1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,667
(male narrator)
Previously on a very special
Clone High...

2
00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:11,367
Joan got a new roommate,

3
00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:14,533
Abe and Cleo continued to date,

4
00:00:14,533 --> 00:00:16,800
and Gandhi became an inmate.

5
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,367
Here's a paper plate.

6
00:00:18,367 --> 00:00:21,200
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s

7
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,133
* Secret government employees

8
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:27,033
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

9
00:00:27,033 --> 00:00:30,067
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

10
00:00:30,067 --> 00:00:32,867
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

11
00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:35,700
* They're gonna make it
if they try *

12
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,600
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

13
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:44,933
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *

14
00:00:44,933 --> 00:00:47,667
* Clone High

15
00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:53,333
* Clone High

16
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:57,567
[cheerful music]

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00:00:57,567 --> 00:01:00,633
[choir vocalizing]

18
00:01:00,633 --> 00:01:03,200
*

19
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,867
[bells ringing]

20
00:01:05,867 --> 00:01:07,933
(Principal Scudworth)
Dear family and friends,

21
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:12,067
is it possible a year has passed
since my last impersonal,

22
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:14,833
over-informative
photocopied holiday update?

23
00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:17,067
I can hardly believe
it's only been a year

24
00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:19,667
since the United Nations
abolished religious holidays

25
00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:25,367
in favor of the non-offensive,
all-inclusive Snowflake Day.

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00:01:25,367 --> 00:01:27,700
*

27
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,500
Well, this blows.

28
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,600
Oh, my God!

29
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,067
Snowflake Day
is almost here.

30
00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:33,967
Snowflake Jake,
this holiday's mascot,

31
00:01:33,967 --> 00:01:37,267
will come to my house
and bring me spices upon spices.

32
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:39,500
Oh, joyous day.

33
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,633
What do you have against
Snowflake Day, anyway?

34
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:44,400
It's not like all of those
exclusive religious holidays

35
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,800
like Christmas,
Hanukkah, Kwanzaa.

36
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,400
Ooh, it's time
for the ceremonial

37
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,867
lighting of the snowman!

38
00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:51,133
* Bong-bong,
bong-bong *

39
00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:52,467
* Bong-bong,
bong-bong *

40
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,533
* Bong-bong,
bong-bong *

41
00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:56,667
Jolly Snowflake Day, Joan.

42
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,800
Would you like a bite
of my lamb taco?

43
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:02,133
It's just not Snowflake Day
without a lamb taco.

44
00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:03,267
Cripes!

45
00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:06,267
Why is everyone
so cripes-darn cheerful?

46
00:02:06,267 --> 00:02:07,433
Well, you better
be cheerful

47
00:02:07,433 --> 00:02:09,300
at my annual
Snowflake Day party,

48
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,333
because those crackers
won't hand out themselves.

49
00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:12,667
I can't wait.

50
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:14,233
Neither can I, Joan!

51
00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:17,167
We're all going to exchange
Snowflake care satchels!

52
00:02:17,167 --> 00:02:19,100
Speaking of which, Abe,

53
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:23,067
I can't wait for my big,
expensive Snowflake Day gift.

54
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:24,767
Oh, don't worry, Cleo.

55
00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:27,067
I'll get you
the best gift ever.

56
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,067
A clamp to keep
her legs closed?

57
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:31,233
No, even better than that.

58
00:02:32,733 --> 00:02:34,233
[sighs]

59
00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:36,500
Where am I gonna get money
to get Cleo a good present?

60
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,867
Have a bar mitzvah, dude.

61
00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,800
You get mad stacks.

62
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,367
Sounds sweet,
but I think I'm gonna

63
00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:44,567
do the Christian thing:
get a job.

64
00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:45,800
Right on!

65
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,367
Both Bill Gates
and Will Smith have jobs,

66
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,400
and they're millionaires.

67
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,067
(both)
To jobs!

68
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:57,600
* It's the most lucrative
time of the year *

69
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:58,900
Voice of an angel, baby.

70
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An angel!

71
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:02,400
Gay dads,
enough fawning!

72
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,667
We got to get my annual
Snowflake Day album done!

73
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:08,533
* Deck the deck
with gay apparel *

74
00:03:08,533 --> 00:03:10,067
* Fa-la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la *

75
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:14,267
[laughing]
Gay apparel!

76
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,667
Leather pants!

77
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:16,600
You know?

78
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:25,700
[grunting]

79
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:28,067
Dude, this blows.

80
00:03:28,067 --> 00:03:30,233
I don't know how Will Smith
and Bill Gates do this.

81
00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:31,300
Come on, Gandhi.

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00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:32,467
Two more hours,
and we'll have

83
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:33,867
paid for the mall parking.

84
00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:35,933
(man)
I need a fork!

85
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:39,767
Always with the utensils.

86
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:41,767
(man)
And mayhaps a knife as well!

87
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Every time!

88
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I have to make two trips!

89
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"Can I have a fork?

90
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Can I have a knife?"

91
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,600
Jeez!
Every time!

92
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,533
Lincoln, we need
those plates right now!

93
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:58,667
Gandhi, traditional Snowflake
sombrero dance pronto!

94
00:03:58,667 --> 00:04:00,267
What a jerk.

95
00:04:00,267 --> 00:04:02,633
Napoleon's got
some sort of a complex.

96
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:04,767
I don't know what it is,
but, man.

97
00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:09,433
[humming Mexican Hat Dance]

98
00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:10,600
Run, fire!

99
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:11,600
[people screaming]

100
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,800
[glass shatters]

101
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,867
We eat the mistakes here,
Monsieur Abe.

102
00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:18,700
But I dropped a glass.

103
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,100
Eat it!
Eat it!

104
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,300
Mangez le verre!

105
00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:27,533
[sighs]

106
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:30,233
[crunching]

107
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[Gandhi screaming]

108
00:04:32,167 --> 00:04:33,900
[blowing frantically]

109
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,833
[metal grinding]

110
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:43,067
What?

111
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,700
Abe, if I said we could
be millionaires,

112
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,067
would you quit with me
right now?

113
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:53,933
I'd give it some
serious consideration.

114
00:04:53,933 --> 00:04:55,233
[crunches]

115
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:57,800
(Snowflake Jake)
Now, jump on me back

116
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,167
and whisper your wish
for spices in me ear.

117
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,800
If you don't fill my rack
with cumin this year,

118
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,233
I swear to God,
I'll get you fired.

119
00:05:06,233 --> 00:05:07,500
Yo-ho-ho.

120
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,633
You'll get your wish,
you bugger.

121
00:05:09,633 --> 00:05:11,067
Now, get off me back,

122
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,300
or I'll murder
your grandparents.

123
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,633
(all)
Aw!

124
00:05:14,633 --> 00:05:17,433
Why do I take this job
every year?

125
00:05:17,433 --> 00:05:19,900
[laughter]

126
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:22,533
Now, go empty me chum bucket.

127
00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,700
It's starting to smell
like a day-old hooker.

128
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,500
I hate you, you nasty,
crap-eating monkey!

129
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,067
Arr!

130
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:33,333
I'll tell you what spice
she's got: sassafras.

131
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,500
[door slams]

132
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,500
*

133
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:39,467
I hate this stupid holiday.

134
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,400
Don't say that, Joan.

135
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,467
And I could have used that chum.

136
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:46,267
Sorry, I didn't realize you--

137
00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:47,833
How'd you know my name?

138
00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:50,167
I don't know your name.

139
00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:51,767
I call everyone Joan.

140
00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:53,300
It's like saying "dude"
or "bro"

141
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:56,067
or, in your case,
"Joan of Arc."

142
00:05:56,067 --> 00:05:58,533
But that's not important
right now.

143
00:05:58,533 --> 00:06:00,500
What is important is that you
continue to spread

144
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,067
the Snowflake Day spirit.

145
00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:03,867
Snowflake Day sucks!

146
00:06:03,867 --> 00:06:05,867
All those kids
are so greedy.

147
00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:07,233
"Give me some spices!"

148
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,533
"I'm fat!"

149
00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:10,500
"I want some parsley!"

150
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,400
Lucky kids with their spices.

151
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,233
I have to eat the salt
they sprinkle on the roads

152
00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:15,667
when the ice freezes.

153
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,133
Who cares about spices
and seasonings

154
00:06:18,133 --> 00:06:20,067
and traditional
snowflake meats?

155
00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:22,333
Snowflake Day is just
another made-up holiday

156
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:24,133
courtesy of
the greeting card industry

157
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:26,667
just like Valentine's Day
and Easter.

158
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:29,900
I can take her out right now.

159
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:31,767
[gunshot]

160
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,133
You know, for many,
this season is about giving,

161
00:06:34,133 --> 00:06:37,533
so, um, can I have 50¢
so I can eat today?

162
00:06:37,533 --> 00:06:38,867
Ugh! See?

163
00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:42,533
Even you, a homeless person,
greedy and selfish.

164
00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:44,600
Well, if it's spices
everybody wants,

165
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,300
I'll pepper their precious
Snowflake Day

166
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:50,333
with a little slice
of sabotage pie...

167
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:52,267
Joan of Arc style!

168
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:55,500
Hey, are you Mandy Moore?

169
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,500
Me?
No.

170
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,400
This mic doesn't even work.

171
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,067
So you're just an incredibly hot
homeless person?

172
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:03,967
You'd be surprised
at how many ab machines

173
00:07:03,967 --> 00:07:05,500
you find in dumpsters.

174
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,267
Plus, I have a trainer.

175
00:07:16,433 --> 00:07:19,433
(Principal Scudworth)
In addition to my crippling
bunions from last year,

176
00:07:19,433 --> 00:07:22,867
I have also been
diagnosed with corns.

177
00:07:22,867 --> 00:07:26,700
But in this happy season,
we all have to be thankful,

178
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,267
thankful that
the plantar warts

179
00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:31,467
in my other foot
have finally been removed,

180
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:32,833
save one!

181
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:36,767
I call him Gary,
and he's part of the family now.

182
00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:38,400
He'd better buy me
a good present.

183
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:40,467
It's perfect!

184
00:07:40,467 --> 00:07:42,700
It's half knife, half fork.

185
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:44,067
Like the spork!

186
00:07:44,067 --> 00:07:46,300
Vincent Spork took home
a Nobel for that baby.

187
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,300
Mm-hmm, now people don't
have to hold a fork

188
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,100
and a knife to cut
and then switch hands

189
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:51,700
to eat their sweet meat.

190
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:54,833
They can just just use
one brilliant tool.

191
00:07:54,833 --> 00:07:56,433
Like you, Gandhi.

192
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:57,767
A brilliant tool.

193
00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:59,067
Exactly!

194
00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:01,300
Hey, why you bleeding, dog?

195
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:04,300
Well, the knife portion seems
to have sliced open my cheek.

196
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:06,067
How about a sliding
plastic sheath

197
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:08,933
to cover up the blade
when the fork portion is in use?

198
00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:11,067
Okay, we're just gonna need
a system of ball bearings

199
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,700
to make the sheath slide.

200
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,800
But it'll need
to be counter-stabilized.

201
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,433
I'm thinking...

202
00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:18,533
(both)
Trigger assembly!

203
00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:19,533
Jinx!

204
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,833
Should we have a strap
to hold down the meat

205
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,267
while we cut it,
or Velcro?

206
00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:26,067
Oh, Velcro, definitely.

207
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:27,233
And there's only one solution

208
00:08:27,233 --> 00:08:29,667
for the oscillating
serrated edge.

209
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:31,467
(both)
Coal power!

210
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,200
Get out of my head!

211
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,233
You get out of my head!

212
00:08:36,867 --> 00:08:38,700
I got to hand it to you,
the foot pedal

213
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,633
and the Popsicle sticks
really work.

214
00:08:40,633 --> 00:08:42,167
We're gonna be rich, Gandhi.

215
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:45,233
I'm gonna be able to buy Cleo
the best gift ever.

216
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,733
Now, as far as the name,
I was thinking...

217
00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:48,733
Knifork.

218
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:49,733
Bladeforker.

219
00:08:49,733 --> 00:08:50,733
Utens-all.

220
00:08:50,733 --> 00:08:51,733
Sir Slice-N-Spear!

221
00:08:51,733 --> 00:08:52,733
Fife!

222
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,367
(both)
Knork!

223
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,933
Oh, my God!

224
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:58,233
- Fantastic!
- Awesome!

225
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,667
Come on, man,
we rehearsed this.

226
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,500
(both)
Sorry.

227
00:09:05,733 --> 00:09:07,633
(Snowflake Jake)
Arr, any last words,

228
00:09:07,633 --> 00:09:11,567
Santy Claus, Dreidelstein,
and King Kwanzaa?

229
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:14,600
It be time for you
and your exclusionary holidays

230
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,167
to walk the plank.

231
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,833
Jake, don't kill us.

232
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:20,900
We realize that the harmless
celebration of our religions

233
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,700
is oppressive!

234
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:26,067
Dreidelstein sorry.

235
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:27,400
Gimel.

236
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,300
Your way is right,
and our way is wrong.

237
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:31,300
Oh, not wrong,

238
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,567
just specific,

239
00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:36,700
and specificity be
the enemy of unity.

240
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,667
Now, let us all join
in a traditional

241
00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:40,367
all religions are equally valid

242
00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:42,967
Snowflake Day celebratory
cabbage patch.

243
00:09:42,967 --> 00:09:44,833
[upbeat dance music playing]

244
00:09:44,833 --> 00:09:45,833
[laughs]

245
00:09:45,833 --> 00:09:48,600
*

246
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,367
Ugh, I can't believe you guys
watch that Snowflake Day crap.

247
00:09:52,367 --> 00:09:53,633
[gunshot]

248
00:09:53,633 --> 00:09:56,400
Now, I may be blind,
but I can still see

249
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,867
you're losing your
Snowflake Day spirit, girl.

250
00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:00,433
You know Snowflake Jake
might not shoot

251
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,700
a spice cannonball
at our party

252
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,267
if you continue to act
so ill-mannered.

253
00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:04,500
Who cares?

254
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,733
I'm not going
to the stupid party, anyway.

255
00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:09,467
But my presence will be felt.

256
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:10,633
Oh, oh, yes.

257
00:10:10,633 --> 00:10:11,633
Oh, yes.

258
00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:14,300
My presence will be felt.

259
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,200
But you have to come
to my party.

260
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,300
You're serving the crackers.

261
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,200
Where else am I gonna get
a cracker girl

262
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,433
at this late hour?

263
00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:25,433
Uh, 4th and Maple?

264
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:27,833
Oh, Lance.

265
00:10:27,833 --> 00:10:30,467
This music sure is
putting me in the mood.

266
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:31,967
Of course it is.

267
00:10:31,967 --> 00:10:35,567
It's JFK sings the, er, uh,
Snowflake Day hits!

268
00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:39,500
* Away in a taco

269
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:44,067
* No spice for my lamb

270
00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:45,867
* Snowflake, snowflake,
snowflake *

271
00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:48,333
* I made you out of snow

272
00:10:48,333 --> 00:10:50,767
* Jerky balls,
jerky balls *

273
00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:52,967
* Jerky, beef jerky

274
00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:56,333
* Jerky balls

275
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:59,600
* Tasty balls

276
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:03,233
* Balls of meat

277
00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:06,333
* Jerked so sweet

278
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:11,800
* It's the Jeff Foxworthy
redneck Snowflake Day *

279
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,067
More brandy, dear?

280
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:14,067
No, thanks.

281
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:15,733
I'm pregnant.

282
00:11:15,733 --> 00:11:18,533
(JFK)
Get your albums here!

283
00:11:18,533 --> 00:11:19,533
See, dude?

284
00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:20,900
That's called marketing.

285
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,600
Marketing brings the coin.

286
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,567
Marketing, eh?

287
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:29,433
(Gandhi)
Ladies and gentlemen,

288
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,300
witness the miracle utensil

289
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:34,600
that's sweeping
the exotic nation of Europe.

290
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:35,600
You, ma'am!

291
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,100
Why are you all deformed?

292
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:40,667
Oh, it's the saddest story,
medical expert.

293
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,633
I have this hideous deformity

294
00:11:42,633 --> 00:11:45,867
from hunching over a plate
using two utensils

295
00:11:45,867 --> 00:11:48,867
for lo these many years--

296
00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:51,133
a knife and fork.

297
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:53,067
Ma'am, have you ever
tried a knork?

298
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:54,133
A what?

299
00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:55,133
Knork-knork!

300
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,133
Who's there?

301
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,133
A knork!

302
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,067
Half knife, half fork.

303
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:02,433
That would cut
my silverware budget in half.

304
00:12:02,433 --> 00:12:05,067
Not to mention
the toughest beef brisket.

305
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:07,333
I can walk again!

306
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:10,433
I say, let us all
purchase this miracle.

307
00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:12,367
I agree with the dandy!

308
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:13,633
Great device.

309
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,167
There seems to be a lot
of buzz about this.

310
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,167
That's quite a unit.

311
00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:18,333
Why, even a child can use it.

312
00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:20,233
Come here, giant boy.

313
00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:22,533
Just pump the gas valve
with your foot there,

314
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:23,767
pull out the choke,

315
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:26,467
and like magic,
the knork begins to--

316
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:28,067
[screaming]

317
00:12:28,067 --> 00:12:29,533
Oh, I think it hit
an artery!

318
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:30,933
[saw buzzing]

319
00:12:30,933 --> 00:12:33,300
Oh, God!
It's inside me now.

320
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:36,233
[screaming]

321
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,067
Joanie, are you putting
itching powder

322
00:12:43,067 --> 00:12:44,500
into the eye patches?

323
00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:48,633
I may be blind,
but I can still tell

324
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:52,333
when somebody's trying
to sabotage Snowflake Day.

325
00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,100
I hate Snowflake Day.

326
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,800
[gunshots]

327
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,300
Congratulations, Joan.

328
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:58,933
You just got yourself
a one-way ticket

329
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:01,533
to Snowflake Jake's
ill-mannered list.

330
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:05,233
Your behavior
is an embarrass--oh!

331
00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:07,300
Remember when you were a kid
and you used to do

332
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,500
your traditional
cabbage patching?

333
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,133
Cabbage patch
with us, Joanie.

334
00:13:11,133 --> 00:13:12,133
Come on!

335
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:13,967
No, I hate this family.

336
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:16,700
I'm running away
and never coming back!

337
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:17,700
[Joan crying]

338
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:18,700
[door slams]

339
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,400
That's the spirit, Joanie.

340
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,667
You sure can cabbage patch.

341
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:25,200
Mm!
That's right.

342
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,533
Waaoow!

343
00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:30,667
She's lost her
Snowflake Day spirit.

344
00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:34,367
Sure as shooting,
she's lost it.

345
00:13:34,367 --> 00:13:36,300
(Toots)
Waaoow!

346
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,433
(Principal Scudworth)
And after 52 hours,

347
00:13:44,433 --> 00:13:48,433
I finally passed the stone,
and in the end,

348
00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:54,067
isn't that what Snowflake Day
is really about?

349
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,567
[crying]

350
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:57,867
(woman)
Hello, Joan.

351
00:13:57,867 --> 00:13:58,967
Oh, it's you,

352
00:13:58,967 --> 00:14:00,967
that sexy dumpster teen.

353
00:14:00,967 --> 00:14:02,400
I know you're
running away from home

354
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,233
after sabotaging
Cleo's party.

355
00:14:04,233 --> 00:14:06,967
It's just that I hate her,
and she's dating the boy I love,

356
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,167
and I have to live with her

357
00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:09,700
because me and Toots'
house burned down,

358
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,200
and I hate her.

359
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,200
Wait.

360
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,367
How did you know that?

361
00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:17,367
I...can see it in your heart.

362
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:19,533
Joan, your family
misses you.

363
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:21,300
They're worried about you.

364
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:22,933
Joanie!

365
00:14:22,933 --> 00:14:24,433
Joanie!

366
00:14:24,433 --> 00:14:26,167
Come back home, girl.

367
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:27,800
[roars]

368
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,900
I knew you'd come back!

369
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,233
That's a good Joanie.

370
00:14:31,233 --> 00:14:32,233
[roars]

371
00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:33,233
Ow!

372
00:14:33,233 --> 00:14:34,367
[laughs]
It's all right.

373
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:35,367
I'm just happy you home.

374
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,900
Now, follow me.

375
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,067
I'll show you something

376
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:40,667
about Snowflake Day
and yourself.

377
00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:42,233
I don't know.

378
00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:45,067
Toots told me I shouldn't let
homeless people show me things.

379
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:46,467
Come with me,

380
00:14:46,467 --> 00:14:49,400
and I'll forever
change your life.

381
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,933
Forever.

382
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,633
Are you sure
you're not Mandy Moore?

383
00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,633
No.

384
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:56,067
Seriously,
because you really--

385
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:57,567
Get off my back, okay?

386
00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:58,567
Leave me alone.

387
00:14:58,567 --> 00:14:59,633
I already said no.

388
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,567
Are you stupid
or something?

389
00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:07,567
You ruined my life, knork.

390
00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:08,900
Who would have thought

391
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:11,067
a get-rich-quick scheme
wouldn't work?

392
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:13,400
I told you we should've
made a spife.

393
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,367
So you're out $20,000.

394
00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:19,400
Just make Cleo something
from your heart.

395
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:26,800
(man)
* You shine on the birds
over land *

396
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:31,300
* There my house will stand

397
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:33,133
[snoring]

398
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:40,733
* All my life,
I've been waiting *

399
00:15:40,733 --> 00:15:44,367
Heart, you've done it again.

400
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:46,933
You took me to this dump

401
00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:49,467
to show me
the Snowflake Day spirit?

402
00:15:49,467 --> 00:15:51,300
This is no dump.

403
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:54,467
It's your old house,
the one that burnt down.

404
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,333
Welcome home, Joan.

405
00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:57,933
Welcome home.

406
00:15:57,933 --> 00:15:59,767
[sprightly music playing]

407
00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:01,133
Wow!

408
00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:03,200
I didn't know poor people
could have fun.

409
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,333
They have the Snowflake Day
spirit, Joan.

410
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,433
These people don't need
spices or silks

411
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:11,600
or a balanced diet
to have the joy of the season.

412
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:12,833
They just need each other.

413
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:15,400
So you find
the Snowflake Day spirit

414
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,300
when you hang out
with the homeless?

415
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:18,867
Yes and no.

416
00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:21,400
More like you find it when you
hang out with your friends,

417
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,267
be they homeless
or homed.

418
00:16:23,267 --> 00:16:25,300
My goodness, it's true.

419
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,933
I've abandoned my family
and friends.

420
00:16:27,933 --> 00:16:31,667
I've slashed their tires
and urinated in their punch.

421
00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:33,333
I realize now,

422
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:36,500
I've lost
the Snowflake Day spirit.

423
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,367
Sure as shooting,
I've lost it.

424
00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:41,900
[people conversing indistinctly]

425
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:47,067
Someone slipped laxatives
into these lamb tacos.

426
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:48,600
[people gasp]

427
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,967
Oh, my God, you guys.

428
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,900
And someone put goat's blood
on the doorjamb.

429
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:54,900
[roars]

430
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:55,900
Bad Joanie!

431
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:56,933
Bad, bad, bad Joanie!

432
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,400
First you sabotage the party,

433
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,500
and now you chewed through
my Achilles tendon,

434
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,067
and you know my Achilles tendon
is my one Achilles' heel.

435
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,300
[glass tinkling]

436
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:07,200
Everyone, it is now time
for the traditional

437
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,067
Snowflake care satchel exchange!

438
00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:14,233
Cleo, we've been together
for a long time,

439
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,633
almost four weeks,

440
00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:18,800
and that's why I wanted
to give you this.

441
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:19,967
[gasps]

442
00:17:19,967 --> 00:17:20,967
Ugh!

443
00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:23,367
It's a love coupon book!

444
00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:25,533
One free snuggle,
one back rub.

445
00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:27,667
See, that's your
silhouette in macaroni,

446
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:28,933
and those pipe cleaners are--

447
00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:30,733
I'm confused.

448
00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:32,933
Why didn't you just
buy me something expensive?

449
00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:36,500
But I stayed up all night
making this.

450
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:37,933
Well, you should have
stayed up all night

451
00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:40,167
buying me
an expensive present.

452
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:42,067
Now, I'm not sure
if you deserve this,

453
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:43,333
but here.

454
00:17:45,333 --> 00:17:47,500
A knork?

455
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,067
A knork?

456
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:51,533
I got it at the Sharper Image.

457
00:17:51,533 --> 00:17:53,700
Lies!

458
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:56,600
You just pulled this
out of the garbage.

459
00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:00,933
This dump gift had absolutely
no thought or meaning!

460
00:18:00,933 --> 00:18:02,900
Well, you didn't say
what you wanted!

461
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:05,367
I clearly stated
that I wanted something

462
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:09,167
that was, A, expensive,
B, bought,

463
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:12,833
and, C, not lovingly
hand-crafted!

464
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,233
I see.

465
00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:20,100
I guess you're not the person
I thought you were.

466
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:25,233
I'm going to get
some bite-size wieners now.

467
00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:27,700
Bite-sized wieners!

468
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:28,700
[chewing]

469
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,700
Oh, God!
Oh!

470
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:33,700
Who put razor blades in these?

471
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:36,933
Why does my mouth
keep getting cut up?

472
00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:39,067
Why?

473
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,333
[people gasp]

474
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,700
(both)
Homeless!

475
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:44,200
I'm back, family and friends.

476
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,400
Joanie, I thought
you were dead.

477
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,867
I shot you
for biting me so much.

478
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,533
Oh, Toots.

479
00:18:51,533 --> 00:18:56,467
Everyone, I've got something
really important to say.

480
00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:57,700
Don't drink the punch.

481
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:58,933
[slurps]

482
00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:01,433
These derelicts taught me
something today.

483
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,600
Snowflake Day is not
about greediness

484
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,267
or ruining parties.

485
00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:07,667
It's about being
with friends and family

486
00:19:07,667 --> 00:19:09,667
and realizing what you've got.

487
00:19:09,667 --> 00:19:11,067
[crowd murmuring]

488
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,933
(JFK)
This punch is amazing!

489
00:19:12,933 --> 00:19:14,400
You know what, Abe?

490
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,433
It doesn't matter that you
got me a crappy present.

491
00:19:17,433 --> 00:19:20,667
I'm happy to have you
as a backup gift,

492
00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:23,300
and I'll give you
your backup present later.

493
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:24,300
You mean...

494
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:25,500
That's right.

495
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:28,067
I'm gonna show you
my left boob.

496
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:31,433
Oh, Poncho,
finally we will meet.

497
00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:33,533
Now, new friends and old,

498
00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:36,967
let us unite
and celebrate Snowflake Day!

499
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:40,300
Everyone, cabbage patch!

500
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:43,300
[upbeat dance music playing]

501
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:44,300
Hark!

502
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,200
Snowflake Jake is nigh!

503
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,267
I can hear his cannonballs
a-coming!

504
00:19:48,267 --> 00:19:49,533
He is real!

505
00:19:49,533 --> 00:19:50,967
He is real!

506
00:19:50,967 --> 00:19:53,600
Step away from the target,
or you'll get hit.

507
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,400
Everyone into the basement.

508
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,967
Hurry it up now.
In you go.

509
00:19:56,967 --> 00:19:58,433
(Joan)
To the basement!

510
00:19:58,433 --> 00:19:59,333
(man)
Can you believe
it's Snowflake Jake?

511
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:00,333
(JFK)
I wished for curry!

512
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,600
Look, everyone!

513
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,600
It's snowing outside!

514
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,267
Hey, where'd
that hot homeless chick

515
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:08,667
who may or may not
have been Mandy Moore go?

516
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,333
- I don't know.
- Maybe she had a gig.

517
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,800
She just disappeared.

518
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,000
So she wasn't Mandy Moore.

519
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:19,967
She was angel,
an angel all along.

520
00:20:19,967 --> 00:20:23,100
Well, jolly
Snowflake Day, angel.

521
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:25,633
Jolly Snowflake Day, everyone!

522
00:20:25,633 --> 00:20:29,300
(all)
Jolly Snowflake Day, everyone!

523
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:33,200
[cheerful music]

524
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,533
[van backfiring]

525
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:44,533
*

526
00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:48,667
(narrator)
Next week on a very special
Clone High...

527
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,633
Joan gets a makeover,

528
00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:53,100
Gandhi gets a makeover,

529
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:56,167
Principal Scudworth
gets a makeover,

530
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:59,600
and old Abe stays
the same:

531
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,533
lovable.

532
00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:04,200
Maybe I'll get a wax
or something.

533
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,833
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way back in the 1980s

534
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,600
* Secret government
employees *

535
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,433
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

536
00:21:12,433 --> 00:21:15,433
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

537
00:21:15,433 --> 00:21:18,267
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

538
00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:21,267
* They're gonna make
it if they try *

539
00:21:21,267 --> 00:21:24,100
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

540
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:30,433
* Time to laugh and
shiver and cry *

541
00:21:30,433 --> 00:21:33,633
* Clone High