1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:01,883 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,959 --> 00:00:04,249 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:05,633 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,709 --> 00:00:07,419 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,790 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,125 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,708 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,792 --> 00:00:14,132 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:16,538 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,285 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,169 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,580 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,167 ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,670 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,670 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,920 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,420 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,040 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:36,705 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:36,792 --> 00:00:39,672 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:41,420 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,420 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,080 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,456 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,542 --> 00:00:49,082 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 29 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,039 [Mrs. Helperman] Well, good golly gosh, they're not here, either. 30 00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:14,205 Oh, for the love of apples and corn, Leonard, 31 00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,001 how could you lose your gym shorts? 32 00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:19,083 -I don't know. -Today is the vip fitooty. 33 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,876 You don't want to miss the vip fitooty. 34 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,129 No, I don't want to miss the vip fitooty. 35 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,038 I love the vip fitooty. 36 00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:26,455 Ohh! 37 00:01:26,542 --> 00:01:29,002 Oh, I hate the vip fitooty. 38 00:01:29,083 --> 00:01:31,923 Excuse me, but are you going to tell me 39 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,880 what this rooti shibooti means, 40 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,709 or are you going to just keep torturing me here? 41 00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:38,882 It's vip fitooty -- 42 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,709 the vice president's fitness test of the year. 43 00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:44,382 It's a stupid thing where they make you climb ropes 44 00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:46,878 and run around on a big obstacle course. 45 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:48,919 It's strictly for jocks... 46 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,250 Ooh, a triple salchow with a fosbury flop. 47 00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:55,543 And unnaturally talented dogs. 48 00:01:55,625 --> 00:01:58,125 Morning, Lenny. 49 00:01:58,208 --> 00:01:59,248 Any luck finding the gym shorts 50 00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,003 you lost on purpose? 51 00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,333 Come on. I didn't lose my shorts on purpose. 52 00:02:03,417 --> 00:02:05,877 I must have just misplaced them somewhere. 53 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,129 Found 'em! 54 00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:09,168 They were crammed into a coffee can 55 00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:12,210 in the back of the freezer. 56 00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:14,878 Hey, Mr. Jolly, 57 00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:16,879 fat in a fur suit, come out. 58 00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:18,289 The coast is clear. 59 00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:21,167 The news is on. 60 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,920 [dramatic music plays] 61 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,750 Where are you, Jolly? 62 00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:27,884 Jolly! 63 00:02:27,959 --> 00:02:29,789 Mr. Jolly. 64 00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:31,705 Jolly? 65 00:02:31,792 --> 00:02:34,832 And in other news, the East Westland cat burglar 66 00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:36,377 has struck again. 67 00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,788 Cat burglar! Mr. Jolly's been burgled! 68 00:02:38,875 --> 00:02:41,785 Who would steal a poor cat? Who would want that hairball? 69 00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,455 It doesn't matter. He's gone. 70 00:02:43,542 --> 00:02:45,672 I've got to get help. I've got to get Leonard and Spot. 71 00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:51,995 [toilet flushes] 72 00:02:52,083 --> 00:02:53,333 [sighs] 73 00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:56,247 There are few pleasures so underestimated. 74 00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:58,673 Don't you agree, Pretty Boy? 75 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,880 Pretty Boy? 76 00:03:00,959 --> 00:03:01,959 Pretty Boy! 77 00:03:02,041 --> 00:03:04,041 Pretty! 78 00:03:04,125 --> 00:03:05,035 Pret? 79 00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:12,630 Pretty Boy? 80 00:03:12,709 --> 00:03:14,959 Where is he? Why isn't he here to watch TV? 81 00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:17,461 Oh, no! What if the cat got him? 82 00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,212 Oh, that's me. 83 00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:21,578 Aah! 84 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,667 I've got to get help! 85 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:26,170 I've got to get Leonard and Spot. 86 00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,667 Ooh! Aah! Outside's bad! 87 00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:35,540 Must overcome fears. 88 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,581 [children talking] 89 00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:43,287 This is one heck of a school. Where's all the darn kids? 90 00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:45,325 [bell rings] 91 00:03:45,417 --> 00:03:46,327 Aah! 92 00:03:51,542 --> 00:03:54,082 Oh. There they are. 93 00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:56,076 Today you will be pushed 94 00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:58,956 to the very limit of human endurance 95 00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:01,251 as you punish your bodies 96 00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:03,253 in the pursuit of athletic excellence, 97 00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:06,253 because never forget, a fit body 98 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:09,543 is the sign of a fit mind. 99 00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:10,995 Uh... um... 100 00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:12,833 Fit mind-- fit mind -- 101 00:04:12,917 --> 00:04:14,417 fit body a sign of-- 102 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,920 I've lost my place. 103 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,000 Lost your cat, too, dude. 104 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:21,083 Aah! My poor Tallulah! 105 00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:23,956 You're in charge till I get back. 106 00:04:24,041 --> 00:04:26,881 Okay, P.B., that was a momentary setback. 107 00:04:26,959 --> 00:04:30,039 Got to find Leonard so we can save Mr. Jolly. 108 00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:32,995 It's about the cat, all about the-- cat! 109 00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:35,503 I didn't know they were serving canary 110 00:04:35,583 --> 00:04:36,923 for lunch today. 111 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,080 Just so you know before you eat me, 112 00:04:39,166 --> 00:04:41,076 I was recently diagnosed with salmonella. 113 00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:44,036 Time to say goodbye. 114 00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:46,705 Hello? 115 00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:47,882 Leonard? 116 00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:51,079 He's obviously not here in this empty, scary hallway, 117 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,036 so I'll just skedaddle on home, 118 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,125 which I promise I will never leave again. 119 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:57,998 Okay, now, um, 120 00:04:58,083 --> 00:05:00,253 "students must climb the giant rope 121 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,003 using wrist-over-hand action 122 00:05:02,083 --> 00:05:05,923 combined with vertically directed knee shinnying." 123 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,880 I wonder what that is. 124 00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:10,749 Like this? 125 00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,537 Ha ha ha! 126 00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,035 Very good, Scott. 127 00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:19,131 I'm blowing this pop stand before I get myself -- 128 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:21,208 [Leonard] Got to make it to the top. 129 00:05:21,291 --> 00:05:23,131 Go for the gold! 130 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:25,288 Leonard! 131 00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:26,915 Leonard! 132 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,540 Sweetie, if you want to climb the rope 133 00:05:29,625 --> 00:05:34,125 I'm pretty sure first you have to touch the rope. 134 00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:37,708 Come on, son. You can do it. 135 00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:40,832 Great start. Fantastic start. 136 00:05:40,917 --> 00:05:42,917 What a way to begin. That's just -- 137 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,170 I'll stop embarrassing you now. 138 00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:49,380 Oh, great-- a dark, enclosed space. 139 00:05:49,458 --> 00:05:53,038 Okay, I can do it. I can do it. 140 00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:54,325 [panting] 141 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:57,417 I can do it. 142 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:58,750 I can do it. 143 00:05:58,834 --> 00:06:01,214 [all] I can do it. 144 00:06:03,291 --> 00:06:06,041 I did it. 145 00:06:06,125 --> 00:06:07,625 Lenny, baby! 146 00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:09,999 Aah! 147 00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:11,583 Leonard! 148 00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:13,827 Aah! 149 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:17,705 Victory was in your grasp, and you let it go. 150 00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,042 Why, man, why? 151 00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:21,075 Pretty Boy, Mr. Jolly -- 152 00:06:21,166 --> 00:06:23,826 they're up there, up in the ceiling. 153 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,577 Oh, the ceiling. 154 00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:26,917 I see. 155 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,540 The kid must have fell on his head. 156 00:06:28,625 --> 00:06:30,625 Oh, no. He's leaving. 157 00:06:30,709 --> 00:06:32,209 He doesn't realize Mr. Jolly's been kidnapped. 158 00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,501 Spot, Leonard, wait. 159 00:06:34,583 --> 00:06:37,253 Pretty boy, he's missing. 160 00:06:37,917 --> 00:06:40,707 Wait, wait! 161 00:06:40,792 --> 00:06:42,132 Aah! 162 00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:44,668 Jolly, I thought you were missing. 163 00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,790 I thought you were missing. 164 00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:48,625 I left because you got kidnapped. 165 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,379 No, not kidnapped, catnapped. 166 00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:54,378 I was asleep. That's what cats do. 167 00:06:54,458 --> 00:06:55,458 We nap. 168 00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:57,632 I'll nap you, you little hairy puff bag. 169 00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,709 You know what you've put me through? 170 00:06:59,792 --> 00:07:01,292 I almost got eaten thanks to you! 171 00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:02,495 Well, oh, yeah? 172 00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:04,503 Well, my nerves are all a-jangle 173 00:07:04,583 --> 00:07:07,133 from being out in this awful, scary world 174 00:07:07,208 --> 00:07:08,498 trying to find you. 175 00:07:08,583 --> 00:07:12,463 Wait. I found you. You're here. We're together. 176 00:07:12,542 --> 00:07:14,132 And we're safe, and we're... 177 00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:16,288 About to get eaten by a lion! 178 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,420 Be still, my heart. 179 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,750 It is she. Oh, what shall I say? 180 00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:26,424 I've dreamed of this moment a thousand times, 181 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,420 and now she's here. 182 00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:32,920 Now is my chance to finally stand before her 183 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,080 like a man 184 00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:35,996 and say -- 185 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:39,830 Ow! You hurt me! 186 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,577 Come on, Lenny, 187 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:44,037 you can do this obstacle course. 188 00:07:44,125 --> 00:07:46,705 Hey, maybe you're right. 189 00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:50,042 I am getting through it faster than you. 190 00:07:50,125 --> 00:07:53,245 Actually, I'm lapping you for the second time. 191 00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:56,423 I should have put my gym shorts in the fireplace. 192 00:07:56,500 --> 00:08:00,630 Tallulah, where are you? 193 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,250 Ow, ow, ow. 194 00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,583 Your claws are like 195 00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:09,577 little tiny meat hooks in my back. 196 00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:10,917 Cut me some slack. 197 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,790 I'm a bird, and I'm freaking out here. 198 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:16,125 Ooh, this looks like an exit. 199 00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:20,625 Or a dead end. 200 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,419 Hello, birdy. 201 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,960 Tallulah's back in town. 202 00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:28,210 -[yowls] -Help me, Jolly! 203 00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:30,041 Yes. Yes, I will. 204 00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:32,415 Nobody terrorizes my best friend like that. 205 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:34,790 Hey, you, cat. 206 00:08:34,875 --> 00:08:36,955 Yes? 207 00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,289 I can't do it. 208 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:42,495 Her beauty bewitches me so. 209 00:08:42,583 --> 00:08:44,923 I can't find the words. 210 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,920 How about these words -- "don't eat my friend"? 211 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,330 Oh, dear, I am so very, very afraid. 212 00:08:51,417 --> 00:08:52,997 No, you're not. You're brave. 213 00:08:53,083 --> 00:08:55,253 You fought your fears, you left home 214 00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:57,253 and came all the way to this madhouse 215 00:08:57,333 --> 00:09:00,173 because you believed you could help me, 216 00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:01,750 so help me! 217 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,924 You're right. I am brave. 218 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,710 Not brave enough to talk to my lady love, 219 00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:11,292 but I can talk to someone else. 220 00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:15,745 Get up those tires. 221 00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:18,714 Forget it, Scott. I just can't do it. 222 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,082 [amplifier feedback] 223 00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:23,246 Uh, um, attention all students, 224 00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:26,383 uh, would Leonard Helperman and Scott Leadready 225 00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:28,378 report to the principal's office... 226 00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:29,378 Please? 227 00:09:29,458 --> 00:09:31,418 Immediately! 228 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,540 Pretty boy and Mr. Jolly are here! 229 00:09:34,625 --> 00:09:35,535 We have to save them. 230 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:38,455 Wrong. You have to save them. 231 00:09:38,542 --> 00:09:39,962 Oh, charley horse. 232 00:09:40,041 --> 00:09:42,711 [Mr. Jolly] Hello. Little help, please. 233 00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:45,462 You have to do it, Leonard, and I know you can. 234 00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:48,382 Get in there and save those pets. 235 00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:49,997 I will! 236 00:09:50,083 --> 00:09:53,173 Hang on, guys. Here I come. 237 00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,171 Tallulah, dearest, 238 00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:01,710 where are you? 239 00:10:01,792 --> 00:10:03,082 Huh? 240 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:07,746 Ugh. Cats and breath mints don't mix much, do they? 241 00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:10,004 You leave my bird alone. 242 00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:14,747 Tallulah, there you are. 243 00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,174 Oh, my poor Tallulah. 244 00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:18,170 Clearly you got locked in here 245 00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,040 and were brought to the brink of madness 246 00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:21,245 by starvation. 247 00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:25,003 And Leonard, you ran all the way here to save her. 248 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,833 How did you know? 249 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,167 Let's just say I have a sixth sense 250 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,880 about pets in danger. 251 00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:33,329 Thank you, Leonard Helperman. 252 00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:35,207 I'll never forget you for this. 253 00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:38,211 But touch my darling baby again, 254 00:10:38,291 --> 00:10:40,171 and you'll be suspended for a month. 255 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:43,580 Oh, you're so cute. Oh. 256 00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:44,707 [cat shrieks] 257 00:10:44,792 --> 00:10:47,292 [Strickler] Ow! That was my face, dear. 258 00:10:47,375 --> 00:10:50,325 Oh, Leonard, honey, I am so proud of you. 259 00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:53,327 You had the fastest obstacle course time 260 00:10:53,417 --> 00:10:55,287 in school history. 261 00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:57,325 Thanks, Mom, but I didn't do it alone. 262 00:10:57,417 --> 00:11:00,827 It helps to have friends who believe in you. 263 00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:03,707 Took the words right out of my mouth. 264 00:11:03,792 --> 00:11:05,422 Thanks for faking that charley horse. 265 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,710 It was just the motivation I needed. 266 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,132 Ah, 'twas nothing. 267 00:11:09,208 --> 00:11:10,998 I knew that faking an injury 268 00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:13,003 would give you-- ow! 269 00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:16,003 Because I knew-- ooh! 270 00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:18,003 I'm all right. Ow! 271 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:20,333 Will you close already? 272 00:11:20,458 --> 00:11:21,418 Thank you. 273 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,500 Ow! 274 00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:44,500 Yes! 100 percent! 275 00:11:44,583 --> 00:11:47,423 Ah, I love it when studying pays off. 276 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,080 How'd you do, Scott? 277 00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,666 Uh, 107, but that's just 278 00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:54,380 because that extra-credit question was so easy. 279 00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:55,788 Sorry, Leonard. 280 00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:57,785 Guess I just need a challenge 281 00:11:57,875 --> 00:12:00,575 that goes beyond simple classroom mathematics. 282 00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:03,457 Looky! I made my socks into a Dolly. 283 00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:06,632 I love you, Dolly. Do you love me? 284 00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:09,039 Ah, youth. Remember when you used to think 285 00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:10,665 your toys had feelings? 286 00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:13,500 Yeah, but that was before I learned my pets could talk. 287 00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:16,920 [bell rings] 288 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,330 Dolly! 289 00:12:19,417 --> 00:12:20,667 [children cheer] 290 00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:22,920 Uh oh. 5th grade recess. 291 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,420 Watch out, little sockless girl. 292 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,880 Tyler, you're playground monitor. 293 00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:28,079 Do something. 294 00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,076 Duh, dude. I'm reading. 295 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,916 Hang on, miss. I'll save you. 296 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:33,920 Dolly! 297 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,790 [children cheering] 298 00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:43,575 Ohh! 299 00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:50,285 Wow, Scott. 300 00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:51,665 Are you okay? 301 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,540 Yes. Just ignore 302 00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:55,705 the multiple footprints on my back. 303 00:12:55,792 --> 00:12:57,332 But you -- 304 00:12:57,417 --> 00:13:00,327 you call yourself a safety monitor? 305 00:13:00,417 --> 00:13:01,707 You're a disgrace 306 00:13:01,792 --> 00:13:04,582 to the whole safety monitor corps. 307 00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:07,497 Now, if I were wearing the belt of orange and steel, 308 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,503 I'd make sure this playground 309 00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:12,883 was safer than lima beans on pizza day. 310 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,499 Thank you. 311 00:13:14,583 --> 00:13:18,293 Thank you for sending me this boy. 312 00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:20,665 Playground monitor leadready, 313 00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,460 I want you out on the playground 314 00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:25,502 five minutes before first recess tomorrow. 315 00:13:25,583 --> 00:13:28,333 Yes, sir, and thank you, sir. 316 00:13:28,417 --> 00:13:30,327 I promise I'll do my best 317 00:13:30,417 --> 00:13:31,917 to make our playground 318 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,630 a model of decorum and tranquility. 319 00:13:33,709 --> 00:13:36,709 Fine, fine. Just be sure you have this book 320 00:13:36,792 --> 00:13:38,462 memorized by tomorrow. 321 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,542 Shoelaces, Yung Hi. 322 00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:51,875 Let's get those suckers tied before you trip. 323 00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:55,209 Nice quintuple knot, and you're all set to go. 324 00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:57,711 Thanks, Scott. You saved my life. 325 00:13:57,792 --> 00:14:00,422 Ah, just doing my job, friend. 326 00:14:09,625 --> 00:14:11,285 Aah! 327 00:14:11,375 --> 00:14:12,745 Oh, oh, oh, 328 00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:14,754 careful there, young fellow. 329 00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:16,794 Rule number 117-G-- 330 00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:19,625 "the standing on of swings presents a serious threat 331 00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,789 to the well-being of the playground-goer." 332 00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:23,785 You could fall and hit your head. 333 00:14:23,875 --> 00:14:27,415 Boys, boys, you could really hurt someone 334 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,710 if you hit them with this. 335 00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:32,042 Duh. We're supposed to hit people, Scott. 336 00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,625 We're, like, playing dodge ball. 337 00:14:33,709 --> 00:14:36,459 Dodge ball is fine and dandy... 338 00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:39,579 As long as it's safe and sound. 339 00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:43,503 Ahem. Now, class, 340 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,963 we have a specialrific treat 341 00:14:46,041 --> 00:14:48,421 before we go outside for recess today. 342 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,420 Playground monitor Scott Leadready 343 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:53,710 has prepared a safety film for us to watch. 344 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,834 [Scott] Meet Mickey know-nothing, 345 00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:05,707 a dense young lad. 346 00:15:05,792 --> 00:15:08,462 It's a sunny day in Playgroundville, 347 00:15:08,542 --> 00:15:10,832 and the rest of the boys and girls know 348 00:15:10,917 --> 00:15:13,667 the playground equipment is boiling hot. 349 00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:15,830 But that doesn't stop our foolish friend. 350 00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:19,957 Ha ha. I think I'll swing on the monkey bars. 351 00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:22,001 [Scott] Ooh, that's got to hurt. 352 00:15:22,083 --> 00:15:24,003 Those bars are so hot 353 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:26,253 that Mickey can't even hold onto them. 354 00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:28,923 Ow! My hands! 355 00:15:29,041 --> 00:15:31,631 So little Mickey falls off the bars, 356 00:15:31,709 --> 00:15:33,629 breaking both his arms and legs. 357 00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:34,999 This forces 358 00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:37,753 the poor, misunderstood playground monitor 359 00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:40,794 to write up Mickey know-nothing for 20 violations 360 00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:42,205 of playground conduct. 361 00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:44,501 Sorry, kid. What a tragedy. 362 00:15:44,583 --> 00:15:46,503 If only Mickey had been 363 00:15:46,583 --> 00:15:48,503 like Billy Bright-Idea 364 00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,673 and worn his safety gear. 365 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:51,670 [sizzles] 366 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:54,670 I'm going to read a book. 367 00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:56,670 Whoopee! 368 00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:59,080 It's fun to be safe. 369 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:03,496 Now that's the safe way to play. 370 00:16:09,417 --> 00:16:13,827 Ah, now this is what I call a playground. 371 00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:18,464 Have fun, everybody. 372 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:22,625 Scott, be reasonable. 373 00:16:22,709 --> 00:16:24,209 This is recess. 374 00:16:24,291 --> 00:16:26,211 From the very first day of kindergarten, 375 00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:29,211 every kid looks forward to having fun at recess, 376 00:16:29,291 --> 00:16:31,631 and you've ruined it for everybody. 377 00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,750 Yeah! You tell him, Helperdude. 378 00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:34,964 That's so true! 379 00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:38,253 Leonard, everyone, don't you understand? 380 00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:41,463 I'm keeping the playground safe for you. 381 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,753 [faking other voices] Yeah, you tell 'em, Scott. 382 00:16:43,834 --> 00:16:45,754 That's right. Scott's right. 383 00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:47,214 Yes, we love Scott. 384 00:16:47,291 --> 00:16:48,961 Uh... 385 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,381 Uh... 386 00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:51,378 Ha ha ha. 387 00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:53,418 Besides, rules are rules. 388 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,420 Even if the rules are dumb? 389 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,790 Come on. Some of the stuff you're enforcing 390 00:16:57,875 --> 00:16:59,955 doesn't have anything to do with safety. 391 00:17:00,083 --> 00:17:03,713 Big whoop. I'm walking on a crack in the blacktop. 392 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,044 [gasps] 393 00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:06,626 Ooh! 394 00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:09,830 Oh, look at me. I'm jumping onto the monkey bars 395 00:17:09,917 --> 00:17:11,957 in the middle. 396 00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:14,671 I'm skipping a step! 397 00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,960 You fool! 398 00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:18,883 You'll kill us all! 399 00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:22,629 I'm picking up a kick ball without bending my knees. 400 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,790 You've given me no other choice. 401 00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:28,207 [all] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 402 00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:31,831 I'm writing you up on report. 403 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:34,537 You can't scare me with your demerits. 404 00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:35,705 [children gasp] 405 00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:40,580 Then you leave me with even less choice 406 00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:43,667 than I had when I said I had no other choice. 407 00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:46,920 I'm taking this to the highest, 408 00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:48,881 most powerful authority 409 00:17:48,959 --> 00:17:51,499 known to the 4th grade-- 410 00:17:51,625 --> 00:17:54,375 student council court. 411 00:17:55,792 --> 00:17:57,582 All rise! 412 00:17:57,667 --> 00:18:01,077 Student council court is now in session, 413 00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:07,126 the honorable class president Ian Wazaloseky presiding. 414 00:18:07,208 --> 00:18:07,878 Thank you. 415 00:18:07,959 --> 00:18:10,829 Leonard Helperman 416 00:18:10,917 --> 00:18:14,667 is accused of flagrantly violating 417 00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:17,580 the playground code of conduct. 418 00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:19,877 Scott Leadready, 419 00:18:19,959 --> 00:18:24,669 begin your persecution. 420 00:18:24,792 --> 00:18:26,712 Your honor, 421 00:18:26,792 --> 00:18:29,542 ladies and gentlemen of the student council court, 422 00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:32,035 fellow students, cafeteria staff, 423 00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:34,875 and kindergartners, I'll be brief. 424 00:18:34,959 --> 00:18:36,249 As you know, 425 00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:38,253 a plague of disobedience 426 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:40,253 is sweeping this great playground... 427 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:43,333 These are the facts that prove he is guilty. 428 00:18:43,417 --> 00:18:45,327 Nothing matters but the facts... 429 00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:47,877 Time dissipates to shining ether 430 00:18:47,959 --> 00:18:49,499 the solid angularity of facts... 431 00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:53,503 [hoarsely] So, let us all have the courage 432 00:18:53,583 --> 00:18:55,883 to uphold these principles. 433 00:18:55,959 --> 00:19:00,919 The fate of the free world hangs in the balance. 434 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,960 I thank you. 435 00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:07,081 [snoring] 436 00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:08,666 Uh, Ian? 437 00:19:08,750 --> 00:19:11,080 Oh, you're finished? 438 00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,246 Well, good. 439 00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:16,173 Leonard Helperman, 440 00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:19,460 I find you guilty, 441 00:19:19,542 --> 00:19:21,332 guilty, 442 00:19:21,417 --> 00:19:23,327 guilty! 443 00:19:23,417 --> 00:19:26,457 Hey, wait a second. I didn't get my turn to -- 444 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,383 I hereby sentence you 445 00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:31,538 to be dragged onto the playground 446 00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:32,957 by your toes 447 00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:35,671 and tied to the monkey bars, 448 00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:40,002 where we will then cover you with grape jelly 449 00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:41,793 and red ants! 450 00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:44,075 Uh, I hate to burst your bubble... 451 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,376 Too late! 452 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,790 As much as I agree that Leonard is guilty, 453 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,457 I can't let you perform that punishment 454 00:19:50,542 --> 00:19:52,632 on my playground. It's not safe at all. 455 00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:56,919 Don't tell me what I can and cannot do, 456 00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:59,831 for I have got the powdered wig, 457 00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:02,667 and that means what I say goes. 458 00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:05,830 I am judge, jury, and executioner. 459 00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:07,127 Got it? 460 00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:09,628 Ian, you're completely power mad. 461 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,629 Order in the court! 462 00:20:11,709 --> 00:20:13,579 You're acting irrationally. 463 00:20:13,709 --> 00:20:16,209 Silence, or I'll have you 464 00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:20,381 covered with ants and grape jelly, too. 465 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,460 If I had your kind of power, 466 00:20:22,542 --> 00:20:23,922 I'd be considerate 467 00:20:24,041 --> 00:20:25,331 and generous 468 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,998 and good-natured, 469 00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,035 and I'd always treat others 470 00:20:29,125 --> 00:20:31,825 the way I'd like to be treated. 471 00:20:31,917 --> 00:20:34,077 I wasn't as much of a tyrant as Ian, 472 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,076 was I? 473 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,210 Don't look at me. 474 00:20:39,291 --> 00:20:42,631 I was just acting like that to teach you a lesson. 475 00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:44,960 [crying] 476 00:20:45,083 --> 00:20:46,793 I am a tyrant, a despot, 477 00:20:46,917 --> 00:20:51,207 a self-serving, self-righteous no-goodnik. 478 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,633 Oh, Leonard-- everyone-- 479 00:20:53,709 --> 00:20:55,459 please forgive me. 480 00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:57,672 In my zeal to make the playground 481 00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:59,040 safe for everyone, 482 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,035 I lost the respect of everyone 483 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,075 I was making the playground safe for. 484 00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:06,076 As Abraham Lincoln once said... 485 00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:07,706 [glass shatters] 486 00:21:07,792 --> 00:21:10,712 "No man is good enough to govern another man 487 00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:12,882 without that other's consent." 488 00:21:12,959 --> 00:21:16,539 Therefore I cannot in good conscience 489 00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:18,915 continue as playground monitor. 490 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,920 Instead, I want to try and make recess 491 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,920 what it's supposed to be-- 492 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,330 fun for us kids. 493 00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:27,998 [cheering] 494 00:21:28,125 --> 00:21:29,535 Ohh! 495 00:21:29,625 --> 00:21:31,455 Now what am I going to do 496 00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:34,672 with all these red ants and grape jelly? 497 00:21:34,792 --> 00:21:38,832 Nice to have you back to being just a regular kid again, Scott. 498 00:21:38,917 --> 00:21:41,207 I might be back to being a kid, Leonard, 499 00:21:41,291 --> 00:21:44,291 but I think I'll always be an exceptional one. 500 00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:45,825 Right? 501 00:21:48,208 --> 00:21:51,628 Ooh! The left side tingles!