♪ MTV ♪
They gon' check out my crib on my bus of love, brother.
Let's rock!
[Female announcer] On this episode of Cribs ,
we're hopping on the tour bus with NBA All Star Dennis Rodman.
You can talk about all the guys that's legendary
around the world, guess what?
But there ain't no baller like this, mother[bleep].
Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rod-man!
Here we go, yes!
[horn honks twice]
[Announcer] But first, stand-up comedian Whitney Cummings
cancels herself when she takes a tour over the edge.
I like my bowls like I like my condoms--
with a hole in it.
Within them.
You get my drift.
♪ Yeah ♪
[theme music]
♪ Tie me up like I'm surprised ♪
♪ Let's role play, I wear a disguise ♪
♪ I want you to park that big Mack truck ♪
♪ Right in this little garage, honey ♪
♪ Make it cream, make me scream ♪
♪ Out in public, make a scene ♪
♪ I don't cook, I don't clean ♪
♪ But let me tell you, I got this ring ♪
What are you...
You guys are early.
This is MTV Cribs, right?
[sighs]
We can start, it's fine.
I just need to clean up.
This place is a mess.
♪ I said certified freak ♪
♪ Seven days a week ♪
All right, we'll just fix it in post.
Okay, I'll be right out.
♪ Yeah, you dealin' with some ♪
Jesus, I didn't realize you were gonna be here so fast.
Um, I-- Welcome to my crib, MTV.
♪ Yeah, I'm a freak, handcuffs, leashes ♪
♪ Switch my wig, make 'em feel like he cheatin' ♪
♪ Put him on his knees, give him something to believe in ♪
♪ Never lost a fight, but I'm looking for -- ♪
♪ In the food chain, I'm the one that -- ♪
♪ He's a bottom feeder ♪
♪ -- stand for big demeanor ♪
♪ I have to make you -- before I ever meet ya ♪
So this is what I call Casa Haha.
This is the house that jokes built.
Now I hate myself. That was...
♪ Huh ♪
Anyway, we're working on the name of the house.
♪ I do what I want ♪
Okay, so this--whoops.
I swear I live here.
So this is the formal living room.
No one's really allowed in this room.
The only evidence that anyone's ever been in this room
is the fact that there's Christmas decorations
wrapped around these beams.
I have absolutely no recollection of hanging them.
[Santa] Ho, ho, ho!
[Whitney] I feel like if I were to get drunk enough again
to take these down, I would end up pregnant, and...
[sighs] we don't want that, okay?
When we say "MTV Cribs," we mean homes, not for babies.
[baby crying]
This is my IUD.
When I'm done with them, I just hang them in the house.
♪ Do that thing, do that thing ♪
This is my--more like cozy living room area
that I actually let people sit on and get near.
My designer, Jake Arnold, knows how obsessed with dogs I am.
This is, like, dog Tinder.
Swipe right, swipe right.
How cute!
♪ Big ball synergy ♪
So here's the TV. It's hidden behind here.
I like to just, like, have the option--
[squeak]
Whoops, sorry, that was my knee.
I don't know how to explain these pots.
It is where I hide my weed.
They serve a purpose.
And I like my bowls like I like my condoms.
With a hole in it.
Within 'em.
You get my drift.
♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah-nah, nah ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
This is my kitchen.
I literally--I'm not gonna pretend I cook.
I don't cook.
I literally told them I want
the prettiest countertop of all time.
There will be no damage done to it.
How gorgeous is this?
Don't you just wanna have coitus with this...
♪ Consequences, but I-- ♪
What is it? Quartzite? I don't even care.
I love it so much. It makes me so happy.
I collect horse tumblers.
And this is my Jojo Siwa moment.
I saw one of Jojo Siwa's Cribs , and guess what?
I almost got a--had a seizure.
There are over 155,000 rhinestones
on this piano.
This is the opposite of Jojo Siwa's house.
But when we go upstairs, don't you worry.
I'll give you a migraine.
This is my fridge.
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
It's all, like, dips and, like, pickles.
You know, just my sex toys.
[wolf whistle]
[Whitney] I actually am obsessed with jams.
In a jam?
[chuckles] Get it?
Beauty items.
This is, you know, for your-- [record screech]
Oh, that's not for my face. That's for...
You know what that's for.
I don't even know what's happening in this freezer.
I couldn't even tell you.
Oh, what every normal person has in their fridge--
cookies of them!
So this is the pantry.
She'll have to walk you through it because--
All right.
Now, you're probably wondering
what are cosmetics doing in a pantry.
Well, you're at Whitney Cummings' house,
so this is what happens.
[Whitney] I'm really into these gloves.
And I have a scarcity complex.
Like, I just worry if I get obsessed with this--
and this is the best way to clean your butt, by the way.
-I'm telling you-- -Wait, that's for your butthole?
Yes, you youngins on MTV, you don't understand.
This is the best way to clean all your crevices.
-Yes, it's these. -That's deeply exfoliating.
Do you need to exfoliate your asshole now?
Yeah, that's my brand-- deeply exfoliating.
♪ Go ♪
♪ I'm a maniac, I'm crazy ♪
♪ I'm on the edge ♪
♪ Go crazier ♪
[like a zombie] Hey...
♪ I'ma lose my head, oh, lose my head ♪
♪ I'm a maniac ♪
This I my library. I'm very proud of my library.
I love it here.
I want it to feel vintage 'cause I collect vintage books.
Like, I just love old books.
Remember, like, libraries? I don't, but...
they seemed cool in movies.
Oh, anatomical studies for physicians and surgeons.
Like, how creepy to, like, go through here
and, like, see how little they knew about anatomy.
Like, vagina, urethra, femur...
No clitoris!
Nope.
That still has barely been discovered.
Yeah, none of these say "cli-TOR-is."
Is it "CLI-tor-is" or "cli-TOR-is"?
[crickets chirping]
Nobody knows.
No one's ever said it aloud or admitted it exists.
♪ If you don't wanna see me ♪
I have been thinking about this moment my entire life.
The moment where on my episode of Cribs ,
I bring you into the bedroom
and say what everyone before me that has done Cribs says,
which is...
♪ Don't show up, don't come out ♪
♪ Don't start caring 'bout me now ♪
So this is the bench where my lovers perch
whilst waiting for me to decide if I'm gonna select them or not.
This is my master bedroom.
Are we allowed to say that?
[record screech]
There's no way we're allowed to say that!
Can someone Google if we can say that?
Oh, man!
The main-- The primary bedroom.
♪ I love you, baby, but you've got to be cool ♪
[Whitney] This is my bed.
This is where I have my night terrors,
right here in this bed.
These curtains, I have dreamed about this my entire life.
I wake up in the morning.
Before I pick up my phone, before I do anything,
boom, open these curtains.
Maybe this is where the magic does happen.
Voila !
♪ Give it to me ♪
This is the beautiful mountain
that I get to wake up to every morning.
And, you know, some people choose to look at this
and see the sight of all the Ted Bundy murders.
I choose not to see that.
I see a beautiful vista where
no murders of any women ever happened.
Can someone get Will Smith to slap me in the face so I stop...
ruining my career? [laughs]
[Announcer] Coming up, we let it all hang out
as we continue our tour with
stand-up comedian Whitney Cummings.
People come. They try to rock climb.
It's actually really hard.
You're supposed to start down here.
I feel like I'm gonna pop one of my best implants if I do this.
[upbeat music]
Oh, hey there.
This is my closet.
♪ He's on fire, ow! ♪
I really wanted to make sure everything was, like, hidden
so I didn't have to deal with my demons.
These are my fancy T-shirts.
This mostly means, like, band T-shirts.
Ah, this is, ah, what I'm gonna wear on my wedding day.
Yeah, now what, Jojo Siwa?
You don't think I'd know how to bedazzle stuff?
We all know how to bedazzle stuff.
We just don't cover our house in crystals,
because some of us get migraines!
We can do one sparkly shirt a year.
♪ I feel so untouched ♪
♪ And I want you so much ♪
This is my bathroom.
Here's the bathtub I used once and flooded it.
It is very small.
It really only washes your butt.
You can baby wipe the rest.
This is my sauna.
And I actually go in here every night
and stretch and do my Kegels.
Good for your health, too.
♪ Listen, ladies, we don't need no introduction ♪
♪ Who run the world? Girls! ♪
♪ We ain't frontin' ♪
Voila.
This is the Good for You podcast studio.
I do cuss a little.
-Do you? -Also, yeah.
What's your favorite curse word?
Probably [bleep].
[laughter]
This is Grace.
This is Emily.
We thought you were here this whole time.
This is my robot Bearclaw.
[Bearclaw] Can someone at least brush my [bleep] hair
and get this stupid horse off my head?
She makes me looks like trash because she's jealous.
Who's on the poster, bitch?
She's on the poster.
-She is. -She is.
Nope, that's me, I think. I'm 90 percent sure that's me.
-It's uncanny. -Yeah.
♪ Do it how you like it ♪
♪ D-D-Do it how you like it ♪
[sighs]
You found my favorite room in the house.
I am so obsessed with horses that I said,
can I have my guest room that's just horses?
And this is my actual horse on a quilt.
And this is a chair that's a horse.
This is one of my favorite little pieces of art,
where a horse is eating a girl, and it says,
"He loved her too much."
[powering down sound]
And if you come in the bathroom, it gets even more psychotic.
I have horse--horse fixtures.
We don't mess around.
[horse neighs]
Okay, now it's time for me to show Jojo Siwa
that I have shiny [bleep] in here too!
♪ I'm so caught up ♪
♪ I'm losing control ♪
♪ This girl's got a hold on me ♪
This is my podcast studio offices.
This, to me, I feel like is, like, the Cribs fridge.
This fridge is always this insane.
We've got all the weird-ass, like, Martian Poop soda.
We have, like, apple pie soda.
Look, I'm white trash--
and I'm allowed to say that about myself.
♪ Go on and take it off, take it off ♪
♪ You gotta shake it off, baby, for me ♪
Welcome to the wonder emporium.
It is my costume closet of insanity.
When I do standup, I wear sparkly boots.
All my crazy clothes.
I collect vintage clothes.
This really was the thing that brought me into this room.
[Whitney] That is a muumuu with my actual horse on it.
I just knew at that moment she truly needed my help.
[laughs]
♪ Now watch me run this ♪
♪ Look at how I run this ♪
This is my outdoor area.
Oh.
These are my dogs.
This is, like, the outdoor screening area,
which I do know how to turn on.
I'm just gonna let Grace do it.
She won't tell me where the button is.
Job security.
♪ Jump in the water ♪
This is, like, the pool area. It's kind of cool because, like,
since we're so deep in the wilderness,
sometimes I'll come out here at, like, 5 or 6 o'clock
and there'll be, like, a bobcat drinking out of the pool.
There'll be birds.
Sometimes I come out, there's deer here.
Lots of wild animals use this as their watering hole.
I mean, it doesn't feel sanitary,
and I probably have to take antibiotics.
♪ Bend me over ♪
♪ I can do gymnastics ♪
This is gonna be, like, grass and stuff,
but for now leads up to a rock climbing wall.
I'm dating someone who's very into rock climbing.
2,000 rocks in my backyard.
Not on either of my hands.
I'm fine.
It's actually really hard.
You're supposed to start down here.
I feel like I'm gonna pop one of my breast implants if I do this.
I can underhand this?
[Whitney] I can underhand this?
I'm sorry, I don't have my whole life of forearm muscles
from jerking off all day like rock climbing nerds.
[growls]
♪ Come pick up some ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Like the boys, like the boys ♪
♪ Come pick up some ♪
♪ I'm so confident ♪
Thank you so much, MTV Cribs, for visiting my crib.
Um, yes, I know what you're thinking.
Big house, one woman, no children or family!
Exactly how I like it.
I love you guys. Thanks for coming by.
But please leave now. Thank you so much.
I need to fart.
♪ I'm so confident ♪
[Announcer] Coming up, Dennis "The Worm" Rodman,
NBA's most iconic player,
gives us courtside seats to his rolling RV crib.
[Dennis] Who has a bus with a ghetto box?
I've got a boom box, you guys!
Come on.
♪ Boom, boom ♪
♪ Wow, wow ♪
♪ Boom, boom ♪
[clicks tongue]
[unintelligible] Who does this!?
♪ Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch ♪
♪ I lost my mind ♪
♪ It's somewhere out there, stranded ♪
♪ I think you stand under me if you don't understand me ♪
♪ Had my heart broken by this woman named Tammy ♪
♪ But -- gon' be -- ♪
♪ So I couldn't blame Tammy ♪
Goddamn!
Are we in Fort Lauderdale?
-[Man] Yes. -Oh my god!
We're rockin' it, right guys?
Guess what? We on tour right now, guys,
for the next month and a half.
But guess what, dude? They gon' check out my crib
on my bus of love, brother. Let's walk!
♪ You know I'ma ball 'til they turn off the field lights ♪
♪ The fruits of my labor ♪
♪ I enjoy 'em while they still ripe ♪
♪ Stop playing, I do it like a king do ♪
♪ You don't know the half of it ♪
♪ Young Money, Cash Money ♪
There's nobody in the world--
you can talk about Tom Brady,
you can talk about all the guys that's legendary
around the world. Guess what?
But there ain't no baller like this, mother[bleep].
Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rod-man.
I'ma go in here, open my bus, guys.
You can check my crib out.
Once I roll, it rolls.
♪ This is the way we roll, we roll ♪
♪ Everybody goin' crazy ♪
Wow, guys!
Really?
It's like The Price Is Right. [buzzer]
Which door do you wanna open?
I'm sayin' this is right here, guys.
Come on, guys! Here we go.
[applause]
Hey, man.
God, ain't that amazing? I came a long way.
And my good friend here Stacy, guys.
Meet this girl right here, man. Meet her, man.
-She's, well, wow. -Hi, guys.
I'm already good, man. This is girl here, Stacy,
she's a little...
So we come here and lounge and stuff like that.
So I usually sit right here.
I might sit over there.
This right-- This picture here, this--
My daughter's right here.
And it's amazing, that kid right there.
My son's right here.
Yes, he's at Washington State, trying to play basketball
and make an image for himself.
Now, this is my cigars.
♪ Whoa, killed it ♪
I smoke almost every day, pretty much.
And this is my lighter.
Don't even try to move.
Can you believe I carry a flip phone?
Seriously? I mean, look at this damn thing.
It actually [bleep] works.
I mean, look at this, man.
It does something.
Look at that [bleep] light up!
♪ I switch phone numbers like clothes ♪
This is where we, uh, break bread, here.
It's called breakfast.
So over here... You know what?
I have no clue what the [bleep] in these goddamn cupboards.
Oh my god, Jesus lord.
We got bananas. We got oranges.
We got all the nourishment of love, yes!
♪ Dontcha know? ♪
[Dennis] And we got, uh--what do you call it?
Not banana, uh...
-[Stacy] Coconut water. -[Dennis] Coconut water, yeah.
-[Stacy] Orange juice. -[Dennis] Orange juice.
-He loves his Caesar salads. -[Dennis] I sure do, yes.
And, uh, let's move on.
♪ I'm the boss ♪
Can we show you the best part on the bus?
This is her baby, guys.
Oh my god, look at that, look at that.
Mya Star Rodman.
There you go.
You like me?
[buzzer]
This [bleep] dog. [laughs]
[Stacy] She's smiling.
[dog whimpering]
What you doin' guys?
The most important thing about a tour bus,
you gotta have something that's gonna refresh you
and--and lighten you a little bit
that'll keep you always focused.
Let's check out the bathroom.
[angelic voices]
Every time I take a piss,
reminds me how much I worked in the NBA.
I see my picture. I'll say...huh.
This is where I got all the white towels.
Versace. [ka-ching]
♪ I was up late night ballin' ♪
♪ Piling up the hundids by the thousand ♪
This is where my friends come and decompress.
There's four.
We have one here, one here, one here, one here.
We have another room over here, man.
This is the--the-- You just got to see it, man.
You just got to see it, come on.
♪ Keep all the cars and the money and the fame ♪
♪ That don't help me sleep at night ♪
This is not even a stage, guys.
This is more like if I'm tired,
we on a long road trip or something like that,
this is the last comfortable bed.
We got a queen size bed here.
The way I sleep, man, is really, really weird.
So I come here.
I just say, hey...
And I just actually do stuff like this.
[laughs]
And I just fall asleep like this, man.
Give me four or five hours, I'm good to go.
[snores]
Now look over here.
Let's see what's in here. Seriously.
Oh, [bleep]. We got more doors?
I ain't never been in here.
Oh, that's the bathroom.
There's a beautiful bathroom, guys.
You want to check it out?
♪ Let's go, let's go ♪
♪ Pump it up to the next, let's go ♪
This is where I shower, and man, sometimes man,
I--I want to be alone and get my emotions together
and stuff like that.
So, it's big enough for me to be in here.
It's big enough that I can squat down.
So if you come in here like this, you can see
that it's really almost as small as me.
♪ Yeah, I got game, game ♪
Oh, I know this.
This is the jacket I got at the 75th anniversary.
I tried to get everybody to sign it
to raise money for the homeless.
It's a fact that is says give back.
Hey guys, remember this jacket right here?
I got this jacket because I worked my ass off for this.
One of the top 75 players
to have ever played a game of basketball.
This is a great achievement for any NBA man.
♪ Hey, ho ♪
[Dennis] Who has a bus with a ghetto box?
I got a boom box, guys, come on!
I got a damn boom box!
How do you do this [bleep]?
♪ Boom, boom ♪
♪ Wow, wow ♪
♪ Boom, boom ♪
[clicks tongue]
[unintelligible]
Who does this?
We got the lovely treatments of love in this bus.
Let's go outside and check out the trailer.
You guys ready? I'm always ready.
♪ Ah, put it on like this ♪
♪ We get along like this ♪
[Dennis] Wow.
So look at this [bleep] right here, man.
I got this, that, that, that, that.
This [bleep] called money, right?
[ka-ching]
♪ Hey, do dirty work like Robin ♪
♪ Fendi flip-flops, I'm stylin' ♪
♪ I'mma come clean 'cause dirt do me filthy ♪
♪ Only got stronger 'cause it ain't kill me ♪
Thank you, MTV Cribs !
Guess what, though?
The next time you're seeing me,
I'll be livin' just like Donald Trump.
Thank you.
[cheering]
-You're nothing like him. -Oh, man!
[dog barks]
Iman Shumpert reminds us why a happy wife is a happy life.
We strive to have two separate sinks.
But man, both sinks end up becoming my wife's sinks.
But it works.
Happy wife, happy life.
[Announcer] Then, we get meta...physical
with MTV royalty Heidi and Spencer
at their crystalized Palisades crib.
[Heidi] This is a white elephant for healing.
This is a big Xanax of crystals right here.
Whoo, feels good.
[Announcer] And then, dog's best friend Cesar Milan
shows us around his animal kingdom.
This guy is, without a doubt,
the most elegant, handsome of the whole crowd.
Let's say hi to MTV.
Look at that guy.
[hums]