1
00:00:03,633 --> 00:00:05,833
(male narrator)
Previously, on a very
special Clone High...

2
00:00:05,833 --> 00:00:08,167
Cleo was left alone,

3
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:12,133
and Gandhi's misbehavior
made him the class clone.

4
00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:13,567
See what I did there?

5
00:00:13,567 --> 00:00:15,600
That wasn't just a rhyme;
it was a play on words.

6
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,767
Get used to it.

7
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,300
I do that sort of thing
all the time.

8
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:21,933
My friends call me pun dog.

9
00:00:21,933 --> 00:00:24,833
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s

10
00:00:24,833 --> 00:00:27,767
* Secret government employees

11
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:30,667
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

12
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:33,700
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

13
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,500
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

14
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,333
* They're gonna make it
if they try *

15
00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:42,233
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

16
00:00:42,233 --> 00:00:48,567
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *

17
00:00:48,567 --> 00:00:51,300
* Clone High

18
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:57,000
* Clone High

19
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,633
[rock music]

20
00:00:58,633 --> 00:00:59,833
[all speaking at once]

21
00:00:59,833 --> 00:01:02,800
[loud screeching]

22
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:07,367
This is Principal Scudworth
with an important announcement.

23
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,533
The PXJT is upon us!

24
00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:11,633
[pencil clatters]

25
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:16,067
Fail the PXJT and your life
will be ruined forever!

26
00:01:17,633 --> 00:01:20,500
But win or lose, remember,

27
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:23,067
the most important thing
in life

28
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:26,633
is to use
a number two pencil.

29
00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:29,533
[growling] Number two.

30
00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:31,167
Good luck and good day.

31
00:01:31,167 --> 00:01:33,067
[loud screeching]

32
00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:34,900
[grunts]

33
00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:38,300
[crying]

34
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,333
[gasps]

35
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,833
Here, let me help you.

36
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:44,400
Abe, it's the PXJTs.

37
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,467
Everyone expects me to ace them
and get into Clone State,

38
00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:49,800
but ever since I broke up
with JFK for real again,

39
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,100
there's no one
to provide me

40
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:53,167
with emotional
and physical support.

41
00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,367
[tender acoustic music]

42
00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:58,367
Is there any way
I can help you emotionally...

43
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,600
or physically?

44
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,700
I guess I could use
a study buddy for the PXJTs.

45
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,600
Great! I'll go pick up
some flash cards at lunch.

46
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,833
You're so great, Abe.

47
00:02:09,833 --> 00:02:11,767
And would you get me a latte
on your way back?

48
00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:13,733
That would rock.

49
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:16,067
Nonfat, 'kay?

50
00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:18,167
[rock music]

51
00:02:18,167 --> 00:02:21,067
This is a very tough time
for me.

52
00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:23,900
Without Cleo,
I'm a broken man.

53
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:27,833
Hey, let's all go swimming
in my pool.

54
00:02:27,833 --> 00:02:30,067
And by "pool,"
I mean "bathtub."

55
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,567
And by "swimming,"
I mean "sex!"

56
00:02:33,567 --> 00:02:36,867
That PXJT crap is useless
in the real world.

57
00:02:36,867 --> 00:02:39,633
Everything I need to know
I learned on the streets.

58
00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:41,767
- So you suck at taking tests?
- Yeah.

59
00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:43,067
You could take a prep course.

60
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:45,400
School after school?
No way.

61
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,100
I mean, one school's enough
for the G man,

62
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,567
but two schools
is like, "What?"

63
00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:50,667
Oh, here comes Abe.

64
00:02:50,667 --> 00:02:52,167
Quick, pretend I said
something funny.

65
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,500
Oh.
Hey, you just farted?

66
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:57,067
That's hilarious!
You farted!

67
00:02:57,067 --> 00:02:58,300
[thud]
Ow!

68
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,400
I haven't slept
in two days.

69
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,067
Abe, the PXJTs are coming up.
You need sleep.

70
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,367
Come on, Joan.

71
00:03:04,367 --> 00:03:06,067
I've got a list
of a million things to do.

72
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:09,733
Sleep ought to be the number one
thing on that list, pal.

73
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:11,433
[slurps]

74
00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:14,267
I was in my 18-wheeler
late one night...

75
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:15,667
[slurps]

76
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,300
Right about the sleepy hour...

77
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,300
[slurps]

78
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,533
When I come upon a cop car

79
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,633
swerving around
in the suicide lane.

80
00:03:23,633 --> 00:03:26,300
And I could tell he was
too sleepy to be driving

81
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,700
right then and there.

82
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:28,700
[slurps]

83
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,733
So I get up next to him

84
00:03:30,733 --> 00:03:33,500
and try to guide him
off the road with my rig.

85
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:34,900
[truck bangs]

86
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:38,267
But I cut it a little too hard
and sent that cop sailing

87
00:03:38,267 --> 00:03:39,700
right off a cliff.

88
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:42,633
[laughing]

89
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,667
Did you kill him?

90
00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,867
Kill him?

91
00:03:48,867 --> 00:03:51,300
I saved his life.

92
00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:53,667
Course, he's a cripple now.

93
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,700
[slurps]

94
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:57,067
Dang.

95
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:58,867
Is that your rig?
Sweet!

96
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,967
Man, trucking
must be the life.

97
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:03,333
Whizzing in a bottle,
solving mysteries,

98
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:05,700
not having to take
the PXJTs all the time.

99
00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:08,233
[spitting]

100
00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:11,300
Did you say PXJTs?

101
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,500
[slurps]

102
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,067
Bubala, you haven't
touched your kugel.

103
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:16,433
Don't crowd the boy!

104
00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:18,833
Can't you see he's worried
about the PXJTs?

105
00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:22,567
Mom, Dad, I'm at
a turning point in life,

106
00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:25,400
and today I've made
a life-changing decision

107
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,700
based on very poor information.

108
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:31,400
I'm going to be a trucker.

109
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,900
I'm going to hang myself.

110
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:35,967
I have no son!

111
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:38,600
(Mom)
I'm getting out
the good noose!

112
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,333
(Shadowy Figure)
First off,
we want to thank you

113
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:41,533
for your help
with our conspiracy.

114
00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:43,100
(Principal Scudworth)
Sure!

115
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:47,767
Kids will be buying number two
pencils by the bucket load!

116
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:50,733
[laughing maniacally]

117
00:04:50,733 --> 00:04:52,133
Why are we doing this again?

118
00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:55,067
(Scangrade)
Infidel!

119
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:59,633
It is I,
Scangrade the Magnificent,

120
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:03,367
a test grading/
world domination device.

121
00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:05,233
The PXJTs were created
to provide me

122
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:06,367
with my energy source--

123
00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:09,067
lead from the number two pencil.

124
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:10,933
After over 50 years of testing,

125
00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:13,400
his power will finally
be great enough to...

126
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,367
Take over the world!

127
00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:20,267
[electronic voice] Oh, yeah.
That's a great [bleep] idea.

128
00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:22,933
Mr. B!
Language!

129
00:05:22,933 --> 00:05:26,467
Mr. B,
I hardly recognized you.

130
00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:29,233
I see you've put
on some weight.

131
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,100
It's so cool, Joan.

132
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,833
Cleo and I
are getting really close.

133
00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,733
Abe, your cart.
It's rolling!

134
00:05:37,733 --> 00:05:40,600
Abe, It's gonna hit
that Animal Cracker display!

135
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,800
Abe, it's moving
really slowly!

136
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,500
Just step forward
and grab the handle, Abe!

137
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,500
[dramatic music]

138
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,233
*

139
00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:52,233
[cart taps]

140
00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:53,667
[boxes thud]

141
00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:57,067
Abe, you're too tired
to be grocery shopping.

142
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:58,467
Your reflexes are shot.

143
00:05:58,467 --> 00:06:00,733
My reflexes are fine.

144
00:06:00,733 --> 00:06:03,667
In three seconds, I'm going
to slap you across the face.

145
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,167
Oof!

146
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,433
You have a problem!

147
00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:12,200
You see,
I have a secret, Abe,

148
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,733
and it's time I told you
that secret.

149
00:06:16,733 --> 00:06:17,767
Oh, I can't!

150
00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:20,300
It's such a big secret!

151
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,667
Perhaps I'll tell you later.

152
00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:23,500
All I can say right now
is you need to sleep.

153
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,400
I don't take orders
from you or anyone.

154
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,567
[cell phone rings]

155
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:30,400
Hi, Cleo.
Sure, I'll take your order.

156
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,733
Spicy tuna roll,
California roll.

157
00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:34,367
Okay.
Got it.

158
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:37,067
Yeah, yeah, oh, I always ask
for more ginger.

159
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,200
Now I'm getting in the car.

160
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,667
You can't drive!

161
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,267
What if there had been
real animals inside this box?

162
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:47,067
Yeah, Joan, I'm gonna crash
into a big box of animals.

163
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:49,567
All right,
that's the last one.

164
00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:52,133
Literally all the pandas
in existence

165
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:55,300
are on this truck,
so be extra careful

166
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:57,300
and watch out for drivers
that are sleepy...

167
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,067
[echoing]
Sleepy...

168
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:01,633
(man on radio)
[suavely] Oh, yeah, baby.

169
00:07:01,633 --> 00:07:05,200
You're listening to KSLP,
the quiet storm--

170
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,267
monotonous jams
that get inside your head

171
00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:10,233
and make you less alert.

172
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:14,967
[screaming]

173
00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,700
[all screaming]

174
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,367
[tires screeching]

175
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:19,600
[truck horn blaring]

176
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,400
[rock music]

177
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,967
Cleo, I almost hit
a truckload of pandas.

178
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,967
Oh, my God!

179
00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:30,600
You didn't take my cat
to the speech therapist?

180
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,600
No, Cleo.

181
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,467
This was a wake-up call,

182
00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:36,467
a wake-up call
about needing to sleep.

183
00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:39,433
I'm so sorry you need to sleep,
'cause tonight I was hoping

184
00:07:39,433 --> 00:07:41,867
we could spend
the night together.

185
00:07:41,867 --> 00:07:44,933
You know, pull an all-nighter
studying for the PXJTs tomorrow?

186
00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:46,267
But if you can't stay up,

187
00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:48,100
I'm sure there's
someone else who can.

188
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,567
I can stay up
all night long!

189
00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:55,267
I accentuated the "up"
and also the "long"

190
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:58,400
for what I hope
are obvious reasons.

191
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,633
So let's get back together
and bone up on the PXJTs!

192
00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:03,867
Ha-ha!

193
00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:06,100
[whispering] Guess what
the P stands for.

194
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,200
Penis!

195
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,467
[guffaws]

196
00:08:08,467 --> 00:08:10,133
Wait, wait, when I said
that I needed sleep,

197
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:12,067
I meant that I didn't
need sleep.

198
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:13,133
Great!

199
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:16,467
Then we'll do it
at my place.

200
00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:21,100
Oh, Mr. Butlertron, I've become
a pencil pusher, literally!

201
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,300
[giggling]

202
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,067
Remind me to send that one
to Leno.

203
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:28,367
Yeah, [bleep] hilarious.

204
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,667
Mr. B, what's your damage?

205
00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:32,467
Ever since Scangrade got here,

206
00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:34,867
you've been acting
like such a little bitch-bot.

207
00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:38,700
That Scangrade is just
such a mother[bleep] showboat.

208
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:41,833
He's been this way
since Amherst.

209
00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:43,533
Infidels!

210
00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:49,133
It is I,
Scangrade the Magnificent!

211
00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:50,467
[cackles]

212
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:52,667
Oh, hello, B.

213
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,867
That's a nice apron
you're wearing.

214
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:58,133
I believe Mrs. Scangrade
has the same one at home.

215
00:08:58,133 --> 00:09:02,600
[cackling]

216
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,533
Man, this is
so much more fun

217
00:09:04,533 --> 00:09:07,567
than studying
for those wack PXJTs.

218
00:09:07,567 --> 00:09:09,767
Hey, let's pick up
some lady hitchhikers, huh?

219
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,867
Gandhi, being a trucker's
not just about sleeping

220
00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:14,567
with random women.

221
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:18,267
I mean, that's
a huge part of it.

222
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,633
It's also about making choices,

223
00:09:20,633 --> 00:09:23,233
multiple choices.

224
00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:25,700
You mean, like, which
random women to sleep with?

225
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,167
Bingo.

226
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,533
Let's say our truck
leaves Chicago at 9:00 a.m.

227
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:32,167
traveling east
at 50 miles per hour.

228
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:35,100
Lonely housewife in Boston,
900 miles away,

229
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,900
travels west
at 65 miles per hour.

230
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:40,867
That's a guaranteed Bravo Juliet
for the both of us.

231
00:09:40,867 --> 00:09:44,467
But where and when, Gandhi?
Where and when?

232
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:45,567
[murmuring]
Let's see.

233
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:49,367
Conneaut, Ohio.
5:33 p.m.

234
00:09:49,367 --> 00:09:50,633
Step on it!

235
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:53,367
Cleo, we need to talk.

236
00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:54,667
Abe's not sleeping.

237
00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:56,433
You got to cut down
on his hours, capisce?

238
00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:59,100
Somebody's jealous.

239
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:02,700
Normally, yes, but there's
something you don't know, Cleo,

240
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,067
something that happened,

241
00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,200
something personal.

242
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,467
It happened to me...

243
00:10:08,467 --> 00:10:09,667
personally.

244
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,133
But there's no time
to explain that now,

245
00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:13,167
because we need to help Abe!

246
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,833
[mocking] Because we
need to help Abe.

247
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,767
Phew, ch-ooh, boy,

248
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,167
I don't know if I want
a hamburger, a hot dog,

249
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:22,567
chili, or all of the above.

250
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,833
Can you eliminate
two of the options?

251
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,800
If you can, just go ahead
and take a guess.

252
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,867
Chances are,
that's what you wanted.

253
00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:34,200
It makes sense
because it's real.

254
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,067
[groaning]

255
00:10:36,067 --> 00:10:38,400
So here's what I was thinking.

256
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,700
You'll read the prep book to me
while I catch some shut-eye.

257
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,933
But...I was
kind of hoping we could--

258
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,400
I can't wait
until this test is over.

259
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,967
We'll finally have
some time just to talk

260
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,333
and snuggle and stuff.

261
00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:51,500
Chapter one....

262
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:52,533
[whirring]

263
00:10:52,533 --> 00:11:00,067
Pi equals 3.141592659589793...

264
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:01,967
The end.

265
00:11:01,967 --> 00:11:05,300
Oh, morning.

266
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:06,533
Huh.

267
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,367
I don't think
I retained anything.

268
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:12,367
[energetic rock music]

269
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,433
*

270
00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:15,633
[air brakes hiss]

271
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,833
What are we doing here?

272
00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:19,733
Dropping off
some precious cargo.

273
00:11:19,733 --> 00:11:21,467
What?
What is it?

274
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:23,467
Your future, Gandhi.

275
00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:24,733
Oh, man.

276
00:11:24,733 --> 00:11:26,233
You mean there's nothing
on this truck

277
00:11:26,233 --> 00:11:28,133
but a stinking metaphor?

278
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,633
I expected more veracity

279
00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:31,933
from such a sagacious hauler
of commodities.

280
00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:33,067
[gasps]

281
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,233
Oh, my God.

282
00:11:34,233 --> 00:11:37,333
Those were some bona fide
PXJT words.

283
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:39,067
[slurps]

284
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:42,633
Now if you'll excuse me,
I just ate a chili dog,

285
00:11:42,633 --> 00:11:45,633
so I got to drop off
some more precious cargo.

286
00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:48,600
[twangy musical flourish]

287
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,200
(Principal Scudworth)
Students, I hope you've all

288
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,333
come prepared
with number two pencils.

289
00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:56,133
[giggles]

290
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,800
Mr. B, no one suspects
the slightest.

291
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,300
[echoing]
Slightest...

292
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,067
Abe, did you get
any sleep?

293
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:05,367
[groaning]

294
00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:06,367
Yipe!

295
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,667
All-nighter with Cleo.

296
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,967
[groans]
PXJTs important.

297
00:12:10,967 --> 00:12:14,633
[gasps]
Must not listen to body.

298
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,333
[chattering]

299
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:18,767
[thud]

300
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,767
[ominous music]

301
00:12:21,767 --> 00:12:26,067
*

302
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:30,200
[pencil shattering]

303
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,700
Hmm?

304
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:33,700
[whispers] Abe.

305
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,533
Abe.

306
00:12:35,533 --> 00:12:37,067
[screeching whisper]
Abe!

307
00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:39,633
[pencils scratching]

308
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,700
Come out, Abe.
We need to talk.

309
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:45,900
(Abe)
No!

310
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:48,400
I slept through
the whole PXJT!

311
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,233
I just need
to date a guy

312
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:52,067
who's gonna get in
to Clone State.

313
00:12:52,067 --> 00:12:55,200
Cleo, did you see me
on that test?

314
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,667
I smoked it.

315
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:59,133
I can't wait
to see my time.

316
00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:00,233
(Abe)
Beat it, JFK.

317
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:01,267
The girl is mine.

318
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:04,900
No, no.
The doggone girl is mine!

319
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:07,833
We appear to be
at an impasse.

320
00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:11,100
Then we'll settle this
like gentlemen--

321
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,100
with a drag race!

322
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,167
Cleo's not some prize
you can win in a drag race.

323
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,533
This isn't the 1950s.

324
00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,167
Or is it?
I'm really tired!

325
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,600
Guys, I'm a modern woman
who makes decisions for herself,

326
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,233
and this decision will be based
on who can drive faster.

327
00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:28,233
Then we'll race
tonight!

328
00:13:28,233 --> 00:13:31,233
At Dead Man's Slick
Mountain Cliff Road!

329
00:13:31,233 --> 00:13:33,400
Until then.

330
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,600
[locker bangs]

331
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,133
(Scangrade)
Ah! Oh, yeah.

332
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:40,900
I can feel the power
of the number two pencil lead

333
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:42,800
coursing through my circuits.

334
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,933
[coughing]

335
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:46,200
What's this?

336
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:50,300
Some infidel did not use
a number two pencil!

337
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,433
Oh, my.

338
00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:54,467
Is this a number three pencil?

339
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,467
My bad.

340
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:59,867
Mr. B!
I should have known it was you.

341
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:01,933
Who else would know
that the number three pencil

342
00:14:01,933 --> 00:14:03,767
makes me all gassy?

343
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:05,700
[electronic warble]

344
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:09,300
Prepare to die!

345
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,433
[door creaks]

346
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,633
What's going on here?

347
00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:16,067
Are you guys having
a pillow fight?

348
00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,067
I wish.

349
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,467
[slurps]

350
00:14:18,467 --> 00:14:19,933
I wish.

351
00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:22,267
This is an intervention,
Abe.

352
00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:24,833
You have a problem,
and it needs to stop.

353
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:27,100
I just need to stay up
a few more hours.

354
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,067
So you can stay up
a few more hours after that.

355
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,500
I'll sleep when I die.

356
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,567
You'll die
if you don't sleep!

357
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:34,667
[sniffling]

358
00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:36,967
Abe, remember how
I was so excited

359
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:38,633
about seeing the movie
American Pie

360
00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:40,867
that I couldn't sleep
the night before?

361
00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:44,567
And remember that scene where
the guy has sex with the pie?

362
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:46,233
Well, I don't,

363
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:50,167
because I fell asleep
in the theater.

364
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:51,767
Why didn't you just rent it?

365
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,800
[door bangs,
footsteps squeaking]

366
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,167
I've got a story too, Abe,

367
00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:01,300
a delicious story that I've
been tantalizingly close

368
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:04,200
to revealing for too long.

369
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,067
Are you ready?

370
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,133
Here it comes.

371
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:08,433
[tender piano music]

372
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,133
[driving rock music]

373
00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:11,467
[screeching]

374
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:13,200
[electronic warbling]

375
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,433
More tea, Wesley?

376
00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:18,067
Ah!

377
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:19,567
Chamomile!

378
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:20,833
*

379
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:24,300
[hammer banging]

380
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:25,867
[bang]

381
00:15:25,867 --> 00:15:27,600
Ah!

382
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,600
Dust!

383
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,967
*

384
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:31,067
[whirring]

385
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,400
[clink]

386
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,133
[speaking gibberish]

387
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,800
[cackling]

388
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,633
[saw buzzing]

389
00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:41,833
Okay.

390
00:15:41,833 --> 00:15:44,067
Here's my story.

391
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:46,933
You know how I was
at camp last summer?

392
00:15:46,933 --> 00:15:48,700
It was a sleepaway camp.

393
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,100
- [gasps]
- That's right.

394
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:53,233
A camp for people
with sleeping problems.

395
00:15:53,233 --> 00:15:54,967
At first, I used to stay up
just socially,

396
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:57,067
but--but then I'd cut class
to sneak out

397
00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:59,067
to the parking lot
and stay awake.

398
00:15:59,067 --> 00:16:02,800
Finally, they found me one day,
faceup in the gutter,

399
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,667
wide awake!

400
00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:06,433
And there's something else.

401
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,967
There's--
[gasps]

402
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,400
There's this.

403
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,800
My judgment was so poor
due to sleep deprivation

404
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,300
that I actually paid money
for this!

405
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:19,267
Joan, I had no idea.

406
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:20,667
Give me that pillow.

407
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:23,833
[gentle music]

408
00:16:23,833 --> 00:16:26,700
*

409
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,233
Why is he looking
at that pie all funny?

410
00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:30,867
[zipper buzzes]
- Oh, my God!

411
00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:32,833
Oh, no, he didn't!

412
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:37,200
[laughing]

413
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,100
Oh, you fool!

414
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:40,200
[laughing]

415
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,833
I'm gonna go check
on Abe.

416
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:44,467
[gasps]

417
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:45,867
[dramatic musical flourish]

418
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:47,433
[wind whistles]

419
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:48,933
*

420
00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:51,067
[tender piano music]

421
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:54,233
[Scangrade cackling]

422
00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:56,933
I have one final request.

423
00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:00,067
Can you answer
a multiple-choice question?

424
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:03,433
I'm Scangrade!
I grade tests for a living.

425
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:06,100
Are you, "A," handsome,

426
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,733
B, smart,

427
00:17:07,733 --> 00:17:09,500
C, scrap metal,

428
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,467
or, D, all of the above?

429
00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:13,900
That's easy!

430
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:17,833
I'm A and B
but not C,

431
00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:20,067
so I can't be all of the above.

432
00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:21,567
But...

433
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:24,167
you can't fill in two ovals!

434
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,900
No!

435
00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:30,567
[gagging]

436
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:31,767
[tear squeaks]

437
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:34,400
[explosion booms]

438
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,933
The answer is C,

439
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,467
you [bleep] wad.

440
00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:40,200
[energetic music]

441
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,800
(Cleo)
First one
to cross the finish line

442
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:42,833
gets a date with me.

443
00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:43,967
[engine revving]

444
00:17:43,967 --> 00:17:45,967
If you both die,
I will mourn the corpse

445
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:47,767
closest to the finish line.

446
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,900
[engines revving]

447
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,133
Abe, you haven't slept.

448
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:51,867
You'll kill yourself.

449
00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:54,333
This is the last thing
I have to do.

450
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:55,600
Whoo!

451
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,200
[tires squealing]

452
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,767
Or the last thing
you'll ever do.

453
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,833
*

454
00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:02,967
[rock music]

455
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:05,100
He was too sleepy
to be driving.

456
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,867
He's a cripple now.

457
00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:10,733
A cripple...

458
00:18:10,733 --> 00:18:13,733
I never saw him
have sex with a pie.

459
00:18:13,733 --> 00:18:15,067
Sex with a pie.

460
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:18,100
Sex...pie...

461
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,600
Wazzup?

462
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,333
Wazzup?

463
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:25,733
Wazzup?

464
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:27,367
*

465
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,100
Maybe I do have a problem.

466
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:31,467
[echoing]
Problem...

467
00:18:31,467 --> 00:18:33,700
[upbeat rock music]

468
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:38,367
[snoring]

469
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,067
Swee, swee, swee-swee-swee-swee,
swee-swee-swee.

470
00:18:41,067 --> 00:18:42,400
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

471
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,667
Nothing bad ever happens
to the Kennedys!

472
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:46,667
Whoa!

473
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,067
[crash]

474
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:50,667
[wind whistling]

475
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:53,067
[crickets chirping]

476
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:54,900
[bright orchestral music]

477
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:55,933
[yawns]

478
00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:57,700
[engine turns over]

479
00:18:57,700 --> 00:19:00,767
[upbeat music]

480
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:03,733
*

481
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:06,067
[crowd cheering]

482
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,600
Abe, you won!

483
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,300
I'm all yours.

484
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,667
I did win

485
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,533
because I did
the right thing.

486
00:19:12,533 --> 00:19:14,967
I pulled over,
and I took a nap.

487
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:17,467
And I owe it all
to my pal Joan.

488
00:19:17,467 --> 00:19:20,200
Thanks, Joan,
wherever you are.

489
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,833
I'm right here.

490
00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:25,767
So you are, Joan.
So you are.

491
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:28,433
So what do you want
to do on our date?

492
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:32,467
I was thinking
we could sleep together.

493
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:35,433
[both laughing]

494
00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:37,467
Oh, funny.

495
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:40,567
No, seriously,
can we sleep together?

496
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:41,767
Hey, creepy trucker.

497
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,600
I aced the PXJTs.

498
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,967
I aced 'em!

499
00:19:44,967 --> 00:19:47,433
Maybe some day you'll be
a Rhodes scholar

500
00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:48,433
like me.

501
00:19:48,433 --> 00:19:50,300
Ha-ha, good pun.

502
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:52,600
Pun?
Heck, no.

503
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,633
I studied at Oxford.

504
00:19:54,633 --> 00:19:57,167
Truckers don't make puns,
Gandhi.

505
00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:58,400
We make deliveries.

506
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,800
But wait.
I never got your name.

507
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,633
The name's...

508
00:20:02,633 --> 00:20:03,800
[echoing]
Prepcourse.

509
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,967
But...

510
00:20:04,967 --> 00:20:08,400
Doug Prepcourse died
40 years ago.

511
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,200
[gasps]

512
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,200
[eerie music]

513
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,567
*

514
00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:19,067
[echoing]
Keep on truckin', Gandhi.

515
00:20:19,067 --> 00:20:21,033
[slurps]

516
00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:22,367
Keep on truckin'.

517
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:27,567
(narrator)
Next week, on a very special
Clone High...

518
00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:30,167
A mysterious male stranger
comes to town,

519
00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:31,867
and he's brought
a surprise ending with him

520
00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:33,433
that will shock you.

521
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,667
Will her secret--
wait, did I just say "her"?

522
00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:40,033
Oh, boy, that was the one thing
I wasn't supposed to tell you.

523
00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:41,500
I ruin everything!

524
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:43,267
Like when I spoiled
The Sixth Sense

525
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:44,633
for my friend Steve.

526
00:20:44,633 --> 00:20:47,367
He specifically asked me
to not reveal the end.

527
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:51,133
Stupid, really stupid!

528
00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:53,367
Why do we do this live?

529
00:20:53,367 --> 00:20:56,000
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s

530
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,933
* Secret government
employees *

531
00:20:58,933 --> 00:21:01,733
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

532
00:21:01,733 --> 00:21:04,733
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

533
00:21:04,733 --> 00:21:07,633
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

534
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,600
* They're gonna make
it if they try *

535
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,467
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

536
00:21:13,467 --> 00:21:19,700
* Time to laugh and
shiver and cry *

537
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,867
* Clone High