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NARRATOR: So, you're
finally settling down.

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00:00:20,773 --> 00:00:22,780
You've saved up
a little nest egg

3
00:00:22,853 --> 00:00:26,333
and are ready to dive into
the real estate market.

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00:00:26,404 --> 00:00:28,706
Let's do a little
shopping around.

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00:00:28,773 --> 00:00:30,115
The American dream home.

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00:00:30,181 --> 00:00:31,708
Two bedrooms, two bathrooms,

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00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:35,196
one doghouse, one garage,
two garbage cans.

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It's cozy, safe,

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00:00:36,772 --> 00:00:39,772
and just barely within
your overstretched budget.

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Not for you?

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For the same price,
you can buy 200,000 acres

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00:00:44,452 --> 00:00:46,624
of prime Sahara wasteland.

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Put up a cottage.
Nothing but you and the sky.

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It's like a beach
without the ocean.

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And talk about quiet neighbors.

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Too remote?
Oh, I understand.

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You need the thrill
and excitement of the big city.

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With that same nest egg,

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you can get a slice
of prime real estate.

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Not this real estate.

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Cozy and affordable,

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this lovely fixer-upper
is the perfect place

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for a dynamic couple like you.

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No need to putter around
the house.

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It's all right there
where you stand.

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What's the matter?
Feeling a little cramped?

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Well, just a stone's
throw away,

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just one bridge
or a tunnel ride,

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just outside the big,
bustling city,

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there is a place
with wide-open spaces,

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friendly natives,
and spacious dwellings.

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And it's all within
your price range.

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It's almost
too good to be true.

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KENNETH:
When I told you

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I had a particular building
in mind for you,

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this is the one
I was talking about.

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It's a historical home
on one of the best blocks

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in all of Brooklyn.

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- Remember what we talked about.
- I know. Poker face.

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Built-ins, built-ins.

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Oh, the kitchen's
a little small.

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Well, rip out this
awful room divider,

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and you've got
an eat-in kitchen.

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And over here
you have your library.

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Wow.

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For your books.

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Oh, you like books?

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I have a little collection
of first-edition novels.

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Alex is a writer.

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The parlor.

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Oh, my God.

52
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So, this staircase.
This leads to where?

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I thought you realized.
This is a duplex.

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As in two floors
for the price of one?

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I believe it's right there
in the listing sheet.

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So, why was it sealed off?

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Were there, like, a slew of
murders up there or something?

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00:03:02,084 --> 00:03:05,401
No, there's just a sweet, little
old lady that lives upstairs.

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A tenant?

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00:03:07,301 --> 00:03:07,966
Mm-hmm.

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00:03:08,036 --> 00:03:10,719
So, rent control means
we can't kick her out, right?

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Alex!

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That's a legitimate question.
You cannot evict her.

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She has to decide to leave
or, God forbid...

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Poor thing hasn't been
feeling well lately.

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She's gotta be close
to 100 years old.

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Mrs. Connelly?

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It may take her a while.
She's hard of hearing.

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Mrs. Connelly?

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[Footsteps]

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[Door unlocks]

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[Latch squeaks, slides]

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Kenneth.
[Coughs]

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There's my favorite girl.

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How you feeling today,
Mrs. Connelly?

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I don't feel too good, Kenneth.

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Oh, I'm sorry to hear that,
Mrs. Connelly.

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I brought by a young couple that
may want to buy the apartment.

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- Hi.
- Hi, Mrs. Connelly.

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I'm Nancy Kendricks.

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This is my husband, Alex Rose.

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Hello.

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We were wondering
if we could look around.

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[Coughs]
I don't feel up to it.

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I'm sorry, dear.

86
00:04:09,573 --> 00:04:11,264
Nice seeing you again, Kenneth.

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[Coughing and hacking]

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You have a Mommy-and-Me
park over here.

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You got shopping that way.

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No traffic.
It is ideal.

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Here's my card
if you want to make an offer.

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There's a lot of heat
on this place.

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I'd say it'll be
off the market by Monday.

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Adios.

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Three fireplaces?

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Guys, the place sounds
incredible.

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And surprisingly affordable.

98
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It's kind of affordable.

99
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It's really at the high end
of our price range.

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But when you factor in
that it's a duplex.

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It's a duplex?

102
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Yes.

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Oh.

104
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You know, it's Brooklyn,
first of all.

105
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We weren't even thinking
about Brooklyn, so...

106
00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:08,258
Oh, actually, which reminds me.
Did you bring it?

107
00:05:08,325 --> 00:05:09,088
Oh, yeah.

108
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Is this the latest in
the Don Piper mystery series?

109
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Fresh off the presses.

110
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I inscribed this copy
to you guys.

111
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- Oh!
- NANC Y: Coop, thank you.

112
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I am sure it's not
gonna be as brilliant

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as your new book, but a couple
decent metaphors in there.

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Turn of phrase.

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We forgot to tell them
the big news.

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Oh, God.
Yes.

117
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What is it?

118
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Go ahead.

119
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We're pregnant.

120
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Wow!

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Congratulations.

122
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Congratulations, man.

123
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I'm so happy for you!

124
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You guys must have
just found out.

125
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No. Unh-unh.
I'm four months along. Yeah.

126
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- Four months?
- Mm-hmm.

127
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- Oop!
- Oh, honey.

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Stop.

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Hello!

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I mean, we're not
gonna want to live here

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once we start having babies.

132
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And that upstairs would make
the cutest playroom.

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Well, I don't want Mrs. Connelly
coughing on my baby.

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You know what I mean.

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Besides, do you realize how much
the duplex is gonna be worth

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once we get both floors?

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I know how much it costs.

138
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It's gonna be worth
a bazillion times that.

139
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Really? A bazillion?
That's an incredible return.

140
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Come on, Alex, what better way
to finish your novel

141
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than in your own 19th-century
oak writer's nook?

142
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It would be nice
not to write at Starbucks

143
00:06:28,709 --> 00:06:30,235
with the other novelists.

144
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Because you deserve
your own nook.

145
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That's my train.

146
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All right.
Let's do it.

147
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Really?

148
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- Yeah.
- Aah!

149
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Oh, this is so wonderful.
We're gonna have a home.

150
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,267
Yeah. All right.
I love you.

151
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:47,289
I love you!

152
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I could have sworn
we had more stuff.

153
00:07:09,956 --> 00:07:11,581
It's gonna look great.

154
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Mrs. Connelly, it's
Nancy Kendricks and Alex Rose,

155
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from downstairs.

156
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Let me look at you.

157
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Oh!

158
00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:26,754
Hi.

159
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,887
We just wanted to come up
and say hi.

160
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Oh, what a nice surprise.

161
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Come in.
Come in.

162
00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,742
Thank you.

163
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Wow.

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What an amazing apartment!

165
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Oh, thank you, dear.
Sit down.

166
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We brought you this
little housewarming gift.

167
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That's very kind of you.
Thank you.

168
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I'll open it for you.
I don't drink, myself.

169
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It's a sin.

170
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Irish Catholics don't drink?

171
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[Traditional Irish music
plays]

172
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What are you doing?

173
00:08:05,924 --> 00:08:09,787
Oh, I'm just taking a few
little pictures for research.

174
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CONNELLY: If I knew you
were coming, I'd have tidied up.

175
00:08:19,652 --> 00:08:20,580
Hey, Nancy.

176
00:08:20,644 --> 00:08:21,592
Yeah?

177
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,905
Blow me down!

178
00:08:24,868 --> 00:08:26,657
- Oh!
- What did you say?

179
00:08:26,724 --> 00:08:29,058
- Are you all right?
- Yeah. Oh, God!

180
00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:33,248
I'm coming, slowly but surely.

181
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:37,919
- I'll just turn off this music.
- Alex! Alex!

182
00:08:37,988 --> 00:08:39,679
[Music stops]

183
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Sit down, dears.
Sit down.

184
00:08:43,908 --> 00:08:44,475
[Squawks]

185
00:08:44,548 --> 00:08:47,897
I've brought you a little
something to nibble on as well.

186
00:08:47,973 --> 00:08:50,875
Oh, Bugles.
Wow.

187
00:08:50,949 --> 00:08:53,501
I didn't realize
they even still made Bugles.

188
00:08:55,204 --> 00:08:57,026
Here you go.

189
00:09:00,324 --> 00:09:02,746
That's a magnificent parrot.

190
00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:06,366
It's not a parrot, dear.
He's a macaw.

191
00:09:06,436 --> 00:09:10,233
He's named after
my late husband, Richard.

192
00:09:11,236 --> 00:09:15,164
I've had Little Dick
for 40 years.

193
00:09:16,804 --> 00:09:18,659
Come along, dear.
Don't be shy.

194
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:19,869
It's French onion.

195
00:09:19,940 --> 00:09:20,736
Oh.

196
00:09:22,148 --> 00:09:24,057
[Squawks]

197
00:09:30,628 --> 00:09:33,443
Mrs. Connelly,
how are you feeling?

198
00:09:33,508 --> 00:09:34,882
Why do you ask, dear?

199
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:38,909
Well, because the last time
we saw you, you were quite ill.

200
00:09:38,980 --> 00:09:43,836
Oh, I had a bit of a cold,
but I'm in fine fettle now.

201
00:09:43,909 --> 00:09:45,949
Tell me about yourselves.

202
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,573
What do you do, Alan?

203
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:49,276
Alex.

204
00:09:49,348 --> 00:09:51,258
Alex is a writer.

205
00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:53,536
Oh, a writer.
Hmm.

206
00:09:53,605 --> 00:09:57,728
I always thought of that as
more of a hobby than a real job.

207
00:09:57,796 --> 00:10:00,928
I suppose I'm forgetting
about Joyce.

208
00:10:00,996 --> 00:10:02,752
Joyce. James Joyce.
Of course.

209
00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:03,768
Wonderful writer.

210
00:10:03,844 --> 00:10:06,528
He died drunk and penniless.

211
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:12,443
Well, Alex's first novel
was published in hardback,

212
00:10:12,516 --> 00:10:14,556
and he's about
to finish his second one.

213
00:10:14,629 --> 00:10:16,538
Oh, what's it about?

214
00:10:16,612 --> 00:10:20,474
Well, I like to call it
an urban epic.

215
00:10:20,548 --> 00:10:22,370
It's about three generations
of this family

216
00:10:22,436 --> 00:10:24,956
that own a printing press,
and I tell a story.

217
00:10:25,028 --> 00:10:29,763
That's nice.
Let me give you a refill.

218
00:10:29,828 --> 00:10:33,244
Big Dick had the taste, too.

219
00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:35,520
He was a seaman.

220
00:10:35,588 --> 00:10:40,607
The drink took him
from me in 1963.

221
00:10:40,676 --> 00:10:44,702
We'd been married for 58 years.

222
00:10:46,372 --> 00:10:48,160
'63.

223
00:10:48,229 --> 00:10:51,098
So, when are you two
planning on having children?

224
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,154
Soon.

225
00:10:52,228 --> 00:10:54,137
Yeah, not for a couple of years.

226
00:10:54,212 --> 00:10:57,311
You sound just like
Mr. Connelly.

227
00:10:57,380 --> 00:11:00,031
We never had any children.

228
00:11:00,101 --> 00:11:02,010
It's too late for me now.

229
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:03,458
[Clock chimes]

230
00:11:03,524 --> 00:11:05,597
Oh, look at the time.

231
00:11:05,668 --> 00:11:08,602
I had no idea it was so late.

232
00:11:08,676 --> 00:11:09,440
Oh.

233
00:11:09,508 --> 00:11:11,330
The time's rolled on.

234
00:11:11,396 --> 00:11:13,982
We haven't had a chance
to see the apartment.

235
00:11:14,052 --> 00:11:16,256
Oh, dear, I'm afraid
there's no time now.

236
00:11:16,324 --> 00:11:17,436
Really?

237
00:11:17,508 --> 00:11:19,199
We must say good night.

238
00:11:19,268 --> 00:11:21,570
Oh, okay.

239
00:11:21,636 --> 00:11:24,287
[Farting sound]

240
00:11:25,348 --> 00:11:26,242
Oh.

241
00:11:26,308 --> 00:11:27,202
Uh-oh.

242
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:31,770
Oh, no. That was your...
I think it's your couch.

243
00:11:31,844 --> 00:11:33,851
- I think the chair...
- Alex.

244
00:11:33,924 --> 00:11:35,779
That was a little...

245
00:11:35,844 --> 00:11:38,080
Come along, dears.
Come along.

246
00:11:38,149 --> 00:11:38,977
How could you?

247
00:11:39,716 --> 00:11:43,578
"A macaw. Any long-tailed,
brightly colored parrot."

248
00:11:43,652 --> 00:11:46,041
A macaw is a parrot.
I knew it.

249
00:11:46,116 --> 00:11:48,571
Don't you think that
as landlords,

250
00:11:48,644 --> 00:11:50,051
we have some legal right

251
00:11:50,116 --> 00:11:52,702
to see the back of her apartment
if we want to?

252
00:11:52,772 --> 00:11:54,911
I mean, I'll look it up
on the Internet.

253
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:55,994
That's what I'll do.

254
00:11:56,068 --> 00:11:57,213
I wonder how old she is.

255
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:05,348
Oh, my guess is that she's
somewhere between 95 and 105.

256
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:10,270
- She looked pretty good tonight.
- Yeah, she did.

257
00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:14,435
She looked kind of healthy.

258
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,704
Yeah.

259
00:12:16,772 --> 00:12:17,884
That's nice.

260
00:12:17,956 --> 00:12:19,298
Yeah.

261
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:24,569
Hi.

262
00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:32,386
Hello, Mr. Peabody.

263
00:12:33,572 --> 00:12:35,907
[Television blaring]

264
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,761
WOMAN ON TELEVISION:
I saw myself in the mirror,

265
00:12:37,828 --> 00:12:40,478
and I thought it was
my mother's tush.

266
00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:42,937
[Theme from "Hawaii Five-O"
plays]

267
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:49,376
Mrs. Connelly?

268
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:52,672
Mrs. Connelly?

269
00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:55,161
CONNELLY:
Oh, yes?

270
00:12:55,236 --> 00:12:56,513
Who is it?

271
00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:57,790
Hi, it's Alex.

272
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,446
I was wondering if you
could turn down your TV,

273
00:13:00,516 --> 00:13:02,621
'cause we can hear it.

274
00:13:02,692 --> 00:13:06,434
Oh, I fell asleep.
I'm sorry.

275
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,442
- That's okay.
- I'll do that.

276
00:13:08,516 --> 00:13:10,239
Okay.
Thank you.

277
00:13:16,452 --> 00:13:18,307
CARTMAN: No, Starvin' Marvin,
that's my potpie.

278
00:13:18,372 --> 00:13:19,452
STAN:
Cartman, you butt-pipe.

279
00:13:19,524 --> 00:13:21,346
This is the time of year
to share.

280
00:13:21,412 --> 00:13:22,689
Oh, yeah, you're right.

281
00:13:22,756 --> 00:13:24,512
Are you going to eat
your peach cobbler?

282
00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:28,192
No, you don't want all that.
Why don't you share it with me?

283
00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:29,918
MAN: Everybody's
asking me about fiber.

284
00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:31,297
MAN:
In the next few minutes,

285
00:13:31,364 --> 00:13:34,048
you're going to learn about
an amazing...

286
00:13:34,116 --> 00:13:37,280
[Woody Woodpecker laughing]

287
00:13:37,348 --> 00:13:39,453
WOMAN:
If I want a slimmer waist.

288
00:13:39,524 --> 00:13:42,109
MAN: Use it on carpets. OxiClean
seeks out organic stains.

289
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:44,285
MAN:
There's no more bald jokes.

290
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,705
[Ringing]

291
00:14:02,403 --> 00:14:04,411
I gotta go. Have a good day.
See you later.

292
00:14:04,484 --> 00:14:05,629
And finish that chapter!

293
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:06,944
I will.

294
00:14:16,803 --> 00:14:18,713
[Buzzer sounds repeatedly]

295
00:14:23,108 --> 00:14:25,563
- Good morning, Alex.
- Good morning, Mrs. Connelly.

296
00:14:25,636 --> 00:14:27,197
I wanted to give you this back.

297
00:14:27,268 --> 00:14:29,853
I won't drink it,
and I thought you might want it.

298
00:14:29,924 --> 00:14:32,891
Oh, thank you.
That's nice of you.

299
00:14:32,964 --> 00:14:36,063
All right, if there's anything
I can do for you, let me know.

300
00:14:39,524 --> 00:14:40,931
[Buzzer sounds]

301
00:14:43,588 --> 00:14:46,238
There is one thing.

302
00:14:47,236 --> 00:14:49,472
Yeah, I'm sorry,
I don't hear anything.

303
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,515
It was very distinctive.

304
00:14:51,588 --> 00:14:55,843
The pipes went
bang-bang-bangity-bang-bang.

305
00:14:55,908 --> 00:14:58,559
Bang! Bang!

306
00:14:59,428 --> 00:15:01,500
Well, they're not
doing that anymore,

307
00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:03,993
or it stopped,
so, I'll tell you what, though.

308
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:07,035
If you hear it again,
come get me. I'll take a listen.

309
00:15:07,108 --> 00:15:08,995
Oh, all right then.
It's a deal.

310
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:11,231
Ooh, Alan, dear boy, I wonder...

311
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,155
- Alex.
- Pardon?

312
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,682
Alex.
My name's Alex.

313
00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:16,130
I know.

314
00:15:16,196 --> 00:15:17,919
No, I think you said "Alan."

315
00:15:17,988 --> 00:15:20,127
Oh, no, I don't think so.

316
00:15:20,196 --> 00:15:22,946
I don't forget names.

317
00:15:23,012 --> 00:15:25,346
Could you give me a hand
with the garbage?

318
00:15:25,412 --> 00:15:27,965
We don't want to be
feeding the mice.

319
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:52,287
What in heaven's name
are you doing with me drawers?

320
00:15:53,348 --> 00:15:56,479
Now, I would move
the pull quote just a teeny bit

321
00:15:56,547 --> 00:15:59,133
so that you'll have room
to squeeze in the text.

322
00:15:59,204 --> 00:16:01,091
You're such
a good squeezer, Nancy.

323
00:16:01,156 --> 00:16:02,749
That's because, until yesterday,

324
00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:05,405
I lived in an apartment
the size of a small child.

325
00:16:05,476 --> 00:16:08,127
But look at the new place.

326
00:16:08,196 --> 00:16:09,440
Oh, my God!

327
00:16:09,508 --> 00:16:10,969
- Isn't it gorgeous?
- Yes.

328
00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:13,858
There's, like,
this living room/parlor area.

329
00:16:13,923 --> 00:16:16,290
Nancy, did you finish
the "Celebrity Scene" page?

330
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:17,665
Oh, tickety-boo.

331
00:16:17,732 --> 00:16:19,041
I don't know what that means.

332
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:20,253
It means you'll have it soon.

333
00:16:20,324 --> 00:16:22,233
Well, if you mean
I'll have it soon,

334
00:16:22,308 --> 00:16:24,283
why don't you say
I'll have it soon?

335
00:16:24,356 --> 00:16:28,033
"Tickety-boo"
is just confusing for everybody.

336
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:32,574
Oh, Mr. Peabody.
How did that get in there?

337
00:16:32,644 --> 00:16:34,138
Ohh.

338
00:16:40,516 --> 00:16:42,338
Alex?

339
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:44,897
[Door closes]

340
00:16:44,964 --> 00:16:46,076
Alex?

341
00:16:46,148 --> 00:16:47,642
ALEX:
Hey.

342
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,407
Hi!

343
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,061
Hi.
How was work?

344
00:16:52,131 --> 00:16:55,066
Oh, Herman's freaking out,
as usual.

345
00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:57,116
Were you napping?

346
00:16:57,188 --> 00:17:01,116
No, I was just rearranging
my book collection.

347
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,075
In the dark?

348
00:17:03,139 --> 00:17:05,114
And then I closed my eyes
for a second.

349
00:17:05,188 --> 00:17:07,741
Just to think, and, you know.
Is this dinner?

350
00:17:07,812 --> 00:17:10,463
Mm-hmm.
So, how was your nook?

351
00:17:10,532 --> 00:17:13,499
Did you get, like, five
or six million pages written?

352
00:17:13,572 --> 00:17:15,993
More like five or six words.

353
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:19,265
Our upstairs neighbor had me
doing chores for her all day.

354
00:17:19,332 --> 00:17:20,160
Really?

355
00:17:20,228 --> 00:17:21,689
Yeah.

356
00:17:21,764 --> 00:17:23,903
Well, you just gotta set
some boundaries.

357
00:17:23,972 --> 00:17:26,786
Just tell her you're working.
She'll understand.

358
00:17:26,852 --> 00:17:27,931
What is that?

359
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:30,753
Oh, I picked up a few things
on the way home.

360
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:32,249
It's an area rug.

361
00:17:32,324 --> 00:17:34,047
- Do you love it?
- Yes. How much was it?

362
00:17:34,115 --> 00:17:36,003
It doesn't seem
to cover much of an area.

363
00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:38,207
It was $200
or something like that.

364
00:17:38,276 --> 00:17:39,617
I don't really remember.

365
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:40,577
That was 200 bucks?

366
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:42,945
Yeah, but, you know,
it's a runner,

367
00:17:43,011 --> 00:17:44,637
'cause it goes in between
the two rooms

368
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:46,235
and then ties them together.

369
00:17:46,308 --> 00:17:49,690
Ooh, and look!
Look, look, look, look, look!

370
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:52,514
It's an original Pablo Flinch.

371
00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:54,271
Really? Cool.

372
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:59,162
Is it, like, a Mayan
guacamole bowl or something?

373
00:17:59,236 --> 00:18:01,821
It's a stool.

374
00:18:01,892 --> 00:18:03,518
Here.

375
00:18:03,588 --> 00:18:04,995
Try it.

376
00:18:08,036 --> 00:18:09,410
What are we, hobbits?

377
00:18:09,475 --> 00:18:11,297
[Metal clanking]

378
00:18:17,348 --> 00:18:19,650
It's a water stain!

379
00:18:19,716 --> 00:18:23,425
I told Mr. Rose the problem
with the pipes this morning.

380
00:18:23,492 --> 00:18:25,979
They were going
bang-bang-bangity-bang-bang.

381
00:18:26,051 --> 00:18:28,801
Bang. Bang.

382
00:18:28,868 --> 00:18:30,078
[Foreign accent]
Yeah, the whole bathroom

383
00:18:30,147 --> 00:18:31,805
could have explode.

384
00:18:33,316 --> 00:18:34,778
471 bucks.

385
00:18:34,851 --> 00:18:36,575
What time?

386
00:18:37,571 --> 00:18:39,611
- You were here three hours?
- Yeah.

387
00:18:39,684 --> 00:18:42,684
Sweetie, these were
original tiles.

388
00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:44,163
How could you not hear banging?

389
00:18:44,228 --> 00:18:45,570
Sweetie, I was asleep!

390
00:18:45,636 --> 00:18:48,221
Napping, and in the middle
of the afternoon.

391
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:50,015
Shameful.

392
00:18:50,884 --> 00:18:52,956
I'm not gonna pay
for unauthorized repairs.

393
00:18:53,028 --> 00:18:54,457
I did the work, my friend.

394
00:18:54,532 --> 00:18:56,354
I can rip the pipes
out of the wall.

395
00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:58,208
[Speaking foreign language]

396
00:18:58,276 --> 00:18:58,942
What?

397
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,735
[Speaking foreign language]

398
00:19:00,804 --> 00:19:02,560
I don't know what you're saying.

399
00:19:02,628 --> 00:19:03,773
Do it! Do it!

400
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,632
You do it.
You do it.

401
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,642
- NANC Y: Alex!
- What?

402
00:19:07,716 --> 00:19:09,374
Okay, forget it.
Plug it up.

403
00:19:09,444 --> 00:19:11,004
[Speaking foreign language]

404
00:19:12,356 --> 00:19:14,559
I begged Mr. Rose
to do something.

405
00:19:14,628 --> 00:19:16,450
I was terrified, Nancy.

406
00:19:16,516 --> 00:19:18,556
Okay, well, the next
time that happens,

407
00:19:18,628 --> 00:19:20,450
Mrs. Connelly,
just call me, okay?

408
00:19:20,515 --> 00:19:21,944
I gave you my business card.

409
00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:27,006
Alan, before I forget,
it's the first of the month.

410
00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:29,345
Right.

411
00:19:29,411 --> 00:19:31,386
$88.

412
00:19:32,068 --> 00:19:34,402
Do you want to count it?

413
00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:38,877
Remember, if she bothers you,
just lay down the law.

414
00:19:38,948 --> 00:19:41,915
Be firm, but nice.
Two positives, then a negative.

415
00:19:41,988 --> 00:19:43,679
- What is that?
- Psychology.

416
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:46,017
Don't wait up for me.
I got to work late.

417
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:48,385
- I love you.
- I love you.

418
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:02,621
[Buzzer sounds]

419
00:20:09,412 --> 00:20:10,721
Good morning, Alex.

420
00:20:10,788 --> 00:20:12,414
Good morning, Mrs. Connelly.

421
00:20:12,484 --> 00:20:15,550
I wondered if I could ask you
a quick question.

422
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,255
Right.
You know what?

423
00:20:20,324 --> 00:20:23,041
Can I just say this to you?

424
00:20:23,108 --> 00:20:25,148
You know I'm working
on a book, right?

425
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,424
And this book is due
in about three weeks.

426
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:31,201
And my editor is expecting it
on her desk at that time, okay?

427
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:33,177
- It's a contractual deadline.
- I see.

428
00:20:33,252 --> 00:20:35,772
So I have to be working
on that book all the time

429
00:20:35,844 --> 00:20:38,299
here in my apartment,
which is also my office.

430
00:20:38,372 --> 00:20:39,452
It's just like my office.

431
00:20:39,524 --> 00:20:41,695
If I was a lawyer,
and I went off to an office,

432
00:20:41,763 --> 00:20:44,927
you couldn't knock on my door,
'cause you wouldn't be there.

433
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:48,257
So let's just pretend
that I'm a lawyer, okay?

434
00:20:48,324 --> 00:20:49,339
This is my office,

435
00:20:49,411 --> 00:20:54,496
and unless it's a really, really
super-important emergency, okay,

436
00:20:54,563 --> 00:20:57,859
between the hours
of 9:00 and 6:00, I'm not here.

437
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,412
I'm off,
away in my office, okay?

438
00:21:00,484 --> 00:21:04,029
And then after 6:00,
I'm here, okay?

439
00:21:04,099 --> 00:21:05,790
I completely understand.

440
00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:08,064
And I apologize
for bothering you.

441
00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:10,717
Not at all. Okay,
have a good day, all right?

442
00:21:10,787 --> 00:21:12,162
It's just...

443
00:21:13,795 --> 00:21:17,472
What? What is it just?
What is it?

444
00:21:20,675 --> 00:21:24,058
I bought a copy
of your book yesterday,

445
00:21:24,132 --> 00:21:27,165
and I wondered if you'd sign it.

446
00:21:27,235 --> 00:21:29,307
Of course, if you're too busy,

447
00:21:29,379 --> 00:21:33,657
I can come back
out of business hours.

448
00:21:33,732 --> 00:21:36,699
Oh. No.
That... no.

449
00:21:37,315 --> 00:21:40,032
Oh, that's so nice.
You didn't have to buy a copy.

450
00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:43,034
- I have a million copies.
- It's money well spent.

451
00:21:43,107 --> 00:21:47,002
Just write something that I
can treasure for years to come.

452
00:21:47,076 --> 00:21:49,018
Okay.

453
00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:59,385
How about, "To my favorite
upstairs neighbor"?

454
00:21:59,460 --> 00:22:01,532
Signed "Alex Rose."

455
00:22:01,603 --> 00:22:03,970
Here you go.
And I hope you like it.

456
00:22:04,035 --> 00:22:05,180
Oh, I know I will.

457
00:22:05,251 --> 00:22:07,804
Okay. All right.
Good day.

458
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:09,664
Alex?

459
00:22:10,403 --> 00:22:11,516
Yeah?

460
00:22:12,355 --> 00:22:14,744
I know we've just had
this discussion,

461
00:22:14,820 --> 00:22:18,049
but I was wondering
if the firm of Rose & Rose

462
00:22:18,115 --> 00:22:20,930
could accompany an old lady
to the pharmacy.

463
00:22:20,995 --> 00:22:23,199
It's pissing down out there.

464
00:22:23,268 --> 00:22:26,716
And I need to renew
my monthlies.

465
00:22:26,788 --> 00:22:29,341
It won't take any time at all.

466
00:22:29,411 --> 00:22:37,278
30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36...

467
00:22:37,348 --> 00:22:39,170
How much is the Nicorette?

468
00:22:39,235 --> 00:22:41,177
$43.97.

469
00:22:43,876 --> 00:22:46,331
I lost me place.

470
00:22:46,404 --> 00:22:50,975
One, two, three...

471
00:22:51,044 --> 00:22:55,833
8, 9, 10...

472
00:22:55,908 --> 00:23:00,926
1, 2, 3...

473
00:23:00,996 --> 00:23:08,448
22, 23, 24...

474
00:23:08,515 --> 00:23:14,145
25, 26, 27, 28, 29, and 30.

475
00:23:14,211 --> 00:23:16,186
Okay, good?

476
00:23:17,411 --> 00:23:22,081
Oh, blueberries.

477
00:23:22,851 --> 00:23:26,080
1, 2, 3...

478
00:23:26,147 --> 00:23:28,057
I thought you
were gonna talk to her.

479
00:23:28,132 --> 00:23:29,244
I did, honey.
I did.

480
00:23:29,315 --> 00:23:32,282
I was very clear with her.
She's just...

481
00:23:32,355 --> 00:23:35,584
She manipulated me somehow.

482
00:23:35,651 --> 00:23:38,434
She manipulated you?

483
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:41,217
She's very crafty.

484
00:23:41,283 --> 00:23:45,560
She's a crafty old lady.

485
00:23:46,819 --> 00:23:48,859
Well, I'll tell you what.

486
00:23:48,931 --> 00:23:51,266
Tomorrow's gonna be better,
because you know why?

487
00:23:51,332 --> 00:23:53,983
It's gonna be Saturday,
and that's our day off,

488
00:23:54,052 --> 00:23:55,906
and we're gonna get to sleep in.

489
00:23:55,972 --> 00:23:57,794
- Okay?
- Yeah.

490
00:23:58,852 --> 00:24:01,950
I promise everything
will be better tomorrow, okay?

491
00:24:05,347 --> 00:24:08,478
The Love Boat

492
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:13,282
Soon we'll be making
another run

493
00:24:13,347 --> 00:24:15,966
The Love Boat

494
00:24:17,187 --> 00:24:19,097
[Indistinct shouting]

495
00:24:29,635 --> 00:24:31,391
CONNELLY:
Good morning.

496
00:24:36,387 --> 00:24:38,362
Good morning, Nancy.

497
00:24:39,076 --> 00:24:41,115
This is Nancy Kendricks.

498
00:24:41,187 --> 00:24:42,562
Hello, dear.

499
00:24:42,627 --> 00:24:44,602
Are those musical instruments?

500
00:24:44,675 --> 00:24:46,399
WOMEN:
Yes!

501
00:24:46,467 --> 00:24:48,703
We are a brass ensemble.

502
00:24:48,771 --> 00:24:52,416
We've got a concert
at St. Augustus on Friday.

503
00:24:52,483 --> 00:24:55,036
[Brass instruments playing]

504
00:24:57,924 --> 00:25:00,127
Let's go out shopping.

505
00:25:06,627 --> 00:25:08,252
MAN:
I'll deliver it this afternoon?

506
00:25:08,323 --> 00:25:09,371
Yes, that's great.

507
00:25:09,444 --> 00:25:10,818
Hey, honey, look.

508
00:25:10,883 --> 00:25:12,257
Oh!
Oh, what'd you get?

509
00:25:12,324 --> 00:25:13,850
Remington Royal.
50 bucks.

510
00:25:13,923 --> 00:25:15,450
How much were
they asking for it?

511
00:25:15,523 --> 00:25:17,246
50 bucks.

512
00:25:19,843 --> 00:25:21,698
Look, I got a peacock.

513
00:25:21,763 --> 00:25:22,657
Oh.

514
00:25:22,723 --> 00:25:24,152
- Isn't it great?
- Cool.

515
00:25:24,227 --> 00:25:25,504
What does it do?

516
00:25:25,571 --> 00:25:27,480
It's there to be decorative
and pretty

517
00:25:27,555 --> 00:25:29,410
and aesthetically pleasing.

518
00:25:29,475 --> 00:25:31,297
So what do we need a daybed for?

519
00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:33,535
Oh, for all your napping.

520
00:25:33,603 --> 00:25:35,872
Honey, I took one nap
for two minutes.

521
00:25:35,939 --> 00:25:37,466
I didn't even shut my eyes.

522
00:25:37,540 --> 00:25:38,816
Hey, what's in the bag?

523
00:25:38,883 --> 00:25:40,793
Answer to our prayers.

524
00:25:40,868 --> 00:25:44,730
Try it next to that one,
'cause then the couch will go...

525
00:25:44,803 --> 00:25:47,869
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

526
00:25:47,939 --> 00:25:49,849
Wow.

527
00:25:53,795 --> 00:25:56,894
You know what I just realized
that we forgot to do?

528
00:25:56,963 --> 00:25:59,930
We forgot to christen
the apartment.

529
00:26:00,003 --> 00:26:01,891
That's what I was thinking.

530
00:26:06,979 --> 00:26:10,111
Agua de beber

531
00:26:10,180 --> 00:26:13,311
Agua de beber camar

532
00:26:13,379 --> 00:26:17,951
Agua de beber

533
00:26:18,019 --> 00:26:20,386
I love our home.

534
00:26:25,188 --> 00:26:26,529
Aah!

535
00:26:27,491 --> 00:26:31,037
- What was she doing?
- Oh, my God.

536
00:26:31,107 --> 00:26:33,311
I don't know. You think
she saw the whole thing?

537
00:26:33,379 --> 00:26:34,361
Ew!

538
00:26:38,724 --> 00:26:40,414
Hey, where are you going?

539
00:26:40,483 --> 00:26:43,004
Oh, now's my chance.
I got to get up there.

540
00:26:43,075 --> 00:26:45,049
Wait.
What are you gonna do?

541
00:26:45,123 --> 00:26:46,684
The answer to our problems.

542
00:26:46,755 --> 00:26:48,348
- Clap Me.
- What does it do?

543
00:26:48,419 --> 00:26:50,361
When she falls asleep,
we can control her TV.

544
00:26:50,435 --> 00:26:51,450
You be the lookout.

545
00:26:51,523 --> 00:26:54,108
If you hear her coming,
knock on the pipe, okay?

546
00:26:54,179 --> 00:26:55,194
Like, make a noise.

547
00:26:55,267 --> 00:26:56,249
Okay. Okay. Okay.

548
00:26:56,323 --> 00:26:57,981
[Squawks]

549
00:26:58,051 --> 00:26:58,847
Shut up.

550
00:26:58,915 --> 00:27:00,409
Shut up.

551
00:27:18,371 --> 00:27:20,476
[Door opens]

552
00:27:20,547 --> 00:27:21,856
[Door closes]

553
00:27:21,923 --> 00:27:22,338
Hello.

554
00:27:22,403 --> 00:27:27,007
Well, hello, Little Dickey.
I'm back again, aren't I?

555
00:27:27,075 --> 00:27:29,181
Guess what I've got in the bag.

556
00:27:29,251 --> 00:27:32,863
I got hot dogs.
Hot dogs for Dickey boy.

557
00:27:32,931 --> 00:27:34,841
I'll tell you
what I'm going to do.

558
00:27:34,915 --> 00:27:37,948
I'm going to give it
a wee chew meself first.

559
00:27:38,019 --> 00:27:39,742
Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

560
00:27:42,115 --> 00:27:45,344
Mm. It's so nice, Dickey.
It is.

561
00:27:45,411 --> 00:27:46,840
It's so good.

562
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:48,573
Mm.

563
00:27:49,379 --> 00:27:50,721
I tell you what.

564
00:27:50,787 --> 00:27:53,438
Shall we have a bit of music?

565
00:27:53,508 --> 00:27:55,744
A bit of music
and a bit of a dance.

566
00:27:55,811 --> 00:27:59,292
I'll put on your favorite,
the tune you like the most.

567
00:27:59,363 --> 00:28:02,495
The one that was
Big Dick's favorite, too.

568
00:28:02,563 --> 00:28:04,864
[The Dubliners'
"Pub with No Beer" plays]

569
00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:12,765
[Chuckling]

570
00:28:12,835 --> 00:28:14,329
There's a-boy.

571
00:28:14,403 --> 00:28:16,923
From your kindred and all

572
00:28:16,995 --> 00:28:18,883
From the campfire at night

573
00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:22,078
We'll hear
the wild dingoes call

574
00:28:22,147 --> 00:28:24,187
But there's nothing
so lonesome

575
00:28:24,259 --> 00:28:26,015
so dull, or so drear

576
00:28:26,083 --> 00:28:31,648
Than to stand in the bar
of a pub with no beer

577
00:28:31,715 --> 00:28:33,657
Now the publican's anxious

578
00:28:33,731 --> 00:28:35,324
[Creaking loudly]

579
00:28:41,091 --> 00:28:42,618
Holy crap!

580
00:28:52,291 --> 00:28:55,640
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha

581
00:28:55,715 --> 00:28:58,562
- [Knock on door]
- NANC Y: Mrs. Connelly?

582
00:28:58,627 --> 00:29:04,061
With a thrill in my hand
and a pill on my tongue

583
00:29:04,131 --> 00:29:08,703
Dissolve the nerves
that have just begun

584
00:29:08,771 --> 00:29:11,259
Listening to Marvin

585
00:29:11,331 --> 00:29:13,469
All night long

586
00:29:13,539 --> 00:29:15,295
This is the sound

587
00:29:15,363 --> 00:29:17,217
Mrs. Connelly?

588
00:29:19,171 --> 00:29:20,960
Mrs. Connelly?

589
00:29:21,027 --> 00:29:22,685
Nancy?

590
00:29:22,755 --> 00:29:23,965
Is that you?

591
00:29:24,035 --> 00:29:26,075
Mrs. Connelly?

592
00:29:26,147 --> 00:29:28,002
Hold on a sec.

593
00:29:28,067 --> 00:29:30,718
Mrs. Connelly?

594
00:29:30,787 --> 00:29:32,216
Oh, Nancy.

595
00:29:32,291 --> 00:29:35,487
What a nice surprise.
I'll make you some tea.

596
00:29:35,555 --> 00:29:37,377
It's nice to see you here.

597
00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:39,352
We'll have some tea.

598
00:29:39,427 --> 00:29:40,856
Oh!

599
00:29:40,931 --> 00:29:42,524
And biscuits.

600
00:29:42,595 --> 00:29:44,482
Ow! Ooh!

601
00:29:45,635 --> 00:29:47,129
Honey?

602
00:29:48,547 --> 00:29:50,303
Oh!

603
00:29:50,371 --> 00:29:53,121
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?

604
00:29:53,187 --> 00:29:56,002
What happened to you? You were
supposed to be the lookout.

605
00:29:56,067 --> 00:29:58,937
I know.
I know.

606
00:30:02,147 --> 00:30:04,536
[Music playing on television]

607
00:30:05,507 --> 00:30:07,394
All right, here we go.

608
00:30:07,459 --> 00:30:09,281
- Ready?
- Yeah.

609
00:30:11,907 --> 00:30:13,336
[Music continues]

610
00:30:39,875 --> 00:30:41,304
[Music stops]

611
00:30:44,771 --> 00:30:46,910
You're a genius!

612
00:30:52,643 --> 00:30:54,552
[Connelly claps twice,
music resumes]

613
00:31:00,354 --> 00:31:02,264
[Connelly claps twice,
music stops]

614
00:31:04,419 --> 00:31:06,874
That is so weird.

615
00:31:06,947 --> 00:31:10,242
How would she know that? How
would she know how to use it?

616
00:31:10,307 --> 00:31:14,333
You didn't leave the box
up there or anything, did you?

617
00:31:14,402 --> 00:31:16,312
[Connelly claps twice,
music resumes]

618
00:31:21,122 --> 00:31:22,813
[Connelly claps twice,
music stops]

619
00:31:22,883 --> 00:31:24,793
[Connelly claps twice,
music resumes]

620
00:31:28,003 --> 00:31:29,693
[Connelly claps twice,
music stops]

621
00:31:42,339 --> 00:31:43,550
[Music stops]

622
00:31:43,619 --> 00:31:46,040
[Connelly claps twice,
music resumes]

623
00:32:06,179 --> 00:32:07,608
[Telephone rings]

624
00:32:07,683 --> 00:32:09,374
Nancy Kendricks.

625
00:32:09,443 --> 00:32:12,126
Nancy, Mrs. Connelly.
I have a favor to ask.

626
00:32:12,195 --> 00:32:13,275
Emergency!

627
00:32:13,347 --> 00:32:14,557
Hurry!

628
00:32:14,627 --> 00:32:15,675
Run!

629
00:32:15,746 --> 00:32:18,081
Mrs. Connelly,
you know, honestly,

630
00:32:18,147 --> 00:32:19,489
we're going to print today,

631
00:32:19,555 --> 00:32:21,464
and everything's
just crazy around here.

632
00:32:21,539 --> 00:32:22,913
Can't you ask Alex?

633
00:32:22,979 --> 00:32:24,156
I knocked and knocked.

634
00:32:24,227 --> 00:32:27,042
He must be in
a deep, deep sleep today.

635
00:32:27,107 --> 00:32:29,147
We didn't get it
until this morning.

636
00:32:29,219 --> 00:32:30,942
Nancy! Nancy!

637
00:32:31,011 --> 00:32:33,018
We have 27 minutes
to get this to press.

638
00:32:33,091 --> 00:32:34,203
Get off the phone!

639
00:32:34,275 --> 00:32:36,959
Okay, thank you, Mrs. Connelly.

640
00:32:37,027 --> 00:32:39,001
Where is my new hot list?
Where is it?

641
00:32:39,075 --> 00:32:40,122
I'm almost done.

642
00:32:40,194 --> 00:32:42,398
- 5 seconds!
- Okay. Okay. Okay.

643
00:32:42,467 --> 00:32:44,158
- Okay. Okay.
- Hurry!

644
00:32:44,898 --> 00:32:45,880
This is it?

645
00:32:45,954 --> 00:32:46,848
Yes.

646
00:32:46,914 --> 00:32:48,802
- Did you check it?
- Yes.

647
00:32:48,867 --> 00:32:52,216
I don't want it tickety-boo.
I want it tickety-now!

648
00:32:55,331 --> 00:32:56,989
It's good. It's cute.
I like it.

649
00:32:57,059 --> 00:32:58,848
Is it, like,
800, 900 square feet?

650
00:32:58,915 --> 00:33:00,987
No, it's, like, 1,800.

651
00:33:01,059 --> 00:33:03,448
But it might seem cozy
'cause of the fireplaces.

652
00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:05,116
There are 3 fireplaces.

653
00:33:05,187 --> 00:33:07,326
So, here it is.
The third fireplace.

654
00:33:07,395 --> 00:33:10,209
Wow.
This apartment is amazing.

655
00:33:10,275 --> 00:33:13,853
I'm so glad that you like it.
Whew. Relief.

656
00:33:13,923 --> 00:33:15,232
Wonderful collection.

657
00:33:15,299 --> 00:33:16,576
- Mmm, thank you.
- Yeah.

658
00:33:16,643 --> 00:33:18,236
Just make sure you save space

659
00:33:18,307 --> 00:33:20,445
for the Alex Rose
first editions.

660
00:33:20,514 --> 00:33:21,442
Ah, yes.

661
00:33:21,507 --> 00:33:23,100
So.

662
00:33:23,171 --> 00:33:24,316
So, yeah.

663
00:33:24,387 --> 00:33:26,045
How's the ending turning out?

664
00:33:26,115 --> 00:33:28,286
The ending is gonna be great.

665
00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:31,388
I'm kind of circling it
'cause I don't want to force it.

666
00:33:31,459 --> 00:33:35,387
Just make sure you
turn it in by Wednesday.

667
00:33:36,355 --> 00:33:39,933
Management's being very strict
with all our mid-level authors.

668
00:33:40,003 --> 00:33:41,213
I'm only mid-level?

669
00:33:41,282 --> 00:33:42,875
Right now.

670
00:33:42,947 --> 00:33:46,144
Of course, you won't be after
you hand in your masterpiece.

671
00:33:46,211 --> 00:33:48,545
We're replacing most
of the furniture we have,

672
00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,715
but we're going
for a Miller/Eames look.

673
00:33:50,786 --> 00:33:52,063
You love Eames, Terrence.

674
00:33:52,131 --> 00:33:53,276
I just got a new piece.

675
00:33:53,347 --> 00:33:54,809
[Laughter]

676
00:33:56,739 --> 00:33:59,903
Did you bring that guy with
the girl in the leopard thing?

677
00:33:59,971 --> 00:34:01,400
Oh, that's Chick.

678
00:34:01,475 --> 00:34:04,857
That's the guy who's advising me
on the Don Piper mysteries.

679
00:34:04,930 --> 00:34:06,905
What, is he a detective
or something?

680
00:34:06,979 --> 00:34:08,473
No.

681
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,554
He's a hired gun.

682
00:34:11,107 --> 00:34:13,049
He kills people for a living.

683
00:34:13,122 --> 00:34:15,741
You brought a hit man
into the party?

684
00:34:15,811 --> 00:34:17,087
Relax.
He's very discreet.

685
00:34:17,154 --> 00:34:20,537
He's got a perfectly legitimate
day job as a cover.

686
00:34:20,611 --> 00:34:22,749
And what do you do, Chick?

687
00:34:22,818 --> 00:34:24,957
I'm a pornographer.

688
00:34:26,115 --> 00:34:29,562
Here, let me give you a card,
you know, just in case.

689
00:34:29,634 --> 00:34:32,482
She's this funny old Irish lady
named Mrs. Connelly,

690
00:34:32,547 --> 00:34:35,613
and she's actually in a brass
ensemble at the church tonight.

691
00:34:35,683 --> 00:34:37,755
There's all sorts
of incredible details.

692
00:34:37,826 --> 00:34:39,998
I mean, I can't wait
for you guys to see it.

693
00:34:40,067 --> 00:34:43,744
It's beautiful.
Ooh, Herman, get in here.

694
00:34:53,794 --> 00:34:55,518
Herman?

695
00:35:01,251 --> 00:35:03,193
Being a landlord
doesn't give you the right

696
00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:05,984
to enter your tenant's premises
anytime you feel like it.

697
00:35:06,051 --> 00:35:08,986
I just wanted my friends
to have a look-see.

698
00:35:09,058 --> 00:35:11,425
You were supposed to be
at the church performing.

699
00:35:11,491 --> 00:35:14,076
Heavens no.
It's next Friday.

700
00:35:14,147 --> 00:35:16,798
We've got a big week
of practice ahead of us.

701
00:35:16,867 --> 00:35:18,656
You terrified the poor woman.

702
00:35:18,723 --> 00:35:21,112
Mrs. Connelly, you can press
charges if you want.

703
00:35:21,186 --> 00:35:22,713
No, I don't want to do that.

704
00:35:22,787 --> 00:35:25,754
They're such a nice couple.
Good night, now.

705
00:35:25,826 --> 00:35:27,834
Good night, Mrs. Connelly.

706
00:35:29,987 --> 00:35:34,013
I'm gonna be watching
the two of you very closely.

707
00:35:36,834 --> 00:35:39,322
- Hey, Alex, right?
- Hey, Chick.

708
00:35:39,395 --> 00:35:41,915
How you doing?
Brought you a housewarming gift.

709
00:35:41,987 --> 00:35:43,264
Oh, that's so sweet.

710
00:35:43,331 --> 00:35:46,592
Well, look,
this is very tasteful stuff.

711
00:35:46,659 --> 00:35:47,804
You know, for couples.

712
00:35:47,875 --> 00:35:51,038
That is so thoughtful.
Thank you.

713
00:35:51,107 --> 00:35:53,528
My card's inside "Ass Patrol,"
in case you need more.

714
00:35:53,603 --> 00:35:54,530
Take it easy.

715
00:35:54,595 --> 00:35:56,383
- Thanks for the party.
- Okay.

716
00:35:56,450 --> 00:35:58,938
I got an award for this one.

717
00:36:10,211 --> 00:36:11,771
She was supposed to be
at church.

718
00:36:11,843 --> 00:36:13,982
You can't fire me
because you got maced.

719
00:36:14,051 --> 00:36:15,676
Believe me.

720
00:36:15,746 --> 00:36:18,528
I wish that's why
I was firing you.

721
00:36:18,595 --> 00:36:23,297
Did you happen to see
the restaurant hot list?

722
00:36:30,179 --> 00:36:32,153
Oh, my God.

723
00:36:35,523 --> 00:36:36,766
So...

724
00:36:38,242 --> 00:36:40,992
How's Mr. Peabody doing?

725
00:36:46,755 --> 00:36:48,610
Alex?

726
00:36:48,675 --> 00:36:51,042
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no.

727
00:36:51,107 --> 00:36:52,765
There's no napping right now.

728
00:36:52,834 --> 00:36:56,217
You have to finish your book.
We need money. I got fired.

729
00:36:56,291 --> 00:36:58,079
Yeah, I know.
I saw it.

730
00:36:58,146 --> 00:37:01,310
Oh, you saw it.

731
00:37:01,378 --> 00:37:04,346
Yeah. It's horrible.
My parents read this magazine.

732
00:37:04,418 --> 00:37:07,680
Now they know my penis
is called Mr. Peabody.

733
00:37:07,746 --> 00:37:09,307
It wasn't my fault.

734
00:37:09,379 --> 00:37:11,834
She was calling me
when you were napping.

735
00:37:11,907 --> 00:37:15,005
I wasn't napping,
for the 1,000th time!

736
00:37:15,074 --> 00:37:17,463
Okay, maybe I took a nap
at one point.

737
00:37:17,538 --> 00:37:19,480
When did napping
become against the law?

738
00:37:19,554 --> 00:37:23,231
Honey, I can't work here. It's
impossible. I've been trying.

739
00:37:23,298 --> 00:37:25,535
I've written three pages
in the last six weeks.

740
00:37:25,603 --> 00:37:27,904
Three pages.
The book is due on Wednesday.

741
00:37:27,971 --> 00:37:30,873
If we don't hand in the book, I
don't know what we're gonna do.

742
00:37:30,946 --> 00:37:33,434
We can't pay for anything.
The runners, the stools.

743
00:37:33,506 --> 00:37:35,677
We can't pay for the
tangelo bowl you like.

744
00:37:35,746 --> 00:37:40,318
We can't pay for your
little happy mug-vase thing.

745
00:37:40,386 --> 00:37:42,459
Well, what if you
got out of the house

746
00:37:42,531 --> 00:37:45,695
and went to write at, like,
a Starbucks or something?

747
00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:48,283
And what? You're gonna stay here
and try to find work

748
00:37:48,354 --> 00:37:51,518
while she has you running around
doing things for her?

749
00:37:51,587 --> 00:37:55,416
Doing all the little errands,
the chores she asks you to do?

750
00:37:55,490 --> 00:37:57,400
I don't think you could take it.

751
00:37:57,474 --> 00:38:00,442
I mean, I love you,
but, honestly,

752
00:38:00,515 --> 00:38:03,232
I've been there, and I don't
think you could take it.

753
00:38:04,194 --> 00:38:06,017
I can take it.
I'll be fine.

754
00:38:06,083 --> 00:38:08,155
[Brass instruments playing]

755
00:38:24,163 --> 00:38:25,853
Nancy?

756
00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:29,410
- Hello, Mrs. Connelly.
- Nancy, dear.

757
00:38:29,475 --> 00:38:33,501
I couldn't help noticing that
Alex left the house this morning

758
00:38:33,571 --> 00:38:35,032
while you stayed home.

759
00:38:35,106 --> 00:38:37,561
I was downsized from my job.

760
00:38:37,634 --> 00:38:39,903
Aw, I'm sorry.

761
00:38:39,971 --> 00:38:41,727
But I'm sure it's for the best.

762
00:38:41,795 --> 00:38:45,569
Let Mr. Rose get out there
and bring home the bacon.

763
00:38:45,635 --> 00:38:47,195
I always thought it was strange.

764
00:38:47,267 --> 00:38:51,326
A husband staying home while
you were out there providing.

765
00:38:51,395 --> 00:38:52,507
Well, he's a writer.

766
00:38:52,578 --> 00:38:54,171
Writer.

767
00:38:54,242 --> 00:38:57,854
The man naps more
than a newborn pup.

768
00:38:57,923 --> 00:39:00,378
What's he writing about?
Sheep?

769
00:39:00,451 --> 00:39:02,360
Is there something,
Mrs. Connelly?

770
00:39:02,434 --> 00:39:05,565
Oh, I guess you could say
there was something.

771
00:39:05,634 --> 00:39:09,082
I've got something on display
in me kitchen.

772
00:39:10,914 --> 00:39:12,769
That is not a mouse dropping.

773
00:39:12,834 --> 00:39:14,492
It's a raisin.

774
00:39:14,562 --> 00:39:17,726
That is the leavings
of a mouse.

775
00:39:17,794 --> 00:39:19,867
It's a raisin.

776
00:39:24,162 --> 00:39:27,228
I sprayed it with Lysol.

777
00:39:29,826 --> 00:39:30,939
Ohh.

778
00:39:31,011 --> 00:39:35,134
And she puts on this sweet face,
and she acts all innocent.

779
00:39:35,811 --> 00:39:38,745
Nancy, could you help me?

780
00:39:39,651 --> 00:39:42,498
I think I found
the leavings of a mouse.

781
00:39:44,578 --> 00:39:46,618
As if she didn't know
it was a raisin.

782
00:39:46,690 --> 00:39:47,868
I know.

783
00:39:56,770 --> 00:40:00,218
I've never designed
religious leaflets, per se.

784
00:40:00,290 --> 00:40:02,941
1:00. Great, Rabbi.
Thank you so much.

785
00:40:03,010 --> 00:40:03,904
CONNELLY:
Nancy?

786
00:40:03,970 --> 00:40:05,759
Okay.

787
00:40:05,827 --> 00:40:07,965
Nancy?

788
00:40:08,034 --> 00:40:11,100
Nancy?
Are you down there?

789
00:40:12,514 --> 00:40:13,921
What is it, Mrs. Connelly?

790
00:40:13,986 --> 00:40:17,663
Little Dickey's caught
in the dumbwaiter shaft.

791
00:40:17,730 --> 00:40:20,097
Well, how did he get there?

792
00:40:20,162 --> 00:40:21,111
Aaah!

793
00:40:22,243 --> 00:40:25,090
Oh, don't hurt him.

794
00:40:28,611 --> 00:40:30,782
Oh, ooh, Dickey boy.

795
00:40:30,850 --> 00:40:32,857
Oh, careful.

796
00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:35,167
Aah!

797
00:40:36,226 --> 00:40:37,819
Shame on you.

798
00:40:37,890 --> 00:40:42,233
Scaring a helpless,
little macaw like that.

799
00:40:44,387 --> 00:40:45,761
This is not going well.

800
00:40:45,826 --> 00:40:48,696
I told you she's a mean,
crafty old lady.

801
00:40:48,771 --> 00:40:50,876
At this rate, I'm never gonna
finish the book in time.

802
00:40:50,947 --> 00:40:52,473
Damn rent control.

803
00:40:52,546 --> 00:40:54,718
I wish we could just
kick her out.

804
00:40:54,787 --> 00:40:57,023
What if we tried
being nice to her?

805
00:40:57,090 --> 00:40:59,643
Maybe we could get her a gift.

806
00:40:59,714 --> 00:41:00,892
- A gift?
- Yeah.

807
00:41:00,962 --> 00:41:04,126
And ask her if
she wouldn't mind leaving.

808
00:41:04,194 --> 00:41:05,721
- We ask her?
- Yeah.

809
00:41:05,794 --> 00:41:06,972
Just ask her?

810
00:41:07,042 --> 00:41:10,425
Maybe it'll take
a little begging, but nicely.

811
00:41:11,426 --> 00:41:13,215
Well, she might go for begging.

812
00:41:21,730 --> 00:41:26,170
There's a chart that shows
what's inside of each chocolate.

813
00:41:26,242 --> 00:41:27,966
That's all right, dear.

814
00:41:28,035 --> 00:41:30,849
Mrs. Connelly,
let me come right to the point.

815
00:41:30,915 --> 00:41:33,598
Alex and I are trying
to have a baby.

816
00:41:33,666 --> 00:41:35,128
I saw.

817
00:41:35,202 --> 00:41:36,861
In the living room.

818
00:41:36,931 --> 00:41:38,785
Right.

819
00:41:38,851 --> 00:41:41,055
The thing is,
when we do have our baby,

820
00:41:41,123 --> 00:41:43,261
we're gonna need the upstairs.

821
00:41:43,330 --> 00:41:45,665
I don't understand, dear.

822
00:41:45,730 --> 00:41:48,926
We're willing to pay you
something.

823
00:41:48,994 --> 00:41:50,489
You want me to leave?

824
00:41:50,562 --> 00:41:52,701
Don't you think
you'd be more comfortable

825
00:41:52,770 --> 00:41:57,047
with people who are more
in your demographic?

826
00:41:57,122 --> 00:42:00,897
In sunny Miami Beach.

827
00:42:02,658 --> 00:42:06,619
I'm Irish.
I'd sizzle up like a sausage.

828
00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:10,749
Besides, this is my home.

829
00:42:10,818 --> 00:42:11,582
Home.

830
00:42:14,019 --> 00:42:17,280
The Emerald Isle, hmm?

831
00:42:17,347 --> 00:42:20,216
Back to the old sod.

832
00:42:20,930 --> 00:42:24,542
Well, now, there's a thought.

833
00:42:24,610 --> 00:42:28,866
I haven't been back home
for 50 years.

834
00:42:29,794 --> 00:42:30,688
Ooh.

835
00:42:31,682 --> 00:42:33,951
A caramel.

836
00:42:43,714 --> 00:42:45,689
So, about Ireland.

837
00:42:45,762 --> 00:42:48,151
And you moving there.

838
00:42:48,738 --> 00:42:52,600
Most likely
they have television now?

839
00:42:52,674 --> 00:42:53,339
Oh.

840
00:42:53,410 --> 00:42:54,359
Of course they do.

841
00:42:54,435 --> 00:42:55,961
Yeah, color.

842
00:43:05,442 --> 00:43:08,028
I've made up me mind.

843
00:43:08,450 --> 00:43:10,457
I'll do...

844
00:43:13,762 --> 00:43:15,289
[Choking]

845
00:43:17,826 --> 00:43:18,841
Mrs. Connelly!

846
00:43:18,914 --> 00:43:20,321
- She's choking!
- Oh, God!

847
00:43:20,386 --> 00:43:21,815
- Mrs. Connelly.
- Do something!

848
00:43:21,890 --> 00:43:23,962
Oh, God!
Ooh, Alex! Alex!

849
00:43:24,034 --> 00:43:26,522
Come on!
Come on!

850
00:43:26,594 --> 00:43:28,001
- Yeah, good.
- Come on!

851
00:43:28,066 --> 00:43:29,659
Come on!

852
00:43:33,922 --> 00:43:35,482
Whew!

853
00:43:35,554 --> 00:43:36,569
Oh, my God!

854
00:43:36,642 --> 00:43:38,169
Oh!

855
00:43:39,842 --> 00:43:40,889
Clear!

856
00:43:43,234 --> 00:43:44,609
Alex, what are you doing?

857
00:43:44,674 --> 00:43:45,568
CPR!

858
00:43:45,634 --> 00:43:48,503
Wait! Stop it!
Stop it!

859
00:43:48,962 --> 00:43:53,402
Oh, God.
One, two, three, four, five.

860
00:43:53,474 --> 00:43:55,579
Okay, give her mouth-to-mouth.

861
00:43:55,650 --> 00:43:57,887
- Oh, no. Really?
- Yes. Yes, do it!

862
00:43:57,954 --> 00:43:59,164
Okay.

863
00:44:00,130 --> 00:44:03,643
No, you got to blow
in her mouth. Come on.

864
00:44:03,714 --> 00:44:04,924
One breath, come on.

865
00:44:04,994 --> 00:44:07,863
One, two, three, four, five.

866
00:44:07,938 --> 00:44:09,182
Okay, again.

867
00:44:10,850 --> 00:44:12,377
Okay, one breath.
That's it.

868
00:44:12,450 --> 00:44:15,549
One, two, three, four, five.

869
00:44:15,618 --> 00:44:16,796
Again!

870
00:44:23,842 --> 00:44:25,184
Oh.

871
00:44:25,250 --> 00:44:27,159
[Gasps]

872
00:44:28,642 --> 00:44:31,489
What are you doing?

873
00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:35,704
You were choking on a chocolate.

874
00:44:37,186 --> 00:44:38,942
You choked on a chocolate.

875
00:44:42,434 --> 00:44:44,376
Oh.

876
00:44:45,250 --> 00:44:48,545
Oh. Oh.

877
00:44:49,090 --> 00:44:51,097
Go on, Mrs. Connelly.

878
00:44:51,170 --> 00:44:55,480
The last thing I remember,
I ate one of their chocolates.

879
00:44:55,554 --> 00:44:59,809
And when I woke up,
he was having his way.

880
00:44:59,874 --> 00:45:01,816
And she was holding me down.

881
00:45:01,890 --> 00:45:03,646
No, I was trying
to save her life.

882
00:45:03,714 --> 00:45:08,471
He stole me drawers once
for sniffing.

883
00:45:08,546 --> 00:45:09,528
That's ridiculous.

884
00:45:09,602 --> 00:45:11,936
She was choking on the
chocolate, so I did...

885
00:45:12,002 --> 00:45:14,271
Shut up!

886
00:45:14,338 --> 00:45:17,338
We keep a list of people like
you down here at the station.

887
00:45:17,410 --> 00:45:19,744
The sexual predator list.

888
00:45:19,810 --> 00:45:21,719
Sexual predator?

889
00:45:21,794 --> 00:45:25,591
And to think
they want to have children.

890
00:45:26,786 --> 00:45:28,640
We should've just let her choke.

891
00:45:28,706 --> 00:45:30,713
Oh, I know.

892
00:45:43,202 --> 00:45:44,631
What can I get you?

893
00:45:44,706 --> 00:45:46,878
Listen, I got 12 hours
to finish this book.

894
00:45:46,946 --> 00:45:49,117
I was wondering if I could
sit here and write all day.

895
00:45:49,186 --> 00:45:51,226
- Be my guest.
- Thanks.

896
00:46:03,234 --> 00:46:05,023
CONNELLY:
Nancy.

897
00:46:05,090 --> 00:46:07,326
I was going to ring you.

898
00:46:07,394 --> 00:46:11,486
I'm afraid there's a bit
of a problem up here.

899
00:46:11,554 --> 00:46:14,521
I have to go on a job interview,
so I'll take care of it later.

900
00:46:14,594 --> 00:46:18,238
Oh, that's okay.
I'll ring the rug man.

901
00:46:25,090 --> 00:46:27,293
Good.
Knock it in.

902
00:46:27,362 --> 00:46:28,888
Knock it in good.

903
00:46:28,962 --> 00:46:31,777
I don't want to slip
and break me neck.

904
00:46:31,842 --> 00:46:33,598
No, we wouldn't want that.

905
00:46:33,666 --> 00:46:36,317
This is the problem area here.

906
00:46:36,386 --> 00:46:38,972
It's loose as a Dublin whore.

907
00:46:39,042 --> 00:46:41,759
Oh, go on, knock it in.

908
00:46:45,602 --> 00:46:47,325
Yes!

909
00:46:48,290 --> 00:46:50,144
Now, just knock it in.

910
00:46:50,210 --> 00:46:52,097
Go on, knock.

911
00:46:52,162 --> 00:46:54,464
Come on, use some elbow grease.

912
00:46:54,530 --> 00:46:56,734
Aah!
Okay, I will.

913
00:47:03,298 --> 00:47:05,240
You threw her down the stairs?

914
00:47:07,138 --> 00:47:08,665
No.

915
00:47:08,738 --> 00:47:11,706
But I imagined it.

916
00:47:11,778 --> 00:47:14,428
And I liked it.

917
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:15,546
I'm evil.

918
00:47:15,618 --> 00:47:18,585
I'm a horrible, horrible person.

919
00:47:18,658 --> 00:47:20,632
Thank you.

920
00:47:20,706 --> 00:47:23,128
Come on, she's practically
ruined our lives.

921
00:47:23,202 --> 00:47:25,144
It's natural to have thoughts
like that.

922
00:47:25,218 --> 00:47:28,032
- Really?
- Yeah.

923
00:47:28,098 --> 00:47:30,880
I mean, I've even had a couple.

924
00:47:31,938 --> 00:47:33,148
Aaaah!

925
00:47:35,330 --> 00:47:37,152
NANC Y:
Like what?

926
00:47:37,218 --> 00:47:39,389
Just, you know,
snapping her neck

927
00:47:39,458 --> 00:47:41,913
or electrocuting her.

928
00:47:43,298 --> 00:47:44,956
You know,
just beating her to death,

929
00:47:45,026 --> 00:47:47,065
decapitating her,

930
00:47:47,138 --> 00:47:49,560
drowning her, just,
you know, bludgeoning her,

931
00:47:49,634 --> 00:47:52,950
in a humane way, but...

932
00:47:53,026 --> 00:47:56,604
Dicing her up
into little, little pieces.

933
00:47:56,674 --> 00:48:00,667
But asphyxiating her first
so she didn't feel anything.

934
00:48:00,737 --> 00:48:02,647
I'm glad you clarified that.

935
00:48:02,722 --> 00:48:05,210
You're evil, too.

936
00:48:05,281 --> 00:48:08,281
I'm finished.
That's what I am.

937
00:48:08,354 --> 00:48:09,915
And it was incredible.

938
00:48:09,986 --> 00:48:11,873
The last 60 pages
just poured out of me.

939
00:48:11,938 --> 00:48:14,905
Let's open that really great
champagne and celebrate.

940
00:48:14,978 --> 00:48:16,026
CONNELLY:
Alex?!

941
00:48:16,097 --> 00:48:18,585
Alex?!
Nancy?!

942
00:48:18,658 --> 00:48:20,152
[Panting]

943
00:48:20,226 --> 00:48:22,365
Ooh!
Come quick.

944
00:48:22,434 --> 00:48:25,947
A huge rat just ran
under me cupboard.

945
00:48:26,018 --> 00:48:27,873
Oh, come.
Come on, quick.

946
00:48:27,938 --> 00:48:28,832
Quick, Alex!

947
00:48:28,898 --> 00:48:31,134
- I'll pop the cork.
- I'll be right back.

948
00:48:31,201 --> 00:48:33,623
Are you sure it was a rat,
Mrs. Connelly?

949
00:48:33,698 --> 00:48:35,323
I saw its face.

950
00:48:35,393 --> 00:48:37,401
You saw its face?

951
00:48:37,474 --> 00:48:42,329
All right, let's see if we can't
find this big, bad rat.

952
00:48:42,402 --> 00:48:44,606
You sure it might not
have been a dust bunny?

953
00:48:44,674 --> 00:48:46,714
'Cause sometimes
they look rodent-like.

954
00:48:46,786 --> 00:48:48,990
Aah!
The rat!

955
00:48:49,058 --> 00:48:50,651
- Where?
- There!

956
00:48:50,722 --> 00:48:52,380
Oh.
Oh, that's not a rat.

957
00:48:52,450 --> 00:48:54,817
That's like
a little field mouse.

958
00:48:57,025 --> 00:49:00,124
Alan!
Your purse fell into the fire.

959
00:49:00,194 --> 00:49:01,088
Oh, no.

960
00:49:01,154 --> 00:49:03,064
Alan!

961
00:49:04,449 --> 00:49:05,878
Oh, don't!
Oh, don't!

962
00:49:05,954 --> 00:49:07,448
My book!

963
00:49:07,522 --> 00:49:09,344
Ow!

964
00:49:09,410 --> 00:49:10,686
Oh, Alan!

965
00:49:10,754 --> 00:49:13,023
Oh!
Oh!

966
00:49:14,242 --> 00:49:16,217
You'll burn yourself!

967
00:49:16,290 --> 00:49:18,297
Door!
Nancy, door!

968
00:49:18,370 --> 00:49:20,639
Get the door!
Nancy, door!

969
00:49:20,706 --> 00:49:21,851
Is that your book?

970
00:49:21,922 --> 00:49:23,296
Okay.
Oh!

971
00:49:23,362 --> 00:49:25,663
- Door!
- Okay! Oh, my God!

972
00:49:30,530 --> 00:49:31,707
Oh!

973
00:49:33,474 --> 00:49:35,132
No!
No!

974
00:49:35,202 --> 00:49:37,089
- No! No! No!
- Alex!

975
00:49:37,154 --> 00:49:39,968
Stop!
No, stop!

976
00:49:47,553 --> 00:49:49,561
Aah!
No!

977
00:49:49,634 --> 00:49:51,576
No!

978
00:50:00,450 --> 00:50:03,516
I swear she did that on purpose.

979
00:50:18,466 --> 00:50:21,019
MAN ON TELEVISION: And now
here's tonight's Health Watch.

980
00:50:21,090 --> 00:50:23,424
WOMAN ON TELEVISION: A deadly
virus has hit New York City.

981
00:50:23,490 --> 00:50:25,628
Doctors warn that this
particular strain

982
00:50:25,697 --> 00:50:27,901
is extremely dangerous
in children under 5

983
00:50:27,969 --> 00:50:29,977
and especially to the elderly.

984
00:50:30,049 --> 00:50:32,221
Symptoms include high fever,

985
00:50:32,290 --> 00:50:34,593
accompanied by nausea
and violent diarrhea.

986
00:50:34,593 --> 00:50:35,193
accompanied by nausea
and violent diarrhea.

987
00:50:36,930 --> 00:50:39,101
Mr. Rose?

988
00:50:39,170 --> 00:50:41,821
Would you sprinkle some salt
on the steps?

989
00:50:41,890 --> 00:50:43,264
They're terribly icy.

990
00:50:43,329 --> 00:50:45,696
You better not go outside then.

991
00:50:47,650 --> 00:50:50,268
Ow!
Ow!

992
00:50:52,225 --> 00:50:53,981
Mother...

993
00:50:56,226 --> 00:50:59,008
A giant tow truck
runs it over,

994
00:50:59,074 --> 00:51:02,369
followed by an S.U.V.
that it was dragging.

995
00:51:02,433 --> 00:51:03,994
Alex, that's horrible.

996
00:51:04,066 --> 00:51:06,935
I know.
I know.

997
00:51:07,010 --> 00:51:08,799
Can you believe it?

998
00:51:08,866 --> 00:51:11,167
No, I can't.

999
00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:12,728
I tried to warn you, Alex.

1000
00:51:12,802 --> 00:51:16,762
We're canceling every contract
that's in breach.

1001
00:51:16,833 --> 00:51:20,478
In breach?
I have the crushed PowerBook.

1002
00:51:20,546 --> 00:51:22,586
I'm sorry, darling.

1003
00:51:22,658 --> 00:51:24,381
If you put as much energy
into your work

1004
00:51:24,450 --> 00:51:25,759
as you do into excuses,

1005
00:51:25,825 --> 00:51:27,516
you might have made
the deadline.

1006
00:51:27,586 --> 00:51:29,593
- Do you have the shark?
- MAN: Yes, we do.

1007
00:51:29,665 --> 00:51:33,014
Excellent.
I'm gonna have that, no bones.

1008
00:51:36,226 --> 00:51:37,503
[Man coughing]

1009
00:51:40,929 --> 00:51:42,456
[Sniffling]

1010
00:51:47,746 --> 00:51:50,168
[Coughing]

1011
00:52:07,490 --> 00:52:08,919
Hi.

1012
00:52:25,378 --> 00:52:27,614
How do you feel?

1013
00:52:27,681 --> 00:52:30,616
Like I'm knocking
on death's door.

1014
00:52:38,114 --> 00:52:40,056
Well, look who's here.

1015
00:52:40,130 --> 00:52:42,585
Come in, both of you.

1016
00:52:43,810 --> 00:52:45,184
Hi, Mrs. Connelly.

1017
00:52:45,249 --> 00:52:46,656
Happy Thanksgiving.

1018
00:52:46,721 --> 00:52:47,615
Oh, thank you.

1019
00:52:47,681 --> 00:52:50,977
- How are you?
- Oh, I'm grand.

1020
00:52:51,042 --> 00:52:52,383
But how are the two of you?

1021
00:52:52,450 --> 00:52:55,352
You look rather sallow.

1022
00:52:55,426 --> 00:52:57,400
No, no.
We're fine.

1023
00:52:57,473 --> 00:52:59,033
We brought you some popcorn.

1024
00:52:59,105 --> 00:53:01,691
Oh.
Oh, how lovely.

1025
00:53:01,762 --> 00:53:05,821
I adore popcorn.
So does Little Dick.

1026
00:53:05,890 --> 00:53:09,151
So, did you have a nice
Thanksgiving dinner?

1027
00:53:09,218 --> 00:53:11,040
Oh, yes, dear.

1028
00:53:11,106 --> 00:53:14,422
That lovely Italian lady
in the post office

1029
00:53:14,498 --> 00:53:16,091
brought me a sumptuous dinner.

1030
00:53:16,162 --> 00:53:18,267
The only problem is
some of the carcass

1031
00:53:18,338 --> 00:53:21,721
didn't go down the disposal.

1032
00:53:21,793 --> 00:53:25,339
That's 'cause you don't have
a disposal.

1033
00:53:25,410 --> 00:53:26,970
I don't?

1034
00:53:39,073 --> 00:53:41,440
It's really stuffed up.

1035
00:53:53,121 --> 00:53:54,070
[Gags]

1036
00:53:55,170 --> 00:53:57,025
[Coughing]

1037
00:53:58,082 --> 00:53:59,904
All right!

1038
00:54:06,274 --> 00:54:09,503
If you ask me, you two have got
some sort of bug.

1039
00:54:09,570 --> 00:54:10,682
[Groans]

1040
00:54:10,753 --> 00:54:12,542
[Groans]

1041
00:54:12,609 --> 00:54:16,952
Thank God Officer Dan took me
to have a flu shot last week.

1042
00:54:17,025 --> 00:54:19,960
Upchuck is a delicacy
for Little Dick.

1043
00:54:20,033 --> 00:54:22,455
He's salivating.

1044
00:54:24,289 --> 00:54:25,783
How much can we get, Kenneth?

1045
00:54:25,857 --> 00:54:28,705
That depends on how far you're
willing to drop the price.

1046
00:54:28,770 --> 00:54:31,639
First of all, you way overpaid.

1047
00:54:31,713 --> 00:54:33,055
And then you got that tenant.

1048
00:54:33,121 --> 00:54:35,936
You said
she was a sweet old lady.

1049
00:54:36,001 --> 00:54:38,390
Oh, I can't imagine those words
coming out of my mouth.

1050
00:54:38,466 --> 00:54:41,215
So you're saying that we're
stuck in this hellhole?

1051
00:54:41,282 --> 00:54:44,762
Yeah. Unless you're willing
to take a huge, huge loss.

1052
00:54:44,834 --> 00:54:45,979
How huge?

1053
00:54:46,050 --> 00:54:48,221
Huge, huge.

1054
00:54:48,289 --> 00:54:50,940
We're just totally
screwed, right?

1055
00:54:51,009 --> 00:54:54,009
Yeah. I would say
screwed is apt.

1056
00:54:54,082 --> 00:54:57,049
Do you think that Jean would
ever give you a second chance?

1057
00:54:57,121 --> 00:54:59,161
No.
No, it's over.

1058
00:54:59,234 --> 00:55:01,176
Besides, how could I have time
to rewrite my novel

1059
00:55:01,250 --> 00:55:03,104
and still do my faithful
servant duty to her

1060
00:55:03,170 --> 00:55:06,203
as her little
indentured servant person,

1061
00:55:06,273 --> 00:55:07,964
her little butt boy?

1062
00:55:08,033 --> 00:55:09,440
I mean, I got a lot of duties.

1063
00:55:09,505 --> 00:55:11,839
'Cause she might need me
to count grapes with her

1064
00:55:11,906 --> 00:55:15,615
or help her fix her heater
or go take her to the laundry.

1065
00:55:15,681 --> 00:55:17,689
Or I gotta go help her
clean her banana skins

1066
00:55:17,761 --> 00:55:20,696
and I gotta go help her
clean out her garbage

1067
00:55:20,769 --> 00:55:22,296
or go and wipe her ass!

1068
00:55:22,370 --> 00:55:24,825
God forbid she should have
any shit hanging off her ass!

1069
00:55:24,898 --> 00:55:26,621
- Alex.
- No. Really.

1070
00:55:26,689 --> 00:55:28,445
'Cause then I gotta run
like a little bunny

1071
00:55:28,513 --> 00:55:31,513
and I have to go up there and
I gotta go wipe her little ass.

1072
00:55:31,585 --> 00:55:33,374
And then I have to go, "Oh,
good for you, Mrs. Connelly,

1073
00:55:33,442 --> 00:55:35,329
for having such a nice,
little poopy.

1074
00:55:35,393 --> 00:55:36,604
You got some poopy
on your diapie?

1075
00:55:36,674 --> 00:55:39,325
Ooh, let me go and clean it off
with my tongue!"

1076
00:55:39,394 --> 00:55:40,473
Excuse me, sir.

1077
00:55:40,545 --> 00:55:41,756
I mean, enough is enough!

1078
00:55:41,826 --> 00:55:44,095
Excuse me.

1079
00:55:44,161 --> 00:55:46,747
Off we go, Dickey boy.

1080
00:55:49,281 --> 00:55:50,329
Okay.

1081
00:55:50,401 --> 00:55:52,671
Okay, come on.
We don't have that much time.

1082
00:55:52,738 --> 00:55:53,948
I know.
She's running errands.

1083
00:55:54,017 --> 00:55:56,603
That only gives us 12 hours.

1084
00:55:59,169 --> 00:56:02,235
You, there.
Me, there.

1085
00:56:16,482 --> 00:56:19,645
A little salt in her sugar bowl.

1086
00:56:19,714 --> 00:56:20,891
Hey, come check this out!

1087
00:56:20,961 --> 00:56:22,455
Roger.

1088
00:56:24,641 --> 00:56:25,404
Alex?

1089
00:56:25,474 --> 00:56:27,416
Tripped on the rug.
I'm all right.

1090
00:56:29,089 --> 00:56:30,682
You sure you know
what you're doing?

1091
00:56:30,753 --> 00:56:32,793
I rewired the lamp
in your office.

1092
00:56:32,866 --> 00:56:35,419
Cool. 'Cause if the shock
doesn't get her,

1093
00:56:35,490 --> 00:56:37,399
a little bit
of gas poisoning should.

1094
00:56:37,473 --> 00:56:39,928
[Exhales sharply]
Out goes pilot one.

1095
00:56:41,698 --> 00:56:43,421
Out goes pilot two.

1096
00:56:45,025 --> 00:56:47,098
An hour at 375 ought to do it.

1097
00:56:47,169 --> 00:56:50,781
Did you remember to blow out
the pilot for the oven?

1098
00:56:50,850 --> 00:56:51,777
Oh.

1099
00:56:51,841 --> 00:56:53,270
Honey.

1100
00:56:53,345 --> 00:56:54,392
[Explosion]

1101
00:56:56,225 --> 00:56:58,080
[Electricity crackling]

1102
00:57:15,169 --> 00:57:17,274
Alex.

1103
00:57:17,345 --> 00:57:19,200
The stain is dripping on us.

1104
00:57:19,265 --> 00:57:21,153
I know.

1105
00:57:21,218 --> 00:57:23,771
Isn't it soothing?

1106
00:57:44,161 --> 00:57:45,590
- Alex.
- Hi.

1107
00:57:45,666 --> 00:57:48,383
We got a water stain downstairs,
so I got to look at the pipes.

1108
00:57:48,450 --> 00:57:50,392
What has happened to your face?

1109
00:57:50,466 --> 00:57:53,116
Oh, I just fell asleep in one
of those tanning machines.

1110
00:57:53,185 --> 00:57:55,902
You look like a roast mutton.

1111
00:57:56,769 --> 00:57:58,874
How are you doing, mutton head?

1112
00:57:58,945 --> 00:58:00,472
I'm almost done.

1113
00:58:00,545 --> 00:58:02,203
Ah!

1114
00:58:21,601 --> 00:58:22,713
On the average,

1115
00:58:22,785 --> 00:58:25,916
she gets up to change
the channel 19 times a night

1116
00:58:25,986 --> 00:58:29,019
walking this 48-inch footpath.

1117
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:30,911
By the time she gets
to the back end

1118
00:58:30,977 --> 00:58:32,766
of that "Hawaii Five-O"
marathon,

1119
00:58:32,833 --> 00:58:34,295
the acid should have eaten
through the floorboards.

1120
00:58:34,369 --> 00:58:36,377
And we'll finally be happy.

1121
00:58:36,450 --> 00:58:38,075
It wasn't our fault,
Officer Dan.

1122
00:58:38,145 --> 00:58:40,120
You should find the plumber.

1123
00:58:40,193 --> 00:58:41,437
- Right?
- Right.

1124
00:58:41,506 --> 00:58:43,164
[Both laughing]

1125
00:58:47,714 --> 00:58:51,642
You know, we might want to get
a hotel room just in case.

1126
00:58:53,281 --> 00:58:56,893
Sweetie, now that we have a hole
in the ceiling,

1127
00:58:56,962 --> 00:58:59,831
I thought maybe it could be
a new place

1128
00:58:59,905 --> 00:59:01,247
for the staircase to go.

1129
00:59:01,313 --> 00:59:03,255
Yeah.
Looks good.

1130
00:59:05,665 --> 00:59:07,126
Where are you going?

1131
00:59:07,201 --> 00:59:08,925
A little insurance.

1132
00:59:10,625 --> 00:59:13,472
Alex, no!
Not Mr. Peacock.

1133
00:59:13,538 --> 00:59:18,109
Honey, Mr. Peacock's gonna have
to take one for the team, okay?

1134
00:59:20,385 --> 00:59:23,768
[Footsteps]

1135
00:59:23,842 --> 00:59:25,914
[Creaking]

1136
00:59:31,393 --> 00:59:34,175
[People speaking
foreign languages]

1137
00:59:35,681 --> 00:59:37,437
That's it.

1138
00:59:37,505 --> 00:59:39,480
She's watching "Riverdance."

1139
00:59:39,554 --> 00:59:41,725
I didn't know people still
watched "Riverdance."

1140
00:59:41,793 --> 00:59:45,088
[Irish music plays]

1141
00:59:55,105 --> 00:59:58,073
You know, this is actually
harder than it looks.

1142
01:00:01,282 --> 01:00:03,038
[Screaming]

1143
01:00:06,946 --> 01:00:09,335
Holy Mary and Joseph!

1144
01:00:09,409 --> 01:00:12,573
I could have fallen
right through.

1145
01:00:16,513 --> 01:00:18,968
The floorboards here,
they're rotten to the core.

1146
01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:21,910
Awhile back she hired this
Russian guy to fix the pipes.

1147
01:00:21,985 --> 01:00:23,479
And I don't know
if you noticed,

1148
01:00:23,553 --> 01:00:26,782
but there's all this
water damage that he left.

1149
01:00:26,850 --> 01:00:30,297
With all due respect
to Mr. "D", Alex,

1150
01:00:30,369 --> 01:00:33,850
you were up here yourself
fiddling with me pipes

1151
01:00:33,921 --> 01:00:36,125
a few days ago.

1152
01:00:36,193 --> 01:00:38,048
Fiddling with her pipes, huh?

1153
01:00:38,113 --> 01:00:40,285
Now, that's another fine
right there.

1154
01:00:40,353 --> 01:00:41,498
For what?

1155
01:00:41,569 --> 01:00:44,318
You can't plumb without
a license in New York City.

1156
01:00:44,386 --> 01:00:46,622
Plumb?
I can't plumb?

1157
01:00:48,129 --> 01:00:49,689
Are you sassing me, Mr. Rose?

1158
01:00:49,761 --> 01:00:51,321
He's not sassing you.

1159
01:00:51,393 --> 01:00:53,182
Yeah, no, I'm not sassing you.

1160
01:00:53,249 --> 01:00:54,656
I'm not.

1161
01:00:54,721 --> 01:00:55,834
I didn't think so.

1162
01:00:55,906 --> 01:00:57,662
'Cause I know
a city building inspector

1163
01:00:57,729 --> 01:01:00,795
that eats chickenshit slumlords
like you for lunch.

1164
01:01:00,865 --> 01:01:02,970
You got it?

1165
01:01:03,041 --> 01:01:04,764
I get it.
You know, slumlord...

1166
01:01:04,833 --> 01:01:09,111
And you're gonna buy
Miss Connelly a brand-new TV.

1167
01:01:09,185 --> 01:01:12,960
In fact, Miss Connelly,
I'm gonna pick it out myself.

1168
01:01:13,025 --> 01:01:16,954
Oh! Could you get one of
those clappy things?

1169
01:01:17,026 --> 01:01:20,538
It makes my viewing
so much easier.

1170
01:01:26,145 --> 01:01:28,120
Smoke.
Smoke, smoke.

1171
01:01:28,193 --> 01:01:31,324
Mesca.
Loot, loot.

1172
01:01:32,033 --> 01:01:33,112
Gun?

1173
01:01:33,185 --> 01:01:34,363
What?

1174
01:01:34,433 --> 01:01:36,059
Gun.

1175
01:01:39,969 --> 01:01:40,862
Gun?

1176
01:01:40,929 --> 01:01:42,106
Gun?

1177
01:01:47,233 --> 01:01:50,081
So this is what it's come to?

1178
01:01:51,233 --> 01:01:53,087
I guess so.

1179
01:02:01,857 --> 01:02:04,224
I don't think
I've ever held a gun be...

1180
01:02:13,409 --> 01:02:15,264
I think I've got everything
I need here.

1181
01:02:15,329 --> 01:02:16,856
We've got an unlicensed
gun charge,

1182
01:02:16,929 --> 01:02:18,620
and then pending
an investigation...

1183
01:02:18,689 --> 01:02:20,249
It was an accident.

1184
01:02:20,321 --> 01:02:21,182
It's my experience

1185
01:02:21,249 --> 01:02:23,452
that wives don't accidently
shoot their husbands

1186
01:02:23,521 --> 01:02:25,244
in the penis.

1187
01:02:25,313 --> 01:02:28,542
And as much as this particular
man might deserve it,

1188
01:02:28,609 --> 01:02:33,431
spousal abuse is a very serious
crime in this state.

1189
01:02:34,721 --> 01:02:37,405
You two have a good night now.

1190
01:02:41,729 --> 01:02:44,598
He thinks you're abusing me.

1191
01:02:44,673 --> 01:02:46,397
Well, you did shoot me.

1192
01:02:46,465 --> 01:02:47,642
[Curtain opens]

1193
01:02:47,713 --> 01:02:50,397
You're very lucky.

1194
01:02:50,465 --> 01:02:52,090
Your hand deflected the bullet

1195
01:02:52,161 --> 01:02:53,984
away from the tissue
of the actual organ

1196
01:02:54,049 --> 01:02:56,056
and just nicked the scrotum.

1197
01:02:56,129 --> 01:03:01,115
What about the,
you know, the berries?

1198
01:03:02,625 --> 01:03:04,960
["Sexual Healing" plays]

1199
01:03:05,025 --> 01:03:06,203
Oh.

1200
01:03:06,273 --> 01:03:09,087
Wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up

1201
01:03:10,081 --> 01:03:12,056
Oh, baby, now,
let's get down tonight

1202
01:03:12,129 --> 01:03:13,787
You feel that?

1203
01:03:15,905 --> 01:03:17,214
Yes.
Mm-hmm.

1204
01:03:17,281 --> 01:03:19,288
- That's good.
- [Music stops]

1205
01:03:19,361 --> 01:03:21,816
Okay. I'm gonna run
a few more tests,

1206
01:03:21,889 --> 01:03:24,638
but I think you should be
out of here by tomorrow.

1207
01:03:26,593 --> 01:03:28,797
Poor Mr. Peabody.

1208
01:03:28,865 --> 01:03:31,254
He took one for the team.

1209
01:03:31,329 --> 01:03:33,947
I just think that we're going
about this murder thing

1210
01:03:34,017 --> 01:03:34,965
all wrong.

1211
01:03:35,041 --> 01:03:36,950
You think?!

1212
01:03:37,025 --> 01:03:39,775
Maybe we should just
keep it simple.

1213
01:03:44,609 --> 01:03:46,682
This is so not simple.

1214
01:03:46,753 --> 01:03:47,930
Yeah, but you know

1215
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:51,000
she triple chain-Iocks
the front door at night.

1216
01:03:51,073 --> 01:03:54,422
A little more,
a little more. Okay.

1217
01:04:12,225 --> 01:04:13,567
Where is she?

1218
01:04:15,488 --> 01:04:18,009
Maybe she's in her chair.

1219
01:04:35,265 --> 01:04:37,469
You caught me.

1220
01:04:37,537 --> 01:04:42,458
I can't help but sneak a fag
once in a blue moon.

1221
01:04:42,529 --> 01:04:44,798
We...

1222
01:04:44,865 --> 01:04:46,720
We thought
that you might be cold,

1223
01:04:46,785 --> 01:04:48,857
so we brought you
an extra pillow.

1224
01:04:48,929 --> 01:04:52,126
Oh, such consideration.

1225
01:04:52,193 --> 01:04:56,862
So unlike the other landlords.

1226
01:04:57,409 --> 01:05:01,948
Many have passed
through the dwelling below,

1227
01:05:02,017 --> 01:05:08,160
but I just know
you two have come to stay.

1228
01:05:09,377 --> 01:05:13,087
Officer Dan put in
me new television.

1229
01:05:13,153 --> 01:05:15,291
52 inches.

1230
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:19,005
And he gave me
these noise boxes,

1231
01:05:19,073 --> 01:05:21,277
there and by me chair.

1232
01:05:21,345 --> 01:05:24,727
So it's like I'm in the cinema.

1233
01:05:24,801 --> 01:05:31,096
Oh, it's going to be
so wonderful here.

1234
01:05:31,169 --> 01:05:34,366
You two lovelies...

1235
01:05:34,433 --> 01:05:36,637
me...

1236
01:05:36,705 --> 01:05:39,487
Officer Dan.

1237
01:05:39,553 --> 01:05:45,117
We're going to be
one big, happy family.

1238
01:05:45,825 --> 01:05:48,476
The Irish have a saying

1239
01:05:48,545 --> 01:05:53,466
that it's unlucky to come in
one door and go out of another.

1240
01:05:53,537 --> 01:05:56,439
Something to do with the dead.

1241
01:05:56,513 --> 01:05:59,928
Evil spirits and the like.

1242
01:06:01,505 --> 01:06:04,025
Good night now.

1243
01:06:15,169 --> 01:06:17,722
Do you know what, dears?

1244
01:06:17,793 --> 01:06:23,805
I think I've enough warmth
as it is.

1245
01:06:29,153 --> 01:06:30,582
Night.

1246
01:06:34,465 --> 01:06:36,090
That was, without question,

1247
01:06:36,160 --> 01:06:39,160
the weirdest 7 minutes
of my life.

1248
01:06:39,232 --> 01:06:42,528
[Claps twice,
television blaring]

1249
01:06:42,593 --> 01:06:43,803
[Screaming]

1250
01:06:46,305 --> 01:06:51,837
Captain Connelly battled waves
twice the size of that!

1251
01:06:51,905 --> 01:06:53,531
Didn't he, Little Dick?

1252
01:06:53,601 --> 01:06:56,251
[Rumbling]

1253
01:06:56,320 --> 01:06:58,076
[Man on television shouting]

1254
01:06:59,937 --> 01:07:03,320
We're just gonna be one big,
happy family!

1255
01:07:03,392 --> 01:07:04,407
[Laughing]

1256
01:07:11,553 --> 01:07:13,309
What?!
Is it us?!

1257
01:07:13,377 --> 01:07:17,021
Are we doing such a bad job
of trying to kill her?!

1258
01:07:17,088 --> 01:07:20,285
It's not our fault!
She's a freak of nature!

1259
01:07:26,145 --> 01:07:28,600
Hey! I thought you were supposed
to get rid of these.

1260
01:07:28,673 --> 01:07:30,298
I did!

1261
01:07:30,368 --> 01:07:32,310
It's strange.
I don't know how that got there.

1262
01:07:32,385 --> 01:07:33,814
Yeah, right.

1263
01:07:33,889 --> 01:07:36,256
"Ass Patrol"!

1264
01:07:36,321 --> 01:07:38,426
Hand me that "Ass Patrol."

1265
01:07:55,009 --> 01:07:56,864
Now, depending on her mood,

1266
01:07:56,929 --> 01:07:59,646
she could be watching TV
over here

1267
01:07:59,713 --> 01:08:01,535
or sneaking a cigarette
over there.

1268
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:04,350
I realize this is
just horribly cluttered.

1269
01:08:04,417 --> 01:08:07,483
When we get in there, we're
gonna go for a cleaner look.

1270
01:08:07,552 --> 01:08:09,046
It's...

1271
01:08:10,273 --> 01:08:11,996
Sorry.

1272
01:08:12,064 --> 01:08:14,617
What's the easiest way
into this hag's place?

1273
01:08:14,688 --> 01:08:19,991
Well, we found the dumbwaiter
to be rather effective.

1274
01:08:20,065 --> 01:08:23,862
Yeah, and you really don't have
to pull that hard to climb it.

1275
01:08:23,936 --> 01:08:27,613
You know, we could even leave
the back door open for you.

1276
01:08:27,681 --> 01:08:31,292
So, Chick, how much is this
gonna set us back?

1277
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:32,637
25K.

1278
01:08:32,705 --> 01:08:34,974
O... 2... Okay.

1279
01:08:35,040 --> 01:08:37,342
'Cause we had had
a slightly different figure

1280
01:08:37,409 --> 01:08:39,897
in our heads.

1281
01:08:39,969 --> 01:08:43,100
We were thinking maybe something
a little closer to, like...

1282
01:08:45,089 --> 01:08:47,194
half a "K."

1283
01:08:49,248 --> 01:08:53,177
The bottom-line price
for wet work is $25,000.

1284
01:08:55,745 --> 01:08:57,174
Okay.

1285
01:08:58,977 --> 01:09:02,043
When do you think
you could do it?

1286
01:09:02,113 --> 01:09:03,673
I'll do it Thursday night.

1287
01:09:03,744 --> 01:09:05,305
- Christmas Eve?
- Yeah.

1288
01:09:05,377 --> 01:09:08,094
I got a little function.
Then I'll swing by.

1289
01:09:08,161 --> 01:09:10,495
Put the cash in the dumbwaiter.

1290
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:12,567
- Got it?
- Got it.

1291
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:14,648
- Okay.
- Cool.

1292
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:16,760
Don't forget your computer.

1293
01:09:16,832 --> 01:09:18,840
Thank you so much.

1294
01:09:23,873 --> 01:09:25,466
Good night.

1295
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:32,702
Okay, now all we need
is $25,000.

1296
01:09:32,769 --> 01:09:33,152
"Piper grabbed the leash of the
only partner he'd ever known,

1297
01:09:33,152 --> 01:09:35,607
"Piper grabbed the leash of the
only partner he'd ever known,

1298
01:09:35,680 --> 01:09:38,364
and the private eye and his
Jack Russell headed downtown.

1299
01:09:38,433 --> 01:09:41,728
'I guess it's just one of those
things worth killing for, huh?"'

1300
01:09:45,249 --> 01:09:47,616
WOMAN: We'll take a break
and come back for some Q&A.

1301
01:09:47,681 --> 01:09:48,925
Dental surgery.

1302
01:09:48,993 --> 01:09:50,880
$25,000?!

1303
01:09:50,944 --> 01:09:52,886
The thing is,
with Nancy losing her job,

1304
01:09:52,960 --> 01:09:56,408
and with the mortgage and now
with me losing my book contract,

1305
01:09:56,481 --> 01:09:57,888
things have gotten desperate,

1306
01:09:57,952 --> 01:10:01,116
and I wouldn't even be asking
if it wasn't serious.

1307
01:10:01,185 --> 01:10:02,811
[Footsteps]

1308
01:10:02,881 --> 01:10:04,157
[Door slams]

1309
01:10:04,224 --> 01:10:05,566
Did you get the money?

1310
01:10:05,632 --> 01:10:07,126
No. He didn't think
I needed it.

1311
01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:10,615
But I did get a nice,
new, signed first edition

1312
01:10:10,688 --> 01:10:12,095
for my collection.

1313
01:10:12,160 --> 01:10:14,332
He wrote it in 4 days.
Want to know how?

1314
01:10:14,401 --> 01:10:16,735
Listen to this.
Let's see.

1315
01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:18,589
"Her hair was bright yellow

1316
01:10:18,657 --> 01:10:21,112
like the color of your pee
after you take a multivitamin."

1317
01:10:21,185 --> 01:10:23,836
It's a nice metaphor, asshole!

1318
01:10:23,905 --> 01:10:25,977
Stupid, freaking asshole!

1319
01:10:26,048 --> 01:10:28,088
I hate you and your stupid
Don Piper mystery

1320
01:10:28,161 --> 01:10:31,227
and your stupid pregnant wife
who's gonna have a little baby

1321
01:10:31,297 --> 01:10:35,072
that has a freaking six-pack
because its mother never eats!

1322
01:10:35,137 --> 01:10:37,209
Honey.

1323
01:10:38,688 --> 01:10:41,055
Honey, we're gonna get
that money.

1324
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:42,779
How?

1325
01:10:42,849 --> 01:10:46,842
How are we gonna get $25,000
in two days?

1326
01:10:51,905 --> 01:10:54,971
["It's Beginning to Look
Like Christmas" plays]

1327
01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:04,408
It's beginning to look
a lot like Christmas

1328
01:11:04,481 --> 01:11:06,139
No.

1329
01:11:07,840 --> 01:11:09,913
Not Mr. Peacock.

1330
01:11:10,976 --> 01:11:13,693
Take a look
in the five-and-ten

1331
01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:15,768
Glistening once again

1332
01:11:15,841 --> 01:11:19,867
With candy canes
and silver lanes aglow

1333
01:11:19,937 --> 01:11:23,995
It's beginning to look
a lot like Christmas

1334
01:11:24,064 --> 01:11:24,992
Christmas

1335
01:11:25,057 --> 01:11:27,675
Toys in every store

1336
01:11:27,744 --> 01:11:28,954
Ooh

1337
01:11:29,024 --> 01:11:31,643
But the prettiest sight
to see

1338
01:11:31,713 --> 01:11:33,600
Is the holly that will be

1339
01:11:33,664 --> 01:11:38,650
On your own front door

1340
01:11:40,128 --> 01:11:42,070
[Hinges creaking]

1341
01:12:01,952 --> 01:12:04,091
[Zipper zips]

1342
01:12:07,552 --> 01:12:09,243
[Buzzer sounds]

1343
01:12:09,313 --> 01:12:11,418
CHILDREN: Jingle bells,
jingle bells

1344
01:12:11,489 --> 01:12:13,398
Jingle all the way

1345
01:12:13,472 --> 01:12:15,927
Oh, what fun it is to ride

1346
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:18,171
In a one-horse open sleigh,
hey!

1347
01:12:18,240 --> 01:12:20,542
Jingle bells, jingle bells

1348
01:12:20,608 --> 01:12:23,161
Jingle all the way

1349
01:12:23,232 --> 01:12:26,134
Oh, what fun
it is to ride...

1350
01:12:26,208 --> 01:12:28,379
Jingle bells, jingle bells

1351
01:12:28,448 --> 01:12:30,456
Jingle all the way

1352
01:12:30,529 --> 01:12:33,398
Oh, what fun
it is to ride...

1353
01:12:34,752 --> 01:12:37,305
ALL:
Merry Christmas!

1354
01:12:37,376 --> 01:12:39,645
That's good, kids.
That is good.

1355
01:12:39,712 --> 01:12:42,047
Now, you save those voices
for the neighbors, okay?

1356
01:12:42,112 --> 01:12:45,047
Officer Dan,
what a pleasant surprise.

1357
01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:46,582
What can we do for you?

1358
01:12:46,657 --> 01:12:49,112
I have cookies
I want to take to Miss Connelly.

1359
01:12:49,185 --> 01:12:52,730
Oh, okay.
Oh, that's nice.

1360
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:53,913
No.
I'll take them up myself.

1361
01:12:53,985 --> 01:12:55,512
I'll bring them up for you.

1362
01:12:55,585 --> 01:12:57,439
If you don't mind...

1363
01:13:02,688 --> 01:13:03,965
I don't...

1364
01:13:04,033 --> 01:13:06,073
I don't think she's even
up there.

1365
01:13:06,145 --> 01:13:09,440
She's not, so you should just
leave it at the door.

1366
01:13:11,457 --> 01:13:13,977
[Snoring]

1367
01:13:26,304 --> 01:13:29,817
Hey!
Cut that out.

1368
01:13:29,888 --> 01:13:31,350
Stop it.
Hey!

1369
01:13:31,425 --> 01:13:33,978
Stop it!
What the heck is going on?

1370
01:13:34,049 --> 01:13:35,423
There are kids here.

1371
01:13:36,864 --> 01:13:38,937
I knew there was domestic abuse
in this house.

1372
01:13:39,008 --> 01:13:40,895
I'm gonna come back
in 10 minutes.

1373
01:13:40,961 --> 01:13:43,099
Come on, kids.
Let's go.

1374
01:13:43,168 --> 01:13:44,892
Good save.

1375
01:13:44,961 --> 01:13:46,008
[Little Dick squawks]

1376
01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:51,000
I knew they'd send a brute.

1377
01:13:57,024 --> 01:13:58,235
[Screaming]

1378
01:13:58,305 --> 01:13:59,996
Aah!
You shot me!

1379
01:14:00,065 --> 01:14:02,399
I've got you, you brute!

1380
01:14:02,464 --> 01:14:05,693
Who are ya, bringing a knife
to a gunfight?

1381
01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:07,865
Let go of me!

1382
01:14:13,665 --> 01:14:15,356
What's he doing?

1383
01:14:15,425 --> 01:14:18,043
He's doing his job.

1384
01:14:20,512 --> 01:14:22,487
If you want to dance with me,

1385
01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:24,981
you've gotta buy me
a drink first.

1386
01:14:30,112 --> 01:14:31,836
Is that smoke?!

1387
01:14:34,112 --> 01:14:37,429
Get off me, you crazy bitch!

1388
01:14:56,928 --> 01:14:59,514
[Squawking]

1389
01:15:30,209 --> 01:15:32,347
[Coughing]
Wait, wait.

1390
01:15:32,416 --> 01:15:34,653
What?
What?

1391
01:15:38,688 --> 01:15:41,209
Here we go.
You all right?

1392
01:15:41,280 --> 01:15:43,254
Yeah.
Where's Little Dickey?

1393
01:15:43,328 --> 01:15:44,889
Dickey, Dickey.
Here you go.

1394
01:15:44,961 --> 01:15:46,619
Here, here.

1395
01:15:46,688 --> 01:15:47,768
Oh, Dick.

1396
01:15:47,841 --> 01:15:49,695
[Siren wailing]

1397
01:15:49,761 --> 01:15:50,775
Dickey.

1398
01:15:50,848 --> 01:15:52,604
Hello.

1399
01:15:53,888 --> 01:15:55,644
Never thought you had it in you.

1400
01:15:55,712 --> 01:15:58,560
Thank God I bought
that fire extinguisher.

1401
01:15:58,624 --> 01:16:00,599
We were just
trying to help her out.

1402
01:16:00,673 --> 01:16:02,079
Her and Little Dickey.

1403
01:16:02,145 --> 01:16:04,414
I'll just write this citation up
for electricity.

1404
01:16:04,480 --> 01:16:06,585
Thank you.
Thanks.

1405
01:16:16,736 --> 01:16:19,355
KENNETH: Believe it or not,
I need two more autographs,

1406
01:16:19,425 --> 01:16:21,213
and that will be it.

1407
01:16:21,280 --> 01:16:23,517
- So how's the new place?
- It's cute.

1408
01:16:23,584 --> 01:16:26,780
I'll tell you, the Bronx
is an up-and-coming borough.

1409
01:16:26,849 --> 01:16:29,532
You didn't lie, Kenneth.
It all looks incredible.

1410
01:16:29,600 --> 01:16:32,186
I told you they'd fix it up,
didn't I?

1411
01:16:32,257 --> 01:16:34,231
Friedmans, meet Alex and Nancy.

1412
01:16:34,304 --> 01:16:35,198
- Hi.
- Hey.

1413
01:16:35,264 --> 01:16:36,758
We can't thank you enough.

1414
01:16:36,832 --> 01:16:39,996
This is just a dream house.
It's so quiet.

1415
01:16:40,064 --> 01:16:42,104
Honey, won't this be perfect
for your sleep disorder?

1416
01:16:42,176 --> 01:16:43,769
I'm drowsy already.

1417
01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:45,563
Hey, who wants to run upstairs
and say hello?

1418
01:16:45,632 --> 01:16:47,193
Well, we should get going.

1419
01:16:47,265 --> 01:16:49,337
We should.
We have to...

1420
01:16:49,408 --> 01:16:50,007
Yeah.

1421
01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:51,607
Nonsense!

1422
01:16:51,680 --> 01:16:53,753
You pulled the woman
out of a burning building.

1423
01:16:53,824 --> 01:16:56,410
You'd break her heart
if you didn't say goodbye.

1424
01:16:56,480 --> 01:16:57,942
Come on!

1425
01:16:58,016 --> 01:17:01,082
Mrs. Connelly,
I brought you a surprise!

1426
01:17:01,152 --> 01:17:04,219
Mrs. Connelly!!

1427
01:17:04,289 --> 01:17:06,077
The hearing on this one.

1428
01:17:06,144 --> 01:17:09,308
Look who's here.
She's asleep.

1429
01:17:09,376 --> 01:17:10,937
Sweetheart.

1430
01:17:14,208 --> 01:17:16,280
She's stiff as a board.

1431
01:17:16,352 --> 01:17:19,800
No.
She's just hard-of-hearing.

1432
01:17:20,640 --> 01:17:22,550
Mrs. Connelly!

1433
01:17:22,624 --> 01:17:24,893
["Hawaii Five-O" theme plays]

1434
01:17:29,280 --> 01:17:31,190
She's dead.

1435
01:17:31,264 --> 01:17:33,533
Oh, poor thing.

1436
01:17:33,600 --> 01:17:35,323
No.

1437
01:17:35,392 --> 01:17:37,214
She can't be dead.

1438
01:17:37,280 --> 01:17:39,833
I guess it was just her time.

1439
01:17:41,184 --> 01:17:43,737
Come on, I'll call
the Friedmans.

1440
01:17:43,808 --> 01:17:45,979
You don't have to stay here
for this.

1441
01:17:46,048 --> 01:17:48,252
Come.
Come, come, come.

1442
01:17:51,104 --> 01:17:53,526
Must have been
all the excitement.

1443
01:18:14,464 --> 01:18:16,472
I can't believe it.

1444
01:18:16,545 --> 01:18:19,195
She was so full of life.

1445
01:18:20,288 --> 01:18:23,637
I mean, for all our differences,

1446
01:18:23,712 --> 01:18:27,771
that old lady really had
a lot of spunk.

1447
01:18:27,840 --> 01:18:29,880
A lot of it.

1448
01:18:30,912 --> 01:18:33,367
Do you think she's up in heaven?

1449
01:18:34,976 --> 01:18:36,351
Well, I'll tell you something.

1450
01:18:36,416 --> 01:18:40,507
Wherever she is,
she's in a better place.

1451
01:18:47,808 --> 01:18:51,670
You should have seen their faces
when I said she was a goner.

1452
01:18:51,744 --> 01:18:54,559
So cheap, though I wish
I could have been there.

1453
01:18:54,624 --> 01:18:55,355
Trust me.

1454
01:18:55,424 --> 01:18:58,653
It wasn't easy holding
me breath all that long.

1455
01:18:58,720 --> 01:19:02,037
Next time, I want a bigger cut
of your commission, Kenny.

1456
01:19:02,112 --> 01:19:04,567
What are you talking about?
We give you everything, Ma.

1457
01:19:04,640 --> 01:19:05,917
There's barely enough left

1458
01:19:05,984 --> 01:19:09,246
for Danny and I to have
a cruise to the Caribbean.

1459
01:19:09,312 --> 01:19:12,443
I'm the one putting
me caboose on the line.

1460
01:19:12,512 --> 01:19:13,079
Oh, come on.

1461
01:19:13,152 --> 01:19:14,843
You had it easy
with Alex and Nancy.

1462
01:19:14,912 --> 01:19:18,686
They were a nice couple.
I do hope they'll be all right.

1463
01:19:18,752 --> 01:19:19,929
Ah, they'll be fine.

1464
01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:22,367
He's a writer.
They thrive on adversity.

1465
01:19:22,432 --> 01:19:26,141
I hope his next book is better
than his last one.

1466
01:19:26,208 --> 01:19:30,136
Maybe this time he'll write
about something he knows.

1467
01:19:32,320 --> 01:19:34,295
NARRATOR:
Alex and Nancy's dream house

1468
01:19:34,368 --> 01:19:36,440
may have been
too good to be true.

1469
01:19:36,512 --> 01:19:39,229
But did they live
happily ever after?

1470
01:19:39,296 --> 01:19:42,198
Well, read the book.

1471
01:19:42,272 --> 01:19:43,614
[Claps twice]