Hey, you built me a shelf. That's so nice.
It was anything but nice.
I kept accidentally using your crazy toothpaste.
There's nothing crazy about my toothpaste.
- It's cinnamon. - So what?
I don't like cinnamon, I like normal flavor.
- And what exactly is this normal flavor? - You know, striped.
- Striped is not a flavor. - It is in the toothpaste world.
The toothpaste world. Is that anything like Whoville?
- I'm exhausted. - I'm exhilarated.
You know, you don't have to do this.
Hey, going to bed early once in a while is good for you.
- I have to get up at 4:00, you don't. - Yes, I know.
But every night you have early deliveries is a night we spend apart...
- and seriously, where is the good in that? - Okay.
- Night. - Night.
Man, is it quiet. Do you hear how quiet it is?
You have a pin? 'Cause I want to hear it drop.
- No pins. - That's okay. That's all right.
So, okay, good night.
Hey, Luke?
- Why don't you have a TV? - I have a TV.
No, I mean, in here. In the bedroom.
- So you can watch TV in bed. - I don't watch TV in bed.
Studies show that it's not good for your sleep.
What studies?
Watching TV in bed screws up your REM sleep patterns.
But Charlie Rose, Jon Stewart, Pink Lady and Jeff...
All screw up your REM sleep.
How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?
Because he's always got some guy on, pushing a book...
about how everything's going to hell, and they're gonna pass a law...
where everyone with a nose ring is gonna get shipped off to a work camp in China...
and suddenly you're depressed and you're thinking we're all gonna die...
and don't drink the water and there's anthrax in my bagel...
and bam! There goes your REM sleep.
Or Mel Brooks is on, and he's so funny...
and you think, what a wonderful world we live in...
that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to.
Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on...
he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep...
and you dream about Nazis, and they all look like Nathan Lane...
and then you're creeped-out for days.
You know what ruins your REM sleep is those articles about REM sleep.
And you know what could help you forget those articles about REM sleep?
- What? - A television.
- "Say good night, Gracie." - Good night, Gracie.
- Move butt, please. - In a minute.
- What's wrong with Doyle? - Mitchum Huntzberger just left.
- Logan's dad? - My entire body is numb.
- What was he doing here? - What was he doing here?
Busting my chops. And now I'm numb.
Oh my God, my chops are completely numb.
Don't speak. Don't speak.
So Mitchum Huntzberger stopped by...
just to make various parts of Doyle's body insensate?
He's a deep-pocket alumnus.
Every few months Yale reels guys like him in for banquets and luncheons.
Then he's limo-ing to New York to throw some party...
for Seymour Hersh on Friday night. A little faster.
Seymour Hersh? The New Yorker Seymour Hersh? Wow.
The man owns 13 newspapers.
My best contact in the business and I fell like a house of cards.
I made that joke about Abu Ghraib. God, that was inappropriate.
It wasn't supposed to be a ha-ha funny Abu Ghraib joke.
Stop beating yourself up.
Then he busted me on the fact that Logan hasn't had a byline all year.
Wants me to light a fire under him to get him to write.
"I'd like to hand my business over to my son, Doyle."
"So it would be nice if he knew something about it."
He's going to pass his empire on to that playboy cad...
while a rising star, such as Doyle, is standing right before him.
In a pool of my own sweat. See, it's kind of a minus.
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Now I'm Logan's journalistic godfather, and I can't even get the punk to show up...
never mind write a story.
- Do you even know if he can write? - He can write.
He's actually an excellent writer.
How's that for God giving with both hands, huh?
Every now and then, usually when he gets the flu or the clap and can't party...
he'll throw us a bone and write something. And it's always good.
Damn good. Stupid bastard.
Well, you are his editor, Doyle. Talk to him, assign him something.
I did. He was supposed to cover the student uproar...
over Assistant Professor Roarke resigning.
- And? - And he said, "Thank you"...
left the room, and I heard him laughing all the way down the hall.
I haven't seen him here since. I don't know what to do.
Doyle, I just finished that piece on the dissatisfaction of the faculty...
with the tenure system...
and I bet a lot of my notes would overlap with Logan's story.
Point, Gilmore, point?
If you want, I could arrange to get together with Logan...
share my notes with him. Maybe it could get him started.
- Really? You'd do that? - Sure.
- I mean, if it would help you out. - Gilmore, I'm loving you at this moment.
- Moment's over. - Moment's over. Thanks.
Sure, boss. Anything for the team.
What?
Okay, everyone, remember your time cards.
Punch in, punch out, including lunch and breaks.
Okay, now, next on the agenda is something very exciting.
The Dragonfly Inn's first official sexual harassment seminar.
Finally, yes. Good, talk to them.
Sexual harassment is bad.
So no one touch anyone in any funny places unless specifically asked.
- Moving on. - That's it? That's the seminar?
Where's the speech about people not ogling other people...
like an object of desire?
How about explaining that the way some people walk with a sway or a bounce...
it is natural.
It is because we work out and we take Pilates...
No one touch Michel. Moving on.
Billy, Adam, you've got to remember to securely lock the padlock on the stables...
not just hook it on.
Cletus has figured out how to push it off with his nose...
and two days in a row I found him at reception.
Now, if he could just check people in, that would be a different story, but...
Until then, lock the stable and check the lock and...
- Kirk, what are you doing here? - Staff meeting.
You don't work here.
I thought I might like to go into hotel management someday...
and I figured this was a good place to learn.
Kirk, you can't just crash a staff meeting.
Outsiders cannot crash staff meetings.
- I am learning so much. - Okay.
Anything else to discuss before we wrap it up here?
Yes. We have a problem with some honor bar discrepancies.
For the past few weeks, after I have checked a room...
and found the honor bar intact, the next day Toblerones are missing.
- What? - Only Toblerones...
and only in certain rooms. I think we have thieves.
- Or guests. - No. These are not the guests.
The disappearances are happening in rooms no one is staying in.
I think we have thieves. And it's obviously an inside job.
This person is waiting till I've made my rounds.
They're waiting till I check my list and they are waiting...
till I initial my list and only then do they steal the Toblerones.
Maybe you counted wrong.
I say we install surveillance cameras, fingerprint the staff...
run the prints through the FBI, and have mandatory searches...
before they leave at the end of their shift.
Well, that sounds great.
Everybody drop your pants for Michel before you leave. Meeting adjourned.
No food spread?
The staff meetings at Connecticut Light and Power...
always have a lovely food spread.
Nice bagels, an assortment of schmear.
- Hey, kid. - I'm busy, so quick, what do you got?
Many things. These come to house. Mrs. Kim throw directly in trash.
My Sam Ash catalogues.
- What's that smell? - They land in old fish and bok choy.
Figures, what else you got?
My old Madonna T-shirt.
Mrs. Kim use as a rag. Says, "little whore's face good to scrub scum."
I wore this ironically, by the way. I was never into her. Not my thing.
Right.
- Anything else, Kyon? - Overheard conversation.
Mrs. Kim having Lunar New Year at her house this year. She expect you to come.
Oh, she does.
She says not coming is same as spitting on ancestors.
And ancestors no like spit.
Expects me to come. Unbelievable.
After she attacks my boyfriend on the street...
damning him to the fires of hell and swimming with carnivorous dogs.
And now she expects me to smile and curtsy...
and just go to Lunar New Year dinner like nothing happened. Nice, huh?
I not your sounding board. I deliver scoop, you give me Monte Cristo sandwich.
Fine. Sit over there.
- There's some really good ones here. - Definitely.
- Our band pictures, how are they? - They're all good.
Except the one of you bending over and looking between your legs.
I was just seeing what works.
I like this one.
- Tree's covering my face. - Come on, dude, the good of the many.
- What do you like, Lane? - I don't like any of them.
- What? - You guys look good...
I mean, not the Brian-with-his- face-between-his-legs one.
Or the profile one, where you've got your finger in your mouth...
and the peek-a-boo look.
- Right, peek-a-boo, that's what it is. - I was experimenting.
- But I don't look good. - What are you talking about?
You look totally cool, like a real chick.
- I look like the Korean Buddy Holly. - Buddy Holly was cool.
May he rest in peace, but Buddy Holly was not an attractive man.
- I find him attractive. - Dude, don't say every thought out loud.
- Can we retake them? - Like $37 just grows on trees?
- You're being too hard on yourself. - Totally.
Lane, we're not Maroon 5 or the Gee Whiz Slicky Boys.
- We don't wanna look all fake. - No, but halfway decent would be nice.
Lighten up, they work.
- Miss, some more coffee, please? - At least she didn't say "Mister."
The lease on my Mercedes is up next month.
Do you want to buy it?
I finally have the seat setting where I like it.
- I'll make the arrangements tomorrow. - Thank you, Richard.
Now, we need to schedule work on the water heater.
I was wondering if Friday morning would work for you.
Let me look.
They estimate the work to be about an hour...
which means they'll be done in June.
No, I have a hair appointment Friday morning.
- For what? - What do you mean, for what?
- Your hair looks perfect to me. - Oh, now.
Well, I can arrange for Robert to let the workmen in and supervise it...
- if that works for you? - That would be fine.
- Thank you, Richard. - You're welcome, Emily.
- What's next on the agenda? - The Modern Museum gala is coming up.
Yes, Martin Voorman is being honored this year.
And Sugar Farthington is organizing it.
Well, if Sugar is organizing it, then, of course, you should go.
Well, if Martin's being honored, then you should go.
Sugar's one of your closest friends.
Martin is one of your most trusted colleagues.
Then perhaps we should both attend?
That does seem to be the sensible thing to do.
- All right. Then we'll both attend. - Fine.
- So, have we discussed the water heater? - Yes, we have.
More water?
[Rock music playing]
Hey, Ace.
Hi, Logan. I didn't see you there.
- Hey, how are you? - I'm good.
Good, well, good. Okay, so, good.
Here they are.
- These are the notes for one story? - Yeah, I'm kind of a note freak.
Man, Ace, I'm impressed and partially terrified.
Okay, I've divided them up into sections...
so, interviews, research, statistics.
I wasn't sure what you already had, but I figured there's something here...
that can help you with your story.
I hope you're getting extra credit for this.
It's nothing.
Seems like a lot of work on your part.
Going through this stuff, organizing it for me.
Well, I'm kind of an organization freak, too.
Plus, I'm sure it wasn't your idea to give up your evening like this...
to come here and meet me, was it?
I'm just doing a little public service, that's all.
- Public service? - Yes.
Doyle looked like he was about to liquefy after your dad talked to him.
So, I chose to stop that from happening, for the sake of the janitorial staff.
Yeah, he has a thing for bylines, my father.
- Apparently he has plans for you. - Yes, isn't that thrilling.
Sorry Doyle took the hit.
My dad can be a bit of a bully when he wants something.
He's a very interesting man.
- You met him? - No, I've just read about him.
- I mean, he's a big guy. - Maybe you'll get to meet him someday.
Did I show you how I divided these up? Interviews, research...
- So, how come I never see you around? - I'm around.
- Yeah, where? - Class, the coffee cart...
the student store when I run out of thumbtacks.
Wow, thrilling life.
- I'm really not that boring. - Oh, I know you're not boring.
Doyle told me that your dad is throwing a party for Seymour Hersh?
Now, you want to talk about boring.
How can meeting Seymour Hersh be boring? I love him.
I read My Lai 4 when I was 12 and I've been obsessed with him ever since.
You read a book about the My Lai massacre when you were 12?
I polished off Nancy Drew that year, too.
Well, I guarantee these parties always turn into a bunch of drunks...
discussing stocks, cars, and their latest friends to be indicted.
It's boring. I just go, take a date so I have somebody to talk to...
and bail as soon as my dad's back is turned.
- So, you're going? - Daddy says.
- Wow, lucky. - No.
To spend the evening with a great writer and...
to get to meet him, hear him talk? Very, very lucky.
- You think so? - Definitely!
Well, maybe this time it won't be so bad, after all.
So, you wanna get something to drink or do you have to go?
No, I don't have to go. I don't have anywhere to go.
Okay. Be right back.
- Hey, Lane. - Hi, Lorelai.
- You look different. - I do?
Yeah, you look cute. I mean, you always look cute...
but this is just a new facet of your cuteness.
Thanks. You look cute, too.
I have a boyfriend...
so maybe this flirting thing we've got going on should just end here.
- I think so, too. Coffee to go? - It's that special time of day.
[Crashing and Luke exclaiming]
What was that?
It's been like that for an hour. It's the damn oven.
- The damn oven? - Damn oven.
What's up with the damn oven?
I bought this damn oven and the thermostat doesn't work.
The damn thermostat or just the thermostat?
- You being cute? - I'm sorry. Go on.
So, I went out and got a new thermostat...
and now I can't figure out how to replace the damn thing.
So it is a damn thermostat.
- I don't have time for this. - Come on, you can do this.
A step at a time here: You pulled the knob off each gas tap on the range, right?
- Yeah, so? - Then you removed the four screws...
securing the fascia panel, then you removed the panel?
- Yeah, I did that. - Then you disconnected...
the oven gas supply pipe from the outlet of the thermostat.
This is where I got stuck.
Did you release the oven sensor retaining clips from the oven lining?
No. No, I didn't. Okay, got it.
Now just pull the sensor out. You should be rolling now.
- So, how? How? - How what?
How do you know this?
Well, I couldn't get to sleep the other night when we went to bed...
and so I read your oven manual.
You're kidding.
It was either that or the broiler manual...
and the oven won because it's shiny and pretty.
- You never cease to amaze me. - And never will. Bye, doll.
And hey, leave the broiler manual out for me.
I'm kind of into this whole kitchen appliance genre now, you know, kitsch lit.
- All right. - Hey there, Zach.
- Howdy. - Hi, there.
Well, aren't we bouncy?
I'm in a pretty good mood.
- Why's that? - I'm just feeling nice and light.
What's up with your face?
- What do you think's up with my face? - It looks all nude.
- For a good reason. - You're not wearing your glasses.
- That's right. - But you're blind without your glasses.
- The wonder of contacts. - Contacts?
- Contacts. - Why?
Why? So I don't have to wear glasses.
- So, like, for all the time? - Yeah.
- You okay? - I guess.
I mean, that's a pretty big thing to just spring on a guy.
- Why? - You don't look like you.
Yes, I do.
It's just me, my face, without being impeded by a foreign plastic object.
But you're the first smart girl I've ever gone out with...
and the glasses are a big part of that.
Well, my IQ's still the same.
- Contacts don't change that. - But you lose that initial impact.
Now people will have to talk to you for a few minutes...
- to figure out that you're smart. - Then that's what they'll have to do.
- Okay. I'll try to get used to it. - Yeah. And you will.
I'm sorry, am I supposed to eat my soup without a spoon?
Of course she doesn't think that, okay? She's really smart.
She's just not wearing her glasses.
- You should've heard him, Richard. - I can imagine.
I had him on speakerphone. When Laurie heard the screaming...
she ran in holding her shoe. She thought I was being attacked.
You're in good hands with that Laurie.
I wish I had a secretary who would defend me with her shoe.
He may be mad now, but wait till we go to court.
- Maybe he'll settle. - He'll never settle.
He will, if we send Laurie in with her shoe.
He's already got his lawyers working on this.
Well, we're gonna have to bring in outside counsel.
It's gonna get a little messy.
- Who's available? - How about Maurice Newsome?
He over-colognes.
- Bryer? - No, Bryer's on the Delfini case.
- Yeah. - What about Simon McLane?
I don't think you really want Simon on this one, Richard.
Why not? He's always done a topnotch job for us before.
He's aggressive, he's not sloppy, he's very creative.
- Yes. But, Richard... - What?
We just assumed you wouldn't want to work that closely with Simon anymore...
since the whole thing with him and Emily.
Yes.
Well...
- What about Brandt? - Brandt!
Brandt. Very good.
- Terrific. - Brandt it is.
Well, apparently the padlock discussion was a big dud.
I just got a call from Mrs. Berg. Cletus is standing in her wading pool.
- I need carrots. - Bottom shelf.
I love it when I talk and no one listens. Makes me think of home.
Okay. I just took the Ambersons to room three.
I opened the door, and when I went inside, I found that the bedspread was mussed.
- The bedspread was mussed! - Call a cop.
I checked that room personally last night after it had been cleaned. It was perfect!
- No muss! - No fuss.
Why are you joking? Why?
Do you not care that somebody is sneaking into our rooms...
- mussing the beds, eating the food? - Okay, I'm sorry. You're right.
I know I'm right. I do not need you to tell me I am right.
Okay, so, what do we think is going on here?
I believe that employees are clandestinely using our rooms for sexual encounters...
- on their coffee breaks. - Come on.
Lars and Celia seem awfully friendly lately.
You don't notice them making goo-goo eyes? And Celia's put on weight.
Perhaps one too many Toblerones?
I don't think Lars and Celia are having an affair.
- Hey, maybe we've got a ghost. - A ghost.
That would be cool. People love haunted inns.
- I wonder what kind of ghost we have? - Maybe a Confederate soldier.
- Or a lonely spinster that never married. - Or Patrick Swayze.
In search of his lost career.
Maybe we have ghosts having sex and then eating Toblerone.
- Hungry, horny ghosts. - I am done with both of you.
I guess I should go up to room three and see what's...
- Kirk, what are you doing here? - I'm assembling the bouquet garni.
- I thought you hired him. - I did not hire him.
I thought I might wanna work on a kitchen staff someday...
and I figured this was a good place to learn.
Kirk, get out.
- Can I at least finish my shift? - No.
[Phone ringing]
- Hello. - Hey, what's up?
- We have ghosts. - Well, it's better than rats.
Listen, I need a favor.
- From me? - Yes, from you.
Let me get out my list.
Okay, I'll write this favor down right under the one that says "gave me life."
Look, I may have a thing Friday...
which would mean that I would need to get out of Friday night dinner.
A thing?
I was wondering if you could cover for me?
- What kind of a thing? A man thing? - Possibly a man thing.
- Okay, spill. Who is he? - I don't want to jinx it, okay?
It's not a definite. When I know it's a go, I promise I'll fill you in. Completely.
I can't believe you're going to leave me alone with my parents...
just so you can have a social life.
What happened to the good old days of the spinster daughter...
taking care of the parents and living a lonely sexless existence?
- So you'll cover for me? - Yeah.
- Thank you. I'll call you later. - Bye, honey.
Hey, I just asked Lars if he was seeing anyone special.
He misunderstood...
and he might be filing one of those sexual harassment charges against me.
- What? - And you. Because I said you made me.
- Hey, Michel! Come back here! - I'll get him.
Okay, guys, let's try it again.
- And let's try not to suck. - We'll get it. We just have to focus.
By the way, your E-string's a little flat.
Which, by the way, makes it a little bit more rock and roll.
- Okay, are we ready? - Count it down.
Eins, zwei, drei, vier...
Hey, could you not do the countdown in German? It's depressing.
Fine. One, two, three, four.
[Playing rock music]
[Knocking on door]
- Who the hell is that? - I hope it's not my girlfriend's husband.
That's fresh.
Mama?
You couldn't even hear me over that noise.
That noise is my passion, Mama, and you're keeping me from it.
- E-string was flat, too. - What can we do for you?
This year I am hosting Lunar New Year dinner. You are to come.
- Why? - You are my daughter.
Not coming is humiliation.
Have we forgotten the incident at the news stand?
- The what? - You yelled at my boyfriend in public...
Mama, what's that, if it's not humiliation?
- That is in the past. - Not for me.
- You must come to this. - Oh yeah?
- Well, only if I can bring my boyfriend. - What?
It's both of us or neither of us. Take it or leave it.
I have only enough chairs for those invited.
You sell chairs, Mama. You have 800 chairs.
Fine. Bring boy. But if boy comes, I invite the Parks. They come.
- I hate the Parks. - You shouldn't hate the Parks.
You hate the Parks, they're mean.
- I get to hate the Parks. - Fine.
Then if the Parks come, how about if I bring my whole band?
The whole noisy lot of us.
- How about that? Will that work? - Yes.
- What? - Bring them all.
- The whole band? - Yes.
- See you then. - But...
We're all invited to a party.
- Here we are. - Are we early? I don't hear anything.
That's the sound of a couple dozen Christian Koreans partying down.
- Trippy. - Cool. Bok-Jo-Ri.
They're used to separate grains of rice from small stones.
They symbolically catch happiness for the New Year.
How do you know that?
I've done a little Internet research on Korean New Year.
Surf the net. There's a lot of information there.
There's also a lot of pictures of girls with tattoos, on motorcycles.
You would think it gets old, but it doesn't.
- Sorry about this. - I feel like I'm going to the dentist.
That's not an unusual thing to feel when approaching the Kim house.
I just hope I don't throw up in the Bok-Jo-Ri.
I got your back, okay? You're not alone.
Are you sure they're home? There's not a sound.
I'm sure. Go ahead and knock.
Gil. The AC/DC ring.
Right. Sorry.
Hello, Mama. I said we'd come, and we've come.
- I'm Gil. - Yes.
And Mama, you know Brian.
[Speaking in Korean]
He likes the Internet.
Who is this half-boy hiding behind you?
That's Zach, Mama. You've met him, too.
- Happy New Year, I guess. - Yes.
Come in.
Well, looky here, the fleet's in town.
Yep. We're having a little Davey-Daddy night tonight.
Just the men being manly.
- Want to punch me in the stomach? - I'll pass on the punch.
Listen, I wonder if you could do me a favor.
I don't want to pull your finger, either.
I know now is an important time for you guys.
The inn's just getting off the ground, and there's a lot of extra work.
But if you could just encourage Sookie to ease up a little. Delegate.
- Sookie, delegate? - I know.
But with the pregnancy and all.
And I know her hours are generally pretty good. Most nights she's home by 7:00.
- It's these new late nights that worry me. - Late nights?
I mean, not worry me-worry me, I just don't want her to overdo it.
Sure. But, Jackson, I think Sookie left before me tonight.
No. She called.
She said the new kitchen help's a little slow.
Whatever, I know she has to do it. It's just every week now.
It's no big deal. Just see if you can say something.
- Okay. I'll see what I can do. - Thank you.
Okay, son, I think it's time to get you laid.
That's sweet. Bye, boys!
Gretchen, I can still smell the fish from here!
Well, funny running into you here.
- You look very nice. - Thank you.
Do you have the directions? I have an extra copy if you need it.
I'm fine, thank you.
- All right. I guess I'll see you there. - Seems inevitable, doesn't it?
- Good eats. Slimy. - I'm enjoying it.
I like slimy food because it slides down easy...
and I get the sense it keeps sliding, right?
Which helps your colon and stuff, because it scrapes as it slides.
And since it's not in you long, you don't get fat, you know?
- Just eat. - You're not hungry?
Slimy food doesn't float my boat like it does others'.
I'll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom.
- You are not allowed to leave the table. - Nature's calling, kid.
Nature must wait!
How's about keeping it down, there, Scooter?
Sit till we're done!
If I beat the crap out of this little kid, will anyone care?
Mama locks the bathroom door while we eat, anyway.
Super.
We are done eating.
There will be a 30-minute break till dessert...
while Mrs. Shin and her fellow musicians play for you in the other room.
Mrs. Shin, better start setting up.
Look at the funky guitar. Awesome!
It's a gayageum.
And if I'm not mistaken, I believe I spotted a danso and a janggu on the way in.
I got to check this out.
- Can I get up? - Yes.
Yeah, he can get up?
You have a much knowledge of Korean culture.
- Thanks. - That was forward of me.
- I should retire to my room and sleep. - No. Don't do that. It's okay.
I can't believe you've never seen The Office.
- I feel very stupid. - Well, you should. It's brilliant.
Especially the fourth time you see it.
What happens the fourth time you see it?
You can actually understand what they're saying.
I have them all on DVD. You can borrow them if you want.
But only if you promise to abide by the fourth-time rule.
I'll abide by your fourth-time rule. If it's as good as you say...
- I'll raise you a fifth. - Deal.
Here. I almost forgot. Your notes.
- I hope they helped. - They did.
Some guy tried to mug me earlier and I beat him to death with them.
- Hey, I like my research. - I like your research, too.
- And thank you. - It helped?
Story's done. Doyle's safe. All's right with the world.
You're welcome.
- So. - So.
- It's been fun. - Yeah, it has been.
Okay, so I should get going. I'm heading to New York.
- Right, for your dad's party. - Yep.
So.
- Have a good weekend. - Yeah. You too. Have a good weekend.
And hey, don't be a stranger.
- Hey, Kirk. - No messages.
Super.
[Man talking on TV]
- Behold our ghost. - Okay, this isn't what it looks like.
- I don't know what it looks like. - I'm just watching TV.
Because we have the convenient channel list next to the bed?
No. Though it is convenient.
So, you want to tell me what's going on?
You know, before Kirk changes into his maid's outfit and starts to clean the room?
A few weeks ago, I read in the paper that...
there was going to be an episode of Dark Shadows on...
the one where Barnabas is released from his tomb.
And I used to love Dark Shadows. And I just suddenly really wanted to see it.
Sure.
So, I didn't get off work in time to get home and see it, so I came up here.
It was just supposed to be that one time, but the room was really nice...
and I was really comfortable, and there were Toblerones...
and I just had the best time.
It was an hour all to myself, and the next week...
it was another good episode, and I just kind of...
Decided to haunt the place.
I tried to clean up afterwards. And the bed was not mussed.
Michel is too anal for his own good.
- I'm horrible. - You're not horrible.
I am. I'm the most horrible person in the world.
My mother will be sad to know she's been dethroned.
I'm lying to my husband. I'm eating the inn's candy.
You can't discuss this with Jackson?
Tell him you need one night a week to yourself to watch Dark Shadows?
He wouldn't understand that?
Of course he would understand. That's the problem.
Jackson would immediately tell me, "sit down, relax, watch TV."
- And he'll take care of Davey. - Men are pigs.
And then I would sit there wracked with guilt because he works all day, too.
And I would think about the fact that I'm shirking my motherly duties.
- And it would ruin everything. But here... - I get it.
- I'm sorry I didn't tell you. - Don't worry about it.
I do think you should tell Jackson, though.
He thinks I have you chained to the stove.
He's worried you're working too hard.
I know. I'll go home right now and tell him.
Okay.
Of course, this is the episode where Barnabas kidnaps Maggie...
And imprisons her in a coffin in the mausoleum's secret room...
in punishment for disobeying him?
- Yeah. - Scoot over.
Really? Cool.
Toblerone?
These rooms are nice.
Excuse me, I need a ticket.
- Emily? - Simon.
Well, this is a pleasant surprise.
- Are you waiting for someone? - Yes.
A mysterious man with an exotic accent...
and a red coat to give me a ticket for my car.
I wish you a great deal of luck.
- So, who are you here with? - My daughter and her husband.
They're right over there. I'd love for you to meet them.
Diana, come here for a second.
What on earth...
- Emily? - Richard! Have you lost your mind?
I misjudged the distance.
You misjudged the distance? You hit my car!
I was distracted.
Emily, are you okay?
I'm her husband, Simon. I'll ask her if she's okay.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
She's fine, Simon. Are you happy? Now go away.
- Emily, maybe you should see a doctor. - No, I...
We will determine whether she needs to see a doctor.
This is a family matter.
I'll call you tomorrow and see how you are.
She'll be fine, Simon. She doesn't need your call.
Do you hear me, Simon? Don't call.
Were you bitten by some sort of rabid animal?
Let's go.
You! I'm taking her home.
- I'll come back for this car. - You're what?
You were just in a car accident, Emily.
You can't go to a party after having been in an accident. Let's go.
What are you doing?
Maybe we should take you to the hospital.
I think it's a toss up, who needs a trip to the hospital more.
When you pull up to a valet stand, you get out of the car. You don't dawdle.
I was waiting for someone to take my car.
You wait outside the car. Everybody knows that.
It is not my fault that you ran into my car.
- I know you dated him. - What?
Simon McLane! I know you dated Simon McLane!
Richard, I was just in an accident. Now is hardly the time to discuss this.
Fine. I found out about it in a business meeting...
which was hardly the time to find out about it, but fine.
- It was dinner. - Dinner. Of course, dinner.
- Nothing happened. - Of course nothing happened.
Stop it, Richard! I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
Well, I told you that nothing happened between me and Pennilyn Lott.
That all we did was have lunch.
And I wouldn't have said that if that weren't true.
Then there's nothing more to be said about these things.
I agree.
- People are staring, Richard. - We're going.
[Korean music playing]
Dessert is it. We wolf it down, we've done our duty, we're out of here.
I'm counting the seconds.
- Lane. - Yes, Mama?
- I need your help in the kitchen. - My help?
Food got extra stuck to pots tonight.
Need you to pound the hammer while Aunt Jun holds the chisel. Come.
- Lane, come now. - I'm watching the music, Mama.
We're watching. My boyfriend and I. Maybe when it's done.
Dirty plates don't wait for gayageum. I ask you, you come.
I'm here as a guest.
And by the way, I didn't hear you ask. I heard you demand.
- Lane. - Because you don't offer...
- as I taught you to. - Here we go.
- Such insolence! - Lane...
- You don't get it, Mama. - I get it.
You modern woman now, too big to chisel crust off plates.
Just standing there, grooving to gayageum...
- Mama. - New values. Values I did not teach you.
Spending time with boys, living with boys, banging drums...
and playing noise in a rock band with boys.
- Mama. - Paint on your fingernails.
Gel in your hair. So vain now, you no longer even wear your glasses.
I've got contacts. I don't need them.
- You're not you without your glasses. - I agree.
- What? - What?
It's just... Your glasses. I liked your glasses.
I think you should wear them.
- I'm just saying... - She should wear them.
She should always wear them.
I said it before, but it's true. They made you look smart.
Of course they made her look smart. She's a smart girl. Glasses fit her.
- Totally. - Zach...
She always looked good in them.
Glasses suit her face.
The black frames especially, with her hair.
She wore them in the first grade.
- She first girl in her class. - And I bet she looked great.
I have pictures in a photo book. I could show you.
- I'd love to see them. - Wait, Zach...
Come. We chisel pots later.
Oh, yeah!
Awesome! You guys rock!
Do you know In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida?
I'll make arrangements to get your car to the shop tomorrow.
Thank you.
You might want to rethink that lease, though.
- You're sure you're feeling all right? - I'm fine.
I don't want to go back to the pool house.
Come home.
- Hey. - Hey.
- What are you doing here? - Friday night dinner.
- Is it not Friday night dinner? - No. I mean, yes...
- but I thought you had a thing. - It wasn't a for-sure thing.
- You made it sound for-sure. - It was a maybe thing.
- And now it's a nothing. - You look disappointed.
I don't want to talk about it.
- You want to talk about it? - No.
Okay. Not even to tell me who the guy is?
- He's no one. Forget it. - Okay.
The mystery of the Gilmore dinners continues.
- Meaning? - The pool house is empty.
- Grandpa forgot about us again? - Yes.
Apparently all the complexes incurred in my childhood were not enough.
They need to keep it coming.
- Did you check on Grandma yet? - I'm on my way there now.
- Is it Marty? - Forget it, Mom.
- Okay. But is it? - No!
What are they doing together?
- Are they arguing? - I don't know. They don't look mad.
Great. I am so not in referee mode tonight.
- Grandma just laughed. - Yeah, it could have been an evil laugh.
A "I'm laughing at your pain" kind of laugh.
Looked like a plain old laugh to me.
Dad's picking up an ashtray. He's going to throw it at her. Finally.
No! He's just moving it.
I don't get it. What is going on? What are they doing?
- I don't... - Oh, my God.
My parents are having an affair.
- Careful. It might be a trap. - What?
I don't know. I'm freaking out.
Does not compute.
Girls, wonderful to see you. Come in.
- Hi, you're just in time. - For what?
- For the celebration. Champagne. Perfect. - What are we celebrating?
Shall we tell them?
They're going to find out sooner or later.
All right, then.
Lorelai, Rory, your grandmother and I have reconciled.
We are officially back together.
Really? Oh, my God! That's great! I'm so happy!
- When did this reconciliation happen? - Yesterday.
- And last night. And this morning. - Richard!
Don't ask questions. Don't ask questions. Don't ask questions.
And next week, your father and I are going to renew our wedding vows.
A week from tomorrow. On our 40th wedding anniversary.
Wow, that's great.
- And you're going to be my maid of honor. - What?
Excuse me, Mr. Gilmore. Mr. Jeffries from the Windsor Club for you.
Yes. Thank you, Robert.
By the way, I'm firing Robert next week.
- You won't need him. - No, I won't.
Richard Gilmore here. The Gold Room?
Yeah, will you hold on for a moment, please?
Emily, they say they can free up the Gold Room.
How are we supposed to get a 20-piece band into the Gold Room?
- No. We need the Rose Room. - Right.
I'm afraid the Gold Room won't do. We need the Rose Room.
Perhaps they would be willing to switch dates.
We'd certainly be happy to make it worth their while.
Of course I'll hold.
Richard, we just have to get the Rose Room.
Don't you worry. Our company insures that building.
We don't get that room, suddenly they have...
a very expensive foundation upgrade to go through.
- I married a wonderful man, girls. - Yes, you did.
Mom, hey, about this whole maid-of-honor thing?
Yes. Richard, can you spare us a moment?
- I want to take Lorelai upstairs. - Why?
Of course.
- Why do you want to take me upstairs? - Wonderful. We'll be right back.
Why doesn't Rory have to go upstairs?
I'll finish the phone call, and then Rory and I will discuss...
the possibility of her being my best man.
Really? I'm going to be your best man?
What's upstairs?
MISS CELINE: Emily, wonderful timing.
Please start with the Oscar De La Renta.
Susan Hayward never wore anything but De La Renta in her final days.
Clark Gable never knew what he was missing.
He was a cad, but the crease in his pants was immaculate.
Oh, my God! It's Natalie Wood!
Hello, Miss Celine. You look wonderful.
Olive oil on the inside and on the outside.
Anna Magnani taught me that.
I think this has too much lace, Celine.
There can't be too much lace as long as it's Italian.
What do you think, Natalie?
- What do you think? - Whatever you want, Mom.
Lorelai, you're my maid of honor. I need your opinion here.
I kind of like that one. Or even the one next to it.
- I'll try them both. - You'll try them all.
I had the worst row with Dietrich once.
I told her, "Marlene, until you actually become a man..."
"You must try dresses on like a woman."
And that means all of them.
- Are you married, Natalie? - No. Not yet.
Actually, Celine, she just opened her own business.
- She owns an inn now. - An inn. How charming.
Emily, do you need breasts, or are yours sufficing for the moment?
- I'm fine for the moment, Celine. - Oh, my God. You're Mary Martin!
- Take it off immediately. - Oh, dear.
Here, try this one on, Mom.
You know, I'm trying to decide whether to go with a hat...
or some sort of headpiece, or whether that's too much.
You know, when I was dressing Marilyn for her wedding to Arthur Miller...
I told her, I said, "Marilyn, wear a flat hat on your head."
"It will remind him of a book."
She didn't, and we all saw how that turned out.
You wear whatever you want, Mom.
Celine, I'm going to need some help with this zipper.
Very elegant. Very nice.
There you go. Mrs. Oscar Levant loved that look.
Here, try the Dior. Just for giggles.
All right.
I will never, under any circumstances, no matter how short a dress you put on...
go back to Al's Pancake World ever, ever again.
- You didn't like your manicotti? - That was not manicotti. It was square...
- and flat and blue. - Yeah. Manicotti is rarely blue.
You know, I've been thinking...
maybe I shouldn't go to this thing of your parents'.
First Al's Pancake World, and now my parents' vow renewal?
I'm serious.
I'm not really their favorite person. They don't really want me there.
Hey, I'm not their favorite person either, and I still have to go.
I know, I just...
It's going to be this big fancy thing with
all their friends, and, you know, I just...
Listen, my parents are very weird people.
They don't hate you. They just don't know you.
This is the perfect opportunity. They'll be happy, they'll be smashed.
You show up, shake some hands, get in a few family pictures...
and, before you know it...
my mother will be trying to convince you you're too good for me.
Come on. It'll be fun. Good food, open bar.
I'm wearing a fabulous dress, and as maid of honor...
if you're not there, I'm gonna have to get drunk...
and make out with the best man, who is Rory.
So you can see all the very creepy ramifications of your absence here.
- Okay. - Okay? Okay.
Hey...
- you got a TV? - Yeah.
- What? Since when did you get a TV? - I just picked it up this morning.
What about your REM sleep?
Hey, twice a week you are going to bed at 9:30 like a 72-year-old woman...
because I have early deliveries, so I figured the least I could do...
is make sure you don't miss your Charlie Rose or your Patrick Stewart...
- Jon Stewart. - Plus, I can sleep through anything.
- Once I'm out, I'm out. - I know.
So, here. Enjoy.
You are too good for me.
Well, maybe I'll meet a nice girl at your parents' wedding.
Time for Teletubbies.
[Knocking on the door]
Emily. Wow, this is a surprise.
- May I come in? - Yes. Please come in.
I didn't even know you knew where I lived.
I know all kinds of things.
- Obviously, you have a maid. - Yes, I have a maid-nanny combo.
How McDonald's of you.
Can I get you something? Tea or coffee or...
I'm fine, thank you.
- So, this is the child. - Yes. This is Georgia. We call her G.G.
- And her mother is still gone? - Yes. She's in Paris.
All right, I'll come straight to the point, Christopher.
Now, I have known you a long time.
I watched you grow up. You were a charming boy.
A weak, but charming boy.
And, to be completely honest, I never thought much of you. I still don't.
Wow. It's great of you to come by and share that with me.
However, you have good breeding, you come from an impeccable family...
and you love Lorelai. You've always loved Lorelai.
You would've married her when she got pregnant. I know that.
And you would've married her if that girlfriend of yours...
hadn't gotten pregnant with this. I know that, too.
Lorelai's in a relationship now. Did you know that?
- Yes, I know that. - He owns a diner. He's a divorcé.
He's uneducated, he's not a proper stepfather for Rory...
and he's completely unsuitable for Lorelai.
My daughter's stubborn. But she's capable of greatness.
And watching her settle down with a man...
who could hold her back from that is unacceptable.
You, at least, won't hold her back.
Okay, Emily, I'm very confused by this speech of yours...
and G.G. needs to be fed...
She's getting serious with this man. I've seen it with my own eyes.
If you want a chance with Lorelai, you had better do something.
And you had better do something now.
Timing has never been your strong point, Christopher.
You should see if you can change that.
Goodbye, G.G. Enjoy your program.