1 00:00:18,506 --> 00:00:19,798 Hey! 2 00:00:20,798 --> 00:00:22,631 -Look what I got. -Wow. 3 00:00:22,714 --> 00:00:25,673 My old glove. Oh, baby doll. 4 00:00:25,756 --> 00:00:27,798 -I had this when I was eight years old. -Wow, man. 5 00:00:27,881 --> 00:00:30,005 Oh, my God. Do you know how many errors I made with this glove? 6 00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:31,798 -Shit. -Never should have played the infield. 7 00:00:31,881 --> 00:00:33,339 -I don't know why I did. -Yeah, man. 8 00:00:33,422 --> 00:00:35,214 Yeah. Shortstop. I can't play short. 9 00:00:35,297 --> 00:00:36,964 -Nah. -I ran home, I'd go home crying. 10 00:00:37,047 --> 00:00:38,839 Making errors every, every time I played. 11 00:00:38,923 --> 00:00:40,881 It's hard playing infield with polio, you know? 12 00:00:40,964 --> 00:00:44,422 -I don't have polio, asshole. -Every kid with those kind of gloves had polio. 13 00:00:44,506 --> 00:00:46,130 Well, you know what? I'm throwing it out. 14 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,589 Everything's going. My-- I-- 15 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,130 Do you believe all this shit my parents saved? 16 00:00:49,214 --> 00:00:51,172 I'm getting rid of all of it. I can't stand it anymore. 17 00:00:51,255 --> 00:00:52,714 Should drop this shit off at a nursing home. 18 00:00:52,798 --> 00:00:55,547 -Oh. Look at this thing. -Oh, fuck. 19 00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:57,673 -My mother's mink stole. -Shh... 20 00:00:57,756 --> 00:01:00,422 -Ooh, she loved this stole. -Wow. 21 00:01:00,506 --> 00:01:02,464 -Fuckin' beautiful. -Yeah. I can't throw this out. 22 00:01:02,547 --> 00:01:03,798 I'm sending it to the dry cleaner. 23 00:01:03,881 --> 00:01:05,464 Those are making a big comeback, too. 24 00:01:05,547 --> 00:01:06,964 -Comeback? -Yeah. 25 00:01:07,047 --> 00:01:08,464 See, when they wore those things, 26 00:01:08,547 --> 00:01:11,381 ladies and gentlemen carried themselves a certain way. 27 00:01:11,464 --> 00:01:14,381 All the, all the guys called the ladies "toots." "Hey, toots." 28 00:01:14,464 --> 00:01:17,381 And the girls would go, "Poo-poo-be-doop." ♪ Poo-poo-be-doop ♪ 29 00:01:17,464 --> 00:01:19,130 -That's how they did it back in the day. -What does that even mean? 30 00:01:19,214 --> 00:01:21,047 -Why would they say, "Poo-poo-be-doop"? -It's a cute thing. 31 00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:22,381 It gets a rise out of guys and shit. 32 00:01:22,464 --> 00:01:23,673 ♪ Poo-poo-be-doop ♪ 33 00:01:23,756 --> 00:01:25,005 That would get a rise out of you? A woman going, 34 00:01:25,089 --> 00:01:26,339 -"Poo-poo-be-doop"? -Fuck, yeah. 35 00:01:26,422 --> 00:01:27,714 -If I lived in the fuckin' '40s... -Yeah. 36 00:01:27,798 --> 00:01:29,214 ...and some girl said, ♪ Poo-poo-be-doop ♪ 37 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,923 -I'd know I'm tappin' that ass. 38 00:01:32,005 --> 00:01:34,756 Ah. A text from Jeff. 39 00:01:34,839 --> 00:01:36,964 He's got-- You know Clive Owen? He's a new client? 40 00:01:37,047 --> 00:01:38,756 -Yeah, yeah. -He's in previews now, 41 00:01:38,839 --> 00:01:40,881 and I'm going to his show tonight. It's a one-man show. 42 00:01:40,964 --> 00:01:44,089 -I love that motherfucker-- -Yeah. He's like lost at sea or something. 43 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,756 Oh, Jeff's very excited, 'cause, you know, 44 00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,422 he signed Clive Owen, he's a big deal. 45 00:01:47,506 --> 00:01:48,881 -Big fuckin' deal, man. Clive Owen, man. 46 00:01:48,964 --> 00:01:50,422 -I love that fuckin' dude, man. -Let me get that. 47 00:01:50,506 --> 00:01:51,673 All right. 48 00:01:54,506 --> 00:01:56,381 Must have been nice. 49 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,172 Tappin' that ass back in the days. 50 00:01:58,255 --> 00:02:00,172 Fuckin' in black and white. 51 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:13,506 Hey. Larry. Got a package for you. 52 00:02:16,714 --> 00:02:18,547 Oh. Thanks. 53 00:02:22,964 --> 00:02:25,172 Have a nice day. 54 00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:34,089 -Hey. Trying to work me today, man. 55 00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:36,714 I got a package from discreet shipping. 56 00:02:36,798 --> 00:02:39,089 The fuck could that be? 57 00:02:44,547 --> 00:02:46,464 -Oh, shit. -An inflatable sex doll. 58 00:02:46,547 --> 00:02:49,214 -Wow. -Huh? Is this your handiwork? 59 00:02:49,297 --> 00:02:51,214 Nah. That shit is old-school. 60 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,005 That's like Mary Ann from fuckin' Gilligan's Island. 61 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,673 Oh. You know who sent this? Freddy Funkhouser. 62 00:02:55,756 --> 00:02:57,130 It's Marty's half-brother. 63 00:02:57,214 --> 00:02:58,464 -Why would the motherfucker send you-- -I don't know. 64 00:02:58,547 --> 00:03:00,005 -What is this? Is this a joke? -Yeah. 65 00:03:00,089 --> 00:03:01,756 It's an old-school joke right here, man. 66 00:03:01,839 --> 00:03:04,005 The new ones, they got one that's sensitive around the fuckin' neck. 67 00:03:04,089 --> 00:03:06,089 You could put hickeys on that motherfucker if you wanted to, man. 68 00:03:06,172 --> 00:03:08,005 -I'm glad they're working on it. -You should, it's fucking fabulous. 69 00:03:08,089 --> 00:03:10,964 Hey, do me a favor. Get rid of this, okay? And this place-- 70 00:03:11,047 --> 00:03:13,172 -What's happened to this place? -Fuckin' mess, man. 71 00:03:13,255 --> 00:03:14,589 -It's a mess. -Yeah. 72 00:03:14,673 --> 00:03:17,047 -So just throw this box out, will ya? -Ha-ha-ha. 73 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,673 -Will you take care of that? Huh? -I got it, man. 74 00:03:18,756 --> 00:03:20,547 -I'll get rid of this shit for you. -Thank you. 75 00:03:21,464 --> 00:03:24,214 -So, bathroom's gonna be over there. -Yeah. Yep. 76 00:03:24,297 --> 00:03:26,089 -Two urinals. -Mm-hmm. 77 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,172 I got a lot of ideas for the urinals. 78 00:03:28,255 --> 00:03:31,506 -You wanna redesign a urinal? -Yeah. Exactly. 79 00:03:31,589 --> 00:03:35,214 The splashing, the puddles-- that has to be eliminated. 80 00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:36,547 -It's a big issue. Yeah. -Okay. 81 00:03:36,631 --> 00:03:37,923 What I wanted, I want 82 00:03:38,005 --> 00:03:40,172 -two planks about this wide. -Okay. 83 00:03:40,255 --> 00:03:42,798 -Going up, you walk up to the urinal. I'm walking-- -You want it elevated? 84 00:03:42,881 --> 00:03:45,881 -Elevated planks. Your feet never touch the ground. -Right. 85 00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:48,839 -Why? -That's where the puddles are. 86 00:03:48,923 --> 00:03:50,881 What if they get urine on the planks? 87 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,756 Well, that can't happen, 88 00:03:52,839 --> 00:03:54,673 because of this. 89 00:03:55,339 --> 00:03:57,381 That, my friend, is the pee cube. 90 00:03:57,464 --> 00:03:58,923 -The pee cube? -Yes. 91 00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:02,297 You pee into the cube, and there's a chute that goes down. 92 00:04:02,381 --> 00:04:04,589 Maybe we can get a-- create a vacuum or something, 93 00:04:04,673 --> 00:04:06,214 sucking the urine down the chute. 94 00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:08,005 -And then, so, two of these? -Yeah. 95 00:04:08,089 --> 00:04:10,297 And then on the other side, I'll put two or three floor toilets. Correct? 96 00:04:10,381 --> 00:04:12,631 No, there's no toilets. 97 00:04:12,714 --> 00:04:14,172 There's no defecation here. 98 00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:17,297 If a customer comes in here and does want to defecate... 99 00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:19,756 -Mm. -...what do you expect them to do? 100 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,089 -I expect them to go someplace else. -Okay. So... 101 00:04:22,172 --> 00:04:24,005 Look, there's no defecation in the building. 102 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,381 You want me to make it so they can't? 103 00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:26,756 Could you do that? 104 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:28,923 I could put a sensor on there that detects a penis. 105 00:04:29,005 --> 00:04:31,964 -A little, um, penis sensor, if you will. -Really? 106 00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:33,839 We can make it voice-activated. It'll go... 107 00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,798 Doot-doot-doot. "Penis detected." Woot. 108 00:04:35,881 --> 00:04:38,005 The door will open up, and then once the man is done, 109 00:04:38,089 --> 00:04:39,923 doot-doot-doot. Woot. Slide down. 110 00:04:40,005 --> 00:04:41,839 -That's terrific. -Hello, Larry. 111 00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:44,297 I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Ted Danson. 112 00:04:44,381 --> 00:04:46,464 Mr. Danson has just become 113 00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:49,005 the newest financial backer 114 00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,339 of Mocha Joe's cafe. 115 00:04:51,422 --> 00:04:52,881 Well... 116 00:04:54,422 --> 00:04:57,172 You think you're up for this fight, General Lee? 117 00:04:58,172 --> 00:04:59,631 -Yeah. -Yeah? 118 00:04:59,714 --> 00:05:03,464 Yeah. I'm gonna look forward to spiting your spite store. 119 00:05:03,547 --> 00:05:06,631 -You sure you wanna get into it? -Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm highly motivated. 120 00:05:06,714 --> 00:05:09,297 Well, I do declare. As I recall, 121 00:05:09,381 --> 00:05:11,964 General Lee was a loser. 122 00:05:12,047 --> 00:05:14,964 -Let's go, Mr. Danson. I think we've said enough. -Yeah. 123 00:05:17,964 --> 00:05:20,381 Another week without wind. 124 00:05:20,881 --> 00:05:24,589 Before this journey, my life was bereft of the wind of purpose. 125 00:05:24,673 --> 00:05:26,881 Now I have the purpose, but without the wind. 126 00:05:26,964 --> 00:05:30,089 Now there are no days, no nights. 127 00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:32,381 -Just the relentless slap of the wave. Wow. 128 00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:35,339 -He's great. Really great. -Clive Owen: I am completely alone. 129 00:05:36,130 --> 00:05:39,589 -Even my parrot Lorita has perished. 130 00:05:41,923 --> 00:05:45,172 I give my last will and testament to the waves, 131 00:05:45,255 --> 00:05:47,172 -who refuse to weep with me. 132 00:05:47,255 --> 00:05:50,297 My final epitaph written in the froth and the foam. 133 00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:54,464 People are just sobbing. -Goodbye, Kon Tiki. 134 00:05:54,547 --> 00:05:57,506 Really. Clive was so good. I really loved the show. 135 00:05:57,589 --> 00:05:59,506 I really did. I'm-- I'm not just saying that. 136 00:05:59,589 --> 00:06:01,506 -No, I can tell. I loved it, too. -Yeah. 137 00:06:01,589 --> 00:06:03,714 It was a great show. People were sobbing. 138 00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,964 To a dramatic actor, hearing sobs must be the same 139 00:06:06,047 --> 00:06:08,005 as a comedian hearing big laughs, right? 140 00:06:08,089 --> 00:06:09,506 -I would think so. -Do me a favor? 141 00:06:09,589 --> 00:06:11,172 -Yeah? -Tell him, tell him how much I liked it? 142 00:06:11,255 --> 00:06:12,756 I got a better idea. 143 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,297 You tell him how much you liked it. 144 00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:16,506 Oh, no, no. Don't do that. Don't-- You're doing that? 145 00:06:16,589 --> 00:06:18,547 -Ringing. Ringing. -I can't believe you're doing this. 146 00:06:18,631 --> 00:06:20,005 -What are you doing? 147 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,589 Hey, it's Clive here. 148 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,589 -Um, please leave a message. Thanks. 149 00:06:23,673 --> 00:06:27,547 Oh, hey, Clive. This is, uh, Larry David, a good friend of Jeff. 150 00:06:27,631 --> 00:06:30,339 Uh, I saw the show last night. 151 00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:32,839 I really enjoyed it. Uh, good job. 152 00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:35,964 -There you go. I appreciate that. Matilda? 153 00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:38,130 -Miss Susie. Oh! 154 00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:39,923 -You ironed the napkins! -Yes. 155 00:06:40,005 --> 00:06:42,631 Jesus fucking Christ, you're amazing! 156 00:06:42,714 --> 00:06:45,381 And I folded your laundry by color and style. 157 00:06:45,464 --> 00:06:47,172 And today I'm gonna clean your makeup brushes. 158 00:06:47,255 --> 00:06:49,172 You're gonna clean my makeup brushes. 159 00:06:49,255 --> 00:06:50,673 Oh, my God. 160 00:06:50,756 --> 00:06:52,506 You're a fucking saint! 161 00:06:52,589 --> 00:06:54,714 I love this girl. She's amazing. 162 00:06:54,798 --> 00:06:56,589 I'm telling you, she takes initiative. 163 00:06:56,673 --> 00:06:59,089 I've never had a housekeeper that does this. 164 00:06:59,172 --> 00:07:01,130 I am so completely jealous. 165 00:07:01,214 --> 00:07:04,422 -Why? -My house is a, you know, I got-- my house is a mess. 166 00:07:04,506 --> 00:07:07,964 Lar, she just told me this morning 167 00:07:08,047 --> 00:07:09,964 her Tuesday-Thursday moved out of town. 168 00:07:10,047 --> 00:07:11,964 She's got an opening she's trying to fill. 169 00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:13,506 -Really? -Yeah. 170 00:07:13,589 --> 00:07:16,214 -I'll... I'll take it. You'll be very happy. 171 00:07:16,297 --> 00:07:18,798 -But Monday-Wednesday is mine. -Yeah, yeah. Of course. 172 00:07:18,881 --> 00:07:20,756 All right. She's yours. I'm gonna go tell her. 173 00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:23,464 But keep Leon away from her, please. 174 00:07:24,339 --> 00:07:26,339 That I can't guarantee. 175 00:07:26,422 --> 00:07:29,214 A sex doll? I, I-- What are you thinking about? 176 00:07:29,297 --> 00:07:31,255 -I don't even understand. -Why? 177 00:07:31,339 --> 00:07:33,255 Why'd you send a doll like that to my house? 178 00:07:33,339 --> 00:07:36,089 Hey, Freddy! Where's my section? 179 00:07:36,172 --> 00:07:38,047 Uncle Moke, just look around. You'll find it. 180 00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:40,756 Take a look around. You'll find it. You like it? 181 00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:43,297 -A gag gift? You're sending me-- -No, no, no. It's a real gift. 182 00:07:43,381 --> 00:07:45,422 -You've never had one? -You think I'm gonna fuck that doll? 183 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,464 -Yeah, yeah. Have you ever played around with 'em? -No! 184 00:07:47,547 --> 00:07:48,881 You cuddle it, whatever your journey is. 185 00:07:48,964 --> 00:07:50,839 -No, no. I don't know. -No, no. That's not my journey. 186 00:07:50,923 --> 00:07:53,464 -I don't know what it is. -I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna fuck a doll. 187 00:07:53,547 --> 00:07:55,214 -You have one of these? -Couple of 'em. 188 00:07:55,297 --> 00:07:57,839 -You've got a couple. -I love it. I'm comfortable. I'm healthy. 189 00:07:57,923 --> 00:08:00,255 That's where we're at. No disease. 190 00:08:00,339 --> 00:08:02,589 It feels good. It's something you're connecting to. 191 00:08:02,673 --> 00:08:04,047 You got a good imagination, same thing. 192 00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:05,589 The doll is whatever you want it to be. 193 00:08:05,673 --> 00:08:07,130 Maybe you should try necrophilia. 194 00:08:07,214 --> 00:08:08,673 Now you're picking different hang-ups. 195 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,214 I'm not saying that. I'm saying the doll's-- 196 00:08:10,297 --> 00:08:11,798 You're open to so many things. 197 00:08:11,881 --> 00:08:13,464 -I'm open to something that feels good. -Fuck a dead woman. 198 00:08:13,547 --> 00:08:16,089 Here's the good news: If I want to fuck a dead woman, 199 00:08:16,172 --> 00:08:19,297 I'll fuck the doll. Okay? And that way, I don't have to fuck a dead woman. 200 00:08:19,381 --> 00:08:22,130 -You hear from Marty? -He's in China. He's doing great. 201 00:08:22,214 --> 00:08:23,798 He met a girl, a real girl, no doll. 202 00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:26,964 -Chinese girl? -Yeah. He sent me a nice e-mail. He's lovin' it. 203 00:08:27,047 --> 00:08:29,047 -Excuse me. No browsing. -I'm not browsing. 204 00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,339 -Put the magazine away or buy it, please. -I'm not browsing. 205 00:08:31,422 --> 00:08:33,422 -Leave me alone. -You have been here for at least ten minutes. 206 00:08:33,506 --> 00:08:35,172 No problem. He's gonna buy it. I'm a buyer. 207 00:08:35,255 --> 00:08:37,464 -Oh, this is your father? -Yeah, he's just looking. I'm a buyer. 208 00:08:37,547 --> 00:08:38,589 Moke. 209 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:41,506 -You buying this? Of course I'm gonna buy it. -Moke. 210 00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:44,464 All the free porn on the Internet. Why stick with magazines? 211 00:08:44,964 --> 00:08:47,214 -It's on the Internet? -Yeah. Do you have a computer? 212 00:08:47,297 --> 00:08:49,172 Yeah. My kids bought me a computer, but I don't use it. 213 00:08:49,255 --> 00:08:51,839 Well, Moke, everything here 214 00:08:51,923 --> 00:08:53,714 is a click away on the Internet. 215 00:08:53,798 --> 00:08:56,047 Come on. Don't kid me. 216 00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:57,673 -I'm not kidding you, Moke. -You sure? 217 00:08:57,756 --> 00:08:59,547 -Moke, I am not kidding. -Just don't kid me. 218 00:08:59,631 --> 00:09:01,881 -Check it out. -Maybe I will. 219 00:09:04,798 --> 00:09:06,547 Thanks a lot. 220 00:09:09,464 --> 00:09:12,756 Now, Carol, what exactly do you see in this man? 221 00:09:12,839 --> 00:09:14,631 -What kind of question is that? 222 00:09:14,714 --> 00:09:17,047 -I think it's a good question. -I think behind those... 223 00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:20,714 -dark clothes lies a... -Very pretentious man? 224 00:09:20,798 --> 00:09:22,547 What's wrong with dark clothes? I always wear black. 225 00:09:22,631 --> 00:09:24,631 He thinks people are aware that he dresses in black. 226 00:09:24,714 --> 00:09:26,047 He thinks he's like Johnny Cash. 227 00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:27,589 -Why do you always wear black? - Yeah. Why? 228 00:09:27,673 --> 00:09:29,631 I've been a comic 48 years, and people expect me to be-- 229 00:09:29,714 --> 00:09:31,214 Nobody gives a fuck. 230 00:09:31,297 --> 00:09:33,381 Is anyone else cold? Are you cold? 231 00:09:33,464 --> 00:09:34,714 A little chilly. -I'm cold suddenly. 232 00:09:34,798 --> 00:09:36,673 I wish I'd brought a cardigan or something. 233 00:09:36,756 --> 00:09:39,714 -We can turn on the heat lamp. -Oh, yeah. That would be great. 234 00:09:39,798 --> 00:09:41,547 Um, excuse me. 235 00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:43,506 Do you have any problem if we turn on the heat lamp? 236 00:09:43,589 --> 00:09:45,130 -She's very cold. We're hot over here. 237 00:09:45,214 --> 00:09:46,923 -We're fine. It's okay. -We're good here. It feels great. 238 00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:48,631 -You know, the heat lamp's for both tables. -Well, we have seven. 239 00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:50,631 Well, but we have seven people here and we're fine. 240 00:09:50,714 --> 00:09:52,214 -You have three people there. You're outvoted. 241 00:09:52,297 --> 00:09:54,214 Yeah, I, I, I know, but she's cold, 242 00:09:54,297 --> 00:09:56,005 and it's worse to be cold, than hot. 243 00:09:56,089 --> 00:09:58,255 No, it's actually worse to be hot than cold. 244 00:09:58,339 --> 00:10:01,255 -How do you figure? -Because when you're cold, you can put more things on. 245 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,130 When you're hot, you can only take so much off. 246 00:10:03,214 --> 00:10:06,047 Okay, well, that's a good point, if there are more things to put on. 247 00:10:06,130 --> 00:10:07,673 But there aren't more things to put on. 248 00:10:07,756 --> 00:10:10,255 -Here. Have her wear that. -Oh, that's funny, asshole. 249 00:10:10,339 --> 00:10:12,297 Look, we're not snowmen. We need some heat. 250 00:10:12,381 --> 00:10:14,589 Hey. I just thought of something. 251 00:10:14,673 --> 00:10:16,798 -My mother's old mink stole. -Oh. 252 00:10:16,881 --> 00:10:19,047 I'm getting it dry-cleaned. It's in my car. Let me go get it. 253 00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:21,881 -Thank you. No, that would be so nice. -Yeah. 254 00:10:21,964 --> 00:10:23,714 I really appreciate that, Larry. 255 00:10:23,798 --> 00:10:25,255 -Oh, sure. Thank you, Larry. 256 00:10:25,339 --> 00:10:26,798 Thank you, Larry. -Wait till you see this thing. 257 00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:28,714 -It's a beauty. -Thanks, Larry. 258 00:10:28,798 --> 00:10:31,506 -I mean, what a, what a bunch of douche bags. -Oh, there he goes. Wow. 259 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,547 -Is he going to get warm? - My God. 260 00:10:34,547 --> 00:10:36,923 -There we go. Look at this. -Aw. 261 00:10:37,005 --> 00:10:39,839 Look, how beautiful. -Huh? Do you like that? 262 00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:41,297 -Thank you. Beauty on beauty. 263 00:10:41,381 --> 00:10:43,464 - Real mink. Real mink. -So sweet of you. 264 00:10:43,547 --> 00:10:46,005 You know what? Actually, uh, 265 00:10:46,089 --> 00:10:47,589 this reminds me of 266 00:10:47,673 --> 00:10:50,047 a stole my mother had when I was a little girl. 267 00:10:50,130 --> 00:10:51,381 Wow. No kidding. -Yeah. 268 00:10:51,464 --> 00:10:54,214 She used to wrap me up in it to keep me warm. 269 00:10:54,798 --> 00:10:56,881 Yeah. And I remember when I was 12, 270 00:10:56,964 --> 00:10:59,714 my dad and mom took me to see La Cage aux Folles. 271 00:10:59,798 --> 00:11:01,130 -Oh, La Cage aux Folles. -You remember that? 272 00:11:01,214 --> 00:11:02,798 Yeah, I remember. That was on Broadway, yeah. 273 00:11:02,881 --> 00:11:04,881 It was such a great night. And then when we came out, 274 00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:06,255 we, uh... 275 00:11:06,339 --> 00:11:08,464 yeah, we couldn't get a cab, because... 276 00:11:08,547 --> 00:11:12,130 well, they were all taken, so we decided to take the subway. 277 00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,631 But, um... 278 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,339 on the platform, my, uh, 279 00:11:15,422 --> 00:11:17,047 my mom and dad got in a really big fight, 280 00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:20,172 and they started pushing each other, and... 281 00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:21,923 and the stole, it... 282 00:11:22,756 --> 00:11:24,464 it landed on the tracks. 283 00:11:25,547 --> 00:11:26,714 Oh, my God. 284 00:11:26,798 --> 00:11:29,130 I saw the lights of the train, and I... 285 00:11:29,214 --> 00:11:31,923 I heard the... the honk of the train, 286 00:11:32,005 --> 00:11:34,005 and my mom, she... 287 00:11:34,089 --> 00:11:36,673 she jumped onto the tracks, just really quickly, 288 00:11:36,756 --> 00:11:38,798 just to grab the stole, because... 289 00:11:38,881 --> 00:11:40,839 it meant so much to her. 290 00:11:40,923 --> 00:11:42,714 And then... 291 00:11:42,798 --> 00:11:45,631 she tried to get back up, she tried to-- 292 00:11:45,714 --> 00:11:47,839 -to scratch her way back up, but... -Oh, come on. 293 00:11:47,923 --> 00:11:50,172 -Oh, my God. What a story. 294 00:11:50,255 --> 00:11:52,881 Oh, my God. The horn. I just-- 295 00:11:52,964 --> 00:11:55,005 The sound of the horn. 296 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,631 -Oh, baby. I'm, oh... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 297 00:11:57,714 --> 00:11:59,714 -I'm sorry! -Geez. I'm so sorry. 298 00:11:59,798 --> 00:12:03,631 I just have so little to remember her by. 299 00:12:04,756 --> 00:12:08,214 You know what, if it means that much to you, I... 300 00:12:08,297 --> 00:12:10,047 I, I want you to have it. 301 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:13,381 -I want you to have it. I want you to keep it. -What? 302 00:12:13,464 --> 00:12:15,673 -Really? -I'm positive. Carol, please. 303 00:12:15,756 --> 00:12:17,255 -Keep the stole. -No, you take it. 304 00:12:17,339 --> 00:12:18,798 No, I'm giving it to you. 305 00:12:18,881 --> 00:12:21,047 -Really? -She said she has so little to remember her by. 306 00:12:21,130 --> 00:12:24,881 -Keep the stole. -Oh, that's so-- That's really nice. 307 00:12:24,964 --> 00:12:27,214 -Thank you. -Of course. If my mother were at the table, 308 00:12:27,297 --> 00:12:29,339 my mother would give it to you, you know. 309 00:12:29,422 --> 00:12:31,798 -No, she wouldn't, but, you know. -Thank you. 310 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:34,422 -Oh, I'm buzzing. 311 00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:38,631 Oh, guys, I gotta go to work. I gotta go. 312 00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:41,089 Oh, no. -I didn't even get to have lunch. 313 00:12:41,172 --> 00:12:43,172 -Bye, baby. -Take care, baby. 314 00:12:43,255 --> 00:12:45,130 -Thank you. -Yeah, you're welcome. 315 00:12:45,214 --> 00:12:46,798 -Bye, you guys. -Enjoy that stole. 316 00:12:46,881 --> 00:12:48,589 Bye-bye. I'll speak to you later. 317 00:12:48,673 --> 00:12:50,130 Oh, my God. 318 00:12:50,214 --> 00:12:52,631 The poor thing. Imagine being a 12-year-old girl, 319 00:12:52,714 --> 00:12:55,506 seeing your mother get hit by a train, 320 00:12:55,589 --> 00:12:57,130 going after a mink stole, ugh! 321 00:12:57,214 --> 00:12:59,381 Wouldn't you wake up every morning, boom-- 322 00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:01,089 the horns, do you think of the horns? 323 00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:02,798 I mean, how do you even go to work after that? 324 00:13:02,881 --> 00:13:04,964 What, what-- What does she-- What does she do? 325 00:13:05,047 --> 00:13:07,464 She's a professional crier. 326 00:13:07,547 --> 00:13:10,130 What? A what? 327 00:13:10,214 --> 00:13:11,964 She's a professional crier. 328 00:13:12,047 --> 00:13:14,381 She's hired to cry at weddings, 329 00:13:14,464 --> 00:13:17,589 and funerals, or sometimes TV shows. 330 00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:19,464 You know, if there's a sad moment, 331 00:13:19,547 --> 00:13:21,798 she's in the background sobbing. 332 00:13:21,881 --> 00:13:23,214 Oh, my God. 333 00:13:23,297 --> 00:13:25,172 What's wrong with you? What are you worried about? 334 00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:27,631 I'm worried I just got fleeced for a mink stole. 335 00:13:27,714 --> 00:13:29,714 -You piece of shit. How dare you? -Piece of shit? 336 00:13:29,798 --> 00:13:32,714 -How dare you? -Are you kidding? I mean, think about it. 337 00:13:32,798 --> 00:13:34,547 You can hear that, and say something like that? 338 00:13:34,631 --> 00:13:36,089 Hey, let me ask you something. 339 00:13:36,172 --> 00:13:38,589 Have you guys ever had a disagreement of any kind, 340 00:13:38,673 --> 00:13:40,631 where perhaps she started crying? 341 00:13:40,714 --> 00:13:42,214 -Yeah, a few times-- -What? 342 00:13:42,297 --> 00:13:44,089 -What was the disagreement? -You know, dinner. 343 00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:46,214 She wanted Chinese, I wanted Italian. 344 00:13:46,297 --> 00:13:48,339 -So she wept openly and-- -Oh. 345 00:13:48,422 --> 00:13:50,631 Yeah, and you went down-- and you had Chinese food. 346 00:13:50,714 --> 00:13:53,214 -Chinese, we did. -Oh, my God. Come on! 347 00:13:53,297 --> 00:13:55,005 -This is unbelievable! -Don't Perry Mason her. 348 00:13:55,089 --> 00:13:58,631 She fucking conned me out of that mink stole. This is incredible! 349 00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:00,881 -I don't have to buy your defense on this. -You saw it! 350 00:14:00,964 --> 00:14:03,089 You witnessed it. She's a con crier. 351 00:14:03,172 --> 00:14:06,089 -So what do you want me to do? -I can't believe I fell for that story. 352 00:14:06,172 --> 00:14:09,255 Oh... the stole was on the subway! 353 00:14:09,339 --> 00:14:11,756 And the horn, the horn! 354 00:14:11,839 --> 00:14:14,089 I want that stole back, okay? 355 00:14:17,214 --> 00:14:19,297 ♪ ♪ 356 00:14:36,923 --> 00:14:39,881 -Mr. Larry! Hey! -Oh! Hey! 357 00:14:39,964 --> 00:14:42,005 I clean all the windows and all the mantles. 358 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:43,297 -Oh. -They were so dirty. 359 00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:45,047 -And I polished all the doorknobs. -Good. 360 00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:46,798 -Thank you so much. Thank you very much. -You're welcome. 361 00:14:46,881 --> 00:14:48,381 -You're welcome. -Thank you. 362 00:14:48,464 --> 00:14:50,214 What, what is this, Mr. Larry? 363 00:14:50,297 --> 00:14:52,255 Oh. It's a... 364 00:14:52,339 --> 00:14:53,881 That's a doll. 365 00:14:53,964 --> 00:14:56,881 -What kind doll? -Eh, you know, I collect them. 366 00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:59,673 They're like, uh, big teddy bears. Yeah. 367 00:14:59,756 --> 00:15:01,255 You collect big plastic dolls? 368 00:15:01,339 --> 00:15:03,798 Yes, yes. I do. They, um... 369 00:15:04,798 --> 00:15:06,547 They normally come with clothes. 370 00:15:06,631 --> 00:15:08,464 -Yeah, she's naked. -Yeah, it's naked, yeah. 371 00:15:08,547 --> 00:15:10,756 They forgot to send the clothes for some reason. I don't know why. 372 00:15:10,839 --> 00:15:13,547 You know, they come with a lot of different outfits. 373 00:15:13,631 --> 00:15:15,339 -Oh, like the, this American Girl. -Yes! 374 00:15:15,422 --> 00:15:17,422 Like the American Girl! Right, right. 375 00:15:17,506 --> 00:15:19,047 Yeah, they have a nurse's outfit, 376 00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:22,047 they have a flight attendant, a cheerleader. 377 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,923 They even have, um, a, a maid! 378 00:15:25,005 --> 00:15:26,547 Oh! So, you know what? 379 00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:28,339 Let me clean it, 'cause it's a little bit dirty. 380 00:15:28,422 --> 00:15:30,464 Oh, no. You know, you don't, no. I... 381 00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:31,631 That's, uh... you know, 382 00:15:31,714 --> 00:15:33,589 it's very delicate, very delicate. 383 00:15:33,673 --> 00:15:36,089 Anyway, I just want you to know, you're doing a fantastic job. 384 00:15:36,172 --> 00:15:38,089 Thank you. I wanted to ask you, 385 00:15:38,172 --> 00:15:40,047 uh, I need to switch my days. 386 00:15:40,130 --> 00:15:41,798 -Mm-hmm. -And I would like to work Mondays 387 00:15:41,881 --> 00:15:43,339 and Wednesdays for you. 388 00:15:43,422 --> 00:15:45,631 No, those are Susie's days. 389 00:15:45,714 --> 00:15:48,047 Oh, no. I'm not gonna be working with Miss Susie anymore. 390 00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:50,172 -What? What do you, what do you mean? -Her mouth. 391 00:15:50,255 --> 00:15:52,422 She's like "F" this, "F" that. She's so vulgar. 392 00:15:52,506 --> 00:15:54,422 Like, F-bomb for everything. 393 00:15:54,506 --> 00:15:56,756 The thing is, I have kind of an agreement with her. 394 00:15:56,839 --> 00:15:58,589 -I can't breach her. -Well, 395 00:15:58,673 --> 00:16:00,339 all I can say is that I have another family 396 00:16:00,422 --> 00:16:02,798 that I need to work with on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so-- 397 00:16:02,881 --> 00:16:05,089 -You're gonna leave Susie, regardless? -Yeah, regardless. 398 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,881 I am done with Miss Susie. 399 00:16:08,005 --> 00:16:09,214 Okay. 400 00:16:09,297 --> 00:16:11,422 -Yes? Okay. -Ah. 401 00:16:11,506 --> 00:16:14,589 -See you next Monday. I'm gonna do the refrigerator. -Bye. 402 00:16:14,673 --> 00:16:16,881 Hey, do anchovies only go on pizza? 403 00:16:16,964 --> 00:16:18,422 -Or can you eat 'em loose? -Hey. 404 00:16:18,506 --> 00:16:20,089 Come here, come here. You blew it up? 405 00:16:20,172 --> 00:16:21,798 -Yeah, I blew the shit up. -You're supposed to get rid of it. 406 00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,756 -Who, Sherry? -Oh, Sherry? You gave it a name? 407 00:16:23,839 --> 00:16:26,339 Yeah, I mean, I got her out of the box. Give her a little air and shit. 408 00:16:26,422 --> 00:16:28,464 -Oh, so you were, you were curious. -Fuck, yeah. 409 00:16:28,547 --> 00:16:29,964 I wanna see what the fuck she was working with. 410 00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:32,297 Yeah. And, uh... 411 00:16:32,381 --> 00:16:35,297 You didn't try and get a little friendly with her, did you? 412 00:16:35,381 --> 00:16:36,839 What the fuck you trying to say? 413 00:16:36,923 --> 00:16:38,673 -Did you get a little friendly with her? -I'm insulted. 414 00:16:38,756 --> 00:16:39,964 -That you would say some shit like that to me. -Leon, did you get 415 00:16:40,047 --> 00:16:41,255 a little friendly with her, Leon? 416 00:16:41,339 --> 00:16:42,422 -Nah. Not at all. -Huh? 417 00:16:42,506 --> 00:16:43,631 Why do you always look at me like this? 418 00:16:43,714 --> 00:16:45,214 I'm trying to look into your fuckin' brain. 419 00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:47,422 -What is this? Yeah. Uh-huh. -I'm lookin' into you. Yeah. 420 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,339 You look down into a motherfucker's soul. 421 00:16:49,422 --> 00:16:50,798 You think you're better than me, Leon Black? 422 00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:52,381 -I know my character. -Yeah? 423 00:16:52,464 --> 00:16:53,589 And when you accuse me 424 00:16:53,673 --> 00:16:55,130 of tappin' some ass like that... 425 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,464 I wouldn't put it past you, let's just say that. 426 00:16:58,839 --> 00:17:00,798 Get rid of that fucking thing. 427 00:17:02,172 --> 00:17:03,923 Be cool, Sherry. 428 00:17:07,089 --> 00:17:08,798 -Hey. -How are you? 429 00:17:08,881 --> 00:17:11,673 -Good. Good. -Well, guess what, LD? 430 00:17:11,756 --> 00:17:14,172 -What? -I did what you wanted me to do. 431 00:17:14,255 --> 00:17:16,464 -And it didn't work out. -Oh. 432 00:17:16,547 --> 00:17:18,005 And Carol broke up with me. 433 00:17:18,089 --> 00:17:21,047 -Really? -I went over there, I asked for your mink back, 434 00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:22,381 she wept openly, 435 00:17:22,464 --> 00:17:23,964 -and kicked me out of her life. -Oh, she wept openly. 436 00:17:24,047 --> 00:17:25,422 That's how she got the mink in the first place. 437 00:17:25,506 --> 00:17:27,130 Yeah, well, you ruined another woman for me. 438 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,381 I could've had a baby with this woman and maybe become a father. 439 00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:31,923 A baby? You're 200 years old. You're gonna have a baby? 440 00:17:32,005 --> 00:17:33,798 Do me a favor. Just stay out of my affairs. 441 00:17:33,881 --> 00:17:36,506 Meanwhile, she still has the mink, okay? And I'm gettin' it back. 442 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,881 -No, you're not. -Yes, I am. 443 00:17:37,964 --> 00:17:39,506 Aah, bullshit. 444 00:17:40,255 --> 00:17:42,255 What the hell is that? 445 00:17:42,339 --> 00:17:44,214 Ah, it's a-- It's a sex doll. 446 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,714 -A sex doll. -Yeah. Her name's Sherry. 447 00:17:46,798 --> 00:17:48,798 Come on. I'll introduce you to her. 448 00:17:48,881 --> 00:17:50,339 Susie: You breached. 449 00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:52,631 You made a solemn promise, a vow, 450 00:17:52,714 --> 00:17:55,047 and you fucking breached, asshole. 451 00:17:55,130 --> 00:17:57,589 She was quitting! She wasn't working for you 452 00:17:57,673 --> 00:17:59,673 on Mondays and Wednesdays, that was it. 453 00:17:59,756 --> 00:18:02,381 She doesn't wanna work here. She can't stand you! 454 00:18:02,464 --> 00:18:04,047 -Oh, that's nonsense! -You're a vulgarian! 455 00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:06,255 You use disgusting language around her. 456 00:18:06,339 --> 00:18:07,839 She's a strict Catholic girl. 457 00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:10,422 -Okay-- -Hold on a second, here. 458 00:18:11,005 --> 00:18:13,047 She make you biscuits? 459 00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:14,714 -Yeah. -Ridiculous. 460 00:18:14,798 --> 00:18:16,339 -My God. -Well, I'm gonna tell you 461 00:18:16,422 --> 00:18:17,547 a little something what you're gonna do. 462 00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:19,172 When those biscuits are warm, 463 00:18:19,255 --> 00:18:21,547 you're gonna get out some tin foil, 464 00:18:21,631 --> 00:18:22,839 You're gonna wrap those babies up, 465 00:18:22,923 --> 00:18:24,381 and you're dropping 'em off at my office. 466 00:18:24,464 --> 00:18:26,255 And when you drop off those biscuits, 467 00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,923 you're gonna pick up my laundry and take it to the Fluff and Fold. 468 00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:32,297 -All right? -Yeah, I have a movie star coming over here, Larry. 469 00:18:32,381 --> 00:18:36,422 And look at me, I'm putting out premade fuckin' salads from Metzler's. 470 00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:38,172 -Metzler's? You got Metzler's? Yeah. 471 00:18:38,255 --> 00:18:39,839 -Yeah, I got Metzler's. -Fanta-- I love Metzler's! 472 00:18:39,923 --> 00:18:41,506 Yeah. And then I gotta clean up myself. 473 00:18:41,589 --> 00:18:43,589 I don't know how to do this fucking shit! 474 00:18:43,673 --> 00:18:44,923 -You know what? -What? 475 00:18:45,005 --> 00:18:46,130 I'll help you clean up. 476 00:18:46,214 --> 00:18:48,422 -Oh, please. -I'm a fantastic dishwasher. 477 00:18:48,506 --> 00:18:52,547 Did you know that? I can put my hands in boiling, scalding water, 478 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,214 and I don't feel anything. 479 00:18:54,297 --> 00:18:56,506 -I don't need gloves! -Let me see those hands. 480 00:18:56,589 --> 00:18:59,464 -I'm really good. -You've never washed a dish in your life. 481 00:18:59,547 --> 00:19:01,255 Well, I haven't washed 'em in a while, but-- 482 00:19:01,339 --> 00:19:03,506 You've watched somebody else wash and went, 483 00:19:03,589 --> 00:19:06,631 -"Oh, I could be good at that. I could do that." -I know I'm a great dishwasher! 484 00:19:06,714 --> 00:19:09,339 -You've never washed! -Don't tell me I haven't washed, Jeff! 485 00:19:09,422 --> 00:19:10,881 -You never washed. -What? I haven't washed? 486 00:19:10,964 --> 00:19:12,714 -And your hands are soft. -I'll tell you what I'll do. 487 00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:15,422 I'll stick my hands in the sink right now. Put it on as hot as you want. 488 00:19:15,506 --> 00:19:17,714 -You don't have special hands! -I do have special hands! 489 00:19:17,798 --> 00:19:19,714 -You do not have special hands! -I do. They're very special. 490 00:19:19,798 --> 00:19:22,005 I'll stick 'em under any hot water you can find, okay? 491 00:19:22,089 --> 00:19:23,714 That's insane! 492 00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:27,214 Listen to me. 493 00:19:27,964 --> 00:19:29,255 Clive's coming over. 494 00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:30,964 -Yeah. -The voicemail you left. 495 00:19:31,047 --> 00:19:33,381 Clive seems to think it was insufficient praise. 496 00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,756 What? Insufficient praise? -Yeah. 497 00:19:35,839 --> 00:19:37,506 Yeah. You weren't enthusiastic. 498 00:19:37,589 --> 00:19:40,714 -That's ridiculous. -No. You gotta-- When you talk to these people, 499 00:19:40,798 --> 00:19:42,714 you gotta almost give your own performance 500 00:19:42,798 --> 00:19:44,506 -about how much you loved it. 501 00:19:44,589 --> 00:19:46,339 All right. You know what? That's him. 502 00:19:46,422 --> 00:19:47,631 Okay? 503 00:19:48,214 --> 00:19:51,130 And by the way, you're doing the dishes when we're done. 504 00:19:51,214 --> 00:19:53,339 -Great. Great. -Yeah, good. Good for you. 505 00:19:53,422 --> 00:19:56,589 -Susie, I brought you a movie star. Ah, bravo! 506 00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:59,673 Hey! -Bravo! What a performance. 507 00:19:59,756 --> 00:20:01,839 -Oh, thank you. -Oh, my God. 508 00:20:01,923 --> 00:20:03,756 -Thanks for inviting me over. -Movie star. 509 00:20:03,839 --> 00:20:05,506 Larry David. -Hey. 510 00:20:05,589 --> 00:20:07,214 Susie: Fantastic. 511 00:20:07,297 --> 00:20:10,297 So, just dig in. We went to this new sandwich place. 512 00:20:10,381 --> 00:20:12,297 -What's the name of it, Lar? -Yeah, Metzler's. 513 00:20:12,381 --> 00:20:14,673 -Metzler's. So, they're supposed to be fantastic. -Yeah, it looks great. 514 00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:18,130 In the UK they have, uh, cucumber sandwiches, right? 515 00:20:18,631 --> 00:20:21,381 -Just, just cucumbers? No, there's cream cheese in there. 516 00:20:21,464 --> 00:20:24,005 -Oh, there is? -Yeah, we have a lot of different sandwiches. 517 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:25,506 Yeah. 518 00:20:25,589 --> 00:20:27,839 Hey, Clive. Uh, I... 519 00:20:27,923 --> 00:20:30,881 You know, I want to apologize if, um... 520 00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:34,047 my, my voicemail, my message 521 00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:36,756 -offended you in any way. -A little weird, no? 522 00:20:36,839 --> 00:20:39,047 -You know, I'm not good at voicemails. -Really? 523 00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:41,047 Yes. When I would leave a message on, on, 524 00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:43,047 on a woman's phone, I would always get in trouble 525 00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:45,589 and the relationship would be over. I'm just no good at it. 526 00:20:45,673 --> 00:20:47,130 Yeah, but the weird thing is, you know, 527 00:20:47,214 --> 00:20:49,047 if you go and see a play and you don't like it, 528 00:20:49,130 --> 00:20:51,047 you kind of don't leave a message, do you? 529 00:20:51,130 --> 00:20:53,714 -No, but I did like it. I-- That's, that's-- -Really? 530 00:20:53,798 --> 00:20:56,047 -Yes. Hi. This is Larry David. 531 00:20:56,130 --> 00:21:01,005 I just want to say I really enjoyed the show. Good job." 532 00:21:01,089 --> 00:21:04,756 Yeah. Like I said, I'm not, I'm not good with-- If it was in person, 533 00:21:04,839 --> 00:21:07,255 -I would have been much more effusive. -Really? 534 00:21:07,339 --> 00:21:09,214 -Yeah. -So... 535 00:21:10,464 --> 00:21:13,214 I mean, it's hard to do now. Bec-- You know, it's-- 536 00:21:13,297 --> 00:21:16,589 It's like doing an impression for somebody. It's hard to just do it on command. 537 00:21:16,673 --> 00:21:19,756 -You do impressions? -Yeah. I do a lot. I can-- 538 00:21:19,839 --> 00:21:22,089 I can do Raymond Massey from, uh, doing Lincoln. 539 00:21:22,172 --> 00:21:24,005 Raymond Massey as Lincoln. You never see that! 540 00:21:24,089 --> 00:21:27,839 "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 541 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:32,422 Well, I was so moved, Clive. 542 00:21:32,506 --> 00:21:34,714 The pathos of this character. 543 00:21:34,798 --> 00:21:38,756 -The triumph and the disgrace of his... -Thank you. 544 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:42,714 -Thank you. -Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm-mmm! 545 00:21:42,798 --> 00:21:46,130 Oh, my God. Oh. This is unbelievable! 546 00:21:46,214 --> 00:21:48,756 This Metzler's? Best, the best. 547 00:21:48,839 --> 00:21:51,631 You see that? That is genuine praise. 548 00:21:51,714 --> 00:21:53,798 I do a fucking play for 90 minutes, 549 00:21:53,881 --> 00:21:55,881 digging deep and doing everything I can, 550 00:21:55,964 --> 00:21:57,464 and you give that for a sandwich. 551 00:21:57,547 --> 00:21:59,714 So you do do praise, just not for me. 552 00:21:59,798 --> 00:22:02,964 You know, that, that kind of thing, that's not for people. 553 00:22:03,047 --> 00:22:06,631 That's for sandwiches, a well-struck iron, 554 00:22:06,714 --> 00:22:08,506 -a good golf shot. -Do you know what it takes? 555 00:22:08,589 --> 00:22:11,631 Stand up there for 90 minutes, on your own, a one-man play? 556 00:22:11,714 --> 00:22:14,798 -Mm. -A serious subject like that. Do you know what it costs? 557 00:22:14,881 --> 00:22:16,714 Must be quite grueling. 558 00:22:16,798 --> 00:22:19,047 One wonders why somebody would do it. 559 00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:21,839 Is he for real? 560 00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:24,673 No, I'm just saying. It seems... 561 00:22:24,756 --> 00:22:26,339 a little crazy. 562 00:22:26,422 --> 00:22:28,506 That's what you thought when you came to see the play? 563 00:22:28,589 --> 00:22:30,631 You thought it's crazy that someone would do this. 564 00:22:30,714 --> 00:22:32,422 Well, kinda. 565 00:22:33,130 --> 00:22:34,839 No, Clive. -Clive, Clive! 566 00:22:34,923 --> 00:22:37,005 - Clive, Clive! -Clive! Come on! 567 00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,756 Clive! - Clive! 568 00:22:38,839 --> 00:22:40,923 ♪ ♪ 569 00:22:47,255 --> 00:22:48,923 Hi. How you doin', Lionel? 570 00:22:49,005 --> 00:22:50,756 How you doin', there, Mr. Danson? 571 00:22:51,589 --> 00:22:53,714 Just need your signature real quick. 572 00:22:53,798 --> 00:22:55,756 -How's it going today? -Good. 573 00:22:55,839 --> 00:22:57,964 You're friends with Larry David, right? 574 00:22:59,422 --> 00:23:01,047 Yeah, I suppose. 575 00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:03,631 He's fucking a doll. 576 00:23:04,130 --> 00:23:05,339 What? 577 00:23:05,422 --> 00:23:08,422 I delivered a blow-up fuck doll to his house. 578 00:23:09,547 --> 00:23:12,089 How could you possibly know that? 579 00:23:12,172 --> 00:23:15,381 The package said, "Do not puncture. Discreet delivery." 580 00:23:15,464 --> 00:23:17,130 Mailmen know. 581 00:23:18,714 --> 00:23:19,839 Have a great day. 582 00:23:21,422 --> 00:23:24,089 ♪ ♪ 583 00:23:31,964 --> 00:23:33,631 -Hi. -Hey. 584 00:23:34,089 --> 00:23:37,047 -I'm still a little pissed off, but I come as a friend. -Of course. 585 00:23:37,130 --> 00:23:40,422 -Okay, thank you. -I just have some information I think you ought to know. 586 00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:43,631 Your ex-husband, he's fucking... 587 00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:46,589 a sex doll, just so you know. 588 00:23:46,673 --> 00:23:50,255 He's basically sticking his penis in a balloon. 589 00:23:50,339 --> 00:23:52,005 Good to see you. 590 00:24:01,005 --> 00:24:03,214 -Larry! How are you? -How do you do? 591 00:24:03,297 --> 00:24:04,964 -How do you do? -How do you do? 592 00:24:05,047 --> 00:24:07,381 -I do well. I do well. 593 00:24:07,464 --> 00:24:10,297 -Do you want to come in, or-- -No, I don't think that'll be necessary. 594 00:24:10,381 --> 00:24:13,005 I've been thinking about the stole. 595 00:24:13,089 --> 00:24:15,964 -Thank you. It reminds me of my mom. It's beautiful. -Yeah. 596 00:24:16,047 --> 00:24:19,089 You know, you got so emotional. I felt so terrible. 597 00:24:19,172 --> 00:24:20,714 I had to give it to you. 598 00:24:20,798 --> 00:24:22,589 -I appreciate it so much. -Yeah. 599 00:24:22,673 --> 00:24:25,506 Of course, I have since learned that... 600 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:29,297 you're actually a professional crier. You do this for a living. 601 00:24:29,381 --> 00:24:33,714 -Yeah? So? -And so what I can't quite figure out is... 602 00:24:33,798 --> 00:24:37,255 did I give that stole to... real Carol? 603 00:24:37,339 --> 00:24:41,923 Or did I give it to, you know, 604 00:24:42,005 --> 00:24:43,756 the professional crier? 605 00:24:43,839 --> 00:24:47,047 'Cause that would be bad. 'Cause then I would feel like I was duped. 606 00:24:47,130 --> 00:24:51,589 You know. Who knows what else you've cried your way into. 607 00:24:51,673 --> 00:24:55,005 The couch, the coffee table, the painting. 608 00:24:55,089 --> 00:24:57,881 -Maybe the house. -Okay. Those... 609 00:24:57,964 --> 00:25:02,047 Those tears were real, Larry. And I... 610 00:25:02,130 --> 00:25:04,798 I obviously cry in real life, too. 611 00:25:04,881 --> 00:25:06,297 -I'm a real person. -Yeah. Sure. 612 00:25:06,381 --> 00:25:08,673 You think that I'm... 613 00:25:08,756 --> 00:25:12,047 I made up a story about my own mother... 614 00:25:12,130 --> 00:25:14,673 -You see, there. -...to get your stole? 615 00:25:14,756 --> 00:25:16,297 There, there, there it is. 616 00:25:16,381 --> 00:25:18,005 -See? 617 00:25:18,089 --> 00:25:19,923 -That's very difficult. -I lost my mom! 618 00:25:20,005 --> 00:25:21,547 No, you're very good at this. 619 00:25:21,631 --> 00:25:23,422 -If in fact you're making-- I'm sorry. 620 00:25:23,506 --> 00:25:25,673 -Can't quite-- -Larry, please. 621 00:25:25,756 --> 00:25:27,255 -Larry, get out! -Oh, oh! 622 00:25:31,005 --> 00:25:32,798 ♪ ♪ 623 00:25:35,673 --> 00:25:37,964 -Larry! Larry! 624 00:25:38,047 --> 00:25:40,422 -Hey, Freddy! -I was just about to call you. 625 00:25:40,506 --> 00:25:41,964 -Really? -You created a real problem 626 00:25:42,047 --> 00:25:43,547 with Uncle Moke with the Internet porn. 627 00:25:43,631 --> 00:25:45,589 Ah, you know, it's, it's better than, 628 00:25:45,673 --> 00:25:47,339 than paying money for those magazines. 629 00:25:47,422 --> 00:25:49,255 No, it's all day. It's a problem. It's all he does. 630 00:25:49,339 --> 00:25:51,255 And he is paying. He's doing the chat rooms now. 631 00:25:51,339 --> 00:25:54,381 I'm so sorry. I don't know. I was just trying to save the guy some money. 632 00:25:54,464 --> 00:25:56,214 It's addiction. You gotta do something. 633 00:25:56,297 --> 00:25:58,631 -Do something? What can I do? -Whatever it is, 634 00:25:58,714 --> 00:26:00,506 you kind of started it off. I think you should step in. 635 00:26:00,589 --> 00:26:02,714 -All right, I'll think about it. -No, don't think about. Do whatever it is. 636 00:26:02,798 --> 00:26:04,547 I gotta think about it. I don't know what to do. I gotta, you know, 637 00:26:04,631 --> 00:26:06,089 -I gotta think about it. -Okay, that's good. 638 00:26:06,172 --> 00:26:07,422 Hey, did you hit the doll up yet? 639 00:26:07,506 --> 00:26:10,172 -N-No. -Take a shot at the doll. 640 00:26:12,964 --> 00:26:15,047 Plumber: And... 641 00:26:15,130 --> 00:26:18,047 voilà, the pee cube. 642 00:26:18,464 --> 00:26:20,214 -I like it. -You sure do. 643 00:26:20,297 --> 00:26:21,923 -Yeah. -Take her for a spin. 644 00:26:22,005 --> 00:26:24,214 -Sure. -Get on in there, huh? 645 00:26:24,297 --> 00:26:26,381 -There you go. Look at that. -Mm-hmm. 646 00:26:26,464 --> 00:26:28,255 -How does that feel? -Feels pretty good. 647 00:26:28,339 --> 00:26:30,172 Shit. Got the prototype done, huh? 648 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,798 -Yeah, you wanna give it a try? -Nah, fuck that, man. 649 00:26:31,881 --> 00:26:33,422 That shit ain't deep enough. 650 00:26:33,506 --> 00:26:34,923 What do you mean? -What are you talking about? 651 00:26:35,005 --> 00:26:36,422 Any motherfucker that come up to that shit, 652 00:26:36,506 --> 00:26:38,714 with a little-ass penis, of course it works for them. 653 00:26:38,798 --> 00:26:41,381 But you got a big-ass johnson, you gotta stand a little further back, see, 654 00:26:41,464 --> 00:26:43,130 so your johnson don't overshoot 655 00:26:43,214 --> 00:26:45,297 and hit the back of that motherfucker. I'm not bragging and shit, 656 00:26:45,381 --> 00:26:48,089 but I had a lady give me a wedgie with my own goddamn johnson. 657 00:26:48,172 --> 00:26:50,506 Okay. Are we done here? Uh, can you get-- 658 00:26:50,589 --> 00:26:52,547 -Can you get to work on this thing right away? -Yeah, of course. Yeah. 659 00:26:52,631 --> 00:26:55,089 -Yeah. I'll get right on it. -Hey. Let's talk timeline. 660 00:26:55,172 --> 00:26:57,130 -Oh, okay. Yeah. -Prototype is pretty fuckin' good, though, man. 661 00:26:57,214 --> 00:26:59,673 -Thanks, man. I appreciate that. You do goddamn good work. 662 00:27:00,339 --> 00:27:01,547 Hmm. 663 00:27:02,172 --> 00:27:03,673 -Hey. -Hey. 664 00:27:03,756 --> 00:27:04,923 -Hey. -What are you doing? 665 00:27:05,005 --> 00:27:06,047 What are you doing? 666 00:27:06,130 --> 00:27:07,381 What brings you to Latte Larry's? 667 00:27:07,464 --> 00:27:10,422 Uh, Clive Owen. He's a mess. 668 00:27:10,506 --> 00:27:11,923 Ever since you left him that message 669 00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:13,297 and the other day at the house... 670 00:27:13,381 --> 00:27:15,464 -What, at lunch? -...he's lost all confidence. 671 00:27:15,547 --> 00:27:18,005 His shows are not as good. It's affecting his performances. 672 00:27:18,089 --> 00:27:21,339 -Really? -Yeah. People used to weep. Nobody's weeping. 673 00:27:21,422 --> 00:27:23,255 And we open in two days, 674 00:27:23,339 --> 00:27:26,047 and I'm scared that the critics are gonna kill him. 675 00:27:26,798 --> 00:27:28,005 Oh, boy. 676 00:27:28,089 --> 00:27:30,673 I gotta do something, and I don't know what. 677 00:27:31,714 --> 00:27:33,130 Oh. 678 00:27:33,214 --> 00:27:35,172 -Lewis's girlfriend. -Yeah? 679 00:27:35,255 --> 00:27:36,464 -Carol. -Yeah? 680 00:27:36,547 --> 00:27:38,172 She's a professional crier. 681 00:27:38,255 --> 00:27:39,798 -Yeah? -Hire her for opening night. 682 00:27:39,881 --> 00:27:42,005 Let her sit in the audience, she'll sob away. 683 00:27:42,089 --> 00:27:43,506 -Really? -Once she starts sobbing, 684 00:27:43,589 --> 00:27:45,464 everyone else will start sobbing. Sobs are contagious. 685 00:27:45,547 --> 00:27:48,130 -You can never have enough criers. No. -Abs-- I know. You can't. 686 00:27:48,214 --> 00:27:50,047 What the hell is that? 687 00:27:51,214 --> 00:27:53,464 That, my stout friend, 688 00:27:53,547 --> 00:27:56,422 is a urinal revolution. 689 00:27:56,506 --> 00:27:58,589 Clive: She's a good ship, the Kon Tiki. 690 00:27:58,673 --> 00:28:00,756 I named her Kon Tiki 691 00:28:00,839 --> 00:28:03,589 in memory of the Peruvian sun god. 692 00:28:03,673 --> 00:28:05,005 And here I am, 693 00:28:05,089 --> 00:28:07,798 following in Tiki's footsteps. 694 00:28:07,881 --> 00:28:11,339 My only companion was a parrot 695 00:28:11,422 --> 00:28:14,339 that had snuck aboard. 696 00:28:16,172 --> 00:28:19,089 -He's not doing good. ...used to be a tough school. 697 00:28:19,172 --> 00:28:21,798 -Those first few weeks... 698 00:28:21,881 --> 00:28:23,923 ...in the Humboldt Current. 699 00:28:24,005 --> 00:28:25,714 -Which one is she? Before this journey, 700 00:28:25,798 --> 00:28:27,506 -my life was... - Oh, there she is. 701 00:28:27,589 --> 00:28:29,422 She's got my mother's stole on. 702 00:28:29,506 --> 00:28:31,214 She's wearing the stole. 703 00:28:31,297 --> 00:28:33,506 Clive: I have the purpose, but not the wind. 704 00:28:35,589 --> 00:28:39,464 Now there is no day, no night, just the relentless... 705 00:28:39,547 --> 00:28:42,547 Ah. There. She's gonna start. 706 00:28:42,631 --> 00:28:45,798 I am completely alone. 707 00:28:46,631 --> 00:28:49,714 Even my parrot Lorita has perished. 708 00:28:58,964 --> 00:29:00,422 Perished. 709 00:29:04,506 --> 00:29:06,047 Lorita. 710 00:29:06,130 --> 00:29:07,464 Perished! 711 00:29:10,422 --> 00:29:12,964 Look out. It's really catching on now. 712 00:29:13,047 --> 00:29:16,798 I give my last will and testament to the waves 713 00:29:16,881 --> 00:29:18,923 -who refuse to weep with me. 714 00:29:19,005 --> 00:29:23,005 My final epitaph written in the froth and the foam. 715 00:29:23,089 --> 00:29:26,297 Pity the man, who thought 716 00:29:26,381 --> 00:29:28,673 he could go back in time. 717 00:29:31,798 --> 00:29:33,255 Goodbye, Kon Tiki. 718 00:29:33,339 --> 00:29:35,047 No! 719 00:29:43,297 --> 00:29:45,923 Clive: From a distance, could it be? 720 00:29:46,005 --> 00:29:47,923 It's land! 721 00:29:48,005 --> 00:29:51,839 Oh! Praise be, Tiki! 722 00:29:54,005 --> 00:29:56,464 Praise be! 723 00:30:00,381 --> 00:30:01,798 Yeah! Yeah! 724 00:30:01,881 --> 00:30:03,839 Bravo! Wow! 725 00:30:10,506 --> 00:30:13,297 -Yes! Yes! Yes! -Yeah. 726 00:30:13,381 --> 00:30:15,923 Thank you. Worked like a charm. She did great. 727 00:30:21,005 --> 00:30:23,381 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 728 00:30:23,464 --> 00:30:26,464 Hey, Carol. Carol. 729 00:30:26,547 --> 00:30:27,964 Oh, Larry, hi! 730 00:30:28,047 --> 00:30:29,172 -Hi. -How are you? 731 00:30:29,255 --> 00:30:30,631 Good. So, um... 732 00:30:30,714 --> 00:30:32,798 I just wanted to congratulate you on that... 733 00:30:32,881 --> 00:30:34,339 magnificent performance. 734 00:30:34,422 --> 00:30:36,464 Oh. It was a very emotional play. 735 00:30:36,547 --> 00:30:38,339 -Yeah, it was really special. 736 00:30:38,422 --> 00:30:40,631 I really got to see you do your thing. 737 00:30:40,714 --> 00:30:43,172 -Mm-hmm. -And the more I watched you, 738 00:30:43,255 --> 00:30:45,172 the more I'm convinced 739 00:30:45,255 --> 00:30:48,714 that what you did at the table at lunch that day 740 00:30:48,798 --> 00:30:50,673 was total bullshit. 741 00:30:50,756 --> 00:30:54,089 -Wow. -Your mother didn't fall into the subway tracks. 742 00:30:54,172 --> 00:30:56,547 That's a cock-and-bull story if I ever heard one. 743 00:30:56,631 --> 00:30:58,214 -Give me the stole back. -You're just being rude. 744 00:30:58,297 --> 00:31:00,506 -Carol, give me the stole. -Get-- Larry! 745 00:31:00,589 --> 00:31:02,714 -Hey. 746 00:31:02,798 --> 00:31:05,005 -Hey, hey, hey. What's the problem? -Larry, this is-- 747 00:31:05,089 --> 00:31:06,714 -What's going on? 748 00:31:06,798 --> 00:31:08,714 Okay. She's a professional crier, 749 00:31:08,798 --> 00:31:12,255 and she conned her way into getting that stole off me. 750 00:31:12,339 --> 00:31:15,381 -It's my mother's stole. -Excuse me. Officer, he is mocking me. 751 00:31:15,464 --> 00:31:18,339 He gave me this stole. My mother passed away. 752 00:31:18,422 --> 00:31:20,964 And this stole reminds me of her. 753 00:31:21,047 --> 00:31:22,589 -And this is all I've got. -Okay. You see? 754 00:31:22,673 --> 00:31:24,381 -This is the same story. -This is the only thing I've got 755 00:31:24,464 --> 00:31:26,464 -to remember her by. -She told me the same story about, 756 00:31:26,547 --> 00:31:28,339 -about being in a subway. 757 00:31:28,422 --> 00:31:29,881 But she took that stole from me. 758 00:31:29,964 --> 00:31:31,422 -That's my mother's stole. 759 00:31:31,506 --> 00:31:32,881 She-- I inherited that stole. 760 00:31:32,964 --> 00:31:35,881 -She gave it to me. -You can't take it back! 761 00:31:37,839 --> 00:31:40,255 Stop. Stop it. Hey. Hey, guy. 762 00:31:40,339 --> 00:31:42,381 -Officer: Hey, what are you doing? -I want my stole! 763 00:31:42,464 --> 00:31:44,089 -I want-- Aah! Hey, hey. 764 00:31:44,172 --> 00:31:45,631 Hey, what are you doing? 765 00:31:45,714 --> 00:31:48,130 -Crying? -No, that's crying. That's not crying. 766 00:31:48,214 --> 00:31:50,130 -No, she's not! -I'm crying! 767 00:31:50,214 --> 00:31:51,923 I'm crying, Larry! 768 00:31:52,005 --> 00:31:54,214 -I paid her to cry like this! -All right, let's walk it off. 769 00:31:54,297 --> 00:31:57,047 -Walk it off? She's a, she's a bullshit artist! -Let's take a walk. I know. 770 00:31:57,130 --> 00:32:00,005 I know. Come on. Let's walk it off. -Thank you, Officer. 771 00:32:05,547 --> 00:32:07,339 Clive: Excuse me. 772 00:32:08,005 --> 00:32:10,464 -Oh. Hi. -Hi. 773 00:32:10,547 --> 00:32:13,297 I, uh... I couldn't help noticing you out there. 774 00:32:13,381 --> 00:32:15,923 You seemed very moved. It was very inspiring. 775 00:32:16,005 --> 00:32:18,798 Oh, I mean, you inspired me. Your performance was incredible. 776 00:32:18,881 --> 00:32:21,464 Honestly, you were... It was amazing. 777 00:32:21,547 --> 00:32:24,130 -Wh-what's your name? -I'm Carol. 778 00:32:24,214 --> 00:32:25,881 I'm Clive. 779 00:32:25,964 --> 00:32:27,673 I know. 780 00:32:29,673 --> 00:32:30,881 Leon! 781 00:32:30,964 --> 00:32:33,464 Leon, where's my jacket? 782 00:32:34,547 --> 00:32:36,047 Leon! 783 00:32:41,047 --> 00:32:42,214 Leon! 784 00:32:42,297 --> 00:32:44,089 Leon! What the hell's going on? 785 00:32:44,172 --> 00:32:45,714 You said you were going to deflate it. 786 00:32:45,798 --> 00:32:48,464 You know what? I didn't get around to it. I'll... 787 00:32:48,547 --> 00:32:50,381 -Slipped my mind. -Slipped your mind. 788 00:32:50,464 --> 00:32:52,214 -It was there, then the shit was gone. -You know what I think? 789 00:32:52,297 --> 00:32:54,506 I think you gave it a name. You're keeping it around the house. 790 00:32:54,589 --> 00:32:56,964 You can't get rid of this thing. You're fuckin' her, aren't you? 791 00:32:57,047 --> 00:32:58,631 I'm not gonna sit here and let you do this shit to me right now. 792 00:32:58,714 --> 00:32:59,923 -Oh, you're not? -No, I'm not. 793 00:33:00,005 --> 00:33:01,381 Okay. Well, you know what? 794 00:33:01,464 --> 00:33:03,172 Say goodbye to her, 'cause I'm deflating her right now. 795 00:33:03,255 --> 00:33:04,798 -Fuck you, Larry. -Fuck you, Leon. 796 00:33:04,881 --> 00:33:06,047 Fuck you, Larry. 797 00:33:06,130 --> 00:33:07,589 Be good, Sherry. 798 00:33:26,255 --> 00:33:27,881 Mr. Larry! 799 00:33:28,005 --> 00:33:30,839 -I found your jack-- 800 00:33:34,506 --> 00:33:35,673 Asco! 801 00:33:35,756 --> 00:33:37,297 -No. No. Basta! -Oh! 802 00:33:37,381 --> 00:33:39,297 -Eres un pervertido. -No, no, no! 803 00:33:39,381 --> 00:33:41,589 I quit! You're worse than Miss Susie! 804 00:33:41,673 --> 00:33:43,506 No, I'm just deflating her! 805 00:33:43,589 --> 00:33:45,589 No! Wait! No! 806 00:33:45,673 --> 00:33:47,130 Aah! 807 00:33:49,422 --> 00:33:51,506 Oh, my God! 808 00:33:53,047 --> 00:33:54,631 Larry. 809 00:33:55,547 --> 00:33:56,839 Oh, God. 810 00:33:56,923 --> 00:33:59,506 God. 811 00:34:03,506 --> 00:34:05,839 Ha-ha. -So, here's to the play. 812 00:34:05,923 --> 00:34:07,297 Yes! -Kon Tiki. 813 00:34:07,381 --> 00:34:09,506 -Cheers. Cheers. Fantastic. 814 00:34:09,589 --> 00:34:11,047 -Kon Tiki. -Cheers. 815 00:34:11,130 --> 00:34:12,673 Jeff: God, that was just... 816 00:34:12,756 --> 00:34:14,214 Hey, do me a favor. 817 00:34:14,297 --> 00:34:15,839 Just the one line from the review. 818 00:34:15,923 --> 00:34:18,172 Oh, no. Read it! Yes! 819 00:34:18,255 --> 00:34:20,130 Come on, man. -You should be proud! 820 00:34:20,214 --> 00:34:23,506 Want to hear it in your beautiful, dulcet tones. 821 00:34:23,589 --> 00:34:24,839 Okay, here we go. It says, 822 00:34:24,923 --> 00:34:27,923 "Clive Owen's portrayal of Thor Heyerdahl 823 00:34:28,005 --> 00:34:31,047 "is as nuanced, varied, and moving 824 00:34:31,130 --> 00:34:33,005 as the ocean he traversed." 825 00:34:33,089 --> 00:34:34,547 -Oh. -Fuck, yes! 826 00:34:34,631 --> 00:34:36,047 -Fuck yes! So good! 827 00:34:36,130 --> 00:34:37,547 -Thank you, honestly. 828 00:34:37,631 --> 00:34:39,714 Thank you for making it all happen. 829 00:34:39,798 --> 00:34:41,923 -I've had the best time, honestly. -I've had the best time. 830 00:34:42,005 --> 00:34:44,005 Best reviews I've ever had. 831 00:34:44,089 --> 00:34:45,089 And also, you know, 832 00:34:45,172 --> 00:34:47,547 it's introduced me to the most 833 00:34:47,631 --> 00:34:49,881 -beautiful, amazing woman. -Oh. 834 00:34:49,964 --> 00:34:51,673 Thank you, Clive. 835 00:34:51,756 --> 00:34:53,923 -Have some more. 836 00:34:54,005 --> 00:34:56,631 Mm. Oh, sweetie, actually, no. I have to go to work. 837 00:34:56,714 --> 00:34:58,589 Oh, you're leaving so soon? -Oh, my God. 838 00:34:58,673 --> 00:35:00,255 I've been so consumed, 839 00:35:00,339 --> 00:35:01,631 I haven't even asked you what you do. 840 00:35:01,714 --> 00:35:03,964 I'm a professional crier. 841 00:35:04,047 --> 00:35:05,839 Bye, baby. Bye, guys. 842 00:35:05,923 --> 00:35:08,464 -Thank you for everything. Bye, Carol. 843 00:35:15,881 --> 00:35:17,422 Carol. 844 00:35:18,339 --> 00:35:20,756 -Hey, baby. -A professional crier. What the fuck is that? 845 00:35:20,839 --> 00:35:23,631 I get paid to go to, you know, TV shows, commercials. 846 00:35:23,714 --> 00:35:26,339 -Funerals sometimes. -You get paid to go to funerals and cry? 847 00:35:26,422 --> 00:35:28,756 -Yeah, it's my job. It's what I do. Sometimes-- -The play. 848 00:35:28,839 --> 00:35:31,631 When you were crying in the play, was that, was that a job or was that real? 849 00:35:31,714 --> 00:35:34,172 No. No, it was real. I mean, it was 10% more, 850 00:35:34,255 --> 00:35:35,964 -because that's what I'm paid, but I would have cried-- -Did somebody pay you? 851 00:35:36,047 --> 00:35:37,589 -It was-- -Did Jeff pay you? 852 00:35:37,673 --> 00:35:40,589 -No. Honestly, I'm not gonna have-- -So all of this is fake. 853 00:35:40,673 --> 00:35:42,005 None of this has been real. 854 00:35:42,089 --> 00:35:43,631 No, no, it isn't fake, actually, Clive. 855 00:35:43,714 --> 00:35:45,464 -Isn't it? -Yes, okay, it is fake! 856 00:35:45,547 --> 00:35:47,506 Is that what you want to hear? It's fake! 857 00:35:47,589 --> 00:35:50,214 -You-- Don't go! 858 00:35:50,422 --> 00:35:51,881 Get-- Leave my-- 859 00:35:58,798 --> 00:36:01,047 Carol, no! Carol! 860 00:36:11,297 --> 00:36:12,923 Enjoy. 861 00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:16,214 Stay off the Internet. 862 00:36:24,047 --> 00:36:26,130 ♪ ♪ 863 00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:39,798 Leon! Leon! Where are you?! 864 00:37:39,881 --> 00:37:42,172 -I'm back here! -Look what I got! 865 00:37:42,255 --> 00:37:43,130 Ooh! 866 00:37:43,214 --> 00:37:44,339 LARRY DAVID: We're gonna have some fun! 867 00:37:47,547 --> 00:37:50,464 I'm having a surprise party for Jeff for his birthday. 868 00:37:50,547 --> 00:37:52,464 -People hate surprise parties. -No, no, no, no. 869 00:37:52,547 --> 00:37:53,839 -That's fun? That's fun? -Yes. 870 00:37:53,923 --> 00:37:55,255 -Nobody's doing... 871 00:37:56,381 --> 00:37:57,339 Why did you pass me? 872 00:37:57,422 --> 00:37:58,506 Did you hear footsteps behind you? 873 00:37:58,798 --> 00:38:01,255 I heard footsteps and then, whoosh! Right past me. 874 00:38:01,339 --> 00:38:03,089 You should've moved over to the right to let me pass. 875 00:38:03,172 --> 00:38:04,255 You should've given me one of these. 876 00:38:04,339 --> 00:38:07,798 He's here! Surprise!