1 00:00:14,245 --> 00:00:18,661 ♪ A robin feathering his nest has very little time to rest ♪ 2 00:00:18,662 --> 00:00:22,036 ♪ While gathering his bits of twine and twig ♪ 3 00:00:22,037 --> 00:00:25,244 ♪ Though quite intent in his pursuit ♪ 4 00:00:25,245 --> 00:00:29,036 ♪ He has a merry tune to toot ♪ 5 00:00:29,037 --> 00:00:31,702 ♪ It's clear a song ♪ 6 00:00:31,703 --> 00:00:36,619 ♪ Will move the job along ♪ 7 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:42,827 ♪ For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down ♪ 8 00:00:42,828 --> 00:00:44,994 ♪ The medicine go down ♪ 9 00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:48,827 ♪ The medicine... the medicine go down ♪ 10 00:00:48,828 --> 00:00:50,787 ♪ For a spoonful of... ♪ 11 00:01:02,787 --> 00:01:03,662 Fuck! 12 00:01:49,204 --> 00:01:51,161 Hey! Hey! 13 00:01:51,162 --> 00:01:54,161 Wha... why didn't you keep the door open? 14 00:01:54,162 --> 00:01:55,994 Oh, um... 15 00:01:55,995 --> 00:01:57,577 No... no "after you"? 16 00:01:57,578 --> 00:02:02,786 I... I... I didn't really get an "after you" vibe. 17 00:02:02,787 --> 00:02:04,870 Well... well, why not? I'm a woman, aren't I? 18 00:02:06,536 --> 00:02:08,119 - Yeah... - Really? 19 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,869 Well, I... I just didn't think you were the type 20 00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:12,036 who would want a guy to hold the door open for you. 21 00:02:12,037 --> 00:02:14,244 - What type am I? - You know, you're a type. 22 00:02:14,245 --> 00:02:16,369 You have, uh, short hair, 23 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:19,911 you wear a tie, you got a vest. 24 00:02:19,912 --> 00:02:21,619 It's, uh... it's a look. 25 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:25,203 So, you looked at me and then let a door shut on me. 26 00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:27,203 I thought you might not want that, that's all. 27 00:02:27,204 --> 00:02:28,869 I was just trying not to offend you, 28 00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:31,619 and yet I wound up offending you, which is quite ironic. 29 00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:35,494 It is ironic because I would've enjoyed the door being open for me. 30 00:02:35,495 --> 00:02:36,994 - And... you know what I mean? - Uh, well, 31 00:02:36,995 --> 00:02:39,119 also there was some distance involved, too. 32 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,661 - So I would say type plus distance... - Oh, you have an equation? 33 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,078 - Yeah, type... - You have an equation for the... 34 00:02:44,079 --> 00:02:45,369 Yes, it's a mathematical equation. 35 00:02:45,370 --> 00:02:48,119 Type plus distance equals no door hold. 36 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,827 Where did you get that equation from? 37 00:02:49,828 --> 00:02:51,369 Uh, I made it up. 38 00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:53,203 Well, you know, what kind of vibe I'm getting from you 39 00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:56,244 is that that's a fucked up equation, you know what I mean? 40 00:02:56,245 --> 00:02:59,744 But you can't argue with the distance, though. 41 00:02:59,745 --> 00:03:01,577 That's a... 42 00:03:01,578 --> 00:03:03,079 that's a big factor. 43 00:03:06,495 --> 00:03:07,786 Huh?! 44 00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:11,036 "Fatwa! The Musical," written by Larry David. 45 00:03:11,037 --> 00:03:13,369 - Finally! - Five years. 46 00:03:13,370 --> 00:03:15,203 - Five years. - Yeah. 47 00:03:15,204 --> 00:03:18,869 You wrote a musical about Salman Rushdie 48 00:03:18,870 --> 00:03:21,953 having his life ruined 'cause he got a fatwa, a death threat, 49 00:03:21,954 --> 00:03:23,953 from the Ayatollah Khomeini. 50 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,661 I'm telling you, there's a lot of funny stuff in there. 51 00:03:25,662 --> 00:03:27,203 Who do you think about playing Salman Rushdie 52 00:03:27,204 --> 00:03:28,535 and what about the ayatollah? 53 00:03:28,536 --> 00:03:29,953 Salman Rushdie, I don't know, 54 00:03:29,954 --> 00:03:32,786 but, uh, the ayatollah, 55 00:03:32,787 --> 00:03:35,786 I'm actually flirting with the notion of doing it. 56 00:03:35,787 --> 00:03:38,161 - You for the ayatollah? - I don't know, I probably won't do it. 57 00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:41,369 - It's like the odds are... - The idea sucks, Lar. 58 00:03:41,370 --> 00:03:43,119 It's a stupid idea. It's just a... 59 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,869 - How are you helping? - ...fatwa. 60 00:03:44,870 --> 00:03:47,452 Really? Oh, like you're a paragon of tastes. 61 00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:50,285 - Yeah. - Larry, I've seen everything on Broadway. 62 00:03:50,286 --> 00:03:52,244 - This is my office. - It's a stupid fucking idea! 63 00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:54,953 Fatwa! People don't wanna see that. They want uplifting. They want... 64 00:03:54,954 --> 00:03:56,827 You don't even know what you're talking about! 65 00:03:56,828 --> 00:03:59,036 - You sound like a moron. You know that? - Do I, really? 66 00:03:59,037 --> 00:04:00,619 Yeah, you do. It's a good idea. 67 00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:02,369 And by the way, what the hell are you doing here anyway? 68 00:04:02,370 --> 00:04:05,494 Well, I was in the area looking... ah... for venues. 69 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:06,994 - He... does he know? - No. 70 00:04:06,995 --> 00:04:08,661 Guess who's getting married. 71 00:04:08,662 --> 00:04:12,036 - Sammi's getting married? - Yes, my little Samella. Yes. 72 00:04:12,037 --> 00:04:13,786 - Who's the guy? - He's a vet. 73 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,911 - An Afghan war vet. - Really? 74 00:04:15,912 --> 00:04:17,994 - He was a Marine. - Don't you got to be careful 75 00:04:17,995 --> 00:04:21,203 with the, uh, you know, the PTSD? 76 00:04:21,204 --> 00:04:22,327 He doesn't have PTSD. 77 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,994 I would know. I know things. 78 00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:25,744 You don't know. You know, it comes on in a year or two. 79 00:04:25,745 --> 00:04:28,285 He could wake up in the middle of the night and start punching. 80 00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:30,535 - What is that? What are you doing? - He could wake up... 81 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:33,327 ...you know, like that. 82 00:04:33,328 --> 00:04:36,827 All right. All right, you guys are fuckin' morons. 83 00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:39,619 Ah, you poor fucker. 84 00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:41,494 - Your haircut's here. - Yeah, send her in. 85 00:04:41,495 --> 00:04:44,119 - You get a haircut in the office? - Yeah. 86 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,577 - Betty! - Hi, Susie! How's it going? 87 00:04:45,578 --> 00:04:46,744 - How are you, my love? - Good. 88 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:47,827 - Hi, Jeff. - Hiya, Betty. 89 00:04:47,828 --> 00:04:49,702 How are you? Good to see you. 90 00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:50,869 Good to see you. 91 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:51,745 Huh. 92 00:04:53,745 --> 00:04:56,912 So... sorry. 93 00:04:58,328 --> 00:05:00,119 Oh, it's fine. I'm over it. 94 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,203 - Really? - Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. 95 00:05:02,204 --> 00:05:04,285 He didn't open the door for me. It was a whole thing. 96 00:05:04,286 --> 00:05:06,036 - I was walking to the door. He didn't open it. - Because the tie 97 00:05:06,037 --> 00:05:08,327 - and the short hair... - In fact, he let it shut. 98 00:05:08,328 --> 00:05:10,869 And then it was offensive to me, obviously, 99 00:05:10,870 --> 00:05:13,244 because it's just... 'cause he thinks that I wouldn't want the door open. 100 00:05:13,245 --> 00:05:16,161 - Anyway, I'm awfully sorry. - You know what? It's okay. 101 00:05:16,162 --> 00:05:18,203 - Water under the bridge. - Water under the bridge. 102 00:05:18,204 --> 00:05:20,953 That's Betty. Betty, you're too good, I'll tell ya. 103 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,036 She also happens to be a lesbian. 104 00:05:23,037 --> 00:05:25,911 And she's marrying her partner in a few weeks. 105 00:05:25,912 --> 00:05:27,869 She's a lesbian. 106 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,619 She takes such great pride in having a lesbian friend. 107 00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:33,161 "Oh. Oh, look at me, everybody. 108 00:05:33,162 --> 00:05:36,036 I'm so cool, I hang out with lesbians." 109 00:05:36,037 --> 00:05:38,619 I had lesbian friends before you knew what lesbians were. 110 00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:40,827 - Hey, by the way... - Uh-huh. 111 00:05:40,828 --> 00:05:42,369 ...you know, I could use a haircut. 112 00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:44,119 You could. You could. 113 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,744 And you know what? I could do it for you. 114 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:48,036 - Really? - Yes, yes. I can come to your house. 115 00:05:48,037 --> 00:05:50,078 And I'll open the door for you. 116 00:05:50,079 --> 00:05:51,327 - Okay. - Huh? 117 00:05:51,328 --> 00:05:53,577 - Huh? Come on. Right? - All right. 118 00:05:53,578 --> 00:05:55,744 - Right. Yeah. - Okay, okay. 119 00:05:55,745 --> 00:05:56,745 - Okay. - Okay. All right. 120 00:06:04,453 --> 00:06:06,994 Hey, it's my long-lost assistant. 121 00:06:06,995 --> 00:06:08,535 Welcome back! 122 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:09,994 - Thank you. - Welcome back. 123 00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:14,244 You had a nice little two-day unauthorized vacation. 124 00:06:14,245 --> 00:06:16,244 Oh, not... it wasn't a vacation. 125 00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:19,079 - Oh, it wasn't? - No, I was... I was very constipated. 126 00:06:21,162 --> 00:06:23,953 - I couldn't poop. - No, I know what constipation is. 127 00:06:23,954 --> 00:06:26,285 You don't come to work for two days 128 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,036 because you were constipated? 129 00:06:28,037 --> 00:06:30,285 Yeah. Luckily it was only two days. 130 00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:32,494 The whole world is out there constipated. 131 00:06:32,495 --> 00:06:34,369 Half the population is constipated. 132 00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:37,744 I got married constipated. People do things constipated. 133 00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,827 You wouldn't want me here. I wouldn't... I wouldn't... 134 00:06:39,828 --> 00:06:42,285 No, I would want you here. Why wouldn't I want you here? 135 00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:45,535 I don't function well with the feeling of heaviness. 136 00:06:45,536 --> 00:06:47,494 I feel like I'm wearing a cement inner tube. 137 00:06:47,495 --> 00:06:49,078 - Mm-hmm. - And now, I mean, 138 00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:51,244 it's about being available for it to happen. 139 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,661 And it hasn't totally happened, I'm gonna be honest. 140 00:06:53,662 --> 00:06:55,535 The blessed event hasn't occurred yet? 141 00:06:55,536 --> 00:06:56,827 It's partially occurred, 142 00:06:56,828 --> 00:07:00,994 but I'm gonna soldier on here at the office 143 00:07:00,995 --> 00:07:02,577 so that we can get some stuff done. 144 00:07:02,578 --> 00:07:05,161 You're gonna soldier on. Wow. 145 00:07:05,162 --> 00:07:08,452 Aye, lassie. I admire your courage. 146 00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:11,827 This is one of those fields, like many, that isn't researched enough. 147 00:07:11,828 --> 00:07:16,702 Perhaps, you... you could champion the cause of constipation. 148 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:20,661 You could... you could raise money. 149 00:07:20,662 --> 00:07:23,410 You could go on, you could have fundraisers. 150 00:07:23,411 --> 00:07:25,827 You know, you could... you could have groups 151 00:07:25,828 --> 00:07:28,619 where people who are constipated get together and... 152 00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,869 and talk about their problems. 153 00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:31,370 I don't... 154 00:07:31,371 --> 00:07:34,535 In fact, you know what else you might wanna think about? 155 00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:37,327 Instead of sitting in a chair at your desk, 156 00:07:37,328 --> 00:07:39,744 put in a toilet seat. 157 00:07:39,745 --> 00:07:41,619 You know, have an office bathroom. 158 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,535 Maybe something to consider for the future 159 00:07:43,536 --> 00:07:45,410 if you wanted to look into the plumbing. 160 00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:47,327 - Come on. Not a bad idea. - Um, anyway. 161 00:07:47,328 --> 00:07:51,036 Well, uh, I did get a voicemail, and Richard Lewis called. 162 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:54,244 And, uh, unfortunately, his parakeet died. 163 00:07:54,245 --> 00:07:56,410 Aw. Hmm. 164 00:07:56,411 --> 00:07:59,869 - Had you ever met him? - Yes. Yes, I did. 165 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:02,452 - What was he like? - Bird-like. He was bird-like. 166 00:08:02,453 --> 00:08:04,953 - Yeah. - You know what? I'll cheer him up. 167 00:08:04,954 --> 00:08:07,078 I'll send him a little text. How about that? 168 00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:08,869 Yeah, well, I think for death, 169 00:08:08,870 --> 00:08:11,036 sometimes a text is inadequate. 170 00:08:11,037 --> 00:08:13,702 Yes, perhaps if it were a person, 171 00:08:13,703 --> 00:08:15,994 I would agree with you. 172 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,827 All right. Done. He's gonna love it. 173 00:08:18,828 --> 00:08:21,078 Hey, do me a favour. 174 00:08:21,079 --> 00:08:23,494 This pen is out of ink. 175 00:08:23,495 --> 00:08:25,702 I need a refill. 176 00:08:25,703 --> 00:08:27,244 Okay? 177 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:28,702 There you go. 178 00:08:28,703 --> 00:08:30,410 And you... 179 00:08:30,411 --> 00:08:32,119 There you go. You got the refill. 180 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,245 You have the refill. 181 00:08:36,578 --> 00:08:37,869 You have the refill. 182 00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:40,744 I worry I'm gonna lose something this small. 183 00:08:40,745 --> 00:08:42,120 You take that. 184 00:08:43,703 --> 00:08:46,535 - And I will look that up. - Okay. 185 00:08:46,536 --> 00:08:48,244 Okay. 186 00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:50,078 And think about that toilet. 187 00:08:50,079 --> 00:08:52,078 - The chair toilet. - All right. 188 00:08:52,079 --> 00:08:55,078 You just sit there at your desk. 189 00:08:55,079 --> 00:08:56,536 Pretty good idea. 190 00:09:24,286 --> 00:09:25,286 Hey. 191 00:09:26,912 --> 00:09:28,203 - Come on. - What's up? 192 00:09:28,204 --> 00:09:29,786 Turn this down. It's too loud. 193 00:09:29,787 --> 00:09:31,535 - What's too fucking loud? - I hear it on the street. 194 00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:33,369 Wait... just wait a fuckin' minute. 195 00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:35,119 I'll turn this shit down, okay? 196 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,535 - Yeah. What are you doing? - Ah. You okay? 197 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,744 - Yeah. What are you doing? - I'm fuckin' lamping. What you doing? 198 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,203 You're lamping? 199 00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:42,994 Chillin'. Relaxing. 200 00:09:42,995 --> 00:09:44,161 Why did you change it from chillin'? 201 00:09:44,162 --> 00:09:45,369 What was wrong with chillin'? 202 00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,036 Got to get another one? Lamping? 203 00:09:47,037 --> 00:09:48,827 Lamping. I can sit around here with some fuckin' boxers on 204 00:09:48,828 --> 00:09:50,535 and a tank top with my feet the fuck up. 205 00:09:50,536 --> 00:09:53,827 And chillin' is what? You gotta be in real clothes? 206 00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:55,994 - You can walk around and chill. - Oh. 207 00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:57,994 You upright. You chillin' upright. 208 00:09:57,995 --> 00:09:59,827 You guys got some great slang, I gotta say. 209 00:09:59,828 --> 00:10:02,119 - The fuck you got? - We got boss. 210 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,327 That's a boss shirt. 211 00:10:03,328 --> 00:10:04,285 - Oh, man. - Huh? 212 00:10:04,286 --> 00:10:05,661 You can keep that boss shit. 213 00:10:05,662 --> 00:10:07,452 - Keep that bullshit. - Boss isn't... 214 00:10:07,453 --> 00:10:09,285 boss isn't happening, is it, huh? 215 00:10:09,286 --> 00:10:10,994 Hey, I wouldn't even say that shit by mistake. 216 00:10:10,995 --> 00:10:14,410 Get this... my assistant, okay, 217 00:10:14,411 --> 00:10:16,452 doesn't come to work for two days. 218 00:10:16,453 --> 00:10:19,036 You know why? You know what she tells me? 219 00:10:19,037 --> 00:10:21,161 - What? - She was constipated. 220 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,702 Who doesn't come to work 'cause they're constipated? 221 00:10:24,703 --> 00:10:26,078 Have you ever heard of that? 222 00:10:26,079 --> 00:10:27,953 - Fuck, no. Come on, man. - Ridiculous. 223 00:10:27,954 --> 00:10:29,786 Come on, I shot a porno constipated. 224 00:10:29,787 --> 00:10:32,535 I ran a 5k marathon constipated. 225 00:10:32,536 --> 00:10:34,036 Shit, man, come on. 226 00:10:34,037 --> 00:10:36,577 I was in a hot dog-eating contest constipated. 227 00:10:36,578 --> 00:10:38,203 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 228 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,661 You shot a porno? 229 00:10:39,662 --> 00:10:40,994 - Seriously? - Yeah. Seriously. 230 00:10:40,995 --> 00:10:43,244 And a hot dog-eating contest constipated. 231 00:10:43,245 --> 00:10:45,661 And I still fucking won. That's not a fucking excuse. 232 00:10:45,662 --> 00:10:49,369 You cannot let this bitch use constipation as something to lean on. 233 00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:50,827 You got to fire that bitch. 234 00:10:50,828 --> 00:10:53,577 Yeah, well, that's easier said than done. 235 00:10:53,578 --> 00:10:55,702 It's, you know... she's got a... 236 00:10:55,703 --> 00:10:57,577 she's got a limp and a cane. 237 00:10:57,578 --> 00:10:59,036 I'd feel sorry for her. 238 00:10:59,037 --> 00:11:00,827 I can't. I can't do it. 239 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,911 And by the way, that's just the tip of the iceberg. 240 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,494 Okay. What the fuck else could it be? 241 00:11:04,495 --> 00:11:05,744 I'm not at liberty to... to say. 242 00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:07,244 - I can't say. - What is it? 243 00:11:07,245 --> 00:11:08,744 I don't wanna say. I don't wanna talk about it. 244 00:11:08,745 --> 00:11:10,410 You fucking walk all the way the fuck over here, 245 00:11:10,411 --> 00:11:12,119 you disturb me from fucking lamping, 246 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,577 and you ain't even gonna fucking tell me what the fuck it is? 247 00:11:13,578 --> 00:11:14,744 I... I... I can't say. 248 00:11:14,745 --> 00:11:15,870 Tell me what the fuck going on. 249 00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:19,327 Let's just say her uncle fucked her. 250 00:11:19,328 --> 00:11:22,410 - Recently? - No, no. Years ago. 251 00:11:22,411 --> 00:11:23,710 Oh, shit, man. 252 00:11:23,711 --> 00:11:25,786 You see... you see the dilemma that I have? 253 00:11:25,787 --> 00:11:27,744 Between the limp and the cane and the uncle... 254 00:11:27,745 --> 00:11:29,911 she's unfirable. 255 00:11:29,912 --> 00:11:31,911 - God damn it, man, you can't fucking fire her. - I can't fire her, I know. 256 00:11:31,912 --> 00:11:33,869 And the thing about it is that 257 00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:35,744 she was so highly recommended, too. 258 00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:38,452 She used to work for Jimmy Kimmel and he recommended her to me. 259 00:11:38,453 --> 00:11:41,619 He said she was great, and she's awful. 260 00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:44,452 Why would he recommend her? 261 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,078 I know what the fuck happened. 262 00:11:46,079 --> 00:11:47,452 He foisted you, man. 263 00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:51,285 Fucking Jimmy Kimmel foisted that bitch on you. 264 00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:52,786 What do you mean? 265 00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:54,285 He couldn't fire her either, 266 00:11:54,286 --> 00:11:55,744 so he passed her ass onto you. 267 00:11:55,745 --> 00:11:57,702 Don't you ever allow yourself to get foisted. 268 00:11:57,703 --> 00:11:59,427 You understand? That fucking limpy-ass girl... 269 00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:00,577 I got foisted. 270 00:12:00,578 --> 00:12:02,619 Now, the only way to resolve this shit, 271 00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:05,786 go in your fucking mind and you think of someone 272 00:12:05,787 --> 00:12:08,452 you can unload this limpy bitch onto. 273 00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:10,827 You have to get rid of this bitch. 274 00:12:10,828 --> 00:12:12,953 You know what, every now and then... 275 00:12:12,954 --> 00:12:16,953 every now and then, yeah, I gotta say, you surprise me. 276 00:12:16,954 --> 00:12:18,327 Whoo. 277 00:12:18,328 --> 00:12:19,994 Boom. Boom. 278 00:12:19,995 --> 00:12:21,410 Is that still workable? 279 00:12:21,411 --> 00:12:22,953 The fist bump? Is that still...? 280 00:12:22,954 --> 00:12:24,535 There's people still doing that, yeah. 281 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,494 Will you let me know when that goes out of fashion? 282 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:27,994 When that shit stop, I'll let you know. 283 00:12:27,995 --> 00:12:29,661 And if you see me doing anything else 284 00:12:29,662 --> 00:12:33,244 that the black community might frown upon as being uncool, 285 00:12:33,245 --> 00:12:34,452 you're gonna let me know. 286 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,285 I'll stop your ass. You know I will. 287 00:12:36,286 --> 00:12:38,828 Now go upstairs and start lamping. 288 00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:43,911 I'm so excited right now. 289 00:12:43,912 --> 00:12:45,452 - Like, I can't even tell you. - Sure. 290 00:12:45,453 --> 00:12:47,161 I just never thought that I'd be having a wedding. 291 00:12:47,162 --> 00:12:49,285 - Have you been married? - I have, yes. 292 00:12:49,286 --> 00:12:51,369 So, you've had a wedding, so you know how awesome it is. 293 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:53,244 - Yeah, but I wasn't excited in the least. - Oh, you weren't? 294 00:12:53,245 --> 00:12:55,827 - No. But I never get excited, you know. - About anything? 295 00:12:55,828 --> 00:12:57,203 No, my mother used to say to me, 296 00:12:57,204 --> 00:12:59,161 "Larry, you... you never get excited." 297 00:12:59,162 --> 00:13:00,786 - Really? - "Can't you be excited?" 298 00:13:00,787 --> 00:13:03,619 It... it broke her heart. I... there's no excitement. 299 00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:05,577 Well, I'm excited, 300 00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:07,369 - so I appreciate you letting me talk. - That's... that's great. 301 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,535 I have a couple of questions, logistically, 302 00:13:09,536 --> 00:13:10,953 about how the whole thing works. 303 00:13:10,954 --> 00:13:12,744 - Okay. - So, when the Rabbi 304 00:13:12,745 --> 00:13:14,702 or the Minister or whoever says, 305 00:13:14,703 --> 00:13:17,203 "Do you take so and so..." what's your fiancée's name? 306 00:13:17,204 --> 00:13:17,804 Numa. 307 00:13:17,805 --> 00:13:20,827 Numa. "Do you take Numa to be your lawfully wedded wife..." 308 00:13:20,828 --> 00:13:22,119 It doesn't really work like that. 309 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,702 Oh. Okay, but what about, um, 310 00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:26,410 "Here Comes The Bride"? Who gets the song? 311 00:13:26,411 --> 00:13:29,535 - I'm getting that song. - You're getting the song? 312 00:13:29,536 --> 00:13:31,327 You're getting "Here Comes the Bride"? 313 00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,452 Yeah. That's my song. 314 00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:35,078 I wanted to be the bride 315 00:13:35,079 --> 00:13:37,203 and Numa's actually always wanted to be the groom, 316 00:13:37,204 --> 00:13:38,744 so it worked out good. 317 00:13:38,745 --> 00:13:43,369 Not really getting, uh, bride vibes from you. 318 00:13:43,370 --> 00:13:45,702 Well, that's 'cause you're not at the wedding... 319 00:13:45,703 --> 00:13:47,661 With all due respect, yeah, I don't see bride. 320 00:13:47,662 --> 00:13:49,786 I don't see bride, okay, from here. 321 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,953 No, try and see it. Try and see it. 322 00:13:51,954 --> 00:13:53,827 - We're at the wedding... - I can't see it. 323 00:13:53,828 --> 00:13:56,702 - My dad walks me down the... the thing. - Yeah, I know. Yeah. 324 00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,410 I have a veil with, like, 325 00:13:58,411 --> 00:14:00,827 - a flower... - Oh, my God, you got the gown, too? 326 00:14:00,828 --> 00:14:03,577 - Yeah. - Oh, no, this is a huge, huge mistake. 327 00:14:03,578 --> 00:14:05,535 - No, it's... um, it's amazing. - No. 328 00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:06,745 Look, you got a picture of Numa? 329 00:14:08,328 --> 00:14:11,535 Okay, she's beautiful, obviously. 330 00:14:11,536 --> 00:14:15,994 Okay. That's a... that's a bride, okay? 331 00:14:15,995 --> 00:14:18,244 - Well... - That's a bride. 332 00:14:18,245 --> 00:14:19,827 That's a groom. 333 00:14:19,828 --> 00:14:22,702 Believe me, I say this only with the best intentions. 334 00:14:22,703 --> 00:14:24,911 That's a fuckin' bride. You a goddamn groom. 335 00:14:24,912 --> 00:14:26,452 - The groom, right? - You a goddamn groom. 336 00:14:26,453 --> 00:14:28,244 - Yeah. - What's her name? 337 00:14:28,245 --> 00:14:30,786 - Numa. - Numa fine as fuck. 338 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,577 - Right? She is. - You are one lucky-ass groom. 339 00:14:32,578 --> 00:14:33,994 - Thank you. - She gorgeous? 340 00:14:33,995 --> 00:14:35,786 I'll see you later. Mm. 341 00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:37,452 Hey, we need more peanut butter. 342 00:14:37,453 --> 00:14:40,327 Okay, well, we're done. 343 00:14:40,328 --> 00:14:42,953 Oh. Uh, how much do I owe you? 344 00:14:42,954 --> 00:14:45,494 - Uh, 150. - 150? 345 00:14:45,495 --> 00:14:47,161 Yeah, boy, you're gonna love that. 346 00:14:47,162 --> 00:14:50,285 Oh, boy, you're making quite a living there barbering. 347 00:14:50,286 --> 00:14:51,786 150 for a bald man? 348 00:14:51,787 --> 00:14:53,285 - For a haircut? - Yeah, well, you're not bald. 349 00:14:53,286 --> 00:14:55,786 - You do have hair. - Well... yeah. 350 00:14:55,787 --> 00:14:57,452 - So, thanks. - Yeah, yeah. 351 00:14:57,453 --> 00:14:59,036 Think about what I said. 352 00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:01,369 - Okay? - Thank you. 353 00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:03,744 You're a lovely girl, Betty, but, uh, 354 00:15:03,745 --> 00:15:06,078 you're not a bride. 355 00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:09,120 Unfortunately. Unfortunately. 356 00:15:16,703 --> 00:15:18,619 So, this is more of the kick-off, 357 00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:21,078 - and then we'll have a big gala... - Cheryl? 358 00:15:21,079 --> 00:15:22,661 - Hi. Excuse me. - Hey! 359 00:15:22,662 --> 00:15:24,244 Oh, I'm so glad you're here. 360 00:15:24,245 --> 00:15:26,285 - Oh, really? - Thank you for coming. 361 00:15:26,286 --> 00:15:28,577 What is this name, PAM? 362 00:15:28,578 --> 00:15:30,535 That's the best you could do? 363 00:15:30,536 --> 00:15:32,827 It's like... it's a cooking spray... PAM. 364 00:15:32,828 --> 00:15:37,036 No, it's People Against Mutilation, genital mutilation. 365 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:38,869 Yeah, I know what it stands for. 366 00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,410 And there are very few charities 367 00:15:40,411 --> 00:15:42,619 that actually focus on the clitoris and talk about it. 368 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:45,702 I think you got half the population 369 00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:47,037 focused on the clitoris. 370 00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:50,244 - I'm deadly focused on it. - You are? 371 00:15:50,245 --> 00:15:52,203 - Yeah. - Hey. 372 00:15:52,204 --> 00:15:55,078 - Hey, Ted! - How are you? 373 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,369 - I haven't seen you in a while. - I know! 374 00:15:57,370 --> 00:16:00,119 - I know. It's nice to see you. - Where's Mary? 375 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,619 Mary? Oh, uh, yeah... 376 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:05,119 Oh, you know, I haven't seen you guys for so long. 377 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,786 Mary and I have been separated for, like, three months, you know. 378 00:16:08,787 --> 00:16:11,203 - The divorce is almost final. - What? 379 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,869 - My bad. Sorry. - Oh, my God. 380 00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:14,535 - Holy mackerel. - I am shocked. 381 00:16:14,536 --> 00:16:17,410 Oh, no, no, no. Truth is I think we're better friends now 382 00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:18,494 than when we were married. 383 00:16:18,495 --> 00:16:19,911 That's total bullshit. 384 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,078 You just... you have to say that to yourselves 385 00:16:22,079 --> 00:16:24,203 to wean yourself off the relationship. 386 00:16:24,204 --> 00:16:26,369 - What is that? - It's a breath spray. 387 00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:28,869 Oh, thank God. I think Jeff's looking for you. 388 00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:31,494 Yeah, one second. 389 00:16:31,495 --> 00:16:33,078 Gotta go talk to my manager. 390 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,410 - Okay. - Big stuff happening. 391 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,285 - Ooh. - Big stuff. 392 00:16:37,286 --> 00:16:39,661 - Strangest man on the planet. - I know. 393 00:16:39,662 --> 00:16:42,410 Crazy, crazy exciting. 394 00:16:42,411 --> 00:16:44,452 - Really? - Yep. 395 00:16:44,453 --> 00:16:48,327 Every producer I sent "Fatwa!" to is in. 396 00:16:48,328 --> 00:16:50,744 - Wow. - Every producer I talked to. 397 00:16:50,745 --> 00:16:54,410 I've got so many producers that want to do this. 398 00:16:54,411 --> 00:16:56,410 Look at you, Mr. Broadway. 399 00:16:56,411 --> 00:16:58,577 Got you booked on "Jimmy Kimmel" to talk about it already. 400 00:16:58,578 --> 00:17:00,078 - Really? Do I need to do that? - Yep. 401 00:17:00,079 --> 00:17:01,452 Oh, yeah, you need to do that. 402 00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:02,911 Get out there, start talking about this. 403 00:17:02,912 --> 00:17:05,244 This is very exciting. 404 00:17:05,245 --> 00:17:07,244 Hey, how much does Betty charge you for a haircut? 405 00:17:07,245 --> 00:17:09,911 - 75. - She charged me $150. 406 00:17:09,912 --> 00:17:11,702 - Twice as much? - Twice as much. 407 00:17:11,703 --> 00:17:13,494 - That's crazy. - I know it's crazy. 408 00:17:13,495 --> 00:17:15,285 - Why would she do something like that? - I don't know. 409 00:17:15,286 --> 00:17:17,619 - She ripped me off. - You want me to call her? 410 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,702 No, no, no. I'm gonna say something to her. 411 00:17:19,703 --> 00:17:20,994 - Feel free. - Good. 412 00:17:20,995 --> 00:17:23,120 Hey, it's Lewis. 413 00:17:27,954 --> 00:17:29,328 Come here. 414 00:17:34,912 --> 00:17:37,869 - I'll meet you over there. - Cool, cool. 415 00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:40,120 All right, I'll meet you over there. Fine. 416 00:17:44,204 --> 00:17:46,161 - Happy? - No, I'm not, actually. 417 00:17:46,162 --> 00:17:47,953 - This is not the middle. - I don't move again. 418 00:17:47,954 --> 00:17:49,994 The middle... the middle would've been over there. 419 00:17:49,995 --> 00:17:52,619 I took way more steps than you did to get here. 420 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:56,203 - I'm older than you. - Hey, by the way, good news about "Fatwa!" 421 00:17:56,204 --> 00:17:57,619 There's a lot of producers interested in it. 422 00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,327 I don't care about your fucking play, 423 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,953 'cause my bird died 424 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:04,327 and you sent the most ridiculous, despicable text. 425 00:18:04,328 --> 00:18:06,161 "Sorry about your bird. 426 00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:08,911 The good news is I'm still alive." 427 00:18:08,912 --> 00:18:10,535 - Prick. - Prick? 428 00:18:10,536 --> 00:18:13,036 This is a tragedy and you treated it like it was nothing to me. 429 00:18:13,037 --> 00:18:15,744 - How dare you? - I... I don't see it as a tragedy. 430 00:18:15,745 --> 00:18:17,494 You don't? Why not? It's my bird. 431 00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:19,161 - If it was a parrot, it would be a tragedy. - Oh, really? 432 00:18:19,162 --> 00:18:20,911 Or some exotic bird from Brazil 433 00:18:20,912 --> 00:18:22,786 like a macaw or a toucan. 434 00:18:22,787 --> 00:18:24,827 I don't live in a Cuban dancehall. 435 00:18:24,828 --> 00:18:28,494 I live in my own home and it doesn't take toucans. 436 00:18:28,495 --> 00:18:30,786 You know, it's a dead parakeet. That's a funny thing. 437 00:18:30,787 --> 00:18:33,285 I loved him. It was unconditional love. 438 00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,494 - It was... even... - Unconditional love? 439 00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:37,869 - He came over... - He doesn't know you from a hole in the wall. 440 00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:39,494 He knows me. He knew you. Remember he came over once? 441 00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:41,827 He went, "Seinfeld, Seinfeld." He loved you, too. 442 00:18:41,828 --> 00:18:43,744 I'm not quite sure it was "Seinfeld." 443 00:18:43,745 --> 00:18:45,953 And you... you thought that was "Seinfeld." 444 00:18:45,954 --> 00:18:47,535 - Yeah. - No. 445 00:18:47,536 --> 00:18:49,452 Yeah, that's not Seinfeld. 446 00:18:49,453 --> 00:18:52,869 You know why I'm laughing? At the sadness of your entire existence. 447 00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:54,327 - Well... - You're so unjust... 448 00:18:54,328 --> 00:18:56,119 I take that as a great compliment. 449 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,702 Well, there's a lack of empathy and compassion 450 00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,911 and sympathy for practically everything in your life. 451 00:18:59,912 --> 00:19:01,702 There's a lack of everything. 452 00:19:01,703 --> 00:19:03,661 - Don't you feel good about... - Look, you're a comedian. 453 00:19:03,662 --> 00:19:05,535 You're supposed to be able to take a joke, you know? 454 00:19:05,536 --> 00:19:07,535 You're supposed to laugh about everything. 455 00:19:07,536 --> 00:19:09,827 Just because I'm a comedian, I have to find everything in the world funny? 456 00:19:09,828 --> 00:19:11,119 Yes, everything's funny. 457 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,661 You're devoid of anything 458 00:19:12,662 --> 00:19:15,203 that's remotely caring or empathetic. 459 00:19:15,204 --> 00:19:18,410 - And it's sad, and I... - Are you sure a dead parakeet isn't funny? 460 00:19:18,411 --> 00:19:19,869 This, to me, is a tragedy. 461 00:19:19,870 --> 00:19:21,744 - I'm gonna go. - I'm gonna go, too. 462 00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:24,410 - I'm going this way. - No, no, I'm going this way. 463 00:19:24,411 --> 00:19:25,953 No, you came from that way. 464 00:19:25,954 --> 00:19:27,744 You go that way, I'll go this way. 465 00:19:27,745 --> 00:19:28,745 No, I wanna go that way. 466 00:19:31,995 --> 00:19:33,494 - Oh, hi. - Oh, hey. 467 00:19:33,495 --> 00:19:35,078 I'm late, I'm late. I know. 468 00:19:35,079 --> 00:19:36,744 Nice of you to show up. 469 00:19:36,745 --> 00:19:38,869 Well, Larry, I've been so crazy busy. 470 00:19:38,870 --> 00:19:40,244 I've never been like this in my life. 471 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,994 Did Jeff tell you about my new business? 472 00:19:41,995 --> 00:19:43,369 I heard something. What is it? 473 00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:44,744 Soaps On. 474 00:19:44,745 --> 00:19:48,619 It's a skin care, bath products, all organic... 475 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,535 - Soaps On? - ...sustainable. 476 00:19:50,536 --> 00:19:52,744 Could you come up with a worse name than Soaps On? 477 00:19:52,745 --> 00:19:54,036 It's a great name. You know, you don't know 478 00:19:54,037 --> 00:19:55,535 what the fuck you're talking about. 479 00:19:55,536 --> 00:19:57,619 - It's a great name. - Okay, good, good. 480 00:19:57,620 --> 00:20:00,036 So, what have you been doing? You've been working at night on it? 481 00:20:00,037 --> 00:20:03,119 Nonstop. I think I'm gonna have to hire an assistant. 482 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:07,119 I think I have to maybe... maybe more than one. 483 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:08,577 What? 484 00:20:08,578 --> 00:20:11,452 Did I just hear you say you needed to hire an assistant? 485 00:20:11,453 --> 00:20:14,410 I think I do, yeah. I'm burning the candles on both ends. 486 00:20:14,411 --> 00:20:16,452 - Oh, my God. - What? 487 00:20:16,453 --> 00:20:20,494 Well, you know, I'm gonna be going to New York to do the play. 488 00:20:20,495 --> 00:20:21,994 Yeah, "Fatwa!" 489 00:20:21,995 --> 00:20:24,494 And I'm not gonna be able to take my assistant. 490 00:20:24,495 --> 00:20:26,410 - She's good? - Oh, good? 491 00:20:26,411 --> 00:20:28,203 She's... she's the best I ever had. 492 00:20:28,204 --> 00:20:29,869 Well, what's her history? Where... where is she... 493 00:20:29,870 --> 00:20:31,661 - Oh, she worked for Kimmel. - Jimmy Kimmel? 494 00:20:31,662 --> 00:20:33,620 - Yeah. - Oh, he's a big star. 495 00:20:35,037 --> 00:20:37,078 - Ah... - What? What? 496 00:20:37,079 --> 00:20:38,327 - Come on, what? - Eh... 497 00:20:38,328 --> 00:20:40,452 - What? - I can't give her up. 498 00:20:40,453 --> 00:20:43,244 - I... I can't. She's... - What are you gonna use her for? 499 00:20:43,245 --> 00:20:46,327 You're gonna be on the phone with her here and you're in New York? 500 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:48,953 That's ridiculous. That doesn't make any sense. 501 00:20:48,954 --> 00:20:51,452 You need to hire a new assistant in New York 502 00:20:51,453 --> 00:20:53,036 and let me take this one. 503 00:20:53,037 --> 00:20:54,203 What the hell? You can have her! 504 00:20:54,204 --> 00:20:56,285 - Ah! Yay! - Huh? Yeah! 505 00:20:56,286 --> 00:20:58,494 - Oh, I love you so much! - Ha ha! Yeah? 506 00:20:58,495 --> 00:21:00,161 Oh, this is great! I feel like a weight 507 00:21:00,162 --> 00:21:02,452 has been lifted off my shoulders, Lar. 508 00:21:02,453 --> 00:21:04,494 - Me, too. - You won't be sorry. 509 00:21:04,495 --> 00:21:06,494 Trust me. Fantastic! 510 00:21:06,495 --> 00:21:08,744 Pretty good. 511 00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:14,037 Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. 512 00:21:21,578 --> 00:21:23,661 I'm not saying you can't be the groom. 513 00:21:23,662 --> 00:21:27,410 I'm just saying I think I might not be the bride. 514 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:30,911 I saw myself and then I'm gonna walk down the... 515 00:21:30,912 --> 00:21:33,119 Wha... Larry? What are you doing here? 516 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:36,744 The door... the door was ajar. 517 00:21:36,745 --> 00:21:40,078 You! You're the one that put this in her head? 518 00:21:40,079 --> 00:21:43,911 - What? What? I... - What is your agenda, man? 519 00:21:43,912 --> 00:21:46,911 - No, I didn't do anything. - Of course he just shows up, too. 520 00:21:46,912 --> 00:21:49,869 - Out of nowhere. Just... you're here now. - The door was ajar. 521 00:21:49,870 --> 00:21:51,369 The... you left the door ajar. 522 00:21:51,370 --> 00:21:54,161 You have no business weighing in on this wedding, okay? 523 00:21:54,162 --> 00:21:55,953 It's not completely his fault, um, but... 524 00:21:55,954 --> 00:21:57,869 No, I just thought... 525 00:21:57,870 --> 00:21:59,494 look, you're a beautiful bride. 526 00:21:59,495 --> 00:22:01,244 - You should be a bride. - I'm the groom. 527 00:22:01,245 --> 00:22:02,577 I don't wanna be the bride. 528 00:22:02,578 --> 00:22:04,619 You're not groomy, she's not bridey. 529 00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:05,220 You know... 530 00:22:05,221 --> 00:22:07,535 How is it appropriate for you to have an opinion about this? 531 00:22:07,536 --> 00:22:10,786 Well, because I know her. She gave me a haircut. 532 00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:13,161 She charged a lot of money for it, by the way. 533 00:22:13,162 --> 00:22:15,203 What kind of psychopath 534 00:22:15,204 --> 00:22:18,744 interferes with the nuances of a lesbian wedding? 535 00:22:18,745 --> 00:22:22,577 Hey, I saw wrong and tried to right it. That's all. 536 00:22:22,578 --> 00:22:24,161 - I can't believe... - That's what Ted Kennedy said 537 00:22:24,162 --> 00:22:26,244 about Robert Kennedy at his funeral. 538 00:22:26,245 --> 00:22:27,869 I'm... I'm like Robert Kennedy. 539 00:22:27,870 --> 00:22:29,786 You know what's not Robert Kennedy-ish? 540 00:22:29,787 --> 00:22:31,911 - Hmm? - Wandering into people's homes 541 00:22:31,912 --> 00:22:33,369 and spouting nonsense. 542 00:22:33,370 --> 00:22:35,744 Oh. Okay. Well, don't leave the door ajar. 543 00:22:35,745 --> 00:22:37,119 - Stop saying "ajar"! - Okay. 544 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,577 What is really going on here? Do you need a hobby? 545 00:22:39,578 --> 00:22:41,369 Not a terrible idea. 546 00:22:41,370 --> 00:22:42,577 You're... you're right about that. 547 00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:44,285 That's... that's a good idea. 548 00:22:44,286 --> 00:22:46,327 I just can't seem to find the motivation. 549 00:22:46,328 --> 00:22:48,619 You know, when I was a kid, I would collect butterflies. 550 00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:50,744 I would go in the park, I had a... a net, 551 00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:52,494 and I would... I would use the net. 552 00:22:52,495 --> 00:22:54,786 I cannot tell you how much satisfaction there is 553 00:22:54,787 --> 00:22:56,827 in trapping a butterfly in a net... 554 00:22:56,828 --> 00:22:59,244 I didn't expect you to actually answer... 555 00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:02,119 I didn't expect an actual answer to that question! 556 00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:03,577 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter about him. 557 00:23:03,578 --> 00:23:05,161 - It doesn't... - I'm done. 558 00:23:05,162 --> 00:23:07,911 It doesn't matter about him. I just want you to be happy. 559 00:23:07,912 --> 00:23:10,994 I want us to have a successful wedding and a successful life. 560 00:23:10,995 --> 00:23:12,369 - Fantastic. - I'll do anything you want. 561 00:23:12,370 --> 00:23:13,620 - Whatever you want. - I wanna be the groom. 562 00:23:15,912 --> 00:23:17,327 You waited too long. 563 00:23:17,328 --> 00:23:18,786 That's everything I need to know. 564 00:23:18,787 --> 00:23:20,619 - No, no, no! - Here is your ring. 565 00:23:20,620 --> 00:23:22,078 - I wish this friendship the best. - No. Oh... 566 00:23:22,079 --> 00:23:24,285 - What...? - Aw, come on. 567 00:23:24,286 --> 00:23:25,786 No. No, don't... no. 568 00:23:25,787 --> 00:23:27,203 Come, come... no. 569 00:23:27,204 --> 00:23:29,494 - Here, allow me. - What the fuck are you doing? 570 00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:30,103 No good? 571 00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:32,453 I don't need you to hold the door for me, you prick. 572 00:23:33,787 --> 00:23:36,203 You see? See what happens? 573 00:23:36,204 --> 00:23:37,661 I held the door, she didn't like it. 574 00:23:37,662 --> 00:23:39,327 You chastised me for holding the door. 575 00:23:39,328 --> 00:23:41,994 What's a guy supposed to do? I'm betwixt and between. 576 00:23:41,995 --> 00:23:44,161 - Why are you here? - I'll tell you why I'm here. 577 00:23:44,162 --> 00:23:46,619 'Cause I asked Jeff what you charged him for a haircut 578 00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:48,161 and he told me $75. 579 00:23:48,162 --> 00:23:49,994 - Uh-huh. - You charged me $150. 580 00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:51,410 - Mm-hmm. - What's up with that? 581 00:23:51,411 --> 00:23:53,120 Get the fuck out of my house. 582 00:23:55,495 --> 00:23:56,370 Okay. 583 00:24:00,328 --> 00:24:02,535 Are you sure...? 584 00:24:02,536 --> 00:24:04,703 Okay, I got it. I got that. 585 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,953 I've got some news. 586 00:24:13,954 --> 00:24:15,702 Wha... what is it? 587 00:24:15,703 --> 00:24:18,036 Okay, 'cause of the musical, I might be going to New York. 588 00:24:18,037 --> 00:24:21,661 And I thought, "What am I gonna do about Mara?" 589 00:24:21,662 --> 00:24:23,036 So, guess what. 590 00:24:23,037 --> 00:24:26,410 I got you a job with my friend, 591 00:24:26,411 --> 00:24:29,036 a very close friend of mine, as her assistant. 592 00:24:29,037 --> 00:24:31,744 She's starting this new company called Soaps On 593 00:24:31,745 --> 00:24:35,702 - for natural bath and beauty products... - Larry, th-thank you. I... 594 00:24:35,703 --> 00:24:37,494 This woman really knows what she's doing. 595 00:24:37,495 --> 00:24:41,161 And by the way, she's such a terrific person. 596 00:24:41,162 --> 00:24:44,161 This woman's a... she's a fucking saint, okay? 597 00:24:44,162 --> 00:24:47,577 Well, okay. I mean... 598 00:24:47,578 --> 00:24:49,702 Don't take this the wrong way. 599 00:24:49,703 --> 00:24:51,994 Always, this job felt a little bit 600 00:24:51,995 --> 00:24:54,036 - like it wasn't challenging enough. - Is that so? 601 00:24:54,037 --> 00:24:56,078 So this... this could be a good opportunity. 602 00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:57,911 We can start right now. 603 00:24:57,912 --> 00:25:00,577 Yeah, let's pack you up and let's get you the hell out of here. 604 00:25:00,578 --> 00:25:02,869 - Thank you. - Thank you for all the, the, the work, 605 00:25:02,870 --> 00:25:05,827 the hard work that you did, even though it wasn't very challenging at all. 606 00:25:05,828 --> 00:25:08,644 - And I don't even know what you did exactly, - You know, I just... it just... 607 00:25:08,645 --> 00:25:10,410 ...but you claim to have done something, but I'm sure you did. 608 00:25:10,411 --> 00:25:11,702 Anyway, let's go. 609 00:25:11,703 --> 00:25:13,036 - There we go. - Careful. 610 00:25:13,037 --> 00:25:15,036 There we go. You got this, you got all this. 611 00:25:15,037 --> 00:25:17,327 Oh, look, you got little cookies and cakes here. 612 00:25:17,328 --> 00:25:18,869 Okay, take the plant. Yeah. 613 00:25:18,870 --> 00:25:20,702 There you go. Okay. 614 00:25:20,703 --> 00:25:22,619 Take your water. Get this out. 615 00:25:22,620 --> 00:25:25,078 - I just... - What else? We're done. We're good. 616 00:25:25,079 --> 00:25:26,911 There we go. 617 00:25:26,912 --> 00:25:29,869 Okay. Oh, yeah, you're gonna have a good time. 618 00:25:29,870 --> 00:25:30,510 Oh, thanks. 619 00:25:30,511 --> 00:25:32,410 Yeah. Can't you walk a little faster with that thing? 620 00:25:32,411 --> 00:25:35,494 They... they have Olympic events for that. They speed along. 621 00:25:35,495 --> 00:25:39,369 Do you want to get a celebratory drink or...? 622 00:25:39,370 --> 00:25:41,244 Nah. I don't think so. 623 00:25:41,245 --> 00:25:44,827 All right, then. Well, should we... should we hug goodbye? 624 00:25:44,828 --> 00:25:48,203 I'll tell you what. Let's do one of these. 625 00:25:48,204 --> 00:25:49,535 There we go. 626 00:25:49,536 --> 00:25:51,119 Now you got your box, we had a little hug. 627 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,244 - Thanks, Larry. - All right, you take care. 628 00:25:53,245 --> 00:25:54,535 - All right. - We'll see ya. 629 00:25:54,536 --> 00:25:56,285 - Bye, Leon. - Give my best to Susie. 630 00:25:56,286 --> 00:25:58,079 - Tell her I said hi. - See ya. 631 00:26:02,037 --> 00:26:05,369 Tell me that's what the fuck I think it is. 632 00:26:05,370 --> 00:26:07,619 - That's a foist. - Mm, fuck! 633 00:26:07,620 --> 00:26:09,327 That was a foist! 634 00:26:09,328 --> 00:26:10,744 - My man, look at you. - Yep! 635 00:26:10,745 --> 00:26:12,285 - You did it! - Huh? How 'bout that? 636 00:26:12,286 --> 00:26:14,078 She ain't gonna limp her ass back up in here, right? 637 00:26:14,079 --> 00:26:15,661 - Oh, no chance. - Draggin' that goddamn foot, right? 638 00:26:15,662 --> 00:26:16,953 No chance. She's been foisted, man. 639 00:26:16,954 --> 00:26:18,702 So she's not coming back? 640 00:26:18,703 --> 00:26:20,369 - Nope. - She's out of here for good? 641 00:26:20,370 --> 00:26:21,994 Out. 642 00:26:21,995 --> 00:26:24,786 I can do this. 643 00:26:24,787 --> 00:26:26,285 What? What are you talkin' about? 644 00:26:26,286 --> 00:26:27,535 I can do this shit. 645 00:26:27,536 --> 00:26:28,994 What? Do what shit? 646 00:26:28,995 --> 00:26:30,702 I can be your new assistant. 647 00:26:30,703 --> 00:26:33,119 Oh, no, no, no. 648 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:35,702 That's... that's impossible. 649 00:26:35,703 --> 00:26:37,453 Come on, man. 650 00:26:40,453 --> 00:26:43,662 Larry David's office. What the fuck is up? 651 00:26:45,245 --> 00:26:47,536 Oh, I'm sorry, that bitch got foisted. 652 00:26:50,870 --> 00:26:53,494 You only get half price 'cause you drive a goddamn Smart car. 653 00:26:53,495 --> 00:26:54,994 All right? 654 00:26:54,995 --> 00:26:56,328 Don't call me no fucking more. 655 00:26:57,495 --> 00:26:58,744 Mm. 656 00:26:58,745 --> 00:27:00,161 - Hey! Hey! - Hey, how you doin'? 657 00:27:00,162 --> 00:27:01,869 What's happening? Good to see you. 658 00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:03,744 - Good to see you. Hi. - How are you? Welcome. 659 00:27:03,745 --> 00:27:06,410 - What's going on? - Not... this is Leon, by the way. 660 00:27:06,411 --> 00:27:08,244 - This is Jimmy. - Good to be here, baby. 661 00:27:08,245 --> 00:27:10,244 - Good to have you here. - He's my temporary assistant. 662 00:27:10,245 --> 00:27:12,119 Hold on, hold on. 663 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:14,369 Hey, Jeff. What's up? 664 00:27:14,370 --> 00:27:17,036 - Hey. Is that for me? - We at "Jimmy Kimmel." 665 00:27:17,037 --> 00:27:18,369 I'm gonna take it outside. 666 00:27:18,370 --> 00:27:19,661 Fucking good as fuck. 667 00:27:19,662 --> 00:27:21,744 - What is this, crudité? - Yeah, crudité, yeah. 668 00:27:21,745 --> 00:27:23,327 Crudi-take. 669 00:27:23,328 --> 00:27:24,577 All right? 670 00:27:24,578 --> 00:27:25,702 What are you doing? Don't take that. 671 00:27:25,703 --> 00:27:27,369 It's fine because... no, we... 672 00:27:27,370 --> 00:27:29,661 - it's not like we reuse it. - Hey, are you nuts? 673 00:27:29,662 --> 00:27:32,036 - Put the fucking thing back, you asshole. - Fuck you, Larry! Fuck you! 674 00:27:32,037 --> 00:27:34,119 So, Jeff... 675 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,036 - He's not gonna take it. It's a joke. - Okay. Yeah. 676 00:27:36,037 --> 00:27:38,203 - How you doing? Everything all right? - Yeah, yeah. Good. 677 00:27:38,204 --> 00:27:41,036 - What have you been up to? - Uh, you know, just lampin'. 678 00:27:41,037 --> 00:27:44,036 Lamping? Like L-A-M-P-I-N-G? 679 00:27:44,037 --> 00:27:45,494 There's no "G" at the end. Lampin'. 680 00:27:45,495 --> 00:27:47,744 Lampin'. Okay. All right. Is that... 681 00:27:47,745 --> 00:27:50,285 - It's black slang. I pick it up from him. - Oh, okay. Oh, all right. 682 00:27:50,286 --> 00:27:52,827 - I didn't realize that. - But, um... let me, uh... 683 00:27:52,828 --> 00:27:55,036 let me congratulate you, by the way. 684 00:27:55,037 --> 00:27:56,327 Oh, thank... on what? 685 00:27:56,328 --> 00:28:00,744 On the wonderful, fantastic job 686 00:28:00,745 --> 00:28:02,327 of foisting that you did. 687 00:28:02,328 --> 00:28:04,369 - What do you mean? - Nice job. 688 00:28:04,370 --> 00:28:06,411 You foisted Mara on me. 689 00:28:08,870 --> 00:28:10,535 I did foist her on you. 690 00:28:10,536 --> 00:28:12,994 - I did. I really did foist her on you. - Yeah. Yeah. 691 00:28:12,995 --> 00:28:14,786 - Fantastic foist. - I told... 692 00:28:14,787 --> 00:28:17,203 and by the way, Marty Short foisted her on me. 693 00:28:17,204 --> 00:28:19,953 He foisted her on you. Okay, well, guess what. 694 00:28:19,954 --> 00:28:22,244 You've gotta now foist her on somebody else. 695 00:28:22,245 --> 00:28:23,994 - Yeah. - Done. It's already done. 696 00:28:23,995 --> 00:28:25,452 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 697 00:28:25,453 --> 00:28:27,327 - It feels good, right? - Thank you. Oh, my God. 698 00:28:27,328 --> 00:28:29,078 It's like a pyramid scheme, almost. 699 00:28:29,079 --> 00:28:30,786 Uh, yeah. In a way, yes. 700 00:28:30,787 --> 00:28:32,494 Eventually there will... somebody at the end 701 00:28:32,495 --> 00:28:33,744 will have to marry her. 702 00:28:33,745 --> 00:28:35,994 - Exactly! Exactly, yeah. - Yeah. 703 00:28:35,995 --> 00:28:38,161 Well, thanks for coming. It's great to have you here. 704 00:28:38,162 --> 00:28:39,786 - Yeah, thanks. I'll see you out there. - All right, see you out there. 705 00:28:39,787 --> 00:28:41,119 - Take it easy. - It's gonna be fun. 706 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,285 Now, um, I understand you have a new project. 707 00:28:43,286 --> 00:28:44,702 New... something you're working on. 708 00:28:44,703 --> 00:28:46,619 Yes, yes. I've, uh... 709 00:28:46,620 --> 00:28:49,661 I've written a musical for Broadway. 710 00:28:49,662 --> 00:28:52,953 - Mm-hmm? - It's called, uh, "Fatwa!" 711 00:28:52,954 --> 00:28:54,786 "Fatwa"? 712 00:28:54,787 --> 00:28:56,953 - "Fatwa!" - And what is a fatwa? 713 00:28:56,954 --> 00:29:02,452 A fatwa is a death sentence handed out by the ayatollah. 714 00:29:02,453 --> 00:29:03,786 And this is a comedy? 715 00:29:03,787 --> 00:29:05,577 - Yes, yes. - Okay. All right. 716 00:29:05,578 --> 00:29:06,953 It's a musical comedy. 717 00:29:06,954 --> 00:29:08,078 The ayatollah's in it. 718 00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:09,452 Oh, the ayatollah is in it? 719 00:29:09,453 --> 00:29:10,786 Of course the ayatollah is in it. 720 00:29:10,787 --> 00:29:12,577 How can you have a fatwa without an ayatollah? 721 00:29:12,578 --> 00:29:13,827 You do need an ayatollah, right. 722 00:29:13,828 --> 00:29:15,702 What appeals to you about the ayatollah? 723 00:29:15,703 --> 00:29:18,203 The whole... you know, the denunciation. 724 00:29:18,204 --> 00:29:20,369 There's a lot of denunciation going on. 725 00:29:20,370 --> 00:29:23,078 - The denunciation, okay. - All day long, he's denunciating. 726 00:29:23,079 --> 00:29:26,619 - He does do a lot of that. - He does a lot of this, a lot of, you know. 727 00:29:26,620 --> 00:29:28,827 - Uh-huh. - By the way, I just did it four times. 728 00:29:28,828 --> 00:29:30,494 I started to get denunciation elbows. 729 00:29:30,495 --> 00:29:32,744 - You have to be careful. - Yeah, you gotta be careful. 730 00:29:32,745 --> 00:29:35,661 - You can kill yourself. - It's not easy to be the ayatollah. 731 00:29:35,662 --> 00:29:37,494 It requires a lot of energy. Yeah, yeah. 732 00:29:37,495 --> 00:29:41,036 How many ayatollahs are there? Are there only one ayatollah? 733 00:29:41,037 --> 00:29:42,494 Well, now there's only one ayatollah, 734 00:29:42,495 --> 00:29:44,994 and they all seem to have the same name 735 00:29:44,995 --> 00:29:47,244 and they all seem to spell it the same way. 736 00:29:47,245 --> 00:29:51,078 And you never know... if you look at the history of ayatollahs, 737 00:29:51,079 --> 00:29:53,078 they... it all seems like one person. 738 00:29:53,079 --> 00:29:55,619 - Yeah, yeah. - They all look exactly the same, 739 00:29:55,620 --> 00:29:59,161 and their names are Khamenei, Khameeni, Khomani. 740 00:29:59,162 --> 00:30:01,244 In a way, it's like the way KFC 741 00:30:01,245 --> 00:30:03,010 has the different comedians play Colonel Sanders. 742 00:30:03,011 --> 00:30:06,369 - Yes.. yes. It's the same thing. - What else about the ayatollah do you know? 743 00:30:06,370 --> 00:30:08,827 He's, uh... he doesn't like Waze. 744 00:30:08,828 --> 00:30:12,744 He likes... he likes to... he likes to navigate on his own, you know? 745 00:30:12,745 --> 00:30:14,661 - Oh, Waze, okay. - Yeah, he doesn't like Waze. 746 00:30:14,662 --> 00:30:17,535 He gets in the car. Don't tell... don't give him any direction. 747 00:30:17,536 --> 00:30:19,119 He doesn't like to be told things. 748 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:20,369 "I know how to go. 749 00:30:20,370 --> 00:30:24,535 The Waze takes me to... to El Mansour Boulevard 750 00:30:24,536 --> 00:30:26,561 and gives me a left turn in rush hour. No good." You know. 751 00:30:26,562 --> 00:30:30,078 I feel like maybe I've been in an Uber with the ayatollah, 752 00:30:30,079 --> 00:30:32,494 'cause I've heard this very same dialogue. 753 00:30:32,495 --> 00:30:34,953 - That's possible. Yeah. - Yeah. 754 00:30:34,954 --> 00:30:36,953 Do you know about the ayatollah's life? 755 00:30:36,954 --> 00:30:39,078 Like, does he... does he eat cereal? 756 00:30:39,079 --> 00:30:40,535 He loves granola. 757 00:30:40,536 --> 00:30:41,536 - He does? - Yes. 758 00:30:47,536 --> 00:30:49,619 Well, well. Look at you. 759 00:30:49,620 --> 00:30:52,078 You got here ahead of me. I can't believe it. 760 00:30:52,079 --> 00:30:53,911 God damn right. I'm doing my fucking dizzle, baby. 761 00:30:53,912 --> 00:30:56,036 Jesus, you're... you're workin'. 762 00:30:56,037 --> 00:30:59,119 Hey, that ayatollah bit you did on "Kimmel" was fucking great. 763 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,494 - Yeah? - Yeah. 764 00:31:00,495 --> 00:31:01,869 - You liked it? - I fuckin' loved it. 765 00:31:01,870 --> 00:31:04,619 Oh, good. 766 00:31:04,620 --> 00:31:06,744 Larry David's office. What's up? 767 00:31:06,745 --> 00:31:08,911 - Let me speak to Larry. - It's Jeff. 768 00:31:08,912 --> 00:31:10,702 Okay, transfer it to here. 769 00:31:10,703 --> 00:31:11,620 How? 770 00:31:13,787 --> 00:31:16,619 - I don't know. - What's taking so long? Get Larry! 771 00:31:16,620 --> 00:31:18,328 Hold on, Jeff. Hold on. 772 00:31:20,954 --> 00:31:22,494 - Hey. - Turn on the TV! 773 00:31:22,495 --> 00:31:24,119 - What channel? - Every channel! 774 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,786 Every goddamn channel! 775 00:31:25,787 --> 00:31:28,619 You're a complete and total fuck-up. 776 00:31:28,620 --> 00:31:30,494 You're a total, total fuck-up. 777 00:31:30,495 --> 00:31:33,953 Larry David, who you may know as the co-creator of "Seinfeld," 778 00:31:33,954 --> 00:31:35,619 went on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night 779 00:31:35,620 --> 00:31:38,744 to talk about his new musical called "Fatwa!" 780 00:31:38,745 --> 00:31:42,285 in which the ayatollah is one of the main characters. 781 00:31:42,286 --> 00:31:46,619 There's a small harem. Uh, he has a fetish for redheads. 782 00:31:46,620 --> 00:31:51,285 And twice a year, he goes to Ireland on a harem shopping spree. 783 00:31:51,286 --> 00:31:54,327 Today, the Ayatollah Abdullah Kazemaini of Iran 784 00:31:54,328 --> 00:31:56,577 has accused Larry David of blasphemy, 785 00:31:56,578 --> 00:32:00,577 issuing an actual fatwa and calling for the death of the comedian. 786 00:32:00,578 --> 00:32:03,037 Here's what the ayatollah had to say. 787 00:32:05,037 --> 00:32:06,120 ...Larry David. 788 00:32:08,578 --> 00:32:09,994 ..."Seinfeld." 789 00:32:09,995 --> 00:32:11,911 - What the fuck?! - "What the fuck" is right. 790 00:32:11,912 --> 00:32:13,744 No one would dare insult 791 00:32:13,745 --> 00:32:14,994 the sacred beliefs of Muslims, 792 00:32:14,995 --> 00:32:16,410 nor disparage our honour. 793 00:32:16,411 --> 00:32:18,244 I didn't disparage. There was no disparage. 794 00:32:18,245 --> 00:32:20,577 - You did disparage. - No, no. I didn't disparage! 795 00:32:20,578 --> 00:32:23,161 I begged you not to imitate the ayatollah. 796 00:32:23,162 --> 00:32:24,744 - No, you didn't! - I told Leon. 797 00:32:24,745 --> 00:32:26,744 I said you got to get this message to him. 798 00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:29,327 Jeff told you to tell me not to do the ayatollah? 799 00:32:29,328 --> 00:32:31,744 I didn't fucking remember. How the fuck am I gonna remember that shit? 800 00:32:31,745 --> 00:32:33,494 What the fuck is wrong with you?! 801 00:32:33,495 --> 00:32:36,535 - I didn't know what the fuck... - Oh, my God! What the fuck?! 802 00:32:36,536 --> 00:32:37,953 ...Larry David! 803 00:32:37,954 --> 00:32:39,327 So I call on valiant Muslims, 804 00:32:39,328 --> 00:32:40,661 wherever they may be, 805 00:32:40,662 --> 00:32:42,402 to kill Larry David without delay. 806 00:32:42,403 --> 00:32:43,053 What?! 807 00:32:43,054 --> 00:32:44,953 And whoever may die in this cause will be a martyr. 808 00:32:44,954 --> 00:32:47,285 No! I'll repent! I'll be punished! 809 00:32:47,286 --> 00:32:50,494 Even if Larry David repents, he will be condemned to death. 810 00:32:50,495 --> 00:32:53,119 I'll... I'll convert! I'll become a Muslim! 811 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,036 Even if Larry David converts to Islam, 812 00:32:55,037 --> 00:32:56,994 he should still be sent to hell. 813 00:32:56,995 --> 00:32:59,869 - Jeff! - You got a fucking fatwa! 814 00:32:59,870 --> 00:33:01,911 - I got a fatwa! - You got fatwa'd! 815 00:33:01,912 --> 00:33:03,702 No! 816 00:33:03,703 --> 00:33:05,911 Gentlemen, the FBI takes this very seriously. 817 00:33:05,912 --> 00:33:08,452 But it's nothing that you really need to worry about. 818 00:33:08,453 --> 00:33:10,369 What the... that's so easy for you to say. 819 00:33:10,370 --> 00:33:12,619 I... the ayatollah mentioned my name. 820 00:33:12,620 --> 00:33:16,078 The fucking guy was on television, screaming my name. 821 00:33:16,079 --> 00:33:18,036 Larry David! 822 00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:21,535 Larry David! 823 00:33:21,536 --> 00:33:23,078 I'm doing Spanish, it sounds like. 824 00:33:23,079 --> 00:33:24,869 Larry David! 825 00:33:24,870 --> 00:33:30,494 Quick question. Um, what about friends of people that have fatwas? 826 00:33:30,495 --> 00:33:31,869 Fatwa by association. 827 00:33:31,870 --> 00:33:33,203 What kind of fucking question is that? 828 00:33:33,204 --> 00:33:34,577 - Do I associate with you? - Yeah. 829 00:33:34,578 --> 00:33:36,827 Okay. I wanna know what my situation is. 830 00:33:36,828 --> 00:33:39,452 Fatwa by association. What do you know about it? 831 00:33:39,453 --> 00:33:41,285 - You're fine as well. - I am? 832 00:33:41,286 --> 00:33:44,953 - You're fine. - Hey, I got an idea. 833 00:33:44,954 --> 00:33:48,244 I go on the "Jimmy Kimmel" show and I apologize. 834 00:33:48,245 --> 00:33:50,911 - I apologize to the ayatollah. - You think I didn't think of that? 835 00:33:50,912 --> 00:33:52,244 I've already talked to the "Kimmel" show. 836 00:33:52,245 --> 00:33:53,744 They want nothing to do with you. 837 00:33:53,745 --> 00:33:55,494 This whole thing's falling apart. 838 00:33:55,495 --> 00:33:57,911 Every "Fatwa!" producer has called me. 839 00:33:57,912 --> 00:33:59,079 This is all dead. 840 00:34:15,995 --> 00:34:17,786 Hey. 841 00:34:17,787 --> 00:34:20,286 - It's me. - Holy shit. 842 00:34:23,245 --> 00:34:25,953 - What are you doing? - What am I doing? 843 00:34:25,954 --> 00:34:28,452 - I'm wearing a disguise. - You think that's gonna help? 844 00:34:28,453 --> 00:34:30,535 Yeah, well, it couldn't hurt. What am I supposed to do? 845 00:34:30,536 --> 00:34:32,619 Disguises have been employed effectively in the past. 846 00:34:32,620 --> 00:34:34,786 Tyra Banks dressed up as a fat person on her show 847 00:34:34,787 --> 00:34:36,119 to see what it's like being fat. 848 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:37,619 Needless to say, it wasn't very pleasant. 849 00:34:37,620 --> 00:34:39,036 Have you ever seen "Undercover Boss"? 850 00:34:39,037 --> 00:34:40,827 The guy goes undercover, nobody even knows who he is. 851 00:34:40,828 --> 00:34:42,994 He's the boss of the whole company. He fools everybody. 852 00:34:42,995 --> 00:34:44,744 Well, you know what the good news is? 853 00:34:44,745 --> 00:34:46,494 I'm still alive. 854 00:34:46,495 --> 00:34:47,619 You know what? 855 00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:49,203 That's not funny. 856 00:34:49,204 --> 00:34:50,661 - It's not funny. - You know, you're a comedian. 857 00:34:50,662 --> 00:34:52,161 You should be able to take a joke. 858 00:34:52,162 --> 00:34:54,078 What, you're comparing this to your dead parakeet? 859 00:34:54,079 --> 00:34:55,953 - Nothing compares to my dead parakeet. - Yeah. 860 00:34:55,954 --> 00:34:57,453 Larry David! 861 00:35:01,495 --> 00:35:03,327 - I know you're in here. I saw your car. - Holy shit. 862 00:35:03,328 --> 00:35:05,869 - Fatwa? - No, lesbian bride. 863 00:35:05,870 --> 00:35:09,786 Larry David? Where the fuck are you, Larry? 864 00:35:09,787 --> 00:35:12,327 Prepare to die, baldy. 865 00:35:12,328 --> 00:35:15,535 I know you're in here, Larry! I'm gonna fucking kill you! 866 00:35:15,536 --> 00:35:17,410 And the next time a door's ajar, 867 00:35:17,411 --> 00:35:19,495 maybe stay the fuck out! 868 00:35:21,828 --> 00:35:24,369 I'm gonna fucking kill you! 869 00:35:24,370 --> 00:35:26,703 Larry fucking David! 870 00:36:00,037 --> 00:36:01,702 Fatwa?! 871 00:36:01,703 --> 00:36:04,662 No, cocksucker. Foisted!