1 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:11,803 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,596 LEON BLACK: Whoo-wee! 3 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,016 (GROWLS) 4 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,976 These fresh meatballs in here? (CHUCKLES) 5 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,769 Gotta get that corn on the cob. 6 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:21,521 On the cob, off the cob, it don't matter. 7 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:25,150 Y'all ain't playing around this motherfucker, huh? 8 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,819 What the fuck is this right here? 9 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,195 (URINATING) 10 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,071 (SIGHS) 11 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:33,366 ♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪ 12 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,163 You guys don't have the lobster bibs no more? 13 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,999 - WAITRESS: Sorry, hon. - (CHUCKLING) Oh, my God. 14 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:43,793 Another plate? Are you out of your mind? Huh? 15 00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:46,004 It says all you can eat, right? So you fucking eat. 16 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,006 Yeah, I know, but still. 17 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,716 You are really going at it, man. 18 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,551 LEON: Mm-hmm. Whoo! 19 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,220 Let me ask you this question. Have you ever considered 20 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:58,391 how much time you've wasted in your life urinating? 21 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,185 - Hundreds of hours. - You're fucking right. 22 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,895 I mean, you could be learning something 23 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,188 in that time, you know? 24 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,856 Mm-hmm. You know who's gonna be a billionaire? 25 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:08,526 Motherfucker who's gonna, uh, create a car that runs on piss. 26 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,528 - Yeah. You know what? - No more time wasted. 27 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:13,406 Now that idiotic brain of yours has finally... 28 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,991 You're driving across country-- 29 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,368 LARRY DAVID: You've landed on something. Yeah. 30 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,786 You drink water and Gatorades and shit, 31 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,080 - fucking coffees and shit the whole fucking trip. - Yeah. 32 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,207 You pull over, take your dick out, 33 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,751 put it in that little hole where the gas goes, 34 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:25,960 and fill that motherfucker up. 35 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,213 You're on your merry way. The Peeus. 36 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,256 That's what it's fucking called. The Peeus. 37 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,884 - Fantastic idea. - You know another good idea? 38 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:33,968 LARRY: Hmm? 39 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,887 Me getting up and getting another plate. 40 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,263 Oh, God. No, don't. Don't. 41 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,182 - (SMACKS LIPS) Whew. - Leon, come on, man. 42 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,351 - And once I undo these pants... - LARRY: Oh, jeez. 43 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,895 - ...and this top buckle... - LARRY: You're gonna get sick. 44 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,063 Watch my smoke. 45 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,398 LARRY: Huh? What's wrong with you? 46 00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,525 (LAUGHS) I'm going in, Larry! 47 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:52,070 - LARRY: Oh, Jesus. - LEON: Whoo! Oh, yeah. 48 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,238 Those snow crab legs. 49 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,572 - Hey, these fresh? - SERVER: Yes, sir. 50 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:57,117 It's enough already. Sit down and eat it. 51 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,536 Whoo-wee! (GROANS) 52 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,121 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Hey! 53 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,997 We're done. That was your last plate for today. 54 00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:04,416 You have four plates. Too much food. 55 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,209 I'm cutting you off. That's all! 56 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,420 Wait. You got a sign outside that says, "all you can eat." 57 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,547 You mean to tell me, I can't eat all the fuck want to eat? 58 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,424 All you can eat if you are reasonable. 59 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,592 You've already ate, my friend. I've been counting. 60 00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:17,679 Five pound short rib, ten pound prawns. 61 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,098 - Who are you, by the way? - I'm Shimon. 62 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,766 - LEON: You're Shimon? - I am Shimon. 63 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,643 Oh, so you're the Wendy's of this motherfucker. 64 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,229 I'm fucking Wendy. You want me to put on a little red wig and freckles? 65 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,313 - LEON: Yeah. Yeah. - How 'bout this? 66 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,857 - LEON: How 'bout you do that? - I do that 67 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,066 after you get the fuck out! 68 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,027 You're banned forever. Lifetime ban. 69 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,653 - Lifetime. - That's not-- that's not fair. 70 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,196 Oh. You, my friend. 71 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,614 You still can come when you want 72 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,450 because you eat like reasonable person. 73 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,410 Yeah. Yeah, I had one plate. You know why? 74 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,287 - 'Cause the food stinks. - You stink! 75 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,371 - No, you stink! - No, you stink! 76 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,414 - You stink! - LEON: You stink! 77 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,540 - You stink! - You fucking stink. 78 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,000 - You stink, Shimon! - SHIMON: No, you stink. 79 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,293 Get out. Both of you out. 80 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,461 Both of you out. You, forever. 81 00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:50,628 You, maybe-- maybe you have a chance. 82 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:52,297 - Fuck you, Wendy. - Lifetime ban! 83 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,799 Only person besides you, Gary Busey. 84 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,177 If this was a brothel, I'd be fucking pissed. 85 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,970 Lifetime ban. You're gone. 86 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,972 - (QUIETLY) I'm still good? - SHIMON: You're still fine. 87 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,099 - You're still fine. Go. - ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 88 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,769 He did me dirty. He did me fucking dirty. 89 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:09,564 - Yeah, he really did. - Wow, man. Now I need dessert. 90 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,983 What, are you nuts? You had four plates of food. 91 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:12,984 - You want something? - No. 92 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,986 No? Okay. Don't fucking leave me. 93 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,279 Hurry up. 94 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,323 - ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ - (CAR LOCK BEEPS) 95 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,240 Hey! 96 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,327 Look at this. Huh? Wow. 97 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,412 You know something? This is-- This is perfect. 98 00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,331 I have a favor to ask you. 99 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,333 - I'm doing-- - Oh, boy, that's a horrible way 100 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,709 - to introduce a sentence. - TED DANSON: No, no. 101 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,170 I'm doing a play. It's called House Divided. 102 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,381 - Yeah? - Yeah. I get to play Lincoln. 103 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,508 - Wh-- You're playing Lincoln? - (CHUCKLING) Yeah. 104 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,509 What fun. 105 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:41,179 And Lori Loughlin is playing my wife, Mary Todd. 106 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,181 - Lori Loughlin? - Yeah, Lori Loughlin. 107 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,516 - Oh. - And here's-- here's the thing. 108 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,810 She loves to play golf, and I was just hoping 109 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,812 that maybe you could sponsor her at the club. 110 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,897 - There's nobody else who could sponsor her? - No. 111 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:54,901 Because of that whole college admissions scandal thing, 112 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,361 no club will touch her. 113 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,655 - That's not fair. - No. She's a lovely lady. 114 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,448 - Yeah, I'll bet she is. - And that's why I'm coming-- 115 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,617 - She's being blackballed from the clubs? - Yes. Yes. 116 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,661 Terrible. That's-- I'll sponsor her. 117 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,454 Oh, Larry. Thanks, man. 118 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,415 - I really appreciate that. - Yeah. Happy to do it. 119 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,041 You know I'm a champion of the underdog. 120 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,376 - You know that. - I do. I do. 121 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,378 Wait a minute. You worked with her, didn't you? 122 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,255 Yeah. Yeah, on-- on Seinfeld. 123 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,173 No, no, that was the last two years. 124 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,550 I wasn't there for that episode. 125 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,720 Huh. But you did the finale, right? 126 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:26,224 - Yeah, Ted, I did the finale. - That's what I thought. 127 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,518 Yeah. Anyway, thanks. I'll-- I'll let Lori know. 128 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,854 Thank you so much, buddy. I got to run. 129 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:36,026 ♪ (JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 130 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,534 Voilà! 131 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,494 ♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪ 132 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,913 - LARRY: Wow. - SUSIE GREENE: Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 133 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:52,709 - LARRY: Look at you. - SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan." 134 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,378 My business! All mine. 135 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,756 Well, I like how you plastered yourself all over 136 00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,258 - Santa Monica Boulevard here... - Ah, it's a sales thing. 137 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,718 Like-- like Queen Nefertiti. 138 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,428 You got to spend money to make money, 139 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,596 and it's an investment. 140 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,057 And I think the business is just gonna take off. 141 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,892 Now you see why I wanted you to come. 142 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,853 All right, well, I got to, uh, I got to take off. 143 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:16,983 - Uh, I got a big date tonight. - Wait, Irma's gone, right? 144 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,027 Yeah. This is my first one. 145 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,363 - Anyone I know? - Oh, yeah. 146 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,156 - Who? - I can't even tell you. 147 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,616 - Oh, come on! It's me! - I can't, no. 148 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,284 You're gonna mock me to death. 149 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,036 I'm not gonna mock. Tell me. 150 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,289 - Sienna Miller. - (LAUGHS) 151 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,375 (LARRY WHEEZES) 152 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,335 - She's going out with you? - LARRY: Yeah! 153 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,587 - That gorgeous woman? - Yeah, I'm going to her, uh, 154 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,381 screening for her new movie tonight. 155 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,882 - Oh, get the fuck out of here. - Yes. 156 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,634 - She's got a thing for me. - All right. 157 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,010 - Well-- You know what it is? - You know why? 158 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,804 - Yeah, I know. I know what it is. - Yeah. Atlanta. 159 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,639 Listen, when you're out with Sienna, 160 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:50,308 maybe mention the caftans, 'cause they'd look fantastic. 161 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,768 She's tall, thin. 162 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,520 - It would flow beautifully on her. - Are you-- (CHUCKLES) 163 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,146 Think she's gonna wear that fucking thing? 164 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,981 - Yes! - Get out of here. 165 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,775 SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan." 166 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,361 - Oh, I love it. - (CAR DOOR OPEN, CLOSES) 167 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,159 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 168 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,331 LARRY: "Fourscore..." 169 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,791 - (URINATING) -"...and seven years ago, 170 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,502 our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, 171 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,671 - conceived in liberty..." - (CONTINUES URINATING) 172 00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,548 "...and dedicated to the proposition 173 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,842 that all men are created equal." 174 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,593 - (URINATING STOPS) - (ZIPPER CLOSES) 175 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,429 (TOILET FLUSHES) 176 00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,264 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 177 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,307 LARRY: "Fourscore and seven years ago..." 178 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:32,892 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 179 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:33,893 LARRY: By the way, 180 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,187 if you think you're getting any of my popcorn, 181 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,064 - you're gravely mistaken. - (LAUGHS) 182 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,024 Gravely. 183 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,567 If you think you can go on a date with someone 184 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,277 and not share popcorn, you're gravely mistaken. 185 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,903 - Oh, is this-- Is this a date? - Gravely. 186 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:44,779 Is this a date? 187 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,156 I don't know, Larry. You tell me. 188 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,657 If you share the popcorn, it's a date. 189 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,243 All right, well... (SIGHS) 190 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,911 - Thank you. - If you must. 191 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,080 I get a little bit nervous. 192 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,665 Nervous? It's friends and family, 193 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,875 you got nothing to worry about. 194 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,918 This is the easiest thing you'll ever go through. 195 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,212 And aren't you, uh, aren't you shooting another one? 196 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,382 - Mm. Right now. - Very busy gal. 197 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,884 - Busy gal. - Yeah. 198 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,053 I'm like Rachel and the rug merchants. 199 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,180 Who? 200 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,390 Rachel and the rug merchants. 201 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,933 - What's that? - It's like a-- 202 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,770 It's a famous Old Testament Jewish parable. 203 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,272 - Rachel and the rug merchants? - Have you never heard of it? 204 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,024 - Never heard of it. - Call yourself a Jew? 205 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,192 What's it about? 206 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,735 It's about Rachel and rug merchants. 207 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:26,404 What-- And what happened? Did she get cheated on a rug, 208 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,822 and she had to return the rug? 209 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,158 Did they give her the wrong rug? Was there a stain on it? 210 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,743 I mean, there's many possibilities 211 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,828 - for what the story... - No, no stain on the rug. Uh-uh. 212 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,663 Was the rug too big for her tent, 213 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:37,624 and she got the dimensions wrong? 214 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,626 Was it about her relationship with the rug merchant? 215 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,753 Did she have an affair with the rug merchant? 216 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,963 What happened with her and the rug merchant? 217 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,549 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING IN MOVIE) ♪ 218 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,093 (DUCKS QUACKING) 219 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,887 ♪ (MUSIC TURNS TENSE) ♪ 220 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,724 (CHILDREN SCREAMING CHEERFULLY) 221 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:06,069 SIENNA MILLER: (IN FILM) Johnny? Johnny, where are you? 222 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:08,988 Johnny? 223 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,703 Oh my God. Johnny! Johnny, come on! 224 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:21,793 ♪ (SORROWFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 225 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,671 I notice you like to eat a lot of fruit in your movies. 226 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,589 I mean, we're only halfway through this, 227 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,675 and you've already eaten a cantaloupe, a nectarine, 228 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,301 and some mulberries. 229 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,012 In fact, now that I think about it, 230 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,056 didn't you eat a lot of fruit in Anatomy of a Scandal? 231 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,308 - Uh... - What is that? 232 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,810 Is that part of your process? 233 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:42,564 You take a bite, you act, you take another bite, you act. 234 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,524 I'm just trying to watch, you know. 235 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,026 - SIENNA: Excuse me? Excuse me? - LARRY: Oh, sorry. 236 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736 Have you seen an 11-year-old boy? 237 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,571 - (DOG BARKING) - LARRY: Oh, yeah. You're doing it again. 238 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,698 He's wearing like a black and green checkered shirt. 239 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,742 - (SHUSHES) No, I'm sorry. - (BARKING) 240 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,660 He's been missing for, like, three hours. 241 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,747 DOG WALKER: I haven't seen him. Sorry. 242 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,665 SIENNA: (CRYING) Oh, my God. 243 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,876 - (LARRY EXHALES) - SIENNA: Johnny! 244 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,003 Hey, chief. What's up? 245 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,714 - SIENNA: Johnny! - You talking to me? 246 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,632 Yeah. We got to have a little powwow. 247 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,343 Look, what's your problem? 248 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,886 My problem? I don't have a problem. 249 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,513 Your problem is that you're way in my area 250 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,848 - with your jacket. - No. No. 251 00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,059 That's where a jacket belongs, on the back of the chair. 252 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,018 It's my chair. 253 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,644 - In what world-- - So I get to put it on my back. 254 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,730 - SIENNA: Just leave it alone. - This is draped beautifully 255 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,898 over the back of my chair. 256 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,316 - It's not disturbing anybody. - (CROWD SHUSHES) 257 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,400 - It's draped... - Yes. 258 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,777 ...like you're giving me a lap dance, okay? 259 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,403 Oh, please. Everybody knows that a jacket 260 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,988 goes on the back of the chair. 261 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,031 You drive a car, 262 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,241 you go drive into every lane on the parkway, huh? 263 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,618 - Yeah, no-- - I'm married. 264 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,828 I can't just go to the mall and fuck any woman I want. 265 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,205 Excuse me. Both of you, stop it! 266 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,915 ATTENDEE: Why don't you put it on the front of his chair? 267 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,667 Put it on the front? What an idiot you are. 268 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,377 His neck is gonna be on my jacket. 269 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,878 My jacket's gonna be on his neck. 270 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,213 That doesn't make any sense at all. 271 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,215 - Oh, shut your fucking... - Both of you, shut up! Sit back! 272 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,466 Just put it on the lap. 273 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,384 That's enough! 274 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,844 DOG WALKER: Well, we'll keep an eye out. 275 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,222 Something's happened. I can feel it. (SOBS) 276 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,932 I can feel it. 277 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,810 Johnny! 278 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:07,065 (WAILING) Johnny! 279 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,401 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 280 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,653 By the way, you're very good in this. 281 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,196 ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 282 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,740 - (URINATING) - LARRY: "It is for us, rather, 283 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:19,327 to be dedicated here to the great task 284 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,038 remaining before us, 285 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,583 that from these honored dead we take increased devotion 286 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,918 - to that cause..." - (URINATING STOPS) 287 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,045 - (TOILET FLUSHES) -"...for which they gave 288 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,922 their last full measure of devotion. 289 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:35,510 For which they gave their last full measure of devotion." 290 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,013 All right, next on the agenda, we are reviewing 291 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:42,100 the membership application of Lori Loughlin. 292 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:45,270 (SKEPTICAL CHATTER) 293 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,479 Is there anyone present 294 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,940 who wishes to speak on her behalf? 295 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:49,774 I will. 296 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,152 Oh, Mr. David. (CHUCKLES) 297 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,321 Nice to see you here. Floor is yours. 298 00:10:57,115 --> 00:11:00,869 Members of Ocean View, our esteemed board. 299 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,954 Eighty-seven years ago, 300 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:06,791 our fathers brought forth on this property 301 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:10,754 a new golf club dedicated to the proposition 302 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:15,342 that men can have fun and women can't. 303 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,177 (LAUGHTER) 304 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:21,639 But that was a long time ago, and things have changed. 305 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:22,807 For the better. 306 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,810 The world will little note nor long remember 307 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,230 what we say here in the Monte Carlo room, 308 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:33,151 but it will never forget what they did here. 309 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,278 Men like Hiram Goldfarb, 310 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,281 who started the Turkey Day best ball scramble, 311 00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,908 and William Jacobson, 312 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:44,204 who donated... that parcel of land... 313 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,122 ♪ (INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 314 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,166 (VOICE BREAKS) ...where we play pickle ball. 315 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,293 And I highly resolve 316 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,754 that she shall not have served 317 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,173 her time in vain, 318 00:11:55,173 --> 00:12:01,054 and that this exclusive club of specific people, 319 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:05,058 by specific people, and for specific people 320 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,103 shall have a new, specific member. 321 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,522 And as much as that woman in Atlanta 322 00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:16,986 was thirsty for water, Lori Loughlin is equally thirsty 323 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,239 - for membership! - (CLUB MEMBERS AGREEING) 324 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,074 I say we let her drink! 325 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,077 CLUB MEMBERS: (CHEERING) Yes! 326 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,372 ♪ (MUSIC SWELLS TRIUMPHANTLY) ♪ 327 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,210 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 328 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,755 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 329 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,052 - You did it! - (LAUGHS) 330 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,262 LARRY: You did it? I did it. 331 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,431 What do I mean, "You did it"? I did it. 332 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,557 - You did! - LARRY: Ah! 333 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:48,268 - Could have been a great lawyer. - (CHUCKLES) Oh. Larry. 334 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,645 Could've been a great butcher. And I would have enjoyed it too. 335 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,231 You-- you take a mallet, you pound the beef. 336 00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,899 - You pound it, you pound it. - Mm. 337 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,860 You slice it. That's fun. 338 00:12:56,860 --> 00:13:00,238 Um, so, uh, as far as the club, what-- what next? What-- 339 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:03,491 You have to play two rounds of golf with, uh, 340 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,745 some of the committee members. And I'll be playing with you. 341 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,621 - It'll be a breeze. Yeah. - Oh, great! 342 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,956 Larry, I can't thank you enough. 343 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,417 You know, people say that, and-- and they don't really. 344 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,418 They stop thanking. 345 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,879 You'll-- Probably won't thank me again after this. 346 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,756 In fact, if ever get another thank you from you, 347 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:18,882 uh, I'll be shocked. 348 00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:21,801 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 349 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,100 (TIRES SCREECHING) 350 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,856 LARRY: Oh, my God! 351 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:40,278 (LAUGHS) 352 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,447 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 353 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:45,158 - There's a dick in my mouth? - In your mouth. 354 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,785 - SUSIE: With balls? - A drawing. A drawing. 355 00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:48,119 - With balls. A drawing. - A drawing. 356 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,789 - Like a graffiti dick. - It's not in your mouth. 357 00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,707 It's kind of grazing your lips. 358 00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:54,876 (LAUGHS) 359 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,628 - LARRY: (LAUGHS) And... - (JEFF GREENE LAUGHING) 360 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,047 They grazed your lips with a dick. 361 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,425 - How hilarious is that? - They ruined my poster, 362 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:05,095 - my billboard! They ruined it. - They did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 363 00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:07,430 I-- I have one-- one more detail to share. 364 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,057 - SUSIE: What? - Uh-huh. 365 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,892 You're cradling the balls. 366 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,143 (BOTH LAUGH) 367 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,312 - LARRY: I'm sorry. - (JEFF LAUGHS) 368 00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,648 - Grazing and cradling. - I'm sorry. 369 00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:19,401 - Yeah. - Oh, fuck me. (LAUGHS) 370 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,319 What are you laughing at, Jeff? What's so funny, Jeff? 371 00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,154 - Yeah, that's not funny. - It's-- It's not funny. 372 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,699 - No, it's not funny. No. - It is not. I'm... I'm shocked. 373 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,158 - No, it's not funny. - It's shock laughing. 374 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,952 Who the fuck would do that to me? 375 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,245 (LAUGHS) I don't know. 376 00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,580 I don't even put a dick in my mouth. Right, Je-- Jeff? 377 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,998 I don't give blowjobs. 378 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,042 What, do you need-- you need me to agree with you? I know. 379 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,670 Why can't-- why can't you give a blowjob every now and then? 380 00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:39,963 - Oh, Larry, come on. - Would that kill ya? 381 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,172 Would that kill ya? 382 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,757 - You know, it might kill me. - LARRY: Huh? Huh? 383 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:43,967 What is this revulsion? 384 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,343 SUSIE: And what difference does it make? 385 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,302 You're a single guy. 386 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,013 You're out there, single, hot on the town. 387 00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,139 - LARRY: Yeah. - JEFF: Oh, yeah, yeah. 388 00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,223 You probably get 'em all the time. 389 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,641 - Hey. - Oh, all the time. Yeah. 390 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,810 How did it, uh, how did it go with Sienna Miller? That's-- 391 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,353 - You didn't get one from her. - LARRY: Not good. 392 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,313 - Not good - JEFF: Really? What happened? 393 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,691 I texted her twice. She never got back to me. 394 00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,067 Well, it wasn't gonna work out anyway 395 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,277 with an old fuck like you. 396 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,695 What does she want to be with you for? 397 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,197 That's what I thought, but she's the one who started it. 398 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,324 Yeah, well, it looks like she ended it. 399 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,076 I'm gonna go call the billboard company 400 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,370 and get that dick out of my mouth. 401 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,497 Speaking of Sienna, 402 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,292 you know, I-- I know the director on her movie. 403 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,127 - He says-- - Oh, the one she's filming now. 404 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,254 Yeah. He says they're having a ton of problems. 405 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,964 - What? - Yeah, they're thinking of, 406 00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,049 uh, firing her. 407 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,550 - You're kidding. - Mm-mm. 408 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,136 It's her acting. 409 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,888 You know, I did make a comment to her 410 00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:32,390 about how she eats a lot of fruit in her movies. 411 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,225 I wouldn't be surprised if that's affecting 412 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,935 her performance in this movie. 413 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,228 It's a possibility. 414 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,855 (SIGHS) I'm going to the bathroom. 415 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,231 - (GRUNTS) - All right. 416 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,526 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 417 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,906 - (URINATING) - LARRY: "Fourscore and seven years ago, 418 00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,658 our fathers brought forth on this continent 419 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,578 a new nation, conceived in liberty 420 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:58,917 and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." 421 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,502 Enough already! 422 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,464 LARRY: "Now we are engaged in a great civil war." 423 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,053 (LARRY MUTTERING) 424 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,972 Hey, Shimon! Shimon! 425 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,474 (CAR DOOR OPENING) 426 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,184 - Hey. - SHIMON: Hey. 427 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,852 LARRY: Can I talk to you for a second? 428 00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,145 What-- What is it? 429 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,064 Cou... Could you stop the jogging for a second, 430 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,857 - so I can talk to you? - Oh, I can't stop. 431 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:23,942 - Huh? - Why would I stop? 432 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,110 I'm in the middle of a jog. 433 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,778 I know, but it's hard to have a conversation 434 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,071 with somebody who's bouncing up and down. 435 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,698 What is it? What do you need? 436 00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,366 Well, I think it's a little harsh 437 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:34,202 to ban my friend for life from the restaurant, 438 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,829 - when really-- - Let me ask you a question. 439 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:36,913 - Sure. - In your bedroom, 440 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,289 you have a sign, let's say. 441 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,625 Let's say maybe you have a sign, "Masturbate all you want." 442 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,627 - Okay. - After a while, you say, 443 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,005 "No more. I can't. I don't want to do it anymore." 444 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,214 Yeah, because the well runs dry. 445 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,465 You know, there's no more water left. 446 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,758 - You can't. - Oh, there can be water. 447 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,135 There can be water, but it's a shame-- 448 00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,594 - You say, "That's too much!" - No, no, no, there's no-- 449 00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,221 If there was shame, you wouldn't have done it 450 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,639 - five times to begin with. - SHIMON: Leon-- 451 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,307 Why is there gonna be shame on number six? 452 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,935 Shame, no shame. Leon, he is banned. 453 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,645 - Okay? - You know what? I-- I can't. 454 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,938 I can't. This is so rude. 455 00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,314 - This is rude? I think-- - This is so rude. 456 00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,524 - I think it is rude-- - So rude. 457 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,484 I think you are rude for stopping me on my jog. 458 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,361 No, you're rude for putting up a sign 459 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,822 that says "all you can eat" when you don't mean a word of it. 460 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,365 You don't have to worry about this 461 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,950 because you are banned for life! 462 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,326 - Oh, I'm banned? - You are banned now! 463 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,412 - Bye-bye! (LAUGHS) - Yeah, like I give a shit 464 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,330 if I ever enter that dump of a restaurant again. 465 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,832 I don't care what shits you have 466 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,625 because the shit is gone from my life. 467 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,669 - Shalom, bitch - LARRY: Okay. 468 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,214 Uh, hey. Hey, hey. You're from Israel. 469 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,300 Are you familiar with Rachel and the rug merchants? 470 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,344 - It's a Bible thing. - I know the Bible. 471 00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,386 I've never heard of Rachel 472 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,846 I've never heard of rug merchants. 473 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:35,972 - Really? - SHIMON: Yeah. 474 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:38,016 - No, you-- - Oh, oh. Uh, Rachel, yeah, yeah. 475 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,477 Rachel. She looks at the rug merchants 476 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:44,230 and says, "You're banned, bitch!" Shalom! 477 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:48,318 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 478 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,739 - Hey, hey. - (CHUCKLES) Oh, hey, Larry. 479 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,157 Thank you again for all your help. 480 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,117 (SCOFFS) Of course. Happy to do it. 481 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,036 You know, we probably shouldn't take a cart today 482 00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,412 'cause it's cart paths only. 483 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,539 We can't go on the fairway 'cause they punched the fairway. 484 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:04,167 Oh, no, no problem, I-- I got this. 485 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,545 Yeah, got the blue flag. We can drive anywhere. 486 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,255 We can even drive right up to the green. 487 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,883 Wait a second. You got to have a doctor's note 488 00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,968 - to get one of those. - Oh, yeah. 489 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,012 Well, I-- I have Epstein-Barr. 490 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,389 You have Epstein-Barr? 491 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,683 One hematologist thinks so. 492 00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:23,395 What do the other hematologists think? 493 00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:26,106 Oh, Larry, this is gonna be so much fun. 494 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,941 Isn't that a Jew disease? 495 00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,735 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 496 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:37,909 - BOTH: Wow. - JEFF: Yeah! 497 00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,327 - What a putt. - Thank you! 498 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,620 LORI LOUGHLIN: (LAUGHING) Really good. 499 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,830 - Really good. - Larry. 500 00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:43,790 You got to make this putt. 501 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,418 Come on, let's win some money. Let's beat these bastards. 502 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,753 Let's go. You got this. Let's go. 503 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,717 (LARRY BREATHES DEEPLY) 504 00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,263 (SCOFFS) Ah. 505 00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:00,765 Great, Larry. Way to read a green. 506 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,767 Great. (EXHALES) 507 00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:04,561 (SCOFFS) 508 00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:08,940 Oh, thank you, you guys. This was so much fun, really. 509 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,108 - Oh, sure. That was great - Thank you. 510 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,443 - Yeah, it was great. - LARRY: Thank you. 511 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:14,112 You know, A House Divided, it-- it opens this weekend. 512 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,031 You guys want to come? I can get you tickets. 513 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,116 Oh, you and Ted? Yeah, I'll see it. 514 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,617 - I'll come. - Yeah. Thank you very much. 515 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,036 - All right. Great. - JEFF: Yeah, thank you. 516 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,954 Oh, you gotta give the guy your valet ticket. 517 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:26,249 Oh, no. I'm-- I'm good. I've got this. 518 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:29,210 - A handicapped sticker? - (CHUCKLES) It's fantastic. 519 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:32,297 - I can park anywhere. - How'd you get that? 520 00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:35,800 - Oh, you know. - Oh, yeah, Epstein-Barr. 521 00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:40,013 - What? - Epstein-Barr? 522 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,389 - Right. Epstein-Barr. - (LARRY CHUCKLING) 523 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:42,849 - (CHUCKLES) Right. - LARRY: Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 524 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,560 All right, you guys, enjoy the rest of your day. Bye. 525 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,062 - LARRY AND JEFF: Bye. - LORI: Bye. 526 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:50,607 And, Larry, short game! Work on that short game. 527 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,150 Yeah, yeah. 528 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,319 (CAR ENGINE STARTS) 529 00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,656 Oh, my God. 530 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,283 - ♪ (PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (URINATING) 531 00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,744 "Fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth 532 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:06,581 on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty 533 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,709 and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. 534 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,795 Now we are engaged in a great civil war, 535 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,463 testing whether that nation 536 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:17,050 or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, 537 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,968 can long endure. 538 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,804 We are met on a great battlefield 539 00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:21,763 of that war. 540 00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:23,848 We are here to dedicate a portion of it 541 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,183 as a final resting place 542 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,143 for those who here gave their lives 543 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,187 so that that nation might live. 544 00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:30,772 But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, 545 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,191 we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground." 546 00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:34,442 (URINAL FLUSHES) 547 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,820 "It is rather that from these honored dead, 548 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:39,364 we take increased devotion to that cause 549 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:42,992 and that we here highly resolve that these dead 550 00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,577 shall not have died in vain 551 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,788 and that government of the people, 552 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,123 by the people, 553 00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:49,499 for the people, 554 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:52,377 shall not perish from the earth." 555 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:53,586 - (URINATING STOPS) - (ZIPPER CLOSING) 556 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,755 - ONLOOKER 1: Yeah, buddy! - ONLOOKER 2: Whoo! 557 00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,717 CROWD: USA! USA! 558 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:02,929 ♪ ("THE BARBER OF SEVILLE OVERTURE" PLAYING) ♪ 559 00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:07,017 (PAINT CAN RATTLING) 560 00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:13,356 Yeah! Fuck you, Shimon! 561 00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:16,735 That's five pounds of short ribs and ten pounds of fuck you! 562 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,572 Fuck you, Shimon! 563 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:23,491 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 564 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,243 Hey, you're not gonna believe this. 565 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,746 I just got off the phone with my CFO. 566 00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:30,415 Business, booming. 567 00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:31,791 - Through the roof - What? 568 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,753 Yeah. In the past two weeks. Unbelievable. 569 00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:36,963 - It's the penis. - SUSIE: Oh, it's not the penis. 570 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,923 - It's the penis! - It's the product! 571 00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:40,300 How come it wasn't booming 572 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,593 before the penis got up there? 573 00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,887 - It's word of mouth. - Oh, yeah, word of mouth. 574 00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:45,680 Hey, I think you're getting a post-penis bump. 575 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,474 - How? - Because people are talk-- 576 00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,767 "Hey, did you see the woman with the billboard 577 00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:50,310 with the caftans? There's a penis in her mouth." 578 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,978 "Penis in her mouth?" "There's a penis in her mouth." 579 00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,104 Yeah. 580 00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:54,439 You sound like you're in a musical. 581 00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:55,774 Yeah, well, to me, it's real life. 582 00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:58,777 - And I want it down. - No. In fact... 583 00:21:58,777 --> 00:22:00,904 - You know what you should do? - What? 584 00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:02,447 You need a second dick. 585 00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,782 - Second dick. - No. 586 00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:06,284 You think I'm gonna get more business from two dicks? 587 00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,078 - (STAMMERS) It'll double! - JEFF: Uh, yeah. 588 00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:10,121 You know what I'm thinking? 589 00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,873 - Dick up the ass. - SUSIE: Oh, stop it. 590 00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,458 - You're disgusting. - JEFF: So, two dicks up front, 591 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,584 - dick up the ass. - Yeah. 592 00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,252 - And how 'bout some jizz on ya? - LARRY: Yeah 593 00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:17,295 You know what? Let me tell you-- 594 00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:18,713 I mean, you will sell out. Sell out. 595 00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:20,632 Little jizz. Jizz will knock it out of the park. 596 00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,801 Warren Buffett never made a business plan 597 00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,678 having jizz on the face. All right. Trust me on that. 598 00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:26,429 Yeah, I'm just saying as a businesswoman, 599 00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:28,473 it's incumbent on you to consider this thing. 600 00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:31,226 - I'll think about it. - Stick with the dicks! 601 00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:34,354 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 602 00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:43,988 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 603 00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,990 - SIENNA: Go away! - LARRY: Sienna, it's Larry. 604 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,201 - I-- I need to talk to you. - SIENNA: Larry, not now. 605 00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:49,744 It's a really bad time, Larry. 606 00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:52,706 It-- It'll only take a few minutes. It's important. 607 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,627 LARRY: Yeah, uh... 608 00:22:58,169 --> 00:22:59,254 What's up? (SIGHS) 609 00:22:59,254 --> 00:23:01,089 Uh, well, first of all, 610 00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:05,093 I-- I just wanted to apologize, uh, for the other night. 611 00:23:05,093 --> 00:23:07,387 You know, I put the coat on the back of the chair. 612 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,847 - That's where coats go. - (SCOFFS) 613 00:23:08,847 --> 00:23:11,016 LARRY: That's where coats have gone for forever. 614 00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:12,017 Even in Shakespeare's time, 615 00:23:12,017 --> 00:23:14,185 they put the capes and doublets on the back. 616 00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,437 - Yeah. - You know. 617 00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:17,439 It's the least of my worries right now, Larry, 618 00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:20,108 the coat, but thank you for the apology. 619 00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,528 How's everything going with the filming? 620 00:23:23,528 --> 00:23:27,115 (EXHALES) It's not good. 621 00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:30,493 No matter what I do, I just can't get a handle on it. 622 00:23:31,161 --> 00:23:32,537 I'm really sorry to hear that. 623 00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:34,497 It's a nightmare. They're gonna fire me. 624 00:23:35,874 --> 00:23:38,335 You know, uh, I'm looking around this trailer, 625 00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:42,547 and I notice there's no fruit. 626 00:23:42,547 --> 00:23:44,382 I don't even-- I don't like fruit. 627 00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:45,967 I don't even-- I don't-- What do you mean? 628 00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:48,636 Oh. Uh-huh. Oh, you don't-- You don't like fruit. 629 00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,055 - No, I don't like fruit. - LARRY: Oh, sure. Yeah. 630 00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:51,598 I don't care for fruit, particularly, so... 631 00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:52,849 You don't care for it? You don't like it? 632 00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:55,393 - You don't eat it? - Mm-mm. Larry, I don't need it. 633 00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,979 I don't care for it, particularly. I-- 634 00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:05,111 I got you a pear. 635 00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:11,117 ♪ (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 636 00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:12,827 I'll make some coffee. 637 00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:14,871 (SNORES) 638 00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:17,207 - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - (BIRDS CHIRPING) 639 00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:18,750 SIENNA: Who could that be? 640 00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:21,419 SOLDIER: Hello, ma'am. 641 00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:24,464 - Are you Tanya Barstow? - Yes. 642 00:24:28,593 --> 00:24:31,221 SIENNA: (BREATHES SHAKILY) Harold. 643 00:24:33,431 --> 00:24:35,100 His plane was shot down. 644 00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:37,727 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 645 00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:38,853 He's dead. 646 00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:45,276 He said we'd sail to the islands, 647 00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:46,820 just the two of us. 648 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,116 "I won't be long," he said. 649 00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:53,243 (INAUDIBLE) 650 00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:55,537 "When I get back," he said. 651 00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:01,584 "We have the whole world in front of us," he said. 652 00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:04,713 (SOBBING) But time doesn't listen, 653 00:25:04,713 --> 00:25:06,756 and the world doesn't wait. 654 00:25:09,843 --> 00:25:13,722 I begged him! I begged him not to go to the Air Force. 655 00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:15,306 I begged him not to fly. 656 00:25:18,435 --> 00:25:19,769 It's your fault. 657 00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:22,230 You encouraged him to go to flight school. 658 00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:24,232 You wanted him to die! 659 00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,234 You're the one who should be dead. 660 00:25:26,234 --> 00:25:30,321 - (SNIFFLES) I hate you! - (WHIMPERS) 661 00:25:30,321 --> 00:25:32,615 - I hate you! - (WHIMPERS) 662 00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:34,492 (SOBS FAINTLY) 663 00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,785 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 664 00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:36,995 - DIRECTOR: Cut! - (BELLS RING) 665 00:25:36,995 --> 00:25:38,872 - (ALL APPLAUD) - DIRECTOR: That's great. 666 00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:41,833 - Sienna, oh, that was beautiful. - DIRECTOR: Yeah, that was amazing. 667 00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:43,752 (EXCLAIMS) 668 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,171 How great was that? 669 00:25:46,171 --> 00:25:49,215 - That was sensational. - (LAUGHS) Thank you. 670 00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:51,009 - You were amazing. - Oh, my God. 671 00:25:51,009 --> 00:25:52,344 - LARRY: Wow. - Sienna, that was great. 672 00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:53,511 I'm just thrilled. We got it, right? 673 00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:54,763 - Yes, absolutely. - LARRY: Got it. 674 00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:56,681 - You saved my fucking ass. - DIRECTOR: Moving on! 675 00:25:56,681 --> 00:25:58,183 - SIENNA: Come on. - Come on, huh? 676 00:25:58,183 --> 00:25:59,601 - Come on. - Come on. Come on. 677 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:00,852 - Come on. - (LAUGHS) 678 00:26:00,852 --> 00:26:02,395 I cannot believe that you did that. 679 00:26:02,395 --> 00:26:04,939 - (SCOFFS) - You figured it out for me. 680 00:26:04,939 --> 00:26:05,857 (CHUCKLING) 681 00:26:05,857 --> 00:26:07,525 I'll tell you what I can't figure out. 682 00:26:07,525 --> 00:26:09,736 - SIENNA: Mm-hmm. - Uh, uh-- (CHUCKLES) 683 00:26:09,736 --> 00:26:12,822 I tried doing some research on Rachel and the rug merchants, 684 00:26:12,822 --> 00:26:16,034 and I can't-- I can't come up with anything. I can't find it. 685 00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:18,161 - Weird. - Yeah. 686 00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:19,954 SIENNA: Of all the stories that I read in your religion, 687 00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:22,332 she was the one that really, like, spoke to me. 688 00:26:22,332 --> 00:26:24,918 You're sure you read it? Is it possible you dreamed it? 689 00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:26,586 Okay, look, I don't-- (BLOWS A RASPBERRY) 690 00:26:26,586 --> 00:26:28,755 I don't know where I read it. I don't-- I can't remember where I read it, 691 00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,256 but I know it definitely exists. 692 00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:31,466 - Okay? Yeah. - LARRY: Okay. 693 00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:34,552 You know what else I tried to find was the word schmeitz, 694 00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:37,055 which... (CHUCKLES) ...I couldn't find that either. 695 00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:38,973 Schmeitz exists. 696 00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:40,684 - Schmeitz? - Schmeitz is a real word 697 00:26:40,684 --> 00:26:43,061 for "I've got to go." "I got to schmeitz." 698 00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:45,647 - (TONGUE CLICKS) - This wig is killing me. 699 00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:46,731 It's so uncomfortable. 700 00:26:46,731 --> 00:26:49,025 I think I have to go get it adjusted. 701 00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:51,861 Do you wear a different wig in every movie? 702 00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:54,364 (CHUCKLES) Now that I think about it, 703 00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:56,282 I don't think I've ever seen you 704 00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:58,910 with the same hair. In fact, 705 00:26:58,910 --> 00:27:00,829 I don't know if I've ever seen your real hair. 706 00:27:00,829 --> 00:27:02,497 Are you blonde? Are you brunette? 707 00:27:02,497 --> 00:27:04,082 Are you redhead? What-- 708 00:27:04,082 --> 00:27:06,918 I-- I don't even know what your hair looks like. 709 00:27:08,503 --> 00:27:12,173 I have alopecia, you fucking asshole. 710 00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:14,217 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 711 00:27:14,217 --> 00:27:17,220 - I didn't know you had alopecia! - Asshole! 712 00:27:18,388 --> 00:27:21,599 Don't schmeitz! Don't schmeitz! 713 00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:24,644 I didn't know she had alopecia. Did you know? 714 00:27:24,644 --> 00:27:26,563 - I had no idea. - LARRY: Yeah, who knew? 715 00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:28,440 - How can you tell? - You can't. 716 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,526 Larry! Hey! You ready? 717 00:27:31,526 --> 00:27:32,736 You feeling like a winner? 718 00:27:32,736 --> 00:27:34,070 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, good. 719 00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:36,114 - Feeling like a big winner. - LORI: Good, Larry, good, 720 00:27:36,114 --> 00:27:38,324 - 'cause I do not like to lose. - LARRY: Hmm. 721 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:42,829 By the way, how did you get the tee time switched to 10:45? 722 00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:46,332 - I couldn't get the 10:45. - Oh, crazy thing. 723 00:27:46,332 --> 00:27:49,461 Starter just likes me. Weird. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 724 00:27:49,461 --> 00:27:50,754 All right, I'm gonna go to the range. 725 00:27:50,754 --> 00:27:51,838 - Okay. - LORI: Wanna go to the range? 726 00:27:51,838 --> 00:27:53,089 I'll-- I'll meet you there. 727 00:27:53,089 --> 00:27:55,675 All right. Less chit chatting and more chipping. 728 00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:56,926 - Okay. - Let's go. All right. 729 00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:58,470 - Okay. - We're gonna win, Larry. 730 00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:00,138 Take some money today! 731 00:28:01,806 --> 00:28:03,641 - Have fun. - Hey, Daveed. 732 00:28:03,641 --> 00:28:04,976 Hey. How you doing? 733 00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:06,478 - LARRY: Good morning - Morning. 734 00:28:06,478 --> 00:28:08,438 Um, I'm just curious. 735 00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:12,776 How did Lori get that tee time moved to 10:45? 736 00:28:12,776 --> 00:28:16,488 (CHUCKLES) I can think of 50 reasons. 737 00:28:17,364 --> 00:28:20,950 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Wow. 738 00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:22,827 Yeah. She's quite a gal, huh? 739 00:28:24,537 --> 00:28:25,914 Yeah, she's quite a gal. (SIGHS) 740 00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:27,957 - DAVEED: Yes, she is. - All right. Thank you. 741 00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:29,084 (CHUCKLES) 742 00:28:32,420 --> 00:28:33,797 (MATT GROANS) 743 00:28:33,797 --> 00:28:35,924 - Okay. That's good. - MATT: Oh, really? 744 00:28:35,924 --> 00:28:38,677 - LARRY: Yeah. I'm gonna give you that. - That is five. 745 00:28:38,677 --> 00:28:41,262 I got a five also, so we're up by one. (CHUCKLES) 746 00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:42,847 - MATT: That's true. Right. Yes. - That's right. 747 00:28:42,847 --> 00:28:44,557 - You're going down, Matt. Yeah. - Okay. 748 00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:47,352 - LARRY: Hey, you left your club over there. - MATT: Oh, thank you, Larry. 749 00:28:47,352 --> 00:28:48,687 You got a five? 750 00:28:48,687 --> 00:28:52,732 - Yeah. - How did you get a five? 751 00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,110 - I found my ball. - You found that ball? 752 00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:57,570 - I found that ball. - How'd you get it out of the woods? 753 00:28:57,570 --> 00:28:59,406 You were pretty deep in there. 754 00:28:59,406 --> 00:29:00,949 I had a good lie. 755 00:29:03,034 --> 00:29:05,787 Yeah, you had a good lie all right. 756 00:29:05,787 --> 00:29:08,289 - ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ - (SCOFFS SOFTLY) 757 00:29:18,383 --> 00:29:19,884 LARRY: (LAUGHING) Holy shit! 758 00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:27,308 (LAUGHS) 759 00:29:29,894 --> 00:29:31,146 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 760 00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:32,939 SUSIE: Where's Larry? Where the fuck is he? 761 00:29:32,939 --> 00:29:34,232 - He said he'll be-- - Late again? 762 00:29:34,232 --> 00:29:36,067 - No, he'll be here. Trust me, he'll be here. - Jesus. 763 00:29:36,067 --> 00:29:37,318 - I don't even really-- - ATTENDEE: Hey! 764 00:29:37,318 --> 00:29:40,655 Hey. You're that lady with the dick in her mouth. 765 00:29:40,655 --> 00:29:43,867 - (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS, SIGHS) 766 00:29:46,745 --> 00:29:47,954 Really? 767 00:29:52,584 --> 00:29:54,794 Hey! Hey! 768 00:29:54,794 --> 00:29:56,379 - Whoa, whoa. - Look, I'm sorry for doing this. 769 00:29:56,379 --> 00:29:58,465 My wife wants me to do this, so just go along with it. 770 00:29:58,465 --> 00:30:01,718 On the count of three, turn your head to the right. 771 00:30:01,718 --> 00:30:03,636 One, two, three. 772 00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:05,347 - (GRUNTS) - (CROWD GASPS) 773 00:30:05,347 --> 00:30:09,768 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And keep my wife's business 774 00:30:09,768 --> 00:30:11,603 out of your motherfucking mouth! 775 00:30:11,603 --> 00:30:12,812 (CROWD MURMURING) 776 00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:14,773 (MOUTHS SILENTLY) 777 00:30:14,773 --> 00:30:17,067 You are really something, boy. 778 00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:19,277 - Oh, that was hot, baby! - LARRY: Hey. 779 00:30:19,277 --> 00:30:20,904 Oh, Larr, you're not gonna believe this. 780 00:30:20,904 --> 00:30:22,572 Oh, no, no, you're not gonna believe this. 781 00:30:22,572 --> 00:30:24,908 I drove by the billboard this afternoon. 782 00:30:25,742 --> 00:30:27,786 There's a second dick in your mouth! 783 00:30:27,786 --> 00:30:29,537 You're gonna make a fortune! 784 00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:32,791 Wow. Second dick. 785 00:30:32,791 --> 00:30:34,292 Oh, God. 786 00:30:34,292 --> 00:30:37,045 LARRY: You should see this one. It's huge! 787 00:30:38,046 --> 00:30:41,383 So, so sorry. So sorry. 788 00:30:41,383 --> 00:30:44,427 You-- you could've gotten up. It wouldn't've killed you. 789 00:30:44,427 --> 00:30:47,055 - Oh, hey. - Hey. 790 00:30:47,055 --> 00:30:50,475 Well, they're good seats. It's nice to see you. 791 00:30:50,475 --> 00:30:51,643 Yeah. 792 00:30:51,643 --> 00:30:52,936 I'm excited about this. 793 00:30:52,936 --> 00:30:55,980 - Are you excited to see this? - Yeah, I am. 794 00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:57,732 CHERYL DAVID: I really like Lori Loughlin. 795 00:30:57,732 --> 00:30:59,651 LARRY: Oh, yeah. Quite a gal. 796 00:31:04,322 --> 00:31:06,950 Hey. I know you. 797 00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:09,536 You're a waiter at that Chinese restaurant, right? 798 00:31:09,536 --> 00:31:12,539 Oh, yes. I work at Sun Wah Palace. 799 00:31:12,539 --> 00:31:14,207 How's the dead fish? 800 00:31:14,207 --> 00:31:15,834 - WAITER: He-- - Still dead? 801 00:31:15,834 --> 00:31:19,504 Oh. You the fish guy? No. We no have dead fish. 802 00:31:19,504 --> 00:31:20,547 Eh... 803 00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:23,091 We-- Visit downtown restaurant. You see fish there. 804 00:31:23,091 --> 00:31:24,968 - Very happy. Doing better there. - Ah, I'm... I'm gonna go-- 805 00:31:24,968 --> 00:31:26,386 - I'm gonna go this weekend. - Okay. 806 00:31:26,386 --> 00:31:28,555 Yeah, what, are you a big history buff? 807 00:31:28,555 --> 00:31:29,889 - You like Lincoln? - Oh, yes. 808 00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:31,307 One of favorite president. 809 00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:33,018 You know, if Lincoln had a fish tank 810 00:31:33,018 --> 00:31:35,520 and a fish got stuck in the filter, 811 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,106 Lincoln would've freed the fish. 812 00:31:38,106 --> 00:31:41,317 Uh, fish not stuck, so Lincoln no have fish to free. 813 00:31:41,317 --> 00:31:44,237 It's a hypothetical. Lincoln would free fish. 814 00:31:44,237 --> 00:31:46,239 Uh, why you care so much about fish? 815 00:31:46,239 --> 00:31:49,909 - Why you no care about fish? - Maybe you worry about yourself. 816 00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,870 - LARRY: Yeah. - You have problem, sir. 817 00:31:51,870 --> 00:31:53,204 No, you have problems. You pathological liar. 818 00:31:53,204 --> 00:31:55,248 - You pathological liar. - Hey. 819 00:31:55,248 --> 00:31:57,876 - No. Fish sick. - Yeah. Fish stuck. 820 00:31:57,876 --> 00:32:01,129 - No, fish move. - Fish dead. Fish dead. 821 00:32:01,129 --> 00:32:05,050 What are you doing? We're here to watch a play. 822 00:32:05,050 --> 00:32:06,509 - Yeah. - Okay. 823 00:32:07,969 --> 00:32:10,221 - TED: Mary. - LORI: Yes, Abe. 824 00:32:10,221 --> 00:32:13,516 Have you seen my red stockings? 825 00:32:13,516 --> 00:32:16,353 You mean the ones that were riddled with holes? 826 00:32:16,978 --> 00:32:18,063 TED: I hadn't noticed. 827 00:32:18,063 --> 00:32:20,940 I had, and I had Miranda throw them out. 828 00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:23,735 Or to put it a way you might appreciate, 829 00:32:23,735 --> 00:32:25,403 they've been emancipated. 830 00:32:25,403 --> 00:32:26,654 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 831 00:32:26,654 --> 00:32:29,741 TED: Perhaps we should arrive a little later to the Sewards' 832 00:32:29,741 --> 00:32:30,909 than we planned. 833 00:32:30,909 --> 00:32:34,037 Punctuality is the politeness of kings. We shan't be late. 834 00:32:34,037 --> 00:32:37,582 Ah. If he talks about wanting to purchase Alaska 835 00:32:37,582 --> 00:32:41,503 one more time, I will join the Confederacy. 836 00:32:41,503 --> 00:32:43,838 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 837 00:32:43,838 --> 00:32:45,799 LORI: Frances Seward thinks I'm dirt. 838 00:32:45,799 --> 00:32:47,258 - If she looked down her nose... - Hey. 839 00:32:47,258 --> 00:32:50,762 ...any further at me, I swear her eyes would fall out. 840 00:32:50,762 --> 00:32:53,014 - What? - You have not draped the coat 841 00:32:53,014 --> 00:32:54,599 over the back of the seat properly. 842 00:32:54,599 --> 00:32:55,934 - My coat fine. - Coat long. 843 00:32:55,934 --> 00:32:57,394 Coat fine. 844 00:32:58,561 --> 00:33:01,398 Coat long. And fish dead. 845 00:33:01,398 --> 00:33:04,567 ♪ (SOMBER PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 846 00:33:04,567 --> 00:33:08,697 (APPLAUSE) 847 00:33:11,074 --> 00:33:14,244 Fourscore and seven years ago, 848 00:33:14,244 --> 00:33:18,998 our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, 849 00:33:18,998 --> 00:33:22,752 conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition 850 00:33:22,752 --> 00:33:26,339 that all men are created equal. 851 00:33:26,339 --> 00:33:29,801 Now we are engaged in a great civil war, 852 00:33:29,801 --> 00:33:34,764 testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived... 853 00:33:34,764 --> 00:33:36,516 - (LARRY GROANS) - ...and so dedicated, 854 00:33:36,516 --> 00:33:37,475 can long endure. 855 00:33:37,475 --> 00:33:40,603 (SIGHS) Hey. I have to go to the bathroom. 856 00:33:40,603 --> 00:33:42,022 - No. - I have to pee. 857 00:33:42,022 --> 00:33:43,690 - (SHUSHES) - No-- 858 00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:44,649 He's in the middle-- 859 00:33:44,649 --> 00:33:46,651 I've been memorizing the Gettysburg Address 860 00:33:46,651 --> 00:33:47,569 every time I pee, 861 00:33:47,569 --> 00:33:49,237 and I'm conditioned to pee when I hear it. 862 00:33:49,237 --> 00:33:52,157 For those who here gave their lives... 863 00:33:52,157 --> 00:33:54,200 - This-- - It's like a Pavlovian response. 864 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,285 Okay, that's ridiculous. 865 00:33:55,285 --> 00:33:56,828 - No, it's not ridiculous - He-- Hey. 866 00:33:56,828 --> 00:33:59,039 - He's in the middle of it. - I understand. 867 00:33:59,039 --> 00:34:00,498 You're just gonna have to hold it. 868 00:34:00,498 --> 00:34:01,458 - Yeah. - Okay. 869 00:34:01,458 --> 00:34:05,503 But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, 870 00:34:05,503 --> 00:34:09,424 we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. 871 00:34:09,424 --> 00:34:10,300 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 872 00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:12,385 TED: The brave men, living and dead... 873 00:34:12,385 --> 00:34:14,929 - (GASPS) - ...who struggled here have consecrated it... 874 00:34:14,929 --> 00:34:16,514 I can't-- (STAMMERS) 875 00:34:16,514 --> 00:34:17,515 It's bad. It's bad. 876 00:34:17,515 --> 00:34:20,060 (GRUNTS) Get this coat out of the way! My foot! 877 00:34:20,060 --> 00:34:21,394 - WAITER: What are you doing? - Foot stuck! 878 00:34:21,394 --> 00:34:22,854 - WAITER: Foot not stuck. - Foot stuck! 879 00:34:22,854 --> 00:34:25,315 - WAITER: Foot not stuck. - Foot... stuck! 880 00:34:25,315 --> 00:34:27,692 - (GASPS) - (AUDIENCE GASPING) 881 00:34:27,692 --> 00:34:28,860 ATTENDEE: Is he okay? 882 00:34:28,860 --> 00:34:30,612 - (URINATING) - Oh, boy. 883 00:34:30,612 --> 00:34:32,822 - AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Ew! - And that government 884 00:34:32,822 --> 00:34:38,870 of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish 885 00:34:38,870 --> 00:34:39,913 from the earth. 886 00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:41,748 (AUDIENCE MURMURING, APPLAUDING) 887 00:34:41,748 --> 00:34:43,917 Larry, come on, man, what the-- 888 00:34:43,917 --> 00:34:45,460 What the fuck! 889 00:34:47,253 --> 00:34:51,966 (WHISTLING FAINTLY) 890 00:34:51,966 --> 00:34:55,220 Huh? (CHUCKLES) Oh, my God. 891 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,098 Wha-- (GASPS) 892 00:34:58,098 --> 00:35:00,809 (CHUCKLES) Oh, Sienna. Oh, my God. 893 00:35:01,726 --> 00:35:04,229 (LAUGHS) Oh, boy. 894 00:35:05,563 --> 00:35:08,149 - (POLICE SIREN WAILING) - Heh? Huh? 895 00:35:08,149 --> 00:35:10,151 Oh, come-- Me? 896 00:35:10,652 --> 00:35:13,488 What? Oh, please. 897 00:35:15,407 --> 00:35:17,075 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 898 00:35:17,075 --> 00:35:19,244 - Good evening, sir. - Hey, good evening. 899 00:35:19,244 --> 00:35:21,413 You realize you made an illegal U-turn back there? 900 00:35:21,413 --> 00:35:24,582 (CHUCKLES) Honestly, officer, had I known it was illegal, 901 00:35:24,582 --> 00:35:26,626 would I have done it? Of course, not. 902 00:35:26,626 --> 00:35:28,920 Is there any reason that you weren't paying attention? 903 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,714 You see that billboard up there 904 00:35:30,714 --> 00:35:31,923 with Sienna Miller? 905 00:35:31,923 --> 00:35:33,425 You see what's going on up there? 906 00:35:33,425 --> 00:35:36,594 You do know we've had a rash of these penises on billboards 907 00:35:36,594 --> 00:35:38,221 - all over this neighborhood? - Terrible. Terrible. 908 00:35:38,221 --> 00:35:39,305 (CHUCKLING) The thing is, 909 00:35:39,305 --> 00:35:41,349 I saw that billboard, and I went, 910 00:35:41,349 --> 00:35:43,435 "Oh, my God, I got to get a picture of this. 911 00:35:43,435 --> 00:35:45,603 It's Sienna Miller." I had a date with her. 912 00:35:45,603 --> 00:35:47,230 - We had a-- Yeah. - OFFICER: You? 913 00:35:47,230 --> 00:35:48,481 Sir, you're-- you're like 50 years 914 00:35:48,481 --> 00:35:49,774 - older than she is. - Yes, yes, 915 00:35:49,774 --> 00:35:52,360 I am considerably older, but she pursued me, actually. 916 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,195 To tell you the truth. I know it's hard to believe, 917 00:35:54,195 --> 00:35:55,321 - but she did. - (SCOFFS) 918 00:35:55,321 --> 00:35:57,115 By the way, that movie's gonna do gangbusters 919 00:35:57,115 --> 00:35:59,325 - with those penises up there. - Sir, that's sick. 920 00:35:59,325 --> 00:36:00,785 No, my friend's wife had a caftan business, 921 00:36:00,785 --> 00:36:02,537 and she had a billboard, and somebody drew dicks 922 00:36:02,537 --> 00:36:03,997 in her mouth and business took off. 923 00:36:03,997 --> 00:36:05,373 OFFICER: Uh, Mr. David, 924 00:36:05,373 --> 00:36:07,834 can you explain to me why you have a box of spray paint 925 00:36:07,834 --> 00:36:08,752 in the back of your car? 926 00:36:08,752 --> 00:36:10,337 I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. 927 00:36:10,337 --> 00:36:12,172 My friend and I went to this all-you-can-eat restaurant. 928 00:36:12,172 --> 00:36:14,591 He ate too many crabs, and they banned us. 929 00:36:14,591 --> 00:36:16,718 And so we went back and spray painted, 930 00:36:16,718 --> 00:36:17,594 "Not all you can eat." 931 00:36:17,594 --> 00:36:19,012 You just admitted to another crime. 932 00:36:19,012 --> 00:36:21,348 - Step out of the car, sir. Sir. - But it's not all you can eat. 933 00:36:21,348 --> 00:36:22,557 - It's bullshit. - OFFICER: Now. 934 00:36:22,557 --> 00:36:24,476 - It's not all you can eat. - Out of the car now. 935 00:36:24,476 --> 00:36:26,436 - Oh, I didn't do that. - That's disgusting. 936 00:36:26,436 --> 00:36:28,313 You think I drew those dicks up there? 937 00:36:28,313 --> 00:36:29,814 - Yeah. - I can't even draw a dick. 938 00:36:29,814 --> 00:36:30,690 I don't know how to draw. 939 00:36:30,690 --> 00:36:32,317 I can draw-- I can draw a breast maybe. 940 00:36:32,317 --> 00:36:33,401 - Yeah. - I can't draw a dick. 941 00:36:33,401 --> 00:36:34,611 - That-- that's-- - Yeah. 942 00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:35,987 - I would never draw a dick. - Still disgusting. 943 00:36:35,987 --> 00:36:37,489 I didn't know she had alopecia! 944 00:36:37,489 --> 00:36:40,825 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 945 00:37:46,307 --> 00:37:48,018 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪