♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪
♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪
♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
-♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪
♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪
♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪
♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪
-♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪
♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪
♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪
Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
I hate dogs.
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
I do not wish to be a dog.
♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪
Yes!
[narrator] They say the best is a constantly moving target.
Good as someone may be at something,
there's always another someone somewhere
preparing to take the title away.
And sometimes that someone is not the one you'd expect.
Mashed potatoes with gravy.
Is there any food combination so sweet,
aside from mashed potatoes with honey
or mashed potatoes with fructose or dextrose
or maltose or any of those other-toses?
[laughs] I think not.
She didn't make a dent in the top of my potatoes again.
Hmm, must be inexperienced in the gravy arts.
Oh, she knows.
She hates me.
She usually waits until I pass
before she brings out the fresh enchiladas.
What are you guys doing?
We're, like, flipping cards. Duh.
I've seen this game.
The object is to toss a baseball card
closest to the center of the circle.
I want to play.
Got any cards?
Okay, you're after Teddy.
And there's the toss by Teddy the ace.
Outside. Next up, Helperman.
Not even close.
Taylor the player is next.
And Taylor the player wins the cards.
I want a nickname, too.
You can't, like, just have one.
You got to be good first, like us.
If I can't have a nickname, then I don't want to play anymore.
Okay, don't play.
Not our fault you're no good.
[laughter]
Scott, want to play?
Eh... nah.
I'm gonna have lunch with Leonard.
Getting better. That one stayed in the room.
I could practice forever, and I still wouldn't be good.
I'm not good at anything.
Oh, don't say that, bunkie.
You're good at a lot of things.
Name one.
Well... you're good at being my master.
You're the best master I ever had.
I'm the only master you ever had.
Well, sure, if we're gonna get into semantics.
Far be it for me to pass judgment,
but if you're gonna be the best at something,
let's be happy it isn't at this card game.
And why's that, pray tell?
Gambling is evil.
If one gambles, one will eventually lose one's shirt.
Actually, the game at school is not gambling.
There's no chance involved here. It's pure skill.
Let me show you how to handle cards, Lenny boy.
The important moves are palming
and dealing from the bottom of the deck.
He's tossing baseball cards. How's that gonna help him?
It won't.
I just wanted to show off my moves.
Cards are an art, you know?
Please.
A skill, perhaps, but an art? I don't think so.
Look at this house of cards I built.
Ah...ah...ah-choo!
Excuse me.
How'd you do that?
I'll give you a hint-- look at my paw.
What is it you have that I don't?
Soap?
A thumb.
You can toss cards better without a thumb?
Don't look so surprised.
You humans are so conceited
with that opposable-appendage thing of yours.
Here.
Hold the card between your fingers, like this.
Good. Now move your wrist with a downward tug
as it leaves your hand.
Aaah!
You flipped before you twisted.
There's too many things to remember.
Let me see if I can explain it clearer.
♪ I'll teach you how to toss the Cards with lots of skill now ♪
♪ The secret, Leonard, Is in the wrist motion ♪
♪ A little bit of spin As it leaves the hands now ♪
♪ You'll get cards to sail Across the ocean ♪
♪ The way I hold the card Is important to see ♪
♪ Remember that the thumb is the enemy ♪
♪ The best way is to hold The card with fingers 2 and 3 ♪
Like this.
♪ You got to hold the card right ♪
♪ Not too loose, not too tight ♪
No, wait. That's close. Like that.
Don't let your thumbs hold you back.
♪ As Leonard throws the cards, I'll explain how it works now ♪
Thanks, Mr. Jolly. You had to make me stick around.
A current of air keeps the card from dropping down.
This is great.
Learning physics from a pet, huh?
♪ Based on principles we cannot see ♪
♪ The air flows over surfaces steadily ♪
It's all based-- it's based on the work of bernoulli.
Bernoulli? Who the heck is that guy?
Bernoulli, who the heck is that guy?
A smart guy back in 1738
who found that all air flows at a certain rate.
Quiet! Quiet! I'm trying to concentrate.
♪ Wow, Leonard's Really getting good now ♪
Tomorrow I'll show everybody
that I'm the best card tosser in the world.
This is a Roman amphitheater.
The construction methods are typical of the time.
Because the arches are round at the top-- see right there--
the weight is distributed equally across all the columns.
See?
Waste of time-- that's what I see.
I am expressing myself.
This is no different than painting or sculpting
or gluing little seashells together
to make lovely gift statues.
Maybe you're right.
Let me check out those support columns.
Aaah!
You did that on purpose.
Guess I'm just a bull in a China shop.
Yeah!
I want to play again.
Just two cards? This'll be quick.
[Scott] I wouldn't be so sure, gentlemen.
I've been giving Leonard some tips.
Prepare to be impressed.
Wow, Scott, he did get better.
Yeah, Leonard.
This time your card, like, hit the ground.
[laughter]
What happened?
I twisted when I should have tugged.
It won't happen again.
Good. We only have one more card.
How'd he do that?!
You, like, flipped it.
It definitely had flipping action.
We're gonna call you The Flipper.
Leonard "The Flipper" Helperman.
[Strickler] What's this?
Wouldn't be kids tossing baseball cards, now, would it?
No, we were just, uh... Picking teams for dodge ball.
Yeah, that's it.
See, we did some statistical analysis,
and it turns out eenie, meenie, meinie, moe
is pretty much predetermined by who you start with.
This way is more fair.
Interesting.
It looked like a bunch of kids tossing cards,
not that I would know anything about that.
You know, back in my day, I was the best tosser there ever was.
Look, it's Crosby-- Crosby the card man.
-Crosby?! -Crosby?!
Bing was very popular back then.
-Bing? -Bing?
The cherry ice cream?
Never mind.
Anyway, as I was remembering...
I'm in.
You're too good.
We can't beat you.
[Stickler] They were right. I was too good.
It was time to think.
Tell you what.
Since I'm so good
and nobody can never, ever beat me in a normal game,
I will throw my card from all the way over there.
You're not that good!
He's never gonna make that!
[Strickler] I knew we'd have a hard time judging the wind,
but...I'd have to chance it,
because the cutest girl in school was waiting for me near the old oak tree.
And if I missed, she wouldn't go steady with me,
and then we'd never have our first kiss!
[all exclaim]
We're fourth-graders, remember?
Okay! Here comes!
-Wow! -Wow!
-Did you see that? -Cool!
Ha! I told you I was the best!
[Strickler] And it was on that day
I knew I was destined to be a principal among kids.
And to this day, nobody's ever beaten me...
And nobody ever will.
[Scott] Leonard can!
[meows]
Did I hear correctly?
Not that there was any tossing of cards going on,
but if there was-- and I'm not saying there was--
only if... then Leonard would be able to beat everybody!
Including you!
Don't make me laugh!
I'm the best and always will be!
Hmm, it's a shame there's no way to prove it.
Unless... You and Leonard...
Article 27-13, paragraph 4, line 8
of the school regulations states,
"The principal is forbidden from competing against students
in any game of skill involving a ball, puck, or playing cards."
[laughs] Hey...We understand.
It's no crime to be scared.
Scared?!
I'll have you know that "not scared" is my middle name!
So I guess we'll never really know
if you're as good as you say.
Of course I am!
I suppose one could interpret a baseball card
to be different from a playing card.
Then it's set!
And since you're so good, why not make it interesting?
If Leonard wins, the whole school
gets an extra 10 minutes of recess all week!
Oh, great idea! Okay!
[boy] I like that!
And if I win, it's double homework all year!
-Unh-unh! Too risky! -I don't think so!
I don't like that!
Don't agree.
If I lose, the whole school will hate me!
Thanks a lot, Leonard!
Way to go, Leonard.
I am extremely disappointed!
[Scott] Yes, but what if you win?
[all] Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! Leonard!
I'll do it!
Let's see...
I think I'll use my lucky '63 Yankee outfielder.
Dead center!
Oh, that'll teach you to try to teach something
to the head of the teachers!
[all cheer]
Who's next?
It's The Flipper!
[boy] Flipper's in the building!
The Flipper!
[gasps]
[gurgling]
So, who wants to play?
None of us have cards left, dude.
You won 'em all.
Give some of our cards back so we can play.
No way! I won 'em, 'cause I'm the best!
Yeah... at luck.
Nobody can make a card blow another card out of a circle.
I can. Tell 'em, Scott.
Well, I would just say...
Hey! How 'bout if Scott plays against Leonard!
Yeah, you taught him, dude.
You could probably beat him
with your hands tied behind your back.
You can win our cards back for us.
Compete against Leonard? Oh, I couldn't! He's too good!
Even without that lucky break,
he would've won against Strickler.
Lucky break?! Even you don't believe I planned that shot!
Leonard, I... I think it's fair to say
that based on simple high-school physics
and generally accepted principles of meteorology,
nobody is good enough to have planned that shot.
I am! I'm the best!
And I want everybody to know it.
And if you don't believe me,
then why don't you compete against me?
Come on, buddy! I don't want to do this!
Scott's scared! Scott's a chicken!
Quack quack quack!
That's a duck sound, but we get your point.
So you want to compete. Fine.
In the park, 3:00.
[cheering]
I'll win everybody's cards back so quickly
we'll still have time to do homework before dinner!
[all] Ohh!
Or maybe not.
[cheering]
[Mr. Jolly] I was gonna build a China shop,
but instead decided to make this exact scale replica
of the Eiffel Tower.
The Tour Eiffel.
The original structure is in Paris,
and made totally of wrought iron.
It was designed and built
by French civil engineer Alexandre-Gustave Eiffel
for the Paris world's fair in 1889, Paris.
You've been hanging around dog-boy too long.
Gotta say I'm impressed.
Really? I'm very proud of it.
Feels good to be able to express myself.
Heard there's lots of wind in Paris.
[wind blowing]
No!!
No! Don't-- hold it--
Aaah!
That time was not an accident!
You can't fool me, Pretty Boy!
You've been destroying my art on purpose!
Art? thought playing with cards wasn't art!
Gotcha!
This is different! I made something with these cards!
I made things! Royal flushes, full houses.
It's not the same! You can't compare!
These are my creations!
They bring me joy, and by destroying them,
you're keeping me from expressing my true inner self!
Watchin' them fall brings me joy. That's my art.
I'm gonna nap. All this expressin' myself made me tired.
Destroying art is not art!
Dude, where are they?
At ease. This is off school grounds.
I've come to watch Scott Leadready
win back my '63 Yankee outfielder.
It's only been a few hours, and...
I miss him already.
[bell tolls]
Maybe they chickened out.
Now I'll never get my card back!
Wait! Over there!
[all] Ooh!
Is that The Flipper?
He's so buff.
[boy] Has he been workin' out?
That would've been more impressive if I had more cards.
You toss first.
Why don't you toss first?
Because I said, "you toss first," first.
What if I say, "I toss last," first?
"You toss first" supercedes "you toss last."
It's a rule!
Let's see.
I think I'll use the lucky '63 Yankee outfielder.
My baby!
Beat that!
Ooh, lucky toss.
For the last time, it's not luck.
Wow!
Oh, man!
Did you see that?
Tie. I'll go first this time.
I'm sorry, bunkie.
I didn't want to make you look bad, but you left me no choice.
Lucky toss. Watch this.
[gasps]
That was amazing!
Arresting! Prodigious!
Fifth-grade words.
I gotta admit, that was the best toss ever.
Certainly outdid yourself this time.
[Mr. Jolly] It's the Empire State Building.
I used mostly cards made of heavyweight paper.
How many cards you use?
Oh, gee-- I co-- I lost count.
Why do you ask?
No reason.
[Pretty Boy] Aigh!
I said, "mostly" made of cardboard, didn't I?
I didn't mention, I guess, I used an anvil!
Ha ha ha ha!
Leonard is the best.
Say I'm the best again.
I will not! What's gotten into you?
Shake my hand!
What was that, Scott?
You said no one, including yourself,
is a good-enough player to shine my shoes?
Okay! That's it!
What's it? That I'm the best?
Say you're sorry!
I'm sorry? What? Why am I sorry?
You can't treat people this way, Leonard!
There's a big difference between saying, "I'm the winner,"
and saying, "everybody's a bunch of losers!"
Being the best is more than just having a skill,
it's also about having humility!
It's making the people who didn't win
at least feel good about competing.
You may have won everybody's cards, Leonard,
but you haven't won their respect.
You're right.
Why are you giving the cards back, dude?
You won 'em, fair and square.
I never really wanted them.
I didn't do this to get a bunch of cards.
Look, I know you guys are never gonna say
I'm the smartest one in class,
or elect me captain of the kickball team,
but just once, I wanted to hear everyone say
that I was the best at something, anything.
Scott's right, though.
How can I expect you guys to say I'm the best
when I made you all hate me?
After I took all the fun out of the game?
I'm sorry.
[smooches]
It takes quite a guy to do what he just did.
He really was the best.
One day, we can tell our kids
that we saw The Flipper in action.
It's true, though.
He's not, like, the smartest one in class.
Yeah. And he never will be the team captain.
They couldn't wait till I at least got out of the park?
[Strickler] I'll never forget that day
I watched Leonard Helperman walk off into the sunset.
Like those who saw Babe Ruth hit a home run, or Ty Cobb steal a base,
I, too, had borne witness to a moment of greatness.
Good as I may have been at tossing cards,
on that day, I saw Mr. Helperman surpass me.
I watched him accomplish what I never could.
I watched him become the best.