1 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:01,479 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,563 --> 00:00:04,312 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,688 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,771 --> 00:00:07,438 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:08,354 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,146 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,771 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,855 --> 00:00:14,187 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,271 --> 00:00:16,604 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,021 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,104 --> 00:00:19,855 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,938 --> 00:00:21,229 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:22,604 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,229 ♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,312 --> 00:00:26,688 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,730 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,813 --> 00:00:30,980 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,062 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,146 --> 00:00:34,938 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,771 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:36,855 --> 00:00:39,730 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,813 --> 00:00:41,479 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,479 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:46,104 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:47,521 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,104 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,229 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:53,146 Yes! 29 00:01:10,646 --> 00:01:13,104 [chirping] 30 00:01:13,187 --> 00:01:16,187 118... 31 00:01:16,271 --> 00:01:19,938 119... 32 00:01:20,021 --> 00:01:21,146 [panting] 33 00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:24,730 Spot, you got to be tired of this by now. 34 00:01:24,813 --> 00:01:28,229 Oh, a dog may tire of rawhide chewies, 35 00:01:28,312 --> 00:01:31,438 he may tire of baying at the moon. 36 00:01:31,521 --> 00:01:34,688 But as sure as our phylum is canis familiaris, 37 00:01:34,771 --> 00:01:38,312 we will never tire of the grand, old game of fetch-it. 38 00:01:40,688 --> 00:01:41,730 Throw. 39 00:01:41,813 --> 00:01:43,980 I don't get what you see in this stupid game, anyway. 40 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,271 It's just the same thing 41 00:01:45,354 --> 00:01:47,855 over and over and over and over and-- 42 00:01:47,938 --> 00:01:49,771 Yeah. Ain't it great? 43 00:01:49,855 --> 00:01:52,855 I wasn't finished-- and over and over and over. 44 00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:54,312 The problem is, Leonard, 45 00:01:54,396 --> 00:01:57,062 you seem to be missing the subtleties of this fine sport. 46 00:01:57,604 --> 00:01:58,438 Observe-- 47 00:01:58,521 --> 00:02:00,813 the thrower rears back-- click! 48 00:02:00,896 --> 00:02:03,229 The fetcher hones in on the ball's force and probable trajectory. 49 00:02:03,312 --> 00:02:05,730 Zap! The thrower heaves it. Zip! 50 00:02:05,813 --> 00:02:08,521 The fetcher hurdles himself after it, tracking like radar! 51 00:02:08,604 --> 00:02:11,896 Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Wait! He's misjudged it! 52 00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:13,563 Scurry, scurry, scurry, stretch! 53 00:02:13,646 --> 00:02:14,980 He tries to get traction! 54 00:02:15,062 --> 00:02:17,688 He slams on the brakes, makes a leap backward, and grabs it! 55 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,021 The crowd goes nuts-- ahhh! 56 00:02:21,813 --> 00:02:25,730 Oh, baby, it doesn't get any better than this! 57 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:29,104 Right. Then he trots back and drops 58 00:02:29,187 --> 00:02:30,604 a spit-soaked, filthy, disgusting ball 59 00:02:30,688 --> 00:02:32,354 on the thrower's shoe. 60 00:02:32,438 --> 00:02:35,312 Oh. I see what you're saying. You want a little taste. 61 00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:37,479 Me? Gimme a break. 62 00:02:37,563 --> 00:02:39,730 I'm not gonna run after some dumb-- 63 00:02:39,813 --> 00:02:40,813 Go! 64 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,730 [muffled] That was great! Throw it again! 65 00:02:46,813 --> 00:02:49,396 Well, I don't know. 66 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:50,604 It's getting kind of boring 67 00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:53,688 throwing it over and over and-- 68 00:02:53,771 --> 00:02:54,730 Go! 69 00:02:54,813 --> 00:02:57,187 [chuckles] 70 00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:59,438 Good boy. 71 00:03:04,396 --> 00:03:07,146 Man, there's nothing good to do. 72 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,396 Yeah. We've done it all. 73 00:03:09,479 --> 00:03:11,104 Played it all. 74 00:03:11,187 --> 00:03:14,521 Yeah, picked it off and eaten it all. 75 00:03:14,604 --> 00:03:15,771 [slurping] 76 00:03:18,896 --> 00:03:20,813 Hey, how about a game of capture the flag? 77 00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,354 [all] Did it. 78 00:03:22,438 --> 00:03:23,604 Dodge ball?! 79 00:03:23,688 --> 00:03:25,104 [all] Did it. 80 00:03:25,187 --> 00:03:26,521 Foursquare? 81 00:03:26,604 --> 00:03:27,813 [all] Did it. 82 00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,312 Saliva tag?! 83 00:03:30,855 --> 00:03:34,813 [exhales] "How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable 84 00:03:34,896 --> 00:03:38,187 seem to me all the uses of this world"-- 85 00:03:38,271 --> 00:03:40,146 "Hamlet," Act 1, Scene 2. 86 00:03:40,229 --> 00:03:42,813 Man, that's deep. What does it mean? 87 00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,438 It means I'm so bored now, 88 00:03:44,521 --> 00:03:46,604 even a drink of water sounds more interesting. 89 00:03:46,688 --> 00:03:48,646 Where does he get all this stuff? 90 00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:51,354 It's called "reading," fellas! 91 00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:53,146 Um, you know, yesterday, 92 00:03:53,229 --> 00:03:56,688 I was kind of playing a sort of fun new game. 93 00:03:56,771 --> 00:03:59,021 Leonard, you have an idea? 94 00:04:00,271 --> 00:04:03,438 Don't say it! Don't say it! 95 00:04:03,521 --> 00:04:05,146 You can't risk looking like a dork 96 00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:07,062 if they all think it's a dumb idea. 97 00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:10,187 Don't listen to him. You got a fun, new game. 98 00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:12,271 Put it out there. Go for it! 99 00:04:12,354 --> 00:04:14,354 Yeah, but if it comes from you, 100 00:04:14,438 --> 00:04:16,354 everyone will think it's totally lame, 101 00:04:16,438 --> 00:04:18,354 'cause you never think of anything good. 102 00:04:18,438 --> 00:04:20,604 Yeah, he's right. You're such a loser-- 103 00:04:20,688 --> 00:04:23,354 hey, wait. Now you've got me talking like you. 104 00:04:23,438 --> 00:04:24,730 Come on, take a shot. 105 00:04:24,813 --> 00:04:27,271 What's the worst that can happen? 106 00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:28,855 Fetch-it ball. 107 00:04:28,938 --> 00:04:30,104 Did you just sneeze? 108 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,771 No, Leslie, I didn't sneeze. 109 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,604 I just suggested a new game we could all play. 110 00:04:34,688 --> 00:04:36,396 Who just said that? 111 00:04:36,479 --> 00:04:37,730 Hurry up! 112 00:04:37,813 --> 00:04:41,271 I can't hold him much longer! 113 00:04:41,354 --> 00:04:42,646 Fetch-it ball? 114 00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:44,688 Sounds cool. 115 00:04:44,771 --> 00:04:45,688 How do you play it, dude? 116 00:04:45,771 --> 00:04:48,271 Oh, well, um, it's really easy. 117 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,813 One person throws the ball, 118 00:04:49,896 --> 00:04:52,104 and the other person chases it and brings it back. 119 00:04:52,187 --> 00:04:53,938 Are they on different teams? 120 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:55,479 Sure, why not? 121 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,730 We'll have the thrower team and the fetcher team. 122 00:04:57,813 --> 00:04:59,146 I call thrower! 123 00:04:59,229 --> 00:05:00,563 I got fetcher! 124 00:05:00,646 --> 00:05:02,396 I call first fetch! 125 00:05:02,479 --> 00:05:06,271 Guys, guys, everyone's gonna get a chance to throw and fetch, 126 00:05:06,354 --> 00:05:08,312 'cause the teams switch sides 127 00:05:08,396 --> 00:05:10,604 every inning-- quarter--round? 128 00:05:10,688 --> 00:05:13,730 This game has inning quarter round periods? 129 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:17,062 Yeah, but we just call them "roundies" for short. 130 00:05:17,146 --> 00:05:19,730 Come on. Let's go play. 131 00:05:19,813 --> 00:05:21,229 -Yeah! -Yeah! 132 00:05:24,312 --> 00:05:26,646 Okay, now, if you fetch the ball before it hits the ground, 133 00:05:26,730 --> 00:05:29,646 it's worth, um, 5 points-- oh, and a free fetch. 134 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:32,104 But if it bounces, then you lose your free fetch 135 00:05:32,187 --> 00:05:34,312 and take away one point for each time it bounced. 136 00:05:34,396 --> 00:05:36,229 I'll show you. Tyler, throw me the ball. 137 00:05:37,813 --> 00:05:38,980 Ahh! 138 00:05:39,062 --> 00:05:40,104 Ugh! 139 00:05:42,688 --> 00:05:44,980 That's called a "headie." 140 00:05:45,062 --> 00:05:47,062 The fetcher gets 10 points for that, 141 00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,187 plus a free throw back to the thrower, 142 00:05:49,271 --> 00:05:50,938 who has to fetch it now. 143 00:05:51,021 --> 00:05:51,938 Ready? 144 00:05:56,563 --> 00:05:58,479 [laughs] Faking's fair. Go! 145 00:05:58,563 --> 00:06:00,229 -Fetch that ball! Hey! -Fetch that ball! Hey! 146 00:06:00,312 --> 00:06:02,646 -Fetch that ball! -Fetch that ball! 147 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:05,396 [all] He's no fetcher! Find a better catcher! 148 00:06:05,479 --> 00:06:06,896 [children laughing] 149 00:06:10,062 --> 00:06:13,646 Ahh. Well, that was a long, but boring drink. 150 00:06:13,730 --> 00:06:15,146 [gasps] 151 00:06:15,229 --> 00:06:16,896 Fetch it! Go, man! 152 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:18,521 Oh, botched fetch. 153 00:06:18,604 --> 00:06:21,813 My Nana can fetch better than you. 154 00:06:21,896 --> 00:06:24,771 Oh, yeah? Bring her on! I can outfetch her any day! 155 00:06:24,855 --> 00:06:26,187 Come on, everybody. 156 00:06:26,271 --> 00:06:30,521 Let's just call a refetch and get on with the game. 157 00:06:30,604 --> 00:06:31,604 [gasps] 158 00:06:31,688 --> 00:06:34,938 Do my eyes deceive me? What in blue blazes-- 159 00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:36,938 Can it possibly be? 160 00:06:37,646 --> 00:06:41,146 Perhaps I should shut up and just go find out. 161 00:06:41,229 --> 00:06:44,646 Hey, hey, what up? What are we doing? 162 00:06:44,730 --> 00:06:46,104 Playing fetch-it ball. 163 00:06:46,187 --> 00:06:48,521 That's what I thought. I love this game! 164 00:06:48,604 --> 00:06:51,938 Yeah. Leonard invented it all by himself. 165 00:06:52,021 --> 00:06:53,646 Can you believe it? He had the coolest idea 166 00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:56,604 anybody ever had on this whole playground ever! 167 00:06:56,688 --> 00:06:57,771 Leonard invented it? 168 00:06:57,855 --> 00:06:59,521 Well, good for Leonard. 169 00:06:59,604 --> 00:07:02,771 He finally got himself a little bit of recognition. 170 00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,312 Yeah, for your great idea. 171 00:07:04,396 --> 00:07:06,938 [all chanting] Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! 172 00:07:07,021 --> 00:07:08,604 Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! Leonard! 173 00:07:08,688 --> 00:07:11,438 Scott! Scott! Scott! 174 00:07:11,521 --> 00:07:13,563 You're the one they should be cheering and huzzahing. 175 00:07:13,646 --> 00:07:16,563 Why, weak Scott, I do believe you're jealous. 176 00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:19,146 Me? Jealous? Don't be ridiculous, strong Scott. 177 00:07:19,229 --> 00:07:20,604 I'm nothing like jealous. 178 00:07:20,688 --> 00:07:23,146 I don't have a jealous bone in my body! 179 00:07:23,229 --> 00:07:26,438 Of course I'm jealous! 180 00:07:26,521 --> 00:07:28,187 I have every right to be jealous! 181 00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:31,021 Are you with me?! Are we jealous or what?! 182 00:07:31,104 --> 00:07:32,604 Don't listen to him. 183 00:07:32,688 --> 00:07:35,980 Don't give in to such a petty human emotion as jealousy. 184 00:07:36,479 --> 00:07:37,479 Too late. 185 00:07:37,563 --> 00:07:41,771 [bell rings] 186 00:07:41,855 --> 00:07:43,688 Oh, man, we were just starting to have 187 00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:45,980 the best recess game of our lives. 188 00:07:46,062 --> 00:07:48,855 That's okay, Leslie. Everyone, we can play again after school. 189 00:07:48,938 --> 00:07:51,146 Yeah! 190 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,980 Yeah! 191 00:07:53,062 --> 00:07:55,479 And maybe we'll challenge those big, bragging fifth graders 192 00:07:55,563 --> 00:07:58,438 to a little fetch-it ball match-- 193 00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,354 see how good they are at our game. 194 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,354 You mean your game, Leonard. You deserve all the credit. 195 00:08:03,438 --> 00:08:06,438 Oh, gee--I mean, gosh-- I mean, gee. 196 00:08:08,938 --> 00:08:11,563 Well, well, well. 197 00:08:11,646 --> 00:08:13,646 You go for a little drink of water, 198 00:08:13,730 --> 00:08:17,271 and you find out who your real friends are. 199 00:08:17,354 --> 00:08:19,062 Oh, Scott, there you are. 200 00:08:19,146 --> 00:08:21,354 Shoot, you missed the whole game. 201 00:08:21,438 --> 00:08:23,771 But that's okay. We're playing again later. 202 00:08:23,855 --> 00:08:25,438 You want to be on my team? 203 00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:28,521 Oh, gee. I don't know. What if I'm not any good? 204 00:08:28,604 --> 00:08:31,229 I mean, fetch-it ball is your game, 205 00:08:31,312 --> 00:08:33,938 isn't it, old Mr. Leonard Doubleday-- 206 00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:36,104 or is that "double cross"?! 207 00:08:36,187 --> 00:08:37,604 What are you talking about? 208 00:08:39,688 --> 00:08:42,646 Abner Doubleday-- 1818 to 1893-- 209 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,187 the noted civil war general commonly credited 210 00:08:44,271 --> 00:08:46,813 with inventing our all-American pastime-- 211 00:08:46,896 --> 00:08:48,312 the great game of baseball-- 212 00:08:48,396 --> 00:08:51,312 in Cooperstown, New York, circa 1839. 213 00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:53,062 But in reality, 214 00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:55,730 history shows that the vaunted Mr. Doubleday 215 00:08:55,813 --> 00:08:57,980 did not know a baseball from a kumquat. 216 00:08:58,062 --> 00:09:01,021 The truth is that baseball really evolved 217 00:09:01,104 --> 00:09:03,563 from the English game of rounders 218 00:09:03,646 --> 00:09:05,730 and was adapted into the game we now know and love 219 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,771 by the little-known, unheralded 220 00:09:07,855 --> 00:09:10,229 Mr. Alexander Cartwright. 221 00:09:10,312 --> 00:09:13,855 [all chanting] Abner Doubleday! Abner Doubleday! Abner Doubleday! 222 00:09:13,938 --> 00:09:15,271 Who's that? 223 00:09:15,354 --> 00:09:16,980 [Leonard] I never heard of him. 224 00:09:17,062 --> 00:09:18,521 My point exactly. 225 00:09:18,604 --> 00:09:20,021 And how do you think 226 00:09:20,104 --> 00:09:23,855 that made poor, old Al Cartwright feel, pallie? 227 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,521 Poor, old Mr. Cartwright. 228 00:09:25,604 --> 00:09:28,104 That must have been really tough to have done something great, 229 00:09:28,187 --> 00:09:30,104 like bring a whole new game to the world, 230 00:09:30,187 --> 00:09:32,146 and then not get any credit for it. 231 00:09:32,229 --> 00:09:33,730 I knew you'd see my point. 232 00:09:33,813 --> 00:09:35,354 I sure am glad everyone knows 233 00:09:35,438 --> 00:09:36,980 I'm the guy who invented fetch-it ball. 234 00:09:37,062 --> 00:09:41,229 Y-You did not! That's my game! 235 00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:43,312 What are you talking about, Scott? 236 00:09:43,396 --> 00:09:46,062 Your game was fetch-it. I'm the one who added the ball. 237 00:09:46,146 --> 00:09:47,813 There was already a ball! 238 00:09:47,896 --> 00:09:50,396 You just added the word "ball" to "fetch-it" 239 00:09:50,479 --> 00:09:52,021 and--and called it a game! 240 00:09:52,104 --> 00:09:54,146 A team sport, which I turned it into myself 241 00:09:54,229 --> 00:09:56,104 while you were getting a drink of water. 242 00:09:56,187 --> 00:09:58,688 And you're just jealous, 'cause for once in my life, 243 00:09:58,771 --> 00:10:00,021 I thought of something new 244 00:10:00,104 --> 00:10:02,438 that everyone thinks is the funnest game they ever played! 245 00:10:02,521 --> 00:10:06,396 For the nonce, little boy, for the nonce-- 246 00:10:06,479 --> 00:10:09,312 enjoy your moment in the sun. 247 00:10:09,396 --> 00:10:11,896 There's a funner game a-coming, 248 00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:14,479 just as soon as I think it up. 249 00:10:17,813 --> 00:10:20,396 Good afternoon, everybody. 250 00:10:20,479 --> 00:10:22,312 It's a beautiful day out here 251 00:10:22,396 --> 00:10:25,730 at the empty lot across from the Helperman's house. 252 00:10:25,813 --> 00:10:30,771 And don't you know, the fourth-grade fetch-it ballers 253 00:10:30,855 --> 00:10:33,021 are ready to rock and roll!! 254 00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:34,563 [coughing] 255 00:10:34,646 --> 00:10:38,730 [hoarsely] We will now have a short pause 256 00:10:38,813 --> 00:10:40,896 while I enjoy a mentholated throat lozenge. 257 00:10:43,813 --> 00:10:46,146 Let's play some fetch-it ball! 258 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,604 [all cheer] 259 00:10:52,021 --> 00:10:55,104 A game, a game, a game-- 260 00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:56,229 and it's got to be a good one. 261 00:10:56,312 --> 00:10:57,938 And it's got to be fun. 262 00:10:58,021 --> 00:11:00,938 And it's got to destroy fetch-it ball. 263 00:11:01,021 --> 00:11:03,938 What is it? What is it? Come on, think. 264 00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:07,479 Fetch the stick? Fetch the piece of hot dog? 265 00:11:07,563 --> 00:11:10,396 Fetch the rolled-up dirty socks? Oh, my goodness! 266 00:11:10,479 --> 00:11:13,771 Realization-- they're all the same. 267 00:11:13,855 --> 00:11:15,312 Every good dog game is just a variation 268 00:11:15,396 --> 00:11:18,187 on the classic, much better game of fetch-it. 269 00:11:18,271 --> 00:11:22,813 I might as well face it. We live to fetch and eat. 270 00:11:22,896 --> 00:11:25,396 Hey--eat-it ball? 271 00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:28,021 Nah. 272 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:31,479 Oh, spot, you're thinking just so in the box. 273 00:11:31,563 --> 00:11:33,730 What makes fetch-it ball a hit 274 00:11:33,813 --> 00:11:35,104 is it's completely original. 275 00:11:35,187 --> 00:11:36,896 There's nothing else like it. 276 00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:39,354 Now, if you really want to get their attention, 277 00:11:39,438 --> 00:11:41,396 you need something just as unique. 278 00:11:41,479 --> 00:11:43,646 If I may, we cats have a game we love, 279 00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,062 and I think it might 280 00:11:45,146 --> 00:11:47,646 take your little fourth-grade sports nuts by storm. 281 00:11:47,730 --> 00:11:49,062 Tell. Tell! 282 00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:51,646 Well, the first player picks up 283 00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:54,271 a little cloth mouse filled with catnip. 284 00:11:54,354 --> 00:11:55,563 Yeah? 285 00:11:55,646 --> 00:11:58,730 And he throws it far, far, far away as he can. 286 00:11:58,813 --> 00:12:01,730 So, the other player must run like the wind. 287 00:12:01,730 --> 00:12:04,688 He captures that mouse and returns to player one, 288 00:12:04,771 --> 00:12:06,312 so he might throw it again. 289 00:12:06,396 --> 00:12:10,604 And this would be different from fetch-it ball how? 290 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:14,104 Well, if you have to ask a question like that, 291 00:12:14,187 --> 00:12:17,354 you obviously know nothing about catnip. 292 00:12:17,438 --> 00:12:19,563 Mmm. Mmm. Catnip. 293 00:12:19,646 --> 00:12:21,771 Sure would be sweet to roll on my cheek 294 00:12:21,855 --> 00:12:23,855 and drool on some catty catty nip nip. 295 00:12:23,938 --> 00:12:25,521 Where did I put it last? 296 00:12:25,604 --> 00:12:27,646 Oy, him and his toys. 297 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,771 A game, a game. A game! 298 00:12:29,855 --> 00:12:31,104 Ahem. 299 00:12:31,187 --> 00:12:32,396 What? 300 00:12:32,479 --> 00:12:35,312 Well, aren't you gonna ask me what birds like to play? 301 00:12:35,396 --> 00:12:38,021 Everyone knows we're the most playful species on earth. 302 00:12:38,104 --> 00:12:39,730 You teach those kids one of our great bird games, 303 00:12:39,813 --> 00:12:42,521 they'll be bowing at your feet and kissing your ring, baby! 304 00:12:42,604 --> 00:12:46,062 Okay, you got me. I'm desperate. What do birds like to play? 305 00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:47,730 [whistles] 306 00:12:47,813 --> 00:12:50,062 Come on, boys. Let's show him. 307 00:12:50,146 --> 00:12:51,563 First, you all get together and stand in a big line. 308 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:54,771 See? What are you doing, schlepper? Write this down. 309 00:12:54,855 --> 00:12:56,146 Okay, okay. 310 00:12:56,229 --> 00:12:57,438 Dogs. 311 00:12:58,521 --> 00:13:00,104 Then whoever's the leader 312 00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:02,062 gives some kind of prearranged signal. 313 00:13:02,146 --> 00:13:03,438 [honks] 314 00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:04,813 Good. Signals are good. 315 00:13:04,896 --> 00:13:07,604 Then you all break into a dead run. 316 00:13:07,688 --> 00:13:09,688 Excellent. What's a sport without running? 317 00:13:09,771 --> 00:13:12,771 And you get up to the very top speed you can feasibly attain. 318 00:13:12,855 --> 00:13:13,938 I love it! 319 00:13:14,021 --> 00:13:16,896 This is gonna make Leonard's fetch-it ball look so lame! 320 00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,646 At the last possible second, 321 00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:21,438 you spread your wings, take off into the air, 322 00:13:21,521 --> 00:13:23,062 and fly as fast as you can, 323 00:13:23,146 --> 00:13:26,062 under the phone wires, around the trees, 324 00:13:26,146 --> 00:13:27,521 over the rooftops. 325 00:13:28,354 --> 00:13:30,146 Pretty Boy, Pretty Boy... 326 00:13:30,396 --> 00:13:32,146 We can't play that game. 327 00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:33,604 Kids can't fly. 328 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,563 Doesn't make it not a great game! 329 00:13:36,646 --> 00:13:38,021 [clock ticking] 330 00:13:45,312 --> 00:13:48,104 A game, a game. A game! 331 00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:50,187 Maybe if I had a little drink of water. 332 00:13:50,271 --> 00:13:52,855 It'll clear my head. No, wait. 333 00:13:53,146 --> 00:13:56,312 Going for a little drink of water was how this whole mess started. 334 00:13:56,396 --> 00:14:00,730 Oh, great. Now I'm miserable and thirsty. 335 00:14:01,104 --> 00:14:02,688 Hey, is there a game in that? 336 00:14:05,187 --> 00:14:08,187 Oh, man, this fetch-it ball is the bomb! 337 00:14:08,271 --> 00:14:11,271 I thought all fourth graders were lame twerps, 338 00:14:11,354 --> 00:14:13,354 but, Helperman, you thought of an awesome game. 339 00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:14,521 Thanks, Max. 340 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:17,813 Fifth grade--66 points, fourth grade--zilch. 341 00:14:17,896 --> 00:14:19,271 We're up. 342 00:14:19,354 --> 00:14:21,396 Thanks a lot. 343 00:14:21,479 --> 00:14:23,354 [all cheering] 344 00:14:23,438 --> 00:14:25,396 Ugh! 345 00:14:27,438 --> 00:14:28,396 Score! 346 00:14:28,479 --> 00:14:31,604 Fifth grade--67, fourth grade--zero. 347 00:14:31,688 --> 00:14:34,187 I don't think that's how the game is supposed to go. 348 00:14:34,271 --> 00:14:35,938 Give me flying any day. 349 00:14:36,021 --> 00:14:38,271 Fifth grade--68, fourth grade--zip. 350 00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:43,062 Ugh! 351 00:14:45,271 --> 00:14:47,354 Hey! That's not part of the game! 352 00:14:47,438 --> 00:14:49,938 Fifth grade--69, fourth grade--zip. 353 00:14:50,021 --> 00:14:51,604 [groans] 354 00:14:51,688 --> 00:14:53,604 We're here just before halftime 355 00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:56,104 with the inventor of fetch-it ball. 356 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:59,271 Tell me, Leonard, is the fact that you're here, 357 00:14:59,354 --> 00:15:03,062 lying facedown in the mud, losing 69 to 0, 358 00:15:03,146 --> 00:15:06,021 part of some overall fourth-grade strategy, 359 00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:08,813 or was this all just a huge mistake? 360 00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:11,438 And can we look forward to you running home, 361 00:15:11,521 --> 00:15:13,479 pulling the covers over your head, 362 00:15:13,563 --> 00:15:15,354 and crying yourself to sleep? 363 00:15:15,438 --> 00:15:16,604 We're not giving up. 364 00:15:16,688 --> 00:15:20,104 We're coming back in the second half. Ugh! 365 00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,479 [slurping] 366 00:15:22,563 --> 00:15:24,438 [gulps] 367 00:15:24,521 --> 00:15:25,438 Mmm. 368 00:15:25,521 --> 00:15:26,813 Clay-based, 369 00:15:26,896 --> 00:15:29,896 but without the annoying sulfur aftertaste. 370 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,896 [Max] Fifth grade--70, fourth grade--zip. 371 00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:34,187 [slurping] 372 00:15:34,271 --> 00:15:37,062 Well, if I'm not gonna think of a new game, 373 00:15:37,146 --> 00:15:39,855 and I'm not gonna have a drink of water, 374 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:43,229 I guess I'll just have to-- 375 00:15:43,312 --> 00:15:47,563 Hey! Whoa! And aha! That's it! 376 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:49,521 Why didn't I think of it before? 377 00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:51,730 [Max] Whoo! And at the half, 378 00:15:51,813 --> 00:15:54,312 it's fifth grade--72, fourth grade--zip. 379 00:15:54,396 --> 00:15:57,396 See what I mean about ugly? This is a massacre. 380 00:15:57,479 --> 00:15:59,771 Pretty Boy, what if the earth, 381 00:15:59,855 --> 00:16:03,771 instead of being a complex planet teeming with life, 382 00:16:03,855 --> 00:16:06,104 is really just a tiny molecule 383 00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:08,021 on some giant's fingernail? 384 00:16:08,104 --> 00:16:09,980 All right, that's it. 385 00:16:10,104 --> 00:16:12,646 And this is the last time I'm taking you to a ballgame! 386 00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:15,271 [mouse squeaks] 387 00:16:18,146 --> 00:16:19,646 [Max] Oh, I'm sorry. 388 00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,855 There was a mistake in the scorekeeping. 389 00:16:21,938 --> 00:16:24,396 It's fifth grade--82, fourth grade--zip. 390 00:16:24,479 --> 00:16:27,146 Oy, this is pathetic. Spot, you got to do something. 391 00:16:27,229 --> 00:16:28,438 Spot? 392 00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:29,688 Spot? 393 00:16:33,229 --> 00:16:35,646 Okay. This is the left end line. 394 00:16:35,771 --> 00:16:37,479 If any part of your body touches it, 395 00:16:37,604 --> 00:16:38,646 you're out of bounds 396 00:16:38,771 --> 00:16:41,271 with a 2-yard penalty assessed to the next go-round 397 00:16:41,354 --> 00:16:44,646 this sounds way better than that decrepit fetch-it ball. 398 00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:46,604 Come on, let's just play. 399 00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:50,146 You're going down, mister. You're gonna eat my dust! 400 00:16:50,229 --> 00:16:53,271 You're gonna be running home to mama, crying, 401 00:16:53,438 --> 00:16:55,646 "Ian wiped the floor with me!" 402 00:16:55,771 --> 00:16:58,896 I'm thinking of adding a 5-yard penalty for trash talking. 403 00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:02,104 May the best man win. 404 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,021 [squishes] 405 00:17:04,146 --> 00:17:05,521 Mm-hmm. 406 00:17:05,646 --> 00:17:08,354 -Okay. -Ready... set... 407 00:17:08,479 --> 00:17:10,855 Go! 408 00:17:13,938 --> 00:17:16,271 See? Isn't this fun? 409 00:17:16,396 --> 00:17:17,855 Are you kidding me? 410 00:17:17,938 --> 00:17:21,855 This makes losing fetch-it ball 82 to zip look fun. 411 00:17:21,938 --> 00:17:23,563 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 412 00:17:23,646 --> 00:17:27,604 Speaking of which, it's almost time for the second half! 413 00:17:27,688 --> 00:17:29,646 I got a hunger for some mud! 414 00:17:29,771 --> 00:17:32,771 Abandoned by Ian Wazselewski-- 415 00:17:32,855 --> 00:17:34,563 the low point in my career as a boy. 416 00:17:34,646 --> 00:17:37,563 Psst. Fur face, there you are. Get over here! 417 00:17:37,646 --> 00:17:38,980 What do you want? 418 00:17:39,062 --> 00:17:41,354 The fourth-grade team is dying out there! 419 00:17:41,479 --> 00:17:43,980 Yeah, I heard--82 to zip. 420 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,271 Maybe they'd do better at a game they didn't steal. 421 00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:48,396 You know, you were a lot more fun when you were just a dog. 422 00:17:48,479 --> 00:17:51,479 My point is, you're the only one who can save them, Scott. 423 00:17:51,563 --> 00:17:53,771 You're the greatest fetch-it ballplayer in the world. 424 00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:55,021 If you don't get them out of this, 425 00:17:55,104 --> 00:17:57,438 your best friend may never be able to hold his head up again. 426 00:17:57,521 --> 00:17:59,438 And if he can't hold his head up, 427 00:17:59,521 --> 00:18:01,021 how's he gonna feed the bird? 428 00:18:01,104 --> 00:18:03,521 Or toss my beloved catnip mouse? 429 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:04,813 Will you shack it already? 430 00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:06,813 I've had it up to here with the mouse. 431 00:18:06,896 --> 00:18:08,479 So, what do you say, Scott? 432 00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:09,730 Well... 433 00:18:09,813 --> 00:18:11,730 Say no-- let Leonard twist in the wind 434 00:18:11,813 --> 00:18:13,730 with his precious fetch-it ball. 435 00:18:13,813 --> 00:18:16,312 That'll show him for not giving you credit where credit's due. 436 00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,688 Don't listen to your weaker self, Scott. 437 00:18:18,771 --> 00:18:21,855 He'll just have you sitting here all alone and moping by yourself. 438 00:18:21,938 --> 00:18:24,646 Be strong. Rise above your jealousy. 439 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:27,354 You're a dog first, loyal and true. 440 00:18:27,438 --> 00:18:30,104 And there's nothing you love more than playing fetch-- 441 00:18:30,187 --> 00:18:33,187 I mean, there's nothing you love more than Leonard. 442 00:18:33,271 --> 00:18:34,563 Okay! 443 00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:36,062 I'll play for the team. 444 00:18:36,187 --> 00:18:39,021 Really? That's great, just great! 445 00:18:39,146 --> 00:18:42,354 Boy, those fifth graders are really gonna see some fetch-it ball now. 446 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:46,312 I'll play with one small proviso. 447 00:18:46,438 --> 00:18:47,521 Proviso? 448 00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:48,688 It means "condition." 449 00:18:48,771 --> 00:18:50,980 I guess I should have said "condition," 450 00:18:51,062 --> 00:18:53,062 but "proviso" is a much cooler-sounding word, 451 00:18:53,146 --> 00:18:55,730 and you hardly ever get to use it in daily conversation. 452 00:18:55,813 --> 00:18:57,354 What is it? What's the condition? 453 00:18:57,479 --> 00:18:59,688 Well, before we start the second half, 454 00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,563 you have to tell them I thought of the game. 455 00:19:01,688 --> 00:19:05,271 Now? Here?! But I'll look so lame! 456 00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:07,187 That's my condition. 457 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,813 I mean, I admit, 458 00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:11,187 maybe I should have said it was both of our game 459 00:19:11,271 --> 00:19:12,604 way back in the beginning. 460 00:19:12,688 --> 00:19:14,187 Boy, was that just today? 461 00:19:14,312 --> 00:19:15,730 Everything happened so fast, 462 00:19:15,813 --> 00:19:19,062 and everyone was having so much fun and liking me so much 463 00:19:19,146 --> 00:19:21,688 that--I don't know-- it just never came up. 464 00:19:21,771 --> 00:19:24,855 But if it comes up now, Scott, won't I just look dumb? 465 00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:27,187 One man's dumb is another man's rightful credit 466 00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:30,146 for inventing a great game that everyone loves and wants to win. 467 00:19:30,229 --> 00:19:31,771 Oh, okay. 468 00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:34,688 Well, now are you happy? 469 00:19:34,771 --> 00:19:36,396 Ooh, yeah! 470 00:19:36,521 --> 00:19:39,438 Um, team, before we start the second half, 471 00:19:39,521 --> 00:19:41,938 there's, uh, something I have to tell you. 472 00:19:42,062 --> 00:19:43,604 -Yeah, Captain? -What is it, boss? 473 00:19:43,688 --> 00:19:45,271 Are you okay, Leonard? 474 00:19:45,396 --> 00:19:48,980 Um, well, no, I'm not okay. 475 00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:51,146 See, this is really embarrassing, 476 00:19:51,229 --> 00:19:53,730 but, well, you guys, I didn't really think of-- 477 00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:57,730 I mean, I can't take the credit for-- 478 00:19:57,813 --> 00:20:00,354 I mean, Scott's really the one who--who-- 479 00:20:00,438 --> 00:20:03,604 who's been secretly drilling and practicing nonstop 480 00:20:03,688 --> 00:20:05,646 and is now ready to get out there 481 00:20:05,730 --> 00:20:07,771 and lead the fourth-grade team 482 00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:08,730 to a surprise comeback victory 483 00:20:08,813 --> 00:20:13,479 in the game my best friend, Leonard, invented. 484 00:20:13,563 --> 00:20:15,521 [cheers and applause] 485 00:20:15,604 --> 00:20:17,855 But which I never would have thought of 486 00:20:17,938 --> 00:20:18,896 if my best friend, Scott, 487 00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:20,855 hadn't actually fetched the first fetch-it ball 488 00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:22,604 in the first place. 489 00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:25,229 So, really, your applause and almost all of the credit 490 00:20:25,312 --> 00:20:26,771 should go to him. 491 00:20:26,855 --> 00:20:28,396 [cheers and applause] 492 00:20:28,479 --> 00:20:29,771 Oh, thank you, 493 00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:32,688 but, no, it was my best friend, Leonard, 494 00:20:32,771 --> 00:20:35,771 who turned it into the sport you so love, 495 00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:37,479 so let's hear it for him! 496 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:38,688 [cheers and applause] 497 00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,312 No. Now, to be fair, 498 00:20:40,396 --> 00:20:42,771 if you're going to applaud anyone, it should be-- 499 00:20:42,855 --> 00:20:45,354 my hands are starting to turn red! 500 00:20:45,438 --> 00:20:47,021 Could we just play ball?! 501 00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:49,896 Go! 502 00:21:22,730 --> 00:21:24,771 [blows] 503 00:21:24,896 --> 00:21:28,688 -Yay, Leonard and Scott! -Yay, Leonard and Scott! 504 00:21:34,855 --> 00:21:37,730 The sun is a-shining, not a cloud in the sky. 505 00:21:37,813 --> 00:21:41,062 Pal o'mine, it's another great fetch-it ball morning. 506 00:21:41,187 --> 00:21:43,479 Look, everyone's already out playing-- 507 00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:44,938 hey, wait a minute. 508 00:21:45,021 --> 00:21:47,021 That doesn't look like fetch-it ball. 509 00:21:47,146 --> 00:21:49,855 Hi, Scott. Hi, Leonard. Come play Ian's great new game. 510 00:21:49,938 --> 00:21:52,646 All you have to do is run around in circles, 511 00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:54,730 sit down on the ground, and see 512 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:57,563 who can bite the backside of their own leg fastest. 513 00:21:57,646 --> 00:21:59,104 It's really fun. 514 00:22:00,271 --> 00:22:03,730 Ian, I'd like to have a word with you. 515 00:22:03,855 --> 00:22:06,396 [Ian] Uh-oh. 516 00:22:06,521 --> 00:22:08,813 [laughing] 517 00:22:08,938 --> 00:22:12,062 I wonder if Edison had this problem.