1 00:00:06,257 --> 00:00:13,097 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,724 LEON BLACK: Whoo-wee! 3 00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:17,268 (GROWLS) 4 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,228 These fresh meatballs in here? (CHUCKLES) 5 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:20,938 Gotta get that corn on the cob. 6 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,898 On the cob, off the cob, it don't matter. 7 00:00:22,982 --> 00:00:26,402 Y'all ain't playing around this motherfucker, huh? 8 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:28,988 What the fuck is this right here? 9 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,239 (URINATING) 10 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,365 (SIGHS) 11 00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:34,452 ♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪ 12 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,415 You guys don't have the lobster bibs no more? 13 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:42,251 -WAITRESS: Sorry, hon. -(CHUCKLING) Oh, my God. 14 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,212 Another plate? Are you out of your mind? Huh? 15 00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,256 It says all you can eat, right? So you fucking eat. 16 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,258 Yeah, I know, but still. 17 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,885 You are really going at it, man. 18 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,928 LEON: Mm-hmm. Whoo! 19 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,514 Let me ask you this question. Have you ever considered 20 00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:59,727 how much time you've wasted in your life urinating? 21 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,479 -Hundreds of hours. -You're fucking right. 22 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,105 I mean, you could be learning something 23 00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,440 in that time, you know? 24 00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,275 Mm-hmm. You know who's gonna be a billionaire? 25 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,904 Motherfucker who's gonna, uh, create a car that runs on piss. 26 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,906 -Yeah. You know what? -No more time wasted. 27 00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:14,742 Now that idiotic brain of yours has finally... 28 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,202 You're driving across country-- 29 00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,703 LARRY DAVID: You've landed on something. Yeah. 30 00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:19,246 You drink water and Gatorades and shit, 31 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:21,332 -fucking coffees and shit the whole fucking trip. -Yeah. 32 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,501 You pull over, take your dick out, 33 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,920 put it in that little hole where the gas goes, 34 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,170 and fill that motherfucker up. 35 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,465 You're on your merry way. The Peeus. 36 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,550 That's what it's fucking called. The Peeus. 37 00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:34,053 -Fantastic idea. -You know another good idea? 38 00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:35,221 LARRY: Hmm? 39 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,097 Me getting up and getting another plate. 40 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,557 Oh, God. No, don't. Don't. 41 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,434 -(SMACKS LIPS) Whew. -Leon, come on, man. 42 00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:42,645 -And once I undo these pants... -LARRY: Oh, jeez. 43 00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:45,064 -...and this top buckle... -LARRY: You're gonna get sick. 44 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,273 Watch my smoke. 45 00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:47,733 LARRY: Huh? What's wrong with you? 46 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,860 (LAUGHS) I'm going in, Larry! 47 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:53,322 -LARRY: Oh, Jesus. -LEON: Whoo! Oh, yeah. 48 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,532 Those snow crab legs. 49 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:55,950 -Hey, these fresh? -SERVER: Yes, sir. 50 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,369 It's enough already. Sit down and eat it. 51 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,871 Whoo-wee! (GROANS) 52 00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,373 -No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. -Hey! 53 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,208 We're done. That was your last plate for today. 54 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,709 You have four plates. Too much food. 55 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,503 I'm cutting you off. That's all! 56 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,755 Wait. You got a sign outside that says, "all you can eat." 57 00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:11,882 You mean to tell me, I can't eat all the fuck want to eat? 58 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,717 All you can eat if you are reasonable. 59 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,928 You've already ate, my friend. I've been counting. 60 00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:19,056 Five pound short rib, ten pound prawns. 61 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,308 -Who are you, by the way? -I'm Shimon. 62 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,185 -LEON: You're Shimon? -I am Shimon. 63 00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:25,062 Oh, so you're the Wendy's of this motherfucker. 64 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,481 I'm fucking Wendy. You want me to put on a little red wig and freckles? 65 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:28,649 -LEON: Yeah. Yeah. -How 'bout this? 66 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,025 -LEON: How 'bout you do that? -I do that 67 00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,277 after you get the fuck out! 68 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,237 You're banned forever. Lifetime ban. 69 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,780 -Lifetime. -That's not-- that's not fair. 70 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,448 Oh. You, my friend. 71 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,950 You still can come when you want 72 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,785 because you eat like reasonable person. 73 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:41,704 Yeah. Yeah, I had one plate. You know why? 74 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,581 -'Cause the food stinks. -You stink! 75 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,665 -No, you stink! -No, you stink! 76 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:45,708 -You stink! -LEON: You stink! 77 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:46,917 -You stink! -You fucking stink. 78 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,210 -You stink, Shimon! -SHIMON: No, you stink. 79 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,587 Get out. Both of you out. 80 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,796 Both of you out. You, forever. 81 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:51,964 You, maybe-- maybe you have a chance. 82 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,591 -Fuck you, Wendy. -Lifetime ban! 83 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,218 Only person besides you, Gary Busey. 84 00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:58,429 If this was a brothel, I'd be fucking pissed. 85 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,431 Lifetime ban. You're gone. 86 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,391 -(QUIETLY) I'm still good? -SHIMON: You're still fine. 87 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,310 -You're still fine. Go. -♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 88 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:07,146 He did me dirty. He did me fucking dirty. 89 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:10,900 -Yeah, he really did. -Wow, man. Now I need dessert. 90 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,152 What, are you nuts? You had four plates of food. 91 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,194 -You want something? -No. 92 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:16,155 No? Okay. Don't fucking leave me. 93 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:17,531 Hurry up. 94 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:19,366 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -(CAR LOCK BEEPS) 95 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:20,492 Hey! 96 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:23,621 Look at this. Huh? Wow. 97 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,706 You know something? This is-- This is perfect. 98 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,583 I have a favor to ask you. 99 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,585 -I'm doing-- -Oh, boy, that's a horrible way 100 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,086 -to introduce a sentence. -TED DANSON: No, no. 101 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:33,422 I'm doing a play. It's called House Divided. 102 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,674 -Yeah? -Yeah. I get to play Lincoln. 103 00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:37,551 -Wh-- You're playing Lincoln? -(CHUCKLING) Yeah. 104 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:38,886 What fun. 105 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:42,389 And Lori Loughlin is playing my wife, Mary Todd. 106 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,433 -Lori Loughlin? -Yeah, Lori Loughlin. 107 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,851 -Oh. -And here's-- here's the thing. 108 00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:48,187 She loves to play golf, and I was just hoping 109 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,189 that maybe you could sponsor her at the club. 110 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,316 -There's nobody else who could sponsor her? -No. 111 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:56,070 Because of that whole college admissions scandal thing, 112 00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,655 no club will touch her. 113 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,990 -That's not fair. -No. She's a lovely lady. 114 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,742 -Yeah, I'll bet she is. -And that's why I'm coming-- 115 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,953 -She's being blackballed from the clubs? -Yes. Yes. 116 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,788 Terrible. That's-- I'll sponsor her. 117 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,748 Oh, Larry. Thanks, man. 118 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,708 -I really appreciate that. -Yeah. Happy to do it. 119 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,251 You know I'm a champion of the underdog. 120 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:12,628 -You know that. -I do. I do. 121 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,672 Wait a minute. You worked with her, didn't you? 122 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,507 Yeah. Yeah, on-- on Seinfeld. 123 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,384 No, no, that was the last two years. 124 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,843 I wasn't there for that episode. 125 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,805 Huh. But you did the finale, right? 126 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,476 -Yeah, Ted, I did the finale. -That's what I thought. 127 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,812 Yeah. Anyway, thanks. I'll-- I'll let Lori know. 128 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,981 Thank you so much, buddy. I got to run. 129 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:37,194 ♪ (JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 130 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,577 Voilà! 131 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:47,788 ♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪ 132 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,332 -LARRY: Wow. -SUSIE GREENE: Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 133 00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:53,836 -LARRY: Look at you. -SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan." 134 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:56,630 My business! All mine. 135 00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:59,133 Well, I like how you plastered yourself all over 136 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,468 -Santa Monica Boulevard here... -Ah, it's a sales thing. 137 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,053 Like-- like Queen Nefertiti. 138 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:04,680 You got to spend money to make money, 139 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:05,931 and it's an investment. 140 00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:08,225 And I think the business is just gonna take off. 141 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,269 Now you see why I wanted you to come. 142 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,230 All right, well, I got to, uh, I got to take off. 143 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:18,152 -Uh, I got a big date tonight. -Wait, Irma's gone, right? 144 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,195 Yeah. This is my first one. 145 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,614 -Anyone I know? -Oh, yeah. 146 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,366 -Who? -I can't even tell you. 147 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:25,951 -Oh, come on! It's me! -I can't, no. 148 00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:27,494 You're gonna mock me to death. 149 00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:29,204 I'm not gonna mock. Tell me. 150 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,499 -Sienna Miller. -(LAUGHS) 151 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,626 (LARRY WHEEZES) 152 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,587 -She's going out with you? -LARRY: Yeah! 153 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,881 -That gorgeous woman? -Yeah, I'm going to her, uh, 154 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,632 screening for her new movie tonight. 155 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,259 -Oh, get the fuck out of here. -Yes. 156 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,969 -She's got a thing for me. -All right. 157 00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,429 -Well-- You know what it is? -You know why? 158 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,181 -Yeah, I know. I know what it is. -Yeah. Atlanta. 159 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,932 Listen, when you're out with Sienna, 160 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,560 maybe mention the caftans, 'cause they'd look fantastic. 161 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,145 She's tall, thin. 162 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,813 -It would flow beautifully on her. -Are you-- (CHUCKLES) 163 00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,356 Think she's gonna wear that fucking thing? 164 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,150 -Yes! -Get out of here. 165 00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,110 SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan." 166 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,362 -Oh, I love it. -(CAR DOOR OPEN, CLOSES) 167 00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:09,328 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 168 00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:14,583 LARRY: "Fourscore..." 169 00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,126 -(URINATING) -"...and seven years ago, 170 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,754 our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, 171 00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,006 -conceived in liberty..." -(CONTINUES URINATING) 172 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:22,841 "...and dedicated to the proposition 173 00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,177 that all men are created equal." 174 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:26,637 -(URINATING STOPS) -(ZIPPER CLOSES) 175 00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:28,680 (TOILET FLUSHES) 176 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,474 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 177 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,518 LARRY: "Fourscore and seven years ago..." 178 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,019 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 179 00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:35,312 LARRY: By the way, 180 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,356 if you think you're getting any of my popcorn, 181 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,233 -you're gravely mistaken. -(LAUGHS) 182 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,484 Gravely. 183 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,860 If you think you can go on a date with someone 184 00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:43,487 and not share popcorn, you're gravely mistaken. 185 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,030 -Oh, is this-- Is this a date? -Gravely. 186 00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:46,115 Is this a date? 187 00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:47,366 I don't know, Larry. You tell me. 188 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,951 If you share the popcorn, it's a date. 189 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,453 All right, well... (SIGHS) 190 00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,038 -Thank you. -If you must. 191 00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,249 I get a little bit nervous. 192 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,959 Nervous? It's friends and family, 193 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,293 you got nothing to worry about. 194 00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,295 This is the easiest thing you'll ever go through. 195 00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,381 And aren't you, uh, aren't you shooting another one? 196 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:05,592 -Mm. Right now. -Very busy gal. 197 00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,261 -Busy gal. -Yeah. 198 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,221 I'm like Rachel and the rug merchants. 199 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,348 Who? 200 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,642 Rachel and the rug merchants. 201 00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,310 -What's that? -It's like a-- 202 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:18,105 It's a famous Old Testament Jewish parable. 203 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,482 -Rachel and the rug merchants? -Have you never heard of it? 204 00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:22,151 -Never heard of it. -Call yourself a Jew? 205 00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:23,360 What's it about? 206 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,028 It's about Rachel and rug merchants. 207 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,614 What-- And what happened? Did she get cheated on a rug, 208 00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,158 and she had to return the rug? 209 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:31,326 Did they give her the wrong rug? Was there a stain on it? 210 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:33,036 I mean, there's many possibilities 211 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,164 -for what the story... -No, no stain on the rug. Uh-uh. 212 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:36,957 Was the rug too big for her tent, 213 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,917 and she got the dimensions wrong? 214 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,919 Was it about her relationship with the rug merchant? 215 00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:43,088 Did she have an affair with the rug merchant? 216 00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:45,340 What happened with her and the rug merchant? 217 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,801 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING IN MOVIE) ♪ 218 00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,261 (DUCKS QUACKING) 219 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,972 ♪ (MUSIC TURNS TENSE) ♪ 220 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,767 (CHILDREN SCREAMING CHEERFULLY) 221 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:07,196 SIENNA MILLER: (IN FILM) Johnny? Johnny, where are you? 222 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,115 Johnny? 223 00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:15,746 Oh my God. Johnny! Johnny, come on! 224 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:23,086 ♪ (SORROWFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 225 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,964 I notice you like to eat a lot of fruit in your movies. 226 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,841 I mean, we're only halfway through this, 227 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:29,968 and you've already eaten a cantaloupe, a nectarine, 228 00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,470 and some mulberries. 229 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,388 In fact, now that I think about it, 230 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:36,183 didn't you eat a lot of fruit in Anatomy of a Scandal? 231 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,477 -Uh... -What is that? 232 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,145 Is that part of your process? 233 00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:43,815 You take a bite, you act, you take another bite, you act. 234 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,776 I'm just trying to watch, you know. 235 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,402 -SIENNA: Excuse me? Excuse me? -LARRY: Oh, sorry. 236 00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,029 Have you seen an 11-year-old boy? 237 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,822 -(DOG BARKING) -LARRY: Oh, yeah. You're doing it again. 238 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,991 He's wearing like a black and green checkered shirt. 239 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,035 -(SHUSHES) No, I'm sorry. -(BARKING) 240 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,954 He's been missing for, like, three hours. 241 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,790 DOG WALKER: I haven't seen him. Sorry. 242 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:01,917 SIENNA: (CRYING) Oh, my God. 243 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,961 -(LARRY EXHALES) -SIENNA: Johnny! 244 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,088 Hey, chief. What's up? 245 00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:09,007 -SIENNA: Johnny! -You talking to me? 246 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,884 Yeah. We got to have a little powwow. 247 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:12,511 Look, what's your problem? 248 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,221 My problem? I don't have a problem. 249 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,723 Your problem is that you're way in my area 250 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,225 -with your jacket. -No. No. 251 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,185 That's where a jacket belongs, on the back of the chair. 252 00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:21,436 It's my chair. 253 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,980 -In what world-- -So I get to put it on my back. 254 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,023 -SIENNA: Just leave it alone. -This is draped beautifully 255 00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:26,275 over the back of my chair. 256 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,484 -It's not disturbing anybody. -(CROWD SHUSHES) 257 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,652 -It's draped... -Yes. 258 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,070 ...like you're giving me a lap dance, okay? 259 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,613 Oh, please. Everybody knows that a jacket 260 00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,073 goes on the back of the chair. 261 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,408 You drive a car, 262 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,410 you go drive into every lane on the parkway, huh? 263 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,869 -Yeah, no-- -I'm married. 264 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:40,122 I can't just go to the mall and fuck any woman I want. 265 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,623 Excuse me. Both of you, stop it! 266 00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:43,250 ATTENDEE: Why don't you put it on the front of his chair? 267 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,918 Put it on the front? What an idiot you are. 268 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,586 His neck is gonna be on my jacket. 269 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,171 My jacket's gonna be on his neck. 270 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,673 That doesn't make any sense at all. 271 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,383 -Oh, shut your fucking... -Both of you, shut up! Sit back! 272 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,676 Just put it on the lap. 273 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,885 That's enough! 274 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,138 DOG WALKER: Well, we'll keep an eye out. 275 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,348 Something's happened. I can feel it. (SOBS) 276 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,017 I can feel it. 277 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,853 Johnny! 278 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:08,191 (WAILING) Johnny! 279 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,610 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 280 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,904 By the way, you're very good in this. 281 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,573 ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 282 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,034 -(URINATING) -LARRY: "It is for us, rather, 283 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,495 to be dedicated here to the great task 284 00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,373 remaining before us, 285 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,793 that from these honored dead we take increased devotion 286 00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,211 -to that cause..." -(URINATING STOPS) 287 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,380 -(TOILET FLUSHES) -"...for which they gave 288 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,257 their last full measure of devotion. 289 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:36,720 For which they gave their last full measure of devotion." 290 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,348 All right, next on the agenda, we are reviewing 291 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:43,185 the membership application of Lori Loughlin. 292 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:46,396 (SKEPTICAL CHATTER) 293 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,689 Is there anyone present 294 00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,983 who wishes to speak on her behalf? 295 00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,068 I will. 296 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,528 Oh, Mr. David. (CHUCKLES) 297 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:56,490 Nice to see you here. Floor is yours. 298 00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:02,162 Members of Ocean View, our esteemed board. 299 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,289 Eighty-seven years ago, 300 00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:08,085 our fathers brought forth on this property 301 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:12,005 a new golf club dedicated to the proposition 302 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:16,510 that men can have fun and women can't. 303 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,553 (LAUGHTER) 304 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:22,849 But that was a long time ago, and things have changed. 305 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,101 For the better. 306 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,062 The world will little note nor long remember 307 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:30,607 what we say here in the Monte Carlo room, 308 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:34,277 but it will never forget what they did here. 309 00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,655 Men like Hiram Goldfarb, 310 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,408 who started the Turkey Day best ball scramble, 311 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,201 and William Jacobson, 312 00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:45,330 who donated... that parcel of land... 313 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,499 ♪ (INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 314 00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,251 (VOICE BREAKS) ...where we play pickle ball. 315 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,420 And I highly resolve 316 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,755 that she shall not have served 317 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,508 her time in vain, 318 00:11:56,591 --> 00:12:02,389 and that this exclusive club of specific people, 319 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:06,393 by specific people, and for specific people 320 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,438 shall have a new, specific member. 321 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,940 And as much as that woman in Atlanta 322 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:18,280 was thirsty for water, Lori Loughlin is equally thirsty 323 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,365 -for membership! -(CLUB MEMBERS AGREEING) 324 00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:22,409 I say we let her drink! 325 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,412 CLUB MEMBERS: (CHEERING) Yes! 326 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:28,498 ♪ (MUSIC SWELLS TRIUMPHANTLY) ♪ 327 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,336 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 328 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,756 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 329 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,387 -You did it! -(LAUGHS) 330 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:43,638 LARRY: You did it? I did it. 331 00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:45,599 What do I mean, "You did it"? I did it. 332 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,017 -You did! -LARRY: Ah! 333 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,644 -Could have been a great lawyer. -(CHUCKLES) Oh. Larry. 334 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,855 Could've been a great butcher. And I would have enjoyed it too. 335 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,566 You-- you take a mallet, you pound the beef. 336 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,193 -You pound it, you pound it. -Mm. 337 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,111 You slice it. That's fun. 338 00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:01,573 Um, so, uh, as far as the club, what-- what next? What-- 339 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,910 You have to play two rounds of golf with, uh, 340 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,996 some of the committee members. And I'll be playing with you. 341 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:09,831 -It'll be a breeze. Yeah. -Oh, great! 342 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,291 Larry, I can't thank you enough. 343 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,543 You know, people say that, and-- and they don't really. 344 00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,878 They stop thanking. 345 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,130 You'll-- Probably won't thank me again after this. 346 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:19,007 In fact, if ever get another thank you from you, 347 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,133 uh, I'll be shocked. 348 00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,802 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 349 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,143 (TIRES SCREECHING) 350 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,857 LARRY: Oh, my God! 351 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:41,404 (LAUGHS) 352 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:43,823 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 353 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:46,493 -There's a dick in my mouth? -In your mouth. 354 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,994 -SUSIE: With balls? -A drawing. A drawing. 355 00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,412 -With balls. A drawing. -A drawing. 356 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,040 -Like a graffiti dick. -It's not in your mouth. 357 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,917 It's kind of grazing your lips. 358 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,127 (LAUGHS) 359 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,796 -LARRY: (LAUGHS) And... -(JEFF GREENE LAUGHING) 360 00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,340 They grazed your lips with a dick. 361 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,802 -How hilarious is that? -They ruined my poster, 362 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:06,388 -my billboard! They ruined it. -They did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 363 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,557 I-- I have one-- one more detail to share. 364 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,350 -SUSIE: What? -Uh-huh. 365 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,143 You're cradling the balls. 366 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,436 (BOTH LAUGH) 367 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,647 -LARRY: I'm sorry. -(JEFF LAUGHS) 368 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,857 -Grazing and cradling. -I'm sorry. 369 00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,777 -Yeah. -Oh, fuck me. (LAUGHS) 370 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,654 What are you laughing at, Jeff? What's so funny, Jeff? 371 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,447 -Yeah, that's not funny. -It's-- It's not funny. 372 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,908 -No, it's not funny. No. -It is not. I'm... I'm shocked. 373 00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,451 -No, it's not funny. -It's shock laughing. 374 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,203 Who the fuck would do that to me? 375 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,621 (LAUGHS) I don't know. 376 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,748 I don't even put a dick in my mouth. Right, Je-- Jeff? 377 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,250 I don't give blowjobs. 378 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,335 What, do you need-- you need me to agree with you? I know. 379 00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,879 Why can't-- why can't you give a blowjob every now and then? 380 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,214 -Oh, Larry, come on. -Would that kill ya? 381 00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:42,507 Would that kill ya? 382 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:43,967 -You know, it might kill me. -LARRY: Huh? Huh? 383 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,218 What is this revulsion? 384 00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,469 SUSIE: And what difference does it make? 385 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,637 You're a single guy. 386 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,306 You're out there, single, hot on the town. 387 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,432 -LARRY: Yeah. -JEFF: Oh, yeah, yeah. 388 00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:51,558 You probably get 'em all the time. 389 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,101 -Hey. -Oh, all the time. Yeah. 390 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,061 How did it, uh, how did it go with Sienna Miller? That's-- 391 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:56,688 -You didn't get one from her. -LARRY: Not good. 392 00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,648 -Not good -JEFF: Really? What happened? 393 00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,900 I texted her twice. She never got back to me. 394 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:02,360 Well, it wasn't gonna work out anyway 395 00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,612 with an old fuck like you. 396 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,113 What does she want to be with you for? 397 00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,532 That's what I thought, but she's the one who started it. 398 00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,659 Yeah, well, it looks like she ended it. 399 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,369 I'm gonna go call the billboard company 400 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,455 and get that dick out of my mouth. 401 00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,874 Speaking of Sienna, 402 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:18,627 you know, I-- I know the director on her movie. 403 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,420 -He says-- -Oh, the one she's filming now. 404 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,589 Yeah. He says they're having a ton of problems. 405 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,215 -What? -Yeah, they're thinking of, 406 00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,300 uh, firing her. 407 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,718 -You're kidding. -Mm-mm. 408 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,429 It's her acting. 409 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,139 You know, I did make a comment to her 410 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,725 about how she eats a lot of fruit in her movies. 411 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,560 I wouldn't be surprised if that's affecting 412 00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,187 her performance in this movie. 413 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,521 It's a possibility. 414 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,065 (SIGHS) I'm going to the bathroom. 415 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,566 -(GRUNTS) -All right. 416 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:44,653 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 417 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,115 -(URINATING) -LARRY: "Fourscore and seven years ago, 418 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,826 our fathers brought forth on this continent 419 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:54,996 a new nation, conceived in liberty 420 00:15:55,080 --> 00:16:00,168 and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." 421 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,878 Enough already! 422 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,590 LARRY: "Now we are engaged in a great civil war." 423 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,304 (LARRY MUTTERING) 424 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:14,224 Hey, Shimon! Shimon! 425 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,600 (CAR DOOR OPENING) 426 00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,477 -Hey. -SHIMON: Hey. 427 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,062 LARRY: Can I talk to you for a second? 428 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,438 What-- What is it? 429 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,315 Cou... Could you stop the jogging for a second, 430 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,067 -so I can talk to you? -Oh, I can't stop. 431 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,193 -Huh? -Why would I stop? 432 00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:26,444 I'm in the middle of a jog. 433 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:27,987 I know, but it's hard to have a conversation 434 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,322 with somebody who's bouncing up and down. 435 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:30,865 What is it? What do you need? 436 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,701 Well, I think it's a little harsh 437 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:35,495 to ban my friend for life from the restaurant, 438 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,038 -when really-- -Let me ask you a question. 439 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,123 -Sure. -In your bedroom, 440 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,624 you have a sign, let's say. 441 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,793 Let's say maybe you have a sign, "Masturbate all you want." 442 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:44,003 -Okay. -After a while, you say, 443 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,256 "No more. I can't. I don't want to do it anymore." 444 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,507 Yeah, because the well runs dry. 445 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,800 You know, there's no more water left. 446 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:49,968 -You can't. -Oh, there can be water. 447 00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,428 There can be water, but it's a shame-- 448 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,971 -You say, "That's too much!" -No, no, no, there's no-- 449 00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:54,514 If there was shame, you wouldn't have done it 450 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,015 -five times to begin with. -SHIMON: Leon-- 451 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:57,600 Why is there gonna be shame on number six? 452 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,145 Shame, no shame. Leon, he is banned. 453 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,813 -Okay? -You know what? I-- I can't. 454 00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,148 I can't. This is so rude. 455 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,648 -This is rude? I think-- -This is so rude. 456 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,942 -I think it is rude-- -So rude. 457 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,819 I think you are rude for stopping me on my jog. 458 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,695 No, you're rude for putting up a sign 459 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:12,031 that says "all you can eat" when you don't mean a word of it. 460 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,700 You don't have to worry about this 461 00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,160 because you are banned for life! 462 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,661 -Oh, I'm banned? -You are banned now! 463 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,747 -Bye-bye! (LAUGHS) -Yeah, like I give a shit 464 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,665 if I ever enter that dump of a restaurant again. 465 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:22,000 I don't care what shits you have 466 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,792 because the shit is gone from my life. 467 00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:25,837 -Shalom, bitch -LARRY: Okay. 468 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,507 Uh, hey. Hey, hey. You're from Israel. 469 00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:31,593 Are you familiar with Rachel and the rug merchants? 470 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,636 -It's a Bible thing. -I know the Bible. 471 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,721 I've never heard of Rachel 472 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,014 I've never heard of rug merchants. 473 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,182 -Really? -SHIMON: Yeah. 474 00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:39,225 -No, you-- -Oh, oh. Uh, Rachel, yeah, yeah. 475 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,811 Rachel. She looks at the rug merchants 476 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:45,523 and says, "You're banned, bitch!" Shalom! 477 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:49,360 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 478 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,907 -Hey, hey. -(CHUCKLES) Oh, hey, Larry. 479 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,408 Thank you again for all your help. 480 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,368 (SCOFFS) Of course. Happy to do it. 481 00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,287 You know, we probably shouldn't take a cart today 482 00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,789 'cause it's cart paths only. 483 00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,916 We can't go on the fairway 'cause they punched the fairway. 484 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,168 Oh, no, no problem, I-- I got this. 485 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,880 Yeah, got the blue flag. We can drive anywhere. 486 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,548 We can even drive right up to the green. 487 00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:13,051 Wait a second. You got to have a doctor's note 488 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,178 -to get one of those. -Oh, yeah. 489 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,222 Well, I-- I have Epstein-Barr. 490 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,431 You have Epstein-Barr? 491 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,809 One hematologist thinks so. 492 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,729 What do the other hematologists think? 493 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,357 Oh, Larry, this is gonna be so much fun. 494 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,150 Isn't that a Jew disease? 495 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,903 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 496 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,118 -BOTH: Wow. -JEFF: Yeah! 497 00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:40,620 -What a putt. -Thank you! 498 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:41,746 LORI LOUGHLIN: (LAUGHING) Really good. 499 00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:42,997 -Really good. -Larry. 500 00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,250 You got to make this putt. 501 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,752 Come on, let's win some money. Let's beat these bastards. 502 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,921 Let's go. You got this. Let's go. 503 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:54,843 (LARRY BREATHES DEEPLY) 504 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,556 (SCOFFS) Ah. 505 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,891 Great, Larry. Way to read a green. 506 00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,893 Great. (EXHALES) 507 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,645 (SCOFFS) 508 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:10,149 Oh, thank you, you guys. This was so much fun, really. 509 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,317 -Oh, sure. That was great -Thank you. 510 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,861 -Yeah, it was great. -LARRY: Thank you. 511 00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,363 You know, A House Divided, it-- it opens this weekend. 512 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:17,240 You guys want to come? I can get you tickets. 513 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,325 Oh, you and Ted? Yeah, I'll see it. 514 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:20,952 -I'll come. -Yeah. Thank you very much. 515 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,245 -All right. Great. -JEFF: Yeah, thank you. 516 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,122 Oh, you gotta give the guy your valet ticket. 517 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,500 Oh, no. I'm-- I'm good. I've got this. 518 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:30,461 -A handicapped sticker? -(CHUCKLES) It's fantastic. 519 00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:33,548 -I can park anywhere. -How'd you get that? 520 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,968 -Oh, you know. -Oh, yeah, Epstein-Barr. 521 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:41,222 -What? -Epstein-Barr? 522 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,682 -Right. Epstein-Barr. -(LARRY CHUCKLING) 523 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,267 -(CHUCKLES) Right. -LARRY: Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 524 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,895 All right, you guys, enjoy the rest of your day. Bye. 525 00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,271 -LARRY AND JEFF: Bye. -LORI: Bye. 526 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,691 And, Larry, short game! Work on that short game. 527 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,359 Yeah, yeah. 528 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,320 (CAR ENGINE STARTS) 529 00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,033 Oh, my God. 530 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,534 -♪ (PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(URINATING) 531 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,120 "Fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth 532 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,916 on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty 533 00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:11,085 and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. 534 00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:12,921 Now we are engaged in a great civil war, 535 00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,756 testing whether that nation 536 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:18,259 or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, 537 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,136 can long endure. 538 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,930 We are met on a great battlefield 539 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,139 of that war. 540 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,974 We are here to dedicate a portion of it 541 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,434 as a final resting place 542 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:28,353 for those who here gave their lives 543 00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:30,396 so that that nation might live. 544 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,148 But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, 545 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,442 we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground." 546 00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:35,735 (URINAL FLUSHES) 547 00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:38,196 "It is rather that from these honored dead, 548 00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,657 we take increased devotion to that cause 549 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,160 and that we here highly resolve that these dead 550 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,912 shall not have died in vain 551 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,914 and that government of the people, 552 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,332 by the people, 553 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,792 for the people, 554 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:53,670 shall not perish from the earth." 555 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:54,921 -(URINATING STOPS) -(ZIPPER CLOSING) 556 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,881 -ONLOOKER 1: Yeah, buddy! -ONLOOKER 2: Whoo! 557 00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,051 CROWD: USA! USA! 558 00:21:00,134 --> 00:21:04,097 ♪ ("THE BARBER OF SEVILLE OVERTURE" PLAYING) ♪ 559 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,184 (PAINT CAN RATTLING) 560 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,649 Yeah! Fuck you, Shimon! 561 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,860 That's five pounds of short ribs and ten pounds of fuck you! 562 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,656 Fuck you, Shimon! 563 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,784 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 564 00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,452 Hey, you're not gonna believe this. 565 00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,871 I just got off the phone with my CFO. 566 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:31,666 Business, booming. 567 00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,167 -Through the roof -What? 568 00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:36,087 Yeah. In the past two weeks. Unbelievable. 569 00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:38,131 -It's the penis. -SUSIE: Oh, it's not the penis. 570 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:40,049 -It's the penis! -It's the product! 571 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,551 How come it wasn't booming 572 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,885 before the penis got up there? 573 00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:45,263 -It's word of mouth. -Oh, yeah, word of mouth. 574 00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:47,015 Hey, I think you're getting a post-penis bump. 575 00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:48,766 -How? -Because people are talk-- 576 00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:50,143 "Hey, did you see the woman with the billboard 577 00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:51,561 with the caftans? There's a penis in her mouth." 578 00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,146 "Penis in her mouth?" "There's a penis in her mouth." 579 00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:54,272 Yeah. 580 00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:55,690 You sound like you're in a musical. 581 00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,150 Yeah, well, to me, it's real life. 582 00:21:57,233 --> 00:22:00,153 -And I want it down. -No. In fact... 583 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,030 -You know what you should do? -What? 584 00:22:02,113 --> 00:22:03,698 You need a second dick. 585 00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:05,158 -Second dick. -No. 586 00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,493 You think I'm gonna get more business from two dicks? 587 00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:09,245 -(STAMMERS) It'll double! -JEFF: Uh, yeah. 588 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:11,330 You know what I'm thinking? 589 00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:13,249 -Dick up the ass. -SUSIE: Oh, stop it. 590 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,709 -You're disgusting. -JEFF: So, two dicks up front, 591 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:15,918 -dick up the ass. -Yeah. 592 00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,462 -And how 'bout some jizz on ya? -LARRY: Yeah 593 00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:18,546 You know what? Let me tell you-- 594 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:20,048 I mean, you will sell out. Sell out. 595 00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:21,966 Little jizz. Jizz will knock it out of the park. 596 00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:24,135 Warren Buffett never made a business plan 597 00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:26,012 having jizz on the face. All right. Trust me on that. 598 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,680 Yeah, I'm just saying as a businesswoman, 599 00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,724 it's incumbent on you to consider this thing. 600 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:32,435 -I'll think about it. -Stick with the dicks! 601 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:35,354 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 602 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:45,364 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 603 00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,408 -SIENNA: Go away! -LARRY: Sienna, it's Larry. 604 00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:49,410 -I-- I need to talk to you. -SIENNA: Larry, not now. 605 00:22:49,494 --> 00:22:51,079 It's a really bad time, Larry. 606 00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:53,790 It-- It'll only take a few minutes. It's important. 607 00:22:57,293 --> 00:22:58,669 LARRY: Yeah, uh... 608 00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:00,463 What's up? (SIGHS) 609 00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:02,507 Uh, well, first of all, 610 00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:06,511 I-- I just wanted to apologize, uh, for the other night. 611 00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,638 You know, I put the coat on the back of the chair. 612 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:10,181 -That's where coats go. -(SCOFFS) 613 00:23:10,264 --> 00:23:12,183 LARRY: That's where coats have gone for forever. 614 00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:13,434 Even in Shakespeare's time, 615 00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:15,353 they put the capes and doublets on the back. 616 00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:16,687 -Yeah. -You know. 617 00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:18,689 It's the least of my worries right now, Larry, 618 00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:21,275 the coat, but thank you for the apology. 619 00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:24,821 How's everything going with the filming? 620 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:28,533 (EXHALES) It's not good. 621 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:31,494 No matter what I do, I just can't get a handle on it. 622 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,788 I'm really sorry to hear that. 623 00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:35,498 It's a nightmare. They're gonna fire me. 624 00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:39,544 You know, uh, I'm looking around this trailer, 625 00:23:39,627 --> 00:23:43,840 and I notice there's no fruit. 626 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,633 I don't even-- I don't like fruit. 627 00:23:45,716 --> 00:23:47,343 I don't even-- I don't-- What do you mean? 628 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,929 Oh. Uh-huh. Oh, you don't-- You don't like fruit. 629 00:23:50,012 --> 00:23:51,430 -No, I don't like fruit. -LARRY: Oh, sure. Yeah. 630 00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:52,890 I don't care for fruit, particularly, so... 631 00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:54,225 You don't care for it? You don't like it? 632 00:23:54,308 --> 00:23:56,644 -You don't eat it? -Mm-mm. Larry, I don't need it. 633 00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:59,105 I don't care for it, particularly. I-- 634 00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:06,279 I got you a pear. 635 00:24:09,282 --> 00:24:12,285 ♪ (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 636 00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,911 I'll make some coffee. 637 00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:16,205 (SNORES) 638 00:24:16,289 --> 00:24:18,374 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -(BIRDS CHIRPING) 639 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:19,792 SIENNA: Who could that be? 640 00:24:21,502 --> 00:24:22,628 SOLDIER: Hello, ma'am. 641 00:24:22,712 --> 00:24:25,464 -Are you Tanya Barstow? -Yes. 642 00:24:29,886 --> 00:24:32,388 SIENNA: (BREATHES SHAKILY) Harold. 643 00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:36,267 His plane was shot down. 644 00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:38,769 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 645 00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:39,937 He's dead. 646 00:24:44,734 --> 00:24:46,444 He said we'd sail to the islands, 647 00:24:46,527 --> 00:24:47,904 just the two of us. 648 00:24:50,448 --> 00:24:52,241 "I won't be long," he said. 649 00:24:52,867 --> 00:24:54,410 (INAUDIBLE) 650 00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,537 "When I get back," he said. 651 00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:02,585 "We have the whole world in front of us," he said. 652 00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:06,005 (SOBBING) But time doesn't listen, 653 00:25:06,088 --> 00:25:07,798 and the world doesn't wait. 654 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:15,014 I begged him! I begged him not to go to the Air Force. 655 00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:16,474 I begged him not to fly. 656 00:25:19,644 --> 00:25:21,062 It's your fault. 657 00:25:21,145 --> 00:25:23,397 You encouraged him to go to flight school. 658 00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:25,399 You wanted him to die! 659 00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:27,401 You're the one who should be dead. 660 00:25:27,485 --> 00:25:31,530 -(SNIFFLES) I hate you! -(WHIMPERS) 661 00:25:31,614 --> 00:25:33,616 -I hate you! -(WHIMPERS) 662 00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,701 (SOBS FAINTLY) 663 00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:37,078 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 664 00:25:37,161 --> 00:25:38,329 -DIRECTOR: Cut! -(BELLS RING) 665 00:25:38,412 --> 00:25:40,206 -(ALL APPLAUD) -DIRECTOR: That's great. 666 00:25:40,289 --> 00:25:42,917 -Sienna, oh, that was beautiful. -DIRECTOR: Yeah, that was amazing. 667 00:25:43,668 --> 00:25:44,794 (EXCLAIMS) 668 00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:47,546 How great was that? 669 00:25:47,630 --> 00:25:50,383 -That was sensational. -(LAUGHS) Thank you. 670 00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:52,385 -You were amazing. -Oh, my God. 671 00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:53,511 -LARRY: Wow. -Sienna, that was great. 672 00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:54,762 I'm just thrilled. We got it, right? 673 00:25:54,845 --> 00:25:56,097 -Yes, absolutely. -LARRY: Got it. 674 00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:57,932 -You saved my fucking ass. -DIRECTOR: Moving on! 675 00:25:58,015 --> 00:25:59,350 -SIENNA: Come on. -Come on, huh? 676 00:25:59,433 --> 00:26:00,851 -Come on. -Come on. Come on. 677 00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:02,144 -Come on. -(LAUGHS) 678 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:03,604 I cannot believe that you did that. 679 00:26:03,688 --> 00:26:06,023 -(SCOFFS) -You figured it out for me. 680 00:26:06,107 --> 00:26:07,149 (CHUCKLING) 681 00:26:07,233 --> 00:26:08,734 I'll tell you what I can't figure out. 682 00:26:08,818 --> 00:26:11,028 -SIENNA: Mm-hmm. -Uh, uh-- (CHUCKLES) 683 00:26:11,112 --> 00:26:14,115 I tried doing some research on Rachel and the rug merchants, 684 00:26:14,198 --> 00:26:17,118 and I can't-- I can't come up with anything. I can't find it. 685 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:19,537 -Weird. -Yeah. 686 00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:21,289 SIENNA: Of all the stories that I read in your religion, 687 00:26:21,372 --> 00:26:23,749 she was the one that really, like, spoke to me. 688 00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:26,252 You're sure you read it? Is it possible you dreamed it? 689 00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:28,129 Okay, look, I don't-- (BLOWS A RASPBERRY) 690 00:26:28,212 --> 00:26:30,047 I don't know where I read it. I don't-- I can't remember where I read it, 691 00:26:30,131 --> 00:26:31,424 but I know it definitely exists. 692 00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:33,050 -Okay? Yeah. -LARRY: Okay. 693 00:26:33,134 --> 00:26:35,803 You know what else I tried to find was the word schmeitz, 694 00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:38,139 which... (CHUCKLES) ...I couldn't find that either. 695 00:26:38,222 --> 00:26:40,308 Schmeitz exists. 696 00:26:40,391 --> 00:26:41,934 -Schmeitz? -Schmeitz is a real word 697 00:26:42,018 --> 00:26:44,395 for "I've got to go." "I got to schmeitz." 698 00:26:44,478 --> 00:26:46,897 -(TONGUE CLICKS) -This wig is killing me. 699 00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:47,982 It's so uncomfortable. 700 00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:50,359 I think I have to go get it adjusted. 701 00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:52,903 Do you wear a different wig in every movie? 702 00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:55,531 (CHUCKLES) Now that I think about it, 703 00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:57,450 I don't think I've ever seen you 704 00:26:57,533 --> 00:27:00,202 with the same hair. In fact, 705 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:02,121 I don't know if I've ever seen your real hair. 706 00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,706 Are you blonde? Are you brunette? 707 00:27:03,789 --> 00:27:05,416 Are you redhead? What-- 708 00:27:05,499 --> 00:27:07,960 I-- I don't even know what your hair looks like. 709 00:27:09,712 --> 00:27:13,299 I have alopecia, you fucking asshole. 710 00:27:14,258 --> 00:27:15,593 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 711 00:27:15,676 --> 00:27:18,346 -I didn't know you had alopecia! -Asshole! 712 00:27:19,555 --> 00:27:22,850 Don't schmeitz! Don't schmeitz! 713 00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:25,895 I didn't know she had alopecia. Did you know? 714 00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,772 -I had no idea. -LARRY: Yeah, who knew? 715 00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:29,648 -How can you tell? -You can't. 716 00:27:29,732 --> 00:27:32,735 Larry! Hey! You ready? 717 00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:33,986 You feeling like a winner? 718 00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:35,446 -Oh, yeah. -Oh, good. 719 00:27:35,529 --> 00:27:37,490 -Feeling like a big winner. -LORI: Good, Larry, good, 720 00:27:37,573 --> 00:27:39,742 -'cause I do not like to lose. -LARRY: Hmm. 721 00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:44,121 By the way, how did you get the tee time switched to 10:45? 722 00:27:44,205 --> 00:27:47,750 -I couldn't get the 10:45. -Oh, crazy thing. 723 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,628 Starter just likes me. Weird. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 724 00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:52,004 All right, I'm gonna go to the range. 725 00:27:52,088 --> 00:27:53,130 -Okay. -LORI: Wanna go to the range? 726 00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:54,465 I'll-- I'll meet you there. 727 00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:56,926 All right. Less chit chatting and more chipping. 728 00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,219 -Okay. -Let's go. All right. 729 00:27:58,302 --> 00:27:59,678 -Okay. -We're gonna win, Larry. 730 00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:01,222 Take some money today! 731 00:28:03,057 --> 00:28:04,850 -Have fun. -Hey, Daveed. 732 00:28:04,934 --> 00:28:06,268 Hey. How you doing? 733 00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:07,645 -LARRY: Good morning -Morning. 734 00:28:07,728 --> 00:28:09,605 Um, I'm just curious. 735 00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:14,026 How did Lori get that tee time moved to 10:45? 736 00:28:14,110 --> 00:28:17,655 (CHUCKLES) I can think of 50 reasons. 737 00:28:18,531 --> 00:28:22,243 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Wow. 738 00:28:22,326 --> 00:28:23,828 Yeah. She's quite a gal, huh? 739 00:28:25,746 --> 00:28:27,206 Yeah, she's quite a gal. (SIGHS) 740 00:28:27,289 --> 00:28:28,999 -DAVEED: Yes, she is. -All right. Thank you. 741 00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:30,167 (CHUCKLES) 742 00:28:33,587 --> 00:28:35,047 (MATT GROANS) 743 00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:37,216 -Okay. That's good. -MATT: Oh, really? 744 00:28:37,299 --> 00:28:39,927 -LARRY: Yeah. I'm gonna give you that. -That is five. 745 00:28:40,010 --> 00:28:42,638 I got a five also, so we're up by one. (CHUCKLES) 746 00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:44,140 -MATT: That's true. Right. Yes. -That's right. 747 00:28:44,223 --> 00:28:46,058 -You're going down, Matt. Yeah. -Okay. 748 00:28:46,142 --> 00:28:48,519 -LARRY: Hey, you left your club over there. -MATT: Oh, thank you, Larry. 749 00:28:48,602 --> 00:28:49,937 You got a five? 750 00:28:50,020 --> 00:28:53,983 -Yeah. -How did you get a five? 751 00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:56,444 -I found my ball. -You found that ball? 752 00:28:56,527 --> 00:28:58,779 -I found that ball. -How'd you get it out of the woods? 753 00:28:58,863 --> 00:29:00,573 You were pretty deep in there. 754 00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:01,991 I had a good lie. 755 00:29:04,368 --> 00:29:07,037 Yeah, you had a good lie all right. 756 00:29:07,121 --> 00:29:09,415 -♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -(SCOFFS SOFTLY) 757 00:29:19,508 --> 00:29:20,885 LARRY: (LAUGHING) Holy shit! 758 00:29:22,803 --> 00:29:28,434 (LAUGHS) 759 00:29:31,145 --> 00:29:32,480 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 760 00:29:32,563 --> 00:29:34,231 SUSIE: Where's Larry? Where the fuck is he? 761 00:29:34,315 --> 00:29:35,649 -He said he'll be-- -Late again? 762 00:29:35,733 --> 00:29:37,359 -No, he'll be here. Trust me, he'll be here. -Jesus. 763 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:38,736 -I don't even really-- -ATTENDEE: Hey! 764 00:29:38,819 --> 00:29:41,864 Hey. You're that lady with the dick in her mouth. 765 00:29:41,947 --> 00:29:44,867 -(LAUGHS) -(LAUGHS, SIGHS) 766 00:29:47,995 --> 00:29:48,996 Really? 767 00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:56,045 Hey! Hey! 768 00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:57,755 -Whoa, whoa. -Look, I'm sorry for doing this. 769 00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,882 My wife wants me to do this, so just go along with it. 770 00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:02,927 On the count of three, turn your head to the right. 771 00:30:03,010 --> 00:30:04,845 One, two, three. 772 00:30:04,929 --> 00:30:06,722 -(GRUNTS) -(CROWD GASPS) 773 00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:11,018 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And keep my wife's business 774 00:30:11,101 --> 00:30:12,770 out of your motherfucking mouth! 775 00:30:12,853 --> 00:30:14,063 (CROWD MURMURING) 776 00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:15,981 (MOUTHS SILENTLY) 777 00:30:16,065 --> 00:30:18,359 You are really something, boy. 778 00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:20,653 -Oh, that was hot, baby! -LARRY: Hey. 779 00:30:20,736 --> 00:30:22,154 Oh, Larr, you're not gonna believe this. 780 00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:23,739 Oh, no, no, you're not gonna believe this. 781 00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,908 I drove by the billboard this afternoon. 782 00:30:26,992 --> 00:30:29,036 There's a second dick in your mouth! 783 00:30:29,119 --> 00:30:30,704 You're gonna make a fortune! 784 00:30:31,956 --> 00:30:33,999 Wow. Second dick. 785 00:30:34,083 --> 00:30:35,626 Oh, God. 786 00:30:35,709 --> 00:30:38,087 LARRY: You should see this one. It's huge! 787 00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:42,758 So, so sorry. So sorry. 788 00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:45,553 You-- you could've gotten up. It wouldn't've killed you. 789 00:30:45,636 --> 00:30:48,347 -Oh, hey. -Hey. 790 00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:51,642 Well, they're good seats. It's nice to see you. 791 00:30:51,725 --> 00:30:52,810 Yeah. 792 00:30:52,893 --> 00:30:54,186 I'm excited about this. 793 00:30:54,270 --> 00:30:57,231 -Are you excited to see this? -Yeah, I am. 794 00:30:57,314 --> 00:30:58,941 CHERYL DAVID: I really like Lori Loughlin. 795 00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:00,818 LARRY: Oh, yeah. Quite a gal. 796 00:31:05,406 --> 00:31:08,200 Hey. I know you. 797 00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:10,703 You're a waiter at that Chinese restaurant, right? 798 00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:13,706 Oh, yes. I work at Sun Wah Palace. 799 00:31:13,789 --> 00:31:15,541 How's the dead fish? 800 00:31:15,624 --> 00:31:17,084 -WAITER: He-- -Still dead? 801 00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:20,629 Oh. You the fish guy? No. We no have dead fish. 802 00:31:20,713 --> 00:31:22,006 Eh... 803 00:31:22,089 --> 00:31:24,383 We-- Visit downtown restaurant. You see fish there. 804 00:31:24,466 --> 00:31:26,218 -Very happy. Doing better there. -Ah, I'm... I'm gonna go-- 805 00:31:26,302 --> 00:31:27,761 -I'm gonna go this weekend. -Okay. 806 00:31:27,845 --> 00:31:29,722 Yeah, what, are you a big history buff? 807 00:31:29,805 --> 00:31:31,140 -You like Lincoln? -Oh, yes. 808 00:31:31,223 --> 00:31:32,641 One of favorite president. 809 00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:34,310 You know, if Lincoln had a fish tank 810 00:31:34,393 --> 00:31:36,645 and a fish got stuck in the filter, 811 00:31:36,729 --> 00:31:39,398 Lincoln would've freed the fish. 812 00:31:39,481 --> 00:31:42,651 Uh, fish not stuck, so Lincoln no have fish to free. 813 00:31:42,735 --> 00:31:45,571 It's a hypothetical. Lincoln would free fish. 814 00:31:45,654 --> 00:31:47,573 Uh, why you care so much about fish? 815 00:31:47,656 --> 00:31:51,160 -Why you no care about fish? -Maybe you worry about yourself. 816 00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:53,078 -LARRY: Yeah. -You have problem, sir. 817 00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:54,538 No, you have problems. You pathological liar. 818 00:31:54,622 --> 00:31:56,582 -You pathological liar. -Hey. 819 00:31:56,665 --> 00:31:59,084 -No. Fish sick. -Yeah. Fish stuck. 820 00:31:59,168 --> 00:32:02,421 -No, fish move. -Fish dead. Fish dead. 821 00:32:02,504 --> 00:32:06,300 What are you doing? We're here to watch a play. 822 00:32:06,383 --> 00:32:07,635 -Yeah. -Okay. 823 00:32:09,219 --> 00:32:11,555 -TED: Mary. -LORI: Yes, Abe. 824 00:32:11,639 --> 00:32:14,892 Have you seen my red stockings? 825 00:32:14,975 --> 00:32:17,436 You mean the ones that were riddled with holes? 826 00:32:18,228 --> 00:32:19,355 TED: I hadn't noticed. 827 00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:22,191 I had, and I had Miranda throw them out. 828 00:32:22,274 --> 00:32:24,902 Or to put it a way you might appreciate, 829 00:32:24,985 --> 00:32:26,528 they've been emancipated. 830 00:32:26,612 --> 00:32:28,113 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 831 00:32:28,197 --> 00:32:30,908 TED: Perhaps we should arrive a little later to the Sewards' 832 00:32:30,991 --> 00:32:32,451 than we planned. 833 00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:35,287 Punctuality is the politeness of kings. We shan't be late. 834 00:32:35,371 --> 00:32:38,957 Ah. If he talks about wanting to purchase Alaska 835 00:32:39,041 --> 00:32:42,628 one more time, I will join the Confederacy. 836 00:32:42,711 --> 00:32:45,047 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 837 00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:47,007 LORI: Frances Seward thinks I'm dirt. 838 00:32:47,091 --> 00:32:48,592 -If she looked down her nose... -Hey. 839 00:32:48,676 --> 00:32:51,970 ...any further at me, I swear her eyes would fall out. 840 00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:54,264 -What? -You have not draped the coat 841 00:32:54,348 --> 00:32:55,724 over the back of the seat properly. 842 00:32:55,808 --> 00:32:57,184 -My coat fine. -Coat long. 843 00:32:57,267 --> 00:32:58,477 Coat fine. 844 00:32:59,687 --> 00:33:02,731 Coat long. And fish dead. 845 00:33:02,815 --> 00:33:05,693 ♪ (SOMBER PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 846 00:33:05,776 --> 00:33:09,863 (APPLAUSE) 847 00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:15,536 Fourscore and seven years ago, 848 00:33:15,619 --> 00:33:20,249 our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, 849 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:23,919 conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition 850 00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:27,673 that all men are created equal. 851 00:33:27,756 --> 00:33:31,218 Now we are engaged in a great civil war, 852 00:33:31,301 --> 00:33:35,931 testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived... 853 00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:37,641 -(LARRY GROANS) -...and so dedicated, 854 00:33:37,725 --> 00:33:38,851 can long endure. 855 00:33:38,934 --> 00:33:41,729 (SIGHS) Hey. I have to go to the bathroom. 856 00:33:41,812 --> 00:33:43,272 -No. -I have to pee. 857 00:33:43,355 --> 00:33:44,857 -(SHUSHES) -No-- 858 00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:46,066 He's in the middle-- 859 00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:47,818 I've been memorizing the Gettysburg Address 860 00:33:47,901 --> 00:33:48,986 every time I pee, 861 00:33:49,069 --> 00:33:50,529 and I'm conditioned to pee when I hear it. 862 00:33:50,612 --> 00:33:53,407 For those who here gave their lives... 863 00:33:53,490 --> 00:33:55,492 -This-- -It's like a Pavlovian response. 864 00:33:55,576 --> 00:33:56,577 Okay, that's ridiculous. 865 00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:58,036 -No, it's not ridiculous -He-- Hey. 866 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,289 -He's in the middle of it. -I understand. 867 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,623 You're just gonna have to hold it. 868 00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:02,833 -Yeah. -Okay. 869 00:34:02,916 --> 00:34:06,837 But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, 870 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,507 we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. 871 00:34:10,591 --> 00:34:11,632 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 872 00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:13,719 TED: The brave men, living and dead... 873 00:34:13,802 --> 00:34:16,138 -(GASPS) -...who struggled here have consecrated it... 874 00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:17,639 I can't-- (STAMMERS) 875 00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:18,891 It's bad. It's bad. 876 00:34:18,974 --> 00:34:21,310 (GRUNTS) Get this coat out of the way! My foot! 877 00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:22,728 -WAITER: What are you doing? -Foot stuck! 878 00:34:22,811 --> 00:34:24,062 -WAITER: Foot not stuck. -Foot stuck! 879 00:34:24,146 --> 00:34:26,607 -WAITER: Foot not stuck. -Foot... stuck! 880 00:34:26,690 --> 00:34:28,859 -(GASPS) -(AUDIENCE GASPING) 881 00:34:28,942 --> 00:34:30,027 ATTENDEE: Is he okay? 882 00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:31,987 -(URINATING) -Oh, boy. 883 00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,239 -AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Ew! -And that government 884 00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:40,036 of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish 885 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,121 from the earth. 886 00:34:41,205 --> 00:34:42,915 (AUDIENCE MURMURING, APPLAUDING) 887 00:34:42,998 --> 00:34:45,125 Larry, come on, man, what the-- 888 00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:46,543 What the fuck! 889 00:34:48,545 --> 00:34:53,175 (WHISTLING FAINTLY) 890 00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:56,261 Huh? (CHUCKLES) Oh, my God. 891 00:34:57,805 --> 00:34:59,348 Wha-- (GASPS) 892 00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:01,975 (CHUCKLES) Oh, Sienna. Oh, my God. 893 00:35:02,851 --> 00:35:05,229 (LAUGHS) Oh, boy. 894 00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:09,399 -(POLICE SIREN WAILING) -Heh? Huh? 895 00:35:09,483 --> 00:35:11,151 Oh, come-- Me? 896 00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:14,571 What? Oh, please. 897 00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:18,325 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 898 00:35:18,408 --> 00:35:20,494 -Good evening, sir. -Hey, good evening. 899 00:35:20,577 --> 00:35:22,746 You realize you made an illegal U-turn back there? 900 00:35:22,830 --> 00:35:25,916 (CHUCKLES) Honestly, officer, had I known it was illegal, 901 00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:28,001 would I have done it? Of course, not. 902 00:35:28,085 --> 00:35:30,128 Is there any reason that you weren't paying attention? 903 00:35:30,212 --> 00:35:31,839 You see that billboard up there 904 00:35:31,922 --> 00:35:33,131 with Sienna Miller? 905 00:35:33,215 --> 00:35:34,758 You see what's going on up there? 906 00:35:34,842 --> 00:35:37,928 You do know we've had a rash of these penises on billboards 907 00:35:38,011 --> 00:35:39,471 -all over this neighborhood? -Terrible. Terrible. 908 00:35:39,555 --> 00:35:40,597 (CHUCKLING) The thing is, 909 00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:42,641 I saw that billboard, and I went, 910 00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:44,768 "Oh, my God, I got to get a picture of this. 911 00:35:44,852 --> 00:35:46,937 It's Sienna Miller." I had a date with her. 912 00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,480 -We had a-- Yeah. -OFFICER: You? 913 00:35:48,564 --> 00:35:49,815 Sir, you're-- you're like 50 years 914 00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:51,233 -older than she is. -Yes, yes, 915 00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:53,652 I am considerably older, but she pursued me, actually. 916 00:35:53,735 --> 00:35:55,445 To tell you the truth. I know it's hard to believe, 917 00:35:55,529 --> 00:35:56,655 -but she did. -(SCOFFS) 918 00:35:56,738 --> 00:35:58,365 By the way, that movie's gonna do gangbusters 919 00:35:58,448 --> 00:36:00,617 -with those penises up there. -Sir, that's sick. 920 00:36:00,701 --> 00:36:02,160 No, my friend's wife had a caftan business, 921 00:36:02,244 --> 00:36:03,871 and she had a billboard, and somebody drew dicks 922 00:36:03,954 --> 00:36:05,205 in her mouth and business took off. 923 00:36:05,289 --> 00:36:06,707 OFFICER: Uh, Mr. David, 924 00:36:06,790 --> 00:36:09,001 can you explain to me why you have a box of spray paint 925 00:36:09,084 --> 00:36:10,168 in the back of your car? 926 00:36:10,252 --> 00:36:11,670 I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. 927 00:36:11,753 --> 00:36:13,422 My friend and I went to this all-you-can-eat restaurant. 928 00:36:13,505 --> 00:36:15,924 He ate too many crabs, and they banned us. 929 00:36:16,008 --> 00:36:17,843 And so we went back and spray painted, 930 00:36:17,926 --> 00:36:18,927 "Not all you can eat." 931 00:36:19,011 --> 00:36:20,512 You just admitted to another crime. 932 00:36:20,596 --> 00:36:22,639 -Step out of the car, sir. Sir. -But it's not all you can eat. 933 00:36:22,723 --> 00:36:23,932 -It's bullshit. -OFFICER: Now. 934 00:36:24,016 --> 00:36:25,767 -It's not all you can eat. -Out of the car now. 935 00:36:25,851 --> 00:36:27,728 -Oh, I didn't do that. -That's disgusting. 936 00:36:27,811 --> 00:36:29,605 You think I drew those dicks up there? 937 00:36:29,688 --> 00:36:30,939 -Yeah. -I can't even draw a dick. 938 00:36:31,023 --> 00:36:32,065 I don't know how to draw. 939 00:36:32,149 --> 00:36:33,609 I can draw-- I can draw a breast maybe. 940 00:36:33,692 --> 00:36:34,693 -Yeah. -I can't draw a dick. 941 00:36:34,776 --> 00:36:35,986 -That-- that's-- -Yeah. 942 00:36:36,069 --> 00:36:37,154 -I would never draw a dick. -Still disgusting. 943 00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:38,822 I didn't know she had alopecia! 944 00:36:38,906 --> 00:36:41,992 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 945 00:37:47,557 --> 00:37:49,184 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪