1 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:13,096 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:14,556 CARLY: Jake Blum's office. 3 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,641 Oh, hey! Larry David calling for Jake. 4 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,602 -Oh, hey, Larry, how are ya? -Oh. Couldn't be better. 5 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,980 Oh, good. Hey, I read the script. 6 00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,693 (CHUCKLES) Yeah? 7 00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:29,571 -Oh, yeah. Um-- -Ah, you read the script. 8 00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,906 -I d-- I did. -LARRY DAVID: Well, congratulations. 9 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,034 -You can read. That's so great. -Hey, did you call earlier? 10 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:36,578 Our phones have been down all day. 11 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,122 Yeah, I was calling to see if Jake had converted. 12 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,291 Ba-dump-bump. (INHALES) 13 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,252 -What's that? -Ba-dump-bump. 14 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:45,962 -(CHUCKLES) You know? -Hmm, yeah. 15 00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,464 That's what I thought you did. 16 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,966 -I'll get Jake for ya. -Yeah and while you're at it, 17 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,427 maybe you can think of an adjective for the script. 18 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,638 -(PHONE BEEPS) -Jake, I've got Larry David on the phone for you. 19 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,974 -Larry, bubbie. How are ya? -LARRY: Good. 20 00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:00,310 Listen, we have to recast the young Larry part 21 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,145 and, uh, it's gonna take a couple of weeks 22 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,480 before we can start rehearsal. 23 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,899 Okay. It's your show. We're just paying for it. 24 00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,067 Thank you. I appreciate that. By the way, 25 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,402 your, uh, assistant... 26 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,446 -gave me a, "Ba-dump-bump." -"Ba-dump-bump?" 27 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:14,115 Yeah, like I'm a comic in the Catskills. 28 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,367 By the way, she is on the call. 29 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:17,660 Oh, for fuck's sake. 30 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,788 Hi, Larry. I'm-- I'm still here, so... 31 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:20,955 Why is she on the phone? 32 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,749 She's my assistant, Larry. She takes notes, 33 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:25,168 -that's part of the gig. -LARRY: No! It's not part of the gig. 34 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,544 She's not a court stenographer. 35 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,923 I've taken notes on all-- all of your calls, just a FYI. 36 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:33,468 LARRY: Get off the phone. Jake, get her off the phone. 37 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,969 Should I be writing all this, Jake? 38 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,180 No, you should get the fuck off the phone. 39 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,015 -I'm getting-- I'm off. Okay. -JAKE: Hang up. 40 00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:41,184 -Hang up. She's hanging up, Larry. She's hanging up. -I'm off of the phone. 41 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,936 -JAKE: Hang up. -Everything is off. 42 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,355 -I think she's off now. -Don't ever do that to me again. 43 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,566 I'm sorry about that. So, what do you wanna talk about? 44 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,902 -I already told you. -I-- I don't remember. 45 00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,612 You might wanna check your notes. 46 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,323 -♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -IRMA KOSTROSKI: Without Jimmy Mayhew, 47 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:57,742 it is not the result we wanted. 48 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,454 You can just kiss goodbye to the fertilizer run up bill. 49 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:03,331 -See you later, guys. -♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪ 50 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,457 EMPLOYEE: Bye. 51 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:08,294 What? Oh, my God. You? 52 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:11,714 I am so sorry about the election. 53 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,425 -One vote. Your fault. -LARRY: I've learned my lesson. 54 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,885 -Every vote counts -Every vote counts. 55 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,888 It's really sunk in. Anyway, I'm awfully sorry. 56 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,807 Uh, I-- I got these for you. 57 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,019 (SCOFFS) 58 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:28,022 You know, I've missed you. I-- I was watching 59 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,650 the House of Representatives on C-SPAN, 60 00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,610 and it made me think of you. 61 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,737 Then I watched Mr. Smith Goes to Washington 62 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,406 with Jimmy Stewart, in the filibuster 63 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,533 and I was thinking to myself, "I bet Irma would be 64 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:41,161 -a great filibusteress." -Thank you. 65 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,370 LARRY: Yeah. 66 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,999 But I'm still mad at you. So mad, so disappointed. 67 00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,710 Everybody is disappointed at me at some point. 68 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,503 -But you know what? -(SIGHS) 69 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,882 I'd love to be friends again. Can I take you out to dinner 70 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,175 and make it up to you with a big sumptuous, 71 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,012 -expensive meal? -Okay. 72 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:01,931 -You can call me. -(CLAPS) Yeah. 73 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,936 But not tonight. I'm finishing a cleanse. 74 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,981 -I'm preparing for colonoscopy. -Huh. 75 00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:17,530 -(WHISPERS) One vote. -♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 76 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,949 JEFF GREENE: You're gonna get that law repealed, I know it. 77 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,911 Well, the recasting's buying us some extra time, which is great, 78 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,038 -yeah. And when I called Jake... -Yeah. 79 00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,915 ...his assistant, Carly, answered the phone. 80 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:30,293 -She gave me a, "Ba-dump-bump." -Yeah, Carly likes that. 81 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,254 -Carly likes that? -I kinda think it's adorable. 82 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,131 Hmm. 83 00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:36,758 -Something you wanna ask me? -No, I-- I-- 84 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,927 -'Cause I'll tell you if you ask me. -You don't have to tell me 85 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,803 -'cause I already know. -JEFF: That's why I'm buying 86 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,182 this stupid, fresh cut lilac bath and body wash 87 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:46,851 because Carly smells like that. I'm with her, 88 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:50,313 if Susie smells it on me, she'll get suspicious. 89 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,357 So, I'm gonna have it in the house. 90 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,443 -and be using it all the time. -Well, that's a brilliant move. 91 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:58,738 Yeah, you better get used to me smelling like a lilac. 92 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,950 What's going on over here? Shouldn't she be moving up? 93 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,743 -(GRUNTS) -Isn't that how a line works? 94 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,203 -Yep. -I don't like a big gap in the line. 95 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,871 You wanna feel like a line is moving. 96 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,998 Otherwise, physiologically, it's bad. Right? 97 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,626 I'm languishing back here. Maybe I'll say something. 98 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:14,128 -Don't. -(MUMBLES) 99 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:18,007 Excuse me? Excuse me? Uh, would-- could you-- 100 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,510 would you mind moving up in the line a bit? 101 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,055 No, I'm good. Maybe just worry about yourself. 102 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:25,765 Well, I-- I mean, you're on the line, 103 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:29,269 you have a responsibility as a person on a line to keep the line moving. 104 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,312 You're not holding up your end of the bargain. 105 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,272 Would you tell somebody that was a white man 106 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,483 -to just move up? -Yeah, in a second. 107 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,820 -Sure, of course. -Oh, so this is racial. Is that what this is? 108 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,196 Sir, you know what? 109 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,115 I'm gonna actually need you to get in the back of the line. 110 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,158 -Or-- or you can leave. -What? Are you kidding? 111 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,910 -(CUSTOMERS CLAMORING) -Oh, oh, please. 112 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,162 -Th-there-there's a big... -CUSTOMER: Get in the back of the line. 113 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,872 -(CUSTOMERS CONTINUE CLAMORING) -Racial? Oh, please. 114 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,791 -Come on. -CUSTOMER 2: Come on, you're harassing her. 115 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,293 Just get back, would you do that? 116 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,585 CUSTOMER 3: In 2021. 117 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,462 -I'm so sorry about that. -What did I do? I asked somebody 118 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,881 -to move up in line. -(SCOFFS) 119 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,174 LARRY: I tap her on the shoulder 120 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,051 and you would've thought I called her the "N" word. 121 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,179 She thought I was a racist, everybody else thought I was a racist. 122 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:08,141 Just because I asked her to move up. It's crazy. 123 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,268 -Hmm. It is racist. -What? 124 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:11,644 -LEON BLACK: Of course. -Get out of here. 125 00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,771 Only a Black person would tell another Black person, 126 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:16,024 -and they'd move the fuck up. -Oh, that's ridiculous. 127 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,233 You out of your lane. 128 00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:19,318 You swerved out of your fucking lane. 129 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,029 Stay in your lane. That's fucking racist. 130 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,531 No, it's the opposite of racist. Treating someone differently 131 00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,867 because of the color of their skin, that's racist. 132 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:29,537 -What I did was anti-racist. -No, no, no. That's not racism. 133 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:33,791 It's audacity. You had the fucking audacity. 134 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,710 You shouldn't have asked that lady to move up 135 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:39,005 in your fucking white condition. Now, if I was with you, 136 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:41,591 I would say, "Hey, sister. Would you move the fuck up." 137 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,426 -And she would move up. -So, you would ask her? 138 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,677 It's gotta be Black on Black. 139 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,763 If I'm standing there and a white dude come up to me 140 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,973 and tap my shoulder, "Hey, buddy. Hey, pal. 141 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,767 Could you move up a little bit?" I'd say, "Man, 142 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,268 -get the fuck out my face." -Is that right? 143 00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:53,811 -LEON: I'll move when I'm fucking ready. -Oh. 144 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,397 Now, if said person was a bald-ass white man-- 145 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,357 You can't ask the bald guy to move up, but I can. 146 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,234 I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't say shit to him. 147 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:01,903 But you go up there... (SCOFFS) 148 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,072 -Y'all got something in common. -So, bald on bald. 149 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,740 -Bald on bald. -Jew on Jew. 150 00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,784 -Jew on Jew is cool too. See? -LARRY: Yeah. 151 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,077 -(DOORBELL RINGING) -Mm-hmm. 152 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,746 LARRY: Oh, that's the plumber. I gotta talk to him. 153 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,372 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 154 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:16,000 All right, got some bad news. You're gonna have to replace 155 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,002 the whole filtration system, top to bottom. 156 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,253 -What? -Ouch. 157 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,130 Seriously? I just did it three years ago. 158 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,257 Well, usually warranty's between three and ten years. 159 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,550 Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. Where the fuck 160 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,843 -is other seven years goin' at? -I mean, I don't know 161 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,553 what happened, I don't know who you hired. 162 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,847 It's a bad job and if you don't fix it, 163 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,475 they'll be flooding and even worse. 164 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,643 -Shit. -All right. So, um, 165 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,228 when do you think you can do this by? 166 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,814 PLUMBER: Uh, by the end of the week. We'll figure something out. 167 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,108 All right, I'll call you when the parts come in. 168 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,693 -LEON: Mmm. (CLICKS TONGUE) -What are you doing? 169 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:45,238 Something just ain't right, man. (SLURPS) 170 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,741 -Let me go talk to this guy real quick. -Okay, sure. 171 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,536 Hey, roto-rooter. Come on, man. What's going down here? 172 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:52,829 What's really going down? 173 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,167 Come on, man. You got to do somethin' better than this, man. 174 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,336 You can't come up here and throw that shit on us, man. 175 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:01,879 -My man, get that right. -All right 176 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,048 -You got me? -PLUMBER: I got you. I got you. 177 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,094 -LEON: Done and done. You good. -Wh-- what'd you say? 178 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,595 I told him to stop fucking around. 179 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,140 It's a 50-dollar valve. I had to set his ass straight. 180 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,308 He was gonna fuck you with sandpaper, you understand? 181 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:18,312 Hold it. So, this whole job is getting done for 50 dollars, 182 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,814 is that what you trying to tell me? 183 00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:21,983 -Mm-hmm. -(SCOFFS) Okay, first of all, 184 00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:24,485 thank you. But it's kind of sickening in a way 185 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,571 that I can get gouged like that. 186 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,489 They do that shit to you 'cause you don't know better. 187 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,325 People are being taken advantage of all the time. 188 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,078 You have somebody like me around, who knows shit. 189 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,496 I will read through that bullshit. 190 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,540 You know what you are? You're-- you're like a househusband. 191 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,209 Yeah. That's what the fuck I am. A person who's here 192 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,171 -to point out the bullshit. -Oh, my God. I got a great idea. 193 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,463 -(CHUCKLES) -Mm-hmm. 194 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:45,965 When them motherfuckin' eyebrows go up, 195 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,341 that's some bullshit coming down. 196 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,093 -(LARRY CHUCKLES) -What is it? Give it to me. 197 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,637 A business called "House Husband." 198 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,433 So people call you whenever they're in a situation 199 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,101 where they could be taken advantage of 200 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,103 by a mechanic, by a plumber, by an electrician... 201 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,063 -Oh. -...and you save that person 202 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,690 -tons of money. -They need a motherfucker 203 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,442 who knows a little bit about everything 204 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,195 -and a lot about nothing. -They need a househusband. 205 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,030 -Fuck right. -You know, it's a little sexist, 206 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,073 -the name, House Husband, but... -Right. 207 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,034 ...listen, I would avail myself of it. 208 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:14,202 -LEON: Fuck, yeah. -I'm a guy... 209 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,745 Love that idea. I fucking love it. 210 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,371 -(DOORBELL RINGING) -Already fucking done. 211 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:18,789 (LAUGHS) 212 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,919 -Hey. -LARRY: Hey. 213 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,629 Got a second? I'd love to talk to ya. 214 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,547 Yeah, sure. Come on in. 215 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:27,882 TED DANSON: Thank you. 216 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,636 -All right. What's going on? -(SIGHS) 217 00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,639 This is awkward, but... 218 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:37,350 Maria Sofia. What's the deal with her? 219 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,602 -What do you mean? -Are you fucking her? 220 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,354 (CHUCKLES) No! 221 00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:43,522 -No way-- -Are you fucking her mother? 222 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,816 (LAUGHS) No, get out of here. "Fucking her mother--" 223 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,986 Well, you're fucking me, man. I ca-- I can't work with her. 224 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,947 This is my career too. If I share the screen 225 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,824 -with that-- that-- -Don't worry, it's only temporary. 226 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:54,992 I promise you. 227 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:56,911 -(PHONE RINGING) -The situation's being resolved. 228 00:08:56,994 --> 00:09:00,623 -I'm taking steps-- -Hold on. Cheryl. Hey, Cheryl. 229 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,166 CHERYL DAVID: How much did this repair cost? 230 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,877 I don't-- I don't know. I'm not a mechanic. 231 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,587 If he says you need a new transmission, 232 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,839 you probably do. How much is it gonna cost? 233 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,258 CHERYL: Over 4,000. 234 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,093 -Are you kidding me? -CHERYL: No, that's just for starters. 235 00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:15,429 Well, that's crazy. They see you coming a mile away, 236 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,973 and I don't know what to do, I know-- 237 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,808 I know less than you do about cars. 238 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,309 -CHERYL: I know! -All right. All right. 239 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,436 I'll be there in a second. I gotta go. 240 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,230 The guy says she's gonna have to replace-- 241 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:25,481 It's just a little rattle-- 242 00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:28,609 -The whole transmission-- -Okay, hold on. Leon! 243 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,486 -Leon? -What's cracking? 244 00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:31,821 LARRY: The mechanic is telling Cheryl 245 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,990 she needs a new transmission, I think it's a job 246 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:35,491 -for house husband. -"House husband?" 247 00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:36,951 -LARRY: Yes. -LEON: That's right. 248 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,120 He's got a new business called House Husband. This is his job. 249 00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:41,289 I don't want you to go over there and get fucked. You understand? 250 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:42,999 Cheryl is beautiful, you a handsome-ass devil. 251 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,417 He gon' take advantage of your ass. 252 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,003 He just saved me 100s of dollars with a plumber. 253 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,337 LEON: If I'm there, there's no way 254 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,089 he'll take advantage of your ass. That money goes 255 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,340 back in your fucking pocket. 256 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,675 And some to me, of course. 257 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,511 -Hey, can you go right now? -Fuck, yeah. I'm already there. 258 00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:57,138 All right, let's do this shit. 259 00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:00,516 Hey, we still need to talk. 260 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,021 (SIGHS) 261 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:08,149 After seeing that movie, I'm never eating octopus again. 262 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:11,444 -(LAUGHS) -(CHUCKLES) 263 00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,154 -IRMA: Yeah. -How are you enjoying the wine? 264 00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,238 Oh, fabulous. 265 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,656 Have you decided on any appetizers? 266 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:18,659 -Yeah, I'd like the bruschetta. -The bruschetta, you got it. 267 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,328 -I would advise against that. -Why? 268 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,581 You get little bits of tomato on a piece of hard bread. 269 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:24,999 -They pile it up-- -IRMA: Yeah? 270 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,584 You take a bite it all falls, 271 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,336 they're very structurally unsound. 272 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,130 Can you bring an extra lay of bread for the bruschetta. 273 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,548 That would just be a tomato sandwich. 274 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,342 He's kind a crazy. Sorry. (CHUCKLES) 275 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,093 -Okay. And for you sir? -A market salad. 276 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,636 WAITER: A market salad, you got it. 277 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,056 Market salad. (CHUCKLES) He hates us. 278 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:43,851 -I do not like him at all. -He hates me. Did you see-- He hates. 279 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,019 -What did we do? -Hi. 280 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,187 -Oh, my God. Hi. -Hi, hi, hi! 281 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:47,396 -Oh. -I'm sorry to interrupt. 282 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,939 -DEIDRE MILLER: Hi. -This is my daughter. 283 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,483 -Hi. -Deidre, this is Larry. 284 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,360 -It's so nice to meet you. -What a-- what a pleasure. 285 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,778 -Deidre? -Yes. Nice to meet you. 286 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,821 Deidre not "Deer-dra?" Nice to meet you. 287 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,490 Um, I know Susie Greene, by the way, 288 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,033 -who's great. -Uh, great. 289 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,702 I don't know about great. Maybe good. Great, uh... 290 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,537 you know, Gandhi was great, Churchill, great. 291 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,873 -Yeah. -LARRY: Gorbachev, for my money, great. 292 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,626 But Susie Greene, I don't know if anybody's ever described her 293 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,002 -as "Great." -He's funny. 294 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,587 -Yeah. He's fun. (CHUCKLES) -IRMA: He's funny. 295 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:13,756 He could be very funny. So, how is the house? 296 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,299 Oh, God. He can't figure it out. 297 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,842 IRMA: What do you mean he can't figure it out? 298 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,345 He-- he's an electrician who doesn't know how to fix electricity. 299 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:20,805 It's all terrible and none of it is working, 300 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,848 -so he has to come back. -IRMA: So, what are they gonna do? 301 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,433 -I don't know. I don't know -(BOTH MUMBLING) 302 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,227 -(HIGH PITCHED MUMBLE) -How could you not know how long it took, 303 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,187 she takes the afternoon off work and nobody-- 304 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,564 No, it was fine. It was fine. I-- You know. 305 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,816 (LAUGHS) He's being very funny. 306 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,984 -I'm sure. I'm sure. -IRMA: So, what am I gonna do? 307 00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:36,028 You have to close the garage door manually 308 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,572 -and then-- -Okay, yeah. So, you close it manually. Okay. 309 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,200 -So nice to meet you. -Oh, and I stole this back 310 00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:42,827 'cause you have been hoarding my DVD. 311 00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,453 -Okay. -Little Women? 312 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,247 -Yeah. -(CHUCKLES) I cannot stand 313 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,707 those March sisters. Boy, do they get on my nerves. 314 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,376 What about them gets on your nerves? 315 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:53,254 The giggling all the time, making jam, 316 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:56,215 getting under the blanket and cozying up with Marmee. 317 00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:57,716 I feel like you're misreading it. 318 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,635 I find them a little mockish 319 00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:01,387 -and twee. -I don't find them twee, 320 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,139 I find them to be women of substance. 321 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,724 Oh, they're all so talented in their own right. 322 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,853 A writer, and a musician, and an artist. 323 00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,896 And one, of course, has to be an actor. 324 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,816 Is there no creative realm these sisters can't conquer? 325 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,276 What would you prefer they had done? 326 00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,611 One could've been a writer and the, uh, the other three, 327 00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,948 you know, housewives. (CHUCKLES) 328 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:25,327 -Uh, it's a joke. It's a joke. -Um, great to meet you, Larry. 329 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,829 -Nice to meet you. -Bye. I love you, Mom. 330 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,373 -IRMA: All right, my darling. -Enjoy your evening. 331 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,458 -Yes. -Um... 332 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,960 -DEIDRE: Okay, see you. -I love you. 333 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,753 Oh, what a-- what a lovely daughter. 334 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:35,963 -Isn't she... -LARRY: Yes. 335 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,423 -...beautiful, so bright. -You're so fortunate. 336 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:38,883 -You're so fortunate. -IRMA: Incredible. 337 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,092 I've never seen anything like her. 338 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,595 Your bruschetta... 339 00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,847 -and the market salad. -Thank you. 340 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,557 Enjoy, I'll be back in a bit. 341 00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:48,767 Oh. 342 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:54,523 -Oh. Oh, God. No. -Yeah, see I told you. 343 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,649 Look at that. 344 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,820 -I'm sorry. I'll try this. -(CHUCKLES) 345 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:04,658 -Oh, that makes it worse. -(GRUNTS) Yeah, God. 346 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:07,995 -You want some? You okay? Hmm. -LARRY: No. I'm good. Yeah. 347 00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:09,413 Hey, so let me ask you something. 348 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,915 -IRMA: Yeah. -LARRY: You're on the council. 349 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:12,500 You're a council women. What do you think 350 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:15,127 about this five-foot fence law? You know, you have to have 351 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,588 the fence around the pool. What kind of law is that? 352 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,089 I don't know if you voted for or not. 353 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,050 That was passed before I was on the council. 354 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,843 It's a crazy law. Huh? 355 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,553 It's a safety thing you-- you-- you know, 356 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,180 you gotta put a fence around your pool. 357 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,349 -Why? That doesn't make any-- -Because you do. 358 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:29,600 Because you know, that's the law. 359 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,602 You gotta have a fence around your pool. 360 00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,062 (CUTLERY CLATTERING) 361 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,731 ♪ (AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 362 00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:38,359 -IRMA: Now, I'm scooping and picking. -So, um... (CLEARS THROAT) 363 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,861 ...maybe um, after dinner... 364 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:42,988 maybe we go back... 365 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,241 to my house? 366 00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:53,249 I haven't had sex with anyone in 13 years. 367 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,378 Just a little heads up, you know? 368 00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,505 And now I'm gonna have garlic breath. 369 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,758 I've laid fallow, 370 00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:06,887 it's like whistling into the Sahara up there. 371 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,473 I think I'll get another glass of wine. (CLEARS THROAT) 372 00:14:10,307 --> 00:14:12,309 IRMA: And so, to bed. 373 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,772 Come to bed. 374 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,400 (INHALES, EXHALES) 375 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,783 (MOANING) 376 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,369 It's better than I expected. 377 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,998 But I have low expectations. 378 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,295 (CHUCKLES) It's funny. You know, I can't stop thinking 379 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,630 about the pool and that fence. 380 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,424 Why you so obsessive about this? 381 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,217 'Cause I don't wanna run to a pool 382 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,136 and then unlatch a gate and jump in. I-- 383 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,512 I just wanna run and jump in. 384 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,556 They don't have a fence around the dock. 385 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,141 You don't have a fence around a-- a beach. 386 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,976 -Yeah. -But you have a fence around a pool. 387 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,645 -It's crazy, makes no sense-- -Can I borrow your toothbrush? 388 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,938 -(HESITATES) -(IRMA GRUNTING) 389 00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,442 Not so sure about that. Don't think that's a great idea. 390 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,402 (EXHALES, SNIFFS) It's fine. 391 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,781 Mm-hmm. I have my retainer. 392 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:11,744 -I'm a grinder (CHUCKLES). -♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 393 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,621 (MOANS) 394 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,876 (SMOOCHES) Ooh, come here. 395 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:24,632 (MOANS, SMOOCHES) 396 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,353 (IRMA GRUNTS) 397 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:41,899 ♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪ 398 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,657 (MOUTHS) What have I done? 399 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:54,078 (MOUTHS) What have I done? 400 00:15:56,455 --> 00:16:00,167 (MOUTHS) What have I done? 401 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,252 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 402 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,256 (IRMA CRUNCHING) 403 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,219 Would you mind... 404 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,721 pulling down the sleeves on that sweater? 405 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,015 -What, this? -Yeah, you're stretching it out. 406 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,809 It's like a stretchy-- It's-- It's orlon. 407 00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,727 -No, it's cashmere. -It's cashmilon. 408 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,772 -Not cashmilon. It's not a mix. -I'm shvitzing, so it's a mix. 409 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,857 -You're what? -If it was pure, I wouldn't shvitz. 410 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,109 You-- you said you're sweating? 411 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:27,945 Hey, hey, hey. I don't wanna fight with you, lover. 412 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,032 -Oh. Hey. -LARRY: Ah, well. Hey! 413 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,034 -Good morning. Leon... -Good morning. 414 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:35,536 ...this is Irma Kostroski. 415 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,371 -Hey, Irma. -Oh. 416 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:39,164 From the, uh, Santa Monica City Council. 417 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,999 -Oh, okay. -Did you vote 418 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,419 -in the election last week? -No, fuck all that. 419 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,504 Once you start voting, there's taxes, 420 00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,797 and-- and-- and jury duty, 421 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,799 and old-ass warrants that pop up out of nowhere. 422 00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:51,051 -Fuck all that. -Language. (CHUCKLES) 423 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,554 Oh, my God. He comes in, you know, 424 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,097 effing and jeffing in this morning. 425 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,599 I really wish you'd watch your language around her. 426 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:58,934 -Oh. -It's not necessary. 427 00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:00,144 I told him that many times. 428 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,104 Oh, my God. I'm eating all this. I'm nervous, 429 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,189 You know, it's been like-- It was a big night for me 430 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:06,483 and now I have gas. It just sits there. 431 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:07,901 -LEON: Oh, wow. -Ooh, I got, like, 432 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,154 a bubble here. You got any Gas-X? 433 00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:13,449 Leon, is there anything you have that might disperse the bubble? 434 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,784 -IRMA: Yeah-- -Know what gets that out? The Heimlich. 435 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,286 -Heimlich. -IRMA: The Heimlich? 436 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,872 -(CELL PHONE RINGING) -Oh, it's my daughter. Excuse me. 437 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,336 What the fuck, man? You're in a bad spot, Larry. 438 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,089 Gotta tap that ass under duress? That's the worst. 439 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,799 Have you ever tapped someone under duress? 440 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,427 Course I have. My uncle passed away unexpectedly. 441 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,804 So, I had to tap this cougar at this mortuary. 442 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,681 Got a half off that coffin. 443 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,558 I hope this turns out as successful 444 00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,060 -as your dead uncle's coffin. -I hope so. 445 00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:46,064 -That was Deidre. -Oh. 446 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,108 -You made a horrible impression. -I did? 447 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,277 With that stuff you said about Little Women. 448 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,695 Why knock a classic? 449 00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,113 You know, I don't like the March sisters. 450 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,115 -They're obnoxious. -You like Little Women? 451 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,492 -Fucking, love 'em. -IRMA: Yeah. 452 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:57,993 They call 'em midgets or dwarves. 453 00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,870 -What? -I stack two on top of each other, 454 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,705 make 'em one whole women. Tap that ass. 455 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,415 No, we're talking about something different. 456 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:06,293 Listen, let's face it, Larry. You're old and you're bald. 457 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,878 I can get past that, but I don't think 458 00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:10,130 I can schtup somebody my daughter doesn't like. 459 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,799 So, we're through. 460 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,926 -What? (MUMBLES) -IRMA: You know, you have-- 461 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,095 Let me apologize. I'll apologize. 462 00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,346 You'll call Deidre? 463 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,556 You know what? Forget call. I'll go to her house. 464 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,683 -You wanna go to her house? Okay, okay. -I'll go. Yeah. 465 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,144 Listen to me, Deidre and my son-in-law, Scott, 466 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,480 are having a ten-year anniversary party 467 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,023 to renew their wedding vows. 468 00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:31,151 Maybe I'll invite you to this and you can 469 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,611 get along with her a little. 470 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,488 -You wanna try that? -I-- I-- I would love to go 471 00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,406 to Deidre and Scott's tenth anniversary party. 472 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,409 -That would be fantastic. -Okay, I gotta go. I gotta get 473 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,495 to a council meeting where... (GRUNTS) 474 00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,497 It's all about drains today. 475 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:46,333 -Yeah. -Drains, ramps, composts. 476 00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,877 -They're talking about composts. -Uh, keep-- keep the sweater. 477 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,921 -Keep it. -You wanna kiss me before I go? 478 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,214 -What? -Give me a little kiss. 479 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,467 -(MUMBLES) -One little kiss. Come on. 480 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,554 -Come on. -♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 481 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,597 I want Deidre to like you so much. 482 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:01,974 It's just gonna work out. 483 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:23,078 -(GRUNTS) -IRMA: That was nice. 484 00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:28,375 Put Gas-X on your shopping list. I gotta go. Have a great day! 485 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:34,840 (SIGHS, BREATHES DEEPLY) 486 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,633 That unpleasant bitch got you twisted 487 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,051 the fuck up right now. 488 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,976 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 489 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,062 Thank you. 490 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,939 -She's in the sewing room. -Okay. 491 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:54,234 What's that delightful scent? It smells like lilac. 492 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,904 Oh, that-- that's my new body wash, I love it. 493 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:59,072 I felt like I needed a new smell. 494 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,908 -Really? -You like that smell, Larry? 495 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,452 -It's disgusting. -Love it. You don't like Lilac? 496 00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:05,245 SUSIE GREENE: I'm surprised at you. I really am. 497 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,247 -I'm surprised at you. -You're full of surprises. 498 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,334 What are you? You're fucking Irma Kostroski now? 499 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:13,795 Well, that's a rather crude way of putting it. 500 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,089 Do I make love to her? Yes, I do. 501 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:20,469 She is so not your type. You're not political in any way, 502 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,304 you're not one to go canvassing. 503 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,098 What the fuck is going on, Larry? Something's off. 504 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:27,643 Tell her the truth. 505 00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,228 'Cause that's what we deal with here. The truth. 506 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,272 -All right, you wanna know? -Yeah. 507 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,066 Okay, we have this terrible actress 508 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,026 -in our show. -Maria Sofia. 509 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,320 -Yeah? -And her father is the brother 510 00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,781 of the guy who drowned in my pool. And he found out 511 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:42,282 about the five-foot fence law. 512 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,784 -He's extorting you? -Yeah. 513 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:46,495 -That's why she's cast. -Yep. I'm trying to get Irma 514 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,455 -to repeal the law. -Is she gonna do it? 515 00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:50,791 (CHUCKLES) I don't know. I'm-- I'm working on it. 516 00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:52,250 If Maria Sofia's in the show-- 517 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:53,919 -It's over. -Yeah. So, get on board 518 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,879 -and get in line. -It's the only line that you're in 519 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:58,256 -that I'm ever gonna get in. -"Ba-dump-bump." 520 00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,426 -The fuck was that? -What? 521 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,220 Where you get that expression from? 522 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,514 -That gem of a retort. -You've heard, "Ba-dump-bump." 523 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:07,015 I've heard him say, "Ba-dump-bump." 524 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,517 You got that from somebody else. 525 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,186 -It's an old classic... -No, but you never say that. 526 00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:13,397 You don't have original ideas that you come up with-- 527 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,357 He's been "Ba-dump-bump-ing" for years. 528 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,943 -Well, I don't like it. -(KETTLE WHISTLING) 529 00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:20,153 -You want tea? -Uh, no, thank you. 530 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,407 -Are you crazy? -What? 531 00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:28,954 LEON: I can't believe how House Husband is catching on. 532 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:30,122 -Really? -Yeah, man. 533 00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:31,873 -That's fantastic. -Yeah, thanks for hooking me up, 534 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,709 with uh, Jeff and Susie man. They got that plumber 535 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,168 -coming over there. -Oh, shit. 536 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,920 I gotta call Irma's daughter, 537 00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:39,464 Deidre, and find out what time this party starts. 538 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,258 -Okay. -(PHONE RINGING) 539 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:42,884 Deidre Kostroski Miller's office. 540 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,261 LARRY: Oh, hi. It's Larry David calling 541 00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,596 for Deidre. And listen, just so you know beforehand, 542 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,098 so there's no misunderstanding, 543 00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,892 I would appreciate it if you didn't stay on the call. 544 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,102 -Excuse me? -If it's not a matter 545 00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:54,104 of national security, there's no reason for it. 546 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:55,856 Well, if it's not a matter of national security, 547 00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:58,900 -why can't I listen? -Because it's really none of your business. 548 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,360 -Are you listening to this? -Yeah. 549 00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,195 LARRY: Would you like it if I listened in to you 550 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,780 and you friends when you're talking? 551 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,032 Well, that's really pervy. 552 00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:07,034 Oh, that's pervy? Oh, but it's not pervy for you 553 00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:09,453 to listen in on my call? So, I don't see the difference. 554 00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:11,246 Sir, listening in on Deidre's phone calls 555 00:22:11,329 --> 00:22:13,373 is part of my job description. You listening in 556 00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,460 -on my phone calls is pervy. -No, no. It's not pervy at all. 557 00:22:16,543 --> 00:22:17,961 You'd be talking to your friends, talking 558 00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:20,130 about where you're gonna go, what you're gonna eat, 559 00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:21,339 w-- what you gonna wear. 560 00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:23,425 And I'd be listening in, taking notes, same thing. 561 00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,260 -Ew. -Yeah. "Ew." Exactly. That's-- 562 00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:26,762 that's exactly what you're doing to me. 563 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:29,097 Look, I-- I just wanna know what time the party starts 564 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,599 that's all I really need to know. 565 00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:33,101 Oh, the party? Why didn't you say so? The party starts at 6:00. 566 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,729 Well, there you go. Six o'clock. Fantastic. We could've 567 00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:37,564 -saved ourselves so much time... -Okay, thank you so much. 568 00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:40,025 -Have a wonderful day, bye-bye. -LARRY: and wouldn't have to have this... 569 00:22:40,108 --> 00:22:41,777 That's all I needed to-- 570 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:44,154 -She hung up on me. -(CELL PHONE BEEPING) 571 00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,822 What's that? See who that is. 572 00:22:47,157 --> 00:22:50,077 LEON: Oh, it's Cheryl. "I need the house husband." 573 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,745 WORKER: I mean, this tree is really top-heavy 574 00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:53,246 and you've got some insect damage too 575 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,082 and that's why there's those dead branches. 576 00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:56,333 We're gonna need about five guys. 577 00:22:56,416 --> 00:22:59,586 -It's gonna be full day. -Five guys? That's expensive. 578 00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:01,922 You don't need five guys, you just need three. 579 00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:04,341 Me, myself and I. And as far as insects, 580 00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:06,051 all you need is a little bit of insecticide. 581 00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:07,636 -Let's do that. -LEON: Let's do that. 582 00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:09,971 -Thank you, house husband. -You know I got you. 583 00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:12,057 My recommendation would be to go inside the wall, 584 00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:13,558 you're gonna want to secure the studs. 585 00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:16,645 That's sounds like a lot more than we were planning. 586 00:23:16,728 --> 00:23:18,271 First of all, you're doing too much. 587 00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:19,481 -Yeah. -All you need 588 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,067 is these right here. See that? We call them anchors. 589 00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:23,944 Man, woman. See this? See that? 590 00:23:24,027 --> 00:23:25,695 What I need you to do is make love 591 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:27,781 to that goddamn shelf, and hang it up. 592 00:23:27,864 --> 00:23:29,199 Whatever you want. 593 00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:30,909 -PLUMBER: You're gonna need a new showerhead. -SUSIE: Mm-hmm. 594 00:23:30,992 --> 00:23:32,619 And I'm probably gonna have to replace a lot of the pipes up here 595 00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:34,079 -in the upstairs bedroom. -LEON: Whoa, whoa. Hold on, playboy. 596 00:23:34,162 --> 00:23:35,705 I'm the house husband around here. Okay? 597 00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:37,791 Just replace the shower head, that's it. 598 00:23:37,874 --> 00:23:40,085 There could be further problems you know, in the future-- 599 00:23:40,168 --> 00:23:42,712 Okay, we in the present. Fix the fuckin' showerhead. 600 00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:44,005 -All right. -Thank you. 601 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:46,967 Guess what? I got a little something for you. Here you go. 602 00:23:47,050 --> 00:23:50,137 -Oh. What's this? -There it is. 603 00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:52,139 Got, uh, a little something. 604 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:55,183 (GRUNTS) I thought it was lingerie. 605 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,769 -I got a little disappointed. -Oh, it's a body wash. 606 00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,021 -Fresh cut lilacs. Huh. -LARRY: Yeah. 607 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,481 I don't know (SNIFFS). 608 00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,817 With me, with my eczema, with my psoriasis, 609 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,486 I use anything. Oh, it's pretty natural. Okay. 610 00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:08,780 Well, you know, I figured 'cause you don't use deodorant 611 00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:12,534 -that you might like body wash . -I don't like anything unnatural 612 00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:13,702 near my lymph. 613 00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:15,912 -You'll smell like a flower. -What is this? A hint? 614 00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,665 -No, uh-uh. No. -Okay. I know I give off this, 615 00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:21,710 like, a sex musk because I am active again. 616 00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:24,462 I-- I think you'll enjoy the lilac and you know? 617 00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,007 -Frankly, it couldn't hurt. -Well, I'm just gonna rub it 618 00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:29,634 all over then. (GRUNTS) 619 00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:31,136 -Hey, come on. -Yeah. 620 00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:34,472 Wanna come sit on the couch? Come and sit beside me. 621 00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:36,808 I'd love to except I bruised my testicle 622 00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:38,476 getting off the peloton. (MUMBLES) 623 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,061 -You what? -LARRY: Yeah, you know. 624 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,897 (SCOFFS) You're in pain? 625 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:44,191 Yeah, so uh, I'm a little out of commission 626 00:24:44,274 --> 00:24:45,901 -for-- for a while. -Is it anything to do 627 00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:49,446 -with my exertions? -Oh, no, no. That was a delight. 628 00:24:49,529 --> 00:24:53,116 Phew. A bit shvitzy. I'm gonna go take a shower... 629 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,118 -LARRY: Mm. Yeah. -...in my lilac. 630 00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:57,913 -Smell my lilac. It's gonna be all over me. -Mm. Lovely. Yes. 631 00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,539 -Yes. -It's gonna be all over me. 632 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:01,082 You wanna come and join me? 633 00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,959 I don't feel like getting wet just now. 634 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:04,753 You can watch. 635 00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:07,339 You know what? I got a, uh, beach volleyball game. 636 00:25:07,422 --> 00:25:11,092 IRMA: I'm gonna rub it all over. Come on, watch me. 637 00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:14,221 -I'm waiting for you! -Yeah, there's a hockey game 638 00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:17,265 -I taped last night-- -Come on and watch me. 639 00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:18,892 Come on and watch! 640 00:25:18,975 --> 00:25:21,561 ♪ (AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 641 00:25:24,814 --> 00:25:27,067 DEIDRE: Speaking of watching the beginning, maybe like, yeah, 642 00:25:27,150 --> 00:25:29,819 like ten after, hopefully. Um, and-- 643 00:25:29,903 --> 00:25:33,365 Sorry. Excuse me, one second. Hi, Larry. 644 00:25:33,448 --> 00:25:35,492 -Oh, hey! -How's it going? 645 00:25:35,575 --> 00:25:37,827 -Swell! -You're here early? (CHUCKLES) 646 00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:39,621 -Early? -Yeah, yeah. The party doesn't start 647 00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:40,747 until 7:00. 648 00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:41,873 -7:00? -Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 649 00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:45,293 Your assistant, she-- told me it was at 6:00. 650 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:47,295 -Britney? -She told me six o'clock. 651 00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:50,215 I don't-- I think you must've taken that down wrong. 652 00:25:50,298 --> 00:25:52,050 No, I'm quite sure she said 6:00. 653 00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:54,010 Um... (HESITATES) 654 00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:55,428 Thank you for the-- the flowers-- 655 00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:56,763 -LARRY: Oh, yeah. Yeah. -I just feel like um... 656 00:25:56,846 --> 00:25:58,265 -Thank you. Um-- -Oh! Y-- you're welcome. 657 00:25:58,348 --> 00:26:00,684 But-- So, we're just still getting prepped here, we're not-- 658 00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:02,310 By the way, I really wanna apologize 659 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:05,272 for my comments about the, uh, the March sisters. 660 00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:07,107 -I've given 'em a second look... -(CLEARS THROAT) 661 00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:08,733 ...and they're not as mockish 662 00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:10,652 and twee as I-- as I thought they were. 663 00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:12,988 Thank you. That means a lot that you would apologize. 664 00:26:13,071 --> 00:26:16,533 Yeah, I've seen all five of the movies again. 665 00:26:16,616 --> 00:26:19,661 And they're so talented. Really, who's your favorite Jo? 666 00:26:19,744 --> 00:26:24,541 Katharine Hepburn, June Allyson, Winona Ryder, Susan Dey, 667 00:26:24,624 --> 00:26:28,378 uh, Chivon... (HESITATES) What's her-- The, you know, 668 00:26:28,461 --> 00:26:29,921 -the Irish girl-- -Saoirse, Saoirse Ronan. 669 00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:31,256 -LARRY: Saoirse Ronan. Yeah. -Yeah. 670 00:26:31,339 --> 00:26:33,091 My money, June Allyson. 671 00:26:33,174 --> 00:26:36,261 -Really? -With the bangs, cute. Cute. 672 00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:39,014 Cute? That's your criterion for what makes a great Jo? 673 00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:42,225 No, I'm just uh, I'm just a man partial to a bang. 674 00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:45,478 -Okay, so the March sisters-- -And, by the way, who doesn't love a good bang? 675 00:26:45,562 --> 00:26:46,980 Honey? 676 00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:51,276 Hi. Scott this is Larry David, my mom's friend. 677 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,320 -Larry. -Larry, this is my husband, Scott. 678 00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:54,988 Scotty-- Scotty boy. 679 00:26:55,071 --> 00:27:01,828 -Scott's good. Um, what's up? -Larry, uh, mistook the time... 680 00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:03,288 -Um... -I was told 6:00. 681 00:27:03,371 --> 00:27:04,998 Where is... Irma? 682 00:27:05,081 --> 00:27:07,667 -She got tied up. You said-- -In City Council. 683 00:27:07,751 --> 00:27:08,918 -She-- Right. -Yeah. 684 00:27:09,002 --> 00:27:10,712 Well, the party's actually at 7:00, so-- 685 00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:12,380 Britney wanted to listen in on the conversation, 686 00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:14,716 I got upset, so she gave me the wrong time. 687 00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:16,968 I don't think that's what happened. 688 00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:19,721 -No, no, that's-- that's what happened. -Party's not for an hour so, 689 00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:22,223 could you-- could you... I don't know, uh, 690 00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:24,559 kill time for an hour and-- and-- and come back? 691 00:27:24,642 --> 00:27:26,936 The thing is, by the time I got home, 692 00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:29,939 it's gonna be time to come back. It doesn't even make any sense. 693 00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:32,025 You don't need to go home, you could just... 694 00:27:32,108 --> 00:27:34,486 -not stay here. -DEIDRE: There's coffee shops. 695 00:27:34,569 --> 00:27:36,613 -SCOTT MILLER: Sure. -Do you have any errands you need to run? 696 00:27:36,696 --> 00:27:38,365 No, no I don't. No, I don't. 697 00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:39,824 The problem is we can't host, 698 00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:41,326 really, 'cause we have to get dressed and-- 699 00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:44,037 You don't need to host! I'll just sit here and guest. 700 00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:45,747 I can be a guest without a host. 701 00:27:47,123 --> 00:27:49,751 -Can you? -I-- I think I can. 702 00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:51,378 -Okay. -Don't worry about me. 703 00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:53,171 I'll be fine. I will disappear. 704 00:27:53,254 --> 00:27:56,132 You will not know I'm here. Do you have the NHL package? 705 00:27:56,216 --> 00:27:57,634 I don't know what that is. 706 00:27:58,510 --> 00:27:59,594 -No. -DEIDRE: Okay. 707 00:27:59,677 --> 00:28:00,970 Yeah, we're gonna go take showers. 708 00:28:01,054 --> 00:28:02,472 -Go take a shower. -Yeah. 709 00:28:02,555 --> 00:28:04,724 -LARRY: I'm not even here. -DEIDRE: Okay. Make yourself at home. 710 00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:05,892 You gonna shower, too? 711 00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:13,024 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 712 00:28:17,028 --> 00:28:19,656 -(SNIFFS) -(DOORBELL RINGING) 713 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:21,574 -Hi. -LARRY: Hey. 714 00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:24,577 -Videographer. -LARRY: Oh, great. Come on in. 715 00:28:24,661 --> 00:28:26,079 -Glad you can make it. -Thank you. 716 00:28:26,162 --> 00:28:27,914 Make yourself at home. 717 00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:29,999 -So, they're upstairs. Okay. 718 00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:32,794 -Seven o'clock, party starts. -Yes. 719 00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:36,631 -Um, this is interesting. -What? 720 00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:39,300 -You're tucking in the sweater? -Yes. 721 00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:40,885 How long you been doing that? 722 00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:42,846 -My whole life. -Do people comment on it? 723 00:28:42,929 --> 00:28:44,389 There's almost never conversation about it. 724 00:28:44,472 --> 00:28:46,474 Did you notice any other tuckers in your life? 725 00:28:46,558 --> 00:28:48,476 I honestly have never really thought about it that much. 726 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:49,936 Who started you with that? Your mother? 727 00:28:50,019 --> 00:28:51,479 -I just started doing it. -You started that on your own? 728 00:28:51,563 --> 00:28:52,939 -Yes. Yes. I started on my own... -Really? 729 00:28:53,022 --> 00:28:54,190 -...when I was a kid. Yes. -Fascinating. 730 00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:55,733 -It's not. It's really not. -LARRY: I-- No, it is. 731 00:28:55,817 --> 00:28:56,943 I think it's fascinating. 732 00:28:57,026 --> 00:28:58,403 -Your father didn't tuck? -VIDEOGRAPHER: No. 733 00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:00,655 -There were no tuckers in the family? -No, look I-- 734 00:29:00,738 --> 00:29:01,781 There's a lot of stuff to do. 735 00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:03,491 I mean, the only person I've ever seen tuck 736 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:05,034 is James Mason in Lolita. 737 00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:08,037 "Lolita, do you think I should tuck in my sweater? 738 00:29:08,121 --> 00:29:10,165 Does it look good? What would you do? 739 00:29:10,248 --> 00:29:13,209 What would you advise me? Would you advise me to tuck?" 740 00:29:13,293 --> 00:29:14,919 I'm sorry, but what is your role here? 741 00:29:15,003 --> 00:29:17,130 -I'm a guest. -Okay, you're very early. 742 00:29:17,213 --> 00:29:19,424 -I know, what happened was-- -No, I-- Look, 743 00:29:19,507 --> 00:29:21,843 I don't really care, I'm gonna set up in the living room. 744 00:29:21,926 --> 00:29:25,013 -Yeah, set up. -Okay, yeah. Great. Thank you so much. 745 00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:27,891 Look, it's in the back too. You're really very thorough. 746 00:29:27,974 --> 00:29:29,601 -Why do you care? -I don't. 747 00:29:29,684 --> 00:29:31,019 Okay. Thank you. 748 00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:34,147 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 749 00:29:41,404 --> 00:29:42,947 Babe, you made sure that the sprinklers 750 00:29:43,031 --> 00:29:45,325 aren't gonna go off, right, when the guests are here? 751 00:29:45,408 --> 00:29:48,620 SCOTT: I did it already. Aren't you proud of me? (CHUCKLES) 752 00:29:48,703 --> 00:29:51,372 DEIDRE: Look at him What is he doing? 753 00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:54,501 -♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ -SCOTT: What-- I don't know. 754 00:29:57,962 --> 00:30:00,798 DEIDRE: That's my favorite candle. Please, put that down. 755 00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:03,593 Why would you pick that up? 756 00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:08,848 -SCOTT: Ew. -DEIDRE: Oh, my God. 757 00:30:08,932 --> 00:30:11,100 SCOTT: I don't know why he's not just sitting 758 00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:13,436 in one place and looking at his phone... 759 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,271 -Right. -...like a normal person. 760 00:30:16,272 --> 00:30:19,317 -(GRUNTS) -What is he doing? 761 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,653 DEIDRE: This is so bizarre. 762 00:30:21,736 --> 00:30:23,905 SCOTT: Hopefully, he'll just wear himself out. 763 00:30:28,618 --> 00:30:30,078 DIERDRE: He's so weird. 764 00:30:32,372 --> 00:30:34,958 -Do we need to go down there? -I don't wanna go down there. 765 00:30:40,129 --> 00:30:43,550 Ew. What is wrong with him? 766 00:30:44,842 --> 00:30:46,594 I don't think I've ever seen anyone take, 767 00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:48,680 "Make yourself at home" so literally. 768 00:30:51,391 --> 00:30:53,518 -Don't touch that. Don't touch that. -He's futzing with it. 769 00:30:54,894 --> 00:30:56,396 I would never go into somebody's house 770 00:30:56,479 --> 00:30:58,064 and touch their air conditioning. 771 00:31:02,235 --> 00:31:03,903 DEIDRE: I didn't know that we had to say, like, 772 00:31:03,987 --> 00:31:05,154 "Please make yourself at home 773 00:31:05,238 --> 00:31:06,864 but don't mess with our thermostat." 774 00:31:09,492 --> 00:31:11,744 Oh, my God. He's taking his pants off. 775 00:31:11,828 --> 00:31:13,288 SCOTT: He is. 776 00:31:13,371 --> 00:31:15,790 -DEIDRE: What is he doing? No. -SCOTT: Don't do that. 777 00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:20,837 DEIDRE: Why is he tucking his sweater into his pants? 778 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,381 -SCOTT: I don't know. -DEIDRE: Who does that? 779 00:31:23,464 --> 00:31:25,133 I have to keep on getting ready, so. 780 00:31:25,216 --> 00:31:27,510 Okay. What a strange individual. 781 00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,472 SAMUEL: Just wondering where I should plug in... 782 00:31:35,310 --> 00:31:37,687 -I-- I was just testing. -How do you like it? 783 00:31:37,770 --> 00:31:39,814 -I don't care for it. -Okay. 784 00:31:39,897 --> 00:31:41,190 I'm gonna go back over there now. 785 00:31:41,274 --> 00:31:42,358 Okay. 786 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,654 -SUSIE: So, no dinner? -JEFF: Tell me about it. 787 00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:48,156 If it's seven o'clock, you expect dinner? 788 00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:49,616 -Absolutely. -I'm-- I'm starving. 789 00:31:49,699 --> 00:31:51,034 -See the fence? -I did. 790 00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:52,994 Let me ask you a question. If I start walking into the pool, 791 00:31:53,077 --> 00:31:54,495 you think that fence is gonna stop me? 792 00:31:54,579 --> 00:31:56,456 -Everybody. If we could... -Hi. 793 00:31:56,539 --> 00:31:58,458 -...get your attention for a minute. -Oh, boy. 794 00:31:58,541 --> 00:32:00,793 -Here we go. -Thank you all so much for being here 795 00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,170 and for joining us. 796 00:32:02,253 --> 00:32:03,296 SCOTT: We wanted to do 797 00:32:03,379 --> 00:32:04,797 what it is that we gathered you all 798 00:32:04,881 --> 00:32:08,301 here to do, and that is to, uh, renew our vows. 799 00:32:08,384 --> 00:32:11,346 -CROWD: Aw! -Let's get out the anti-nausea pills. 800 00:32:11,429 --> 00:32:12,388 (CHUCKLES) 801 00:32:12,472 --> 00:32:17,268 -I'll start... crying. (LAUGHS) -Oh, God. 802 00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:20,063 Scott... I promise to always remember 803 00:32:20,146 --> 00:32:22,649 -that you are human. -She's gonna remember he's human. 804 00:32:22,732 --> 00:32:24,317 -DEIDRE: You care about people... -How do you forget that? 805 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,070 How do you do this in front of people? It's so unseemly... 806 00:32:27,153 --> 00:32:29,197 You've got such big soul. 807 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,991 -And I love that about you. -I would rather masturbate 808 00:32:32,075 --> 00:32:34,827 in-- in public than have to say that stuff. 809 00:32:34,911 --> 00:32:37,664 Today, I promise to show that same care 810 00:32:37,747 --> 00:32:40,500 and consideration for you for the rest of my life. 811 00:32:40,583 --> 00:32:41,959 LARRY: Oh, this is just so... 812 00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:45,004 -I can't take it anymore. -(DEIDRE CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) 813 00:32:45,088 --> 00:32:46,964 (MOANS) 814 00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:48,591 -I agree with her. -DEIDRE: Right now, 815 00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,677 -it's the easiest thing in the world to do... -What's the matter? 816 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,428 ...because I honestly love you so much 817 00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:54,389 -and want nothing but your happiness. -What? 818 00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:56,057 -DEIDRE: I will always show... -The videographer. 819 00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:57,934 DEIDRE: ...the same care and consideration for you. 820 00:32:58,017 --> 00:33:00,937 I'm screwed. She's gonna see that tape, she'll tell Irma. 821 00:33:01,020 --> 00:33:03,064 SCOTT: Before I get to my vows and start to cry... 822 00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:04,816 -Oh, my God. -(DEIDRE CHUCKLING) 823 00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:06,693 Oh, my God. This is bad. 824 00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:09,320 -SCOTT: ...I thought maybe I'd tell the story of how we met. -I think some of you know. 825 00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:11,447 Obviously, we're both lawyers, everybody knows that. 826 00:33:11,531 --> 00:33:12,699 DIERDRE: We met at a conference... 827 00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:14,158 -(WHISPERS) Hey... can I talk to you for a second? 828 00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:15,576 -I'm sorry to interrupt. -I'm working. 829 00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:18,287 I know-- I know you're working. Craziest thing happened, 830 00:33:18,371 --> 00:33:19,163 so crazy. 831 00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:21,040 A mosquito got caught in my throat 832 00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:25,420 and I put my finger down there, and if they see the video... 833 00:33:25,503 --> 00:33:27,088 -Yeah. -...it might be, 834 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:28,715 you know, misconstrued. 835 00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:30,258 Yeah, 'cause that's not how it looked. 836 00:33:30,341 --> 00:33:32,510 So, I'm wondering, maybe if it's possible, 837 00:33:32,593 --> 00:33:35,054 -you could erase it? -I can't do that. No, I'm sorry. 838 00:33:35,138 --> 00:33:36,806 -LARRY: Well, uh-- -It's my job. 839 00:33:36,889 --> 00:33:38,599 Is it because of the tucking in the sweater? 840 00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,935 No, you're obsessed with that. I don't care about that. 841 00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:43,271 If I did offend you, I apologize. 842 00:33:43,354 --> 00:33:45,231 -I can't. I just can't. -You sure? 843 00:33:45,314 --> 00:33:48,735 -Totally sure. Okay. -Yeah. Yo-- you know what? 844 00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:51,863 (SCOTT TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 845 00:33:51,946 --> 00:33:56,701 Huh? Your name's... Samuel Tannenbaum? 846 00:33:56,784 --> 00:34:00,538 -Yes. -Samuel, my Hebrew brother. 847 00:34:00,621 --> 00:34:03,374 Could you be a mensch and maybe reconsider 848 00:34:03,458 --> 00:34:05,251 this position for a... 849 00:34:05,334 --> 00:34:08,129 -(INDISTINCT SPEECH CONTINUES) -...fellow tribesman. 850 00:34:10,381 --> 00:34:12,133 -Okay. Yeah. -You'll erase it? 851 00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:13,634 -Yeah, I'll erase it. -Thank you so much. 852 00:34:13,718 --> 00:34:15,136 -We got off on the wrong foot. -LARRY: Yeah, we did. 853 00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:16,888 If this isn't the worst p-- party in your life? 854 00:34:16,971 --> 00:34:19,265 -This is hell. And the vows. -It's-- it's a living hell. 855 00:34:19,348 --> 00:34:21,642 -No, it's literally, it's-- -Could you do me a favor? 856 00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:22,894 Get me again. Do another take 857 00:34:22,977 --> 00:34:25,354 -and I'll have a different reaction. -Okay, yeah. 858 00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:27,690 -SAMUEL: L'chaim. -L'chaim. 859 00:34:27,774 --> 00:34:28,941 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 860 00:34:29,025 --> 00:34:31,319 I didn't think this was gonna be hard but it, it is. Um... 861 00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:34,071 -GUEST: You got it, man! -SCOTT: Webster's dictionary 862 00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:36,282 defines paradise... 863 00:34:36,365 --> 00:34:40,745 as "an idyllic, or ideal place or state." 864 00:34:40,828 --> 00:34:43,539 I define it as, "Netflix and chilling with you." 865 00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:46,125 -(ALL LAUGHING) -(EXAGERRATED LAUGH) 866 00:34:46,209 --> 00:34:48,419 -SCOTT: Deidre, I promise... -(MOUTHS) Very nice. 867 00:34:48,503 --> 00:34:50,671 -...to make you smile... -Oh, my God. this is so beautiful. 868 00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:52,673 ...as much as you make me. -I'm sorry. 869 00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:54,842 Even if that means I have to watch a little less football. 870 00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:56,511 (CROWD LAUGHING) 871 00:34:56,594 --> 00:34:59,764 -I promise to listen. -He promises to listen. 872 00:34:59,847 --> 00:35:02,350 And I promise to solve the problem if I can. 873 00:35:02,433 --> 00:35:04,519 -(SOBS, SNIFFLES) -SCOTT: But not offer solutions... 874 00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:06,145 -You okay? -Yeah. 875 00:35:06,229 --> 00:35:08,606 ...that you didn't ask for, because I've learned my lesson about that. 876 00:35:08,689 --> 00:35:10,149 They're such a beautiful couple. 877 00:35:10,233 --> 00:35:12,109 -And I promise you are my light. -I love you, Scooter. 878 00:35:12,193 --> 00:35:14,028 -I love you, Dinkles. -LARRY: Aw. 879 00:35:14,111 --> 00:35:18,491 (CROWD APPLAUDING, INDISTINCT CHATTER) 880 00:35:18,574 --> 00:35:20,660 SCOTT: Have a good time. There's loads of appetizers, 881 00:35:20,743 --> 00:35:24,163 -so help yourselves. Thanks, everybody. -DEIDRE: Yeah. Thank you. 882 00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:26,165 (MOCK SNORES) 883 00:35:26,249 --> 00:35:31,504 Hello, hi. Hi, hi, hi, hi. (GROANS) There's no valet. 884 00:35:31,587 --> 00:35:33,714 -JEFF: Oh, hi. -Hi, how are you? 885 00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:35,925 -I'm fine. How-- Nice to see you, too. -So good to see you. 886 00:35:36,008 --> 00:35:37,718 -IRMA: I changed in my car. -Oh, you did? 887 00:35:37,802 --> 00:35:39,178 -Yes-- -You look so beautiful. 888 00:35:39,262 --> 00:35:40,263 -Thank you. -You don't wear that 889 00:35:40,346 --> 00:35:42,014 -to your board meeting? -IRMA: No, no, no. 890 00:35:42,098 --> 00:35:44,225 Remember the four city workers that got crushed? 891 00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:45,852 -Yeah. -Well, we were doing a memorial. 892 00:35:45,935 --> 00:35:47,019 I kept pushing, I kept saying 893 00:35:47,103 --> 00:35:48,563 -"You gotta get 'em all up there." -Oh. 894 00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:50,857 You know, families were there. There was a lot of emotions. 895 00:35:50,940 --> 00:35:52,358 -It's so much... -It's really good. 896 00:35:52,441 --> 00:35:54,110 -Oh, that's so-- -...we have the crosswalks for the blind today. 897 00:35:54,193 --> 00:35:55,778 -Hi, hi, hi. -LARRY: Oh, good. Hi. 898 00:35:55,862 --> 00:35:57,238 -What did I miss? -Well, so nice seeing you. 899 00:35:57,321 --> 00:35:58,948 I left my phone in the bathroom. 900 00:35:59,031 --> 00:36:00,324 -Yes. -I apologize... 901 00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:01,993 -Okay. Yeah. -...and I'll talk to you later. 902 00:36:02,076 --> 00:36:04,745 I wanna see them. Where are they? Was it wonderful? 903 00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:06,330 -Oh, Deidre-- -You've been nice to Deidre? 904 00:36:06,414 --> 00:36:08,040 -Oh, wonderful. Oh, yes. -Yes, they're wonderful. 905 00:36:08,124 --> 00:36:09,542 -And Scott? -LARRY: Oh, Scotty-- 906 00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:11,335 -He's wonderful. And so funny. -LARRY: Oh, he's wonderful. 907 00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:13,671 -I love Scotty. Yeah. -My darling, I'm here... 908 00:36:13,754 --> 00:36:15,172 -DEIDRE: Hi! -...I'm so sorry. 909 00:36:15,256 --> 00:36:17,174 -Oh, look at you. -You! 910 00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:19,927 Irma Kostroski! Keep your fucking hands 911 00:36:20,011 --> 00:36:23,764 off of my husband, you homewrecker! You whore! 912 00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,016 -You slut! -Susie-- 913 00:36:25,099 --> 00:36:26,934 Your mother is fucking my husband. 914 00:36:27,018 --> 00:36:29,186 -What are you talking-- -SUSIE: You think you're a councilwoman, 915 00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:30,771 you could get away with anything? 916 00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:31,898 What have I done? 917 00:36:31,981 --> 00:36:33,399 -I smell the lilacs, baby. -IRMA: What are you-- 918 00:36:33,482 --> 00:36:34,984 -SUSIE: I smell the lilacs... -IRMA: What is she talking-- 919 00:36:35,067 --> 00:36:36,736 -...and I knew it was you. -IRMA: What is she talking about? 920 00:36:36,819 --> 00:36:38,946 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Ladies. 921 00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,948 Ladies. Hey, hey, hey, Ladies. Ladies. 922 00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:45,620 What an ending to the evening. It was so weird. Susie lost it. 923 00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:46,871 -But-- -(GROANS) 924 00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:48,372 I know but we got this. 925 00:36:48,456 --> 00:36:51,042 -I promise to listen... -DEIDRE: I loved your vows. 926 00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:53,169 -SCOTT: I loved your vows. -SCOTT: (ON TV) I promise to... 927 00:36:53,252 --> 00:36:55,796 -Oh, my God. Look at him. -SCOTT: (ON TV) If it's important to you, 928 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:57,965 -it's important to me. -DEIDRE: Is he crying? 929 00:36:58,049 --> 00:36:59,926 -SCOTT: (ON TV) I promise... -SCOTT: He's like, legit moved. 930 00:37:00,009 --> 00:37:02,303 I have to text my mom. I have to tell her 931 00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:05,139 that I think he's great. I'm so happy 932 00:37:05,222 --> 00:37:07,308 that my mom found him. 933 00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:08,851 LARRY: So, then I found out 934 00:37:08,935 --> 00:37:12,146 his name was Tannenbaum. I played the Jew card, 935 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:13,272 I couldn't believe it. 936 00:37:13,356 --> 00:37:14,774 -It worked like a charm. -(LEON LAUGHS) 937 00:37:14,857 --> 00:37:17,109 You gotta play those fucking cards. I'm telling you, man. 938 00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:18,861 Imagine if he was bald, what I could've done? 939 00:37:18,945 --> 00:37:20,613 I got a whole fucking deck of cards. 940 00:37:20,696 --> 00:37:22,907 I-- I got the Black card, I got the handsome card, 941 00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:24,867 the tall card, the Big Johnson card-- 942 00:37:24,951 --> 00:37:26,911 Oh, hold on. Hold it. Hold it. Handsome card? 943 00:37:26,994 --> 00:37:28,788 -Fuck, yeah. -You don't have a handsome card. 944 00:37:28,871 --> 00:37:29,872 -I got one. -Who told you 945 00:37:29,956 --> 00:37:31,415 you had a handsome card? Your mother? 946 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:32,959 -Everybody. -Auntie Ray? 947 00:37:33,042 --> 00:37:35,378 The fucking doctor who delivered my ass. Everybody said that shit. 948 00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:36,879 (SINK RUMBLING) 949 00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:41,133 What's with this? (YELPS) 950 00:37:41,217 --> 00:37:43,511 I thought you told the plumber how to fix this. 951 00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,680 -I thought I did. -Holy shit. 952 00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:48,391 You don't know what the fuck you're doing, do you? 953 00:37:48,474 --> 00:37:51,018 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 954 00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:54,021 -(CAR BEEPING) -What? 955 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:56,107 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 956 00:37:57,817 --> 00:37:58,943 (GRUNTS) 957 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,325 Shit, shit-- (GASPS) 958 00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:08,494 Leon! 959 00:38:22,133 --> 00:38:29,890 -(ELECTRICITY FLICKERS) -(SCREAMS, GRUNTS, GROANS) 960 00:38:29,974 --> 00:38:32,685 So, how long do you think this is gonna be? 961 00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:36,939 Well, I don't know what Leon told these guys to do 962 00:38:37,023 --> 00:38:39,525 but the whole grid has blown. It could be weeks, 963 00:38:39,608 --> 00:38:42,403 it could be a long time. Now, this I need pressed 964 00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:44,321 -for tomorrow for work. -Hmm, yeah. 965 00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:45,656 -Uh, you have a steamer? -No. 966 00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:46,866 -IRMA: You don't have a steamer? -Mm-mm. 967 00:38:46,949 --> 00:38:48,534 -You can iron everything, right? -Oh, yeah, sure. 968 00:38:48,617 --> 00:38:51,162 Everything in this case needs to be taken out, ironed and-- 969 00:38:51,245 --> 00:38:53,706 -Yeah. Ironed it all, yeah. -Great. Great. Now, 970 00:38:53,789 --> 00:38:55,041 -when everything is ironed... -Yeah. 971 00:38:55,124 --> 00:38:56,584 -...go to the store for me. -Oh, go to the store? 972 00:38:56,667 --> 00:38:58,753 -Oh, of course. -Yeah. And I need regular flavor 973 00:38:58,836 --> 00:39:01,005 Metamucil. Not the cherry, not the orange. 974 00:39:01,088 --> 00:39:02,757 -Mm-hmm. -And I need arnica... 975 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,592 -Uh-huh. -...and I need pickles. 976 00:39:04,675 --> 00:39:06,594 You gotta have pickles. 977 00:39:08,054 --> 00:39:10,389 Pickles? (SNIFFS) 978 00:39:10,473 --> 00:39:14,393 Ah! The brine. That's what it is. 979 00:39:14,477 --> 00:39:19,398 -She stinks from pickles. -Oh, my God! Look at this! 980 00:39:19,482 --> 00:39:22,610 Ugh. Fucking Leon. Everything... 981 00:39:22,693 --> 00:39:24,820 Jesus fucking Christ. 982 00:39:25,988 --> 00:39:29,909 Maybe these are okay. Jesus, what is this? 983 00:39:29,992 --> 00:39:33,579 Hiding a second fucking phone, you asshole. 984 00:39:33,662 --> 00:39:37,625 Are you kidding me? Really, Jeff? Really? 985 00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:42,546 You stupid moron, you are fucking caught, asshole. 986 00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:44,548 Gotcha. 987 00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:47,218 -(PHONE BEEPS) -CARLY: I've got Susie Greene for you. 988 00:39:47,301 --> 00:39:48,677 Yeah, I'll take her. 989 00:39:50,429 --> 00:39:52,556 -Hey, Susie. -Hi, how's everything going 990 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,433 -over there? -Good, good. All good. 991 00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,018 Uh-huh. Is your assistant on? 992 00:39:56,102 --> 00:39:57,103 -JAKE: Yeah. -Yeah. 993 00:39:57,186 --> 00:39:58,813 -SUSIE: Taking notes as usual? -Always. 994 00:39:58,896 --> 00:40:00,231 -CARLY: I am. -SUSIE: Great. 995 00:40:00,314 --> 00:40:03,651 Take this down. She's fucking my husband. 996 00:40:03,734 --> 00:40:06,278 -"Ba-dump-bump." -(PHONE BEEPS) 997 00:40:07,530 --> 00:40:09,657 -(SIGHS) -Call you back. 998 00:40:13,202 --> 00:40:19,250 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 999 00:41:20,603 --> 00:41:23,397 ♪ (THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪