1
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:13,500
Hb ( theme music playing )

2
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:31,100
Morning!

3
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( Birds twittering )

4
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- Need some help?
- Be great. That'd be great.

5
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Okay.

6
00:00:44,933 --> 00:00:47,500
Hey, I'll do it. Don't
worry about it. Relax.

7
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,943
- I got it.
- Mac: Nice, thank you.

8
00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:51,333
- What is this, grape juice?
- Yes, grape juice.

9
00:00:51,433 --> 00:00:54,200
- You guys drink grape juice?
- Sure we do, it's a great antioxidant.

10
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- Come on over and have some.
- You never see people drinking grape juice.

11
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- It's delicious, you'd love it.
- I think it's a very underrated juice.

12
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- It is!
- I wonder why more people don't buy it.

13
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Ethel: Larry. Larry.

14
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Did you know that a sex offender
moved into the neighborhood?

15
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- Yeah, I saw his picture on a flyer.
- I know, it's terrible!

16
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Yeah, he's a bald guy, too.

17
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- A bald guy.
- Yeah, a bald guy.

18
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- It's very bad for the bald community.
- Oh, Larry.

19
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What's very bad for the community
is that he's a sex offender.

20
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I know, as long as he's gonna be a sex
offender I wish he had a full head of hair.

21
00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:28,300
- Oh, Larry!
- Let me ask you a question.

22
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Have you... have you guys
been getting your newspaper?

23
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Yeah, yeah.

24
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- You have?
- Yes.

25
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Hmm. I haven't gotten
my paper in six days.

26
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I did see somebody

27
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walk up your walkway there,

28
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- pick up your newspaper...
- What?!

29
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But I figured maybe it
was somebody that you knew

30
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because he had on a suit.

31
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A guy in a suit
is taking my paper?

32
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That's why she thought it
might your friend of yours.

33
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Jesus! That's crazy!

34
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- Ethel: Well, you know.
- Guy in a suit is taking my newspaper?

35
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A suit's a good cover if
a guy's gonna steal a paper.

36
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If you saw him again,
would know him?

37
00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,500
Yeah yeah, I'm pretty
sure I'd know him.

38
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A guy in a suit? Huh?

39
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- Makes no sense.
- Stealing papers?

40
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:20,033
- Makes no sense.
- I know.

41
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I don't get it.

42
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I don't get it at all.

43
00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,867
What's a motivation there?

44
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Guy in a suit's gotta
be able to afford a paper.

45
00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:31,200
Yeah. Hey, you coming
to passover seder?

46
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:34,333
- Cheryl's doing a seder, huh?
- Yeah, for my father.

47
00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:36,067
Does she know what she's doing?

48
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:38,367
- I don't know, she'll find out.
- A little problem.

49
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:40,333
Susie's sister's in town,

50
00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:44,000
which means my brother-in-law's
in town which means that

51
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their kid's in town and

52
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,967
my brother-in-law is a little...

53
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:52,300
- He's a conservative?
- He's a conservative.

54
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,467
- Your brother-in-law's a conservative?
- Big time.

55
00:02:54,567 --> 00:02:57,367
Big time conservative.
Do you want to bring him to the seder?

56
00:02:57,467 --> 00:02:58,867
- Yeah.
- Fine, I don't care.

57
00:02:58,967 --> 00:03:01,433
- I'll talk to you later.
- All right, very good.

58
00:03:01,533 --> 00:03:04,433
- Thanks for lunch!
- Sure.

59
00:03:17,633 --> 00:03:19,567
Man: These machines
are really finicky.

60
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,467
Yeah, let me give
you a hand with that.

61
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,333
No nno no.

62
00:03:25,433 --> 00:03:27,809
- No, let me help you out.
- No, I don't even care... you know what?

63
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,043
No, let me get this. I know how to do it.
I've got the touch.

64
00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:31,976
- I don't even need to read it.
- Watch watch watch watch.

65
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000
( Coin jangling )

66
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I just know how to do it.
I know this machine.

67
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Go ahead.

68
00:03:39,867 --> 00:03:41,800
You want one?

69
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:45,667
Yeah, but I'll close it again and
pay for it, because, you know.

70
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,200
- It's just...
- Oh. Okay.

71
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,567
( Coin jangling )

72
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,233
- Okay, well...
- Yeah.

73
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,900
- Thanks a lot.
- Hey, I'm sorry, you're...

74
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,067
You're Larry David, right?

75
00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:03,700
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you like this.

76
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,433
I never, ever do this.

77
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:08,333
But, you know, I'm sort
of new to the neighborhood.

78
00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:10,767
And I'm a huge "Seinfeld" fan.

79
00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:12,633
- No kidding?
- Yeah, the biggest.

80
00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:14,776
- Seriously? Get out of here.
- Yeah yeah yeah, seriously.

81
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No, I'm, probably the biggest
"Seinfeld" fan ever.

82
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,767
- What a great show. I miss it. I miss it!
- Ah, go on.

83
00:04:20,867 --> 00:04:22,767
"Puffy shirt" is
my favorite episode.

84
00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:25,933
You know what? I love that show.

85
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,873
Really?
That's one of my favorite episodes.

86
00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:29,933
Yeah, it's great. It's great.

87
00:04:30,033 --> 00:04:32,367
How did you guys come up
with the low talker?

88
00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:36,600
Well, I mean it was pretty
easy to come up with.

89
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:38,167
I was out to dinner with one.

90
00:04:38,267 --> 00:04:40,367
And then you write it and
you put it on the TV.

91
00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:43,333
- Yeah, yeah.
- I'm not an artist, you know?

92
00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,709
So it's interesting to see how
an artist like yourself works.

93
00:04:45,733 --> 00:04:47,800
Well, that's very nice
of you. Thank you.

94
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:51,000
- It's incredible. It's really an honor.
- Thank you so much.

95
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:54,033
I'm Rick leftowitz.
Great to meet you.

96
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- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

97
00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:58,767
- Welcome to the neighborhood.
- Thank you.

98
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:11,367
Oh, boy, look at the Jew girl.

99
00:05:11,467 --> 00:05:14,233
- I am so Jewish right now.
- Holy cow!

100
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:15,800
Where did you learn
how to do this?

101
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,100
Well, susie's been coaching
me through it all.

102
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- She has?
- Yeah.

103
00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:22,400
- Do you even know what this thing is called?
- This is a, uh...

104
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Haroset.

105
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- Very good.
- It's a lot like ambrosia, except...

106
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I wish my mother were alive to
hear you say that word out loud.

107
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:34,733
Yeah, I wish my mother could hear
me say... my mother would flip

108
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- if she knew I was doing this.
- Looks good.

109
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Thank you. I mean, I'm trying.

110
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It seems like a lot of trouble
you people go through for this.

111
00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:47,600
You know what I mean? - "You people?"
I don't know if I like that so much.

112
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,733
- You Jews, is that better?
- That's better, yeah.

113
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:53,967
Okay, I feel like I've been cutting
apples for, like, two hours.

114
00:05:55,367 --> 00:05:58,267
Okay, hey, you know what?

115
00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,700
Marla and Mark
got back together.

116
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- Really?
- Yeah.

117
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Good for them. Good for them!

118
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I thought you'd be
happy to hear that.

119
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:11,100
That's nice. That's nice.
When did this happen?

120
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About a week ago, and he
moved back in with her.

121
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,933
- Really?
- Yeah.

122
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:18,433
Wow. - And they're
coming tomorrow.

123
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:20,400
- Oh, you know who else is coming?
- Who?

124
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,233
Jeff asked me if he could
bring his in-laws.

125
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:23,867
I know. I talked to susie.

126
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:27,400
Jeez, you know what
I just realized?

127
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,233
I never followed through on
my Christmas present to Mark.

128
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:33,767
Remember I got him a
subscription to the "times"?

129
00:06:33,867 --> 00:06:35,667
- "The New York times."
- Yeah.

130
00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:38,567
And then he and Marla broke up.

131
00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:41,133
I don't know. I kinda
forgot about it.

132
00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:43,267
So you just didn't
give him his gift?

133
00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:44,967
Yeah.

134
00:06:45,067 --> 00:06:48,400
- Because heroke up with his girlfriend?
- Yeah.

135
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,433
I don't see the point to it.

136
00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:54,000
No, you just thought you
wouldn't have to worry about it

137
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:57,233
- and you wouldn't see him again, so who cares?
- Oh my god.

138
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,400
What?

139
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:04,500
I'll bet you Mark...

140
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,067
I'll bet you Mark is the guy
who's taking the paper.

141
00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:11,000
No, think about it, seriously.
Think about it.

142
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:15,667
I can't believe it. Mark
is stealing the paper.

143
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,200
Holy shit! Don't you see?

144
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:21,500
How long have we not been
getting it, six days?

145
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,133
He moved back in with her a week ago.
You just said that, right?

146
00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:28,833
Who else would be
doing it? It's him.

147
00:07:28,933 --> 00:07:31,833
- Mark is not stealing our newspaper.
- No?

148
00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:34,033
- That is the most ridiculous...
- I don't think so.

149
00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:36,633
Oh, I think so.
Larry, he's a doctor.

150
00:07:36,733 --> 00:07:39,700
I think he could afford the paper
if he wants to get a paper.

151
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,933
Yeah, but not if he's
upset with somebody

152
00:07:42,033 --> 00:07:45,000
who promised him a gift for Christmas
and never followed through on it.

153
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:48,300
- That is so ridiculous.
- It's not ridiculous. It makes perfect sense.

154
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,367
You know, because I spoke to...

155
00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:54,467
Hey, you know what we should do?

156
00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:56,367
What?

157
00:07:56,467 --> 00:08:00,767
We should invite Mac and Ethel.

158
00:08:00,867 --> 00:08:02,933
We should invite them
for seder, don't you think?

159
00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:08,800
You want to invite
Ethel and Mac?

160
00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:14,400
I had no idea you liked
Mac and Ethel so much.

161
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,567
You don't understand because
you're not Jewish, okay?

162
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:21,100
But it's a Jewish thing. It's sort
of like a tradition, you know?

163
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,133
Invite the cranky
neighbors who...

164
00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:25,433
Well, if Jews don't have
any place to go for seder,

165
00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:27,533
you're supposed to invite them.

166
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:31,033
Come on. Come on. Invite 'em.

167
00:08:38,033 --> 00:08:40,167
Hey, Larry.

168
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:43,733
- Hey. Rick, yeah.
- Hey, Rick.

169
00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:46,033
Hey, let me
give you a hand here.

170
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:48,300
- Okay. Oh, thank you.
- Yeah. How are ya?

171
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,667
Pretty good. Pretty good.

172
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:53,900
I should have taken one of
those carts, you know, but...

173
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,367
- Yeah, I know.
- Look, it's downhill. I'm worried it'll hit a car

174
00:08:57,467 --> 00:09:00,100
and I'll get in a lawsuit or something.
Who the hell knows?

175
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,067
Hey, what do you got there?

176
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,100
Oh, my four iron.

177
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,233
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

178
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,667
You play golf?

179
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,033
Yeah, and I eat and I breathe.

180
00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:15,533
- ( Laughs )
- in that order.

181
00:09:15,633 --> 00:09:17,900
- Yeah, me, too. Absolutely, yeah.
- Really?

182
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,300
Wow, wow.

183
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,000
Anyway, I replaced the four
iron with a nine wood.

184
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,633
I can't hit it anymore.

185
00:09:24,733 --> 00:09:28,267
Well, you know what?
I would love to help you.

186
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:32,233
Oh, come on. Nobody could help me.
People have tried before.

187
00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:34,700
It can't be done.
Can't be done, Rick.

188
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,167
I've been golfing for a long time.
I'm fairly good.

189
00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:39,967
Yeah, in my backyard,

190
00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:43,767
I have this setup that you won't believe.
I've got a net, a tee.

191
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:47,300
- Get the hell out of here! Really, a camera?
- And I've got a camera

192
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,567
and you shoot yourself swinging and
then analyze your swing frame-by-frame.

193
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:53,933
- What are you doing now? All right, let's go.
- Nothing.

194
00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:56,000
Right now?
Okay, where's your car?

195
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,533
I don't have one.

196
00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,833
- Okay, I'll take you.
- Okay.

197
00:10:04,933 --> 00:10:07,167
You want some cheetos
for the trip, huh?

198
00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:09,933
Yeah, why not? Great.

199
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:13,767
All right, it's gonna be fun.
I love golf.

200
00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:22,433
Ha ha ha. Huh? Oh my god. Did
you see the whole thing?

201
00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:25,167
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

202
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:28,833
Come here. Come here. Look at this.
Watch it in slow motion, okay?

203
00:10:28,933 --> 00:10:30,333
Look at that.

204
00:10:30,433 --> 00:10:32,633
See, you're bringing
your hips through.

205
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,467
It doesn't even look...
Who is that?

206
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,100
- Is that me? It doesn't look like me.
- It's you.

207
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,100
Look, look, I wanna freeze it right here.
Wait, right there.

208
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,733
- Look at your hips right here.
- Yeah, no, I see. Perfect.

209
00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:45,833
I can't believe it.

210
00:10:45,933 --> 00:10:48,800
A plus. My best
student of the day.

211
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:51,467
Good work. Okay.

212
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,700
- All right. Great.
- Unreal.

213
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,933
Listen, anytime, anytime.

214
00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:58,733
I'm completely spent.

215
00:10:58,833 --> 00:11:01,233
- It's my pleasure.
- Fantastic.

216
00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:03,200
That was great.
That was just great.

217
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,233
- Yeah, yeah.
- Could not have been better.

218
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,067
What are you doing for passover?

219
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:11,533
Just having some people over.

220
00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:13,367
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, what are you doing?

221
00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:17,300
Nothing, nothing. Totally free.

222
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:30,300
You want to come to my house?

223
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,133
No, really? Oh!

224
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:35,633
- All right.
- Okay, okay.

225
00:11:35,733 --> 00:11:38,033
- Great, great.
- You don't have to.

226
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:40,400
No, that sounds great.
I got nothing else to do.

227
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,333
- You sure?
- Yeah, of course, thank you.

228
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:45,000
Yeah, I'll bring latkes.

229
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,533
- Okay.
- Great, great.

230
00:11:49,633 --> 00:11:51,567
I'll see you then.
I'm gonna hit a few.

231
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,400
Uh...

232
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,833
Cheryl: What took you so long?
Where were you?

233
00:12:01,933 --> 00:12:03,467
Well, I met sort of
a new friend.

234
00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:05,867
He's kind of new in town.

235
00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:08,300
And we got to talking.

236
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,833
Golf nut, okay?
Took me to his backyard.

237
00:12:11,933 --> 00:12:15,100
He's got a net. What a setup
this guy... my life is changed.

238
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:18,400
Today, changed, irrevocably.

239
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,233
And you just started
talking to a stranger?

240
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:26,600
Yeah, kind of, well, you know,
he knew me from "Seinfeld."

241
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,967
You know, he's...

242
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:31,633
- Fan?
- Yeah, kind of.

243
00:12:31,733 --> 00:12:33,767
And gonna be alone on passover,

244
00:12:33,867 --> 00:12:37,433
and I kind of invited
him to the seder.

245
00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:39,567
I hope you don't mind.

246
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:42,567
- You did?
- Yeah, I'm sorry.

247
00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,900
- No, that's okay.
- Really?

248
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,933
- Well, if he's alone.
- Aren't you a doll?

249
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:50,433
Well, that's cute. I'm glad
you made a new friend.

250
00:12:50,533 --> 00:12:51,900
- Yeah, okay, yeah.
- That's nice.

251
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,233
I don't hear that
very often from you.

252
00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:56,933
Oh, and I forgot to mention

253
00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:59,100
it's that sex offender.

254
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,167
What?

255
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:04,433
You know, we saw that
picture on the flyer

256
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,767
of that sex offender guy.
That's him.

257
00:13:06,867 --> 00:13:11,300
- He's cool.
- You invited a sex offender over for seder?

258
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,367
Are you out of your mind?

259
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:16,767
- It was an awkward moment.
- What is wrong with you, Larry?

260
00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:18,676
You don't do something like
that without asking me!

261
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:21,367
You do not invite a sex
offender over for dinner

262
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,067
without talking to me first!

263
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,600
We're not having a sex
offender over for dinner, no!

264
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:29,833
- Call him and say no.
- Cheryl, what would Jesus do?

265
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:31,433
- Oh.
- Huh?

266
00:13:31,533 --> 00:13:33,433
- Cheryl, Cheryl.
- No, no!

267
00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:37,133
Cheryl, he's a Jew. He's a Jew!

268
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:54,833
This is a fact. This
is like numbers, okay?

269
00:13:54,933 --> 00:13:57,533
Have you heard of
the theory, the 77?

270
00:13:57,633 --> 00:14:01,800
No. - Okay, every 77 years
there's a great president.

271
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:05,100
Washington and then
you go 77 years, Lincoln.

272
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,533
77 years there's...
What's that guy's name?

273
00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,767
- Theodore Roosevelt?
- F.D.R.

274
00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:13,000
And then another
77 years, you got w.

275
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:16,400
- Really?
- I think we're in historic times.

276
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,633
- Washington, Lincoln, f.D.R.
- And w.

277
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:21,100
- And George w. Bush.
- That's right.

278
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,600
And we're turning the
whole damn world around.

279
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,500
- Jake, did you remember to call your mother?
- What?

280
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,733
Did you remember
to call your mother?

281
00:14:28,833 --> 00:14:31,900
Jake: I told my mother I would
call her after the seder.

282
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,567
- You said "before."
- After the seder.

283
00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:35,767
- Hey.
- Hey, Larry.

284
00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:38,967
- How's it going, Mark? How's the doctor?
- Doing well, doing well.

285
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:42,700
- Doing well, busy. Real busy.
- Oh, yeah.

286
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,900
You know, things are booming
right now, you know?

287
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000
Nice to see you
and Marla back together.

288
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,767
She's great. She's great.

289
00:14:49,867 --> 00:14:51,200
Yeah, what happened?

290
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:54,000
You couldn't cut it in
your single life there?

291
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,600
Couldn't get any dates,
so you went back?

292
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,767
At's funny. Part of the
perk of being a doctor.

293
00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:01,100
It's not hard to get dates.

294
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,167
Get to see a lot of women naked?

295
00:15:03,267 --> 00:15:06,200
- Cosmetic surgeon. Seen my fair share.
- Really?

296
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,667
You ever get aroused?

297
00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:09,807
I don't think that's really
an appropriate question.

298
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:12,433
- Really, why not?
- Well, you know, it's just...

299
00:15:12,533 --> 00:15:14,367
It's sort of a personal thing.

300
00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:16,733
I don't want to discuss
something like that.

301
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,800
The answer of course is no.
I'm a professional.

302
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:20,533
People come to me for help.
I help them.

303
00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:25,100
I understand. Tell me if you think
this is an appropriate question.

304
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,633
And I mean no disrespect.

305
00:15:28,733 --> 00:15:31,033
Have you been stealing
my newspaper?

306
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,400
Larry...

307
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,567
Yes, that is
an inappropriate question.

308
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,733
Okay, so that's two
inappropriate questions.

309
00:15:39,833 --> 00:15:43,067
I have not been stealing your
newspaper, Larry. That's appalling.

310
00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:45,800
- Really?
- Yeah, really, Larry.

311
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,700
I'm quite sure I haven't
been taking it.

312
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,533
Are you positive, Mark?

313
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,100
Okay.

314
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,000
Now if you'll excuse me.

315
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,733
So what did you think
of my brother-in-law?

316
00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:21,233
- Whoa.
- Uh-huh.

317
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:24,433
- Man. Wow.
- Big time. Wow.

318
00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:26,067
What?

319
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:28,633
- Your sister's husband.
- Man, oh, man.

320
00:16:28,733 --> 00:16:32,167
- He's nauseating.
- He's quite a piece of work that guy.

321
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:34,533
- Who else is coming?
- ( Doorbell rings )

322
00:16:34,633 --> 00:16:38,267
Oh, there's somebody right now.

323
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:48,067
- Hey, there he is.
- Somebody order latkes?

324
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:50,267
Look at this. Boy, oh, boy.

325
00:16:50,367 --> 00:16:52,300
- Yeah, how are ya?
- Great, how you doing?

326
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,200
- Very good.
- Good to see you.

327
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:57,333
- Yeah, this is nice.
- Oh, yeah?

328
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,833
Let me introduce you to
some of my friends here.

329
00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,500
- The guests.
- Great.

330
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,467
Hi.

331
00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:10,800
- This is Marla.
- Hi, Marla, nice to meet you. Rick.

332
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,733
And this is my wife Cheryl.

333
00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:15,767
It's lovely to meet you.
You have a wonderful home.

334
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,833
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

335
00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:20,700
- I made latkes. Yeah.
- Latkes.

336
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,133
- From my mother's recipe.
- They smell good.

337
00:17:24,233 --> 00:17:27,267
Hey, this guy completely
changed my life.

338
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:30,000
I'm telling you.
I can't believe the way

339
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:31,700
I hit the ball now
on account of him.

340
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,067
Yeah, just wait till I'm done with him.
Different man altogether.

341
00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:36,667
I can't wait.

342
00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:39,867
- Nice to meet you.
- Thank you.

343
00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:44,200
Come on over here.
This here is Jeff.

344
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,700
- You are?
- This is Rick leftowitz.

345
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,600
- Nice meeting you, Rick.
- Nice meeting you.

346
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,633
- This is susie. His wife susie.
- Hi.

347
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:55,167
- And that's Sammy.
- Somebody drop a cute bomb in here?

348
00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:59,533
Oh, hey, and this is my dad.

349
00:17:59,633 --> 00:18:02,267
Rick: It is an honor
to meet you, sir.

350
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:03,733
Nat: Nice to meet you.

351
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,700
- This is Carol.
- Hi, Carol.

352
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,176
- Very nice to meet you.
- Rick. Nice to meet you.

353
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,700
- This is Emily and Jacob.
- Can I talk to you a second?

354
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,200
Sure, yeah.
Excuse me for one second.

355
00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:19,300
What the hell are you
trying to pull, Larry?

356
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,900
What?
You know who that guy is?

357
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,533
- He had nowhere to go.
- I don't give a shit where he goes.

358
00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:25,967
I think it's gonna be a big
addition to this passover.

359
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,333
- In what way?
- He's got a good personality.

360
00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:29,567
He's smart. He's funny.

361
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:32,700
He should not be in our
presence on a holy day.

362
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,600
Any day. What the
hell are you doing?

363
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:38,100
( Doorbell rings )

364
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:44,833
- Larry.
- Hello, hello.

365
00:18:44,933 --> 00:18:47,133
- How are you?
- Pretty good.

366
00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:49,967
- Good to see you. I'm glad you came.
- So are we.

367
00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:51,400
Thank you.

368
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,067
Everybody parked in front of my house.
Everybody here,

369
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,600
- except the kids.
- Yeah, so what?

370
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,433
- So what?
- Are you going out tonight?

371
00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:02,333
I think you're here, aren't you?
So what's the problem?

372
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,767
Everybody's got the car
parked in front of my...

373
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:07,267
- same thing, every time you have a party...
- I'm sorry.

374
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:09,167
- I'll inform them next time.
- Please.

375
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:11,400
Ethel, hi, how are you?

376
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:13,533
It was so nice
of you to invite us.

377
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,833
My pleasure. Ethel, what
I want you to do is

378
00:19:15,933 --> 00:19:19,733
I want you to take a look
around this room here, okay,

379
00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:23,300
and just see if there's
anybody who you recognize.

380
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,867
- Okay?
- Sure.

381
00:19:25,967 --> 00:19:27,709
- All right, would you do that for me?
- Sure.

382
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,867
Take a look around.

383
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,533
- ( Ethel gasps )
- ( thud )

384
00:19:42,633 --> 00:19:45,133
Okay, gently. Gently, guys.

385
00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:47,667
Let's put her here on the bed.

386
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:51,967
Okay, let me just check her.

387
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,833
I think I hurt my back
lifting her up.

388
00:19:54,933 --> 00:19:57,000
Her pulse is okay.
She's breathing fine.

389
00:19:57,100 --> 00:20:00,867
- Does this happen often?
- Well, yeah, every once in awhile

390
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,900
- something startles her.
- How long is she going to be out like this?

391
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,867
A couple of hours.

392
00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:08,500
A couple of hours?!
What, are you kidding?

393
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,000
Just a... you know,
she'll sleep it off,

394
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,800
then she'll be fine.

395
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:14,600
( All groan )

396
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,533
( Snapping )

397
00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:32,100
( Singing in Hebrew )

398
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,400
Everybody have a nice big
swig of wine.

399
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:44,667
( Cheering )

400
00:20:46,133 --> 00:20:48,200
Hey, guess what.

401
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,333
Okay, get ready, kids.

402
00:20:51,733 --> 00:20:54,067
You know what's in here? Matzah.

403
00:20:54,167 --> 00:20:57,000
And I'm gonna hide this,
and you've got to go find it.

404
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,967
And whoever finds the matzah
is gonna get a dollar.

405
00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:02,433
- ( All "ooh" )
- okay, a dollar!

406
00:21:02,533 --> 00:21:05,467
All right, now go into the kitchen.
Go in the kitchen.

407
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,333
Close your eyes. Don't look.

408
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,267
Cover your ears.
Okay, I'm gonna hide it now.

409
00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:13,133
Don't look!

410
00:21:37,133 --> 00:21:45,133
Okay, kids, you can come
look for the matzah now.

411
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,733
( Groans )

412
00:22:01,833 --> 00:22:03,600
- Mac: So, Larry.
- Yeah?

413
00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:07,033
Any luck in finding
the guy that...

414
00:22:07,133 --> 00:22:08,509
- Has been stealing your newspaper?
- No.

415
00:22:08,533 --> 00:22:12,333
No luck at all.

416
00:22:12,433 --> 00:22:15,333
For those of you who don't know,
I'm sure you don't,

417
00:22:15,433 --> 00:22:17,933
somebody's been stealing
my newspaper

418
00:22:18,033 --> 00:22:21,000
for an entire week...
Yes, every day.

419
00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,580
Mac: I tell you something, my
wife, she got a good look at him.

420
00:22:23,667 --> 00:22:26,833
Mean, a really good look.

421
00:22:26,933 --> 00:22:30,267
If she ever sees him again,
she'll recognize him.

422
00:22:30,367 --> 00:22:32,167
- Really?
- She'll know that face.

423
00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,500
She never forgets a face.

424
00:22:37,033 --> 00:22:38,733
Is something wrong, doctor?

425
00:22:38,833 --> 00:22:42,767
Excuse me, uh, no.
Just some gefilte fish.

426
00:22:42,867 --> 00:22:46,967
Well, hopefully,
she'll wake up soon

427
00:22:47,067 --> 00:22:49,600
and come down and join us
for the rest of the seder.

428
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:52,133
- Wouldn't that be nice, everybody?
- All: Yes, yes.

429
00:22:52,233 --> 00:22:54,400
That would be wonderful,
wonderful!

430
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,633
( Coughs )

431
00:23:07,100 --> 00:23:09,533
Hey, there's no matzah here.
Let's go, beat it.

432
00:23:09,633 --> 00:23:11,233
Come on, pfft, beat it.

433
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:24,600
( Jewish dance music playing )

434
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,567
- ( Silverware clanks )
- Larry: Well, I've...

435
00:23:47,667 --> 00:23:49,533
Just seen Ethel.

436
00:23:49,633 --> 00:23:53,133
She's coming around.
She should be down soon.

437
00:23:53,233 --> 00:23:54,967
Nat: That's nice. That's nice.

438
00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:57,433
Larry:
Huh? Isn't that good news?

439
00:23:57,533 --> 00:24:01,733
What is all the...
All that sound, that noise,

440
00:24:01,833 --> 00:24:03,600
the racket we all
heard upstairs?

441
00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:06,433
Oh, my foot fell asleep so I was
kind of jumping up and down

442
00:24:06,533 --> 00:24:08,667
- to get the blood circulating again.
- ( Laughing )

443
00:24:08,767 --> 00:24:10,367
I hate when that happens, right?

444
00:24:14,567 --> 00:24:16,433
Something wrong, doctor?

445
00:24:16,533 --> 00:24:18,733
For Pete's sake, I've...

446
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:21,733
I've been paged by the hospital.
It must be an emergency.

447
00:24:21,833 --> 00:24:25,367
Oh my gosh!
Oh, it's a doctor emergency.

448
00:24:25,467 --> 00:24:28,467
- I'm so sorry.
- I didn't hear anything, doctor.

449
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,933
- I keep my pager on vibrate...
- Oh, do you?

450
00:24:31,033 --> 00:24:32,733
- For medical emergencies, yes.
- Uh-huh.

451
00:24:32,833 --> 00:24:36,100
- Thank you so much for having me.
- It was great to meet you.

452
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,067
Aren't you a cosmetic surgeon?

453
00:24:38,167 --> 00:24:41,233
Yes, we have emergencies
in that field as well.

454
00:24:41,333 --> 00:24:43,500
You know, it's too bad.
Ethel's coming down soon.

455
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,833
She'll be upset that
she didn't get to meet you.

456
00:24:45,933 --> 00:24:48,100
I'll meet her another
time, I'm sure.

457
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,167
Thank you. Marla, I'm sorry.
I'll see you at home.

458
00:24:50,267 --> 00:24:52,043
- I'll see you at home.
- Thank you, everyone.

459
00:24:52,067 --> 00:24:53,700
- Love you.
- Found it!

460
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,167
- What?
- ( cheering )

461
00:24:57,267 --> 00:24:59,633
- Stevie!
- He found the matzah!

462
00:24:59,733 --> 00:25:01,667
Larry: In a hurry, doctor?

463
00:25:01,767 --> 00:25:04,500
- As I explained, I've been paged by my hospital.
- Yes, I know.

464
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,233
Emergency boob job, no doubt.

465
00:25:06,333 --> 00:25:08,573
( Clears throat ) I've been
paged for a medical emergency

466
00:25:08,667 --> 00:25:11,200
- because I am a doctor.
- Yes yes yes.

467
00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:13,433
You're a doctor. Yes yes,
of course, you're a doctor.

468
00:25:13,533 --> 00:25:16,667
- It's a medical situation.
- You're lucky that old lady fainted.

469
00:25:16,767 --> 00:25:19,100
I don't... I don't know
what you're talking about.

470
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,833
You took that paper.
I know you did.

471
00:25:21,933 --> 00:25:24,033
I'm a doctor, you idiot!

472
00:25:26,133 --> 00:25:28,067
Good yontif.

473
00:25:29,267 --> 00:25:31,233
- Larry?
- Hey, buddy, what's up?

474
00:25:31,333 --> 00:25:32,543
Can I talk to you for a second?

475
00:25:32,567 --> 00:25:34,800
- Sure, what's up?
- Um...

476
00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:37,233
This is really hard. I, uh...

477
00:25:37,333 --> 00:25:42,200
I'm... in the throes
of a moral quandary right now,

478
00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,733
- and I don't know what to do.
- Okay, um...

479
00:25:44,833 --> 00:25:47,067
I'm not really the right...
I'm not a good person to...

480
00:25:47,167 --> 00:25:50,276
- Oh, I think you are. You're the perfect person.
- To confide in, no no no.

481
00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:53,233
What you need to see is a
doctor or a psychiatrist,

482
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:54,909
- a counselor of some kind.
- A doctor, no no no.

483
00:25:54,933 --> 00:25:57,667
I'm... I'm... I'm clear
on what I'm torn about:

484
00:25:57,767 --> 00:25:59,567
My allegiance to you
as a friend,

485
00:25:59,667 --> 00:26:02,833
and not wanting
to ruin the party.

486
00:26:02,933 --> 00:26:05,633
Uh, but I saw something
very shocking,

487
00:26:05,733 --> 00:26:07,667
and I feel like
I have to tell you.

488
00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:09,467
What... what's going on?

489
00:26:10,233 --> 00:26:12,633
Well, I saw Mr. dunkle

490
00:26:12,733 --> 00:26:15,067
whisper in his son's ear.

491
00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:18,100
And then the boy went right
over and found the matzah.

492
00:26:20,667 --> 00:26:22,733
Oh my god.

493
00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:26,633
Yeah, because he
saw me hiding it.

494
00:26:26,733 --> 00:26:28,533
We made eye contact. He saw it.

495
00:26:28,633 --> 00:26:31,900
Well, there you go. Sorry.

496
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,067
Yeah, okay.

497
00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:37,333
- I'll take it from here.
- Okay.

498
00:26:51,867 --> 00:26:54,867
When am I gonna get my dollar?

499
00:26:54,967 --> 00:26:56,900
Oh yeah, your dollar.

500
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,167
That's right. Let me ask
you a question, Stevie.

501
00:27:00,267 --> 00:27:03,067
I notice that you went
to the bookcase once.

502
00:27:03,167 --> 00:27:06,700
What made you go
back there a second time?

503
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,267
Hey, look look, he found
the matzah, pay up.

504
00:27:09,367 --> 00:27:11,643
I'm just trying to find out why
he went back to the bookcase.

505
00:27:11,667 --> 00:27:15,033
There's no need for the third degree.
Just pay him the dollar.

506
00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:17,333
- How come you went back, Stevie?
- Stop it!

507
00:27:17,433 --> 00:27:20,233
He found the matzah,
pay up. That's that!

508
00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:22,100
- He found the matzah?
- Yeah!

509
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,467
'Cause you told him
where it was hidden.

510
00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:26,433
- That is a lie!
- Didn't you?

511
00:27:26,533 --> 00:27:29,300
- Didn't you?
- That is a lie! You don't know anything.

512
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,200
- How would you know that?
- How do I know?

513
00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:33,267
How would you know?

514
00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:38,633
My friend told me,
that's how I know!

515
00:27:38,733 --> 00:27:42,833
He saw you whisper in your son's ear
then watched as he ran to the bookcase

516
00:27:42,933 --> 00:27:46,800
- and got the matzah.
- Oh, your friend the convicted sex offender!

517
00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:48,600
( All clamoring )

518
00:27:56,867 --> 00:27:59,500
Oh my god! Oh my god, there's
something wrong with Sammy.

519
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,433
Sammy, Sammy, get up.

520
00:28:01,533 --> 00:28:03,733
Come on, come on.
What's the matter, honey?

521
00:28:03,833 --> 00:28:05,243
She can't breathe.
She can't breathe.

522
00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:07,567
- Does anyone know mouth-to-mouth?
- Oh my god!

523
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:17,200
I do.

524
00:28:39,533 --> 00:28:47,533
( Theme music playing )