My question is, how did that happen? How was it that suddenly...
everyone was saying, "music has charms to sooth the savage beast"...
- when it was written "breast"? - I don't know.
- Someone misspoke and it just caught on. - How do things like that catch on?
- Please, you're driving me crazy. - Did some guy say it...
at a big rally of some sort and everyone started saying it that way...
- and it spread from there? - Yes, exactly.
Now you're just trying to shut me up.
- Oh, my God. - What?
Look.
Empty.
Just one of those weird lulls. Happens occasionally.
- Can we sit wherever we like? - Wherever you like.
- Luxury I never dreamed of. - Where do you want to sit?
I don't know.
How about this table with its unobstructed westward view...
of the wide cosmopolitan expanse of Clump Street?
Tempting. Do you know that on a clear day...
you can see the garbage cans behind AI's Pancake World?
Or we could sit in the corner, the mafia table...
so that no one can come up behind you and whack you with a cannoli.
Whack you with a cannoli? Because he left the gun and took the cannoli.
You are so my daughter.
Let's sit at the counter.
No, those are not the power seats.
But with no one here, we can sit at either end and play bagel hockey.
- Bagel hockey. - Just sit at a table.
You're awfully rude for a guy who only has two paying customers.
Okay, 3:30 on Friday: My debate at Chilton, write it down.
- Already written. - Good.
- You prepared? - Please. Paris has us beyond prepared.
I know more about doctor-assisted suicide than I care to.
[Phone ringing] Cheery topic.
Luke's. Yes.
Hold on a second. It's for you.
What? But who knows we're here?
- This morning has been Twilight Zone-y. - Or Outer Limits-y.
- What? - Great show, just as eerie, same era...
but no one ever references it.
- I'm sorry, I don't speak geek. - Yep, stepped right in it.
- Hello? - Rory?
Lane? How did you know I was here?
Telescope. I've got a clean shot at Luke's. I saw you and your mom go in.
- Watch it. - Yeah, duck, Harvey.
Are you still grounded over that whole Henry thing?
Are you kidding? The mother of all groundings.
Mom's done everything but slap a Dr. Dre ankle bracelet on me.
- I'm not even going to school. - Isn't that illegal?
She talked my teachers into me being home-schooled for two weeks.
The words "highly contagious" were bandied about.
I get five minutes a day of outside phone time.
Unlimited time to call the Psalm-A-Day Line.
A big rip-off because Psalm 79 has been on there for three days.
That's not in keeping with what their name implies...
which is a new psalm every day...
not the same tired one from the previous days.
Never heard anyone get so riled up about psalms before.
My world has become very small.
Okay, I'm dying for news. Give me some headlines.
I've got a debate coming up...
and Dean's been working extra hours lately...
saving up for a new motorcycle, so I hardly see him.
Mom and I haven't done laundry in three weeks...
but I've begun jumping into the huge pile of dirty clothes...
as we play our Reader's Digest World's Famous Polkas CD.
We got it used for 99 cents. Sorry if that's boring.
You kidding? That's the most stimulation I've got in a week.
MRS. KIM: Lane, come down for your snack.
It's tea-and-Melba-toast time. Gotta go.
- Don't forget me in my solitude. - Never.
Bye.
Think fast.
Impressive.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - What?
- Goalie for the bagel-hockey team. - And bump Schmitty?
Schmitty's over the hill. Put him in Cooperstown.
Suit up, kid.
Call me if anyone sane walks in.
- There's nothing on. - There's always something on.
Struck gold.
- Not the Two Fat Ladies again. - Why not? They're brilliant.
- It's a cooking show and you don't cook. - That might change.
- Not a chance. - Probably not.
We've seen all of them five times. They're all repeats.
Sadly, because one of the fat ladies met her maker.
- Really? Which one? - The fat one.
Come on. The one on the motorcycle or the one in the sidecar?
See? It's fun just talking about the two fat ladies.
[Doorbell]
Can't we find other really fat people to watch?
That sounded really insensitive.
Paris.
- Can I come in? - I guess.
So?
You couldn't be wondering what I'm doing here.
- I couldn't? - The debate's Friday.
- We need more preparation. - More preparation?
No two people know more about assisted suicide than the two of us.
Kevorkian called today for a few tips.
There's issues of presentation that need to be addressed.
Presentation?
I was listening to the CD and cassettes...
I made of our mock debates and I realized that you were not talking fast enough.
- What? - You're only doing 135 WPM.
- WPM? - "Words per minute."
- Of course. - That's slow.
- That's not slow. - It's Jimmy Bob slow.
- I talk normally. - For the average Willie Nelson roadie...
not for a winning debate member.
As a comparison, I speak an average of 178 WPM.
Word speed isn't everything.
Sometimes I will add a dramatic pause to prove a point, undercutting my WPM.
Let's not harbor any Pinteresque fantasies. We'll have scant minutes to argue...
and we have to maximize our collective WPM.
Okay. Let's just get going.
- Paris, were we expecting you? - You should have been.
I'm going to get set up.
I'm going to my room to work on my WPM.
- Do I wanna know? - No.
[Phone ringing]
I'll get it!
- Hello? - It's Chris.
- How's it going? - Good.
I'm on a business trip here, and I thought I'd check in on Rory.
She went to a biker party a few days ago and never came back.
- Again? - We gotta start disciplining that girl.
Who's got the time?
She's right here. I'll pass you to her. Where did this business trip take you?
Your neck of the woods: the Litchfield area.
Really? How long?
A couple of days, or for as long as it takes
for them to succumb to my infinite charm.
If you're still here on Friday...
you should come on down and see Rory in a debate at Chilton.
- Really? - Yeah, it starts at 3:00.
First come, first served. They're expecting 20,000 people...
- so I'd get there early. - Chilton up close?
It's your chance to see the famous Paris in action.
- There might even be casualties. - Okay, tell Rory I'll be there.
- Really? - Why not?
- She'll be excited. Tell her yourself. - Pass me on.
Dairy's bad because of the mucus.
You haven't had any in the last 48 hours, have you?
In my cereal this morning.
There's a solution of salt water and vinegar that can help cut that.
Girls, I'm sorry to interrupt The Vinegar Hour, but it's your dad.
Dad, hi.
- Did you give her the cereal? - I'd rather not say.
[Phone ringing]
- Hello? - It's me.
Lane, this is flat-out stalking.
I don't have much time. I've already used up my five minutes of phone time...
but I had to talk to you.
There's a new Belle and Sebastian single coming out today.
- I know. - I have to have it.
- Okay. - I have to have it.
I don't know if I have time to pick it up.
What?
Do you want to hear how I used up my phone time today?
Talking to Amazon.com, trying to get them to overnight it...
in a package referencing something Korean and religious.
- Wouldn't do it? - I think they notified the government.
Can't you wait for your grounding to be over?
I am a fanatic audiophile.
That comes with responsibilities that a grounding doesn't alter.
I have to have this single and you have to get it to me.
- Okay, I'll do my best. - Thank you. I have to go.
Oh.
- And you've got something in your teeth. - Stop that.
There you are. Where were you?
I thought we would meet by the vending machines...
for a little pre-debate non-dairy snack.
Paris wanted to do a sound check...
and she found problems with the acoustics here.
PARIS: The layout on this row of seats is causing a bass problem.
We've got to move this whole row over a foot.
Just move these people out.
[Yelling in Spanish]
Better find a seat before she moves them all.
- Have fun. - Thanks.
- Glad you came. - No, you're not.
- What? - I'm just getting you in the mood.
- Did you see Christopher anywhere? - No.
No, no.
What does he look like?
If you don't know, why are you looking?
I'm looking for a guy that looks like a guy that you could be with...
only I'm deducting 17 years off his age and I'm adding...
an all-boys private school uniform and a Yankees cap.
- And does your head hurt? - Yeah, it does.
MRS. O'MALLEY: If everybody could please take their seats, we'll begin.
That includes all the members of the debate teams.
- Brad. Hi. - Hi, Rory.
- I didn't think you'd remember me. - Of course I do.
- How's your new school? - I love it.
It's more mellow there, and I made a ton of friends.
- Good for you. - Brad.
- Paris. - Guess we're going mano a mano today.
- Oh, God. - All right.
The topic for today's debate is doctor-assisted suicide.
- That's pleasant. - Let me introduce the debaters.
On the Hillside Academy team, we have Brad Langford and Nancy Waterford.
- You look sick. - I feel sick.
And on the Chilton team, we have Rory Gilmore and Paris Geller.
[Hooting]
- Were we not supposed to do that? - Maybe no one noticed.
Teams will have three minutes for openings...
three minutes for rebuttals, and two minutes for conclusions.
They will be judged on the basis of content, strategy, and style.
I will be the judge along with Mrs. Gladstone.
[Whispering] Mrs. O'Malley is impregnable...
but yesterday I complimented Mrs. Gladstone's dumpy outfit...
and bought her an ice-cream sandwich. She practically licked my hand.
Nice going.
We choose which team takes the pro or con side with the toss of a coin.
- A member of Hillside will make the call. - Heads.
No, tails! I mean tails!
It's heads.
Chilton will pick. Pro or con?
- Pro assisted suicide. - What a shock.
All right. Whenever you're ready, you may commence.
Thank you. Keep it snappy.
There are many vantage points...
from which to consider doctor-assisted suicide.
Serious consideration draws from ethics, law...
medical practices, philosophy, psychology, public policy, and religion...
all topics I plan to explore in the next 2 minutes and 46 seconds.
- Look at that kid. He's shaking. - And pale.
LORELAI: He looks all white and tiny.
Either information or the actual means, such as medication or other supplies...
to a person who wishes to terminate his or her own life.
The patient must then initiate the process.
The goal is euthanasia, a term with its roots in ancient Greek.
PARIS: and referencing their last point which erroneously cited South Carolina...
as a state that has neither a statute nor common law...
which prohibits assisted suicide...
when we know that North Carolina is the proper citation...
their subsequent argument falls short of even a level of speciousness...
due to the fact that it doesn't even have a ring of factual truth...
let alone its substance.
And after all, the absence of prohibition against assisted suicide...
is a far cry from a statute which actually legitimizes the practice...
a state of affairs which today exists only in Oregon, sadly enough...
under the 1997 Death Without Dignity Act.
Circus lady, what's with the contortions?
I'm trying to sneak a peek at the girl Christopher's with.
The concept behind "sneak" is not having people notice you...
and what you're doing is shouting, "Notice me!"
- Tell me you're not curious. - I'm not curious.
You are, too.
We'll meet her in a matter of minutes.
Come on, watch the tiny shaking boy get shorter.
MRS. O'MALLEY: Two minutes for conclusion.
PARIS: concerns the increasingly pressing nature of this debate...
as the baby-boomer generation enters their graying years...
and begins to place an insupportable burden over the nation's already...
You sneak a little peek?
Professor Bowmar of Willamette University College of Law...
has prepared a summary that I'd like to use in my remaining time.
- Time. - What?
- Time's up. - If I could have a few seconds...
to rebut their charge of the cruelty of the act...
- We take it back. - You can't take it back. It's a debate.
Okay, that's enough cruelty for one day, Paris.
Your team has won. Congratulations.
Really? Thank you. Thank you very much.
You put up a good fight. Better luck next time.
You okay?
I'm sweating. I'm completely soaked through.
And I think I'm catching a cold.
Do you need a hug, or a towel?
No, thanks.
I think I'm just gonna sit here quietly.
- There they are. - I see them, what do you think?
She's got good hair. Plus, she's been sitting for an hour...
and her dress is unwrinkled. How does she do that?
- She must be a witch. - She's doing that no-hose thing.
She's a chic, good-haired, wrinkle-free, no-hose-wearing witch.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Hi, there, you two.
Hi, Lorelai. You guys get to meet at last.
- This is... - Sherry.
- Nice to meet you. - I recognize you from your Christmas card.
- Which I'm sure you mocked. - Did not. Others, yes, but not yours.
You were cute. And the puppy was cute.
[Sookie clearing throat]
- This is Sookie. - Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you. You have a very smooth dress.
Thank you. It's the fabric.
The fabric.
- Chris, I've told you about Sookie. - Yes, you have.
- The famous Sookie. - The famous Christopher.
I hear you're the greatest chef after Alain Ducasse.
After Alain Ducasse? Who said "after"?
Hi, Dad. You came.
- Of course I did. - Sorry, I'm still getting used to it.
I'm glad.
- Look who Dad brought. - This is Sherry.
- Sherry, this is Rory. - Finally.
I am so beyond thrilled, I can't tell you. All he does is talk about you.
I couldn't wait to meet this amazing person.
- She lives up to the hype. - Is my face turning red?
Yeah, beet red.
I'm sorry. I put you on the spot. I've just been looking forward to this.
- No, it's okay. - Will you excuse us?
Rory wanted to show me something around the corner. We'll be right back.
- So Rory was great. - Brilliant.
SOOKIE: So, who said I was after Alain Ducasse?
- He brought Sherry. - I know.
- This is a little... - Yeah.
- Did you talk to her, is she nice? - She's a witch.
Good.
- What do we do? - What do you mean?
We got to put on our hostessing hats and set a game plan.
It would be impolite if we didn't ask them to hang out.
- Do we hit the vending machines? - Invite them to Luke's?
- Does she seem like a diner chick? - Probably not.
- I wish he'd said she was with him. - Where else?
- AI's Pancake World. - It's Friday. He does his prix-fixe menu.
- There's always our house. - It's a mess.
- Might be the safest? - Okay.
- Why didn't he say she was with him? - I don't know.
CHRISTOPHER: It's more of an expression than something I actually heard.
But maybe someone implied that I was after him?
- Sookie. - Yeah.
Know what? You are the greatest chef in the world, bar none.
Thanks.
- Are you guys doing anything now? - Not really.
We're pretty free for the day.
- Why don't you come and see our place? - That would be great!
Sure, we'd love that. Thanks.
I was hoping we'd see where Rory lives and her room.
- My room's no big deal. - And the books.
I have heard all about the books. I can't wait to see them.
Let's go and see the books.
Rory.
Great job. We pretty much wiped the floor with them.
We turned them into cleaning products.
The verbatim transcripts of the debate will be ready in a half-hour.
I thought we could wait and talk about what we did right and wrong...
compare WPMs.
I'm actually heading with my group back to our house, so I really can't.
Oh.
Okay. Whatever.
If you don't want to celebrate with me, that's just fine!
You do the living room, I'll do the kitchen.
And upstairs?
- I'll block the fool who goes upstairs! - Company is stressful.
- Don't forget your room! - What?
Your room! She wants to see the books.
I'll hit it next.
They're gonna want something to eat and drink!
- Company usually does. - We have nothing.
We must have something.
Only if Divine Providence has placed a brie-and-cracker plate in the fridge.
- We have leftover Halloween candy. - Waste that on company?
Having company is about making sacrifices.
- Martha Stewart? - I paraphrased Proust.
I should have known.
Presentation is everything.
CHRISTOPHER: Hello? RORY: Hi, Dad.
- Need some more time to clean up? - He knows us too well.
Come on in. How'd you know we were cleaning?
When you cut us off in the parking lot and sped off doing 60...
I figured you were trying to beat us home for a reason.
- I hope we're not ruining your day. - No, we love company. Please, come in.
- Your house is great. - Thanks, we like it. Have a seat.
Rory, you were wonderful in the debate today.
Thanks.
That Paris was a little intense.
A little? The opposing team could bring her up on war crimes.
Her approach will come in handy when she becomes a CEO...
or a dictator of a country or something.
You were very poised, very sure of yourself, just like your dad.
- And your mom. - Shucks, Pa.
And your uniform is darling. I love the blue.
Of course, I'm sure you look good in anything.
- You should see her in chaps. - Really?
No. That was just my mom being funny.
Oh.
It comes and goes. You'll notice the signs.
The waves get still, and the animals start to act funny.
- I went to private school, too. - Really?
Except that our colors were white and bright red.
I looked hideous.
She's being self-deprecating. You looked cute in that outfit.
I looked like a peppermint stick.
That's where my addiction to clothes comes from:
making up for years of having to wear the same thing every day.
- I can understand that. - We should go shopping sometime...
- for clothes or whatever. - Yeah. We could do that.
- Soon, okay? - Sure.
Who wants something to drink? I've got water, soda...
- Just water for me. - Me, too.
Making it easy. I love it.
I'll help you.
No... Okay.
- You don't have to help me. - No, I want to.
Great.
Do you want flat water or sparkling? I hope flat, 'cause I don't have sparkling.
Or flat. Or ice cubes. I have cups, I think.
It's a little awkward, isn't it?
- What? - Us.
You and me. Our being here.
- No, not really. - But kind of, right?
We're just not used to company.
You and Christopher were so close. I know it was years ago...
but these things are never simple.
Just in general, things like this are always awkward...
slightly, but only slightly.
Look. Apple juice.
With a perfectly respectable expiration date.
I just want you to know...
that you should not feel like you need to get to know me.
Oh.
At all.
Okay.
Just because Christopher and I are close doesn't mean that we need to be close.
- Or friends. Or anything, for that matter. - No, I guess not.
Except for our unexpected visit, we may never have even met.
I think we would have met eventually.
Perhaps at some function or other.
You, me, Martin Sheen, all chained to the same tree.
But I desperately want to know Rory.
- Sure, a great kid. - That's okay with you?
That's fine.
I'm so glad to hear that, because things are kind of speeding up...
- between me and Christopher and... - Really?
- Rory is so important to him. - Yeah, I know. She is.
He told me how he really wasn't in her life for years...
and how he'd like to make up for all that time that he wasted.
- He's been doing really well lately. - I know.
He is obsessive about his call dates to her.
It doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing...
he's got to call Rory Wednesday nights at 7:00.
I like that about him.
- Yeah. Me, too. - He wants me to bond with her, too.
It's important with everything we have coming.
- I totally understand. - Good. I'm glad.
What are the chances of Rory and I getting together on this trip?
- This trip? - How about tonight?
- Tonight? - Rory seemed up for it.
Tonight. It's kind of last minute and we're supposed to go somewhere.
The Friday-night dinner with your parents.
- You know about those? - All about them.
Christopher said you can get her out of them if there's a need.
- That's true to a certain extent, but... - This is pressing.
I am so forcing myself here, it's embarrassing.
But that's how important it is.
Who knows when this opportunity is going to present itself again.
- Right. - So?
Well...
Sure.
You'll have to ask Rory, but if it's okay with her, it's okay with me.
You're as great as Christopher said you were.
He's an excellent judge of character.
Okay. I'll see you back out there?
- Everything okay? - Yup, she found apple juice.
[Phone ringing]
LORELAI: Rory, will you get that, please? RORY: Let the machine pick it up.
- It could be important. - Okay.
- Hello? - Hi, it's me.
Oh, hi.
I'm still in the kitchen.
I just wanted to tell you that Sherry asked me...
if both of you could go out tonight.
She trapped me into saying I'd get you out of Friday dinner.
I said she had to ask you, so you can get out of it.
But it may be good to get this over with, 'cause it seems inevitable.
If you're okay going with her, say, "Sorry, Leonard, I'll call you back."
Sorry, Leonard, we've got company. Call you back.
Okay. Bye.
Okay, here's your drink. Who was that?
That was Leonard.
- Did you tell him we have company? - Yeah.
- Who's Leonard? - A friend.
- Of yours or Lorelai's? - Mutual friend.
It's pretty much equal.
- A mutual Leonard. - We're constantly fighting over him.
- Rory, can I run something by you? - Sure.
We're around for another night, and he's totally sick of me.
Not true.
Anyhow, I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me tonight.
- Sure, that would be nice. - Really?
If it's okay with my mom...
because we do have a Grandma-Grandpa dinner tonight.
- It's fine by me. - Great.
Of course, this does leave you a sad little orphan.
I'll have one of my patented White Castle bachelor dinners.
Or you can come with me tonight, if you want.
To your parents?
'Cause with Rory not there, I might need a hostage.
- Yes, do it. - Okay, it's good grub.
- You sure they won't be mad? - They like you.
- True. - We should go get cleaned up for tonight.
- Thanks for having us over like this. - Anytime.
- We'll swing by around 6:00. - Sounds good.
- Bye, sweetie. - Bye, Dad.
Goodbye, Leonard.
Honey, hurry, they said 6:00.
It's 6:00 Dad-time, so it's more like 6:30.
Dad-time is linked to Sherry-time.
- Sherry seems awfully punctual. - That's annoying.
They have to live with their deficiencies.
[Phone ringing]
- I'll get it. - If it's Leonard, I'll call back.
He's so needy.
Hello?
- Humongous snag in the CD drop plan. - What happened?
Bible class has been moved an hour later...
to accommodate the teacher's handball schedule.
- The Reverend plays handball? - I'm just as appalled.
It's at 10:00 instead of 9:00.
- I'll make the necessary adjustments. - Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
So, anything new?
My dad brought his girlfriend to my debate.
The potential stepmom? My God.
What's she like? What'd she say?
Tell me in 11 seconds 'cause that's the time I have left.
- That's too much pressure. - Then write a long, descriptive letter...
and slip it into the CD booklet. Include a candid Polaroid of her if you can.
- I'll try. - Gotta go.
Bye.
CHRISTOPHER: Can we come in? LORELAI: Yeah, come on in.
SHERRY: You look great. LORELAI: You, too.
- Hi, there. You ready to go? - All set.
We won't be too late, probably around 10:00.
If you want a drink, Rory's got the list of places that serve minors.
I got a flask in my purse.
I'll have to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with you two.
- Damn, our secret's been revealed. - Bye, love.
- Have fun. - Okay.
- Bye, sweets. - Bye.
- There they go. - Yeah.
Sherry's excited about this. Such a great opportunity.
- Thanks for making it happen. - That's what I'm here for.
- Let me just get my coat, and we can go. - Great.
- Can I ask you a quick question? - Sure. What?
When I invited you to Rory's debate, was Sherry with you?
Yeah, she's been with me the whole trip. Why?
You gave me no indication that she was with you.
- What? - I must have.
- No, singular pronouns all the way. - I don't remember what I said.
I do. You said, "I'll be there," as in just you.
I wasn't making a point of saying that. It just came out that way.
Okay, whatever. I was just wondering.
It's okay that I brought Sherry along, isn't it?
Absolutely. It was just a surprise, that's all.
Okay.
- You weren't trying to hide the fact? - No.
Obviously you'd find out she was with me once we arrived.
- Obviously. - Okay, then.
Okay.
- So what do you think of her? - I don't know her well enough to judge.
That's never stopped you from judging people before.
I'm trying to grow.
She was saying really nice things about you.
- Really? - Yeah.
She said you guys had a nice talk.
If that's what she said, then I guess we did.
- Lorelai, come on. - What?
You're being cryptic.
- Did something happen between you two? - No, I just...
I thought our conversation was a little odd.
This is being less cryptic?
It's just that she went on and on about how we never have to be friends...
or get to know each other at all or try to force any kind of relationship.
Really? She never mentioned that part.
How come she figures she never has to see me?
I'm sure she was trying to make you feel at ease around her.
Because it's true, you guys don't have to force anything.
Where'd she get this "don't force it" philosophy?
- Not from me. - You sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
So she just wants to get to know Rory, not me.
- I did steer her toward bonding with Rory. - But not with me.
Rory's my daughter. Sherry has to get to know her.
I know.
I wasn't purposely omitting you or saying not to interact with you.
Good, so you're not having me killed?
I was going over my "people to kill" list, and I don't think you were on it.
Because by the fact that Rory exists, I am in the picture.
You can back off, you'll be in Sherry's life.
Good.
Not that you thought to do the same thing when you were in my shoes.
- What? What are you talking about? - You had a fiancé, I believe.
- Yes. Max. - Right. Max.
- That was not the same thing. - Really?
Max knew Rory. Max got close to Rory, right?
- Yes. - He and I never met.
I didn't know he existed until late in the game.
I didn't know you were engaged till you called me from your bachelorette party.
I wasn't invited to the wedding. Or did my invitation get lost?
You've moved a lot this past year.
- I was never part of that equation. - Okay, maybe.
But trust me, you would have been part of the equation eventually.
Really, Chris, you would have.
Then, trust me, Lorelai. Eventually, you would have been part of this one.
- Christopher. - Hello, Emily.
This is a surprise. Where's Rory?
A last-minute thing came up, but I brought a good substitute.
Half her genes in a nice, nifty Christopher package.
We're letting the freezing air get in. Come in.
Is she sick?
There are terrible things making the rounds these days.
No, she's not sick. Hi, Dad.
Hello, Lorelai. Christopher, this is a surprise.
- A nice one, I hope. - A very nice one.
- How are you, Richard? - You're looking well.
So are you. You playing a lot of golf lately?
More like it's playing me.
Let's not stand here. Come into the living room.
Now who wants a drink?
- Martini, Manhattan, some Scotch? - Yes, please.
- You want to narrow that down? - Hooch is hooch, Dad.
- I'll have a Manhattan. - Same here.
- You never said where Rory is. - Rory's not here?
You didn't even notice your own granddaughter isn't here?
She's so quiet. She sometimes slips in unnoticed.
She should work for the CIA.
- One cherry good for everybody? - Fine with me.
- Me, too. - Eight, please. I'm peckish.
- I noticed that Rory isn't here. - You've got that eagle eye, Mom.
It's my fault. My girlfriend and I were passing through town...
and we dropped by Stars Hollow for a visit.
She and Rory are off doing something together.
- You have a girlfriend? - Sherry.
- She and Rory are out together? - I'm sorry. I should have called.
That would have been thoughtful. We set a place for her at the table.
Chris is here, so it won't go to waste.
Normally I demand my own customized place setting.
How long have you been with this woman?
- Eight months. - I'll bet she's pretty.
Yes, she's very pretty.
- Something in your eye, Lorelai? - I got it.
- You've met this woman? - Yes, today. And she's very nice.
What does she do? Does she work?
She's the East Coast sales rep for L'Oréal cosmetics.
- Sounds like a lot of responsibility. - It keeps her busy, involves some travel.
- What are they doing? - What?
Rory and Christopher's friend. What are they doing tonight?
Dinner and a movie. Something like that.
It's my fault that we didn't call.
- Your work has you traveling, too. - Some.
Everyone thinks that traveling on business is so glamorous.
But what they don't realize...
is that the business traveler never sees the places he visits.
My last trip to Rome...
I spent the whole four days in a conference room by the airport.
Might as well have been in French Lick, Indiana.
My trips are mostly local, just me and my Volvo.
- You have a Volvo? - That's new?
- I just got it. - Excellent choice. It's nice and safe.
That's a good family car.
It's also excellent for cranking Metallica.
Cranking Metallica. If that's some sort of drug reference, it isn't funny.
So you're planning on having a family?
- What? - With this woman.
Her name's Sherry, Mom. You're putting him on the spot here.
He bought a family car. It's a natural question.
Dad called it a family car.
I'm sure the sales contract doesn't say you have to have a family to buy it.
Though I didn't read the fine print.
You always drove a motorcycle before, didn't you?
- I still got it. - A family man shouldn't ride a motorcycle.
The accidents I covered for the firm involving motorcycles, the worst.
Grisly. They use this industrial machine...
to scrape the victims off the road like a huge spatula.
- Mouthful of cherries here. - Are you living together?
Get out the interrogation lamp, why don't you?
Yeah, but we're looking for something bigger in the Boston area.
There are a lot of nice, historical places.
Something historical in our price range would be perfect.
You know historical homes are infested with mold, don't you?
- Mold? - It gets inside the walls...
and grows out of sight and shoots off spores...
that slowly kill you and your family.
You should get a show on the Home and Garden Channel.
When did you become an expert on mold, Emily?
It was in the New York Times Magazine.
I wouldn't buy a place with this woman until you look into this.
Sherry, Sherry.
It's gonna come down to whatever we can afford.
It might be a newly-built place.
With their shoddy craftsmanship? You don't want that.
What does that leave them, a teepee?
I just don't think that Rory should miss our dinners...
for something other than sickness or emergencies.
- That was the agreement. - I'm sorry, Emily. Really.
Chris has apologized a hundred times. How many more do you want?
I can call Sherry and have her and Rory come by.
That way, it won't be a totally Rory-less evening.
That's not what I want.
We're desperately trying to work with you.
Working with me is one thing, patronizing me is another.
Excuse me.
I feel horrible.
Don't, son. That's just Emily.
I'll go see what I can do.
You wanna tell me what's going on here?
How can you let that horrible woman take Rory like that?
Calm down. It's only one night.
That's how it starts. She's getting her claws into her.
Her claws?
We'll never see Rory again if that woman has her way.
Hold it. Rory is my daughter, you know. I have some control.
You can't let her get Rory on weekends. It can't happen.
What is this about? Why are you so upset?
Lorelai, are you blind or just that humiliated?
Humiliated?
Christopher gets his life together with that woman.
- So that's good. - It should have been you.
- What? - Don't play dumb, Lorelai.
Deep down, I know you're heartbroken.
- I'm not heartbroken. - I am.
I always pictured the three of you together.
After all these years, and the bad things that happened...
Rory with her parents.
Now that Christopher's got his life together, it's with her, not you.
The timing was never right for us.
That's because you dawdle time away. You could've had that effect on him.
It could've been you helping him get his life together...
but you made no effort.
This comes down to something I didn't do? Don't put that on me!
What other explanation is there?
He's always been crazy about you...
but you kept him at arm's length, like you do everyone.
- That's not true. - It is true.
Your destiny was to be with Christopher. Now it's too late.
Then it wasn't our destiny!
So you're saying you don't have feelings for him, that all of this is fine with you?
- That's not important. - It's not?
No. What's important is that Christopher is doing well and he's happy...
- and we should be happy for him. - You're impossible. I need to lie down.
Tell Christopher... Tell him whatever you like, I don't care.
LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: Hey.
You alone this morning?
No, Rory's with me. She had to run an errand.
- Take whatever table you want. - Okay.
You okay?
- Yeah. - You don't seem your chipper self.
I brought sparklers. I'll light them later and do some kicks.
I can clear the counter, and you can play bagel hockey.
- You can't play by yourself. - I'll play with you.
- You'll have to explain the rules. - It's okay.
I'm just recovering from last night.
It was one of those nights where you begin stepping in quicksand...
and end up with a 16-ton anvil on your head.
I've had lots of those. I'll get you some coffee.
Can't hurt.
- You order? - No, just coffee.
I must have been sound asleep when you got home last night.
You were snoring like a buzz saw.
I believe that's defined as a superfluous comment.
Yes, you were sound asleep.
So, I'm dying to hear about your night with Sherry. How was it?
Give it to me, A to Z, beginning to end, soup to nuts.
- She is what she seems. - Details, please.
She's a cautious driver, she doesn't roll through stop signs...
doesn't speed, always signals before she turns.
Commendable, but not who I want driving our getaway car.
- What are we robbing? - Sephora. We'd planned it.
- Slipped my mind. - What's her music taste?
Big Bruce Springsteen fan, seen him 20 times.
Blue-collar roots or is she just slumming?
Her dad had a shoe store, her mom taught kindergarten.
- You guys got into details. - She was definitely in bonding mode.
What else?
She's very touchy-feely, hand on the shoulder, lots of hugs.
- Did she try to get fresh? - Gross.
Go on.
She's had one prior serious relationship in her life.
- Finally, the juicy stuff. - It lasted 11 years.
Eleven years and she never got married?
She never thought about it because of her career...
- but now she is, more and more. - Tick-tock.
In the past couple of years, she hasn't dated anyone...
unless she thought for sure it could be a lasting relationship.
And she's got specific goals now concerning children.
- Here we go. - She wants at least two.
Before she met Dad, she was considering single parenthood.
- That's wanting kids. - That's about it.
- She works for L'Oréal. - I heard that.
I'm tapped. How was your night?
Fine, just took Mom five minutes before she left the room in tears.
She freaked out that you were with Sherry. Believe that?
- She freaked? - Totally.
- She kept calling her "that woman." - What did she think?
You'd come home and find a rabbit boiling on the stove?
No, it had to do with her and Christopher...
Anyway, eventually she came down and had a pouty dinner.
It ended up okay?
- For the most part. - Is she mad at me?
No, the angel child, never.
Here you go.
- Thank you. - Thanks.
So...
- I want to ask you something. - Ask.
When you've thought about me and your dad...
what have you been thinking all these years?
- What do you mean? - I mean...
did you ever picture us potentially together...
like, "we are family" together?
Not really.
But, sort of? It crossed your mind?
- I feel like I'm on The Ricki Lake Show. - Go, Rory! Go, Rory!
I'll admit I have pictured the three of us living together at various times...
but in the way that all kids picture their estranged parents living together.
The way they should be together, but it's stupid.
- It's not stupid. - Yeah, I've pictured it.
But I also pictured you with Pee Wee Herman.
Wow.
We lived in his playhouse, and we'd be talking to Chairy...
- and Captain Carl would be walking by. - Fun.
And later, I pictured you marrying Matthew Broderick.
We lived in New York in this great apartment in the Village...
and we would talk about his Ferris Bueller days.
Think how easy Producers tickets would be to get.
It would be fourth row center every night.
I'm sorry...
that Matthew and I couldn't work it out, honey.
I'll try to get over it.
So should it have been me?
Oops.
Sorry, zero hour. I have to go. I'll be right back.
Come on.
[Upbeat instrumental music]
- Excuse me, Mrs. Kim? I'm Kirk. - I've known you since you were two.
That's no guarantee that people remember me.
- We're in a hurry. - I won't take up much time.
I was just wondering what your store hours are.
For people who come to buy things, it's 10:00 to 6:00, Sunday through Friday.
For those who wander, blocking aisles, touching with dirty hands...
never buying, asking for 80% off, we're closed.
I should jot this down.
You said 10:00 to 6:00. That's 10:00 a.m.?
Yes.
Okay. Thanks for your time.
Oh, my God. Michel, are you okay?
I've been running around this stupid square for over an hour...
because the plan was to drop this CD at 9:00.
No, it got changed to 10:00.
I told my mom, and she said she'd pass it on.
- She didn't pass it on, did she? - Definitely not.
The mission was a success.
Yes, my cardiologist will be thrilled.
- I've got a cramp. - Can I do anything for you?
Get away from me, evil girl.
Never will I do anything for you again ever, ever, never!
If it makes you feel any better, you had really good form.
- You're your mother's child. - Thank you.
- Hey, guys. - Hi.
We just wanted to say a last goodbye. Rory's not here?
She went outside somewhere. You could probably find her.
I think I will. We had such a great time last night.
I hear your dinner was good.
Yeah, it was great.
I would love to see that house, especially the portrait of Rory in the study.
Any way I could get a picture?
- I can send you one. - That would be great.
- So she's outside? - Somewhere.
- I'm gonna try to corral her. - Bring her by so I can see her, too.
Okay. Bye, Lorelai. Thanks for everything.
You're welcome. Bye.
So, quite the evening of theater last night.
The Gilmore family players rival the Barrymores...
for their sophisticated, dramatic productions.
I never thought she'd freak over Rory not being there.
- I never wanted you in that position. - You couldn't have known.
- Rory's missed dinner before. - This was compounded by other things.
What other things?
You should know that when it comes to Emily Gilmore, it's never simple.
Got it. Looks like they found each other.
Sherry had a really good time last night. I hope Rory did, too.
- Yeah, she seemed to. - Good.
So, Chris, before you go, I have something I want to say to you.
Uh-oh.
- It's not an "uh-oh." - Okay. What?
I kind of realized something with you and Sherry visiting...
and, God help me, because of what my mother said to me.
Inspiration can come from the unlikeliest sources.
I was just thinking, all these years...
no matter what my relationship status has been...
whether I've been dating or hibernating or whatever...
I think I've always had you in the back of my mind...
you know, the prospect of us being together.
But this prospect was sort of indefinitely on hold...
while you found yourself and got your personal life together...
so that you could really be there for me and especially for Rory.
But you and I have been so linked in my mind...
that I think I've unconsciously sabotaged every decent relationship I've had...
including the one with Max, because I was waiting for you.
And I shouldn't have been. Now that I see that...
and I see you settling down with Sherry, I think I can move beyond it.
- Good, I'm really glad it's good for you. - It is.
Chris?
How dare you put that on me?
- I'm just thanking you. - Well, don't.
- What's wrong? - What's wrong?
Damn it, Lorelai. You're dumping 15 years of unhappiness on me?
Fifteen years of not having healthy, lasting relationships on me?
You're blaming me for breaking up with Max and not marrying? That's my fault?
No...
- I did nothing to deserve that. - I'm not saying that you did.
- You're as good as saying it. - No, I'm not.
What did you expect from this divine revelation you've been so kind to share?
Did you want me to apologize for ruining your life or comfort you and say:
"There, there. Everything will be all right," so you can feel okay? Forget it!
Chris wait...
If there's anything you feel bad about, you want to dump on my doorstep...
just leave a note.
[Door banging]