1 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:01,479 ♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪ 2 00:00:01,563 --> 00:00:04,104 -♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪ 3 00:00:04,187 --> 00:00:05,813 ♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪ 4 00:00:05,896 --> 00:00:07,438 ♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪ 5 00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:08,354 ♪ He'd start to drool ♪ 6 00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:10,146 -♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪ 7 00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,855 ♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪ 8 00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:14,229 ♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪ 9 00:00:14,312 --> 00:00:16,604 ♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪ 10 00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,312 -♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 11 00:00:18,396 --> 00:00:19,646 ♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪ 12 00:00:19,730 --> 00:00:21,146 ♪ He's so over just being rover ♪ 13 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,604 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 14 00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:25,062 ♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪ 15 00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:26,688 ♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪ 16 00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,438 ♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪ 17 00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:30,980 Why can't I be a normal kid like any other? 18 00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,146 Now, doodle bug, listen to mother. 19 00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:34,938 ♪ I want to be a boy ♪ 20 00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,938 I hate dogs. 21 00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:39,479 ♪ I gotta be a boy ♪ 22 00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:41,479 ♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪ 23 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,521 I do not wish to be a dog. 24 00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:46,104 ♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪ 25 00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:47,521 ♪ I got to be a boy ♪ 26 00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,104 ♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪ 27 00:00:49,187 --> 00:00:52,229 ♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪ 28 00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,146 Yes! 29 00:01:13,146 --> 00:01:14,563 [announcer on TV] Stay tuned, boys and girls. 30 00:01:14,646 --> 00:01:16,479 Coming up next-- a classic reprise 31 00:01:16,563 --> 00:01:18,438 of your all-time perennial favorite super beloved 32 00:01:18,521 --> 00:01:21,563 episode of "The Goony Gopher Show." 33 00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:22,813 [both] Rerun. 34 00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:25,396 [boy on TV] Coming right up on "Wormface And Skelepony," 35 00:01:25,479 --> 00:01:28,021 a perennial reprise all-time favorite classic... 36 00:01:28,104 --> 00:01:29,438 [both] Seen that. 37 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:30,938 Don't they make any new shows anymore? 38 00:01:31,021 --> 00:01:33,730 [man on TV] And next, a brand-new... 39 00:01:33,813 --> 00:01:35,771 Reshowing of your all-time favorite... 40 00:01:35,855 --> 00:01:39,104 That does it. This is un-American. 41 00:01:39,187 --> 00:01:41,563 Who do they think we are, a bunch of dumb animals? 42 00:01:41,646 --> 00:01:45,104 Well, we showed them. We voted with our beaks. 43 00:01:45,187 --> 00:01:47,271 Darn right. 44 00:01:50,271 --> 00:01:52,479 So now what do we do? 45 00:01:52,563 --> 00:01:54,104 I don't know. 46 00:01:54,187 --> 00:01:56,187 What did we do before we had television? 47 00:01:56,271 --> 00:01:58,187 We've always had television... 48 00:01:58,271 --> 00:02:00,521 Except for that one day the power was out 49 00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:04,563 and we slept for 18 hours straight. 50 00:02:04,646 --> 00:02:05,938 You want to sleep? 51 00:02:06,021 --> 00:02:07,563 I got a better idea than sitting 52 00:02:07,646 --> 00:02:09,021 in front of some stupid screen, passively letting 53 00:02:09,104 --> 00:02:11,771 information and entertainment wash over us. Come on! 54 00:02:13,688 --> 00:02:15,646 [beeping] 55 00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:19,229 You were right. This is infinitely better. 56 00:02:19,312 --> 00:02:25,312 [beeping] 57 00:02:30,146 --> 00:02:34,396 [Scott] Earth-- 93 million miles from the sun, 58 00:02:34,479 --> 00:02:37,021 a stunning big beautiful blue marble 59 00:02:37,104 --> 00:02:39,938 that I like to call... Home. 60 00:02:40,021 --> 00:02:41,563 You're never going to get home 61 00:02:41,646 --> 00:02:42,938 if you keep stopping to look at it. 62 00:02:43,021 --> 00:02:45,730 Well, pardon me for admiring my creation. 63 00:02:45,813 --> 00:02:48,980 Can't I stop and smell the genius every now and then? 64 00:02:49,062 --> 00:02:51,396 On any other day, yes. 65 00:02:51,479 --> 00:02:52,771 On the day they give out the Junior Boy Ranger 66 00:02:52,855 --> 00:02:55,104 community-service job assignments? 67 00:02:55,187 --> 00:02:57,563 Junior Boy Ranger yada-yada assignment jobs? 68 00:02:57,646 --> 00:02:59,021 Let's go. Move it. 69 00:02:59,104 --> 00:03:00,521 I'm going to get there first, 70 00:03:00,604 --> 00:03:02,688 and then assistant groundskeeper at the softball field 71 00:03:02,771 --> 00:03:05,229 is mine, all mine. 72 00:03:05,312 --> 00:03:08,688 Card-catalog room at the rare-book library, 73 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,521 here I come. 74 00:03:10,604 --> 00:03:12,604 Dewey decimal system? 75 00:03:12,688 --> 00:03:15,855 More like ooh-whee! Decimal system. 76 00:03:15,938 --> 00:03:17,938 It helps to like your work. 77 00:03:18,021 --> 00:03:19,938 [blaring] 78 00:03:20,021 --> 00:03:21,646 Junior goody-two-shoes alert. 79 00:03:21,730 --> 00:03:23,604 There will be a 100% chance of geekiness 80 00:03:23,688 --> 00:03:25,354 with scattered nerds. 81 00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,271 Heh heh heh ho. 82 00:03:27,354 --> 00:03:29,187 It's so easy to judge others 83 00:03:29,271 --> 00:03:31,646 from atop your ivory perch, isn't it? 84 00:03:31,730 --> 00:03:33,688 At least we're contributing to society 85 00:03:33,771 --> 00:03:36,646 and not zoning out in front of the television all day. 86 00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:39,438 Shows what you know. We don't zone out in front of the TV. 87 00:03:39,521 --> 00:03:40,813 No. On the contrary, 88 00:03:40,896 --> 00:03:42,604 we zone out in front of the computer. 89 00:03:42,688 --> 00:03:44,438 It would seem that this is one cat 90 00:03:44,521 --> 00:03:47,646 who really knows his way with a mouse. 91 00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:48,813 [giggles] 92 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,521 See? Cat, mouse-- I created a witticism. 93 00:03:51,604 --> 00:03:54,688 Stop. Please, stop. My sides are aching. 94 00:03:54,771 --> 00:03:56,938 Now if you'll excuse us, we are off, 95 00:03:57,021 --> 00:03:59,229 to quote the Junior Boy Ranger motto, 96 00:03:59,312 --> 00:04:01,938 to do our duty with enthusiasm, 97 00:04:02,021 --> 00:04:04,646 respectful of the awesome responsibility-- 98 00:04:04,730 --> 00:04:07,771 come on, Scott, or we'll get stuck with the lame-o jobs. 99 00:04:07,855 --> 00:04:09,187 Bye now. 100 00:04:09,271 --> 00:04:12,438 [all] A Junior Boy Ranger is ever mindful. 101 00:04:12,521 --> 00:04:15,604 A Junior Boy Ranger respects his peers 102 00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:18,438 and observes the rules of order and fairness 103 00:04:18,521 --> 00:04:20,062 at all times. 104 00:04:20,146 --> 00:04:22,187 Very good, rangers. I'm proud of you. 105 00:04:22,271 --> 00:04:24,354 Okay, now on to the business of today's meeting. 106 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:25,730 The community-service jobs-- 107 00:04:25,813 --> 00:04:28,312 Come on! Out of my way! 108 00:04:28,396 --> 00:04:33,104 Now look what you did to my little purple scarf. 109 00:04:33,187 --> 00:04:36,104 Boys, this mindless mayhem stops now. 110 00:04:36,187 --> 00:04:38,187 [all grumbling] 111 00:04:38,271 --> 00:04:39,521 That's not fair. 112 00:04:39,604 --> 00:04:40,980 And get off of Gary. 113 00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:43,396 Ooh, sorry. 114 00:04:43,479 --> 00:04:44,688 Was I first? 115 00:04:44,771 --> 00:04:47,187 Starting today, the community-service jobs 116 00:04:47,271 --> 00:04:49,604 will be picked by me at random in alphabetical order 117 00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:51,104 of your last names. 118 00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:53,479 Oh, that's not fair. 119 00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:55,438 My name starts with "W." 120 00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:57,855 I beat Scott to the jar, 121 00:04:57,938 --> 00:05:00,438 and that means I pick first. 122 00:05:00,521 --> 00:05:04,354 And your attitude means now you'll definitely pick last. 123 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:08,354 Vengeance is mine. 124 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,730 And Scott will pick second to last. 125 00:05:10,813 --> 00:05:14,438 O... kay. 126 00:05:14,521 --> 00:05:15,813 Nice going, Scott. 127 00:05:15,896 --> 00:05:17,271 And Leonard-- 128 00:05:17,354 --> 00:05:19,187 Third to last. Got it. 129 00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:20,271 Let's begin. 130 00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:42,813 What did you get? 131 00:05:42,896 --> 00:05:45,396 I got "the peace and quiet room 132 00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:49,479 at the Restful Quietude Senior Citizens Center." 133 00:05:49,563 --> 00:05:51,396 Whoo-hoo. That sounds great. 134 00:05:51,479 --> 00:05:52,771 Whoo-hoo, boy. 135 00:05:52,855 --> 00:05:57,479 Little Leonard living large in the land of liniment. 136 00:05:57,563 --> 00:05:58,688 [yawns] 137 00:05:58,771 --> 00:06:00,521 How exciting. 138 00:06:00,604 --> 00:06:02,062 Yeah? So what did you get? 139 00:06:02,146 --> 00:06:06,604 Come on, library. Come to puppy. Come to puppy. 140 00:06:06,688 --> 00:06:08,938 Well, what do you know? 141 00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:10,896 I get to help out at the... 142 00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:14,563 East Westland Stray Cat Shelter. 143 00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:16,813 Yay! Rare book library! 144 00:06:16,896 --> 00:06:21,438 Ooh, I can taste the dust mites already. 145 00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:29,271 That is to say... 146 00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:34,229 Congratulations, Scott, on our mutual good fortune. 147 00:06:34,312 --> 00:06:38,688 The land of liniment is looking a lot-- 148 00:06:38,771 --> 00:06:40,104 I can't think of an "l" word, 149 00:06:40,187 --> 00:06:43,062 but a whole lot better than you and a bunch of cats. 150 00:06:45,354 --> 00:06:46,688 [sighs] 151 00:06:46,771 --> 00:06:48,688 We just have to keep telling ourselves 152 00:06:48,771 --> 00:06:50,146 we're Junior Boy Rangers, 153 00:06:50,229 --> 00:06:52,730 and it's for a good cause. 154 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,062 But old people-- 155 00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:57,521 you're telling me. Cats-- oh! 156 00:06:57,604 --> 00:06:59,521 If I was a betting bird, I'd lay two to one 157 00:06:59,604 --> 00:07:01,271 that Leonard lasts longer with the geezers 158 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:03,312 than the pooch does with the pussycats. 159 00:07:03,396 --> 00:07:04,688 Ooh, I beg to differ. 160 00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:06,521 What could be more purr-fect 161 00:07:06,604 --> 00:07:10,146 than spending the day surrounded by feline companionship? 162 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,730 I'll tell you what could be more perfect-- 163 00:07:11,813 --> 00:07:13,980 lying on a bed of nails, 164 00:07:14,062 --> 00:07:15,646 walking on broken glass, 165 00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:17,730 flying into the sun. No offense. 166 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,354 Why would I be offended? 167 00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:20,730 However, you are right on one count. 168 00:07:20,813 --> 00:07:22,438 I'll certainly last longer at my job 169 00:07:22,521 --> 00:07:23,813 than Leonard will at his. 170 00:07:23,896 --> 00:07:25,521 No way. At least all I have to do is 171 00:07:25,604 --> 00:07:27,521 get along with my own species. 172 00:07:27,604 --> 00:07:29,146 No way. At least all I have to do 173 00:07:29,229 --> 00:07:31,229 is get along with my own species. 174 00:07:31,312 --> 00:07:33,062 At least all I have to do is 175 00:07:33,146 --> 00:07:35,563 get along with my own species. 176 00:07:35,646 --> 00:07:36,896 You can't mimic my mimic. 177 00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:39,021 I say I can. Who are you? 178 00:07:39,104 --> 00:07:40,604 I'm rubber, you're glue. 179 00:07:40,688 --> 00:07:42,187 Oh, brother. 180 00:07:42,271 --> 00:07:44,438 Sometimes you just got to stir up the pot a little. 181 00:07:44,521 --> 00:07:47,521 Ooh, you make me want to be bad. 182 00:07:52,688 --> 00:07:55,396 To do our duty with enthusiasm, 183 00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:58,604 respectful of the awesome responsibility-- 184 00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:02,229 Aah! 185 00:08:02,312 --> 00:08:06,813 Why me? Why me? 186 00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:10,813 [man on TV] Now I may be just a retired dermatologist, 187 00:08:10,896 --> 00:08:12,855 but I think I can help with your murder investigation. 188 00:08:12,938 --> 00:08:14,771 Leonard, would you tell me 189 00:08:14,855 --> 00:08:18,938 if I've got a piece of dried apricot in my teeth? 190 00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:21,271 -Looks good to me. -Oh, thanks, kid. 191 00:08:21,354 --> 00:08:24,896 Hey, want to help me clean them now that I got them out? 192 00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:27,521 Help yourself to another cookie, dear. 193 00:08:27,604 --> 00:08:30,855 Cookie, shmookie-- he hasn't finished his fig. 194 00:08:30,938 --> 00:08:33,521 How is he supposed to grow curly hair? 195 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,104 His hair is fine just the way it is. 196 00:08:36,187 --> 00:08:38,604 Oh, such a handsome boy. 197 00:08:38,688 --> 00:08:40,354 Ow! 198 00:08:40,438 --> 00:08:41,896 Now, Scott, your job at the shelter 199 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,730 will be to make sure our guests are cared for. 200 00:08:44,813 --> 00:08:47,938 Just the basics-- clean their cages, feed them-- 201 00:08:48,021 --> 00:08:49,896 Ooh! And stay alert. 202 00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,855 You might want to remember that. 203 00:08:52,938 --> 00:08:54,479 -Got it. -Good. 204 00:08:54,563 --> 00:08:57,938 Now let's go see the cats you'll be taking care of. 205 00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:00,646 I don't have to work with these... things? 206 00:09:00,730 --> 00:09:02,646 No, heh heh, no. 207 00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:05,104 You'll be helping out with the problem group. 208 00:09:05,187 --> 00:09:06,229 Problem group? 209 00:09:15,938 --> 00:09:19,146 Oh, the horror! The horror! 210 00:09:19,229 --> 00:09:21,855 Mew. 211 00:09:21,938 --> 00:09:23,980 [clock chiming] 212 00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:26,813 And they just kept mewing, 213 00:09:26,896 --> 00:09:28,730 like little baby dolls 214 00:09:28,813 --> 00:09:32,938 and looking at me like that-- like they were... 215 00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:34,771 Fond of me. 216 00:09:34,855 --> 00:09:36,896 So you got a fan club. Big deal. 217 00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:38,187 But they're cats-- 218 00:09:38,271 --> 00:09:40,730 the silliest, most ridiculously worthless creatures 219 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,730 on the face of this earth. 220 00:09:42,813 --> 00:09:44,855 Hey, are you going to take this guff lying down? 221 00:09:44,938 --> 00:09:46,563 Ooh, I found a web site 222 00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:50,938 that delivers a different kind of catnip toy every month. 223 00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:52,563 I'm sorry. Were you talking to me? 224 00:09:52,646 --> 00:09:55,146 Oh, is this to be my fate? 225 00:09:55,229 --> 00:09:58,938 That I, a dog who aspires to the heavens of achievement, 226 00:09:59,021 --> 00:10:01,896 should be assigned to the most degrading, 227 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:05,730 dispiriting, soul-suckingly heinous job? 228 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:08,146 So you're saying you don't like it. 229 00:10:08,229 --> 00:10:12,312 Excuse me while I go wash off the smell of cat. 230 00:10:12,396 --> 00:10:15,646 I've tried. It doesn't come off. 231 00:10:15,730 --> 00:10:17,980 That is one miserable canine. 232 00:10:23,146 --> 00:10:24,563 I don't want to talk about it. 233 00:10:24,646 --> 00:10:25,688 I'm going to the bathroom to wash off 234 00:10:25,771 --> 00:10:28,396 the smell of cookies and figs. 235 00:10:28,479 --> 00:10:30,396 Oh, hello, Leonard. I didn't hear you come in. 236 00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:31,896 I just got through telling the boys here 237 00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:34,688 how much I love-- nay, Cherish-- 238 00:10:34,771 --> 00:10:39,104 my exciting job at the... cat shelter. 239 00:10:39,187 --> 00:10:40,730 That's great, and I just got through 240 00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:43,771 saying how much I love working with the elderly. 241 00:10:43,855 --> 00:10:45,688 Well, isn't that just wonderful? 242 00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:47,104 That's exactly what I was thinking-- 243 00:10:47,187 --> 00:10:48,813 wonderful. 244 00:10:48,896 --> 00:10:50,354 Ha ha ha. All righty, then. 245 00:10:50,438 --> 00:10:51,771 Okay. 246 00:10:51,855 --> 00:10:53,730 -See you. -So long. 247 00:10:53,813 --> 00:10:55,730 I'm not a good person. 248 00:10:58,062 --> 00:10:59,563 I wonder if they have 249 00:10:59,646 --> 00:11:01,896 an achievement badge in self-loathing. 250 00:11:03,855 --> 00:11:05,646 There you go-- 251 00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:07,813 spilled milk all gone... 252 00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:09,813 For the seventh time. 253 00:11:09,896 --> 00:11:14,146 [mewing] 254 00:11:14,229 --> 00:11:15,896 [sighs] 255 00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:18,146 Now please, be careful. 256 00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:20,855 Don't step on the... 257 00:11:20,938 --> 00:11:22,479 Dish! 258 00:11:22,563 --> 00:11:25,521 [crying] 259 00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:28,563 What do you know? I'm actually crying over spilled milk. 260 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,813 Aah! 261 00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:34,021 I can't take it anymore! 262 00:11:34,104 --> 00:11:36,855 Oh! Don't look at me. 263 00:11:36,938 --> 00:11:39,229 [mewing] 264 00:11:39,312 --> 00:11:42,646 I have to leave this place before I go mad-- mad! 265 00:11:42,730 --> 00:11:45,688 Nothing personal, fellows. I-I like you fine, 266 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:48,688 but don't look at it as if you're losing a father figure. 267 00:11:48,771 --> 00:11:51,146 Just-- well, I guess you are losing a father figure. 268 00:11:51,229 --> 00:11:52,896 Say goodbye to daddy. 269 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,938 [all] Goodbye, daddy. 270 00:11:55,021 --> 00:11:56,896 You don't make it easy. 271 00:11:56,980 --> 00:12:00,813 It's true. He does like us. 272 00:12:00,896 --> 00:12:02,730 We are loved. 273 00:12:02,813 --> 00:12:06,855 And so very, very lonely. 274 00:12:06,938 --> 00:12:08,146 So I've quit my job, 275 00:12:08,229 --> 00:12:11,563 and I'm a complete utter failure at my community service, 276 00:12:11,646 --> 00:12:15,187 but as long as I can keep it from Leonard forever, I'm fine. 277 00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:19,104 Oh, great. Now I'm a quitter, failure, and a liar. 278 00:12:19,187 --> 00:12:21,730 -[mew] -Huh? 279 00:12:21,813 --> 00:12:23,980 Aah! 280 00:12:25,354 --> 00:12:26,771 Mommy. 281 00:12:26,855 --> 00:12:30,312 Mommy? Mommy! 282 00:12:37,312 --> 00:12:39,062 Okay, write this. 283 00:12:39,146 --> 00:12:40,229 Today's episode of "The Goony Gopher Show" 284 00:12:40,312 --> 00:12:42,855 was entertaining, though the animation was choppy 285 00:12:42,938 --> 00:12:45,104 and the story predictable. 286 00:12:45,187 --> 00:12:46,438 Oh, and I think you're being a little harsh. 287 00:12:46,521 --> 00:12:50,396 It was a very funny show. I was lol-ing. 288 00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,604 That means laughing out loud in cyberspeak. 289 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,312 I speak cyberspeak. 290 00:12:54,396 --> 00:12:57,479 Sounds to me like you are l-o-l-l-a-s-c. 291 00:12:57,563 --> 00:12:59,896 I'm not familiar with that nomenclature. 292 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,938 That's laughing out loud like a stupid cat. 293 00:13:03,021 --> 00:13:04,479 Uh, pardon me, guys, 294 00:13:04,563 --> 00:13:06,146 but is there any information on the Internet 295 00:13:06,229 --> 00:13:09,104 about crisis management? 296 00:13:09,187 --> 00:13:10,479 I suppose I could look it up for you 297 00:13:10,563 --> 00:13:12,062 after we're done with this. 298 00:13:12,146 --> 00:13:16,855 Thanks, but could you maybe get around to doing it now? 299 00:13:16,938 --> 00:13:19,021 [mewing] 300 00:13:19,104 --> 00:13:22,354 We're being invaded by a band of hideous creatures. 301 00:13:22,438 --> 00:13:24,187 They're cats. You're a cat. 302 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:25,604 Okay, now I'm offended. 303 00:13:25,688 --> 00:13:28,104 Hey, hands off. I'm not a squeak toy. 304 00:13:28,187 --> 00:13:30,396 Get these fuzz balls out of here now. 305 00:13:30,479 --> 00:13:33,604 Now, now, come on. Let cooler heads prevail. 306 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,187 This situation is not as bad as it-- 307 00:13:35,271 --> 00:13:37,688 Aah! 308 00:13:37,771 --> 00:13:40,146 [mewing] 309 00:13:42,771 --> 00:13:46,104 Uranus, I hardly knew ye. 310 00:13:46,187 --> 00:13:50,187 10 billion years to create, 10 seconds to destroy. 311 00:13:50,271 --> 00:13:52,396 Leonard's home. 312 00:13:52,479 --> 00:13:53,938 Yay! Leonard is home! 313 00:13:54,021 --> 00:13:56,229 Maybe he can help me do something with these kittens. 314 00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:58,438 Ooh! Wait. If he sees these kitties, 315 00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:01,146 he's going to know that i'm a quitter-failure-loser, 316 00:14:01,229 --> 00:14:02,646 unless I hide the cats. 317 00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:04,271 Then I'll only be a quitter-failure-liar, 318 00:14:04,354 --> 00:14:06,104 which is much better than a quitter-failure-loser. 319 00:14:06,187 --> 00:14:07,688 You quit? 320 00:14:07,771 --> 00:14:10,146 Just because you couldn't take a bunch of six-week-old kittens? 321 00:14:10,229 --> 00:14:12,229 I think we've established that, yes. 322 00:14:12,312 --> 00:14:13,855 Now-- 323 00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:16,187 you swore your second oath to do your duty with enthusiasm, 324 00:14:16,271 --> 00:14:18,438 respectful of the awesome responsibility 325 00:14:18,521 --> 00:14:22,813 that comes with serving your community? 326 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:25,187 Oh, for pity's sake, 327 00:14:25,271 --> 00:14:27,980 I'm a quitter. I'm lower than dirt. 328 00:14:28,062 --> 00:14:29,563 I'm lower than what's underneath dirt, 329 00:14:29,646 --> 00:14:34,062 and I don't deserve to be A Junior Boy Ranger. 330 00:14:34,146 --> 00:14:35,980 Are you happy now? 331 00:14:36,062 --> 00:14:37,521 Relatively. 332 00:14:37,604 --> 00:14:40,062 Hello? I'm home. 333 00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:42,271 Now will you please help me? 334 00:14:42,354 --> 00:14:43,896 If Leonard finds out I quit, 335 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:45,855 he'll be mimicking me for the rest of my life-- 336 00:14:45,938 --> 00:14:47,187 badly. 337 00:14:47,271 --> 00:14:49,980 It's going to cost you a few gigabytes of RAM. 338 00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:52,271 Ram, jam... 339 00:14:52,354 --> 00:14:54,146 Something else that rhymes with ram-- 340 00:14:54,229 --> 00:14:56,229 I can't be clever now. I'm desperate. 341 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,062 I'll get you anything you want, blackmailer. 342 00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:00,771 Just help me. All right, we'll keep quiet, 343 00:15:00,855 --> 00:15:02,146 but we won't forget the shame you brought 344 00:15:02,229 --> 00:15:04,604 to the sacred code of the Junior Boy Rangers. 345 00:15:04,688 --> 00:15:06,312 How do you know so much about the secret code 346 00:15:06,396 --> 00:15:08,187 of the Junior Boy Rangers? 347 00:15:08,271 --> 00:15:10,312 I use the handbook to line my cage. 348 00:15:10,396 --> 00:15:13,604 -Anybody here? -Lenny, home so soon? 349 00:15:13,688 --> 00:15:16,146 Yeah, they let me go early today 350 00:15:16,229 --> 00:15:18,980 as a reward for the great job I'm doing. 351 00:15:19,062 --> 00:15:22,312 What do you know? Aah! Me, too. 352 00:15:22,396 --> 00:15:26,479 I tell you-- oh, my job... 353 00:15:26,563 --> 00:15:29,938 Is a 110% joy. 354 00:15:30,021 --> 00:15:32,938 Love it to pieces. Me, too. 355 00:15:33,021 --> 00:15:34,104 Oh, good. 356 00:15:34,187 --> 00:15:36,396 Well, I'm off to the kitchen. 357 00:15:36,479 --> 00:15:38,771 All that serving the community made me hungry. 358 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,438 See you. 359 00:15:42,146 --> 00:15:44,646 Oh, what am I going to do? 360 00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:47,021 -What's the matter with you? -I quit my job. 361 00:15:47,104 --> 00:15:48,563 I couldn't take it anymore. 362 00:15:48,646 --> 00:15:51,062 All day long, it's TV and cookies-- 363 00:15:51,146 --> 00:15:53,104 "Elderly Lawyer," cookies, 364 00:15:53,187 --> 00:15:55,688 "Senior Citizen Detective," more cookies, 365 00:15:55,771 --> 00:15:58,938 "This Really Old House," more cookies and a fig. 366 00:15:59,021 --> 00:16:01,062 They're nice people, and they really like me, 367 00:16:01,146 --> 00:16:03,896 but all they do is talk to me about bad TV shows, 368 00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:06,354 stuff cookies in my mouth, and pinch my cheek. 369 00:16:06,438 --> 00:16:09,688 Look! I don't know if it'll ever go back to normal. 370 00:16:09,771 --> 00:16:11,062 So let me get this straight. 371 00:16:11,146 --> 00:16:13,229 A bunch of nice old people shower you with attention, 372 00:16:13,312 --> 00:16:14,938 and you quit? 373 00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:16,271 I didn't actually quit. 374 00:16:16,354 --> 00:16:17,896 I just told them I was feeling sick 375 00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:19,229 and left early. 376 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,646 So you weaseled out of it? That's worse. 377 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,563 Whatever happened to... 378 00:16:25,479 --> 00:16:26,896 "A junior boy ranger Sees every job 379 00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:28,730 through until completion, no matter the--" 380 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,312 I can't make out the rest of this, 381 00:16:30,396 --> 00:16:31,438 but you get the point. 382 00:16:31,521 --> 00:16:33,062 I know, I know. 383 00:16:33,146 --> 00:16:35,896 I'm so ashamed that I couldn't do an easy job like that. 384 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:37,438 I mean, look at Scott. 385 00:16:37,521 --> 00:16:40,187 He was forced to work with cats, and he didn't quit. 386 00:16:40,271 --> 00:16:42,021 Somebody's going to get a new motherboard. 387 00:16:42,104 --> 00:16:43,396 Now let's see how we can help you 388 00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:45,980 keep this a secret. 389 00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:47,980 Aah... 390 00:16:48,062 --> 00:16:50,062 Now, please, 391 00:16:50,146 --> 00:16:53,479 don't put your claws in that region ever again. 392 00:16:53,563 --> 00:16:55,813 Okay, mommy. 393 00:16:55,896 --> 00:16:58,271 I'm not your mommy. 394 00:16:58,354 --> 00:16:59,896 Pretty Boy's right. 395 00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,187 I can't just shirk my responsibility like that. 396 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,896 I have to go back there 397 00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:05,646 and meet my problems face to face. 398 00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:08,354 [all] Hi, Leonard. 399 00:17:08,438 --> 00:17:10,396 Oh, no! Leonard! 400 00:17:10,479 --> 00:17:11,980 Leonard, don't make such a to-do. 401 00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:13,604 We had no trouble getting here. 402 00:17:13,688 --> 00:17:16,938 Yeah, my senior scooter has a sidecar. 403 00:17:17,021 --> 00:17:18,521 Besides, you're sick, 404 00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,563 and we want to help you feel better. 405 00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:21,938 But-- 406 00:17:22,021 --> 00:17:24,187 I'll just put this soup on the stove. 407 00:17:24,271 --> 00:17:26,062 The stove? In the kitchen? 408 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,021 No, the one in the crawlspace. 409 00:17:28,104 --> 00:17:29,604 Okay, but I'll go in first. 410 00:17:29,688 --> 00:17:30,938 There could be gas. 411 00:17:31,021 --> 00:17:33,521 Lenny! Scott! How's it going? 412 00:17:33,604 --> 00:17:35,146 Good, good. 413 00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:37,771 Did I mention how much I love my job? 414 00:17:37,855 --> 00:17:41,104 I think you did, and I-I love mine, too. 415 00:17:41,187 --> 00:17:42,938 -Good. -Good. 416 00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:44,771 -Well, see you. -See you. 417 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,146 The stove is broken, 418 00:17:46,229 --> 00:17:47,896 but I think I have a hot plate somewhere. 419 00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:49,146 Follow me. 420 00:17:49,229 --> 00:17:50,771 I haven't moved this much 421 00:17:50,855 --> 00:17:52,688 since the Lindy hop went out of style. 422 00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:54,396 -Right this way. -Aah! 423 00:17:54,479 --> 00:17:56,896 -Scott! -Lenny! 424 00:17:56,980 --> 00:18:00,146 [both] How are you? I'm fine. Love the job. See you around. 425 00:18:00,229 --> 00:18:03,229 This one is going to cost you plenty. 426 00:18:03,312 --> 00:18:04,938 Sure, whatever, you got it. 427 00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:08,396 Come on. 428 00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:21,896 [mewing] 429 00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:25,563 Uh-huh... It's not here, either. 430 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,730 Now maybe it's just my arthritic hip acting up, 431 00:18:28,813 --> 00:18:32,730 but I got a feeling we're not looking for a hot plate anymore. 432 00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:35,021 No, we're not. 433 00:18:35,104 --> 00:18:36,646 Why don't you tell us 434 00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:39,980 what all this running around was about, Leonard? 435 00:18:40,062 --> 00:18:42,146 [sighs] 436 00:18:42,229 --> 00:18:44,187 I didn't want my friend Scott to see you, 437 00:18:44,271 --> 00:18:47,146 because if he did, he'd be ashamed of me. 438 00:18:47,229 --> 00:18:49,521 If Leonard saw us, he'd know I quit my job at the shelter, 439 00:18:49,604 --> 00:18:51,021 and then he'd know that-- 440 00:18:51,104 --> 00:18:52,604 you couldn't take it? 441 00:18:52,688 --> 00:18:53,980 After a while, 442 00:18:54,062 --> 00:18:56,271 I got smothered by all the attention you gave me-- 443 00:18:56,354 --> 00:19:00,312 the way you just kept feeding me and pinching my cheek. 444 00:19:00,396 --> 00:19:02,604 I know. You're right, kid, 445 00:19:02,688 --> 00:19:05,229 and we're sorry we were all over you like that. 446 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,229 We'll make it up to you somehow. 447 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:10,104 I know-- have a cookie. 448 00:19:10,187 --> 00:19:11,771 You have to understand, Leonard. 449 00:19:11,855 --> 00:19:15,021 If we did go too far, it's only because we're lonely. 450 00:19:15,104 --> 00:19:17,104 It's been so long since we've had anyone 451 00:19:17,187 --> 00:19:19,479 to talk to and care for. 452 00:19:19,563 --> 00:19:21,062 Cookie? 453 00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:25,104 Uh, sorry. Old habits die hard. 454 00:19:25,187 --> 00:19:29,479 You see, nobody ever took care of us before. 455 00:19:29,563 --> 00:19:31,938 We don't have a mommy. 456 00:19:32,021 --> 00:19:35,813 I know, and I'm so sorry, 457 00:19:35,896 --> 00:19:39,187 but I can't be your mommy. I can't be your anything. 458 00:19:39,271 --> 00:19:40,771 I'm not even a boy. 459 00:19:40,855 --> 00:19:42,938 Not a boy? 460 00:19:43,021 --> 00:19:44,312 Didn't you wonder why I've been able 461 00:19:44,396 --> 00:19:46,646 to talk to you all this time? 462 00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:48,396 It's because I'm really a dog. 463 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,855 [all screaming] 464 00:19:50,938 --> 00:19:52,896 Okay, okay, I'm a boy. 465 00:19:57,146 --> 00:19:58,980 [all] Phew! 466 00:19:59,062 --> 00:20:02,104 Whoa, I'll think twice before I pull that stunt again. 467 00:20:02,187 --> 00:20:06,021 Okay, time for this Junior Boy Ranger 468 00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:07,771 to do something honorable for a change. 469 00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:10,312 Wait here. I'll be right back. 470 00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:13,146 You stay here. I'm going to straighten this out. 471 00:20:14,521 --> 00:20:16,021 -Leonard? -Scott? 472 00:20:16,104 --> 00:20:17,563 -Hi. -Hi. 473 00:20:17,646 --> 00:20:19,146 Lenny, I have something to-- 474 00:20:19,229 --> 00:20:21,187 to confess? Me, too. 475 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:22,646 Confess? 476 00:20:22,730 --> 00:20:25,730 They can't confess. I need my new cd-rom drive. 477 00:20:27,938 --> 00:20:30,438 I'm going to get on that computer and order some thumbs. 478 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:33,563 Well, thanks for sharing with me, Leonard. 479 00:20:33,646 --> 00:20:36,146 It's good to know I wasn't alone in my shame. 480 00:20:36,229 --> 00:20:37,312 Me, too. 481 00:20:37,396 --> 00:20:39,271 Now what are we going to do to take responsibility 482 00:20:39,354 --> 00:20:42,563 and do our duty? 483 00:20:42,646 --> 00:20:45,354 Well, you have nice lonely old people 484 00:20:45,438 --> 00:20:47,271 who need someone to take care of. 485 00:20:47,354 --> 00:20:51,146 And you have kittens who need someone to take care of them. 486 00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:53,021 We could put them together. 487 00:20:53,104 --> 00:20:55,104 Yes! Do you think it could work? 488 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,312 I don't know. 489 00:20:56,396 --> 00:20:59,104 I could run to the library and do some research 490 00:20:59,187 --> 00:21:00,855 on the comparative benefits 491 00:21:00,938 --> 00:21:04,104 of pairing up orphan kittens with lonely senior citizens. 492 00:21:06,312 --> 00:21:10,187 [mewing] 493 00:21:10,271 --> 00:21:12,104 -Or not. -Hey, look. 494 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:15,062 This one likes to play with my teeth. 495 00:21:16,563 --> 00:21:18,187 And I present the comeback 496 00:21:18,271 --> 00:21:20,146 Junior Boy Ranger of the year award 497 00:21:20,229 --> 00:21:23,062 to Leonard Helperman and Scott Leadready II 498 00:21:23,146 --> 00:21:25,062 for putting some lovely kittens together 499 00:21:25,146 --> 00:21:27,104 with some lovely people, 500 00:21:27,187 --> 00:21:30,021 thereby rescuing their Junior Boy Rangers careers 501 00:21:30,104 --> 00:21:34,271 from the ashes of cowardice, dishonor, and ignominy. 502 00:21:34,354 --> 00:21:38,688 Thank you. I'm very proud... And very ashamed. 503 00:21:38,771 --> 00:21:41,354 I hereby award the Junior Boy Ranger of the year award 504 00:21:41,438 --> 00:21:43,938 and a 10% discount on any new accident policy 505 00:21:44,021 --> 00:21:45,479 at Steve Kanickee Insurance, 506 00:21:45,563 --> 00:21:48,062 where we can't spell customer without "u," 507 00:21:48,146 --> 00:21:49,980 to Ian Wazalusky for his outstanding service 508 00:21:50,062 --> 00:21:52,730 to the East Westland Rare Book Library. 509 00:21:52,813 --> 00:21:54,354 [all cheering] 510 00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:56,438 Sorry about all the paper cuts, son. 511 00:21:56,521 --> 00:21:58,479 Ha ha! I won! 512 00:21:58,563 --> 00:22:00,521 I'm king of the world. 513 00:22:00,604 --> 00:22:03,312 Junior Boy Ranger of the year! 514 00:22:03,396 --> 00:22:04,771 Looks like you also won 515 00:22:04,855 --> 00:22:07,730 the poor sport of the year award, Ian. I'll take that. 516 00:22:07,813 --> 00:22:13,438 Oh, when am I going to learn to keep my big wide mouth shut?