My name is Daphne Reynolds and I was born in New York City.
I've lived my whole life with my mom in a fifth-floor walkup in Chinatown.
It's always been just the two of us, me and Libby.
But every year on my birthday I'd make a wish.
Make a wish, baby!
That someone else could be there too.
And every year when he didn't come...
...I'd ask my mom to tell me the same story.
You never get tired of this one, do you? Okay.
Once upon a time...
...there was a young, very cool singer named Libby...
...who one day decided to go out and see the world.
Little did she know that in the deserts of Morocco fate was waiting for her...
...and his name was Henry.
They fell madly, passionately, hopelessly in love...
...and were married by the chief of a Bedouin tribe.
Henry brought her to England to meet his family so they could get married for real.
But fate was not so kind this time.
She was definitely not what they were expecting.
But when Henry's father suddenly died...
...Libby knew there'd be more pressure on him to lead a certain kind of life...
...because he was now Lord Dashwood...
...and Libby was no one's idea of a lady.
Henry knows all about it. lf you love him, you will go now.
l think you should see this.
Apparently there's someone else.
So even though it broke her heart, she knew she had to leave him.
But a few months later, fate gave her the greatest gift of all:
A beautiful baby girl named Daphne.
Sweet dreams, kiddo.
-Love you. -Love you.
l can't believe you're 15 years old today.
Sweet dreams, Henry.
On my 1 7th birthday, Mom and I had to work.
But it turned out to be where my story really began.
You delivering something?
Yeah, about three hours of watered-down rock and roll...
...and one very late waitress.
Sorry.
Watch your head.
Are you related?
-Can l park it? -Yeah, over there.
How could he do this to me? lt's our wedding day! Where is he?
What? l should know? 20 minutes and she's lost him already.
Very funny.
Hey, how you doing?
l'm sorry, can l borrow this? Thanks.
Thanks.
Sorry about this. Come on, big guy, wakey-wakey.
Help! Ma!
-lt's cold and l can't get it out! -Shout!
Shout!
-Are you done with this, sir? -Oh, thanks.
Daphne?
-Noelle! -What are you doing here?
l'm clearing the chicken cacciatore.
Oh, my God, that is so funny!
Guess what? l'm interning at Jenkins and Taylor before l go to Duke, pre-law.
-What's up next for you? -The dessert, a selection of sorbets.
-No, where are you going to college? -The University of the Undecided.
ls that in Ohio?
Yeah.
Undecided, Ohio.
Well, l guess l better be going. But say hey to Jenkins. And Taylor.
-But-- -lf everyone would clear the dance floor...
...the bride and her father would like to share a special dance.
-l know. l saw the look. -l don't want to talk about it.
Every time we do these weddings, Mom, l see the father-daughter dances.
l just--
l can't help but think that l'm never gonna get to do that.
l know you think you're doing the right thing by keeping me from him--
l was trying to protect you from getting hurt the same way l was.
You left him, remember?
lt's not like he jumped on a plane and came after me.
Maybe he would have if he knew l existed.
-lt's not that simple. -Why can't you understand, Mom?
l feel like half of me is missing.
And without the other half, how am l supposed to know who l really am?
Daph.
Getting to know someone because they share the same DNA isn't the answer.
lt's about getting to know yourself.
Come on, let's go steal some leftovers. Lasagna looks great.
l love you a million Swedish fish.
l love you a million red M&M's.
Taxi!
-Where to, miss? -JFK, Virgin Atlantic.
No problem.
Maybe the answer was taking a year or two off before college...
...to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life.
But deep down, I think I've always known...
...what I really need more than anything else in the world is to find him...
...to find my dad.
Mom, you always said it was up to me to write the rest of my story...
...but you've been writing it for me, Mom.
Now it has to be my turn.
-Can l borrow that for a sec? -Sure.
Great Britain Grand Hotel?
What?
-That's not it. -lt sounded really good.
-Thanks. -ls that a Gibson J200?
Yeah.
-Are you a musician? -No, but l live with one back home.
My mom.
So you checking in?
-Day job? -Yeah. One of many.
You know, life of a struggling musician.
Hey, lan, catch!
Come on, l'll show you around.
So the kitchen's through there.
Common room's down the hall.
l should warn you, the dog and bone's on the blink and we've no lift here.
Phone is broken.
Elevator, none.
Loo's free.
Who's Lou?
We better take this slowly.
Lord Henry Dashwood announced today...
...he was giving up his hereditary seat in the House of Lords...
...to run for election as a commoner.
Why should an accident of birth give me the right to make decisions for people?
-The only power I want... -My dad!
...is the power the voters choose to give me. That's why I'm standing in this election.
Thank you.
Lord Dashwood, who will marry his fiancée Glynnis Payne this summer...
...will also inherit a stepdaughter, the lovely Clarissa Payne.
But this surprising announcement has sent shock waves through Westminster.
He now appears to be an unstoppable political force.
l admit, when you first suggested giving up your seat in the House of Lords...
...l began to question your sanity. But, no, this is political dynamite.
l had an eccentric idea we might actually be doing the right thing.
lt's possible to do the right thing and still be a winner.
The latest poll puts the party six points ahead. That's all due to you, Henry.
You're transforming the image of the party your father loved.
He would have been so proud of you. You're young, thrusting, idealistic...
...an impeccable reputation....
And a fabulous fiancée with all the right connections.
Sorry to interrupt, but if l don't steal him he'll miss his speech at the Oxfam ball.
-Oh, blast it, my speech. -Right-hand pocket, darling.
She thinks of everything.
Well, gentlemen, that seems to be all. Thank you.
You two enjoy yourselves.
How's our boy doing?
lf he doesn't ruffle too many feathers, he'll be the next prime minister.
Excellent.
lan, l don't know if l can do this anymore.
Daphne, he's your father.
You've flown halfway around the world to see him. You can't turn back now.
He's got a family now, l mean....
You saw them, they're so elegant and sophisticated. lt's like....
What would he want with me?
-Yeah, well, you got a point there. -Shut up.
lt's just not as simple as l thought.
Maybe l should just go home and let him get on with his life.
Can l help you, miss?
Actually, no.
Thanks.
Perfect. Absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much. Ciao.
You haven't forgotten Lady Wrightwood's this afternoon, have you?
She is sponsoring us for the Royal Enclosure at Ascot. We have to be there.
l thought marrying Henry meant we didn't have to try so hard.
l'm not getting married for five weeks.
Until then we have to keep up appearances.
Look what happened to Olivia Dixon when she went to China.
-Who's Olivia Dixon? -Exactly.
-Did you see that? -What?
An impossibly large bird falling off that wall.
Are you hallucinating?
These eggs are positively glacial.
When l run this house, senile servants will be the first thing to go.
You'd have to get around the old bat. She'd never allow it.
Anyone seen my pruning shears?
The old bat seems to have forgotten where she put them.
Morning. Morning, Mother. Morning, darling.
Everyone sleep well?
Apparently not.
There's someone at the window. l'm not hallucinating.
lt's those bloody paparazzi again.
Percy, call the police. l will not tolerate this media circus!
-Where do you think you're going? -lt's you!
How long do you people have to spy before realizing there's no story?
-You've got the wrong idea. -Tell it to the authorities.
The real scandal is how young they're starting you guttersnipes now.
You sit down and tell me who sent you. The Sun? The Daily Star?
Good heavens, you can't be more than 1 7.
Go on, take your picture and go away.
-l already have a picture of you. -What's going on?
-Where the devil did you get this? -From Libby.
-That singer you met on a camel? -Why would Libby give this to you?
She thought l'd want to know what my father looked like.
My name is Daphne Reynolds. l'm Libby's daughter.
According to this...
...l'm your daughter too.
Oh, for heaven's sake!
Seems you had an even better time in Morocco than you let on.
Oh, dear God.
l haven't--
No, this is impossible.
-Must be a mistake. -Exactly, a mistake.
This doesn't prove anything.
This Libby must have written down the first man she could think of.
You're the only man she's ever thought of.
Can l have a word with you in private for a moment, please?
Henry?
You're not going to believe her, are you?
Maybe l....
Maybe l shouldn't have come. This is a big shock for you.
l'm freaking out and l've known since l was 2.
Don't get me wrong, l mean in a good way. l've dreamt about this my whole life.
Not that exact entrance, of course. l imagined something more graceful.
l can see now that it was probably a mistake.
l shouldn't have come.
Sorry, did you just say you've known about this your whole life?
-Yeah. -Good. Now we've got that settled...
...how about some tea and a piece of fruitcake?
Your mother didn't feel l deserved the same consideration?
-No to the fruitcake, then. -How could she keep this from me?!
What happened to the mistake theory we were operating on a moment ago?
No, wait a minute, ducky.
Henry, l know this has come as a shock, but we can't just let the girl go.
-Not until we've got to the bottom of this. -Shall l call a hotel, madam?
And tell them what, exactly?
The best-known candidate in a generation is requesting a room for a teenage girl?
-The press will have a field day. -Can we leave the press out of this?
-No, Glynnis is absolutely right. -Thank God someone else is thinking straight.
The girl must stay here, with us.
Darling, before we let this hypothetical daughter blow your political career...
-...we might consider checking up on her. -For what?
Criminal record? Blood type? Triple sixes on her scalp?
Glynnis, she has a birth certificate, she has my photograph and she has my eyes.
Only thinking of what's best for you.
l know you don't like thinking about it, but the press can be brutal.
''Exclusive! Henry Dashwood in Love Child Shocker!''
Actually, she's not strictly a love child. Her mother and l were married.
l mean, not technically. lt was a Bedouin ceremony in Morocco.
We planned to make it official as soon as we got back...
...but for some reason Libby decided to....
Well, anyway, she left.
-Taking something of yours with her. -Put a cork in it.
Maybe someone should have put a cork in it 1 7 years ago!
Well, here we are.
Will it do?
Are you kidding? lt's incredible! lt's bigger than our entire apartment...
...and the restaurant downstairs. lt makes the White House look like a McDonald's.
l get the point. Now, why don't l send Percy to fetch your things?
-Thank you so much, Lady Dashwood. -No hugs, dear.
l'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses.
Right.
You rock!
Hello?
-Libby? -Henry.
-ls she there? ls she all right? -Yeah, she's here.
She's fine. Mother is force-feeding her fruitcake as we speak.
How could you not tell me l'd fathered a child?
You let her show up 1 7 years later, unannounced--
And what? Put a dent in your political career?
-No, that's not-- -lf you're afraid of a scandal, send her back.
lt's not about scandal, it's finding out l had a daughter for half my life!
Libby.
l didn't want her to get hurt.
-What is that supposed to mean? -Ask your advisors.
They've gotten you this far, haven't they?
My point is that Henry's strength has been that he's completely scandal-free...
...unlike his opponent. This could ruin everything.
Have you finished stating the obvious?
Good. Then let me explain what we're going to do.
We give the papers the story, but we spin it our way.
Let's see what we have.
Yes, the Royal Dress Show.
lntroduce her as the daughter you've always known, but rarely were able to be with.
The press still gets a story, but it's cut off at the knees.
We are dealing with a living, breathing 1 7-year-old girl.
The only thing we know is that she's an American teenager.
Hardly a promising start.
Still, what do you think, Henry? Liability or asset?
Well, l've only spent a few moments with her myself...
...but my sense is that she's quite mature for her age.
She seems well-mannered.
-Thanks, Percy! -Your lunch, Miss Daphne.
l'd say rather self-contained, soft-spoken.
Perfect. Let's run with it.
Ah, me. Please be Armistead.
-Dashwood residence, Clarissa speaking. -This is lan Wallace. ls Daphne there?
She's not here.
There's no one here by that name, actually. Sorry.
lf you do happen to see her, could you tell her lan Wallace is trying to find her?
Absolutely. l will.
Not.
-Daphne. -Mr. Dashwood.
-Lord Dashwood? -Call me Henry.
Henry. Okay.
-This is a cool room. -Listen, l....
l was just wondering if....
l was wondering if.... Well, l don't know if this would interest you, actually...
...but l was hoping you might accompany me to the Royal Dress Show on Friday?
-Dress show? -Yes, it's ass-numbingly dull.
Some people l have to impress take it frightfully seriously.
ls it like a fashion show?
Gwyneth and Madonna go to those things, right? Do you think they'd be there?
l have no idea what you're talking about, but for me it's a stop on the campaign trail.
For Glynnis, it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society.
Launch? You make her sound like a ship.
No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile.
She's what in the old days might have been called a debutante.
Well, l don't know. l just....
-Could you bear it? -Could l bear it? l mean that'd be....
-That'd be cool. -Really?
Well, good. That's settled, then. That's good.
Good.
l forgot. l brought this for you. lt's some pictures of me growing up.
-That's.... -l thought you might want to have it.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
That's splendid, thank you.
Okay.
Daphne, could l get your advice on something?
Sure.
l can't decide which one to wear to the show tomorrow...
-...and l was wondering what you thought. -ls that a Gucci tartan mini? That's so cute!
-You can go that funky to the show? -Daphne, that's the whole point.
Turn up in a sensible dress and pearls...
...and you might as well wear a sign saying, ''Spot the Plonker.''
l'm glad you told me. Wouldn't want to be a plonker.
What are stepsisters for?
-This is really cute. -Good. l'll wear that, then.
-See you later! -Bye!
l'm here to see Daphne Reynolds.
-Do you have an appointment? -No, but she's a friend of mine.
-You don't get in without an appointment. -She'll want to see me.
-Could you move away now, please, sir? -What?
-Could you move away now, please? -All right, chill out, mate.
You don't own the place.
No, stop!
No. Not good.
l'm so sorry. One second. l'll be right there. Almost ready.
One second!
We have to go! Prince Charles, Harry and Wills will already be there.
Why doesn't Daphne come along later?
-l suppose Percy could drive-- -Brilliant. lt's settled, then.
Come on!
Well, isn't this perfect?
-Go low on that one, Army. -Low? Low it is.
You'd think they'd choose debs who actually had ankles. Those look like baked hams.
-Shall l park the car? -No, see you later!
Sorry. No admittance. Show's already started.
Come on!
Cow!
Where is this Daphne, anyway?
She'll probably swing through on a vine any minute.
The girl is positively barbaric.
l hope she doesn't embarrass me in front of Armistead.
We still have the arrival of Henry's illegitimate daughter.
You needn't worry. Henry assured me she will be the soul of discretion.
-ls this the way to the show? -Go! You're on!
Oh, my giddy aunt!
Holy poo on toast!
Henry...
...do something!
That's her.
Who is that adorable creature?
She can dump tea in my harbor anytime.
Thank you, London!
l say, are you all right? Are you sure?
-What a disgrace! -Must be American.
Make way, everyone. Tacky American coming through.
My evil stepsister. You've seen Cinderella, right?
Let me clue you in. l win.
-What a cute dog! -l beg your pardon?
l'm Henry Dashwood's daughter from New York.
-l didn't know Henry had a daughter. -Can l play with him?
-She's very temperamental! A biter! -Seems sweet.
-Hey, guy! l like the ribbon. -Oh, dear. Excuse me, won't you?
Cute little guy, let's play.
-Princess Charlotte, l do apologize. -lt's all right, Henry.
l've just been having a delicious moment with your daughter.
Wonderful girl. A little rough around the edges, but you'll sort those out.
-ls she staying for the summer? -No, no, no.
-Oh, l'm afraid not. -No, no, no.
-No. -Yes.
My daughter will be joining us this season.
-What season? -Oh, my dear, you'll love it!
Beautiful gowns, lovely tiaras, long, silky gloves...
...and the feverish kissing in the cloakroom.
l must have my little baby back.
Come here, my darling. There.
There now, sweetheart.
-You've found a new friend. -Come on, Daphne.
-Who's my precious girl? -Let's get you out of here.
-Daddy. -Relax, darling, relax.
She'll be gone in no time, just like her mother.
Jesus!
-You scared the bejesus out of me. -Sorry.
So you're the milk thief.
-What're you doing up so late? -Jet lag.
What's your excuse?
Couldn't sleep. Just thinking.
How l nearly wiped out the entire royal family?
l think they enjoyed it. lt's the first time Princess Charlotte's taken a shine to anyone.
And no one will go near that dog since it ate one of Lord Barret's testicles.
-Tragic. -The real tragedy is, he's still reproducing.
Coco Pops. lnteresting choice.
-l had you down as an All-Bran man. -These are strictly contraband.
Glynnis makes me eat that other gravel every morning.
-Do you like Coco Pops? -Dude, it's chocolate. Need l say more?
Did you mean what you said about me staying for the summer?
Yes. Yes, l did.
So does that mean l'm gonna be launched on society?
l suppose we ought to arrange some sort of coming-out party for you.
Coming-out party? Coming out as what?
-As a young woman. -What are you trying to say, Henry?
l just-- l mean as a young woman of a certain...
...social standing and eligibility.
Eligibility? For what?
Well, for men-- l mean, for male suitors to....
-l'm not explaining this very well, am l? -No. But l'm having fun watching you try.
Yes, well, perhaps we ought to leave the party arrangements to you.
lt's not my kind of thing, but l'll think about it.
Thanks, Henry.
l was just wondering whether your mother ever...?
-No. No, she never got married. -No, but obviously there'd be....
There'd be somebody, you know....
Well, off to bed, l suppose.
l hope you find your sleeping arrangements conducive to a good night's--
Henry? ''Sweet dreams'' is all it takes.
Right.
Well, sweet dreams.
Sweet dreams, Henry.
Morning, Henry!
-Off to work? -l was just-- Well, yes.
Oh, that reminds me. We must get a dress for you for Saturday.
-What's on Saturday? -The ball at the Orwoods' .
-Lots of hands to shake, l'm afraid. -l can help Daphne find a dress.
We know that wouldn't be a good idea. No, l found a gown at my designer's.
l've put it in your room, dear. lt's utterly ravishing.
Excellent. Thank you. l'm counting on you girls to give Daphne some pointers.
Bye, now.
Oh, very you. Lovely.
Thanks.
So Henry asked us to give you some pointers, didn't he?
Well, pointer number one, go home.
Mother and l belong here and it's quite clear you just don't fit in.
And pointer two? While you're packing...
...keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart.
-He's mine. -lf you'd take your nose out of the air...
...you'd see you're designer, l'm vintage.
You've got a mansion, l have a five-floor walkup.
You're snotty Little Miss Cranky Pants and l go with the flow.
So why would you ever think that l'd ever have the same taste in guys?
So here's a little pointer for you. Get over yourself.
And stop trying to be my daddy's little girl, because l'm not going anywhere.
Bye.
Pull!
Don't listen to that silly twit Clarissa. She's just threatened by you, that's all.
Pull!
-Why would she be threatened? -Her mother is about to marry my son...
...and gain a title and all that goes with it.
For years, Alistair tried to elevate his position through my husband's career.
Now he's got his claws into Henry.
People like Alistair and Glynnis, social standing is everything.
Pull!
lt's silly, but they live by it. And l lived by it too, once.
Till l saw what a toll it took on the people who l love most.
Believe me, there'll be plenty of people rooting for you to fail.
That's what makes it such fun.
-Bring it on. -Pull!
Oh, dear. ls that how the West was won?
Lord Henry Dashwood. Miss Glynnis Payne. Miss Clarissa Payne.
Mr. and Mrs. Edward Ashley.
-Thank you very, very much. -Thank you.
-Thanks. -Who's next?
Lord and Lady Harrison Gordon.
Lord and Lady Jeffrey Charles.
Now, come along, Daphne. Deep breath and remember the family motto.
What's the family motto?
-What does that mean? -lt means, ducky...
...hang in there and you'll rock!
Lady Jocelyn Dashwood, Countess of Wycombe.
Miss Daphne Reynolds.
41 3 Mulberry Street, Chinatown, New York.
-What has she done to that dress? -Mother!
-Fantastic! -Who designed the dress, Miss Reynolds?
Could you hold it on that step, please?
-Let's go. -That wretched girl!
-Yummy. -Can you look this side, please?
-That's right. -Can l have another smile?
That's beautiful, Miss Reynolds. This way. Lovely.
-Can we get a photograph? -Excuse me, thank you.
Thank you. That will be all, gentlemen. Thank you very much.
l'm sorry about that. You're still something of a novelty, l'm afraid.
-Are those the girls that are coming out? -Yes, Peach and Pear Orwood.
-The daughters of Lord Orwood. -Have you noticed the chandelier?
Chairman of my constituency party.
The real love of his life is that chandelier.
Don't let him catch you looking at it.
You'll start his boring story about how Napoleon...
...gave it to Josephine at the Battle of Borodino.
The story is longer than the battle.
Excuse me. l wonder if l might request a dance from your gorgeous daughter?
l'm sure she'd be delighted. Thank you, Armistead.
l can't believe that little imposter is going to ruin my summer.
She may be a lot of things, but l can't believe imposter is one.
Technically, she's 39th in line to the throne.
Really, Fiona, 38 people would have to die for her to be queen.
Well, it's far less than the 72 you'd need.
Women are just drawn to me. lt's something l happen to be blessed with.
An indefinable quality that just relaxes them, fascinates them.
-You're feeling it, aren't you, Dabney? -lt's Daphne.
And let me guess, you're feeling it in my backside?
lan.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna take a short break. See you in 1 0.
Warning: colonial strumpet alert.
Hi, l'm Daphne Reynolds. Peach and Pear, isn't it?
-Are those your real names? -Yes.
Pumpkin and Gourd would have been much more appropriate.
-Our mother was obsessed with fruit. -And vegetables.
-We have a sister called Parsnip. -She doesn't get out much.
Let's bail. This party's a total bore.
Don't listen to her, the party's hopping!
Excuse me for a second?
She is so nice.
-Henry, old chap. -What a wonderful evening.
l'm glad you're enjoying yourself. l don't know if you've noticed the chandelier.
Actually, it's a rather fascinating story.
-Looking for me? -Oh, no. l was just looking for the loo.
Outside? On the terrace?
All right, so you caught me.
So let me guess. You'll disappear again without so much as a glass slipper?
This Cinderella's got a dad now. She's not going anywhere.
-Your song was really beautiful. -Thanks.
lt's not gonna liven up this party, though. Poor girls. l feel sorry for them.
A dud like this will send them back to social Siberia.
What do you say we liven things up a little bit? Get the party started.
Well, first of all, l could get fired.
-And second of all, l could get fired. -Come on.
-No. -Wimp.
-No. No. -For me?
Okay, let's do it.
-lnsufferable deprivation of this house.... -Okay, guys.
-One, two, three, four! -l'm cranking up the bass!
What?
What the devil is going on? ls that girl yours?
Yes. Yes, she is.
What do l tell my daughters when they're lying awake crying over their ruined ball?
No!
Oh, my precious!
You!
We're going. Come on.
Lord Dashwood!
This is ridiculous.
Have you seen the papers? lt's everywhere. We have to do something.
l don't know anyone that isn't relieved to see that go.
-What on Earth are you giving Henry? -They're called Coco Pops, madam.
-Morning. -Hardhat, anyone?
You never know when something sharp might fall from the sky.
-l'm most dreadfully sorry, miss. -You idiot!
These are my best suede Pradas. Do you have any idea how expensive they are?
l'm really sorry about last night. l was just trying to help them out.
Where did you find that revolting song?
James Brown, 1 976, charted out at number 1 4.
l have no idea where that came from.
What?
Gillian, darling. Yes, l'm sorry, it's just an awful time.
What music did you listen to when you were younger?
-Back before the Earth's crust cooled? -Favorite band of the '70s.
Don't say the Bee Gees.
-Don't say the Bee Gees. -They were called Little Feat.
And l saw them half a dozen times. l remember they once--
lt's 8:1 5 and you have an appointment in Westminster at 9:1 5.
Yes. Yes, you're right.
See you later.
Miss Daphne, Mr. Wallace is here to see you.
Don't let him in, l'm not even cute yet!
What am l gonna wear?
Hello, sir. lan Wallace.
l'm here to pick up Daphne.
-How you doing? -How do you do?
Good.
-Who are you? -l'm a musician. l was at the ball last night.
You were in the band?
-Now you and Daphne are...? -Eloping together? Yeah.
l realize it's a bit sudden, but after last night, there really was no turning back.
-You're joking. -Yes, sir.
-Don't wait up, Henry. -See you.
-Wow. -Okay.
-So, what we need's a little cheering up? -Hold the ''little.''
Just leave it all to me.
You ready? Let's go!
Oh, hey, you gotta try these.
These are great kebabs. Can we have two?
-Nice. Thank you. -Thanks.
This is awesome!
l like these.
Oh, my God. l love these.
Yeah. This place has always got really nice stuff. That suits you.
-l'll get it. -You sure?
lt's fine. Honestly.
-Wait, wait. -What?
-This is so pretty. -Yeah.
-You like? -Yeah, it's cool.
Looks good. Yeah, l like it.
-Thanks for my bracelets. -lt's okay.
-Today was really fun. l needed it. -Good. Glad you're enjoying yourself.
-From now on l'm gonna behave. -Behave like what, exactly?
l don't know. An impeccably brought up young lady.
No more repeats of last night.
Okay. Well, l just chose you to help!
Okay, that's it. Now gently slide your foot back.
So much for gently. Hold this.
You gotta think grace. You gotta think poise.
You gotta think balance.
Observe.
Nice!
So tell me, Obi-Wan, where did you learn your impressive skills?
Well, if you really want to know, believe it or not...
-...my mother was a deb. -Really?
Yeah, and then she chose to marry beneath her.
Her parents promptly disowned her.
But for some reason they took pity on me, their half-breed grandson.
They paid for me to go to the right schools. They got me into all the right clubs.
Until one day l realized the hypocrisy of it all.
And your parents?
They're poor as church mice and they're the happiest people l know.
Now, enough stalling. Get up there and let me see you perform.
All right. All right.
Okay. Find your center.
Good. That's it.
Okay. Now.
You know what l still don't get?
Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you're born to stand out?
-Hello? -Five hours ago your daughter...
...rode off on a motorcycle and hasn't been heard from since.
-Are we talking about a date? -I don't know, but I dread to think.
The boy's in some sort of band!
Really? Cool. Let me guess, he's a drummer.
-This is serious. -As I recall...
...l spent a great deal of time on the back of your motorbike.
Yeah, well, l think that's rather different.
Strange how easy it comes, isn't it?
-What? -Worrying.
-Does it ever go away? -No, Henry, it doesn't.
Henry! Henry!
Libby, l'm sorry, l'm gonna have to run.
Darling, this really is important. l've just had a conversation with a Bedouin translator.
Apparently there are certain drums which indicate an actual marriage...
...whereas others they just use merely for mating rituals.
-Have l just entered a parallel universe? -Don't you see what this means?
lt's possible that you and Libby never had a real wedding.
So there's nothing to interfere with our plans! ls there?
lsn't that good news, Henry? Henry?
Here we go.
Hang on a second.
-Hello, sir. -lan. l had no idea you were so versatile.
Henry, come along, lots to do. The assembled press are waiting.
Hi.
-Hey. What are you doing here? -Another one of my glamorous jobs.
-You look beautiful. -Thanks.
-l have to be on my best behavior. -You better be.
-There's more reporters here than usual. -They're waiting to see what l'll do next.
Oh, yeah? You mean like kissing a guy who parks cars?
Daphne, the press...
-...want a photo of you and your father. -Thanks. l'll find him.
See you.
Stay away from her, peasant. She's out of your league.
What's the matter? Thought our competition ended in lower school.
Afraid she might prefer musicians to Cambridge boys?
No. Breeding always wins out in the end.
ls Miss Reynolds enjoying her time in London?
-Very much. -Lord Dashwood, how's the campaign?
Miss Reynolds, tell us about the chandelier.
Maybe that's enough.
Thank you, no more now.
-Do you think he's terribly rich? -l imagine so.
-l hope so. -Peach?
Pear? You look...
-...different. -lt's Daphne.
-She gave us some styling tips. -Why would you want tips from her?
Lovely.
-Charming here. -lsn't it just?
The race is that way.
Aren't you supposed to be escorting Clarissa?
What? And leave you to fend for yourself?
Or are you suffering from the romantic delusion...
...that some non-talent commoner will do it for you?
You know, l really wish you'd pull your lip over your head and swallow it.
Despite myself, l find your Yankee vulgarity intensely attractive.
So forget about the car parking, mixed-race mongrel...
...and give me that kiss you've been longing to give me since we first met.
You're right.
l have been longing to do this.
Henry, do something!
You should have hit him!
Don't you ever pucker your lips at me, you arrogant jerk!
And how dare you insult lan?! He's twice the man you'll ever be!
-Henry. Henry. -Out of the way. Get out of the way.
What was the argument about?
-Give me the keys to your bike! Quick! -Here you go.
What's going on?
You do know how to drive--
Look out!
Oh, sorry.
That is without doubt the most indecorous thing l have done in years.
Well, l have no idea what you're talking about, but l'm glad.
You should do it more often.
l don't even remember the last time l went barefoot.
Don't you just love squidging your toes in the sand?
Did you know it's a natural exfoliant?
Mom says if you can walk on a beach and you got a steady hand with nail polish...
...there's no reason to ever pay for a pedicure.
-You talk just like her, you know. -As in too much?
ls she happy?
Yeah, l think so. l mean, l can tell she gets lonely sometimes...
...but l think she's pretty content with who she is.
-l like that about her. -l wish l were more like that.
So, what next?
-No! -Yes!
-No. No, absolutely not. -lt's this or that.
l think we'll do this one.
How're you doing?
Henry?
That doesn't sound pleasant.
-What do you think? -lt's just henna.
-What's this? -l told you how groovy l was?
-Yeah. -And l used to like people like this guy.
Oh, look. This stuff is good.
l've been looking for Coo Coo Ow! Strange, funky sounds.
l remember them. ''Doris.''
-Come on, Henry. -l'm not gonna head bang.
-You just bang your head. -Don't do that. No.
-Nod! -l'm not gonna do that. All right. Let's go.
l was just-- l wanted to see if they still fit.
Well, they seem fine.
Who are you? What have you done with my fiancé?
l want my Henry back.
-Lord Dashwood. -Lord Dashwood.
You've dropped 1 5 points in the polls.
-Are you worried? -l really can't comment.
lf you can't handle your own child, how can you handle the government?
-Frank, good to see you. -Could you answer, please?
-How much time do we have? -Plenty.
Your first two clients were no-shows and...
...you got out of your speech at the Children's Education Center.
-Why would we have canceled that speech? -We didn't. They did.
Daphne, can l have a word?
This is Brigadier Sir Roderick Dashwood. He lost an eye at the Battle of the Boyne.
And over here we have Field Marshal Bingley Dashwood.
He lost his arm at the Battle of the Nile.
And Uncle Alfred never spoke about what he lost, but you'd rarely find him sitting.
l lost my tonsils. Does that mean l qualify?
Listen, Daphne.
Part of the burden of being a member of this family is that there are certain...
...codes of behavior that one is expected to observe.
And if one is not seen to conform, then....
Well, then it becomes....
Listen, l've very much enjoyed our time together.
Really and truly. lt's just that this....
These are very difficult circumstances...
...and you, as my daughter, have to....
l have to change.
lt's okay, l get it.
-l'm.... l'm a Dashwood too, right? -Yes.
Yes, you are.
What are you looking at? l can do it.
Not wearing that to The Strokes concert, are you?
Oh, my God, l totally forgot!
-Things have been so hectic. -That's okay.
l'll wait for you to get changed.
l can't go. We're going to the queen's garden party.
-Yeah, but.... -l'm sorry.
Cool.
Just call me when Daphne re-inhabits your body.
-And this is Miss Daphne Reynolds. -Oh, Daphne.
Nice girl.
l gather Her Majesty's accepted an invitation to Daphne's ball.
She's come a long way, l must say. You must be very proud of her.
No.
This is the tiara that l wore at my own coming-out party.
Clarissa's had her beady eye on it for months.
But l want you to have it.
-So royal. -l hope it makes you feel like a princess.
But you know, my dear, it's not the crown that makes the queen.
lt's what's in here.
-Hello. -Ladies.
Well, yes, of course.
Here she comes.
Daphne.
-You look.... -Different?
-Can we talk for a sec? -lt's your party.
-You can do whatever you want. -lan.
-l really didn't-- -l don't want to hear about it, Daph.
What happened to the old you? The real you?
Okay, lads, let's pick up the tempo.
Mom!
What are you doing here?
Jocelyn thought you might need a pal while being fed to the sharks.
Oh, honey, you look so beautiful.
Look at you, Mom!
Are you actually wearing a bra?
Come on.
Hello, Henry.
Libby.
-Hello, Lucy. l'm Glynnis, Henry's fiancée. -lt's Libby, actually. And congratulations.
Well, what a lovely surprise. l see you've come with no escort.
Henry, you must find somebody divine for Lubby here to dance with.
Libby. Remember?
And why doesn't he just ask her himself?
This is fantastic. Everyone important has accepted their invitation.
-We've got the election in the bag. -How can you be so calm?
Her Majesty is due any moment and your candidate is dancing with that woman.
Henry knows what's at stake.
Besides, look what he did with Daphne. Quite an achievement.
l thought l was going to have to get rid of her, like her mother, but--
What did you just say?
Nothing.
-Did you say you got rid of my mother? -Figure of speech.
-Are you the one that made her leave? -Daphne, darling, now is not the time.
-Come on now, don't linger! -Hey, but-- Glynnis!
-How dare he! -Come on.
-Come on! -Glynnis, let go!
-Get in here! -Glynnis! Let go!
Get in here!
Glynnis! Glynnis! Glynnis!
Remember the ritual dances?
You were so bad they're still blaming you for the locusts.
-l recall your frock nearly got us arrested. -l had you translate my apology.
-Which was something of a risk, l thought. -l know it. You could've been...
-...trading me in for a goat. -Camel, actually.
Which never came through, by the way.
l had faith in you, Henry.
Just not enough?
You didn't say goodbye. You just disappeared.
-lt was what you wanted. -What l wanted?
-What l wanted was to be given a chance. -You have had 1 7 years of chances, Henry...
...and l've had 1 7 years of waiting for you to take them.
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
...the traditional father-daughter dance. Lord Dashwood?
Please!
Help!
-Where is Daphne? -l'll find her.
Oh, no. Has Daphne gone missing again?
Maybe Clarissa can step in. You wouldn't mind, would you?
No. l'm almost your daughter now too.
Well, l'd....
-Help! Someone! -Daphne?
l can't miss my own father-daughter dance!
-Honey? -Help!
-How dare you, Glynnis? How dare you! -We don't want a scene, do we?
Take your hand off my daughter or you won't get a scene, you'll get a Broadway musical.
-Daphne.... -What are you doing?
Finally giving you what you deserve.
Go ahead.
l don't want it.
Any of it.
Daphne!
-Wait. -No.
l'm done waiting, Henry.
You know, when l was little, every birthday l'd get all dressed up and l'd wish...
...that if l was good enough, you'd come and find me.
And now here l am, in the most beautiful dress l could ever imagine...
...and you're here.
You know what l miss now? l miss being me.
l finally realized that that is enough.
You know, Daphne....
Maybe we're just trying to make something work here which isn't.
Pray be upstanding for Her Majesty, the queen.
Go ahead.
Duty calls.
Come on, honey.
-Lord Dashwood! What is your priority? -Thank you very much.
-The election or your daughter? -l have no comment.
-Couldn't you sleep either? -No.
Made a bit of a mess of things, haven't l?
A bit.
Henry, for six centuries this family has been sacrificing bits of itself for England.
Arms, legs, eyes. The battlefields of Europe are littered with them.
Don't follow in that glorious tradition.
You know what you're going to sacrifice?
Your heart, Henry.
Sir Charles.
Thank you.
Well, over the last few weeks, l've certainly...
...received more support and encouragement from this constituency...
...than l'd ever dared hoped for. So l'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all.
You may have noticed that recently there have been one or two remarks in the press.
Regarding my behavior.
lt's been suggested l've not been conducting myself in a manner befitting an MP.
Well, l've been giving my priorities a great deal of thought...
...and l've decided that it's time to get them straight.
Which is why l must now respectfully withdraw my candidacy.
Representing you would undoubtedly be the greatest honor of my political life.
lt would simply be impossible to do so if l'm not serving my own conscience.
See...
...l've changed.
And as important as my political aspirations are to me...
...there is one thing that matters more.
Thank you.
Are you out of your mind?
l have done everything to get you to this position...
...and l will not let you throw it all away!
You've lied to me, l know you lied to Libby...
...so forgive me if l don't give a flying fart what you think.
Libby? l stopped you from ruining your life!
l saved your family's reputation!
When l found out that girl was pregnant, l knew l was doing the right thing.
-You knew about Daphne? -Of course l knew! lt's my job to know!
-Grandpa! Are you okay? -Oh, God.
-This is horrible. -Do shut up!
Henry, darling! l know Daddy's been naughty, but what about me?
You'll survive.
Hey. Table six is screaming for coffee. What're you doing, anyway?
Sorry, it's my college applications. Due on Monday.
Okay, l'll cover for you.
-Thank you. -Good luck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the bride would like to share a dance with her father.
l love you, Dad.
-What are you doing here? -l just came because l....
l had something very important to say to you...
...and l hope l can.... Actually, l wrote it all down on the plane about....
About 200 times, as you....
lt was on a.... l have it....
What it comes down to is....
ls that l love you, Daphne.
l love you. l'm so sorry.
l wouldn't change you, anything about you. l wouldn't change one hair on your head.
-Not for anything-- -l love you, Dad. l love you!
Might l....
Might l have the honor of this dance?
Listen, Daphne, l....
l just think when you're groveling it's important to bring a very large present.
-l don't understand. -May l cut in?
Of course.
l tried to call you....
You never did want me to go, did you?
There never was anyone else, was there?
l'd say l owe you a rather large apology.
You think l've waited 1 7 years for an apology?
So I finally got my father-daughter dance.
Of course, it got interrupted when my boyfriend showed up.
And then my parents started making out.
But sometimes things aren't exactly how you always imagined.
They're even better.
Oh, just in case you were wondering what happened to Clarissa and Glynnis...
...don't worry. They ended up exactly as they should.
--the rustication, then it gets smoother--
-Big Ben. -So did Alistair.
l can see the smiles. For those of you who speak English...
...it's not the name of a large hamburger at a fast food restaurant.
This is the closest he got to Parliament.
My parents got married again. This time, it was legal.
I think.
As for me, I didn't end up at NYU.
But before you get too disappointed, I did get into Oxford.
What can I say? Like father, like daughter.
It was my own happily ever after.