(male narrator) Tonight on a very special Clone High,
one of the clones you've grown to love
will be horribly killed.
This is not some cheap-ass stunt
where we lamely introduce a new character
just to kill him off.
A clone dies tonight.
(Abandoned Pools singing) * Way, way back in the 1980s
* Secret government employees
* Dug up famous guys and ladies *
* And made amusing genetic copies *
* Now the clones are sexy teens now *
* They're gonna make it if they try *
* Loving, learning, sharing, judging *
* Time to laugh and shiver and cry *
* Clone High
Another french fry, Abe?
[both slurping]
JFK with Ponce de León,
what a surprise.
Are you guys ever apart?
splat!
Oh, Ponce,
you are a regular character.
Like my tattoo says,
we're like two peas in a pod.
Best friends for life.
Till death do us part.
How about a picture of the best friends?
Say, "Best friends!"
(both) Best friends.
(JFK) Hey, uh, Poncey,
watch me flip over this garbage can!
Hi-oh!
Ha, good one, bro.
Check this out.
Swish. Ha-ha.
Littering's so cool.
Hello, Cleo. How are you?
I'm fine. And you, JFK?
- Fine. - Me too.
- Good. - Good.
Great.
Thanks for not making this too weird.
You know what's weird?
That tall, lanky knucklehead
licking the inside of your mouth!
I bet Lincoln here throws his trash away
in the proper receptacle.
No, I've littered...
lots of times.
[groaning]
Good one, Abe. That was classic.
[laughs]
Teens and their litter.
[scatting]
[gasps]
'Sup, litterbug?
Or should I say lovebug?
You two seem to be getting pretty serious.
Thanks for noticing, Ponce.
You know, when I get serious with a lady,
I like to take her someplace special.
Maybe he's right.
Let's go to Teen Sex Cove.
[gasps]
[screams]
Um, yeah, let's do it.
[heart screams]
Then it's a date.
[slurps]
You're a lucky dude, A-Linc.
And don't sweat JFK.
He's almost over Cleo.
He's lucky to have a friend like you, Ponce.
We all are.
JFK is a good dude.
I am proud to know him.
You should probably tell him that.
Yeah, think I will.
Guess who went to the mall, baby.
Gandhi.
And you better warm up to these warm-ups,
'cause I'm gonna be wearing them all the time.
Extra small, saggy style. Ow!
[laughs]
Gandhi, you are a total original.
I'm not surprised, but thanks, Ponce.
Well, I got to bolt.
If I don't see you guys again, good-bye,
and have a wonderful life.
[laughs]
Why do you always say that, Ponce?
It's just my thing, man.
I love life.
[sighs] Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you jealous of my new warm-ups?
That's who.
[cackles]
Ponce said he loved 'em.
[tires screech]
- Ooh! - [groans]
Littering's not cool, Gandhi.
If littering's not cool, then why does Ponce do it?
Jeez, you're lame.
Out!
And I'm keeping your car seat.
Oh, man!
(man) Trash kebab?
Thanks. Hey, sweet warm-ups.
Okay, round up. Everyone on the bus.
We're on the honor system here. Let's go.
Guards, grab the petite one.
[gasps]
[screaming]
[whistling]
Take your time, Glenn.
[whistling]
That doesn't need dusting, thank you.
You guys, do me a favor.
Have yourselves a great day.
[scatting]
[door clicks shut]
Ooh, what a jackass!
He thinks he's the hottest thing since wheels on a bucket.
I like him.
You would.
Have you seen my secret files?
I'm sure it's where you left it.
It was that cocky janitor, Glenn!
I have a system, and he comes in
and puts everything into neat little piles.
Neat little piles of chaos, Mr. B!
Chaos!
(Mr. Butlertron) Found it.
It was in the bathroom next to your YM...
and your BM,
Wesley.
Damn that janitor!
(Ponce) I've been thinking a lot lately, JFK,
about life and stuff.
If by life, you mean sex
and by thinking, you mean having.
Hey, Poncey?
Life is so short.
I mean, there's no fountain of youth, Jackie boy.
You got to live every day like it was your last.
I want to make sure everyone knows
how I feel about them.
Feelings are for dames!
You are so detached, man.
I'm trying to get in touch with me,
in here.
I don't know who you are.
But you're not my friend Ponce.
You're some kind of sissy broad.
Calm down, Jack.
I am perfectly calm!
I am trying to tell you something
before it's too late.
It is too late, whoever you are.
Because the real Ponce is dead to me!
[yells]
I hate you, JFK.
[gasps]
Wait! Jackie boy!
I didn't mean it.
Ponce, everyone's littering because they look up to you.
You've got to stop.
What, Joan? Is litter gonna kill me?
[echoing] Kill me? Kill me?
What the--
Ow! Candy wrapper cut!
[grunts]
Cranberry-apple in my... [groans]
Bloodstream.
Aah!
Oh!
Aah. Oh, I--
[gagging]
[groans]
[bell tolling]
[bell tolls]
(woman) * I am missing you
* What am I to do?
* The tears stream down like a flood *
* Since you drowned in your own blood *
Hi, I'm Glenn.
I'm the school janitor.
Ponce was like a son to me,
probably because he was my foster son...
my dead foster son.
[cries]
Son, I just want you to know that--
Oh, janitor!
Some kid vomited in the hallway.
Could you make with the sawdust and clean it up?
Uh, yeah, but I'm kind of giving my son's eulogy right now.
Ooh, yeah.
If you could just do it now.
Your son will still be dead when you come back.
[wheels squeaking]
[sniffles]
Ponce de León was my best friend.
He left me these pants.
They're Ponce's pants.
Ponce's pants.
Stand up!
I know you're not really dead.
Stand up, or I'll sock you one!
[gasps] Oh, my God!
I just killed my dead friend!
Ponce, I'm gonna sleep here next to you.
[screams]
I was in a coffin with a dead guy!
[screaming]
(Cleo) JFK, stay!
[Abe groans]
Genghis Khan, sing us back to class.
Okay. I sing now.
* Ave Maria
You guys, pick up your trash.
You guys, Ponce died from trash, you guys.
And now you guys are littering.
That sucks, you guys.
Ow.
You guys suck.
[cell phone rings]
Jello.
(Gandhi) Is your refrigerator running?
(Joan) Yeah, very funny, Gandhi. Bye.
(Gandhi) Whoa, whoa, whoa, Joan. I'm in lockdown.
On death row.
You got to get me out.
Gandhi, what did you do, "A"?
And "B," why did you open with a crank call?
Oh, that's 'cause I always--
[groans]
Time's up, Chatty Cathy.
I'm just wearing orange warm-ups.
So's everyone in this place.
Start walking.
[prisoners whistling and hollering]
Nice orange warm-ups.
Do you wear 'em in the shower?
I'll see you in the shower, boy!
[wolf whistle]
[crying]
(man) * Was it something that I said? *
(JFK) Why, Ponce?
(man) * Too many voices in my head
(JFK) You took him!
This is your fault, God!
I killed my best friend!
Let it out.
[JFK crying]
(man) * And I can't bring back yesterday *
[JFK sniffles]
Cheer up, friend. It's not your fault.
(JFK) Oh, my God.
You're a g-g-g-g-- dead guy!
No, I'm not a ghost.
I'm part of your subconscious.
I knew you weren't dead, Ponce-o!
Let's go score some chicks!
No, you don't understand.
I'm just a figment of your imagination.
Oh!
You're a genie!
I'm not a genie.
For my first wish,
I want my dead friend back.
Ponce!
You're back!
I missed you, buddy!
This is so frustrating.
Joan, you got to bust me out
before shower time.
I'm talking to some lawyers, Gandhi.
We're doing everything we can.
Joan, I haven't gotten a single high five
since I've been in here.
Could you give me a few under the table?
Everyone else is getting 'em.
[hands slapping]
Gandhi, I have some bad news.
It's about Ponce.
[both slurping]
Cleo, this isn't working for me.
I'm not comfortable with you spending so much time
with your ex, JFK.
Don't worry about me.
I've got my Game Boy.
The only game that boy is playing
is pretending to be sad,
and first prize is getting into your pants!
It's not about that, baby.
All that matters is you and me.
[video game beeps]
Now Mario's dead!
I'm killing everyone!
Oh, why couldn't Ponce have had three lives like Mario?
Maybe I should go back there.
[car horn beeps]
It's gonna be okay, baby.
I'll just leave you two alone,
because it looks like you're about to do it anyway!
(JFK) Why--dead--
If I just-- I just want to--
I can-- Why?
[cries]
Here's the keys.
Drop my car off at my house when you're done.
[lively music]
(woman) * Why are you so dead?
* Ah-ah
* Miss your bloody bug-eyed head *
* Oh, we can't replace your dead, bloated face *
* You've touched us all with the life you led *
[ladder creaks]
I've been acting such the fool, Joan.
I berated Cleo for comforting JFK in his time of grief.
When we cast our love
into the sea of human emotion,
sometimes what we catch
is in fate's hands.
I never asked to be a fisherman in such a sea as this.
Then you know what you must do.
[crying]
(man) It's time for your initiation.
[screams]
[cries]
(man) Three cheers for the new guy!
(all) Hip hip hooray!
[Gandhi screaming]
(all) Hip hip hooray!
[laughter]
(man) Welcome aboard.
(man) Yeah!
Your death row name is Silky Butterfly.
That's it?
That's the initiation?
Damn, boy!
What'd you think we was gonna do?
Make love to you?
[laughter]
Oh, shoot.
I really needed this, 'cause I just got some bad news.
You need to talk about it with somebody?
We're all real good listeners.
My friend died.
He was killed by litter.
He was white and privileged.
[all gasp]
That's the saddest thing I ever heard.
Was he famous?
That's still really sad.
I got to go to his grave or light a candle or something.
I-I'm breaking out of here.
Whoa, Gandhi! That's against the rules.
I don't care, Sunshine.
My friend is dead.
Then we're gonna help,
prison style.
I'm sorry about how I've been acting.
I don't really know what to say.
[sniffles]
So I'm just gonna hug you
and hold you for a really long time.
(man) * Why the night seems darker... *
Let go!
Shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh.
It's all right.
Abe's here.
Let go, or I'll slug you!
(man) * To a time we spent together
* When there was you and me
Hold me!
[crying]
(man) * There's a hole you left inside me *
* A brokenhearted souvenir
I'm a Kennedy.
I'm not accustomed to tragedy.
(man) * To remind me you were here
You know the last thing Ponce said to me?
He said, "I hate you."
Oh, yeah?
Well, you want to know the last thing Ponce told me?
He told me that you were a good dude.
Really?
Poncey said that?
(man) * A brokenhearted souvenir
Let's not let Ponce die in vain.
We should learn from this and put an end to litter...
forever.
Ponce would have wanted it that way.
But Ponce loved littering.
Yeah, but once litter killed him,
he probably would have changed his mind.
He said something about that.
I saw him recently. He's a genie now.
[whispering] He lives in my head.
[snoring]
(man) Guys, this way.
[laughter]
Come on.
[indistinct mumbling]
(man) Guys.
I'm serious, you guys.
We made it! We're free!
[all cheering]
I'm gonna kill that bitch!
There's just so much litter.
I hope you don't mind.
I brought some friends along.
And I brought some convicted felons to help out.
Yeah, we know a thing or two about picking up trash.
[laughter]
Now, who wants to pick up some litter?
I don't usually do this,
but there's a few more friends that could help us out.
From land,
from sea,
from sky,
come, all ye animals,
to help save the environment!
[birds chirping, goat bleating]
[animal ululating, dolphin chattering]
Well, what are we waiting for?
(man) * Every moment since you left me *
(Ponce) Best friends.
(man) * I have wondered
Ha-ha!
(man) * Why the night seems darker
* And the sun doesn't shine as brightly *
(Ponce) I love life.
[gagging]
(man) * I find my mind straying
* To a distant destination
Well, I guess we won't be needing
that janitor anymore, hey?
Sorry, brother.
We're going to have to let you go.
But I lost my son.
This job is all I've got.
Yeah, great.
Now you'll have more time to spend with your family.
(man) * To remind me you were here
I guess some people rely on litter for their jobs.
Maybe littering is good...
in moderation.
(all) In moderation!
Whoo!
[both slurping]
[groans]
[sniffles]
Are you all right?
No. Oh.
But I will be.
(man) * There's no point in holding back these tears *
* So I won't even try *
* 'Cause now I know the meaning of good-bye *
* Now I know the meaning of good-bye *
(narrator) Next week on a very special Clone High,
everyone's getting into the holiday spirit.
And nothing says "spirit"
like special guest star Mandy Moore.
(Moore) Spirit.
(narrator) Very good.
Now say, "I love Clone High."
(Moore) I love Clone High.
(narrator) Good, good. Here's a SweeTART.
(Abandoned Pools singing) * Way back in the 1980s
* Secret government employees *
* Dug up famous guys and ladies *
* And made amusing genetic copies *
* Now the clones are sexy teens now *
* They're gonna make it if they try *
* Loving, learning, sharing, judging *
* Time to laugh and shiver and cry *
* Clone High