1
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:11,803
♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
2
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,596
LEON BLACK: Whoo-wee!
3
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,016
(GROWLS)
4
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,976
These fresh meatballs in here?
(CHUCKLES)
5
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,769
Gotta get that corn on the cob.
6
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:21,521
On the cob, off the cob,
it don't matter.
7
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:25,150
Y'all ain't playing
around this motherfucker, huh?
8
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,819
What the fuck
is this right here?
9
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,195
(URINATING)
10
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,071
(SIGHS)
11
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:33,366
♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
12
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,163
You guys don't have
the lobster bibs no more?
13
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,999
- WAITRESS: Sorry, hon.
- (CHUCKLING) Oh, my God.
14
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:43,793
Another plate?
Are you out of your mind? Huh?
15
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:46,004
It says all you can eat, right?
So you fucking eat.
16
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,006
Yeah, I know, but still.
17
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,716
You are really going at it, man.
18
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,551
LEON: Mm-hmm. Whoo!
19
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,220
Let me ask you this question.
Have you ever considered
20
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:58,391
how much time you've wasted
in your life urinating?
21
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,185
- Hundreds of hours.
- You're fucking right.
22
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,895
I mean, you could be
learning something
23
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,188
in that time, you know?
24
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,856
Mm-hmm. You know who's gonna be
a billionaire?
25
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:08,526
Motherfucker who's gonna, uh,
create a car that runs on piss.
26
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,528
- Yeah. You know what?
- No more time wasted.
27
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:13,406
Now that idiotic brain
of yours has finally...
28
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,991
You're driving across country--
29
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,368
LARRY DAVID: You've landed
on something. Yeah.
30
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,786
You drink water
and Gatorades and shit,
31
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,080
- fucking coffees and shit
the whole fucking trip.
- Yeah.
32
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,207
You pull over,
take your dick out,
33
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,751
put it in that little hole
where the gas goes,
34
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:25,960
and fill that motherfucker up.
35
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,213
You're on your merry way.
The Peeus.
36
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,256
That's what it's fucking called.
The Peeus.
37
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,884
- Fantastic idea.
- You know another good idea?
38
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:33,968
LARRY: Hmm?
39
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,887
Me getting up
and getting another plate.
40
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,263
Oh, God. No, don't. Don't.
41
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,182
- (SMACKS LIPS) Whew.
- Leon, come on, man.
42
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,351
- And once I undo these pants...
- LARRY: Oh, jeez.
43
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,895
- ...and this top buckle...
- LARRY: You're gonna get sick.
44
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,063
Watch my smoke.
45
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,398
LARRY: Huh?
What's wrong with you?
46
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,525
(LAUGHS) I'm going in, Larry!
47
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:52,070
- LARRY: Oh, Jesus.
- LEON: Whoo! Oh, yeah.
48
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,238
Those snow crab legs.
49
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,572
- Hey, these fresh?
- SERVER: Yes, sir.
50
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:57,117
It's enough already.
Sit down and eat it.
51
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,536
Whoo-wee! (GROANS)
52
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,121
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hey!
53
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,997
We're done. That was
your last plate for today.
54
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:04,416
You have four plates.
Too much food.
55
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,209
I'm cutting you off. That's all!
56
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,420
Wait. You got a sign outside
that says, "all you can eat."
57
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,547
You mean to tell me, I can't eat
all the fuck want to eat?
58
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,424
All you can eat
if you are reasonable.
59
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,592
You've already ate, my friend.
I've been counting.
60
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:17,679
Five pound short rib,
ten pound prawns.
61
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,098
- Who are you, by the way?
- I'm Shimon.
62
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,766
- LEON: You're Shimon?
- I am Shimon.
63
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,643
Oh, so you're the Wendy's
of this motherfucker.
64
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,229
I'm fucking Wendy.
You want me to put on
a little red wig and freckles?
65
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,313
- LEON: Yeah. Yeah.
- How 'bout this?
66
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,857
- LEON: How 'bout you do that?
- I do that
67
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,066
after you get the fuck out!
68
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,027
You're banned forever.
Lifetime ban.
69
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,653
- Lifetime.
- That's not-- that's not fair.
70
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,196
Oh. You, my friend.
71
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,614
You still can come when you want
72
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,450
because you eat
like reasonable person.
73
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,410
Yeah. Yeah, I had one plate.
You know why?
74
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,287
- 'Cause the food stinks.
- You stink!
75
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,371
- No, you stink!
- No, you stink!
76
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,414
- You stink!
- LEON: You stink!
77
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,540
- You stink!
- You fucking stink.
78
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,000
- You stink, Shimon!
- SHIMON: No, you stink.
79
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,293
Get out. Both of you out.
80
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,461
Both of you out. You, forever.
81
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:50,628
You, maybe--
maybe you have a chance.
82
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:52,297
- Fuck you, Wendy.
- Lifetime ban!
83
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,799
Only person
besides you, Gary Busey.
84
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:57,177
If this was a brothel,
I'd be fucking pissed.
85
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,970
Lifetime ban. You're gone.
86
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,972
- (QUIETLY) I'm still good?
- SHIMON: You're still fine.
87
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,099
- You're still fine. Go.
- ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
88
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,769
He did me dirty.
He did me fucking dirty.
89
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:09,564
- Yeah, he really did.
- Wow, man. Now I need dessert.
90
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,983
What, are you nuts?
You had four plates of food.
91
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:12,984
- You want something?
- No.
92
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,986
No? Okay.
Don't fucking leave me.
93
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,279
Hurry up.
94
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,323
- ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- (CAR LOCK BEEPS)
95
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,240
Hey!
96
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,327
Look at this. Huh? Wow.
97
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,412
You know something?
This is-- This is perfect.
98
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,331
I have a favor to ask you.
99
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,333
- I'm doing--
- Oh, boy, that's a horrible way
100
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,709
- to introduce a sentence.
- TED DANSON: No, no.
101
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,170
I'm doing a play.
It's called House Divided.
102
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,381
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I get to play Lincoln.
103
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,508
- Wh-- You're playing Lincoln?
- (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
104
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,509
What fun.
105
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:41,179
And Lori Loughlin
is playing my wife, Mary Todd.
106
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,181
- Lori Loughlin?
- Yeah, Lori Loughlin.
107
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,516
- Oh.
- And here's-- here's the thing.
108
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:46,810
She loves to play golf,
and I was just hoping
109
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,812
that maybe you could sponsor her
at the club.
110
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,897
- There's nobody else
who could sponsor her?
- No.
111
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:54,901
Because of that whole college
admissions scandal thing,
112
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,361
no club will touch her.
113
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,655
- That's not fair.
- No. She's a lovely lady.
114
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,448
- Yeah, I'll bet she is.
- And that's why I'm coming--
115
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,617
- She's being blackballed
from the clubs?
- Yes. Yes.
116
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,661
Terrible. That's--
I'll sponsor her.
117
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,454
Oh, Larry. Thanks, man.
118
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,415
- I really appreciate that.
- Yeah. Happy to do it.
119
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,041
You know I'm a champion
of the underdog.
120
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,376
- You know that.
- I do. I do.
121
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,378
Wait a minute. You worked
with her, didn't you?
122
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,255
Yeah. Yeah, on-- on Seinfeld.
123
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,173
No, no, that was
the last two years.
124
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,550
I wasn't there for that episode.
125
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:21,720
Huh.
But you did the finale, right?
126
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:26,224
- Yeah, Ted, I did the finale.
- That's what I thought.
127
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,518
Yeah. Anyway, thanks.
I'll-- I'll let Lori know.
128
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,854
Thank you so much, buddy.
I got to run.
129
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:36,026
♪ (JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
130
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,534
Voilà!
131
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,494
♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
132
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,913
- LARRY: Wow.
- SUSIE GREENE: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
133
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:52,709
- LARRY: Look at you.
- SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan."
134
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,378
My business! All mine.
135
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,756
Well, I like how you plastered
yourself all over
136
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,258
- Santa Monica Boulevard here...
- Ah, it's a sales thing.
137
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,718
Like-- like Queen Nefertiti.
138
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,428
You got to spend money
to make money,
139
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,596
and it's an investment.
140
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,057
And I think the business
is just gonna take off.
141
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,892
Now you see why
I wanted you to come.
142
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,853
All right, well,
I got to, uh, I got to take off.
143
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:16,983
- Uh, I got a big date tonight.
- Wait, Irma's gone, right?
144
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,027
Yeah. This is my first one.
145
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,363
- Anyone I know?
- Oh, yeah.
146
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,156
- Who?
- I can't even tell you.
147
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,616
- Oh, come on! It's me!
- I can't, no.
148
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,284
You're gonna mock me to death.
149
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,036
I'm not gonna mock. Tell me.
150
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,289
- Sienna Miller.
- (LAUGHS)
151
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,375
(LARRY WHEEZES)
152
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,335
- She's going out with you?
- LARRY: Yeah!
153
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,587
- That gorgeous woman?
- Yeah, I'm going to her, uh,
154
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,381
screening for her
new movie tonight.
155
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,882
- Oh, get the fuck out of here.
- Yes.
156
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,634
- She's got a thing for me.
- All right.
157
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,010
- Well-- You know what it is?
- You know why?
158
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,804
- Yeah, I know.
I know what it is.
- Yeah. Atlanta.
159
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,639
Listen, when you're out
with Sienna,
160
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:50,308
maybe mention the caftans,
'cause they'd look fantastic.
161
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,768
She's tall, thin.
162
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,520
- It would flow
beautifully on her.
- Are you-- (CHUCKLES)
163
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,146
Think she's gonna wear
that fucking thing?
164
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,981
- Yes!
- Get out of here.
165
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,775
SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan."
166
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,361
- Oh, I love it.
- (CAR DOOR OPEN, CLOSES)
167
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,159
♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
168
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,331
LARRY: "Fourscore..."
169
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,791
- (URINATING)
-"...and seven years ago,
170
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,502
our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,
171
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,671
- conceived in liberty..."
- (CONTINUES URINATING)
172
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,548
"...and dedicated
to the proposition
173
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,842
that all men are created equal."
174
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,593
- (URINATING STOPS)
- (ZIPPER CLOSES)
175
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,429
(TOILET FLUSHES)
176
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,264
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
177
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,307
LARRY: "Fourscore
and seven years ago..."
178
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:32,892
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
179
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:33,893
LARRY: By the way,
180
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,187
if you think you're getting
any of my popcorn,
181
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,064
- you're gravely mistaken.
- (LAUGHS)
182
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,024
Gravely.
183
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,567
If you think you can go
on a date with someone
184
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,277
and not share popcorn,
you're gravely mistaken.
185
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,903
- Oh, is this-- Is this a date?
- Gravely.
186
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:44,779
Is this a date?
187
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,156
I don't know, Larry.
You tell me.
188
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,657
If you share the popcorn,
it's a date.
189
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,243
All right, well... (SIGHS)
190
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,911
- Thank you.
- If you must.
191
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,080
I get a little bit nervous.
192
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,665
Nervous?
It's friends and family,
193
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,875
you got nothing to worry about.
194
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,918
This is the easiest thing
you'll ever go through.
195
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,212
And aren't you, uh, aren't you
shooting another one?
196
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,382
- Mm. Right now.
- Very busy gal.
197
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,884
- Busy gal.
- Yeah.
198
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,053
I'm like Rachel
and the rug merchants.
199
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,180
Who?
200
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,390
Rachel and the rug merchants.
201
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,933
- What's that?
- It's like a--
202
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,770
It's a famous Old Testament
Jewish parable.
203
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,272
- Rachel and the rug merchants?
- Have you never heard of it?
204
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,024
- Never heard of it.
- Call yourself a Jew?
205
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,192
What's it about?
206
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,735
It's about Rachel
and rug merchants.
207
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:26,404
What-- And what happened?
Did she get cheated on a rug,
208
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,822
and she had to return the rug?
209
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:30,158
Did they give her the wrong rug?
Was there a stain on it?
210
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,743
I mean,
there's many possibilities
211
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,828
- for what the story...
- No, no stain on the rug. Uh-uh.
212
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,663
Was the rug too big
for her tent,
213
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:37,624
and she got
the dimensions wrong?
214
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,626
Was it about her relationship
with the rug merchant?
215
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,753
Did she have an affair
with the rug merchant?
216
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,963
What happened with her
and the rug merchant?
217
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,549
♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING
IN MOVIE) ♪
218
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,093
(DUCKS QUACKING)
219
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,887
♪ (MUSIC TURNS TENSE) ♪
220
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,724
(CHILDREN SCREAMING CHEERFULLY)
221
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:06,069
SIENNA MILLER: (IN FILM) Johnny?
Johnny, where are you?
222
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:08,988
Johnny?
223
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,703
Oh my God. Johnny!
Johnny, come on!
224
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:21,793
♪ (SORROWFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
225
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,671
I notice you like to eat
a lot of fruit in your movies.
226
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,589
I mean,
we're only halfway through this,
227
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,675
and you've already eaten
a cantaloupe, a nectarine,
228
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,301
and some mulberries.
229
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,012
In fact,
now that I think about it,
230
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,056
didn't you eat a lot of fruit
in Anatomy of a Scandal?
231
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,308
- Uh...
- What is that?
232
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:38,810
Is that part of your process?
233
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:42,564
You take a bite, you act,
you take another bite, you act.
234
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,524
I'm just trying to watch,
you know.
235
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,026
- SIENNA: Excuse me? Excuse me?
- LARRY: Oh, sorry.
236
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736
Have you seen
an 11-year-old boy?
237
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,571
- (DOG BARKING)
- LARRY: Oh, yeah.
You're doing it again.
238
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,698
He's wearing like a black
and green checkered shirt.
239
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,742
- (SHUSHES) No, I'm sorry.
- (BARKING)
240
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,660
He's been missing
for, like, three hours.
241
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,747
DOG WALKER:
I haven't seen him. Sorry.
242
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,665
SIENNA: (CRYING) Oh, my God.
243
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,876
- (LARRY EXHALES)
- SIENNA: Johnny!
244
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,003
Hey, chief. What's up?
245
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,714
- SIENNA: Johnny!
- You talking to me?
246
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,632
Yeah. We got to have
a little powwow.
247
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,343
Look, what's your problem?
248
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,886
My problem?
I don't have a problem.
249
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,513
Your problem
is that you're way in my area
250
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,848
- with your jacket.
- No. No.
251
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,059
That's where a jacket belongs,
on the back of the chair.
252
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,018
It's my chair.
253
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,644
- In what world--
- So I get to put it on my back.
254
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,730
- SIENNA: Just leave it alone.
- This is draped beautifully
255
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,898
over the back of my chair.
256
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,316
- It's not disturbing anybody.
- (CROWD SHUSHES)
257
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,400
- It's draped...
- Yes.
258
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,777
...like you're giving me
a lap dance, okay?
259
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,403
Oh, please. Everybody knows
that a jacket
260
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,988
goes on the back of the chair.
261
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,031
You drive a car,
262
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,241
you go drive into
every lane on the parkway, huh?
263
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,618
- Yeah, no--
- I'm married.
264
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,828
I can't just go to the mall
and fuck any woman I want.
265
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,205
Excuse me. Both of you, stop it!
266
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,915
ATTENDEE: Why don't you put it
on the front of his chair?
267
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,667
Put it on the front?
What an idiot you are.
268
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,377
His neck
is gonna be on my jacket.
269
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,878
My jacket's gonna be
on his neck.
270
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,213
That doesn't
make any sense at all.
271
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,215
- Oh, shut your fucking...
- Both of you, shut up! Sit back!
272
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,466
Just put it on the lap.
273
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:52,384
That's enough!
274
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,844
DOG WALKER:
Well, we'll keep an eye out.
275
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,222
Something's happened.
I can feel it. (SOBS)
276
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:58,932
I can feel it.
277
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,810
Johnny!
278
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:07,065
(WAILING) Johnny!
279
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,401
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
280
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,653
By the way,
you're very good in this.
281
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,196
♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
282
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,740
- (URINATING)
- LARRY: "It is for us, rather,
283
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:19,327
to be dedicated here
to the great task
284
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,038
remaining before us,
285
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:25,583
that from these honored dead
we take increased devotion
286
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,918
- to that cause..."
- (URINATING STOPS)
287
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:29,045
- (TOILET FLUSHES)
-"...for which they gave
288
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,922
their last full measure
of devotion.
289
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:35,510
For which they gave their last
full measure of devotion."
290
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,013
All right, next on the agenda,
we are reviewing
291
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:42,100
the membership application
of Lori Loughlin.
292
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:45,270
(SKEPTICAL CHATTER)
293
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,479
Is there anyone present
294
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,940
who wishes to speak
on her behalf?
295
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:49,774
I will.
296
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:52,152
Oh, Mr. David. (CHUCKLES)
297
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,321
Nice to see you here.
Floor is yours.
298
00:10:57,115 --> 00:11:00,869
Members of Ocean View,
our esteemed board.
299
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,954
Eighty-seven years ago,
300
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:06,791
our fathers brought forth
on this property
301
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:10,754
a new golf club
dedicated to the proposition
302
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:15,342
that men can have fun
and women can't.
303
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,177
(LAUGHTER)
304
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:21,639
But that was a long time ago,
and things have changed.
305
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:22,807
For the better.
306
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,810
The world will little note
nor long remember
307
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:29,230
what we say here
in the Monte Carlo room,
308
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:33,151
but it will never forget
what they did here.
309
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,278
Men like Hiram Goldfarb,
310
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,281
who started the Turkey Day
best ball scramble,
311
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,908
and William Jacobson,
312
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:44,204
who donated...
that parcel of land...
313
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,122
♪ (INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
314
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,166
(VOICE BREAKS)
...where we play pickle ball.
315
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,293
And I highly resolve
316
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:52,754
that she shall not have served
317
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,173
her time in vain,
318
00:11:55,173 --> 00:12:01,054
and that this exclusive club
of specific people,
319
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:05,058
by specific people,
and for specific people
320
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,103
shall have a new,
specific member.
321
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,522
And as much as
that woman in Atlanta
322
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:16,986
was thirsty for water,
Lori Loughlin is equally thirsty
323
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,239
- for membership!
- (CLUB MEMBERS AGREEING)
324
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,074
I say we let her drink!
325
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,077
CLUB MEMBERS: (CHEERING) Yes!
326
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,372
♪ (MUSIC SWELLS TRIUMPHANTLY) ♪
327
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,210
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
328
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,755
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
329
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,052
- You did it!
- (LAUGHS)
330
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,262
LARRY: You did it? I did it.
331
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,431
What do I mean, "You did it"?
I did it.
332
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,557
- You did!
- LARRY: Ah!
333
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:48,268
- Could have been a great lawyer.
- (CHUCKLES) Oh. Larry.
334
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,645
Could've been a great butcher.
And I would have enjoyed it too.
335
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,231
You-- you take a mallet,
you pound the beef.
336
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,899
- You pound it, you pound it.
- Mm.
337
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,860
You slice it. That's fun.
338
00:12:56,860 --> 00:13:00,238
Um, so, uh, as far as the club,
what-- what next? What--
339
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:03,491
You have to play
two rounds of golf with, uh,
340
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,745
some of the committee members.
And I'll be playing with you.
341
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,621
- It'll be a breeze. Yeah.
- Oh, great!
342
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,956
Larry, I can't thank you enough.
343
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,417
You know, people say that,
and-- and they don't really.
344
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,418
They stop thanking.
345
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,879
You'll-- Probably won't thank me
again after this.
346
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,756
In fact, if ever get
another thank you from you,
347
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:18,882
uh, I'll be shocked.
348
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:21,801
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
349
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,100
(TIRES SCREECHING)
350
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,856
LARRY: Oh, my God!
351
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:40,278
(LAUGHS)
352
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,447
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
353
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:45,158
- There's a dick in my mouth?
- In your mouth.
354
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,785
- SUSIE: With balls?
- A drawing. A drawing.
355
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:48,119
- With balls. A drawing.
- A drawing.
356
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,789
- Like a graffiti dick.
- It's not in your mouth.
357
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,707
It's kind of grazing your lips.
358
00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:54,876
(LAUGHS)
359
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,628
- LARRY: (LAUGHS) And...
- (JEFF GREENE LAUGHING)
360
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,047
They grazed your lips
with a dick.
361
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,425
- How hilarious is that?
- They ruined my poster,
362
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:05,095
- my billboard! They ruined it.
- They did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
363
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:07,430
I-- I have one--
one more detail to share.
364
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,057
- SUSIE: What?
- Uh-huh.
365
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,892
You're cradling the balls.
366
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,143
(BOTH LAUGH)
367
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,312
- LARRY: I'm sorry.
- (JEFF LAUGHS)
368
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,648
- Grazing and cradling.
- I'm sorry.
369
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:19,401
- Yeah.
- Oh, fuck me. (LAUGHS)
370
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,319
What are you laughing at, Jeff?
What's so funny, Jeff?
371
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,154
- Yeah, that's not funny.
- It's-- It's not funny.
372
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,699
- No, it's not funny. No.
- It is not. I'm... I'm shocked.
373
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,158
- No, it's not funny.
- It's shock laughing.
374
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,952
Who the fuck
would do that to me?
375
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,245
(LAUGHS) I don't know.
376
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,580
I don't even put a dick
in my mouth. Right, Je-- Jeff?
377
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,998
I don't give blowjobs.
378
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,042
What, do you need-- you need me
to agree with you? I know.
379
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,670
Why can't-- why can't you give
a blowjob every now and then?
380
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:39,963
- Oh, Larry, come on.
- Would that kill ya?
381
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,172
Would that kill ya?
382
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,757
- You know, it might kill me.
- LARRY: Huh? Huh?
383
00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:43,967
What is this revulsion?
384
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,343
SUSIE: And what difference
does it make?
385
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,302
You're a single guy.
386
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,013
You're out there, single,
hot on the town.
387
00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,139
- LARRY: Yeah.
- JEFF: Oh, yeah, yeah.
388
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,223
You probably get 'em
all the time.
389
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,641
- Hey.
- Oh, all the time. Yeah.
390
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,810
How did it, uh, how did it go
with Sienna Miller? That's--
391
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,353
- You didn't get one from her.
- LARRY: Not good.
392
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,313
- Not good
- JEFF: Really? What happened?
393
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,691
I texted her twice.
She never got back to me.
394
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,067
Well, it wasn't
gonna work out anyway
395
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,277
with an old fuck like you.
396
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,695
What does she want
to be with you for?
397
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,197
That's what I thought, but
she's the one who started it.
398
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,324
Yeah, well, it looks like
she ended it.
399
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,076
I'm gonna go call
the billboard company
400
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,370
and get that dick
out of my mouth.
401
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,497
Speaking of Sienna,
402
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,292
you know, I-- I know
the director on her movie.
403
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:19,127
- He says--
- Oh, the one she's filming now.
404
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,254
Yeah. He says they're having
a ton of problems.
405
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,964
- What?
- Yeah, they're thinking of,
406
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,049
uh, firing her.
407
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,550
- You're kidding.
- Mm-mm.
408
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,136
It's her acting.
409
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,888
You know,
I did make a comment to her
410
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:32,390
about how she eats
a lot of fruit in her movies.
411
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,225
I wouldn't be surprised
if that's affecting
412
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,935
her performance in this movie.
413
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,228
It's a possibility.
414
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:38,855
(SIGHS)
I'm going to the bathroom.
415
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,231
- (GRUNTS)
- All right.
416
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,526
♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
417
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,906
- (URINATING)
- LARRY: "Fourscore
and seven years ago,
418
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,658
our fathers brought forth
on this continent
419
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,578
a new nation,
conceived in liberty
420
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:58,917
and dedicated to the proposition
that all men are created equal."
421
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,502
Enough already!
422
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,464
LARRY: "Now we are engaged
in a great civil war."
423
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,053
(LARRY MUTTERING)
424
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,972
Hey, Shimon! Shimon!
425
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,474
(CAR DOOR OPENING)
426
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,184
- Hey.
- SHIMON: Hey.
427
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,852
LARRY:
Can I talk to you for a second?
428
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,145
What-- What is it?
429
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,064
Cou... Could you stop
the jogging for a second,
430
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,857
- so I can talk to you?
- Oh, I can't stop.
431
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:23,942
- Huh?
- Why would I stop?
432
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,110
I'm in the middle of a jog.
433
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,778
I know, but it's hard
to have a conversation
434
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,071
with somebody who's bouncing
up and down.
435
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,698
What is it? What do you need?
436
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,366
Well, I think
it's a little harsh
437
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:34,202
to ban my friend for life
from the restaurant,
438
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,829
- when really--
- Let me ask you a question.
439
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:36,913
- Sure.
- In your bedroom,
440
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,289
you have a sign, let's say.
441
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:40,625
Let's say maybe you have a sign,
"Masturbate all you want."
442
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,627
- Okay.
- After a while, you say,
443
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,005
"No more. I can't. I don't want
to do it anymore."
444
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,214
Yeah, because the well runs dry.
445
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,465
You know,
there's no more water left.
446
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,758
- You can't.
- Oh, there can be water.
447
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,135
There can be water,
but it's a shame--
448
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,594
- You say, "That's too much!"
- No, no, no, there's no--
449
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,221
If there was shame,
you wouldn't have done it
450
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,639
- five times to begin with.
- SHIMON: Leon--
451
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,307
Why is there gonna be
shame on number six?
452
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,935
Shame, no shame.
Leon, he is banned.
453
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,645
- Okay?
- You know what? I-- I can't.
454
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,938
I can't. This is so rude.
455
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,314
- This is rude? I think--
- This is so rude.
456
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,524
- I think it is rude--
- So rude.
457
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,484
I think you are rude
for stopping me on my jog.
458
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,361
No, you're rude
for putting up a sign
459
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,822
that says "all you can eat"
when you don't mean
a word of it.
460
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,365
You don't have to worry
about this
461
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,950
because you are banned for life!
462
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,326
- Oh, I'm banned?
- You are banned now!
463
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,412
- Bye-bye! (LAUGHS)
- Yeah, like I give a shit
464
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,330
if I ever enter that dump
of a restaurant again.
465
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,832
I don't care
what shits you have
466
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,625
because the shit
is gone from my life.
467
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,669
- Shalom, bitch
- LARRY: Okay.
468
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,214
Uh, hey. Hey, hey.
You're from Israel.
469
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,300
Are you familiar with Rachel
and the rug merchants?
470
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,344
- It's a Bible thing.
- I know the Bible.
471
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,386
I've never heard of Rachel
472
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,846
I've never heard
of rug merchants.
473
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:35,972
- Really?
- SHIMON: Yeah.
474
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:38,016
- No, you--
- Oh, oh. Uh, Rachel, yeah, yeah.
475
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,477
Rachel. She looks
at the rug merchants
476
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:44,230
and says,
"You're banned, bitch!" Shalom!
477
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:48,318
♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
478
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,739
- Hey, hey.
- (CHUCKLES) Oh, hey, Larry.
479
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,157
Thank you again
for all your help.
480
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,117
(SCOFFS) Of course.
Happy to do it.
481
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,036
You know, we probably shouldn't
take a cart today
482
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,412
'cause it's cart paths only.
483
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,539
We can't go on the fairway
'cause they punched the fairway.
484
00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:04,167
Oh, no, no problem,
I-- I got this.
485
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:07,545
Yeah, got the blue flag.
We can drive anywhere.
486
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,255
We can even drive
right up to the green.
487
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,883
Wait a second.
You got to have a doctor's note
488
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,968
- to get one of those.
- Oh, yeah.
489
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,012
Well, I-- I have Epstein-Barr.
490
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,389
You have Epstein-Barr?
491
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,683
One hematologist thinks so.
492
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:23,395
What do the other
hematologists think?
493
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:26,106
Oh, Larry,
this is gonna be so much fun.
494
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,941
Isn't that a Jew disease?
495
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,735
♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
496
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:37,909
- BOTH: Wow.
- JEFF: Yeah!
497
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,327
- What a putt.
- Thank you!
498
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,620
LORI LOUGHLIN:
(LAUGHING) Really good.
499
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,830
- Really good.
- Larry.
500
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:43,790
You got to make this putt.
501
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,418
Come on, let's win some money.
Let's beat these bastards.
502
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,753
Let's go. You got this.
Let's go.
503
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,717
(LARRY BREATHES DEEPLY)
504
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,263
(SCOFFS) Ah.
505
00:18:58,263 --> 00:19:00,765
Great, Larry.
Way to read a green.
506
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,767
Great. (EXHALES)
507
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:04,561
(SCOFFS)
508
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:08,940
Oh, thank you, you guys.
This was so much fun, really.
509
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,108
- Oh, sure. That was great
- Thank you.
510
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,443
- Yeah, it was great.
- LARRY: Thank you.
511
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:14,112
You know, A House Divided,
it-- it opens this weekend.
512
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,031
You guys want to come?
I can get you tickets.
513
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,116
Oh, you and Ted?
Yeah, I'll see it.
514
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,617
- I'll come.
- Yeah. Thank you very much.
515
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,036
- All right. Great.
- JEFF: Yeah, thank you.
516
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,954
Oh, you gotta give the guy
your valet ticket.
517
00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:26,249
Oh, no. I'm-- I'm good.
I've got this.
518
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:29,210
- A handicapped sticker?
- (CHUCKLES) It's fantastic.
519
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:32,297
- I can park anywhere.
- How'd you get that?
520
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:35,800
- Oh, you know.
- Oh, yeah, Epstein-Barr.
521
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:40,013
- What?
- Epstein-Barr?
522
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,389
- Right. Epstein-Barr.
- (LARRY CHUCKLING)
523
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:42,849
- (CHUCKLES) Right.
- LARRY: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
524
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,560
All right, you guys,
enjoy the rest of your day. Bye.
525
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,062
- LARRY AND JEFF: Bye.
- LORI: Bye.
526
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:50,607
And, Larry, short game!
Work on that short game.
527
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,150
Yeah, yeah.
528
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,319
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
529
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,656
Oh, my God.
530
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,283
- ♪ (PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (URINATING)
531
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,744
"Fourscore and seven years ago,
our fathers brought forth
532
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:06,581
on this continent a new nation,
conceived in liberty
533
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:09,709
and dedicated to the proposition
that all men are created equal.
534
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,795
Now we are engaged
in a great civil war,
535
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,463
testing whether that nation
536
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:17,050
or any nation so conceived
and so dedicated,
537
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,968
can long endure.
538
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,804
We are met on
a great battlefield
539
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:21,763
of that war.
540
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:23,848
We are here
to dedicate a portion of it
541
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,183
as a final resting place
542
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,143
for those who here
gave their lives
543
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,187
so that
that nation might live.
544
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:30,772
But in a larger sense,
we cannot dedicate,
545
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,191
we cannot consecrate,
we cannot hallow this ground."
546
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:34,442
(URINAL FLUSHES)
547
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,820
"It is rather that
from these honored dead,
548
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:39,364
we take increased devotion
to that cause
549
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:42,992
and that we here
highly resolve that these dead
550
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,577
shall not have died in vain
551
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,788
and that government
of the people,
552
00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,123
by the people,
553
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:49,499
for the people,
554
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:52,377
shall not perish
from the earth."
555
00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:53,586
- (URINATING STOPS)
- (ZIPPER CLOSING)
556
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,755
- ONLOOKER 1: Yeah, buddy!
- ONLOOKER 2: Whoo!
557
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,717
CROWD: USA! USA!
558
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:02,929
♪ ("THE BARBER OF SEVILLE
OVERTURE" PLAYING) ♪
559
00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:07,017
(PAINT CAN RATTLING)
560
00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:13,356
Yeah! Fuck you, Shimon!
561
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:16,735
That's five pounds of short ribs
and ten pounds of fuck you!
562
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,572
Fuck you, Shimon!
563
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:23,491
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
564
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,243
Hey,
you're not gonna believe this.
565
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,746
I just got off the phone
with my CFO.
566
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:30,415
Business, booming.
567
00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:31,791
- Through the roof
- What?
568
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,753
Yeah. In the past two weeks.
Unbelievable.
569
00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:36,963
- It's the penis.
- SUSIE: Oh, it's not the penis.
570
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,923
- It's the penis!
- It's the product!
571
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:40,300
How come it wasn't booming
572
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,593
before the penis got up there?
573
00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,887
- It's word of mouth.
- Oh, yeah, word of mouth.
574
00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:45,680
Hey, I think you're getting
a post-penis bump.
575
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,474
- How?
- Because people are talk--
576
00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:48,767
"Hey, did you see the woman
with the billboard
577
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:50,310
with the caftans?
There's a penis in her mouth."
578
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,978
"Penis in her mouth?"
"There's a penis in her mouth."
579
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,104
Yeah.
580
00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:54,439
You sound like
you're in a musical.
581
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:55,774
Yeah, well, to me,
it's real life.
582
00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:58,777
- And I want it down.
- No. In fact...
583
00:21:58,777 --> 00:22:00,904
- You know what you should do?
- What?
584
00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:02,447
You need a second dick.
585
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,782
- Second dick.
- No.
586
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:06,284
You think I'm gonna get
more business from two dicks?
587
00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,078
- (STAMMERS) It'll double!
- JEFF: Uh, yeah.
588
00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:10,121
You know what I'm thinking?
589
00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,873
- Dick up the ass.
- SUSIE: Oh, stop it.
590
00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,458
- You're disgusting.
- JEFF: So, two dicks up front,
591
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,584
- dick up the ass.
- Yeah.
592
00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,252
- And how 'bout some jizz on ya?
- LARRY: Yeah
593
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:17,295
You know what?
Let me tell you--
594
00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:18,713
I mean, you will sell out.
Sell out.
595
00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:20,632
Little jizz. Jizz will knock it
out of the park.
596
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,801
Warren Buffett
never made a business plan
597
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,678
having jizz on the face.
All right. Trust me on that.
598
00:22:24,678 --> 00:22:26,429
Yeah, I'm just saying
as a businesswoman,
599
00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:28,473
it's incumbent on you
to consider this thing.
600
00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:31,226
- I'll think about it.
- Stick with the dicks!
601
00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:34,354
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
602
00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:43,988
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
603
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,990
- SIENNA: Go away!
- LARRY: Sienna, it's Larry.
604
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,201
- I-- I need to talk to you.
- SIENNA: Larry, not now.
605
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:49,744
It's a really bad time, Larry.
606
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:52,706
It-- It'll only take
a few minutes. It's important.
607
00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,627
LARRY: Yeah, uh...
608
00:22:58,169 --> 00:22:59,254
What's up? (SIGHS)
609
00:22:59,254 --> 00:23:01,089
Uh, well, first of all,
610
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:05,093
I-- I just wanted to apologize,
uh, for the other night.
611
00:23:05,093 --> 00:23:07,387
You know, I put the coat
on the back of the chair.
612
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,847
- That's where coats go.
- (SCOFFS)
613
00:23:08,847 --> 00:23:11,016
LARRY: That's where coats
have gone for forever.
614
00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:12,017
Even in Shakespeare's time,
615
00:23:12,017 --> 00:23:14,185
they put the capes
and doublets on the back.
616
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,437
- Yeah.
- You know.
617
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:17,439
It's the least
of my worries right now, Larry,
618
00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:20,108
the coat,
but thank you for the apology.
619
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,528
How's everything going
with the filming?
620
00:23:23,528 --> 00:23:27,115
(EXHALES) It's not good.
621
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:30,493
No matter what I do,
I just can't get a handle on it.
622
00:23:31,161 --> 00:23:32,537
I'm really sorry to hear that.
623
00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:34,497
It's a nightmare.
They're gonna fire me.
624
00:23:35,874 --> 00:23:38,335
You know, uh,
I'm looking around this trailer,
625
00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:42,547
and I notice there's no fruit.
626
00:23:42,547 --> 00:23:44,382
I don't even--
I don't like fruit.
627
00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:45,967
I don't even--
I don't-- What do you mean?
628
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:48,636
Oh. Uh-huh. Oh, you don't--
You don't like fruit.
629
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,055
- No, I don't like fruit.
- LARRY: Oh, sure. Yeah.
630
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:51,598
I don't care for fruit,
particularly, so...
631
00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:52,849
You don't care for it?
You don't like it?
632
00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:55,393
- You don't eat it?
- Mm-mm. Larry, I don't need it.
633
00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,979
I don't care for it,
particularly. I--
634
00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:05,111
I got you a pear.
635
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:11,117
♪ (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
636
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:12,827
I'll make some coffee.
637
00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:14,871
(SNORES)
638
00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:17,207
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
639
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:18,750
SIENNA: Who could that be?
640
00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:21,419
SOLDIER: Hello, ma'am.
641
00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:24,464
- Are you Tanya Barstow?
- Yes.
642
00:24:28,593 --> 00:24:31,221
SIENNA: (BREATHES SHAKILY)
Harold.
643
00:24:33,431 --> 00:24:35,100
His plane was shot down.
644
00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:37,727
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
645
00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:38,853
He's dead.
646
00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:45,276
He said we'd sail
to the islands,
647
00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:46,820
just the two of us.
648
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,116
"I won't be long," he said.
649
00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:53,243
(INAUDIBLE)
650
00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:55,537
"When I get back," he said.
651
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:01,584
"We have the whole world
in front of us," he said.
652
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:04,713
(SOBBING)
But time doesn't listen,
653
00:25:04,713 --> 00:25:06,756
and the world doesn't wait.
654
00:25:09,843 --> 00:25:13,722
I begged him! I begged him
not to go to the Air Force.
655
00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:15,306
I begged him not to fly.
656
00:25:18,435 --> 00:25:19,769
It's your fault.
657
00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:22,230
You encouraged him
to go to flight school.
658
00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:24,232
You wanted him to die!
659
00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,234
You're the one
who should be dead.
660
00:25:26,234 --> 00:25:30,321
- (SNIFFLES) I hate you!
- (WHIMPERS)
661
00:25:30,321 --> 00:25:32,615
- I hate you!
- (WHIMPERS)
662
00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:34,492
(SOBS FAINTLY)
663
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,785
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
664
00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:36,995
- DIRECTOR: Cut!
- (BELLS RING)
665
00:25:36,995 --> 00:25:38,872
- (ALL APPLAUD)
- DIRECTOR: That's great.
666
00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:41,833
- Sienna, oh, that was beautiful.
- DIRECTOR: Yeah,
that was amazing.
667
00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:43,752
(EXCLAIMS)
668
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,171
How great was that?
669
00:25:46,171 --> 00:25:49,215
- That was sensational.
- (LAUGHS) Thank you.
670
00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:51,009
- You were amazing.
- Oh, my God.
671
00:25:51,009 --> 00:25:52,344
- LARRY: Wow.
- Sienna, that was great.
672
00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:53,511
I'm just thrilled.
We got it, right?
673
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:54,763
- Yes, absolutely.
- LARRY: Got it.
674
00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:56,681
- You saved my fucking ass.
- DIRECTOR: Moving on!
675
00:25:56,681 --> 00:25:58,183
- SIENNA: Come on.
- Come on, huh?
676
00:25:58,183 --> 00:25:59,601
- Come on.
- Come on. Come on.
677
00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:00,852
- Come on.
- (LAUGHS)
678
00:26:00,852 --> 00:26:02,395
I cannot believe
that you did that.
679
00:26:02,395 --> 00:26:04,939
- (SCOFFS)
- You figured it out for me.
680
00:26:04,939 --> 00:26:05,857
(CHUCKLING)
681
00:26:05,857 --> 00:26:07,525
I'll tell you
what I can't figure out.
682
00:26:07,525 --> 00:26:09,736
- SIENNA: Mm-hmm.
- Uh, uh-- (CHUCKLES)
683
00:26:09,736 --> 00:26:12,822
I tried doing some research
on Rachel and the rug merchants,
684
00:26:12,822 --> 00:26:16,034
and I can't-- I can't come up
with anything. I can't find it.
685
00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:18,161
- Weird.
- Yeah.
686
00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:19,954
SIENNA: Of all the stories
that I read in your religion,
687
00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:22,332
she was the one that really,
like, spoke to me.
688
00:26:22,332 --> 00:26:24,918
You're sure you read it?
Is it possible you dreamed it?
689
00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:26,586
Okay, look, I don't--
(BLOWS A RASPBERRY)
690
00:26:26,586 --> 00:26:28,755
I don't know where I read it.
I don't-- I can't remember
where I read it,
691
00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,256
but I know it definitely exists.
692
00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:31,466
- Okay? Yeah.
- LARRY: Okay.
693
00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:34,552
You know what else I tried
to find was the word schmeitz,
694
00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:37,055
which... (CHUCKLES)
...I couldn't find that either.
695
00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:38,973
Schmeitz exists.
696
00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:40,684
- Schmeitz?
- Schmeitz is a real word
697
00:26:40,684 --> 00:26:43,061
for "I've got to go."
"I got to schmeitz."
698
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:45,647
- (TONGUE CLICKS)
- This wig is killing me.
699
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:46,731
It's so uncomfortable.
700
00:26:46,731 --> 00:26:49,025
I think I have to go
get it adjusted.
701
00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:51,861
Do you wear a different wig
in every movie?
702
00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:54,364
(CHUCKLES)
Now that I think about it,
703
00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:56,282
I don't think I've ever seen you
704
00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:58,910
with the same hair. In fact,
705
00:26:58,910 --> 00:27:00,829
I don't know if I've ever seen
your real hair.
706
00:27:00,829 --> 00:27:02,497
Are you blonde?
Are you brunette?
707
00:27:02,497 --> 00:27:04,082
Are you redhead? What--
708
00:27:04,082 --> 00:27:06,918
I-- I don't even know
what your hair looks like.
709
00:27:08,503 --> 00:27:12,173
I have alopecia,
you fucking asshole.
710
00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:14,217
♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
711
00:27:14,217 --> 00:27:17,220
- I didn't know you had alopecia!
- Asshole!
712
00:27:18,388 --> 00:27:21,599
Don't schmeitz! Don't schmeitz!
713
00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:24,644
I didn't know she had alopecia.
Did you know?
714
00:27:24,644 --> 00:27:26,563
- I had no idea.
- LARRY: Yeah, who knew?
715
00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:28,440
- How can you tell?
- You can't.
716
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,526
Larry! Hey! You ready?
717
00:27:31,526 --> 00:27:32,736
You feeling like a winner?
718
00:27:32,736 --> 00:27:34,070
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, good.
719
00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:36,114
- Feeling like a big winner.
- LORI: Good, Larry, good,
720
00:27:36,114 --> 00:27:38,324
- 'cause I do not like to lose.
- LARRY: Hmm.
721
00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:42,829
By the way, how did you get
the tee time switched to 10:45?
722
00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:46,332
- I couldn't get the 10:45.
- Oh, crazy thing.
723
00:27:46,332 --> 00:27:49,461
Starter just likes me. Weird.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
724
00:27:49,461 --> 00:27:50,754
All right,
I'm gonna go to the range.
725
00:27:50,754 --> 00:27:51,838
- Okay.
- LORI: Wanna go to the range?
726
00:27:51,838 --> 00:27:53,089
I'll-- I'll meet you there.
727
00:27:53,089 --> 00:27:55,675
All right. Less chit chatting
and more chipping.
728
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:56,926
- Okay.
- Let's go. All right.
729
00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:58,470
- Okay.
- We're gonna win, Larry.
730
00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:00,138
Take some money today!
731
00:28:01,806 --> 00:28:03,641
- Have fun.
- Hey, Daveed.
732
00:28:03,641 --> 00:28:04,976
Hey. How you doing?
733
00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:06,478
- LARRY: Good morning
- Morning.
734
00:28:06,478 --> 00:28:08,438
Um, I'm just curious.
735
00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:12,776
How did Lori get
that tee time moved to 10:45?
736
00:28:12,776 --> 00:28:16,488
(CHUCKLES) I can think
of 50 reasons.
737
00:28:17,364 --> 00:28:20,950
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Wow.
738
00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:22,827
Yeah. She's quite a gal, huh?
739
00:28:24,537 --> 00:28:25,914
Yeah, she's quite a gal. (SIGHS)
740
00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:27,957
- DAVEED: Yes, she is.
- All right. Thank you.
741
00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:29,084
(CHUCKLES)
742
00:28:32,420 --> 00:28:33,797
(MATT GROANS)
743
00:28:33,797 --> 00:28:35,924
- Okay. That's good.
- MATT: Oh, really?
744
00:28:35,924 --> 00:28:38,677
- LARRY: Yeah.
I'm gonna give you that.
- That is five.
745
00:28:38,677 --> 00:28:41,262
I got a five also,
so we're up by one. (CHUCKLES)
746
00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:42,847
- MATT: That's true. Right. Yes.
- That's right.
747
00:28:42,847 --> 00:28:44,557
- You're going down, Matt. Yeah.
- Okay.
748
00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:47,352
- LARRY: Hey, you left
your club over there.
- MATT: Oh, thank you, Larry.
749
00:28:47,352 --> 00:28:48,687
You got a five?
750
00:28:48,687 --> 00:28:52,732
- Yeah.
- How did you get a five?
751
00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,110
- I found my ball.
- You found that ball?
752
00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:57,570
- I found that ball.
- How'd you get it
out of the woods?
753
00:28:57,570 --> 00:28:59,406
You were pretty deep in there.
754
00:28:59,406 --> 00:29:00,949
I had a good lie.
755
00:29:03,034 --> 00:29:05,787
Yeah, you had a good lie
all right.
756
00:29:05,787 --> 00:29:08,289
- ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
- (SCOFFS SOFTLY)
757
00:29:18,383 --> 00:29:19,884
LARRY: (LAUGHING) Holy shit!
758
00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:27,308
(LAUGHS)
759
00:29:29,894 --> 00:29:31,146
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
760
00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:32,939
SUSIE: Where's Larry?
Where the fuck is he?
761
00:29:32,939 --> 00:29:34,232
- He said he'll be--
- Late again?
762
00:29:34,232 --> 00:29:36,067
- No, he'll be here.
Trust me, he'll be here.
- Jesus.
763
00:29:36,067 --> 00:29:37,318
- I don't even really--
- ATTENDEE: Hey!
764
00:29:37,318 --> 00:29:40,655
Hey. You're that lady
with the dick in her mouth.
765
00:29:40,655 --> 00:29:43,867
- (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS, SIGHS)
766
00:29:46,745 --> 00:29:47,954
Really?
767
00:29:52,584 --> 00:29:54,794
Hey! Hey!
768
00:29:54,794 --> 00:29:56,379
- Whoa, whoa.
- Look, I'm sorry for doing this.
769
00:29:56,379 --> 00:29:58,465
My wife wants me to do this,
so just go along with it.
770
00:29:58,465 --> 00:30:01,718
On the count of three,
turn your head to the right.
771
00:30:01,718 --> 00:30:03,636
One, two, three.
772
00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:05,347
- (GRUNTS)
- (CROWD GASPS)
773
00:30:05,347 --> 00:30:09,768
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And keep my wife's business
774
00:30:09,768 --> 00:30:11,603
out of your
motherfucking mouth!
775
00:30:11,603 --> 00:30:12,812
(CROWD MURMURING)
776
00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:14,773
(MOUTHS SILENTLY)
777
00:30:14,773 --> 00:30:17,067
You are really something, boy.
778
00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:19,277
- Oh, that was hot, baby!
- LARRY: Hey.
779
00:30:19,277 --> 00:30:20,904
Oh, Larr,
you're not gonna believe this.
780
00:30:20,904 --> 00:30:22,572
Oh, no, no,
you're not gonna believe this.
781
00:30:22,572 --> 00:30:24,908
I drove by the billboard
this afternoon.
782
00:30:25,742 --> 00:30:27,786
There's a second dick
in your mouth!
783
00:30:27,786 --> 00:30:29,537
You're gonna make a fortune!
784
00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:32,791
Wow. Second dick.
785
00:30:32,791 --> 00:30:34,292
Oh, God.
786
00:30:34,292 --> 00:30:37,045
LARRY: You should see this one.
It's huge!
787
00:30:38,046 --> 00:30:41,383
So, so sorry. So sorry.
788
00:30:41,383 --> 00:30:44,427
You-- you could've gotten up.
It wouldn't've killed you.
789
00:30:44,427 --> 00:30:47,055
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
790
00:30:47,055 --> 00:30:50,475
Well, they're good seats.
It's nice to see you.
791
00:30:50,475 --> 00:30:51,643
Yeah.
792
00:30:51,643 --> 00:30:52,936
I'm excited about this.
793
00:30:52,936 --> 00:30:55,980
- Are you excited to see this?
- Yeah, I am.
794
00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:57,732
CHERYL DAVID:
I really like Lori Loughlin.
795
00:30:57,732 --> 00:30:59,651
LARRY: Oh, yeah. Quite a gal.
796
00:31:04,322 --> 00:31:06,950
Hey. I know you.
797
00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:09,536
You're a waiter at that
Chinese restaurant, right?
798
00:31:09,536 --> 00:31:12,539
Oh, yes.
I work at Sun Wah Palace.
799
00:31:12,539 --> 00:31:14,207
How's the dead fish?
800
00:31:14,207 --> 00:31:15,834
- WAITER: He--
- Still dead?
801
00:31:15,834 --> 00:31:19,504
Oh. You the fish guy?
No. We no have dead fish.
802
00:31:19,504 --> 00:31:20,547
Eh...
803
00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:23,091
We-- Visit downtown restaurant.
You see fish there.
804
00:31:23,091 --> 00:31:24,968
- Very happy. Doing better there.
- Ah, I'm... I'm gonna go--
805
00:31:24,968 --> 00:31:26,386
- I'm gonna go this weekend.
- Okay.
806
00:31:26,386 --> 00:31:28,555
Yeah, what,
are you a big history buff?
807
00:31:28,555 --> 00:31:29,889
- You like Lincoln?
- Oh, yes.
808
00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:31,307
One of favorite president.
809
00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:33,018
You know,
if Lincoln had a fish tank
810
00:31:33,018 --> 00:31:35,520
and a fish got stuck
in the filter,
811
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,106
Lincoln would've freed the fish.
812
00:31:38,106 --> 00:31:41,317
Uh, fish not stuck,
so Lincoln no have fish to free.
813
00:31:41,317 --> 00:31:44,237
It's a hypothetical.
Lincoln would free fish.
814
00:31:44,237 --> 00:31:46,239
Uh, why you care so much
about fish?
815
00:31:46,239 --> 00:31:49,909
- Why you no care about fish?
- Maybe you worry about yourself.
816
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:51,870
- LARRY: Yeah.
- You have problem, sir.
817
00:31:51,870 --> 00:31:53,204
No, you have problems.
You pathological liar.
818
00:31:53,204 --> 00:31:55,248
- You pathological liar.
- Hey.
819
00:31:55,248 --> 00:31:57,876
- No. Fish sick.
- Yeah. Fish stuck.
820
00:31:57,876 --> 00:32:01,129
- No, fish move.
- Fish dead. Fish dead.
821
00:32:01,129 --> 00:32:05,050
What are you doing?
We're here to watch a play.
822
00:32:05,050 --> 00:32:06,509
- Yeah.
- Okay.
823
00:32:07,969 --> 00:32:10,221
- TED: Mary.
- LORI: Yes, Abe.
824
00:32:10,221 --> 00:32:13,516
Have you seen my red stockings?
825
00:32:13,516 --> 00:32:16,353
You mean the ones
that were riddled with holes?
826
00:32:16,978 --> 00:32:18,063
TED: I hadn't noticed.
827
00:32:18,063 --> 00:32:20,940
I had, and I had Miranda
throw them out.
828
00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:23,735
Or to put it a way
you might appreciate,
829
00:32:23,735 --> 00:32:25,403
they've been emancipated.
830
00:32:25,403 --> 00:32:26,654
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
831
00:32:26,654 --> 00:32:29,741
TED: Perhaps we should arrive
a little later to the Sewards'
832
00:32:29,741 --> 00:32:30,909
than we planned.
833
00:32:30,909 --> 00:32:34,037
Punctuality is the politeness
of kings. We shan't be late.
834
00:32:34,037 --> 00:32:37,582
Ah. If he talks about wanting
to purchase Alaska
835
00:32:37,582 --> 00:32:41,503
one more time,
I will join the Confederacy.
836
00:32:41,503 --> 00:32:43,838
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
837
00:32:43,838 --> 00:32:45,799
LORI: Frances Seward
thinks I'm dirt.
838
00:32:45,799 --> 00:32:47,258
- If she looked down her nose...
- Hey.
839
00:32:47,258 --> 00:32:50,762
...any further at me,
I swear her eyes would fall out.
840
00:32:50,762 --> 00:32:53,014
- What?
- You have not draped the coat
841
00:32:53,014 --> 00:32:54,599
over the back
of the seat properly.
842
00:32:54,599 --> 00:32:55,934
- My coat fine.
- Coat long.
843
00:32:55,934 --> 00:32:57,394
Coat fine.
844
00:32:58,561 --> 00:33:01,398
Coat long. And fish dead.
845
00:33:01,398 --> 00:33:04,567
♪ (SOMBER PATRIOTIC
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
846
00:33:04,567 --> 00:33:08,697
(APPLAUSE)
847
00:33:11,074 --> 00:33:14,244
Fourscore and seven years ago,
848
00:33:14,244 --> 00:33:18,998
our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,
849
00:33:18,998 --> 00:33:22,752
conceived in liberty
and dedicated to the proposition
850
00:33:22,752 --> 00:33:26,339
that all men are created equal.
851
00:33:26,339 --> 00:33:29,801
Now we are engaged
in a great civil war,
852
00:33:29,801 --> 00:33:34,764
testing whether that nation,
or any nation so conceived...
853
00:33:34,764 --> 00:33:36,516
- (LARRY GROANS)
- ...and so dedicated,
854
00:33:36,516 --> 00:33:37,475
can long endure.
855
00:33:37,475 --> 00:33:40,603
(SIGHS) Hey.
I have to go to the bathroom.
856
00:33:40,603 --> 00:33:42,022
- No.
- I have to pee.
857
00:33:42,022 --> 00:33:43,690
- (SHUSHES)
- No--
858
00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:44,649
He's in the middle--
859
00:33:44,649 --> 00:33:46,651
I've been memorizing
the Gettysburg Address
860
00:33:46,651 --> 00:33:47,569
every time I pee,
861
00:33:47,569 --> 00:33:49,237
and I'm conditioned to pee
when I hear it.
862
00:33:49,237 --> 00:33:52,157
For those who here
gave their lives...
863
00:33:52,157 --> 00:33:54,200
- This--
- It's like a Pavlovian response.
864
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,285
Okay, that's ridiculous.
865
00:33:55,285 --> 00:33:56,828
- No, it's not ridiculous
- He-- Hey.
866
00:33:56,828 --> 00:33:59,039
- He's in the middle of it.
- I understand.
867
00:33:59,039 --> 00:34:00,498
You're just gonna
have to hold it.
868
00:34:00,498 --> 00:34:01,458
- Yeah.
- Okay.
869
00:34:01,458 --> 00:34:05,503
But in a larger sense,
we cannot dedicate,
870
00:34:05,503 --> 00:34:09,424
we cannot consecrate,
we cannot hallow this ground.
871
00:34:09,424 --> 00:34:10,300
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
872
00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:12,385
TED: The brave men,
living and dead...
873
00:34:12,385 --> 00:34:14,929
- (GASPS)
- ...who struggled here
have consecrated it...
874
00:34:14,929 --> 00:34:16,514
I can't-- (STAMMERS)
875
00:34:16,514 --> 00:34:17,515
It's bad. It's bad.
876
00:34:17,515 --> 00:34:20,060
(GRUNTS) Get this coat
out of the way! My foot!
877
00:34:20,060 --> 00:34:21,394
- WAITER: What are you doing?
- Foot stuck!
878
00:34:21,394 --> 00:34:22,854
- WAITER: Foot not stuck.
- Foot stuck!
879
00:34:22,854 --> 00:34:25,315
- WAITER: Foot not stuck.
- Foot... stuck!
880
00:34:25,315 --> 00:34:27,692
- (GASPS)
- (AUDIENCE GASPING)
881
00:34:27,692 --> 00:34:28,860
ATTENDEE: Is he okay?
882
00:34:28,860 --> 00:34:30,612
- (URINATING)
- Oh, boy.
883
00:34:30,612 --> 00:34:32,822
- AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Ew!
- And that government
884
00:34:32,822 --> 00:34:38,870
of the people, by the people,
for the people shall not perish
885
00:34:38,870 --> 00:34:39,913
from the earth.
886
00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:41,748
(AUDIENCE MURMURING, APPLAUDING)
887
00:34:41,748 --> 00:34:43,917
Larry, come on, man, what the--
888
00:34:43,917 --> 00:34:45,460
What the fuck!
889
00:34:47,253 --> 00:34:51,966
(WHISTLING FAINTLY)
890
00:34:51,966 --> 00:34:55,220
Huh? (CHUCKLES) Oh, my God.
891
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,098
Wha-- (GASPS)
892
00:34:58,098 --> 00:35:00,809
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, Sienna. Oh, my God.
893
00:35:01,726 --> 00:35:04,229
(LAUGHS) Oh, boy.
894
00:35:05,563 --> 00:35:08,149
- (POLICE SIREN WAILING)
- Heh? Huh?
895
00:35:08,149 --> 00:35:10,151
Oh, come-- Me?
896
00:35:10,652 --> 00:35:13,488
What? Oh, please.
897
00:35:15,407 --> 00:35:17,075
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
898
00:35:17,075 --> 00:35:19,244
- Good evening, sir.
- Hey, good evening.
899
00:35:19,244 --> 00:35:21,413
You realize you made
an illegal U-turn back there?
900
00:35:21,413 --> 00:35:24,582
(CHUCKLES) Honestly, officer,
had I known it was illegal,
901
00:35:24,582 --> 00:35:26,626
would I have done it?
Of course, not.
902
00:35:26,626 --> 00:35:28,920
Is there any reason that you
weren't paying attention?
903
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,714
You see that billboard up there
904
00:35:30,714 --> 00:35:31,923
with Sienna Miller?
905
00:35:31,923 --> 00:35:33,425
You see what's going on
up there?
906
00:35:33,425 --> 00:35:36,594
You do know we've had a rash
of these penises on billboards
907
00:35:36,594 --> 00:35:38,221
- all over this neighborhood?
- Terrible. Terrible.
908
00:35:38,221 --> 00:35:39,305
(CHUCKLING) The thing is,
909
00:35:39,305 --> 00:35:41,349
I saw that billboard,
and I went,
910
00:35:41,349 --> 00:35:43,435
"Oh, my God, I got to get
a picture of this.
911
00:35:43,435 --> 00:35:45,603
It's Sienna Miller."
I had a date with her.
912
00:35:45,603 --> 00:35:47,230
- We had a-- Yeah.
- OFFICER: You?
913
00:35:47,230 --> 00:35:48,481
Sir, you're--
you're like 50 years
914
00:35:48,481 --> 00:35:49,774
- older than she is.
- Yes, yes,
915
00:35:49,774 --> 00:35:52,360
I am considerably older,
but she pursued me, actually.
916
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,195
To tell you the truth.
I know it's hard to believe,
917
00:35:54,195 --> 00:35:55,321
- but she did.
- (SCOFFS)
918
00:35:55,321 --> 00:35:57,115
By the way, that movie's
gonna do gangbusters
919
00:35:57,115 --> 00:35:59,325
- with those penises up there.
- Sir, that's sick.
920
00:35:59,325 --> 00:36:00,785
No, my friend's wife
had a caftan business,
921
00:36:00,785 --> 00:36:02,537
and she had a billboard,
and somebody drew dicks
922
00:36:02,537 --> 00:36:03,997
in her mouth
and business took off.
923
00:36:03,997 --> 00:36:05,373
OFFICER: Uh, Mr. David,
924
00:36:05,373 --> 00:36:07,834
can you explain to me why
you have a box of spray paint
925
00:36:07,834 --> 00:36:08,752
in the back of your car?
926
00:36:08,752 --> 00:36:10,337
I'm gonna be perfectly honest
with you.
927
00:36:10,337 --> 00:36:12,172
My friend and I went to this
all-you-can-eat restaurant.
928
00:36:12,172 --> 00:36:14,591
He ate too many crabs,
and they banned us.
929
00:36:14,591 --> 00:36:16,718
And so we went back
and spray painted,
930
00:36:16,718 --> 00:36:17,594
"Not all you can eat."
931
00:36:17,594 --> 00:36:19,012
You just admitted
to another crime.
932
00:36:19,012 --> 00:36:21,348
- Step out of the car, sir. Sir.
- But it's not all you can eat.
933
00:36:21,348 --> 00:36:22,557
- It's bullshit.
- OFFICER: Now.
934
00:36:22,557 --> 00:36:24,476
- It's not all you can eat.
- Out of the car now.
935
00:36:24,476 --> 00:36:26,436
- Oh, I didn't do that.
- That's disgusting.
936
00:36:26,436 --> 00:36:28,313
You think I drew those dicks
up there?
937
00:36:28,313 --> 00:36:29,814
- Yeah.
- I can't even draw a dick.
938
00:36:29,814 --> 00:36:30,690
I don't know how to draw.
939
00:36:30,690 --> 00:36:32,317
I can draw--
I can draw a breast maybe.
940
00:36:32,317 --> 00:36:33,401
- Yeah.
- I can't draw a dick.
941
00:36:33,401 --> 00:36:34,611
- That-- that's--
- Yeah.
942
00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:35,987
- I would never draw a dick.
- Still disgusting.
943
00:36:35,987 --> 00:36:37,489
I didn't know she had alopecia!
944
00:36:37,489 --> 00:36:40,825
♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
945
00:37:46,307 --> 00:37:48,018
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪