1 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:08,008 , ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,458 Larry: Is anybody worried about dirt on their food here? 3 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:17,985 You know, these buses come by. Everybody makes such a big deal about eating outside. 4 00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:20,621 - I find it disgusting. - It's al fresco. 5 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,667 Hey, do me a favor and remind me to pick up my glove later. I'm getting it restitched. 6 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,502 Okay. - You're wearing gloves? It's the middle of summer. 7 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,237 - No, my baseball glove. - Susan: Oh, baseball. 8 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,005 They're in a league. Is that what you call it? 9 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,310 We're playing for the championship. Are you not listening? 10 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,543 Larry: I hope it turns out better than the golf championship. 11 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,379 - Susie: That's true. - Hey, do you want to come? 12 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,904 No, I don't like baseball. 13 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,606 - I'm a little surprised. - Why? 14 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,217 You I can understand. You've been married a long time. 15 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,310 You could care less about what he does. 16 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,721 - You're absolutely correct. - But we've just started dating. 17 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:47,665 And when you first start dating you always do things that are distasteful. 18 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:50,951 - That's part of the process. - Fish and chicken. 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,053 We're splitting that so it really doesn't matter. 20 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,123 Okay, how about I give that to you? 21 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:58,392 And chicken. Enjoy. 22 00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,894 - That looks good, Jeff. - How do you want to work this? 23 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:04,141 - I'm gonna keep the chicken. - You can't keep the chicken. We said we're gonna split it. 24 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,267 That fish, to be honest, don't look so good. 25 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,445 I only chose it because I knew we were gonna split it. 26 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:11,872 Look, you brought the fish into it. I'm saying no. 27 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:15,476 - That's completely unethical. - Honestly, Larry, this is why he's a good manager. 28 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,112 You should be thankful he's unethical. He's unscrupulous. 29 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,114 - You want some of my salad? - Oh my god. 30 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:22,583 - This is amazing. - It looks really really good. 31 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,918 I'm not even joking. It's fantastic. 32 00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:26,363 - Really? - The food here is great. 33 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:27,788 - Can I try it? - Nope. 34 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,558 - Just a little taste? - Nope, you made a mistake. 35 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,493 - You're so lying. - No, I swear to god. 36 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:35,163 Larry: I learned a very valuable lesson today. 37 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,006 - What did you learn? - I'd rather keep it to myself. 38 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,270 Know something? I've learned a valuable lesson today too. 39 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,179 No, you're only saying you learned a lesson because I said I learned a lesson. 40 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,613 That's where you're wrong. I'm just sharing. 41 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,773 I know for a fact you did not learn a lesson. 42 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:48,342 - It's a coincidence. - Speaking of lessons, I'm so sorry... 43 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,145 I have to go. I have a piano lesson. 44 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,915 Good luck at your wiffle ball game or whatever. 45 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,750 - Softball. - Okay, thanks. 46 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,086 Bye. - See you after the game. See you Thursday. 47 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,888 - All right, take a shower. - Call me. 48 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,456 - Is she a great girl? - She's great. 49 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,368 She likes you, which is a shocking thing to me. 50 00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:07,027 - She might. - No, she's going out with him again. 51 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,496 - Can I say something? - What? 52 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,964 - I've got to pee. - She gets me. 53 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,033 Well, you're lucky somebody does. 54 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:17,037 Larry, favor. Jeff's birthday is coming up. 55 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,615 There's a signing thing at the regency. 56 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,608 Mookie Wilson is gonna be there. 57 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:23,811 I need you to get this signed as a gift. Can you do that for me? 58 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:27,748 ( Chimes playing ) 59 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:31,385 Lar. Lar. 60 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:35,055 Larry! What happened? Where'd you go? 61 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,291 - I'm sorry, what? - Mookie Wilson. 62 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,636 Can you get mookie Wilson to sign this for Jeff's birthday? 63 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,395 - Oh yeah. Okay. - All right? 64 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:45,266 - Yeah, mookie's his favorite player. - Yeah. '86 mets. 65 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:51,472 Larry: I like her, but she's got a kid so what's gonna come of it? 66 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,241 What's the point of the whole thing? 67 00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,743 To tell you the truth, whenever I see a woman who's happy, 68 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,378 she's married. 69 00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,748 And whenever I see a man who's happy, he's single. 70 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,017 - Mathematics of that is confusing, isn't it? - Yeah. 71 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,087 Anyway, so we were at this restaurant, 72 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,357 all of a sudden I heard this softee music. 73 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:10,891 The Mr. softee truck. 74 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,494 - The music from the Mr. softee truck? - Yes. 75 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:17,665 When I was a kid I had a traumatic incident 76 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:20,901 involving Mr. softee. 77 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,737 - Boy: Let's do another hand. - Girl: Okay. 78 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,574 Two, three, four, five. 79 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:29,410 - Boy: Here we go. - Girl: You know what? I'm gonna take two. 80 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,615 All right, Larry, what do you got? 81 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,784 I've got two pair. 82 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,320 Wow, that's pretty good. But not good enough. 83 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,422 I've got a flush. 84 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:45,058 Yeah, that's right. All right, come on, take it off. 85 00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,595 Come on. 86 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:54,735 That's pretty pretty pretty good. 87 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,770 ( Door opens ) 88 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,839 ( Chimes playing ) 89 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,118 What the hell are you doing with my daughter? 90 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,712 Come here. Come here. 91 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,814 Father: You be quiet and you listen to me. 92 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:10,318 - What the fuck? - Your vagina is showing. 93 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:14,054 Oh my god. He's got more pubes on his fucking head. 94 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,756 You forgot something, kid. 95 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,426 What the fuck are you doing, kid? 96 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:21,862 Put some clothes on, you four-eyed fuck. 97 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,498 And to this day 98 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,234 whenever I see the softee truck 99 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,603 or especially hear the music, that music 100 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,672 that goes in a continuous loop... 101 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,308 ( Vocalizes tune ) 102 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,684 You know what I'm talking about? 103 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,086 It's deeply disturbing, there's no question about it. 104 00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:47,697 But let me just make sure I understand. 105 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,157 You felt humiliated as a result of the strip poker game? 106 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,897 Yes. Do you mind if I put my feet up here? 107 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,293 - Please. - You sure? 108 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,204 - No, it's fine. - A lot of people don't like it. 109 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,507 - I am absolutely okay with it. - Although it's just a sneaker. 110 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,709 Well, I think even if it were a dress shoe I would be fine. 111 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,702 You're not gonna resent me when I leave here 112 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,605 for putting my feet up and putting you in this compromising position? 113 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,441 I don't feel funny about it. But if it makes you feel better 114 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,344 I have some Japanese slippers you could change into out there. 115 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,221 Oh, that's kind of you to offer, but I'd rather not. 116 00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:15,115 So just to make sure that I understand things thoroughly, 117 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,618 - you felt humiliated... - What the hell then, right? 118 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,853 - Sure, go ahead. - Okay. 119 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,632 - You felt humiliated as a result of this... - I'm not comfortable with it. 120 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,058 - I'm sorry. - All right. 121 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,861 This was a girl that you knew from the neighborhood, I presume. 122 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,898 - Yes. Yes. - You were playing strip poker with her. 123 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,100 And of course I lost almost every hand. 124 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,935 She took off her socks and shoes. 125 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,838 I feel like if she had taken the top off 126 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,073 my whole life would have been different. 127 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:45,078 Keep it going. Keep it going, guys. Come on. 128 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,714 - Hey, yari. Yari. - Keep it going. 129 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:49,016 - What what what? - What's happening with my car? 130 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:52,019 Easy job. Be ready tomorrow like I said, okay? 131 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,854 - Really? - You worry too much. 132 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:57,124 - Worry about the game. - We don't need to worry about this game. 133 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,493 - You need to worry about the game. - We got this game. 134 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,795 Championship game. Bring it in, everybody. 135 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,531 Come on. 136 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,535 Okay, we're here. 137 00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:12,005 We made it! We made it to the big game. 138 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,074 Center stage. 139 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:18,378 Every one of you all, give yourselves a clap on the hand. 140 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:22,249 I am so proud of every one of you. 141 00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:25,753 You know, before I came out today 142 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,589 I think about I'm like the steinbrenner. 143 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:32,460 And I think, "what would steinbrenner say right now?" 144 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,628 He would say 145 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:38,231 that when you put on this uniform 146 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,100 with my name on it, 147 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,503 there is no substitute for winning! 148 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,838 No substitute! 149 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,074 Or you hit the deck. 150 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,176 So we're going to go out there, 151 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:52,179 we're going to play this other team, 152 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,981 quote unquote, Raleigh's clothing 153 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:58,819 with their pussy mustard-yellow shit uniforms. 154 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,321 We aren't just going to beat them, 155 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,525 we will grab them and we will fuck 156 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,828 their sisters in the cunt! 157 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,563 Are you listening? 158 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,565 Bring it in. Come on. 159 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,967 - Fuck these people! - All: Fuck these people! 160 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,169 Yes! 161 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:20,040 Fuck their sisters in the cunt? Who talks that way? 162 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,442 Okay, here we go. Two outs. 163 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,178 This is it... championship. One more out, all right? 164 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,716 Ground ball goes to first, second or third or home. 165 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,017 All right, come on, yari. 166 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,119 ( Crowd cheering ) 167 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,154 ( Chimes playing ) 168 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,866 Yes! You got it, Larry. 169 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,402 - Here it comes. You've got it. - Crowd: Oh! 170 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,471 What the fuck? What? 171 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,474 And now they're going home. 172 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,376 How did this... what? 173 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,279 Where are you? What happened? 174 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,014 I got distracted by the softee truck. 175 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,116 - By the what? - What a douche. What a douche. 176 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,786 - You suck. How could you do this? - What a loser. 177 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,955 A baby could have kicked that ball, 178 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,033 - picked it up, thrown it three place. - Stupid ass! 179 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:12,893 - You bucknered me. - I'm sorry. 180 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:17,197 You fucking bucknered it. Why is Buckner on my team? 181 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,634 Sorry. 182 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,405 Hey. 183 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,641 Oh, about time. God damn, Larry. 184 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,376 I had a softball game. I told you that. 185 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,676 - How was the game? - I made an error in the last inning 186 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,614 with two outs that cost us the championship. 187 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,692 Meanwhile I'm standing the fuck out here counting my motherfucking nuts. 188 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,551 Know why? I can't get in the goddamn building. 189 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,654 - What are you talking about? - This motherfucker in the glass tube. 190 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:43,099 This dude right here. The gatekeeper won't let me in the goddamn building. 191 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,392 - That's totally unacceptable. - That's unacceptable. 192 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:49,329 Let me just say this, okay? On behalf of all caucasians, 193 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:50,864 - I apologize. - Put that shit in. 194 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,833 I apologize for the Caucasian race. 195 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,035 By the way, I have a very good idea for you. 196 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,104 To avoid situations like this in the future, 197 00:08:57,204 --> 00:09:01,474 I think you should consider wearing glasses. 198 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:03,410 - Fuck out of here. - Swear to god. 199 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:06,880 I have noticed that white people revere black people in glasses, 200 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,516 go out of their way to do stuff for them. 201 00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:13,053 If a black man with glasses goes up for a job against a white man, 202 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:15,555 glasses gets the job. No glasses, no job. 203 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,567 - We'll try this shit, Larry. It's a wager. - You're open to it? 204 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,492 - I'm open to this shit. - Beautiful. 205 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,537 - I'll try this shit and see what the fuck happens. - All right, let's go. 206 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,197 - What's going on with Jennifer, man? - I'm seeing her tonight. 207 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,434 Oh, ha ha! See, I get a fucking tingle in my Johnson 208 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:30,003 when a motherfucker tells me he's about to get some ass. 209 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,743 - Do your goddamn job. - I'll talk to him. 210 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,808 ( Jennifer moaning ) 211 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,177 - ( Chimes playing ) - ( Larry gasps ) 212 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,580 - Jennifer: Oh. - Larry: Oh my god. 213 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,617 Larry, what's the problem? 214 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,358 Well, come on, Mr. softee. 215 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,465 - Hey, yari. - Oh. 216 00:09:58,565 --> 00:09:59,933 - Hey. - Hey. 217 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,135 - How's it going? - It's great. 218 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:05,973 - Good. So is the car ready? - Good. Good. 219 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,209 - Let me check. - By the way, great game yesterday. 220 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,845 - You pitched really well. - It's not ready. 221 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,347 It's not ready? How come it's not ready? 222 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,084 - You said it was gonna be ready. - I said it's not ready. 223 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:19,820 Is it almost ready? 224 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,323 Um, I think half. Half ready. 225 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,093 - Half ready? - Yeah yeah yeah. 226 00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,995 What happened? 227 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,598 I guess I made an error. 228 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:34,267 Yeah. 229 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,937 - You know what I did? I dropped the ball. - Okay. 230 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:40,040 - No big deal. Made an error. - You didn't fix my car 231 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,143 because I made an error? What are you, 12 years old? 232 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,378 ( Shouting ) what are you, 90 years old? 233 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,115 You let the ball go through your legs. Too too too tot. 234 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,818 The whole season is a complete waste of time! 235 00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:53,253 - It's a softball game! - "It's a softball game"? 236 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,889 You don't understand because you're not the steinbrenner. 237 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,991 - I am the steinbrenner. - You're the steinbrenner? 238 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,659 - I am the steinbrenner! - Really? 239 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,995 Steinbrenner owned a major league baseball team. 240 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,932 - I own this team. - You own 12 t-shirts. 241 00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,200 I paid for them. Yari's autonomics. 242 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,503 You disgraced... You disgraced my business. 243 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,172 Steinbrenner always say... 244 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,743 - he say winning is the only answer. - It's important. 245 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:18,879 He says winning all day, every day or go away. 246 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,647 - I'd like the car. - You'd like the car? 247 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,816 - Yeah. - I'd like my championship back. 248 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,517 - Give me the key. - You are fired. 249 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,020 Just like... that's what George would do. Take your car. 250 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,557 - Give it to me. - I fire you. Your car is fired. 251 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,026 Take your fucking car. 252 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,728 Here is your key. Here is your key. 253 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,097 I never want to see you or your key 254 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,800 wearing my name on your shirt again. 255 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,220 I won't wear your name on my shirt again, that's a promise. 256 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:45,505 Don't disgrace me. Get out of my... yari's! Get out! 257 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:48,075 Buckner, fuck you. Go Buckner yourself. 258 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,943 Go! Faster! 259 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:53,380 So I get the car back from yari, 260 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,892 it's worse than it was before. I don't know what he did to it. 261 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:58,551 The front seat is really rattling. It's terrible. 262 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,720 Hold up, hold up. My shoe is untied. 263 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:04,357 - I'm gonna get the tickets. I'll be right back. - All right. 264 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,062 Sorry, we're sold out. 265 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,632 - ( Sighs ) - what happened? 266 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,301 They're sold out. 267 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:17,037 - Sold out? - Yeah. 268 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,474 Let me go down here and give it a shot, man. 269 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,410 Wow. 270 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,458 We're good. 271 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:42,830 - ( Laughing ) - Larry: Huh? 272 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,631 - Leon: Wow. - Can you believe that? 273 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,167 I'm gonna get me a whole new class of bitches with these on. 274 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,669 Wow, this is amazing. It worked. 275 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,672 - They worked. See, what did I tell you? - You're fucking right. 276 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,209 This is better than anything the civil rights leaders have ever come up with. 277 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,711 You're goddamn right. I have overcome, god damn it. 278 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,092 I got to get mookie's autograph. 279 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,449 I'm gonna check out Joe pepitone over here. 280 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,818 What's up, man? 281 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,923 Hey, Dr. thurgood. 282 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,959 - Larry, how are you? - Hey, hi. 283 00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:14,862 You're getting mookie's autograph, huh? 284 00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:16,830 Yeah well, I'm usually a cubs fan. 285 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,199 I'm kind of attracted to the hopeless cases. 286 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,968 Hey, right? 287 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,769 Well, listen, I hope you'll excuse me. 288 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:25,314 You know when you were a kid walking with your mother through bohack's, 289 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,909 you saw your teacher and you had to realize she didn't live in school? 290 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,845 You understand? Larry, I don't live in school either. 291 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,114 You know what I mean? Nice to see you. 292 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,416 I have no idea what you're talking about. 293 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,819 Hey, listen. So I've got to talk to you about something. 294 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,689 What happened was I was in a softball game 295 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,992 and I heard the softee theme... 296 00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:46,359 Again with the softee theme... 297 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,061 And a ground ball went through my legs. 298 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,097 That cost us the championship in a softball game. 299 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:53,733 Are you absolutely sure that you want to deal with this here? I mean, while we're here? 300 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,169 What's the big deal? We're just on line. 301 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,371 And then that night I was in bed with a woman 302 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,840 and I heard the softee music again and I couldn't perform. 303 00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,943 - Well, it is very troubling. - Yes. 304 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,112 - She called me Mr. softee. - She did? 305 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,680 Yes. - My advice is don't try too much at once. 306 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:10,317 I had a client once, he was a rock guitarist. 307 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:13,220 He played for the band, what was the name of it? 308 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,189 Grand funk railroad. I don't want to reveal his name because... 309 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,301 I already told you he played for grand funk railroad. 310 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,835 You can just look it up. It's Mark farner. 311 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,895 The great thing about Mark farner was 312 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,097 he didn't mess around with all the extraneous notes. 313 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,865 Do you understand what I'm saying? 314 00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,201 - He only played the important notes... - Yeah. 315 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,137 Yup. - ...And that's what I want you to try. 316 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,281 I find it a little troubling that you told me his name, 317 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,641 because now you could be telling people my name. 318 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,176 It was merely an accident. 319 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,578 I don't want this accident to happen with me. 320 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:41,357 I completely understand. And I don't think it will happen with your name. 321 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,392 - Have you talked about me to anyone? - Of course not. 322 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,752 I would never do that to you or any other patient, Larry. 323 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,388 - I just couldn't do it. - Oh my god. 324 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:53,493 Excuse me one second. I think that's bill Buckner. 325 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,231 Wow. 326 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,733 - Bill Buckner. Oh my god. - Yeah, how are you doing? 327 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:04,804 - Nice to meet you. - This is amazing that you're here. 328 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,474 I can't believe it. I had an incident at a softball game 329 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,218 that was very similar to what you went through. 330 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,311 Of course yours happened in the world series 331 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,291 in front of millions of people, but nevertheless 332 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,300 a ball went through my legs and cost us the game. 333 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,951 It was humiliating and people were insulting me. 334 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,096 - I'm sorry to hear that. - I can't believe I'm seeing you here. 335 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,022 How did you deal with all that stuff? 336 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:25,301 You know, when you're giving your best effort, it's a team game, those things happen. 337 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:26,469 You've just got to forget about it. 338 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,295 Jeez, you have a really good attitude. 339 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,630 I'd love to talk to you about this. Do you got a minute? 340 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:35,068 You know, actually I was about ready to take a break for lunch, yeah. 341 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,305 - Can I walk out with you? - Yeah, sure. 342 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,183 Oh, okay, I've just got to get mookie's autograph. 343 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,847 - I'll get it for you. - Oh great, thanks. 344 00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,410 That guy owes me one. 345 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,945 So I saw this commercial last night. 346 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,481 Michael Jordan had a Hitler mustache. 347 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,327 Yeah, I saw that. He's the first one to wear that since Hitler, isn't he? 348 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,320 You know what? I think that's true. 349 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:56,589 - Hey, Buckner, you suck. - Hey, have a nice day, fellas. 350 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,958 Nice catch. ( Laughs ) 351 00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,460 What jerks, huh? 352 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,064 Oh my god. How do you put up with that? 353 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,865 You just get used to it. 354 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,934 - Man: Fuck you, Buckner! - Hey! 355 00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,170 - You stink! - Oh, so do you! 356 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,972 Hey, don't worry about it, Larry. 357 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,907 You're gonna drive yourself crazy. 358 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,476 So how long you gonna be around for? 359 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,545 You want to go take in a couple of Broadway shows? 360 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,480 There's a good one called "next to normal" 361 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,583 I hear a lot of good stuff about. Woman has a bipolar disorder. 362 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,952 Could I interrupt you? I've got an emergency. 363 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,620 Are either of you gentlemen Jewish? 364 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,523 - Not me. - Uh, yeah, I'm... 365 00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,735 Listen, I have a problem upstairs. We're doing a kaddish 366 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,495 and we need one more guy to fill out the minyan. 367 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:39,299 - What's a minyan? - A minyan... when a Jewish person dies 368 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,869 - you need to have 10 men in a room to say a prayer. - It'll take 10 minutes tops. 369 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:45,414 - I got my friend here. - He could come along. It's a free lunch. 370 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,350 You could have a little sandwich while you're watching. 371 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:50,077 - It's a free lunch. - Yeah, it's an emergency. 372 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,188 We've got to get to the cemetery. What do you think? 373 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,980 Have you ever had Jewish food before? 374 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:56,149 Koufax gave me some kishka one time. 375 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,518 - ( Laughs ) okay. - So we can go then? 376 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,287 - All right, fine. Come on. - Let's go. 377 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:03,123 - Great news. The minyan is complete. - Hello. 378 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,158 A nice Jewish gentleman has volunteered. 379 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,859 - Thank you very much. - A pleasure. 380 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,272 - I'm gonna give you both... - Sorry about whatever happened. 381 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:12,332 I don't really know, but somebody obviously died. 382 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,034 We all have to go at some point. 383 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,736 Excuse me. What? 384 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:20,073 Hopefully there's an afterlife. I'll keep my fingers crossed. 385 00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:22,442 You never know. Crazier things, right? 386 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,145 Terribly sorry. Are you bill Buckner? 387 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,880 - Yeah. - Herman here is from Boston. 388 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,900 He's a big Red Sox fan and he can't be in the same room with bill Buckner. 389 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,652 I'll have to ask you to please leave. 390 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,355 - I'm terribly sorry. - Are you serious? Are you for real? 391 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:38,057 - October, 1986, two outs. - Jesus Christ! 392 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,559 Larry, don't worry about it. Hey. 393 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,619 - They can't help themselves. - You're damn right. 394 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:44,039 Don't let the door go through your legs on the way out, Buckner. 395 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,567 - What a jerk. - I only regret I can't ruin your life before you leave. 396 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,637 Hey, you won two world championships since then. That's not enough for you? 397 00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,149 - Herman: It should have been three. - It should have been three. 398 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:56,209 - Don't worry about it. - I don't want to be in your stupid minyan anyway. 399 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,421 - Stupid minyan? My uncle died. - Larry: How about that? 400 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:00,726 I hope there is no afterlife. I hope there's no afterlife. 401 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,049 Sorry. Hey, Larry, what about the kishka? 402 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,118 To hell with the kishka. Come on. 403 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,188 ( Doorbell rings ) 404 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,323 - Hey. - Hello. 405 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,958 - Come on in. - Hi, lar. 406 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,060 Hey. Friend of mine. You might know him. 407 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,763 - Does he look familiar? - Very familiar. 408 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,565 Who... 409 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,333 Mr. bill Buckner. 410 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,001 - Bill Buckner! - Hey, how you doing? 411 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,603 How did I not... oh my god. 412 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,439 - Welcome, bill Buckner. - Baseball player, right? 413 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,509 - Yeah. This is susie. - Hi. Come on in. 414 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,345 - Come into our home. - Played for the Dodgers, 415 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,148 - the cubs, the Red Sox. Anybody else? - Nice to meet you. 416 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,525 Yeah, a little bit with the angels. 417 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,485 Angels too? How about that? 418 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,154 - Yes, I got it. - This view is awesome. Unbelievable. 419 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:42,989 We met at a baseball card show. 420 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,733 What were you doing at a baseball card show? 421 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,694 What was I doing? 'Cause somebody has a loving wife 422 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:52,499 and I picked up a little something for somebody's birthday. 423 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,543 - Come on, let me see. - Guess whose name is on there. 424 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,603 - Guess whose name. - Whose name is on there, huh? 425 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,305 - Who's your fav? - Mookie Wilson? 426 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,207 - Yes. - Oh my god. 427 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,267 Do you have the most thoughtful wife in the world? 428 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:05,178 - Thank you. - It wouldn't have happened if I didn't go to the show. 429 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,247 - It was my idea. - Yeah, I did go pick it up. 430 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,158 - But it was my idea. - Let me see. Let me see. 431 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,626 - You want to see it? - Yeah, let me see it. Let me see it. 432 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,285 - Hey, buck, catch. - Susie: What?! 433 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,762 - Jeff: What are you doing? - Susie: What the fuck? 434 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,155 - Hey, I'm sorry. Sorry. - Susie: What happened? 435 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:18,534 - Bill: I missed it, I'm sorry. - Susie: It's in the middle of the street. 436 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,126 Larry, what the hell were you doing? 437 00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:22,629 - What? No. - Why'd you throw it to him? 438 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,940 - You know, we just... - I thought you were a professional. 439 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,934 - It was a horseshit throw. - No, it was a horseshit catch also. 440 00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,571 Hey, buck, come on. It was a good throw. You bobbled it. 441 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,006 - It was mookie Wilson, Buckner! - Ooh, mookie Wilson. 442 00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,775 - Yeah. - What'd mookie do? 443 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,286 - All he hit was a shitty ground ball. - Get the fuck out! 444 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,246 Get out, both of you. You ruined the gift. 445 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:42,415 - What happened? It was right in your hands. - That was a horseshit throw. 446 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,294 Come on, it was in your hands. How could you miss that ball? Are you serious? 447 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,220 - Shit happens, Larry. - "Shit happens"? 448 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,088 I thought you were a baseball player. 449 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,391 You can't catch a goddamn toss? 450 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,538 - Wow, that was great, huh? - That was really good. Thank you. 451 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:58,164 So did you drink enough to want to come back to my apartment? 452 00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,542 - ( Laughs ) yes, I think I did. - Really? 453 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,601 Fantastic. Tonight I'm gonna bring it. 454 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,141 - I'm not joking around. - All right. 455 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,804 The only problem is the car. The seat... 456 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:07,407 I just got it out of the shop and it wasn't fixed. 457 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,509 - The seat is still rattling. - Can I sit in it? 458 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:12,312 - Yeah, you can sit in it. - It's fine. Whatever. It's just a car. 459 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,626 I actually think I'm going to do very well tonight. - ( Seat rattling ) 460 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:20,387 - Oh? - I'm just putting it out there. 461 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:24,891 I'll put the TV on. We'll start watching TV as if we're gonna watch TV. 462 00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:28,795 But I'm really gonna try and put moves on you 463 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,129 while we're watching TV. 464 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,764 - That's sort of how I do it. - Uh-huh. 465 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,984 You're not allowed to just say, "hey, let's have sex." 466 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,793 - You've got to go around it... - ( Gasping ) 467 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,838 Like you're doing something else so you fool the woman. 468 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,641 - Yeah. - It's like a magic trick. It's sleight of hand. 469 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,176 The TV kind of diverts your attention 470 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,713 from what the real agenda is. 471 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,115 Although, does it really? I mean, you know and I know. 472 00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,260 I don't know why we have to go through this charade. - ( Gasps ) 473 00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:54,554 Anyway, I don't know. Do you like... I got some mixed nuts. 474 00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:57,023 - Do you like a mixed nut? - Mm-hmm, yes. Yeah. 475 00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:00,259 People like a mixed nut. Although when I opened up the mixed nuts 476 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,429 they had put some dried pineapple in there. 477 00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,331 Are you kidding me with the pineapple? 478 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:06,366 It doesn't blend well with the mixed nuts. 479 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:09,001 The dried pineapple is destroying mixed nuts. 480 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,538 ( Moans ) - for me, give me a chip any day. 481 00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:13,039 - Do you like chips? - Yeah yeah. 482 00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,041 - You like a good chip? - Yes. Yes. 483 00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:16,676 What about a dip? 484 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,736 - Do you like a dip as well as a chip? - Yes! Yes! 485 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,813 - You like a chip and a dip? - Yes! 486 00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:23,115 - Right? - Yes! Ooh! 487 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:25,785 - Bad news, I have no dip. - ( Moaning ) 488 00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,387 I am so sorry. 489 00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:30,790 - I am completely dipless. - ( Panting ) 490 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,892 Oh my god, is this a parking space? 491 00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:34,794 Ho ho ho! 492 00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:38,264 This is my lucky day. 493 00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:40,700 Unbelievable. 494 00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:43,803 Would you mind driving me home? 495 00:21:44,837 --> 00:21:46,305 What? 496 00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:49,208 I'm kind of done. I think I need to call it a night. 497 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:52,345 - Drive you home? - I mean if it's okay. 498 00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:55,815 Why? I thought you were gonna come upstairs. 499 00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,515 I'm just kind of ready for bed, you know? 500 00:21:57,550 --> 00:22:00,319 - I'm ready to do the job. - I'm sure you are. 501 00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,188 - I'm sure you are. - And I have this theory. 502 00:22:02,288 --> 00:22:03,923 Like for golf, when I have a bad round, 503 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:07,193 my next round is fantastic because I don't care anymore. 504 00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:10,096 I hit the low point. Like, I hit the low point the last time. 505 00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:12,264 And now I know that I stink. 506 00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:13,700 And when I feel I stink I'm good. 507 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,368 Well, let's go for it another night. 508 00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:18,170 ( Emphatically ) I am done. 509 00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:21,107 All right. ( Sighs ) I'll take you home. 510 00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:26,546 Larry: So she said she changed her mind. 511 00:22:26,646 --> 00:22:28,981 No man would ever change his mind, I'll tell you that. 512 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,451 I'm very curious to know why she would do that. 513 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:34,830 Why? I'll tell you why. Because when you're impotent, women treat you like a leper. 514 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:38,625 You tried to put a noodle in a woman? Women hate that, man. 515 00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:41,861 That's a remarkably idiotic thing that you just said. 516 00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:44,831 But you know, the fact that you're wearing glasses, 517 00:22:44,931 --> 00:22:48,401 I perceive it as a little less idiotic than I normally would. 518 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:49,912 - It's interesting. - You're damn right. 519 00:22:49,936 --> 00:22:51,671 - I'm making sense. - Slightly less stupid. 520 00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:54,574 - You're making a little sense. - I'm making stupid sense. 521 00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:56,509 Huh? 522 00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:00,547 What the hell is this? 523 00:23:00,647 --> 00:23:03,683 A bill from the therapist? 524 00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:06,986 I think he charged me for talking to him at the card show. 525 00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:09,456 That's something you got to handle, man. You know? 526 00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,458 - You want to take a ride? - Where we going at? 527 00:23:11,558 --> 00:23:14,861 - I want to talk to this therapist. - Let's do it. 528 00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,096 ( Seat rattling ) 529 00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:25,004 Mmm. Mmm. 530 00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:27,073 ( Exhales ) 531 00:23:27,173 --> 00:23:29,642 What's with you? 532 00:23:32,178 --> 00:23:34,914 You know what? I think I figured this shit out. 533 00:23:35,014 --> 00:23:37,817 She was getting her rocks off in this damn chair. 534 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:39,418 - Look at me. - Really? 535 00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,621 This shit is a moving dildo. 536 00:23:41,721 --> 00:23:44,390 - You mean like a horse? - This chair is a fuck machine. 537 00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:46,759 Man cannot compete with machinery. 538 00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:49,028 No wonder why she didn't come upstairs. 539 00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:51,030 You're damn right. She was coming downstairs. 540 00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:53,633 - You get it? - She was coming downstairs. 541 00:23:53,733 --> 00:23:55,293 - Yes, I get it. - Getting her shit off. 542 00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:58,237 Whatever the fuck you do, you keep her out of this damn car. 543 00:23:58,337 --> 00:23:59,806 You know what this car is? 544 00:23:59,906 --> 00:24:02,108 This car is the other fucking man. 545 00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:05,512 She is cheating on you with this fucking chair. 546 00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:10,583 - Larry: Ah. - Larry. 547 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,018 - Hi. - Hi. 548 00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,320 I know I don't have an appointment now, 549 00:24:14,420 --> 00:24:16,556 but I got a bill in the mail today. 550 00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:19,458 Am I to understand that you charged me 551 00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:22,428 for talking to me on line at the baseball card show? 552 00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:25,431 - Is that possible? - Well, yes it is. 553 00:24:25,532 --> 00:24:29,335 Dr. thurgood, we spoke for all of three minutes. 554 00:24:29,435 --> 00:24:31,203 Well, let me just point out to you, Larry, 555 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,640 that sometimes when people suffer with what I might call 556 00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:36,576 the more dramatic forms of narcissism, 557 00:24:36,676 --> 00:24:38,887 they have a hard time gauging how long they've been talking 558 00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:40,880 about their problems or themselves. 559 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:42,582 Are you saying I'm a narcissist? 560 00:24:42,682 --> 00:24:46,252 Larry, maybe I can help you understand this way. 561 00:24:46,352 --> 00:24:50,690 I had a client. He was quite an illustrious well-known director. 562 00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:53,560 I don't want to reveal who he was, but he did direct "star wars." 563 00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,294 And he enjoyed 564 00:24:55,394 --> 00:24:57,930 in his repertoire of things that he liked 565 00:24:58,030 --> 00:25:00,366 to see prostitutes. 566 00:25:00,466 --> 00:25:02,935 Now in that particular situation, 567 00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,437 if he were to hire a prostitute, let's say for an hour, 568 00:25:05,538 --> 00:25:07,916 which was normal for him... - you might as well call him George Lucas. 569 00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,609 I mean, that's who directed "star wars." 570 00:25:09,709 --> 00:25:11,243 Well, I would never say that. 571 00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:13,455 - I would never say that. - You just told me who it was. 572 00:25:13,479 --> 00:25:16,983 I merely alluded to the fact that he was a well-known director. 573 00:25:17,083 --> 00:25:20,753 Now one of the things that he needed to complete his work... 574 00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:22,789 Everybody knows who directed "star wars." 575 00:25:22,889 --> 00:25:24,824 Not everyone is in show business, Larry. 576 00:25:24,924 --> 00:25:26,793 - Okay, go ahead. - My point is... 577 00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:30,229 - god knows what you're saying about me. - No one asks about you. 578 00:25:30,329 --> 00:25:32,689 I didn't ask about George Lucas but you just brought him up. 579 00:25:32,732 --> 00:25:35,668 I merely said a well-known director. And here's my point. 580 00:25:35,768 --> 00:25:38,070 He used to frequent prostitutes. 581 00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:40,840 And very often he would hire them for an hour, 582 00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:42,909 which was their minimum, but it only took him 583 00:25:43,009 --> 00:25:44,677 three or four or maybe five minutes 584 00:25:44,777 --> 00:25:47,046 to complete the shot, if you understand what I'm saying. 585 00:25:47,146 --> 00:25:50,516 However, they considered it fair and he considered it fair 586 00:25:50,617 --> 00:25:53,217 to pay them for the full hour. That was the way they did business. 587 00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:56,255 First off, I'm appalled by what you just said to me. 588 00:25:56,355 --> 00:25:57,766 He has a right to do what he wants. He's an adult. 589 00:25:57,790 --> 00:25:59,358 It's supposed to be confidential. 590 00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:00,836 - It is. - You're not supposed to be telling people. 591 00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:02,629 It's merely by way of illustration. 592 00:26:02,729 --> 00:26:05,932 My point is that people need various things to help them function. 593 00:26:06,032 --> 00:26:07,834 And my hope was that I was doing that for you. 594 00:26:07,934 --> 00:26:09,802 Well, it's good to see you. 595 00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:11,871 Yes, and congratulations, doctor. 596 00:26:11,971 --> 00:26:14,774 I think you've stumbled upon the perfect analogy 597 00:26:14,874 --> 00:26:16,743 for exactly what you do. 598 00:26:16,843 --> 00:26:19,311 Well, it's somewhere between a hobby and a profession 599 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:20,680 for me just as it is for them. 600 00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:22,181 - Mm-hmm. - Good seeing you. 601 00:26:22,281 --> 00:26:24,350 Okay. 602 00:26:25,852 --> 00:26:27,987 Whew. You know what? 603 00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:30,456 Let me go in and give it a shot with the glasses on. 604 00:26:30,556 --> 00:26:32,258 I really don't think it's gonna work. 605 00:26:32,358 --> 00:26:34,102 - Let me go give it a shot. - Go ahead, give it a shot. 606 00:26:34,126 --> 00:26:36,996 Give me that bill, man. Fucking around. 607 00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:41,868 Dr. thurgood, allow me to introduce myself. 608 00:26:46,405 --> 00:26:48,074 ( Laughing ) 609 00:26:48,174 --> 00:26:50,009 Mr. black, really a pleasure to meet you. 610 00:26:50,109 --> 00:26:51,519 - A pleasure. - See you again I hope. 611 00:26:51,543 --> 00:26:53,579 - Take care. - You too. Bye, Larry. 612 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,214 - ( Door closes ) - ( chuckles ) 613 00:26:55,314 --> 00:26:58,250 He tore the bill up, threw it in the garbage. Done. 614 00:26:58,350 --> 00:27:00,352 - What? You're kidding. - No, I'm not kidding. 615 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:02,088 - Mm, the glasses, baby. - Amazing. 616 00:27:02,188 --> 00:27:03,790 - I told you. - It's a miracle. 617 00:27:03,890 --> 00:27:05,591 Yeah, on top of that shit, check it out. 618 00:27:05,692 --> 00:27:07,927 Mookie Wilson ball. How about that? 619 00:27:08,027 --> 00:27:10,496 Give that to Jeff now. Replace the ball you lost. 620 00:27:10,596 --> 00:27:12,531 See how it works? Ooh! 621 00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:15,334 - He gave you this? - No, I stole it. 622 00:27:20,606 --> 00:27:22,909 - Open up. Open up. - All right. Hey hey. 623 00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:25,311 - Take it easy. Here. - Listen, I need a ride. 624 00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:27,155 I need a ride. I don't want the fucking ball now. 625 00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:29,348 I need a ride. My cousin's building is on fire. 626 00:27:29,448 --> 00:27:31,984 Can you believe this? It's over by the regency on park. 627 00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:34,204 - I need a ride. It's an emergency. - You want a ride? 628 00:27:34,253 --> 00:27:37,690 Yeah, I need a ride over to my cousin's building. It's on fire. 629 00:27:37,790 --> 00:27:40,426 Larry, drive me! Just give me a fucking ride, okay? 630 00:27:40,526 --> 00:27:43,295 The building's on fire, Larry. Please, come on. Hurry up. 631 00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:45,732 - Open up. - What's the big deal? It's a fire. 632 00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:47,599 - I need to get there. It's my cousin. - Why? 633 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:51,270 I need to get over there. What don't you understand about fire? 634 00:27:51,370 --> 00:27:54,707 - I'll pay for a cab. - I don't want to take a cab. 635 00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:56,608 Give me a fucking ride. What's the matter? 636 00:27:56,709 --> 00:27:58,778 Why can't you give me a goddamn ride? 637 00:27:58,878 --> 00:28:00,713 - You know what? I've got it. - Okay, what? 638 00:28:00,813 --> 00:28:02,693 Sit in the back seat. I'll give you a limo ride. 639 00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:05,617 Larry, I don't want a fucking limousine! Just open the fucking door. 640 00:28:05,718 --> 00:28:07,854 - All right, you drive. - I don't want to drive! 641 00:28:07,954 --> 00:28:08,855 I'm hysterical. Don't you see that? 642 00:28:08,955 --> 00:28:10,522 I can't drive. I can't focus. 643 00:28:10,622 --> 00:28:12,862 She might be... - all right, all right! Get in the car. 644 00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:14,861 Make such a big fucking deal. 645 00:28:14,961 --> 00:28:17,429 I ask for a little ride across town. 646 00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:21,834 What? What are you waiting for? 647 00:28:21,934 --> 00:28:24,670 Why are you driving like a snail? 648 00:28:24,771 --> 00:28:27,774 ( Gasping, moaning ) 649 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:33,545 ( Groans ) no. 650 00:28:33,645 --> 00:28:37,950 No. No. 651 00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:41,387 - ( Gasping ) - ( groaning ) 652 00:28:53,599 --> 00:28:55,067 No. 653 00:28:55,167 --> 00:28:58,170 - ( Moans ) - ( groaning ) 654 00:29:00,773 --> 00:29:02,341 ( Crashes ) 655 00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:04,844 - ( Chimes playing ) - what the fuck, Larry? 656 00:29:04,944 --> 00:29:07,213 Jesus fucking Christ. Asshole. 657 00:29:07,313 --> 00:29:09,181 - What the hell did you do? - Oh my god. 658 00:29:09,281 --> 00:29:11,617 - It was your fault. - It was not my fault. 659 00:29:11,717 --> 00:29:13,953 - Man: Are you all right? - Oh my god! 660 00:29:14,053 --> 00:29:15,687 - Yeah. - Susie: Oh my god! 661 00:29:15,788 --> 00:29:17,423 - Is she all right? - Who cares? 662 00:29:17,523 --> 00:29:20,860 - I'm so sorry. - Hillary! 663 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,929 Jesus, what the hell is going on over here? 664 00:29:23,029 --> 00:29:24,763 Looks like quite a fire. 665 00:29:24,864 --> 00:29:27,366 ( Radio chatter ) 666 00:29:27,466 --> 00:29:29,735 - Hey, buck. - Hey, Larry. 667 00:29:29,836 --> 00:29:31,737 - What are you doing? - What are you doing here? 668 00:29:31,838 --> 00:29:34,807 My hotel is just right down the street and I was going for a little walk. 669 00:29:34,907 --> 00:29:36,308 ( Screams ) my baby! 670 00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:38,911 - Please, somebody help me. - ( Crowd murmuring ) 671 00:29:39,011 --> 00:29:41,447 Please help me! My baby! 672 00:29:41,547 --> 00:29:44,016 Please, somebody help me! 673 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:46,452 - Drop it. - It's safe for a baby. Go ahead, we're ready. 674 00:29:46,552 --> 00:29:49,088 - No, I can't. - We're ready, let's go. We're ready now. 675 00:29:49,188 --> 00:29:51,991 Come on, come on! You can do it. 676 00:29:52,091 --> 00:29:53,893 - Drop it! - Let it go! 677 00:29:53,993 --> 00:29:57,363 - Throw the baby! - I can't! No! 678 00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,299 ( Shouting fades ) - ( music playing throughout ) 679 00:30:56,055 --> 00:30:57,723 - ( Cheering ) - oh my god! 680 00:30:57,823 --> 00:31:00,092 Oh my god! I can't believe it! 681 00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,929 Unbelievable. I've never seen anything like that in my life. 682 00:31:03,029 --> 00:31:05,597 - Nice catch, bill. - Thanks. 683 00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:08,534 ( Cheering ) 684 00:31:11,637 --> 00:31:14,573 Yeah! Hey, all right! 685 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,815 Well, so... 686 00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:26,352 - How was that? - It was good. 687 00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:29,488 You know what I'd like to do now? 688 00:31:31,257 --> 00:31:35,427 Go for a really long drive. 689 00:31:37,997 --> 00:31:40,899 ( Theme music playing )