1 00:00:00,599 --> 00:00:02,224 LOOK AT ALL THE MAKEUP BRIDGET BOUGHT. 2 00:00:02,224 --> 00:00:02,849 CAN YOU BELIEVE? 3 00:00:02,849 --> 00:00:05,766 LOOK -- $14 FOR WHATEVER THIS IS. 4 00:00:05,766 --> 00:00:07,641 EYELASH CURLER. 5 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,974 AND THANK HEAVENS SHE GOT MORE LIP JUNK. 6 00:00:09,974 --> 00:00:12,057 LIP GLOSS. 7 00:00:12,057 --> 00:00:17,141 RORY, THERE'S A BALL GAME ON CHANNEL 7 -- WATCH IT. 8 00:00:17,141 --> 00:00:18,557 HEY, GUYS. 9 00:00:18,557 --> 00:00:20,557 HEY, CARE BEAR, LOOK AT THIS. 10 00:00:20,557 --> 00:00:22,557 NOT NOW. I HAVE TO GET READY FOR MY DATE WITH KYLE. 11 00:00:22,557 --> 00:00:24,057 THAT'S YOUR STUFF? 12 00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:27,349 I STILL HAVE TO STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR, CRIMP MY EYELASHES, 13 00:00:27,349 --> 00:00:28,849 CREATE CHEEKBONES OUT OF PRACTICALLY NOTHING, 14 00:00:28,849 --> 00:00:33,599 WHICH IS TOTALLY YOUR FAULT...FLAT FACE. 15 00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:37,307 FL--FLAT -- I DO NOT HAVE A FLAT FACE! 16 00:00:37,307 --> 00:00:38,307 COME ON. 17 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:45,391 WELL, ANYONE LOOKS FLAT IN A TOASTER. 18 00:00:45,391 --> 00:00:48,474 LOOK, KERRY, I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 19 00:00:48,474 --> 00:00:49,016 IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, 20 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:52,349 EVER SINCE YOU STARTED DATING KYLE, YOU'VE CHANGED. 21 00:00:52,349 --> 00:00:53,641 YOU'RE DIFFERENT. YOU'RE MORE... 22 00:00:53,641 --> 00:00:54,974 MORE BRIDGET-Y. 23 00:00:54,974 --> 00:00:57,932 RORY! YOU'RE MORE BRIDGET-ESQUE. 24 00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,891 YOU KNOW, HOW COULD YOU COMPARE ME TO BRIDGET? 25 00:01:00,891 --> 00:01:03,766 WHERE'S MY NEW SPARKLE LIP GLOSS? 26 00:01:03,766 --> 00:01:04,891 OKAY? I KNOW I BOUGHT NEW SPARKLE LIP GLOSS. 27 00:01:04,891 --> 00:01:07,099 OH, MY GOD! WHERE'S MY NEW SPARKLE LIP GLOSS?! 28 00:01:07,099 --> 00:01:07,974 IS THIS IT? 29 00:01:07,974 --> 00:01:11,891 HE TOUCHED IT ALL OVER. 30 00:01:11,891 --> 00:01:14,224 I MISS THE OLD KERRY. 31 00:01:14,224 --> 00:01:16,724 THE DEPRESSED ONE WITHOUT A BOYFRIEND? 32 00:01:16,724 --> 00:01:18,932 YEAH. 33 00:01:18,932 --> 00:01:20,432 [ SIGHS ] 34 00:01:20,432 --> 00:01:23,599 WHY DO BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? 35 00:01:23,599 --> 00:01:25,599 BRIDGET, NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO YOU. 36 00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:27,724 [ LAUGHS ] OH, YEAH. 37 00:01:27,724 --> 00:01:32,307 BUT TODAY, I HEARD MOM WAS GONNA SEX ED IN MY CLASS. 38 00:01:32,307 --> 00:01:33,182 IT'S TRUE. 39 00:01:33,182 --> 00:01:35,974 DAD, WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO SUPERFICIAL PEOPLE? 40 00:01:35,974 --> 00:01:37,182 RORY! 41 00:01:37,182 --> 00:01:38,599 RORY, I DON'T KNOW, 42 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,849 BUT I KNOW WHY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO SMART ALECKS. 43 00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:45,224 "SMART ALECK"? YOU KNOW, WORDS HURT, DAD. 44 00:01:45,224 --> 00:01:46,932 FLAT FACE. 45 00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:49,974 SO, WHAT -- YOU'RE TEACHING SEX EDUCATION? 46 00:01:49,974 --> 00:01:53,016 OH, YEAH, THE SCHOOL NEEDED A NURSE TO FILL IN 47 00:01:53,016 --> 00:01:55,849 BECAUSE MS. CALLAHAN GOT THE FLU. 48 00:01:55,849 --> 00:02:00,016 REALLY? I HEARD SHE GOT KNOCKED UP. 49 00:02:00,016 --> 00:02:02,766 SO, YOU JUST SAY YES WITHOUT EVEN TOTALLY CONSIDERING 50 00:02:02,766 --> 00:02:05,016 HOW IT CAN COMPLETELY RUIN MY LIFE?! 51 00:02:05,016 --> 00:02:06,307 BRIDGET, I THINK IT'S AN HONOR 52 00:02:06,307 --> 00:02:08,641 YOUR MOTHER IS GOING TO TEACH YOU SEXUAL EDUCATION. 53 00:02:08,641 --> 00:02:12,391 AFTER ALL, SHE TAUGHT ME. 54 00:02:12,391 --> 00:02:15,016 EW! EW! 55 00:02:15,016 --> 00:02:16,599 EW! 56 00:02:16,599 --> 00:02:18,682 DO YOU GUYS DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT SITUATION I'M IN HERE? 57 00:02:18,682 --> 00:02:21,099 DONNY DOYLE'S COMING IN HERE THIS WEEKEND TO SEE ME. 58 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,224 PEOPLE PERCEIVE MY DATING DONNY AS A SLAP IN THE FACE. 59 00:02:23,224 --> 00:02:25,224 HE'S OLDER. HE GOES TO THE NAVAL ACADEMY. 60 00:02:25,224 --> 00:02:27,307 THEN DANIELLE IS GOING TO THIS PARTY THIS WEEKEND. 61 00:02:27,307 --> 00:02:28,682 SHE'S, "YOU BETTER BE THERE." 62 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:31,099 I'M ALL, "YEAH," BUT DONNY'S, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SHARE YOU," 63 00:02:31,099 --> 00:02:32,266 WHICH IS ACTUALLY VERY SWEET WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, 64 00:02:32,266 --> 00:02:34,516 BUT IS THE SORT OF THING DANIELLE'S GONNA USE AGAINST ME. 65 00:02:34,516 --> 00:02:37,099 AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GO AND EXACERBATE THE WHOLE THING 66 00:02:37,099 --> 00:02:39,557 BY TEACHING SEX ED AT MY SCHOOL! 67 00:02:41,641 --> 00:02:44,849 ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, SHE DID SAY "EXACERBATE." 68 00:02:44,849 --> 00:02:46,807 YEAH, HONEY, 69 00:02:46,807 --> 00:02:49,182 I THINK YOU'RE BLOWING THIS WHOLE THING OUT OF PROPORTION. 70 00:02:49,182 --> 00:02:52,807 YOU WANNA WEIGH IN HERE, PAUL? 71 00:02:52,807 --> 00:02:54,641 HUH? 72 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:55,891 [ SIGHS ] 73 00:02:55,891 --> 00:02:58,266 LOOK, IT'S JUST TWO CLASSES, 74 00:02:58,266 --> 00:02:59,766 AND I WILL TRY VERY HARD 75 00:02:59,766 --> 00:03:02,724 NOT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT I'M YOUR MOM. 76 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:06,057 AND THAT'S HOW BRIDGET WAS BORN. 77 00:03:06,057 --> 00:03:07,849 [ LAUGHTER ] 78 00:03:35,057 --> 00:03:36,932 OOH! THIS MOVIE SOUNDS GOOD. 79 00:03:36,932 --> 00:03:40,474 {\an8}"HIGH-OCTANE BUTT KICKING FROM START TO FINISH." 80 00:03:40,474 --> 00:03:42,599 {\an8}WELL, FAR BE IT FROM ME TO DISAGREE 81 00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:45,682 {\an8}WITH JEFF PAISLEY FROM THE SHREVEPORT TOWN CRIER, 82 00:03:45,682 --> 00:03:50,891 {\an8}BUT I REALLY WANTED TO SEE "L'AMOUR EST L'EAU DE COEUR." 83 00:03:50,891 --> 00:03:53,891 {\an8}IT MEANS "LOVE IS THE WATER OF THE HEART." 84 00:03:53,891 --> 00:03:56,516 {\an8}THAT DOESN'T SOUND AS FULL OF HIGH OCTANE. 85 00:03:56,516 --> 00:03:58,182 {\an8}COME ON, KYLE. 86 00:03:58,182 --> 00:03:59,307 {\an8}IT'S MADE 87 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:02,474 {\an8}BY THIS REALLY AMAZING AVANT-GARDE FRENCH DIRECTOR. 88 00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:03,641 {\an8}HE USES SILENCE 89 00:04:03,641 --> 00:04:06,391 {\an8}IN A WAY THAT IT ALMOST BECOMES A CHARACTER. 90 00:04:06,391 --> 00:04:12,099 {\an8}THIS GUY -- HE USES HIS BUTT CHEEKS TO TALK. 91 00:04:12,099 --> 00:04:14,474 {\an8}WE CAN'T EVEN AGREE ON A MOVIE. 92 00:04:14,474 --> 00:04:17,599 {\an8}SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON. 93 00:04:17,599 --> 00:04:21,349 {\an8}YEAH. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 94 00:04:21,349 --> 00:04:22,891 {\an8}WANT TO MAKE OUT? 95 00:04:22,891 --> 00:04:24,057 SURE. 96 00:04:24,057 --> 00:04:26,974 {\an8}WHA-- HEY! HELLO! LORD OF THE MANOR PRESENT. 97 00:04:26,974 --> 00:04:27,807 WE WEREN'T DOING ANYTHING. 98 00:04:27,807 --> 00:04:29,807 OH, MY GOD, DAD, DO YOU HAVE TO -- 99 00:04:29,807 --> 00:04:31,891 {\an8}...WALK IN ON YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND? YES. 100 00:04:31,891 --> 00:04:33,932 {\an8}DO I HAVE TO CALL THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND? YES. 101 00:04:33,932 --> 00:04:36,724 {\an8}DO I HAVE TO TORTURE YOU WITH A DANCE LIKE... 102 00:04:36,724 --> 00:04:38,932 {\an8}INSTEAD OF LEAVING YOU ALONE? 103 00:04:38,932 --> 00:04:42,224 NO, BUT YOU DID CALL ME A FLAT FACE. 104 00:04:42,224 --> 00:04:43,391 {\an8}YOU STILL HERE? 105 00:04:43,391 --> 00:04:44,432 {\an8}NO. 106 00:04:44,432 --> 00:04:46,432 {\an8}THANK YOU. 107 00:04:46,432 --> 00:04:48,224 [ SIGHS ] CALL ME LATER. 108 00:04:48,224 --> 00:04:49,766 SO, CARE BEAR, 109 00:04:49,766 --> 00:04:52,016 I HEAR YOU'RE INTERESTED IN SEEING THAT NEW FRENCH MOVIE. 110 00:04:52,016 --> 00:04:54,016 HOW LONG WERE YOU STANDING THERE? 111 00:04:54,016 --> 00:04:55,516 DON'T WORRY, I HAD A CHAIR. 112 00:04:55,516 --> 00:04:58,141 LISTEN, I WAS THINKING -- YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT BE FUN 113 00:04:58,141 --> 00:05:00,557 IS IF, UH, WE SORT OF SAW THAT MOVIE TOGETHER TONIGHT, 114 00:05:00,557 --> 00:05:02,599 SORT OF A FATHER-DAUGHTER FOREIGN FILM NIGHT. 115 00:05:02,599 --> 00:05:04,016 I'D RATHER STAY HOME. 116 00:05:04,016 --> 00:05:05,557 OH, GOOD! 117 00:05:05,557 --> 00:05:08,099 WE CAN HAVE A FATHER-DAUGHTER STAY-AT-HOME DANCE NIGHT. 118 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,391 YEAH! [ HUMMING ] 119 00:05:10,391 --> 00:05:12,182 ♪ GET YOUR GROOVE ON! ♪ 120 00:05:12,182 --> 00:05:14,349 OKAY, OKAY! WE'LL GO TO THE MOVIE! 121 00:05:14,349 --> 00:05:16,349 JUST STOP DOING THAT! 122 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:18,557 WORKS EVERY TIME. 123 00:05:18,557 --> 00:05:19,724 HEY, CATE! 124 00:05:19,724 --> 00:05:21,057 OH, HI, HONEY. 125 00:05:21,057 --> 00:05:23,057 KERRY AND I ARE GOING TO SEE A FOREIGN FILM TONIGHT. 126 00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:24,682 OH, THAT'S SO NICE. 127 00:05:24,682 --> 00:05:26,974 Kerry: YOU KNOW WE'RE NOT SITTING TOGETHER, RIGHT? 128 00:05:26,974 --> 00:05:29,141 I'M EXCITED, TOO! 129 00:05:29,141 --> 00:05:31,141 WELL, HEY, MOM. I PARKED THE CAR. 130 00:05:31,141 --> 00:05:33,266 IT'S ALL SNUG IN IT'S SPOT IN THE GARAGE, 131 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,266 JUST LIKE DAD'S SPERM SNUGLY PARKED ITSELF INTO YOUR EGG 132 00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:38,766 WHEN YOU DECIDED TO HAVE SEX AND RUIN MY LIFE. 133 00:05:38,766 --> 00:05:40,307 HONEY -- 134 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,599 WELL, I-I CAME UP WITH A LITTLE CAR ANALOGY FOR THE CLASS. 135 00:05:42,599 --> 00:05:45,391 CUTE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "LITTLE CAR"? 136 00:05:45,391 --> 00:05:47,391 IT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. 137 00:05:47,391 --> 00:05:48,557 WORSE THAN THE TIME 138 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,641 YOU WORE A BLACK SKIRT AND A BLACK TOP TO SCHOOL, 139 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,349 AND DIDN'T NOTICE THEY WERE TWO DIFFERENT BLACKS 140 00:05:52,349 --> 00:05:54,349 TILL YOU GOT HOME AND I SHOWED YOU? 141 00:05:54,349 --> 00:05:57,307 THAT'S IT, RORY, WE'RE CANCELING BRAVO. 142 00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:59,057 YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T EMBARRASS ME, MOM. 143 00:05:59,057 --> 00:06:00,849 YOU SAID NO ONE WOULD KNOW YOU WERE MY MOTHER! 144 00:06:00,849 --> 00:06:03,891 OH, I KNOW, HONEY, AND I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO. 145 00:06:03,891 --> 00:06:05,349 IT JUST BLURTED OUT. 146 00:06:05,349 --> 00:06:07,349 YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED AT HOW I WAS CONCEIVED. 147 00:06:07,349 --> 00:06:09,266 YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL THEM WHERE. 148 00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:12,349 YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE THE BEACH! GOD, THIS IS SO UNFAIR. 149 00:06:12,349 --> 00:06:13,932 DID SHE SAY "PENIS"? 150 00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:15,974 I'M NEVER SHOWING MY FACE IN THAT SCHOOL AGAIN. 151 00:06:15,974 --> 00:06:17,307 "PENIS" AND "VAGINA"?! 152 00:06:17,307 --> 00:06:19,432 RORY, WE DON'T SAY THOSE WORDS. 153 00:06:19,432 --> 00:06:21,182 WHY NOT? 154 00:06:21,182 --> 00:06:23,474 I DON'T KNOW. 155 00:06:23,474 --> 00:06:26,099 DID YOU HAVE A ROUGH DAY TODAY? 156 00:06:26,099 --> 00:06:27,724 OH, NO, IT WASN'T THAT BAD. 157 00:06:27,724 --> 00:06:30,891 BUT I FOUND OUT TOMORROW I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT CONTRACEPTION. 158 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,932 AND THE ONLY THING THE SCHOOL WILL LET ME DISCUSS 159 00:06:32,932 --> 00:06:34,391 IS ABSTINENCE. 160 00:06:34,391 --> 00:06:36,766 FINALLY, OUR TAX DOLLARS PUT TO GOOD USE. 161 00:06:36,766 --> 00:06:38,224 I DON'T KNOW. 162 00:06:38,224 --> 00:06:40,016 I JUST THINK IT'S IRRESPONSIBLE 163 00:06:40,016 --> 00:06:42,099 TO SAY THAT ABSTINENCE IS THE ONLY OPTION. 164 00:06:42,099 --> 00:06:44,182 I SEE TEENAGERS AT THE HOSPITAL EVERY DAY, 165 00:06:44,182 --> 00:06:46,182 AND THEY'RE IN TROUBLE ALREADY. 166 00:06:46,182 --> 00:06:48,224 THEY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SAFE SEX. 167 00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:51,516 OR YOU COULD TEACH THEM THAT SEX IS BAD, 168 00:06:51,516 --> 00:06:54,849 THAT IF THEY HAVE IT, THEY'LL GO BLIND OR GO TO HELL. 169 00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:56,974 YOU'RE THE TEACHER. YOU DECIDE. 170 00:06:56,974 --> 00:06:58,682 OH, REALLY? 171 00:06:58,682 --> 00:07:02,349 [ MAN SPEAKING FRENCH ] 172 00:07:02,349 --> 00:07:04,224 [ WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH ] 173 00:07:21,391 --> 00:07:23,182 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 174 00:07:23,182 --> 00:07:26,432 [ MOANING ] 175 00:07:26,432 --> 00:07:29,266 OH, MON DIEU! 176 00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:30,432 OH! OOH! 177 00:07:30,432 --> 00:07:31,974 OH! OH! 178 00:07:31,974 --> 00:07:34,349 MON DIEU! 179 00:07:34,349 --> 00:07:37,974 OH, LA LA! 180 00:07:37,974 --> 00:07:40,307 [ SPEAKING FRENCH ] 181 00:07:40,307 --> 00:07:42,307 COMMENT çA! COMMENT çA! 182 00:07:42,307 --> 00:07:44,932 OOH! 183 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,391 AH! AH! OH, LA LA! 184 00:07:46,391 --> 00:07:47,807 COMMENT çA, COMMENT çA! 185 00:07:47,807 --> 00:07:49,099 COMMENT çA! 186 00:07:49,099 --> 00:07:50,182 OH, OUI! OH, OUI! 187 00:07:50,182 --> 00:07:51,974 [ DOOR OPENS ] 188 00:07:53,224 --> 00:07:56,141 OH, HI, GUYS, HOW WAS THE MOVIE? 189 00:07:56,141 --> 00:07:58,557 FINE. FINE. 190 00:08:00,516 --> 00:08:03,182 UH, DID SOMETHING HAPPEN? 191 00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,766 THERE WAS THIS SCENE, 192 00:08:04,766 --> 00:08:09,349 THIS SCENE WAS SO INCREDIBLY... 193 00:08:09,349 --> 00:08:12,432 EUROPEAN. 194 00:08:12,432 --> 00:08:14,474 HOT SEX? 195 00:08:14,474 --> 00:08:16,307 RORY. 196 00:08:16,307 --> 00:08:19,474 SORRY, DID I CRACK YOUR CODE? 197 00:08:22,141 --> 00:08:24,349 SO, WHAT DID YOU DO? 198 00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:25,141 NOTHING. 199 00:08:25,141 --> 00:08:26,641 YOU DID NOTHING? 200 00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:28,641 YES, I DID NOTHING. WHAT ELSE COULD I DO? 201 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,349 WELL, YOU COULD HAVE LEFT. 202 00:08:30,349 --> 00:08:32,849 OH, YEAH, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. OH. 203 00:08:32,849 --> 00:08:34,474 HONEY, I'LL GO TALK TO HER. 204 00:08:34,474 --> 00:08:37,891 OH, GOD. 205 00:08:37,891 --> 00:08:42,057 WOW, YOU SAW THE WATER-BOTTLE SCENE WITH KERRY? 206 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,641 YOU KNOW ABOUT THE WATER-BOTTLE SCENE? 207 00:08:47,641 --> 00:08:50,141 OH, YEAH, THE WATER-BOTTLE SCENE IS FAMOUS. 208 00:08:50,141 --> 00:08:53,641 ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DOWNLOADING IT OFF THE INTERNET. 209 00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:54,516 NOT ME, THOUGH, 210 00:08:54,516 --> 00:08:57,182 'CAUSE I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH TO SEE THAT KIND OF THING. 211 00:08:57,182 --> 00:09:00,307 AND IT'S ILLEGAL, AND IT OBJECTIFIES WOMEN, 212 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,057 BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 213 00:09:02,057 --> 00:09:03,391 WAIT A MINUTE. 214 00:09:03,391 --> 00:09:04,932 ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS 215 00:09:04,932 --> 00:09:06,974 ARE WATCHING THAT SCENE FROM THAT MOVIE? 216 00:09:06,974 --> 00:09:08,391 THE WATER-BOTTLE SCENE 217 00:09:08,391 --> 00:09:11,391 IS LIKE MY GENERATION'S PAM ANDERSON/TOMMY LEE TAPE... 218 00:09:11,391 --> 00:09:14,682 WHICH, OF COURSE, I HAVE NOT SEEN, EITHER. 219 00:09:14,682 --> 00:09:17,724 BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE KERRY TO SEE IT. 220 00:09:22,932 --> 00:09:25,557 WELL, IT'S GETTING LATE. 221 00:09:25,557 --> 00:09:26,641 YES, IT IS. 222 00:09:26,641 --> 00:09:28,599 HOW DO YOU SAY GOODNIGHT? 223 00:09:28,599 --> 00:09:30,557 [ LAUGHTER ] 224 00:09:30,557 --> 00:09:33,849 AND YOUR MOM'S THE TEACHER. 225 00:09:33,849 --> 00:09:35,724 I'LL CALL YOU NEXT WEEK. 226 00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:37,432 WILL YOU? 227 00:09:37,432 --> 00:09:40,849 WELL, THANKS SO MUCH. I HAD LOADS OF FUN. 228 00:09:40,849 --> 00:09:42,307 SO DID I. 229 00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:44,057 GOODNIGHT, WOODY. 230 00:09:44,057 --> 00:09:45,932 NIGHT, ANNE. 231 00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:48,641 AND THUS, WOODY LEAVES, 232 00:09:48,641 --> 00:09:50,599 KNOWING WITH GREAT PRIDE 233 00:09:50,599 --> 00:09:54,391 THAT THIS IS ANOTHER NIGHT HE DID NOT HAVE SEX. 234 00:09:54,391 --> 00:09:56,932 [ LAUGHTER ] 235 00:09:56,932 --> 00:10:01,224 OKAY, SO THAT'S ABSTINENCE. 236 00:10:01,224 --> 00:10:03,182 CLEARLY, IT'S BEEN AROUND FOREVER. 237 00:10:03,182 --> 00:10:06,391 YO, MS. HENN, THAT MOVIE WAS ALL RATED "G" AND WHATNOT. 238 00:10:06,391 --> 00:10:09,849 NAH, IT WAS LESS THAN "G." IT WAS, LIKE, "F." 239 00:10:09,849 --> 00:10:11,057 [ LAUGHTER ] 240 00:10:11,057 --> 00:10:13,224 YEAH, WOODY'S GOT NO GAME. 241 00:10:13,224 --> 00:10:17,057 LOOK, IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND. 242 00:10:17,057 --> 00:10:18,766 ANTHONY. 243 00:10:18,766 --> 00:10:20,766 YEAH, DOG BE COLD, SAYING HASTA 244 00:10:20,766 --> 00:10:24,974 TO A LADY WITH SUCH A FINE BOOTY LIKE THAT. 245 00:10:24,974 --> 00:10:28,182 BUT I'LL BET MY MONEY THE DOG BE WALKING ALL SWISHY, SWISHY, 246 00:10:28,182 --> 00:10:30,641 PLAYING FOR THE OTHER TEAM AND WHATNOT. 247 00:10:30,641 --> 00:10:32,432 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 248 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,557 WE ALL HAVE CERTAIN URGES. 249 00:10:35,557 --> 00:10:37,516 HEY, BRIDGET, YOUR MOM JUST SAID "URGES." 250 00:10:37,516 --> 00:10:39,224 KILL ME. 251 00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:43,849 AND IF YOU RESPECT YOURSELF, YOU WILL SHUT DOWN THOSE URGES. 252 00:10:43,849 --> 00:10:47,307 SHE TOTALLY SAID IT AGAIN. 253 00:10:47,307 --> 00:10:47,849 AND THEN, 254 00:10:47,849 --> 00:10:50,849 WHEN YOU'VE FINALLY MADE A COMMITMENT TO GET MARRIED, 255 00:10:50,849 --> 00:10:53,391 AND YOU'VE FINALLY SATISFIED THOSE URGES... 256 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,099 STOP SAYING "URGES"! 257 00:10:57,516 --> 00:11:01,182 THERE ARE OTHER WORDS. 258 00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:05,724 ...IT WILL BE ALL THAT MUCH SWEETER BECAUSE YOU WAITED. 259 00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:08,682 WAITED?! DANG, THIS SUCKS. 260 00:11:08,682 --> 00:11:10,016 [ LAUGHTER ] 261 00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:13,516 SHE'S TRYING TO TURN US INTO A BUNCH OF WOODYS. 262 00:11:13,516 --> 00:11:15,849 ALL RIGHT, KIDS, OKAY. 263 00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:18,557 I COULD GET IN BIG TROUBLE FOR TELLING YOU THIS, 264 00:11:18,557 --> 00:11:21,557 BUT THERE ARE ALTERNATIVES TO ABSTINENCE. 265 00:11:21,557 --> 00:11:24,891 WHAT ARE SOME OF THOSE ALTERNATIVES, BRIDGET'S MOM? 266 00:11:24,891 --> 00:11:26,516 OW! 267 00:11:26,516 --> 00:11:29,682 WELL, JENNA, RATHER THAN SPEAK IN GENERALITIES, 268 00:11:29,682 --> 00:11:32,099 WHY DON'T WE JUST ANSWER SOME OF THOSE QUESTIONS 269 00:11:32,099 --> 00:11:35,474 YOU SUBMITTED TO MS. CALLAHAN LAST WEEK? 270 00:11:35,474 --> 00:11:38,266 LET'S SEE... 271 00:11:38,266 --> 00:11:42,516 "I HAVE A MUCH OLDER BOYFRIEND WHO LIVES IN MARYLAND. 272 00:11:42,516 --> 00:11:45,182 "HE'S COMING TO VISIT ME THIS WEEKEND, 273 00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:48,682 "AND I'M FEELING PRESSURE TO HAVE SEX. 274 00:11:48,682 --> 00:11:50,932 "WHAT SHOULD I DO? 275 00:11:50,932 --> 00:11:55,891 OH, AND I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW I'M REALLY GORGEOUS." 276 00:11:55,891 --> 00:12:00,182 WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD DO -- "ABSTINENCE." 277 00:12:00,182 --> 00:12:02,974 ABSTINENCE -- YOU HEAR ME, MISSY?! 278 00:12:02,974 --> 00:12:04,807 [ LAUGHTER ] 279 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:08,182 UH, WHOEVER YOU ARE. 280 00:12:08,182 --> 00:12:09,766 UH... 281 00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:17,432 PAUL, HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA READ THAT THING? 282 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,432 THE WORDS AREN'T GONNA CHANGE. 283 00:12:19,432 --> 00:12:22,182 DONNY DOYLE IS COMING OVER TO OUR HOUSE 284 00:12:22,182 --> 00:12:24,391 TO HAVE SEX WITH OUR DAUGHTER. 285 00:12:24,391 --> 00:12:26,724 OH, HE'S GONNA BE HAVING SEX ALL RIGHT, 286 00:12:26,724 --> 00:12:28,807 BUT IT'S NOT GONNA BE WITH OUR DAUGHTER! 287 00:12:28,807 --> 00:12:29,974 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 288 00:12:29,974 --> 00:12:31,057 I DON'T KNOW. 289 00:12:31,057 --> 00:12:32,391 YOU JUST GAVE ME THIS 10 MINUTES AGO. 290 00:12:32,391 --> 00:12:35,016 I'M STILL FORMULATING A PLAN. 291 00:12:35,016 --> 00:12:37,057 [ SIGHS ] I'M JUST SO DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF. 292 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,891 I SOUNDED LIKE MY MOTHER. 293 00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:41,932 I-I ACTUALLY THINK SAID THE WORD "MISSY." 294 00:12:41,932 --> 00:12:44,057 AND I ACTUALLY BELIEVED DONNY 295 00:12:44,057 --> 00:12:46,432 WHEN HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS CHOOSING CELIBACY. 296 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:49,057 A TEENAGE BOY DOESN'T CHOOSE CELIBACY. 297 00:12:49,057 --> 00:12:52,557 CELIBACY CHOOSES YOU -- HIM -- TEENAGE BOY. 298 00:12:52,557 --> 00:12:54,266 WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 299 00:12:54,266 --> 00:12:55,641 LOOK, CATE, 300 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,974 WE CAN'T JUST TALK TO BRIDGET ABOUT CONTRACEPTION. 301 00:12:58,974 --> 00:13:01,141 WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST FLUFF HER PILLOWS 302 00:13:01,141 --> 00:13:03,849 AND MAKE HER SOME PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES. 303 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:07,057 YOU ARE AWARE, PAUL, THAT ONLY WORKS FOR YOU. 304 00:13:07,057 --> 00:13:09,557 CATE, DON'T YOU SEE THAT IF WE DO THAT, 305 00:13:09,557 --> 00:13:12,641 IT'D BE LIKE WE'RE GIVING HER PERMISSION TO HAVE SEX? 306 00:13:12,641 --> 00:13:15,182 AND IF WE TELL HER, "YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX," 307 00:13:15,182 --> 00:13:17,849 YOU KNOW SHE'S DEFINITELY GONNA HAVE IT. 308 00:13:17,849 --> 00:13:21,349 WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE BEEN BORN HIDEOUSLY UGLY? 309 00:13:21,349 --> 00:13:24,099 UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX, TOO. 310 00:13:24,099 --> 00:13:26,432 EW. 311 00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:28,016 I JUST -- 312 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:31,474 YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A CONFUSING TIME FOR THESE KIDS. 313 00:13:31,474 --> 00:13:33,891 THE MEDIA BOMBARDS THEM WITH ALL THESE SEX IMAGES. 314 00:13:33,891 --> 00:13:37,057 WHY DO THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT LOOK SO DAMN APPEALING? 315 00:13:37,057 --> 00:13:40,099 I BLAME THE FRENCH AND THEIR CRAZY SEX WATER. 316 00:13:40,099 --> 00:13:43,266 AS DO WE ALL, PAUL. 317 00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:47,224 OKAY, LOOK, YOU KNOW WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO TALK TO HER. 318 00:13:47,224 --> 00:13:51,891 FINE, WE'LL TALK TO HER BEFORE HER DATE WITH DONNY. 319 00:13:51,891 --> 00:13:53,057 [ SIGHS ] 320 00:13:53,057 --> 00:13:55,599 IT'S SO HARD TO BE A GIRL. 321 00:13:55,599 --> 00:13:59,682 YOU LIKE A GUY SO MUCH, AND YOU JUST WANT TO BE WITH HIM. 322 00:13:59,682 --> 00:14:00,724 IT FEELS SO RIGHT. 323 00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:02,974 IS THAT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME? 324 00:14:02,974 --> 00:14:05,141 SOMETIMES. 325 00:14:05,141 --> 00:14:06,682 SOMETIMES? 326 00:15:00,891 --> 00:15:02,391 OH, GOD, HELP US. 327 00:15:02,391 --> 00:15:03,849 [ SIGHS ] 328 00:15:03,849 --> 00:15:07,432 LOOK, PEOPLE WERE BUTT NAKED, MOANING LIKE NO TOMORROW, 329 00:15:07,432 --> 00:15:09,057 AND I'M SITTING, LIKE, THIS CLOSE TO DAD. 330 00:15:09,057 --> 00:15:11,266 HELLO, MY SOCIAL STANDING COULD BE IMPACTED FOR DECADES 331 00:15:11,266 --> 00:15:13,974 THE WAY MOM'S TALKING ABOUT HOW EVERYONE HAS THESE URGES. 332 00:15:13,974 --> 00:15:15,391 OH, YEAH? 333 00:15:15,391 --> 00:15:17,057 WELL, I STARTED TO CHOKE ON A POPCORN KERNEL, 334 00:15:17,057 --> 00:15:19,474 AND OXYGEN CUT OFF TO MY BRAIN, AND EVERYTHING WENT BLACK. 335 00:15:19,474 --> 00:15:22,932 MOM SAID "VULVA." 336 00:15:22,932 --> 00:15:25,099 YOU WIN. 337 00:15:25,099 --> 00:15:26,516 [ SIGHS ] 338 00:15:26,516 --> 00:15:28,932 UH, KERRY, COULD YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS FOR A SECOND? 339 00:15:28,932 --> 00:15:30,807 WE WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SISTER. 340 00:15:30,807 --> 00:15:32,599 SURE, MOM, DAD. 341 00:15:34,724 --> 00:15:37,224 I WANT TO LOOK PERFECT FOR MY DATE WITH DONNY TONIGHT. 342 00:15:37,224 --> 00:15:38,016 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS TOP? 343 00:15:38,016 --> 00:15:39,182 I THINK IT SHOULD STAY ON. 344 00:15:39,182 --> 00:15:41,807 I NEED SOMETHING THAT SAYS I'M OLDER, MORE SOPHISTICATED, 345 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:44,807 THAT SAYS I'M A WOMAN, 'CAUSE TONIGHT'S A BIG NIGHT. 346 00:15:44,807 --> 00:15:49,057 TONIGHT IS NOT THE BIG NIGHT, AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? I'LL TELL YOU WHY. CATE. 347 00:15:50,057 --> 00:15:51,557 HONEY, UH, 348 00:15:51,557 --> 00:15:54,016 YOU KNOW YOUR DAD AND I WERE TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME 349 00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:55,474 BEFORE WE HAD A BIG NIGHT. 350 00:15:55,474 --> 00:15:56,974 AND MIGHT I ADD, 351 00:15:56,974 --> 00:16:00,266 WE WERE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY WITH ALL OF OUR LITTLE NIGHTS -- 352 00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:02,391 YEARS AND YEARS OF LITTLE NIGHTS, 353 00:16:02,391 --> 00:16:03,724 LITTLE, TEENY-WEENY NIGHTS. 354 00:16:03,724 --> 00:16:05,432 HE SAID "TEENY-WEENY." 355 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:06,641 BRIDGET. 356 00:16:06,641 --> 00:16:07,682 WHAT? 357 00:16:07,682 --> 00:16:09,932 LOOK, WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO SAY 358 00:16:09,932 --> 00:16:12,099 IS THAT SEX IS A BIG STEP FOR ALL OF US. 359 00:16:12,099 --> 00:16:15,516 AND WE IN NO WAY WANT YOU TO HAVE SEX. 360 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,557 WE -- WE ARE NOT GIVING YOU PERMISSION. 361 00:16:17,557 --> 00:16:18,974 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 362 00:16:18,974 --> 00:16:20,974 FINE, YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT? I'LL SAY IT. 363 00:16:20,974 --> 00:16:24,016 SAFE SEX, CONDOMS, YOU KNOW THE DRILL. 364 00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:31,224 LOOK, WHAT YOUR FATHER'S TRYING TO SAY 365 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:35,141 IS THAT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX, WE TRUST YOU TO ACT RESPONSIBLY. 366 00:16:35,141 --> 00:16:38,266 WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE? YOU'RE ALL JUST SEX, SEX, SEX. 367 00:16:38,266 --> 00:16:40,432 IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE A ONE-TRACK MIND, 368 00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:42,557 AND IT'S ALL, WHATCHAMACALLIT, SEX. 369 00:16:42,557 --> 00:16:45,224 HONEY, WE KNOW YOU WROTE THAT QUESTION. 370 00:16:45,224 --> 00:16:47,057 WHAT QUESTION? 371 00:16:49,266 --> 00:16:52,599 FROM THE GIRL WHOSE BOYFRIEND IS COMING FROM MARYLAND, 372 00:16:52,599 --> 00:16:55,807 AND HE'S COMING TO TOWN TO...YOU KNOW. 373 00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,307 OH, YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS ME? 374 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,724 UH-HUH. 375 00:16:58,724 --> 00:17:00,182 NO, THAT WAS TOTALLY WRITTEN 376 00:17:00,182 --> 00:17:02,474 BY THAT NEW GIRL WHO CAME FROM MARYLAND, LARA O'NEILL. 377 00:17:02,474 --> 00:17:04,474 YEAH, AND SHE'S DEFINITELY NOT GORGEOUS. 378 00:17:04,474 --> 00:17:05,891 I MEAN, TALK ABOUT OVERINFLATED SELF-ESTEEM. 379 00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:09,724 SOMEBODY'S WILLING TO SLEEP WITH HER, SHE SHOULD JUMP ON IT. 380 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:12,182 LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE GOT A LITTLE PARANOID. 381 00:17:12,182 --> 00:17:13,724 [ SIGHS ] 382 00:17:13,724 --> 00:17:15,391 OH, GOSH, I GOT TO GO. 383 00:17:15,391 --> 00:17:18,141 HOW DO I LOOK? WOW, REALLY GOOD. 384 00:17:18,141 --> 00:17:20,807 UH, BRIDGE, SINCE YOU AND DONNY AREN'T HAVING SEX, 385 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,349 WHAT'S UP FOR TONIGHT? 386 00:17:22,349 --> 00:17:24,432 PG MOVIE, HOME BY 11:00, YOU KNOW THE DRILL. 387 00:17:24,432 --> 00:17:26,474 WELL, YOU KNOW, AFTER THE MOVIE, 388 00:17:26,474 --> 00:17:29,141 WHY DON'T YOU AND DONNY STOP BY SO WE CAN SAY HI? 389 00:17:29,141 --> 00:17:30,932 UH, NO, I TOLD THE DOYLES AFTER THE MOVIE, 390 00:17:30,932 --> 00:17:33,932 I'D BE MARY ELLEN'S PARTNER IN BIBLE TRIVIA. 391 00:17:33,932 --> 00:17:36,266 GODSPEED. 392 00:17:36,266 --> 00:17:38,432 [ SIGHS ] 393 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:42,557 OH, MY GOD, THIS MOVIE SOUNDS AMAZING. 394 00:17:42,557 --> 00:17:44,807 I'D SHOW YOU THE WATER-BOTTLE SCENE, 395 00:17:44,807 --> 00:17:46,849 BUT MY DAD MADE ME DELETE IT FROM MY HARD DRIVE. 396 00:17:46,849 --> 00:17:49,807 LUCKILY, I'VE GOT IT ALL UP HERE. 397 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:52,432 HEY. 398 00:17:52,432 --> 00:17:54,641 OUT! 399 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,057 HI. 400 00:17:57,057 --> 00:17:59,932 YOU KNOW... 401 00:17:59,932 --> 00:18:02,724 I WAS A JERK THE OTHER DAY. 402 00:18:02,724 --> 00:18:06,891 I-I WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THAT FRENCH MOVIE. 403 00:18:06,891 --> 00:18:09,266 IT WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU, ALL RIGHT? 404 00:18:09,266 --> 00:18:11,932 AND I THINK WE SHOULD REALLY GO SEE IT. 405 00:18:11,932 --> 00:18:13,766 YOU HEARD ABOUT THE SCENE. 406 00:18:13,766 --> 00:18:16,891 [ SCOFFS ] THERE'S A SEXY WATER-BOTTLE SCENE? 407 00:18:16,891 --> 00:18:19,224 I HAD NO IDEA. 408 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,766 GO HOME. 409 00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:25,766 OH, I HATE HAVING A SMART GIRLFRIEND. 410 00:18:27,849 --> 00:18:29,182 DAD. 411 00:18:29,182 --> 00:18:31,682 KERRY. CARE BEAR, HANG ON, WAIT A SECOND. 412 00:18:31,682 --> 00:18:33,682 YOU KNOW WHAT? WE HAVE TO TALK. 413 00:18:33,682 --> 00:18:34,849 I DON'T WANT TO TALK. 414 00:18:34,849 --> 00:18:35,682 I THINK WE SHOULD, 415 00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:39,516 ABOUT THE -- THE -- YOU KNOW, WHAT WE SAW THE OTHER DAY? 416 00:18:39,516 --> 00:18:41,057 WHAT? 417 00:18:41,057 --> 00:18:41,807 IT'S JUST, THAT, YOU KNOW, 418 00:18:41,807 --> 00:18:44,141 REMEMBER WHEN THE GUY CAME WITH A -- 419 00:18:44,141 --> 00:18:46,432 THE -- WITH THE, UM. 420 00:18:46,432 --> 00:18:48,474 WELL, THE TWO -- THE THING -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 421 00:18:48,474 --> 00:18:50,599 NEVER MIND. CARRY ON. GOODNIGHT. 422 00:18:50,599 --> 00:18:53,682 NO, WAIT. NO, NOT GOODNIGHT. 423 00:18:53,682 --> 00:18:56,516 DAD, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. 424 00:18:56,516 --> 00:18:58,224 YOU'RE RIGHT. 425 00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,349 NIGHT. 426 00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:01,516 NO, WAIT, DAD! COME HERE. 427 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:02,932 SIT DOWN. 428 00:19:04,932 --> 00:19:10,099 OKAY, YOU WERE THINKING, SHOULD YOU COVER MY EYES, 429 00:19:10,099 --> 00:19:13,807 OR SHOULD YOU LAUGH, 430 00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:16,016 OR SHOULD YOU JUST DO NOTHING 431 00:19:16,016 --> 00:19:18,599 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, LET ME DRAW MY OWN CONCLUSIONS 432 00:19:18,599 --> 00:19:20,932 INSTEAD OF TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD? 433 00:19:20,932 --> 00:19:22,349 YES, THAT WAS ONE. 434 00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:24,891 RIGHT, OKAY, BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. 435 00:19:24,891 --> 00:19:27,057 OH, GOD, THAT WAS ONE OF THE -- ESPECIALLY -- 436 00:19:27,057 --> 00:19:29,224 OKAY, BUT, DAD, STOP. 437 00:19:29,224 --> 00:19:31,016 STOP WORRYING. 438 00:19:31,016 --> 00:19:33,182 I MEAN, I'M NOT SCARRED FOR LIFE. 439 00:19:33,182 --> 00:19:36,974 AND DESPITE BEING TEMPORARILY TOTALLY CREEPED OUT, 440 00:19:36,974 --> 00:19:40,599 I-I DIDN'T HATE HAVING A FATHER-DAUGHTER THING. 441 00:19:40,599 --> 00:19:42,016 GOOD. 442 00:19:42,016 --> 00:19:44,016 SO, WE COULD DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME? 443 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,016 YEAH, IN, LIKE, A BILLION YEARS. 444 00:19:46,016 --> 00:19:47,724 IT'S A DATE! 445 00:19:47,724 --> 00:19:50,682 THE BOY -- COME HERE. 446 00:19:50,682 --> 00:19:52,766 HEY. RIGHT HERE, SIT DOWN. 447 00:19:52,766 --> 00:19:55,016 PARK IT. HEY, ROR. 448 00:19:55,016 --> 00:19:56,849 BOY, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, 449 00:19:56,849 --> 00:20:00,682 IT IS NOT E-A-S-Y BEING THE FATHER OF TEENAGE GIRLS. 450 00:20:00,682 --> 00:20:02,682 BUT I THINK I'M REALLY EVOLVING. 451 00:20:02,682 --> 00:20:04,516 AND AS FOR YOU, YOUNG MAN, 452 00:20:04,516 --> 00:20:07,224 DID YOU DELETE YOUR DOWNLOADED MOVIES? 453 00:20:07,224 --> 00:20:10,891 LOOK, OFFICER INTERNET, 454 00:20:10,891 --> 00:20:13,391 IF YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT OBSCENE MATERIAL, 455 00:20:13,391 --> 00:20:15,266 YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE A LOOK ACROSS THE STREET. 456 00:20:15,266 --> 00:20:16,099 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 457 00:20:16,099 --> 00:20:16,974 YOU DAUGHTER'S ALONE 458 00:20:16,974 --> 00:20:19,307 WITH A SEX-STARVED SAILOR WHO HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN MONTHS. 459 00:20:19,307 --> 00:20:22,307 RORY, SHE IS NOT ALONE. SHE'S WITH THE DOYLES. 460 00:20:22,307 --> 00:20:24,932 AND EVEN IF SHE WASN'T, I TRUST MY DAUGHTER. 461 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,099 DOES IT CONCERN YOU 462 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:28,682 THAT THE DOYLES' MOTOR HOME IS NOT IN THE DRIVEWAY? 463 00:20:28,682 --> 00:20:30,682 NO, THERE COULD BE A THOUSAND REASONS 464 00:20:30,682 --> 00:20:32,849 WHY THEIR CAMPER IS NOT IN THE DRIVEWAY. 465 00:20:32,849 --> 00:20:35,182 LIKE, IT'S IN BRANSON WITH THE REST OF THE DOYLES? 466 00:20:35,182 --> 00:20:37,474 WHERE IT'S BEEN SINCE THURSDAY, 467 00:20:37,474 --> 00:20:41,724 WHERE THEY'RE CELEBRATING THE OSMOND FAMILY REUNION? 468 00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:44,057 CATE, ARE YOU HEARING THIS? 469 00:20:44,057 --> 00:20:47,057 BIBLE TRIVIA, MY ASS! 470 00:20:47,057 --> 00:20:50,307 I HATE THE FRENCH. 471 00:20:51,724 --> 00:20:54,099 BACK TO THE INTERNET. 472 00:20:57,891 --> 00:20:59,891 {\an8}LARA O'NEILL? 473 00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:03,016 {\an8}UH, LARA O'NEILL? 474 00:21:03,016 --> 00:21:08,349 {\an8}LARA O'NEILL, NEW GIRL FROM MARYLAND. 475 00:21:08,349 --> 00:21:12,432 {\an8}DOES ANYONE KNOW A LARA O'NEILL... 476 00:21:14,432 --> 00:21:17,349 {\an8}ANYONE? 477 00:21:17,349 --> 00:21:20,724 {\an8}[ High-pitched ] I'M SICK.