1 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,767 ( Theme music playing ) 2 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:17,409 Larry: you see? You see what's going on here? 3 00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:19,767 See, look at that. It jumps and then it freezes. 4 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,376 - It's frustrating. - It's very frustrating. 5 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,533 - I'm missing all my shows... "Lost." - Oh, last week... 6 00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:26,443 You know that guy they killed off the previous week? 7 00:00:26,467 --> 00:00:28,176 All right, don't tell me. I don't wanna know. 8 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,600 He's not dead, he's back. He came back. 9 00:00:30,633 --> 00:00:32,733 - I just told you not to tell me. - Shocking. 10 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:35,333 - Are you nuts? - One of my top five episodes of all time. 11 00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:37,343 By the way, how come you didn't show up last Thursday? 12 00:00:37,367 --> 00:00:40,133 - You didn't even call. - We had a lot of appointments last Thursday. 13 00:00:40,167 --> 00:00:42,933 - So what about the TV? - Well, I don't think it's your TiVo. 14 00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:45,000 It's probably the satellite, 15 00:00:45,033 --> 00:00:47,333 - but I'm gonna take a look. - Satellite? Okay. 16 00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,066 ( Phone ringing ) 17 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,676 You know, it just gets a little frustrating. 18 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,543 Every time I sit down and watch it, it's not working. 19 00:01:09,567 --> 00:01:11,133 - Hello? - Larry! 20 00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:12,667 - Oh, hey, honey. - Oh my god. 21 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,767 Honey, you couldn't call at a worse time. 22 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,066 - I got the TiVo guy here. - Oh my god! 23 00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:19,476 - Hey, you got the warranty on this thing? - Larry! 24 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,600 - The warranty. - Oh wait, hold on. 25 00:01:21,633 --> 00:01:24,509 - We're going through a really big storm right now. - Hold on one second. 26 00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,376 - I need a warranty card. - Honey, let me ask you a question. 27 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,476 Do you have a... do you know where the warranty card is 28 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:29,800 - on the TiVo? - No, i-i don't. 29 00:01:29,833 --> 00:01:31,900 In case something happens to me... 30 00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:34,176 - I mean, it's really bad. - Is it in the kitchen drawer by any chance? 31 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,733 - What? - I'm sorry, I can't hear you. 32 00:01:35,767 --> 00:01:37,176 - What is that? What did you say? - Do you know who 33 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,709 - the guy was that came out? - No, I'm not talking to you. 34 00:01:38,733 --> 00:01:41,100 Larry, I just wanna tell you just in case... 35 00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:43,509 I can't hear you, honey. Wait, hold on one second. - ...For some reason 36 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:45,243 - I don't make it home... - You know who the guy was wo came and put this thing in? 37 00:01:45,267 --> 00:01:47,376 - You know who the guy was who installed... - I don't know. 38 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,400 - I don't know his name. - Was it Tom or something? 39 00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:51,066 - I just want you to know... - Or Don? Something like tha? 40 00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:54,667 - Maybe bill or James? - Oh my god! 41 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,567 I'll come back later this afternoon, 42 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:57,909 - because it looks like you're really busy. - Oh no, jeez. 43 00:01:57,933 --> 00:02:00,300 Honey, I'm sorry. You know what? Please. 44 00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:02,043 He's gonna go. I'm never gonna get him again. 45 00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:03,707 TiVo guy: It's all right. I can come back. 46 00:02:03,733 --> 00:02:05,143 No, stay right there. Call me back in 10 minutes, okay? 47 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,900 - What? - I'm sorry, sweetheart. I love you. 48 00:02:06,933 --> 00:02:08,709 - Keep talking. I'll come back. - No no, that's okay. 49 00:02:08,733 --> 00:02:10,867 - Stay... stay right here. - Larry! 50 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,967 Boy: isn't he something, Billy? 51 00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:24,433 Have you ever seen horses like him? 52 00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:26,533 Man: not quite. 53 00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:30,133 Hey! turned it off. 54 00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:32,267 Guess what? 55 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,676 We're having dinner at primo's tonight. I made a reservation. 56 00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:36,933 That's your husband. 57 00:02:36,967 --> 00:02:40,067 I'm leaving. 58 00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:46,533 I'm leaving, Larry. I can't do this anymore. 59 00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,867 You can't do this? What? 60 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,467 What? what? What are you t... 61 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,833 Does that really surprise you? 62 00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:58,267 What do you mean you're leaving? What are you doing? 63 00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,066 I just called you from an airplane, 64 00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:02,067 telling you I was about to crash. 65 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,200 The TiVo guy was here. 66 00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:07,100 I could barely hear what you were saying. He was about to leave. 67 00:03:07,133 --> 00:03:09,667 I couldn't even get the guy to come to the house. 68 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,066 You know, it's very hard to get those people here. It was broken. 69 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,443 - Oh, really? - I got it fixed for you. 70 00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:15,233 - Well, okay. - I saved all your shows. 71 00:03:15,267 --> 00:03:17,733 "Barefoot contessa," "top chef," "project runway." 72 00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:19,576 I wouldn't let him. I saved those shows for you. 73 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,067 We've got these shows right here. 74 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,267 It's not just about the TiVo. 75 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:26,400 What? what else is it about? 76 00:03:26,433 --> 00:03:28,066 "What else is it about?" 77 00:03:28,067 --> 00:03:29,933 It's all of it. 78 00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:32,100 You can't do anything like a normal person. 79 00:03:32,133 --> 00:03:34,267 It's about talking during sex. 80 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,267 So I talk during sex. So what? 81 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,833 - It's not dirty talk. You chitchat. - So? 82 00:03:38,867 --> 00:03:42,567 "Who can't tell that real crab isn't fake crab?" 83 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,367 By the way, people should be able to tell real crab from fake crab. 84 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,640 You've gotta be a moron if you can't tell the difference. 85 00:03:47,667 --> 00:03:49,066 - That's what I think. - Well, you know what? 86 00:03:49,067 --> 00:03:50,967 If I bring that up while we're having sex, 87 00:03:51,067 --> 00:03:52,967 that's a fun topic to discuss. 88 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,400 You know what the thing is, Larry? 89 00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:57,066 People ask me all the time, "how do you stay with him?" 90 00:03:57,067 --> 00:04:00,027 And I always tell them, "there's another side to Larry that you don't see." 91 00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:02,600 And then I just realized today there's no other side. 92 00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:04,733 - No, there's another side. - There's no other side! 93 00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:06,343 - This is it! - There's a lot of sides. I'm complex! 94 00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:09,833 After I thought I was gonna die 95 00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:11,933 and you hung up on me, 96 00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:13,500 I started talking to the guy next to me 97 00:04:13,533 --> 00:04:16,567 and I realized not everybody's like you. 98 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,167 There are normal people out there that have conversations. 99 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,433 - Oh, the guy next to you. - Interested in other people. 100 00:04:22,467 --> 00:04:26,533 And we had a very... Soulful conversation... 101 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,767 - That's sweet. - About li... okay, see? 102 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,333 - Yeah. - yeah. 103 00:04:30,367 --> 00:04:32,833 Okay, this guy. Does he carry mints and a pen and tissues 104 00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:36,133 at all times like I do, huh? 105 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,667 Does he have mints? How is his breath? 106 00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:39,600 - Very pleasant. - Really? 107 00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:42,433 - What does he do? - He owns an underwear company. 108 00:04:42,467 --> 00:04:45,267 - Mm-hmm, yes. - Oh, an underwear company. What kind of underwear? 109 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:48,067 He invented... 110 00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,700 It doesn't matter... 111 00:04:49,733 --> 00:04:51,200 Underwear that doesn't have a fly. 112 00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:53,467 No-fly zone? 113 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,767 No-fly zone. 114 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,500 That is the dumbest company. 115 00:04:57,533 --> 00:05:00,267 What a stupid... I've tried that underwear. It is so idiotic. 116 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,066 You have to drop the underwear 117 00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:05,167 - to pee, okay? - I think we just need a little time apart. 118 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,233 I'm gonna be at my sister's. 119 00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:09,400 - Don't do this. This is crazy, honey. - Larry. 120 00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:11,200 What are you doing this for? What? 121 00:05:11,233 --> 00:05:14,066 I love you. How could you do this? What do you mean? 122 00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:16,367 You weren't there for me when I needed you. 123 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,100 - I couldn't hear you. - I'll be at Becky's. 124 00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:24,733 You're talking on an airplane phone. 125 00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:30,300 ( People chattering ) 126 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,700 Yeah, I didn't think i was gonna like this. 127 00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:37,300 Usually I don't like the skin. It's delicious. 128 00:05:37,333 --> 00:05:40,567 I marinate it after I roast it. 129 00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:46,233 Cheryl left me. 130 00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:49,066 - What? - what? What do you mean she left you? 131 00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:50,833 - She's gone. She left. - Really? 132 00:05:50,867 --> 00:05:52,567 She's gone, she's out of the house. 133 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,333 - Suitcase... clothes. - Susie: Oh, she'll come back. 134 00:05:55,367 --> 00:05:57,567 She's with her sister. She's not coming back. 135 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,109 Do you want something to eat, sweetie? Let me get you something. 136 00:05:59,133 --> 00:06:01,067 - Jodi, get him a chair, please. - Oh, sure. 137 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:02,743 - Marty: what happened? - Susie: Let me get you a plate. 138 00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:05,276 You know, she was coming back on a plane, and there was a storm, 139 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:09,400 and she called me from the plane. 140 00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:11,433 And you know, I had the TiVo guy in the house. 141 00:06:11,467 --> 00:06:13,600 So? 142 00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:16,267 Well, you know, it's so hard to get the TiVo guy, man. 143 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,376 This guy would keep exchanging calls. I can't get him there. 144 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,633 So he's finally there, and the whole call 145 00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:23,833 he's kind of talking to me, going... 146 00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,100 What's with the small plate? 147 00:06:26,133 --> 00:06:29,067 - That's the only one I had clean. - What? 148 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,576 - Such a tiny plate? - It's the same exact portion. It's just as... 149 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,076 - What's the difference? - It's what my grandmother used to eat from. 150 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:36,767 What happened with Cheryl on the plane? 151 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,066 There was a lot of turbulence. She was really frightened. 152 00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:42,367 The TiVo guy was there. I couldn't really talk, 153 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,233 and... I told her to call me back in 10 minutes. 154 00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:46,467 - What? - oh, Larry. 155 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,333 Marty: the plane's going down, 156 00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,243 - and you said, "call me back"? - You can't do that. 157 00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:52,176 - You didn't say that. - I didn't know it was going down! 158 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,909 - Okay okay. All right, you know what? - I didn't know. 159 00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:56,633 She's gonna get over it, and it's all gonna be okay. 160 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,343 No, she's not gonna get over it, because she met a guy on the plane. 161 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:00,943 - Susie: what? Where did she meet another guy? - Really? 162 00:07:00,967 --> 00:07:03,200 - Larry: on the plane. - While the plane was going down? 163 00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:04,933 - Guy sitting next to her. - All: Oh, no. 164 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:06,767 Jeff: guy sitting next to her. 165 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:10,300 What a scumbag. Takes advantage of a married woman who's scared. 166 00:07:10,333 --> 00:07:13,200 I feel terrible. I'm emotionally distraught over this. 167 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,300 I mean, I know this would never happen to nan and myself. 168 00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:19,700 - Of course not. - But I wanna say one thing. 169 00:07:19,733 --> 00:07:23,066 Okay, Cheryl's a great girl. 170 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,300 She's adorable, good cook, 171 00:07:25,333 --> 00:07:27,066 fun to be with. 172 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,967 She has a terrific body. 173 00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,867 - Used to be amazing. - I remember. 174 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:35,600 - It's true. - But let me make my point. 175 00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:39,200 None of us at this table ever would have met Cheryl 176 00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:41,700 - if not for Larry David. - Susie: That's true. 177 00:07:41,733 --> 00:07:43,733 - Jeff: very true. - I brought her into your lives. 178 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,800 Cheryl's a great girl, 179 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,700 but we have to stick with Larry. 180 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,633 People are gonna take sides now. 181 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:52,367 Listen, this is a time that we have to stand behind Larry. 182 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,833 ( Ringing ) 183 00:07:54,867 --> 00:07:57,867 Hey, that could be Cheryl. 184 00:07:57,900 --> 00:08:00,043 You'll get it later. We don't answer the phone at dinner. 185 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:02,600 - What? I'll answer it. - No no no. No, the phone is not... 186 00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:04,300 What kind of fucked up rule is that? 187 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,176 - No, we don't answer the phone. - Get the hell... 188 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,067 - What, are you crazy? - You don't answer the phone. Give me that! 189 00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,967 - ( Groaning ) - give it to me! 190 00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,776 We don't answer the phone during dinner! It's a rule! 191 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,100 - You jammed my thumb. - Susie: You weren't invited. 192 00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:16,667 Go eat somewhere else! 193 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,767 Oh, Jesus. 194 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,833 I forgot to cancel my reservations at primo's. 195 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,867 - I'll use my cell phone. - Out in the hall, 196 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,367 - not in the kitchen. - All right, pipe down. 197 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,367 ( Phone rings ) 198 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:28,876 Thank you for calling primo's. This is Iris. 199 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,800 Oh, hi, this is Larry David calling. 200 00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:34,400 Oh, hi, Mr. David. We have you down for 7:30 tonight. 201 00:08:34,433 --> 00:08:35,933 Oh, you know what? 202 00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:38,267 I'm... I'm gonna have to cancel. 203 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:41,167 Oh, I'm so sorry. May I ask why? 204 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,867 Well, if you must know, 205 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,700 my wife left me. 206 00:08:46,733 --> 00:08:50,700 - Your wife left you. - Yeah, my wife left me. 207 00:08:50,733 --> 00:08:52,867 Okay, Mr. David, in the future, 208 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,833 it would be nice just to get a little more notice 209 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,700 - when you wanna cancel a reservation. - You don't believe me? 210 00:08:57,733 --> 00:09:00,667 Sure I believe you. Your wife left you. Okay. 211 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,443 You know, I'm getting from your tone that you don't believe me. 212 00:09:02,467 --> 00:09:04,167 You have to cancel. I understand. 213 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,767 I'm just saying that it's our policy to get a little more notice. 214 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,500 Okay, in the future, if my wife leaves me, 215 00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:11,173 I'll make sure she does it in the morning. 216 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,800 Have a great night. 217 00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,600 Maxwells? 218 00:09:23,633 --> 00:09:26,700 - You okay? - What the hell is this? 219 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,900 That's Simon's birthday party. 220 00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,367 He's having it at maxwells? 221 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,533 Big band, special guest. 222 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,267 - He's going all out. - Special guest? 223 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,276 Who goes all out for a birthday party? Like, that's crazy. 224 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,776 I thought he was having this in his house. You know how expensive that is? 225 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,833 I loaned him $10,000 last month. 226 00:09:41,867 --> 00:09:44,200 - Last month? - Yeah, he said he needed the money. 227 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,833 He needed it to give himself a birthday party at maxwells! 228 00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:48,967 I'm paying for this thing. 229 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,733 - Hey. - hi. 230 00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:59,300 I'm sorry. I just came by to pick up a few more things. 231 00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,200 Oh. oh. 232 00:10:02,233 --> 00:10:05,533 I'm so glad you're here, 233 00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:08,267 because I... 234 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,167 I need to talk to you. 235 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,500 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah. 236 00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:14,467 I need you to do something for me 237 00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,700 - if it would be okay. - Okay. 238 00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:19,533 I had to call primo's 239 00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:22,233 - to cancel our reservation. - Yeah. 240 00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:24,733 And the hostess asked me 241 00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:26,833 why I was canceling, 242 00:10:26,867 --> 00:10:29,600 and I told her it was because you left me. 243 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:31,367 Mm-hmm. 244 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,467 But I don't think she believed me. 245 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:37,800 So what I'd like you to do 246 00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:40,733 is to call the restaurant 247 00:10:40,767 --> 00:10:43,167 and just sort of, you know, 248 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,100 confirm my story. 249 00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:50,500 You want me to call a stranger at a restaurant 250 00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:52,700 and talk to them about our marriage? 251 00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:55,533 Well, she's not really a stranger. Iris, you know Iris. 252 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,843 - The hostess. She works there. - I don't really know Iris. 253 00:10:57,867 --> 00:10:59,376 You know the one. She's got the long hair. 254 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,933 I know who you're talking about, 255 00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:03,066 but I really don't think I want to call her 256 00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:06,133 and tell her that we're breaking up. 257 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,100 You know, she said she believed me, 258 00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:11,133 but there was something in her tone 259 00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:14,500 that told me that maybe she thought i was making this up or something. 260 00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:15,967 I mean, who would go to the lengths 261 00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:18,933 of saying that their wife split up with them 262 00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:21,433 - and that's why they had to cancel? - You would. 263 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:26,067 Not so sure about that. I don't think I would. 264 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:29,167 Yeah well, excuse me. I gotta actually get this stuff. 265 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,200 ( Groans ) 266 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,066 Cheryl, don't go. Come on. 267 00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:36,167 Come on, just stay. Don't, don't. 268 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,833 I need to go, Larry. 269 00:11:38,867 --> 00:11:40,133 Will you call the restaurant? 270 00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:56,233 ( Doorbell chimes ) 271 00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:59,700 - Hey, Larry. - Hey, Simon. 272 00:11:59,733 --> 00:12:01,833 - How are you? - I'm okay. 273 00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:04,100 - Good good, good good. - You know, 274 00:12:04,133 --> 00:12:06,300 I was over at Jeff's, 275 00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,433 and I noticed the invitation to your party. 276 00:12:08,467 --> 00:12:10,609 Aren't the invitations great? I took a lot of time on that. 277 00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:12,867 I had no idea the party was gonna be at Maxwell's 278 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,867 - with the open bar... - Open bar. 279 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,343 And the band, and the special guests. 280 00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:18,733 Wait till you hear about the special guest. Yeah. 281 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,867 I loaned you $10,000 a month ago. 282 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,176 You didn't tell me you were having this big party for yourself. 283 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,333 $10,000 has nothing to do with the party. 284 00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:28,076 - Well, what are you talking about? - No no no no. 285 00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,776 I'm not using that money for that. I'm using the money 286 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,109 - for something else. And I appreciate it. - I know, 287 00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:32,509 but you would have to use the money for something else 288 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:34,467 if you didn't have this party. 289 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,543 - You could have used the money for that. - Don't connect the two, 290 00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:38,776 - because they... don't think of them as... - Well, I see them 291 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,609 - as being totally connected. - No, they're not connected at all. 292 00:12:40,633 --> 00:12:42,143 No, have nothing to do with each other. 293 00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:45,833 ( Chuckles ) Simon, you're crazy, you know? 294 00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:49,067 Anyway, all right, so fine. 295 00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:50,667 - Yeah. - I'll see you at maxwells. 296 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,400 This is probably gonna be some party. 297 00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:54,900 Umm, okay, here's the thing: 298 00:12:54,933 --> 00:12:57,300 Cheryl is gonna be there. 299 00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:01,066 Are you comfortable with that? 300 00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:02,600 I'm comfortable. 301 00:13:02,633 --> 00:13:06,300 I don't think anybody else will be... comfortable. 302 00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,567 Well, they're gonna have to... 303 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,800 It's their problem, isn't it, you know? 304 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:13,367 Here's the thing... my wife and I talked about it, 305 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,867 and... we chose Cheryl. 306 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:22,167 Believe this guy? 307 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,066 $10,000 I loan him. 308 00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,700 Disinvites me from the party, choosing Cheryl. 309 00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:29,067 I'm paying for that party. You know that? Hey, zev. 310 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,767 - Hello, Larry David. - You're cleaning your underwear and socks? 311 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,500 That's another thing... I gotta go back to fluff and fold now. 312 00:13:34,533 --> 00:13:37,633 Alana didn't show up. You know, i don't have her phone number. 313 00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:39,067 Cheryl took care of all that stuff. 314 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,500 You're just lost, aren't you? 315 00:13:40,533 --> 00:13:42,867 - I'm completely lost. - Oh my god. 316 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:45,200 You know what I got in my foyer at home? 317 00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:47,233 Pictures of all my dry cleaners. 318 00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:53,067 Hey, xena the warrior Princess. 319 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,067 Yeah. 320 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,876 - Did you use to watch that show? - Jeff: Of course. 321 00:13:56,900 --> 00:14:00,300 - Yeah, she's pretty sexy. - Oh, my... 322 00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:03,267 What the hell, Larry? 323 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,133 Larry: oh my god. I'm so sorry. 324 00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:07,100 Oh. 325 00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:09,300 - Zev: why did you do that? - Larry: Oh, shit. 326 00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:10,876 - It's ripped. - She doesn't come in anymore. 327 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,767 How am I gonna get another picture? 328 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,066 Man. 329 00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:17,267 You can get Lucy lawless's picture, can't you? 330 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,543 You know what? I'll get ahold of her agent 331 00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,066 and we'll find it. I'll get it. 332 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,533 Okay, I'll get you another picture. 333 00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:24,867 Could you have her make it out to "zev" this time? 334 00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,767 - Yes. okay. - Thank you. All right. 335 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,567 - I'm sorry. - That's all right. 336 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,100 Just give me the picture. 337 00:14:30,133 --> 00:14:33,800 - I'll get the picture. - Thank you so much. 338 00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:36,933 Iris: please take this couple over to table £24. 339 00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:38,900 Thanks, have a nice dinner. 340 00:14:45,267 --> 00:14:48,367 What's taking so long, may I ask? 341 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,609 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. David. We're just really full tonight. 342 00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:52,367 It should just be a couple more minutes. 343 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,800 Let me ask you a question. 344 00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:57,200 - Did my wife call the restaurant? - No. 345 00:14:57,233 --> 00:14:59,100 Is that why I'm not getting a table? 346 00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:01,500 Because you didn't believe my breakup story 347 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,733 - last night? - I don't know what you're talking about. 348 00:15:03,767 --> 00:15:06,343 - I think you do know what I'm talking about. - No, we're just full tonight. 349 00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:08,309 - Why would I make that up? That's insane. - Mr. David, 350 00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,543 - we'll be right with you. - You have to be insane to make up a story like that. 351 00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:12,343 - Okay. - if I wanted to cancel a reservation, 352 00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:13,876 and needed an excuse, I would just say I'm sick or something. 353 00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:15,867 Primo's, this is Iris. 354 00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:18,300 Sure, come right in. 355 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,509 You know, we did break up. That's why i had to cancel the reservation. 356 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:21,867 Okay, we'll see you soon. 357 00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:29,433 ( Chuckles ) you totally deserve that. 358 00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:32,066 You totally deserve it. Yes, you do. 359 00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,500 On no planet is a shoe caddy a good gift. 360 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,267 That's just a... what? 361 00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,066 All right, yeah, no no no, 362 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:40,367 I get that it was payback, but... 363 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,067 It's not long distance even if it's in India. 364 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,633 So I'm on the 14th hole, okay? 365 00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:46,433 Lloyd, he's got these great Cuban cigars. 366 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,243 - What? I can't talk to you, mom. - So we're smoking these cigars. 367 00:15:48,267 --> 00:15:50,109 - I've got someone on the other line. - So I reach down 368 00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:51,776 - to take a puff... - I can't hear you. It's loud in here. 369 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,943 No no, just call them. - ...And all of a sudden, Lloyd goes, 370 00:15:53,967 --> 00:15:56,243 - "what the fuck are you doing? That's my cigar!" - I'll call you back. 371 00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:58,476 - Call them. - So I was trying to brush my teeth with an apple. 372 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,500 - It was horrible, horrible. - Excuse me. 373 00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:03,700 Who are you talking to? 374 00:16:03,733 --> 00:16:06,433 - I'm talking to myself. - Well, you're doing it really loud. 375 00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:08,433 - Oh, really? - Yeah yeah. 376 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,333 - You're kind of talking loud yourself. - To a person. 377 00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:14,700 - What's the difference? - I'm actually conversing with another human being. 378 00:16:14,733 --> 00:16:16,276 - Oh, really? - Very different than just... 379 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:18,243 To the outside observer, it's the same level of annoyance. 380 00:16:18,267 --> 00:16:20,209 Well, I need to talk to my friend. I can barely hear here. 381 00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:22,267 Okay, well, maybe if you talk lower to your friend, 382 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:23,543 - I'll talk lower to my other self. - Great great. 383 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,667 - Yeah, good plan. - Okay, all right. 384 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,643 Jesus Christ. I'm literally sitting minding my own business... 385 00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:29,243 What a schmuck. He's been talking on his phone the whole dinner. 386 00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:31,066 And this guy is talking to himself. He's still doing it. 387 00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:32,443 Do you hear that? Listen, you hear this? 388 00:16:32,467 --> 00:16:34,200 He doesn't even think he's being annoying. 389 00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:35,576 He thinks he can just sit there and talk out loud not be annoying. 390 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,633 Do you hear that? He's literally just doing it 391 00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,309 - just to be annoying. - He's been driving me nuts the last 10 minutes. 392 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,133 Honestly, I'm done anyway. This is bullshit. 393 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,943 - I'm paying. I don't care. - No, can you hear him? 394 00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:44,576 No, he's still talking. Wait, i got Steve on the other line. 395 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,443 - He wins, he wins. Yeah, you win. - Hey, Steve... 396 00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:47,943 - Good for you, being annoying. - Do me a favor. 397 00:16:47,967 --> 00:16:50,200 Remind me... these people, they're just... 398 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,867 - Who are you talking to? - Oh, hey. 399 00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:58,167 - Hi, Jodi. - Hey. 400 00:16:59,633 --> 00:17:01,500 What are you doing tomorrow? Let's play golf. 401 00:17:01,533 --> 00:17:05,267 I can't. Larry, the funkhousers have made a decision. 402 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:08,333 We're going with Cheryl. 403 00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:10,967 Yeah. 404 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,367 ( Knocks ) 405 00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:28,633 - Oh. hi, Becky. - Oh. Hi. 406 00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:30,833 Is Cheryl here? 407 00:17:30,867 --> 00:17:34,533 No, she's not here right now, so... 408 00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:37,833 - You know when she'll be back? - Nuh-uh, I don't, 409 00:17:37,867 --> 00:17:40,400 - but it was good to see you. - Larry: Alana? 410 00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:43,467 - Is that Alana? - Mr. Larry. 411 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,700 What are you doing here? 412 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,667 I work for Mrs. Cheryl. 413 00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:52,167 - You chose Cheryl? - Yes. 414 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,467 - ( Door slams ) - Cheryl: Hey, Becky? 415 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,609 Oh, I wasn't sure if you'd still be here. I thought you were gonna... 416 00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:58,900 I am, and... 417 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,066 - Cheryl: hi. - Hi. 418 00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:04,467 This is Glenn. This is Larry. 419 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,467 - Hey. - nice to meet you. 420 00:18:08,967 --> 00:18:11,067 Nice head of hair. 421 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:14,367 Okay. what are you doing here? 422 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,066 You need to call Ted Danson back. 423 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:18,833 He wanted to invite you to an oceans fundraiser. 424 00:18:18,867 --> 00:18:20,367 Oh, yeah. Okay, thanks. 425 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,900 - You'll like Ted. - Glenn: I like the ocean. 426 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,200 - ( Laughs ) then it's perfect. - I'm very pro-ocean. 427 00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:28,467 - So Glenn, how's the no-fly underwear business doing? - Great. 428 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:29,909 - I told him about your business. - Larry: Yeah. 429 00:18:29,933 --> 00:18:31,633 - It's going great. - Is it? 430 00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:33,867 - Yeah. - you think men want an underwear 431 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,967 - that has no fly? - I know they do. 432 00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:39,066 74% of the men we tested go over the fence. 433 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,633 - Oh, they do? - Yeah, the rest go through the gate. 434 00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,309 - Well... - you're not giving people an option. 435 00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,833 The penis needs an option, just like everybody else. 436 00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:48,433 The penis is human. It needs an option. 437 00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:51,667 All right, well you should probably get going. 438 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,833 - Okay. - okay. 439 00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,800 - Mint? - no. 440 00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,433 - Tissue? - no, I... 441 00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:05,600 Pen? 442 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:14,433 - Is that Glenn with two "n" s? - It is, in fact. 443 00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,533 Larry: you know what? I wouldn't care... 444 00:19:16,567 --> 00:19:18,343 I wouldn't care if she left me for a bald guy. 445 00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:20,233 Right. 446 00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:24,066 - But this is, like, the worst betrayal. - What does he look like? 447 00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:27,733 - Thick, like presidential Kennedy hair. - Oh. 448 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,300 - And he makes underwear? - Yeah, no-fly underwear, 449 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,733 like there's some great clamoring for no-fly underwear. 450 00:19:32,767 --> 00:19:34,400 - Who needs no-fly underwear? - I know. 451 00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:36,443 A guy who goes into a store and goes, "i need a pair of underwear." 452 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,333 - "I got a vagina." - I know. 453 00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:39,967 - No-fly underwear. - ( Cell rings ) 454 00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:42,067 Hello? hold on one second. 455 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,267 Great, thank you so very much. 456 00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,867 Really, thank him. Thanks, bye. 457 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,900 Here you go. 458 00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:54,066 Lucy lawless. 459 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,433 Oh. oh, yeah. 460 00:19:56,467 --> 00:19:58,267 Oh, thanks. 461 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,700 - Let me call her. - Which water is mine? 462 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:04,267 I don't know. I took one sip. 463 00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:06,133 I have no... 464 00:20:06,167 --> 00:20:08,167 - We'll have to get more. - We'll get more water. 465 00:20:10,367 --> 00:20:12,600 - "To zev..." - Zev: Zev, yes. 466 00:20:12,633 --> 00:20:15,433 - "...Lucy lawless." - Thank you so much. 467 00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:17,000 I not only get you the picture, 468 00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:18,367 I get you Lucy lawless. 469 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,467 - Thank you so much. - Lucy: My pleasure. 470 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,767 - Wow, you make lovely "l" s. - You got my dry cleaning? 471 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,533 Tomorrow after 5:00. 472 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,209 - Hey, that was so nice of you to do that. - Oh, you're welcome. 473 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,476 To tell you the truth, I thought he was gonna be more bowled over 474 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,733 by your presence. He took it pretty calmly. 475 00:20:37,767 --> 00:20:40,967 - People are always expecting someone bigger. - I used to be very intimidated 476 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,743 - by that warrior Princess, I gotta tell you. - Did you really? 477 00:20:42,767 --> 00:20:44,267 - Yes. - and now? 478 00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:45,900 Now that I see you in person, 479 00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:47,773 - I actually think I can take you. - ( Laughs ) 480 00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:52,800 Look, I'm not a cool guy or anything, okay? 481 00:20:52,833 --> 00:20:54,700 I haven't been on a date in 12 years, 482 00:20:54,733 --> 00:20:57,200 but I would love to waste your time for couple of hours. 483 00:20:57,233 --> 00:20:58,743 ( Laughs ) - what do you think about that? 484 00:20:58,767 --> 00:21:00,833 Can I do that? Is that possible? 485 00:21:00,867 --> 00:21:02,533 - How about that? - Okay, yeah. 486 00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:04,776 - Have you been to primo's? - I have never been to primo's. 487 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,476 - I hear that it's great though. - It's really good. 488 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,333 All right, yeah. Well, you've got my number. 489 00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:09,767 I do. 490 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,100 - Lucy: well... - Larry: Oh, jeez. 491 00:21:12,133 --> 00:21:14,400 - Wh? - Ted Danson. 492 00:21:14,433 --> 00:21:17,400 ( Whispering ) he is an asshole. 493 00:21:17,433 --> 00:21:19,333 ( Whispers ) really? You don't like him? 494 00:21:19,367 --> 00:21:21,409 - I despise him. He's just terrible. - Hey, how are you? 495 00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:22,800 - Hi. - how are you doing, man? 496 00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:24,267 - You know Lucy lawless? - I do. 497 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:25,700 - Yeah, we met. - Ted Danson. 498 00:21:25,733 --> 00:21:28,867 - Yeah, nice to see you. - You too. 499 00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:30,733 - Well, okay. - All right. 500 00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:33,800 - Bye. - ( laughs ) 501 00:21:33,833 --> 00:21:36,067 What is that? "Call me"? 502 00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:37,443 - Did she just do a "call me"? - Yeah, she did. 503 00:21:37,467 --> 00:21:39,600 - We're going out to dinner. - Really? 504 00:21:39,633 --> 00:21:41,367 - Yes, yeah. - Well, good for you. 505 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,500 I asked her for a date. Here's what I said. 506 00:21:43,533 --> 00:21:46,100 "I'm not really a cool guy or anything," 507 00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:47,867 which is a pretty good line I thought. 508 00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,967 I never did that when I was dating, admit that I wasn't a cool guy. 509 00:21:51,067 --> 00:21:53,409 Now I didn't give a shit. I just said, "I'm not a cool guy." 510 00:21:53,433 --> 00:21:57,067 It fucking worked! "I'm not a cool guy"! I'm gonna use it all the time. 511 00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:58,867 - Good for you, man, really. - Thank you. 512 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,733 - Thank you. - Yeah, you deserve that. 513 00:22:00,767 --> 00:22:03,367 - I gotta scoot. - Wait, let me ask you something. 514 00:22:04,733 --> 00:22:06,800 How come I wasn't invited to your fundraiser? 515 00:22:08,067 --> 00:22:11,066 - Wha-what fundraiser? - The oceans fundraiser. 516 00:22:11,067 --> 00:22:14,400 Oh! I thought you were a global-warming guy. 517 00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:15,800 - Really? - yeah. 518 00:22:17,933 --> 00:22:19,567 You're going with Cheryl, aren't you? 519 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,467 Yeah. yeah. 520 00:22:33,067 --> 00:22:36,067 ( Laughing ) 521 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:39,633 Girl: "okay, what is Jim Jones's most famous song?" 522 00:22:39,667 --> 00:22:42,767 - "Ballin"! - and there he is, y'all! 523 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,067 ( All cheering ) 524 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:46,700 - Uh-oh, uh-oh. - And a la-di-da. 525 00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:49,467 - Not too much? Not too dressy? - All: No. 526 00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:50,843 - No, you look good. - You're cool, man. You're cool. 527 00:22:50,867 --> 00:22:52,343 You're bringing it tonight, man. Let me tell you something. 528 00:22:52,367 --> 00:22:54,066 What, am I gonna sit home? She's going out. 529 00:22:54,067 --> 00:22:56,367 - That's right. - She's got a new boyfriend already! 530 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,800 - Your turn. - By the way, guess who I'm going out with? 531 00:22:58,833 --> 00:23:00,376 - Who? - Leon: Who are you going out with? 532 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,100 Xena the warrior Princess. 533 00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:05,233 - Ooh! - wait a second now. 534 00:23:05,267 --> 00:23:07,433 - What? - uh-huh. 535 00:23:07,467 --> 00:23:09,367 - Do you love that? - I love it! 536 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,109 - Don't wait up. - Leon: Don't worry, we won't. 537 00:23:11,133 --> 00:23:13,567 - My man l.D. - Yeah. 538 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,066 Sorry you gotta miss that Lakers game. 539 00:23:15,067 --> 00:23:16,767 - Forget about it. - Oh, I got to TiVo it. 540 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,667 - ( Screaming ) - Leon: What? 541 00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:21,300 - What the hell? - Loretta: Larry, you all right? 542 00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,967 - You all right? - Leon, go help him. 543 00:23:24,067 --> 00:23:26,043 - Loretta: what happened? - Leon: What happened, man? 544 00:23:26,067 --> 00:23:28,367 - You all right? - Loretta: What's the matter? 545 00:23:30,067 --> 00:23:31,533 Larry: so what's the deal? 546 00:23:31,567 --> 00:23:33,576 - Yeah, what's the deal? - I was just about to explain. 547 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,433 Based on your signs and symptoms, 548 00:23:35,467 --> 00:23:37,467 when you twisted your body, 549 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,600 your testicles got ensnared in the fly of your underwear, 550 00:23:40,633 --> 00:23:42,600 which acted like a noose. 551 00:23:42,633 --> 00:23:45,867 And it caused scrotal hematoma and contusion. 552 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:48,533 - Twisted balls. - In layman's terms, yes, 553 00:23:48,567 --> 00:23:50,267 but it's not as bad as it sounds. 554 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:52,576 It's a bruising, which will probably last about a week or so. 555 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,867 Oh, okay. But I would definitely recommend 556 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:57,367 switching to a style of underwear with no fly. 557 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,600 - No-fly zone? Is that what you're telling me? - That's exactly it. 558 00:24:00,633 --> 00:24:02,533 No-fly zone. That's a popular brand. 559 00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:05,066 - I'm not wearing that underwear, okay? - You gotta do it, man. 560 00:24:05,067 --> 00:24:07,633 You got long balls, Larry. Long balls. 561 00:24:07,667 --> 00:24:09,409 - You got long-ass balls. - I've got long balls? 562 00:24:09,433 --> 00:24:11,267 Doctor, you've seen his balls, right? 563 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:12,980 Would you say my balls were unusually long? 564 00:24:13,067 --> 00:24:15,500 They're a bit more distended than the average testicles. 565 00:24:15,533 --> 00:24:17,066 You got long-ass balls, Larry. 566 00:24:17,067 --> 00:24:18,900 Long-ball Larry. That's your new name. 567 00:24:18,933 --> 00:24:20,867 Long balls. Who the hell knew? 568 00:24:20,900 --> 00:24:23,967 Long balls. Change the draws. 569 00:24:24,067 --> 00:24:27,066 Okay, fine. I'll wear the no-fly zone. 570 00:24:27,067 --> 00:24:29,967 - Hey, thanks for getting me through this so fast. - Yeah, my pleasure. 571 00:24:30,067 --> 00:24:32,533 You know what, I got a date. I gotta get out of here. 572 00:24:32,567 --> 00:24:35,333 Oh yeah, speaking of that, you're gonna wanna ice your testicles, 573 00:24:35,367 --> 00:24:37,733 and no sex for at least a week. 574 00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:40,600 I don't think that's gonna be a problem for me, but thanks. 575 00:24:40,633 --> 00:24:42,133 Thanks for the info. All right. 576 00:24:42,167 --> 00:24:44,066 - Good luck. - Thanks. 577 00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:45,967 My man. 578 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:49,200 - I got long balls. - Long-ass balls. 579 00:24:49,233 --> 00:24:52,467 ( Lucy laughing ) 580 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:55,600 I've actually trained my body not to use public toilets. 581 00:24:55,633 --> 00:24:57,066 Trained it. 582 00:24:57,067 --> 00:24:59,467 So I never ever have to go when I'm out of my house. 583 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:00,943 Yeah, I'm getting a red flag here, Larry. 584 00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:03,900 You know what? We should switch sides. Because the game's on. 585 00:25:03,933 --> 00:25:05,276 - I don't wanna look at it. - Why not? 586 00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:07,867 Because I'm tivoing it. 587 00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:10,867 - Oh, hate spoilers, right? - I can't watch it if I know what happens. 588 00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:14,900 - So what else about you? - I'm a man of mystery. 589 00:25:14,933 --> 00:25:18,133 - And you're a Jew, right? - Yeah. 590 00:25:18,167 --> 00:25:20,076 - 'Cause we don't have those where I come from. - Really? 591 00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:22,167 - Nope. - so I must be quite fascinating to you. 592 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,900 You are so exotic you have no idea. 593 00:25:23,933 --> 00:25:25,100 - Really? - yeah. 594 00:25:25,133 --> 00:25:26,600 It's like a black man in Sweden. 595 00:25:26,633 --> 00:25:28,767 - It's exactly like that. - Right? 596 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,776 Mr. akivo, your table's ready. Right this way please. 597 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,767 Sorry for the wait. 598 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,467 Okay, we were definitely here ahead of them. 599 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:36,867 - Absolutely. - huh, were we not? 600 00:25:36,900 --> 00:25:39,367 - Uh-huh. - I'm gonna talk to the owner. 601 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,133 Hey, primo. 602 00:25:41,167 --> 00:25:43,200 Mr. David, good evening. 603 00:25:43,233 --> 00:25:45,533 What's going on? All these people I came in ahead of 604 00:25:45,567 --> 00:25:47,609 are getting seated. How come I'm not getting a table? 605 00:25:47,633 --> 00:25:49,867 ( Sighs ) 606 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:51,667 Mr. David, 607 00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:54,967 there is no table. 608 00:25:55,067 --> 00:25:57,733 No table? How come? What do you mean "no table"? 609 00:25:57,767 --> 00:26:01,767 We chose Cheryl. 610 00:26:10,467 --> 00:26:13,967 Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Can you believe that? 611 00:26:14,067 --> 00:26:15,400 It's okay. It's not your fault. 612 00:26:15,433 --> 00:26:18,167 - Mint? - yeah. 613 00:26:22,533 --> 00:26:25,833 - Tissue? - no. 614 00:26:25,867 --> 00:26:28,367 So what do you wanna do now? 615 00:26:30,267 --> 00:26:32,333 We could go to my house. 616 00:26:32,367 --> 00:26:34,933 Your house? 617 00:26:34,967 --> 00:26:37,800 Sure. it's just up the road. 618 00:26:39,433 --> 00:26:42,133 Oh, right. 619 00:26:42,167 --> 00:26:44,100 What? 620 00:26:44,133 --> 00:26:46,933 My testicles got ensnared in the fly of my underwear, 621 00:26:46,967 --> 00:26:50,733 and the doctor said I can't have sex for a week. 622 00:26:50,767 --> 00:26:52,567 But we can go there for dinner. 623 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,333 I was only talking about dinner, you big asshole. 624 00:26:56,367 --> 00:26:59,867 No! no! 625 00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:03,767 ( Stammers ) 626 00:27:20,233 --> 00:27:22,067 - Hey, how are you doing? - Hey, name please. 627 00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:24,733 - Larry David. Simon's party, right? - Yes. 628 00:27:24,767 --> 00:27:26,833 - Cool. - sorry, you're not on the list. 629 00:27:26,867 --> 00:27:29,867 That's gotta be a mistake. I gotta be on this list. I'm a close friend. 630 00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:32,443 - My wife is in there. - You're not on the list. I can't let you in. 631 00:27:32,467 --> 00:27:34,100 - Come on, man. I'll give you $20. - $20? 632 00:27:34,133 --> 00:27:36,066 If you're not on the list, i can't let you in. Sorry. 633 00:27:36,067 --> 00:27:38,167 - $40. - that's insulting. 634 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,967 Hey. 635 00:27:41,067 --> 00:27:42,933 What the heck are you doing here? 636 00:27:42,967 --> 00:27:44,567 You're invited? 637 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,400 No, he didn't invite me. I have a gig. 638 00:27:46,433 --> 00:27:48,643 He's paying me $10,000 to do a set. It's a piece of cake. 639 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:51,066 - Are you the special guest? - Yeah, so what? 640 00:27:51,067 --> 00:27:52,576 - What's the big deal? - Are you kidding? 641 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,933 - It's $10,000. - He's giving you $10,000? 642 00:27:54,967 --> 00:27:57,100 - Yeah, so what? - So what?! That's my money. 643 00:27:57,133 --> 00:27:59,167 I'm paying for you. You're my money. 644 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,909 - What do you mean I'm your money? - Don't you understand? 645 00:28:00,933 --> 00:28:03,533 I gave him $10,000. He's giving it to you, so I own you! 646 00:28:03,567 --> 00:28:05,109 This is not San Quentin. I have a gig for Christ... 647 00:28:05,133 --> 00:28:06,833 I don't care. You're not going in! 648 00:28:06,867 --> 00:28:08,476 Why are you taking this so personally?! This is just business! 649 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:10,233 No, it's not business. What are you doing? 650 00:28:10,267 --> 00:28:11,909 - You're not going in there. - I am going in there. 651 00:28:11,933 --> 00:28:13,509 - Don't tell me what to do. - You're not going in. 652 00:28:13,533 --> 00:28:15,500 ( Groaning ) - hey, what's your... oh, come on. 653 00:28:15,533 --> 00:28:17,333 I hit you in the thigh, you big baby. 654 00:28:17,367 --> 00:28:19,066 Long balls. 655 00:28:19,067 --> 00:28:21,333 - Long balls. - Long balls. 656 00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:23,333 ( Groaning ) 657 00:28:28,467 --> 00:28:30,667 Announcer: Lakers down by two with seconds remaining. 658 00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:32,300 He drives up the Lane. 659 00:28:32,333 --> 00:28:34,109 - ( Static crackles ) - blocked, rebound. Lakers.. 660 00:28:34,133 --> 00:28:35,800 ( Silence ) 661 00:28:35,833 --> 00:28:37,800 - Blocked, re... - ( Static crackling ) 662 00:28:37,833 --> 00:28:39,333 Lane. blocked, re... 663 00:28:39,367 --> 00:28:41,800 Lakers... Lakers... Lakers... 664 00:28:46,300 --> 00:28:54,300 ( Theme music playing ) 665 00:28:56,333 --> 00:29:04,333 ( Theme music playing )