1 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:09,009 - None of your business, Elaine! - ( Audience laughs ) 2 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:12,113 - All: No! - ( Theme music playing ) 3 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,025 - Oh, sorry about that. - A ring stain? 4 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,995 I have a bad habit of just putting my drink down on the table. 5 00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,698 Bad habit? Put your drink down on the wood? 6 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:34,502 - Look at that stain you made. - Well, we'll just sand it off or something. 7 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,340 Do you respect wood? 8 00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,612 I... 9 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,280 - Guess so. - Oh my god. 10 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,916 You had a cup like that at Julia's party. 11 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:51,619 You left the ring stain on Julia's table. 12 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,088 She blamed me the whole time, but it was you. 13 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,657 - Well, it's no big deal. - You're right. 14 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,626 It is no big deal. 15 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,562 Having said that, 16 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,765 I would love for you to call Julia and tell her you left the ring stain. 17 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,985 - I'm not calling Julia. - Yeah, just tell her that... 18 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:09,503 That you were the one who left the stain on the antique table. 19 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,348 - Hold it one second. - I'm not gonna do that. 20 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:12,873 - Yeah, come on. - I'm not doing that. 21 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:15,319 - No, I want you to talk to her. - I don't want to talk to Julia. 22 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:19,513 - Cheryl, hold on one second. - Oh my god, I am not talking to Julia. 23 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,615 - I'm not doing this. - Hey, Jules! 24 00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,952 - Show was fantastic. - What was I thinking? Why would I come here? 25 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,455 I'm not talking to Julia. I said no 26 00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,190 and you don't listen to me. 27 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,058 Oh wait, hold... hold on, okay. 28 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:34,061 Cheryl, wait one second! No no, I think she left the ring stain. Hold on. 29 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:37,231 - Hey, what the hell are you doing? - Leaving, Larry. 30 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,733 - Huh? Why? - Why?! 31 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,602 Yeah. Cheryl! 32 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:44,472 Cheryl. 33 00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:49,810 ( Theme music playing ) 34 00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:59,052 Man: Larry, I know divorce is painful, but this is a fantastic deal. 35 00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,322 It's not only the best deal I'm gonna get for you, 36 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:03,167 it's the best deal that anybody's gonna get for anybody. 37 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,335 You're gonna keep your house, you're keeping all your property. 38 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,161 You know? I know that's important to you. 39 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,906 - I gotta be a good guy. - Yeah, you will look like a good guy here. 40 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,211 - But I don't really want to be a good guy here. - I know. 41 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,067 - You know that, right? - Yes. 42 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,769 - Okay, yeah. - This is what I do. 43 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:19,373 You're coming out ahead in this deal and she's coming out behind. 44 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,575 Imagine like a Dutch apple pie, right? 45 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:25,045 The filling, the real meat of the pie, is everything you're getting. 46 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,648 And the top of the pie that looks so nice 47 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:30,318 is what she's getting. She's just getting the appearance. 48 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:33,321 Yeah, but I really like that crumbly stuff on the top. 49 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,356 No, everybody does. Yeah, it's delicious. 50 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,192 I like that more than the pie. I would rather get that 51 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:41,195 - than the pie. - Yeah, I know, but it's... 52 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,431 But that's just... That's a part of it, 53 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,771 but the real... it wouldn't be a pie without the filling. 54 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,101 - Yeah, but it's my favorite part. - So let's switch it. 55 00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:51,439 She's getting the filling and you're getting the razzle-dazzle that is 56 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:54,041 - the brown crumbly stuff. - The delicious brown crumbly stuff. 57 00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,476 - Yeah, yeah yeah. - The cinnamon. 58 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,278 It's a good deal. It's ready to be signed. 59 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:58,979 Everything's going to be fine, Larry. 60 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,282 You came to the right place. 61 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:04,218 You know what, berg? I like the cut of your jib. 62 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,062 Uh, thank you very much, captain. I appreciate that. 63 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:09,122 Cheryl and her lawyer are going to be here in a matter of minutes. 64 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:12,502 You don't have to, but it might not be a bad idea for you to stick around for that meeting. 65 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,464 - No, I'm gonna go. - Okay, fair enough. Okay. 66 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,632 - You're welcome to stay. - I like this desk. 67 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,068 - You have a lot of room under here. - Yeah, it's nice. 68 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,870 It'd be a good desk to get blowjobs under. 69 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:26,206 That's not why I bought it, but let's call it a happy accident. 70 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:30,344 - Okay, berg. - Larry, don't worry so much. 71 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,955 - It's a good deal. - Okay, I'm not going to worry. 72 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,914 I'm gonna leave it in your hands. I trust you. 73 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,759 - You should. - I have a lot of confidence in you. 74 00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:38,218 - All right, see you, Larry. - See you around. 75 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,754 Cheryl: Larry. 76 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,391 - Oh hey. - Hi. 77 00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:46,294 - Hey. Good to see you. - Hello. 78 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:48,396 - Good to see you. - This is David rabinowitz, 79 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,776 my attorney. This is Larry David. 80 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,308 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 81 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,233 You hired a bald man, huh? 82 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:56,704 Uh, that was a coincidence. 83 00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:58,406 I didn't really go after a bald man. 84 00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,575 You know, you should have recused yourself. 85 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,677 We can't go up against each other. 86 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,746 - It's a code. It's in the bald code. - Is it? 87 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:09,149 - Yes, it is. - Oh, I do need to come by and pick up some stuff. 88 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,485 - Oh, you want to get the bedding and everything? - Yes. 89 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,421 I'm giving her the bedding. See? 90 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,656 - You don't like the bedding. - I like the bedding. 91 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,725 And the pillows. I'm giving you all those pillows. 92 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,628 - Yeah, you like... you want that, right? - Yeah, but 93 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,696 you don't like those pillows either. 94 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,833 I know, but I could charge you for them if I wasn't being fair. 95 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,469 - You could charge me for the pillows? - Yes, isn't that right? 96 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,571 - I'm not sure. - Technically. 97 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,473 Technically. Correct, okay? 98 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,875 Okay. Your bald lawyer says technically yes. 99 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:38,879 And I can call you bald. It's like black people calling each other nigga. 100 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,749 - "Hey, baldy," you know? - Okay, let's... it's better if you don't. 101 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,651 - Okay. - I think you're crossing boundaries 102 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:45,519 - that shouldn't be crossed. - Okay. 103 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:50,558 - What are you doing? - I'm practicing a tic I'm working on. 104 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,629 You know, for dating. I'm just wondering if she'll point it out, that's all. 105 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,731 And that's what you do on your dates? 106 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,809 - Yeah, I'll just keep going like this. - You make up a tic 107 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,935 - to see how long your... okay, um... - Yeah. 108 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:06,540 What would you think if you were sitting across from somebody going like this? 109 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,752 If he was doing it on purpose, I would think he was an asshole. 110 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,379 Only because I told you because you know who I am. 111 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,847 But if you didn't know me and we had just met, 112 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,984 and then all of a sudden you're sitting across from me and I'm going... 113 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,420 Okay, that doesn't work. I don't think you should do that. 114 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,689 ( Chuckles ) wh... why not? Huh? 115 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,691 - Let's go. - It's just a social experiment. 116 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,669 - Cheryl: I'll text you. - All right, nice to meet you. 117 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,628 Rabinowitz: Nice meeting you. 118 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:30,764 Larry: I got the sharpest Jewish divorce lawyer in town. 119 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,800 - He's terrific. - Jeff: You like berg? 120 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,345 - I like him a lot, yeah. - Oh, you know what? You and I ever split up, 121 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,304 let me tell you something, we get a divorce, 122 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,673 50-50. You take whatever 50% you want. 123 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,642 I'll take what's left. No arguing, 124 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,678 - no negativity. - What, are you fucking kidding me? 125 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,581 You think we're gonna have a nice divorce if we ever get divorced? 126 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,584 No fucking way. I'm taking you for everything you have, mister. 127 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,821 I'm taking your balls and I'm thumbtacking them to the wall. 128 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,757 You're gonna get nothing out of it. You mention the "d" word once 129 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,627 in your fucking life, you'll rue the day you ever met me. 130 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,470 Okay. I've got some great news. 131 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:12,940 Guess where the funkman is going for three weeks. 132 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,476 - Miami? - London! 133 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,110 - London! - Oh ah! 134 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,113 - How about that? - On business, how great is that? 135 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,558 - Wow, that's fun. - Are you going? 136 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,451 - No. - Oh, really? 137 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:26,312 - She doesn't like to travel. - I don't go on business trips with him. 138 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,188 - Have you ever been there? - No. 139 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:31,525 Oh my god, you should go. It's really beautiful this time of year. 140 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,394 - Hmm, really? - Yeah! 141 00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,196 - London! - Maybe I should go, Marty. 142 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,832 No, it's cold. Right now it's cold and foggy and dangerous. 143 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,778 They have gangs over there and everything else and I'll be doing business. 144 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,505 I never travel with you. I think it's a great idea. I'm going. 145 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:47,040 - Let's talk about... - Thank you. 146 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,543 That's decided. I'm in. 147 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,514 Um... 148 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:56,149 - What's everybody getting for lunch? - Fish chowder. 149 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,118 Gonna have some sort of light salad. 150 00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,497 - I'm not that hungry. - I think I'm gonna get the buffet. 151 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:03,223 - All right. - All right. I'll be back. 152 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,693 - The fish chowder's yummy. - Larry! 153 00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:07,561 - Hey, Joe. - Larry, how are you? 154 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,162 - Pretty good. - Susie: Anna! 155 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,340 - Oh my god, how are you? - Right right right, this is Anna. 156 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,034 Hey, this is... you know Joe O'Donnell, the owner of the Dodgers. 157 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,203 Yes. - Hi, everybody. I didn't want to interrupt. 158 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,347 - Nice to meet you. - Anna and I did pilates together. 159 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,641 - How are you? Things going good? - Great great, yeah. 160 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,810 Did you speak to Andy today? Our fearless attorney? 161 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,378 - We have the same divorce lawyer. - Oh yes! 162 00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:27,247 Oh, the fun we're having. 163 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,817 - How's it going with you? - Well... 164 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,219 You know, it's complicated to say the least. 165 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,422 The team is... The team's an asset 166 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,758 and it's kind of a little precarious right now. 167 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,427 I think he'll come through for us though. I'm pretty confident. 168 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,371 - Yeah, he's good. - By the way, would you be... 169 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,908 Would you be interested in coming out, sitting in a box with me? 170 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,634 - Oh, that'd be fun. - We can commiserate, 171 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:49,069 discuss why the hell we got married in the first place. 172 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,271 Yeah, I'd be interested. 173 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,373 - Yes. - Oh, we should tell them. 174 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:57,978 Joe's 13-year-old daughter Kyra is going to be knocking on your doors possibly. 175 00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,480 - Look out! - She's selling girl scout cookies. 176 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,792 - It's the last week. - She's going for the record this year. 177 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,885 - She was close. - We're in, right, Jeff? 178 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,631 I'll be slamming the door in her face. I hope that doesn't bother you. 179 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,799 - Oh come on, give her a break. - We're sending her to you first. 180 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,091 She's coming. Be prepared. 181 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,594 - Take care, everybody. - Nice to see you. 182 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,700 - Oh, okay! - Huh? 183 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,234 - There you go. - You loving that? 184 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,605 - That is beautiful. - I told you the buffet, man. 185 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,874 - Boy, did we do the wrong thing. - Shrimp? 186 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:30,878 - Crab legs, shrimp, potatoes. - I'm still a little bit hungry. Can I take a couple potatoes? 187 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,698 - Help yourself. - Funkhouser: Look at that. 188 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,546 - Take a crab leg. Absolutely. - Are you sure? 189 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,217 - Take some shrimp too. - I'll take two shrimp. There we go. 190 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:38,795 - Thank you. - Take three. You want three? 191 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,754 No, two's plenty. That's all I want. 192 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:44,524 - Funkhouser: When you go back, get me some. - Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt. 193 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,561 Um, but you can't take from the buffet 194 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,763 and share with someone who's ordered off the menu. 195 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,200 So unfortunately we're going to have to charge you for an additional buffet. 196 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,411 - It says it's all you can eat. - It's all you can eat. 197 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,738 What's the difference if I give it to somebody else? 198 00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,816 Because then he's eating it. It's all he can eat also. 199 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,543 I wasn't going to make a second visit. This is it. This is my only plate. 200 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:06,546 - But how am I to know that? - It doesn't say that you can't... 201 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,016 Excuse me, maybe I can help. Hello, I'm hiriam katz, 202 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,752 attorney-at-law. Maybe I can straighten this out. 203 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:14,454 First of all, in your implied contract with this man 204 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,524 there is nothing that allows you to restrict what he does with your product 205 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,594 after he purchases it, so he can do whatever he wants with the food. 206 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:24,131 And secondly, if you suspect that he's stealing another buffet from you, 207 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,466 you'd have to be able to establish prior intent. 208 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,335 Now can you prove prior intent? 209 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,303 I didn't think so. 210 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,340 So in the absence of that, I'm afraid there's really nothing you can do 211 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,810 except probably apologize to these people and maybe buy them a round of drinks. 212 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,946 Hmm? 213 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,049 I'm sorry and... 214 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,818 I'd be happy to get you a round of drinks. 215 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,720 Apology accepted. That won't be necessary. 216 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,355 - Thank you. - Thank you very much. 217 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:51,258 I hope you don't mind. I hate to see people ripped off that way. 218 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,761 So I thought I would dive in. I am hiriam katz, 219 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,629 attorney-at-law. Here's my card. 220 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:58,331 Enjoy your brunch. 221 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,571 Hey, how about O'Donnell inviting me to sit in his box? 222 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,249 That's some cool shit. Let me tell you something. 223 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,017 - This is gonna be great for us, man. - I know. 224 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,910 This is better than... excuse me? 225 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,544 - It's great for us. - Great for us? 226 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:14,281 - It's great for me. - The hookup always comes with a plus one. 227 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,516 - There's no plus one here. - I get hooked up, 228 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,176 - you get hooked up all the time. - You've never gotten a hookup! 229 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,897 I got plenty of hookups, Larry. You don't see them. 230 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,790 You don't notice the small shit, Larry! 231 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,930 What small shit? There hasn't been any small things. 232 00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,803 - It's the small things, Larry. - ( Doorbell rings ) 233 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,827 - There's no plus one. - There's always a plus one. 234 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,498 Hi, is this Larry David's house? 235 00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:35,502 - This is Larry David. - Oh, hi. I'm Kyra, Joe's daughter. 236 00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,304 - Kyra O'Donnell! - Yeah. 237 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,939 - Hey. - Hey. 238 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,275 - Um, do you like girl scout cookies? - I find them abhorrent. 239 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,144 - But come in. - Okay, cool. 240 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,447 Um, so we're in stock on a lot of the cookies. 241 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,949 - Okay. - Which is good news. 242 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,384 Um, we have thank u Berry munch cookies. 243 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,553 Oh, thank u Berry munch, ooooh. 244 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,723 Th-th-th-thank u Berry munch. 245 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:58,391 ( Giggles ) we have the tagalongs. 246 00:10:58,491 --> 00:10:59,592 - Tagalongs. - Yeah. 247 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,628 We have the... 248 00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:03,997 You know what? I'm not even interested. 249 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,900 Give me five boxes of each of them. 250 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,736 Really? Yeah, what do you say to that? 251 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,371 - That's awesome. - Huh? Not bad, right? 252 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,074 Okay, yeah. Um, well, you could just take a look at that. 253 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,609 All right. Now you see, these samoas, 254 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,345 that looks pretty good actually. 255 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,814 It's covered with caramel, rolled in toasted coconut. 256 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:23,683 'Cause I'm a huge coconut guy. 257 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,887 Everything okay? 258 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:32,359 I, uh, think I just had my first period. 259 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,799 Okay. That's... yeah. 260 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,401 Okay, so that's no problem. 261 00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,636 That's no problem at all. You know why? In fact, 262 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,273 I got an ex-wife and I was married 263 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,175 and she's a woman. She left stuff upstairs 264 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,243 that's going to be very valuable to you. 265 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,980 I'm going to run up and get it. You stay right here. Don't move. 266 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,182 Okay, don't worry. You had it in the right place. 267 00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:58,018 I'm not kidding. I got this. I got this. 268 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,487 Stay right there. I'll be right down. 269 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,923 Ok-Kay 270 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,759 okay, got it. 271 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:09,362 Here you go, all right. 272 00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:13,733 All right, good luck. 273 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,470 Um, I don't really know how to use one of these. 274 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,942 Oh, okay, all right. There's instructions here. 275 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,013 Um... 276 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:29,983 Okay okay. 277 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,219 "If you're using a tampon, you'll see that" 278 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,487 the plastic applicator is made of two tubes. 279 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,190 One... "- what do you mean "plastic applicator"? 280 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,292 I don't know what this is. 281 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,363 I just don't get what you're saying. 282 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,499 Oh okay. 283 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,336 "Hold the applicator lightly on the outer insertion tube 284 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,704 at the grip location with your thumb and middle finger." 285 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,373 - What the fuck? - Lightly? 286 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,451 - What do... what am I supposed to... - wait a second. 287 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,845 "Gently slide the applicator all the way into your vagi..." 288 00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,547 how do I know if I'm doing it right? 289 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:04,384 I've never used one of these and I'm really frustrated right now. 290 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,719 Oh, okay! 291 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,555 I got it. I got it. 292 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,757 Look, it pushes it out. 293 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:13,861 - Are you sure you're reading the right directions? - No, listen to me. 294 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,763 Listen to me. Take the inside where the string is 295 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,232 and push it... push it. 296 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,701 - Push it? - Push it. You'll see a cotton... 297 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,413 - what are you talking about? - You'll see a cotton piece come out. 298 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:25,973 Okay, that doesn't make any sense. 299 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,607 - Can you talk a little slower? - Okay. 300 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:29,409 - There's a tube, right? - Yes. 301 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,287 - There's an outer tube and an inner tube. - Inner tube? 302 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,546 Put the outer tube in your vagina. 303 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:37,084 - And-and... - I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done this before. 304 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,152 Take the... 305 00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,355 Take the outer tube, take your thumb and middle finger... 306 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:45,558 Wait, what? - ...And push that tube forward. 307 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,561 - It comes out of the plastic! - Wait, that seems wrong. 308 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,865 Look, it came out of the plastic. I'm holding it! 309 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,167 - Okay... - You got it? 310 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,236 I think so. I think I got it. 311 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,537 All right! 312 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,725 Larry: So I'm at a light on Bundy and San vincente, 313 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,427 guy pulls up next to me on a motorcycle, 314 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:23,363 - guess who it turns out to be. - Portia de rossi. 315 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,898 - Huh-uh. - Who? 316 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:27,300 - Andrew berg, my lawyer. - Really? On a motorcycle? 317 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,602 Yeah. What is a Jew doing on a motorcycle? 318 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,405 I never recall ever seeing a Jew on a motorcycle. 319 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,575 - Did you ever want to get a motorcycle? - I once got on a motor scooter 320 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,177 and got about 30 feet and fell. 321 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,388 - Motor scooter? When did this occur? - I was in college. 322 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,981 - Oh, you were in college. - Yeah. 323 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,715 So you had a big 'fro on a motor scooter? 324 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,752 - Yes, yeah. - It's not this Larry on the motor scooter. 325 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:48,055 It's young Larry with the big 'fro. 326 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:50,190 Right, it's 'fro Larry. 'Fro... 327 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:54,027 Well, good afternoon, general petraeus. It's lovely to see you. 328 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,929 - Funny funny funny. - ( Giggles ) 329 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,165 - And I thank you for your service. - Ha ha ha ha. 330 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,233 This happens to be very in. John Varvatos... 331 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,335 Really? - ...His entire fall collection... 332 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,613 Is that right? Camouflage, is that the new thing? - ...Is camouflage. 333 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,549 Yes. Listen, you know, I gotta tell you something. 334 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,942 You better go over to O'Donnell and apologize. 335 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:12,345 - Why, what did I do? - You're teaching his daughter how to put in a tampon? 336 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,847 - He's very upset about it. - Oh, come on! 337 00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,625 If her nose is running and she needed a tissue, 338 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,518 I would have given her a tissue. Same thing. 339 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,887 No, not the same thing. It's inappropriate. 340 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,956 - It's a tampon. - What are you talking about? 341 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:26,193 - The girl was having her period in my house. - It's not my issue, Larry! 342 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,328 It's his issue. I'm just the messenger. 343 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,363 Don't kill the messenger, as they say. 344 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,665 - I wouldn't mind killing the messenger. - Yeah, I bet. 345 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,843 ( Doorbell rings ) - say those things when you really love me. 346 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,907 - I think the whole thing is crazy. - You know what? 347 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,339 - I don't think he's gonna give you those tickets. - Really? 348 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,674 - That's so ridiculous. - So go apologize. 349 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,653 - What's the big fucking deal? - I'm gonna go over there and talk to him. 350 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,447 - Hi, Marty. - Hi, susie. 351 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,583 Well, look who's here. It's the big funk. 352 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,419 You are a colossal prick. 353 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,421 - ( Laughs ) - do you know that? 354 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:57,057 - Boy, I'm really getting it today. - You think it's funny? 355 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,925 - What did I do? - Let me tell you something. 356 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,861 You ruined my whole vacation. You had to butt in 357 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,496 and tell nan to go on my trip. 358 00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,999 - I'm sorry. - I could have had three weeks 359 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,068 working and being alone. 360 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,237 I was curious as to why she wasn't going. 361 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,381 Why don't you just go with her? Why don't you bring her? 362 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,925 I'm bored! Everywhere I go with her we don't look at each other, 363 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,110 she talks over me. I want to be alone. 364 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,346 I want to get the chance to spread my wings. 365 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,415 - Why don't you get a divorce? - I'm too lazy. 366 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:32,025 Coming! Yes, may I help you? 367 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,094 I'm here to see Mr. O'Donnell. 368 00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,896 - Larry David. - Mr. O'Donnell here, 369 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,967 but he give me special instruction not to open the door for you. 370 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,569 What? Wait a second. 371 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,105 What do you mean he doesn't want to see me? Why? 372 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,874 Mr. O'Donnell say you did bad thing to miss Kyra. 373 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,742 - A bad thing? - Yes. 374 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,344 Oh no no no no no. 375 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,646 I didn't do anything bad to miss Kyra. 376 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:57,016 I close door. Mr. O'Donnell say, "Larry David, close door on him." 377 00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,585 What? Hold it. Wait a second. 378 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,653 I'm supposed to go to the baseball game with him. 379 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,323 - You have ticket? - No, but he asked me if I was interested 380 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,125 and I said I'd be very interested. 381 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,060 Interested doesn't mean ticket. 382 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,795 Yeah, interested means ticket! 383 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,863 I'm interested, I have no ticket. 384 00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,166 Gardener interested, chauffer interested, 385 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,435 cook interested... Cook more interested than me, 386 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,470 he has no ticket! 387 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,512 - Larry: No. - I can't have them? 388 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,180 No. - That's where you draw the line? 389 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,149 - I love those. - No. 390 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,783 What? Put those back. 391 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,420 You don't even know what they are. Do you know what they are? 392 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,840 I don't care. You're not coming up here and stealing those! 393 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,590 - Those things. - Yes. 394 00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:41,361 Well, okay, if you change your mind, let me know and I'll... 395 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,739 I will, I'll let you know. - ...I will return them immediately. 396 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,467 - I'll let you know. - I know, it's kinda weird we're gonna actually 397 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,203 - sign the papers, right? - Yeah, we're gonna sign those papers. 398 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:53,240 - I'm fine with it. - You know, a lot of people, after they get divorced, 399 00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,384 they look at their marriage like it was a waste of time? 400 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,009 - I don't think so. - I don't either. 401 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,978 To me, it's kind of like public school. 402 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,947 You went to school, you got through it 403 00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,350 - and now you move on. - What'd you learn? 404 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,752 I wouldn't be tongue scraping if it wasn't for you. 405 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:09,092 - Look what you taught me. - And that's what you're taking away from our marriage. 406 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:12,259 Yes. - Okay, I'm glad you're taking something with you. 407 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,294 - Hey, before you go. - Yes? 408 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,272 Do you think there's any chance we could have sex? 409 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,498 - Um, no. - Come on. 410 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,867 What's the difference? Honestly, think about it, 411 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:23,270 what's the difference? Let's just do it. Come on. 412 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,913 What have I done? Name one thing I've done 413 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,873 that makes you think I want to have sex with you. 414 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,975 - Well, um... - I'm talking to you? 415 00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,810 Yes, you're talking to me. 416 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,522 - That's all you need? - Yeah. When there are women in this bedroom, 417 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,015 it seems crazy if I don't at least offer. 418 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,418 Oh, I meant to tell you... This is interesting... 419 00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,420 - You know your attorney? - Andrew berg! 420 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,256 Andrew berg went to high school with Julie 421 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,892 at St. Christopher's. They actually sat next to each other... 422 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,795 Wait a second. How could Andrew berg 423 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,398 go to St. Christopher's? Isn't that a catholic school? 424 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:54,100 - Yeah. - ( doorbell rings ) 425 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:57,604 I saw him on that motorcycle 426 00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,539 the other day. 427 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,443 - Oh well. - Girls: Hi! 428 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,313 - Good afternoon. - Hello. Good afternoon. 429 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,948 So we're troop 205 and we're here to collect 430 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,117 the money from the cookies, Mr. David, 431 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,453 that Kyra said you were interested in buying. 432 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:16,989 First of all, I commend you on the demographics. 433 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:18,625 All: Thank you. 434 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:22,028 A black, an Asian and... Are you a Jew perchance? 435 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:25,698 - Uh, no. - Oh okay, still, 436 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,667 wonderful. 437 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,903 Regarding the cookies, there's been a change of plans. 438 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,173 Sorry to say, 439 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,708 I no longer want them. 440 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,245 But Kyra said you were interested in buying them. 441 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,547 I was interested and now, 442 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,615 as a result of some difficulties with her father, 443 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,784 - I'm no longer interested. - What? 444 00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:47,244 - You're not getting any money from me. - You can't do that! 445 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,522 - Be a gentleman. - I am a gentleman, young lady! 446 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,691 - Oh no, you're not! - A real gentleman... 447 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,069 - Would give us the money. - Would give us the money, yeah. 448 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,471 - I am a gentleman... - No, you're not! 449 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,273 - Yes, I am a gentleman. - You can't just do that! 450 00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:58,537 - Yes, yeah, I'm doing it. - No! 451 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,333 You go talk to Joe O'Donnell. 452 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,278 Ask him why there's not going to be any cookies! 453 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,504 - ( Girls yelling ) - oh, too bad! 454 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:06,539 Jerk! 455 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,675 Berg: Hey, look who's here! 456 00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:10,810 - Hello, berg. - How are you feeling? 457 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,745 I'm feeling okay. So, berg, 458 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,448 I was talking to Cheryl and she told me 459 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,184 that a friend of hers 460 00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,553 went to high school with you. 461 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,356 - Really? - Yes. 462 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,458 I think the name of the high school was... 463 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,329 - St... Christopher's. - St. Christopher's, that's correct. 464 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,398 That is my Alma mater, yes. 465 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,901 Didn't know that they took Jews at St. Christopher's. 466 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:38,104 Oh, well, they don't. I mean, why would they? 467 00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:40,440 - Oh, I'm not... I'm not Jewish. - Oh! 468 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,675 - You're not. - Did you think I was Jewish? 469 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:45,144 Oh... yes, I did. 470 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,046 - Because of berg! - Yes, because of berg. 471 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,515 - Because of berg. - Yes. 472 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:51,518 - I've often wondered would people... - Really? 473 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,753 - Think that. - Yes, and you did nothing 474 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:57,023 - to perpetuate that, did you? - Well, no, I mean... 475 00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,691 Well, I'm not sure what you mean. 476 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:02,228 Oh, how about on my birthday? "Mazel tov, Larry." 477 00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,597 Well, you're Jewish. It's only respectful. 478 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,467 On the high holy days, I said, "hey, you going to temple, berg?" 479 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:10,069 - And you went, "no." - Right, 'cause I'm not Jewish 480 00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,571 so why would I go to temple? 481 00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,806 Right, like, "I'm a Jew, but not a practicing Jew." 482 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:16,709 - Oi, Larry, with this... - Oi! Again! See? 483 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,821 - It's an expression. - There's another... it's an expression? 484 00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,589 - It's an expression that people use. - What is this thing? 485 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,482 A shofar. Why is this on your des? 486 00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:25,184 People give me gifts. They'll give me like... that for my desk 487 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,853 or the mezuzah that's on the door. 488 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,955 - What are you, by the way? - I'm Swedish. 489 00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:32,425 I got a Swede lawyer? She's gonna get everything! 490 00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:34,827 You got a good lawyer. You got the best lawyer, Larry. 491 00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:38,398 - I'm sorry, berg. - It's a shanda, Larry. 492 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:41,601 I got sweded. 493 00:21:42,869 --> 00:21:44,637 So did you know berg was a Swede? 494 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,606 I thought he was Jewish. He seemed Jewish. 495 00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:48,708 When he first met me, he called me a big macher. 496 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:51,310 - He said macher? - "Maher," wait, there's more. 497 00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:52,912 - With that pronunciation? - Macher. 498 00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:55,648 - He had the whole "ch". - Wow, he's so devious. 499 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,650 And then he'd call me maybe once a month 500 00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,652 and ask me if I wanted to go for a nosh. 501 00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:01,988 "Come on, let's go for a nosh. It'll be good." 502 00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:05,100 I'll tell you one thing, I'm not signing any papers until I get a new lawyer. 503 00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:06,626 That guy's got a scam going. 504 00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,327 Oh, see that? 505 00:22:08,428 --> 00:22:10,262 - Did you just win? - Yeah. 506 00:22:10,363 --> 00:22:12,164 - Game over again. - ( Doorbell rings ) 507 00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:14,066 - He just won. - ( Larry snorts ) 508 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,570 - Come in, it's open. - L.D.! 509 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:20,239 Guess who's getting a divorce. 510 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:23,242 - What? - Martin Norton funkhouser. 511 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,777 - Really? - And it's because of you! 512 00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,079 That man and I were talking about the London trip... 513 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,449 Yeah? - ...I started to realize, "wait a minute." 514 00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:32,284 If I did go to Europe without her, I'd come back 515 00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:35,422 "and it would be 20 more years of boredom." 516 00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:38,758 So I said to nan, "look, let's get a divorce." 517 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,059 She said okay. 518 00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:43,229 I'm gonna be single! 519 00:22:43,329 --> 00:22:45,064 - You and me! - Wow. 520 00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,466 - Is that great? - My man. 521 00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:48,034 Congratulations. Congratulations. 522 00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:50,403 You know what you do when you get a fucking divorce? 523 00:22:50,503 --> 00:22:53,315 Ride around and bump the horn and shit like motherfuckers getting married. 524 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:55,274 - What a great idea. - God damn right. 525 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,620 - Put cans on your car, beep your horn. - "Just divorced." 526 00:22:57,644 --> 00:22:59,912 - Larry: "just divorced." - I'm excited I'm single. 527 00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:02,090 Get out there and get some new ass, know what I'm saying? 528 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,350 You done ran that other ass in the ground, right? 529 00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:06,094 Uh, I don't want to talk about my wife like that. 530 00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:08,096 You ran that ass in the ground and you're moving on, right? 531 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,165 I didn't run any... we had a nice marriage for 20 years. 532 00:23:10,189 --> 00:23:13,025 - No, you ran that ass in the ground. - I don't run people's ass 533 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,727 - in the ground. - All men do. 534 00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:17,664 It's not a negative thing to run an ass in the ground. That's all. 535 00:23:17,764 --> 00:23:19,842 Leon: You ran that shit in the groud like a rent-a-car. 536 00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:21,944 - What's with you? - What do you mean what's with me? 537 00:23:21,968 --> 00:23:24,671 - What are you so glum about? - It's just that everybody's 538 00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:26,873 getting a chance to get divorced except me. 539 00:23:26,973 --> 00:23:29,275 You get divorced, you get divorced, 540 00:23:29,375 --> 00:23:30,877 you don't even need to get divorced. 541 00:23:30,977 --> 00:23:33,379 Even the owner of the Dodgers, O'Donnell, he gets a divorce. 542 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,214 Larry: Shit, I just realized something. 543 00:23:35,314 --> 00:23:38,751 O'Donnell's got the Swede. I should really tell him about berg. 544 00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:41,087 - What's wrong with berg? - He's not a Jew. 545 00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:43,122 - He's a Swede. - He is? 546 00:23:43,222 --> 00:23:45,492 I was at his house for hanukah. 547 00:23:47,326 --> 00:23:49,596 - He's a Swede? - A Swede. 548 00:23:49,696 --> 00:23:52,131 - You're kidding me? - No, he's a Swede. 549 00:23:52,231 --> 00:23:53,933 I just... I mean... 550 00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:56,603 I knew there was something that didn't add up about that guy. 551 00:23:56,703 --> 00:23:58,881 - It's true. - He took me for a ride, that's what he did. 552 00:23:58,905 --> 00:24:01,173 - Unbelievable. - I do appreciate you 553 00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,709 coming in here to tell me this. 554 00:24:02,809 --> 00:24:04,611 I mean, you didn't have to at all. 555 00:24:04,711 --> 00:24:06,831 Especially considering what happened with my daughter. 556 00:24:06,913 --> 00:24:09,424 - I felt I had to tell you. - I don't know what I'm gonna do now. 557 00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,018 I mean, I am fighting for everything here. 558 00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,987 I could lose this entire organization. This whole team! 559 00:24:15,087 --> 00:24:17,824 - I got a lot at stake myself. - ( Sighs ) 560 00:24:20,627 --> 00:24:22,929 You know what? 561 00:24:23,029 --> 00:24:24,864 I got just the guy. 562 00:24:26,566 --> 00:24:29,536 - You sure you're really Jewish? - I'm the real deal. 563 00:24:36,843 --> 00:24:38,353 - How fun is this? - How great is this? 564 00:24:38,377 --> 00:24:39,746 Two single guys at a ballgame 565 00:24:39,846 --> 00:24:41,286 and we're sitting in the owner's box. 566 00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:42,782 I know. How about that? 567 00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:44,951 Can you believe that stupid remark you said to me 568 00:24:45,051 --> 00:24:47,554 - changed my life for the better. - Isn't it incredible? 569 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:49,255 Oh, I love you! How is that lawyer? 570 00:24:49,355 --> 00:24:51,315 - Hiriam katz, he's fantastic. - He must be great. 571 00:24:51,357 --> 00:24:54,360 He redid my entire divorce settlement. You've got to use him. 572 00:24:54,460 --> 00:24:55,862 - I will use him. - Names please. 573 00:24:55,962 --> 00:24:59,699 Larry David, Marty funkhouser. 574 00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:01,879 I'm sorry, gentlemen. Your names are not on the list. 575 00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:04,537 No no no. 576 00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:06,773 Larry David. I'm a friend of Joe O'Donnell's. 577 00:25:06,873 --> 00:25:09,308 Oh, Mr. O'Donnell no longer owns the team. 578 00:25:09,408 --> 00:25:11,644 - What? - He lost it in the divorce 579 00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:13,546 so his wife owns it now. 580 00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:17,016 - He lost it in the divorce? - Yes sir. 581 00:25:17,116 --> 00:25:20,086 Didn't you recommend hiriam katz to O'Donnell? 582 00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:22,722 And you used hiriam katz for your divorce? 583 00:25:24,323 --> 00:25:26,523 Oh my god! He's meeting with Cheryl's lawyers right now! 584 00:25:26,559 --> 00:25:29,696 They're gonna finalize the papers. I've got to get over there. 585 00:25:34,967 --> 00:25:36,302 ( Honks ) 586 00:25:36,402 --> 00:25:39,639 ( Dialing ) 587 00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,943 - You've reached hiriam katz. - Voicemail! 588 00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:46,078 This guy doesn't have an assistant. 589 00:25:46,178 --> 00:25:48,147 - ( Beeps ) - katz, it's Larry. 590 00:25:48,247 --> 00:25:50,650 Don't sign anything. I'm on my way up to your office. 591 00:25:59,759 --> 00:26:02,461 Asshole! You cost me the Dodgers. 592 00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:03,996 ( Groans ) 593 00:26:06,098 --> 00:26:07,834 ( Moaning ) 594 00:26:07,934 --> 00:26:09,969 He hit me. 595 00:26:14,540 --> 00:26:17,610 Don't worry. I think I've got something that will stop the bleeding. 596 00:26:17,710 --> 00:26:19,511 - I think it's working. - It's doing the job. 597 00:26:19,612 --> 00:26:21,814 - Thank you so much. - I think you're gonna be fine. 598 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,250 - Larry? - Take care. 599 00:26:24,350 --> 00:26:27,419 What is in your nose? 600 00:26:27,519 --> 00:26:29,288 It's a tampon. 601 00:26:31,057 --> 00:26:33,826 Well, I got hit in the face. What was I supposed to do? 602 00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,528 - It stopped the bleeding. - Okay. 603 00:26:36,629 --> 00:26:39,632 Um, so you know, I just signed the papers. 604 00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:41,500 And I got the house 605 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,503 so you have 24 hours to vacate the premises. 606 00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:46,639 - What? You got the house? - We should go. 607 00:26:46,739 --> 00:26:48,540 You're not supposed to get the house! 608 00:26:48,641 --> 00:26:50,943 He gave up my house, that idiot!? 609 00:26:51,043 --> 00:26:53,579 What? Cheryl, that's not fair! 610 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,948 Cheryl! 611 00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:58,517 Excuse me, do you have a scissor? 612 00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,653 I need to cut the string here. 613 00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:11,898 I don't want to move, man. I don't want to uproot again 614 00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:14,533 and I gotta move to a new house now. I like this house, man. 615 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,680 - Yeah, I like it too. - Everything I did in this house, man, is a memory to me. 616 00:27:17,704 --> 00:27:19,939 All the bitches I had in here, man. 617 00:27:20,039 --> 00:27:22,541 Fucking two bitches in your bed. 618 00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,643 What? 619 00:27:24,744 --> 00:27:26,024 Fucking two bitches in your bed. 620 00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:27,980 You had sex with two women in my bedroom? 621 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,582 Fucking right I did! How you gonna fuck bitches 622 00:27:30,683 --> 00:27:34,286 - in a twin bed. - I don't want you having sex in my bed! 623 00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:37,724 You know what, Larry? You done fucked that shit up! You know why? 624 00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:40,568 Because you got that bullshit-ass lawyer who got us kicked out of here. 625 00:27:40,592 --> 00:27:43,129 You picked that fucking lawyer. You fucking my shit up. 626 00:27:43,229 --> 00:27:45,765 Okay, you know what? We got a half hour to get out of here. 627 00:27:45,865 --> 00:27:48,000 I suggest you go pack up and bring your stuff down. 628 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:50,402 - Fuck you, Larry. - Fuck you, Leon. 629 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:52,271 ( Doorbell rings ) 630 00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:55,007 Hi, Mr. Larry David, 631 00:27:55,107 --> 00:27:57,009 we have your cookies that you ordered. 632 00:27:57,109 --> 00:27:58,811 - Oh ho ho. - We are here for our money 633 00:27:58,911 --> 00:28:01,714 - then we'll leave you alone. - Oh, that's very interesting. 634 00:28:01,814 --> 00:28:03,816 I have a vague recollection, 635 00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:05,584 correct me if I'm wrong, 636 00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,687 - of canceling my order. - ( Girls clamoring ) 637 00:28:08,788 --> 00:28:10,489 - You already ordered them. - Really? 638 00:28:10,589 --> 00:28:12,391 You know what? I got news for you. 639 00:28:12,491 --> 00:28:15,427 - I don't even like girl scout cookies. - ( Shouting ) 640 00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:18,998 All right, don't scream at me. I'm not gonna be intimidated 641 00:28:19,098 --> 00:28:21,901 by a bunch of girl scouts. I can tell you that. 642 00:28:22,001 --> 00:28:24,737 Okay, this discussion is over. 643 00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,305 Goodbye. Goodbye. 644 00:28:26,405 --> 00:28:29,341 ( Shouting, pounding ) 645 00:28:31,744 --> 00:28:34,747 ( Groaning ) 646 00:28:34,847 --> 00:28:37,249 ( Theme music playing )