1 00:00:00,041 --> 00:00:01,461 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037 ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 29 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,670 [Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony" plays] 30 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,750 What's your rush? It's just another school day. 31 00:01:16,834 --> 00:01:18,884 Just another school day?! 32 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:23,129 Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, you might as well say 33 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,248 that Aristotle was just another Greek guy 34 00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:28,883 or say that Abe Lincoln was just another president 35 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:32,919 or say that Newton's Theory Of Gravitational Attraction 36 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,920 was just another good idea. 37 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,710 Aw, forget it. 38 00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:37,962 I'm not even awake yet. 39 00:01:38,041 --> 00:01:39,381 But you soon will be. 40 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,578 A hearty breakfast is the best way 41 00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,497 to jump-start a scholar's mind. 42 00:01:43,583 --> 00:01:45,793 Let's see what Mrs. H. Has cooked up. 43 00:01:52,458 --> 00:01:54,708 Something's not quite right here, 44 00:01:54,792 --> 00:01:56,752 but I can't put my finger on it. 45 00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:58,924 Does it have anything to do with the fact 46 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,920 that there's no juice of any kind-- 47 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,460 fresh, frozen, or otherwise? 48 00:02:02,542 --> 00:02:03,712 Uh, maybe. 49 00:02:03,792 --> 00:02:06,422 Or that there's no cereal in your cereal bowl 50 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:07,540 or food in my dish? 51 00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:08,825 Getting warmer. 52 00:02:08,917 --> 00:02:12,997 [British accent] By jove, I think I've got it! 53 00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:16,537 The toaster is cold, the brewed coffee untouched, 54 00:02:16,625 --> 00:02:18,915 and the door is locked from the inside. 55 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,630 That can mean only one thing. 56 00:02:20,709 --> 00:02:22,749 That mom is not in this room! 57 00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:25,174 I was going for the more complex deduction 58 00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:27,040 that Mrs. H. Is still in bed, 59 00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:30,165 but we can work with your more elementary conclusion. 60 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,080 [gasps] 61 00:02:31,625 --> 00:02:33,245 [gasps] 62 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:38,035 Mom, are you all right? 63 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,625 Don't worry. Don't worry. 64 00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:42,629 I'm getting up so I can do all the mom things 65 00:02:42,709 --> 00:02:44,629 I do for you every morning-- 66 00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:46,919 pour your milk, make the toast, 67 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,210 fold your napkin into a little hat. 68 00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:50,461 Ha ha! Ah-choo! 69 00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:53,166 Okay, okay, I give. 70 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,540 I have a bad case of the snufflies. 71 00:02:55,625 --> 00:02:58,455 I can't go to school today, but don't worry. 72 00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:01,082 Spotty will stay by my side and make me all better. 73 00:03:02,291 --> 00:03:04,921 He's my trusty medicine pet. 74 00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:07,126 You mean you're not gonna teach today?! 75 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:10,793 I-I mean, you mean you're not gonna teach today? 76 00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:13,415 Oh, I'm sorry, Lenny petty, 77 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:16,790 [coughs] But all I can offer my students today 78 00:03:16,875 --> 00:03:19,245 would be a nasty, wasty sinus full of germs. 79 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,423 I'm gonna call for a substitute. 80 00:03:23,458 --> 00:03:24,288 [door closes] 81 00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,705 [gasps] A substitute! 82 00:03:25,792 --> 00:03:28,002 Yeah! Isn't that great?! 83 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,673 A stranger sitting in Mrs. Helperman's desk? 84 00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:33,420 Writing on Mrs. Helperman's blackboard? 85 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,420 Pawing her lesson plan? 86 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,583 I don't like the sound of this. 87 00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,667 Lighten up spot, having a sub is fun. 88 00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:40,580 You'll see. [Mrs. Helperman] Ah-choo! 89 00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:43,880 I'm afraid that's one alleged good time 90 00:03:43,959 --> 00:03:45,379 I will have to miss. 91 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:48,328 As Mrs. H's duly appointed medicine pet, 92 00:03:48,417 --> 00:03:50,417 My duty is to stay by her side 93 00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:52,375 and nurse her back to health. 94 00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:53,628 And miss a day of school? 95 00:03:53,709 --> 00:03:56,539 Won't that mess with your perfect attendance award? 96 00:03:56,625 --> 00:03:59,205 [gasps] How could I forget?! 97 00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:02,001 The perfect attendance award-- 98 00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:04,583 the holy grail of punctuality. 99 00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:08,747 Winning that award can have lifelong ramifications. 100 00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:11,294 All righty-roosky ah-choosky. 101 00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:14,375 The substitute teacher's been called. 102 00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:17,378 Now I'll take a little nappy poo. 103 00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:22,247 This is dreadful! I can't miss school. 104 00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:26,043 But I'm the only one who can possibly cure Mrs. H.-- 105 00:04:26,125 --> 00:04:28,325 her one and only medicine pet. 106 00:04:28,417 --> 00:04:29,577 Yeah, tough call. 107 00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,247 Well, I'm off to school. 108 00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,883 I'll either see you or I won't. 109 00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:36,919 You're not the only healer around here. 110 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,170 I'm a fully qualified medicine pet myself. 111 00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:44,290 Ha ha. With all due respect to the feline species, Jolly, 112 00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:46,875 you couldn't possibly take my place. 113 00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:50,039 I'll just have to stay here, forsake the award, 114 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,745 endeavor somehow to recover 115 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,634 from the indelible stain on my record, 116 00:04:54,709 --> 00:04:56,669 and try to cobble together a productive life. 117 00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,000 [man] What a shame. 118 00:04:58,083 --> 00:05:00,003 If he'd just found a way 119 00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:02,503 to get that perfect attendance award... 120 00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:05,923 Okay, you do it. 121 00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:15,172 Just make sure you keep her warm. 122 00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:16,380 Of course. 123 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,248 Lick her hands to make her feel better. 124 00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:19,963 That goes without saying. 125 00:05:20,041 --> 00:05:22,921 Drape yourself over her feet if her toes get cold. 126 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,170 You don't need to tell me all this. 127 00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:27,630 I've only done this about a zillion times, 128 00:05:27,709 --> 00:05:29,709 give or take, not to exaggerate. 129 00:05:29,792 --> 00:05:31,542 Very well. 130 00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:35,325 I hereby pass the mantle of medicine pet to you. 131 00:05:35,417 --> 00:05:38,537 This offer good for today only. 132 00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:39,455 [whistling] 133 00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:44,923 Hey! You did figure out a way to come to school today. 134 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,420 That's right, Leonard. 135 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,460 Like Mrs. H., I simply found a substitute. 136 00:05:49,542 --> 00:05:52,172 My, you certainly have a spring in your step today. 137 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,540 That's because today I won't be the teacher's son. 138 00:05:54,625 --> 00:05:55,825 I can finally be myself 139 00:05:55,917 --> 00:05:57,997 and completely blend into the background. 140 00:05:58,083 --> 00:06:01,133 Maybe I won't be called on to answer any questions at all. 141 00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:04,328 Ah. Ambition, thy name is Leonard. 142 00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:05,877 Hey, wait for me! 143 00:06:05,959 --> 00:06:08,919 Look what my snake tried to eat! 144 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,460 Maybe later. We're in a hurry. 145 00:06:11,542 --> 00:06:14,042 We got a substitute teacher today. 146 00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:16,035 A substitute? Oh, yes! 147 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:19,165 We got a substitute! We got a substitute! 148 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:22,500 Can you say pranks? Come on, say it with me. 149 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,713 Pranks? 150 00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:27,382 What do pranks have to do with it? 151 00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:30,708 It's the best part of having a substitute. 152 00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:33,292 Since we'll never see them again, 153 00:06:33,375 --> 00:06:37,415 we spend the day pulling pranks instead of learning. 154 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:40,540 Isn't that awesome? I got to tell everyone. 155 00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:43,915 Hey, everybody, we're having a substitute!! 156 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,750 And look what my snake tried to eat! 157 00:06:46,834 --> 00:06:47,714 Pranks, eh? 158 00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:51,252 Hmm. I am mightily intrigued. 159 00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:52,833 But now that I've gotten over 160 00:06:52,917 --> 00:06:54,577 my instinctive canine fear of strangers, 161 00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:57,077 I'm even more intrigued to meet this new teacher 162 00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,456 and bathe in the fount of her knowledge. 163 00:06:59,542 --> 00:07:01,382 She's just a substitute. 164 00:07:01,417 --> 00:07:04,827 Nonsense. I'm sure only the most qualified educators 165 00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:08,537 would be accepted at Fala D. Roosevelt Elementary. 166 00:07:11,750 --> 00:07:13,960 Good morning, fourth graders. 167 00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:16,001 My name is Miss Deweygood, 168 00:07:16,083 --> 00:07:19,293 and this is a special day for me because-- 169 00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:23,665 Well, this is my very first day as a substitute teacher. 170 00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:25,920 A first-timer? 171 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,210 Oh, thank you! 172 00:07:28,291 --> 00:07:31,171 [sniffing, growling] 173 00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:34,500 Scott, you're growling... 174 00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:37,383 Out loud. 175 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:43,582 [growling] 176 00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:48,325 Ha ha! That's just his stomach growling. 177 00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:49,877 It's almost lunchtime. 178 00:07:49,959 --> 00:07:51,419 What are you doing? 179 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,540 I can't help it. 180 00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:54,495 I want to be respectful, 181 00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:57,423 but my D-O-G nature makes it very difficult 182 00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,330 to watch a stranger invade my owner's territory. 183 00:08:00,417 --> 00:08:03,417 You know how I am when the phone repairman comes around. 184 00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:06,040 Cut it out or you're gonna blow your cover. 185 00:08:06,125 --> 00:08:08,415 You're right. Spot may be a dog, 186 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,330 but Scott Leadready II is a model student. 187 00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:14,377 Okay, class, let's start by turning to chapter four 188 00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:15,998 in your science books. 189 00:08:18,375 --> 00:08:20,415 Ugh! Good morning, Miss Deweygood! 190 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,130 Let me introduce myself. 191 00:08:22,208 --> 00:08:24,958 I'm Scott Leadready II, 192 00:08:25,041 --> 00:08:26,211 and although I look forward to bathing 193 00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:28,581 in the fount of your knowledge today, 194 00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:33,127 may I point out that's not how Mrs. Helperman starts the day. 195 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:35,418 She greets us warmly and entertains us 196 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,880 with her humorous, rhyming speech patterns. 197 00:08:37,959 --> 00:08:40,209 Oh. Well, all right. 198 00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:44,291 A-All righty, flighty... blighty students. 199 00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:47,165 Let's see what Mrs. Helperman has 200 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,080 in her handy, dandy lesson plan-dy for today. 201 00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:51,326 Ha ha ha! 202 00:08:51,417 --> 00:08:52,247 [laughter] 203 00:08:53,083 --> 00:08:56,923 Oh, no. It's like she's trying to be Mrs. H., 204 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,500 and I can't tell if it's satire or homage. 205 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,503 Yeah, let's prank her! 206 00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:04,423 [whispering] 207 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:10,673 Okay, hearty, uh, smarty scholars, 208 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,500 time for vocabulary charades! 209 00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:15,832 [Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony" plays] 210 00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:17,327 Aah! 211 00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:18,247 [laughter] 212 00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,790 See, they're just pranks, totally harmless. 213 00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:27,455 It's just what fourth graders do to substitutes. 214 00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:29,332 Oh, my, I see the attraction. 215 00:09:29,417 --> 00:09:30,417 That was fun and funny. [laughs] 216 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,670 And thanks to the musical tribute 217 00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:36,380 to German composer Ludwig Van Beethoven, 218 00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:37,578 vaguely educational. 219 00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:41,377 However, this "pranking" also shows an unscholarly disrespect 220 00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:43,918 for the sacred institution of teacherdom. 221 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000 Fellow students, 222 00:09:46,083 --> 00:09:50,583 the groves of academe are no place for peevish pranks. 223 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:53,917 This trained educator demands our respect. 224 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,920 [all] Boo! 225 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,790 Thank you for your kind words, uh, Todd, 226 00:09:58,875 --> 00:10:02,415 but please return to your seat. 227 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:05,210 Todd? Do I look like a Todd? 228 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:10,540 Ohh! 229 00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:13,075 I don't feel so good. 230 00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:14,456 Oh, dear. 231 00:10:14,542 --> 00:10:16,462 I don't like the sound of that. 232 00:10:16,542 --> 00:10:19,832 Now would be the perfect time for her to have a medicine pet. 233 00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:22,287 News flash-- you are the medicine pet! 234 00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:24,955 Oh! Blast this undersized kitty brain of mine. 235 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,421 I keep forgetting. What to do, what to do. 236 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,130 Spot said to lick her hand, remember? 237 00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:31,458 She likes that. 238 00:10:31,542 --> 00:10:32,792 Ooh, right. 239 00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:39,713 Ohh! 240 00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:41,712 Rough sandpaper tongue. 241 00:10:41,792 --> 00:10:44,882 Oh, no! She doesn't like my tongue! 242 00:10:44,959 --> 00:10:48,459 Oh, dear, oh, me, I'm out of my element. 243 00:10:48,542 --> 00:10:51,382 I'm out of my league. I'm-- I'm... 244 00:10:51,458 --> 00:10:52,918 Out of your gourd, 245 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,630 but that's a whole nother story. 246 00:10:57,750 --> 00:11:00,080 Who has the answer to-- 247 00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:01,286 I do! I do! 248 00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:04,625 I'm sorry, Todd, but you have to wait to be called on. 249 00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:07,499 Who's figured out the extra bonus-point puzzler? 250 00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,422 How about you, Leonard? 251 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,420 Uh, 76? 252 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:15,330 Very good, Leonard! That's correct. 253 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:17,037 -It is? -I knew that. 254 00:11:17,125 --> 00:11:20,165 All right, class, who can answer question 5? 255 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,920 Now we're really gonna see a prank. 256 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,540 Excuse me, Miss Deweygood. 257 00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:28,955 May I borrow a pencil? 258 00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:32,253 Why, of course. Anything for a student who wants to learn. 259 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:34,543 Aah! Aah! Aah! 260 00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:35,455 [laughter] 261 00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,417 Aah! Aah! 262 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,920 [laughs] That was awesome! 263 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,710 No. that was the fifth-grade biology project. 264 00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:47,582 Well, maybe we should use this 265 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:49,917 as our math puzzler wuzzler. 266 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,330 Ha ha ha! 267 00:11:51,417 --> 00:11:55,037 If there were 38 frogs in my drawer and there are 2 left, 268 00:11:55,125 --> 00:11:56,325 how many jumped out? 269 00:11:56,417 --> 00:11:57,247 [laughter] 270 00:11:58,125 --> 00:12:01,035 Why, 36, class. 36. 271 00:12:01,125 --> 00:12:03,785 Is that counting the one on your shoulder? 272 00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:04,705 [croaks] 273 00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:06,747 Aah! 274 00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:10,674 [laughter, Spot howling] 275 00:12:12,417 --> 00:12:15,247 Ah-choo! Ah-choo! 276 00:12:15,750 --> 00:12:16,880 Now what?! 277 00:12:16,959 --> 00:12:18,419 Drape yourself across her legs. 278 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,920 I've seen Spot do it a thousand times. She loves that. 279 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,710 Are you sure? It doesn't sound very medicinal. 280 00:12:23,792 --> 00:12:25,082 Medicinal, schmedicinal. 281 00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:27,746 Every time Spot does it, she falls asleep. 282 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:31,000 Well... okay. 283 00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:34,503 Ah-choo! 284 00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:35,883 Ow! 285 00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:40,127 Of course Spot keeps his claws manicured-- 286 00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:41,828 you know, for gym class. 287 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,210 Excellent, Leonard! 288 00:12:46,291 --> 00:12:49,881 Good for you for taking it upon yourself to draw a map of Africa. 289 00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:52,211 That's worth 5 extra-credit points. 290 00:12:52,291 --> 00:12:53,631 Thanks, Miss Deweygood. 291 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:56,537 Who knows the-- 292 00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:57,825 I do! I do! 293 00:12:57,917 --> 00:13:00,457 The largest city in Morocco is Casablanca, 294 00:13:00,542 --> 00:13:03,962 immortalized in the classic 1942 film of the same name. 295 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:06,381 Humphrey Bogart played Rick, the-- 296 00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:07,288 Mr. Leadbelly! 297 00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:11,915 I will not have this class disrupted by showoff-y, braggy waggies. 298 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,460 Now, for the last time, please sit down. 299 00:13:15,458 --> 00:13:16,828 I was going to ask 300 00:13:16,917 --> 00:13:19,787 who knows the name of Zambia's neighbor to the east. 301 00:13:19,875 --> 00:13:20,875 How about you, Leonard? 302 00:13:20,959 --> 00:13:23,499 That would be Malawi, whose dominant geographic feature 303 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:24,753 is the Great Rift Valley. 304 00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,290 Its capital is Lilongwe. 305 00:13:26,375 --> 00:13:27,825 Ah! Excellent! 306 00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:32,461 And how do you happen to know that, pray tell. 307 00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:36,422 Maybe I've been hanging around you so long this stuff sunk in by osmosis. 308 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,380 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I suppose the word "osmosis" 309 00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:41,578 happened to sink in by osmosis as well. 310 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:42,537 Maybe. 311 00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:45,745 What happened to Leonard "blend into the background" Helperman? 312 00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:46,754 I don't know. 313 00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:49,794 Without mom here I'm not afraid to answer questions. 314 00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:51,825 Very impressive, young Helperman, 315 00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:54,457 but you're no Scott Leadready! 316 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,752 Now, here is a very diligent student. 317 00:13:57,834 --> 00:13:58,884 What?! 318 00:13:58,959 --> 00:14:02,329 Does she imply that I, Scott Leadready II, 319 00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:04,327 am not a diligent student? 320 00:14:04,417 --> 00:14:07,327 How can she say such a thing?! 321 00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:11,497 She cuts to the very quick of my I-ness, my me-ness, 322 00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,213 my very identity. 323 00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:15,501 But, Miss Deweygood, I knew the answer 324 00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:18,543 and a thousand other facts about Malawi besides. 325 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,875 Don't be a sore loser doser, Todd. 326 00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:24,459 There's more to being a good student than spouting facts. 327 00:14:24,542 --> 00:14:27,422 A good student listens and lets others contribute. 328 00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:33,168 Psst! Ian! What's the next prank? 329 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:34,500 I'll take this one. 330 00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,333 Scott's gonna pull a prank. 331 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,457 Oh, rad. This is gonna be the best! 332 00:14:38,542 --> 00:14:40,002 I can't wait! 333 00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:41,423 You're gonna pull a prank? 334 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:43,290 She leaves me no choice. 335 00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:46,995 This pretender to Mrs. Helperman's desk chair 336 00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:49,963 wouldn't know a true scholar if he bit her on the ankle. 337 00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:53,791 If she refuses to acknowledge me for what I am, 338 00:14:53,875 --> 00:14:56,125 I will make my mark elsehow. 339 00:14:56,208 --> 00:14:57,288 Oh, Ian. 340 00:14:57,375 --> 00:15:00,035 May I borrow a little something of yours? 341 00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:01,955 [laughs] 342 00:15:10,583 --> 00:15:11,423 [panting] 343 00:15:12,875 --> 00:15:14,325 Would you stop with the panting? 344 00:15:14,417 --> 00:15:16,877 You sound like my Uncle Saul in the public birdbaths. 345 00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,419 You want to wake the poor woman?! 346 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,460 Shh-shh-shh! I'm trying to soothe her. 347 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:22,382 [coughing] 348 00:15:24,333 --> 00:15:25,833 Oh, nothing's working, 349 00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:28,827 and I'm doing everything just like Spot would. 350 00:15:28,917 --> 00:15:30,327 Maybe that's your problem. 351 00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,923 Who wants to be like that textbook-toting mutt? 352 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,420 Of course! That's it. 353 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,290 That's why Mrs. Helperman's not getting well. 354 00:15:37,375 --> 00:15:39,375 I can't be anyone but myself. 355 00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:42,578 I have to trust my own instincts. 356 00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:43,997 After all, as any cat will tell you, 357 00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:47,633 animals of the feline persuasion are natural-born healers. 358 00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,879 Get out of here! 359 00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:50,329 No, really. 360 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:53,957 A silly dog will run off at the first bounce of a ball. 361 00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:57,171 But a cat is consistent, focused, 362 00:15:57,250 --> 00:15:58,670 and hence, much more qualified 363 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,460 to assist in the healing process. 364 00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:05,883 Oh, that's my good medicine kitty. 365 00:16:05,959 --> 00:16:07,329 It's working. 366 00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:09,497 You see, the ancient Egyptians discovered 367 00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:12,333 that cats' glands secrete special healing oils. 368 00:16:12,417 --> 00:16:14,667 That's why we rub our chins against our owners 369 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:16,080 to keep them healthy 370 00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:19,286 and why the Egyptians worshipped the cat goddess Bastet. 371 00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:22,245 So what you're saying is you're a "Bastet" case? Ha! 372 00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:23,173 [purring] 373 00:16:23,542 --> 00:16:24,542 Move along. 374 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:27,125 I can't have your negativity interfering 375 00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:29,248 with my positive purr-therapy. 376 00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,753 Fine! 377 00:16:30,834 --> 00:16:33,714 I don't want to be around when you purr too much and explode. 378 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:35,422 Oh, that's never happened. 379 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,330 But just to be on the safe side. 380 00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:39,247 [purring softly] 381 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,673 Oh, I've got one! 382 00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,380 Solar energy. 383 00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:44,788 Excellent, Leonard! 384 00:16:44,875 --> 00:16:47,375 Now, who can name another type? 385 00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:49,958 Miss Deweygood, would you take a look 386 00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:52,381 at a few ideas I've written down? 387 00:16:52,458 --> 00:16:54,078 Well, all righty, Todd. Let's see. 388 00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:57,382 [chuckles] 389 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:01,880 Oh! Oh! Aah! 390 00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:03,539 Oh, Miss Deweygood, 391 00:17:03,625 --> 00:17:06,535 Mrs. Helperman keeps some glue remover in the cupboard. 392 00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:10,673 Aah! Aah! What is this?! 393 00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:13,330 And where's the other half of it? 394 00:17:13,417 --> 00:17:15,747 [laughs] Nice work, Scotty. 395 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:17,464 That was just a warm-up. 396 00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:21,082 Now it's time for my prank de résistance. 397 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,787 [siren wails] 398 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:34,083 This is a little trick I call "the big chocolate wave." 399 00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:36,496 Wow! This is the best prank ever. 400 00:17:36,583 --> 00:17:39,423 Just wait till the fifth graders hear about this. 401 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:43,790 And a little touch of my own just for fun. 402 00:17:43,875 --> 00:17:45,665 She's coming! 403 00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:49,210 Drat! We haven't set the trigger for the big chocolate wave. 404 00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:53,288 You're so helpful, Leonard. 405 00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:56,495 These library books will give us the information we need to-- 406 00:17:56,583 --> 00:17:57,833 Oh, what now? 407 00:17:57,917 --> 00:17:59,707 [class giggles] 408 00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:06,248 Mr. Leadbelly, may I see you in the hall now? 409 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:07,963 Oh, this is perfect. 410 00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:10,791 I'll keep her occupied in the hallway 411 00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:12,705 while you set the trigger. 412 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,292 Leonard, please keep an eye on the class. 413 00:18:15,375 --> 00:18:16,825 Yes, Miss Deweygood. 414 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,250 [all mocking] Yes, Miss Deweygood. 415 00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:25,883 Gosh, Leonard, you're such a goody-goody. 416 00:18:25,959 --> 00:18:28,379 Yeah, you're acting just like Scott. 417 00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:31,288 What do you mean? You love it when Scott acts this way. 418 00:18:31,375 --> 00:18:33,375 Yeah, but it works on him. 419 00:18:33,458 --> 00:18:35,748 On you it's just sort of... icky. 420 00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:38,294 You mean you like me better when I'm just plain old 421 00:18:38,375 --> 00:18:40,285 Leonard "blend into the background" Helperman? 422 00:18:40,375 --> 00:18:41,575 [all] Yes! 423 00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:44,417 I'm cool with that. 424 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,630 Why are you treating me like this? 425 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:49,379 I'm just trying to do the best job I can. 426 00:18:49,458 --> 00:18:52,998 Don't you have any respect for learning and education? 427 00:18:53,083 --> 00:18:56,293 Me? No respect for learning? Why, of course I do. 428 00:18:56,375 --> 00:18:59,625 It's just that you are trying to be Mrs. Helperman. 429 00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,249 I know Mrs. Helperman. 430 00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:03,503 I've lived with Mrs. Helperman 431 00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:05,583 every day of my scholastic life, 432 00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:09,457 and try as you might, you're no Mrs. Helperman. 433 00:19:09,542 --> 00:19:12,212 Oh, I know, but she has such a wonderful reputation. 434 00:19:12,291 --> 00:19:13,671 I just wanted to be like her. 435 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:17,040 Never mind. I suppose a little boy like you wouldn't understand 436 00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:19,325 about pretending to be something you're not. 437 00:19:19,417 --> 00:19:22,667 Au contraire. I understand completely. 438 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:27,420 The important thing is to be comfortable with who you are, 439 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,170 be it teacher or a boy 440 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:32,960 or, say, just for argument's sake, a-a dog boy. 441 00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:36,131 It was the immortal bard who put it best-- 442 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:39,328 "This above all, to thine own self be true." 443 00:19:39,417 --> 00:19:41,377 I think I've underestimated you. 444 00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:44,078 You're quite the scholar, if somewhat eccentric. 445 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,416 And the bard's right. 446 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,330 I can only succeed as a teacher 447 00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:49,207 if I'm completely true to myself. 448 00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:52,211 And the same goes for me as a student. 449 00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,831 Miss Deweygood, I apologize. 450 00:19:54,917 --> 00:19:57,877 I've acted like, well, like a dog 451 00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:00,129 rather than the model student I strive to be. 452 00:20:00,208 --> 00:20:02,328 Oh apology accepted. 453 00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:04,543 Now, why don't we go back in? 454 00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:06,495 After you, Miss Deweygood. 455 00:20:06,583 --> 00:20:07,583 Thank you, Todd. 456 00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:10,247 We'll start by enjoying our chocolate-milk break. 457 00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:12,923 Chocolate milk? Oh, no! 458 00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:24,334 [laughter] 459 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,460 [sighs] I suppose I deserved that. 460 00:20:28,542 --> 00:20:30,922 Ah! Quelle idée! C'est si drôle. 461 00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:32,961 Wow! You speak French? 462 00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:35,461 Yes. French was my major in college. 463 00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:37,042 Would you teach us some? 464 00:20:37,125 --> 00:20:40,375 What? You mean you really do want to learn something today? 465 00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:41,458 [all] Yes! 466 00:20:41,542 --> 00:20:44,792 Great! We'll start with bonjour. 467 00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:46,165 [all] Bonjour! 468 00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,461 I know some French. 469 00:20:48,542 --> 00:20:50,422 Je veux un biscuit de chien. 470 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,210 [laughs] Oh, that is so funny. 471 00:20:53,291 --> 00:20:55,211 You just asked for a dog biscuit. 472 00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:57,001 [laughter] 473 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,750 Sacre bleu! 474 00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:03,420 Mom, I'm home. 475 00:21:03,542 --> 00:21:05,922 Well, if it isn't my own little Rhodes Scholar. 476 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,040 [smooches] 477 00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:08,245 Feeling better? 478 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,133 I'm all righty-roosky doosky. 479 00:21:10,208 --> 00:21:12,578 [barking, panting] 480 00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:15,207 Why, there you are, Spot. Where have you been? 481 00:21:15,291 --> 00:21:17,331 He was outside and followed me in. 482 00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:19,417 Spotty-Wotty, I missed you. 483 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:21,790 But Mr. Jolly took wonderful care of me. 484 00:21:21,875 --> 00:21:24,705 Now I have two medicine pets. 485 00:21:24,792 --> 00:21:26,752 And how was your substitute teacher? 486 00:21:26,834 --> 00:21:28,634 Miss Deweygood was terrific, 487 00:21:28,709 --> 00:21:29,999 but she wasn't you. 488 00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:33,383 Ha ha ha ha! Oh, come on. 489 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:35,788 I'll make a pot of chicken noodle-doodle soup. 490 00:21:35,875 --> 00:21:36,955 All right! 491 00:21:38,625 --> 00:21:40,285 Ah-choo! 492 00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:41,955 Aah! No! 493 00:21:42,041 --> 00:21:44,751 I think I have a case of the snufflies. 494 00:21:44,875 --> 00:21:47,165 A-A-Ah-choo! 495 00:21:47,250 --> 00:21:49,920 Hmm, sounds like you could use a medicine pet. 496 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,290 You would be my medicine pet? 497 00:21:52,375 --> 00:21:55,665 Hey, there's no substitute for the real thing. 498 00:21:59,959 --> 00:22:01,579 Spot, you're doing it all wrong. 499 00:22:01,667 --> 00:22:04,207 You got to throw in a nice loud purr every now and again. 500 00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:06,291 Like this-- [purring] 501 00:22:07,458 --> 00:22:08,578 Aah! 502 00:22:08,667 --> 00:22:09,707 Ow! 503 00:22:09,792 --> 00:22:11,752 [snoring]