 00:35:10,300 --> 00:35:12,052 You should have called me in. I could've helped you with the case. 940 00:35:12,135 --> 00:35:14,930 I'm great with jigsaw puzzles. 941 00:35:15,138 --> 00:35:17,265 Are you joking about Trudy? 942 00:35:17,349 --> 00:35:19,559 [MAX WITH GIRLY VOICE] "Adrian, I'm wanna use the car now. 943 00:35:19,726 --> 00:35:21,353 Go for a drive. What's this button do?" 944 00:35:21,436 --> 00:35:23,605 Ka-booom! 945 00:35:24,397 --> 00:35:27,234 I bet you needed a whole buncha wipes that day, huh? 946 00:35:27,642 --> 00:35:30,403 By the way, you know the last thing that went through your wife's mind-- 947 00:35:30,487 --> 00:35:31,404 the steering wheel. 948 00:35:32,322 --> 00:35:33,365 NATALIE: Mr. Monk! 949 00:35:34,115 --> 00:35:35,033 Mr. Monk! 950 00:35:38,036 --> 00:35:38,828 Mr. Monk! 951 00:35:39,037 --> 00:35:40,330 Oh, my God! 952 00:35:45,126 --> 00:35:47,128 Thanks for stopping by, Adrian. 953 00:35:47,212 --> 00:35:48,505 Come by anytime. 954 00:35:49,130 --> 00:35:50,840 We'll be right back. 955 00:35:56,054 --> 00:35:57,389 RANDY: Here. 956 00:35:57,514 --> 00:35:58,848 MONK: Did you hear him? 957 00:35:58,932 --> 00:36:00,475 Did you hear what he said about Trudy? 958 00:36:00,517 --> 00:36:02,185 RANDY: Yeah, we were in the car. We had to pull over. 959 00:36:02,269 --> 00:36:04,521 - I couldn't even drive. - That wasn't funny, was it? 960 00:36:04,604 --> 00:36:06,231 No, Mr. Monk. It was unspeakable. 961 00:36:06,314 --> 00:36:07,566 Here's what I was thinking: 962 00:36:07,649 --> 00:36:09,734 Number one, sounded like you got a couple good shots in. 963 00:36:09,943 --> 00:36:11,111 I was proud of you. 964 00:36:11,236 --> 00:36:12,862 And two, he sounded scared. 965 00:36:13,071 --> 00:36:14,239 Scared and guilty. 966 00:36:14,281 --> 00:36:15,699 He is guilty. 967 00:36:15,907 --> 00:36:19,286 25 years to life. That's the best revenge. 968 00:36:19,411 --> 00:36:21,621 So let's just take a deep breath. 969 00:36:21,788 --> 00:36:23,456 Let's focus. 970 00:36:23,582 --> 00:36:25,417 And let's figure out how he did this. 971 00:36:29,212 --> 00:36:30,463 Okay. 972 00:36:31,923 --> 00:36:33,174 Okay. 973 00:36:36,636 --> 00:36:39,681 Okay, he was on... on the radio. 974 00:36:40,515 --> 00:36:42,976 Doing his show and the house was locked. 975 00:36:43,101 --> 00:36:45,270 Locked and bolted from the inside. 976 00:36:45,353 --> 00:36:47,230 The little window in the back was open 977 00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:49,274 but only eight inches. 978 00:36:49,357 --> 00:36:51,192 Not big enough for a little person. 979 00:36:51,276 --> 00:36:53,987 which has already been established scientifically. 980 00:36:54,237 --> 00:36:56,239 [DOG BARKING] 981 00:36:58,450 --> 00:37:00,201 [DOG CONTINUES TO BARK] 982 00:37:07,167 --> 00:37:08,627 MAN: Ooh, yeah, you got it! 983 00:37:08,835 --> 00:37:10,712 Ooh, here he comes. Here he comes. 984 00:37:10,962 --> 00:37:12,047 Oh, he's got it. 985 00:37:12,172 --> 00:37:13,548 Is that... a loafer? 986 00:37:14,132 --> 00:37:15,467 Yeah, I think so. 987 00:37:15,634 --> 00:37:16,968 MONK: A brown, 988 00:37:17,135 --> 00:37:19,721 Ramato loafer, size 10 1/2. 989 00:37:19,763 --> 00:37:20,930 How do you know that? 990 00:37:21,139 --> 00:37:22,932 Oh, uh, hello again. 991 00:37:23,016 --> 00:37:24,893 Uh, he's not bothering you, is he? 992 00:37:25,060 --> 00:37:26,770 No, no, no. Just curious... 993 00:37:26,895 --> 00:37:28,563 Where did he get that shoe? 994 00:37:28,647 --> 00:37:29,564 Oh, hell. 995 00:37:29,773 --> 00:37:31,316 It's not yours, is it? 996 00:37:31,441 --> 00:37:33,234 I am so sorry. 997 00:37:33,318 --> 00:37:35,403 He has a thing for shoes. 998 00:37:35,528 --> 00:37:37,572 I don't know where he got this shoe. 999 00:37:37,656 --> 00:37:40,575 He, uh, just had it when I got back from our vacation. 1000 00:37:40,659 --> 00:37:42,118 You were on vacation? 1001 00:37:42,243 --> 00:37:44,496 Hawaii. We go every July. 1002 00:37:44,621 --> 00:37:46,414 Who was watching the dog? 1003 00:37:46,623 --> 00:37:48,375 Oh, you're not gonna believe it. 1004 00:37:48,458 --> 00:37:49,834 I still can't believe it. 1005 00:37:49,918 --> 00:37:51,127 Max Hudson. 1006 00:37:51,336 --> 00:37:52,921 He just volunteered. 1007 00:37:53,171 --> 00:37:56,299 I mean, you think a guy like that would have better things to do. 1008 00:38:09,396 --> 00:38:10,772 What, uh...? 1009 00:38:12,273 --> 00:38:13,400 What's going on? 1010 00:38:13,483 --> 00:38:14,943 Well, I could tell you, 1011 00:38:14,984 --> 00:38:17,237 but Adrian Monk wants to tell you himself. 1012 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:18,822 He's upstairs. 1013 00:38:19,406 --> 00:38:20,865 After you. 1014 00:38:23,451 --> 00:38:25,578 [SCOFFS] Linda. Uh-huh. 1015 00:38:25,662 --> 00:38:27,872 Uh, I don't know the legal definition of harassment, 1016 00:38:28,039 --> 00:38:29,749 but, uh, this is pretty close. 1017 00:38:29,817 --> 00:38:32,043 LELAND: Mr. Hudson, that's a search warrant. 1018 00:38:32,127 --> 00:38:34,170 You've been duly served. 1019 00:38:34,796 --> 00:38:37,716 Uh, sure, okay. Knock yourself out. 1020 00:38:37,841 --> 00:38:40,260 You'll just embarrass yourselves again. 1021 00:38:40,301 --> 00:38:41,678 It's over, Max. 1022 00:38:41,761 --> 00:38:43,096 We know how you did it. 1023 00:38:43,179 --> 00:38:45,098 We know what you were doing everyday at 2:00. 1024 00:38:45,223 --> 00:38:46,391 You were next door 1025 00:38:46,558 --> 00:38:47,767 That's right. I was. 1026 00:38:47,851 --> 00:38:50,353 I was house-sitting. I was watering their plants. 1027 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,480 Nah, you were training their dog. 1028 00:38:52,564 --> 00:38:53,982 LELAND: We replayed a tape 1029 00:38:54,065 --> 00:38:56,401 of the show you made the morning your wife died. 1030 00:38:56,526 --> 00:38:59,821 That was the day you introduced your new catchphrase: 1031 00:38:59,904 --> 00:39:01,531 "Jangle my tenders." 1032 00:39:01,656 --> 00:39:02,991 [WHISPERS] "Jiggle me timbers," sir. 1033 00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:04,409 "Jiggle me timbers." 1034 00:39:04,492 --> 00:39:05,994 You never said it before that day. 1035 00:39:06,077 --> 00:39:06,953 or since. 1036 00:39:07,495 --> 00:39:08,955 I'm a big fan. 1037 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,665 Well, I was. 1038 00:39:10,790 --> 00:39:12,292 Unless you're not guilty. 1039 00:39:12,459 --> 00:39:15,420 In which case, we're all really sorry about all of this. 1040 00:39:15,503 --> 00:39:17,464 Although, I'm pretty sure you're guilty. 1041 00:39:17,547 --> 00:39:18,965 [WHISPERS] But, if you're not, I'm sorry. 1042 00:39:20,008 --> 00:39:21,217 This is insane. 1043 00:39:21,593 --> 00:39:23,595 LELAND: Well, it's easy enough to prove. 1044 00:39:26,014 --> 00:39:27,348 Let's do it. 1045 00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:30,018 [RECORDING OF MAX] ...out on Friday 1046 00:39:30,101 --> 00:39:31,060 I saw it last night. 1047 00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:33,021 Jiggle me timbers! 1048 00:39:36,107 --> 00:39:38,485 LITTLE WILLIE: Hey, Max, where'd you get that -- "Jiggle me timbers?" 1049 00:39:38,568 --> 00:39:39,986 You've been saying that all morning. 1050 00:39:40,153 --> 00:39:43,281 MONK: The new catchphrase. That was your command. 1051 00:39:43,364 --> 00:39:46,242 That dog was your accomplice. 1052 00:39:46,326 --> 00:39:48,745 You worked with him everyday for a month. 1053 00:39:48,828 --> 00:39:51,498 You trained him to murder your wife. 1054 00:39:51,664 --> 00:39:54,083 That morning, you could have been a hundred miles away. 1055 00:39:54,292 --> 00:39:57,504 You left his cage open and a radio on. 1056 00:39:57,587 --> 00:40:01,132 All you had to do was go on the air and give the command. 1057 00:40:01,341 --> 00:40:02,634 You knew Jeanette would be fast asleep. 1058 00:40:02,801 --> 00:40:04,302 You knew she'd never wake up. 1059 00:40:05,345 --> 00:40:06,763 NATALIE: Oh, here he comes. 1060 00:40:24,113 --> 00:40:26,032 LELAND: You made one big mistake. 1061 00:40:26,282 --> 00:40:28,243 Your partner, your accomplice. 1062 00:40:28,326 --> 00:40:30,161 He's got a thing for shoes. 1063 00:40:30,245 --> 00:40:32,205 He stole one of yours and brought it home. 1064 00:40:34,290 --> 00:40:35,375 So is he under arrest? 1065 00:40:35,583 --> 00:40:36,543 Yes, he is. 1066 00:40:37,252 --> 00:40:38,545 Thank you, Mr. Monk. 1067 00:40:38,670 --> 00:40:40,505 - Thank you. - Hmm. 1068 00:40:40,588 --> 00:40:42,090 RANDY: You heard the lady, Max. 1069 00:40:42,423 --> 00:40:43,967 You're under arrest. 1070 00:40:44,050 --> 00:40:45,468 Gimme your hands. 1071 00:40:50,181 --> 00:40:52,767 You're not laughing now. 1072 00:40:53,643 --> 00:40:54,978 Are you? 1073 00:40:56,396 --> 00:40:57,605 Are you? 1074 00:40:58,773 --> 00:41:00,066 No. 1075 00:41:00,733 --> 00:41:02,193 I'm not laughing. 1076 00:41:04,153 --> 00:41:06,072 Join the club. 1077 00:41:06,322 --> 00:41:07,574 Let's go. 1078 00:41:14,247 --> 00:41:16,583 MONK: Oh, here we go. 1079 00:41:17,292 --> 00:41:20,253 TRUDY: Mmm, that looks good! 1080 00:41:20,503 --> 00:41:21,754 [LAUGHTER] 1081 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:22,964 WEDDING GUESTS: Aww. 1082 00:41:23,256 --> 00:41:24,799 [APPLAUSE] 1083 00:41:27,635 --> 00:41:28,720 Ooh! 1084 00:41:28,761 --> 00:41:30,179 [LAUGHTER] 1085 00:41:30,305 --> 00:41:31,681 You are so silly. 1086 00:41:31,764 --> 00:41:33,099 All right, you ready? 1087 00:41:33,266 --> 00:41:35,101 MONK: Okay, don't forget, I have the knife. 1088 00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,603 TRUDY: I know. [LAUGHS] 1089 00:41:36,686 --> 00:41:38,605 You think that's funny? Whoo! 1090 00:41:38,646 --> 00:41:40,106 [MONK AND TRUDY LAUGHING] 1091 00:41:43,276 --> 00:41:44,903 I love how you laugh. 1092 00:41:44,986 --> 00:41:46,279 Mwah! 1093 00:41:46,946 --> 00:41:48,072 WEDDING GUESTS: Aww. 1094 00:41:50,015 --> 00:41:51,164 TRUDY: Mwah! 1095 00:41:51,242 --> 00:41:52,869 [MONK GIGGLING] 1096 00:41:53,940 --> 00:41:56,940 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]