1 00:00:05,916 --> 00:00:09,958 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,250 WOODY HARRELSON: Now, I know that I am no better 3 00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:16,750 than any of my fellow nominees 4 00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:20,708 or any other human in this room or on this planet. 5 00:00:20,791 --> 00:00:26,375 I also believe that interspecies equality is paramount. 6 00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:27,791 (APPLAUSE) 7 00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:31,708 WOODY: And yet we go into nature and we pillage and we ransack. 8 00:00:31,791 --> 00:00:37,541 We use machines to impregnate the innocent dairy cow. 9 00:00:37,625 --> 00:00:40,708 Then callously snatch away her baby 10 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,583 as she cries out... 11 00:00:42,666 --> 00:00:44,125 -Why do they do this? -...in despair. 12 00:00:44,208 --> 00:00:45,958 Even Woody Harrelson makes speeches like this. 13 00:00:46,041 --> 00:00:48,625 -It's just an Oscar. It's not the Nobel Peace Prize, right? -Yeah. 14 00:00:48,708 --> 00:00:50,666 You know what my speech would be if I win an Oscar? 15 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:52,458 -What? What? -"I wanna thank the Academy 16 00:00:52,541 --> 00:00:54,416 and don't allow babies on planes, goodnight." 17 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:55,958 -They'd love that speech. -I know. 18 00:00:56,041 --> 00:00:58,125 -You'd be a hero. -Then we take 19 00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:00,333 the life milk meant for her calf, 20 00:01:00,416 --> 00:01:04,666 and we use it for cream in our lattes. 21 00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:08,583 Okay. All this stuff aside, he'd be so great for Uncle Mo 22 00:01:08,666 --> 00:01:09,875 for the show, don't you think? 23 00:01:09,958 --> 00:01:12,041 -Oh, my God, yes. -Tough to get. 24 00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:13,250 Yeah, well, I don't know. 25 00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,583 I guess it couldn't hurt to get him a script, right? 26 00:01:15,666 --> 00:01:17,083 Could not hurt at all. 27 00:01:17,166 --> 00:01:18,375 -Oh, hi, Lar. -LARRY DAVID: Oh, hey. 28 00:01:18,458 --> 00:01:19,583 SUSIE GREENE: Got some more fabric. 29 00:01:19,666 --> 00:01:22,333 Look at this tapestry I'm making for the temple. 30 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,083 Is that something? 31 00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,875 JEFF GREENE: I've never been more proud of her. 32 00:01:25,958 --> 00:01:28,041 -It's the tree of life. -Did you sew that? 33 00:01:28,125 --> 00:01:29,291 -SUSIE: Yeah! -Yeah. It's a banner 34 00:01:29,375 --> 00:01:30,541 for our temple football team. 35 00:01:30,625 --> 00:01:32,500 -We're playing Beth Hillel. -(CHUCKLES) 36 00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:34,333 And their defense is ridiculous. 37 00:01:34,416 --> 00:01:37,333 They sacked our rabbi six times last season. 38 00:01:37,416 --> 00:01:39,666 Speaking of the temple, you know, our rabbi 39 00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:41,208 is an amazing guy. 40 00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:43,625 Lar, you, of all people would love this guy. 41 00:01:43,708 --> 00:01:45,958 -Oh, would I? -He's cool, he's hip, 42 00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:49,000 -he's spiritual. He's just fantastic. -Oh, yeah. The hip rabbi. Yeah. 43 00:01:49,083 --> 00:01:50,916 -Yeah, sure. -He's a big golfer. 44 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,541 Can't afford a fancy-schmancy club like we belong to. 45 00:01:54,625 --> 00:01:56,000 -Uh-huh. -SUSIE: So I think it would be 46 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,916 a nice gesture for you to take him as a guest. 47 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,041 -Take him to the club with me? -SUSIE: Yeah. Come on. 48 00:02:02,125 --> 00:02:04,375 -Oh, geez. -One round. 49 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,750 -This is gonna make you happy? -Very happy. 50 00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:10,291 -All right, fine. -Aw. Thank you. 51 00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:11,666 Thank you so much. 52 00:02:15,125 --> 00:02:18,166 Oh, come on, man! (LAUGHS) No. 53 00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,541 -Come on. Come on. -Oh, come on. 54 00:02:20,625 --> 00:02:21,708 You think I wouldn't do it for you? 55 00:02:21,791 --> 00:02:23,375 -Oh, geez. -I'mma leave you hangin'? 56 00:02:23,458 --> 00:02:25,375 I'm old. Come on. 57 00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,875 I can't waste a day playing golf with a rabbi. 58 00:02:27,958 --> 00:02:29,500 Every minute is precious to me now. 59 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,458 -JEFF: Oh, let me-- -At this time of my life, I-- 60 00:02:31,541 --> 00:02:34,333 -He's a great guy, Larry. -That's a four-hour favor. 61 00:02:34,416 --> 00:02:36,000 And five, if you include lunch. 62 00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:38,208 Come on, play golf with the cool rabbi and me. 63 00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,916 You'd be doing me a big favor, come on. 64 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,666 -Oh, it's a favor. -I appreciate it so much. 65 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,833 I am doing you a favor. 66 00:02:44,916 --> 00:02:46,500 How many times are you gonna remind me of this now? 67 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:49,750 -As often as I can. -Thank you, anyway. Both of you. 68 00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:53,000 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 69 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,750 LARRY: Oh, that, yeah. That really does a lot. 70 00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:00,958 Will you please? 71 00:03:01,041 --> 00:03:04,833 Hey, I got a, uh, text from Woody Harrelson's people. 72 00:03:04,916 --> 00:03:07,125 He's interested. They're gonna set up a meeting. 73 00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:08,250 -Really? -Yeah. 74 00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:09,875 -Wow, that's great. -Yeah. It's very exciting. 75 00:03:09,958 --> 00:03:12,208 -I love Woody. -I love Woody, too. 76 00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:15,625 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 77 00:03:15,708 --> 00:03:17,916 Okay. You know what? I'm gonna give you that. 78 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,458 Ah. Very generous of you. 79 00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:22,333 Hey, by the way, I'm seeing your girlfriend this week. 80 00:03:22,416 --> 00:03:23,625 -Heidi? -LARRY: Yeah. 81 00:03:23,708 --> 00:03:25,583 Oh, I'm so glad. You're gonna love her, she's terrific. 82 00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:27,500 -Wait, the eye doctor? -Yeah. 83 00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:31,000 Gentlemen, I'm gonna show you how this is done. 84 00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:32,916 -Never again. -I know, I know. 85 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,166 Uh-- I appreciate it. 86 00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,458 You know, the High Holy Days are coming up pretty soon. 87 00:03:36,541 --> 00:03:39,250 That is just so exciting, is it not? 88 00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:41,375 It sure would be nice to see you in temple. 89 00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:43,000 (CHUCKLES) Yeah. Okay. Don't hold your breath. 90 00:03:43,083 --> 00:03:45,125 It's been a while since you've been to this temple. 91 00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,791 I think never is the more appropriate word. 92 00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:49,416 RABBI FREEDMAN: Well, maybe we can remedy that. 93 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,416 -How about a little wager? -Sure, fine. 94 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,083 I sink this putt, you come to my temple for services. 95 00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:55,375 (SCOFFS) 96 00:03:55,458 --> 00:03:58,416 -Oh, yeah. Okay. You got it. -Now you guys heard it, he bet. 97 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,083 Sure, yeah. I'll come to your temple. 98 00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:01,750 I'll get breast implants, too. 99 00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:04,000 FREEDMAN: (LAUGHS) That's up to you. 100 00:04:04,083 --> 00:04:05,416 (LAUGHS) 101 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:06,583 Oh, my God. 102 00:04:07,166 --> 00:04:09,500 -No, no! -Yes! 103 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,500 Are you serious? 104 00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:13,416 -No, that-- I wasn't-- -You're going to temple. 105 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:14,500 -No, I can't. -(LAUGHS) 106 00:04:14,583 --> 00:04:16,000 -JEFF: You said it. I heard it. -What? No. 107 00:04:16,083 --> 00:04:17,250 -JEFF: Yes. -Come on. 108 00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:18,458 -I'll see you in temple. -LARRY: What, are you kidding? 109 00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:19,791 You don't expect me to go there. 110 00:04:19,875 --> 00:04:21,166 -(LAUGHS) -LARRY: We were joking. 111 00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:23,083 -Come on. We made a fair bet. -You didn't put up anything. 112 00:04:23,166 --> 00:04:25,333 I just-- What did you bet? Nothing. 113 00:04:25,416 --> 00:04:27,000 You're gonna look beautiful with breasts. 114 00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:28,166 -You're gonna look beautiful. -Yeah. 115 00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:29,625 You got a face for it. You're gonna look great. 116 00:04:29,708 --> 00:04:31,666 LARRY: I can't go there, I'll suffocate. 117 00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:33,041 FREDDY FUNKHOUSER: Nice shot, rabbi. 118 00:04:33,125 --> 00:04:34,625 How the fuck did he make that putt? 119 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:38,041 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 120 00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:48,958 -What was all that? -What's all what? 121 00:04:49,041 --> 00:04:51,541 You're like a mouse, scurrying back to your seat. 122 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,875 -I was scurrying? -Yeah. What are you up to? 123 00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:55,875 -What you up to? -I saw it. 124 00:04:55,958 --> 00:04:57,291 You didn't see shit. 125 00:04:57,375 --> 00:04:58,708 (SNIFFS) What's that smell? 126 00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:01,208 (SNIFFS) Kitchen. 127 00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:04,875 It's not kitchen. (SNIFFS) It's more floral. 128 00:05:04,958 --> 00:05:06,750 Maybe even... fruity? 129 00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:07,875 (LEON BLACK SCOFFS) 130 00:05:09,458 --> 00:05:10,916 It's nothing-- Hey, look, Larry. 131 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,916 Larry, calm down. Just relax. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 132 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,666 Larry, Larry, get the fuck out of there, man! 133 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:16,791 What is this? 134 00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:18,416 (SIGHS) 135 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,333 -Watermelon? -What? 136 00:05:20,416 --> 00:05:22,750 I thought you hated watermelon. What's going on? 137 00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:24,583 Okay. I fucking lied, okay? 138 00:05:24,666 --> 00:05:26,166 I fucking love watermelon, I love it. 139 00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:28,500 But I can't eat this shit in front of white people. 140 00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:32,166 -What? That's just ridiculous. -I just can't fucking do it. 141 00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,166 You can't eat watermelon in front of me? That's so crazy. 142 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,958 In front of white people, why? Who gives a shit? 143 00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:37,916 Even Black people don't like to see Black people 144 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,375 eat fucking watermelon. I feel bad for the fucking watermelon. 145 00:05:40,458 --> 00:05:41,916 You probably love it too, don't you? 146 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,500 My favorite fucking fruit in the world. 147 00:05:43,583 --> 00:05:45,958 -Mine too. -Plenty of times I've been to cocktail parties. 148 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:48,375 I gotta put the frickin' watermelon in a little napkin 149 00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:49,583 and go in the bathroom and eat that shit. 150 00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,250 Or go into the fucking forest and eat that shit. 151 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,333 -Go into the woods? -Yeah. Opening the napkin 152 00:05:53,416 --> 00:05:54,750 and eat the fucking watermelon by myself. 153 00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:55,875 Okay. Well, you know what? 154 00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:57,750 Black people, white people, I don't care. 155 00:05:57,833 --> 00:06:00,208 Next time I go to the market, I'm gonna get some watermelon, 156 00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:02,625 I'm gonna bring it back, and you're gonna eat it 157 00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:03,708 in front of me. 158 00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:05,541 I'll work towards it. You know, I-- 159 00:06:05,625 --> 00:06:08,875 We're gonna do this together. We're gonna do it together. 160 00:06:08,958 --> 00:06:10,416 -My man. -Okay. 161 00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:13,416 LARRY: All right. Here we go, 162 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,791 little cup of joe for the Woodman. 163 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,625 -Ah, thank you very much. -Huh? 164 00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:18,958 You know, I don't drink it much. 165 00:06:19,041 --> 00:06:22,750 If I have coffee, which is rare, I usually drink biodynamic 166 00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:25,791 but I'll, uh, is this-- This isn't biodynamic product? 167 00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:28,416 -It's dynamic. -(BOTH LAUGH) 168 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:31,708 I don't know if it's biodynamic, but it's definitely dynamic. 169 00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:34,958 Do you know what? This is like the sweetest digs, Larry. 170 00:06:35,041 --> 00:06:36,791 LARRY: Hey, you want some of this cream in your coffee? 171 00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:38,458 -I got it fresh from-- -WOODY: Cream? 172 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,041 Is that cream, like cow cream? 173 00:06:44,666 --> 00:06:46,250 You know what that does, Larry? 174 00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:50,250 The cycle of violence that creates that cream? 175 00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:53,333 I mean, do you realize the inherent cruelty in that? 176 00:06:53,416 --> 00:06:56,583 What happens to the cow, to the calf? 177 00:06:57,833 --> 00:07:00,333 (SCOFFS) Wait a second. 178 00:07:00,416 --> 00:07:04,291 I didn't-- I didn't get that cream from a market. 179 00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:05,708 Is that what you think? Oh, no! 180 00:07:05,791 --> 00:07:09,625 I have a-- I have a farm. And a cow. 181 00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:11,791 I-- And the cow has a calf. 182 00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:14,791 And after the calf is finished, that's when I take it. 183 00:07:14,875 --> 00:07:17,666 -That's extraordinary. -You think I'd go into a market? 184 00:07:17,750 --> 00:07:19,958 (SNICKERS) I'm not a monster. 185 00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:23,291 And when I do go, I'm cream-shaming. 186 00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:26,208 -I cream-shamed too! -You're a cream-shamer? 187 00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:27,458 -Yeah! -Oh, my God! 188 00:07:27,541 --> 00:07:29,333 I'm cream-shaming all the time! 189 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,000 -Unbelievable! -I thought I was gonna 190 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:34,208 cream-shame you now, but I underestimated you. 191 00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:36,041 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Come on. 192 00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:38,791 I apologize, and where's the, uh... Where's your farm? 193 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,666 It's outside the city, you know. 194 00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:41,875 What's your cow's name? 195 00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:44,375 -Jessie. -Jessie? 196 00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,041 Yeah. Jessie, oh, my God. 197 00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:48,166 Woody, I got to tell you, I just love that cow. 198 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,791 I just-- I just love it. Sometimes, 199 00:07:49,875 --> 00:07:52,375 I'll just lie in the sun and watch her chew that cud. 200 00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:55,541 I don't know, just-- You know, I had pets growing up. 201 00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:58,291 I had dogs, cats, whatever. 202 00:07:58,375 --> 00:08:02,791 But I have never loved an animal the way I love this cow. 203 00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:05,791 -I just adore her. -Could I meet Jessie? 204 00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:08,208 Could I go to your farm and meet Jessie? 205 00:08:08,291 --> 00:08:10,583 I mean, this is right up my alley. 206 00:08:10,666 --> 00:08:13,291 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 207 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:15,333 You wanna meet Jessie? 208 00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:18,000 I would love to. What do you say? 209 00:08:18,083 --> 00:08:20,250 Well, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. 210 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,375 -Yeah? -Yeah. 211 00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:24,041 Okay. So I'm here a week. What about Thursday? 212 00:08:24,125 --> 00:08:26,416 Hmm. Nah. Thursday is not good. 213 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:28,791 I got... I gotta work on Thursday, yeah. 214 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,083 -Oh, okay. Friday? -Friday's not good. 215 00:08:31,166 --> 00:08:34,708 Saturday, you're not working, and that's my last day here. 216 00:08:34,791 --> 00:08:36,416 We'll do it Saturday, yeah? 217 00:08:40,166 --> 00:08:42,875 Yeah. We'll do it. We'll do it. Yeah. Sure. 218 00:08:42,958 --> 00:08:44,041 -WOODY: Great. -Yeah. 219 00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:46,208 -It's meant to be. -Yeah. 220 00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,625 But Larry, let's talk about this script. 221 00:08:48,708 --> 00:08:51,000 There's a few notes I have. 222 00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:53,500 It's nothing. It's not a page-one rewrite, 223 00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:56,375 but let's start from page one. 224 00:08:56,458 --> 00:08:58,333 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 225 00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:00,208 JEFF: Why would you tell him you had a cow? 226 00:09:00,291 --> 00:09:02,250 -That's nuts. -Yeah. I was put on the spot. 227 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,708 You know, the whole thing with the cream. 228 00:09:03,791 --> 00:09:06,041 -You saw the Oscar speech. -What do you know about cows? 229 00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:08,750 I know nothing about cows. I know the cow's name is Jessie. 230 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,625 You told him the cow's name was Jessie. 231 00:09:10,708 --> 00:09:12,625 He asked me what the name was, and I said Jessie. 232 00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:14,833 Jessie's the worst name for a cow I've ever heard. 233 00:09:14,916 --> 00:09:17,208 Fuck you. That's a good name for a cow. 234 00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:20,125 -What about Bessie? -Okay. Bessie sounds made up. 235 00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:21,666 That's like naming a dog Fido. 236 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:25,416 No. Jessie, you know a young lady who skateboards. 237 00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,000 That's who Jessie is. 238 00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:29,250 -I really don't think you know what you're talking about. -Oh, and you do? 239 00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,416 By the way, no Jessie, you can forget about Woody. 240 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,083 Hey. Oh, you know what? I'm so glad you're here. 241 00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:36,125 Thank you. And thank you too. 242 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:38,208 -For what? -Taking the rabbi to golf. 243 00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:40,125 -Oh. -It was a mitzvah. 244 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:41,791 Don't you feel good about yourself now? 245 00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:42,916 No, I don't. 246 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,125 And of course, he roped me into going to temple. 247 00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:47,666 Aha! It'll be good for your soul. 248 00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:50,750 It'll be unbelievably boring. 249 00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:53,208 And I'll regret every second I spend there. 250 00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:58,041 Do you not have any kind of feeling of spirituality... 251 00:09:58,125 --> 00:09:59,458 -(WHINING) -SUSIE: ...an inkling? 252 00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,125 Some kind of spiritual-- 253 00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:02,583 All right. You know what? Get the fuck out. 254 00:10:02,666 --> 00:10:04,916 -Fuck you. Both of you. -Hey, Susie! 255 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,000 In all seriousness. 256 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:10,583 Do you know anybody who has a farm or a cow or-- 257 00:10:10,666 --> 00:10:13,625 SUSIE: What am I, Little House on the fucking Prairie here? 258 00:10:13,708 --> 00:10:15,458 I don't know cows and farms! 259 00:10:15,541 --> 00:10:17,125 Maybe two farmers have come in to mail 260 00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:19,500 -a big package or something. -They don't live around here, 261 00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:20,541 farmers, Larry. 262 00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:21,958 They have a couple of big packages, 263 00:10:22,041 --> 00:10:23,083 what are they sending out? 264 00:10:23,166 --> 00:10:24,083 -Feed? -Larry. 265 00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:25,875 We're not gonna know any farmers. 266 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,708 We don't know any cows. What's the matter with you? 267 00:10:28,791 --> 00:10:30,875 Ah, you're fucked. You gotta find a cow. 268 00:10:30,958 --> 00:10:33,458 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 269 00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:35,041 HEIDI: Okay, Larry. One last time. 270 00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:36,541 -One? -LARRY: Yeah. 271 00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:37,916 HEIDI: Or two? 272 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,208 LARRY: (SIGHS) Hmm. 273 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,750 -One? -LARRY: Mm-hmm. 274 00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:44,041 -Two? -LARRY: Uh... 275 00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:47,333 HEIDI: Just pick one, whichever's clearer to you. 276 00:10:47,416 --> 00:10:49,666 I, uh-- Let me see that again. 277 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:50,791 -Okay. -LARRY: Uh-huh. 278 00:10:50,875 --> 00:10:52,500 -HEIDI: One. -LARRY: Yeah. 279 00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:54,166 -HEIDI: Two. -Oh, boy. How-- 280 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,000 Which one can you see better? 281 00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:57,000 I know they're different. 282 00:10:57,083 --> 00:10:58,666 I can see there's a slight difference. 283 00:10:58,750 --> 00:10:59,708 -Yes. -Yeah, but I can't tell 284 00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:01,000 -which one's better. -Well... (SIGHS) 285 00:11:01,083 --> 00:11:02,666 -I think two. -HEIDI: Two? 286 00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,500 -Eh! -One more time? One? 287 00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:05,958 -LARRY: Yeah. One. -HEIDI: Two? 288 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:06,958 Ah. You know what? 289 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,791 -Now I'm liking one. -You like one? 290 00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,166 -Yeah. -Okay. One. 291 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,125 -Definitely one. -All right. Let's go to three and four, huh. 292 00:11:12,208 --> 00:11:14,083 -Three? -LARRY: Yeah. 293 00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:15,250 -HEIDI: Or four? -LARRY: Four. 294 00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:16,750 -HEIDI: Four? -Oh, yeah. Four. 295 00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,166 HEIDI: That was fast, okay. 296 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,416 No. Hold it. Let me see it again. 297 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,416 Okay. Three. 298 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,000 Three is really growing on me. 299 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,416 Here's four again. 300 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,583 Eh, uh... Let me see it again. 301 00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:27,916 -HEIDI: Three. -LARRY: Yeah. 302 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,000 -HEIDI: Four. -LARRY: Okay. 303 00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:30,375 This is like a trick of some kind. 304 00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:31,666 Promise we're not tricking you. 305 00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:34,541 I think actually three is one and two is four. 306 00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:36,208 -Am I right? Huh? -What... 307 00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:38,791 W-- No. No. 308 00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:41,458 Just three or four. What's the first instinct? 309 00:11:41,541 --> 00:11:42,625 Who gets the tie? 310 00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:44,708 There are no ties in optometry, you got to pick one. 311 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:45,875 -Do me just one favor. -Uh-huh. 312 00:11:45,958 --> 00:11:47,708 Can you go back to one and two? I think I want two. 313 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,375 -Okay. -That's why I'm having trouble 314 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,583 -with three and four. -Oh. 315 00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,458 'Cause I can't get one and two out of my head. 316 00:11:52,541 --> 00:11:54,291 'Cause I think I made a mistake with one. 317 00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:55,666 -Okay. We're back at one now. -Yeah. 318 00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,791 -Okay. Now, let me see two. -Okay. 319 00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:59,458 -Two. -Okay. Yeah. Two, yeah. 320 00:11:59,541 --> 00:12:01,625 Two! Perfect. Let's leave this for a second. 321 00:12:01,708 --> 00:12:03,916 Let's walk away from this, let this settle. 322 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,500 -Okay. -Here's some info. 323 00:12:05,583 --> 00:12:07,166 'Cause that was a lot of decisions. 324 00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:08,458 That's been my problem in my life. 325 00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:10,291 I don't stay with the first instinct. 326 00:12:10,375 --> 00:12:11,750 I go to the second instinct. 327 00:12:11,833 --> 00:12:13,750 Hey, by the way, can you believe this weird rally 328 00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,250 that's going on in Westwood this week? 329 00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:17,250 -Yeah. What the hell is that? A hate rally? -So offensive. 330 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:18,500 What are they doing? Yeah. 331 00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:21,041 I mean, free speech, fine. But this is fucking crazy. 332 00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:22,875 LARRY: Freedom of speech, that's so overrated. 333 00:12:22,958 --> 00:12:24,208 There shouldn't be freedom of speech, 334 00:12:24,291 --> 00:12:25,708 unless it's me, of course. 335 00:12:25,791 --> 00:12:27,416 And that should've been in the constitution. 336 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,583 -Freedom of speech... -Sure. 337 00:12:28,666 --> 00:12:30,791 ...for Larry David. Everybody else said "Ask Larry." 338 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,791 Let me dilate your eyes, okay? Wanna take your glasses off? 339 00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:33,833 -Sure. -All right. 340 00:12:33,916 --> 00:12:35,000 Let's do this real quick. 341 00:12:35,083 --> 00:12:37,083 You'll only be blurry for about a half-hour. 342 00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:38,958 Here we go, boop and boop. 343 00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:41,583 Sure you've done that before. All right. 344 00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:44,125 Nurse is gonna come in and run a couple more tests. 345 00:12:44,208 --> 00:12:45,583 I just wanna see one more thing here. 346 00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:47,208 We'll get you a new prescription, okay? 347 00:12:47,291 --> 00:12:48,416 All right. You know what? 348 00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:49,833 Uh. One. Should've been one. 349 00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:52,083 -You just hang tight. -LARRY: One, definitely. 350 00:12:54,916 --> 00:12:58,125 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 351 00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:19,250 Stay strong, man. 352 00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:20,666 -Son of a... -Geez! 353 00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,041 -...bitch! -Oh, my gosh. 354 00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:26,250 -Dude, what are you doing man? -Sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry. 355 00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:27,875 Look at this. Come on, dude. 356 00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:29,875 I'm so sorry. I just came from the eye doctor. 357 00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:31,458 They dilated my pupils. 358 00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:33,333 And everything's kinda-- I didn't see you. 359 00:13:33,416 --> 00:13:35,833 Well, look at that. This is totally ruined. 360 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,916 I can't believe this is happening. 361 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,500 I'm screwed for today. 362 00:13:39,583 --> 00:13:42,583 What am I supposed to do? You can't wear that anymore! 363 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,500 Would you go to an event like this? 364 00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:49,000 -Oh, yeah. You got the rally. -Yeah. I got the rally today. 365 00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:50,250 You can't wear that to a rally. 366 00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,375 -No, I can't. -Are you kidding? No. No way. 367 00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,583 Can't you just get a sheet? 368 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,208 No, I don't wanna wear a fucking sheet. 369 00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:58,541 It's not a sheet anyway. This is a robe. Feel it. 370 00:13:58,625 --> 00:13:59,750 -Ah. -That's not... 371 00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:01,125 I always thought it was a sheet. 372 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,208 I can't afford to go get another one of these. 373 00:14:03,291 --> 00:14:04,625 But what about just temporarily? 374 00:14:04,708 --> 00:14:07,041 -Put a sheet on just for today. -No, I'm not gonna wear a sheet! 375 00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,375 It's like a spare tire, you know. 376 00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:10,500 No, I can't do that. That's total amateur, man. 377 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,083 Yeah. Yeah. You gotta get that cleaned. 378 00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,750 -It's really a shame. -Yeah. 379 00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:15,250 I'll tell you what I could do. 380 00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:17,541 Take it to the dry cleaners, they can get that out. 381 00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:21,375 But I've got a rally in Tucson and one in Santa Fe coming up. 382 00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:22,875 And those things are the real deal. 383 00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:24,166 -They're the big ones. -Okay. 384 00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:25,708 -So when do you need it by? -Two days. 385 00:14:25,791 --> 00:14:27,541 How about this, you know? For the rally today, 386 00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:30,416 you know, you go robe-less, it's not the end of the world. 387 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:33,875 And then, um, you'll have that robe spanking clean 388 00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:35,333 -in two days. -You promise? 389 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,958 I don't know, why do they make these white anyway? 390 00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:39,041 They stain so easily, you guys, you're out all the time 391 00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:41,500 in the fields, with the burning, and the ashes, 392 00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:44,250 you must spend a lot of money at the cleaners for this thing. 393 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:45,666 Well, it's tradition. 394 00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,333 -You know tradition? -Of course. 395 00:14:47,416 --> 00:14:49,833 "Who, day and night, must scramble for a living, 396 00:14:49,916 --> 00:14:53,041 feed the wife and children, say his daily prayers?" 397 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,291 -Yes. -"Who has the right, 398 00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:57,166 as master of the house, to have the final word at home? 399 00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:59,208 The papa! Tradition." 400 00:14:59,291 --> 00:15:00,666 Tradition. Yeah, exactly. 401 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:03,125 If I was starting your organization, 402 00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:05,583 I would've opted for a black robe. 403 00:15:05,666 --> 00:15:07,750 You can't see black in the middle of the night. 404 00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:10,291 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. 405 00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:11,625 -You wanna see the white. -Got you. 406 00:15:11,708 --> 00:15:13,500 I'll give you my phone, you write your number in here. 407 00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:15,083 -Okay. -Just put it in there. 408 00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,250 -RALLY ATTENDEE: Hurrah! -Hurrah! 409 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,916 -ATTENDEE: Stay strong! -Stay strong, brother. 410 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,000 ATTENDEE: White is right! 411 00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:21,333 -You should call me-- -Great. 412 00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:23,583 -Thank you so much. -Okay. Sure. 413 00:15:23,666 --> 00:15:25,625 Yeah. Let's get this, uh, taken care of. 414 00:15:25,708 --> 00:15:27,125 Again, I-- My apologies. 415 00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:30,000 And you have my word, on my honor. 416 00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:32,875 You will have this robe for your hate rallies 417 00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,333 in Tucson and Santa Fe. 418 00:15:34,416 --> 00:15:36,458 All right. Hey, thanks. I really appreciate it. 419 00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:37,666 -Yeah. Sure. -I really appreciate it. 420 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:41,083 Yeah. And hey, uh, no starch, no crease, please. 421 00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:43,333 -LARRY: No starch in the robe? -Right. 422 00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:46,375 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 423 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,958 -Good morning! -LARRY: Hey, good morning. 424 00:15:50,041 --> 00:15:51,291 How can I help ya? 425 00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:52,875 I spilled some coffee on this. I'd like to get it cleaned. 426 00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:54,833 -Sure. Let's have a look. -Hey, there's nothing to see. 427 00:15:54,916 --> 00:15:56,291 Just throw it in the bin. 428 00:15:56,375 --> 00:15:57,625 DRY CLEANER: No, no, no. Let me see it. Let's see how bad it is. 429 00:15:57,708 --> 00:15:58,708 LARRY: Just throw it in the bin. 430 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,291 DRY CLEANER: It's good to get a sense... 431 00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:04,916 -Is that what I think it is? -Yeah. 432 00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,208 -Yeah. It's not mine. It's-- -Well, let's hope. 433 00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:10,375 Yeah. It's-- Some Klansmen are over, 434 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:11,708 and I spilled coffee on it. 435 00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:13,875 It's my responsibility, and I feel like, you know, 436 00:16:13,958 --> 00:16:16,208 -I spill, I clean. -So if it's your responsibility, 437 00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:18,583 then it's your responsibility to take it somewhere else 438 00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:20,375 because I don't want it in my store, 439 00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:22,166 I don't wanna clean it, I don't wanna touch it. 440 00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,708 I get the reluctance, I do. 441 00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:25,833 But let me just say this, as far as Klansmen go, 442 00:16:25,916 --> 00:16:28,375 he's a decent Klansman, yeah. 443 00:16:28,458 --> 00:16:30,166 -A decent Klansman... -Yeah. 444 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,041 -...is a Klansman. -True. True. 445 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,166 But, you see what you're doing here? 446 00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,333 What you're doing is what they're doing. 447 00:16:37,416 --> 00:16:38,666 You don't wanna have anything to do 448 00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:41,083 with this particular group, that's their mantra. 449 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,750 And now that's what you're doing. 450 00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,458 -This group hates me. -Yeah. 451 00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:46,083 -I'm a Jew. They hate me. -I understand. 452 00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:47,208 -See this cheek? -Mm-hmm. 453 00:16:47,291 --> 00:16:49,000 All right. Look. See? See what I'm doing? 454 00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:51,250 I'm turning that cheek. Turn the cheek! 455 00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,875 Turn your cheek! Let's not be like them. 456 00:16:53,958 --> 00:16:56,375 Let's show them that we're different. 457 00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:57,958 We don't discriminate. 458 00:16:58,041 --> 00:17:00,291 -Okay. -Thank you. Thank you. 459 00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:02,125 I really don't like this, but I'll do it. 460 00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:04,000 I really appreciate that. 461 00:17:04,083 --> 00:17:07,666 And, um, is there any way I could get this robe, uh, 462 00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,875 by tomorrow, he's got big rallies coming up 463 00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:11,541 in Santa Fe and Tucson. 464 00:17:11,625 --> 00:17:14,291 -Three o' clock, tomorrow. -By the way, you know anyone 465 00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:16,875 who... owns a cow? 466 00:17:16,958 --> 00:17:18,875 We're in the middle of the city, there's no cows. 467 00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:22,000 If someone comes in and they look a little farm-ish, 468 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,458 if you have a farm-ish customer... 469 00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:25,958 Yeah, I don't think that happens too often, but okay. 470 00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:28,125 Thank you so much. Really appreciate it. 471 00:17:28,208 --> 00:17:30,083 Uh, you know what? I don't have any change. 472 00:17:30,166 --> 00:17:31,250 You know, it takes bills. 473 00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:33,708 LARRY: Yeah, it's hard to stuff them in there. 474 00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:35,125 It's very narrow, I see. 475 00:17:35,208 --> 00:17:36,833 -Not that hard. -LARRY: By the way, 476 00:17:36,916 --> 00:17:38,125 no starch, no crease. 477 00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:39,583 (CLICKS TONGUE) See you tomorrow. 478 00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:42,083 Absolutely disgusting. 479 00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:47,916 The blowing of the shofar symbolizes many things. 480 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,833 In the Torah, it is said the blowing of the shofar 481 00:17:50,916 --> 00:17:52,916 is a call to assemble for battle. 482 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,041 -Hey. -Hey. 483 00:17:54,125 --> 00:17:55,500 It's a High Holy Day miracle, 484 00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:57,125 -look who's here. -(LAUGHS) Yeah. 485 00:17:57,208 --> 00:18:00,125 ...intolerance and hate that are amassing right here 486 00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:01,625 in our very city. 487 00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:04,458 A mere few blocks away, people are gathering 488 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:08,500 to spread their lies and disinformation and venom. 489 00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:10,416 Can you believe this, there's a hate group in Westwood? 490 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,958 Yeah. I ran into one, I spilled coffee on his robe, 491 00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:14,583 I had to bring it to the dry cleaner. 492 00:18:14,666 --> 00:18:16,166 You had a confrontation with the hate group? 493 00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:17,500 -Yes. -What kind of robe was it, 494 00:18:17,583 --> 00:18:19,875 -like a big, white robe? -First of all, it's not white. 495 00:18:19,958 --> 00:18:21,625 It's more like bone or ecru. 496 00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:24,041 Huh! How was the eye doctor? You see Heidi? 497 00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:26,583 -Yes. She's a great doctor. -Great doctor. 498 00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:27,791 God. 499 00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:30,416 -Charming. Really attractive. -Yeah, thank you. 500 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,333 I knew you would be happy when you saw her, she's terrific. 501 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,791 However, there's something I have to tell you. 502 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:36,833 Okay. 503 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,875 It's difficult for me to even bring this up. 504 00:18:38,958 --> 00:18:41,666 -Bring what up? -When the exam was over, 505 00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:44,375 she dropped a Pirate's Booty on the floor. 506 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,500 Didn't pick it up. 507 00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:50,250 Did you see her drop the Pirate's Booty? 508 00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:53,916 I saw her do it. I saw her look at the Pirate's Booty, 509 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,791 make the decision not to pick it up 510 00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:57,041 and walk out of the room. 511 00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,875 Maybe she got it later. She could've been embarrassed. 512 00:18:58,958 --> 00:19:00,166 No, she didn't. 513 00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:01,458 -You know why? -Why? 514 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,791 'Cause I picked it up. 515 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,500 Yeah. I don't like what that says about her. 516 00:19:05,583 --> 00:19:06,583 No, I don't like it. 517 00:19:06,666 --> 00:19:09,166 It's indicative of a moral compass gone askew. 518 00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:10,708 That's terrible. 519 00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:12,083 I know, it's awful. 520 00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:14,291 What do I do? I can't just sit with this, it bothers me now. 521 00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:15,375 I don't know what you should do. 522 00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:17,000 Maybe you could bring it up with her. 523 00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,458 Keep me out of it. Could never-- 524 00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:19,625 (HUSHES) 525 00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:21,500 His girlfriend, the optometrist, dropped a Pirate's Booty 526 00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:23,208 on the floor. Didn't pick it up. 527 00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:24,541 It's not a good thing to drop the booty 528 00:19:24,625 --> 00:19:25,625 -and not pick it up. -Not good. 529 00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:26,833 -So what? -What do you mean "So what"? 530 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,125 There's a sense of entitlement there, 531 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,291 it's not a good quality. 532 00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:31,041 Let it go. You're so fucking judgmental. 533 00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:32,125 Please rise. 534 00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:34,833 Do you like Pirate Booty? 535 00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:36,875 -No, it's disgusting. -It's not a good snack. 536 00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,291 I don't like a cheesy snack, do you? 537 00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:40,458 No, if I'm gonna have anything, I'm gonna have a potato chip. 538 00:19:40,541 --> 00:19:42,583 -A cheesy snack is not good. -No! 539 00:19:42,666 --> 00:19:44,541 (HUSHING) 540 00:19:44,625 --> 00:19:45,625 All right. 541 00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:47,875 (BLOWS SHOFAR) 542 00:19:47,958 --> 00:19:49,666 (SPEAKING HEBREW) 543 00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,583 (BLOWS SHOFAR) 544 00:19:51,666 --> 00:19:52,708 Man, he's good. 545 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:54,125 -Unbelievable. -Yeah. 546 00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:58,416 Thank you all for coming. 547 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:01,291 -Shanah tovah. -Shanah tovah. 548 00:20:01,375 --> 00:20:02,541 I can tell you this, 549 00:20:02,625 --> 00:20:04,375 they're not gonna be seeing me again anytime soon. 550 00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:05,958 You didn't enjoy, you didn't have fun? 551 00:20:06,041 --> 00:20:07,125 SUSIE: Rabbi Freedman. 552 00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:10,416 Oh, my God, that was so moving. Just terrific. 553 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,083 -(LAUGHS) Thank you. -Hello. 554 00:20:12,166 --> 00:20:13,708 I wasn't sure you were gonna make it. 555 00:20:13,791 --> 00:20:15,250 Come on, I'm a man of my word. Are you kidding? 556 00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:16,625 -Yes, you are. -Very nice service, 557 00:20:16,708 --> 00:20:19,458 and by the way, fantastic on that shofar. 558 00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:21,041 -Oh, thank you. -He's pretty amazing. 559 00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:22,708 -I don't know how you do it. -Just blow. 560 00:20:22,791 --> 00:20:25,000 I've tried 50 times, I've never ever been able 561 00:20:25,083 --> 00:20:26,291 to get anything out of it. 562 00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:27,583 FREEDMAN: Why don't you give it a try? 563 00:20:27,666 --> 00:20:29,250 No, it's ridiculous. I can't do it. 564 00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:31,500 How do you know? You might be a regular Dizzy Gillespie. 565 00:20:31,583 --> 00:20:33,083 I can't. Okay, I'll give it a try. 566 00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,916 -FREDDY: He's ready for this. -With this. Do you... huh, huh. 567 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,125 Nothing personal. 568 00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,916 This is quite a lead up. You'd better really be able 569 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,041 to blow that thing. 570 00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:43,416 This is crazy. It's an exercise in futility. 571 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:45,750 -(BLOWS SHOFAR HOARSELY) -FREDDY: Blow that thing. 572 00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,666 (LAUGHTER) 573 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:50,041 You're a master in the making, I can tell. 574 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,500 -Ridiculous. -Please keep it as a gift. 575 00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:55,000 What? I can't possibly take this from you. 576 00:20:55,083 --> 00:20:57,000 It was such a lovely day on the golf course. 577 00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:59,500 -I want you to have this. -All right. Okay. 578 00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:01,083 -Thank you so much. -Enjoy. 579 00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:02,500 -Thank you. -It's good to see you here. 580 00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:03,833 Nice to see you guys. 581 00:21:03,916 --> 00:21:05,791 That's a nice gesture. You'll have that forever. 582 00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:09,000 Oh, please. I'm never gonna pick this up for the rest of my life. 583 00:21:09,083 --> 00:21:12,125 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 584 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,000 -Hey, guys, how you doin'? -Doing swell. How are you? 585 00:21:19,083 --> 00:21:20,083 Great. Cannot complain. 586 00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:21,916 -It's so beautiful out. -Oh, gorgeous day. 587 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,083 Yeah? You got any fun plans for today? 588 00:21:24,166 --> 00:21:25,958 Thinking about having my leg amputated. 589 00:21:26,041 --> 00:21:28,250 Oh, well, good luck. 590 00:21:28,333 --> 00:21:30,833 -You find everything okay? -Yes, we did, yeah. 591 00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:41,208 (GRUNTS) I would like to, uh... 592 00:21:43,041 --> 00:21:44,166 Go ahead. 593 00:21:44,250 --> 00:21:45,333 ...buy this watermelon. 594 00:21:45,416 --> 00:21:46,958 I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said. 595 00:21:47,041 --> 00:21:51,125 He said he'd like to buy the watermelon. 596 00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:53,500 -Okay. -And that's okay. 597 00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:56,208 -Yeah. -Because it's not a crime 598 00:21:56,291 --> 00:22:00,500 for a Black man to like watermelon, is it? 599 00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:03,416 Sir, do you like watermelon? 600 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,833 It's really none of my business, man, it's... 601 00:22:05,916 --> 00:22:07,416 Just doing my thing, you know. 602 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,875 Tell me the truth. Do you like watermelon? 603 00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:13,666 Yeah, I like watermelon. 604 00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,083 -You like it a lot? -I do. 605 00:22:16,166 --> 00:22:17,416 I like watermelon. 606 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:19,125 I like it. I like watermelon! 607 00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:21,583 LARRY: He likes watermelon! Of course, you like it, 608 00:22:21,666 --> 00:22:22,750 because it's delicious! 609 00:22:22,833 --> 00:22:24,083 -Right! -Why wouldn't you like it? 610 00:22:24,166 --> 00:22:25,416 -Thank you! -You know what? 611 00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:27,750 Get yourself a watermelon, on me. 612 00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:30,666 -I will! -And you know what else? 613 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,666 I love gefilte fish. 614 00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:34,958 Yeah, you heard me, gefilte fish. 615 00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:38,083 And I'm gonna have it with a smear of cream cheese 616 00:22:38,166 --> 00:22:39,500 on a bagel. 617 00:22:39,583 --> 00:22:43,958 And I might even have some herring. 618 00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:47,166 And that's okay too. Ring up that watermelon. 619 00:22:47,250 --> 00:22:49,750 -Ring up the gefilte fish. -CASHIER: All right. 620 00:22:49,833 --> 00:22:50,916 My man. 621 00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,666 Yeah, I've looked everywhere. 622 00:22:57,750 --> 00:22:59,833 I can't find the robe. It's lost. 623 00:23:02,208 --> 00:23:04,916 -Okay, that's bullshit. -It's lost. 624 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,291 -Give me the robe. -You know what? 625 00:23:06,375 --> 00:23:08,500 If you're gonna give an important job like that 626 00:23:08,583 --> 00:23:11,041 to a member of an inferior race, you gotta expect us 627 00:23:11,125 --> 00:23:12,125 to screw it up. 628 00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:13,833 I'm in a lot of trouble now because of you. 629 00:23:13,916 --> 00:23:14,958 A lot of trouble. 630 00:23:15,041 --> 00:23:16,500 I thought you said he was a very decent Klansman. 631 00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:18,791 He is a decent Klansman, but he's still a Klansman! 632 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:21,916 He's got rallies coming up in Santa Fe and Tucson. 633 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,666 He's not gonna have his robe. He's not gonna be happy! 634 00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:25,916 That's a real shame. 635 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,291 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 636 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,541 What do you mean he lost it? 637 00:23:39,625 --> 00:23:41,333 Yeah, said he lost it. 638 00:23:41,416 --> 00:23:43,291 -I fucking trusted you. -Yeah. 639 00:23:43,375 --> 00:23:44,416 You go to the cleaners, 640 00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:46,166 you give them your clothes to get cleaned... 641 00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,208 -Yeah. -...and they're supposed to give it back to you. 642 00:23:48,291 --> 00:23:49,833 They're supposed to give it back to you. 643 00:23:49,916 --> 00:23:51,041 It's a-- It's a disgrace. 644 00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:54,125 Well, you can't go to fucking Walmart and buy a robe. 645 00:23:54,208 --> 00:23:55,583 -Yeah. -So, what are you 646 00:23:55,666 --> 00:23:57,000 gonna do about it? 647 00:23:57,083 --> 00:23:58,708 -(SIGHS) -That's not my problem. 648 00:23:58,791 --> 00:23:59,833 You're the one who took the robe. 649 00:23:59,916 --> 00:24:00,958 Yeah, it's my responsibility. 650 00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:02,625 How are you gonna fix this, Larry? 651 00:24:04,916 --> 00:24:05,958 You know what? 652 00:24:06,875 --> 00:24:10,291 My friend's wife is a seamstress. 653 00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:12,833 You can't believe the stuff that she can sew. 654 00:24:12,916 --> 00:24:14,833 -Yeah? -She kind of owes me a favor. 655 00:24:14,916 --> 00:24:18,791 Still, it's not gonna be an easy ask, but... 656 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:20,583 I think I can get her to do it. 657 00:24:20,666 --> 00:24:23,375 -Like a custom job? -A custom job. 658 00:24:23,458 --> 00:24:24,541 You think she can get it done. 659 00:24:24,625 --> 00:24:26,458 She can get it done. She can get it done, yeah. 660 00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:27,875 I've never had a custom one done. 661 00:24:27,958 --> 00:24:31,458 She could do it. You will be the envy of every Klansman! 662 00:24:31,541 --> 00:24:33,541 -(LAUGHS) -Huh, you like that? 663 00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:34,750 They'll look at you, they'll go, 664 00:24:34,833 --> 00:24:36,041 "Hey, what, did you see Joe's robe? 665 00:24:36,125 --> 00:24:38,000 Look at Joe's robe, where do I get one of those?" 666 00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:41,041 You'll get invited to the Grand Wizard's house for dinner. 667 00:24:41,125 --> 00:24:42,291 That's my prediction. 668 00:24:42,375 --> 00:24:44,083 I've never been to his house. If I could go to dinner, 669 00:24:44,166 --> 00:24:47,333 I'd say that comes out to be a pretty fair trade. 670 00:24:47,416 --> 00:24:49,416 -Yeah. -Great, great. 671 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,166 (COW MOOS) 672 00:24:51,791 --> 00:24:53,500 That'd be awesome, man. 673 00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:04,625 Maybe you could do me a small favor. 674 00:25:06,625 --> 00:25:08,083 Anyway, I hope I'm not disturbing you. 675 00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:10,250 No, I'm just making dinner. You know, the usual. 676 00:25:10,333 --> 00:25:12,458 You know, I'm not one for pop-ins, you know. 677 00:25:12,541 --> 00:25:15,541 -You pop in all the time. -Eh? You know. 678 00:25:15,625 --> 00:25:17,125 By the way, I cannot stop thinking 679 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:19,208 -about that banner. -Uh, yeah. 680 00:25:19,291 --> 00:25:21,833 That was an incredible work of art. 681 00:25:21,916 --> 00:25:23,875 That makes me so happy that you appreciate it. 682 00:25:23,958 --> 00:25:26,833 How could I not? I wouldn't be a human being, for God's sake! 683 00:25:26,916 --> 00:25:28,583 With all due modesty, it's a masterpiece, 684 00:25:28,666 --> 00:25:29,708 I mean, it's amazing. 685 00:25:29,791 --> 00:25:31,208 If I had a talent like that, I'd be shouting it 686 00:25:31,291 --> 00:25:33,500 from the rooftops, "Hey, look at me everybody." 687 00:25:33,583 --> 00:25:35,250 You have that need. I'm more secure. 688 00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:36,208 Yeah. 689 00:25:36,291 --> 00:25:37,708 Thanks again for golfing with the rabbi. 690 00:25:37,791 --> 00:25:40,625 Oh, what a delightful man. 691 00:25:40,708 --> 00:25:42,208 I knew you would like him. 692 00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:43,750 -And fun to play with. -Fun. 693 00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:45,458 Sense of humor, just like you said. 694 00:25:45,541 --> 00:25:47,125 -Right. -And hip, whoo! 695 00:25:47,208 --> 00:25:49,708 -Yeah. -Those four and a half hours 696 00:25:49,791 --> 00:25:51,125 just flew by. 697 00:25:51,208 --> 00:25:53,666 Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could sew 698 00:25:53,750 --> 00:25:55,416 something for me. 699 00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:57,166 Uh, I'm so touched. 700 00:25:57,250 --> 00:25:58,458 You'll do it? 701 00:25:58,541 --> 00:26:00,375 Well, depends on what it is, I am not capable of everything. 702 00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,083 I don't think it's that difficult. 703 00:26:02,166 --> 00:26:03,583 I think you could knock it off... 704 00:26:03,666 --> 00:26:04,625 You have something in mind? 705 00:26:04,708 --> 00:26:06,041 -Yeah, yes, I do, actually. -What is it? 706 00:26:06,125 --> 00:26:07,500 It's not for me. It's for a friend of mine. 707 00:26:07,583 --> 00:26:09,083 -What is it? -It's kind of a robe. 708 00:26:09,166 --> 00:26:10,833 What kind of a robe, like a bathrobe? 709 00:26:10,916 --> 00:26:12,625 No, more like a sheet-y kind of thing. 710 00:26:12,708 --> 00:26:14,583 Sheet, like a kaftan, kind of a... 711 00:26:14,666 --> 00:26:16,750 -It's kaftan-ish, yeah. -Uh-huh. 712 00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:19,583 -There's a hood and-- -Is it for a man or a woman? 713 00:26:19,666 --> 00:26:21,875 -Oh, it's for a man. -What kind of a man? 714 00:26:21,958 --> 00:26:24,916 -A Klansman. -What do you mean, a Klansman? 715 00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:26,708 Yeah, a Ku Klux Klansman. 716 00:26:26,791 --> 00:26:28,000 -What? -Yeah. 717 00:26:28,083 --> 00:26:29,458 What are you, fucking crazy? 718 00:26:29,541 --> 00:26:31,500 I could see how you would react like that, okay? 719 00:26:31,583 --> 00:26:33,083 How do you even know a Klansman? 720 00:26:33,166 --> 00:26:35,416 I spilled coffee on his robe, you know, I feel like 721 00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:37,500 it's my responsibility to replace the robe. 722 00:26:37,583 --> 00:26:38,958 The dry cleaner said he lost it. 723 00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:41,333 Larry, it goes against everything I believe in. 724 00:26:41,416 --> 00:26:43,166 Next thing you're gonna do is tell me some of them 725 00:26:43,250 --> 00:26:44,500 are very good people. 726 00:26:44,583 --> 00:26:46,500 I did play golf with the rabbi. 727 00:26:46,583 --> 00:26:49,291 He was the slowest player I've ever been with. 728 00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:50,916 You do owe me a favor. 729 00:26:56,166 --> 00:26:57,625 (SIGHS) I'll do it. 730 00:26:57,708 --> 00:26:59,750 -Thank you so much. -Just go. Just go. 731 00:26:59,833 --> 00:27:01,750 And by the way, don't worry about the pointy hat 732 00:27:01,833 --> 00:27:04,000 because that didn't get coffee on it. 733 00:27:04,083 --> 00:27:06,000 -Oh, some good things. -Yeah. Also, 734 00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:07,458 don't make the sleeves too floppy 735 00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:10,041 because they can get burned when he's lighting the torches. 736 00:27:11,833 --> 00:27:13,708 I'm sorry you weren't here the other night. 737 00:27:13,791 --> 00:27:16,291 We had a fabulous square dance. 738 00:27:16,375 --> 00:27:18,541 -Oh, yeah. -Yeah, right in the barn. 739 00:27:18,625 --> 00:27:19,750 -You square... -Yeah. 740 00:27:19,833 --> 00:27:21,583 I'm picturing you square dancing. 741 00:27:21,666 --> 00:27:22,958 Oh, yeah, yeah! Grab your partner, 742 00:27:23,041 --> 00:27:25,708 do-si-do, oh, yeah. I do-si, yeah. 743 00:27:25,791 --> 00:27:28,208 (HUMMING) 744 00:27:28,291 --> 00:27:30,041 Oh, hey, hey, look at this. 745 00:27:30,125 --> 00:27:31,750 -Look at Jessie. -Oh. 746 00:27:31,833 --> 00:27:34,000 I'd like you to meet my friend, Woody. 747 00:27:34,083 --> 00:27:35,458 -Jessie. -Huh? 748 00:27:35,541 --> 00:27:37,250 You're a beautiful mother. 749 00:27:37,333 --> 00:27:39,375 -She's my baby. -Oh, yeah. 750 00:27:39,458 --> 00:27:41,166 Do you ever milk her? 751 00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,333 Joe. Do I milk? 752 00:27:43,416 --> 00:27:45,875 -Joe, tell him about my... -Larry milk. 753 00:27:45,958 --> 00:27:46,916 -Huh? -He milk. 754 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,375 -Oh, yeah, I milk. -I mean, she looks like 755 00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:51,375 she's ready to pop. Let's pull up a stool and get it going. 756 00:27:51,458 --> 00:27:57,416 Uh, it's a great idea, but I milked so much last week. 757 00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:59,708 I got milky fingers, you know what that is? 758 00:27:59,791 --> 00:28:00,916 I never heard of that. 759 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,750 It's a farm term, it means when you milk too much 760 00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:06,041 and your fingers get very stiff and you can't close them up. 761 00:28:06,125 --> 00:28:08,416 WOODY: And what about the calf? What's the calf's name? 762 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:12,416 The calf? Oh, yeah, that's, uh, that's Rebecca. 763 00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:15,833 Oh, it's very, uh, gendery-bendery of you 764 00:28:15,916 --> 00:28:18,458 to have a male calf with a female name. 765 00:28:18,541 --> 00:28:21,958 You know, uh, we don't see gender here on this farm. 766 00:28:22,041 --> 00:28:23,208 We're kind of a woke farm. 767 00:28:23,291 --> 00:28:25,708 We're the most progressive farm in the valley, Woody. 768 00:28:25,791 --> 00:28:27,000 -Are you? -Oh, yeah. 769 00:28:27,083 --> 00:28:29,875 You know, Joe here, uh, he's got the pictures 770 00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:32,375 of Nancy Pelosi on his tractor. 771 00:28:32,458 --> 00:28:35,041 (LAUGHS) 772 00:28:36,541 --> 00:28:38,583 -It's funny. Yeah. -Yeah. 773 00:28:38,666 --> 00:28:40,166 So anyway, you know, we should, uh, 774 00:28:40,250 --> 00:28:42,125 we should probably take off. I could-- 775 00:28:42,208 --> 00:28:43,708 If you want some of those apples back there, 776 00:28:43,791 --> 00:28:46,416 Joe can rustle you up a bunch if you want, to take home. 777 00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:48,458 Right, I won't let the Jew charge you. 778 00:28:48,541 --> 00:28:50,458 -Oh. -(LAUGHS) 779 00:28:50,541 --> 00:28:53,083 We harass each other all the time, yeah. 780 00:28:53,166 --> 00:28:54,375 Well, what do you call him? 781 00:28:54,458 --> 00:28:56,333 I just call him a racist cocksucker. 782 00:28:56,416 --> 00:28:59,833 (LAUGHTER) 783 00:28:59,916 --> 00:29:02,708 -It's good stuff. -It works. It works. 784 00:29:02,791 --> 00:29:03,833 It's life on the ranch. 785 00:29:03,916 --> 00:29:04,875 -Yeah? -Yeah. 786 00:29:04,958 --> 00:29:07,250 Wow. What an honor to meet you. 787 00:29:07,333 --> 00:29:09,916 -Bye Jessie, yeah. -You gonna pet her goodbye? 788 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,000 I gotta have lunch in a minute. 789 00:29:21,750 --> 00:29:23,000 You okay? 790 00:29:23,083 --> 00:29:25,375 Yeah, I'm great. Great. 791 00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:26,833 Freddy. 792 00:29:26,916 --> 00:29:30,583 Okay. What's wrong? What? What's going on? 793 00:29:30,666 --> 00:29:32,625 Now that you've mentioned something, 794 00:29:32,708 --> 00:29:35,125 someone that we both know... 795 00:29:35,208 --> 00:29:36,833 -Mm-hmm. -...was in your office. 796 00:29:36,916 --> 00:29:38,041 Okay. 797 00:29:38,125 --> 00:29:40,458 And said that you were, um, eating some Pirate Booty. 798 00:29:40,541 --> 00:29:42,583 And that the Pirate Booty fell on the ground. 799 00:29:42,666 --> 00:29:44,750 And that you made a decision not to pick the Pirate Booty 800 00:29:44,833 --> 00:29:47,458 up off the floor, and it's been bothering me. 801 00:29:47,541 --> 00:29:49,541 -Is this a joke? -It's a simple question. 802 00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:51,083 Did you drop the Pirate Booty or did you not? 803 00:29:51,166 --> 00:29:54,708 No, but who would tell you something so insane? 804 00:29:54,791 --> 00:29:56,666 -The who's not important. -It's very important. 805 00:29:56,750 --> 00:29:58,375 -What? It was a dog walker... -Freddy, who? 806 00:29:58,458 --> 00:30:00,250 It was a mutual friend. What does it matter? 807 00:30:00,333 --> 00:30:01,666 -It was Larry David. -Oh, for fuck's sake. 808 00:30:01,750 --> 00:30:03,416 Okay? He said to me that he saw you in the office 809 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:04,541 -you were eating-- -Larry David, 810 00:30:04,625 --> 00:30:05,916 he couldn't choose between one and two. 811 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,708 -Why is this about... -One or two. 812 00:30:07,791 --> 00:30:08,875 Did you drop the Pirate Booty? 813 00:30:08,958 --> 00:30:11,458 -He is magoo. -But what's his motivation? 814 00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:12,541 What would he gain from it? 815 00:30:12,625 --> 00:30:14,125 Freddy, don't you think if I notice something 816 00:30:14,208 --> 00:30:15,625 that fell on the ground, I would pick it up? 817 00:30:15,708 --> 00:30:17,125 -It's ridiculous. -Yeah, one would hope. 818 00:30:17,208 --> 00:30:18,416 So I'm gonna ask you one more time. 819 00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:19,416 -That's it. -Freddy? 820 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,208 -Did you drop the Pirate Booty? -Yes. 821 00:30:21,958 --> 00:30:23,000 -Okay. -Yes. 822 00:30:23,083 --> 00:30:25,041 I dropped the fucking Pirate's Booty, okay. 823 00:30:25,125 --> 00:30:26,875 Wasn't a big deal, we have a team of people. 824 00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:27,833 I was busy. 825 00:30:27,916 --> 00:30:29,041 This is where we should've started. 826 00:30:29,125 --> 00:30:30,291 Didn't care then, don't care now. 827 00:30:30,375 --> 00:30:31,583 Yeah, and you know what? 828 00:30:31,666 --> 00:30:33,166 -Didn't wanna pick it up. -Look what you put me through. 829 00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:35,333 -Wait, I put you through? -Yeah. 830 00:30:35,416 --> 00:30:36,750 This is all fucking Larry David. 831 00:30:36,833 --> 00:30:38,416 No, it's not. Thank God for Larry David 832 00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:39,625 because you'll grow from this. 833 00:30:39,708 --> 00:30:41,416 Ew, you know what, I'm growing now. 834 00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:43,875 I'm outta here. Oh, God. 835 00:30:43,958 --> 00:30:46,125 And you know what? You know what? 836 00:30:46,208 --> 00:30:48,625 That's not gonna solve anything. That's not gonna solve anything. 837 00:30:48,708 --> 00:30:50,375 This is how you handle-- Okay, all right. 838 00:30:50,458 --> 00:30:53,250 I see it now. I don't know how I didn't see it before. 839 00:30:53,333 --> 00:30:54,750 I hope someone can pick that up. 840 00:30:54,833 --> 00:30:57,166 By the way, super great way of handling this. 841 00:30:59,291 --> 00:31:01,375 -How about that? -Uh, fantastic. 842 00:31:01,458 --> 00:31:03,166 -Right? -Thank you so much. 843 00:31:03,250 --> 00:31:06,375 -The grapes, the apples. -Of course, of course. 844 00:31:06,458 --> 00:31:09,250 And I'm looking forward to talking about Uncle Mo. 845 00:31:09,333 --> 00:31:12,083 That's very exciting. Thank you. 846 00:31:12,166 --> 00:31:14,250 You got it made out here, you know. 847 00:31:14,333 --> 00:31:16,041 JOE: It's a pleasure there, Woody. 848 00:31:16,125 --> 00:31:17,541 -Thank you, Joe. -Yeah. 849 00:31:17,625 --> 00:31:18,833 You take care of yourself, man. 850 00:31:18,916 --> 00:31:21,791 -Yeah, you too, man. -Thank you, sir. Oops. 851 00:31:21,875 --> 00:31:24,291 Good man. These are good. I'll see you guys. 852 00:31:24,375 --> 00:31:26,541 Hey, what-- Whoa. What the fuck? 853 00:31:26,625 --> 00:31:27,541 What? 854 00:31:27,625 --> 00:31:29,000 Aren't you gonna pick up the grape? 855 00:31:30,958 --> 00:31:32,791 It's just-- Well, no, no. 856 00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:35,041 Yeah, but I wouldn't drop a grape on your porch 857 00:31:35,125 --> 00:31:37,250 -and then walk off. -It's just a grape. 858 00:31:37,333 --> 00:31:38,458 It doesn't matter. 859 00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:42,041 Fucking Hollywood leftist bullshit is what you are. 860 00:31:42,125 --> 00:31:44,250 Hollywood left-- Larry. Come on. 861 00:31:44,333 --> 00:31:47,750 -Eh... Should pick up the grape. -That's not cool. 862 00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:51,083 It looks like it is a sense of entitlement there. 863 00:31:51,166 --> 00:31:52,416 It's gonna biodegrade, Larry. 864 00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:54,375 Pick up the fucking grape, Woody! 865 00:31:55,416 --> 00:31:57,291 Sure, I'll pick up the grape, Joe. 866 00:31:57,375 --> 00:31:58,416 Here, here's your grape. 867 00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,000 Fuck you with your fucking grape! 868 00:32:01,083 --> 00:32:03,791 And there's a whole fucking fistful of grapes. 869 00:32:03,875 --> 00:32:06,250 And guess what? Here's a fucking apple. 870 00:32:06,333 --> 00:32:08,333 -Don't you fucking do it. -Fuck you. 871 00:32:08,416 --> 00:32:10,875 Fuck this shitty farm. And guess what? 872 00:32:10,958 --> 00:32:14,000 Your show, good luck with it, because I ain't doing it. 873 00:32:14,083 --> 00:32:17,000 You know what? Fuck this. Stay right there, boy. 874 00:32:19,208 --> 00:32:22,083 -Where's he going? -I think he's getting a gun. 875 00:32:23,458 --> 00:32:25,375 Teddy was right about you, Larry. 876 00:32:25,458 --> 00:32:28,500 Ted Danson? What did he say? 877 00:32:28,583 --> 00:32:30,500 You should've picked up the grape! 878 00:32:30,583 --> 00:32:32,500 I'm not seeing well out of the lenses, you know. 879 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:33,875 I just made bad decisions. 880 00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:35,625 I took two, I should've taken one. 881 00:32:35,708 --> 00:32:37,375 And I took three and I should've taken four. 882 00:32:37,458 --> 00:32:39,750 My whole life, always wrong decisions. 883 00:32:39,833 --> 00:32:42,250 -I'm plagued with them. -Sir, we'll get you a new prescription. 884 00:32:42,333 --> 00:32:44,625 I just need to dilate your pupils. 885 00:32:44,708 --> 00:32:46,958 This might feel a little cold. Okay. 886 00:32:47,041 --> 00:32:49,333 Your eyes are gonna be a little sensitive to light 887 00:32:49,416 --> 00:32:52,375 for the next 30 minutes, so stay out of direct sunlight. 888 00:32:52,458 --> 00:32:53,541 I'll take it from here. 889 00:32:53,625 --> 00:32:55,458 -I'm definitely prepared for it. -Thank you so much. 890 00:32:55,541 --> 00:32:57,000 -I'm gonna do one. -Thank you. 891 00:32:57,083 --> 00:32:59,000 I'm gonna do one, and I'm gonna do... 892 00:32:59,083 --> 00:33:00,208 What the fuck, Larry? 893 00:33:00,291 --> 00:33:02,541 Why would you go and tell Freddy I dropped a stupid 894 00:33:02,625 --> 00:33:05,041 fucking Pirate's Booty on the floor? Are you nuts? 895 00:33:05,125 --> 00:33:06,083 Why didn't you pick it up? 896 00:33:06,166 --> 00:33:07,625 Why do you fucking care if I picked it up? 897 00:33:07,708 --> 00:33:09,958 It's not that I care. There's a sense of entitlement there 898 00:33:10,041 --> 00:33:11,416 -that I thought was wrong... -What? 899 00:33:11,500 --> 00:33:13,291 ...and I needed to let my friend know about that. 900 00:33:13,375 --> 00:33:15,000 Larry, I was gonna pick it up, okay? 901 00:33:15,083 --> 00:33:16,333 Oh, you were going to pick it up? 902 00:33:16,416 --> 00:33:17,375 I was going to pick it up. 903 00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:18,583 I don't think you were going to pick it up. 904 00:33:18,666 --> 00:33:19,750 How do you know and why do you care? 905 00:33:19,833 --> 00:33:21,125 You know why? Because I picked it up. 906 00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:22,833 No one asked you to clean it up, Larry. 907 00:33:22,916 --> 00:33:24,083 You know what you could've done? 908 00:33:24,166 --> 00:33:25,708 Hey, I have an idea. You could've done nothing. 909 00:33:25,791 --> 00:33:27,583 You think I can leave a Pirate's Booty on the floor? 910 00:33:27,666 --> 00:33:29,041 -No. -No one fucking cares 911 00:33:29,125 --> 00:33:30,208 about the Pirate's Booty, Larry. 912 00:33:30,291 --> 00:33:31,500 I care about the Pirate's Booty. 913 00:33:31,583 --> 00:33:34,208 You know what, Larry? It's time for your eye exam. 914 00:33:34,291 --> 00:33:35,583 Huh? 915 00:33:35,666 --> 00:33:38,541 -(GROANS) -Oh! 916 00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:40,791 -(GROANS) -Was that a one or a two? 917 00:33:40,875 --> 00:33:42,500 (LARRY GROANS) 918 00:33:46,791 --> 00:33:53,041 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 919 00:34:01,541 --> 00:34:03,166 -(LARRY SCREAMS) -(TIRE SCREECHES) 920 00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:04,541 Oh! 921 00:34:06,708 --> 00:34:08,791 What the fuck? 922 00:34:08,875 --> 00:34:13,458 I'm so, so sorry. Are you okay? 923 00:34:13,541 --> 00:34:15,458 I-- Yes, I'm fine. Are you okay? 924 00:34:15,541 --> 00:34:16,791 I'm fine, yes. I'm telling you-- 925 00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:18,333 Great, my car is not doing great. 926 00:34:18,416 --> 00:34:19,750 Uh, look, I'll pay for the whole thing. 927 00:34:19,833 --> 00:34:21,958 I have insurance. I was at the eye doctor that-- 928 00:34:22,041 --> 00:34:23,625 she shoved the thing in my face. 929 00:34:23,708 --> 00:34:25,000 You're not supposed to drive after that. 930 00:34:25,083 --> 00:34:26,500 Oh, but she shoved it. She shoved it. 931 00:34:26,583 --> 00:34:28,208 You're supposed to have someone pick you up. 932 00:34:28,291 --> 00:34:29,166 It doesn't matter. 933 00:34:29,250 --> 00:34:30,416 Oh, you're being very nice about this. 934 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:32,583 -Can we do the exchange so... -Uh, yeah, yes. 935 00:34:32,666 --> 00:34:34,708 -Yeah, I'm so sorry. -Thanks. 936 00:34:36,208 --> 00:34:37,416 Larry. 937 00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:42,166 Mary. I'm Mary. 938 00:34:42,250 --> 00:34:43,916 You can take a picture of it with your phone, 939 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,291 so you can maybe read it later. 940 00:34:50,750 --> 00:34:53,666 -Mary Ferguson? -Yes. 941 00:34:53,750 --> 00:34:56,083 -Seriously? -Yes. What's happening? 942 00:34:56,166 --> 00:34:58,916 Oh, my God. Your name's Mary Ferguson? 943 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,000 -Yes, it is. -This is incredible. 944 00:35:01,083 --> 00:35:02,625 -Is it? -This is kismet. 945 00:35:02,708 --> 00:35:03,833 This is unbelievable. 946 00:35:03,916 --> 00:35:06,916 Would you ever be interested in a free trip to Asia? 947 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:10,708 MARY FERGUSON: Larry. 948 00:35:10,791 --> 00:35:12,458 You won't believe this, but I have been having 949 00:35:12,541 --> 00:35:14,208 a recurring dream about going to Asia. 950 00:35:14,291 --> 00:35:15,375 -Get out of here. -Right. 951 00:35:15,458 --> 00:35:17,125 And the dates work out perfectly for my schedule. 952 00:35:17,208 --> 00:35:19,750 So I'm getting excited. So tell me about this guy. 953 00:35:19,833 --> 00:35:20,958 -Leon? -Yeah. 954 00:35:21,041 --> 00:35:24,041 Well, let's just say he's a unique individual. 955 00:35:24,125 --> 00:35:25,291 Okay. 956 00:35:25,375 --> 00:35:27,833 You could not have asked for a better traveling companion. 957 00:35:27,916 --> 00:35:29,250 -MARY: I'm excited. -Take my word. 958 00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:30,625 MARY: I can't wait. 959 00:35:30,708 --> 00:35:33,125 LEON: You'd be surprised! You know what I'm saying? 960 00:35:33,208 --> 00:35:34,916 (LAUGHS) 961 00:35:44,958 --> 00:35:46,375 What the fuck was that? 962 00:35:46,458 --> 00:35:49,958 That... (DOOR SLAMS) ...was a Mary Ferguson. 963 00:35:50,041 --> 00:35:52,125 I brought her back here to meet you. 964 00:35:52,208 --> 00:35:54,750 -She was perfect! -Lost another one. 965 00:35:54,833 --> 00:35:55,833 That's three, Larry. 966 00:35:55,916 --> 00:35:57,541 That's fucking three Mary Fergusons. 967 00:35:57,625 --> 00:35:59,458 Who told you to have a watermelon orgy? 968 00:35:59,541 --> 00:36:02,208 You told me that shit. You said it, Larry. 969 00:36:04,541 --> 00:36:06,875 -Can I join you? -Fuck yeah, come on, man. 970 00:36:06,958 --> 00:36:09,000 Get in on this sweet meat. 971 00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:11,000 What happened to your eyes, man? 972 00:36:11,083 --> 00:36:12,208 Like a fucking raccoon. 973 00:36:12,291 --> 00:36:15,458 I had an accident at the, uh, optometrist. 974 00:36:15,541 --> 00:36:16,583 -Cheers! -Cheers! 975 00:36:16,666 --> 00:36:18,708 Cheers! Yeah, cheers. 976 00:36:18,791 --> 00:36:21,291 - (CROWD CHEERING) - Repeat after me! 977 00:36:21,375 --> 00:36:24,750 CROWD: (CHANTING) You will not replace us! 978 00:36:24,833 --> 00:36:26,291 JOE: Shit, shit, shit, I'm late. 979 00:36:27,875 --> 00:36:29,208 Oh, wow 980 00:36:29,291 --> 00:36:30,583 Here we go. 981 00:36:30,666 --> 00:36:32,375 CROWD: You will not replace us! 982 00:36:32,458 --> 00:36:34,500 JOE: Geez. Sorry I'm late, guys. 983 00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:38,875 CROWD: You will not replace us! You will not replace us! 984 00:36:40,458 --> 00:36:42,833 -KLANSMAN 1: Look at this guy! -KLANSMAN 2: He's a Jew! 985 00:36:42,916 --> 00:36:44,416 JOE: Huh? (GROANS) 986 00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:47,666 (INDISTINCT CLAMOR) 987 00:36:47,750 --> 00:36:49,875 No! Stop! Some lady made it! 988 00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:52,416 -(CROWD YELLING) -JOE: Stop! Help! 989 00:36:57,541 --> 00:36:59,625 -(BANGING ON DOOR) -JOE: Larry! 990 00:37:03,125 --> 00:37:04,125 Larry! 991 00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:06,083 Jew boy! 992 00:37:06,166 --> 00:37:09,291 -Larry! -(THUMPING ON DOOR) 993 00:37:09,375 --> 00:37:12,750 Open this fucking door or I'll break it down. 994 00:37:13,416 --> 00:37:15,000 Larry! 995 00:37:15,083 --> 00:37:17,083 You wanna see what they did to me? 996 00:37:17,166 --> 00:37:19,708 I'll beat your bald ass, boy! 997 00:37:19,791 --> 00:37:23,416 You crossed the line, buddy. You think you're real funny! 998 00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:24,875 Nobody else did. 999 00:37:24,958 --> 00:37:27,041 I got my ass beat in Santa Fe. 1000 00:37:27,125 --> 00:37:29,541 I'll show you something funny. Get down here! 1001 00:37:29,625 --> 00:37:31,041 Fucking race traitor. 1002 00:37:31,708 --> 00:37:33,416 Hey, Jew boy, come down. 1003 00:37:34,458 --> 00:37:35,458 Larry! 1004 00:37:36,583 --> 00:37:39,750 I will pound your commie face, Larry. 1005 00:37:39,833 --> 00:37:41,958 I know that you're home. 1006 00:37:42,041 --> 00:37:44,916 -(BLOWS SHOFAR BEAUTIFULLY) -Come down here. 1007 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,041 Larry, get down here! 1008 00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:50,333 What the fuck are you doing, man? 1009 00:37:50,416 --> 00:37:54,041 -(BLOWS SHOFAR) -Shut the fuck up, Larry. 1010 00:37:55,208 --> 00:37:56,958 (DOG BARKING) 1011 00:37:59,416 --> 00:38:00,750 Shit. 1012 00:38:02,375 --> 00:38:05,875 (BLOWS SHOFAR) 1013 00:38:05,958 --> 00:38:11,041 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪