1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,043 (THEME MUSIC) 2 00:00:27,803 --> 00:00:29,803 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 3 00:00:32,963 --> 00:00:37,763 Welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks, the music-obsessed panel show. 4 00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:40,763 If music be the food of love, I'm prediabetic. 5 00:00:40,803 --> 00:00:43,083 And realistically tonight, I'm not the only one. 6 00:00:43,123 --> 00:00:45,443 (LAUGHTER) On Daisy's team tonight... 7 00:00:45,483 --> 00:00:49,083 ♪ Yippee-ippee-ey-ey-ay-yey-yey... 8 00:00:49,123 --> 00:00:52,643 A singer-songwriter whose answer to any question in the 90s was, 9 00:00:52,683 --> 00:00:56,003 "I'll have some more drugs please." It's Shaun Ryder. 10 00:00:56,043 --> 00:00:58,763 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 11 00:01:00,003 --> 00:01:02,003 And our next guest is... 12 00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:04,003 ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah... 13 00:01:04,043 --> 00:01:06,843 The maraca-shaking, melon twister-in-chief, 14 00:01:06,883 --> 00:01:09,443 whose answer to every question in the 90s was, 15 00:01:09,483 --> 00:01:11,483 "I'll have some more drugs too, please." 16 00:01:11,523 --> 00:01:13,923 (LAUGHTER) It's Bez! 17 00:01:13,963 --> 00:01:15,963 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 18 00:01:16,803 --> 00:01:19,083 And joining Noel and Jamali tonight... 19 00:01:20,683 --> 00:01:24,243 A brilliant comedian who chose to leave New York and live in Streatham, 20 00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:27,363 she'll be in the future swapping her car for a shopping trolley 21 00:01:27,403 --> 00:01:30,163 and her clothes for some discarded nappies. 22 00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:31,963 It's Desiree Burch! 23 00:01:32,003 --> 00:01:34,003 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 24 00:01:36,403 --> 00:01:38,083 Welcome to the show, everybody. 25 00:01:38,123 --> 00:01:41,243 I feel like the Happy Mondays have been part of my entire life, 26 00:01:41,283 --> 00:01:44,003 but the thing that occurred to me is, I can't imagine 27 00:01:44,043 --> 00:01:46,323 what both of you did before the Mondays. 28 00:01:46,363 --> 00:01:48,563 Yeah, you don't want to know, mate. I do! 29 00:01:48,603 --> 00:01:50,683 (LAUGHTER) I do, Bez. 30 00:01:50,723 --> 00:01:53,803 Well, we used to live in flats together, didn't we, for ages? 31 00:01:53,843 --> 00:01:56,363 We used to wash up in the bath. Yeah, yeah. 32 00:01:56,403 --> 00:01:57,523 (LAUGHTER) 33 00:01:57,563 --> 00:02:00,683 And that's it, you didn't have a job before the Mon-No, no. 34 00:02:00,723 --> 00:02:02,643 I did! Did you? What was your job? 35 00:02:02,683 --> 00:02:07,203 At 15, I was a messenger boy at the post office taking telegrams, 36 00:02:07,243 --> 00:02:08,683 telling people to get... 37 00:02:08,723 --> 00:02:11,323 they're getting evicted from their flats and stuff like that. 38 00:02:11,363 --> 00:02:14,243 Whilst washing up in the bath with Bez? 39 00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:17,883 It was all right as a messenger boy. As soon as you got to 18, 40 00:02:17,923 --> 00:02:20,283 you became a man and that was just shit! 41 00:02:20,323 --> 00:02:23,883 What, YOU were a messenger man then? Well, yeah, I became a postman. 42 00:02:23,923 --> 00:02:27,003 DAISY: I would bloody love you to be my postman! 43 00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:28,723 You fucking wouldn't! (LAUGHTER) 44 00:02:28,763 --> 00:02:31,963 Part of me thought you might have said drug dealer as a job, 45 00:02:32,003 --> 00:02:34,723 because of this tweet we found - Oh, right, yeah. 46 00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:35,763 Someone tweeted this - 47 00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:44,883 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 48 00:02:48,243 --> 00:02:50,403 What did you do before comedy, Jamali? 49 00:02:50,443 --> 00:02:54,003 I only had two jobs. I was a paintball referee, 50 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:57,123 and I got shot in the dick and left. (LAUGHTER) 51 00:02:58,603 --> 00:03:01,963 The other job I had, I used to sell double glazing on the phone. 52 00:03:02,003 --> 00:03:04,283 And I would call, like, old women about, 53 00:03:04,323 --> 00:03:07,203 "Listen, I don't want to sell you nothing, just chat to me." 54 00:03:07,243 --> 00:03:08,923 They'd be like, "Oh, my husband's died, 55 00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:11,323 but I went to the shop and bought some beans. 56 00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:13,523 It was 9p, but the other shop was 10p." 57 00:03:13,563 --> 00:03:15,843 I was like, "Fuck, no wonder your husband's died!" 58 00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,763 (LAUGHTER) Out of sheer boredom. 59 00:03:18,803 --> 00:03:21,883 You got paid back for all that by getting shot in the dick! 60 00:03:21,923 --> 00:03:23,043 (LAUGHTER) 61 00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:26,803 Right, we start the show with a round called People Are Strange, 62 00:03:26,843 --> 00:03:29,563 because people are strange, and none more so than musicians. 63 00:03:29,603 --> 00:03:32,243 Ozzy Osbourne, of course, famously bit the head off a bat, 64 00:03:32,283 --> 00:03:33,723 which started a chain of events 65 00:03:33,763 --> 00:03:36,443 that led directly to the current global pandemic. 66 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:37,483 (LAUGHTER) Thank you, Ozzy (!) 67 00:03:37,523 --> 00:03:39,283 Not true. Off we go. 68 00:03:39,323 --> 00:03:42,443 Noel's team, your question is all about this guy. 69 00:03:47,803 --> 00:03:52,283 ♪ And I've been in trouble 70 00:03:52,323 --> 00:03:56,043 ♪ Wooaahhhh... 71 00:03:57,963 --> 00:04:00,083 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 72 00:04:01,043 --> 00:04:04,323 You know why that woman in the bar had such a moody face, 73 00:04:04,363 --> 00:04:07,003 cos it's in Shaun's flat and there's plates in there. 74 00:04:07,043 --> 00:04:08,843 (LAUGHTER) 75 00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:12,203 That was distressed howler monkey in a leather jacket, Matt Bellamy. 76 00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:15,283 But what did he say was his greatest fear? 77 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,643 Was it, A - 78 00:04:19,803 --> 00:04:21,803 B - 79 00:04:32,643 --> 00:04:34,363 Or is it C - 80 00:04:35,723 --> 00:04:40,163 NOEL: Fuck. To be fair, "stubby gob" is a better name than Muse, innit? 81 00:04:40,203 --> 00:04:42,003 (LAUGHTER) 82 00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:45,443 DESIREE: The cigarette butts are going to kind of up his rock value. 83 00:04:45,483 --> 00:04:47,443 I don't think that can be a fear. 84 00:04:47,483 --> 00:04:49,723 Clams, that's - Do you think clams? 85 00:04:49,763 --> 00:04:52,443 That's Freudian, right? Like, I don't know what, but... 86 00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:56,443 It's Freudian cos they look - like tiny, tiny vaginas. - Yes! 87 00:04:56,483 --> 00:04:59,083 The tiniest vagina... they're clones. 88 00:04:59,123 --> 00:05:00,563 It is quite scary, isn't it? 89 00:05:00,603 --> 00:05:02,763 Like, there's nothing worse than a closing vagina. 90 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,683 Nothing worse. That is terrible. 91 00:05:04,723 --> 00:05:07,003 That's... That's.. That's terrifying. 92 00:05:07,043 --> 00:05:09,603 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 93 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,323 - That's scary. - Do you want me to tell you some stuff about Matt Bellamy? 94 00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:15,763 I don't know much about him. Here's an interesting fact. 95 00:05:15,803 --> 00:05:18,843 He's got a jetpack, and he put some technical information about it. 96 00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:21,723 "You just attach it to your back and zoom through the air." 97 00:05:21,763 --> 00:05:24,483 So that's, er, technical... (LAUGHTER) 98 00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:26,923 It sounds like a jetpack you get off of Amazon, 99 00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:30,323 where there's two instructions, like, "turn on, ready to go?" 100 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:31,763 (LAUGHTER) Yeah. 101 00:05:31,803 --> 00:05:33,963 Come on then, Noel's team, let's have an answer. 102 00:05:34,003 --> 00:05:37,643 I feel clams is just a funny word you put in there, Greg, as a... 103 00:05:37,683 --> 00:05:39,443 Correct. Yes. 104 00:05:39,483 --> 00:05:41,123 I don't know why, 105 00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:44,043 but I think someone who's scared to be impregnated by a alien 106 00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:47,403 - would own a jetpack as well. - Yeah. I think they're two and two. 107 00:05:47,443 --> 00:05:50,163 Shall we go for the alien - giving birth one? - Yeah. 108 00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:51,203 I think so. Yeah? 109 00:05:51,243 --> 00:05:53,283 Yeah. All right, team. 110 00:05:53,323 --> 00:05:55,883 All right, the answer is A - Matt Bellamy's biggest fear 111 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:59,763 is being impregnated by an alien and giving birth. 112 00:05:59,803 --> 00:06:01,803 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 113 00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:08,563 And I quote Matt Bellamy, "It would be awful to give birth to a freak, 114 00:06:08,603 --> 00:06:10,963 and have to bring it up as your own, 115 00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:14,163 a fear that for my mother became a horrible reality." 116 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,923 OK, Daisy's team, take a look at this. 117 00:06:17,963 --> 00:06:20,403 ♪ And I'll be right here with you 'til the end 118 00:06:20,443 --> 00:06:22,883 ♪ I got my peaches out in Georgia (oh, yeah, shit) 119 00:06:22,923 --> 00:06:25,563 ♪ I get my weed from California (that's that shit) 120 00:06:25,603 --> 00:06:28,163 ♪ I took my chick up to the North, yeah (badass bitch) 121 00:06:28,203 --> 00:06:30,283 ♪ I get my light right from the source, yeah... 122 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,323 (APPLAUSE) 123 00:06:32,883 --> 00:06:35,843 That is the worst thing to come out of Canada. 124 00:06:35,883 --> 00:06:38,203 Fighting off stiff competition from Nickelback 125 00:06:38,243 --> 00:06:42,683 and the corpses of a million baby seals, Justin Bieber. 126 00:06:42,723 --> 00:06:44,363 (LAUGHTER) 127 00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:47,203 DAISY: That's going to get cut out, surely? 128 00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:49,843 NOEL: No, no, people fucking hate seals. 129 00:06:49,883 --> 00:06:51,883 (LAUGHTER) 130 00:06:51,923 --> 00:06:55,763 But what self-important activity did Justin insist took place 131 00:06:55,803 --> 00:06:58,843 during his 2017 tour of India? 132 00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:00,003 Was it A - 133 00:07:04,963 --> 00:07:06,603 Was it B - 134 00:07:11,403 --> 00:07:13,163 Or was it C - 135 00:07:18,043 --> 00:07:20,203 What do we think? Could be all of them. 136 00:07:20,243 --> 00:07:21,683 It could be all of them. 137 00:07:21,723 --> 00:07:25,403 There is a bit of me that thinks he would get all of his crew... 138 00:07:25,443 --> 00:07:26,843 Tattooed. ..to have a tattoo. 139 00:07:26,883 --> 00:07:29,443 You a Justin Bieber fan, Shaun? He's a talented kid. 140 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:33,323 You got to give him that. At the end of the day, he's a talented kid. 141 00:07:33,363 --> 00:07:36,563 - Yeah? - He might be a twat, but he's a talented kid! 142 00:07:36,603 --> 00:07:37,603 (LAUGHTER) 143 00:07:37,643 --> 00:07:40,923 Do you want some other things Justin Bieber has done during his career? 144 00:07:40,963 --> 00:07:44,243 He pissed into a bucket in a New York restaurant... Wow! 145 00:07:44,283 --> 00:07:45,883 So does everyone. (LAUGHTER) 146 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:49,043 We've all pissed in a bucket, sure. I mean, in a New York... 147 00:07:49,083 --> 00:07:51,123 Oh, my God, you're lucky if it's piss. 148 00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:52,963 (LAUGHTER) 149 00:07:53,563 --> 00:07:56,963 He signed the visitor's book at the Anne Frank Museum... 150 00:07:57,003 --> 00:07:58,523 with "Anne was a great girl. 151 00:07:58,563 --> 00:08:00,243 Hopefully she would have been a belieber." 152 00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:04,203 (LAUGHTER) Yeah, that's true. That's true. 153 00:08:04,243 --> 00:08:07,843 Was it Justin Bieber who had a monkey and he let it go? 154 00:08:07,883 --> 00:08:09,723 He took a pet monkey on tour, 155 00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:13,443 got bored of his monkey and dumped it - in a German zoo. - You're kidding! 156 00:08:13,483 --> 00:08:15,483 Fuck it, leave it in this German zoo! 157 00:08:15,523 --> 00:08:17,323 We once was in Barbados, 158 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:20,563 and there's a monkey was being - billed as Jack the Ripper. - Baboon. 159 00:08:20,603 --> 00:08:23,283 I'm walking along the beach one morning, right, about six o'clock, 160 00:08:23,323 --> 00:08:25,403 and this big, massive baboon 161 00:08:25,443 --> 00:08:28,803 just dropped out of the fucking tree in front of me, right? 162 00:08:28,843 --> 00:08:31,443 I've been smoking crack all night. (LAUGHTER) 163 00:08:32,403 --> 00:08:35,803 This thing stood there like that. And I think, you know what? 164 00:08:35,843 --> 00:08:39,123 If I move now, he's (BEEP)... I've got no fear, fear like dogs. 165 00:08:39,163 --> 00:08:41,083 I went, "I'll fucking kill you, you (BEEP)!" 166 00:08:41,123 --> 00:08:42,803 Like that, you know what I mean? 167 00:08:42,843 --> 00:08:44,923 And... And the baboon just fucked off. 168 00:08:44,963 --> 00:08:48,643 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 169 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:55,843 I didn't expect to go from Justin Bieber 170 00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:58,803 to you smoking crack and chasing off a baboon. 171 00:08:58,843 --> 00:09:01,243 (LAUGHTER) 172 00:09:01,283 --> 00:09:02,763 What do you reckon, then? 173 00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:05,043 Let's unfortunately get back to Justin Bieber. 174 00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:08,403 NOEL: Oh, fuck Justin Bieber! (LAUGHTER) 175 00:09:08,443 --> 00:09:10,443 I... I think C. What do you think? 176 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,243 You think C? Yeah, yeah. 177 00:09:12,283 --> 00:09:15,403 What are you thinking, Shaun? Er, not much. 178 00:09:15,443 --> 00:09:17,523 (LAUGHTER) 179 00:09:17,563 --> 00:09:21,083 I... I thought it was the one where he got his chef to cook. 180 00:09:21,123 --> 00:09:23,403 Yeah. I've got to say, I agree with you. 181 00:09:23,443 --> 00:09:25,483 I think B, I think the chef thing. 182 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:28,163 I'll go with you two with B, then. OK, we... 183 00:09:28,203 --> 00:09:30,003 Don't follow me, I'm always fucking wrong. 184 00:09:30,043 --> 00:09:31,043 (LAUGHTER) I will. 185 00:09:31,083 --> 00:09:33,043 We're going to go with B, are we? 186 00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:34,683 Yeah, B, the... B, please. 187 00:09:34,723 --> 00:09:39,523 The answer is B - Justin Bieber had a professional chef prepare meals... 188 00:09:39,563 --> 00:09:41,803 (APPLAUSE) 189 00:09:41,843 --> 00:09:45,563 ..inspired by his most popular songs. 190 00:09:45,603 --> 00:09:49,003 In 2017, the alleged details of Bieber's rider 191 00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:50,963 for his tour in India were leaked out. 192 00:09:51,003 --> 00:09:53,203 The rider included top culinary experts 193 00:09:53,243 --> 00:09:57,523 serving him 20 gourmet dishes renamed after his popular songs. 194 00:09:57,563 --> 00:09:59,763 Chef Jean Paul said, 195 00:09:59,803 --> 00:10:02,923 "It was quite a challenge, but in the end my system was simple. 196 00:10:02,963 --> 00:10:05,243 For the song Peaches, I used some peaches. 197 00:10:05,283 --> 00:10:08,283 For the song, Baby, I committed an awful atrocity." 198 00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:09,803 (LAUGHTER) 199 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:14,323 And for the others, I just piped the name of the song on top of a quiche." 200 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:19,723 So, at the end of that round, it's a draw, one point each. 201 00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:21,443 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hooray. 202 00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:25,363 Let's see a photo of the lads back in the glory days. 203 00:10:25,403 --> 00:10:26,803 Hooray! Cor! 204 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:30,443 SHAUN: Acid eyes, look at them, they're like fucking saucers! 205 00:10:30,483 --> 00:10:32,123 (LAUGHTER) 206 00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:34,083 Bez, what happened with you and Julia Roberts? 207 00:10:34,123 --> 00:10:36,443 (GASPS) Well, I was out one night, 208 00:10:36,483 --> 00:10:41,563 we'd just done a gig in LA somewhere where I was partying. 209 00:10:41,603 --> 00:10:45,163 Next thing, I was being chatted up by this bird, it was Julia Roberts. 210 00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:49,083 And we'd just watched Pretty Woman on the plane over there. 211 00:10:49,123 --> 00:10:52,163 At first I didn't recognise her and she's flicking her hair about, 212 00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:55,763 to say, I've just had my hair done. You might not recognise me. 213 00:10:55,803 --> 00:10:59,763 Then she wanted to take me off to my car to show me her ID. 214 00:10:59,803 --> 00:11:01,683 (LAUGHTER) 215 00:11:01,723 --> 00:11:04,883 But it's like one of them stories, you know, fishing stories, 216 00:11:04,923 --> 00:11:06,603 like, it was that big and... 217 00:11:06,643 --> 00:11:09,123 as a fisherman, the one what got away. 218 00:11:09,163 --> 00:11:12,523 But life could have been so different, you know what I mean? 219 00:11:12,563 --> 00:11:15,123 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 220 00:11:16,563 --> 00:11:19,443 Forty years you've known each other? God, is it that long? 221 00:11:19,483 --> 00:11:21,163 (LAUGHTER) Yeah, it is. 222 00:11:21,203 --> 00:11:23,603 How would you describe your friendship over the years? 223 00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:26,043 Sexless marriage. A sexless marriage? 224 00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,683 (LAUGHTER) 225 00:11:27,723 --> 00:11:29,763 Do you still see each other - regularly? - Yeah. 226 00:11:29,803 --> 00:11:31,963 All the time? We still work with each other. 227 00:11:32,003 --> 00:11:33,683 You know him back to front? Yeah. 228 00:11:33,723 --> 00:11:36,003 Let's put it to the test, shall we? (LAUGHTER) 229 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:37,683 It's time for the ID Parade. 230 00:11:37,723 --> 00:11:42,883 Can you identify Bez dancing in silhouette alongside four non-Bezes? 231 00:11:42,923 --> 00:11:45,923 Bez, off you go, go round there. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 232 00:11:51,683 --> 00:11:53,403 Get it right, it's over! 233 00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:57,123 And just in case you need a recap of Bez dancing, here you go. 234 00:12:06,523 --> 00:12:08,723 (APPLAUSE) 235 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:14,843 Bezes, stand still. (LAUGHS) 236 00:12:15,763 --> 00:12:19,923 All Bezes, stand still. (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) 237 00:12:22,523 --> 00:12:25,443 (LAUGHING) ..we bloody know which one! 238 00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:29,123 DESIREE: I can't... Oh, my god! 239 00:12:29,163 --> 00:12:31,843 Do you know how fucking long this took to set up? 240 00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:33,883 (LAUGHTER) 241 00:12:33,923 --> 00:12:37,003 We had to build that fucking framework! 242 00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:42,803 There's not a person in this room who doesn't know who fucking Bez is! 243 00:12:42,843 --> 00:12:45,443 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 244 00:12:45,483 --> 00:12:47,843 Oh, my god! 245 00:12:49,443 --> 00:12:51,523 Right, we're going to shuffle the Bezes. 246 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,803 (APPLAUSE) 247 00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:58,163 DAISY: Oh my god, it's like being a parent, 248 00:12:58,203 --> 00:13:00,963 and watching your child at a nativity 249 00:13:01,003 --> 00:13:03,763 and they're being a really shit donkey. 250 00:13:03,803 --> 00:13:06,043 (LAUGHTER) 251 00:13:06,083 --> 00:13:08,683 So is it number one Bez? 252 00:13:09,683 --> 00:13:12,563 Number two, New Year's Bezolution? 253 00:13:14,163 --> 00:13:16,883 Number three, Bez, get that looked at? 254 00:13:17,723 --> 00:13:20,843 Number four, Bez, just keep this between ourselves? 255 00:13:22,083 --> 00:13:26,283 Or number five, Joe Biden, Bezident of the United States? 256 00:13:28,243 --> 00:13:30,203 Now, let's give us a little dance. 257 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,163 (MUSIC STARTS) 258 00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:37,283 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING) 259 00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,563 (CHEERING) 260 00:13:47,603 --> 00:13:49,643 Wooh! 261 00:13:50,843 --> 00:13:52,963 Any idea who Bez might be, Shaun? 262 00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:56,163 Er, f-f-f-f... Yeah, One. 263 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,643 (LAUGHTER) 264 00:13:57,683 --> 00:14:01,803 Oh, I wonder, would number one please reveal himself? 265 00:14:03,323 --> 00:14:05,403 (LAUGHTER) 266 00:14:09,123 --> 00:14:11,283 I mean, you don't have to! 267 00:14:11,323 --> 00:14:14,363 Bez, come out, mate! Come out! 268 00:14:14,403 --> 00:14:17,883 (LAUGHTER) Come out! Reveal yourself! 269 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:20,803 (DROWNED OUT BY LAUGHTER) 270 00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:23,363 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 271 00:14:24,003 --> 00:14:25,723 You're twisting me melons, man! 272 00:14:25,763 --> 00:14:27,763 (APPLAUSE) 273 00:14:27,803 --> 00:14:29,803 (CHEERING) 274 00:14:35,723 --> 00:14:38,363 At the end of that round, Noel's team have one point 275 00:14:38,403 --> 00:14:41,083 and Daisy's team are in the lead with two points. 276 00:14:41,123 --> 00:14:43,203 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 277 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,483 Time for a break. We'll see you in a bit. 278 00:14:46,523 --> 00:14:49,243 We're missing you already. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 279 00:15:00,563 --> 00:15:02,963 Welcome back to a celebration of music 280 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,763 that is Never Mind The Buzzcocks. 281 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:08,443 As Jack Kerouac once said, the only truth is music, 282 00:15:08,483 --> 00:15:10,123 to which his friend replied, 283 00:15:10,163 --> 00:15:13,403 Jack, I asked you a question, did you shit behind those bins? 284 00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:15,483 (LAUGHTER) 285 00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,763 Now it's time for the Intro Round. 286 00:15:17,803 --> 00:15:21,763 Noel and Jamali, on your feet, and here are your intros for Desiree. 287 00:15:21,803 --> 00:15:24,683 It's the title of the songs we're looking for, please. 288 00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,923 Desiree, please go and take your place. 289 00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:29,483 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 290 00:15:32,763 --> 00:15:34,803 Right. We'll give it a go. 291 00:15:34,843 --> 00:15:36,123 Ready? 292 00:15:36,163 --> 00:15:38,883 ♪ Do do-do do-do do do 293 00:15:38,923 --> 00:15:42,603 ♪ Do do-do do do do-do do-do 294 00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:45,243 (MAKES DRUMMING NOISES) # Do do do-do do... 295 00:15:45,283 --> 00:15:46,763 (LAUGHS) 296 00:15:46,803 --> 00:15:50,603 ♪ Do do-do do-do do-do do-do 297 00:15:50,643 --> 00:15:52,403 Sorry, I shouldn't interfere, 298 00:15:52,443 --> 00:15:55,683 but just as a little bit of advice, totally ignore Jamali. 299 00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:58,003 (LAUGHTER) 300 00:15:58,043 --> 00:15:59,483 There's a song and then there's... 301 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:02,283 ♪ Do do-do do do do... I.. 302 00:16:02,323 --> 00:16:06,323 That sounds like Dancing - In The Dark. - Argh! 303 00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:07,763 Is that your guess? Yes. 304 00:16:07,803 --> 00:16:10,883 You're right! All right, thank you! 305 00:16:10,923 --> 00:16:12,723 It was... 306 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:15,083 It was Dancing In The Dark by Bruce Springsteen. 307 00:16:15,123 --> 00:16:16,563 Here's how it should have sounded. 308 00:16:16,603 --> 00:16:18,803 (START OF DANCING IN THE DARK PLAYS) 309 00:16:18,843 --> 00:16:22,283 OK, I see now, I see... That weren't bad. 310 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,523 That was Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen, which includes the line, 311 00:16:26,563 --> 00:16:29,603 "I get up in the evening and I ain't got nothing to say." 312 00:16:29,643 --> 00:16:32,203 What you doing getting up in the evening? Are you depressed, 313 00:16:32,243 --> 00:16:34,363 have you got ME, pull yourself together, the boss. 314 00:16:34,403 --> 00:16:36,123 (LAUGHTER) Next... 315 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,283 Next one please. OK? 316 00:16:38,323 --> 00:16:40,323 ♪ Poo-poo poo-poo poo-poo poo-poo 317 00:16:40,363 --> 00:16:42,323 ♪ Poo-poo poo-poo poo poo poo 318 00:16:42,363 --> 00:16:44,443 ♪ Poo-poo poo-poo poo-poo poo-poo 319 00:16:44,483 --> 00:16:46,723 ♪ Poo-poo poo-poo... I'm coming in. 320 00:16:46,763 --> 00:16:50,683 (MAKES DRUMMING NOISES) (LAUGHTER) 321 00:16:52,963 --> 00:16:56,243 I don't have a lot of range. (LAUGHTER) 322 00:16:57,803 --> 00:17:01,523 ♪ Dancing in the dark... (LAUGHTER) 323 00:17:02,843 --> 00:17:05,243 JAMALI: Oh please, you're fucking me up, bro, stop! 324 00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:08,723 I don't know, I mean, it's creeping me the fuck out, 325 00:17:08,763 --> 00:17:10,843 that is like the theme to Psycho. 326 00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:13,323 That's not... You're not a million miles away. 327 00:17:13,363 --> 00:17:16,123 Oh, so it's like a filmic, it's... 328 00:17:16,163 --> 00:17:17,883 (CONTINUES SINGING TUNE) 329 00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:20,043 Oh, is it like creepy children singing? 330 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:22,723 DAISY: Why don't you move your lips when you do it? 331 00:17:22,763 --> 00:17:27,403 (CONTINUES SINGING TUNE) (LAUGHTER) 332 00:17:30,363 --> 00:17:34,323 Because I do that at bus stops to scare old ladies. 333 00:17:34,363 --> 00:17:36,403 (CONTINUES SINGING TUNE) (LAUGHTER) 334 00:17:41,443 --> 00:17:43,763 I have something with synth, I... I don't.. 335 00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:46,003 I... I got nothing. 336 00:17:46,043 --> 00:17:49,003 Sorry Desiree, I'm throwing it over. Daisy's team, any idea? 337 00:17:49,043 --> 00:17:52,123 I don't know, what do you guys - think? - It sounds something like, 338 00:17:52,163 --> 00:17:54,563 Cure or Tears for Fears, but it's not. 339 00:17:54,603 --> 00:17:58,243 I was thinking maybe Okay by Usher. 340 00:17:58,283 --> 00:18:01,843 I'm afraid you're wrong. It was Funky Friday by Dave. 341 00:18:01,883 --> 00:18:03,683 And here's how it should have sounded. 342 00:18:03,723 --> 00:18:05,723 (START OF FUNKY FRIDAY PLAYS) 343 00:18:07,323 --> 00:18:08,563 OK. Yeah. 344 00:18:08,603 --> 00:18:11,323 You were almost... It is a bit psycho, isn't it? 345 00:18:12,363 --> 00:18:14,523 This was on the way. (LAUGHTER) 346 00:18:14,563 --> 00:18:15,603 That's Dave, the rapper. 347 00:18:15,643 --> 00:18:18,043 Him and I aren't as different as you might think. 348 00:18:18,083 --> 00:18:21,283 We both spent 1998 largely in tears and soiling ourselves. 349 00:18:21,323 --> 00:18:23,323 Dave, of course, was a newborn baby, 350 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:26,203 whereas I was in my mid-30s, living in a shared house, 351 00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:28,683 my girlfriend had just left, I had no direction. 352 00:18:28,723 --> 00:18:31,203 It was a pretty dark time, actually, er... 353 00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,283 (LAUGHTER) 354 00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:36,403 I guess, er... I guess I was pretty lost. 355 00:18:36,443 --> 00:18:38,163 (LAUGHTER) 356 00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:41,643 Desiree, please go back to your seat. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 357 00:18:44,203 --> 00:18:47,483 Daisy and Bez, it's your turn to perform to Shaun now. 358 00:18:47,523 --> 00:18:50,363 Good luck, Shaun, please go and take your place. 359 00:18:50,403 --> 00:18:54,203 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 360 00:18:56,523 --> 00:18:59,483 This is going to be a car crash, I'm warning you! 361 00:18:59,523 --> 00:19:01,003 (LAUGHTER) Right, here we go. 362 00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:02,843 I'm looking forward to this so much. 363 00:19:02,883 --> 00:19:04,763 (LAUGHTER) 364 00:19:04,803 --> 00:19:08,123 Here we go, song one. - It's going to be great! - Off you go. 365 00:19:08,163 --> 00:19:11,323 ♪ Wah wah-wah wah wah wah 366 00:19:11,363 --> 00:19:14,403 ♪ Wah wah-wah wah wah wah wah wah (LAUGHTER) 367 00:19:14,443 --> 00:19:17,763 (CONTINUES SINGING TUNE) 368 00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:19,803 (LAUGHTER) 369 00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,683 What the fuck is Daisy doing? 370 00:19:25,843 --> 00:19:28,643 That's not the tune! Is it not? 371 00:19:28,683 --> 00:19:31,363 (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) We're playing the wrong tune? 372 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,523 Right, do it again. Let's have it again. 373 00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:37,443 Oh god. # Dow dow-dow dow dow dow 374 00:19:37,483 --> 00:19:40,603 ♪ Dow dow dow dow bom-bom-bom 375 00:19:41,443 --> 00:19:44,763 I mean, what the fuck is this? DESIREE: Yeah, absolutely! 376 00:19:44,803 --> 00:19:46,803 (LAUGHTER) 377 00:19:48,363 --> 00:19:50,523 I can't help it - Is it a dance tune? 378 00:19:50,563 --> 00:19:52,803 Yeah, it's an Happy Mon- Shh! No clues. 379 00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,683 (LAUGHTER) 380 00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:56,603 No clues. 381 00:19:57,843 --> 00:19:59,043 Do it again. 382 00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:01,563 ♪ Dow, dow-dow-dow 383 00:20:01,603 --> 00:20:04,923 ♪ Dun-dun-dun bum-bum-bum-bum... 384 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,523 Right, that's it, I'm pushing you for it, Shaun. 385 00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:10,243 NOEL: Shaun's written this tune, hasn't he? 386 00:20:10,283 --> 00:20:11,883 (LAUGHTER) 387 00:20:11,923 --> 00:20:14,883 This is why I don't sing. Loose fit. 388 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:18,443 Nearly. (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 389 00:20:23,243 --> 00:20:27,243 This is a pretty sweet clue for Noel's team. 390 00:20:27,283 --> 00:20:29,403 Go on, yes. I'm throwing it over. 391 00:20:29,443 --> 00:20:32,003 Kinky Afro. (LAUGHTER) 392 00:20:32,043 --> 00:20:33,763 Don't tell him! 393 00:20:33,803 --> 00:20:35,843 Which one, Bez? 394 00:20:35,883 --> 00:20:38,603 (LAUGHTER) 395 00:20:38,643 --> 00:20:40,963 Hallelujah. You can't act... 396 00:20:41,003 --> 00:20:42,883 (LAUGHTER) You can't do... 397 00:20:42,923 --> 00:20:45,243 You can't play charades at this game. 398 00:20:45,283 --> 00:20:48,163 No, that's not how it works! 399 00:20:49,043 --> 00:20:51,643 It's clearly a Happy Monday song, we've worked that much out. 400 00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,683 (LAUGHTER) Noel said it. 401 00:20:53,723 --> 00:20:57,043 Oh, did I? I said Step On and Kinky Afro, I can't... I... 402 00:20:57,083 --> 00:21:00,123 Well, you've got to pick - between those two. - Kinky Afro. 403 00:21:01,123 --> 00:21:02,763 You are right. 404 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:04,963 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 405 00:21:05,003 --> 00:21:07,563 What was that, the bass? It was a kind of... 406 00:21:07,603 --> 00:21:10,963 - Was that the bass?! - The wah wah guitar and bass mixed together. 407 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:14,443 Right, that's what confused me! (LAUGHTER) 408 00:21:14,483 --> 00:21:16,603 It was Kinky Afro by the Happy Mondays. 409 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,603 That's not what it sounded like. 410 00:21:18,643 --> 00:21:20,323 Here's how it should have sounded. 411 00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,363 (START OF KINKY AFRO PLAYS) 412 00:21:30,683 --> 00:21:32,683 Now I get it! (LAUGHTER) 413 00:21:35,763 --> 00:21:37,283 What a tune. 414 00:21:37,323 --> 00:21:40,243 That was Kinky Afro by the Happy Mondays. 415 00:21:40,283 --> 00:21:41,763 Shaun was once quoted as saying, 416 00:21:41,803 --> 00:21:44,923 "My advice to the kids today is that you may be 20 now, 417 00:21:44,963 --> 00:21:48,043 but you'll wake up next week and you'll be fucking 52." 418 00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:51,603 Shaun omitted to say that he'd spent the last 32 of those years 419 00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,963 off his noggin on drugs. (LAUGHTER) 420 00:21:54,003 --> 00:21:55,523 Next one, please. Song two. 421 00:21:55,563 --> 00:21:57,963 OK, ready? Yeah. 422 00:21:59,563 --> 00:22:01,323 ♪ Mm-mmmm 423 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,683 ♪ Do do-do-do-do 424 00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,323 ♪ Mm-mmmm # Do do do-do-do 425 00:22:07,203 --> 00:22:09,803 ♪ Beep, ooh, beep, bap, boop 426 00:22:09,843 --> 00:22:12,003 ♪ Beep boop-boop beep # Do do do do 427 00:22:12,043 --> 00:22:13,763 ♪ Bap boop beep beep # Do do do 428 00:22:13,803 --> 00:22:15,723 ♪ Beep-beep boop beep # Do do do 429 00:22:15,763 --> 00:22:17,643 ♪ Boop bap beep boop 430 00:22:17,683 --> 00:22:18,883 ♪ Beep beep boop # Do, do-do 431 00:22:18,923 --> 00:22:22,523 ♪ Beep, boop, beep, bap - You're Moving Too Fast. 432 00:22:22,563 --> 00:22:24,563 (SCREAMS) Yes! You're right! 433 00:22:24,603 --> 00:22:26,163 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 434 00:22:26,203 --> 00:22:29,763 Shaun, please return to your seat. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 435 00:22:31,523 --> 00:22:33,963 It was Moving Too Fast by Artful Dodger. 436 00:22:34,003 --> 00:22:35,443 Here's how it should have sounded. 437 00:22:35,483 --> 00:22:36,923 (START OF MOVING TOO FAST PLAYS) 438 00:22:36,963 --> 00:22:38,923 Yes, mate. 439 00:22:42,963 --> 00:22:45,243 That sounded nothing like that, though! 440 00:22:45,283 --> 00:22:47,443 I got it off you, when you was going... 441 00:22:47,483 --> 00:22:49,603 ♪ Nuh, nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh 442 00:22:49,643 --> 00:22:53,843 That was late 90s garage trio Artful Dodger with Moving Too Fast. 443 00:22:53,883 --> 00:22:57,483 Their track Rewind featured Craig David and included the line, 444 00:22:57,523 --> 00:23:00,803 "Craig David all over your... (BOINK SOUND EFFECT)" 445 00:23:00,843 --> 00:23:02,043 (LAUGHTER) 446 00:23:02,083 --> 00:23:03,763 A song so overplayed at the time, 447 00:23:03,803 --> 00:23:08,083 I began to wish that (BOINK SOUND EFFECT) meant "car windscreen". 448 00:23:09,403 --> 00:23:12,163 When asked what the boink meant, Craig David reportedly said, 449 00:23:12,203 --> 00:23:15,603 "It's just a sample, a lot of people think it was beeping over me 450 00:23:15,643 --> 00:23:18,723 saying something rude, or that it was being used as a connotation 451 00:23:18,763 --> 00:23:20,803 towards creaking bedsprings. 452 00:23:20,843 --> 00:23:23,003 But you can make of it what you like." 453 00:23:23,043 --> 00:23:24,723 Here's what I make of it, Craig. 454 00:23:24,763 --> 00:23:26,363 Boring! 455 00:23:27,923 --> 00:23:30,363 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 456 00:23:30,403 --> 00:23:32,803 Time for a break. We'll see you in a bit. 457 00:23:42,723 --> 00:23:44,803 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 458 00:23:44,843 --> 00:23:46,843 Welcome back to Never Mind The Buzzcocks. 459 00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:50,843 According to the composer John Erskine, music is the only language 460 00:23:50,883 --> 00:23:54,563 in which you can't say a mean or sarcastic thing. 461 00:23:54,603 --> 00:23:56,123 Oh, is that right, John? 462 00:23:56,163 --> 00:24:00,043 "Oh, I'm John Erskine and I'm really good at quotes about music." 463 00:24:00,083 --> 00:24:05,443 Oh, let's listen to John fucking Erskine's best song ever. 464 00:24:05,483 --> 00:24:08,723 (PLAYS RANDOM KEYS) "I'm John Erskine..." 465 00:24:08,763 --> 00:24:11,523 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 466 00:24:14,403 --> 00:24:17,003 The next round is called Kill Your Television, 467 00:24:17,043 --> 00:24:18,963 which is the only Ned's Atomic Dustbin reference 468 00:24:19,003 --> 00:24:22,243 you'll see on television this year. Noel's team, you're up first. 469 00:24:22,283 --> 00:24:25,243 And your question is, and you'll be surprised to hear... 470 00:24:25,283 --> 00:24:27,723 your question is about Bez. 471 00:24:27,763 --> 00:24:29,923 You two have got to be quiet during this. 472 00:24:29,963 --> 00:24:34,283 In 2018, Bez appeared on a daytime TV show, Bargain Hunt. 473 00:24:34,323 --> 00:24:36,963 For those of you who don't know what Bargain Hunt is, 474 00:24:37,003 --> 00:24:39,643 it involves buying antiques that are already overpriced 475 00:24:39,683 --> 00:24:42,763 and selling them at an inevitable loss at auction. 476 00:24:44,603 --> 00:24:46,923 But what I want to know from Noel's team, 477 00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:51,123 is what was so special about Bez's appearance on the show? 478 00:24:51,163 --> 00:24:52,643 Was it A - 479 00:24:56,803 --> 00:24:58,643 (LAUGHTER) B - 480 00:25:01,243 --> 00:25:04,323 (LAUGHTER) Or C, he... 481 00:25:04,363 --> 00:25:06,363 (LAUGHTER) 482 00:25:07,643 --> 00:25:09,923 Or C - he had to be... 483 00:25:09,963 --> 00:25:12,403 (LAUGHTER) 484 00:25:13,323 --> 00:25:16,883 Or C, he had to be spoken to by producers after... 485 00:25:16,923 --> 00:25:19,323 (LAUGHTER) 486 00:25:20,163 --> 00:25:22,563 He had to be spoken to by producers... 487 00:25:22,603 --> 00:25:24,603 (LAUGHTER) 488 00:25:25,523 --> 00:25:28,283 I'm so sorry. So sorry. 489 00:25:28,323 --> 00:25:31,083 Was it C - he had to be spoken to by producers, 490 00:25:31,123 --> 00:25:34,683 after repeatedly attempting to pull Tim Wonnacott's trousers down 491 00:25:34,723 --> 00:25:37,203 during the auction? (LAUGHTER) 492 00:25:37,243 --> 00:25:39,243 That's as good as it's going to get! 493 00:25:39,283 --> 00:25:42,243 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 494 00:25:44,203 --> 00:25:47,083 Any of those are plausible. Yes. 495 00:25:47,123 --> 00:25:49,043 JAMALI: I would say B or C. 496 00:25:49,083 --> 00:25:51,923 I mean, how would you rig an auction? 497 00:25:51,963 --> 00:25:54,603 Did he try and buy his own thing that he auctioned, 498 00:25:54,643 --> 00:25:56,083 to be a larger profit? 499 00:25:56,123 --> 00:25:58,323 Bez asked to stand next to Tim Wonn... 500 00:25:58,363 --> 00:25:59,483 Tim Wonn... 501 00:25:59,523 --> 00:26:02,723 a trouserless Tim Wonnacott. (LAUGHTER) 502 00:26:02,763 --> 00:26:04,283 Do you like Bargain Hunt, Daisy? 503 00:26:04,323 --> 00:26:07,803 Oh, yeah, there's one of them that's really fucking fit on there. 504 00:26:07,843 --> 00:26:09,203 (LAUGHTER) One of the experts? 505 00:26:09,243 --> 00:26:11,243 Yeah. Mmm. Which one? 506 00:26:11,283 --> 00:26:13,323 Well, I'd li... the one with the glasses, 507 00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:15,363 but they've all got fucking glasses, haven't they? 508 00:26:15,403 --> 00:26:17,403 (LAUGHTER) 509 00:26:17,443 --> 00:26:21,323 - What do you think? - I just want to hear you try and say C again. 510 00:26:21,363 --> 00:26:23,043 Yeah. I can do it now, look. 511 00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:26,243 Can you? How much do you want to put on it? 512 00:26:26,283 --> 00:26:29,323 (LAUGHTER) VARIOUS: Oooh! 513 00:26:29,363 --> 00:26:31,923 I can get through it - without laughing at all? - Yeah. 514 00:26:31,963 --> 00:26:35,723 A hundred of your sweet euros. (LAUGHTER) 515 00:26:35,763 --> 00:26:39,603 Yeah, but a hundred quid - is piss all to him. - I know. 516 00:26:39,643 --> 00:26:42,003 Right, a grand. You'll bet me a grand? 517 00:26:42,043 --> 00:26:44,203 I'll bet you a fucking grand. Yeah, a grand. 518 00:26:44,243 --> 00:26:46,843 Let's fucking party. Let's go. 519 00:26:46,883 --> 00:26:48,843 (LAUGHTER) 520 00:26:48,883 --> 00:26:50,803 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 521 00:26:50,843 --> 00:26:53,683 NOEL: Don't think about the imagery as you're reading it. 522 00:26:53,723 --> 00:26:55,643 (LAUGHTER) 523 00:26:58,243 --> 00:27:00,763 If I didn't have to say Tim Wonnacott's name, I... 524 00:27:00,803 --> 00:27:02,843 (LAUGHTER) 525 00:27:02,883 --> 00:27:04,883 Right, come on then. 526 00:27:04,923 --> 00:27:08,683 So was it A - he made a record profit 527 00:27:08,723 --> 00:27:11,963 by unknowingly buying an original painting by... (LAUGHS) 528 00:27:12,003 --> 00:27:14,683 No, this isn't... I know! OK, all right. 529 00:27:14,723 --> 00:27:16,683 ..original painting by Winston Churchill. 530 00:27:16,723 --> 00:27:19,403 He was disqualified for attempting to rig the auction. 531 00:27:19,443 --> 00:27:21,563 (LAUGHS) Oh! Yeah! 532 00:27:21,603 --> 00:27:24,163 (LAUGHTER) No, I haven't started reading it. 533 00:27:26,323 --> 00:27:29,723 Or he had to be spoken to... (LAUGHS) Oh, fucking hell! 534 00:27:29,763 --> 00:27:32,923 Fucking yes! Right, I tell you what, 535 00:27:32,963 --> 00:27:36,963 give me that grand and put it behind the bar at the Ibis. 536 00:27:37,003 --> 00:27:39,643 You can have it. Pow pow pow. 537 00:27:39,683 --> 00:27:41,843 What's the answer? We don't care! 538 00:27:41,883 --> 00:27:46,843 We're just saying C, cos we want you to say, "You think that..." 539 00:27:46,883 --> 00:27:48,763 (LAUGHS) 540 00:27:48,803 --> 00:27:50,963 What do you think the answer is, guys?C. 541 00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:54,123 C. So you think... What is C, remind me again? 542 00:27:54,163 --> 00:27:55,923 (LAUGHTER) You think... 543 00:27:55,963 --> 00:27:58,283 You think that the answer is C, 544 00:27:58,323 --> 00:28:00,843 that Bez had to be spoken to by the producers 545 00:28:00,883 --> 00:28:02,083 after repeatedly attempting 546 00:28:02,123 --> 00:28:05,283 to pull Tim Wonnacott's trousers down during the auction. 547 00:28:05,323 --> 00:28:08,403 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 548 00:28:11,043 --> 00:28:14,443 And I can tell you that Bez was, in fact, 549 00:28:14,483 --> 00:28:17,563 disqualified from pensioners' favourite Bargain Hunt 550 00:28:17,603 --> 00:28:19,483 for rigging the auction. 551 00:28:19,523 --> 00:28:22,243 A member of the crew noticed that Bez's girlfriend 552 00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:25,683 was one of the bidders at the auction driving the prices up. 553 00:28:25,723 --> 00:28:27,643 Here's a picture of them on the show. 554 00:28:27,683 --> 00:28:30,683 Bez and writer from the Happy Mondays, Jarvis Cocker, 555 00:28:30,723 --> 00:28:33,003 and Lyn and Graham from Cirencester. 556 00:28:33,043 --> 00:28:36,403 Bez said, and I quote, "It was a genuine error. 557 00:28:36,443 --> 00:28:38,563 My girlfriend thought she was helping out." 558 00:28:38,603 --> 00:28:40,883 (LAUGHTER) She did. 559 00:28:40,923 --> 00:28:43,283 Did you arrange - We had to give our £8... 560 00:28:43,323 --> 00:28:46,203 We had made £8 profit and had to give it back. 561 00:28:46,243 --> 00:28:48,483 (LAUGHS) Did they bollock you both? 562 00:28:48,523 --> 00:28:50,643 Well, the producers are telling me 563 00:28:50,683 --> 00:28:52,643 that I've absolutely ruined the show. 564 00:28:52,683 --> 00:28:55,043 (GASPS) And they've never had so much publi... 565 00:28:55,083 --> 00:28:59,043 I was on the 6 o'clock evening news with it, do you know what I mean? 566 00:28:59,083 --> 00:29:02,483 Yeah, yeah. Daisy's team, this one is for you. 567 00:29:02,523 --> 00:29:06,403 And this time, we're going primetime with some drama. 568 00:29:06,443 --> 00:29:09,843 Many musicians assume that because they can sing, they can also act. 569 00:29:09,883 --> 00:29:13,003 Let's never forget Boy George on the A-Team, of course, 570 00:29:13,043 --> 00:29:15,483 which we're not allowed to show for copyright reasons. 571 00:29:15,523 --> 00:29:18,603 But I urge you to look it up. It's fucking hilarious! 572 00:29:18,643 --> 00:29:22,123 Daisy's team, can you tell me which of the following pop stars 573 00:29:22,163 --> 00:29:26,643 appeared in ITV's 1950s set drama Heartbeat? 574 00:29:26,683 --> 00:29:30,483 Was it A - previously podgy pop prince, Gary Barlow? 575 00:29:30,523 --> 00:29:33,163 B - mysterious Christian Cliff Richard? 576 00:29:33,203 --> 00:29:36,683 (LAUGHTER) Is this a serious question? 577 00:29:36,723 --> 00:29:40,203 Or C - rasping Welsh foghorn Bonnie Tyler? 578 00:29:40,243 --> 00:29:41,843 (LAUGHTER) 579 00:29:41,883 --> 00:29:44,043 What do you think? OK, so can you imagine - 580 00:29:44,083 --> 00:29:45,283 BEZ: Definitely not Cliff Richard. 581 00:29:45,323 --> 00:29:47,443 Why do you say definitely not Cliff Richard? 582 00:29:47,483 --> 00:29:49,683 Well, it's not Christian enough for him. 583 00:29:49,723 --> 00:29:50,883 (LAUGHTER) Oh, OK. 584 00:29:50,923 --> 00:29:52,963 Are you a fan of Heartbeat, Shaun? Yeah. 585 00:29:53,003 --> 00:29:54,043 You are? Yeah. 586 00:29:54,083 --> 00:29:55,923 Fuck no, Heartbeat was the worst, 587 00:29:55,963 --> 00:29:58,483 because when that music started playing on a Sunday night, 588 00:29:58,523 --> 00:30:00,443 I'd think, fuck, I haven't done my homework. 589 00:30:00,483 --> 00:30:03,563 (MAKES QUACKING SOUNDS) And I'm never going to get it done. 590 00:30:03,603 --> 00:30:06,643 I wish I was at fucking school - in the 90s. - JAMALI: Why? 591 00:30:06,683 --> 00:30:09,283 Why? Because I'd be about 30 years fucking younger. 592 00:30:09,323 --> 00:30:11,323 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 593 00:30:13,603 --> 00:30:16,043 Which one of the three was in Heartbeat? 594 00:30:16,083 --> 00:30:19,443 I'd like to ask Bez what he thinks. Well, I'm going with Shaun, 595 00:30:19,483 --> 00:30:23,523 because he spends more time watching telly than any other man I know. 596 00:30:23,563 --> 00:30:27,843 If he doesn't know the right answer, - nobody does. - So the answer is? 597 00:30:27,883 --> 00:30:29,523 It's, er, Gary. Was it? 598 00:30:29,563 --> 00:30:31,963 Is it?! Do you know that for a fact? Yeah. 599 00:30:32,003 --> 00:30:34,523 What, you watched the episode? I watched the episode, 600 00:30:34,563 --> 00:30:37,203 I know all the drama behind it and everything else, yeah. 601 00:30:37,243 --> 00:30:40,843 The answer is indeed A - Gary Barlow appeared in Heartbeat. 602 00:30:40,883 --> 00:30:43,763 Micky Shannon, played by Barlow, turns up as a mysterious stranger 603 00:30:43,803 --> 00:30:45,483 with the voice of an angel. (LAUGHTER) 604 00:30:45,523 --> 00:30:49,643 By the end of the episode, he gets caught up in a roadside shootout 605 00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:53,283 and is sent down for growing cannabis and stealing diamonds. 606 00:30:53,323 --> 00:30:56,763 Not before he puts on a concert in the village pub. 607 00:30:56,803 --> 00:30:58,003 I'm not making this up, 608 00:30:58,043 --> 00:31:01,443 and to quote the person in production who had to watch the whole episode, 609 00:31:01,483 --> 00:31:03,403 "It's even shitter than you think." 610 00:31:03,443 --> 00:31:06,403 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 611 00:31:06,443 --> 00:31:08,323 Let's, er... 612 00:31:08,363 --> 00:31:12,003 Let's take a look at Gary Barlow in action. 613 00:31:12,443 --> 00:31:14,843 The concert's off. CROWD: What? 614 00:31:14,883 --> 00:31:16,603 No, it isn't. 615 00:31:16,643 --> 00:31:19,563 Like I said, the concert's off. 616 00:31:19,603 --> 00:31:21,683 It doesn't have to be, Gina. 617 00:31:21,723 --> 00:31:25,683 - Go away, Micky. - I think I'm gonna be for about two years. 618 00:31:25,723 --> 00:31:28,363 (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) Right, one last song then. 619 00:31:30,043 --> 00:31:32,043 (APPLAUSE) 620 00:31:35,443 --> 00:31:37,203 SHAUN: That's fucking classic, man! 621 00:31:37,243 --> 00:31:38,563 Genius. 622 00:31:38,603 --> 00:31:40,323 Gary has said of his Heartbeat role, 623 00:31:40,363 --> 00:31:43,763 that it was "just the worst thing I've ever done, it really was." 624 00:31:43,803 --> 00:31:46,763 Was it Gary? (LAUGHTER) 625 00:31:48,163 --> 00:31:51,083 Was it, Gary? # Do what you like... 626 00:31:51,123 --> 00:31:53,563 (LAUGHTER) Was it, Gary? 627 00:31:53,603 --> 00:31:55,603 ♪..you're not as cute as me... 628 00:31:55,643 --> 00:31:59,363 Gary! #..never be as cold as you... 629 00:31:59,403 --> 00:32:01,603 (LAUGHTER) Gary! 630 00:32:01,643 --> 00:32:03,683 (LAUGHTER) DESIREE: Oh my god! 631 00:32:03,723 --> 00:32:07,843 Gary! (LAUGHTER) 632 00:32:08,883 --> 00:32:10,723 Gary! 633 00:32:10,763 --> 00:32:12,763 (APPLAUSE) 634 00:32:15,403 --> 00:32:16,723 Wow! 635 00:32:16,763 --> 00:32:19,563 At the end of that round, Noel's team have three points, 636 00:32:19,603 --> 00:32:22,403 and Daisy's team are in the lead with four points. 637 00:32:22,443 --> 00:32:24,603 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 638 00:32:24,643 --> 00:32:27,043 Doing well here. It's nearly the end of the show. 639 00:32:27,083 --> 00:32:29,203 It all comes down to the Quick Fire Round. 640 00:32:29,243 --> 00:32:31,483 Next Lines. Noel's team, you're up first. 641 00:32:31,523 --> 00:32:33,843 Oh, no! Your time starts now. 642 00:32:33,883 --> 00:32:36,763 We're all going on a summer holiday. We're all going on a... 643 00:32:36,803 --> 00:32:39,883 For a week or two. Fun and laughter - Cliff Richard, Summer Holiday. 644 00:32:39,923 --> 00:32:42,083 Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping. 645 00:32:42,123 --> 00:32:44,643 Out on the street, the traffic starts jumping, folks... 646 00:32:44,683 --> 00:32:46,683 Is correct, it's Dolly Parton, Nine to Five. 647 00:32:46,723 --> 00:32:49,083 One to the eyeball, one to the nose. 648 00:32:49,123 --> 00:32:52,603 One to Wonnacott's trousers. (LAUGHTER) 649 00:32:52,643 --> 00:32:54,643 (APPLAUSE) 650 00:32:54,723 --> 00:32:57,843 No, I don't really care about your postcode. That's Not Me, Skepta. 651 00:32:57,883 --> 00:33:00,203 My loneliness is killing me and I... 652 00:33:00,243 --> 00:33:01,723 I must confess I still believe. 653 00:33:01,763 --> 00:33:03,643 Correct, Britney Spears, Baby One More Time. 654 00:33:03,683 --> 00:33:05,363 Ain't nobody dope as me. 655 00:33:05,403 --> 00:33:07,003 I'm just so fresh so clean. 656 00:33:07,043 --> 00:33:09,603 That'll do, Outcast, So Fresh So Clean. Well done. 657 00:33:09,643 --> 00:33:12,483 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Not bad. Not bad. 658 00:33:13,443 --> 00:33:15,003 So fresh and so clean clean. 659 00:33:15,043 --> 00:33:17,923 Well done, Noel's team, you've got four right. Not bad. 660 00:33:17,963 --> 00:33:20,283 I think you'll find it wasn't us two. 661 00:33:20,323 --> 00:33:21,483 (LAUGHTER) 662 00:33:21,523 --> 00:33:23,443 You nailed it. You nailed that round. 663 00:33:23,483 --> 00:33:26,083 All right, Daisy's team, here are your next lines. 664 00:33:26,123 --> 00:33:30,323 You need four points to win. Your time starts now. 665 00:33:30,363 --> 00:33:34,283 Jesus was a black man, no Jesus was a batman. 666 00:33:34,323 --> 00:33:36,403 Er, well, that was Bruce Wayne. 667 00:33:36,443 --> 00:33:38,643 Yeah, that'll do, Black Grape, Kelly's Heroes. 668 00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:41,443 Hello, it's me. Is it, er... 669 00:33:41,483 --> 00:33:44,603 Hello, it's me. Who you looking for? 670 00:33:44,643 --> 00:33:47,723 Is it me... No, I was wondering if after all these years 671 00:33:47,763 --> 00:33:50,123 you'd like to meet. Adele, Hello. Oh! 672 00:33:50,163 --> 00:33:51,323 (LAUGHTER) 673 00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:53,443 Hey rainmaker, come away from that man. 674 00:33:53,483 --> 00:33:56,363 Go on... Oh, it's going to take away your promised land. 675 00:33:56,403 --> 00:33:58,523 Correct, Happy Mondays, Step On. Well done, Shaun. 676 00:33:58,563 --> 00:34:00,003 Ah, freak out. 677 00:34:00,043 --> 00:34:04,283 Le Chic, er, souk... (LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER) 678 00:34:06,043 --> 00:34:07,523 Freak out. Le Chic, yeah. 679 00:34:07,563 --> 00:34:09,323 That'll do, yeah, Chic, Le Freak. 680 00:34:09,363 --> 00:34:14,043 Yeah, you got that yummy yum, that yummy yum, that yummy yummy. 681 00:34:14,083 --> 00:34:15,683 (LAUGHTER) 682 00:34:15,723 --> 00:34:17,563 Yummy yum. Yeah, you got that yummy. 683 00:34:17,603 --> 00:34:20,043 There's lots more yummy yummys, it's fucking Justin Bieber, Yummy. 684 00:34:20,083 --> 00:34:22,363 Oh! (THEME MUSIC) 685 00:34:22,403 --> 00:34:24,683 (APPLAUSE) 686 00:34:24,723 --> 00:34:27,883 Oh my god, that sound means it's the end of the show, 687 00:34:27,923 --> 00:34:31,003 and it's a draw with both teams on seven. 688 00:34:31,043 --> 00:34:33,043 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 689 00:34:35,683 --> 00:34:37,403 It feels right to me. 690 00:34:37,443 --> 00:34:42,243 Huge thanks to Shaun, Daisy, Bez, Jamali, Noel and Desiree, goodnight. 691 00:34:42,283 --> 00:34:44,323 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 692 00:34:46,123 --> 00:34:48,123 AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk