Captions by VITAC...
www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
CARTOON NETWORK
- MAN, I HATE GOING TO THE
CAFETERIA.
IT'S THE SAME GROSS OLD CRUD
EVERY DAY.
- RELAX, NUMBAH 4.
THE FOOD IS PRETTY GROSS.
BUT IF YOU FIGHT HARD ENOUGH,
IT'LL STAY DOWN.
- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]
- UH, NUMBAH 5 ISN'T SO HUNGRY
ALL OF A SUDDEN.
COME ON!
- YEAH.
- MAYBE WE SHOULD GRAB A TABLE - AND...
[ MUSIC INTENSIFIES ]
- ♪ I'VE GOT PORK FAT AND - GRAVY FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS ♪
♪ I SERVE DEAD MONKEY PUDDING
AND PLATYPUS BRAINS ♪
♪ I'M GRANDMOTHER STUFFUM
- ♪ GRANDMOTHER STUFFUM
- ♪ I CAME TO THE SCHOOL
TO FEED YOU KIDS ♪
♪ AND BAKE UP PIES
WITH JELLIED SQUIDS! ♪
♪ KIDS MUST EAT
♪ KIDS WERE NOT PUT
ON THIS EARTH TO NIBBLE ♪
- NO!
- ♪ YOU ALL MUST BE HELPLESS
AND FAT ♪
- YEAH!
- ♪ THAT WAY YOU CAN'T GET
YOURSELF IN TROUBLE ♪
- NO!
- ♪ WHILE GRANDMA GETS TO FEED
YOU CURRIED RAT ♪
♪ I WILL STOP YOU
WITH MOOSE FONDUE ♪
♪ YOU WILL CHOW ON
TUNA MELTDOWN ♪
♪ EAT IT
♪ SCARF IT
♪ BITE IT
♪ CRAM IT
♪ DOWN IT
♪ CHOW IT
♪ WANT IT
♪ PIG OUT!
♪ I WILL MAKE YOU
♪ FATTER!
♪ I CAME TO THIS SCHOOL
WITH MY FOOD
TO CONQUER THE YOUNG AND RUDE ♪
♪ I'M GRANDMOTHER STUFFUM
- ♪ GRANDMOTHER STUFFUM
- ♪ YOU MUST EAT NOW
♪ TRY MY DEEP-FRIED BOAR
♪ BUT YOU JUST NEVER LISTEN
'CAUSE YOU'RE KIDS NEXT DOOR ♪
♪ KIDS MUST EAT
♪ KIDS MUST EAT!
♪ KIDS WERE NOT PUT
ON THIS EARTH TO NIBBLE ♪
- NO!
- ♪ YOU ALL MUST BE HELPLESS
AND FAT ♪
- YEAH!
- ♪ THAT WAY YOU CAN'T GET
YOURSELF IN TROUBLE ♪
- NO!
- ♪ WHILE GRANDMA GETS TO FEED
YOU TOASTED BAT ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T BEAT ME
♪ YOU CAN'T TOAST ME
♪ YOU WON'T GRILL ME
♪ YOU WON'T POACH ME
♪ COOK ME
♪ STEW ME
♪ BOIL ME
♪ FRY ME
♪ BASTE ME
♪ BROIL ME
- ♪ ROAST ME - ♪ BAKE ME
♪ YOU'LL JUST MAKE ME...
- YAY! WE WON! WE WON!
- WELL, THAT WASN'T SO BAD.
USUALLY SHE MAKES US EAT A LOT
MORE THAN THAT.
- YAY!
[ RUMBLING, SIREN BLARING ]
WHOO-HOO! YAY!
AAH! OW!
- SLAMWITCH!
SLAMWITCH!
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]
- UM, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO OUT TO
EAT.
- YEAH.
- OH, YEAH.
[ SIREN WAILING ]
[ ALL SHOUTING ]
- ♪ SLAMWITCH!
♪ SLAMWITCH!
- ♪ SLAMWITCH COMES
AND CHILDREN SCREAM ♪
♪ MADE OF BRAINS
AND SOUR CREAM ♪
♪ IF KIDS WON'T EAT
HIS MOLDY BREAD ♪
♪ THEN SLAMWITCH EATS YOU KIDS
INSTEAD ♪
♪ SLAMWITCH COMES
AND YOU'LL ALL CRY ♪
♪ SWATS F-16s FROM THE SKY
♪ ADMIT YOU CRAVE
HIS PRETTY SPINACH ♪
♪ FALL AND WORSHIP
GIANT SANDWICH ♪
- ♪ SLAMWITCH!
♪ SLAMWITCH!
- JOAQUIN!
WE NEED HELP... NOW!
- HUH?
- ♪ SCHOOLS OF KIDS
HE HAS ATE ♪
♪ AND SHALL OBLITERATE
♪ THE KIDS NEXT DOOR
AND ALL THEIR BROTHERS ♪
- ♪ AND ALL THE MISBEHAVING - OTHERS ♪
♪ WHO WON'T EAT
GRANDMA STUFFUM'S FOOD ♪
♪ AND NOW THEMSELVES
ARE CHOMPED AND CHEWED ♪
- ♪ BUT HE WHO'S MADE OF SKUNKS - AND FRIED VEAL ♪
♪ AND COMES TO MAKE YOU KIDS
HIS NEXT MEAL! ♪
♪ JUMP INSIDE HIS MASSIVE JAW
AMID THE PLAQUE
AND OLD COLESLAW ♪
- ♪ WITH THIS GIANT SANDWICH'S - PAIR OF CLAWS ♪
♪ ON KIDS NEXT DOOR HE CHOMPS
AND GNAWS ♪
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]
♪ SLAMWITCH!
[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]
- [ COUGHS ]
[ RUMBLING ]
- [ LAUGHS ]
- ♪ ROTTEN KIDS
OR GIANT HAMSTER ♪
♪ SLAMWITCH EATS THEM ALL
WITH MUENSTER ♪
♪ MISERABLE, VERMINOUS
DESPICABLE RATS ♪
♪ WILL NOW MAKE SLAMWITCH
NICE AND FAT ♪
SLAMWITCH, CHARGE!
SLAMWITCH, FIGHT!
SLAMWITCH, EAT!
SLAMWITCH, OOH!
♪ HOW DARE YOU REFUSE
MY TASTY MONSTER? ♪
♪ SLAMWITCH WILL DESTROY YOU
HAMSTER ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU JUMP INTO
HIS GIZZARD ♪
♪ HAVE A TASTE
OF CANDIED LIZARD ♪
♪ SLAMWITCH COMES
AND HE MUST EAT ♪
♪ HE'S MADE OF CHEESE
AND POPPY SEED ♪
♪ AND IF YOU CRAVE TO BE
HIS DINNER ♪
♪ FALL AND WORSHIP
SLAMWITCH WINNER! ♪
SLAMWITCH?
WHY DO YOU TWITCH?
MY GIANT SANDWICH!
SLAMWITCH!!
♪ SLAMWITCH!
- ♪ JOAQUIN!
- ♪ SLAMWITCH!
♪ SLAMWITCH!
- ♪ JOAQUIN!
- ♪ SLAMWITCH?
- ♪ JOAQUIN!
[ BELL RINGS ]
- UGH.
I'M GLAD THAT'S OVER.
- SEE YOU TOMORROW, CHILDRENS!
WE'RE HAVING "SCREAM" OF
SPINACH!
OOH!
- GET A NEW COOKBOOK, LADY!
- [ LAUGHING ]
- MMM, BOY!
THAT TURKEY LOOKS SUPERLICIOUS,
MOM.
- WHY, THANK YOU, HOAGIE.
I JUST HOPE MY BOSS THINKS SO.
BOY, IF I DON'T IMPRESS HER
TONIGHT, I'LL JUST LOSE MY MIND!
AAH!
OH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- RELAX, MOM.
IT'S JUST THE NEW 2x4 TECHNOLOGY
DOORBELL I INSTAL...
OW!
- HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW WHY I - LET YOU AND TOMMY MESS AROUND
WITH THE WIRING OF MY HOUSE.
- WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS TO - MYSELF?
SHAME ON YOU, BETTY.
SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!
OH, HELLO, HELLO!
- [ LAUGHS ] - HMM.
- BETTY.
- HI, MRS. GILLIGAN!
[ BOTH SHOUTING ]
- COME IN. COME IN.
IT IS SO NICE OF YOU TO COME FOR
DINNER, MRS. SANBAN.
- NOW, BETTY.
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO CALL ME
MRS. SANBAN.
YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS MADAME
HEAD OF ACCOUNTING MRS. SANBAN.
- [ CLEARS THROAT ]
- OOH, YES, YES! [ LAUGHS ]
HOW STUPID OF ME.
HOW STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
- [ LAUGHS ] - MADAME HEAD OF ACCOUNTING
MRS. SANBAN, SIR... I-I MEAN
MA'AM.
- I AM ANTICIPATING A MOST
INTERESTING DINNER TONIGHT.
- WELL, OF COURSE!
[ LAUGHS ]
- HI, GUYS!
- HEY, NUMBAH 2!
- HOAGIE!
- AW! HEY, MUSHI!
- GIRLS! ENOUGH BICKERING!
- HEY!
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE RACKET?
WHERE'S MY FOOD?
I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HOURS.
- OH! THIS IS MY MOTHER, LYDIA.
SHE'S GOING TO BE JOINING US FOR
DINNER SINCE I, UM, I CAN'T GET
HER TO LEAVE.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- HOW DO I DO WHAT?!
WHAT ARE YOU, A COP?
- [ LAUGHS ]
THOMAS! GET DOWN HERE!
- I EAT ALONE.
FOR I AM... THE TOMMY.
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
- GET DOWN HERE NOW!
- OKAY, GRANDMA.
OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ]
- MOM, YOU TAKE OUR GUESTS'
COATS WHILE HOAGIE SHOWS
EVERYONE INTO THE DINING ROOM.
- NYAH! I KNOW.
YOU NEED ME TO BATTLE ADULT
TYRANNY, RIGHT?
- NO, NO.
GO HELP YOUR GRANDMA.
- HELP GRANDMA?
OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE.
[ GRUNTS ]
- GIVE ME THAT DOLLY THINGY!
- BUT I BROUGHT MY
POSH PARTY RAINBOW MONKEY JUST
FOR THIS PARTY!
IT'S GOT REAL CARE-AND-SHARE
SIGHING!
- AHH!
- LA-A-ME.
- YOU'VE BEEN WAITING ALL WEEK
FOR THIS PARTY, HAVEN'T YOU?
- ADULTS CAN WAIT FOR A PARTY,
SO JUST GIVE ME THE STUPID DOLL
- SO I CAN EAT MY TURKEY DINNER - ALREADY!
- GRANDMA!
REMEMBER WHAT MOM SAID ABOUT
HITTING THE GUESTS?
- SOMETHING ABOUT NOT BEFORE
DESSERT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- OH, HELLO, HELLO!
- [ LAUGHS ] - DON'T MIND ME.
I'LL BE DONE IN A MOMENT.
- HOW UNINTERESTING.
- [ GASPS ]
- MAY I HAVE A TURN WITH YOUR
POSH PARTY RAINBOW MONKEY,
SISTER?
- MAYBE LATER, MUSHI.
I THINK MY HEAD NEEDS SOME
RAINBOW MONKEY LOVE.
- AHH!
- OKAY! I'LL WAIT MY TURN.
- THAT'S IT!
- I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CONSTANT - SQUABBLING OVER THAT RIDICULOUS
RAINBOW MONKEY!
- "RAINBOW MONKEY" THIS, - "RAINBOW MONKEY" THAT!
I RUE THE DAY YOUR MOTHER EVER
BOUGHT THAT YOU THAT INFERNAL
TOY AND SHATTERED THE
TRANQUILITY OF OUR HAPPY HOME!
- NOW, KHANI, GIVE THEM A
CHANCE TO PLAY WITH THEIR TOY.
A CHANCE I NEVER HAD AS A CHILD.
OH, WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE FOR A
DOLLY.
[ SOBS ]
- OH, THAT DOLL IS RUINING MY
DINNER!
- EXILED FROM THE
KIDS NEXT DOOR, MINE IS A SOLO
JOURNEY.
A NEVER-ENDING QUEST TO BRING
JUSTICE TO KIDS WORLDWIDE!
FOR I AM... THE TOMMY.
- OKAY, THERE, THEN.
UH, TURKEY, ANYONE?
[ LAUGHS ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]
OH, I'M SORRY.
BUT THE ELECTRICITY HAS BEEN
GIVING US PROBLEMS EVER SINCE
TOMMY TRIED TO WIRE HIS
2x4 TECHNOLOGY GENERATOR.
- [ SCREAMS ]
AAH!
P-POSH PARTY RAINBOW MONKEY!
WHERE'D IT GO?
IT CAN'T BE GONE!
IT CAN'T!
WHERE IS IT?
- WHAT DID I SAY?!
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS
CONSTANT BICKERING!
- I TOLD YOU I SHOULD'VE TAKEN
THAT DOLL!
- MAYBE LEFT ON ITS OWN LONELY
QUEST FOR JUSTICE.
- YOU'RE NOT RELATED TO ME, ARE - YOU?
- THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!
- [ LAUGHS ]
JUST RELAX, DEARY.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT A SILLY DOLLY
TO RUIN SUCH A WONDERFUL...
[ LAUGHS ] HAPPY...
FUN-TIME PARTY!
[ ALL MUMBLING ]
OKAY, THEN.
WHY NOT HAVE THE FIRST PIECE OF
MY DELICIOUS TURKEY?
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
- AAAAAH!
- OH, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE A
VEGETARIAN OR SOMETHING.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST A TURKEY.
YAH! AAH!
I'M SO FIRED.
- FIRED, SCHMIRED.
WHERE'S THE TURKEY?
I'M STARVIN' OVER HERE!
- HOW CAN YOU TALK ABOUT FOOD
AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
- [ SOBS ]
- THAT'S ENOUGH!!
SOMEBODY HERE IS GUILTY OF
RAINBOW MONKEY MURDER.
AND NO ONE'S LEAVING...
UNTIL I DISCOVER WHO IT IS.
- WELL, DON'T LOOK AT ME!
I DIDN'T DO IT!
- OR DID YOU?
- AAH!
- [ CHUCKLES ]
RIGHT. SORRY.
- HEY, HOW COME HOAGIE GETS TO
BE DETECTIVE?
- BECAUSE MY KIDS NEXT DOOR
TRAINING BEST QUALIFIES ME TO
GET THE FACTS.
FOR INSTANCE, WHERE WERE YOU
WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT?
- I... I WENT UPSTAIRS.
- BUT I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE - RAINBOW MONKEY.
- YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING.
SPILL IT!
[ SOBS ]
- HEY.
THIS WAS MY CANDY AND SODA, YOU
ROTTEN STINKER.
YOU STOLE THIS FROM MY ROOM!
- I-I'M SORRY, HOAGIE.
- WHY'D YOU DO IT, TOMMY?
- I... I WAS...
THIRSTY.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
I WAS HUNGRY.
- THAT FISH IS THREE DAYS OLD,
AND I AIN'T BUYIN' IT.
- NOW, LOOK HERE, BOY.
- SIT DOWN!
SING, TOMMY.
- I WAS THIRSTY.
OOH! I MEAN HUNGRY.
AAH!
I MEAN THIRSTY. AAH!
I MEAN HUNGR...
THUNGRY! HIRSTY!
- I WANT THE TRUTH!
- I WAS HUNGRY AND THIRSTY!
[ ALL GASP ]
CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
YOU... OF ALL IMPORTANT.
OOH!
- CAN WE PLEASE GET ON WITH
THIS STUPID DOLLY INVESTIGATION?
I'M HUNGRY HERE!
- HUNGRY FOR REVENGE?
- NO!
HUNGRY FOR TURKEY, YOU CRAZY
MUNCHKIN.
SO I WANT SOME DINNER!
- WELL, I WANT SOME JUSTICE.
JUSTICE WITH A NICE HELPING OF
CONFESSION ON THE SIDE.
ANY ONE OF YOU COULD'VE DONE THE
DEED.
MOM!
- [ GASPS ] - I HEARD YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT
- THE RAINBOW MONKEY RUINING YOUR - DINNER PARTY.
FORKING THAT RAINBOW MONKEY IN
THE BACK SOLVED THAT PROBLEM,
DIDN'T IT?
- NO!
OH, I MEAN YES.
[ SOBS ]
I JUST WANTED A NICE DINNER.
- AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, GRANDMA?
YOU'RE OLD AND MEAN.
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, SONNY.
AND I WOULD'VE DONE IT, TOO, IF
IT WASN'T FOR MY BACK AND MY
ARTHRITIS.
- AND I GOT THIS FUNNY LITTLE - CRICK IN MY NECK.
OH, AND MY BUNION.
- AND WHAT ABOUT YOU,
MR. SANBAN?
WITH THE RAINBOW MONKEY GONE,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
YOUR DAUGHTERS' CONSTANT
"BICKERING."
- [ SOBS ]
I JUST WANTED MY BABIES TO BE
NICE TO EACH OTHER!
IS THAT SO BAD?
IS THAT SO WRONG?
[ SOBS ]
- UH, ALL RIGHT.
JUST, YOU KNOW, LIGHTEN UP,
ALREADY.
OKAY?
- OKAY.
THANK YOU.
- AND THEN THERE'S YOU.
YOU WERE JEALOUS OF YOUR
DAUGHTER'S DOLLY.
AND WE ALL KNOW IT'S NOT A LONG
TRIP FROM JEALOUSY TO FORKING A
RAINBOW MONKEY IN THE BACK.
- I BOUGHT THAT DOLL FOR MY
DAUGHTERS.
- IT'S THEIRS TO DO WITH AS THEY - PLEASE.
- BUT DID ANYONE OFFER ME A TURN - WITH IT?
A HUG?
FIVE MINUTES OF RAINBOW MONKEY
FUN?
NO!
NOT ONE LITTLE, BITTY
HUGGY WUGGY!
[ GRUNTS, SIGHS ]
BUT I DIDN'T DO IT.
I WAS POWDERING MY NOSE.
- I KNOW YOU DIDN'T DO IT.
THE REAL CULPRIT IS...
MUSHI!
- YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
- I DON'T KID.
SOMETIMES I SAY COOL JOKES AND
PUNS AND STUFF.
BUT NEVER KID.
- BUT WHY WOULD I DO IT?
KUKI SAID SHE WAS GONNA SHARE
THE DOLL WITH ME ANYWAY!
- MAYBE.
BUT PERHAPS YOU COULDN'T WAIT.
I MEAN, A POSH PARTY RAINBOW
MONKEY IS PRETTY SPECIAL.
SPECIAL ENOUGH TO GRAB FROM YOUR
SISTER WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT.
- SPECIAL ENOUGH TO HUG ALL BY - YOURSELF.
BUT YOU FORGOT SOMETHING.
THE POSH PARTY RAINBOW MONKEY
COMES WITH CARE-AND-SHARE
SIGHING ACTION.
- AND THE SECOND YOU HUGGED IT, - THE RAINBOW MONKEY TRIED TO LET
OUT A BIG SIGH.
- AND THAT'S WHEN YOU REALIZED THE - ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOURSELF WAS
TO SILENCE IT... FOR GOOD!
AND THEN YOU HID THE POOR
RAINBOW MONKEY, HOPING NOBODY
WOULD FIND IT.
- I WOULDN'T DO SUCH A HORRIBLE
THING!
I LOVE RAINBOW MONKEYS!
I LOVE SHARING!
- THEN PERHAPS YOU'D SHARE YOUR
FORK WITH ME.
- UM, SURE. [ CHUCKLES ]
I...[ GASPS ]
- OH, MUSHI!
WHY?!
- BECAUSE YOU KEPT HOGGING IT!
AND SHOWING OFF ITS
HUGGIGACIOUSNESS!
IT DROVE ME NUTS!
- OH, MUSHI!
I SHOULD'VE SHARED MORE!
- SHARED?
YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?
I WANTED IT ALL TO MYSELF!
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
- MR. SANBAN, TAKE HER AWAY.
I HAVE A FEELING MUSHI IS GONNA
BE GROUNDED FOR A LONG, LONG
TIME.
- THANK YOU FOR A MOST
INTERESTING EVENING.
BUT I THINK WE'LL JUST GO GET
OURSELVES SOME PIZZA TONIGHT.
I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU
MONDAY IN YOUR NEW OFFICE AND
DEPUTY SUBACCOUNTS MANAGER.
- OH! WELL [LAUGHS] THANK YOU,
MRS. MADAME HEAD OF ACCOUNTING
MA'AM, SIR, MA'AM.
[ LAUGHS ]
OH, THANK YOU, MRS. SANBAN!
- OH, PLEASE, CALL ME GENKI.
AND AS FOR YOU,
MR. YOUNG DETECTIVE, PERHAPS NOW
YOU CAN INVESTIGATE WHAT
HAPPENED TO YOUR MOTHER'S
TURKEY.
- MAYBE.
BUT DISCOVERING WHO ATE A
LEMON-BASTED TURKEY WITH
- CRANBERRY STUFFING... THAT WON'T - BE EASY.
- [ CLICKS TONGUE ]
I DON'T RECALL YOUR MOTHER
MENTIONING WHAT KIND OF STUFFING
SHE PUT IN THE TURKEY.
- WELL, YEAH!
I NEVER MENTIONED IT!
HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN JR., WHAT
HAPPENED TO MY TURKEY?!
- WELL, UH, Y-YOU SEE...
OOH! I-I CAN EXPLAIN!
IT WAS...
- YOU ATE MY TURKEY, YOU LITTLE
SHERLOCK HOLMES!
TAKE THAT!
AND THAT! AND THAT!
AND THAT, TOO.
THERE'S NO TURKEY.
THEY HAVE A DINNER WITH NO MAIN
COURSE.
THE LITTLE HAGEULAH.
HE EATS ALL THE TURKEY.
THAT'S FINE.
THEY CALL HIM NUMBAH 2.
- HE'S GONNA BE NUMBAH 4 IN AN - INSTANT.
I'M HUNGRY!
WHAT CAN I MAKE HERE?
WHAT'S SHE GOT?
SHE'S GOT EGGS.
I COULD MAKE AN OMELET.
- IF I WANTED AN OMELET, I - WOULD'VE GOTTEN UP AND EATEN AT
BREAKFAST.
I NEED DINNER FOOD.
I NEED FOOD FOR ME.
- I NEED FOOD FOR MY HUNGRY - STOMACH.
- I'M NOT SURE WHAT I WANT TO EAT, - THOUGH.
WHAT AM I CRAVING?
A MAN WITH A JOB.
[ LAUGHS ]
SOMETIME I CRACK MYSELF UP.