And on the right, we have the Modern Languages
Fa-cul-ty.
Can't see the point, myself,
what with AI translations coming along nicely.
Anyway, bonjour and buenos dias to anyone...
CAR HORN BEEPS
SOFTLY: Mind the traffic.
And our immediate objective comes into view -
the campus sur-gery.
Appointment with one Dr Haskey.
Haven't met them before.
Man or woman, I wonder?
Let's see how they perform.
Oh! There he is!
What's all that about?
Are you smirking at my son?
How old are you, Ollie?
18. 18 years old and your mum's taking you to the doctors?
Well, it's physio, and Mum is helping...
Helping him with the exercises.
And he's a little bit scared to go by himself.
Hey!
Kirsty, that appointment data you promised me from the ICS.
Yes?
Need it by today.
Today?
Yep.
Like we agreed?
Yes. Of course.
I can go on my own.
Aw! Who's a big, brave boy?
Leave him alone.
Oh, sorry.
Who's a big, brave, mummy's boy?
Oh, no, that's totally me.
I'm helpless, you know.
I can't do a thing on my own.
Ignore the nasty lady.
Let's get you to the physio.
Come on.
Mm. That hits the spot.
You know what I like about this place?
Er...
The stylish yet understated decor?
Not exactly.
We might have to do something about that.
The stylish yet understated company?
There's nothing you can do about that.
The students.
It's just feels good to have so much youthful energy.
Ah, yes.
Those innocent, fresh-faced, intelligent,
self-centred hypochondriacs. I adore them -
almost as much as they adore themselves.
Well, I have every faith in the next generation.
Just look at my Suni. We are in safe hands.
Here they are!
Two fine ambassadors for the NHS!
I wonder which one is Dr Haskey?
Well, that depends on who's looking for him, or her.
Or who wants HIM?
Well, he looks harmless enough.
So, Dr Alison Haskey?
Or Dr Alistair Haskey?
Which one's the better doctor?
Ha! Well, it has to be said,
Dr Haskey has a particularly good reputation.
Is that true, Dr Haskey?
I'm Dr Bulsara.
Ah!
Well, it's nice to meet you, Dr Bulsara,
but I'll go with Dr Haskey and his "particularly good reputation".
Excellent choice. That way, young man.
Oh, the younger generation are so discerning, don't you find?
Gives one so much hope for the future.
Please, take a seat.
So, it's Liam, isn't it?
Liam Cotton.
You might know me.
All I know about you is what the computer is going to tell me.
So, why don't you enlighten me?
It's a bit poky, isn't it?
Well, I think the estate agent described it as "bijou".
You'd think the lighting would be better for a doctor's surgery.
Well, I think it's pretty adequate.
Most patients don't want it too bright.
And, if needs be, I have got this.
Bluetooth?
No, it's just a small torch.
Not even a camera? No.
I mean, I have been meaning to upgrade
but, you know, it does the job.
How wonderfully archaic!
Right, shall we do some medicine?
Yeah, of course.
Apologies to those who've heard this all before.
I have a headache.
I'm sure someone will corr-ect me if I'm wrong,
but I think I've had it, on and off, for about a fortnight.
We decided I should probably seek medical intervention.
Yeah. Right.
The fun and games out there with Dr Bulsara -
that was amusing. Mm.
But now it's just me and you.
So, it's probably easier if you just answer the questions, yeah?
Fire away, Dr Haskey.
I have no secrets.
I'm an open book.
Dad?
MOBILE RINGS
Immie. Are you OK?
Course I am. Where are you?
I'm going fishing.
You shouldn't be alone, Dad.
Actually, I should.
Dad? Are you there?
Dad!
Do you drink? No.
Smoke? No. I wonder what he's thinking?
Who?
You.
Well, I'll be honest with you, Liam. I'm thinking that right now
you are displaying slightly abnormal behaviour.
Tell me more.
Do you suspect something psychological?
Neurological? Am I mad - talking to myself, hearing voices in my head?
Listen, I'm not as gullible as Dr Bulsara out there.
You better not be trying to wind me up.
Interesting.
Shall we continue?
I don't take drugs, I'm not on any medication.
Can I see?
Sure. They're your notes.
Well, there's a little bonus for you all - my medical notes.
Hang on.
It's a camera.
The penny drops.
Smile, Dr Haskey.
Are you filming right now?
24/7,
365 days a year.
Right. Take it off. Turn it off.
I don't think you entirely understand.
You cannot film in here. Why ever not?
Because... Think carefully before you answer.
We are streaming live, across the globe.
This is going out right now?
Oh, yes. I've been live for nearly six months
so I can't just stop filming to satisfy your
pre-ju-dices, Doctor.
I have to think of my subscribers.
If I was to stop filming every time something personal came up,
my numbers would go through the floor.
Would you like to see?
How could I not?
So, new midwife?
Oh, yeah. Malika.
Ruhma is not happy, I can tell you.
I'm not surprised, having to schlepp
to the other side of Letherbridge every day. Yeah.
Is there really a midwife crisis?
Yeah. It's worse than nursing in some areas. I hope she's good.
Well, she's coming in to see Bear and Zara tomorrow so we'll find out.
Aren't you two going for lunch?
Why? Are we making the place look untidy?
No - his new "lady friend" is coming. Oooh!
Come on - we better make ourselves scarce.
Are you joking? I want to see what she's like.
OK. No, apparently, we've got to be here.
Hi, babes! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Wow! You look amazing!
Thank you. Shall we go?
Uh-uh! No. No.
No, no.
I want to see where you work.
Hello. Hello. Hi.
Luca.
Scarlett.
Tanisha.
Lovely.
Now, the guided tour.
It's just an ordinary GP surgery.
There's nothing to see.
Oh, I am sure that's not true.
Luca, tell me, is this just an ordinary GP surgery?
I think it's rather special, actually.
There you go.
And, Scarlett, you wouldn't come and work
in an ordinary GP surgery, now, would you?
Only if they paid me a lot of money.
Which they don't.
You signed the contract.
Bear, get this woman a pay rise
after you show me round.
The Mill Health Centre was built in 1978
on the site of the old potting huts of Lether Malls -
which actually burnt down in an arson attack in the early '60s.
Come on.
I like her.
She will eat him alive and then spit out the bones.
So, Bluetooth to your phone?
Yep.
Is this full HD?
10/80 capture, but that drops to 7/20 for livestreaming.
The battery must be pretty impressive
but there's no screen,
so, I suppose, there's nothing seriously draining the power.
I get a full day out of it.
Sits by my bed, charging all night -
and I always carry a backup.
The challenge is keeping the phone charged.
Yeah. Of course.
Um...
No sound? But we'd get feedback.
Feedback. Of course.
Your phone bill must be astronomical.
It pays for itself.
This is monetised?
Enough to cover my costs, but, as the subscriber base increases...
NOTIFICATION TONE
Oh, my Lord! You have chat.
And they're talking about me! Of course.
"Boring, boring, boring. Can you get back to the medical?"
Yeah, that's a good point. We should do that.
Ohh! "Doc seems to know his technology."
Oh, well, thank you very much, um, Tess from Boston.
I do like to keep on top of all of the advances in technology.
We don't do direct interactions.
It kind of breaks the fourth wall,
and it's against our channel's editorial guidelines.
Well, that's your editorial guidelines. Not mine.
Hello Tess! Hello, Boston!
Ah, yeah. "Nice specs, Doc".
Oh, thank you very much. Wheyey!
How many people are watching this? Is it just people in Boston?
I have almost 20,000 subscribers.
There's 1,526 watching live right now
but, on a good day, that can go up to 3-4,000.
Whoa!
1,500 people
are watching you come to a medical appointment?
Yeah.
No.
We need to stop this.
It's highly inappropriate.
Why?
Patient confidentiality! But I'm the patient.
What about me? Aren't I entitled to some privacy?
Do you have something to hide?
No. Or maybe you're not very competent.
I am highly competent.
You cannot video a medical consultation
and you certainly can't livestream one.
We all live our lives under public scrutiny.
Security cameras, traffic cameras, baby monitors,
the stuff we put on our social media.
Our phones track and record every journey, every location.
We clock in and out of buildings, in and out of trains and buses.
We bring AI into our living rooms and cars.
Privacy is history.
This is the future.
People of the internet, hear me now,
I love technology just as much as, if not more than, the next nerd,
but, if this is the future,
then build me a time machine
and send me backwards because I want no part of it.
And this has no place in my consulting room.
So, what now?
You either turn it off or you leave.
So...
..my friends...
..it seems that technophobia is
one condition which the NHS can't cure.
Liam, don't do this. What about your consultation?
NOTIFICATION TONE
Right, Tess from Boston,
why don't you turn off your livestream
and go outside and do something less boring instead?
Actually, I'm going to type that.
Hey.
How was it? Did you get some good exercises?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Just stretching and strengthening.
And he will be doing them four times a day.
Yes, Mum.
Is that what you call lunch?
It's fine.
No, it's not.
I promised Ollie lunch at The Icon
but I've got all this stuff Bear needs doing,
like, immediately.
Why don't you go with him, instead?
What? Me and Ollie?
Someone's got to hold his hand.
Do we, er, get drinks?
I'm working.
What about you?
I'll have...
It's just cheese, no butter.
Just cheese.
I will have a just-cheese-no-butter sandwich.
Now, run along.
Oh, thanks, Mum.
Thank you.
All right?
Yes, thank you, Dr Haskey.
I hope your doctoring's as good as your stand-up.
Ah. You will never guess what he was up to.
Do I want to know?
Life blogging - a little camera in his hat streaming his life
live to the internet, day and night.
What, even...?
Well, yeah. I suppose so.
I mean, he was prepared to have a full body examination
with 1,500 subscribers watching.
I suppose they get to see everything.
Good grief!
Actually, a very clever set-up he had.
Like, camera, then Bluetooth to his phone...
Hang on - you mean he was filming in reception?
Yeah. When we were... Yeah.
Your little performance as Alison Haskey.
That was seen around the world.
The little...
..so-and-so!
Youngsters, eh? Shameless!
This is the minor surgery unit.
One of our best investments.
We're averaging around 12 surgical interventions per month.
Wow!
Nice hyfrecator!
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
We got it at the end of last year.
It has made a huge difference
to the way that we tackle noncancerous moles.
Mm-hm.
And you've got the latest model.
Three of them, actually.
We upgraded last month.
That is really...great.
No - really good.
Look, if you've got room for them,
I think the old ones are just sitting in storage.
Well, I mean that would be brilliant.
Maybe we could talk about it over lunch? I'm starving.
No, no, no.
No, you'll have to wait.
I want to see everything.
Really?
You go on about this place all the time.
I want the full picture.
All right, then.
The tour continues!
Yes!
I wonder which one is Dr Haskey?
Well, that depends on who's looking for him, or her.
Or who wants HIM? WHISPERING: Idiot.
..all before. I have a headache.
I'm sure someone will corr-ect me if I'm wrong.
It was nice of your mum to treat us.
Well, yeah.
Er, sorry if it's a bit awkward.
At home, I mean.
No.
No, I'm just really grateful.
Yeah, but, I mean, no-one should have to see
me waving around my dad's pants!
Your mum's face!
So, do you think they actually...?
I don't really want to think about my parents going at it, thank you!
KNOCK ON DOOR
Yeah?
I've been watching his feed.
Post-concussion?
I did wonder.
I mean, he's a bit odd, but there was some slurring.
I should have spotted it.
He was talking about headaches,
but he couldn't remember for how long.
It could just be a headache.
He's got to be under a lot of stress -
his life on show all the time.
Well, he loves it.
He lives it.
I should've finished the consultation.
He did walk out on you.
That is NOT a sign of good doctoring.
I think we should get him back.
Yeah, he needs a proper examination.
Al...
That is not good.
ONLINE THUD
"He's not moving."
"Somebody help. Are you OK? What's happening?"
"I'm calling 911."
Tess from Boston, you're in Massachusetts!
911 is not going to help.
I'll call an ambulance.
Right. Get his address.
Yeah, it's Wilberforce.
Which is Block 3, Room 22.
Yes, ambulance, please.
Hang on - that's across the road.
I can be there before they even get the call.
Go. I'll get them there as soon as I can.
Keep an eye on that livefeed.
Will do.
Hello. Dr Bulsara from The Mill Health Centre.
Yes, I've got a medical emergency. Letherbridge University.
BANGING ON DOOR
Liam?
BANGING ON DOOR Hello! Liam! Can you hear me?
Liam?
I can hear you, Al -
on the livestream.
He's not moving.
What about the paramedics?
En route.
All right. I've got the caretaker with me. She's going to let me in.
Thank you.
Oh, crikey!
Liam? Liam, can you hear me?
It's Dr Haskey.
Liam, can you wake up for me, mate?
Liam?
No, no, no. No, no, no!
Liam, it's OK. I'm here.
Come on!
Come on.
Come on. Come on. Hey. Hey!
Hey, there.
Hey...
Don't worry about that.
You feel like...
Right, just take it easy.
Do you want to sit up? Easy, easy, easy.
Easy. Easy, easy. Easy.
What happened?
It looks like you passed out.
How are you feeling?
It hurts all over.
That looks nasty.
Oh, mate!
And this is the nerve centre!
Mm. Um, desk.
Chair.
Computer.
Window.
Stuff.
Very nice.
It is.
Now, can we go for lunch?
It's like your throne room.
This is where you control your empire.
OK, now you're being sarcastic.
I get it. It's a small, lowly NHS clinic,
and I have a poky little view of the car park, as well.
Oh! Bear, I like this room.
Does, um... Does the door have a lock?
Yes, it does but, er...
Ohh...
You are joking me, aren't you?
Well, this a nice wide desk you've got.
Or do you prefer the sofa?
Not now.
Not here.
You are so easy to wind up!
Oh! It's one of your more endearing qualities.
Bear!
So, what's next?
Liam, can you be more specific about where it hurts?
Is the camera broken?
Tell him he's looking good.
Did you hear that?
That's my friend, Dr Bulsara.
She is watching your stream back at the surgery.
NOTIFICATION TONE
Tell him Tess from Boston is very relieved. And all the others.
The stream is going crazy.
That'll boost your numbers, eh?
Ambulance with you in three or four minutes.
All right. Thank you.
Tell me, have you banged your head recently?
I... I tripped on the stairs a while back.
You can check the feed.
We probably should do that.
You might have some damage in there.
Listen, I'm sorry that I wasn't listening properly before.
You came to the rescue.
You were watching.
I was.
Lucky for you.
You see?
It has its uses, after all.
From what I saw yesterday, do you think,
maybe your dad's actually coping quite well, in his own sort of way?
But he won't talk about it.
No. Not to you.
And, yes, maybe that is a problem, but...
..it might also just be your problem, you know?
Not his.
What about the house?
You didn't even grow up in that house, did you?
No.
So...
..what are you so worried about?
Is he going to die?
Rob? No. No. Why would you think that?
The headaches, the stomach-aches, the shaking.
Yeah, and as I told you, it's just grief.
He's not going to die. Yeah, but you hear about it, don't you?
When one partner dies, and then the other one...
Yeah. With older couples. Sometimes.
Your dad's really not that old.
I can't lose them both.
You won't. OK?
And the best way for you to support your dad right now
is to probably just give him some space.
And the house?
It's just a house.
ABCs are fine and, clinically, he's stable.
PARAMEDIC WHISPERS
No, I need that!
You have to let them have it, mate.
No!
You can't take that into hospital, can you?
It's my property.
All right, well, how about this? Eh?
Hello. This is Dr Haskey, and I will be your commentator
for this brief period of medical intervention.
As you can see, our esteemed hero is
under the care of these fine paramedics.
Give us a wave, lads.
Now, I want to assure all our fans across the world
that any immediate danger has been averted.
Hiya.
Hi!
Oh!
You don't need to do that.
I know. I'm just keeping busy.
And you've got to have it all looking nice
if you're getting the estate agent round.
Yeah.
Oh.
So, how are the fish?
What fish? I've had nothing all day.
Not one single bite.
I don't know what it is, whether it's the weather, or the bait.
I had three rods set.
We were fishing down by where a tree fell last month,
taking half the banking so it could be that - changing the currents.
It wasn't just me, Eddy was there - he had less than nothing.
You remember Eddy?
Ah! Yeah.
We had some great times together
and some not so great - a bit like today.
But that's fishing for you, isn't it?
What? At college, you said I never had a chance.
I was with Roger.
Doesn't mean I didn't think you weren't cute.
Cute. Mm.
Hmm. Oooh!
Mmngh. Oooh!
Mmmngh! Ooh!
Nah - don't like being called cute. Come on.
Oh, but you are!
Especially when you're showing off.
Oh, OK. Right.
What are you doing here, Bear?
I mean,
it's all right -
for an NHS facility.
And you've clearly made your mark.
I believe in the NHS.
We all believe in the NHS.
But not for us.
I'm proud of what I've achieved here.
Of course. Of course.
And it looks good on your CV - a spell on the front line,
NHS experience, etc, etc.
But what's next?
Do you really want to spend your life in a cubbyhole like this?
I don't need a bigger office.
No, but you'd like one.
Wouldn't you?
Imagine medicine, practised outside the straitjacket of NHS budgets.
Real resources.
Better facilities.
Bigger desks.
Deep pile carpets.
You're so much better than this, Bear.
Spread your wings.
Spread your wings and fly!
Help me with my exercises. Yeah, I told you,
I've got to go back to work.
Please. Please - just a few stretches. All right?
Just a few stretches.
Think of it as a series break -
and what a cliff-hanger to be leaving it on.
And come back stronger for Series Two.
It's not in the production guidelines. Then change them.
You're the executive producer - make up new guidelines.
From now on, all on-screen talent must take a break now and again,
especially when they have to go into hospital for vital check-ups. Mm?
That does sound like a good guideline.
Good man.
Take care of yourself, yeah?
So, that is the end of today's broadcast.
Thank you all for tuning in.
Liam will be back on your screens in next to no time.
But as for now,
as the Bluetooth connection to his phone starts to disappear,
it's time for you all to log off.
Go and do something more useful with your lives.
Goodbye!
I'm Malika Dahlan. The new midwife.
What's going on?
Filling in for Ruhma.
Something you want to get off your chest?
A secret boyfriend, perhaps?
The only course of action is
the correct course of action
which is investigating the developer.
I'm going to the council offices
to demand to speak to them.
Jimmi, you will be joining me.