1 00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:08,333 ( Theme music playing ) 2 00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:15,967 So then he goes like this... 3 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,800 I go, "what is it, dad?" He goes... 4 00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:20,533 ( Raspy ) like this. He can't talk. 5 00:00:20,567 --> 00:00:22,833 He's in the hospital, the bed, you know? 6 00:00:22,867 --> 00:00:24,267 ( Rasps ) 7 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:27,700 So I lean in, and he whispers in my ear. 8 00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:29,533 He says to me, 9 00:00:29,567 --> 00:00:32,167 ( slowly ) "you're adopted." 10 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,000 - He said that? - I think he said that. 11 00:00:36,033 --> 00:00:38,967 Maybe he said, "you're a doctor." I don't know. 12 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,533 But why would he say I'm a doctor? I would know if I'm a doctor. 13 00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:43,733 Why do you think he would wait until now to tell you? 14 00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:45,300 Maybe he thought he was dying. 15 00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:47,367 But I'm still not 100% sure that he said it. 16 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,633 So basically what you're saying is, 17 00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,933 you want me to find out if you're adopted or not. 18 00:00:51,967 --> 00:00:53,600 Yes. 19 00:00:53,633 --> 00:00:55,867 First, how did you find me? 20 00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,167 My friend said he read this big article 21 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,400 about you in the L.A. magazine. 22 00:01:00,433 --> 00:01:03,733 "Best best private investigator in Los Angeles." 23 00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:05,100 Look, Mr. David, 24 00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,767 I have to be honest with you. 25 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,567 My business and what I do... 26 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,233 What I do is I service the community. 27 00:01:11,267 --> 00:01:12,900 Basicallywhat I'm saying is, 28 00:01:12,933 --> 00:01:15,433 I don't see a way that you would, uh, 29 00:01:15,467 --> 00:01:17,200 be helping my community. 30 00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:19,433 What about... 31 00:01:19,467 --> 00:01:21,400 Calling some bingo games or something? 32 00:01:21,433 --> 00:01:24,233 You got, like, a community center for bingo? 33 00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:26,100 Bingo's a distraction. 34 00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:28,233 Don't underestimate bingo. 35 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,267 I've got extra sneakers that I don't wear anymore 36 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,867 - in pretty good condition, I must say. - Extra sneakers? 37 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,767 I'd be more than happy to donate 'em. 38 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,700 Mr. David, I don't think this is gonna work. 39 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,600 It would mean an awful lot to me. 40 00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:43,833 Please please, think about it. 41 00:01:43,867 --> 00:01:46,133 If there's anything I can do to convince you, 42 00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:48,600 - I would. - I can't promise anything. 43 00:01:48,633 --> 00:01:50,800 What about a big brother kind of thing? 44 00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,400 Let me talk to some of my community leaders 45 00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:56,309 and see exactly what the community needs... - yeah, okay, 46 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,167 I'm not talking about for a long time. 47 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,767 Maybe for one afternoon, 48 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,600 to a movie or something. 49 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,900 Um, is that a key to the men's room? 50 00:02:06,933 --> 00:02:09,133 Well, it says "men" on it. Yes. 51 00:02:09,167 --> 00:02:11,067 It's a natural question to ask. 52 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,833 - Yes. - May I borrow the key? 53 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,233 - Yes, you may borrow the key. - Thank you. 54 00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:18,167 Okay. Thanks, Mr. Jones. 55 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,200 - And you'll think about it? - I will. 56 00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:21,200 By the way... 57 00:02:21,233 --> 00:02:23,700 Love the bow-tie. 58 00:02:23,733 --> 00:02:26,500 ( Whistling "yankee doodle," tapping ) 59 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,533 ( Toilet flushing ) 60 00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:35,667 ( Stops whistling ) 61 00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:38,767 - What are you doing?! - Using the bathroom. 62 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,400 That's my stall! Did you see the plaque on it... 63 00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:43,900 Yes, I know, but somebody was using the other one, so I... 64 00:02:43,933 --> 00:02:45,567 Well, then you wait! 65 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,533 I couldn't wait. It was an emergency. I had to go! 66 00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:50,933 There's one stall for me, and you're in it! 67 00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:53,067 If you were here, I would have given you first dibs. 68 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,767 But honestly, I haven't seen a handicapped person in the bathroom, 69 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,900 maybe ever. So I thought I could perhaps take my chances. 70 00:02:58,933 --> 00:03:01,067 "A handicapped person"? 71 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,500 That's nice. Oh, that's nice! 72 00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:05,333 - It's called disabled. Disabled. - Disabled? 73 00:03:05,367 --> 00:03:07,700 Well, that doesn't sound so hot. 74 00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,567 I don't really care what it sounds like to you, okay? It's disabled. 75 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,700 I think I would prefer handicapped. 76 00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:15,767 God, you know how archaic that word is? "A handicapped person"! 77 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,200 That's demeaning, don't you know? 78 00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:18,833 - I'm a disabled person. - Oh, sorry. 79 00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:20,667 - ( Mocking ) you're sorry. - Oh, sorry. 80 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,733 Now you've learned a lesson. Please, don't ever go 81 00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,833 - in my stall again! All right? - Fine, okay. 82 00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:26,043 - Thanks so much! - You're welcome. 83 00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:27,500 - I appreciate it. - You're welcome. 84 00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:29,333 Douche-bag. 85 00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:36,200 So you think he's a Muslim? 86 00:03:36,233 --> 00:03:38,733 - He had the bow-tie. - Huh? 87 00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:41,300 Do black men who aren't muslims ever wear bow-ties? 88 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:44,500 - I haven't seen it. - It'd be interesting to find that out. 89 00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:46,867 - I'm surprised you didn't ask him. - Yeah, me too. 90 00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:49,109 I mean, you know, I don't care either way, I'm just curious. 91 00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:52,066 Well, I'll tell you something, that I think he's a Muslim. 92 00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,067 ( Quietly ) hey, that's a handicapped spot. 93 00:03:57,767 --> 00:03:59,667 Wh-wh-what? 94 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:02,066 What's with the walking? 95 00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,767 ( Stuttering ) fuck you! 96 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,700 I have a stutter! 97 00:04:06,733 --> 00:04:08,367 Yeah, but you can walk. 98 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,200 ( Stuttering ) look at my license plate! 99 00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:13,200 I have permission, 100 00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:15,533 you fucking prick! 101 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,433 Oh hey... 102 00:04:28,467 --> 00:04:30,066 We got a dog. 103 00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:32,333 Really? Why? 104 00:04:32,367 --> 00:04:34,933 - She wanted a dog. - You have to walk it and everything? 105 00:04:34,967 --> 00:04:37,433 - I'm sure I'll wind up doing stuff. - Oh, definitely. 106 00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:39,500 I know, yeah, but you know what? It's kind of cute. 107 00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:40,833 - Larry! - I kind of like it. Hi! 108 00:04:40,867 --> 00:04:43,200 - Hi! - Jodi! 109 00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:45,066 - How are you? - Great, great. 110 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:47,567 - So good to see you! - Great to see you. 111 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,167 - Hi Jodi. - Hi. 112 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,209 - How are you doing? - How are you doing, Ms. Jodi funkhouser? 113 00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:52,567 ( Laughs ) 114 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,267 - So what's going on? - Nothing. 115 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,143 - Seeking attention, getting rejected. - ( Laughs ) 116 00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:58,733 - Are those new glasses? - No, but I cleaned them. 117 00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:00,667 You're so funny! 118 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,333 - I'm here with my dad. - Oh yeah? 119 00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:06,066 Are you coming to my parents' 25th anniversary party? 120 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:07,667 I am. 121 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,900 - Oh. Are you? - Eh... 122 00:05:09,933 --> 00:05:11,900 It'll be fun, really. Think about it. 123 00:05:11,933 --> 00:05:13,867 I'm not gonna think about it, but whatever. 124 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,633 - I really hope you come. - Well, thanks. 125 00:05:15,667 --> 00:05:17,076 - It's so good to see you. - Good to see you. 126 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:19,500 - Wow, great to see you. - Yeah. Bye-bye. 127 00:05:19,533 --> 00:05:21,233 Bye. 128 00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,067 All right, is it my imagination? 129 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:27,500 Does she like you that much or does she dislike me that much? 130 00:05:27,533 --> 00:05:31,167 Oh, lesbians love me. They love me. 131 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,167 - How is that? - Well, when I first got to L.A. 132 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,200 You remember... you know Patty, my friend Patty. 133 00:05:35,233 --> 00:05:36,743 - Patty, yeah. - Well, she's a lesbian. 134 00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:38,066 - Yes. - You know, so, obviously, 135 00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:40,567 they talk amongst themselves, and the word got out 136 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,700 that I'm a friend o' lesbians. 137 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:45,767 - ( Exclaims ) you're a friend o' lesbians! - Yes, they know that. 138 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,967 So the community has completely embraced you. 139 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:51,133 Totally embraced me. Completely. 140 00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,100 More so than any other community. 141 00:05:53,133 --> 00:05:55,066 Including Jews. 142 00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:57,233 - Ready? This way. - Hi, two. Yeah. 143 00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,733 ( Slow piano music playing ) 144 00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:02,267 Oh, jeez. 145 00:06:03,867 --> 00:06:06,833 The men's room key from the private investigator's office. 146 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,433 I forgot to bring it back. 147 00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:11,367 - I'm always doing that. - Hey, 148 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,633 check out the bow-tie here. 149 00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:15,233 It's a smart look. 150 00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:17,500 I think I'm gonna get me one of those. 151 00:06:17,533 --> 00:06:19,567 You know what? You oughtta try wearing a bow-tie. 152 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,900 - It'd be a good look for you. Hi! - Hi. 153 00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:23,309 - How are you doing? How are you doing? - Great! 154 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,067 Hey, thanks for sending the invite back. 155 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:27,109 - Oh, sure. I'm excited. - We're gonna have a blast. 156 00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:29,433 - It's gonna be... are you coming? - Eh... 157 00:06:29,467 --> 00:06:31,733 - Tell me you're coming. Please. - I don't know. 158 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,600 25 years of marriage! 159 00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:35,967 - Rosie's coming. - Rosie O'Donnell? 160 00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:38,967 And I have Larry David's place card right next to hers. 161 00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:41,533 - Really? You're sitting me next to her? - Right next to her. 162 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,133 - You know Rosie O'Donnell? - I know her from New York. 163 00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:46,443 - We used to hang out together doing comedy. - You'll have a great time. 164 00:06:46,467 --> 00:06:48,933 - Just send the invitation back, okay? - Oh, thank you. 165 00:06:48,967 --> 00:06:50,943 - I'll see you guys there. I'm excited. - By the way, 166 00:06:50,967 --> 00:06:53,433 - Jodie's really looking good. - She does look great. 167 00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:55,533 - Doesn't she look great? - Oh, thanks a lot, yeah. 168 00:06:55,567 --> 00:06:57,567 She's dating a guy. I think it's serious. 169 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,066 She's dating a guy?! 170 00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:01,233 ( Chuckles ) yeah, she's no longer gay. 171 00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:04,500 ( Laughs ) what? You're kidding! 172 00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:06,467 That's fantastic! 173 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,667 Congratulations! Good for you. 174 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:11,267 She's not a lesbian anymore. 175 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:14,133 Oh my god. Good going. 176 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,233 All right, I'll see you, uh, soon. 177 00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:18,700 Yeah, I'll see you at the party. 178 00:07:29,233 --> 00:07:32,500 Larry, we need to talk. 179 00:07:34,533 --> 00:07:36,300 It's over? 180 00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,567 What's over? 181 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,067 The marriage. 182 00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:45,066 Why would our marriage be over? 183 00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:46,333 You said, 184 00:07:46,367 --> 00:07:48,433 "we need to talk." 185 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:51,233 Yeah, we need to talk about Marty funkhouser's party! 186 00:07:51,267 --> 00:07:54,300 ( Chuckles ) oh, okay. I thought... 187 00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:57,633 - eh, forget it. - No no no, what did you think? 188 00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:01,433 Well, you know, you said, "we need to talk." 189 00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:04,200 Generally, when couples break up, 190 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,443 that's how they introduce it, you know, "we need to talk." 191 00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:09,367 - So I just thought it was... - Well, why would you... 192 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,067 Why would you even think that? 193 00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:13,600 Well, because women have broken up with me many times, 194 00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:15,809 and they've always introduced it with "we need to talk." 195 00:08:15,833 --> 00:08:18,800 So I'm just sort of conditioned for that response. 196 00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:21,367 And when women broke up with you, 197 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,833 did you light up like that? 198 00:08:23,867 --> 00:08:25,367 Light up? 199 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,467 - Yeah. - Did I light up? 200 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:28,967 ( Imitates ) "oh, it's over?" 201 00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:30,743 You know, it could have been a defense mechanism. 202 00:08:30,767 --> 00:08:33,667 That's how I react to things. I go the other way, 203 00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:37,400 so I don't get hurt. I protect myself. 204 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:40,300 You understand. So what about the party? Marty funkhouser's party... 205 00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:42,200 Have you been thinking about this for a while? 206 00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:45,167 No! Not at all! No, of course not. 207 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,533 So what about the funkhouser party? 208 00:08:48,567 --> 00:08:51,667 Well, I wanted to know if we're going or not. 209 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,066 I need to send in the rsvp and... 210 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,600 I wasn't going, and now I've changed my mind. 211 00:08:56,633 --> 00:08:59,167 Rosie O'Donnell's gonna be there. 212 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,367 Our table. 213 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,967 And you know what else? 214 00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:05,800 I might wear a bow-tie. 215 00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:08,467 - What do you think of that? - You're gonna wear a bow-tie? 216 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,467 - Are you loving that? Is that fantastic? - ( Knocking ) 217 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,933 How about that for an idea, huh? 218 00:09:12,967 --> 00:09:14,833 I, well... 219 00:09:14,867 --> 00:09:17,066 You're gonna love it. 220 00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:19,100 - Well, look who's here. - Wanda! 221 00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,233 - Look who's here. - How are you doing? 222 00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:22,800 Welcome! This is our new house. 223 00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:24,833 - What do you think? - Well, what do you think? 224 00:09:24,867 --> 00:09:26,309 - Oh, the rental house. - This is a rental. 225 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:30,100 It's just for a few months until the renovation's done. You know. 226 00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:32,633 Shit, I mean, you're renting, so I can be honest. 227 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:34,209 - Cheryl: Yeah, yeah. - I don't like it. 228 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:36,133 - Kinda cold, like a hotel. - Yeah. 229 00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,800 A hotel? Hotels are good. You know, there's a lot of activity 230 00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:40,609 in the hotel lobby. I think that's a good thing. 231 00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,800 Why don't you put a little bellman's cap on... 232 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,843 - Okay, I'll put a bellman's cap on. - And run around. 233 00:09:44,867 --> 00:09:47,067 Put a little concierge desk over there. 234 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:50,066 - Hey, Wanda, let me ask you a question. - What? 235 00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,200 Is it wrong to assume 236 00:09:52,233 --> 00:09:55,967 that a black man wearing a bow-tie is a Muslim? 237 00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:58,233 Why are you asking me some bullshit like that? 238 00:09:58,267 --> 00:09:59,700 What the fuck, Larry?! 239 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,267 I'm not your link into the black world, okay? 240 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:05,633 So stop asking me shit about black people and stuff, all right? 241 00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:07,367 Okay, but let me ask you this: 242 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,767 Have you ever seen a black man 243 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,067 wearing a bow-tie who's not a Muslim? 244 00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,576 - Who gives a fuck? - It's just something you may have observed. 245 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,267 - Have you observed... - Larry, I don't... 246 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:19,867 - have you ever observed a black man... - Larry, I don't... 247 00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:22,233 who's not a Muslim wearing a bow-tie? That's all. 248 00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:24,767 You think farrakhan went out and bought up 249 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:25,909 all the bow-ties or something? 250 00:10:25,933 --> 00:10:27,933 He's sitting there holding on to bow-ties 251 00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:29,967 and only muslims get 'em? What the fuck, Larry? 252 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,067 You... what... no. I don't know. 253 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,500 Fair enough. Good answer. 254 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,433 "I don't know." I totally accept it. 255 00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:37,333 - I got the dog. - That's what I want to see. 256 00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:40,367 - I know, you've got to see him. Sheriff! - Sheriff! 257 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,900 - Larry: Hello boy! - Wanda: He's a cutie! 258 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:46,400 ( Growling, barking ) 259 00:10:46,433 --> 00:10:49,733 - What the hell... - Larry: I think it's you, Wanda. 260 00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:52,367 - One of y'all wanna grab cujo? - Um... 261 00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:56,167 Come on, it's just Wanda. It's just Wanda. 262 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,733 I'm sorry. He's very friendly. 263 00:11:00,767 --> 00:11:02,133 We're all done in there. 264 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:04,533 Just, uh, you have to wait overnight for the... 265 00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:06,867 Hey! Hey, little buddy. Come here. 266 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,076 Wanda: What's wrong with your dog? 267 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,066 I don't know. See how friendly he is? 268 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:13,066 Good dog! He probably smells my dog. 269 00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:16,067 - ( Growling, barking ) - repairman ♪1: Oh! 270 00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,900 - Hey! Shit! - Larry: Oh my god! 271 00:11:17,933 --> 00:11:19,600 - God! - Hey, come on! 272 00:11:19,633 --> 00:11:21,333 - ( Repairman ♪1 laughs ) - get over here. 273 00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:24,133 - What's with... - I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 274 00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,933 What did you do? 275 00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:29,300 - I'm really sorry. - It's okay. 276 00:11:29,333 --> 00:11:30,767 I don't know what's going on. 277 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:34,133 - I've never seen him like this. - I'm really sorry. 278 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:36,633 - You know what's going on. - Huh? 279 00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,200 You have a racist dog! 280 00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:40,567 - That dog hates black people. - Wanda. 281 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,209 Larry, you trained the dog to hate black people? 282 00:11:42,233 --> 00:11:44,633 No, I didn't train it to hate black people. 283 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:46,767 Has it barked at any white people? 284 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,800 No, he's... he's... 285 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,066 He hasn't barked at any white people. 286 00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:52,667 Exactly. The dog is racist. 287 00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:54,400 Sheriff's racist? 288 00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:56,066 Sheriff?! 289 00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,300 That's a perfect name for a racist dog. 290 00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:01,467 Where did you get this dog, the klan meeting or something? 291 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:04,067 - Larry picked him out at the pound. - The pound. 292 00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:06,367 Sheriff the fucking dog that eats black people. 293 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,800 What the fuck, man? I'll tell you what, 294 00:12:08,833 --> 00:12:11,900 y'all stay here and pet your crazy-ass racist dog, 295 00:12:11,933 --> 00:12:13,867 but I am not bringing my black ass 296 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,333 back up into this fucking hotel 297 00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:19,667 until y'all get rid of that fucking klan dog. 298 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,800 Got a klan dog! 299 00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:24,500 Looking at me like I'm a damn t-bone. 300 00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:26,933 - Cheryl: I'll call you. - Aw, shut up. 301 00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:31,300 - ( Playing foxtrot music ) - ( people chatting ) 302 00:12:36,833 --> 00:12:37,876 ( People conversing loudly ) 303 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,300 Waiter: So we have three choices. 304 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,900 I'm sorry, the first that we have is 305 00:12:42,933 --> 00:12:44,900 a skirt steak... 306 00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:47,267 ( Talking loudly ) 307 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,333 Look, I can't... I can't hear you. 308 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,367 I can't hear. Could you repeat that? What's that? 309 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,367 It's a skirt steak, sir, or stir fry, 310 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,067 uh, and that's... ( Voice drowned out ) 311 00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:02,400 Excuse me. Excuse me. 312 00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:05,067 Excuse me, could you just keep it down a little bit? 313 00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,743 We can't hear the waiter. We're trying to order. 314 00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:08,767 - Keep it down? - We're trying to hear the waiter. 315 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,800 I'm trying to have a good time with my family over here. Know what I mean? 316 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,700 I'm not keeping it down. I'm sorry, 317 00:13:13,733 --> 00:13:17,433 we need to keep it down for Tucker Carlson over here. - ( Laughing ) 318 00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:19,567 "Keep it down"! 319 00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:25,300 - Tucker Carlson? - Tucker Carlson. 320 00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:28,133 Waiter: There's a chicken rotisserie 321 00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:31,267 and a portobello mushroom salad. 322 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,300 - Susie: Salad? - Yeah, well the portobello 323 00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:36,567 is cut up onto mixed Greens. 324 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:42,066 - Waiter: Are you a vegetarian? - Susie: Yeah, it depends. 325 00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:43,733 - Jeff: She is. - Susie: Yeah. 326 00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:46,276 Waiter: So that would sort of be the best choice. It's really good. 327 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:49,467 I'm gonna get the skirt steak. Want me to order for you? 328 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,233 - What do you want? - Get me the chicken. 329 00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:52,500 Excuse me. 330 00:13:52,533 --> 00:13:55,900 Uh, I'll have the portobello, yeah. 331 00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:59,833 - Hey, sue. - What? 332 00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:01,433 What's with the snub? 333 00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:03,267 Oh, come on, Larry. 334 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,066 You're acting like you don't know? 335 00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,767 What? I don't know why... 336 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,400 What? What did I do? 337 00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:10,433 All right, let me give you a clue, okay? 338 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:13,233 Starts with a "j" and it ends with an "I." 339 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,367 Jedi? 340 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,367 - You know... - What? 341 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,133 It's Jodi, okay? 342 00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:21,066 Wh-what did you hear? 343 00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:23,400 Well, I heard that you just got so excited, 344 00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:26,200 like you were so happy that she wasn't with women anymore. 345 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,066 - That's ridiculous. - It's not ridiculous. 346 00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,633 - I was happy for him. - I don't know what's happened to you. 347 00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:33,633 I wasn't really happy for him, I was pretending I was happy for him. 348 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:36,400 - Oh really? - But that's all. I was just pretending. 349 00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:39,133 - No no no no. - No, I wasn't Sincere. I wasn't sincerely excited. 350 00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:42,067 - You're not being Sincere now. - No, now I'm being Sincere. 351 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:45,767 You know, the lesbian community used to revere you. 352 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,300 - You used to be such a liberal guy, Larry. - I'm liberal. 353 00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:50,267 - No, you're not liberal. - I am liberal. 354 00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,467 Look what you look like. Look at the bow-tie. 355 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,633 The bow-tie... I just tried out a bow-tie, so what? 356 00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:57,400 Excuse me, excuse me. You know what? I'm sorry. 357 00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:59,533 Don't even waste your time talking to this man. 358 00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,867 This man is a racist. 359 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,867 He has a racist dog. 360 00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,333 He has a dog that attacks black people. 361 00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,367 Okay, I do... the dog is racist. 362 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,066 - But I didn't train him to be racist. - Larry, forget about it. 363 00:15:13,067 --> 00:15:14,900 How do you know that? 364 00:15:14,933 --> 00:15:16,700 Because we talk, Larry. 365 00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:26,333 Are you having fun or what? 366 00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:28,133 What did you tell Jodi? 367 00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:31,333 I told her you were just maybe a little overjoyous 368 00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,300 at the fact that she was dating a boy. 369 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,633 - That's all I said. - All the lesbians hate me now. 370 00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:37,433 - Oh, so it's my fault? - Yes it is! 371 00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:40,867 - You celebrated! - I was pretending to be happy for your benefit. 372 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,733 - I don't need benefit! - You need benefit! 373 00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:44,509 - What do I need benefit for? - You need benefit. 374 00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:46,267 I'm happy if Jodi's happy. 375 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,576 - You're overblowing this whole thing. - I don't think so. 376 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,700 - We're at a party. - I don't like being snubbed by lesbians. 377 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:53,443 - It's their prerogative. - I'm their biggest supporter. 378 00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:55,300 - You're their biggest supporter? - Yes I am! 379 00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:57,367 Well, they're in trouble then. 380 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,500 By the way, where's Rosie O'Donnell? 381 00:15:59,533 --> 00:16:01,967 She's not here yet. 382 00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:03,567 Sure you invited her? 383 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,200 She'll be here. 384 00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:08,533 - When? - Soon. 385 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,833 Okay. 386 00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:29,967 Dan, Danny, come over here. I want you to meet somebody. 387 00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:32,200 This is Jodi's new boyfriend. This is Larry David. 388 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:34,100 - Hi, how are you? - How are you doing? 389 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,533 - Have a good time. - ( Chuckles ) okay. 390 00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:38,467 Hey, by the way, you and Jodi... 391 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:41,066 - Fantastic, great news. - Yeah, yeah. 392 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,900 - Pretty good. - Yes it is indeed. 393 00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:45,567 Pretty, pretty, 394 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,967 pretty, pretty good. 395 00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:49,967 - Yeah. - Terrific. 396 00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:52,300 And to have to overcome 397 00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:54,066 the whole situation, 398 00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:55,833 the whole sexual thing, you know? 399 00:16:55,867 --> 00:16:58,900 Oh. Oh, there's nothing to overcome, really. 400 00:16:58,933 --> 00:17:02,066 Well, you know, the fact that she's been with women before you. 401 00:17:02,067 --> 00:17:04,867 - I know... - I'd be really intimidated by that, 402 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:07,333 - because, you know, we really... - intimidated? 403 00:17:07,367 --> 00:17:09,233 Well, because we don't know what we're doing 404 00:17:09,267 --> 00:17:11,409 as much as the women know. You know, it's their equipment. 405 00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:14,333 They own the equipment, so they know what to do with it. 406 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,743 You know what's going on down there? 407 00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:18,600 - I don't have any idea. - I'd like to think I do. 408 00:17:18,633 --> 00:17:23,067 That whole area is so mysterious to me, you know? 409 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:25,500 - I'm just saying it's... - Well, I mean... 410 00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:28,400 ( chuckles ) I'd be intimidated, I know that. 411 00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:33,667 Yeah. 412 00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:42,933 I always wondered, do you walk around in your bikini at home? 413 00:17:42,967 --> 00:17:46,233 The way he talks, you'd think that he's got... - hey. 414 00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:48,500 I think I want to go home. 415 00:17:48,533 --> 00:17:49,800 Let's go home. 416 00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:51,900 No, we haven't even had dessert yet. 417 00:17:51,933 --> 00:17:54,066 So what? We don't need dessert. Come on. 418 00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:55,667 Well, it's rude. You stay for dessert. 419 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,233 - Then you can go. - So what, dessert? It's no big deal. 420 00:17:58,267 --> 00:18:01,800 - We can just go. Come on. - Why do you want to go home? 421 00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:05,467 I need to use the bathroom. 422 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,200 - So go use the bathroom. - I don't want to use this bathroom. 423 00:18:08,233 --> 00:18:09,767 - I want my own... - Why? 424 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,100 This project demands I get back to my base. 425 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,100 I need my base. 426 00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:16,400 - We're not going home... - Jeff: What's the matter? 427 00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:18,066 - Larry wants to go home... - What... 428 00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:20,066 To use the bathroom. It's like... 429 00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:22,133 Cheryl, you need to tell the whole table? 430 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,676 - Why don't you make an announcement? - Hold on here. 431 00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,067 You've never done that with me at lunch? It's the craziest thing. 432 00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,900 It's ridiculous. He can use this bathroom. 433 00:18:29,933 --> 00:18:31,800 - That's what everybody... - You're a gentile. 434 00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:34,833 You'll go in the middle of fifth Avenue. It's different for Jews. 435 00:18:34,867 --> 00:18:36,567 - No, you're at an affair. - What? 436 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,133 You cannot leave an affair before the dessert is served. 437 00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:41,600 What is this dessert thing? We don't have to leave after. 438 00:18:41,633 --> 00:18:43,443 - We can leave before dessert. - Jeff: Better to leave after. 439 00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:45,467 No, you do not leave before dessert. 440 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,300 Who made this up? Where's this rule? 441 00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:49,967 Everybody here seems to know, but the rules don't apply to you? 442 00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:52,500 What am I supposed to do? Sit here for four hours 443 00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:54,643 - and be uncomfortable? - Should I go clean it for you before you go in there? 444 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,200 - It's not even the cleanliness. - Okay, just go. 445 00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:59,843 - It's not a cleanliness issue. - We don't need to talk about your bathroom... 446 00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:01,943 - so just go. - You're the one who's telling everybody 447 00:19:01,967 --> 00:19:03,900 - in the whole place! - Just go! 448 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,467 Hey, where do you think you're going, pal? What are you doing? 449 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:29,066 ( Stuttering ) I'm going to the bathroom. 450 00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,400 - That's a handicapped stall. - We're waiting in line. 451 00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:34,100 ( Stuttering ) I have a stutter, 452 00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:36,567 you pricks! 453 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,267 Stutter my ass! That's for people who can't walk. 454 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,833 Oh, all right, fine, okay. 455 00:19:41,867 --> 00:19:44,433 Oh, your stutter's gone, jackass! 456 00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,767 - Give me a fucking break, asshole. - Stupid ass. 457 00:19:47,967 --> 00:19:49,767 Larry: All right, that sounds good. 458 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,433 All right, I'll see you in about 10-15 minutes. 459 00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:54,633 All right, great. Hey. 460 00:19:54,667 --> 00:19:56,967 - I'll see you in a few hours. - Huh? Few hours? 461 00:19:57,067 --> 00:19:58,209 - Yeah. - Where are you going? 462 00:19:58,233 --> 00:20:00,066 - I'm meeting Julie. - ( Phone rings ) 463 00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:03,067 - Don't forget to take the dog out. - Hello. 464 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:06,267 Out? What do you mean? Out for a walk or out with me? 465 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:07,667 Jones: Hello, Mr. David. 466 00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:10,600 - This is Omar Jones. - Oh, hi. 467 00:20:10,633 --> 00:20:13,800 I gotta tell you, Mr. David, I was thinking about taking the case, 468 00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:15,567 but I got a distressing call today 469 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,667 about your behavior last night at the banquet. 470 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:19,533 What are you talking about? 471 00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,533 According to one of the brothers, you said, 472 00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,267 "keep it down." 473 00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:25,867 No no, all that happened was I was trying to order 474 00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:28,143 and I couldn't hear the waiter because some of your brothers 475 00:20:28,167 --> 00:20:31,133 were making too much noise at the next table, that's all. 476 00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:33,133 How do you even know about this? 477 00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:36,000 We talk, Mr. David. We talk. 478 00:20:36,033 --> 00:20:38,800 Huh. - And what about my bathroom key? 479 00:20:38,833 --> 00:20:41,700 I'm really sorry about that. I'm returning it today, I promise. 480 00:20:41,733 --> 00:20:43,309 Well, like I said, I'm gonna have to think about it. 481 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,133 Thank you. 482 00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:50,533 ( Barks ) 483 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,267 - ( Barks ) - ( screams ) 484 00:20:56,333 --> 00:20:58,133 How was everything? 485 00:20:58,167 --> 00:20:59,300 - Pretty good. - Great. 486 00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:01,700 Do you want coffee, dessert, on the house? 487 00:21:01,733 --> 00:21:03,733 - On the house? - Yeah. 488 00:21:03,767 --> 00:21:06,133 I'll have a cupcake. 489 00:21:06,167 --> 00:21:08,467 - Yeah, I'll take a dessert on the house. - Okay. 490 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,267 - Fabulous. Thank you. - Are those new glasses? 491 00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:12,776 - No, I just cleaned them. - ( Laughs ) 492 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,467 It's nice to have you back, Larry. 493 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:21,500 You, my friend, are back in the lesbian bosom. 494 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,467 ( Waltz playing loudly ) 495 00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,100 Wow. 496 00:21:43,133 --> 00:21:45,233 - I'm back. - You are back. 497 00:21:45,267 --> 00:21:48,533 By the looks of things, better than ever. 498 00:21:48,567 --> 00:21:52,400 But what... I wonder what turned it around. 499 00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:59,300 Oh dear. Uh-oh. 500 00:21:59,333 --> 00:22:00,567 What? 501 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,533 - What does funkhouser want? - I don't know. 502 00:22:02,567 --> 00:22:05,800 I'll be right back. How did he even know I was here? 503 00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:10,633 What did you say to Dan? 504 00:22:10,667 --> 00:22:13,067 What did I... hello, boy. 505 00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:15,633 - Did you meet sheriff, my dog? - No, I didn't. 506 00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:19,200 I said, "Dan, this is Larry David." Then I left you. 507 00:22:19,233 --> 00:22:20,809 - And I said hi, I said hello. - Yeah, yeah. 508 00:22:20,833 --> 00:22:23,900 - I said, "hi, Dan." - Yeah, what else? 509 00:22:23,933 --> 00:22:27,066 You know, a little small talk, "hi, how are you doing? 510 00:22:27,067 --> 00:22:29,733 - "Where are you from?" And all that. - That's it? 511 00:22:29,767 --> 00:22:31,167 And then, what did I say? I said, 512 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:35,367 "it must be hard, as a guy, to follow..." 513 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,767 why didn't you just say, "hello, I'm Larry. 514 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,800 - Nice to meet you"? - I said that after hi. I said hi, then I said that. 515 00:22:40,833 --> 00:22:43,600 - What is wrong with you? - Problem? 516 00:22:43,633 --> 00:22:47,733 Yeah, problem. Now she's back with a woman. 517 00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:51,367 No wonder why they're all being so nice to me in there. 518 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,066 They're all smiling at me. Of course, it makes perfect sense. 519 00:22:54,067 --> 00:22:56,200 - I want to say something else. - Uh-huh. 520 00:22:56,233 --> 00:22:59,200 You left my party before dessert! 521 00:22:59,233 --> 00:23:00,633 How can you do that?! 522 00:23:00,667 --> 00:23:02,600 It's not proper etiquette! 523 00:23:02,633 --> 00:23:06,600 I don't subscribe to the wait-for-dessert rule 524 00:23:06,633 --> 00:23:07,900 before you can leave a party. 525 00:23:07,933 --> 00:23:11,133 Yeah, no one cares what you subscribe to, okay? 526 00:23:11,167 --> 00:23:14,633 We were trying to recreate what happened 25 years ago, 527 00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:17,600 and I said, "Larry, would you like to make a toast?" 528 00:23:17,633 --> 00:23:21,367 And someone said, "Larry went home to take a shit." 529 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,067 Ah. 530 00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:30,267 You stay here. Okay, boy? 531 00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:32,867 You stay, sheriff. 532 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:43,066 - Hey! - Hey, Larry. 533 00:23:43,067 --> 00:23:44,600 - Hey, hi! - How are you? 534 00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:47,233 - Great. - Good to see you. 535 00:23:47,267 --> 00:23:48,967 Hey, by the way, I don't know 536 00:23:49,067 --> 00:23:52,533 if you heard anything about what's been going on... 537 00:23:52,567 --> 00:23:55,600 - oh, come on, I heard. Right? I'm in the loop. - Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. 538 00:23:55,633 --> 00:23:57,667 It's all right, though. I don't think you should 539 00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:59,667 worry about it. Just... It's all good now. 540 00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:02,300 You know, what happened that day was 541 00:24:02,333 --> 00:24:03,933 I just got a little excited, but not... 542 00:24:03,967 --> 00:24:06,567 Hey hey hey hey, larr. I stood up at the meeting, 543 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,467 I told everybody, "I know the guy." 544 00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:10,333 I vouched for you. You're all right. 545 00:24:10,367 --> 00:24:12,733 - You're something, you know that? - Come on, come on! 546 00:24:12,767 --> 00:24:14,767 - It all worked out, right? - It's great. 547 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,800 - Listen, she's happy, we're happy, you know? - Fantastic. 548 00:24:17,833 --> 00:24:21,167 She's back on the team. Everything's good. Don't even think about it. 549 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,133 - Fantastic. - All right. 550 00:24:23,167 --> 00:24:24,367 - Hey. - Yeah. 551 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,133 You know, we missed you at funkhouser's party. 552 00:24:27,167 --> 00:24:28,533 The what? 553 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:31,667 Marty funkhouser's 25th anniversary party. 554 00:24:31,700 --> 00:24:33,633 - Oh, Jodi's dad? - Yeah. 555 00:24:33,667 --> 00:24:36,067 Yeah, I don't really know him. No. 556 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:39,733 - You weren't invited to that? - Nope, no no no. 557 00:24:39,767 --> 00:24:42,367 Was it good? Did you go? 558 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,467 - Yeah, yeah, I went. - Yeah, it was good? 559 00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,567 And don't worry about that other thing. 560 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,467 I just want you to know, gone, like it never happened. 561 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:52,476 - Okay? Like it never happened. - Thanks, sweetheart. 562 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:54,400 - All the lesbians love you. - Okay, love you. 563 00:24:54,433 --> 00:24:55,767 - I love you back. - Love you. 564 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,800 I love you. Everyone loves you. All of us. 565 00:25:01,933 --> 00:25:04,067 ( Eastern music playing ) 566 00:25:05,067 --> 00:25:06,967 ( Knocks on door ) 567 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,300 You a a Muslim! 568 00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:14,833 Go, pray, pray. 569 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:19,767 ( Sighs ) 570 00:25:20,867 --> 00:25:22,400 Let me ask you something. 571 00:25:22,433 --> 00:25:24,633 Are brothers and sisters a little overly sensitive 572 00:25:24,667 --> 00:25:26,233 to being told to keep it down? 573 00:25:26,267 --> 00:25:28,867 Because I know in the movies you guys tend to make 574 00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:31,733 a lot of noise sometimes. Am I right? 575 00:25:31,767 --> 00:25:34,533 'Cause that's kind of what happened at the party. 576 00:25:34,567 --> 00:25:36,933 - ( Sighs ) - what, did I... 577 00:25:36,967 --> 00:25:38,200 No, go back. 578 00:25:38,233 --> 00:25:41,533 Did I interrupt the praying? I'm sorry. 579 00:25:41,567 --> 00:25:43,367 - Don't worry about it. - All right. 580 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,309 Listen, Mr. David... - look at the way you fold that up. 581 00:25:45,333 --> 00:25:47,066 It's like a yoga mat, huh? 582 00:25:47,067 --> 00:25:48,500 I just want you to know 583 00:25:48,533 --> 00:25:51,600 that muslims are a very forgiving people. 584 00:25:51,633 --> 00:25:53,567 They are? 585 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,533 - Yes we are. We're very forgiving. - Really? Huh. 586 00:25:56,567 --> 00:25:58,433 - Well, it's true. - There's a lot 587 00:25:58,467 --> 00:26:01,567 of meshugana muslims, though, running around, are there not? 588 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,733 Being that we are a forgiving people, I have decided 589 00:26:03,767 --> 00:26:06,767 to take on your case. 590 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,100 But I'm gonna have to charge you 591 00:26:10,133 --> 00:26:12,167 a higher rate than I charge most people. 592 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,067 Well, whatever you have to do. 593 00:26:15,100 --> 00:26:17,600 - You're gonna take the case? - I'm gonna take the case. 594 00:26:17,633 --> 00:26:19,433 - Thank you so much. - You're welcome. 595 00:26:19,467 --> 00:26:21,300 Do muslims shake? 596 00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:23,333 - Yes, we do. - You do? 597 00:26:23,367 --> 00:26:24,833 - Yes, we do. - Great. 598 00:26:24,867 --> 00:26:26,933 To tell you the truth, 599 00:26:26,967 --> 00:26:28,933 I'm very excited about this. 600 00:26:28,967 --> 00:26:31,066 The whole adoption thing... 601 00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:33,233 I mean, this could be a huge thing for me. 602 00:26:33,267 --> 00:26:34,933 All right, Mr. David. 603 00:26:34,967 --> 00:26:36,600 Oh, guess what. 604 00:26:36,633 --> 00:26:38,600 Bathroom key. 605 00:26:38,633 --> 00:26:41,667 You know what? 606 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:44,167 I gotta go again. I'm so sorry. 607 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,567 - All right. - ( Door opens and closes ) 608 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,200 Well, looky here! 609 00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:16,533 Look what's doing here! 610 00:27:17,567 --> 00:27:20,300 Aren't you supposed to be in here? 611 00:27:20,333 --> 00:27:22,800 It seems to me you're using the wrong toilet. 612 00:27:22,833 --> 00:27:24,643 Somebody was in there. I had to use the normal one. 613 00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,733 Really? First of all, 614 00:27:26,767 --> 00:27:30,267 we don't like to be referred to as "normal," okay? 615 00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:33,567 We're "able-bodied." "Able-bodied," not "normal." 616 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,700 That's like from the '80s. Who doesn't know that? 617 00:27:35,733 --> 00:27:38,233 I had to go to the bathroom. Somebody was in there. 618 00:27:38,267 --> 00:27:40,567 Well, then you wait. 619 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,067 You wait. 620 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:55,167 All right, sheriff! 621 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,867 Okay, good boy! Good boy. 622 00:27:57,900 --> 00:27:59,733 Mr. David. 623 00:27:59,767 --> 00:28:01,933 My bathroom key. 624 00:28:01,967 --> 00:28:04,467 ( Ominous music playing ) 625 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:16,667 Hey, nice dog. 626 00:28:16,700 --> 00:28:19,167 ( Screams ) no, don't! 627 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,800 I love dogs. I have a couple of my own. 628 00:28:24,467 --> 00:28:26,066 All right, just give me my key. 629 00:28:26,067 --> 00:28:27,433 Oh, I can't believe I forgot. 630 00:28:27,467 --> 00:28:29,776 Hopefully we won't have to keep going through the same thing. 631 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,867 I'm sorry. Won't happen again. Won't happen again. 632 00:28:33,900 --> 00:28:37,267 - Nice dog. - Thank you. Good to see you. 633 00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:39,100 Hey! 634 00:28:39,133 --> 00:28:42,600 Good boy, good boy! Yeah! 635 00:28:42,633 --> 00:28:44,100 Rosie: Oh, look! 636 00:28:44,133 --> 00:28:45,900 You got yourself a doggie! 637 00:28:45,933 --> 00:28:48,067 ( Growls, barking ) 638 00:28:50,167 --> 00:28:52,133 - Sorry. - ( theme music playing )