1 00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:01,463 Of the leash 2 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082 - 3 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786 living a dog's life 4 00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415 the bell for school 5 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127 - 6 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828 For a pair of pants 7 00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207 His favorite pastime 8 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581 For the last time 9 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287 - 10 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665 regular Einstein 11 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420 treading a fine line 12 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 13 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 14 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920 I hate dogs. 15 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502 I do not wish to be a dog. 16 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083 ready for trousers 17 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 is gonna be a boy 18 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 19 00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:12,293 And that, class, is how our school's namesake's master, 20 00:01:12,375 --> 00:01:15,915 Franklin D. Roosevelt, got this swelleriffic country of ours 21 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,080 through the great depression-- 22 00:01:18,166 --> 00:01:20,916 with a can-do attitude, a big, bright smile, 23 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,830 and his famous pronouncement-- 24 00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:28,537 "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." 25 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,999 Ha. In regard to public speaking, he also said, 26 00:01:35,083 --> 00:01:37,253 "Be sincere, be brief, be seated." 27 00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:38,543 Ha ha ha. 28 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:41,828 Snack break! Ha ha! 29 00:01:41,917 --> 00:01:43,037 Snack sensibly, now, 30 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:45,785 and come back with those chipper cheeks all rosy posy. 31 00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:49,208 Coming, Leonard? 32 00:01:49,291 --> 00:01:50,921 I'm gonna stay here. You go. 33 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,000 You're skipping snack break? 34 00:01:53,083 --> 00:01:55,833 Snack break-- the brief antemeridian respite 35 00:01:55,917 --> 00:01:59,537 wherein we knit up the raveled sleeve of the morning's care, 36 00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:02,995 filled with the happy sounds of children at play, 37 00:02:03,083 --> 00:02:06,923 giggling girls comparing notes on schoolyard crushes? 38 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,540 Of course there's also the fear of physical torment 39 00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:12,035 by alpha-male wannabes, 40 00:02:12,125 --> 00:02:15,455 but still, all in all snack break is good fun! 41 00:02:15,542 --> 00:02:16,882 For you maybe. 42 00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:19,959 For me it's just another chance for Leslie to ignore me. 43 00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:22,381 Well, you're certainly not gonna get her to sit up 44 00:02:22,458 --> 00:02:25,128 and take notice by cowering behind your desk. 45 00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:26,788 Come on, bunkie. 46 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:29,665 Today we put the lessons of Franklin D. Roosevelt 47 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,000 into practice. 48 00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:34,293 Today you'll not fear your fear, but face it head-on. 49 00:02:34,375 --> 00:02:37,575 You will not allow Leslie to ignore you. 50 00:02:37,667 --> 00:02:39,787 You will engage her, charm her, 51 00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:42,875 tell her of the depths of your passion for her. 52 00:02:42,959 --> 00:02:45,289 I can't do that! What if she rejects me? 53 00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:47,955 She probably will, but it'll be good for you. 54 00:02:48,041 --> 00:02:49,921 Trust me. 55 00:02:55,458 --> 00:02:57,878 Hmm. Speed bump on the road to Leslieville. 56 00:02:57,959 --> 00:02:59,959 Where is everyone? 57 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,291 Could be a mass alien abduction. 58 00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:04,415 We'd be safer inside. 59 00:03:09,917 --> 00:03:14,627 Snacks half-uneaten, juice-box foil seals poked open, 60 00:03:14,709 --> 00:03:17,169 but the juice left unswilled. 61 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,710 Must be something big going on. 62 00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:25,043 Together: Hello? 63 00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:26,915 Shh! Quiet! Get in here! 64 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,380 Close the door. Close the door! 65 00:03:34,792 --> 00:03:36,502 Well, well, well. 66 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,133 What playground ritual have we stumbled upon here? 67 00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:40,958 Truth or dare. Wanna play? 68 00:03:41,041 --> 00:03:44,171 Nah. I'll just meet you guys back in the classroom. 69 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,920 Nothing breeds intimacy like sharing secrets, Len. 70 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,750 This is a golden-- nay, a platinum opportunity 71 00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:54,214 to forge an unbreakable bond with Leslie. 72 00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:55,791 Don't pass it up. 73 00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:58,495 All right. All right. We'll play. 74 00:03:58,583 --> 00:04:00,923 Leonard will play. I'm gonna sit out. 75 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,000 What?! 76 00:04:03,083 --> 00:04:05,753 Some "tails" are best left untold, 77 00:04:05,834 --> 00:04:07,424 if you get my drift. 78 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,040 So here's how it works-- 79 00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:11,915 we ask you truth or dare. If you pick truth, 80 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,380 then we ask you a question and you have to tell the truth. 81 00:04:15,417 --> 00:04:17,167 If you pick dare, 82 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,580 we dare you to do one thing and you have to do it. 83 00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:21,917 Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it! 84 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,080 Give me another dare! Oh, no, no, no. 85 00:04:24,166 --> 00:04:25,996 I got one. Ian. 86 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,713 Yes? 87 00:04:27,792 --> 00:04:29,752 Eat a frog leg and jelly sandwich. 88 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,964 Oh, okay. 89 00:04:32,083 --> 00:04:33,713 Eww! 90 00:04:33,792 --> 00:04:35,882 It's not even your turn, "Eeuw-an." 91 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:38,129 Truth or dare, Leonard. 92 00:04:38,208 --> 00:04:40,958 I guess I'll take a truth. 93 00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:44,001 Attaboy, Leonard. No fear. 94 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:48,133 Let's see... something simple, but scary. 95 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,418 Just kibitzing, mind you, but might I suggest 96 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,710 "who's your favorite girl in the class?" 97 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:53,712 Scott! 98 00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,382 Oh, good one. 99 00:04:55,458 --> 00:04:57,878 Ooh! 100 00:04:57,959 --> 00:04:59,879 Oh, that's perfect. 101 00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:02,169 Who's your favorite girl in the class? 102 00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:05,495 Well, Leonard? Who is it? 103 00:05:11,375 --> 00:05:14,665 I-i-i-i-i-i-- 104 00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:17,745 I'm saved! 105 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:19,084 Saved by the bell. 106 00:05:19,166 --> 00:05:22,666 You're only saved till tomorrow at first recess. 107 00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,920 We'll expect your answer then. 108 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,130 Yeah, your honest answer. 109 00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:32,964 Perfect. That gives you nearly 24 hours of fear-facing, 110 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,961 character-building misery to endure. 111 00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:37,881 This is gonna be very, very good for you, Leonard. 112 00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:40,459 I don't see how any of this is good for me. 113 00:05:40,542 --> 00:05:42,172 It's simple, Lenny. 114 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,790 Facing our fears, whatever they may be, is one of the processes 115 00:05:45,875 --> 00:05:48,535 by which we grow into well-balanced adults. 116 00:05:49,834 --> 00:05:52,044 Good morning, Principal Strickler. 117 00:05:52,125 --> 00:05:54,915 Wasn't it Solon of Athens who said 118 00:05:55,041 --> 00:05:58,001 "each day grow older and learn something new"? 119 00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,213 Whatever. 120 00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:03,711 Well, what demons plague our glorious leader today? 121 00:06:06,709 --> 00:06:08,329 Here she comes, Tallulah. 122 00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:11,077 Quickly, hide my male-pattern baldness. 123 00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:13,706 Good morning, Miss Sproutwell. 124 00:06:13,792 --> 00:06:14,922 Good morning. 125 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,000 I wonder if you'd care to-- 126 00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:23,455 Tallulah, is it possible that my thinning hair 127 00:06:23,542 --> 00:06:26,962 has made me unattractive to women of the opposite sex? 128 00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:29,501 Clearly some adults have conquered their fears 129 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:31,083 more thoroughly than others. 130 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,496 Yes, Spot, I think Leonard's home. 131 00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:45,327 Loyal dog welcomes young master home from school. 132 00:06:45,417 --> 00:06:48,417 Oh, how I cherish the daily charade! 133 00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:54,250 Mom! Package! 134 00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:56,003 The sturdiness of which 135 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,173 is exceeded only by the folly of its placement. 136 00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:02,793 Ah. Home sweet home-- 137 00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:06,245 where nobody ever has to face their fears. 138 00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:08,673 Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boyareenie! 139 00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:11,080 Special delivery for Mr. Jolly! 140 00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:14,076 A package for me? 141 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:16,076 Is it my birthday or is this just one of those 142 00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:18,326 random, senseless acts of beauty? 143 00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:21,247 Your entire existence is a random, senseless act, 144 00:07:21,333 --> 00:07:22,713 and it ain't beautiful. 145 00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:25,334 Ta-da! Ha ha ha! 146 00:07:25,417 --> 00:07:27,997 It's the super-duper, no need for a scooper, 147 00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:30,963 automated, self-cleaning kitty box. 148 00:07:31,041 --> 00:07:33,881 It has a paw-pressure sensitive litter separator, 149 00:07:33,959 --> 00:07:36,629 instant aromatherapy air freshener, 150 00:07:36,709 --> 00:07:38,959 and a digitized voice-alert system. 151 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:40,541 Isn't it fabulicious? 152 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,830 Well, I-I bet you'd like a little privacy. 153 00:07:45,917 --> 00:07:48,287 All righty-dighty. Have fun. 154 00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:51,825 Boy, this baby's loaded. 155 00:07:52,041 --> 00:07:54,081 Don't you want to take it for a quick whiz around the block? 156 00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,665 I fear change. 157 00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,290 What?! Come on! This thing cost a fortune. 158 00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:02,205 You can't just stand there staring at it 159 00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:03,461 and shaking like a leaf. 160 00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:04,962 You gotta face your fears! 161 00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:06,461 You talkin' to me? 162 00:08:06,542 --> 00:08:09,632 Why did you say that? I don't want to face my fears. 163 00:08:09,875 --> 00:08:12,285 Can't everyone just leave me alone? 164 00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:14,381 Whacked! I tell you-- 165 00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:16,708 this whole meshugeneh family is whacked. 166 00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:30,250 Isn't that new litter box just wonderful? 167 00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,333 It smells just minty fresh-- 168 00:08:32,417 --> 00:08:34,877 almost like it had never been used. 169 00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:37,169 Would you stop being such a schmegeggy? 170 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,790 You gotta start thinking inside the box. 171 00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:41,745 I-- that is-- say, you know, 172 00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,834 I never got to say goodbye to my old box. 173 00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,877 I mean, after all we went through together, 174 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,879 it just doesn't seem right, does it? 175 00:08:47,959 --> 00:08:49,499 Old box, where are you? 176 00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:53,253 If you don't use that box, i'm gonna lose all respect for you. 177 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,253 Don't say that! 178 00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:57,503 Your respect is all I have. 179 00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,333 Then into the box you go. 180 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,826 Okay. Here I go. 181 00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:08,077 Um, no, maybe-- no, I should. 182 00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:10,076 No. 183 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:16,128 The cat has entered the box! 184 00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:17,538 Yaahhh! 185 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:20,960 Have you ever seen anything like that? 186 00:09:21,041 --> 00:09:24,291 He's one big, sopping-wet fur ball of fear. 187 00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:27,125 Then it's up to you, his fine feathered friend, 188 00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,038 to help him meet his terror head-on, 189 00:09:29,125 --> 00:09:31,075 as I have done with my good friend Leonard. 190 00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:32,916 Can we talk about that? 191 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,920 I've got about 12 hours before my life is ruined-- 192 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,750 Would you wait a minute, Leonard? 193 00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:39,714 What I'm saying is, 194 00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:42,422 you've really gotta be there for your friends when they need you. 195 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,420 Well, I don't usually take on projects 196 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,210 involving cat psychology, 197 00:09:46,291 --> 00:09:48,251 but hardware like that shouldn't go to waste. 198 00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:50,133 All right. I'll do it. 199 00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:51,328 Thataboy. 200 00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:53,537 Now, then, onto helping my friend. 201 00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:56,205 Leonard, I suggest you face your fear 202 00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:58,333 of Leslie's rejection rationally 203 00:09:58,417 --> 00:10:00,537 by examining your options 204 00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:02,825 and projecting all the possible outcomes. 205 00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:06,457 Well, I really only have two choices. 206 00:10:07,542 --> 00:10:10,292 Option one-- tell the honest truth. 207 00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:12,575 Hmm. Let's play out that scenario. 208 00:10:14,375 --> 00:10:16,915 My favorite girl in the class, 209 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,290 in fact, in the whole world, is Leslie. 210 00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:29,915 Heh heh heh! Ha ha ha ha! 211 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,460 A-ha ha ha ha ha! 212 00:10:56,417 --> 00:10:59,247 I think I'll skip option one. 213 00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:04,383 Option two-- I could lie and say I like someone else. 214 00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:07,458 My favorite girl in the class is... 215 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,502 Younghee. 216 00:11:09,583 --> 00:11:11,423 Oh, Leonard! 217 00:11:14,417 --> 00:11:17,747 Younghee? Oh, Leonard, how could you? 218 00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:21,294 I love you. I've always loved you. 219 00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:22,745 What? Really? 220 00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:24,334 Hey, let go! 221 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,577 Oh, to think of the life we could have had together, 222 00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:29,497 you and I... 223 00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:31,713 But now, that will never be. 224 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:35,292 I never want to see you again, Leonard Helperman. 225 00:11:35,375 --> 00:11:37,375 Now that I know about you and Younghee, 226 00:11:37,458 --> 00:11:40,498 it would be just... too... painful. 227 00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:44,924 Leslie, no! Wait! 228 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,710 Those are my options-- 229 00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:49,962 rejected by the entire universe or married to Younghee? 230 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,881 This is all your fault! 231 00:11:51,959 --> 00:11:53,379 You're right, Leonard. 232 00:11:53,417 --> 00:11:55,957 I got you into this. I can get you out of it. 233 00:11:56,041 --> 00:11:58,461 I've got a plan for you to win the game 234 00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:01,212 without having to answer the gossipy questions 235 00:12:01,291 --> 00:12:03,501 of the fourth-grade scandalmongers. 236 00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:06,543 You'll just have to face a different kind of fear. 237 00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:11,293 My answer is-- my answer is-- 238 00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:13,035 go ahead, Leonard. 239 00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:18,375 That I like-- I like-- I'd like to take a dare instead. 240 00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:19,628 -No way! -No way! 241 00:12:19,709 --> 00:12:21,539 -That is so illegal. -What? No way! 242 00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:22,825 What's the matter with you? 243 00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:24,247 Forget it. 244 00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:27,793 Unless it's a really hard dare. 245 00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:30,325 Ooh! Ooh! Like, Ian. 246 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,287 Yes? 247 00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:34,575 Blow a double-sided earwax bubble. 248 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:35,827 Oh, okay. 249 00:12:35,917 --> 00:12:37,747 Mr. Wazselewski. 250 00:12:41,458 --> 00:12:43,878 Nice rug. 251 00:12:43,959 --> 00:12:46,499 What? Oh, yes. 252 00:12:46,583 --> 00:12:50,793 The new multimedia-room carpeting is quite attractive. 253 00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:54,083 Oh, man. 254 00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:56,996 Cleopatra may be the queen of de-nial, 255 00:12:57,083 --> 00:13:00,383 But our principal is its king and emperor. 256 00:13:00,458 --> 00:13:02,708 Ha ha ha ha! De-nial! You get it? 257 00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:04,752 I crack myself up. 258 00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:06,754 Did I hear you children participating 259 00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:08,834 in the strictly forbidden game of "truth or dare"? 260 00:13:08,917 --> 00:13:09,997 Forbidden? 261 00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,383 Strictly! 262 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,418 It's rule number two in the big book of rules. 263 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,420 "No truth or dare," 264 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,580 right after rule number one, "no dogs." 265 00:13:19,917 --> 00:13:22,997 This game will cease and desist immediately. 266 00:13:23,083 --> 00:13:26,423 Yes, sir! 267 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,000 Okay, Leonard, it's still your turn. 268 00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:31,133 What? We can't keep playing. 269 00:13:31,208 --> 00:13:33,458 Principal Strickler just said it's against the rules. 270 00:13:33,542 --> 00:13:35,672 Yeah, well, judging by the way 271 00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,750 he tries to hide his thinning hair, 272 00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:40,834 strickler obviously doesn't understand that facing our fears 273 00:13:40,917 --> 00:13:44,327 is, like, totally how we grow into well-balanced adults. 274 00:13:44,417 --> 00:13:46,127 Right? 275 00:13:46,208 --> 00:13:48,328 Couldn't have said it better myself. 276 00:13:48,417 --> 00:13:49,917 We've got it! 277 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,170 We'll let you do a dare, Leonard. 278 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:56,540 We dare you to take Principal Strickler's toupee, 279 00:13:56,625 --> 00:13:58,245 and then put it on top of the statue 280 00:13:58,333 --> 00:14:00,253 in front of the school. 281 00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:02,133 Oh, no! 282 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,458 Oh, you're gonna get in trouble. 283 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:11,500 You have 24 hours to do it, Leonard. 284 00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,333 Great plan, Scott. 285 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:16,077 I've gone from being scared of rejection by Leslie 286 00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:18,996 to fear of ejection from the whole school. 287 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:21,333 I know it sounds like dark times, Leonard, 288 00:14:21,417 --> 00:14:24,417 but don't you worry. I've got a plan. 289 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,580 I was kind of afraid you were gonna say that. 290 00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:38,082 No! No, no, no, no, no! 291 00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:53,334 Niagara Falls-- you can almost feel the pounding pressure 292 00:14:53,417 --> 00:14:57,627 of 600,000 gallons per second of watery flow. 293 00:14:57,709 --> 00:15:02,039 No fear is worth enduring this level of internal torment. 294 00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:06,497 No. No, I can't. 295 00:15:06,583 --> 00:15:10,793 Despite the swelling feelings deep inside of me, 296 00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:14,245 I just can't betray my old box. 297 00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:17,333 It violates the sacred, age-old cat/litter box relationship. 298 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,327 Oh, for pity's sake. 299 00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:21,997 Here, you big baby, I'll show you how it's done. 300 00:15:23,417 --> 00:15:25,957 The cat has entered the box. 301 00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:27,631 Waste material detected. 302 00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:31,671 W-What are you doing?! I'm a living creature here! 303 00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:34,460 Waste material being processed. 304 00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,582 Waste material eliminated. 305 00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:39,497 You realize, of course, this means war! 306 00:15:44,417 --> 00:15:46,327 You've got one hour. 307 00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:49,377 Ask not for whom the lunch bell tolls. 308 00:15:49,458 --> 00:15:51,458 It tolls for thee. 309 00:15:51,542 --> 00:15:54,882 Come on, Lenny. We've got a job to do. 310 00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:56,959 Oh, yes, Tallulah, 311 00:15:57,041 --> 00:16:00,291 this is the day that the attractive new art specialist, 312 00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:04,455 Miss Sproutwell, meets the new, hairier, more manly me. 313 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,790 Got it! 314 00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:14,535 Helperman and Leadready?! 315 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:18,825 A model student like you in disciplinary hot water? 316 00:16:18,917 --> 00:16:21,077 Strange times. 317 00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:23,286 Strange times. 318 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,495 To my office, boys. 319 00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:27,423 Great. We're busted. 320 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,330 Don't worry, bunkie, it plays right into our hands-- 321 00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:32,997 or paws, as the case may be. 322 00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:37,173 Fishing for defenseless felines on school property? 323 00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:40,330 Would you care to offer an explanation? 324 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,328 We only transgressed the law in order that we might 325 00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:45,957 gain access to your inner sanctum, Principal Strickler. 326 00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:48,535 We know what a stressful life you lead-- 327 00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:51,455 responsible for the molding of so many young minds. 328 00:16:51,542 --> 00:16:54,002 It must be exhausting. 329 00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:57,213 There's no denying this job has cost me 330 00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:59,711 a healthy hair follicle or two. 331 00:17:00,083 --> 00:17:04,003 And that is why we've brought you some warm milk and cookies. 332 00:17:04,083 --> 00:17:05,793 Why, thank you. 333 00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:08,875 And a nice, high-tryptophan Turkey sandwich. 334 00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:11,668 Why not sit back, relax, and enjoy them 335 00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:13,880 while we play some soothing music? 336 00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:15,079 Leonard. 337 00:17:18,834 --> 00:17:22,334 Mmm. Mmm. 338 00:17:25,917 --> 00:17:28,287 That's right. Savor that warm milk. 339 00:17:28,375 --> 00:17:31,575 Let the tension flow from your body. 340 00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:36,000 Thank you, Leadready. That's really very thoughtful. 341 00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:39,333 I-- 342 00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:41,917 Wow. It worked. Quick! Get the toupee! 343 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,080 Why don't you get it? 344 00:17:43,166 --> 00:17:45,706 Uh, no opposable thumbs. 345 00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,035 Is it just me, 346 00:17:47,125 --> 00:17:49,205 or does that only slow you down when it's convenient? 347 00:17:53,542 --> 00:17:54,922 Hurry, Leonard! 348 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,210 Unbelievable. They got it! 349 00:17:57,291 --> 00:17:59,921 Yeah, but they still have to put it on the statue. 350 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,130 And they're almost out of time. 351 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,170 My scalp enhancer-- gone! 352 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,920 I've been hoodwinked! 353 00:18:18,792 --> 00:18:20,212 Give me a boost! 354 00:18:25,375 --> 00:18:26,995 -Ahh! -Ahh! 355 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,420 No! 356 00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:33,214 We fail? 357 00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:34,251 Give me that! 358 00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:36,253 I am gonna throw the book at you for this one, 359 00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:39,543 Helperman-- a very large, very heavy book. 360 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,170 Oh, good day, Miss Sproutwell. 361 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:43,250 Hello. 362 00:18:44,375 --> 00:18:47,785 I mean, good day, Principal Strickler! 363 00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:50,375 Have you done something with your hair? 364 00:18:50,417 --> 00:18:55,037 Why, I-- yes, it's-- behind my back. 365 00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:59,035 Well, I say leave it there, my little lotus flower. 366 00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:00,785 Lotus flower? 367 00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:04,210 Oh, I love it when you talk new-agey. 368 00:19:04,291 --> 00:19:08,631 And I love the-- the gleaming, piercing honesty 369 00:19:08,709 --> 00:19:12,579 of your baldness, the unabashed manliness of it, 370 00:19:12,667 --> 00:19:15,247 refusing to succumb to the cowardly, comb over, 371 00:19:15,333 --> 00:19:17,503 rug-wearing vanity of the world. 372 00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:20,463 Would you like to see my layered-crayon etchings? 373 00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:22,672 It would be my great pleasure. 374 00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:24,423 Thanks, Helperman. 375 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:28,290 I've always been terrified of facing my thinning hair, 376 00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:31,875 but now, thanks to you, I love it. 377 00:19:32,375 --> 00:19:34,705 Well, that worked out splendidly. 378 00:19:34,792 --> 00:19:36,212 We're off the hook with Strickler. 379 00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:39,381 But not with us. Your dare failed. 380 00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:41,418 Next recess, you face the truth. 381 00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:43,753 All right, Leonard. 382 00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:46,134 Who is your favorite girl in the class? 383 00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:47,708 And this is your final answer. 384 00:19:48,166 --> 00:19:50,826 We're back where we started-- just you and your fear-- 385 00:19:50,917 --> 00:19:53,877 face to face, tête-à tête, mano a mano. 386 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,629 Fine, you win. 387 00:19:55,709 --> 00:19:59,789 My favorite girl in the class is... Leslie. 388 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:02,960 Well, duh! 389 00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:05,251 Tell us something we don't know. 390 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,500 Yeah, everyone knows that. 391 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,583 -They do? -Well, sure. 392 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:12,707 Just like everyone knows who my favorite boy in the class is. 393 00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:15,747 Okay, my turn! I'll take a dare! 394 00:20:15,834 --> 00:20:17,504 Ooh, I got one! Ian. 395 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:18,423 Yes? 396 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,790 Drink an entire chocolate milk from your belly button. 397 00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:22,415 Oh, okay. 398 00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:24,997 Come on, Leonard. We're done here. 399 00:20:25,083 --> 00:20:26,673 Ew! 400 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,040 I can't believe it. 401 00:20:29,125 --> 00:20:31,035 I told Leslie that I like her, 402 00:20:31,125 --> 00:20:33,075 and I actually feel better about it. 403 00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:36,036 Hello! Did I not foretell this? 404 00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:39,415 You faced your fear and gained a little maturity 405 00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,170 even though Leslie rejected you. 406 00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:43,880 What do you mean? Leslie didn't reject me. 407 00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:46,629 She said everyone knows who her favorite boy was. 408 00:20:46,709 --> 00:20:47,829 That had to be me. 409 00:20:48,083 --> 00:20:50,003 Oh, I beg to differ. 410 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:52,500 She was obviously referring to me. 411 00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:54,333 Sorry. Me. 412 00:20:54,417 --> 00:20:55,787 Unh-unh. Me. 413 00:20:55,875 --> 00:20:57,205 Nope. Me. 414 00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,751 Me, me, me. Is that all you ever think of? 415 00:20:59,875 --> 00:21:04,495 Of a gentle shower 416 00:21:04,583 --> 00:21:07,633 Of a river's power 417 00:21:07,709 --> 00:21:10,539 Of the babbling brook 418 00:21:10,625 --> 00:21:15,165 You schloompy, schmucky schnook 419 00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:18,543 You should try it, Mr. Jolly. 420 00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,745 I faced my fear and it worked out fine. 421 00:21:20,834 --> 00:21:22,884 Oh, all right! All right, already. 422 00:21:22,959 --> 00:21:24,999 I submit, I submit. 423 00:21:25,375 --> 00:21:27,785 The cat has entered the box. 424 00:21:27,875 --> 00:21:29,455 I-- ooh. 425 00:21:29,542 --> 00:21:32,172 Why, it's not so bad the second time around. 426 00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:34,750 Did you hear that? I did it! 427 00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,786 The cat has utilized the box. 428 00:21:37,875 --> 00:21:40,785 In fact, I find the voice rather soothing. 429 00:21:40,875 --> 00:21:42,825 The cat has left the box. 430 00:21:42,917 --> 00:21:46,917 Ha ha! Hear how it calls me "the cat"? 431 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,170 You only ever call me by those yiddish names 432 00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:50,420 I don't understand. 433 00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:52,000 I think I have a new best friend. 434 00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:56,213 What?! What kind of gratitude is that? 435 00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:59,580 Fine. This is what I think of your new best friend. 436 00:22:07,250 --> 00:22:10,130 Okay, so I fear expressions of intimacy. 437 00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:12,630 What are you staring at?!