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♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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WOODY HARRELSON: Now, I know
that I am no better
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than any of my fellow nominees
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or any other human in this room
or on this planet.
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I also believe that interspecies
equality is paramount.
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(APPLAUSE)
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WOODY: And yet we go into nature
and we pillage and we ransack.
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We use machines to impregnate
the innocent dairy cow.
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Then callously snatch away
her baby
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as she cries out...
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-Why do they do this?
-...in despair.
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Even Woody Harrelson
makes speeches like this.
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-It's just an Oscar. It's not
the Nobel Peace Prize, right?
-Yeah.
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You know what my speech would be
if I win an Oscar?
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-What? What?
-"I wanna thank the Academy
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and don't allow babies
on planes, goodnight."
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-They'd love that speech.
-I know.
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-You'd be a hero.
-Then we take
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the life milk
meant for her calf,
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and we use it for cream
in our lattes.
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Okay. All this stuff aside,
he'd be so great for Uncle Mo
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for the show, don't you think?
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-Oh, my God, yes.
-Tough to get.
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Yeah, well, I don't know.
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I guess it couldn't hurt
to get him a script, right?
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Could not hurt at all.
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-Oh, hi, Lar.
-LARRY DAVID: Oh, hey.
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SUSIE GREENE:
Got some more fabric.
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Look at this tapestry
I'm making for the temple.
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Is that something?
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JEFF GREENE: I've never been
more proud of her.
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-It's the tree of life.
-Did you sew that?
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-SUSIE: Yeah!
-Yeah. It's a banner
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for our temple football team.
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-We're playing Beth Hillel.
-(CHUCKLES)
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And their defense is ridiculous.
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They sacked our rabbi
six times last season.
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Speaking of the temple,
you know, our rabbi
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is an amazing guy.
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Lar, you, of all people
would love this guy.
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-Oh, would I?
-He's cool, he's hip,
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-he's spiritual.
He's just fantastic.
-Oh, yeah. The hip rabbi. Yeah.
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-Yeah, sure.
-He's a big golfer.
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Can't afford a fancy-schmancy
club like we belong to.
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-Uh-huh.
-SUSIE: So I think it would be
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a nice gesture for you
to take him as a guest.
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-Take him to the club with me?
-SUSIE: Yeah. Come on.
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-Oh, geez.
-One round.
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-This is gonna make you happy?
-Very happy.
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-All right, fine.
-Aw. Thank you.
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Thank you so much.
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Oh, come on, man!
(LAUGHS) No.
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-Come on. Come on.
-Oh, come on.
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You think I wouldn't
do it for you?
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-Oh, geez.
-I'mma leave you hangin'?
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I'm old. Come on.
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I can't waste a day playing golf
with a rabbi.
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Every minute
is precious to me now.
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-JEFF: Oh, let me--
-At this time of my life, I--
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-He's a great guy, Larry.
-That's a four-hour favor.
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And five, if you include lunch.
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Come on, play golf
with the cool rabbi and me.
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You'd be doing me a big favor,
come on.
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-Oh, it's a favor.
-I appreciate it so much.
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I am doing you a favor.
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How many times are you gonna
remind me of this now?
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-As often as I can.
-Thank you, anyway. Both of you.
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♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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LARRY: Oh, that, yeah.
That really does a lot.
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Will you please?
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Hey, I got a, uh, text from
Woody Harrelson's people.
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He's interested.
They're gonna set up a meeting.
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-Really?
-Yeah.
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-Wow, that's great.
-Yeah. It's very exciting.
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-I love Woody.
-I love Woody, too.
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(BIRDS CHIRPING)
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Okay. You know what?
I'm gonna give you that.
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Ah. Very generous of you.
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Hey, by the way, I'm seeing
your girlfriend this week.
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-Heidi?
-LARRY: Yeah.
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Oh, I'm so glad. You're gonna
love her, she's terrific.
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-Wait, the eye doctor?
-Yeah.
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Gentlemen, I'm gonna show you
how this is done.
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-Never again.
-I know, I know.
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Uh-- I appreciate it.
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You know, the High Holy Days
are coming up pretty soon.
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That is just so exciting,
is it not?
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It sure would be nice
to see you in temple.
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(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Okay.
Don't hold your breath.
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It's been a while since
you've been to this temple.
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I think never is the more
appropriate word.
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RABBI FREEDMAN: Well,
maybe we can remedy that.
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-How about a little wager?
-Sure, fine.
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I sink this putt, you come
to my temple for services.
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(SCOFFS)
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-Oh, yeah. Okay. You got it.
-Now you guys heard it, he bet.
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Sure, yeah.
I'll come to your temple.
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I'll get breast implants, too.
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FREEDMAN: (LAUGHS)
That's up to you.
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(LAUGHS)
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Oh, my God.
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-No, no!
-Yes!
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Are you serious?
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-No, that-- I wasn't--
-You're going to temple.
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-No, I can't.
-(LAUGHS)
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-JEFF: You said it. I heard it.
-What? No.
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-JEFF: Yes.
-Come on.
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-I'll see you in temple.
-LARRY: What, are you kidding?
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You don't expect me to go there.
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-(LAUGHS)
-LARRY: We were joking.
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-Come on. We made a fair bet.
-You didn't put up anything.
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I just-- What did you bet?
Nothing.
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You're gonna look beautiful
with breasts.
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-You're gonna look beautiful.
-Yeah.
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You got a face for it.
You're gonna look great.
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LARRY: I can't go there,
I'll suffocate.
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FREDDY FUNKHOUSER:
Nice shot, rabbi.
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How the fuck
did he make that putt?
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♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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-What was all that?
-What's all what?
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You're like a mouse,
scurrying back to your seat.
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-I was scurrying?
-Yeah. What are you up to?
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-What you up to?
-I saw it.
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You didn't see shit.
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(SNIFFS) What's that smell?
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(SNIFFS) Kitchen.
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It's not kitchen. (SNIFFS)
It's more floral.
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Maybe even... fruity?
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(LEON BLACK SCOFFS)
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It's nothing-- Hey, look, Larry.
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Larry, calm down. Just relax.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
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Larry, Larry, get the fuck
out of there, man!
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What is this?
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(SIGHS)
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-Watermelon?
-What?
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I thought you hated watermelon.
What's going on?
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Okay. I fucking lied, okay?
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I fucking love watermelon,
I love it.
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But I can't eat this shit
in front of white people.
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-What? That's just ridiculous.
-I just can't fucking do it.
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You can't eat watermelon in
front of me? That's so crazy.
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In front of white people, why?
Who gives a shit?
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Even Black people don't like
to see Black people
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eat fucking watermelon. I feel
bad for the fucking watermelon.
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You probably love it too,
don't you?
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My favorite fucking fruit
in the world.
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-Mine too.
-Plenty of times I've been
to cocktail parties.
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I gotta put the frickin'
watermelon in a little napkin
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and go in the bathroom
and eat that shit.
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Or go into the fucking forest
and eat that shit.
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-Go into the woods?
-Yeah. Opening the napkin
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and eat the fucking watermelon
by myself.
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Okay. Well, you know what?
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Black people, white people,
I don't care.
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Next time I go to the market,
I'm gonna get some watermelon,
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I'm gonna bring it back,
and you're gonna eat it
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in front of me.
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I'll work towards it.
You know, I--
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We're gonna do this together.
We're gonna do it together.
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-My man.
-Okay.
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LARRY: All right. Here we go,
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little cup of joe
for the Woodman.
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-Ah, thank you very much.
-Huh?
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You know, I don't drink it much.
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If I have coffee, which is rare,
I usually drink biodynamic
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but I'll, uh, is this--
This isn't biodynamic product?
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-It's dynamic.
-(BOTH LAUGH)
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I don't know if it's biodynamic,
but it's definitely dynamic.
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Do you know what? This is like
the sweetest digs, Larry.
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LARRY: Hey, you want some
of this cream in your coffee?
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-I got it fresh from--
-WOODY: Cream?
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Is that cream, like cow cream?
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You know what that does, Larry?
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The cycle of violence
that creates that cream?
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I mean, do you realize
the inherent cruelty in that?
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What happens to the cow,
to the calf?
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(SCOFFS) Wait a second.
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I didn't-- I didn't get
that cream from a market.
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Is that what you think? Oh, no!
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I have a-- I have a farm.
And a cow.
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I-- And the cow has a calf.
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And after the calf is finished,
that's when I take it.
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-That's extraordinary.
-You think I'd go into a market?
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(SNICKERS) I'm not a monster.
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And when I do go,
I'm cream-shaming.
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-I cream-shamed too!
-You're a cream-shamer?
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-Yeah!
-Oh, my God!
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I'm cream-shaming all the time!
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-Unbelievable!
-I thought I was gonna
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cream-shame you now,
but I underestimated you.
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Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Come on.
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I apologize, and where's the,
uh... Where's your farm?
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It's outside the city, you know.
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What's your cow's name?
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-Jessie.
-Jessie?
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Yeah. Jessie, oh, my God.
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Woody, I got to tell you,
I just love that cow.
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I just-- I just love it.
Sometimes,
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I'll just lie in the sun
and watch her chew that cud.
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I don't know, just--
You know, I had pets growing up.
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I had dogs, cats, whatever.
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But I have never loved an animal
the way I love this cow.
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-I just adore her.
-Could I meet Jessie?
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Could I go to your farm
and meet Jessie?
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I mean, this is right up
my alley.
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(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
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You wanna meet Jessie?
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I would love to.
What do you say?
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Well, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah.
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-Yeah?
-Yeah.
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Okay. So I'm here a week.
What about Thursday?
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Hmm. Nah.
Thursday is not good.
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I got...
I gotta work on Thursday, yeah.
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-Oh, okay. Friday?
-Friday's not good.
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Saturday, you're not working,
and that's my last day here.
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We'll do it Saturday, yeah?
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Yeah. We'll do it.
We'll do it. Yeah. Sure.
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-WOODY: Great.
-Yeah.
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-It's meant to be.
-Yeah.
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00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,625
But Larry,
let's talk about this script.
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There's a few notes I have.
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It's nothing.
It's not a page-one rewrite,
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but let's start from page one.
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♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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JEFF: Why would you tell him
you had a cow?
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00:09:00,291 --> 00:09:02,250
-That's nuts.
-Yeah. I was put on the spot.
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00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,708
You know, the whole thing
with the cream.
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00:09:03,791 --> 00:09:06,041
-You saw the Oscar speech.
-What do you know about cows?
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I know nothing about cows.
I know the cow's name is Jessie.
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You told him the cow's name
was Jessie.
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He asked me what the name was,
and I said Jessie.
232
00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:14,833
Jessie's the worst name
for a cow I've ever heard.
233
00:09:14,916 --> 00:09:17,208
Fuck you.
That's a good name for a cow.
234
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:20,125
-What about Bessie?
-Okay. Bessie sounds made up.
235
00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:21,666
That's like naming a dog Fido.
236
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:25,416
No. Jessie, you know
a young lady who skateboards.
237
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,000
That's who Jessie is.
238
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:29,250
-I really don't think you know
what you're talking about.
-Oh, and you do?
239
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,416
By the way, no Jessie,
you can forget about Woody.
240
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,083
Hey. Oh, you know what?
I'm so glad you're here.
241
00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:36,125
Thank you. And thank you too.
242
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:38,208
-For what?
-Taking the rabbi to golf.
243
00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:40,125
-Oh.
-It was a mitzvah.
244
00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:41,791
Don't you feel good
about yourself now?
245
00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:42,916
No, I don't.
246
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,125
And of course, he roped me
into going to temple.
247
00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:47,666
Aha! It'll be good
for your soul.
248
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:50,750
It'll be unbelievably boring.
249
00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:53,208
And I'll regret every second
I spend there.
250
00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:58,041
Do you not have any kind of
feeling of spirituality...
251
00:09:58,125 --> 00:09:59,458
-(WHINING)
-SUSIE: ...an inkling?
252
00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,125
Some kind of spiritual--
253
00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:02,583
All right. You know what?
Get the fuck out.
254
00:10:02,666 --> 00:10:04,916
-Fuck you. Both of you.
-Hey, Susie!
255
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,000
In all seriousness.
256
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:10,583
Do you know anybody
who has a farm or a cow or--
257
00:10:10,666 --> 00:10:13,625
SUSIE: What am I, Little House
on the fucking Prairie here?
258
00:10:13,708 --> 00:10:15,458
I don't know cows and farms!
259
00:10:15,541 --> 00:10:17,125
Maybe two farmers have come in
to mail
260
00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:19,500
-a big package or something.
-They don't live around here,
261
00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:20,541
farmers, Larry.
262
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:21,958
They have a couple
of big packages,
263
00:10:22,041 --> 00:10:23,083
what are they sending out?
264
00:10:23,166 --> 00:10:24,083
-Feed?
-Larry.
265
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:25,875
We're not gonna know
any farmers.
266
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,708
We don't know any cows.
What's the matter with you?
267
00:10:28,791 --> 00:10:30,875
Ah, you're fucked.
You gotta find a cow.
268
00:10:30,958 --> 00:10:33,458
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
269
00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:35,041
HEIDI:
Okay, Larry. One last time.
270
00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:36,541
-One?
-LARRY: Yeah.
271
00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:37,916
HEIDI: Or two?
272
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,208
LARRY: (SIGHS) Hmm.
273
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,750
-One?
-LARRY: Mm-hmm.
274
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:44,041
-Two?
-LARRY: Uh...
275
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:47,333
HEIDI: Just pick one,
whichever's clearer to you.
276
00:10:47,416 --> 00:10:49,666
I, uh-- Let me see that again.
277
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:50,791
-Okay.
-LARRY: Uh-huh.
278
00:10:50,875 --> 00:10:52,500
-HEIDI: One.
-LARRY: Yeah.
279
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:54,166
-HEIDI: Two.
-Oh, boy. How--
280
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,000
Which one can you see better?
281
00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:57,000
I know they're different.
282
00:10:57,083 --> 00:10:58,666
I can see there's
a slight difference.
283
00:10:58,750 --> 00:10:59,708
-Yes.
-Yeah, but I can't tell
284
00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:01,000
-which one's better.
-Well... (SIGHS)
285
00:11:01,083 --> 00:11:02,666
-I think two.
-HEIDI: Two?
286
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,500
-Eh!
-One more time? One?
287
00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:05,958
-LARRY: Yeah. One.
-HEIDI: Two?
288
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:06,958
Ah. You know what?
289
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,791
-Now I'm liking one.
-You like one?
290
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,166
-Yeah.
-Okay. One.
291
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,125
-Definitely one.
-All right. Let's go
to three and four, huh.
292
00:11:12,208 --> 00:11:14,083
-Three?
-LARRY: Yeah.
293
00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:15,250
-HEIDI: Or four?
-LARRY: Four.
294
00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:16,750
-HEIDI: Four?
-Oh, yeah. Four.
295
00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,166
HEIDI: That was fast, okay.
296
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,416
No. Hold it.
Let me see it again.
297
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,416
Okay. Three.
298
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,000
Three is really growing on me.
299
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,416
Here's four again.
300
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,583
Eh, uh... Let me see it again.
301
00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:27,916
-HEIDI: Three.
-LARRY: Yeah.
302
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,000
-HEIDI: Four.
-LARRY: Okay.
303
00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:30,375
This is like a trick
of some kind.
304
00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:31,666
Promise we're not tricking you.
305
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:34,541
I think actually three
is one and two is four.
306
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:36,208
-Am I right? Huh?
-What...
307
00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:38,791
W-- No. No.
308
00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:41,458
Just three or four.
What's the first instinct?
309
00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:42,625
Who gets the tie?
310
00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:44,708
There are no ties in optometry,
you got to pick one.
311
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:45,875
-Do me just one favor.
-Uh-huh.
312
00:11:45,958 --> 00:11:47,708
Can you go back to one and two?
I think I want two.
313
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,375
-Okay.
-That's why I'm having trouble
314
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,583
-with three and four.
-Oh.
315
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,458
'Cause I can't get one and two
out of my head.
316
00:11:52,541 --> 00:11:54,291
'Cause I think I made a mistake
with one.
317
00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:55,666
-Okay. We're back at one now.
-Yeah.
318
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,791
-Okay. Now, let me see two.
-Okay.
319
00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:59,458
-Two.
-Okay. Yeah. Two, yeah.
320
00:11:59,541 --> 00:12:01,625
Two! Perfect.
Let's leave this for a second.
321
00:12:01,708 --> 00:12:03,916
Let's walk away from this,
let this settle.
322
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,500
-Okay.
-Here's some info.
323
00:12:05,583 --> 00:12:07,166
'Cause that was
a lot of decisions.
324
00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:08,458
That's been my problem
in my life.
325
00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:10,291
I don't stay
with the first instinct.
326
00:12:10,375 --> 00:12:11,750
I go to the second instinct.
327
00:12:11,833 --> 00:12:13,750
Hey, by the way,
can you believe this weird rally
328
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,250
that's going on in Westwood
this week?
329
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:17,250
-Yeah. What the hell is that?
A hate rally?
-So offensive.
330
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:18,500
What are they doing? Yeah.
331
00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:21,041
I mean, free speech, fine.
But this is fucking crazy.
332
00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:22,875
LARRY: Freedom of speech,
that's so overrated.
333
00:12:22,958 --> 00:12:24,208
There shouldn't be
freedom of speech,
334
00:12:24,291 --> 00:12:25,708
unless it's me, of course.
335
00:12:25,791 --> 00:12:27,416
And that should've been
in the constitution.
336
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,583
-Freedom of speech...
-Sure.
337
00:12:28,666 --> 00:12:30,791
...for Larry David.
Everybody else said "Ask Larry."
338
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,791
Let me dilate your eyes, okay?
Wanna take your glasses off?
339
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:33,833
-Sure.
-All right.
340
00:12:33,916 --> 00:12:35,000
Let's do this real quick.
341
00:12:35,083 --> 00:12:37,083
You'll only be blurry
for about a half-hour.
342
00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:38,958
Here we go, boop and boop.
343
00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:41,583
Sure you've done that before.
All right.
344
00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:44,125
Nurse is gonna come in
and run a couple more tests.
345
00:12:44,208 --> 00:12:45,583
I just wanna see
one more thing here.
346
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:47,208
We'll get you a new
prescription, okay?
347
00:12:47,291 --> 00:12:48,416
All right. You know what?
348
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:49,833
Uh. One. Should've been one.
349
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:52,083
-You just hang tight.
-LARRY: One, definitely.
350
00:12:54,916 --> 00:12:58,125
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
351
00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:19,250
Stay strong, man.
352
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:20,666
-Son of a...
-Geez!
353
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,041
-...bitch!
-Oh, my gosh.
354
00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:26,250
-Dude, what are you doing man?
-Sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry.
355
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:27,875
Look at this. Come on, dude.
356
00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:29,875
I'm so sorry.
I just came from the eye doctor.
357
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:31,458
They dilated my pupils.
358
00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:33,333
And everything's kinda--
I didn't see you.
359
00:13:33,416 --> 00:13:35,833
Well, look at that.
This is totally ruined.
360
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,916
I can't believe
this is happening.
361
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,500
I'm screwed for today.
362
00:13:39,583 --> 00:13:42,583
What am I supposed to do?
You can't wear that anymore!
363
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,500
Would you go to an event
like this?
364
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:49,000
-Oh, yeah. You got the rally.
-Yeah. I got the rally today.
365
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:50,250
You can't wear that to a rally.
366
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,375
-No, I can't.
-Are you kidding? No. No way.
367
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,583
Can't you just get a sheet?
368
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,208
No, I don't wanna wear
a fucking sheet.
369
00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:58,541
It's not a sheet anyway.
This is a robe. Feel it.
370
00:13:58,625 --> 00:13:59,750
-Ah.
-That's not...
371
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:01,125
I always thought it was a sheet.
372
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,208
I can't afford to go
get another one of these.
373
00:14:03,291 --> 00:14:04,625
But what about just temporarily?
374
00:14:04,708 --> 00:14:07,041
-Put a sheet on just for today.
-No, I'm not gonna wear a sheet!
375
00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,375
It's like a spare tire,
you know.
376
00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:10,500
No, I can't do that.
That's total amateur, man.
377
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,083
Yeah. Yeah.
You gotta get that cleaned.
378
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,750
-It's really a shame.
-Yeah.
379
00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:15,250
I'll tell you what I could do.
380
00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:17,541
Take it to the dry cleaners,
they can get that out.
381
00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:21,375
But I've got a rally in Tucson
and one in Santa Fe coming up.
382
00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:22,875
And those things
are the real deal.
383
00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:24,166
-They're the big ones.
-Okay.
384
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:25,708
-So when do you need it by?
-Two days.
385
00:14:25,791 --> 00:14:27,541
How about this, you know?
For the rally today,
386
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:30,416
you know, you go robe-less,
it's not the end of the world.
387
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,875
And then, um, you'll have
that robe spanking clean
388
00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:35,333
-in two days.
-You promise?
389
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,958
I don't know, why do they make
these white anyway?
390
00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:39,041
They stain so easily, you guys,
you're out all the time
391
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:41,500
in the fields, with the burning,
and the ashes,
392
00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:44,250
you must spend a lot of money
at the cleaners for this thing.
393
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,666
Well, it's tradition.
394
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,333
-You know tradition?
-Of course.
395
00:14:47,416 --> 00:14:49,833
"Who, day and night,
must scramble for a living,
396
00:14:49,916 --> 00:14:53,041
feed the wife and children,
say his daily prayers?"
397
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,291
-Yes.
-"Who has the right,
398
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:57,166
as master of the house,
to have the final word at home?
399
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:59,208
The papa! Tradition."
400
00:14:59,291 --> 00:15:00,666
Tradition. Yeah, exactly.
401
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:03,125
If I was starting
your organization,
402
00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:05,583
I would've
opted for a black robe.
403
00:15:05,666 --> 00:15:07,750
You can't see black
in the middle of the night.
404
00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:10,291
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, right.
405
00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:11,625
-You wanna see the white.
-Got you.
406
00:15:11,708 --> 00:15:13,500
I'll give you my phone,
you write your number in here.
407
00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:15,083
-Okay.
-Just put it in there.
408
00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,250
-RALLY ATTENDEE: Hurrah!
-Hurrah!
409
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,916
-ATTENDEE: Stay strong!
-Stay strong, brother.
410
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000
ATTENDEE: White is right!
411
00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:21,333
-You should call me--
-Great.
412
00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:23,583
-Thank you so much.
-Okay. Sure.
413
00:15:23,666 --> 00:15:25,625
Yeah. Let's get this, uh,
taken care of.
414
00:15:25,708 --> 00:15:27,125
Again, I-- My apologies.
415
00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:30,000
And you have my word,
on my honor.
416
00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:32,875
You will have this robe
for your hate rallies
417
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,333
in Tucson and Santa Fe.
418
00:15:34,416 --> 00:15:36,458
All right. Hey, thanks.
I really appreciate it.
419
00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:37,666
-Yeah. Sure.
-I really appreciate it.
420
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:41,083
Yeah. And hey, uh,
no starch, no crease, please.
421
00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,333
-LARRY: No starch in the robe?
-Right.
422
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:46,375
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
423
00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,958
-Good morning!
-LARRY: Hey, good morning.
424
00:15:50,041 --> 00:15:51,291
How can I help ya?
425
00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:52,875
I spilled some coffee on this.
I'd like to get it cleaned.
426
00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:54,833
-Sure. Let's have a look.
-Hey, there's nothing to see.
427
00:15:54,916 --> 00:15:56,291
Just throw it in the bin.
428
00:15:56,375 --> 00:15:57,625
DRY CLEANER:
No, no, no. Let me see it.
Let's see how bad it is.
429
00:15:57,708 --> 00:15:58,708
LARRY: Just throw it in the bin.
430
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,291
DRY CLEANER:
It's good to get a sense...
431
00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:04,916
-Is that what I think it is?
-Yeah.
432
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,208
-Yeah. It's not mine. It's--
-Well, let's hope.
433
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:10,375
Yeah. It's-- Some Klansmen
are over,
434
00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:11,708
and I spilled coffee on it.
435
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:13,875
It's my responsibility,
and I feel like, you know,
436
00:16:13,958 --> 00:16:16,208
-I spill, I clean.
-So if it's your responsibility,
437
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:18,583
then it's your responsibility
to take it somewhere else
438
00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:20,375
because I don't want it
in my store,
439
00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:22,166
I don't wanna clean it,
I don't wanna touch it.
440
00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,708
I get the reluctance, I do.
441
00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:25,833
But let me just say this,
as far as Klansmen go,
442
00:16:25,916 --> 00:16:28,375
he's a decent Klansman,
yeah.
443
00:16:28,458 --> 00:16:30,166
-A decent Klansman...
-Yeah.
444
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,041
-...is a Klansman.
-True. True.
445
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,166
But, you see
what you're doing here?
446
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,333
What you're doing
is what they're doing.
447
00:16:37,416 --> 00:16:38,666
You don't wanna have
anything to do
448
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:41,083
with this particular group,
that's their mantra.
449
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,750
And now
that's what you're doing.
450
00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,458
-This group hates me.
-Yeah.
451
00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:46,083
-I'm a Jew. They hate me.
-I understand.
452
00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:47,208
-See this cheek?
-Mm-hmm.
453
00:16:47,291 --> 00:16:49,000
All right. Look. See?
See what I'm doing?
454
00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:51,250
I'm turning that cheek.
Turn the cheek!
455
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,875
Turn your cheek!
Let's not be like them.
456
00:16:53,958 --> 00:16:56,375
Let's show them
that we're different.
457
00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:57,958
We don't discriminate.
458
00:16:58,041 --> 00:17:00,291
-Okay.
-Thank you. Thank you.
459
00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:02,125
I really don't like this,
but I'll do it.
460
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:04,000
I really appreciate that.
461
00:17:04,083 --> 00:17:07,666
And, um, is there any way
I could get this robe, uh,
462
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,875
by tomorrow, he's got
big rallies coming up
463
00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:11,541
in Santa Fe and Tucson.
464
00:17:11,625 --> 00:17:14,291
-Three o' clock, tomorrow.
-By the way, you know anyone
465
00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:16,875
who... owns a cow?
466
00:17:16,958 --> 00:17:18,875
We're in the middle of the city,
there's no cows.
467
00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:22,000
If someone comes in
and they look a little farm-ish,
468
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,458
if you have
a farm-ish customer...
469
00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:25,958
Yeah, I don't think that happens
too often, but okay.
470
00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:28,125
Thank you so much.
Really appreciate it.
471
00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:30,083
Uh, you know what?
I don't have any change.
472
00:17:30,166 --> 00:17:31,250
You know, it takes bills.
473
00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:33,708
LARRY: Yeah, it's hard to stuff
them in there.
474
00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:35,125
It's very narrow, I see.
475
00:17:35,208 --> 00:17:36,833
-Not that hard.
-LARRY: By the way,
476
00:17:36,916 --> 00:17:38,125
no starch, no crease.
477
00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:39,583
(CLICKS TONGUE)
See you tomorrow.
478
00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:42,083
Absolutely disgusting.
479
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:47,916
The blowing of the shofar
symbolizes many things.
480
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,833
In the Torah, it is said
the blowing of the shofar
481
00:17:50,916 --> 00:17:52,916
is a call to assemble
for battle.
482
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,041
-Hey.
-Hey.
483
00:17:54,125 --> 00:17:55,500
It's a High Holy Day miracle,
484
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:57,125
-look who's here.
-(LAUGHS) Yeah.
485
00:17:57,208 --> 00:18:00,125
...intolerance and hate
that are amassing right here
486
00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:01,625
in our very city.
487
00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:04,458
A mere few blocks away,
people are gathering
488
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:08,500
to spread their lies
and disinformation and venom.
489
00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:10,416
Can you believe this, there's
a hate group in Westwood?
490
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,958
Yeah. I ran into one,
I spilled coffee on his robe,
491
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:14,583
I had to bring it
to the dry cleaner.
492
00:18:14,666 --> 00:18:16,166
You had a confrontation
with the hate group?
493
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:17,500
-Yes.
-What kind of robe was it,
494
00:18:17,583 --> 00:18:19,875
-like a big, white robe?
-First of all, it's not white.
495
00:18:19,958 --> 00:18:21,625
It's more like bone or ecru.
496
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:24,041
Huh! How was the eye doctor?
You see Heidi?
497
00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:26,583
-Yes. She's a great doctor.
-Great doctor.
498
00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:27,791
God.
499
00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:30,416
-Charming. Really attractive.
-Yeah, thank you.
500
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,333
I knew you would be happy when
you saw her, she's terrific.
501
00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,791
However, there's something
I have to tell you.
502
00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:36,833
Okay.
503
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,875
It's difficult for me
to even bring this up.
504
00:18:38,958 --> 00:18:41,666
-Bring what up?
-When the exam was over,
505
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:44,375
she dropped a Pirate's Booty
on the floor.
506
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,500
Didn't pick it up.
507
00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:50,250
Did you see her drop
the Pirate's Booty?
508
00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:53,916
I saw her do it. I saw her look
at the Pirate's Booty,
509
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,791
make the decision
not to pick it up
510
00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:57,041
and walk out of the room.
511
00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,875
Maybe she got it later.
She could've been embarrassed.
512
00:18:58,958 --> 00:19:00,166
No, she didn't.
513
00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:01,458
-You know why?
-Why?
514
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,791
'Cause I picked it up.
515
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,500
Yeah. I don't like
what that says about her.
516
00:19:05,583 --> 00:19:06,583
No, I don't like it.
517
00:19:06,666 --> 00:19:09,166
It's indicative
of a moral compass gone askew.
518
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:10,708
That's terrible.
519
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:12,083
I know, it's awful.
520
00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:14,291
What do I do? I can't just sit
with this, it bothers me now.
521
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:15,375
I don't know what you should do.
522
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:17,000
Maybe you could bring it up
with her.
523
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,458
Keep me out of it. Could never--
524
00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:19,625
(HUSHES)
525
00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:21,500
His girlfriend, the optometrist,
dropped a Pirate's Booty
526
00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:23,208
on the floor. Didn't pick it up.
527
00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:24,541
It's not a good thing
to drop the booty
528
00:19:24,625 --> 00:19:25,625
-and not pick it up.
-Not good.
529
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:26,833
-So what?
-What do you mean "So what"?
530
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,125
There's a sense
of entitlement there,
531
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,291
it's not a good quality.
532
00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:31,041
Let it go.
You're so fucking judgmental.
533
00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:32,125
Please rise.
534
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:34,833
Do you like Pirate Booty?
535
00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:36,875
-No, it's disgusting.
-It's not a good snack.
536
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,291
I don't like a cheesy snack,
do you?
537
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:40,458
No, if I'm gonna have anything,
I'm gonna have a potato chip.
538
00:19:40,541 --> 00:19:42,583
-A cheesy snack is not good.
-No!
539
00:19:42,666 --> 00:19:44,541
(HUSHING)
540
00:19:44,625 --> 00:19:45,625
All right.
541
00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:47,875
(BLOWS SHOFAR)
542
00:19:47,958 --> 00:19:49,666
(SPEAKING HEBREW)
543
00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,583
(BLOWS SHOFAR)
544
00:19:51,666 --> 00:19:52,708
Man, he's good.
545
00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:54,125
-Unbelievable.
-Yeah.
546
00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:58,416
Thank you all for coming.
547
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:01,291
-Shanah tovah.
-Shanah tovah.
548
00:20:01,375 --> 00:20:02,541
I can tell you this,
549
00:20:02,625 --> 00:20:04,375
they're not gonna be seeing
me again anytime soon.
550
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:05,958
You didn't enjoy,
you didn't have fun?
551
00:20:06,041 --> 00:20:07,125
SUSIE: Rabbi Freedman.
552
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:10,416
Oh, my God, that was so moving.
Just terrific.
553
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,083
-(LAUGHS) Thank you.
-Hello.
554
00:20:12,166 --> 00:20:13,708
I wasn't sure
you were gonna make it.
555
00:20:13,791 --> 00:20:15,250
Come on, I'm a man of my word.
Are you kidding?
556
00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:16,625
-Yes, you are.
-Very nice service,
557
00:20:16,708 --> 00:20:19,458
and by the way,
fantastic on that shofar.
558
00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:21,041
-Oh, thank you.
-He's pretty amazing.
559
00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:22,708
-I don't know how you do it.
-Just blow.
560
00:20:22,791 --> 00:20:25,000
I've tried 50 times,
I've never ever been able
561
00:20:25,083 --> 00:20:26,291
to get anything out of it.
562
00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:27,583
FREEDMAN:
Why don't you give it a try?
563
00:20:27,666 --> 00:20:29,250
No, it's ridiculous.
I can't do it.
564
00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:31,500
How do you know? You might be
a regular Dizzy Gillespie.
565
00:20:31,583 --> 00:20:33,083
I can't. Okay,
I'll give it a try.
566
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,916
-FREDDY: He's ready for this.
-With this. Do you... huh, huh.
567
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,125
Nothing personal.
568
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,916
This is quite a lead up.
You'd better really be able
569
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,041
to blow that thing.
570
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:43,416
This is crazy.
It's an exercise in futility.
571
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:45,750
-(BLOWS SHOFAR HOARSELY)
-FREDDY: Blow that thing.
572
00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,666
(LAUGHTER)
573
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:50,041
You're a master in the making,
I can tell.
574
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,500
-Ridiculous.
-Please keep it as a gift.
575
00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:55,000
What? I can't possibly
take this from you.
576
00:20:55,083 --> 00:20:57,000
It was such a lovely day
on the golf course.
577
00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:59,500
-I want you to have this.
-All right. Okay.
578
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:01,083
-Thank you so much.
-Enjoy.
579
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:02,500
-Thank you.
-It's good to see you here.
580
00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:03,833
Nice to see you guys.
581
00:21:03,916 --> 00:21:05,791
That's a nice gesture.
You'll have that forever.
582
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:09,000
Oh, please. I'm never gonna pick
this up for the rest of my life.
583
00:21:09,083 --> 00:21:12,125
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
584
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,000
-Hey, guys, how you doin'?
-Doing swell. How are you?
585
00:21:19,083 --> 00:21:20,083
Great. Cannot complain.
586
00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:21,916
-It's so beautiful out.
-Oh, gorgeous day.
587
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,083
Yeah? You got any fun plans
for today?
588
00:21:24,166 --> 00:21:25,958
Thinking about having
my leg amputated.
589
00:21:26,041 --> 00:21:28,250
Oh, well, good luck.
590
00:21:28,333 --> 00:21:30,833
-You find everything okay?
-Yes, we did, yeah.
591
00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:41,208
(GRUNTS)
I would like to, uh...
592
00:21:43,041 --> 00:21:44,166
Go ahead.
593
00:21:44,250 --> 00:21:45,333
...buy this watermelon.
594
00:21:45,416 --> 00:21:46,958
I'm sorry, I didn't hear
what you said.
595
00:21:47,041 --> 00:21:51,125
He said he'd like to buy
the watermelon.
596
00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:53,500
-Okay.
-And that's okay.
597
00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:56,208
-Yeah.
-Because it's not a crime
598
00:21:56,291 --> 00:22:00,500
for a Black man
to like watermelon, is it?
599
00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:03,416
Sir, do you like watermelon?
600
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,833
It's really none of my business,
man, it's...
601
00:22:05,916 --> 00:22:07,416
Just doing my thing, you know.
602
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,875
Tell me the truth.
Do you like watermelon?
603
00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:13,666
Yeah, I like watermelon.
604
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,083
-You like it a lot?
-I do.
605
00:22:16,166 --> 00:22:17,416
I like watermelon.
606
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:19,125
I like it. I like watermelon!
607
00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:21,583
LARRY: He likes watermelon!
Of course, you like it,
608
00:22:21,666 --> 00:22:22,750
because it's delicious!
609
00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:24,083
-Right!
-Why wouldn't you like it?
610
00:22:24,166 --> 00:22:25,416
-Thank you!
-You know what?
611
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:27,750
Get yourself a watermelon,
on me.
612
00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:30,666
-I will!
-And you know what else?
613
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,666
I love gefilte fish.
614
00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:34,958
Yeah, you heard me,
gefilte fish.
615
00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:38,083
And I'm gonna have it
with a smear of cream cheese
616
00:22:38,166 --> 00:22:39,500
on a bagel.
617
00:22:39,583 --> 00:22:43,958
And I might even have
some herring.
618
00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:47,166
And that's okay too.
Ring up that watermelon.
619
00:22:47,250 --> 00:22:49,750
-Ring up the gefilte fish.
-CASHIER: All right.
620
00:22:49,833 --> 00:22:50,916
My man.
621
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,666
Yeah, I've looked everywhere.
622
00:22:57,750 --> 00:22:59,833
I can't find the robe.
It's lost.
623
00:23:02,208 --> 00:23:04,916
-Okay, that's bullshit.
-It's lost.
624
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,291
-Give me the robe.
-You know what?
625
00:23:06,375 --> 00:23:08,500
If you're gonna give
an important job like that
626
00:23:08,583 --> 00:23:11,041
to a member of an inferior race,
you gotta expect us
627
00:23:11,125 --> 00:23:12,125
to screw it up.
628
00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:13,833
I'm in a lot of trouble now
because of you.
629
00:23:13,916 --> 00:23:14,958
A lot of trouble.
630
00:23:15,041 --> 00:23:16,500
I thought you said
he was a very decent Klansman.
631
00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:18,791
He is a decent Klansman,
but he's still a Klansman!
632
00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:21,916
He's got rallies coming up
in Santa Fe and Tucson.
633
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,666
He's not gonna have his robe.
He's not gonna be happy!
634
00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:25,916
That's a real shame.
635
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,291
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
636
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,541
What do you mean he lost it?
637
00:23:39,625 --> 00:23:41,333
Yeah, said he lost it.
638
00:23:41,416 --> 00:23:43,291
-I fucking trusted you.
-Yeah.
639
00:23:43,375 --> 00:23:44,416
You go to the cleaners,
640
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:46,166
you give them your clothes
to get cleaned...
641
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,208
-Yeah.
-...and they're supposed
to give it back to you.
642
00:23:48,291 --> 00:23:49,833
They're supposed to give it
back to you.
643
00:23:49,916 --> 00:23:51,041
It's a-- It's a disgrace.
644
00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:54,125
Well, you can't go to fucking
Walmart and buy a robe.
645
00:23:54,208 --> 00:23:55,583
-Yeah.
-So, what are you
646
00:23:55,666 --> 00:23:57,000
gonna do about it?
647
00:23:57,083 --> 00:23:58,708
-(SIGHS)
-That's not my problem.
648
00:23:58,791 --> 00:23:59,833
You're the one
who took the robe.
649
00:23:59,916 --> 00:24:00,958
Yeah, it's my responsibility.
650
00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:02,625
How are you gonna fix this,
Larry?
651
00:24:04,916 --> 00:24:05,958
You know what?
652
00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:10,291
My friend's wife
is a seamstress.
653
00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:12,833
You can't believe the stuff
that she can sew.
654
00:24:12,916 --> 00:24:14,833
-Yeah?
-She kind of owes me a favor.
655
00:24:14,916 --> 00:24:18,791
Still, it's not gonna be
an easy ask, but...
656
00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:20,583
I think I can get her to do it.
657
00:24:20,666 --> 00:24:23,375
-Like a custom job?
-A custom job.
658
00:24:23,458 --> 00:24:24,541
You think she can get it done.
659
00:24:24,625 --> 00:24:26,458
She can get it done.
She can get it done, yeah.
660
00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:27,875
I've never had
a custom one done.
661
00:24:27,958 --> 00:24:31,458
She could do it. You will be
the envy of every Klansman!
662
00:24:31,541 --> 00:24:33,541
-(LAUGHS)
-Huh, you like that?
663
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:34,750
They'll look at you, they'll go,
664
00:24:34,833 --> 00:24:36,041
"Hey, what, did you see
Joe's robe?
665
00:24:36,125 --> 00:24:38,000
Look at Joe's robe,
where do I get one of those?"
666
00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:41,041
You'll get invited to the
Grand Wizard's house for dinner.
667
00:24:41,125 --> 00:24:42,291
That's my prediction.
668
00:24:42,375 --> 00:24:44,083
I've never been to his house.
If I could go to dinner,
669
00:24:44,166 --> 00:24:47,333
I'd say that comes out
to be a pretty fair trade.
670
00:24:47,416 --> 00:24:49,416
-Yeah.
-Great, great.
671
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,166
(COW MOOS)
672
00:24:51,791 --> 00:24:53,500
That'd be awesome, man.
673
00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:04,625
Maybe you could do me
a small favor.
674
00:25:06,625 --> 00:25:08,083
Anyway, I hope
I'm not disturbing you.
675
00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:10,250
No, I'm just making dinner.
You know, the usual.
676
00:25:10,333 --> 00:25:12,458
You know, I'm not one
for pop-ins, you know.
677
00:25:12,541 --> 00:25:15,541
-You pop in all the time.
-Eh? You know.
678
00:25:15,625 --> 00:25:17,125
By the way,
I cannot stop thinking
679
00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:19,208
-about that banner.
-Uh, yeah.
680
00:25:19,291 --> 00:25:21,833
That was an incredible
work of art.
681
00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:23,875
That makes me so happy
that you appreciate it.
682
00:25:23,958 --> 00:25:26,833
How could I not? I wouldn't be
a human being, for God's sake!
683
00:25:26,916 --> 00:25:28,583
With all due modesty,
it's a masterpiece,
684
00:25:28,666 --> 00:25:29,708
I mean, it's amazing.
685
00:25:29,791 --> 00:25:31,208
If I had a talent like that,
I'd be shouting it
686
00:25:31,291 --> 00:25:33,500
from the rooftops,
"Hey, look at me everybody."
687
00:25:33,583 --> 00:25:35,250
You have that need.
I'm more secure.
688
00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:36,208
Yeah.
689
00:25:36,291 --> 00:25:37,708
Thanks again for golfing
with the rabbi.
690
00:25:37,791 --> 00:25:40,625
Oh, what a delightful man.
691
00:25:40,708 --> 00:25:42,208
I knew you would like him.
692
00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:43,750
-And fun to play with.
-Fun.
693
00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:45,458
Sense of humor,
just like you said.
694
00:25:45,541 --> 00:25:47,125
-Right.
-And hip, whoo!
695
00:25:47,208 --> 00:25:49,708
-Yeah.
-Those four and a half hours
696
00:25:49,791 --> 00:25:51,125
just flew by.
697
00:25:51,208 --> 00:25:53,666
Anyway, I was thinking
maybe you could sew
698
00:25:53,750 --> 00:25:55,416
something for me.
699
00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:57,166
Uh, I'm so touched.
700
00:25:57,250 --> 00:25:58,458
You'll do it?
701
00:25:58,541 --> 00:26:00,375
Well, depends on what it is,
I am not capable of everything.
702
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,083
I don't think it's that
difficult.
703
00:26:02,166 --> 00:26:03,583
I think you could
knock it off...
704
00:26:03,666 --> 00:26:04,625
You have something in mind?
705
00:26:04,708 --> 00:26:06,041
-Yeah, yes, I do, actually.
-What is it?
706
00:26:06,125 --> 00:26:07,500
It's not for me.
It's for a friend of mine.
707
00:26:07,583 --> 00:26:09,083
-What is it?
-It's kind of a robe.
708
00:26:09,166 --> 00:26:10,833
What kind of a robe,
like a bathrobe?
709
00:26:10,916 --> 00:26:12,625
No, more like a sheet-y
kind of thing.
710
00:26:12,708 --> 00:26:14,583
Sheet, like a kaftan,
kind of a...
711
00:26:14,666 --> 00:26:16,750
-It's kaftan-ish, yeah.
-Uh-huh.
712
00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:19,583
-There's a hood and--
-Is it for a man or a woman?
713
00:26:19,666 --> 00:26:21,875
-Oh, it's for a man.
-What kind of a man?
714
00:26:21,958 --> 00:26:24,916
-A Klansman.
-What do you mean, a Klansman?
715
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:26,708
Yeah, a Ku Klux Klansman.
716
00:26:26,791 --> 00:26:28,000
-What?
-Yeah.
717
00:26:28,083 --> 00:26:29,458
What are you, fucking crazy?
718
00:26:29,541 --> 00:26:31,500
I could see how
you would react like that, okay?
719
00:26:31,583 --> 00:26:33,083
How do you even know a Klansman?
720
00:26:33,166 --> 00:26:35,416
I spilled coffee on his robe,
you know, I feel like
721
00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:37,500
it's my responsibility
to replace the robe.
722
00:26:37,583 --> 00:26:38,958
The dry cleaner said he lost it.
723
00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:41,333
Larry, it goes against
everything I believe in.
724
00:26:41,416 --> 00:26:43,166
Next thing you're gonna do
is tell me some of them
725
00:26:43,250 --> 00:26:44,500
are very good people.
726
00:26:44,583 --> 00:26:46,500
I did play golf with the rabbi.
727
00:26:46,583 --> 00:26:49,291
He was the slowest player
I've ever been with.
728
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:50,916
You do owe me a favor.
729
00:26:56,166 --> 00:26:57,625
(SIGHS) I'll do it.
730
00:26:57,708 --> 00:26:59,750
-Thank you so much.
-Just go. Just go.
731
00:26:59,833 --> 00:27:01,750
And by the way,
don't worry about the pointy hat
732
00:27:01,833 --> 00:27:04,000
because that didn't get
coffee on it.
733
00:27:04,083 --> 00:27:06,000
-Oh, some good things.
-Yeah. Also,
734
00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:07,458
don't make the sleeves
too floppy
735
00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:10,041
because they can get burned
when he's lighting the torches.
736
00:27:11,833 --> 00:27:13,708
I'm sorry you weren't here
the other night.
737
00:27:13,791 --> 00:27:16,291
We had a fabulous square dance.
738
00:27:16,375 --> 00:27:18,541
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah, right in the barn.
739
00:27:18,625 --> 00:27:19,750
-You square...
-Yeah.
740
00:27:19,833 --> 00:27:21,583
I'm picturing you
square dancing.
741
00:27:21,666 --> 00:27:22,958
Oh, yeah, yeah!
Grab your partner,
742
00:27:23,041 --> 00:27:25,708
do-si-do, oh, yeah.
I do-si, yeah.
743
00:27:25,791 --> 00:27:28,208
(HUMMING)
744
00:27:28,291 --> 00:27:30,041
Oh, hey, hey, look at this.
745
00:27:30,125 --> 00:27:31,750
-Look at Jessie.
-Oh.
746
00:27:31,833 --> 00:27:34,000
I'd like you to meet
my friend, Woody.
747
00:27:34,083 --> 00:27:35,458
-Jessie.
-Huh?
748
00:27:35,541 --> 00:27:37,250
You're a beautiful mother.
749
00:27:37,333 --> 00:27:39,375
-She's my baby.
-Oh, yeah.
750
00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:41,166
Do you ever milk her?
751
00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,333
Joe. Do I milk?
752
00:27:43,416 --> 00:27:45,875
-Joe, tell him about my...
-Larry milk.
753
00:27:45,958 --> 00:27:46,916
-Huh?
-He milk.
754
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,375
-Oh, yeah, I milk.
-I mean, she looks like
755
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:51,375
she's ready to pop. Let's pull
up a stool and get it going.
756
00:27:51,458 --> 00:27:57,416
Uh, it's a great idea,
but I milked so much last week.
757
00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:59,708
I got milky fingers,
you know what that is?
758
00:27:59,791 --> 00:28:00,916
I never heard of that.
759
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,750
It's a farm term,
it means when you milk too much
760
00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:06,041
and your fingers get very stiff
and you can't close them up.
761
00:28:06,125 --> 00:28:08,416
WOODY: And what about the calf?
What's the calf's name?
762
00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:12,416
The calf? Oh, yeah,
that's, uh, that's Rebecca.
763
00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:15,833
Oh, it's very, uh,
gendery-bendery of you
764
00:28:15,916 --> 00:28:18,458
to have a male calf
with a female name.
765
00:28:18,541 --> 00:28:21,958
You know, uh, we don't see
gender here on this farm.
766
00:28:22,041 --> 00:28:23,208
We're kind of a woke farm.
767
00:28:23,291 --> 00:28:25,708
We're the most progressive
farm in the valley, Woody.
768
00:28:25,791 --> 00:28:27,000
-Are you?
-Oh, yeah.
769
00:28:27,083 --> 00:28:29,875
You know, Joe here, uh,
he's got the pictures
770
00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:32,375
of Nancy Pelosi on his tractor.
771
00:28:32,458 --> 00:28:35,041
(LAUGHS)
772
00:28:36,541 --> 00:28:38,583
-It's funny. Yeah.
-Yeah.
773
00:28:38,666 --> 00:28:40,166
So anyway, you know,
we should, uh,
774
00:28:40,250 --> 00:28:42,125
we should probably take off.
I could--
775
00:28:42,208 --> 00:28:43,708
If you want some of those apples
back there,
776
00:28:43,791 --> 00:28:46,416
Joe can rustle you up a bunch
if you want, to take home.
777
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:48,458
Right, I won't let the Jew
charge you.
778
00:28:48,541 --> 00:28:50,458
-Oh.
-(LAUGHS)
779
00:28:50,541 --> 00:28:53,083
We harass each other
all the time, yeah.
780
00:28:53,166 --> 00:28:54,375
Well, what do you call him?
781
00:28:54,458 --> 00:28:56,333
I just call him
a racist cocksucker.
782
00:28:56,416 --> 00:28:59,833
(LAUGHTER)
783
00:28:59,916 --> 00:29:02,708
-It's good stuff.
-It works. It works.
784
00:29:02,791 --> 00:29:03,833
It's life on the ranch.
785
00:29:03,916 --> 00:29:04,875
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
786
00:29:04,958 --> 00:29:07,250
Wow. What an honor to meet you.
787
00:29:07,333 --> 00:29:09,916
-Bye Jessie, yeah.
-You gonna pet her goodbye?
788
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,000
I gotta have lunch in a minute.
789
00:29:21,750 --> 00:29:23,000
You okay?
790
00:29:23,083 --> 00:29:25,375
Yeah, I'm great. Great.
791
00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:26,833
Freddy.
792
00:29:26,916 --> 00:29:30,583
Okay. What's wrong? What?
What's going on?
793
00:29:30,666 --> 00:29:32,625
Now that you've mentioned
something,
794
00:29:32,708 --> 00:29:35,125
someone that we both know...
795
00:29:35,208 --> 00:29:36,833
-Mm-hmm.
-...was in your office.
796
00:29:36,916 --> 00:29:38,041
Okay.
797
00:29:38,125 --> 00:29:40,458
And said that you were, um,
eating some Pirate Booty.
798
00:29:40,541 --> 00:29:42,583
And that the Pirate Booty
fell on the ground.
799
00:29:42,666 --> 00:29:44,750
And that you made a decision
not to pick the Pirate Booty
800
00:29:44,833 --> 00:29:47,458
up off the floor,
and it's been bothering me.
801
00:29:47,541 --> 00:29:49,541
-Is this a joke?
-It's a simple question.
802
00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:51,083
Did you drop the Pirate Booty
or did you not?
803
00:29:51,166 --> 00:29:54,708
No, but who would tell you
something so insane?
804
00:29:54,791 --> 00:29:56,666
-The who's not important.
-It's very important.
805
00:29:56,750 --> 00:29:58,375
-What? It was a dog walker...
-Freddy, who?
806
00:29:58,458 --> 00:30:00,250
It was a mutual friend.
What does it matter?
807
00:30:00,333 --> 00:30:01,666
-It was Larry David.
-Oh, for fuck's sake.
808
00:30:01,750 --> 00:30:03,416
Okay? He said to me
that he saw you in the office
809
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:04,541
-you were eating--
-Larry David,
810
00:30:04,625 --> 00:30:05,916
he couldn't choose
between one and two.
811
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,708
-Why is this about...
-One or two.
812
00:30:07,791 --> 00:30:08,875
Did you drop the Pirate Booty?
813
00:30:08,958 --> 00:30:11,458
-He is magoo.
-But what's his motivation?
814
00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:12,541
What would he gain from it?
815
00:30:12,625 --> 00:30:14,125
Freddy, don't you think
if I notice something
816
00:30:14,208 --> 00:30:15,625
that fell on the ground,
I would pick it up?
817
00:30:15,708 --> 00:30:17,125
-It's ridiculous.
-Yeah, one would hope.
818
00:30:17,208 --> 00:30:18,416
So I'm gonna ask you
one more time.
819
00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:19,416
-That's it.
-Freddy?
820
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,208
-Did you drop the Pirate Booty?
-Yes.
821
00:30:21,958 --> 00:30:23,000
-Okay.
-Yes.
822
00:30:23,083 --> 00:30:25,041
I dropped the fucking
Pirate's Booty, okay.
823
00:30:25,125 --> 00:30:26,875
Wasn't a big deal,
we have a team of people.
824
00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:27,833
I was busy.
825
00:30:27,916 --> 00:30:29,041
This is where
we should've started.
826
00:30:29,125 --> 00:30:30,291
Didn't care then,
don't care now.
827
00:30:30,375 --> 00:30:31,583
Yeah, and you know what?
828
00:30:31,666 --> 00:30:33,166
-Didn't wanna pick it up.
-Look what you put me through.
829
00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:35,333
-Wait, I put you through?
-Yeah.
830
00:30:35,416 --> 00:30:36,750
This is all fucking Larry David.
831
00:30:36,833 --> 00:30:38,416
No, it's not.
Thank God for Larry David
832
00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:39,625
because you'll grow from this.
833
00:30:39,708 --> 00:30:41,416
Ew, you know what,
I'm growing now.
834
00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:43,875
I'm outta here. Oh, God.
835
00:30:43,958 --> 00:30:46,125
And you know what?
You know what?
836
00:30:46,208 --> 00:30:48,625
That's not gonna solve anything.
That's not gonna solve anything.
837
00:30:48,708 --> 00:30:50,375
This is how you handle--
Okay, all right.
838
00:30:50,458 --> 00:30:53,250
I see it now. I don't know
how I didn't see it before.
839
00:30:53,333 --> 00:30:54,750
I hope someone can pick that up.
840
00:30:54,833 --> 00:30:57,166
By the way, super great way
of handling this.
841
00:30:59,291 --> 00:31:01,375
-How about that?
-Uh, fantastic.
842
00:31:01,458 --> 00:31:03,166
-Right?
-Thank you so much.
843
00:31:03,250 --> 00:31:06,375
-The grapes, the apples.
-Of course, of course.
844
00:31:06,458 --> 00:31:09,250
And I'm looking forward
to talking about Uncle Mo.
845
00:31:09,333 --> 00:31:12,083
That's very exciting.
Thank you.
846
00:31:12,166 --> 00:31:14,250
You got it made out here,
you know.
847
00:31:14,333 --> 00:31:16,041
JOE: It's a pleasure there,
Woody.
848
00:31:16,125 --> 00:31:17,541
-Thank you, Joe.
-Yeah.
849
00:31:17,625 --> 00:31:18,833
You take care of yourself, man.
850
00:31:18,916 --> 00:31:21,791
-Yeah, you too, man.
-Thank you, sir. Oops.
851
00:31:21,875 --> 00:31:24,291
Good man. These are good.
I'll see you guys.
852
00:31:24,375 --> 00:31:26,541
Hey, what-- Whoa.
What the fuck?
853
00:31:26,625 --> 00:31:27,541
What?
854
00:31:27,625 --> 00:31:29,000
Aren't you gonna pick up
the grape?
855
00:31:30,958 --> 00:31:32,791
It's just-- Well, no, no.
856
00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:35,041
Yeah, but I wouldn't drop
a grape on your porch
857
00:31:35,125 --> 00:31:37,250
-and then walk off.
-It's just a grape.
858
00:31:37,333 --> 00:31:38,458
It doesn't matter.
859
00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:42,041
Fucking Hollywood leftist
bullshit is what you are.
860
00:31:42,125 --> 00:31:44,250
Hollywood left-- Larry. Come on.
861
00:31:44,333 --> 00:31:47,750
-Eh... Should pick up the grape.
-That's not cool.
862
00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:51,083
It looks like it is a sense
of entitlement there.
863
00:31:51,166 --> 00:31:52,416
It's gonna biodegrade, Larry.
864
00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:54,375
Pick up the fucking grape,
Woody!
865
00:31:55,416 --> 00:31:57,291
Sure, I'll pick up the grape,
Joe.
866
00:31:57,375 --> 00:31:58,416
Here, here's your grape.
867
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,000
Fuck you
with your fucking grape!
868
00:32:01,083 --> 00:32:03,791
And there's a whole
fucking fistful of grapes.
869
00:32:03,875 --> 00:32:06,250
And guess what?
Here's a fucking apple.
870
00:32:06,333 --> 00:32:08,333
-Don't you fucking do it.
-Fuck you.
871
00:32:08,416 --> 00:32:10,875
Fuck this shitty farm.
And guess what?
872
00:32:10,958 --> 00:32:14,000
Your show, good luck with it,
because I ain't doing it.
873
00:32:14,083 --> 00:32:17,000
You know what? Fuck this.
Stay right there, boy.
874
00:32:19,208 --> 00:32:22,083
-Where's he going?
-I think he's getting a gun.
875
00:32:23,458 --> 00:32:25,375
Teddy was right
about you, Larry.
876
00:32:25,458 --> 00:32:28,500
Ted Danson? What did he say?
877
00:32:28,583 --> 00:32:30,500
You should've picked up
the grape!
878
00:32:30,583 --> 00:32:32,500
I'm not seeing well
out of the lenses, you know.
879
00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:33,875
I just made bad decisions.
880
00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:35,625
I took two,
I should've taken one.
881
00:32:35,708 --> 00:32:37,375
And I took three
and I should've taken four.
882
00:32:37,458 --> 00:32:39,750
My whole life,
always wrong decisions.
883
00:32:39,833 --> 00:32:42,250
-I'm plagued with them.
-Sir, we'll get you
a new prescription.
884
00:32:42,333 --> 00:32:44,625
I just need to dilate
your pupils.
885
00:32:44,708 --> 00:32:46,958
This might feel a little cold.
Okay.
886
00:32:47,041 --> 00:32:49,333
Your eyes are gonna be
a little sensitive to light
887
00:32:49,416 --> 00:32:52,375
for the next 30 minutes,
so stay out of direct sunlight.
888
00:32:52,458 --> 00:32:53,541
I'll take it from here.
889
00:32:53,625 --> 00:32:55,458
-I'm definitely prepared for it.
-Thank you so much.
890
00:32:55,541 --> 00:32:57,000
-I'm gonna do one.
-Thank you.
891
00:32:57,083 --> 00:32:59,000
I'm gonna do one,
and I'm gonna do...
892
00:32:59,083 --> 00:33:00,208
What the fuck, Larry?
893
00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:02,541
Why would you go and tell Freddy
I dropped a stupid
894
00:33:02,625 --> 00:33:05,041
fucking Pirate's Booty
on the floor? Are you nuts?
895
00:33:05,125 --> 00:33:06,083
Why didn't you pick it up?
896
00:33:06,166 --> 00:33:07,625
Why do you fucking care
if I picked it up?
897
00:33:07,708 --> 00:33:09,958
It's not that I care. There's
a sense of entitlement there
898
00:33:10,041 --> 00:33:11,416
-that I thought was wrong...
-What?
899
00:33:11,500 --> 00:33:13,291
...and I needed to let my friend
know about that.
900
00:33:13,375 --> 00:33:15,000
Larry, I was gonna pick it up,
okay?
901
00:33:15,083 --> 00:33:16,333
Oh, you were going
to pick it up?
902
00:33:16,416 --> 00:33:17,375
I was going to pick it up.
903
00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:18,583
I don't think you were going
to pick it up.
904
00:33:18,666 --> 00:33:19,750
How do you know
and why do you care?
905
00:33:19,833 --> 00:33:21,125
You know why?
Because I picked it up.
906
00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:22,833
No one asked you
to clean it up, Larry.
907
00:33:22,916 --> 00:33:24,083
You know what you could've done?
908
00:33:24,166 --> 00:33:25,708
Hey, I have an idea.
You could've done nothing.
909
00:33:25,791 --> 00:33:27,583
You think I can leave
a Pirate's Booty on the floor?
910
00:33:27,666 --> 00:33:29,041
-No.
-No one fucking cares
911
00:33:29,125 --> 00:33:30,208
about the Pirate's Booty, Larry.
912
00:33:30,291 --> 00:33:31,500
I care about the Pirate's Booty.
913
00:33:31,583 --> 00:33:34,208
You know what, Larry?
It's time for your eye exam.
914
00:33:34,291 --> 00:33:35,583
Huh?
915
00:33:35,666 --> 00:33:38,541
-(GROANS)
-Oh!
916
00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:40,791
-(GROANS)
-Was that a one or a two?
917
00:33:40,875 --> 00:33:42,500
(LARRY GROANS)
918
00:33:46,791 --> 00:33:53,041
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
919
00:34:01,541 --> 00:34:03,166
-(LARRY SCREAMS)
-(TIRE SCREECHES)
920
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:04,541
Oh!
921
00:34:06,708 --> 00:34:08,791
What the fuck?
922
00:34:08,875 --> 00:34:13,458
I'm so, so sorry. Are you okay?
923
00:34:13,541 --> 00:34:15,458
I-- Yes, I'm fine. Are you okay?
924
00:34:15,541 --> 00:34:16,791
I'm fine, yes. I'm telling you--
925
00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:18,333
Great, my car
is not doing great.
926
00:34:18,416 --> 00:34:19,750
Uh, look,
I'll pay for the whole thing.
927
00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:21,958
I have insurance.
I was at the eye doctor that--
928
00:34:22,041 --> 00:34:23,625
she shoved the thing in my face.
929
00:34:23,708 --> 00:34:25,000
You're not supposed to drive
after that.
930
00:34:25,083 --> 00:34:26,500
Oh, but she shoved it.
She shoved it.
931
00:34:26,583 --> 00:34:28,208
You're supposed to
have someone pick you up.
932
00:34:28,291 --> 00:34:29,166
It doesn't matter.
933
00:34:29,250 --> 00:34:30,416
Oh, you're being
very nice about this.
934
00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:32,583
-Can we do the exchange so...
-Uh, yeah, yes.
935
00:34:32,666 --> 00:34:34,708
-Yeah, I'm so sorry.
-Thanks.
936
00:34:36,208 --> 00:34:37,416
Larry.
937
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:42,166
Mary. I'm Mary.
938
00:34:42,250 --> 00:34:43,916
You can take a picture of it
with your phone,
939
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,291
so you can maybe read it later.
940
00:34:50,750 --> 00:34:53,666
-Mary Ferguson?
-Yes.
941
00:34:53,750 --> 00:34:56,083
-Seriously?
-Yes. What's happening?
942
00:34:56,166 --> 00:34:58,916
Oh, my God.
Your name's Mary Ferguson?
943
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,000
-Yes, it is.
-This is incredible.
944
00:35:01,083 --> 00:35:02,625
-Is it?
-This is kismet.
945
00:35:02,708 --> 00:35:03,833
This is unbelievable.
946
00:35:03,916 --> 00:35:06,916
Would you ever be interested
in a free trip to Asia?
947
00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:10,708
MARY FERGUSON: Larry.
948
00:35:10,791 --> 00:35:12,458
You won't believe this,
but I have been having
949
00:35:12,541 --> 00:35:14,208
a recurring dream
about going to Asia.
950
00:35:14,291 --> 00:35:15,375
-Get out of here.
-Right.
951
00:35:15,458 --> 00:35:17,125
And the dates work out perfectly
for my schedule.
952
00:35:17,208 --> 00:35:19,750
So I'm getting excited.
So tell me about this guy.
953
00:35:19,833 --> 00:35:20,958
-Leon?
-Yeah.
954
00:35:21,041 --> 00:35:24,041
Well, let's just say
he's a unique individual.
955
00:35:24,125 --> 00:35:25,291
Okay.
956
00:35:25,375 --> 00:35:27,833
You could not have asked for
a better traveling companion.
957
00:35:27,916 --> 00:35:29,250
-MARY: I'm excited.
-Take my word.
958
00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:30,625
MARY: I can't wait.
959
00:35:30,708 --> 00:35:33,125
LEON: You'd be surprised!
You know what I'm saying?
960
00:35:33,208 --> 00:35:34,916
(LAUGHS)
961
00:35:44,958 --> 00:35:46,375
What the fuck was that?
962
00:35:46,458 --> 00:35:49,958
That... (DOOR SLAMS)
...was a Mary Ferguson.
963
00:35:50,041 --> 00:35:52,125
I brought her back here
to meet you.
964
00:35:52,208 --> 00:35:54,750
-She was perfect!
-Lost another one.
965
00:35:54,833 --> 00:35:55,833
That's three, Larry.
966
00:35:55,916 --> 00:35:57,541
That's fucking
three Mary Fergusons.
967
00:35:57,625 --> 00:35:59,458
Who told you to have
a watermelon orgy?
968
00:35:59,541 --> 00:36:02,208
You told me that shit.
You said it, Larry.
969
00:36:04,541 --> 00:36:06,875
-Can I join you?
-Fuck yeah, come on, man.
970
00:36:06,958 --> 00:36:09,000
Get in on this sweet meat.
971
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:11,000
What happened to your eyes, man?
972
00:36:11,083 --> 00:36:12,208
Like a fucking raccoon.
973
00:36:12,291 --> 00:36:15,458
I had an accident
at the, uh, optometrist.
974
00:36:15,541 --> 00:36:16,583
-Cheers!
-Cheers!
975
00:36:16,666 --> 00:36:18,708
Cheers! Yeah, cheers.
976
00:36:18,791 --> 00:36:21,291
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- Repeat after me!
977
00:36:21,375 --> 00:36:24,750
CROWD: (CHANTING)
You will not replace us!
978
00:36:24,833 --> 00:36:26,291
JOE: Shit, shit, shit, I'm late.
979
00:36:27,875 --> 00:36:29,208
Oh, wow
980
00:36:29,291 --> 00:36:30,583
Here we go.
981
00:36:30,666 --> 00:36:32,375
CROWD: You will not replace us!
982
00:36:32,458 --> 00:36:34,500
JOE: Geez. Sorry I'm late, guys.
983
00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:38,875
CROWD: You will not replace us!
You will not replace us!
984
00:36:40,458 --> 00:36:42,833
-KLANSMAN 1: Look at this guy!
-KLANSMAN 2: He's a Jew!
985
00:36:42,916 --> 00:36:44,416
JOE: Huh? (GROANS)
986
00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:47,666
(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
987
00:36:47,750 --> 00:36:49,875
No! Stop! Some lady made it!
988
00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:52,416
-(CROWD YELLING)
-JOE: Stop! Help!
989
00:36:57,541 --> 00:36:59,625
-(BANGING ON DOOR)
-JOE: Larry!
990
00:37:03,125 --> 00:37:04,125
Larry!
991
00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:06,083
Jew boy!
992
00:37:06,166 --> 00:37:09,291
-Larry!
-(THUMPING ON DOOR)
993
00:37:09,375 --> 00:37:12,750
Open this fucking door
or I'll break it down.
994
00:37:13,416 --> 00:37:15,000
Larry!
995
00:37:15,083 --> 00:37:17,083
You wanna see
what they did to me?
996
00:37:17,166 --> 00:37:19,708
I'll beat your bald ass, boy!
997
00:37:19,791 --> 00:37:23,416
You crossed the line, buddy.
You think you're real funny!
998
00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:24,875
Nobody else did.
999
00:37:24,958 --> 00:37:27,041
I got my ass beat in Santa Fe.
1000
00:37:27,125 --> 00:37:29,541
I'll show you something funny.
Get down here!
1001
00:37:29,625 --> 00:37:31,041
Fucking race traitor.
1002
00:37:31,708 --> 00:37:33,416
Hey, Jew boy, come down.
1003
00:37:34,458 --> 00:37:35,458
Larry!
1004
00:37:36,583 --> 00:37:39,750
I will pound your commie face,
Larry.
1005
00:37:39,833 --> 00:37:41,958
I know that you're home.
1006
00:37:42,041 --> 00:37:44,916
-(BLOWS SHOFAR BEAUTIFULLY)
-Come down here.
1007
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,041
Larry, get down here!
1008
00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:50,333
What the fuck are you doing,
man?
1009
00:37:50,416 --> 00:37:54,041
-(BLOWS SHOFAR)
-Shut the fuck up, Larry.
1010
00:37:55,208 --> 00:37:56,958
(DOG BARKING)
1011
00:37:59,416 --> 00:38:00,750
Shit.
1012
00:38:02,375 --> 00:38:05,875
(BLOWS SHOFAR)
1013
00:38:05,958 --> 00:38:11,041
♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪