1
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:06,435
##[We're Gonna Get Married
by Randy Newman playing]
2
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:10,203
# Into life today
came something beautiful #
3
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:14,110
# Someone who loved me
much as I love her #
4
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:17,343
# There have been trials
and tribulations #
5
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:19,976
# And not just a few #
6
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:22,144
# But we made it through #
7
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:25,456
# And now the times are here #
8
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,095
# We're gonna get married #
9
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,388
# Have everything #
10
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,596
# But the sun #
11
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,733
# And the rain #
12
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:41,638
# We're a
definite combination #
13
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,932
# We're gonna get married #
14
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,475
# We're gonna get married #
15
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,343
# We're gonna get married #
16
00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:50,979
# We're gonna get married #
17
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,985
# Wait and see #
18
00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:58,514
[grunting]
19
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,957
You must do something!
Baby is coming!
20
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,221
Yeah. I know baby is coming!
21
00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:04,763
Miss, you've to stay calm
and take deep breaths, okay?
22
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:06,799
Myra, I need a doctor here
right now.
23
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:08,128
I am working on it.
24
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:09,463
You're not a doctor?
25
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:10,560
No, I am a nurse.
26
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,298
You are man
and you are nurse?
27
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,203
What kind of man is nurse?
28
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,469
Look, folks,
I'm a professional, okay?
29
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,568
I know exactly what I'm doing,
so just trust me,
30
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,510
everything's going to be fine,
all right?
31
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:21,638
Okay.
Yeah.
32
00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:23,147
Yeah. You're fully dilated.
33
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,309
Hey, I need that doctor
right now.
34
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,750
There are no free doctors.
35
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,050
Nurse, you're gonna have
to deliver that baby yourself.
36
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:31,283
I can see the head!
37
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,382
Holy shit!
38
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,725
[screaming]
39
00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,023
Check it out.
40
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,194
We did it.
41
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,828
We had a boy.
42
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,238
A boy. You are my hero.
43
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:50,401
Mmm-hmm.
44
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:52,069
I name baby for you.
45
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,010
Oh! You don't have to do that.
46
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:56,478
Yeah. I must.
It is Latvian tradition.
47
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:58,346
We'll name the baby...
48
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,511
[grunting]
49
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,621
(Bernie on machine)
Hello,
you've reached the Fockers.
50
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,633
We're not around,
so leave us a message.
Goodbye.
51
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,397
Roz, how the hell
do you shut this thing off?
52
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,495
(Roz on machine)
I have no idea.
Just press a button.
53
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:21,403
(Bernie)
I'm pretty sure it's off.
54
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:22,907
Honey,
you want a chimichanga?
55
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,739
(Roz)
I thought they gave you gas.
56
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,540
A little bit,
but it's worth it.
57
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:28,877
Worth it for you,
but I'm the one
that gets the fumes.
58
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,711
Honey, I'm in the mood
for a chimichanga.
59
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:31,841
So make a...
60
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:32,942
[beeping]
61
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:34,111
Hi, guys, it's me.
62
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,552
Dad, I told you
six months ago
63
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,214
you have to change
that message.
64
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:38,985
Anyway, I'm just calling
to double check
65
00:02:39,058 --> 00:02:40,491
'cause I didn't hear
back from you.
66
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,051
You know that
Pam and I are flying out
to Oyster Bay today.
67
00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:45,654
And, then, we're flying
to Miami tomorrow
with the Byrneses.
68
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:46,994
And our flight gets in 7:30,
69
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,829
so we should be
at the house around 9:00.
70
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,836
So just give me a call
back on my cell, okay?
71
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,462
'Cause I want to go over
a few things
72
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,734
about Pam's dad and just, uh,
73
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:56,502
just some other stuff
for the weekend.
74
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,373
All right. I love you, bye.
Hey!
75
00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:00,344
Hey, sweetie.
How was your shift?
76
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:01,812
Oh! Guess what?
What?
77
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,781
I delivered my first baby.
78
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:04,908
[gasps]
No way.
79
00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:05,973
Mmm. Yeah.
80
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:07,280
Oh, honey,
I'm so proud of you.
81
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,752
It was incredible.
I mean, just...
82
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:10,516
Just to be pulling
this life force
83
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,080
out of this woman's...
84
00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:14,626
You know, I mean,
it was just so... It was...
85
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,629
The whole baby thing is...
It's so cool.
86
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,494
That's great, honey.
That's great.
87
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,160
So, uh, are you ready to go?
I want to get
to the airport early.
88
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,429
I know.
Just give me a second.
89
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,164
You know how things
always goes wrong.
90
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,535
The flight leaves
in four hours.
91
00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:28,005
I wish we could set
a wedding date
92
00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,974
without our parents
actually having to meet.
93
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,670
Honey, this weekend
is gonna be fine.
94
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:33,405
And your parents are great.
95
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:35,106
Oh, they're great
in small doses.
96
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,741
Well, 48 hours
in Coconut Grove
is a small dose.
97
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,842
Besides, you've already
won over my dad,
98
00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:41,352
and that is the hard part.
99
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,820
Mmm. That is true.
100
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,824
I mean, I am still
in the Byrnes family
circle of trust, right?
101
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,086
You're firmly in the circle.
102
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,149
[chuckling]
103
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:49,786
Finally.
104
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,224
Oh, taxi!
105
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,959
# All the time #
106
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:58,134
# As we go walking by #
107
00:03:58,471 --> 00:03:59,699
Going to the airport?
108
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:00,796
Yeah.
109
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:01,862
Take mine.
110
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:04,802
Great.
111
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:07,540
# It's all right #
112
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,506
Nice guy.
Yeah.
113
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# Hold you tight #
114
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,485
# We're gonna get married #
115
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,318
# Take her hand in mine #
116
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:23,489
# We'll be looking fine #
117
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,925
# In the sweet sunshine #
118
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,368
You two, you're up.
119
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,831
# Please don't leave #
120
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:39,036
# All those
who love us to be there #
121
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,570
# One great big happy family #
122
00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:45,416
# We're gonna get married #
123
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,817
# We're gonna get married #
124
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:52,050
# We're gonna get married #
125
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,592
# Wait and see #
126
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:56,152
Oh, dear.
127
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,253
What?
128
00:04:57,563 --> 00:04:59,121
Well, they overbooked coach.
129
00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:00,956
[sighing]
130
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,228
So what does that mean?
131
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,496
Do we miss our flight or...
132
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:07,471
Well, we are gonna have to
upgrade you to first class.
133
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,666
Really?
134
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,268
[chuckling]
135
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,332
Thank you.
136
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,503
[grunting]
137
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,480
Oh! Sir, why don't you
let me take that for you?
138
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,047
Okay, yeah.
139
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:23,652
So, uh, you wanna check it
or put it on another flight
140
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,623
'cause that's cool,
whatever you want to do.
141
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:28,422
I'm just gonna store it
in the Captain's closet.
142
00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:31,155
That was nice.
143
00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,322
Yeah.
144
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,023
Champagne?
145
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,089
Thank you.
146
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,294
Champagne, sir?
147
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,596
Thank you.
148
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,129
Enjoy.
149
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,264
# We'll be looking fine #
150
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,971
# In the sweet sunshine #
151
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:51,150
Would you like to purchase
rental insurance, Mr. Focker?
152
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:52,440
Um...
153
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,046
No. Thanks.
154
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:56,877
No?
155
00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:58,082
[whispering]
It's a scam.
156
00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,125
That's how they
make all their money.
157
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,184
That's true.
You don't need it.
158
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,654
Get out of here.
159
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:07,394
# We're gonna get married #
160
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:11,029
# We're gonna get married #
161
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,696
# Wait and see ##
162
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,674
The House of Byrnes.
163
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:23,944
Lot of good memories here.
164
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,218
Mom? Dad?
165
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:30,917
I am watching you.
166
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:33,115
[gurgling]
167
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:34,489
Well, almost,
168
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,525
but you have to do it
with two fingers.
169
00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:39,588
One on each eye like this:
170
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,733
I am watching you.
171
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:43,028
[gurgling]
172
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,635
We'll get back to that later.
173
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,103
Guess who's here?
174
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:49,406
It's Prof. Einstein.
175
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,840
Hi, Little Jack.
176
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,002
You're a genius.
177
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,807
I see a Nobel Prize
in your future.
178
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,177
Yes, I do.
179
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,910
Study break, boys.
Company's here.
180
00:06:58,718 --> 00:06:59,776
Pamcake!
181
00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:01,183
Flapjack!
182
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:03,345
[chuckling]
183
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,323
(both)
Shortstack,
shortstack coming up!
184
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,621
Put some syrup
in the cup.
185
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,423
Pa, pa, pa, pa,
pa, pa, pa.
186
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:15,023
That's how it goes, right?
187
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,168
That's okay, Greg.
188
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:19,664
Nice to see you.
Yes.
189
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,066
Nice to see you, Grandpa.
190
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:23,668
[Little Jack gurgling]
191
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:25,608
My God.
How did my nephew get so big?
192
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,043
Look at you.
193
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,341
You look just
like your mommy.
194
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,242
(Greg)
He does, doesn't he?
195
00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:32,443
Hey. Hey. This is Greg.
196
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:33,883
Remember
we talked about him?
197
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:34,975
(Greg)
Hey.
198
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:39,848
[chuckling]
199
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,355
Sorry, Greg.
200
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,157
The card only
comes in one gender.
201
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,494
Oh! Yeah.
Now, that's... that's all right.
202
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:47,721
[Little Jack gurgles]
203
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,425
(Jack)
He's taking you in.
204
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,799
He has a very keen sense
for people, Greg.
205
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:52,860
Mmm.
206
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:55,598
He's a chip
off the old block, huh?
207
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:58,143
We might have another CIA man
on our hands here.
208
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,441
I'd be discreet
about my profession, Greg,
if I were you.
209
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:01,537
You know what I mean?
210
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:04,344
As far as
your parents are concerned,
I'm still a horticulturist.
211
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,816
Hey, why is Little Jack here?
212
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,183
Are Deb and Bob house-sitting,
while we're in Florida?
213
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:09,721
No, they're in Ko Saimii,
Thailand.
214
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:12,155
Checking on the clinic
they opened
during their honeymoon.
215
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,489
[chuckling]
What is all this stuff,
anyway?
216
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,154
After Denny was
sent away to military school,
217
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,391
your father turned this
into a learning laboratory
218
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:20,955
for you-know-who over there.
219
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,627
And do you talk yet,
Mr. Munchkinhead?
220
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:25,465
[babbling]
221
00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:33,203
Greg, Greg, Greg.
Don't infantilize him.
Talk to him like an adult.
222
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,371
(Dina)
Muskrat.
223
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,414
Huh?
224
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,108
Muskrat, Jack.
All right.
225
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,343
[chuckling]
226
00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:40,442
Just try to understand
he's a little person.
227
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,454
His communication skills
aren't verbal yet,
228
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,649
but he understands.
Observe.
229
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,616
L.J., are you hungry?
230
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:50,756
Oh, wow.
231
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,796
[mumbling]
232
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:55,558
(Greg)
Look at that.
233
00:08:56,102 --> 00:09:00,061
"I would like to
eat more please."
234
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,169
"I'd like a nap,
235
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:05,869
and then later
I'll enjoy a nice poop."
236
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:08,972
[spluttering]
237
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,241
Oh, yeah. I've heard about
this, this baby signing stuff.
238
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,753
This is like cutting edge.
Like... Yeah.
239
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,751
Well, at this age, Greg,
his mind is like a sponge.
240
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:20,917
Look, when he reaches
your age, for example,
241
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,654
his mind will be
far less capable
242
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,389
of absorbing
useful information.
243
00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:26,590
So cute.
Hey, can I hold him?
244
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,390
Oh, l... I don't think
that's such a good idea, Greg.
245
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:30,696
Muskrat.
246
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:31,959
Uh...
247
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,804
All right, all right.
248
00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:36,567
This is Greg.
249
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:38,940
Greg will not drop you,
okay?
250
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,307
Okay.
Be careful.
251
00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:44,349
Hello. Oh! Hello.
252
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:46,206
Hey.
253
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,644
I think he likes me.
254
00:09:49,488 --> 00:09:50,512
No?
255
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,579
Ow!
256
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:52,882
Oh, shit!
257
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,085
[Little Jack wailing]
258
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,287
Focker. He's absorbing
you like a sponge.
259
00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,296
I don't want the first word
out of his mouth
260
00:09:58,364 --> 00:09:59,490
to be a profanity.
261
00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,089
It's okay. It's okay.
262
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,397
Cover your nose.
You're terrifying him.
263
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:04,493
Focker!
264
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,832
[wailing]
265
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,335
It's cool that your dad
is so into
being a grandparent.
266
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:10,398
Yeah, I guess so.
It kinda freaks my mom out.
267
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,501
She says he spends
every last second
with that kid.
268
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,239
[horn honking]
269
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,481
Oh, my God.
270
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,306
Daddy?
271
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,441
(Greg)
Wow.
272
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,720
Daddy, what is this thing?
273
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,016
It's a custom-designed,
274
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,523
climate-controlled
motor coach.
275
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:28,116
Jack calls it the
Highlight of our Twilight.
276
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:31,888
Wow. This is incredible.
277
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,022
Isn't it?
278
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,066
Yeah.
279
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,430
[knocking on truck]
280
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:37,061
Ooh! Like a tank.
281
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,400
Well, in these
uncertain times, Greg,
282
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,804
I opted for
a Kevlar-reinforced hull
283
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:44,308
with two-inch thick
plexiglas windows,
284
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,901
just like
the ones they design on
285
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,139
the Russian Widowmaker
submarines.
286
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,648
I want you to conduct
a field test for us, Greg.
287
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:53,150
I want you to demonstrate
288
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,084
the impregnable outer skin
of the coach.
289
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,485
Throw it at the window.
290
00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:57,579
Oh.
291
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:58,781
Jack, I'm not gonna...
292
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:00,723
I'm not gonna throw a brick
at your window.
293
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:01,987
It's a simple demonstration.
294
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,052
No, I'd... I'd
really rather not.
Throw the brick.
295
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,154
Okay.
Great.
296
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,255
Just...
297
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,356
All your might.
298
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:08,559
All right.
299
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,504
Don't worry,
your rental insurance
should take care of it.
300
00:11:17,576 --> 00:11:19,305
(Pam)
You all right? What happened?
301
00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:20,402
Come on,
302
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,504
we'll call a tow truck
from the road.
303
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:23,843
Road?
304
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:26,148
Yeah.
We're driving this to Miami.
305
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:28,709
I thought we were...
I thought we were,
we're flying tomorrow.
306
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,279
No, No. Airline travel
being what it is these days,
307
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,722
so unreliable,
308
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,282
I'll feel
much more comfortable
309
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,555
knowing I have my own
Posturepedic bed,
310
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,223
my own thermostat,
my own lavatory facility.
311
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:42,392
Uh-huh. So... so we're all
going to be in this together?
312
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:44,402
We hit the road
in exactly seven minutes,
313
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,233
27 seconds.
314
00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:47,805
This way we'll get in early,
315
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,636
spend an extra half day
with your parents,
316
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,937
getting to know them.
317
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,307
Isn't that great?
318
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,572
That is great.
319
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,978
(Roz)
Worth it for you but I'm the
one that gets the fumes.
320
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:58,073
(Bernie)
Honey, I'm in the mood
for a chimichanga.
321
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:59,242
(Roz)
So make a...
322
00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:00,376
[answering machine beeping]
323
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:01,920
Hey, guys, uh, it's me.
324
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:04,820
Listen,
I'm getting a little worried.
I haven't heard back from you.
325
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,586
Hope you got the message.
There's been
a little change of plans.
326
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,356
We're gonna be, uh,
coming down in Jack's RV now,
327
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:12,329
so we'll be arriving
tomorrow afternoon,
328
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,956
not tomorrow night.
329
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,591
Okay? Tomorrow afternoon.
330
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:16,794
And, also, uh,
331
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,530
they're bringing
their little grandson,
332
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:20,367
so, uh, he's like a baby.
333
00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:21,997
So... I don't know.
334
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,939
Oh, welcome aboard,
me hearties.
335
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,569
Hey, this is incredible.
336
00:12:27,646 --> 00:12:29,341
Yes, it's as big
as our apartment.
337
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,814
Pretty neat, huh?
338
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,145
[toilet flushing]
339
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,651
[meowing]
340
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,311
Hey!
341
00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:38,015
Mr. Jinx finally learned
how to flush the toilet, huh?
342
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,853
Yeah. Jack installed
a special flusher,
343
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:42,018
and he learnt how to do that
in about two days.
344
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,152
Right, Jack?
345
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,129
Hey there, Jinxy.
How you doing?
346
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:46,824
[meowing]
347
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,935
Ready to hit the road,
Co-Captain?
348
00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,697
Wow! I'm the Co-Captain?
349
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:56,206
Let's set sail, sailor.
350
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,368
##[Going Up the Country
by Canned Heat playing]
351
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,810
# I'm going up the country
babe don't you wanna go #
352
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,711
(Jack)
Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
353
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,306
This is
Captain Jack Byrnes speaking.
354
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:05,577
Yeah, Daddy!
355
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:07,278
(Jack)
A quick announcement.
356
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,446
As a courtesy
to your fellow passengers,
357
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,581
please remember
that the onboard lavatory
358
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:13,284
should be used
for number one only.
359
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,259
Should the need
for number two arise,
360
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:17,352
we'll stop at
the nearest rest stop,
gas station,
361
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:18,657
or heavily wooded area.
362
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,494
Thank you. Welcome aboard.
363
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,829
I like that thing.
Hey, do you mind if I, uh,
364
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,699
make a little announcement?
365
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:25,896
Well...
366
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,735
Only the captain gets
to make an announcement.
367
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:31,766
You want to honk the horn?
368
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:33,675
Um... Sure.
369
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,014
Only the captain gets
to honk the horn.
370
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:38,947
# I'm gonna leave this city #
371
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:41,714
# Got to get away #
372
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:44,316
# All this fussing
And fighting #
373
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,550
Oh, look!
374
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,658
(Greg)
Hey, Jinxy, see that?
375
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,089
# Now, baby,
pack your leaving trunk #
376
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,426
# You know
we've got to leave today #
377
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:55,291
(Pam)
You hungry?
Do you want some milk?
378
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:58,825
# But we might
even leave the USA #
379
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,863
Hey! Jack?
380
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,041
(Greg)
Oh, she wants you
to honk the horn.
381
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,236
Not interested.
382
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,280
Rules of the road.
She honks, you honk.
383
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,408
(Greg)
Come on, Jack. Come on.
Give her a honk.
384
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:12,609
[honking]
385
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:13,913
There you go.
386
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,476
[whooping]
387
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:16,646
[girls yelling]
388
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,747
(Greg)
It's like a team or something.
389
00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:20,121
"Honk if your are horny."
390
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,853
[girls yelling]
391
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,355
[gasping]
392
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:27,621
Oh!
393
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,799
Thanks for that, Greg.
394
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,700
# 'Cause you've got a home #
395
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:34,398
# As long as I've got mine ##
396
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,076
(Roz)
... for you but I'm the one
that gets the fumes.
397
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:41,374
(Bernie)
Honey, I'm in the mood
for a chimichanga.
398
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:42,573
(Roz)
So make a...
399
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,047
[answering machine beeping]
400
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,152
[Little Jack cooing]
401
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:49,548
Hey, there.
402
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:51,980
No hard feelings, all right?
403
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,183
[Little Jack gurgling]
404
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,853
Friends? What's that?
405
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:57,292
What're you saying?
406
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,388
Now, wait a minute.
What does this mean?
407
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:01,057
I know what this means.
408
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:03,431
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
Oh, poop!
409
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:05,333
You got to poop, right?
Okay, good.
410
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:06,462
Thank you for warning me.
411
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,267
Everybody poops.
Sometimes it hurts.
412
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:10,308
It's okay.
Just let it come out.
413
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,365
[wailing]
414
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,209
What did you do, Focker?
415
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,247
Nothing. He...
I think he has to poop.
416
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,975
That's not the sign for poop.
417
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,414
That's the sign for milk.
418
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,974
This is the sign for poop.
419
00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:21,781
Oh! What's the sign
for sour milk?
420
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,446
'Cause, uh
this tastes a little funky.
421
00:15:23,522 --> 00:15:25,922
That's because
it's from Debbie's
left breast, Greg.
422
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,117
[gagging]
423
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:28,625
[laughing]
424
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:30,918
Ew.
425
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,720
Fortunately,
she pumped for a week
426
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,561
to give us
enough for the trip.
427
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,965
Okay,
snack pack for Little Jack.
428
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:38,703
(Greg)
What are you doing there?
429
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,830
Well, during
the breastfeeding stage, Greg,
430
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,771
infants can get
very confused and upset
431
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,706
when they're separated
from their mothers.
432
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,335
So I invented something
433
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:49,040
to ease LJ's anxiety
during chow time.
434
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,447
I call it the Mannary Gland.
435
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,652
I had it made
from an exact cast
436
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:58,052
of Debbie's left bosom.
437
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,351
[gurgling]
438
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:02,224
Oh, yeah. Okay.
439
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,693
It's been so effective,
440
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,060
I'm thinking of
getting it patented.
441
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,788
Would you like to touch it?
442
00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:09,094
Uh, I wouldn't.
443
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:10,567
Oh, come on,
feel how soft it is.
444
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,536
I can... I can see
how soft it is from here.
445
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:13,628
No, feel it, Greg.
446
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,105
It's very...
It looks very...
447
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,937
Just feel the breast, Greg.
448
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:20,635
Just a...
449
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,704
Oh, watch the nipple.
Just around here.
450
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,180
Nipple is his.
451
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,414
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
452
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:31,722
It's got a great, lifelike,
and a...
453
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,348
Or what I would imagine
454
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:35,552
Debbie's breast might... might
actually feel like.
455
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,458
Not that I would know.
456
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,354
[chattering]
457
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,229
(Pam)
Greg.
458
00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:46,796
What?
459
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,066
Honey, you promised
460
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,701
you wouldn't take the boob out
in front of company.
461
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,301
It's nothing
to be ashamed of.
462
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,971
Breast-feeding is
perfectly natural.
463
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:58,039
Dad, that's not natural,
that's just weird.
464
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:00,878
As soon as
Little Jack's topped off,
465
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,580
we're gonna hit the road.
466
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:03,677
Oh!
467
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,051
Oh, Jack,
468
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,853
you can't drive
any more tonight.
469
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:10,292
Dr. Monroe said
no aggravating your sciatica.
470
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,330
Honey, we're on a very
precise schedule.
471
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,524
We bunk here tonight,
472
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,829
we hit horrendous traffic
in the morning.
473
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,300
[Little Jack whining]
474
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,692
Greg?
475
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:19,760
Yeah.
476
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,806
Maybe you could drive
the night shift.
477
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,068
I could do that.
478
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,906
I am the Co-Captain.
So, I think that falls
479
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,640
under my
responsibilities, right?
Yeah.
480
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,648
Keep her at 55, stay alert.
481
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,981
Yeah, yeah. I've been
wanting to get behind
the wheel of this big boy.
482
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,543
[horn honking]
483
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,414
[cars honking]
484
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,153
You got it. Pass.
485
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,285
[horns honking]
486
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:46,161
Sorry, got to go 55.
487
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,028
Captain Jack's orders.
488
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,124
Hmm.
489
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:03,336
[door beeping]
490
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:06,341
Hey!
491
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,147
Would you like
some company, Greg?
492
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,551
Uh, yeah, sure.
493
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,782
If you can't sleep.
Go on. Have a seat.
494
00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:14,518
[door beeping]
495
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,359
How about a cappuccino?
496
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,566
Oh, you don't have to do that.
497
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,036
It's no problem for me.
498
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:28,967
Really? Yeah? Okay.
499
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,167
Dina!
500
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:32,836
Wake up and make
Greg a cappuccino!
501
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,443
Shake a leg, woman!
502
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,144
Jesus, Jack,
you know, I'm not that tired.
503
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:38,205
Really.
504
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:42,016
Relax, Greg. This cockpit's
completely soundproofed.
505
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:44,487
You should've seen the look
on your face.
506
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:45,955
[chuckling]
Oh! Okay, okay.
507
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:48,185
You got me. That was...
That was a good one.
508
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,727
Yes, it was. Yes.
509
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,057
Mmm-hmm.
510
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,119
It's funny.
511
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,557
But you should never talk
to a woman like that,
512
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:55,691
you know that, Greg.
513
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,166
It's disrespectful.
514
00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,764
Right, of course. Yeah.
515
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:02,102
Greg, a man reaches
a certain age
516
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,142
when he realizes
what's truly important.
517
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:05,332
Hmm-mmm.
518
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,238
You know what that is?
519
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:08,839
Love?
520
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:11,780
Friendship?
521
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:14,351
Enjoying the moment.
522
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,386
Living. Just love.
523
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,183
His legacy.
524
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,249
That, too. Right. Yeah. Sure.
525
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:23,453
Now, my grandson, Little Jack,
is part of that legacy.
526
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,997
In six months, you and Pam
are gonna be married.
527
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,053
Sometime after that,
528
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:29,100
you'll want to start
a family of your own.
529
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,795
Yeah. Right.
Actually, on the subject,
530
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:32,734
I had some thoughts
about the wedding date.
531
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,295
We'll discuss that later,
after this weekend, Greg.
532
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:36,636
Now, let's get back on point.
533
00:19:36,708 --> 00:19:38,437
Let me put it very simply.
534
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,909
If your family circle
535
00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:42,208
does indeed join
my family circle,
536
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:43,942
they'll form a chain.
537
00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:46,641
I can't have a chink
in my chain.
538
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:47,707
Hmm.
539
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,219
Yeah. Okay.
I get the metaphor.
540
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:51,950
Now,
I've never met your parents,
541
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,686
so I'm not going to jump
to any hasty conclusions.
542
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,853
But, like studying
a frozen caveman,
543
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,624
if I can see
where you came from,
544
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,188
I'll have a much better idea
of where you're going.
545
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,392
Okay.
546
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:05,834
A-are you thinking
maybe my parents might be
547
00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:07,929
like... like a chink
in the chain or...
548
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,973
A doctor and a lawyer,
what's there to worry about?
549
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:12,836
Mmm-hmm.
550
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,482
[birds cawing]
551
00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:39,335
(Dina)
Ooh, it seems very nice.
552
00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:43,597
[karate cries]
553
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,741
Is that your father?
554
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,076
[karate cries]
555
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:52,248
That is my father.
556
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,012
[karate cries]
557
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,461
(Bernie)
Hey! There you are.
558
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:04,927
What the heck is
that contraption?
559
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,828
I thought you guys
were flying in tonight.
560
00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:08,798
I left a message yesterday
We were driving...
561
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,266
Oh, I didn't get a message.
562
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,859
(Greg)
I left you like five messages.
563
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,837
Will you get over here
and plant one on me.
564
00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:14,963
Talking about messages.
565
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,532
I've been waiting so long
to see you. My best buddy.
566
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:19,838
Good to see you.
567
00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:22,141
Come here. Come here.
Oh, I missed you.
568
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,739
Is this not
the most handsome young man
569
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:26,249
you've ever seen
in your life?
570
00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:29,219
I used to call him
a young Jewish Marlon Brando.
571
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:30,377
Huh?
572
00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:31,578
[all laughing]
573
00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:33,085
Can you believe
574
00:21:33,158 --> 00:21:35,217
I conceived him
with one testicle?
575
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,989
(Bernie)
No, really. It's true.
576
00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:39,360
I only have one because
the other never dropped.
577
00:21:39,431 --> 00:21:41,262
It's called
an undescending testicle.
578
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,767
It's not uncommon,
but look at him.
579
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:47,097
Imagine what he would have
looked like if I had two.
580
00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:50,373
[Greg chuckling]
581
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:52,376
That's a good icebreaker.
582
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:53,671
Whoa!
Ho!
583
00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:55,474
There's the sexiest
second grade teacher
584
00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:57,139
I've ever seen in my life.
585
00:21:57,215 --> 00:21:58,409
[sputtering]
586
00:21:58,483 --> 00:21:59,643
That was a good one.
587
00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:00,810
It gets her every time.
588
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,751
Goose bumps. She loves it.
589
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:05,415
I'm Dina Byrnes.
It's so nice to meet you.
590
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:08,254
The pleasure is all mine,
mon cheri.
591
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:10,560
[exclaiming]
592
00:22:10,762 --> 00:22:12,559
You got to be the flower man.
593
00:22:12,631 --> 00:22:14,690
That's right.
Jack Byrnes, Pam's father.
594
00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:16,700
And I'm Bernard Focker,
Gaylord's father,
595
00:22:16,768 --> 00:22:20,101
and we're all grownups here
and we shake hands like men.
596
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:21,828
All right.
597
00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:23,374
[all laughing]
598
00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:25,239
Oh, we're just playing here.
599
00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:26,800
Give me some love.
600
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:30,504
We're family now.
601
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:33,551
What're you so shy about?
Come here.
602
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:38,087
Oh, wow. Look at those pecs.
603
00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:39,589
Wow! You're harder
than sheetrock.
604
00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:40,886
Now tell me the truth.
605
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:42,358
You work out
with weights, right?
606
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:43,860
Well, I do
various calisthenics.
607
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:47,057
Some medicine-ball training,
I play bimonthly football.
608
00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:48,724
Oh, footie-footie football?
609
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,132
I was just, uh,
practicing my Capoeira. What?
610
00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:52,830
Oh, Capoeira. Yeah.
611
00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:55,031
The Brazilian martial art
of dance fighting. Yes.
612
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:57,041
He knows what that is. Yeah.
613
00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:59,703
You know,
I've been doing it for weeks.
614
00:22:59,778 --> 00:23:00,938
I'm really into it.
615
00:23:01,012 --> 00:23:02,639
It keeps me level.
616
00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:04,739
Because sometimes
I get wound up so tight,
617
00:23:04,816 --> 00:23:06,579
I could just snap.
618
00:23:06,651 --> 00:23:07,948
You know what I mean?
619
00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:09,008
[Little Jack wailing]
620
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:10,486
What is that?
What is that?
621
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:11,783
Is there a baby on board?
622
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:13,518
That's a baby. Yes, yes.
623
00:23:13,658 --> 00:23:15,819
Yeah. Hmm-mmm.
It was all in the message.
624
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:17,259
[Moses barking]
625
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:18,694
Hey, Moses, go ahead,
626
00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:20,561
say hello to
your future in-laws.
627
00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:22,259
No, no, he's harmless.
628
00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:23,733
And yeah, fixed.
Moses.
629
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:24,996
That's all right.
630
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,332
(Bernie)
Just shake him off.
631
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,202
Oh, no. Don't shake.
He likes the shaking.
632
00:23:28,273 --> 00:23:29,365
Moses, get off!
633
00:23:29,441 --> 00:23:31,534
No, don't worry.
The pink part
didn't get on you.
634
00:23:31,610 --> 00:23:33,441
(Greg)
Moses, go, get in your basket.
Go!
635
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:34,843
(Bernie)
He's all talk.
636
00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:36,505
Who's this little guy?
637
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,242
This is our grandson,
Little Jack.
638
00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:39,943
Oh, little baby.
639
00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:41,815
[babbling]
640
00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:43,616
How are you,
Little Jack?
641
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,189
Hey, Dad, don't... don't...
don't infantilize him.
642
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:47,486
Just talk to him
like a person.
643
00:23:47,559 --> 00:23:49,254
What are you talking about?
He's a baby.
644
00:23:49,327 --> 00:23:50,988
I want to talk to him
like he's a baby.
645
00:23:51,062 --> 00:23:52,757
Bazooka! Bazooka!
646
00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:55,456
[wailing]
647
00:23:55,534 --> 00:23:57,126
(Bernie)
He likes me.
648
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,803
When Roz's dad died, I said:
649
00:23:59,871 --> 00:24:02,499
"Hey, we're freezing our
tushies off here in Detroit."
650
00:24:02,574 --> 00:24:04,098
You know, "Let's head south
651
00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:06,201
and get some year-round fun
in the sun."
652
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,576
This house is
over a 100 years old, so...
653
00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:10,046
Dad. Dad,
you continue the tour.
654
00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:11,707
I'm gonna tell Mom
we're here, okay?
655
00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:13,580
Oh! The upstairs bathroom
is on el fritzo.
656
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:15,779
So we're all gonna have to
share this one for now.
657
00:24:15,854 --> 00:24:17,788
Since there's a water scarcity
on the island,
658
00:24:17,856 --> 00:24:20,450
we kind of abide by the
"if it's yellow let it mellow,
659
00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:22,755
if it's brown
flush it down" policy.
660
00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:27,087
Oops. Forgot my own rule.
661
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:30,226
[toilet flushing]
662
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,736
The RV has paid
for itself already.
663
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:35,095
##[music playing]
All right, kids.
664
00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:37,198
Forward and backward.
665
00:24:37,876 --> 00:24:41,073
(Roz)
Rotate those hips.
666
00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,740
Let's get your
kundalini rising.
667
00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:45,646
And now it's time
for the ladies
668
00:24:45,717 --> 00:24:47,708
to get into the reverse
cowgirl position.
669
00:24:47,786 --> 00:24:49,845
Guys, you have to
lie across the Liberator pad
670
00:24:49,921 --> 00:24:50,910
like so.
671
00:24:51,022 --> 00:24:52,887
Everyone look at
how Ira's doing it.
672
00:24:52,958 --> 00:24:54,721
Bingo. Bango. Bungo.
673
00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:57,728
The man is loose, he's limber
and he's ready for action.
674
00:24:57,796 --> 00:24:59,093
So, climb aboard, girls,
675
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:01,064
and let me hear
your bodies talk.
676
00:25:01,132 --> 00:25:02,190
Ooh!
677
00:25:02,267 --> 00:25:03,791
Whoa! Yes!
678
00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:05,234
This position is terrific
679
00:25:05,303 --> 00:25:08,272
for anyone with osteoporosis,
gout or goiter.
680
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,570
Stay with me, kids.
We're almost done.
681
00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:13,277
Ah! Honey!
682
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,869
Oh! All right, guys.
683
00:25:14,946 --> 00:25:16,607
We have to wrap it up.
Everyone.
684
00:25:16,681 --> 00:25:18,546
Remember to take
your Liberator pads.
685
00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:21,381
And don't forget to stretch
before you try this at home.
686
00:25:21,586 --> 00:25:24,054
We don't want anyone
shattering a pelvis.
687
00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,214
Hello, my precious.
688
00:25:26,291 --> 00:25:27,724
Oh, I love you so much.
689
00:25:27,792 --> 00:25:30,283
I haven't seen
my bubeleh in months.
690
00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:31,659
Honey, you feel thin.
No, no.
691
00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:33,322
You're not eating.
What's the matter?
692
00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,299
No. I'm fine. Mom, how do
we explain all these people
to the Byrneses?
693
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,928
Honey, they're leaving.
The Byrneses won't know
they were here.
694
00:25:39,004 --> 00:25:42,303
Okay. We agreed to be discreet
about you being
a sex therapist this weekend
695
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,365
until you got to know
Jack and Dina better. Right?
696
00:25:44,442 --> 00:25:46,535
Don't worry. I'll be discreet.
I put all my toys away.
697
00:25:46,611 --> 00:25:48,602
And my office is all ready
for them to sleep in.
698
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,614
Your office? No, no.
we're putting them upstairs.
699
00:25:50,682 --> 00:25:52,946
Your father thought they'd be
more comfortable down here.
700
00:25:53,018 --> 00:25:55,009
The upstairs plumbing...
You don't wanna know.
701
00:25:55,086 --> 00:25:56,986
Talk to me about
something important, honey.
702
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,317
How are things
with you and Pam?
703
00:25:58,390 --> 00:25:59,414
They're great.
704
00:25:59,491 --> 00:26:00,924
Because, you know,
after two years,
705
00:26:00,992 --> 00:26:02,721
you have to work
to keep things going.
706
00:26:02,794 --> 00:26:04,557
Does she still
climax regularly?
707
00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:05,753
Mom.
708
00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:07,764
You can't talk that way
this weekend, okay?
709
00:26:07,832 --> 00:26:08,958
Honey, I'm just saying
710
00:26:09,034 --> 00:26:10,661
I didn't raise you
to be a so-so lover.
711
00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:12,600
I know.
Okay, what is he doing?
712
00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:15,071
What?
Don't... don't worry about them.
713
00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,366
Mom, Mom,
714
00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:18,341
you got to get these people
out of here now.
715
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:19,399
Okay.
716
00:26:19,477 --> 00:26:20,705
Wipe that
little gloss off you.
717
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:21,803
Okay.
718
00:26:23,481 --> 00:26:24,948
You hunt deer, Bernard?
719
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:26,608
What? No, I hate that thing.
720
00:26:26,685 --> 00:26:28,118
Roz's father gave it to us.
721
00:26:28,186 --> 00:26:31,383
He was into all that
macho-wacho crap.
722
00:26:31,456 --> 00:26:32,514
Oh! So is Greg.
723
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:35,116
He and I went
duck-hunting together.
Didn't we, Greg? Hmm?
724
00:26:35,193 --> 00:26:36,524
Duck-hunting?
Me and you?
725
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:37,755
Duck-hunting?
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
726
00:26:37,829 --> 00:26:38,853
What? What?
727
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,524
Gay, you went duck-hunting
with... with Jack?
728
00:26:42,067 --> 00:26:43,591
Um, yeah. We went, we did.
729
00:26:43,668 --> 00:26:45,260
We went
on a little hunting trip.
730
00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:46,463
You shot a duck?
731
00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:49,268
I shot at a duck and...
Mmm-hmm.
732
00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:51,969
You killed an
innocent creature of the sky?
733
00:26:52,043 --> 00:26:53,635
I don't... Did I...
I did... I don't...
734
00:26:53,712 --> 00:26:55,680
I think
I might've clipped it or...
735
00:26:55,747 --> 00:26:57,612
Never really checked.
736
00:27:25,243 --> 00:27:26,870
Oh, Lord.
737
00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:30,506
And now,
for the piece de resistance.
738
00:27:32,150 --> 00:27:34,380
[gasping]
Oh, my goodness.
739
00:27:34,452 --> 00:27:36,113
Little somethin'
I've been workin' on.
740
00:27:36,187 --> 00:27:38,178
Oh, I see. Oh.
741
00:27:39,624 --> 00:27:42,149
Mom will be out in a sec.
What's that?
742
00:27:42,227 --> 00:27:43,524
It's you.
743
00:27:43,595 --> 00:27:44,960
It's the Wall of Gaylord.
744
00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:47,131
The Wall of Gaylord?
745
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:50,597
Isn't it nice to finally
display your accomplishments,
Son?
746
00:27:50,669 --> 00:27:52,068
Honey, look
at all your awards.
747
00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:53,297
That's great.
748
00:27:53,371 --> 00:27:54,395
He's my champion.
749
00:27:54,472 --> 00:27:55,461
Oh, I didn't know
750
00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:57,201
they made ninth place
ribbons.
751
00:27:57,275 --> 00:27:59,835
Oh, Jack, they got them
all the way up to 10th place.
752
00:27:59,911 --> 00:28:02,038
Hey! Anybody want to
get a drink by the lagoon?
753
00:28:02,113 --> 00:28:03,580
This one looks impressive.
754
00:28:03,648 --> 00:28:07,812
"Mazel tov, Gaylord M. Focker.
World's Greatest Nurse."
755
00:28:07,886 --> 00:28:08,944
[chuckling]
756
00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:10,009
Very nice.
757
00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:11,350
We've always tried
758
00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:13,414
to instill a sense of self
in Gaylord
759
00:28:13,491 --> 00:28:15,823
without being
too goal-oriented.
760
00:28:15,894 --> 00:28:17,657
It's not about
winning or losing,
761
00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:18,718
it's about passion.
762
00:28:19,597 --> 00:28:22,589
We just want him
to love what he's doin'.
763
00:28:22,667 --> 00:28:24,066
You know what I mean, Jack?
764
00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:25,534
Not really, Bernard.
765
00:28:25,603 --> 00:28:27,070
I think
a competitive drive
766
00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:28,799
is the essential key
that makes America
767
00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:31,467
the only remaining superpower
in the world today.
768
00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:34,510
Well, whatever works.
Mmm-hmm.
769
00:28:34,579 --> 00:28:36,638
(Roz)
All right.
Don't forget the positions.
770
00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,182
Bye, Dr. Roz.
You're a lifesaver.
771
00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:40,444
Oh, Thank you, BJ.
Goodbye.
772
00:28:40,518 --> 00:28:42,042
Ira, remember,
easy on the thrusting.
773
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:43,747
You're not 78 anymore.
774
00:28:43,822 --> 00:28:45,380
(lra)
Bing, bang, bong.
775
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:48,051
What... What kind of work
does your mother
do with those patients?
776
00:28:48,126 --> 00:28:50,959
Those look like yoga mats.
Is there yoga involved?
777
00:28:51,029 --> 00:28:52,257
It's yogaesque.
778
00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:54,093
It's sort of, um,
779
00:28:54,165 --> 00:28:55,894
a, um, a... a... a
couples therapy.
780
00:28:55,967 --> 00:28:57,264
Kind of mind-body...
781
00:28:57,335 --> 00:28:58,825
It's kind of
her own sort of...
782
00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:01,565
Rozela! Sweetheart,
living room!
783
00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:03,938
Hello! Hello! Hello!
784
00:29:04,008 --> 00:29:06,135
How are you, baby girl?
785
00:29:06,211 --> 00:29:07,473
Good, Roz.
786
00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,479
God! Look at you,
you're glowing!
787
00:29:09,547 --> 00:29:10,741
Oh, thank you.
788
00:29:10,815 --> 00:29:13,045
Hi, I'm Roz Focker
789
00:29:13,118 --> 00:29:15,712
you must be Jack,
and you must be Dina.
790
00:29:15,787 --> 00:29:16,947
Hi.
791
00:29:17,021 --> 00:29:18,352
l... I just can't believe
792
00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,084
it's taken us
this long to meet, huh.
793
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:22,416
And who's
this little hairball?
794
00:29:22,494 --> 00:29:24,587
They brought their grandson
Baby Jack along.
795
00:29:24,662 --> 00:29:27,927
He's so adorable.
I could eat him up.
796
00:29:27,999 --> 00:29:30,058
Bern, did you show them
where they're sleeping?
797
00:29:30,135 --> 00:29:32,797
Right, right, right.
Because we don't
have any air-conditioning,
798
00:29:32,871 --> 00:29:36,204
I made up a nice spot for you
in Roz's office 'cause it
gets the best breeze,
799
00:29:36,274 --> 00:29:38,105
and it's very near
the communal commode.
800
00:29:38,176 --> 00:29:41,043
Oh, well, you know,
actually, we're gonna
stay in our motor home.
801
00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:42,306
In the trailer?
802
00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:44,348
Come on, Jack.
You're family.
803
00:29:44,415 --> 00:29:45,643
We sleep under the same roof.
804
00:29:45,717 --> 00:29:47,685
Actually, Mom's office
is kind of cluttered.
805
00:29:47,752 --> 00:29:49,117
So, that... that
works all right.
806
00:29:49,187 --> 00:29:50,984
It's just really easier
with Little Jack.
807
00:29:51,055 --> 00:29:52,818
No, no. Really.
We insist.
808
00:29:52,891 --> 00:29:54,415
They wanna sleep
in the trailer,
809
00:29:54,492 --> 00:29:55,823
let them sleep
in the trailer.
810
00:29:55,894 --> 00:29:57,794
Mom, it's not actually...
It's not a trailer.
811
00:29:57,862 --> 00:30:00,057
It's kind of like...
It's like a... like a
hotel on wheels.
812
00:30:00,131 --> 00:30:03,066
This is practically a hotel.
I was gonna do
the turndown service...
813
00:30:03,134 --> 00:30:05,125
I know, I know,
but it's their choice.
814
00:30:05,203 --> 00:30:07,467
Wherever you feel
most comfortable is fine.
815
00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:09,336
(Bernie)
It's not right.
Bern, let it go.
816
00:30:09,407 --> 00:30:10,669
Let it go? Fine.
817
00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:11,902
Yeah, let it go.
818
00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:13,773
Look at you, sulking.
819
00:30:13,845 --> 00:30:15,836
Now, look at this.
I married a teenager. Right?
820
00:30:15,914 --> 00:30:18,280
At least you have the libido
of a teenager.
821
00:30:18,349 --> 00:30:20,146
I gave her
a little matinee today...
822
00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:22,152
Oh! Don't you dare!
Stop it!
823
00:30:22,687 --> 00:30:24,518
[chuckling]
How about a double feature?
824
00:30:24,756 --> 00:30:25,745
[laughing]
825
00:30:25,957 --> 00:30:27,618
(Bernie)
Come on. Come on.
826
00:30:27,692 --> 00:30:30,354
Lagoon? Why don't we go
show them the lagoon?
827
00:30:30,428 --> 00:30:32,123
The lagoon.
Come see the lagoon.
828
00:30:32,197 --> 00:30:33,824
The lagoon, Jack. Come on.
829
00:30:33,965 --> 00:30:35,262
We'll get drunk,
830
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:36,994
we'll take a piss
in the lagoon.
831
00:30:37,569 --> 00:30:39,537
(Bernie)
Roz, why don't you
take them outside?
832
00:30:39,604 --> 00:30:41,094
Show them around.
I'll make a drink.
833
00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:49,841
Oh, God.
834
00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:51,941
(Greg)
Hey, Dad...
835
00:30:52,016 --> 00:30:53,608
It's going good
so far, right?
836
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,245
Dad, you gotta take down
that weird shrine thing.
837
00:30:56,321 --> 00:30:57,754
But I'm very proud
of you, Gaylord.
838
00:30:57,822 --> 00:30:59,119
What's wrong with showing it?
839
00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:00,521
It's ridiculous.
840
00:31:00,592 --> 00:31:02,753
Most people aren't proud
of sixth place ribbons.
841
00:31:02,827 --> 00:31:03,816
Most people?
842
00:31:03,895 --> 00:31:05,624
Since when do you care
about most people?
843
00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:08,791
I don't, but Jack
is really into winning
844
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,664
and competition and sports.
845
00:31:10,735 --> 00:31:12,498
It's a whole other thing
with him.
846
00:31:12,570 --> 00:31:15,232
Hey. Hey. You're a winner
up here and in here.
847
00:31:15,306 --> 00:31:17,069
And that's all that matters.
848
00:31:17,141 --> 00:31:18,574
Okay. Thank you.
849
00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:20,610
I don't know what that means,
but thank you.
850
00:31:21,145 --> 00:31:22,134
(Jack)
So, to solve that problem,
851
00:31:22,213 --> 00:31:25,205
I created a life-like
latex left breast
852
00:31:25,283 --> 00:31:27,683
molded from his mother's
actual left breast,
853
00:31:27,752 --> 00:31:30,346
so this way LJ would avoid
any nipple confusion.
854
00:31:30,421 --> 00:31:34,482
You're avoiding confusion
by strapping a boob on a man?
855
00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:35,924
Well, yes, believe it or not,
856
00:31:35,994 --> 00:31:37,894
it is less confusing
because of the texture
857
00:31:37,962 --> 00:31:39,020
Mom.
858
00:31:39,097 --> 00:31:41,065
...of the breast itself.
859
00:31:41,132 --> 00:31:45,034
Uh, I guess it's very,
uh, creative.
860
00:31:45,103 --> 00:31:46,092
It's very creative.
861
00:31:46,170 --> 00:31:48,434
##[Bernie humming]
862
00:31:48,506 --> 00:31:52,875
A little birdie told me
that one of our guests here
863
00:31:52,944 --> 00:31:54,844
is a Tom Collins man.
864
00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:56,210
[all laughing]
865
00:31:56,281 --> 00:31:57,475
Oh, for pity's sake.
866
00:31:57,548 --> 00:31:59,175
Isn't that nice, Jack?
867
00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:00,877
That is nice. Thank you.
868
00:32:00,952 --> 00:32:04,410
(Bernie)
All right. Wait. Don't drink.
I want to make a toast.
869
00:32:06,024 --> 00:32:09,323
Now,
I had a vasectomy in 1974...
870
00:32:09,394 --> 00:32:10,452
'73, honey.
871
00:32:10,528 --> 00:32:11,688
You're right. '73.
872
00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:14,561
So, unfortunately,
I never had the chance
to procreate a daughter,
873
00:32:14,632 --> 00:32:15,860
but had I been able to,
874
00:32:15,934 --> 00:32:18,562
I really
would've wanted a girl
875
00:32:18,636 --> 00:32:21,002
as sensitive
and as intelligent
876
00:32:21,172 --> 00:32:22,639
and as beautiful
877
00:32:22,907 --> 00:32:26,035
as this young lady
sitting right here before us.
878
00:32:26,511 --> 00:32:27,637
Thank you, Bernie.
879
00:32:27,712 --> 00:32:28,906
And if I might add...
880
00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:30,004
Greg.
881
00:32:30,415 --> 00:32:31,473
Yeah.
882
00:32:31,916 --> 00:32:33,383
I thought you had a sister?
883
00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:35,476
Nope. No sister.
884
00:32:36,154 --> 00:32:37,621
You said you had a sister.
885
00:32:37,689 --> 00:32:39,919
You said
you milked your sister's cat.
886
00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:48,393
(Bernie)
Okay, I'm not done yet.
What I'm trying to say is,
887
00:32:48,499 --> 00:32:51,263
it's taken far too long
to do this, you know,
888
00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:53,528
but we're finally
all together.
889
00:32:54,105 --> 00:32:55,572
(Roz)
That's nice, honey.
890
00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:58,199
Oh, thank you.
891
00:32:59,544 --> 00:33:00,909
All right, that's enough.
892
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:02,606
L'chaim, everyone.
893
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,874
(all)
L'chaim!
894
00:33:03,948 --> 00:33:05,347
L'ha-ha.
895
00:33:05,416 --> 00:33:08,317
Like you have popcorn
stuck in the throat. It's a...
896
00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:10,009
Okay. To family.
897
00:33:10,088 --> 00:33:11,783
[all laughing]
898
00:33:12,023 --> 00:33:13,012
To family.
899
00:33:13,124 --> 00:33:14,148
Oh! I forgot.
900
00:33:14,225 --> 00:33:16,318
I want to say one more
thing about my vasectomy.
901
00:33:16,394 --> 00:33:17,622
(Roz)
Sit down.
902
00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:20,027
Honey,
get yourself over here.
903
00:33:20,098 --> 00:33:21,087
I went overboard?
904
00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:22,154
(Roz)
A little bit.
905
00:33:22,233 --> 00:33:25,031
You're so cute,
they'll forgive you anything.
906
00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:27,203
(Bernie)
God! You're so beautiful.
907
00:33:27,271 --> 00:33:29,671
[whispering]
You are the sexiest woman
alive I know.
908
00:33:29,741 --> 00:33:32,608
Mmm. You're just trying to
get me back into bed.
909
00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:33,837
(Bernie)
Or the hammock.
910
00:33:33,911 --> 00:33:34,969
[clearing throat]
911
00:33:35,046 --> 00:33:36,809
This is
a delicious Tom Collins.
912
00:33:36,881 --> 00:33:39,213
What I did,
I used real lemon juice.
913
00:33:39,283 --> 00:33:41,274
It's from our trees here.
That's the secret.
914
00:33:41,352 --> 00:33:43,183
He was squeezing
all afternoon.
915
00:33:43,254 --> 00:33:44,414
Yeah. And, Jack,
916
00:33:44,489 --> 00:33:46,252
I managed to make some
lemon juice, too.
917
00:33:46,324 --> 00:33:47,916
[both laughing]
918
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:49,988
[gasping]
919
00:33:50,061 --> 00:33:51,619
(Bernie)
Gay, you all right?
920
00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:53,323
Honey, you okay?
Are you sure?
921
00:33:54,198 --> 00:33:55,631
[frogs croaking]
922
00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:01,728
Well, I think
923
00:34:01,806 --> 00:34:04,900
that Roz and Bernie seem like
very nice people.
924
00:34:04,976 --> 00:34:06,773
Oh! Very nice people.
925
00:34:07,178 --> 00:34:09,169
A little off-color,
but very nice.
926
00:34:09,247 --> 00:34:11,044
Oh! But isn't it
wonderful, Jack?
927
00:34:11,115 --> 00:34:12,514
After all this buildup,
928
00:34:12,583 --> 00:34:14,210
the kids
are finally getting married.
929
00:34:14,285 --> 00:34:15,912
I feel so happy.
930
00:34:15,987 --> 00:34:17,921
Wait a second.
I think he just spoke.
931
00:34:17,989 --> 00:34:20,480
Little Jack,
were you about to speak?
932
00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:21,547
[farts]
933
00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:24,952
Nope,
just a little flatulence.
934
00:34:25,029 --> 00:34:26,519
What were you saying, honey?
935
00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:27,894
Nothing, dear.
936
00:34:29,767 --> 00:34:32,429
Guys, where are you going?
937
00:34:32,503 --> 00:34:35,233
We're checking out
Jack's macho-wacho trailer.
938
00:34:35,306 --> 00:34:36,898
Yeah.
I want to see that boob.
939
00:34:36,974 --> 00:34:39,067
Can I talk to you
for a sec?
Yeah.
940
00:34:39,143 --> 00:34:41,475
Hey, listen,
don't let Moses go in there.
They have a cat.
941
00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:43,207
Moses is perfectly trained...
942
00:34:43,281 --> 00:34:45,044
Dad, he humps
everything that moves.
943
00:34:45,116 --> 00:34:46,413
Honey,
he's like his father.
944
00:34:46,484 --> 00:34:47,746
I never cheated on you.
945
00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:49,912
They're not listening to me.
946
00:34:52,790 --> 00:34:53,984
So, what's up?
947
00:34:54,058 --> 00:34:56,390
They seem to be
getting along really well,
don't you think?
948
00:34:56,461 --> 00:34:59,191
Yeah, they do. I know.
I kind of feel bad
that I worried so much.
949
00:34:59,263 --> 00:35:00,662
Yeah. That was okay.
950
00:35:00,731 --> 00:35:02,028
What's going on?
951
00:35:03,534 --> 00:35:04,762
I'm pregnant.
952
00:35:04,902 --> 00:35:06,665
You're pregnant?
Mmm-hmm.
953
00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:09,271
I'm two weeks late.
I'm nauseous,
954
00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:11,171
my boobs hurt,
and I can smell everything.
955
00:35:11,242 --> 00:35:13,870
You're gonna have a baby.
Yeah. A baby.
956
00:35:13,945 --> 00:35:15,776
Oh, we're gonna
have a little baby, a baby.
957
00:35:15,847 --> 00:35:17,007
I'm pregnant.
958
00:35:17,081 --> 00:35:18,548
I just... I...
959
00:35:19,083 --> 00:35:20,175
[laughing]
960
00:35:21,786 --> 00:35:22,775
Yeah.
961
00:35:24,856 --> 00:35:26,016
Oh, shit!
962
00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:30,792
You realize your father
is going to kill me?
963
00:35:31,162 --> 00:35:32,629
No, no, no, no, no.
964
00:35:32,697 --> 00:35:35,188
He's not gonna find out
because we're
not going to tell him.
965
00:35:35,266 --> 00:35:37,757
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on.
He's a human lie detector.
966
00:35:37,835 --> 00:35:39,427
He lives to sniff out
stuff like this.
967
00:35:39,504 --> 00:35:40,732
We'll get
through this weekend,
968
00:35:40,805 --> 00:35:41,897
we'll get through tomorrow.
969
00:35:41,973 --> 00:35:44,271
And... and... and we'll
tell them on Sunday
before we go.
970
00:35:44,342 --> 00:35:45,434
Okay? We'll tell them all.
971
00:35:45,510 --> 00:35:48,001
I just hate the idea
of keeping secrets
from your dad.
972
00:35:48,079 --> 00:35:50,070
It's just one little secret.
973
00:35:50,915 --> 00:35:52,382
Oh! Hi, neighbors.
974
00:35:52,450 --> 00:35:53,576
Hello.
975
00:35:53,651 --> 00:35:54,879
The Fockers, honey.
976
00:35:54,952 --> 00:35:56,419
A la fancy-shmancy.
977
00:35:56,487 --> 00:35:57,852
Welcome to the chateau.
978
00:35:57,922 --> 00:36:00,083
No wonder they
don't want to sleep
in our shit box.
979
00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:01,420
Look at this place.
980
00:36:01,492 --> 00:36:02,516
[Moses barking]
981
00:36:02,593 --> 00:36:05,084
l... I don't think the dog
is such a good idea.
982
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:07,688
Don't worry. Moses is more
of a lover than a fighter.
983
00:36:07,765 --> 00:36:09,392
Jesus!
Moses!
984
00:36:09,467 --> 00:36:11,833
He's always dreamt of me
having a white wedding.
985
00:36:11,903 --> 00:36:13,564
You don't know how upset
he's gonna be.
986
00:36:13,638 --> 00:36:14,696
No, I do know.
987
00:36:14,772 --> 00:36:17,036
(Bernie)
Moses! Moses!
988
00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:18,132
(Jack)
Jinxy!
989
00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:20,302
(Greg)
Dad, I told you
to keep him out of the RV.
990
00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:21,743
He said he
wanted to see the RV.
991
00:36:21,812 --> 00:36:22,836
Dad!
992
00:36:22,914 --> 00:36:24,006
Moses! Moses!
993
00:36:24,081 --> 00:36:26,379
(Jack)
Get that goddamn dog
out of here!
994
00:36:29,620 --> 00:36:30,609
Mo!
995
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:33,350
(Bernie)
Oh, God!
996
00:36:33,424 --> 00:36:34,618
Dad!
997
00:36:34,692 --> 00:36:35,852
[Moses whimpering]
998
00:36:35,927 --> 00:36:36,916
(Greg)
Oh! Jinx.
999
00:36:36,994 --> 00:36:37,983
Jinx, don't do it.
1000
00:36:38,062 --> 00:36:39,051
Jinxy, no.
1001
00:36:39,130 --> 00:36:40,119
Don't do it!
1002
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:41,187
(all three)
No!
1003
00:36:41,265 --> 00:36:42,425
[whimpering]
1004
00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:45,264
Jesus! Moses! Hold on.
1005
00:36:49,106 --> 00:36:50,903
Moses, hold on.
I'm gonna save you!
1006
00:36:50,975 --> 00:36:52,374
The cat can flush?
1007
00:36:52,810 --> 00:36:54,072
Oh, my God!
1008
00:36:54,145 --> 00:36:55,510
[Little Jack wailing]
1009
00:36:56,013 --> 00:36:57,071
Get out of the way!
1010
00:36:57,148 --> 00:36:59,378
(Jack)
Hey! What the hell are
you doing? That's my toilet!
1011
00:36:59,450 --> 00:37:00,542
I got to get my dog!
1012
00:37:00,618 --> 00:37:02,552
Forget your dog.
What about my toilet?
1013
00:37:03,321 --> 00:37:04,310
Moses!
1014
00:37:04,488 --> 00:37:05,477
[grunts]
1015
00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:07,214
[yelling]
1016
00:37:07,425 --> 00:37:08,585
[sobbing]
1017
00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:10,591
(Pam)
No! Stop the baby!
Stop the baby!
1018
00:37:11,095 --> 00:37:12,084
[screaming]
1019
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:17,565
[wailing continues]
1020
00:37:20,638 --> 00:37:21,832
(Bernie)
He's alive!
1021
00:37:23,274 --> 00:37:24,468
He's fine.
1022
00:37:24,542 --> 00:37:27,102
So much for the protection
of our rolling safe house.
1023
00:37:27,178 --> 00:37:29,840
Oh, honey, he was trying
to save his pet.
1024
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:31,404
I mean, what if it was Jinxy
1025
00:37:31,482 --> 00:37:32,881
who got flushed
into a toilet?
1026
00:37:32,950 --> 00:37:35,145
Mr. Jinx has had
extensive aquatic training.
1027
00:37:35,219 --> 00:37:38,120
He would have known
exactly what to do
in the event of a submersion.
1028
00:37:38,189 --> 00:37:39,213
[purring]
1029
00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:41,818
[growling]
1030
00:37:41,892 --> 00:37:43,018
[clearing throat]
1031
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:45,153
20-minute warning for dinner,
guys.
1032
00:37:45,229 --> 00:37:47,163
Sorry about
the trailer, Jack.
1033
00:37:48,299 --> 00:37:50,062
[whispering]
Muskrat.
1034
00:37:52,370 --> 00:37:53,803
It's okay, Bernard.
1035
00:37:53,871 --> 00:37:55,133
[growling]
1036
00:37:55,473 --> 00:37:57,532
There's no way
we're not telling him
this weekend.
1037
00:37:57,608 --> 00:37:59,235
I know.
That's what I was saying.
1038
00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:00,368
So, what do you wanna do?
1039
00:38:00,444 --> 00:38:02,469
I'm not sure.
I never thought
this'd be an issue.
1040
00:38:02,546 --> 00:38:04,537
I thought we'd be married
before we got pregnant.
1041
00:38:04,615 --> 00:38:05,877
Hey.
What?
1042
00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:09,446
Why don't we move
the wedding up to next month?
1043
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:10,578
What?
1044
00:38:10,655 --> 00:38:11,747
Then we'll tell your dad
1045
00:38:11,822 --> 00:38:13,790
you got pregnant
on the honeymoon.
1046
00:38:13,924 --> 00:38:15,983
Oh, my God, yeah,
that could work.
1047
00:38:16,060 --> 00:38:17,550
Yeah. It's perfect,
right?
Yeah.
1048
00:38:17,628 --> 00:38:19,027
Okay. Good.
Just follow my lead.
1049
00:38:19,096 --> 00:38:20,586
Okay.
Okay.
1050
00:38:21,766 --> 00:38:23,028
##[humming]
1051
00:38:23,100 --> 00:38:26,035
Without further ado,
my famous Focker Fondue.
1052
00:38:26,103 --> 00:38:27,468
[all applauding]
1053
00:38:27,538 --> 00:38:29,631
Come on, dig in. Come on.
Get it while it's hot.
1054
00:38:29,707 --> 00:38:32,870
That is so impressive, Bernie.
Did you do that yourself?
1055
00:38:32,943 --> 00:38:34,843
Oh, sure.
Oh! I love to cook.
1056
00:38:34,912 --> 00:38:36,038
I can't even fry an egg.
1057
00:38:36,113 --> 00:38:37,102
(Bernie)
True.
1058
00:38:37,181 --> 00:38:38,341
I burn cornflakes.
1059
00:38:38,616 --> 00:38:40,675
I'm amazed
he finds the time to cook
1060
00:38:40,751 --> 00:38:42,776
with such a high-powered
legal career.
1061
00:38:42,953 --> 00:38:44,011
High-powered?
1062
00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,645
I wouldn't exactly call...
Uh-oh!
1063
00:38:45,723 --> 00:38:47,520
You kicked me.
Why did you kick me?
1064
00:38:47,591 --> 00:38:50,856
I kick... kicked you
because you're being modest
1065
00:38:50,928 --> 00:38:53,726
and you should tell people
that you are a good lawyer,
which he is,
1066
00:38:53,798 --> 00:38:55,356
a-a-and he has fought
1067
00:38:55,533 --> 00:38:57,364
some really big,
important legal battles.
1068
00:38:57,435 --> 00:38:59,767
Truth is, Jack,
when Gay was born,
I stopped practicing
1069
00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,203
and became
a stay-at-home dad.
1070
00:39:02,306 --> 00:39:03,466
Oh, believe me,
1071
00:39:03,541 --> 00:39:05,133
he won a trial or two
in his day.
1072
00:39:05,209 --> 00:39:06,904
Oh!
Extremely good trial lawyer.
1073
00:39:06,977 --> 00:39:08,501
A regular Clarence Darrow.
1074
00:39:08,579 --> 00:39:10,046
So Roz was
the primary breadwinner
1075
00:39:10,114 --> 00:39:11,672
and you didn't have a job?
1076
00:39:11,749 --> 00:39:12,943
(Pam)
Dad.
1077
00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:16,180
Honey, come on, you could say
he had the hardest job.
1078
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:17,912
Oh, he's... he's just kidding.
1079
00:39:17,988 --> 00:39:19,250
Of course, I'm... Yes.
1080
00:39:19,323 --> 00:39:21,689
Why don't we jump into
the topic of the hour, hmm,
1081
00:39:21,759 --> 00:39:23,021
the big
Focker-Byrnes wedding.
1082
00:39:23,094 --> 00:39:24,288
Yes. Good.
1083
00:39:24,929 --> 00:39:27,523
I know we've been talking
about a... a fall wedding...
1084
00:39:27,598 --> 00:39:29,896
[Bernie speaking in Spanish]
1085
00:39:29,967 --> 00:39:31,229
[woman speaking in Spanish]
1086
00:39:31,302 --> 00:39:32,530
Is that Isabel?
1087
00:39:32,603 --> 00:39:34,867
Oh, yeah. Our former
housekeeper, Isabel.
1088
00:39:34,939 --> 00:39:37,635
You know, she has
her own catering business now,
isn't that great?
1089
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:40,734
And... and I asked her
to come and help Bernie
in the kitchen this weekend.
1090
00:39:40,811 --> 00:39:42,142
You didn't tell me
she was here.
1091
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:44,238
Gay had a monster crush
on her
when he was a teenager.
1092
00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:45,339
(Pam)
Really?
1093
00:39:45,416 --> 00:39:47,077
I didn't have
any monster crush.
1094
00:39:47,151 --> 00:39:48,550
You didn't tell me
about that.
1095
00:39:48,619 --> 00:39:49,711
Yeah. Because it's not true.
1096
00:39:49,787 --> 00:39:52,779
Oh, not true? Then I didn't
catch you doing baziga
to her passport photo
1097
00:39:52,857 --> 00:39:53,881
when you were, what, 13?
1098
00:39:53,958 --> 00:39:54,947
(Roz)
Honey, stop.
1099
00:39:55,025 --> 00:39:56,322
(Bernie)
I walk in the door...
1100
00:39:56,394 --> 00:39:57,486
(lsabel)
Where is he?
1101
00:39:57,561 --> 00:39:59,119
Oh, there's my baby!
1102
00:39:59,196 --> 00:40:00,288
Hey!
1103
00:40:02,133 --> 00:40:03,122
[laughs]
1104
00:40:03,834 --> 00:40:05,461
[both exclaiming]
1105
00:40:05,536 --> 00:40:06,935
Good to see you.
1106
00:40:07,438 --> 00:40:08,427
Mmm. Good to see you.
1107
00:40:08,506 --> 00:40:10,098
l... I haven't
seen you in years.
1108
00:40:10,174 --> 00:40:11,163
I know.
1109
00:40:11,308 --> 00:40:12,707
Mmm.
Yes, you...
1110
00:40:12,777 --> 00:40:15,041
Wow! Yeah. Look at you.
You look...
1111
00:40:15,112 --> 00:40:16,136
I know.
1112
00:40:16,213 --> 00:40:17,237
Yeah. You look...
1113
00:40:17,314 --> 00:40:18,542
I had a boob job.
Wow.
1114
00:40:18,616 --> 00:40:19,810
[cooing]
1115
00:40:19,884 --> 00:40:21,317
Yeah. Yeah.
1116
00:40:21,786 --> 00:40:24,311
Hey! This is, uh,
Dina and Jack Byrnes.
1117
00:40:24,388 --> 00:40:25,446
Mucho gusto.
1118
00:40:25,523 --> 00:40:26,512
Hi, Isabel.
1119
00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:27,579
Mucho gusto.
1120
00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:30,627
And this is Pam Byrnes,
my fiancee.
1121
00:40:30,694 --> 00:40:32,685
Encantada.
1122
00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:34,628
Nice to meet you, too.
1123
00:40:35,232 --> 00:40:38,668
Not yet married,
and already a little one?
1124
00:40:39,336 --> 00:40:41,804
And he is
a handsome little Focker.
1125
00:40:41,872 --> 00:40:42,930
[laughs]
1126
00:40:43,007 --> 00:40:44,031
See?
1127
00:40:44,108 --> 00:40:45,370
Oh, no. He's not a Focker.
1128
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:46,808
Yeah, no.
He's not mine.
1129
00:40:46,877 --> 00:40:49,368
And still you stayed
to raise her child?
1130
00:40:49,547 --> 00:40:50,571
Good for you.
1131
00:40:50,648 --> 00:40:52,013
No, he's Pam's nephew.
1132
00:40:52,116 --> 00:40:54,584
He has no connection
to Greg whatsoever.
1133
00:40:54,819 --> 00:40:56,252
[babbling]
1134
00:40:56,420 --> 00:40:57,614
[speaking in Spanish]
1135
00:40:57,688 --> 00:40:58,882
[babbling]
1136
00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:00,253
I love you, too.
1137
00:41:00,324 --> 00:41:02,053
Mama! Mama!
Mama!
1138
00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:04,158
[all laughing]
1139
00:41:04,228 --> 00:41:05,695
Little Jack, no.
1140
00:41:05,763 --> 00:41:07,196
Those aren't for you.
1141
00:41:07,832 --> 00:41:10,062
[mooing]
1142
00:41:10,234 --> 00:41:11,565
[babbling]
1143
00:41:11,635 --> 00:41:12,624
Oh.
1144
00:41:12,937 --> 00:41:13,926
Mom.
1145
00:41:14,004 --> 00:41:16,199
I think I'll take
him inside.
1146
00:41:16,507 --> 00:41:17,735
(Jack)
Good idea.
1147
00:41:20,444 --> 00:41:23,379
You're a very
lucky woman, Pam.
1148
00:41:23,447 --> 00:41:25,540
He's very special,
this one.
1149
00:41:25,883 --> 00:41:26,907
[laughing]
1150
00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:28,747
I think so, too.
1151
00:41:28,819 --> 00:41:31,185
Oh, I could tell you
some stories about him.
1152
00:41:31,255 --> 00:41:32,415
Really?
1153
00:41:33,057 --> 00:41:34,991
Oh, she's just
being silly.
1154
00:41:35,125 --> 00:41:36,786
Nice to meet you all.
1155
00:41:36,861 --> 00:41:38,328
Nice to meet you.
1156
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:41,056
So sweet. Oh! So sweet.
1157
00:41:41,365 --> 00:41:42,730
[clears throat]
1158
00:41:43,367 --> 00:41:45,631
Hey, do you guys
want some more, uh, wine?
1159
00:41:46,270 --> 00:41:49,171
Mas vino por la mama, si.
1160
00:41:49,607 --> 00:41:50,596
Hey.
1161
00:41:50,875 --> 00:41:53,070
Hey, you did good, Greg.
1162
00:41:53,143 --> 00:41:55,111
She's very pretty,
this one, huh?
1163
00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:57,579
Yeah, she's, uh,
she's really great.
1164
00:41:57,648 --> 00:41:58,672
Really great.
1165
00:41:58,749 --> 00:42:01,377
Can you believe
it's been 15 years?
1166
00:42:01,452 --> 00:42:03,147
[speaking in Spanish]
1167
00:42:03,220 --> 00:42:05,620
So many wonderful memories
from those days.
1168
00:42:05,689 --> 00:42:08,123
Yes. Yes, lot of wonderful,
1169
00:42:08,192 --> 00:42:11,889
kind of private memories.
1170
00:42:11,962 --> 00:42:16,228
So, you never told
your fiancee about us, huh?
1171
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:17,995
Um, no, I don't think I did.
1172
00:42:18,068 --> 00:42:20,434
I don't, I think,
I don't think it ever
came up on my end.
1173
00:42:20,504 --> 00:42:22,904
Not that I didn't
want her to know.
It just, never really...
1174
00:42:22,973 --> 00:42:25,271
Yeah, and not that, l... I mean,
not that it wasn't great.
1175
00:42:25,342 --> 00:42:27,572
It was really, you know,
for me it was like...
1176
00:42:27,645 --> 00:42:29,078
And you were so
1177
00:42:29,146 --> 00:42:30,738
helpful and... and...
1178
00:42:30,814 --> 00:42:32,145
Don't you worry, baby.
1179
00:42:32,216 --> 00:42:33,683
Your secret's safe with me.
1180
00:42:33,784 --> 00:42:34,773
Okay.
1181
00:42:35,085 --> 00:42:36,575
There's no secrets.
But, good, yeah,
1182
00:42:36,654 --> 00:42:38,679
maybe if we keep it quiet
this weekend and then...
1183
00:42:38,756 --> 00:42:40,849
Because, yeah, I don't want
Pam to feel uncomfortable.
1184
00:42:40,925 --> 00:42:43,917
And then later, when it's
the proper, you know, setting,
I can...
1185
00:42:43,994 --> 00:42:46,554
Okay, yeah, okay, good.
And, uh...
1186
00:42:46,897 --> 00:42:47,886
Good.
1187
00:42:48,132 --> 00:42:51,226
Oh, and fondue, fondue
is going... is goin' over.
1188
00:42:51,302 --> 00:42:53,600
Gay, you're just in time
to hear me tell the gang
1189
00:42:53,671 --> 00:42:55,662
how you lost
your virginity to Isabel.
1190
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:57,229
[door closing]
1191
00:42:58,442 --> 00:43:00,910
(Bernie)
He was 19. A late bloomer.
1192
00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:03,777
You s-slept with Isabel?
1193
00:43:03,847 --> 00:43:05,439
We were relieved.
1194
00:43:05,983 --> 00:43:07,974
Why... why would you,
why... why would you
bring that up?
1195
00:43:08,052 --> 00:43:09,076
What's the problem?
1196
00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:10,518
It was, what, 15 years ago.
1197
00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:12,021
Honey, your father thought
1198
00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:13,420
that it'd be fun
to share stories
1199
00:43:13,490 --> 00:43:14,752
about our first time.
1200
00:43:14,925 --> 00:43:17,485
Really? That sounds like fun.
That's...
1201
00:43:17,561 --> 00:43:19,256
That's fine.
1202
00:43:19,330 --> 00:43:21,798
Come on, tell us how
you popped your cherry.
Come on.
1203
00:43:22,499 --> 00:43:23,796
I really don't feel
comfortable
1204
00:43:23,867 --> 00:43:25,334
discussing that
with you, Bernard.
1205
00:43:25,402 --> 00:43:28,303
You know what? I suggest that
we get back to talking
about the wedding.
1206
00:43:28,372 --> 00:43:29,839
Thank you, Bernie.
1207
00:43:29,907 --> 00:43:31,067
[Little Jack wailing]
1208
00:43:31,141 --> 00:43:32,267
What?
1209
00:43:32,343 --> 00:43:34,573
Mom, didn't you just take
Little Jack back to the room?
1210
00:43:34,645 --> 00:43:36,476
I'm monitoring him
from a high-powered
1211
00:43:36,547 --> 00:43:38,811
multidirectional microphone
planted in his crib.
1212
00:43:38,882 --> 00:43:41,510
Oh, baby monitors.
Hidden cameras.
1213
00:43:41,585 --> 00:43:43,883
Whatever happened
to a little thing
called privacy?
1214
00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:46,013
Bernie,
surveillance technology
has helped protect
1215
00:43:46,090 --> 00:43:47,318
a lot of the freedoms
1216
00:43:47,391 --> 00:43:49,325
that we as Americans
take advantage of today.
1217
00:43:52,997 --> 00:43:54,988
He's right.
It has been good.
1218
00:43:57,668 --> 00:43:59,966
S-son, that is bullcrap
in a chef's salad.
1219
00:44:00,037 --> 00:44:02,870
Jack, tell me one smart thing
the CLIA has done
1220
00:44:02,940 --> 00:44:05,306
and I'll give you
the deed to her house.
1221
00:44:05,376 --> 00:44:06,673
The CLIA?
1222
00:44:06,744 --> 00:44:08,974
The Central Lack
of Intelligence Agency.
1223
00:44:09,613 --> 00:44:11,274
[Bernie and Roz laughing]
1224
00:44:14,451 --> 00:44:15,975
[Little Jack wailing]
1225
00:44:18,589 --> 00:44:20,614
I think that baby might need
a couple of pulls
1226
00:44:20,691 --> 00:44:22,249
on that knocker
of yours, Jack.
1227
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:24,923
[both laughing]
1228
00:44:25,062 --> 00:44:26,086
No, it's okay.
1229
00:44:26,163 --> 00:44:27,255
We're Ferberizing him.
1230
00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:28,821
You're what?
The Ferber method.
1231
00:44:28,899 --> 00:44:31,629
You let him cry it out.
This way he doesn't
depend on coddling.
1232
00:44:31,702 --> 00:44:33,966
On the other hand,
the Continuum Concept
1233
00:44:34,038 --> 00:44:35,801
shows that a baby benefits
1234
00:44:35,873 --> 00:44:38,273
more from constant
physical contact.
1235
00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:39,331
Oh.
1236
00:44:40,344 --> 00:44:41,777
We use the Ferber Method.
1237
00:44:41,912 --> 00:44:43,379
We used the Focker Method.
1238
00:44:43,614 --> 00:44:45,343
We hugged and kissed
that little prince
1239
00:44:45,416 --> 00:44:47,111
like there was no tomorrow.
1240
00:44:47,184 --> 00:44:48,651
We Fockerized him.
1241
00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:50,813
That's right.
1242
00:44:50,888 --> 00:44:53,015
Greggy practically slept
in our bed till he was 10.
1243
00:44:53,090 --> 00:44:54,079
Oh, my God!
1244
00:44:54,158 --> 00:44:55,887
Oh, I don't think
it was quite that long.
1245
00:44:55,959 --> 00:44:56,948
Yes, it was.
1246
00:44:57,027 --> 00:44:58,051
No, it wasn't 10.
1247
00:44:58,128 --> 00:44:59,755
Nine-and-a-half, at least.
1248
00:44:59,830 --> 00:45:00,956
Mom, I don't think so.
1249
00:45:01,031 --> 00:45:03,261
I didn't sleep
in their bed all that time.
1250
00:45:03,333 --> 00:45:04,766
(Roz)
Bernie, get the photo album.
1251
00:45:04,835 --> 00:45:05,961
I'm one step ahead of you.
1252
00:45:06,036 --> 00:45:08,869
No, no, no,
we're eating dinner, come on.
1253
00:45:09,807 --> 00:45:11,240
These are the curls
1254
00:45:11,308 --> 00:45:13,105
from his first trip
to the barbershop.
1255
00:45:13,177 --> 00:45:14,906
Nobody wants to see this.
1256
00:45:14,978 --> 00:45:16,843
Oh, and you kept
all of his baby teeth.
1257
00:45:16,914 --> 00:45:18,643
Look at his
darling little teeth,
1258
00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:20,843
isn't that sweet?
1259
00:45:20,918 --> 00:45:24,081
Uh-oh, somebody looks
very grumpy there.
1260
00:45:24,154 --> 00:45:25,746
Oh, that's Gay with the mohel.
1261
00:45:25,823 --> 00:45:26,915
The mohel?
No.
1262
00:45:26,990 --> 00:45:30,187
(Roz)
He's the man who snips
the baby's little winkydink.
1263
00:45:30,260 --> 00:45:32,820
See, that's Greg getting
circumcised, right here.
1264
00:45:32,896 --> 00:45:34,955
We had the ceremony
at my parents' house
1265
00:45:35,032 --> 00:45:36,863
but there was a cold snap
and... Tell him.
1266
00:45:36,934 --> 00:45:38,060
The heater conked out.
1267
00:45:38,135 --> 00:45:39,159
Mom.
1268
00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:41,636
No matter how hard he tried,
the mohel couldn't coax
1269
00:45:41,705 --> 00:45:44,003
Greg's tiny little turtle
from its shell.
1270
00:45:44,074 --> 00:45:46,542
You know what?
Let's not talk about
the tiny turtle, okay?
1271
00:45:46,610 --> 00:45:47,770
Let's... Th-this is dinner.
1272
00:45:47,845 --> 00:45:50,575
Honey, half the people
at this table have penises.
1273
00:45:50,647 --> 00:45:52,376
Mom, control yourself.
1274
00:45:52,449 --> 00:45:54,917
Roz, he's right.
You're embarrassing him.
1275
00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:56,784
Okay, I'm sorry.
1276
00:45:56,854 --> 00:45:59,982
Make a long story short, Jack,
he wound up with a semicirc.
1277
00:46:01,391 --> 00:46:02,415
[giggling]
1278
00:46:02,493 --> 00:46:03,755
What's a semicirc?
1279
00:46:03,827 --> 00:46:05,089
I can't wait to hear this.
1280
00:46:05,162 --> 00:46:08,131
What? It's a cross between
an ant eater and...
1281
00:46:08,198 --> 00:46:09,665
A German Army helmet.
1282
00:46:09,733 --> 00:46:11,257
[all laughing]
1283
00:46:13,303 --> 00:46:14,793
But, honey... Oh!
1284
00:46:15,439 --> 00:46:18,101
You wanted to talk
about the wedding, right?
1285
00:46:20,210 --> 00:46:22,906
Don't tell me you kept
his umbilical cord.
1286
00:46:22,980 --> 00:46:25,278
Of course not,
that's Greg's foreskin.
1287
00:46:25,949 --> 00:46:28,918
All right, you know what?
That's it. That's... that's
enough humiliation.
1288
00:46:28,986 --> 00:46:30,283
Honey, stop.
We're having fun.
1289
00:46:30,354 --> 00:46:31,343
No, I'm not having fun.
1290
00:46:31,421 --> 00:46:32,285
Why deny us our memories?
1291
00:46:32,356 --> 00:46:33,345
Because we're done!
1292
00:46:33,924 --> 00:46:35,050
[all screaming]
1293
00:46:35,159 --> 00:46:36,148
[sizzling]
1294
00:46:41,665 --> 00:46:43,656
Anyone in the mood
for Chinese?
1295
00:46:45,369 --> 00:46:46,358
You told me
your first time
1296
00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:49,568
was with the Danish
transfer student
in high school.
1297
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,471
Yeah, well, you weren't
exactly forthcoming
1298
00:46:51,542 --> 00:46:52,907
about your engagement
with Kevin.
1299
00:46:52,976 --> 00:46:54,910
Yeah, well,
he wasn't my babysitter.
1300
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:56,707
Okay, I should have
told you, all right.
1301
00:46:56,780 --> 00:46:58,338
Can we just let
it go, please?
1302
00:46:58,415 --> 00:47:01,282
We both got
enough stuff to deal with
this weekend.
1303
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:07,415
Oh, hi, Jack.
1304
00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:08,515
Hello, Greg.
1305
00:47:08,592 --> 00:47:09,581
[sighs]
1306
00:47:09,660 --> 00:47:10,854
Funny dinner, huh?
1307
00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:13,057
How do you mean?
1308
00:47:13,130 --> 00:47:15,894
I know that you are
studying my family
like the frozen caveman.
1309
00:47:15,966 --> 00:47:18,025
So, I just, I don't want
you to be worried, okay?
1310
00:47:18,101 --> 00:47:20,729
I mean, they're
a little quirky,
1311
00:47:20,804 --> 00:47:22,431
but they-they're
well-intentioned
1312
00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:24,497
and... and I think
they're just nervous and...
1313
00:47:24,575 --> 00:47:26,941
Greg, I am sure tomorrow
will be a better day.
1314
00:47:27,010 --> 00:47:28,375
(Bernie)
I'm sorry, ma'am.
1315
00:47:28,445 --> 00:47:30,310
I thought you
ordered room service.
1316
00:47:30,380 --> 00:47:31,677
Are you sure
you don't want
1317
00:47:31,748 --> 00:47:33,682
any whipped cream
with your sundae?
1318
00:47:33,750 --> 00:47:34,739
[Roz screaming]
1319
00:47:34,818 --> 00:47:35,876
(Roz)
Bern, stop it!
1320
00:47:35,953 --> 00:47:38,046
Who's Bern?
I'm Chad, the bellhop.
1321
00:47:38,121 --> 00:47:39,884
Oh, no, come on,
we did that last week.
1322
00:47:39,957 --> 00:47:41,822
Can't you be
Sam the carpet-cleaning man?
1323
00:47:41,892 --> 00:47:44,622
It's illogical.
Why would a carpet cleaner
have whipped cream?
1324
00:47:44,695 --> 00:47:45,821
Well, improvise, honey.
1325
00:47:45,896 --> 00:47:46,885
Good evening, miss.
1326
00:47:46,964 --> 00:47:48,295
I'm here to clean
your carpet.
1327
00:47:48,365 --> 00:47:50,196
[Bernie and Roz laughing]
1328
00:47:50,267 --> 00:47:52,997
Do you mind if I put some
foam down on your rug?
1329
00:47:53,070 --> 00:47:54,401
I don't mind at all.
1330
00:47:54,471 --> 00:47:55,495
Good night, Greg.
1331
00:47:55,572 --> 00:47:56,596
Okay, sleep well, Jack.
1332
00:47:56,673 --> 00:47:58,937
(Roz)
How long... how long have you
worked in this hotel?
1333
00:47:59,643 --> 00:48:01,838
It's time to put some snow
on your mountains.
1334
00:48:01,912 --> 00:48:03,641
Come on, I'm gonna get
some whipped cream
1335
00:48:03,714 --> 00:48:04,703
on those Tetons.
1336
00:48:04,781 --> 00:48:06,578
[Bernie and Roz laughing]
1337
00:48:06,650 --> 00:48:07,617
Guys!
1338
00:48:07,684 --> 00:48:09,584
(Roz)
Come back in the morning,
tootsie roll.
1339
00:48:09,653 --> 00:48:11,644
(Bernie)
Gay, you see
the cowboy hat on the door?
1340
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:13,087
Cowboy hat is off the door!
1341
00:48:13,156 --> 00:48:14,555
No cowboy hat this weekend!
1342
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:15,853
I'm coming in!
1343
00:48:15,926 --> 00:48:17,826
Just stop doing
what you're doing!
1344
00:48:18,829 --> 00:48:19,853
Oh!
1345
00:48:19,930 --> 00:48:21,158
Come on, man, you know
1346
00:48:21,231 --> 00:48:23,563
what that cowboy hat
on the door means.
1347
00:48:23,634 --> 00:48:25,124
Will you please
help me out here?
1348
00:48:25,202 --> 00:48:27,067
What?
We're just being ourselves.
1349
00:48:27,137 --> 00:48:28,331
Mom, mom, please...
1350
00:48:28,405 --> 00:48:30,100
I think he's saying
not to be ourselves.
1351
00:48:30,173 --> 00:48:31,231
Yes, be yourselves
1352
00:48:31,308 --> 00:48:32,775
but be yourself in a way
1353
00:48:32,843 --> 00:48:35,073
that's a little less than
being your full selves, okay.
1354
00:48:35,145 --> 00:48:36,476
(Roz)
I don't understand this.
1355
00:48:36,546 --> 00:48:38,343
I mean, why you're so
afraid of this Jack?
1356
00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:40,576
You've been kissing his ass
ever since you got here.
1357
00:48:40,651 --> 00:48:41,982
Mom, I'm not afraid
of him, okay.
1358
00:48:42,052 --> 00:48:43,076
It's not true.
It is true.
1359
00:48:43,153 --> 00:48:45,383
(Bernie)
I can't believe you went
duck-hunting with him.
1360
00:48:45,455 --> 00:48:46,854
Our people
don't shoot ducks.
1361
00:48:46,924 --> 00:48:49,449
Just make Jack feel a little
more comfortable here, okay?
1362
00:48:49,526 --> 00:48:51,050
So you don't want us
to be ourselves?
1363
00:48:51,128 --> 00:48:53,153
No, I just don't want you
to break his RV, Dad,
1364
00:48:53,230 --> 00:48:55,289
and... and... and reveal
that I had sex with Isabel
1365
00:48:55,365 --> 00:48:58,198
and play weird sex games
that everybody can hear
in the house.
1366
00:48:58,268 --> 00:48:59,292
Mom... Mom, please.
1367
00:48:59,369 --> 00:49:01,394
If you ask me,
it wouldn't be so bad
1368
00:49:01,471 --> 00:49:02,961
if your future in-laws
heard this.
1369
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,029
Do me a favor.
1370
00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:06,735
Just don't therapize
the Byrneses
this weekend at all, okay?
1371
00:49:06,810 --> 00:49:08,072
All I'm saying is,
1372
00:49:08,145 --> 00:49:09,669
a few minutes
of concentrated work
1373
00:49:09,746 --> 00:49:10,804
with him and Dina,
1374
00:49:10,881 --> 00:49:12,712
she could get him
to blow like Krakatoa.
1375
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:14,842
Right, okay, yeah,
you know what?
1376
00:49:15,285 --> 00:49:17,185
One day, just give me
one day, okay,
1377
00:49:17,254 --> 00:49:18,551
without any complications.
1378
00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:20,522
We get through it,
everybody goes off,
1379
00:49:20,590 --> 00:49:22,319
we go on with our lives.
Can we do that?
1380
00:49:22,392 --> 00:49:23,825
All right.
You got it, dude.
1381
00:49:23,894 --> 00:49:25,088
Thank you, okay.
1382
00:49:25,162 --> 00:49:27,687
Hon, put the hat
back on the door, okay?
1383
00:49:27,764 --> 00:49:30,232
No mom.
No cowboy hat this weekend.
1384
00:49:30,334 --> 00:49:32,234
(Bernie)
Okay, but tonight
doesn't count.
1385
00:49:32,369 --> 00:49:33,597
[Bernie hooting]
1386
00:49:33,670 --> 00:49:34,864
All aboard.
1387
00:49:35,005 --> 00:49:35,994
[Bernie laughing]
1388
00:49:46,450 --> 00:49:47,883
Morning, partner.
1389
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:51,309
Morning.
1390
00:49:52,456 --> 00:49:53,582
Sleep okay?
1391
00:49:54,424 --> 00:49:56,324
I slept all right,
thank you.
1392
00:50:02,733 --> 00:50:04,462
It's nice, all of us
being here together,
1393
00:50:04,534 --> 00:50:05,865
don't you think?
1394
00:50:07,037 --> 00:50:09,562
Bernard, do you mind
if I have some privacy?
1395
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,200
Almost done.
1396
00:50:19,483 --> 00:50:21,110
Bernie,
this fritatta is wonderful.
1397
00:50:21,184 --> 00:50:22,173
What's in it?
1398
00:50:22,252 --> 00:50:24,447
Well, a lot of the taste comes
from this old skillet.
1399
00:50:24,521 --> 00:50:25,613
I've never washed it.
1400
00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:27,122
Hey, guys,
1401
00:50:27,290 --> 00:50:29,349
can I have everybody's
attention, please?
1402
00:50:29,426 --> 00:50:31,394
Gay, be back in a second.
1403
00:50:31,895 --> 00:50:33,920
Okay, Dad. All right.
1404
00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:35,658
Uh, so...
1405
00:50:36,166 --> 00:50:38,327
Mom, I know we've been...
we've been talking about
1406
00:50:38,402 --> 00:50:40,666
having the, uh,
wedding in October,
1407
00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:42,728
but Pam and I
have been doing
a little thinkin'
1408
00:50:42,806 --> 00:50:44,171
and playing around
with some ideas
1409
00:50:44,241 --> 00:50:46,300
and, uh, we're thinking
of moving it up to June.
1410
00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:47,400
Nice.
1411
00:50:47,477 --> 00:50:48,466
This June?
1412
00:50:48,545 --> 00:50:49,842
Yeah.
Yeah.
1413
00:50:49,913 --> 00:50:52,108
That's... that's in a month.
1414
00:50:52,282 --> 00:50:54,113
I always wanted
a spring wedding, you know.
1415
00:50:54,184 --> 00:50:56,675
Well, that's great,
so we can announce it
at the party tonight.
1416
00:50:56,753 --> 00:50:57,742
Good idea.
1417
00:50:57,821 --> 00:50:58,845
Wait, what party?
1418
00:50:58,922 --> 00:50:59,911
Jack!
1419
00:51:00,424 --> 00:51:01,584
Let's play football!
1420
00:51:01,658 --> 00:51:03,057
Oh, your father
and I are throwing
1421
00:51:03,126 --> 00:51:04,559
a little
engagement soiree
1422
00:51:04,628 --> 00:51:06,220
for you two lovebirds.
1423
00:51:06,296 --> 00:51:08,161
Look at that.
1424
00:51:08,231 --> 00:51:10,927
(Pam)
That's so sweet.
Thank you, guys.
1425
00:51:11,001 --> 00:51:13,299
I thought we were just having
a nice quiet dinner.
1426
00:51:13,370 --> 00:51:15,167
It was supposed
to be a surprise.
1427
00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:17,536
The phone keeps ringing,
the list keeps growing.
1428
00:51:17,607 --> 00:51:19,632
Yeah, now,
it's up to 50 Fockers.
1429
00:51:19,709 --> 00:51:22,143
When were you going to tell us
about this?
1430
00:51:22,212 --> 00:51:25,443
50 Fockers.
What could be better?
1431
00:51:26,149 --> 00:51:28,242
Dad, what are you doing?
We never play football.
1432
00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:30,252
I'm trying to cement
relationships here.
1433
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:32,185
Jack said
he was into footy ball.
1434
00:51:32,255 --> 00:51:34,723
Let's show El Stiffo
how we play the game.
1435
00:51:34,791 --> 00:51:35,780
Footy ball?
1436
00:51:35,859 --> 00:51:37,292
Come on, come on,
let's play!
1437
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:38,588
I'm feeling a little tired.
1438
00:51:38,662 --> 00:51:40,687
I think I'll sit it out
with Little Jack, okay?
1439
00:51:40,764 --> 00:51:42,391
Honey, you want me to
keep you company?
1440
00:51:42,466 --> 00:51:43,956
No, Dina, come on,
1441
00:51:44,034 --> 00:51:45,865
you and I will take on
Jack and Roz.
1442
00:51:45,936 --> 00:51:48,905
Come on, Jack, it'll be fun,
we'll swap wives.
1443
00:51:48,972 --> 00:51:51,805
Don't worry, you'll get her
back after the game.
1444
00:51:51,875 --> 00:51:52,864
[all laughing]
1445
00:51:52,943 --> 00:51:54,171
Fine, we'll play
three on two.
1446
00:51:54,244 --> 00:51:56,144
But someone needs to be
official quarterback.
1447
00:51:56,213 --> 00:51:57,237
Gay goes both ways.
1448
00:51:57,314 --> 00:51:58,576
I'll bet he does.
1449
00:51:59,249 --> 00:52:00,238
[cooing]
1450
00:52:00,851 --> 00:52:03,115
One, two. Hut.
1451
00:52:06,756 --> 00:52:08,246
[all chattering]
1452
00:52:24,274 --> 00:52:25,298
Come on.
1453
00:52:25,375 --> 00:52:27,969
I'll run a down-and-in,
draw in the defense,
1454
00:52:28,044 --> 00:52:30,638
then you'll hit Roz
here in the end zone for a TD.
1455
00:52:30,714 --> 00:52:32,807
What do you mean?
He hits me where with a what?
1456
00:52:32,883 --> 00:52:35,113
I'll throw you the ball,
you try to catch it, okay.
1457
00:52:35,185 --> 00:52:37,119
You want me to catch?
Yeah.
1458
00:52:37,187 --> 00:52:38,176
On two. Ready?
1459
00:52:38,255 --> 00:52:39,347
Yes.
1460
00:52:39,422 --> 00:52:41,356
Hut one, hut two, hike!
1461
00:52:41,591 --> 00:52:42,580
[screams]
1462
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,084
Come on, this way!
1463
00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:46,561
That way, that way,
that way.
1464
00:52:49,666 --> 00:52:50,655
[Roz screams]
1465
00:52:50,734 --> 00:52:51,723
[laughs]
1466
00:52:52,669 --> 00:52:54,330
You remember
that time in the park?
1467
00:52:54,404 --> 00:52:55,996
You remember that time
in the park?
1468
00:52:56,072 --> 00:52:57,869
Guys, come on, come on,
cut it out.
1469
00:52:58,108 --> 00:52:59,200
I'm so proud of you.
1470
00:52:59,376 --> 00:53:00,468
I caught the ball.
1471
00:53:00,544 --> 00:53:02,307
(Greg)
Mom, come on.
1472
00:53:02,379 --> 00:53:03,539
I caught the ball!
1473
00:53:03,613 --> 00:53:04,705
Come on, huddle up.
1474
00:53:04,781 --> 00:53:06,942
No, I'm bored. Here!
1475
00:53:07,017 --> 00:53:08,416
Dina, come on, let's go.
1476
00:53:08,485 --> 00:53:09,543
You want a spritzer?
1477
00:53:09,619 --> 00:53:11,382
What? Oh, a spritzer.
1478
00:53:11,454 --> 00:53:12,443
That sounds yummy.
1479
00:53:12,522 --> 00:53:14,513
All right, come on.
Dad, you got
to focus, all right?
1480
00:53:14,591 --> 00:53:16,422
He's beating you
down the field every time.
1481
00:53:16,493 --> 00:53:17,858
You want me to
be macho-wacho?
1482
00:53:17,928 --> 00:53:20,795
No. What? Have I ever said
the words macho-wacho
to you in my life?
1483
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:22,161
I got it.
What?
1484
00:53:22,232 --> 00:53:23,631
I won't disappoint you.
1485
00:53:24,568 --> 00:53:26,934
Okay, let's try again,
I'm gonna run a stop and go.
1486
00:53:27,003 --> 00:53:28,527
Fake the short pass,
then hit me here
1487
00:53:28,605 --> 00:53:29,970
in the end zone
with a Hail Mary.
1488
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:31,029
Okay, got that.
1489
00:53:31,107 --> 00:53:32,438
Yeah, we keep
running that play.
1490
00:53:32,509 --> 00:53:33,874
You want to mix
it up a little?
1491
00:53:33,944 --> 00:53:36,071
No, I don't. I've exposed
Bernie's weakness
1492
00:53:36,146 --> 00:53:37,613
and I want to take advantage
of it.
1493
00:53:37,681 --> 00:53:40,616
Exposed his weakness.
Okay, okay. On four?
1494
00:53:40,684 --> 00:53:41,673
Four.
1495
00:53:53,296 --> 00:53:55,924
Just you and me, Jack.
Mano a mano.
1496
00:53:56,866 --> 00:53:58,993
You think you can take me,
Flowerman?
1497
00:53:59,069 --> 00:54:01,435
I'm pretty sure I can,
Mr. Mom.
1498
00:54:02,339 --> 00:54:04,204
You're going down,
Bernsie-boy.
1499
00:54:04,274 --> 00:54:06,105
I'm going to
rearrange your bouquet.
1500
00:54:08,645 --> 00:54:09,976
Sell the pump fake, Greg,
1501
00:54:10,046 --> 00:54:11,980
'cause that
Focker's gonna bite.
1502
00:54:18,922 --> 00:54:20,287
[inaudible]
1503
00:54:20,924 --> 00:54:22,391
[inaudible]
1504
00:54:22,959 --> 00:54:27,919
Hut one, hut two,
hut three, hut four. Hike!
1505
00:54:53,757 --> 00:54:54,746
[grunting]
1506
00:54:54,858 --> 00:54:57,554
Oh, my God!
Are you all right?
1507
00:54:57,927 --> 00:54:59,087
[screaming]
1508
00:54:59,162 --> 00:55:00,151
Shit!
1509
00:55:00,730 --> 00:55:01,719
[chanting]
1510
00:55:03,733 --> 00:55:05,360
Hey, Jack, you okay?
1511
00:55:05,502 --> 00:55:07,333
I'm fine, Greg, thank you.
1512
00:55:07,404 --> 00:55:09,565
I see that kind of injury
all the time at the hospital.
1513
00:55:09,639 --> 00:55:11,664
I wish you'd let me
give you a quick exam.
1514
00:55:11,741 --> 00:55:13,800
No, I'm, I'm fine.
1515
00:55:13,877 --> 00:55:16,812
I told you I'll have my doctor
look at it when I get home.
1516
00:55:17,681 --> 00:55:18,670
Okay.
1517
00:55:19,282 --> 00:55:22,740
You know, it's amazing
how your father anticipated
the pump fake like that.
1518
00:55:22,819 --> 00:55:25,413
It's almost like
he knew it was coming.
1519
00:55:26,222 --> 00:55:27,211
Hmm.
1520
00:55:27,424 --> 00:55:31,155
Well, he definitely takes
competition seriously.
1521
00:55:32,429 --> 00:55:34,659
How a man handles himself
on the football field
1522
00:55:34,731 --> 00:55:36,722
says a lot
about his character.
1523
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:38,365
Know what I mean?
1524
00:55:39,769 --> 00:55:40,895
Okay.
1525
00:55:44,941 --> 00:55:46,272
Hey.
Hey.
1526
00:55:46,343 --> 00:55:48,436
We got him, didn't we,
dude, huh?
1527
00:55:48,511 --> 00:55:50,103
Was he impressed?
1528
00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:52,171
No, Dad, he wasn't.
That was a really hard shot.
1529
00:55:52,248 --> 00:55:53,806
You could've hurt him.
1530
00:55:53,883 --> 00:55:55,680
I just wanted it
to be a fun game
1531
00:55:55,752 --> 00:55:57,083
but you wanted to win,
1532
00:55:57,153 --> 00:55:58,984
so, you know,
you got me all steamed up.
1533
00:55:59,055 --> 00:56:00,886
No, I asked you to play
a little defense,
1534
00:56:00,957 --> 00:56:03,084
I didn't ask you to turn it
into a blood sport.
1535
00:56:03,159 --> 00:56:05,389
I play too easy.
I play too hard.
1536
00:56:05,462 --> 00:56:07,657
What are you really
asking me to do, Gaylord?
1537
00:56:07,731 --> 00:56:09,494
I'm not asking
anything of you, Dad.
1538
00:56:09,566 --> 00:56:11,557
Just... just go down there
and apologize to him, okay?
1539
00:56:11,634 --> 00:56:13,329
He thinks it
was a cheap shot.
1540
00:56:13,403 --> 00:56:15,303
Sure. Okay.
Whatever you say.
1541
00:56:15,638 --> 00:56:16,627
Okay.
1542
00:56:18,575 --> 00:56:19,872
I can't win with this kid.
1543
00:56:19,943 --> 00:56:21,240
Honey...
(Bernie)
I can't.
1544
00:56:21,311 --> 00:56:22,335
It's okay.
1545
00:56:22,412 --> 00:56:23,902
Hi, baby.
Hey.
1546
00:56:24,314 --> 00:56:27,943
So, how far along is Pam?
Hmm?
1547
00:56:28,251 --> 00:56:29,309
What?
1548
00:56:29,386 --> 00:56:31,650
Come on, honey, I knew it
the minute I saw her.
1549
00:56:31,721 --> 00:56:33,279
Her boobs are bigger.
She's hormonal.
1550
00:56:33,356 --> 00:56:35,324
No wine at dinner,
no football.
1551
00:56:36,259 --> 00:56:37,988
She just found out yesterday.
1552
00:56:38,061 --> 00:56:39,688
[screams]
1553
00:56:39,863 --> 00:56:41,455
Honey.
1554
00:56:41,598 --> 00:56:43,566
My bubeleh's
going to have a baby!
1555
00:56:43,633 --> 00:56:45,100
My bubeleh's
going to be a father!
1556
00:56:45,168 --> 00:56:46,328
Oh, my God.
1557
00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,371
Tell me, talk to me,
so this is so exciting.
1558
00:56:48,438 --> 00:56:49,427
[shushing]
1559
00:56:49,839 --> 00:56:51,534
No.
You didn't tell Dad, did you?
1560
00:56:51,608 --> 00:56:53,041
No, not yet.
He's gonna plotz.
1561
00:56:53,109 --> 00:56:54,406
No, no, Mom,
you can't tell him.
1562
00:56:54,477 --> 00:56:56,377
Why not?
Because he
can't keep a secret.
1563
00:56:56,446 --> 00:56:57,435
You know that.
1564
00:56:57,580 --> 00:56:58,638
You think Jack knows?
1565
00:56:58,715 --> 00:57:00,615
Are you kidding?
That guy's in such denial,
1566
00:57:00,683 --> 00:57:02,674
he still thinks his daughter
is still a virgin.
1567
00:57:02,752 --> 00:57:04,379
Yeah, I know,
he's very old-fashioned.
1568
00:57:04,454 --> 00:57:06,581
That's why Pam
can't tell him
till after the wedding.
1569
00:57:06,656 --> 00:57:08,647
That is ridiculous.
Mom, it isn't, believe me.
1570
00:57:08,725 --> 00:57:10,215
You don't know him like I do.
Fine.
1571
00:57:10,293 --> 00:57:11,783
My lips are sealed.
1572
00:57:11,861 --> 00:57:13,920
I am so excited
and thrilled for you.
1573
00:57:13,997 --> 00:57:15,589
[laughing]
1574
00:57:15,665 --> 00:57:17,189
So happy for you two!
1575
00:57:18,101 --> 00:57:19,568
Did you plan this?
1576
00:57:19,636 --> 00:57:21,331
Uh, no,
it just sort of happened.
1577
00:57:21,404 --> 00:57:22,530
How did it happen?
1578
00:57:22,672 --> 00:57:23,798
How?
1579
00:57:23,973 --> 00:57:26,203
It just happened.
You know... you know
how it happens.
1580
00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:28,073
I mean, I'm not going
into the details.
1581
00:57:28,144 --> 00:57:29,702
Honey, I love details.
1582
00:57:29,813 --> 00:57:31,940
Sorry.
[mumbling]
All right. Okay.
1583
00:57:32,749 --> 00:57:33,773
Well, you know, honey,
1584
00:57:33,850 --> 00:57:35,909
many unplanned
pregnancies happen
1585
00:57:35,985 --> 00:57:39,318
because the man
is such a sexual dynamo
1586
00:57:39,589 --> 00:57:41,784
and the woman
craves his sperm
1587
00:57:41,858 --> 00:57:44,053
on an unconscious
but very powerful level.
1588
00:57:44,227 --> 00:57:46,252
Hmm-mmm. Mom,
I am truly not comfortable
1589
00:57:46,329 --> 00:57:47,887
having this
conversation with you.
1590
00:57:47,964 --> 00:57:49,124
No?
No.
1591
00:57:49,199 --> 00:57:50,632
I've been saying it
since I was 11.
1592
00:57:50,700 --> 00:57:51,826
All right.
1593
00:57:51,901 --> 00:57:54,062
Love you.
Love you, too.
1594
00:57:55,205 --> 00:57:56,467
Uh, Jack!
1595
00:57:56,539 --> 00:57:58,200
What say you and me
go into town?
1596
00:57:58,274 --> 00:57:59,901
I got a guy
who can fix your RV.
1597
00:57:59,976 --> 00:58:02,410
I'm in far too much
physical agony, Bernie.
1598
00:58:02,479 --> 00:58:03,537
Gee, I'm sorry,
1599
00:58:03,613 --> 00:58:05,308
but it'll be good
for you, you know, to,
1600
00:58:05,381 --> 00:58:06,939
you know,
to get out and about.
1601
00:58:07,016 --> 00:58:09,917
Yeah. Perfect. I can take
the girls shopping
in Coconut Grove.
1602
00:58:09,986 --> 00:58:11,180
Little Jack is on
1603
00:58:11,254 --> 00:58:12,812
a very specific
napping schedule.
1604
00:58:12,889 --> 00:58:14,049
I better stay here.
1605
00:58:14,123 --> 00:58:16,785
No, go. Greg can watch him.
1606
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,052
Yeah, sure.
1607
00:58:18,127 --> 00:58:20,027
He has wonderful
parental instincts.
1608
00:58:20,096 --> 00:58:22,621
Dad,
Greg deals with little kids
in the ER all the time.
1609
00:58:22,699 --> 00:58:25,259
It's true. They don't call me
Barry Poppins for nothing.
1610
00:58:25,335 --> 00:58:26,825
[all laughing]
1611
00:58:26,903 --> 00:58:28,393
(Roz)
That's so cute.
1612
00:58:28,505 --> 00:58:30,905
Why would someone call you
Barry Poppins?
1613
00:58:34,844 --> 00:58:36,106
They wouldn't.
1614
00:59:01,638 --> 00:59:04,368
Now, remember, Greg,
we're Ferberizing him.
1615
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,135
So unless it's an emergency,
1616
00:59:06,209 --> 00:59:08,177
under no circumstances
should you pick him up
1617
00:59:08,244 --> 00:59:09,973
or coddle him in any way
when he cries.
1618
00:59:10,046 --> 00:59:11,206
Hmm-mmm. Okay.
1619
00:59:11,281 --> 00:59:13,215
He's learning to self-soothe,
1620
00:59:13,283 --> 00:59:15,751
that means no television,
no unapproved toys,
1621
00:59:15,818 --> 00:59:16,876
and most of all,
1622
00:59:16,953 --> 00:59:18,284
no monkey business
of any kind.
1623
00:59:18,354 --> 00:59:19,616
Is that clear?
Mmm-hmm.
1624
00:59:19,689 --> 00:59:20,849
No monkey business.
Okay.
1625
00:59:20,924 --> 00:59:21,913
Jack.
1626
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:23,749
Shall we get
a move on, pal-o-mino?
1627
00:59:23,826 --> 00:59:25,123
(Jack)
I'm ready.
1628
00:59:36,139 --> 00:59:37,504
I love this, Roz.
1629
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:39,005
This is a great find.
1630
00:59:39,075 --> 00:59:40,440
Oh, good,
and it's loose,
1631
00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:42,978
so you can wear it even
if you gain a few pounds.
1632
00:59:43,646 --> 00:59:45,705
Isn't that lovely?
1633
00:59:45,815 --> 00:59:47,544
Honey, are you all right?
1634
00:59:47,617 --> 00:59:49,016
You look a little flushed.
1635
00:59:49,085 --> 00:59:51,315
Oh, it's just the heat.
It takes some getting used to.
1636
00:59:51,387 --> 00:59:53,116
I'm fine.
I'm going to try this on.
1637
00:59:53,189 --> 00:59:54,315
Thank you, Roz.
1638
00:59:55,058 --> 00:59:56,525
Now, madame,
1639
00:59:56,593 --> 00:59:59,027
let's find something sexy
for the momma to wear.
1640
00:59:59,696 --> 01:00:00,788
Look at this little number.
1641
01:00:00,863 --> 01:00:01,852
Whoa!
1642
01:00:01,931 --> 01:00:03,922
I think this will get
Jack's blood flowing.
1643
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,332
Jack would have a coronary.
1644
01:00:06,669 --> 01:00:07,863
I thought so.
1645
01:00:07,937 --> 01:00:10,405
Oh, Dina, talk to me.
1646
01:00:11,574 --> 01:00:13,633
What's really going on
with that man?
1647
01:00:13,710 --> 01:00:15,905
He seems very uptight.
1648
01:00:16,446 --> 01:00:18,437
Jack's always been
a little wound up.
1649
01:00:18,514 --> 01:00:20,379
His job was very stressful.
1650
01:00:20,683 --> 01:00:22,548
Being a florist is stressful?
1651
01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:24,519
There's more to it
than people think.
1652
01:00:24,587 --> 01:00:25,576
Mmm-hmm.
1653
01:00:25,755 --> 01:00:28,815
If you don't mind me asking,
how is your sex life?
1654
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:30,387
[laughs]
1655
01:00:30,460 --> 01:00:32,257
I can't tell you that.
1656
01:00:32,328 --> 01:00:34,125
What's the big deal?
I'm a professional.
1657
01:00:34,197 --> 01:00:35,824
Dina, I'm a sex therapist,
1658
01:00:35,898 --> 01:00:38,366
specializing in
senior sexuality.
1659
01:00:38,468 --> 01:00:40,959
I knew those
weren't yoga mats.
1660
01:00:41,070 --> 01:00:42,435
[both laughing]
1661
01:00:42,505 --> 01:00:45,406
We're not 25 any-anymore.
1662
01:00:45,475 --> 01:00:46,999
But you're not dead, either.
1663
01:00:47,076 --> 01:00:48,475
Lots of couples our age
1664
01:00:48,544 --> 01:00:50,273
lack intimacy
in their marriages.
1665
01:00:50,346 --> 01:00:51,870
I didn't say
we weren't intimate.
1666
01:00:51,948 --> 01:00:54,712
There are special occasions.
You know, anniversaries and...
1667
01:00:56,386 --> 01:00:57,853
Well, on our anniversary.
1668
01:00:57,920 --> 01:00:59,547
Ay-ya-yay.
Nicht gut.
1669
01:00:59,622 --> 01:01:00,646
I beg your pardon.
1670
01:01:00,723 --> 01:01:01,883
Not good.
1671
01:01:01,958 --> 01:01:04,722
I think that I can help
you and Jack reconnect.
1672
01:01:04,961 --> 01:01:06,019
How?
1673
01:01:06,162 --> 01:01:07,220
Well,
1674
01:01:07,563 --> 01:01:10,088
it all starts
with a little bit of, uh,
1675
01:01:10,767 --> 01:01:13,292
how shall I say,
intimate contact.
1676
01:01:13,469 --> 01:01:14,663
Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
1677
01:01:14,737 --> 01:01:15,999
My, that tingles.
1678
01:01:16,305 --> 01:01:18,034
Every pleasure in the body
1679
01:01:18,174 --> 01:01:20,301
can be stimulated
through the ears.
1680
01:01:20,376 --> 01:01:21,365
[moaning]
1681
01:01:21,644 --> 01:01:24,442
I'd give it a shot
with Jack tonight.
1682
01:01:24,514 --> 01:01:26,243
What's goin' on over here?
1683
01:01:26,716 --> 01:01:28,877
Nothing,
just having some girl talk.
1684
01:01:29,619 --> 01:01:30,608
Roz.
1685
01:01:30,987 --> 01:01:32,750
[Little Jack wailing]
1686
01:01:37,460 --> 01:01:38,722
[sighs]
1687
01:01:42,765 --> 01:01:44,960
[Little Jack
continues wailing]
1688
01:01:59,115 --> 01:02:01,379
Okay. Here's the deal, LJ.
1689
01:02:01,451 --> 01:02:03,510
I'm going to give you
a few minutes of attention.
1690
01:02:03,586 --> 01:02:05,076
But you have to promise
1691
01:02:05,154 --> 01:02:07,418
that you don't tell
Grandpa Jack anything, okay?
1692
01:02:07,890 --> 01:02:09,255
(Greg)
All right. Good.
1693
01:02:09,358 --> 01:02:10,347
[cooing]
1694
01:02:12,028 --> 01:02:13,757
Okay, I don't quite know
what that means,
1695
01:02:13,830 --> 01:02:15,229
but I'm going to trust you.
1696
01:02:16,499 --> 01:02:17,488
All right. Here we go.
1697
01:02:18,101 --> 01:02:21,366
Okay. Okay.
It's okay.
1698
01:02:23,239 --> 01:02:25,434
A little huggie-wuggie
never hurt anybody.
1699
01:02:27,677 --> 01:02:29,167
[yelping]
1700
01:02:33,316 --> 01:02:35,614
I know we aren't
supposed to watch TV
1701
01:02:35,685 --> 01:02:38,654
but we won't tell
Grandpa Jack, will we?
1702
01:02:39,489 --> 01:02:41,320
Oh, look, look, it's Elmo.
1703
01:02:41,524 --> 01:02:43,082
Do you like fishes?
1704
01:02:43,226 --> 01:02:44,955
You don't like fishes?
1705
01:02:45,027 --> 01:02:46,358
No. All right.
1706
01:02:48,264 --> 01:02:50,198
Okay.
Okay.
1707
01:02:51,167 --> 01:02:52,566
[sighing]
1708
01:02:52,668 --> 01:02:54,067
[doll squeaking]
1709
01:02:56,706 --> 01:02:57,365
[squeaking continues]
1710
01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:58,065
[panting]
1711
01:02:58,875 --> 01:03:00,502
Hey, I got an idea.
1712
01:03:00,576 --> 01:03:03,306
Let's see what pre-approved
genius toys Grandpa Jack has
1713
01:03:03,379 --> 01:03:05,472
in his big basket of fun. Mmm?
1714
01:03:06,549 --> 01:03:10,007
Oh, look, look,
it's a... it's a... an abacus.
1715
01:03:10,653 --> 01:03:13,247
Abacuses aren't that much fun,
are they?
1716
01:03:13,322 --> 01:03:15,847
I don't know
why people think they're fun.
1717
01:03:15,925 --> 01:03:19,417
Look at this! Look!
It's... it's bolts on a plank.
1718
01:03:20,863 --> 01:03:23,661
Hmm? Fun bolts.
No, not very fun.
1719
01:03:23,766 --> 01:03:24,755
Hey.
1720
01:03:25,501 --> 01:03:27,196
##[music playing]
1721
01:03:27,270 --> 01:03:28,532
A little birdie!
1722
01:03:28,604 --> 01:03:29,901
Look, he sings.
1723
01:03:30,740 --> 01:03:33,504
# And if that
mockingbird don't sing #
1724
01:03:33,576 --> 01:03:37,706
# Then Greg is going to
buy you a diamond ring #
1725
01:03:37,780 --> 01:03:41,739
# And if that
diamond ring gets sold #
1726
01:03:42,552 --> 01:03:46,818
# Greg's gonna feel
like a big asshole ##
1727
01:03:48,291 --> 01:03:50,816
Asshole.
1728
01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:53,796
No, no, no, you don't want
to say that word.
1729
01:03:53,863 --> 01:03:55,797
We don't want to say that.
That's a bad word.
1730
01:03:55,865 --> 01:03:57,389
Asshole.
1731
01:03:57,466 --> 01:03:58,626
No, no, no.
1732
01:03:59,836 --> 01:04:01,269
##[music playing]
1733
01:04:02,171 --> 01:04:03,536
I thought this
was a repair shop.
1734
01:04:03,606 --> 01:04:04,834
Oh, this is better.
1735
01:04:04,907 --> 01:04:06,670
That's Isabel's son, Jorge.
1736
01:04:06,809 --> 01:04:08,572
15 years old,
he can fix anything.
1737
01:04:08,711 --> 01:04:09,939
Hey, Bernie.
1738
01:04:10,012 --> 01:04:11,274
[speaking in Spanish]
1739
01:04:11,414 --> 01:04:13,405
Yo! Georgie boy!
1740
01:04:13,482 --> 01:04:16,417
So, I think you got a tear
in the bilateral valve.
1741
01:04:16,485 --> 01:04:17,645
15, huh?
1742
01:04:18,087 --> 01:04:19,145
Genius.
1743
01:04:19,455 --> 01:04:21,082
[lsabel speaking in Spanish]
1744
01:04:21,591 --> 01:04:23,218
Jorge, what did I tell you?
1745
01:04:23,292 --> 01:04:24,554
No more tinkering
1746
01:04:24,627 --> 01:04:26,288
until you finish
your science homework.
1747
01:04:26,362 --> 01:04:27,351
Oh.
1748
01:04:27,930 --> 01:04:29,557
Uh, I was going to finish it
1749
01:04:29,665 --> 01:04:33,431
but, uh, Mr. Gerson
is out with, uh, rickets.
1750
01:04:33,636 --> 01:04:35,365
He said definitely don't do it
1751
01:04:35,438 --> 01:04:37,338
until his rickets
are... are cured.
1752
01:04:37,406 --> 01:04:39,340
And, you know,
l... l... I really...
1753
01:04:39,408 --> 01:04:42,377
Who knows if he's ever
telling the truth?
1754
01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:44,005
(lsabel)
Bernie,
1755
01:04:45,014 --> 01:04:47,346
I made chimichangas.
You guys want?
1756
01:04:47,416 --> 01:04:50,317
Have you ever known me
to turn down a chimi?
1757
01:04:50,419 --> 01:04:52,250
Jack, you in the mood, amigo?
1758
01:04:52,321 --> 01:04:53,379
No, thanks.
1759
01:04:53,656 --> 01:04:55,248
[birds chirping]
1760
01:04:57,159 --> 01:04:58,649
Why are you
looking at me funny?
1761
01:04:58,794 --> 01:05:00,318
l... l... I said...
1762
01:05:00,396 --> 01:05:03,229
Oh, no, no. You just look
like somebody I know.
1763
01:05:04,767 --> 01:05:06,166
No, no, no, no.
1764
01:05:06,235 --> 01:05:08,294
Tadpole. Tadpole.
Can you say tadpole?
1765
01:05:08,371 --> 01:05:10,032
Mad bull.
1766
01:05:10,106 --> 01:05:11,334
Asshole.
1767
01:05:11,407 --> 01:05:12,601
No, Jack's mole.
1768
01:05:12,675 --> 01:05:14,472
'Cause Jack has
a big mole on his face.
1769
01:05:14,543 --> 01:05:15,908
Is your father the mechanic?
1770
01:05:16,012 --> 01:05:17,946
Oh, l... I don't know,
I never met him.
1771
01:05:18,014 --> 01:05:19,345
Never met your dad, huh?
1772
01:05:19,415 --> 01:05:20,882
Oh, that's unfortunate.
1773
01:05:21,384 --> 01:05:22,908
But very interesting.
1774
01:05:23,386 --> 01:05:25,411
Mind if I take
a picture of you?
1775
01:05:25,554 --> 01:05:27,078
You know,
just for fun.
1776
01:05:27,156 --> 01:05:28,418
Okay.
1777
01:05:29,358 --> 01:05:30,347
[clicking]
1778
01:05:32,495 --> 01:05:35,259
# Mr. Moose likes to say
good words #
1779
01:05:35,331 --> 01:05:38,129
# He doesn't like
you to say bad words ##
1780
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:39,292
Asshole.
1781
01:05:39,368 --> 01:05:40,426
[phone ringing]
1782
01:05:40,503 --> 01:05:42,471
Okay.
Just hang on a second there.
1783
01:05:43,239 --> 01:05:44,228
[sobbing]
1784
01:05:46,742 --> 01:05:47,902
[Litle Jack wailing]
1785
01:05:47,977 --> 01:05:49,171
Yeah.
Hello.
1786
01:05:49,245 --> 01:05:51,338
Hi, It's me.
How's it going
with the little one?
1787
01:05:51,414 --> 01:05:55,145
Horribly. He's crying
and screaming, and cursing.
1788
01:05:55,217 --> 01:05:58,118
(Roz)
That poor kid is desperate
for human contact.
1789
01:05:58,187 --> 01:06:00,087
Honey, you need to hold him,
and kiss him,
1790
01:06:00,156 --> 01:06:01,418
do whatever it takes.
1791
01:06:01,490 --> 01:06:02,889
I've been hugging him
in secret,
1792
01:06:02,959 --> 01:06:04,859
feeding him chocolates, too.
1793
01:06:05,895 --> 01:06:06,884
[TVplaying]
1794
01:06:13,736 --> 01:06:15,533
All animals have babies...
1795
01:06:17,039 --> 01:06:18,028
[chuckling]
1796
01:06:20,443 --> 01:06:22,468
Say hello to my
little friend!
1797
01:06:25,548 --> 01:06:27,448
You know,
he's probably teething.
1798
01:06:27,516 --> 01:06:29,450
So put a dab of rum
in his milk.
1799
01:06:29,518 --> 01:06:31,645
And it'll ease the pain,
he'll go to sleep.
1800
01:06:31,721 --> 01:06:33,018
You want me to
give him a drink?
1801
01:06:33,089 --> 01:06:34,852
I'm talking,
less than a thimbleful.
1802
01:06:34,924 --> 01:06:36,414
(Roz)
You don't want Jack
coming home
1803
01:06:36,492 --> 01:06:38,016
to a screaming baby.
1804
01:06:42,798 --> 01:06:43,787
[giggling]
1805
01:06:46,669 --> 01:06:49,069
Listen to your mother.
Goodbye. I love you.
1806
01:06:49,138 --> 01:06:50,537
All right, Mom.
1807
01:06:58,347 --> 01:07:02,010
Hey, Little Jack,
I got a surprise for you.
1808
01:07:03,652 --> 01:07:04,846
Little Jack?
1809
01:07:06,288 --> 01:07:08,313
Mr. Moose is looking for you.
1810
01:07:08,591 --> 01:07:11,025
Oh, shit!
Where the hell did he go?
1811
01:07:11,694 --> 01:07:13,958
LJ!
Little Jack!
1812
01:07:14,563 --> 01:07:15,552
[Jinx meowing]
1813
01:07:18,601 --> 01:07:20,831
(Greg)
LJ! LJ!
1814
01:07:23,039 --> 01:07:25,940
Does that Jorge resemble
anyone you know?
1815
01:07:26,075 --> 01:07:27,167
No one I know.
1816
01:07:27,243 --> 01:07:28,232
Hmm.
1817
01:07:37,887 --> 01:07:40,082
There's something
you don't see every day.
1818
01:07:40,156 --> 01:07:41,282
[panting]
1819
01:07:41,357 --> 01:07:43,791
Focker!
Focker!
1820
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:46,820
Okay. I know this looks bad,
but I can explain it.
1821
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,887
What the hell happened?
I said no monkey business.
1822
01:07:48,964 --> 01:07:50,295
No.
There was no monkey business.
1823
01:07:50,366 --> 01:07:51,628
No monkey business?
1824
01:07:51,700 --> 01:07:53,998
You're wearing my breast,
Little Jack is drinking,
1825
01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:55,059
Moses is sodomizing Jinx,
1826
01:07:55,137 --> 01:07:57,196
and you're telling me
there's no monkey business?
1827
01:07:57,273 --> 01:07:59,605
What is going on here?
You all right, LJ?
1828
01:07:59,675 --> 01:08:01,643
Hello! We're home!
Hey, guys.
1829
01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:02,870
(Jack)
Give me the bottle.
1830
01:08:02,945 --> 01:08:04,276
What's happened
to Little Jack?
1831
01:08:04,346 --> 01:08:06,075
His hands are stuck
to the bottle of rum.
1832
01:08:06,148 --> 01:08:08,343
Thank you, Dad.
You bet they're stuck.
1833
01:08:08,417 --> 01:08:09,645
Greg, how did this happen?
1834
01:08:09,718 --> 01:08:11,208
And why are you
wearing antlers?
1835
01:08:11,654 --> 01:08:13,281
It's very complicated.
1836
01:08:13,355 --> 01:08:15,016
It's just a little glue.
He's fine.
1837
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:17,651
He's not fine.
If he could use his hands,
he'd tell you himself.
1838
01:08:17,726 --> 01:08:19,455
All right. That's all right.
Come on.
1839
01:08:19,528 --> 01:08:21,257
Little Jack, honey,
are you okay?
1840
01:08:22,331 --> 01:08:23,320
Greg...
1841
01:08:23,399 --> 01:08:24,388
(Jack)
Dina. Pam.
1842
01:08:24,533 --> 01:08:26,728
(Pam)
Yes, Dad, uh... I'm coming.
Little Jack.
1843
01:08:26,802 --> 01:08:29,270
Honey, I said a thimble,
not a bottle.
1844
01:08:33,442 --> 01:08:34,431
Oh, Greg.
1845
01:08:34,510 --> 01:08:35,534
Hey.
1846
01:08:36,445 --> 01:08:38,140
[whispering]
How's the little guy doing?
1847
01:08:38,214 --> 01:08:40,205
[whispering]
Everything is
just as good as new.
1848
01:08:40,282 --> 01:08:41,374
Yeah.
1849
01:08:41,784 --> 01:08:42,773
Dad, come on.
1850
01:08:50,759 --> 01:08:53,125
(Roz)
Is he all right?
He's asleep.
1851
01:08:53,195 --> 01:08:55,254
I don't care if they
did call you Larry Poppins.
1852
01:08:55,331 --> 01:08:57,128
You are completely unfit
to handle a child.
1853
01:08:57,199 --> 01:08:58,223
It was Barry Poppins.
1854
01:08:58,300 --> 01:09:00,825
What kind of sick cocktail
were you gonna make
my grandson?
1855
01:09:00,903 --> 01:09:02,131
Jack, the baby's teething.
1856
01:09:02,204 --> 01:09:04,434
I told Greg to give him
some rum to ease the pain.
1857
01:09:04,507 --> 01:09:05,872
It was your idea?
Yes.
1858
01:09:05,975 --> 01:09:07,875
What is wrong
with you people?
1859
01:09:07,943 --> 01:09:09,968
I used to rub bourbon
on Denny's gums.
1860
01:09:10,045 --> 01:09:11,478
Yeah! Look what
happened to him.
1861
01:09:11,547 --> 01:09:14,175
Greg, you couldn't follow
a simple set of instructions?
1862
01:09:14,250 --> 01:09:15,308
Jack, he was screaming.
1863
01:09:15,384 --> 01:09:17,477
So I went in and gave him
a little attention. Okay?
1864
01:09:17,553 --> 01:09:18,781
He's learning to self-soothe.
1865
01:09:18,854 --> 01:09:21,322
These setbacks are disastrous
for his development.
1866
01:09:21,390 --> 01:09:22,755
The child is adorable,
1867
01:09:22,825 --> 01:09:24,850
but you're not raising
Little Buddha over here.
1868
01:09:24,927 --> 01:09:25,985
Mom.
What are you saying?
1869
01:09:26,061 --> 01:09:28,222
I'm saying that
I've seen that kid eat
1870
01:09:28,297 --> 01:09:30,026
at least 15 boogers
since he's been here
1871
01:09:30,099 --> 01:09:31,794
and I've got news for you,
Jack,
1872
01:09:31,867 --> 01:09:33,630
prodigies don't eat
their own boogers.
1873
01:09:33,702 --> 01:09:36,034
And I have news for you.
Prodigies don't come in
10th place
1874
01:09:36,105 --> 01:09:37,265
every time either.
1875
01:09:37,339 --> 01:09:39,273
Okay, Dad. That's my fiance.
1876
01:09:39,341 --> 01:09:40,706
I'm sorry.
I've never seen people
1877
01:09:40,776 --> 01:09:42,266
celebrate mediocrity
the way you do.
1878
01:09:42,344 --> 01:09:44,938
Because we love our son?
We hug our son?
1879
01:09:45,014 --> 01:09:46,538
Let's get down to it.
The truth is,
1880
01:09:46,615 --> 01:09:49,675
you're so concerned about
that Little Jack, but I think
1881
01:09:49,752 --> 01:09:51,276
that it's the
Little Jack in you
1882
01:09:51,353 --> 01:09:52,820
who's crying out for a hug.
1883
01:09:54,190 --> 01:09:55,782
The Little Jack in me?
1884
01:09:57,593 --> 01:09:58,855
Jack, you have issues.
1885
01:09:58,928 --> 01:10:01,021
I'm trying to understand
why you run around
1886
01:10:01,096 --> 01:10:02,893
with a rubber boob
strapped to your chest.
1887
01:10:02,965 --> 01:10:04,227
Were you ever breastfed?
1888
01:10:04,300 --> 01:10:05,790
Mom, stop.
Key question.
1889
01:10:05,868 --> 01:10:06,960
My guess is no.
1890
01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:08,628
Spare me
the drugstore psychology.
1891
01:10:08,704 --> 01:10:10,296
[all chattering]
1892
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:12,202
Everybody! All right.
Everybody just...
1893
01:10:12,274 --> 01:10:14,902
Everybody just stop, okay?
1894
01:10:15,344 --> 01:10:17,608
Jack, I am not going
to make any excuses. Yes,
1895
01:10:17,680 --> 01:10:20,080
Little Jack wouldn't
stop crying
so I gave him some hugs
1896
01:10:20,149 --> 01:10:21,639
and I let him watch TV.
1897
01:10:21,717 --> 01:10:24,584
I went to answer the phone,
I was gone a second,
I came back in,
1898
01:10:24,653 --> 01:10:26,814
he let himself out
of the playpen,
he put on Scarface,
1899
01:10:26,889 --> 01:10:29,824
and he glued his hands
to the rum bottle. Okay?
1900
01:10:32,628 --> 01:10:33,720
That's it.
1901
01:10:33,796 --> 01:10:35,024
Oh. That's it
1902
01:10:35,097 --> 01:10:37,327
Greg just said, "That's it."
So I feel much better now.
1903
01:10:37,399 --> 01:10:38,627
Daddy, would you mind...
1904
01:10:38,701 --> 01:10:41,636
Please, Daddy. He made
an honest mistake. Let it go.
1905
01:10:41,704 --> 01:10:44,070
He's fine, Greg.
He's asleep.
1906
01:10:44,506 --> 01:10:45,973
[Little Jack mumbling]
1907
01:10:46,675 --> 01:10:47,835
He spoke.
1908
01:10:48,510 --> 01:10:50,239
(Little Jack)
Asshole.
1909
01:10:51,013 --> 01:10:52,002
What?
1910
01:10:53,182 --> 01:10:54,649
Did he say what
I am thinking?
1911
01:10:54,717 --> 01:10:56,116
I think he did.
1912
01:10:57,353 --> 01:10:59,719
Little Jack,
what did you just say?
1913
01:11:00,122 --> 01:11:02,852
Asshole.
1914
01:11:05,728 --> 01:11:07,355
His first word?
1915
01:11:11,700 --> 01:11:13,725
It just slipped
out of my mouth. l...
1916
01:11:14,069 --> 01:11:15,400
He has a mind like a sponge.
1917
01:11:15,471 --> 01:11:16,495
That's enough.
1918
01:11:16,572 --> 01:11:18,437
I'm calling
a family conference.
1919
01:11:18,507 --> 01:11:19,735
Oh, it's a great idea, Jack.
1920
01:11:19,808 --> 01:11:22,038
Let's finally get
your problems
out on the table.
1921
01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:24,136
No, no, I mean with
my own family. Excuse us.
1922
01:11:24,213 --> 01:11:26,113
I'd like to talk to
Pam and Dina in private.
1923
01:11:26,181 --> 01:11:28,775
Of course, of course,
take your time.
1924
01:11:29,218 --> 01:11:30,242
(Roz)
Come on, honey.
1925
01:11:33,656 --> 01:11:34,680
I'm not so sure
1926
01:11:34,757 --> 01:11:36,088
this wedding is
such a good idea.
1927
01:11:36,158 --> 01:11:38,820
To say the least,
I don't like what I'm seeing
from these Fockers.
1928
01:11:38,894 --> 01:11:39,883
What?
1929
01:11:39,962 --> 01:11:42,453
Has Greg ever mentioned
the name Jorge to you?
Jor...
1930
01:11:42,564 --> 01:11:44,759
I don't know
what you're talking about.
No, why?
1931
01:11:44,833 --> 01:11:46,425
Because I think
your fiance may have
1932
01:11:46,502 --> 01:11:49,198
a few skeletons in his closet
that he is not
telling you about.
1933
01:11:49,271 --> 01:11:51,637
And skeletons don't like
living in closets.
1934
01:11:51,707 --> 01:11:53,800
Oh, my God,
Here we go again.
Dad, listen,
1935
01:11:53,876 --> 01:11:56,037
you know,
Greg has no skeletons. Okay?
1936
01:11:56,111 --> 01:11:57,476
Oh, really?
He does not.
1937
01:11:57,546 --> 01:11:58,979
Do you know that?
Yes, I know that.
1938
01:11:59,048 --> 01:12:00,345
Will you just...
I'm not a child.
1939
01:12:00,416 --> 01:12:01,405
I see. She knows that.
1940
01:12:01,483 --> 01:12:02,507
This wedding will happen.
1941
01:12:02,584 --> 01:12:04,017
And the sooner
you accept that,
1942
01:12:04,086 --> 01:12:06,054
the better it's going
to be for all of us.
1943
01:12:06,121 --> 01:12:07,213
I can't talk to you.
1944
01:12:07,356 --> 01:12:09,187
No.
Wait a second, sweetheart.
1945
01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:14,121
And I'm not so sure Roz
is a yoga instructor, either.
1946
01:12:14,196 --> 01:12:17,063
Jack, you promised
that you'd behave yourself.
1947
01:12:17,132 --> 01:12:18,565
And what you said
to those people
1948
01:12:18,634 --> 01:12:19,828
was really hurtful.
1949
01:12:19,902 --> 01:12:22,530
I think you should go up there
and apologize.
1950
01:12:22,604 --> 01:12:25,164
I'm not going to apologize
to them.
1951
01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:26,468
Jack.
1952
01:12:30,379 --> 01:12:32,847
A little birdie told me
1953
01:12:32,915 --> 01:12:35,008
that somebody's going to
be a daddy.
1954
01:12:35,184 --> 01:12:36,276
Mom!
1955
01:12:36,352 --> 01:12:37,876
Sorry, honey,
but look at that face.
1956
01:12:37,953 --> 01:12:39,181
How could I keep it a secret?
1957
01:12:39,254 --> 01:12:41,381
He's so excited
about being a grandpa.
1958
01:12:41,457 --> 01:12:42,719
(Bernie)
What should he call me?
1959
01:12:42,791 --> 01:12:44,349
[both laughing]
How about Poppy?
1960
01:12:44,426 --> 01:12:47,054
You don't have
to have champagne, okay?
1961
01:12:47,129 --> 01:12:48,756
Why?
Jack's really angry.
1962
01:12:48,831 --> 01:12:49,991
I know he's mad,
1963
01:12:50,065 --> 01:12:51,555
but he's also
a little meshuggenah.
1964
01:12:51,633 --> 01:12:53,863
Come on, honey. How often do
we get to be grandparents?
1965
01:12:53,936 --> 01:12:55,028
We're having a toast.
1966
01:12:55,104 --> 01:12:56,731
Okay, fine,
but, Dad, this is a secret.
1967
01:12:56,805 --> 01:12:58,739
We can't tell Jack
till after we are married.
1968
01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:00,104
Why? We are honest people.
1969
01:13:00,175 --> 01:13:02,075
No! I can't stand
this secrecy anymore. Why?
1970
01:13:02,144 --> 01:13:03,111
[shushing]
1971
01:13:03,178 --> 01:13:04,167
Be quiet.
1972
01:13:04,246 --> 01:13:05,679
Why should we diminish our joy
1973
01:13:05,748 --> 01:13:07,375
just because they live
in denial?
1974
01:13:07,449 --> 01:13:08,438
[shushing]
1975
01:13:08,550 --> 01:13:09,574
Seriously.
1976
01:13:12,488 --> 01:13:14,513
I promised Pam, okay?
1977
01:13:14,790 --> 01:13:16,951
She thinks
it'll break his heart
if he finds out.
1978
01:13:17,025 --> 01:13:18,788
I'm not gonna take a drink.
1979
01:13:18,861 --> 01:13:20,158
(Roz)
Your father's right.
1980
01:13:20,229 --> 01:13:21,958
This is the 21st century!
Married or not,
1981
01:13:22,030 --> 01:13:23,725
there's no shame
in fatherhood!
1982
01:13:23,799 --> 01:13:25,824
This is
the fruit of your loins.
1983
01:13:25,934 --> 01:13:27,458
(Bernie)
That is so beautiful.
1984
01:13:27,536 --> 01:13:29,003
Say that to him again.
1985
01:13:29,071 --> 01:13:30,629
(Roz)
This is
the fruit of your loins!
1986
01:13:30,706 --> 01:13:33,231
This is
the fruit of your loins!
1987
01:13:33,308 --> 01:13:35,435
(Bernie)
Okay. Let's toast
and let's make a sandwich,
1988
01:13:35,511 --> 01:13:37,069
and Mom wants
to be the cheese.
1989
01:13:37,146 --> 01:13:38,170
[gasps]
1990
01:13:38,247 --> 01:13:39,805
Jack Byrnes,
what are you doing?
1991
01:13:39,882 --> 01:13:41,144
[groaning]
1992
01:13:41,216 --> 01:13:43,275
What did you do?
1993
01:13:43,352 --> 01:13:45,479
You okay there, Jacko?
1994
01:13:45,554 --> 01:13:46,919
What's the matter
What happened?
1995
01:13:46,989 --> 01:13:48,115
[moaning]
1996
01:13:48,390 --> 01:13:50,881
I was, uh, coming to apologize
1997
01:13:51,193 --> 01:13:52,956
and my back went into spasm.
1998
01:13:53,028 --> 01:13:55,758
It's very tender from that
horrific football accident.
1999
01:13:55,831 --> 01:13:56,855
Yeah, I feel it.
2000
01:13:56,932 --> 01:13:58,524
My God, you're knotted
like a pretzel.
2001
01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:00,090
You must be
in a lot of pain, huh?
2002
01:14:00,169 --> 01:14:02,069
I don't mind pain.
I learn from pain.
2003
01:14:02,137 --> 01:14:04,037
Pain-shmain.
My fingers are magic.
2004
01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:05,937
Come on,
let me work out the kinks.
2005
01:14:06,041 --> 01:14:08,168
Oh. That's a
lovely offer, Jack.
2006
01:14:08,577 --> 01:14:10,067
Uh, no, thanks. I'll be fine.
2007
01:14:10,145 --> 01:14:12,978
My wife does
wonderful bodywork, Jack.
2008
01:14:13,048 --> 01:14:14,140
I don't think he needs it.
2009
01:14:17,052 --> 01:14:18,576
##[music playing]
2010
01:14:19,421 --> 01:14:21,912
Okay, handsome, shirt off.
2011
01:14:22,024 --> 01:14:23,457
I'd rather have it on,
thank you.
2012
01:14:23,525 --> 01:14:24,890
Oh, no dice.
2013
01:14:25,127 --> 01:14:26,685
No, no, no.
It has to come off.
2014
01:14:26,762 --> 01:14:28,423
Ah, lovely.
2015
01:14:28,931 --> 01:14:30,455
You know,
2016
01:14:30,566 --> 01:14:32,761
most back pain
is psychological.
2017
01:14:32,835 --> 01:14:34,996
We carry our
emotional baggage
2018
01:14:35,070 --> 01:14:37,470
right here in our muscles.
2019
01:14:38,907 --> 01:14:41,000
I've been watching you, Jack.
2020
01:14:41,310 --> 01:14:43,505
Studying your body language.
2021
01:14:43,579 --> 01:14:46,548
And you're a very sensual man.
2022
01:14:46,882 --> 01:14:49,077
But I'm not sure
you realize that.
2023
01:14:49,218 --> 01:14:50,685
What are you doing?
2024
01:14:50,886 --> 01:14:53,218
(Roz)
It's a technique
I learned in Hawaii.
2025
01:14:53,288 --> 01:14:55,620
It's a Lomi-Lomi massage
2026
01:14:55,691 --> 01:14:59,092
named after the gentle waves
of the Polynesian Sea.
2027
01:14:59,161 --> 01:15:03,063
The waves go in,
and the waves go out.
2028
01:15:03,465 --> 01:15:05,160
The waves go in.
2029
01:15:05,367 --> 01:15:06,356
[Jack grunts]
2030
01:15:06,568 --> 01:15:07,557
Whoops.
2031
01:15:07,636 --> 01:15:09,297
Hit some driftwood.
2032
01:15:10,706 --> 01:15:14,164
(Roz)
Jack Byrnes,
you are a caged lion.
2033
01:15:14,243 --> 01:15:17,144
But lions can't be captives
their entire lives.
2034
01:15:17,212 --> 01:15:19,146
They have to be free
to roam the bush,
2035
01:15:19,214 --> 01:15:20,943
free and wild.
2036
01:15:21,016 --> 01:15:23,849
Your wife is a hot,
sexy tigress
2037
01:15:23,919 --> 01:15:25,853
and she's waiting for you
to pounce on her.
2038
01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:28,355
Let me hear you roar,
baby, roar.
2039
01:15:28,423 --> 01:15:29,583
[Jack groaning]
2040
01:15:29,658 --> 01:15:30,750
Your body is talking to me.
2041
01:15:30,826 --> 01:15:32,191
It's hungry for action.
2042
01:15:32,261 --> 01:15:33,489
I can feel it.
2043
01:15:33,562 --> 01:15:35,723
Unleash the beast inside you.
2044
01:15:35,797 --> 01:15:37,662
Mom, stop it.
You're hurting him.
2045
01:15:37,733 --> 01:15:40,031
I am not hurting him.
I am helping him.
2046
01:15:40,102 --> 01:15:41,831
Just don't... don't...
2047
01:15:41,904 --> 01:15:43,701
I don't think you
should move just yet.
2048
01:15:43,839 --> 01:15:46,137
Jack, come back
for an afternoon session.
2049
01:15:46,208 --> 01:15:47,197
It'll do you good.
2050
01:15:47,276 --> 01:15:48,334
What're you doing?
2051
01:15:48,410 --> 01:15:50,105
We were so close.
I could feel it.
2052
01:15:50,178 --> 01:15:51,440
I was getting through to him.
2053
01:15:51,513 --> 01:15:52,980
The guy doesn't
like to be touched.
2054
01:15:53,048 --> 01:15:54,208
Because he has
2055
01:15:54,283 --> 01:15:55,716
the emotional hide
of a rhinoceros.
2056
01:15:55,784 --> 01:15:57,581
Don't break him down.
Just let him be.
2057
01:15:57,653 --> 01:15:59,314
I was trying to do you
a favor.
2058
01:15:59,388 --> 01:16:01,219
You were riding him
like Seabiscuit, Mom.
2059
01:16:01,723 --> 01:16:03,122
[groaning]
2060
01:16:13,869 --> 01:16:14,858
[grunts]
2061
01:16:27,082 --> 01:16:28,071
[whirring]
2062
01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:30,574
[beeps]
2063
01:16:49,838 --> 01:16:51,931
(Jack)
Dial Foxtrot One.
2064
01:16:52,207 --> 01:16:53,640
[phone autodialing]
2065
01:16:55,344 --> 01:16:56,868
[computer beeping]
2066
01:16:57,045 --> 01:16:58,444
(Foxtrot One)
Alpha, Foxtrot One.
2067
01:16:58,513 --> 01:16:59,537
(Jack)
Foxtrot One.
2068
01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,549
I need a full comparative
DNA analysis
2069
01:17:01,650 --> 01:17:03,618
on
one Gaylord M Focker
2070
01:17:03,685 --> 01:17:05,414
and one Jorge Villalobos.
2071
01:17:05,487 --> 01:17:07,955
Translation,
George, House of the wolves.
2072
01:17:08,023 --> 01:17:09,752
It might take
a couple of weeks, Santa.
2073
01:17:09,825 --> 01:17:12,020
No good, Foxtrot One,
I need a 12-hour turnaround.
2074
01:17:12,094 --> 01:17:14,494
I'll secure the
physical evidence
and the handoff will be
2075
01:17:14,563 --> 01:17:16,827
at Harry Focker's
Good Time Supper Club,
2076
01:17:16,898 --> 01:17:18,229
2100 hours tonight.
2077
01:17:18,300 --> 01:17:20,234
You got it, Santa.
Foxtrot One out.
2078
01:17:21,903 --> 01:17:23,131
[phone rings]
2079
01:17:23,205 --> 01:17:24,229
Yello?
2080
01:17:24,306 --> 01:17:25,933
Bernie, this is Jack Byrnes.
2081
01:17:26,008 --> 01:17:28,033
Hey, Jack.
Hey, where are you
calling from?
2082
01:17:28,110 --> 01:17:29,168
I'm in my RV.
2083
01:17:29,244 --> 01:17:31,371
Would you have Greg
meet me here in three minutes?
2084
01:17:31,446 --> 01:17:32,435
You're in your trailer?
2085
01:17:32,514 --> 01:17:33,606
Thank you, goodbye.
2086
01:17:33,682 --> 01:17:34,671
But...
2087
01:17:36,818 --> 01:17:37,978
Hey, Gaylord!
2088
01:17:38,420 --> 01:17:40,251
(Bernie)
Jack wants you
to meet him
2089
01:17:40,322 --> 01:17:42,688
in his trailer
in precisely three minutes.
2090
01:17:43,392 --> 01:17:45,326
And I have to
tell you,
2091
01:17:45,460 --> 01:17:47,519
El Stiffo was really
starting to freak me out.
2092
01:17:47,929 --> 01:17:49,362
Greg, wait, okay?
2093
01:17:49,431 --> 01:17:51,160
Listen, no matter
how hard he probes you,
2094
01:17:51,233 --> 01:17:53,224
you have to promise me
that you will not break
2095
01:17:53,301 --> 01:17:55,292
because I'm not
ready to tell him
I'm pregnant.
2096
01:17:55,370 --> 01:17:56,359
Hey, honey.
2097
01:17:56,438 --> 01:17:57,496
Honey.
What? What?
2098
01:17:57,572 --> 01:17:58,937
Let him probe,
2099
01:17:59,007 --> 01:18:00,838
'cause he's probing
a brick wall.
2100
01:18:03,478 --> 01:18:04,502
(Roz)
Now show me how
2101
01:18:04,579 --> 01:18:06,740
you would like
a romantic evening to go.
2102
01:18:07,049 --> 01:18:09,779
Oh, Jack, wine and candles?
2103
01:18:09,851 --> 01:18:11,819
Gosh, it's not
even our anniversary.
2104
01:18:11,887 --> 01:18:13,548
Come here, hot stuff.
2105
01:18:14,956 --> 01:18:18,619
[moaning]
Yes, yes. Oh, Jack.
2106
01:18:20,495 --> 01:18:21,484
[door closing]
2107
01:18:21,563 --> 01:18:22,723
(Greg)
Jack?
2108
01:18:22,798 --> 01:18:24,527
(Jack)
Down here, under the bed.
2109
01:18:28,236 --> 01:18:29,726
[bed whirring]
2110
01:18:31,506 --> 01:18:32,905
Down here, Greg.
2111
01:18:36,211 --> 01:18:37,371
Wow.
2112
01:18:37,446 --> 01:18:38,504
Have a seat.
2113
01:18:40,482 --> 01:18:42,279
Watch the panel.
2114
01:18:43,518 --> 01:18:44,985
This is incredible.
2115
01:18:56,665 --> 01:19:00,465
So this is like your, uh,
mobile command center
2116
01:19:00,869 --> 01:19:03,167
for all your spy activities?
2117
01:19:03,238 --> 01:19:06,071
Mainly a secure space for me
to spend some alone time
2118
01:19:06,141 --> 01:19:07,631
and reflect on my thoughts.
2119
01:19:07,709 --> 01:19:09,870
Mmm.
Very cool.
2120
01:19:10,912 --> 01:19:12,209
Greg.
Yeah?
2121
01:19:12,547 --> 01:19:13,980
You'll recall,
2122
01:19:14,049 --> 01:19:16,483
we had a discussion earlier
in the week
regarding my feelings
2123
01:19:16,551 --> 01:19:19,315
about family, legacies,
children and so forth.
2124
01:19:19,387 --> 01:19:21,116
Oh, yeah, of course I recall.
Yeah.
2125
01:19:22,691 --> 01:19:24,852
I'm going to
just ask you once.
2126
01:19:26,027 --> 01:19:27,858
Is there anything
you want to tell me
2127
01:19:27,929 --> 01:19:30,363
regarding things
that might have happened?
2128
01:19:30,432 --> 01:19:32,457
Unplanned things?
2129
01:19:33,568 --> 01:19:36,628
Things involving
the fruit of your loins?
2130
01:19:40,108 --> 01:19:41,097
No.
2131
01:19:50,152 --> 01:19:53,144
Well, if he's not going
to admit it on his own...
2132
01:20:03,431 --> 01:20:04,762
[phone autodialing]
2133
01:20:07,469 --> 01:20:08,458
(Jorge)
Hello?
2134
01:20:08,537 --> 01:20:10,164
Hello, Jorge?
2135
01:20:10,238 --> 01:20:11,705
It's Jack Byrnes,
remember me?
2136
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:13,307
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
2137
01:20:13,375 --> 01:20:14,808
You came to
the house with Bernie.
2138
01:20:14,876 --> 01:20:16,138
You had that
fancy camera pen.
2139
01:20:16,211 --> 01:20:17,610
Yeah, that's right.
2140
01:20:17,946 --> 01:20:19,846
Listen, do you have
any plans tonight?
2141
01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:21,644
Uh, no.
2142
01:20:21,716 --> 01:20:23,877
Good, 'cause I'd like to
invite you to a party.
2143
01:20:32,127 --> 01:20:34,220
# You could feel
like dancin' #
2144
01:20:34,296 --> 01:20:35,456
# Dance #
2145
01:20:36,865 --> 01:20:39,425
# And you could feel
like fallin' #
2146
01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:40,126
# Fall #
2147
01:20:40,869 --> 01:20:42,234
# 'Cause it would
be all right ##
2148
01:20:42,304 --> 01:20:44,272
Hey.
Sweetie.
2149
01:20:44,339 --> 01:20:45,328
Having a good time?
2150
01:20:45,407 --> 01:20:46,499
Uh, no, not really.
2151
01:20:46,575 --> 01:20:47,906
No?
2152
01:20:47,976 --> 01:20:50,467
Hey, listen, sweetie, did you
tell your mother I'm pregnant?
2153
01:20:50,545 --> 01:20:52,445
Because she keeps touching
my stomach
2154
01:20:52,514 --> 01:20:53,981
and
smiling like that.
2155
01:20:54,049 --> 01:20:56,643
Yeah. No, I didn't tell her.
She just, she guessed.
2156
01:20:56,718 --> 01:20:57,878
She what?
2157
01:20:57,953 --> 01:20:59,250
Yeah, and then
she told my dad.
2158
01:20:59,321 --> 01:21:00,447
Oh, my God.
2159
01:21:01,223 --> 01:21:03,191
Stop it, Bernie.
Bernie, stop.
2160
01:21:03,792 --> 01:21:05,054
It's not funny.
2161
01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:06,388
(Pam)
I told my mom.
2162
01:21:06,461 --> 01:21:07,428
What?
2163
01:21:07,495 --> 01:21:08,553
Yeah.
2164
01:21:08,630 --> 01:21:09,654
What?
Why'd you...
2165
01:21:09,731 --> 01:21:11,130
Your dad
will definitely find out.
2166
01:21:11,199 --> 01:21:13,133
She knows my dad.
She'd never say a word.
2167
01:21:13,201 --> 01:21:14,862
No, no.
But he's very suspicious.
2168
01:21:14,936 --> 01:21:16,267
Greg. Hi.
Hey.
2169
01:21:16,338 --> 01:21:19,171
Hi. Honey, would you take this
to your mother?
2170
01:21:19,241 --> 01:21:20,731
It's a wine spritzer.
2171
01:21:20,809 --> 01:21:22,242
That's all she drinks now.
2172
01:21:23,178 --> 01:21:25,237
You boys have fun.
2173
01:21:27,048 --> 01:21:28,310
[sighs]
2174
01:21:29,417 --> 01:21:31,180
Nice.
Nice party.
2175
01:21:31,253 --> 01:21:32,982
Isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
It's nice.
2176
01:21:33,054 --> 01:21:35,522
It's got a nice festive vibe.
2177
01:21:36,358 --> 01:21:38,622
You met some of the, uh,
some of the cousins?
2178
01:21:38,693 --> 01:21:41,127
I met some. Yes.
I met some, um...
2179
01:21:42,330 --> 01:21:43,388
Dom.
2180
01:21:43,465 --> 01:21:44,489
Yeah, Dom Focker.
2181
01:21:44,566 --> 01:21:46,591
That's my dad's, uh,
first cousin.
2182
01:21:46,701 --> 01:21:49,067
Did you meet his kids,
Randy and Horny?
2183
01:21:49,804 --> 01:21:52,705
I've met Randy and Horny.
Yes.
2184
01:21:52,774 --> 01:21:54,708
Come on.
I want to introduce you
to somebody.
2185
01:21:54,776 --> 01:21:55,765
Come on.
2186
01:21:57,712 --> 01:21:59,043
Oh, there he is.
2187
01:21:59,848 --> 01:22:01,713
Glad you could
make it, Jorge.
2188
01:22:01,783 --> 01:22:05,048
Oh, hey,
thanks for the invite, Mr. B.
2189
01:22:05,120 --> 01:22:08,055
Greg,
this is Jorge Villalobos.
2190
01:22:08,123 --> 01:22:09,215
Hey.
2191
01:22:09,291 --> 01:22:10,315
Hey, how you doing?
2192
01:22:10,392 --> 01:22:11,984
Isabel's son.
2193
01:22:12,060 --> 01:22:14,927
Oh, I didn't realize
Isabel had a son.
2194
01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:17,159
When did she get married?
2195
01:22:17,232 --> 01:22:18,426
She-she's not married.
2196
01:22:18,500 --> 01:22:20,695
Oh, he's never met
his father.
2197
01:22:22,103 --> 01:22:23,092
Oh.
2198
01:22:23,939 --> 01:22:25,031
I'm sorry.
2199
01:22:25,106 --> 01:22:26,767
That's, I mean,
that's... that's too bad.
2200
01:22:26,841 --> 01:22:28,672
Oh, no, no, it's... it's cool.
2201
01:22:28,743 --> 01:22:31,303
My mom said my dad
wasn't like, mature enough
2202
01:22:31,379 --> 01:22:33,939
to deal with a kid,
anyway, so, yeah.
2203
01:22:34,916 --> 01:22:36,713
So how do you
guys know each other?
2204
01:22:36,785 --> 01:22:39,345
Oh, this young man
is quite the mechanic.
2205
01:22:39,421 --> 01:22:42,083
And he's only 15 years old.
Isn't that impressive?
2206
01:22:42,157 --> 01:22:43,590
Really? You're 15?
2207
01:22:43,658 --> 01:22:45,558
Yeah.
That is impressive.
2208
01:22:45,961 --> 01:22:47,394
He's a handsome kid, huh?
2209
01:22:47,462 --> 01:22:48,554
Yeah.
2210
01:22:48,630 --> 01:22:51,758
Almost like a young,
half-Hispanic
Marlon Brando.
2211
01:22:54,569 --> 01:22:55,558
Well,
2212
01:22:56,037 --> 01:22:58,164
I'll leave
you two guys to talk.
2213
01:22:58,239 --> 01:23:00,366
You probably have
a lot in common.
2214
01:23:07,916 --> 01:23:10,316
Well, hmm.
2215
01:23:11,186 --> 01:23:14,280
So you're 15.
2216
01:23:36,011 --> 01:23:38,912
Come on, let's conga.
2217
01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:41,175
Did you order
the Tom Collins, sir?
2218
01:23:41,249 --> 01:23:43,410
Is it made with
fresh lemon juice?
2219
01:23:43,485 --> 01:23:44,782
They're Bermuda lemons, sir.
2220
01:23:44,853 --> 01:23:46,218
And I squeezed them myself.
2221
01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:51,223
Stay safe, Santa.
2222
01:23:53,962 --> 01:23:55,452
##[music playing]
2223
01:23:56,364 --> 01:23:58,594
[all cheering]
2224
01:24:12,714 --> 01:24:14,011
I mean,
it's romantic out here,
2225
01:24:14,082 --> 01:24:15,549
don't you think?
2226
01:24:16,151 --> 01:24:18,085
The moon, the sea,
2227
01:24:18,520 --> 01:24:19,544
isn't it nice?
2228
01:24:19,621 --> 01:24:20,952
Hmm.
Yeah, it's nice.
2229
01:24:23,324 --> 01:24:25,622
You look very handsome
tonight, Jack.
2230
01:24:25,693 --> 01:24:27,524
Oh.
Thank you, honey.
2231
01:24:31,699 --> 01:24:33,599
What are you
doing to my ears?
2232
01:24:34,602 --> 01:24:35,933
Nothing.
2233
01:24:40,208 --> 01:24:41,197
(man)
Hey!
2234
01:24:41,843 --> 01:24:44,141
I have to go to the bathroom,
I'll be right back.
2235
01:24:44,212 --> 01:24:45,543
Okay.
2236
01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,576
##[conga drums beating]
2237
01:24:54,589 --> 01:24:55,715
Hello, Greg.
2238
01:24:55,790 --> 01:24:56,814
Hi, Jack.
2239
01:25:00,695 --> 01:25:02,060
Did you have
a nice conversation
2240
01:25:02,130 --> 01:25:03,620
with your son?
2241
01:25:03,965 --> 01:25:06,456
Jack, I've never even met
that kid before.
2242
01:25:07,168 --> 01:25:10,001
Focker,
you've been covering this up
from the very beginning.
2243
01:25:10,071 --> 01:25:11,561
No, I haven't, Jack.
2244
01:25:11,639 --> 01:25:14,164
It's just another one
of your crazy theories.
2245
01:25:14,242 --> 01:25:15,231
Greg.
2246
01:25:15,577 --> 01:25:17,169
You're still in
the circle of trust,
2247
01:25:17,245 --> 01:25:19,645
so I'm gonna give you
one more chance.
2248
01:25:19,981 --> 01:25:21,573
Are you ready to admit
2249
01:25:21,649 --> 01:25:23,981
that you've been hiding this
from Pam?
2250
01:25:24,052 --> 01:25:25,542
No, I haven't.
2251
01:25:25,620 --> 01:25:26,848
You're not hiding anything?
2252
01:25:26,921 --> 01:25:28,980
No, all right?
2253
01:25:29,491 --> 01:25:30,981
[sighs]
Oh, Greg.
2254
01:25:33,595 --> 01:25:36,359
What are you holding?
What's in your hand?
2255
01:25:36,431 --> 01:25:37,420
Nothing.
2256
01:25:37,499 --> 01:25:39,433
Jack, I can see it
in the mirror. What is it?
2257
01:25:39,501 --> 01:25:40,866
You got something
in your hand.
2258
01:25:40,935 --> 01:25:42,334
Don't worry about it, Greg.
2259
01:25:42,403 --> 01:25:43,768
Is that a needle?
2260
01:25:43,972 --> 01:25:45,530
Yes, it is.
2261
01:25:46,674 --> 01:25:47,800
You seem tense.
2262
01:25:47,876 --> 01:25:49,503
I was going to
offer you a sedative.
2263
01:25:50,545 --> 01:25:51,739
You're joking, right?
2264
01:25:51,813 --> 01:25:52,973
No, I'm not.
2265
01:25:54,582 --> 01:25:55,810
Jack.
2266
01:25:55,884 --> 01:25:57,715
Is that tartar sauce
on your shoulder?
2267
01:25:57,785 --> 01:25:58,877
Tartar sauce?
2268
01:25:58,953 --> 01:26:00,352
[yells]
2269
01:26:02,991 --> 01:26:04,117
Why?
2270
01:26:05,326 --> 01:26:06,588
You've been injected
2271
01:26:06,661 --> 01:26:08,856
with a highly concentrated
dose of sodium pentothal.
2272
01:26:08,930 --> 01:26:10,295
Street name: Truth serum.
2273
01:26:10,365 --> 01:26:12,265
You won't recall this
in a few minutes
2274
01:26:12,333 --> 01:26:14,198
and tonight,
for the first time
in your life,
2275
01:26:14,269 --> 01:26:15,361
my young friend,
2276
01:26:15,436 --> 01:26:17,495
you are going to be honest.
2277
01:26:19,707 --> 01:26:21,402
Keep the pressure on it.
2278
01:26:21,910 --> 01:26:24,242
Get down, Little Jack.
Get funky.
2279
01:26:27,815 --> 01:26:28,804
Oh.
2280
01:26:29,017 --> 01:26:30,041
Hey there, preggers.
2281
01:26:30,118 --> 01:26:31,142
Quiet.
2282
01:26:31,219 --> 01:26:32,345
How're you doin'?
2283
01:26:32,420 --> 01:26:33,409
Fine, where've you been?
2284
01:26:33,488 --> 01:26:37,356
I went to the bathroom to pee
and now I'm talking to you,
2285
01:26:37,425 --> 01:26:39,916
my fiancee, who I've delayed
marrying for two years
2286
01:26:39,994 --> 01:26:42,360
because I didn't want
our parents to meet.
2287
01:26:42,497 --> 01:26:43,657
[cooing]
2288
01:26:43,731 --> 01:26:44,755
What?
2289
01:26:44,832 --> 01:26:45,821
What?
2290
01:26:46,367 --> 01:26:47,527
What?
2291
01:26:47,902 --> 01:26:49,699
You don't like me?
It's okay.
2292
01:26:49,771 --> 01:26:51,705
I don't like your
little red outfit.
2293
01:26:51,773 --> 01:26:53,832
Makes you look
like a little demon-baby.
2294
01:26:53,908 --> 01:26:55,136
Maybe I'll get you
2295
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:56,802
a little pitchfork
for Christmas, huh,
2296
01:26:56,878 --> 01:26:58,846
so we can put you
on a can of Underwood ham.
2297
01:26:58,913 --> 01:27:01,473
I'm sorry that I can't make
little "poop" sounds
2298
01:27:01,549 --> 01:27:03,574
and I can't make
little things
2299
01:27:03,651 --> 01:27:05,619
that tell people
when I wanna do things.
2300
01:27:05,687 --> 01:27:06,984
And guess what?
2301
01:27:07,055 --> 01:27:08,352
I can make
a sign to you, too.
2302
01:27:08,423 --> 01:27:10,015
How's that for a sign?
2303
01:27:10,191 --> 01:27:11,249
[all clapping]
2304
01:27:13,261 --> 01:27:15,593
Uh-oh. Look, Bernie's gone up
on the stage. Come.
2305
01:27:15,663 --> 01:27:18,063
Now, to say a few words,
2306
01:27:18,132 --> 01:27:22,694
one of the great
registered nurses of all time,
2307
01:27:22,770 --> 01:27:24,567
Gaylord Myron Focker.
2308
01:27:24,639 --> 01:27:25,697
[all cheering]
2309
01:27:25,773 --> 01:27:27,104
Come on,
let's give it up to Gay.
2310
01:27:27,175 --> 01:27:28,642
Give it up to him.
2311
01:27:28,710 --> 01:27:29,699
[man hooting]
2312
01:27:32,814 --> 01:27:35,715
Bernie Focker!
2313
01:27:35,783 --> 01:27:38,115
I love the shirt, Dad.
2314
01:27:38,786 --> 01:27:41,346
Thank you. All right.
2315
01:27:41,723 --> 01:27:43,953
It's great to be here
with all of you
2316
01:27:44,025 --> 01:27:47,722
as I am about to set sail
2317
01:27:47,795 --> 01:27:49,922
in my ship of life,
2318
01:27:49,998 --> 01:27:52,057
with my first mate,
2319
01:27:52,133 --> 01:27:54,363
the beautiful young
blonde lass over there.
2320
01:27:54,435 --> 01:27:55,424
Hey, baby.
2321
01:27:56,304 --> 01:27:57,669
I love you, honey.
2322
01:28:01,276 --> 01:28:02,538
I still masturbate to Pam.
2323
01:28:02,610 --> 01:28:03,634
[all gasping]
2324
01:28:03,711 --> 01:28:04,735
Greg.
2325
01:28:04,812 --> 01:28:05,801
What? It's true.
2326
01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:07,279
Honey, what?
Come on, you're hot.
2327
01:28:07,348 --> 01:28:08,610
Look at her.
2328
01:28:08,783 --> 01:28:10,648
Look at those boobs. Man!
2329
01:28:11,152 --> 01:28:12,551
I just wanna...
2330
01:28:12,620 --> 01:28:14,713
I just wanna lather them up
with soap and just...
2331
01:28:16,057 --> 01:28:17,422
I love it.
2332
01:28:17,492 --> 01:28:20,017
Man, I just wanna... just wanna
nestle in there
2333
01:28:20,161 --> 01:28:23,096
and just take
a little vacation in there.
2334
01:28:24,165 --> 01:28:25,598
Honey.
2335
01:28:25,733 --> 01:28:27,200
Honey, what? I'm sorry.
2336
01:28:27,268 --> 01:28:29,566
Okay, excuse me
for you being perfect.
2337
01:28:29,637 --> 01:28:31,104
Hey, you know
who else is great?
2338
01:28:31,239 --> 01:28:32,729
That woman over there.
2339
01:28:32,807 --> 01:28:35,571
My future mother-in-law,
Dina Byrnes.
2340
01:28:35,910 --> 01:28:37,377
# Dina, Dina, fofina #
2341
01:28:37,445 --> 01:28:39,037
# Banana fana fofina #
2342
01:28:39,113 --> 01:28:41,411
# I love Di-Di-Dina #
2343
01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:43,177
# Byrnes ##
2344
01:28:44,085 --> 01:28:45,882
You know, they say
if you really wanna know
2345
01:28:45,953 --> 01:28:47,113
what a woman
will look like
2346
01:28:47,188 --> 01:28:49,418
when she gets older,
you should look
at her mother.
2347
01:28:49,490 --> 01:28:52,550
Well, I'm a lookin'
and I'm a likin'.
2348
01:28:53,094 --> 01:28:54,118
[Greg whooping]
2349
01:28:54,195 --> 01:28:56,095
Look at her! Sweetness!
2350
01:28:56,164 --> 01:28:57,153
[all mumbling]
2351
01:28:57,432 --> 01:28:58,421
Hmm-mmm.
2352
01:28:58,766 --> 01:29:01,394
Good genes,
the Byrnes gene pool.
2353
01:29:02,904 --> 01:29:04,337
Hey, hey, you.
2354
01:29:04,839 --> 01:29:06,033
Yeah, you.
2355
01:29:06,140 --> 01:29:07,129
Hold on.
2356
01:29:07,208 --> 01:29:08,641
Pam,
I gotta tell you something
2357
01:29:08,710 --> 01:29:11,178
about... about this little
dude right here.
2358
01:29:11,446 --> 01:29:15,212
In my first really passionate
sexual awakening,
2359
01:29:15,316 --> 01:29:17,750
I did,
in fact, lose my virginity
2360
01:29:17,885 --> 01:29:20,285
to our beautiful housekeeper,
Isabel.
2361
01:29:20,355 --> 01:29:21,822
Greg, honey,
that was in the past.
2362
01:29:21,889 --> 01:29:23,151
So why don't
you come sit down?
2363
01:29:23,224 --> 01:29:25,749
No, no, honey,
'cause I have to get this
off my chest, really.
2364
01:29:25,827 --> 01:29:27,089
Sit.
2365
01:29:29,364 --> 01:29:30,661
We conceived a child.
2366
01:29:30,732 --> 01:29:31,721
[all gasping]
2367
01:29:33,534 --> 01:29:35,263
And his name is
Jorge Villalobos.
2368
01:29:35,336 --> 01:29:37,065
Come up here, Jorge.
Come up here.
2369
01:29:38,039 --> 01:29:40,166
Let's lift
the veil of mystery.
2370
01:29:40,575 --> 01:29:43,271
The fruit of my loins
is right here.
2371
01:29:43,711 --> 01:29:46,407
Everybody take a look.
See his face.
2372
01:29:46,914 --> 01:29:48,006
He's mine.
2373
01:29:48,516 --> 01:29:50,575
Search your feelings, Jorge.
2374
01:29:50,718 --> 01:29:52,345
You know it to be true.
2375
01:29:53,654 --> 01:29:54,916
[speaking in Spanish]
2376
01:30:00,261 --> 01:30:01,285
[sighing]
2377
01:30:01,362 --> 01:30:02,488
It's okay.
I know.
2378
01:30:02,563 --> 01:30:04,121
I know.
Lot of information.
2379
01:30:04,198 --> 01:30:05,290
You let it settle.
2380
01:30:05,366 --> 01:30:06,390
Who'd have thunk it, huh?
2381
01:30:06,467 --> 01:30:08,401
Come on,
give that kid a hand.
2382
01:30:08,503 --> 01:30:09,595
[all applauding]
2383
01:30:10,271 --> 01:30:12,205
Oh, and, uh, Jack?
2384
01:30:13,408 --> 01:30:14,705
Pam's pregnant.
2385
01:30:14,776 --> 01:30:15,834
[gasping]
2386
01:30:15,910 --> 01:30:17,207
[all chattering]
2387
01:30:17,278 --> 01:30:19,007
Focker out.
2388
01:30:19,714 --> 01:30:20,703
[thudding]
2389
01:30:20,815 --> 01:30:21,804
[all exclaiming]
2390
01:30:53,181 --> 01:30:54,170
Hey.
2391
01:30:54,248 --> 01:30:55,237
(Pam)
Hey.
2392
01:30:55,383 --> 01:30:57,180
What happened last night?
2393
01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:01,213
Well, you got drunk
and told my dad I'm pregnant.
2394
01:31:01,289 --> 01:31:02,551
You revealed you have
2395
01:31:02,623 --> 01:31:04,420
a 15-year-old son
named Jorge.
2396
01:31:04,492 --> 01:31:07,052
And, oh, apparently
you have the hots for my mom.
2397
01:31:07,395 --> 01:31:08,623
Oh, my God.
2398
01:31:09,330 --> 01:31:10,695
l... I...
2399
01:31:10,765 --> 01:31:12,392
You mean,
is that really true?
2400
01:31:13,067 --> 01:31:14,557
I think she's attractive.
2401
01:31:14,635 --> 01:31:17,900
No, that you have a son
you never told me about.
2402
01:31:18,906 --> 01:31:20,339
I... Honey, if it is,
2403
01:31:20,408 --> 01:31:22,740
I never heard about it
before last night.
2404
01:31:22,810 --> 01:31:25,244
Isabel never
said anything to me. l... I...
2405
01:31:25,379 --> 01:31:26,607
[sighs]
I mean.
2406
01:31:26,948 --> 01:31:29,416
I don't even
remember drinking.
2407
01:31:29,484 --> 01:31:31,475
You're telling me the truth,
aren't you?
2408
01:31:31,552 --> 01:31:33,281
Of course, I am.
Pam,
2409
01:31:33,454 --> 01:31:34,580
I love you.
2410
01:31:34,655 --> 01:31:37,123
I would never lie to you
about anything like that.
2411
01:31:41,696 --> 01:31:43,129
I love you, too.
2412
01:31:43,297 --> 01:31:45,390
And if Jorge
really is your son,
2413
01:31:46,100 --> 01:31:47,829
then we will make it work.
2414
01:31:49,270 --> 01:31:50,430
Okay.
2415
01:31:50,538 --> 01:31:52,062
I...
2416
01:31:54,375 --> 01:31:57,208
Hey, how did your dad react
to the pregnancy news?
2417
01:31:57,345 --> 01:31:58,573
Well,
2418
01:31:59,614 --> 01:32:01,138
just as you'd expect.
2419
01:32:01,749 --> 01:32:03,239
He slept in the RV.
2420
01:32:03,317 --> 01:32:05,376
He hasn't spoken
to anyone since last night.
2421
01:32:05,453 --> 01:32:08,081
[RV horn honking]
2422
01:32:08,189 --> 01:32:10,214
(Jack)
Pam,
we have to leave this island.
2423
01:32:10,291 --> 01:32:12,191
Get in the RV right now.
2424
01:32:12,360 --> 01:32:14,590
Bernard, get out
from under the vehicle
2425
01:32:14,662 --> 01:32:16,152
or I will run you over.
2426
01:32:16,230 --> 01:32:17,527
I'm not moving, Jack.
2427
01:32:17,598 --> 01:32:19,395
There's a non-violent way
to handle this.
2428
01:32:19,467 --> 01:32:20,456
What's going on?
2429
01:32:20,535 --> 01:32:21,900
Well, your father
wants to leave,
2430
01:32:21,969 --> 01:32:23,561
and Bernie is staging
a sit-in.
2431
01:32:23,638 --> 01:32:24,764
Dad, come on, get up.
2432
01:32:24,839 --> 01:32:25,897
This is ridiculous.
2433
01:32:25,973 --> 01:32:27,668
You weren't around
in the '60s, man.
2434
01:32:27,742 --> 01:32:29,403
This is how
we got things done.
2435
01:32:29,477 --> 01:32:33,106
(Jack)
Pam, Dina, we have to get
off this island. It's evil.
2436
01:32:33,180 --> 01:32:35,205
Jack Byrnes, out of the RV.
2437
01:32:35,283 --> 01:32:37,251
You are acting
like such a jerk.
2438
01:32:42,290 --> 01:32:44,520
Yes, there you go.
2439
01:32:44,625 --> 01:32:46,183
Jacko!
Yes.
2440
01:32:46,327 --> 01:32:47,919
Man, we're gonna
have a grandchild.
2441
01:32:47,995 --> 01:32:49,553
Come on,
we should be celebrating.
2442
01:32:49,630 --> 01:32:51,154
How could you not see it?
2443
01:32:51,232 --> 01:32:53,564
Greg is completely unfit
to handle a child.
2444
01:32:53,634 --> 01:32:55,795
He's neglected his own son
for 15 years.
2445
01:32:55,870 --> 01:32:57,599
Hey, Jack, I didn't even know
he existed.
2446
01:32:57,672 --> 01:32:58,696
That's right.
2447
01:32:58,773 --> 01:33:00,240
Who knows what to believe
with you?
2448
01:33:00,308 --> 01:33:01,741
You're dishonest
about everything.
2449
01:33:01,809 --> 01:33:04,642
You're so much better, Jack?
Why don't you tell everybody
2450
01:33:04,712 --> 01:33:06,646
what you did last night
to Greg at the party.
2451
01:33:06,714 --> 01:33:07,772
Muskrat, Dina.
2452
01:33:07,848 --> 01:33:09,713
Oh, stuff
your muskrat, Jack.
2453
01:33:10,217 --> 01:33:13,414
He shot Greg with truth serum
before his speech.
2454
01:33:13,487 --> 01:33:14,579
What?
2455
01:33:14,655 --> 01:33:16,282
Yeah,
I found this in his pocket.
2456
01:33:16,357 --> 01:33:17,915
Here we go again, Dad.
2457
01:33:17,992 --> 01:33:20,893
He did the same thing
to Pam's junior prom date.
2458
01:33:20,962 --> 01:33:22,623
Wait a minute.
Yes, yes. Wait a minute.
2459
01:33:22,697 --> 01:33:23,925
You stuck a needle in my neck.
2460
01:33:23,998 --> 01:33:25,556
You drugged my son?
2461
01:33:25,800 --> 01:33:28,462
I had no choice.
He refuses to tell the truth.
2462
01:33:28,536 --> 01:33:29,798
Because he's terrified,
2463
01:33:29,870 --> 01:33:31,394
and he thinks
he has to impress you.
2464
01:33:31,472 --> 01:33:33,030
He's had us
trying to impress you,
2465
01:33:33,107 --> 01:33:34,131
but in my opinion,
2466
01:33:34,208 --> 01:33:35,470
Jack, I think it's you
2467
01:33:35,543 --> 01:33:37,010
who should be
trying to impress us.
2468
01:33:37,078 --> 01:33:38,477
Jack.
2469
01:33:38,546 --> 01:33:40,707
You've insulted me,
my wife, my son,
2470
01:33:40,781 --> 01:33:42,271
our entire way of life.
2471
01:33:42,350 --> 01:33:44,409
I've sat back and taken it.
But now,
2472
01:33:44,485 --> 01:33:46,146
you've crossed the line, sir.
2473
01:33:46,220 --> 01:33:48,313
And I'm gonna have
to kick your ass.
2474
01:33:48,389 --> 01:33:49,947
Dad, dad, wait a second.
2475
01:33:50,024 --> 01:33:53,152
I'm gonna teach this florist
some justice, Focker-style.
2476
01:33:53,227 --> 01:33:54,489
Just calm down.
2477
01:33:54,562 --> 01:33:55,927
Just give me
a minute to stretch.
2478
01:33:55,997 --> 01:33:57,726
(Roz)
Bernie,
you're gonna hurt yourself.
2479
01:33:57,798 --> 01:33:59,595
We can talk this through.
2480
01:33:59,667 --> 01:34:01,066
It's too late for words,
Rosalind.
2481
01:34:01,135 --> 01:34:02,397
Dad, Dad, no, no,
2482
01:34:02,470 --> 01:34:03,869
please,
no dance fighting. Stop!
2483
01:34:03,938 --> 01:34:05,132
This is Capoeira, man.
2484
01:34:05,206 --> 01:34:06,332
This is hardcore shit.
2485
01:34:06,407 --> 01:34:08,307
Bernard, if you continue,
2486
01:34:08,409 --> 01:34:09,933
you will force
me to engage you.
2487
01:34:10,011 --> 01:34:11,842
And once I begin
the sequence of combat,
2488
01:34:11,912 --> 01:34:13,607
it can only end
with your demise.
2489
01:34:13,681 --> 01:34:16,275
Bring it, dog. Come on.
Bring it. Come on.
2490
01:34:16,350 --> 01:34:17,408
He's taunting me.
2491
01:34:17,485 --> 01:34:18,611
Dad.
2492
01:34:18,686 --> 01:34:19,675
(Pam)
Greg!
Greg!
2493
01:34:19,754 --> 01:34:21,585
What, Bernie,
you're gonna snap now?
2494
01:34:22,189 --> 01:34:23,281
(Pam)
Greg!
2495
01:34:23,357 --> 01:34:24,289
What?
2496
01:34:25,793 --> 01:34:27,522
Now look what you did.
2497
01:34:27,595 --> 01:34:29,062
It's your fault.
2498
01:34:29,130 --> 01:34:30,620
He's bleeding.
He's bleeding, Daddy.
2499
01:34:30,698 --> 01:34:32,325
That's it. Pam, Dina,
2500
01:34:32,400 --> 01:34:33,765
I'm calling
a family conference.
2501
01:34:33,834 --> 01:34:34,926
Come on.
2502
01:34:35,002 --> 01:34:36,162
No, Dad, this is the family.
2503
01:34:36,237 --> 01:34:38,603
All right? In a few weeks,
I'm not gonna be Pam Byrnes.
2504
01:34:38,673 --> 01:34:40,038
I'm gonna be Pamela Focker.
2505
01:34:40,107 --> 01:34:41,369
Or Byrnes-Focker.
2506
01:34:41,442 --> 01:34:42,670
We haven't
totally decided yet.
2507
01:34:42,743 --> 01:34:44,938
No, no, no, I'm gonna be
Pamela Martha Focker.
2508
01:34:45,012 --> 01:34:46,502
I know how that sounds,
2509
01:34:46,580 --> 01:34:48,070
but... but that's
the name I'm taking.
2510
01:34:48,149 --> 01:34:49,980
Pamcake, you're upset.
I'm not so sure
2511
01:34:50,051 --> 01:34:51,678
you're thinking
clearly right now.
2512
01:34:51,752 --> 01:34:52,741
I'm trying, Dad.
2513
01:34:52,820 --> 01:34:54,378
It's you who
is not thinking clearly.
2514
01:34:54,455 --> 01:34:56,446
These two kids
love each other. Look.
2515
01:34:56,524 --> 01:34:59,755
We've been kvelling about
this pregnancy all weekend.
2516
01:35:00,094 --> 01:35:01,823
You knew she was pregnant?
2517
01:35:02,096 --> 01:35:03,859
We all did, Jack.
2518
01:35:05,700 --> 01:35:08,760
Daddy, I was gonna tell you
after the wedding, I swear.
2519
01:35:10,938 --> 01:35:13,270
This is the reason I created
the circle of trust
2520
01:35:13,340 --> 01:35:15,672
so we could
discuss these things.
2521
01:35:16,043 --> 01:35:17,510
The circle isn't gonna work
2522
01:35:17,578 --> 01:35:20,138
if you don't trust
anyone that's in it, Dad.
2523
01:35:26,854 --> 01:35:27,912
(Pam)
Dad.
2524
01:35:27,988 --> 01:35:29,046
Jack, don't.
2525
01:35:29,123 --> 01:35:31,353
No, Dad.
Daddy.
2526
01:35:31,425 --> 01:35:32,414
(Dina)
Honey.
2527
01:35:32,727 --> 01:35:34,524
Daddy, please.
Daddy, where are you going?
2528
01:35:34,595 --> 01:35:36,153
Jack. Come on.
2529
01:35:36,630 --> 01:35:37,995
[engine starting]
2530
01:35:38,599 --> 01:35:40,089
[all chattering]
2531
01:35:41,202 --> 01:35:43,636
Daddy, come back, please.
2532
01:35:48,442 --> 01:35:49,602
[sighs]
2533
01:35:49,677 --> 01:35:52,043
This is nicht gut.
2534
01:35:57,518 --> 01:35:59,247
[car phone ringing]
2535
01:36:07,828 --> 01:36:08,886
(Roz)
Is it ringing?
2536
01:36:08,963 --> 01:36:10,021
There's no answer.
2537
01:36:10,097 --> 01:36:11,689
Well, let's give him
some space.
2538
01:36:11,766 --> 01:36:13,290
Maybe he's learning
to self-soothe.
2539
01:36:13,367 --> 01:36:14,664
Roz.
What?
2540
01:36:14,735 --> 01:36:16,430
This is crazy. I'm going.
2541
01:36:16,504 --> 01:36:17,596
I'm coming with you, Son.
2542
01:36:17,671 --> 01:36:18,797
No, Dad, I can do it myself.
2543
01:36:18,873 --> 01:36:20,670
We gotta make up time.
I know these roads
2544
01:36:20,741 --> 01:36:22,606
like the back
of my hand.
2545
01:36:23,911 --> 01:36:26,539
Come on, let's put
this family back together.
2546
01:36:27,414 --> 01:36:29,575
(Greg)
Dad, I know a shortcut.
2547
01:36:29,650 --> 01:36:31,777
It will lead us
to the freeway.
2548
01:36:32,787 --> 01:36:35,984
(Bernie)
I think you make
a right up here or a left.
2549
01:36:36,056 --> 01:36:37,887
It's either one or the other.
2550
01:36:37,958 --> 01:36:39,482
You don't know
where we are, do you?
2551
01:36:39,560 --> 01:36:40,891
You know,
something's wrong here.
2552
01:36:40,961 --> 01:36:42,258
This makes no sense at all.
2553
01:36:42,329 --> 01:36:44,126
Dad, it's a map of Detroit.
2554
01:36:44,198 --> 01:36:45,859
Oh, well, that explains it.
2555
01:36:45,933 --> 01:36:47,059
Dad.
2556
01:36:47,134 --> 01:36:48,226
(Bernie)
Punch it, Gay.
2557
01:36:48,302 --> 01:36:49,428
We gotta catch that dude.
2558
01:36:50,237 --> 01:36:51,932
[siren wailing]
2559
01:36:53,374 --> 01:36:54,432
Oh, shit.
2560
01:36:54,508 --> 01:36:55,941
Come on.
Come on. Keep going.
2561
01:36:56,010 --> 01:36:58,308
Dad, come on, it's a cop.
2562
01:36:58,379 --> 01:37:00,643
Listen carefully.
Let me do the talking.
2563
01:37:00,714 --> 01:37:02,511
I know how to handle
the local cops.
2564
01:37:02,583 --> 01:37:03,880
No, don't... don't
do any talking.
2565
01:37:03,951 --> 01:37:05,077
Don't shush me,
I'm a lawyer.
2566
01:37:05,152 --> 01:37:06,141
I'm not shushing you.
2567
01:37:06,220 --> 01:37:08,381
You know how many tickets
I've talked myself out of?
2568
01:37:08,455 --> 01:37:09,922
Oh, wow.
Will you look at this guy.
2569
01:37:09,990 --> 01:37:11,480
Don't they have
height requirements?
2570
01:37:11,559 --> 01:37:13,026
(Greg)
We're screwed.
No, we're not.
2571
01:37:13,093 --> 01:37:15,391
Don't. don't, Dad, he said
to remain in the vehicle.
2572
01:37:16,831 --> 01:37:20,028
Sir, I said to remain
in your vehicle.
2573
01:37:20,100 --> 01:37:22,125
I just wanna talk to you
for one second.
2574
01:37:22,203 --> 01:37:24,364
Let's just talk
like friendly Floridians.
2575
01:37:24,438 --> 01:37:26,167
If you fail to comply,
I will arrest you.
2576
01:37:26,240 --> 01:37:27,867
You see, my son's future
father-in-law
2577
01:37:27,942 --> 01:37:29,773
thinks my Gay back there
has a bastard son.
2578
01:37:29,844 --> 01:37:30,868
I said shut it.
2579
01:37:30,945 --> 01:37:31,969
Shut it.
2580
01:37:32,046 --> 01:37:33,638
I know my civil rights now.
2581
01:37:33,714 --> 01:37:35,341
You know your rights? Huh?
2582
01:37:35,416 --> 01:37:36,508
Oh!
2583
01:37:36,584 --> 01:37:37,915
(Bernie)
I have sensitive wrists.
2584
01:37:37,985 --> 01:37:39,009
Excuse me.
2585
01:37:39,086 --> 01:37:40,610
Sir, return to your vehicle.
2586
01:37:40,688 --> 01:37:42,121
I don't know
what he said, but...
2587
01:37:42,189 --> 01:37:43,588
That's it.
On your belly.
2588
01:37:43,657 --> 01:37:44,715
On my belly?
2589
01:37:44,792 --> 01:37:45,816
You got a hearing problem?
2590
01:37:45,893 --> 01:37:47,019
No, I'm just trying to say...
2591
01:37:47,094 --> 01:37:49,824
Now we have two failures
to comply.
2592
01:37:50,231 --> 01:37:52,756
Now, I need the two of you
2593
01:37:52,833 --> 01:37:56,166
to remain on the vehicle.
2594
01:37:59,306 --> 01:38:01,831
Okay, now here's my plan.
2595
01:38:01,909 --> 01:38:02,967
Plan?
2596
01:38:03,043 --> 01:38:04,203
Dad, no.
2597
01:38:04,278 --> 01:38:05,768
That was just a joke.
2598
01:38:07,648 --> 01:38:08,945
I'm sorry.
2599
01:38:09,250 --> 01:38:12,083
I was... I was just trying
to help you, Gay.
2600
01:38:12,152 --> 01:38:13,642
I know, Dad.
2601
01:38:13,787 --> 01:38:15,311
You're always trying to help.
2602
01:38:16,824 --> 01:38:18,621
[car phone ringing]
2603
01:38:21,061 --> 01:38:22,119
Talk to me, Marty.
2604
01:38:22,196 --> 01:38:24,187
What's the intel
on Operation Living Skeleton?
2605
01:38:24,265 --> 01:38:26,733
(Foxtrot One)
Focker is not
the kid's father, Jack.
2606
01:38:26,834 --> 01:38:28,062
Are you kidding me?
2607
01:38:28,135 --> 01:38:29,864
I was sure I had that pegged.
2608
01:38:30,037 --> 01:38:32,096
I'm sending you
a visual uplink now.
2609
01:38:32,172 --> 01:38:35,335
The dad was a minor-league
Florida ball player.
2610
01:38:35,409 --> 01:38:37,570
His name is Rusty Bridges.
2611
01:38:39,747 --> 01:38:41,180
We all make mistakes, Santa.
2612
01:38:41,315 --> 01:38:42,782
Foxtrot One out.
2613
01:38:52,660 --> 01:38:54,389
34 years spent reading
other people
2614
01:38:54,461 --> 01:38:56,019
and I get it all wrong.
2615
01:38:56,096 --> 01:38:57,154
My own wife,
2616
01:38:57,231 --> 01:38:59,096
I don't even know
what she's thinking.
2617
01:38:59,166 --> 01:39:01,157
My daughter keeps
secrets from me.
2618
01:39:01,835 --> 01:39:03,564
Sometimes I think
you're the only person
2619
01:39:03,637 --> 01:39:05,400
I can really talk to, LJ.
2620
01:39:06,707 --> 01:39:09,471
Asshole.
2621
01:39:15,582 --> 01:39:17,140
I know.
2622
01:39:21,055 --> 01:39:22,488
[tires screeching]
2623
01:39:33,867 --> 01:39:37,359
(policeman)
F-O-C-K-E-R.
2624
01:39:37,771 --> 01:39:38,760
(Bernie)
Hey, it's Jack.
2625
01:39:38,839 --> 01:39:39,806
Hey, Jack.
2626
01:39:39,873 --> 01:39:40,931
[both screaming]
2627
01:39:41,008 --> 01:39:42,032
(Bernie)
Wait!
2628
01:39:42,109 --> 01:39:43,133
(Greg)
Jack!
2629
01:39:43,210 --> 01:39:44,336
Jack.
2630
01:39:44,411 --> 01:39:45,503
Halt.
2631
01:39:45,579 --> 01:39:46,841
Jack.
2632
01:39:47,448 --> 01:39:49,143
Jack. Jack.
2633
01:39:49,583 --> 01:39:51,016
Weaver stance!
2634
01:39:51,685 --> 01:39:52,674
[groans]
2635
01:39:52,820 --> 01:39:54,014
[stun gun clicking]
2636
01:39:54,088 --> 01:39:56,147
Oh, my God. You shot my son.
2637
01:39:56,223 --> 01:39:57,349
Halt.
2638
01:39:57,424 --> 01:39:59,016
Your son has merely
been stunned
2639
01:39:59,093 --> 01:40:00,924
by a less than lethal weapon.
2640
01:40:01,362 --> 01:40:03,125
[groaning]
2641
01:40:03,998 --> 01:40:05,192
Remain calm.
2642
01:40:05,366 --> 01:40:07,698
50,000 volts of electricity
are now passing
2643
01:40:07,768 --> 01:40:09,827
into your skeletal
muscle tissue.
2644
01:40:09,903 --> 01:40:12,337
Your central nervous system
has been incapacitated
2645
01:40:12,406 --> 01:40:15,569
but you will regain
motor functions momentarily.
2646
01:40:16,076 --> 01:40:17,065
[groans]
2647
01:40:19,480 --> 01:40:21,072
(Jack)
Officer,
do you mind telling me
2648
01:40:21,148 --> 01:40:22,581
why you're arresting
these men?
2649
01:40:22,649 --> 01:40:26,016
Oh, mercy, it just gets
better and better.
2650
01:40:26,120 --> 01:40:28,987
That is none of your business,
looky-loo.
2651
01:40:29,056 --> 01:40:30,648
Return to your camper.
2652
01:40:30,724 --> 01:40:32,282
At ease, son.
Put away the Taser.
2653
01:40:32,359 --> 01:40:33,656
Jack Byrnes, CIA.
2654
01:40:33,794 --> 01:40:35,091
C-I what?
2655
01:40:36,096 --> 01:40:37,791
Says here you're retired.
2656
01:40:37,898 --> 01:40:41,857
What'll you show me next,
old-timer, your AARP card?
2657
01:40:42,036 --> 01:40:43,936
Now, you listen to me,
and you listen good.
2658
01:40:44,004 --> 01:40:44,993
What's he doing?
2659
01:40:45,072 --> 01:40:47,097
Don't worry,
he'll get us out of this.
2660
01:40:47,174 --> 01:40:48,163
You have no right to...
2661
01:40:48,242 --> 01:40:49,300
Stand down, sir.
2662
01:40:49,376 --> 01:40:51,367
No, I will not stand down.
You will stand down.
2663
01:40:51,445 --> 01:40:52,639
I will not stand down.
2664
01:40:52,713 --> 01:40:53,805
You will stand down
2665
01:40:53,881 --> 01:40:55,178
or you will be
working security
2666
01:40:55,249 --> 01:40:56,739
in a retirement home
in Point Beach.
2667
01:40:56,817 --> 01:40:58,182
[stun gun clicking]
Remain calm.
2668
01:40:59,253 --> 01:41:00,550
It's been almost an hour.
2669
01:41:00,621 --> 01:41:02,054
You think
they caught up with him?
2670
01:41:02,122 --> 01:41:03,521
Hmm. Sure, sweetheart.
2671
01:41:03,590 --> 01:41:04,784
If I know Bernie,
2672
01:41:04,858 --> 01:41:07,292
they're probably sitting in
a café in Little Havana
2673
01:41:07,361 --> 01:41:10,125
eating chimichangas
and working out their issues.
2674
01:41:10,197 --> 01:41:12,597
[police siren wailing]
2675
01:41:14,334 --> 01:41:16,268
[police radio chattering]
2676
01:41:19,506 --> 01:41:20,939
(policeman)
Check it out.
2677
01:41:21,442 --> 01:41:23,342
He's got a rubber booby.
2678
01:41:23,644 --> 01:41:24,633
[men laughing]
2679
01:41:36,623 --> 01:41:37,851
(Greg)
What's going on?
2680
01:41:37,958 --> 01:41:40,222
What's going on?
I was talking
to Judge Goldfarb.
2681
01:41:40,294 --> 01:41:41,556
It's done, we're out.
2682
01:41:41,628 --> 01:41:43,152
I thought you
were making a call.
2683
01:41:43,230 --> 01:41:45,323
We don't need it. I ran into
the judge in the hall.
2684
01:41:45,399 --> 01:41:46,423
I took care of everything.
2685
01:41:46,500 --> 01:41:47,660
Yeah, right.
2686
01:41:48,836 --> 01:41:50,326
What're you saying, Jack?
2687
01:41:50,404 --> 01:41:52,463
I'm saying, if you had kept
your mouth shut
2688
01:41:52,539 --> 01:41:54,598
in the first place
we wouldn't be in this mess.
2689
01:41:54,675 --> 01:41:55,903
I'm a lawyer, Jack.
2690
01:41:55,976 --> 01:41:57,307
I'm trying to get us
out of here.
2691
01:41:57,377 --> 01:41:59,470
What'd you do,
give the judge
your fondue recipe?
2692
01:41:59,546 --> 01:42:01,537
At least I'm comfortable
enough in my own skin
2693
01:42:01,615 --> 01:42:02,741
to cook for my family.
2694
01:42:02,816 --> 01:42:05,114
When's the last time
you gave your wife
breakfast in bed?
2695
01:42:05,185 --> 01:42:07,517
When is the last time
you gave her anything in bed?
2696
01:42:07,588 --> 01:42:08,850
Now you're out
of line, Focker.
2697
01:42:08,922 --> 01:42:10,253
(Bernie)
You're out of line, man.
2698
01:42:10,324 --> 01:42:12,189
No, you hurt
my feelings there,
2699
01:42:12,259 --> 01:42:14,420
and there's no reason
to hurt my feelings.
2700
01:42:14,495 --> 01:42:16,224
Would you guys stop?
He insulted me.
2701
01:42:16,296 --> 01:42:18,560
Well, this isn't about you,
all right?
2702
01:42:18,765 --> 01:42:20,062
It's not about either of you.
2703
01:42:20,134 --> 01:42:21,465
It's about me and Pam.
2704
01:42:21,535 --> 01:42:23,696
We're getting married.
That's it.
2705
01:42:23,770 --> 01:42:25,704
We're starting
our own circle of trust.
2706
01:42:25,772 --> 01:42:27,706
And guess what?
You're not in it.
2707
01:42:28,342 --> 01:42:31,072
Oh, you can't start
a circle of trust.
It's my circle.
2708
01:42:31,145 --> 01:42:33,113
You don't have a patent
on the circle, Jack.
2709
01:42:33,180 --> 01:42:35,705
By the way, you're not even
in your own circle right now.
2710
01:42:35,782 --> 01:42:36,806
That is untrue.
2711
01:42:36,884 --> 01:42:38,818
I say who's in or out
of the circle.
2712
01:42:39,987 --> 01:42:42,148
Well, I'm confused.
Whose circle am I in?
2713
01:42:44,391 --> 01:42:45,756
(Jack and Greg)
Nobody's.
2714
01:42:53,500 --> 01:42:55,559
Look,
we're starting a family, okay?
2715
01:42:55,636 --> 01:42:57,160
We-we're gonna have a baby.
2716
01:42:57,237 --> 01:42:59,205
I have a 15-year-old son.
2717
01:42:59,540 --> 01:43:01,565
You guys gotta put aside
your issues
2718
01:43:01,909 --> 01:43:04,070
and... and
do what's best for us. Okay?
2719
01:43:05,245 --> 01:43:07,577
Greg, Jorge is not your son.
2720
01:43:07,648 --> 01:43:08,672
What?
2721
01:43:08,749 --> 01:43:11,183
I had a comparative
DNA analysis done last night.
2722
01:43:11,251 --> 01:43:12,878
And I made a mistake.
2723
01:43:12,953 --> 01:43:14,580
You made a mistake?
2724
01:43:14,988 --> 01:43:16,615
Yes, I did.
(Bernie)
Wait a minute.
2725
01:43:16,690 --> 01:43:18,248
Truth serum, DNA matches.
2726
01:43:18,325 --> 01:43:19,849
Who the hell are you,
Jack Byrnes?
2727
01:43:19,927 --> 01:43:21,554
I'm not really a florist,
Bernard.
2728
01:43:21,628 --> 01:43:23,596
I was in the CIA
for 32 years.
2729
01:43:23,664 --> 01:43:25,598
And I retired
right before I met Greg.
2730
01:43:26,466 --> 01:43:28,696
Oh, sure.
Well, that makes sense.
2731
01:43:29,303 --> 01:43:31,294
# Bingo, bango, bongo ##
2732
01:43:32,139 --> 01:43:34,664
Bernie, what the heck are you
still doing here?
2733
01:43:34,741 --> 01:43:35,730
Ira.
2734
01:43:35,809 --> 01:43:37,902
Open up, let these guys out.
2735
01:43:37,978 --> 01:43:40,208
Judge, what exactly
did he say to you?
2736
01:43:40,280 --> 01:43:42,009
He didn't have
to say anything.
2737
01:43:42,082 --> 01:43:44,073
Dr. Roz saved my marriage.
2738
01:43:44,151 --> 01:43:46,142
I'd do anything
for that woman.
2739
01:43:46,353 --> 01:43:47,820
You tell sugar-pants
2740
01:43:47,888 --> 01:43:49,753
I'll see her in class
next week.
2741
01:43:49,823 --> 01:43:51,347
Will do, Ira. Thanks.
2742
01:43:52,125 --> 01:43:53,490
Well, what can I say?
2743
01:43:53,560 --> 01:43:54,925
I'm married to
a powerful woman.
2744
01:43:54,995 --> 01:43:56,690
All right, gentlemen.
Let's go.
Excuse me.
2745
01:43:56,763 --> 01:43:57,787
What?
2746
01:43:57,864 --> 01:43:58,990
Can you close the cell door?
2747
01:43:59,066 --> 01:44:00,966
(Jack)
Focker!
You want to
remain in the cell?
2748
01:44:01,034 --> 01:44:03,525
We're not done talking yet.
2749
01:44:04,204 --> 01:44:05,262
What?
2750
01:44:06,306 --> 01:44:08,274
So, what do you think,
huh? Hmm?
2751
01:44:08,842 --> 01:44:11,037
Can we work this out or not?
2752
01:44:12,179 --> 01:44:13,168
Okay.
2753
01:44:14,047 --> 01:44:15,036
Jack?
2754
01:44:15,882 --> 01:44:17,076
Uh...
2755
01:44:17,251 --> 01:44:18,513
[mumbling]
2756
01:44:18,719 --> 01:44:19,947
Good enough.
2757
01:44:20,387 --> 01:44:21,376
All right, then, uh,
2758
01:44:21,455 --> 01:44:23,320
I think Pam
and I should... should
get married
2759
01:44:23,390 --> 01:44:24,379
this weekend.
2760
01:44:24,491 --> 01:44:25,480
This weekend?
2761
01:44:25,559 --> 01:44:27,220
Oh, I'm not so sure
that's a good idea.
2762
01:44:27,294 --> 01:44:28,989
You wanna be in the circle
or not, Jack?
2763
01:44:29,062 --> 01:44:30,290
Okay,
we'll do it this weekend.
2764
01:44:30,364 --> 01:44:31,353
Oh, Jack.
2765
01:44:37,704 --> 01:44:40,502
Hey, I think I can get
Judge Ira to marry you guys.
2766
01:44:40,574 --> 01:44:41,734
Oh, I don't think so.
2767
01:44:41,808 --> 01:44:43,366
But if it's all right
with you, Greg,
2768
01:44:43,443 --> 01:44:45,570
I already have
a minister in mind.
2769
01:44:45,912 --> 01:44:48,312
##[lf I Were A Carpenter
by Tim Hardin playing]
2770
01:44:54,421 --> 01:44:56,981
# If I were a carpenter #
2771
01:44:57,524 --> 01:44:59,992
# And you were a lady ##
2772
01:45:00,761 --> 01:45:02,524
Oh my God, Daddy.
You didn't!
2773
01:45:02,696 --> 01:45:05,164
(Jack)
Meeting Greg made
such an impression on Kevin,
2774
01:45:05,232 --> 01:45:07,257
he spent eight months
in Israel on a kibbutz,
2775
01:45:07,334 --> 01:45:08,858
then he took
an Internet course
2776
01:45:08,935 --> 01:45:10,926
and got ordained
as an inter-faith minister.
2777
01:45:11,004 --> 01:45:12,266
[sighs]
2778
01:45:12,939 --> 01:45:14,668
Jack told me you were okay
2779
01:45:14,741 --> 01:45:16,265
with me conducting
the ceremony.
2780
01:45:16,343 --> 01:45:17,469
I hope that's true.
2781
01:45:17,544 --> 01:45:19,876
Yeah, yeah, no,
I think it's great.
2782
01:45:24,217 --> 01:45:26,117
I mean, it is a little weird.
2783
01:45:26,720 --> 01:45:28,415
You listen to me
when I say this.
2784
01:45:28,488 --> 01:45:29,477
Pam and I didn't have
2785
01:45:29,556 --> 01:45:31,683
one-tenth
of the spiritual connection
2786
01:45:31,758 --> 01:45:33,589
that you two obviously share.
2787
01:45:33,660 --> 01:45:35,890
I mean, I look at you both
together and you're beautiful.
2788
01:45:35,962 --> 01:45:37,987
I get it. Okay?
2789
01:45:38,098 --> 01:45:39,827
Okay, thank you, Kevin.
2790
01:45:39,900 --> 01:45:41,197
Thank you, Greg.
2791
01:45:41,301 --> 01:45:42,859
##[playing]
2792
01:45:48,942 --> 01:45:51,240
You're gonna be a great mom,
Pamcake.
2793
01:45:53,313 --> 01:45:54,940
Thank you, Daddy.
2794
01:46:19,473 --> 01:46:22,033
And who gives this woman
to this man?
2795
01:46:22,409 --> 01:46:25,378
I do.
Jack Tiberius Byrnes.
2796
01:46:35,722 --> 01:46:36,711
Daddy.
2797
01:46:40,794 --> 01:46:42,159
Sorry, Greg.
2798
01:46:42,529 --> 01:46:44,520
She's all yours now.
2799
01:46:52,305 --> 01:46:53,670
That was sweet, honey.
2800
01:46:53,740 --> 01:46:54,900
Are you all right?
2801
01:46:55,008 --> 01:46:56,407
Shalom, everyone.
2802
01:46:56,476 --> 01:46:58,706
(all)
Shalom.
2803
01:46:59,112 --> 01:47:00,477
[speaking in Hebrew]
2804
01:47:00,547 --> 01:47:02,742
Which is Hebrew for
"what's going on?"
2805
01:47:02,816 --> 01:47:04,147
[all laughing]
2806
01:47:04,885 --> 01:47:07,410
(Kevin)
Let us begin with
the blessing of the wine.
2807
01:47:07,954 --> 01:47:10,149
##[chanting]
2808
01:47:24,805 --> 01:47:28,605
(all)
Amen.
2809
01:47:34,681 --> 01:47:36,012
Kevin.
What?
2810
01:47:36,249 --> 01:47:37,580
Yeah, go ahead.
2811
01:47:37,684 --> 01:47:39,675
##[Crazy 'Bout My Baby
by Randy Newman playing]
2812
01:47:39,753 --> 01:47:41,220
# Crazy about my baby #
2813
01:47:41,288 --> 01:47:43,916
# Crazy about my baby
Crazy about my baby #
2814
01:47:43,990 --> 01:47:46,390
[all cheering]
2815
01:47:51,465 --> 01:47:52,864
[speaking in Spanish]
2816
01:47:54,134 --> 01:47:55,123
Mmm. Mmm.
2817
01:47:56,069 --> 01:47:57,263
Well, hi.
2818
01:47:57,337 --> 01:47:58,998
Rosalind.
Yeah.
2819
01:47:59,072 --> 01:48:01,666
I just have to say
I underestimated you.
2820
01:48:01,741 --> 01:48:02,867
Oh.
2821
01:48:02,943 --> 01:48:04,308
When it comes to relationships
2822
01:48:04,377 --> 01:48:05,901
I'm starting to see
2823
01:48:05,979 --> 01:48:08,106
that you might actually know
what you're talking about.
2824
01:48:08,181 --> 01:48:09,773
[laughing]
2825
01:48:10,217 --> 01:48:11,479
I appreciate that, Jack.
2826
01:48:11,551 --> 01:48:12,745
Really, thank you.
2827
01:48:12,819 --> 01:48:16,255
I also was curious about
the advice you gave Judge Ira.
2828
01:48:16,323 --> 01:48:17,517
Mmm.
2829
01:48:17,591 --> 01:48:20,719
Is that
classified information?
2830
01:48:20,794 --> 01:48:23,126
I thought you'd never ask.
2831
01:48:23,196 --> 01:48:26,290
I'm gonna give you
a crash course, okay?
2832
01:48:26,967 --> 01:48:28,059
Come here.
2833
01:48:30,837 --> 01:48:31,826
Really?
2834
01:48:32,906 --> 01:48:34,203
Uh-huh.
2835
01:48:37,410 --> 01:48:39,640
And I do that for
how many minutes?
2836
01:48:40,680 --> 01:48:44,013
Hey! There's my brother
from another mother.
2837
01:48:45,085 --> 01:48:46,950
Congratulations, Jacko.
2838
01:48:48,955 --> 01:48:50,582
Put that away, Bernard.
2839
01:48:54,194 --> 01:48:55,684
We're family now.
2840
01:49:00,700 --> 01:49:01,928
We're family.
2841
01:49:02,702 --> 01:49:04,192
Now, if you'll excuse me,
2842
01:49:04,271 --> 01:49:06,569
I have some
unfinished business
to take care of.
2843
01:49:06,673 --> 01:49:08,504
# I'm crazy about my baby #
2844
01:49:09,042 --> 01:49:11,010
# I'm crazy about my baby #
2845
01:49:11,077 --> 01:49:12,476
Go get her, tiger.
2846
01:49:12,579 --> 01:49:14,137
[growling]
2847
01:49:15,649 --> 01:49:17,514
We Fockerized him.
2848
01:49:17,584 --> 01:49:18,642
Sure did.
2849
01:49:18,718 --> 01:49:20,345
I'd like to Fockerize you.
2850
01:49:20,487 --> 01:49:22,318
# Crazy about you baby #
2851
01:49:23,957 --> 01:49:25,447
# Crazy about you baby #
2852
01:49:25,525 --> 01:49:27,516
# I know
you're crazy about me #
2853
01:49:28,562 --> 01:49:29,961
[all cheering]
2854
01:49:30,363 --> 01:49:33,662
# Who's gonna take
my love away? Nobody #
2855
01:49:33,733 --> 01:49:36,293
# Who's gonna take my love? #
2856
01:49:37,070 --> 01:49:39,664
# Who's gonna take
my love away? #
2857
01:49:39,940 --> 01:49:42,670
# Who's gonna take my love? #
2858
01:49:42,742 --> 01:49:45,006
Sweetheart, do we have
to hurry like this?
2859
01:49:45,078 --> 01:49:46,739
Honey,
we're in a covert operation.
2860
01:49:46,813 --> 01:49:48,804
The bandleader
told me we have 23 minutes
2861
01:49:48,882 --> 01:49:50,907
before
they cut the cake.
2862
01:49:56,456 --> 01:49:58,151
Jack, what are you doing?
2863
01:49:58,291 --> 01:50:00,020
Little trick
Bernie taught me.
2864
01:50:00,260 --> 01:50:01,625
# Crazy about my baby #
2865
01:50:01,695 --> 01:50:04,630
# Crazy about my baby
Crazy about my baby #
2866
01:50:04,698 --> 01:50:08,429
# Crazy about my baby,
my baby's crazy 'bout me #
2867
01:50:11,371 --> 01:50:15,273
# Crazy about my baby,
my baby's crazy 'bout me ##
2868
01:50:24,317 --> 01:50:25,341
[chuckling]
2869
01:50:25,418 --> 01:50:27,079
Now let's find out, LJ,
2870
01:50:27,153 --> 01:50:29,644
why the Ferber method
isn't working.
2871
01:50:32,258 --> 01:50:33,782
[tape rewinding]
2872
01:50:34,127 --> 01:50:35,719
[wailing]
2873
01:50:35,795 --> 01:50:37,319
(Roz)
Oh, hi, baby.
2874
01:50:37,397 --> 01:50:39,695
Hi, Little Jack.
Okay.
2875
01:50:39,766 --> 01:50:42,200
Oh, look what I brought you.
2876
01:50:42,268 --> 01:50:45,669
Oh, what did I bring?
A chocolate.
2877
01:50:46,339 --> 01:50:48,330
For the baby.
2878
01:50:49,109 --> 01:50:50,701
Yummy, is that good?
2879
01:50:50,777 --> 01:50:52,574
I know you're
not supposed to have this.
2880
01:50:52,646 --> 01:50:54,204
Grandpa Jack
doesn't like chocolate.
2881
01:50:54,280 --> 01:50:56,373
But he's a little,
you know, whacko.
2882
01:50:56,449 --> 01:50:57,575
Don't tell him, okay?
2883
01:50:57,651 --> 01:50:59,778
You know what?
I got some cake
in the refrigerator.
2884
01:50:59,853 --> 01:51:01,514
Later I'll bring
you that, okay?
2885
01:51:01,588 --> 01:51:03,488
Chocolate cake.
Good boy.
2886
01:51:04,024 --> 01:51:06,390
But don't tell anyone, okay?
One more.
2887
01:51:07,327 --> 01:51:08,316
[giggling]
2888
01:51:08,862 --> 01:51:10,227
[tape rewinding]
2889
01:51:10,497 --> 01:51:12,260
You yell and scream
all you want.
2890
01:51:12,332 --> 01:51:14,664
Make noise, that's what
this country's all about.
2891
01:51:14,734 --> 01:51:17,259
I think we've got a
little protester on our hands.
2892
01:51:17,337 --> 01:51:18,861
Oh, it figures,
2893
01:51:18,938 --> 01:51:20,838
I should've known
this was gonna go on.
2894
01:51:20,907 --> 01:51:22,135
Always question authority.
2895
01:51:22,208 --> 01:51:25,143
You have to question
everything El Stiffo
Grandpa Jack says.
2896
01:51:25,211 --> 01:51:27,008
You know why?
Because' he's full of...
2897
01:51:27,080 --> 01:51:28,911
Because he's full of...
2898
01:51:29,382 --> 01:51:30,474
[chanting]
2899
01:51:30,550 --> 01:51:32,415
Grandpa Jack is full of...
2900
01:51:32,485 --> 01:51:33,645
[giggling]
2901
01:51:33,953 --> 01:51:35,386
[sighs]
2902
01:51:35,922 --> 01:51:37,583
Grandpa Jack is full of...
2903
01:51:40,126 --> 01:51:41,559
[tape rewinding]
2904
01:51:43,697 --> 01:51:45,892
There he is.
Little Man Jack.
2905
01:51:45,965 --> 01:51:47,728
How're you doing?
2906
01:51:48,068 --> 01:51:50,332
Can I interest you
in a little vodka?
2907
01:51:50,804 --> 01:51:52,169
Just kidding.
2908
01:51:52,706 --> 01:51:54,503
I'm, like, uh, officially
your uncle now.
2909
01:51:54,574 --> 01:51:55,802
So I was thinking
2910
01:51:55,909 --> 01:51:58,070
maybe I should give you
some uncley advice.
2911
01:51:58,144 --> 01:52:00,271
You know, little hints
for surviving in this family
2912
01:52:00,346 --> 01:52:02,007
'cause you gotta learn
to keep secrets
2913
01:52:02,082 --> 01:52:03,947
from your psycho Grandpa Jack.
2914
01:52:04,017 --> 01:52:05,075
He was really upset
2915
01:52:05,151 --> 01:52:06,709
when you crawled out
of the playpen.
2916
01:52:06,786 --> 01:52:09,380
Which is why we
never tell him
that instead of watching you,
2917
01:52:09,456 --> 01:52:11,219
I was actually
out by the lagoon
2918
01:52:11,291 --> 01:52:12,952
smoking a little reefer.
2919
01:52:13,026 --> 01:52:14,015
[shushing]
2920
01:52:15,929 --> 01:52:19,092
Or that whole thing
about Pam being pregnant.
2921
01:52:19,899 --> 01:52:21,833
There's no little Focker
on the way.
2922
01:52:21,901 --> 01:52:23,061
Whole thing was just made up
2923
01:52:23,136 --> 01:52:25,263
so Jack would
let us get married. But...
2924
01:52:25,338 --> 01:52:27,636
You gotta do
what you gotta do, right?
2925
01:52:28,141 --> 01:52:31,133
That's cute, that little
alligator tchotchke thing.
2926
01:52:31,211 --> 01:52:32,610
What's that in its mouth?
2927
01:52:32,679 --> 01:52:35,204
It's got like a... a camera!
2928
01:52:35,281 --> 01:52:36,270
[gasps]
2929
01:52:37,383 --> 01:52:38,680
Busted.
2930
01:52:41,154 --> 01:52:42,212
Hi, Jack.
2931
01:52:42,288 --> 01:52:44,654
I knew you were there
all along. I was just, uh,
2932
01:52:44,724 --> 01:52:46,021
doin' a little show for you.
2933
01:52:46,092 --> 01:52:47,855
You know I don't smoke pot
or anything,
2934
01:52:47,927 --> 01:52:49,622
and Pam is pregnant.
2935
01:52:49,696 --> 01:52:51,721
You should've seen the look
on your face, though.
2936
01:52:51,798 --> 01:52:52,765
Oh, so good.
2937
01:52:52,832 --> 01:52:55,232
Asshole.
2938
01:52:55,401 --> 01:52:56,925
[laughing]
2939
01:52:57,070 --> 01:52:59,265
Hey, look at me,
Jack, what am I?
2940
01:52:59,339 --> 01:53:00,829
[grunting]
2941
01:53:03,343 --> 01:53:05,277
I am a frozen caveman.
2942
01:53:05,345 --> 01:53:07,142
Study me, Jack.
2943
01:53:07,213 --> 01:53:10,705
Learn how strange
the Focker genetic code is.
2944
01:53:10,784 --> 01:53:13,082
We are weird mutants
who hug and kiss.
2945
01:53:13,153 --> 01:53:15,417
We show emotion.
2946
01:53:15,722 --> 01:53:17,189
Jack must learn from us
2947
01:53:17,257 --> 01:53:18,884
and chip away
with his hammer of truth.
2948
01:53:18,958 --> 01:53:20,391
Ha, Focker.
2949
01:53:20,727 --> 01:53:22,058
Wooga booga.