1
00:00:03,433 --> 00:00:05,567
(male narrator)
Previously
on a very special part one

2
00:00:05,567 --> 00:00:07,833
of a very special
two-part season finale

3
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:09,800
of Clone High...

4
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,267
Makeover.

5
00:00:11,267 --> 00:00:13,900
You look like an angel.

6
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:16,633
I can't wait
for some serious dry humping.

7
00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:18,433
I already have a date--

8
00:00:18,433 --> 00:00:20,133
Rock Hudson.

9
00:00:20,133 --> 00:00:22,900
Staaaaag!

10
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,900
Scudworth, we're going
to take the clones away

11
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:25,933
and terminate you.

12
00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:27,533
Ah! Ah!

13
00:00:27,533 --> 00:00:28,767
Oh, oh!

14
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:32,200
Will you go
to the prom with me...

15
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,100
[inhales]

16
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,633
Jo-Cle--

17
00:00:35,633 --> 00:00:37,733
(narrator)
Tonight everything
you thought was real

18
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,367
comes down to this.

19
00:00:39,367 --> 00:00:41,433
Old questions
will be answered,

20
00:00:41,433 --> 00:00:43,633
and new answers
will be questioned

21
00:00:43,633 --> 00:00:45,300
on an episode we call...

22
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:48,067
[people shrieking]

23
00:00:48,067 --> 00:00:49,633
"Changes."

24
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,467
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s

25
00:00:52,467 --> 00:00:55,400
* Secret government employees

26
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,300
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

27
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:01,400
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

28
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,200
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

29
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,067
* They're gonna make it
if they try *

30
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,933
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

31
00:01:09,933 --> 00:01:16,267
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *

32
00:01:16,267 --> 00:01:19,067
* Clone High

33
00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:24,133
* Clone High

34
00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:25,367
[people shrieking]

35
00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:29,467
Will you go to the prom
with me...

36
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:34,067
Jo-Cle--
[clears throat]

37
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:35,067
Excuse me.

38
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,233
Got a tickle.

39
00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:38,500
Will you go
to the prom with me?

40
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,900
Jo...king aside,

41
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,500
will you be my prom date...

42
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,733
Cleo?

43
00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:50,867
Yes!

44
00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:52,600
Of course
I'll go with you.

45
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,067
And it doesn't matter
that you gave me

46
00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:55,200
a half-assed prom-posal.

47
00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:00,400
This prom is so going to be
the best night of our lives.

48
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,633
The theme
is totally kick-ass:

49
00:02:02,633 --> 00:02:05,367
A Magical Night
in the Meat Locker.

50
00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:06,900
The gym's closed
for repairs.

51
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:09,767
Oh, someone wore
black-soled shoes again?

52
00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:11,533
Yes.

53
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:15,800
[chuckles nervously]

54
00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:21,933
Where--where am I?

55
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,733
Oh, Wesley, I'm afraid
you have amnesia.

56
00:02:25,733 --> 00:02:27,967
Was I doing dishes?

57
00:02:27,967 --> 00:02:29,933
You're the evil principal
of a high school

58
00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:33,600
populated by teenaged clones
of historical figures.

59
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,600
A clone high school?

60
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,433
Oh, what a cute idea!

61
00:02:37,433 --> 00:02:39,900
Anyhoo, TV personality
John Stamos

62
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:41,733
called to rub it in
how he beat you out

63
00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:44,433
for prom king
when you were in high school.

64
00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:45,700
Stamos!

65
00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:48,167
So I made you over
like a French dandy...

66
00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:49,700
Stamos!

67
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,600
Which inspired you to run
for this year's prom king.

68
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,800
Well, it seems my memory
is now completely restored,

69
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,300
except for whatever happened
moments before I fainted.

70
00:03:00,767 --> 00:03:02,567
We're coming
to collect the clones

71
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:04,533
and terminate you...

72
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:06,067
on prom night.

73
00:03:08,767 --> 00:03:11,233
But how important
can that be?

74
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:15,500
Y-yeah, yeah.

75
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,133
(Abe)
Foster dad,

76
00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:19,533
can I talk to you
about something?

77
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,600
Sure, foster son.
What's on your mind?

78
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,267
Well...

79
00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:27,333
I'm kind of nervous
about...you know.

80
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,333
Oh.

81
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:31,200
Cleo sort of wants to...

82
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,200
but I just don't know
if I'm ready.

83
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,533
Well, foster son,

84
00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:36,633
over half of high school
students nationwide

85
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,167
have chosen abstinence,

86
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,733
which is a good choice.

87
00:03:39,733 --> 00:03:43,500
But they're not dating
Cleo-friggin'-patra!

88
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,500
Have you seen
that girl's ass?

89
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,900
It's built
like the space shuttle!

90
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:48,167
Ooh, this could be

91
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:50,067
your only chance
to drown the slippery otter,

92
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,067
to harpoon
the salty longshoreman,

93
00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,067
to verb the adjective noun!

94
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,933
But abstinence
is a good choice as well.

95
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:03,767
[sighs]

96
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:08,233
Oh, Carver, van Gogh,
Nostradamus, and...others,

97
00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:09,533
if I hadn't been such a jerk,

98
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:11,900
I could be dry humping
Marie Curie at prom

99
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,333
instead of going...

100
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:18,800
staaaaag!

101
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,300
Well, it's not like
any of us have dates.

102
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,400
[snorts]

103
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,867
[gasps]
Gentlemen, check this out!

104
00:04:24,867 --> 00:04:27,467
We'll form a prom posse!

105
00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:31,300
Okay, check this out.

106
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,300
We roll up ten deep
in a double-wide Winnie.

107
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,467
Ten dudes
with matching white tuxes,

108
00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:37,067
tennis shoes for attitude,

109
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:40,300
and we leave with 100 ladies!

110
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:41,800
Do the math, gentlemen.

111
00:04:43,267 --> 00:04:46,067
That's ten ladies each.

112
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:47,567
I mean, who needs
Marie Curie

113
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:49,200
and her handsome date,
Rock Hudson,

114
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,300
when we can dry hump
whoever we want?

115
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:55,100
Prom posse! Ow!

116
00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:56,800
(man)
That's Joan.

117
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,567
(man)
By the beard of Zeus.

118
00:04:58,567 --> 00:04:59,800
(woman)
What a fox.

119
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,433
(man)
Is it cliché to say,
"Hubba, hubba"?

120
00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:02,433
[gasps]
[dull thud]

121
00:05:02,433 --> 00:05:04,567
Oof!

122
00:05:04,567 --> 00:05:07,233
My Kennedy sense
is tingling.

123
00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:08,867
Here's how it is.

124
00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:11,200
Inasmuch as I'm very popular
and you're very good-looking,

125
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,867
I'm gonna ask you
to the prom now,

126
00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:14,300
and you will
obviously say yes.

127
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:15,300
smack!

128
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:16,600
- No.
- Okay.

129
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,067
I'm just a shy lad,

130
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,767
and I don't know
how to ask this,

131
00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:22,100
but will you go
to the prom with me?

132
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:23,100
smack!

133
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,333
Ooh!

134
00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:26,233
I'm waiting for someone
special to ask me,

135
00:05:26,233 --> 00:05:27,600
someone more like--

136
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,600
Abe!

137
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,233
Joan, Joan.

138
00:05:30,233 --> 00:05:34,167
I have a very special
prom question to ask you.

139
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,300
Oof!
[dull thud]

140
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:36,300
[clears throat]

141
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,500
Uh, yes, Abe?

142
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,833
I asked Cleo to the prom,
and she said yes!

143
00:05:40,833 --> 00:05:43,600
I-I just--

144
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,967
How is that a question?

145
00:05:44,967 --> 00:05:48,067
Well, Cleo wants
to have S-E-X on prom night,

146
00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:49,367
but I'm really nervous.

147
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:50,500
And I need some information

148
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,067
so I can make
an informed decision.

149
00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,567
Do girls' parts need
some sort of oil or equipment,

150
00:05:54,567 --> 00:05:56,100
like cotton balls
or wooden dowels?

151
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,400
Ugh!

152
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,133
Why do guys always go
for giggly, vapid sluts?

153
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:04,500
Hark, I just heard a word
that starts with an S,

154
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:07,900
ends with an S,
and has a lut inside...

155
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,767
a lut of me!

156
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,100
[laughs]

157
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,900
JFK, you are so funny.

158
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,667
I am so glad
we're going to prom together.

159
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,067
But you said no.

160
00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:22,600
Oh.
[giggles]

161
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,167
As a giggly, vapid slut,

162
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:26,633
I get so confused.

163
00:06:26,633 --> 00:06:27,767
[giggles]

164
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:29,467
You and JFK, huh?

165
00:06:29,467 --> 00:06:31,700
[giggles]

166
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:32,900
That's cool.

167
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:36,400
I'm so...
psyched for you guys.

168
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,333
[Joan giggling]

169
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,867
Well, I'm off to buy
some condoms.

170
00:06:48,967 --> 00:06:52,400
[hard rock music]

171
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,067
(shadowy figure)
Board of shadowy figures,
fellow conspirators,

172
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:56,433
and celebrity guests,

173
00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:58,767
our clones shall finally
return home.

174
00:06:58,767 --> 00:07:03,567
And upon their return,
we shall commence phase two.

175
00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,233
[laughing wickedly]

176
00:07:05,233 --> 00:07:06,233
Oh.

177
00:07:06,233 --> 00:07:07,667
Did everybody do pee-pees?

178
00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:08,933
I don't want to pull over
every five minutes.

179
00:07:08,933 --> 00:07:11,067
[rapid footsteps]

180
00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:12,833
[toilets flushing]

181
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:16,233
Let us ride!

182
00:07:16,233 --> 00:07:17,800
What do you think, Toots?

183
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,900
Now, I may be blind,

184
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:22,067
but I can still feel
when my foster granddaughter

185
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,567
is ready for the prom.

186
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:25,433
Mm-mm-mm, Joanie, Joanie.
Whoa.

187
00:07:25,433 --> 00:07:27,600
Little bit of acne
there, girl.

188
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,467
[doorbell rings]

189
00:07:29,467 --> 00:07:31,267
Hey, Joan,
you look beaut--

190
00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:32,633
Hey, baby.

191
00:07:32,633 --> 00:07:34,633
Oh, hi, Kennedy.

192
00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:36,567
Want a corsage?

193
00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:39,933
'Cause I got
a delicate flower for you...

194
00:07:39,933 --> 00:07:42,133
in my pants!

195
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:46,733
[giggles]

196
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:50,467
Oh, JFK,
you are so funny.

197
00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:51,733
Now let's get
you all together

198
00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:53,367
for a little picture.

199
00:07:53,367 --> 00:07:56,333
Stay away from Abe,
of Arc,

200
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,133
or you'll pay.

201
00:07:58,133 --> 00:07:59,300
Pay what?

202
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,467
Okay, I hadn't thought
that far.

203
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:06,667
Well, there's
a double feature playing

204
00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:09,100
down at the silent movie
theater.

205
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,900
Where are my keys at?

206
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,633
Brother done lost his keys.

207
00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:13,800
[giggles]

208
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,867
I'll see you
at prom, Abe.

209
00:08:15,867 --> 00:08:17,233
Yeah.

210
00:08:17,233 --> 00:08:19,400
See you at prom.

211
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,067
Have fun at the prom,
Joanie.

212
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,100
[ball bouncing]

213
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,067
[dull thud]

214
00:08:26,567 --> 00:08:28,367
[chuckles]
Hi.

215
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:29,700
Uh, who are they?

216
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,133
Oh, uh,
they're my other dates,

217
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:33,733
Catherine the Great
and the Bronte sisters.

218
00:08:33,733 --> 00:08:35,467
What the--

219
00:08:35,467 --> 00:08:36,800
Oh.
[giggles]

220
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,367
Oh, JFK, you're so funny.

221
00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,067
[both laughing]

222
00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:42,067
[grumbles]

223
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:43,633
Yeah.

224
00:08:43,633 --> 00:08:45,267
Gentlemen, check this out!

225
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:48,533
I got my head stickin' outside
this vehicle's sunroof

226
00:08:48,533 --> 00:08:49,733
as it's driving.

227
00:08:49,733 --> 00:08:52,667
I bet no one's ever
thought of this.

228
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,933
(all)
Best night of our lives!

229
00:08:54,933 --> 00:08:55,867
Ow!

230
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:06,433
(Gandhi)
Wow, this is the meat locker?

231
00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:08,067
So are you nervous?

232
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:09,767
Pshh,
About what?

233
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,767
You know, S-E-X.

234
00:09:12,767 --> 00:09:16,733
Abe, I like my humpin'
like I like my martinis...

235
00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:18,367
dry.

236
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:20,700
Nerves barely even
enter into it.

237
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,100
Right.

238
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,333
I'm definitely not nervous
about sleeping with Joan.

239
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:25,667
Uh, Cleo?

240
00:09:25,667 --> 00:09:27,567
- Who?
- What?

241
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:32,067
(shadowy figure)
Seriously, that is the last time
we stop for wee-wees.

242
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:35,433
If you have to go,
use the ashtray.

243
00:09:35,433 --> 00:09:38,233
[slow rock music playing]

244
00:09:38,233 --> 00:09:40,400
This is so awesome, Abe.

245
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,600
I mean, the winter prom.

246
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,900
This is supposed to be
the best night of our lives,

247
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:45,900
and it is.

248
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,600
Yeah, Joan looks
great tonight.

249
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,133
Check this out.

250
00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:50,367
Hoo-yo.

251
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:53,367
[both laughing]

252
00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:56,467
You know, Abe, I'm having
such a magical night

253
00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:58,200
in the meat locker.

254
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,700
And I can't wait to see
the magical meat

255
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,867
in your locker.

256
00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:04,200
Cleo,

257
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,033
our lockers
are back at school and--

258
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,467
[whispering]

259
00:10:07,467 --> 00:10:08,867
[chuckles nervously]

260
00:10:08,867 --> 00:10:11,767
Hey, ladies,
who wants some G. Love?

261
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:15,033
Hold the Special Sauce.

262
00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:16,033
Ow.

263
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,000
Oh, hi, Marie.

264
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,900
Hi, Gandhi.

265
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,500
So...you having fun?

266
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,533
Sure, best night
of my life, man.

267
00:10:26,533 --> 00:10:28,833
How's your handsome date,
Rock Hudson?

268
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:32,533
Oh, he's off teaching
Oscar Wilde to play pool.

269
00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:37,867
Mr. B, they're about to announce
the king of the prom.

270
00:10:37,867 --> 00:10:39,900
And I don't need
to remind you,

271
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,733
I've rigged the election.

272
00:10:42,733 --> 00:10:45,300
But I did remind you.

273
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,800
Well, what's done is done.

274
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,000
Mm.

275
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,100
[clears throat]

276
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,967
I have reached a verdict.

277
00:10:53,667 --> 00:10:59,500
Your new Clone High prom king
is Principal...

278
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,300
I hope it's me.
I hope it's me.

279
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,200
Scudw...

280
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,767
I hope it's me.
I hope it's me.

281
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,933
Wait a minute.

282
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,633
Is that John Stamos?

283
00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:10,333
[gasps]
No.

284
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:11,867
John Stamos?

285
00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:14,800
The hunky, hazel-eyed star
of Full House?

286
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:15,800
[gasps]

287
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,933
There has been an error.

288
00:11:17,933 --> 00:11:20,667
Stamos is your prom king!

289
00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:23,533
[chuckles]
Whoa, whoa, you guys.

290
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:24,567
Stop it.

291
00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:25,700
Thank you.

292
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:26,967
I was just stopping by
to say hi

293
00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:29,533
to my old pal Scudworth, and--
wow, this.

294
00:11:29,533 --> 00:11:31,500
You guys are really too cool.
Really.

295
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:34,100
Thank you.
[chuckles]

296
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,733
Hey, how's your night?

297
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:37,733
[giggles]

298
00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:38,733
Oh, Abe.

299
00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:40,067
You're so funny.

300
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,900
I guess that was pretty funny,

301
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:44,067
askin' about your night.

302
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:47,533
Joan, you seem so much
more approachable lately.

303
00:11:47,533 --> 00:11:49,900
And it's made me
want to tell you something,

304
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,600
a very special something

305
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,267
that you've probably
been wanting to hear

306
00:11:53,267 --> 00:11:54,467
for some time now.

307
00:11:54,467 --> 00:11:55,733
Really, Abe?

308
00:11:55,733 --> 00:11:58,300
Something you no doubt
pine for so deeply

309
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,767
that my hinting at what it is

310
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,667
only increases your anticipation

311
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:04,133
and nearly guarantees
your imminent joy.

312
00:12:04,133 --> 00:12:05,933
Oh, boy,
here it comes.

313
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,567
- Joan...
- Yes?

314
00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,933
Your date, JFK,

315
00:12:09,933 --> 00:12:11,333
he's a lucky guy tonight.

316
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,167
You know what, Abe?
I am tired of your--

317
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,900
You've--
What? Huh?

318
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,867
Um, I don't--
I don't know what to say.

319
00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:18,933
Don't say anything,
Joan.

320
00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:21,333
Just tell me something.

321
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:22,633
Do you ever wonder if--

322
00:12:22,633 --> 00:12:26,367
Abe, it's sex o'clock.

323
00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:28,667
It may have sounded
like I said the number six,

324
00:12:28,667 --> 00:12:32,900
but instead I substituted it
with a more suggestive word.

325
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,767
[whispering]
"Sex."

326
00:12:34,767 --> 00:12:37,200
[smooth, sultry music]

327
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,733
[emotional music]

328
00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:39,933
[smooth, sultry music]

329
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:41,367
[emotional music]

330
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:45,067
[smooth, sultry music]

331
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,667
Okay.

332
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,400
Let's ride.

333
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,567
[whispering]
Cotton balls.

334
00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:54,267
[laughs weakly]

335
00:12:54,267 --> 00:12:55,533
Oh, Abe.

336
00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:58,567
You're so funny.

337
00:12:58,567 --> 00:12:59,600
[crying]

338
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:07,433
[soft guitar music]

339
00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:09,567
*

340
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:12,100
Best night of my life.

341
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,767
Best night of our...

342
00:13:13,767 --> 00:13:15,567
lives.

343
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:17,733
Best night of my life!

344
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,700
[both slurping]

345
00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:26,100
[moaning]

346
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:29,433
(man)
* Boy meets girl

347
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:30,767
It's time.

348
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:32,333
(man)
* And everyone can tell

349
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:35,067
* When every second word

350
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:37,500
* Is your name

351
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:41,100
* All I know

352
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,133
Oh, Abe.

353
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,533
Oh, Joan.

354
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,933
Oh, Abe--
a minute.

355
00:13:46,933 --> 00:13:49,233
What did you just say?

356
00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:53,500
I don't happen to recall.

357
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,333
You called me Joan?

358
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:56,667
No, I didn't, Joan.

359
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:57,833
I'm pretty sure you did.

360
00:13:57,833 --> 00:13:59,500
Joan, don't be crazy!

361
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:04,900
I just meant that I was
jonesing for you, Joan.

362
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:05,900
Say my name.

363
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:07,067
- Say what now?
- Say it!

364
00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:08,767
Sure, no problem.

365
00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:12,433
Jo-Clll--

366
00:14:12,433 --> 00:14:14,233
Jee-Cl--

367
00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:16,967
Jee-Clll-Jee--

368
00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:21,833
(Joan's voice)
Kiss me, Abe.

369
00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:23,767
What the hell
are you doing?

370
00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:27,067
Do you seriously think I'm gonna
go through with this now?

371
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,967
(Joan's voice in slow motion)
Kiss me, Abe.

372
00:14:31,267 --> 00:14:33,067
What could this mean?

373
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:36,467
You're in love
with Joan, Abe.

374
00:14:36,467 --> 00:14:39,100
[crying]
You're in love with Joan.

375
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,067
Maybe my mouth is broken?

376
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,833
(Joan's voice)
You're in love with Joan.

377
00:14:42,833 --> 00:14:46,167
[gasps]

378
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,633
Shouldn't you be
with your other dates?

379
00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:53,200
Actually, uh,

380
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,867
Catherine the Great
is heaving bile

381
00:14:54,867 --> 00:14:56,800
into the hot dog vat,

382
00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:00,400
and I gave the Bronte sisters
to the Three Stooges.

383
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,067
You know,
I used you, Kennedy.

384
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:05,367
I used you to try
to make Abe jealous.

385
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:06,367
Aah!

386
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:07,633
I'm such a girl.

387
00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:09,200
Exactly.

388
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,900
You're a real
knockout Betty, Joan,

389
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,867
and a better Betty
when you're not faking

390
00:15:13,867 --> 00:15:15,333
being a slutty whore.

391
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:19,900
You mean you like me
when I'm just me?

392
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:21,333
Ring-a-ding-ding.

393
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:23,567
That chowderhead Lincoln
just can't see it

394
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,800
without some bozo makeover.

395
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,100
I tell ya, that guy's head
is so full of chowder,

396
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,267
he should have
a bread bowl for a beard.

397
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:33,167
[laughs]

398
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,067
Heh.

399
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,267
Okay, okay, all right,

400
00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:39,800
one more
but just one.

401
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,067
[crowd groans]

402
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:43,400
This one time, uh--
Oh, this is good.

403
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,200
This one time, Saget and I
were down in Mexico

404
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,067
doing some promotion
for Full H,

405
00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:49,667
and Saget decides he wants
to learn to parasail.

406
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,100
Anyway, the problem was,
the Beach Boys

407
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,200
needed me to hit sticks
for a benefit show in Oaxaca--

408
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,400
Stamos!

409
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,433
Cinnamon,
good to see you too, bro.

410
00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:57,900
That crown is mine.

411
00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:59,567
Abe, Abe, relax.

412
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:00,867
Take the crown.

413
00:16:00,867 --> 00:16:02,600
I got plenty more
of those ponies at home.

414
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:03,600
(crowd)
Aw.

415
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,167
No, no, it's all right.

416
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:08,433
I want you to have it!

417
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:11,567
O-o-o-o-ow!
My eye!

418
00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:15,367
Ow, ow!

419
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:16,433
[laughs]

420
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:18,867
Ow.

421
00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:20,567
[laughs]

422
00:16:20,567 --> 00:16:22,500
[laughing maniacally]

423
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:23,867
Oh, my God.

424
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:25,367
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

425
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,267
You chose me.

426
00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:31,067
I'm--I'm Scudworth,
king of the prom!

427
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:33,433
Yee!

428
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:35,567
Gandhi, Gandhi,

429
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:37,067
I was about
to have S-E-X with Cleo,

430
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:39,233
but then her junk looked
like floating Joan heads.

431
00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:40,800
Did the Joan heads
say anything

432
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,767
about wanting to dry hump
ten dudes

433
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:44,933
and one other dude
one extra time

434
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:46,533
'cause he's the leader
of the pack?

435
00:16:46,533 --> 00:16:48,533
I think I might be
in love with Joan.

436
00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:50,867
Do you think there's a chance
she returns my feelings?

437
00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:54,433
Abe, I want you.

438
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:55,533
You want me to what?

439
00:16:55,533 --> 00:16:56,933
Makes me so mad,
I could kiss you.

440
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,300
What was that last part?

441
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,067
- I love yo--
- Shh.

442
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:01,067
I want you.

443
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,633
I just want you!

444
00:17:02,633 --> 00:17:03,933
Abe?
Abe?

445
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:04,967
Abe.
Abe.

446
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:05,967
Abe.
Abe.

447
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:06,967
Abe.
Abe.

448
00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:08,167
Abe.
Abe.

449
00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:09,200
Abe.
Abe.

450
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,200
Abe.
Abe.

451
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,533
* Ay-ay-Abe

452
00:17:11,533 --> 00:17:13,967
Abe!

453
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,900
What?

454
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:17,900
slap!

455
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:18,900
I see.

456
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:20,067
Wait.

457
00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:21,267
Cleo's in there now,

458
00:17:21,267 --> 00:17:22,300
lonely,

459
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:23,700
sexually unsatisfied,

460
00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:24,967
and totally naked,

461
00:17:24,967 --> 00:17:27,133
except with Joan heads
covering her junk?

462
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:28,633
That is the case.

463
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,233
Go away, Gandhi.

464
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,100
Hi, Gandhi.

465
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,433
Ooh, ooh.

466
00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:42,067
[loud crash]

467
00:17:45,067 --> 00:17:49,367
[both laughing]

468
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:51,433
Oh, Marie,

469
00:17:51,433 --> 00:17:54,667
I'm so sorry...
for everything.

470
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:55,833
I wasn't thinking.

471
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:57,133
Oh, Gandhi,

472
00:17:57,133 --> 00:18:00,667
you'll always have
a place in my heart.

473
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:05,533
Anyway, I hope
this doesn't rub you

474
00:18:05,533 --> 00:18:07,500
the wrong way,

475
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:12,133
but I'd like to rub you
the right way.

476
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,667
[sighs]

477
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:15,700
You know what, Marie?

478
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:17,600
We're so young.

479
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,100
Let's wait.

480
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:25,100
I guess the driest love of all
is abstinence.

481
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,567
[both gasp]

482
00:18:26,567 --> 00:18:28,733
(shadowy figure)
Assembled students
of Clone High,

483
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:33,333
your collective asses
now belong to us.

484
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:36,067
Oh, about that, uh...

485
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:38,267
I'm gonna take
my vacation time now.

486
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:39,533
[shrieks]

487
00:18:39,533 --> 00:18:44,167
[hard rock music]

488
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:46,533
But it's too early.

489
00:18:46,533 --> 00:18:48,100
The clones,
they're not ready.

490
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,233
Wait.

491
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,833
The prom king was just about
to start a--

492
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,200
start a conga line.

493
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,300
[gasps]

494
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,067
Yes, you can't
break up the prom

495
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:02,367
before the traditional
prom king-led conga line.

496
00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:05,167
Damn you, Scudworth.

497
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:06,533
You've found my only weakness--

498
00:19:06,533 --> 00:19:08,633
a tight, fast conga line.

499
00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:11,100
Well, better get some punch
before it starts.

500
00:19:14,167 --> 00:19:15,633
Stamos.

501
00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:17,633
Scudsy.

502
00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:19,067
[coughs]

503
00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:21,633
You conga everyone
into the flash freezer,

504
00:19:21,633 --> 00:19:23,267
and I'll--
[coughs]

505
00:19:23,267 --> 00:19:24,933
And I'll pull the switch,

506
00:19:24,933 --> 00:19:26,700
freezing them instantly.

507
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,967
But you'll be trapped inside,

508
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:31,900
and I tried to kill you...

509
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,367
repeatedly.

510
00:19:33,367 --> 00:19:34,700
Yeah.

511
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,100
I know.

512
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:39,267
But it turns out
I'm just a really nice guy.

513
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:42,600
Helping others is what
John Stamos is all about.

514
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,300
Thank you, Stamos.

515
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,133
You've had a good run.

516
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:49,833
Abandoned Pools!

517
00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:50,833
[dolphin chatters]

518
00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:51,833
Hit it!

519
00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:53,533
You got it, Prom King.

520
00:19:53,533 --> 00:19:55,667
[playing rock conga music]

521
00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:57,067
(all)
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, boom

522
00:19:57,067 --> 00:19:58,633
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, cha

523
00:19:58,633 --> 00:20:00,033
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, boom

524
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,533
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, cha

525
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,033
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, boom

526
00:20:03,033 --> 00:20:04,467
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, cha

527
00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:05,533
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, boom

528
00:20:05,533 --> 00:20:06,900
Joan?
Joan?

529
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,967
Abe!
Abe!

530
00:20:08,967 --> 00:20:11,133
Guys!
Guys!

531
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,800
Jo--
[gasps]

532
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:14,833
[gasps]

533
00:20:14,833 --> 00:20:16,700
[gasps]

534
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,467
I, uh, didn't see it
coming either.

535
00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:21,967
And by it,
I mean me.

536
00:20:23,267 --> 00:20:24,633
(all)
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, cha

537
00:20:24,633 --> 00:20:26,067
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, boom

538
00:20:26,067 --> 00:20:27,400
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba--
[all gasp]

539
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,467
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, boom

540
00:20:28,467 --> 00:20:29,800
Abe, I--

541
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:30,833
(all)
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, cha

542
00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:31,900
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, boom

543
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:33,367
* Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, cha

544
00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:35,100
Stamos, now!

545
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,233
Everybody, freeze!

546
00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:42,233
[slow rock music]

547
00:20:42,233 --> 00:20:50,167
*

548
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,333
But, Joan,

549
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:55,000
I love--

550
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,033
[gasping]

551
00:20:57,033 --> 00:20:57,967
Jo-Cle--

552
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,733
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way back in the 1980s

553
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,633
* Secret government
employees *

554
00:21:09,633 --> 00:21:12,500
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

555
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:15,500
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

556
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,400
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

557
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,300
* They're gonna make
it if they try *

558
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:24,233
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

559
00:21:24,233 --> 00:21:30,467
* Time to laugh and
shiver and cry *

560
00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:33,467
* Clone High