1 00:00:00,208 --> 00:00:01,458 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037 ♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131 Yes! 29 00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:10,825 [announcer on TV] For boundless energy, 30 00:01:10,917 --> 00:01:14,037 for rich, luxurious fur, 31 00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:17,665 for sweet-smelling breath all day long, 32 00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:20,040 Fur Allure -- extra-fancy cat pâté. 33 00:01:20,125 --> 00:01:21,785 With real pectin, it's the only choice 34 00:01:21,875 --> 00:01:23,745 for the champion at your dinner table. 35 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:27,134 It's Fur Allure, or I don't purr... 36 00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:29,538 Yeah, like she ever eats anything out of a can. 37 00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:31,285 You know, I've heard those commercial kitties 38 00:01:31,375 --> 00:01:33,285 don't even really eat the products they're selling? 39 00:01:33,375 --> 00:01:35,125 Of course they don't! You want to look like that? 40 00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:36,918 It's strictly melba toast and water. 41 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,920 Shh, shh, shh. Show's back. 42 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,290 [woman on TV] This is the moment the crowd has been waiting for -- 43 00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:43,785 miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws 44 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:46,665 has taken center stage, and she is whipping this crowd 45 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:48,330 into a veritable frenzy. 46 00:01:48,417 --> 00:01:51,707 I wouldn't mind falling into her water dish, yes, sir. 47 00:01:51,792 --> 00:01:53,962 She, me, and a ball of yarn. 48 00:01:54,041 --> 00:01:55,381 [growls] 49 00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:57,498 Let's see -- fabulous celebrity super kitty 50 00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,333 and overweight out of shape house cat 51 00:01:59,417 --> 00:02:00,917 with the personality of paste. 52 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:01,830 Yeah, you got a shot. 53 00:02:01,917 --> 00:02:05,077 I'm sure miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws 54 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:08,206 would appreciate my, uh, inner beauty. 55 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:12,460 -Yech! -Yech! 56 00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:15,542 Do you two mind? I'm trying to come up with a topic 57 00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:17,825 for my passionate persuasive speech 58 00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:19,249 for class tomorrow, 59 00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:21,923 and with all this pageant nonsense going on, 60 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,420 all I can think about is glamour and appearance. 61 00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:27,040 That's what's wrong with our whole darn culture! 62 00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:29,915 Instead of people focusing on important things, 63 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,380 like education and health 64 00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:34,708 and "how long does it really take to cook a 3-minute egg," 65 00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:38,212 their heads are all clogged up with superficial silliness. 66 00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,831 How much do I weigh? Is this a good color for me? 67 00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:44,632 What is she wearing? 68 00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:47,579 I ask you, what kind of world has this become 69 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,787 where appearances are more important 70 00:02:49,875 --> 00:02:51,665 than who we really are? 71 00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:55,250 Wow, I just got pretty passionate there... 72 00:02:55,333 --> 00:02:59,293 And darn persuasive, if I do say so myself. 73 00:02:59,375 --> 00:03:02,245 Be still, my heart! I found the perfect subject 74 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:05,003 for my passionate persuasive speech tomorrow. 75 00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:06,583 Now, what did I say? 76 00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,997 [snoring] 77 00:03:10,083 --> 00:03:12,003 [gasps] 78 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:17,133 Hey, bunky, what's the matter? 79 00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:18,498 Nothing's the matter. 80 00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:19,793 C-Can't a guy just walk through a room 81 00:03:19,875 --> 00:03:22,745 like a normal guy walking through a room normally? 82 00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,754 W-Whoa, whoa. This is something good. 83 00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:26,964 He's turning red and talking in circles. 84 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,961 I am not turning red and talking in circles -- 85 00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:31,501 am not, I am. 86 00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:34,833 Leonard, why do you have that cap pulled over your head 87 00:03:34,917 --> 00:03:36,497 like a toaster cozy? 88 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:40,503 Um, 'cause my head's cold, and this is my favorite team. 89 00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:45,081 Aha! 90 00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:47,746 Methinks someone has a new haircut. 91 00:03:47,834 --> 00:03:49,424 Let us see! Let us see! 92 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:50,830 No! 93 00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:53,207 Someone's got a bad haircut! 94 00:03:53,709 --> 00:03:55,579 Hey. Show a little common decency. 95 00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,077 Obviously, the boy is in a vulnerable place right now, 96 00:03:58,166 --> 00:03:59,166 and I say leave him alone. 97 00:03:59,750 --> 00:04:01,920 Thanks, Pretty Boy, I really appreciate that. 98 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,210 Don't mention it, kiddo. 99 00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:07,542 Holy Hannah! Who called the marines? 100 00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:10,125 Cue ball in the side pocket. Scratch! 101 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,333 Okay, fine. Go on, get it out of your systems. 102 00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:16,745 -Ha ha ha ha! -Ha ha ha ha! 103 00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:19,706 And excuse me, Mr. Spot Helperman, 104 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:22,082 but what happened to your passionate persuasive speech 105 00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:23,996 about "looks don't matter" 106 00:04:24,083 --> 00:04:25,793 and "beauty's only skin deep"? 107 00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:28,575 Yeah, but this is different. 108 00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:30,207 Come on, look at him! 109 00:04:30,291 --> 00:04:34,041 If you can't laugh at a walking cactus head, what can you laugh at? 110 00:04:35,458 --> 00:04:37,248 [stifled laughter] You're right. 111 00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:40,753 You are so right. Hee hee hee hee! 112 00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:44,286 I'm sorry, Leonard, but you do look purr-fectly ridiculous. 113 00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:45,625 I know, you're right. 114 00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:47,709 I can't believe this is happening. 115 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:51,828 Today was the day I was supposed to get my hip new cutting-edge hairstyle, 116 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,327 just like the cool kids. 117 00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:55,287 I had it all planned out, 118 00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,535 but then something happened. 119 00:05:00,542 --> 00:05:02,292 Oh, man. I can't believe 120 00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,575 I'm finally going to get my haircut at cool coifs. 121 00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:05,827 And look -- 122 00:05:05,917 --> 00:05:07,537 there's Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor. 123 00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:09,955 I'm actually on the same haircutting schedule as them! 124 00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,831 This is too good to be true. 125 00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:12,787 Unh-unh-unh! 126 00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:15,325 Not so fast there, Mr. Hopalong Doodle-Pants. 127 00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:17,207 A super terrific new barber shop -- 128 00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:22,581 oops, oops, pardon me, I mean hair salon just opened at the other end of the mall, 129 00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,037 and I'd thought we'd give it a try. 130 00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:28,625 Mom, no. You wouldn't. 131 00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:30,789 Please! I want to go to cool coifs! 132 00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:32,875 Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor go there! 133 00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:34,379 And I suppose if Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor 134 00:05:34,458 --> 00:05:36,458 jumped off the Liberty Ford Memorial Bridge, 135 00:05:36,542 --> 00:05:37,712 you'd want to do that, too? 136 00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:39,632 Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor did jump off 137 00:05:39,709 --> 00:05:41,169 the Liberty Ford Memorial Bridge. 138 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,500 It's called bungee jumping, 139 00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:44,383 and I wasn't allowed to do that, either. 140 00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:47,128 Oh, my poor little Lenny Lumpkins. 141 00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:49,918 Your life must be just so horrible. 142 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,250 Ha ha! Come on. 143 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:54,293 It won't kill you to try something new. 144 00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:56,625 Besides, I've got coupons! 145 00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:01,709 [screams] 146 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:17,037 No! 147 00:06:17,125 --> 00:06:19,535 It was horrible. 148 00:06:19,625 --> 00:06:21,875 There, there, Leonard. Don't feel bad. 149 00:06:21,959 --> 00:06:23,629 This isn't your fault. 150 00:06:23,709 --> 00:06:26,209 You wanted to be hip and trendy and cool. 151 00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:28,831 It just didn't work out like you planned. 152 00:06:28,917 --> 00:06:32,627 I'm sure all the kids at school will understand. 153 00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:33,879 Really? You think? 154 00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:35,709 Sure they will, bunky... 155 00:06:35,792 --> 00:06:38,502 When monkeys fly with jet packs! 156 00:06:38,583 --> 00:06:40,963 Ha ha ha ha! 157 00:06:41,041 --> 00:06:44,671 Ooh! You are going to get roasted, pally! 158 00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,670 Ha ha ha ha! 159 00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,540 This will be worse than the time 160 00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,625 Ian wore his sister's culottes to school... backwards! 161 00:06:51,709 --> 00:06:54,459 Ha ha ha ha! 162 00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:57,382 Come on, Spotty-Wotty. You're next. 163 00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:01,248 I'm taking you to a brand-new doggie groomer. 164 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,673 I got coupons. 165 00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:05,250 Wow, talk about your instant Karma. 166 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:06,583 [howling] 167 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:09,667 Oh, there, there, Spotty special pup. 168 00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:13,540 We're just going to get you a nice bath and flea dip 169 00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,575 and haircut. 170 00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:17,787 Aah! 171 00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:20,575 Aah! 172 00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:27,291 Aah! 173 00:07:27,375 --> 00:07:29,785 Aah! 174 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:40,999 [howling] 175 00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:46,501 [French accent] Bonjour. Can I help you? 176 00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,633 Yes, indeedy. 177 00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:50,209 I mean... [mispronounces] Mais oui. 178 00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:52,671 And this handsome pooch is Spot Helperman, 179 00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,630 and we have a 2:00 appointment. 180 00:07:54,709 --> 00:07:56,749 Mmm, doesn't it smell nice in here? 181 00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,674 [sniffing] 182 00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:00,670 [thinking] Hmm, not bad. 183 00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:04,460 A tad cloying, perhaps, but definitely appealing. 184 00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:09,632 Hibiscus, lavender, and just a hint of patchouli. 185 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:11,539 Hello, mon petit chien. 186 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,625 My, my, aren't you a handsome fellow? 187 00:08:14,709 --> 00:08:18,169 You're pretty sassy-boned yourself, sister. 188 00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:20,875 All right, Mrs. Helperman, come back at 4:00, 189 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,709 and your Spot will be a new doggie. 190 00:08:23,792 --> 00:08:25,462 All righty tighty. Bye-bye, Spot, 191 00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:27,172 and don't worry. I'll be back before you know it. 192 00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,500 [mispronounces] Au revoir! 193 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:29,833 [Thinking] Take your time. 194 00:08:29,917 --> 00:08:32,877 And, Daphne, when I speak of this in years to come, 195 00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:34,959 and I will, 196 00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:38,421 I hope you don't mind if I embellish. 197 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,920 Mmm, I feel so good! 198 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,500 I smell so fine! 199 00:08:43,583 --> 00:08:45,583 Oh, Daphne, 200 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,457 if only you were 20 years younger 201 00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:50,002 and not of an entirely different species. 202 00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:52,793 Heaven... I'm in heaven! 203 00:08:52,875 --> 00:08:55,825 I'm going to be so pretty for my speech on the evils 204 00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:58,877 of only caring about the way you look. 205 00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:01,249 So I say to you, 206 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:05,423 what of my impossible beauty, my perfect form, 207 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,540 my impeccable style... 208 00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:10,745 Are these superficial qualities the true measure of a man? 209 00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:12,214 Of course not! 210 00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:15,921 And, yet, I'm so gosh-darned good-looking. 211 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,920 Don't you just want to kiss me all over? 212 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,580 Plenty of me to go around. 213 00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:24,077 [speaking French] 214 00:09:24,166 --> 00:09:26,956 Oh, Spotty Spitter Spat Spoon Bread! 215 00:09:27,041 --> 00:09:28,331 Look how handsome you are! 216 00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:30,747 Come on. Let's go home and show Leonard! 217 00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:33,084 Now, that's a good-looking fella. 218 00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:35,126 What a gorgeous coat. 219 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,958 Wow, I must really be hot. 220 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:40,131 Wait till the kids at school get a load of -- 221 00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:44,038 Aah! In the words of the Marquis de Pompadour, 222 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,625 Oy gevalt! 223 00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:48,379 I'm a p-p-poodle! 224 00:09:58,709 --> 00:10:01,079 Miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws 225 00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:04,206 at furallurekitty.Cat. 226 00:10:04,291 --> 00:10:06,331 Shouldn't I be doing the typing? 227 00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:08,707 I am, after all, the only one here with fingers. 228 00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:10,502 You humans with your opposable thumbs. 229 00:10:10,583 --> 00:10:13,883 Oh, look at me, I'm at the top of the evolutionary ladder. 230 00:10:13,959 --> 00:10:16,039 I'm telling you, this cat can type. 231 00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,825 Me, on the other hand -- I just hunt and peck. 232 00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,747 Dear miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws, 233 00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:24,294 I am your biggest fan... 234 00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:25,995 You ain't just whistlin' Dixie. 235 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,883 ...but more than that, 236 00:10:27,959 --> 00:10:30,039 I feel a connection between us 237 00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:32,995 that transcends the star/fan paradigm. 238 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,753 That'll get her purring. 239 00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:37,134 Quiet. Mr. Jolly's writing from the heart. 240 00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:38,878 You're both meshugeneh. 241 00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:41,459 I'm telling you, you use a $2 word like "paradigm" 242 00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:43,962 in a love letter, and it's bye-bye, big kitty. 243 00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:45,671 Oh, you hush. 244 00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:49,330 Your eyes are like saucers of milk. 245 00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:52,997 Your fur is like the amber waves of grain. 246 00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:54,633 This is just sad. 247 00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:55,629 Here are we, Spot! 248 00:10:55,709 --> 00:10:57,789 Safe and snuggly in our cozy little home. 249 00:10:57,875 --> 00:11:00,495 Leonard, see if you can get Spot to come out of there. 250 00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:02,583 For some reason, the trip to the groomer 251 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,287 has him all discom-booby-bodied. 252 00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:06,955 Okay, Mom. 253 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,381 Hey, bunky, what's the matter? 254 00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:10,998 Nothing. Nothing's the matter. 255 00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:13,213 I'm just hanging out -- kicking back, man, 256 00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:15,251 chillin' in my pet carrier. 257 00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:16,633 It's cool. I'm cool. 258 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:19,669 Keepin' it real in here in the pet carrier. 259 00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,130 Copacetic. Chillin'. 260 00:11:21,208 --> 00:11:23,828 "Cool." sounds like a bad haircut to me. 261 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,577 Leonard, get the vacuum cleaner and suck him out of there! 262 00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:28,577 All right, all right, I'm coming out! 263 00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:30,207 Just don't laugh. 264 00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:32,291 [all] We promise. 265 00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:39,674 [all laugh] 266 00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:43,420 Look! It's the world's first talking cotton swab! 267 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,790 Ha ha. We're so amused. 268 00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:48,705 No one's even going to notice my stupid haircut 269 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,462 once they get a load of you. 270 00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,672 I'm so glad you found your silver lining 271 00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,330 in my dark cloud. 272 00:11:54,417 --> 00:11:57,327 Should I be concerned that I'm actually starting to like it? 273 00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:05,036 Sweet saffron soufflé! 274 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:08,575 What did she use on me -- waterproof mousse? 275 00:12:08,667 --> 00:12:12,077 Eureka! This ought to take the bounce out of my bonnet! 276 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:18,880 Ahh...success. 277 00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:24,375 And once again, Scott Leadready is too cool for school. 278 00:12:33,959 --> 00:12:35,919 Maybe now you know how I feel. 279 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,130 Oh, no, this is much worse than that fishbelly white scalp of yours 280 00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:42,828 showing through the head stubble, formerly known as your hair. 281 00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:45,711 No way! At least you still have hair... 282 00:12:45,792 --> 00:12:47,212 Er, fur. 283 00:12:47,291 --> 00:12:49,331 Oh, really? And what do you think happens 284 00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:51,167 when we show up at school tomorrow? 285 00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:53,330 Oh, sure, you'll be mocked and ridiculed, 286 00:12:53,417 --> 00:12:54,957 the taunting will be merciless, 287 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,171 and I've no doubt you'll be scarred for life. 288 00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:58,880 But your hair will grow back, 289 00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:00,709 and unless I miss my guess, 290 00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:03,332 you'll get to maintain your status as a human being. 291 00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:04,957 I, on the other hand, well... 292 00:13:05,041 --> 00:13:06,581 [laughter] 293 00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:08,747 Yes, I'll face the same slings and arrows 294 00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,794 of outrageous insults, and then, someone will realize 295 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,825 that Scott Leadready has the exact same poodle cut 296 00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:17,247 that Leonard Helperman's dog Spot 297 00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,713 just happened to get yesterday afternoon. 298 00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:24,672 Hey, Scott Leadready has the exact same poodle cut 299 00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,830 that Leonard Helperman's dog Spot 300 00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:30,037 just happened to get yesterday afternoon! 301 00:13:31,542 --> 00:13:33,422 Uh...yeah? 302 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,580 So? 303 00:13:34,667 --> 00:13:36,577 And your point would be? 304 00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:39,287 People, open your eyes! 305 00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:43,665 Scott Leadready looks like Leonard Helperman's dog Spot! 306 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,130 Wait a minute. 307 00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:46,708 Scott Leadready doesn't just look like 308 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,292 Leonard Helperman's dog Spot, 309 00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:51,665 Scott Leadready is Leonard Helperman's dog Spot! 310 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:54,580 See, I totally missed that. 311 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,037 Yeah... Me too. 312 00:13:57,125 --> 00:13:58,785 That went right over my head. 313 00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:01,285 Hey, dogs aren't allowed in school! 314 00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:03,665 Get him! 315 00:14:08,417 --> 00:14:09,877 [German accent] Here, fido! 316 00:14:09,959 --> 00:14:11,459 Find the dog-boy! 317 00:14:11,542 --> 00:14:12,792 Put him on a leash! 318 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,325 Follow the burgermeister! 319 00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:16,667 Da! I bet he isn't even housebroken. 320 00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,290 Are we there yet? 321 00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:25,290 Sanctuary! 322 00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:27,538 Sanctuary! 323 00:14:29,583 --> 00:14:30,963 Which way did he go? 324 00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:33,171 It's like he disappeared into thin air! 325 00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:36,460 Ah! I wish whoever rings that bell would cut it out! 326 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,672 I'm going home! 327 00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:40,130 These lederhosen are killing me. 328 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:42,078 Do you think they would let me use the bathroom 329 00:14:42,166 --> 00:14:43,536 in the cathedral? 330 00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,535 I told you to go before we left! 331 00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:50,575 Why was I not made of stone as thee? 332 00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:53,457 Oh, yeah, like I never heard that one before. 333 00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:56,462 Oh, curse the day I ever set foot 334 00:14:56,542 --> 00:14:59,542 in Daphne's Debonair Doggie Salon De Pets... 335 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,415 Although the imported hand-rolled gruyére cheese 336 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,420 dog biscuits were a nice touch. 337 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,500 The French just have a way with baked delicacies. 338 00:15:06,583 --> 00:15:08,883 But I digress. 339 00:15:08,959 --> 00:15:10,629 Hey, maybe we can both fake sick 340 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:13,379 and stay home until our hair grows back to normal. 341 00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:14,958 It'll only take a few months. 342 00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:16,131 Are you mad, boy? 343 00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,248 I've got to go to school tomorrow 344 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,883 and deliver my passionate persuasive speech. 345 00:15:20,959 --> 00:15:22,379 It's worth half my grade. 346 00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,038 And it's a really good one. 347 00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:26,495 Besides, all I have to do is keep my hair 348 00:15:26,583 --> 00:15:28,383 pressed in this book overnight. 349 00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:30,328 And by morning, I should be back 350 00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,383 to my old rakishly handsome self. 351 00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,502 Leonard, we could both go to school 352 00:15:36,583 --> 00:15:38,383 looking the way we do, and who knows, 353 00:15:38,458 --> 00:15:40,498 maybe it might make it a little easier on you, 354 00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:43,383 but I'm a dog pretending to be a boy, 355 00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:44,708 and if they see me like this, 356 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:46,002 it could mean the end of everything! 357 00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:47,583 No more walking to school together, 358 00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,287 no more sharing a lunch, 359 00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:51,325 no more sticking up for each other on the playground. 360 00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:52,787 So what are you going to do? 361 00:15:52,875 --> 00:15:55,125 I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Leonard. 362 00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,538 I'm about to ask you to make a sacrifice for me -- 363 00:15:57,625 --> 00:16:00,455 for us -- like I've never asked before. 364 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,752 Oh, no. No way. 365 00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:04,794 No, no, no, no, no. 366 00:16:09,417 --> 00:16:12,537 [laughter] 367 00:16:12,625 --> 00:16:16,325 What? You've never seen lederhosen before? 368 00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:20,377 Besides, if you guys think this is funny, 369 00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:22,208 get a load of that! 370 00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:24,001 You're a great decoy, Leonard. 371 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,213 As long as everyone's looking at you, 372 00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:27,581 no one's looking at me. 373 00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:29,747 Great. That makes it all worthwhile. 374 00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:31,884 Hey, get out of the way, Scott. 375 00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:34,289 You're blocking my view of Leonard. 376 00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:37,495 Hey, leave him alone. 377 00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:42,332 I've seen blue-bottomed baboons at the zoo 378 00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,327 that don't look as funny as you! 379 00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:45,707 Ha ha ha -- 380 00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:48,002 I'm choking on my own saliva. 381 00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:49,633 That is the dorkiest haircut 382 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,459 in the history of the fourth grade. 383 00:16:51,542 --> 00:16:53,212 That's the dorkiest haircut 384 00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:54,711 in the history of the first grade. 385 00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:55,712 Good one. 386 00:16:55,792 --> 00:16:57,882 You're head looks like a litchi nut. 387 00:16:57,959 --> 00:16:59,959 That's an insult to litchi nuts. 388 00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:02,211 Super good one! 389 00:17:02,291 --> 00:17:05,751 This is awful. What have I done? 390 00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:07,214 My best friend in the whole world 391 00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:08,541 is taking the heat for me. 392 00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,035 If only there was something I could do, 393 00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:12,325 something to save Leonard -- anything! 394 00:17:12,417 --> 00:17:13,327 But what? 395 00:17:13,417 --> 00:17:15,787 Oh, for crying out loud! What do I got to do, 396 00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:17,705 hit you with a rolled-up newspaper? 397 00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:19,832 Hey, you're not my conscience. 398 00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:21,917 He's at a convention. I'm filling in. 399 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,000 Ah. All right then, I get the message. 400 00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,133 Take off. 401 00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:27,668 Okay. What's going on in here? 402 00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:29,210 What's going on here 403 00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:32,381 is a bunch of trend-chasing slaves to fashion 404 00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:35,038 humiliating another human being. 405 00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:37,001 Mrs. H., get out your grade book. 406 00:17:37,083 --> 00:17:40,173 I feel a passionate persuasive speech coming on! 407 00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:43,380 Friends, look at yourselves 408 00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,748 and what you've become. 409 00:17:45,834 --> 00:17:48,384 There, on the floor is a fellow student 410 00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:50,748 who, up until a few moments ago, 411 00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:53,044 you embraced as one of your own. 412 00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:56,075 But now he cowers in a heap like... 413 00:17:56,166 --> 00:17:58,416 A quivering flan -- 414 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,540 the object of your ridicule and scorn. 415 00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:03,785 And why? What, I ask you, has changed? 416 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,665 He looks even dorkier than usual? 417 00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,710 The veins showing through his scalp 418 00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:10,582 resemble the former Soviet Republic of Kazakhstan? 419 00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:13,247 Cease and desist! 420 00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,253 I'll tell you what has changed. 421 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:18,133 Leonard looks different -- 422 00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:20,208 different from you, who looks different from him, 423 00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:22,331 who looks different from her, who looks different from her. 424 00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:25,579 And I say, so what? 425 00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:26,917 The fact of the matter is, 426 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,000 we all look different from someone. 427 00:18:29,083 --> 00:18:32,333 You want to see funny? I'll show you funny. 428 00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:35,915 There's your funny! 429 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,750 Ha ha ha ha! You want to laugh at something? 430 00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:39,834 Laugh at this. 431 00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:43,787 [laughter] 432 00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:45,875 Jeez, do you have to take me so literally? 433 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,749 You look like my Aunt Mary's poodle Monique. 434 00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:51,294 Quiet, creep show! I work alone. 435 00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,745 Mental note to self -- 436 00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:55,834 check out Ian's Aunt Mary's poodle Monique. 437 00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,957 Frankly, I didn't think Leonard's hair 438 00:18:58,041 --> 00:19:00,131 looked all that great before he got it cut, 439 00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:02,708 but outward appearances are not the measure of the man. 440 00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:05,752 It's what's inside here that counts. 441 00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,254 You mean guts? 442 00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,793 No, I don't mean guts. 443 00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:12,125 I was talking about courage and character and kindness 444 00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:14,578 which my friend Leonard has more of 445 00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,207 than anyone I've ever met. 446 00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:17,631 And short hair or long, 447 00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:20,749 Leonard Helperman will always be my good friend, 448 00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:22,924 not because of how he looks, 449 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000 but because of how he acts. 450 00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:26,253 And I hope -- 451 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,883 nay, I pray -- 452 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,789 whether I look like Scott Leadready, 453 00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,665 fourth grader extraordinaire, 454 00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:34,380 or Ian's Aunt Mary's poodle Monique, 455 00:19:34,458 --> 00:19:37,538 all of you will judge me not by my outward appearance 456 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:40,825 but what I have in here, 457 00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:44,327 and continue to be my friends. 458 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,327 [sighs] Thank you. 459 00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:49,497 Why, Scott, what a wonderful way to illustrate 460 00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,133 the point of your speech. 461 00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:53,878 Ha ha ha! Quadruple extra credit for you. 462 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,169 And bonus points for any of you 463 00:19:56,250 --> 00:20:00,170 who can find ways to appreciate someone for looking different, 464 00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:03,170 rather than just laughing at them. 465 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,250 Wow, you actually look taller! 466 00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:07,753 I think it makes you look way cool, man. 467 00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:10,794 I have a new appreciation for the differences 468 00:20:10,875 --> 00:20:12,205 that enrich our culture. 469 00:20:12,291 --> 00:20:13,881 Ha ha ha ha. You guys. 470 00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:17,879 You're not just saying that for the bonus points? 471 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,125 Here we go. 472 00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:25,288 Please turn away while I enter my password. 473 00:20:25,375 --> 00:20:27,705 You think I care what your password is? 474 00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:30,672 Please, I got better things to do with my life. 475 00:20:33,792 --> 00:20:36,042 "Pretty kitty" -- that's your password? 476 00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,535 You got to be kidding me. 477 00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,625 Pretty repulsive kitty is more like it. 478 00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:43,249 You looked. You are just a... dirty bird. 479 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,713 [computer beeps] 480 00:20:45,792 --> 00:20:48,132 A letter! I have a letter! Oh, boy! 481 00:20:48,208 --> 00:20:50,378 I have a letter, I have a letter. 482 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,708 Oh, for crying out loud, open it! 483 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,380 "A message from the Fur aMllure corporation, 484 00:20:56,417 --> 00:20:57,707 a wholly-owned subsidiary 485 00:20:57,792 --> 00:21:00,082 of Wakabayashi Worldwide Industries." 486 00:21:00,166 --> 00:21:02,746 Oh. Oh, my goodness. 487 00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:05,634 It's from Miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws! 488 00:21:05,709 --> 00:21:07,499 It's a form letter, you ninny. 489 00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:10,633 Oh, really? Would a form letter say this -- 490 00:21:10,709 --> 00:21:12,749 "Greetings, sir or madam. 491 00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:16,544 Your patronage of the Fur Allure animal products 492 00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:18,035 is most appreciated. 493 00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:20,745 On behalf of Miss Regina Bubblina Fancy Paws -- 494 00:21:20,834 --> 00:21:22,384 registered trademark -- 495 00:21:22,458 --> 00:21:24,788 we'll be sending you 2 coupons for 50¢ off 496 00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:26,575 your next Fur Allure purchase. 497 00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:28,627 Sincerely, PPR&J advertising." 498 00:21:28,709 --> 00:21:30,419 I knew it. See, I knew it. 499 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,290 It's like me and Miss Regina Bubblina 500 00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,825 made a psychic love connection. 501 00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,327 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 502 00:21:35,417 --> 00:21:37,627 Hey, quit it! Cut it out! 503 00:21:37,709 --> 00:21:39,419 Hey, you're ruffling my feathers! 504 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,460 Hey, this is sad! This is really sad! 505 00:21:41,542 --> 00:21:43,082 I don't know, Scott. 506 00:21:43,166 --> 00:21:45,456 Maybe we got by yesterday because of your speech 507 00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:47,542 and bonus points and stuff, but I bet you 508 00:21:47,625 --> 00:21:49,825 today everyone's just going to go back to normal 509 00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:51,957 and laugh at us because we look so goofy. 510 00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,041 Heck, I'd laugh at us if we weren't us. 511 00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:56,285 I beg to differ, dear Leonard, 512 00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:59,575 for I believe in the essential goodness of people. 513 00:21:59,667 --> 00:22:02,207 I believe people can learn and grow 514 00:22:02,291 --> 00:22:04,541 and become better. 515 00:22:08,667 --> 00:22:11,577 Or copy a hot new trend when they see one. 516 00:22:11,667 --> 00:22:13,627 Wannabes.