[Burglar alarm ringing]
- Crap! - What's going on?
Is it the smoke detector? Are we on fire?
- Not the smoke detector, it's the alarm! - What alarm?
- Our alarm. - We don't have an alarm.
Then we have really angry rats.
- Did you cut your hair? - I just trimmed it.
You didn't tell me you were cutting your hair.
It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
A spur-of-the-moment "Let's not tell my mother I'm pulling a G.I. Jane"?
Are we seriously gonna have this conversation now...
during the air raid?
- You're right. Come on. - What are we doing?
I figured out that there is a motion detector...
and if you stand over here, it can't see you and it calms down.
- Great, so what now? - We wait.
Why didn't you tell me you were getting your hair cut?
It's just a trim.
To the Braille Institute, it's just a trim.
- Do you like it? - Will you put it back if I don't?
- Yes, I like it. - Thank you.
[Lorelai sighing]
Thank God.
- Feels good when it's over. - This is crazy. When did we get an alarm?
Apparently, Kirk has recently joined the Stars Hollow Security Company.
No.
And now that I'm the pretty spinster living all alone...
he's concerned for my safety.
Did he tell you all this?
You think I labeled myself "the pretty spinster"?
- What did you say? - I haven't talked to him face-to-face.
I come home to this and there was a note and his card and his gun.
And then when I called the alarm-response center...
to complain about the alarm, no one answered.
I had to leave a message with Meg. She sweeps up.
I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow.
- Nothing ever happens here. - That's not true. Plenty happens here.
Like what?
Like, people now break into your houses...
- and install alarm systems. - I heard about that.
- We have a new mail carrier. - We do?
If you want your mail, you have to go see Miss Patty.
- Why? - 'Cause that's where he brings it.
He brings Babette's mail to Andrew, Norma's mail to the deli...
and Taylor still hasn't found his, which, I admit, is fun.
I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping.
- So, did you eat yet? - Nope. I thought I'd let you feed me.
Sure. I can feed you...
but I can't know if you're getting your hair cut.
I'll never do anything again without telling you. Happy?
I don't know. I'm finding this guilt thing rather satisfying.
No, where are you going? Why did you do that?
- I was gonna get my laundry! - You made it mad!
- I didn't mean to! - Back in the corner! Back in the corner!
[Burglar alarm ringing]
No place like home!
Yeah.
- Mom? - Follow the Post-its.
Does our life seem at all ridiculous to you?
I spent all morning carefully tracking that motion detector.
What an excellent use of your time.
We're good as long as we stay on the path.
- So I should follow the Yellow Stick Road? - We'll be here all week. Try the veal.
- Stop. - What?
- Read. - "Crouch down and hop." Come on.
The motion-detector beam at the top of the staircase...
dips very low over there.
You seriously want me to crouch down and hop?
Like a little hunchbacked bunny.
You know, I had decided that if I ever went to therapy...
I was gonna leave you out of it, but now...
Okay, you can stand up.
Did you at least call the stupid security company again?
Yes. Meg sends her love.
Don't worry, I'll stop by on my way to the inn.
What are your plans today, Persis Khambatta?
Today, I'm going to do nothing...
but hang out in town, read, veg...
drink coffee, and have the perfect Stars Hollow day.
Look out.
I get to go over to the inn and hear a contractor laugh at me...
every time I say, "That won't cost too much more, right?"
- Enjoy. - Late lunch at Luke's?
You're on.
So which way do I go?
Just follow the Post-its.
But they're going in two different directions.
- They are? - Look.
I must have kicked some out of the way by accident.
- Which one do I take? - Which one looks more intentional?
- No Post-it path looks intentional. - I'm drawing a complete blank.
- You seriously don't remember? - Sorry.
How are we supposed to get out of our house?
I hate Kirk.
[The Weakest Shade of Blue by The Pernice Brothers playing]
- What's going on? - I'm just setting things up for tomorrow.
- Tomorrow... - Heads up!
- What's... - I think you may need to move.
Yeah, I kind of got that. Excuse me. What's tomorrow?
LINDSAY: Tons of tulle so that everything looks like frosting.
MRS. LISTER: She's our only daughter. Frost the town.
Now, where should we put the poster? I want to make sure everybody sees it.
- What about next to the cake? - Yes, next to the cake.
I'm so proud of her.
- Lane? - Rory.
Have you heard of a phone? As my friend it is your responsibility...
to use it to call me and tell me my ex-boyfriend's wedding is on Sunday...
- so I'm not accidentally in it. - What?
I was sitting out in the gazebo, reading...
and this guy almost brains me with a stack of tablecloths.
That's right. They're having the reception in the town square.
Yes, and Lindsay was out there, holding a giant picture of her with Dean.
- Did she see you? - I don't think so.
- I do a good idiot run when I need to. - I'm sorry. I meant to tell you.
I didn't know you were coming home this weekend.
It totally slipped my mind. Things have been so crazy. I just figured...
I'd tell you when we talked, then we didn't.
I'm sorry. Can you hold on for a sec?
- Not cool, Lane. - I'm sorry, guys.
- Fourth time today. - I thought Rory was my mom.
The resemblance is uncanny.
You should get your mom a bell like a cat.
What's going on?
We're having a band meeting. We need to figure out a guitarist.
I think I got a splinter.
A splinter can get into your bloodstream...
- go straight to your heart, and kill you. - Why'd you tell me that?
Whatever, dude. This is lame. I'm gonna bail.
- Zack, come on. - We need to find a guitarist.
Right. We have come too far to let the band fall apart...
- just because Dave... - Hey!
- Do not say the "D" word, Lane. - But...
Don't. Dave is dead to me.
Comprendo? Dead.
Cover the mirror, rip a shirt. That guy doesn't exist.
- He just went to college, Zack. - He did not just go to college.
He walked out on his art, man. He walked out on his sound.
Do you think a sound is so easy to find? Did you ever see that Glenn Miller movie?
For two hours, Jimmy Stewart's walking around...
"I got to find a sound. I got to find a sound."
We had a sound, and Dave took that sound to freaking California.
You don't come back from California, man. It changes you.
What, did you expect him not to go to college?
No true rock 'n' roller goes to college!
Mick Jagger went to the London School of Economics.
- What? - Yeah.
And Dexter Holland of The Offspring got his PhD in molecular biology at USC.
Greg Ginn of Black Flag graduated from UCLA.
The guy from Bad Religion got his master's in geology from UCLA.
And he's working on his PhD...
in evolutionary biology at Cornell.
Lane, she's your friend.
I'm sorry. I'm going. I'll call you later.
- Are you mad? - No, I'm not. I promise.
I'm just... I was just a little surprised. I mean, Dean's wedding...
- I know. - But it's okay.
It just means I have to be more careful...
about where I go this weekend. That's all.
I'll see you tomorrow. We're using the garage. Guitar auditions.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Shut up. Weezer did not go to Harvard.
- Not the whole band, just the lead... - Get away from me! I mean it.
- Bye. - Bye.
- Hi. - Hi.
Were you...
- I was at Lane's. - Right, Lane's.
So, you're home this weekend?
Yeah, I ran out of clean clothes and quarters so...
How are things?
- Good. You? - Good.
- You like Yale? - I love Yale. And Connecticut State?
- It's good. - Good. I'm glad it's good.
Not that I would have had any recourse if it wasn't...
but this makes my lack of recourse a lot easier to deal with.
- So, I see you've taken over the town. - Yeah, Lindsay thought...
- She likes the gazebo, and... - It's her wedding.
- It is her wedding. - And your wedding. It's your wedding, too.
Yes, it is. It's my wedding, too.
It's nice. It's pretty.
It looks like heaven or a Victoria's Secret commercial...
which, to some people, is basically the same thing.
- Didn't know you'd be home this weekend. - It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.
Because if I had known, I would have, you know, invited you.
It's...
I didn't want you to think I was just not inviting you.
- No, I didn't think that. - I just figured you'd be at school.
- I just didn't know. - I know you didn't.
- I didn't want you to think... - No, I don't think.
I go to Yale now. They think for you.
But, since you are here, come.
- Come? - Come to my wedding.
- Dean. - You and Lorelai, I want you to.
- Chicken or beef? - What?
Wait, beef. Of course beef.
I mean, the two of you are definitely beef.
I mean, not like you resemble beef or anything.
- You know, you don't even have to... - Okay, so, noon at the church.
I'll be the one in the tux.
Don't worry, we didn't write our own vows and no one's singing opera.
- I know you think that's lame. - No, it's a wedding.
It's supposed to be operatic.
Okay, so, I better get over there. Lindsay's expecting me.
- So, I'll just see you two tomorrow. - But...
KIRK: Now? LORELAI: Nothing.
- What about now? - No, nothing.
Okay.
- Now? - Nothing.
- Kirk, what's supposed to happen? - What?
I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for.
- Kirk? - I'm not sure.
Kirk, please come downstairs.
Are you going to hurt me?
I swear, they told me it would be self-explanatory.
I just had to get in the main box...
and, in seconds, this would be disabled.
They didn't tell me I needed a key...
or that, if I didn't have a key, I would be mildly electrocuted...
and then, after all that, when I got in the box...
there's nothing self-explanatory about it.
- I was trying to do a nice thing. - I know.
Jimmy said he would install it for me, because I do not have those skills yet.
- The class was full when I got there. - That's okay.
Damn my constant tardiness.
Kirk, please, what can we do right now? The alarm is just so loud.
That's my fault, too. I asked Jimmy to crank it up.
He did.
If you have an alarm, you need it loud.
You don't want a knife-wielding gunman at your throat...
and the neighbors are going, like:
"Is that a fan? Did I leave the water running?"
You want them to know, hey, that's an alarm.
Your imaginary attacker has a knife and a gun?
And a really dirty tank top.
So, Jimmy's out of town, but until he gets back we can...
- Change the code. - Really? To something I know?
- You can pick it. - You know how to do that?
- Yes, I do. - That is perfect.
Okay, here we go. Just punch in a seven-number sequence.
- You got it. - Hey!
Hi.
Did you know your phone's not working? I've been calling you for an hour.
I had the operator check it. She said it's cut off.
- It was working this morning. - I'll be right back.
- Kirk? - I have tape.
- You look tired. - Yeah, Kirk.
Right. Listen, I got a call today.
- From? - Michel. A very upset Michel.
Why?
Apparently, he called you, and you never called him back.
- When did he call me? - He said he called you in July.
- I was in Europe in July. - I think that he thinks...
we're trying to ace him out of the Dragonfly.
- Why would he think that? - I don't know, but he was so hysterical.
His voice got into that high-pitched squeal he does...
and all I could make out was "fire" and "abandon me."
And something about not receiving a thank-you card...
- for the Statue of Liberty. - That is crazy.
He knows we always intended to take him with us.
- I mean, we love Michel, right? - Right.
- He's the best concierge in the world. - Absolutely. A little abrasive.
- Kind of impatient. - But charming.
And great at what he does, knows the community.
- Willing to go that extra mile. - Tiny bit obnoxious.
Makes you want to scream, "Life's too short!" two, three times a day.
- But... - Picture life without him.
- We do need him, right? - Let's just go down there and talk to him.
Right.
We know where all those Calvin Klein ads went to die.
They look like they all have the same mother.
That must be one tired supermodel. Excuse me, we're...
- I wouldn't talk to us, either. - Talk to a boy. A boy will be nice to you.
Okay.
Hi. Excuse me. We're looking for Michel Gerard.
- The corner of Mercer and Broome. - Excuse me?
Janet Jackson's on the phone.
- No worries. Hi. - Us?
- Yes. - We're looking for Michel Gerard.
- Michel. - Yes, Michel...
- Janet again. - She's very needy lately.
You have some guests at the front desk.
- No worries. He comes like the wind. - Thank...
- He doesn't need our thanks. - He has Janet, so...
MICHEL: The tickets are under the hotel's name.
You have reservations at Tamtam at 7:00.
Don't order the duck. It will take forever...
and you will miss the curtain.
If you have any problems at all, you have my pager number.
Just call me. Goodbye.
- Look who the cat dragged in. - Hi, Michel. We've missed you.
Yes? I have missed you, too.
This place is wonderful.
You look so important, walking around, talking to yourself...
but you're not really talking to yourself.
You're actually talking to someone else in a headset with your headset.
- How are you? - Me? I am wonderful, and yourselves?
We're great...
and we're breaking ground on the inn on Monday.
Yes. Is that still happening?
- It is still happening. - That's lovely.
There's a small charge for the use of the Internet.
All instructions are in the minibar. I'm so pleased.
I know you're a little upset with me.
- Upset? I don't think so. - I told her about the call.
- What call? - The call you made to me yesterday.
The one where you told me you called Lorelai and she didn't call back.
- I make so many calls. - The one where you cried.
Are you sure it wasn't another Michel?
You called me. You kept me on the phone for over an hour.
I missed the beginning of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
- When I got back, they were all gay. - It doesn't matter.
If there was any misunderstanding...
about wanting you to come with us to the Dragonfly, we're sorry.
- I'm not. - Very sweet of you to say. Thank you.
Unless you don't want to come with us. I mean, this place is very impressive...
and I would understand if you didn't want to leave.
Yes, this place is impressive, isn't it?
I mean, the uniform alone, it's like working in your jammies.
And these headsets, are they not fabulous?
Especially when, for example, you're in the bathroom...
a place one would normally choose to be alone...
then suddenly, bang, someone is yakking in your ear.
- How delightful. You can never get lonely. - I suppose not.
And the people who work here? A joy: so young, so talented.
Some of them are actors in ambitious off-Broadway revues.
They play cockroaches and derelicts...
and do Shakespeare dressed like punk rockers.
It gives me chills just thinking about it.
Yes, extra towels are complimentary, Matthew...
and stop asking me who the hottie I'm talking to is.
I tell you what. I'll think about it and get back to you, okay?
- Nice to have you aboard, Michel. - I'm busy. Go.
Thank God.
Matthew, what?
So, he invited us to his wedding.
- And we're having beef. - But what was his body language like?
Tall.
No, I mean, did he squirm or back away when he invited you...
or was he all dart y-eyed?
Not much squirming, no backing away, but there was a little bit of dart y-eye.
- So he was nervous? - We were both nervous.
We didn't expect to run into each other, and I think he invited us...
'cause he felt like he had to be nice.
- That does sound like Dean. - So, do we go?
I can't decide this. He's your ex-boyfriend.
- It seems weird that we go. - Then we don't go.
But if we don't go...
it may look like we're trying to make a statement.
- Then we go. - If I had just stayed at Lane's...
- for two more minutes... - Yeah, fate.
Yes, it is fate. Do we ignore fate?
Do you have any important papers due soon?
- Why? - In case.
- Fate's gonna flunk me? - It's always a possibility.
- Then we are going. - Going where?
Dean's wedding. Fate's making us.
I hope fate will cough up $40 for a salad spinner for him.
Please. There is no fate.
What do you mean there is no fate? Of course there is fate.
There is no fate. There is no destiny. There is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous.
Tarot cards tell you nothing. You cannot read a palm.
Tea leaves make tea and nothing else.
Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis. The Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
- I knew you were gonna say that. - I came over here. My fault.
I read your mind. It spoke to me. We're psychic.
- Enjoy the fries. - Where does this leave us?
I think that Dean's gonna expect us to go, and it is his day.
I don't want him to feel like I don't care about him.
- I know. - I just want him to be happy.
Okay, we'll get him a salad spinner first thing tomorrow morning.
Thank you.
There you are. Honey, I've got your mail.
- Great. - I'm exhausted.
I've been looking all over town for you.
You could have left me a message. I would have picked it up.
There was something marked "Urgent" in there...
and I just wanted to make sure you got it.
Thank you.
All right, I'm leaving. I'm gonna kill that mail carrier.
I don't care if he doesn't have a tongue.
Our new mail carrier doesn't have a tongue?
- You've got to be kidding me. - That's what Patty said.
No, Taylor has sent me a cease-and-desist order on the inn.
"Dear Lorelai Gilmore, it has come to the attention...
"of the Historical Preservation Society...
"that you and Miss Sookie St. James...
"intend to begin construction on the Dragonfly Inn.
"Any proposed renovations must be discussed and approved...
"by the Stars Hollow Historical Preservation Society."
"We must therefore ask that all work halt..."
"Until this procedure has been followed."
"Thank you, and have a historical day."
- Is he kidding? - What are you gonna do?
- I'm going to talk to him. - Cool.
Don't say "cool." It's gonna be very pleasant.
You said you were gonna talk to Taylor.
I own my own business now.
I'm gonna have to deal with tiny men like Taylor all the time.
You can't go yelling at people, no matter how historical they might be.
Bummer.
You have to learn to separate the personal from the business.
Okay.
Remember in The Godfather, Michael telling Sonny...
how he was gonna kill Tattaglia and Captain McCluskey...
in that Italian restaurant?
He lays out the whole thing very calmly, very unemotionally...
'cause that's what you do in business.
Yeah, but then he went and shot two guys in the head.
I wasn't describing that scene.
But if you know you already like lime...
then you're not sampling, you're savoring, and that's just gluttonous.
Hi, Taylor.
Hello there, Lorelai, Rory. What can I get for you?
Gosh, look at all the choices. Really hard to pick.
I think I'll try a scoop of Butter Brickie Crunch.
Rory?
I'll try the Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate.
Coming right up.
While I have you here, I received this letter in the mail...
and I'm having a blonde day. I wonder if you could explain it to me.
It says you have to get approval...
before you can start construction on the inn.
That's what I thought it said.
I have to tell you I'm a little concerned...
because we have a construction crew coming Monday, so, yikes.
The Dragonfly is a historical building, Lorelai.
Yeah, but the whole town is a historical building.
George Washington ate, slept, or blew his nose all over the damn place.
He only blew his nose in the park. You've read the sign.
That inn needs love. It's falling down.
We have no intention of ruining its historical aspect.
- We'd just like some running water. - Running water was not always historical.
You're telling me I can't put in running water?
My God, this is incredible.
It's called Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate...
but it's seriously chocolate, chocolate, chocolatey.
- Sorry. - I'm just telling you there are rules...
and they have to be followed.
Fine.
What do I have to do to get the Historical Preservation Society's...
stamp of approval?
- A formal presentation is necessary. - When?
Any town function or gathering is open to a presentation, Lorelai.
- Okay, so, like, the town meeting tonight? - If you like.
- The town meeting it is. - Now, don't look sad.
I went through this with my place, too.
Of course, I knew the rules, so I didn't get the embarrassing letter.
Right, okay, great. We'll see you later, Taylor.
- Yes? - That'll be $3.50 for the ice cream.
And worth every penny, let me tell you. Sorry, but this is really good.
So, any additional landscaping to the town square...
will be paid for directly from the town park funds...
and town park funds only.
All righty.
- Long one tonight. - Astonishingly long.
- We've got to be next, right? - We've got to be.
Michel, are you okay over there?
He says the guy next to him has unforgivable B.O.
Michel, you're French. How can you even tell?
- Could we have a little quiet, please? - Sorry, we're just waiting here...
very patiently, as you can see, all ready and everything.
Yes, the next item, people...
is a wonderful feather in Stars Hollow's cap.
One of our very own, fourth-grader Donny Pass...
was named a runner-up...
in the Connecticut state story-writing contest...
for his work entitled The Happiest Doughnut.
I think I'm going to give birth out of boredom.
Donny's mom is here tonight. Let's give her a big hand.
I almost think he's doing this on purpose.
Almost?
Bordering on "pretty damn sure."
I won't spoil the plot of The Happiest Doughnut for you, folks.
Except to say it's funny and a little sad and truly inspiring.
But a caveat for all you parents...
the dunking scene may be too intense for preschool-aged children.
How can a stupid doughnut be happy?
See, he's got you curious. That's the genius of Donny Pass.
I've got a bunch of your mail. Here.
I've got some of yours, too, and some of AI's.
- Will you pass this back to him for me? - Yeah. If you hand this up to Andrew.
Can do.
I can't smell anything.
I'm breathing it all in so it's not reaching you.
- Thanks for taking that grenade for me. - People, could we have some order here?
Gypsy, the letter from my girlfriend's open.
Yeah. Sorry, Andrew. It must have fallen open accidentally.
You read my private letter.
There's nothing private in that letter, except for the medical stuff.
Taylor, I got your Pennysaver and your girlie magazines.
Those are lifestyle magazines.
People, this meeting has degenerated into our usual weekly anarchy.
- I say we adjourn. See you next week. - Taylor!
Everyone pick up a free copy of The Happiest Doughnut on your way out.
We were supposed to make our presentation about the Dragonfly.
Yes, you're bringing this up kind of late.
- We've been sitting here. - It won't take long.
It was your idea. You suggested this.
Okay. People, your children and elderly...
are going to have to wait a while for you to get home...
because Lorelai Gilmore and her associate want to discuss some proposed changes...
to a beloved town structure.
Thank you. Let's go, Sookie, Augustus Gloop.
RORY: Knock them dead.
Guys, I know we've been here forever...
but I very quickly want to tell you what we have in mind...
for this beautiful Dragonfly property.
- Historic Dragonfly property. - That goes without saying.
I don't think you should try to hide the fact it's historic.
- I'm not hiding anything. - Proceed, please.
Okay, we're very excited...
How many guest rooms will this establishment have?
Ten.
Yeah, 10. Anyway, the property's been unoccupied for...
- Parking? How many parking spaces? - Eighteen.
Something wrong with the parking, Taylor?
Two people to a room, each with their own car...
that's 20 cars. You don't have enough parking.
Some people will be driving there together, in one car.
- So, you have a crystal ball, do you? - That's just common sense.
If you have a crystal ball I would like to borrow it...
to take to the racetrack.
No, I don't have a crystal ball...
but if the parking's not enough, we can always add more.
Easy.
- "Pave paradise and put up a parking lot." - Not what we're saying.
I heard you're planning to serve alcohol. Is this true?
There will be a restaurant.
Wine, cocktails, give the people what they want.
So it'll be a party spot? Catering to that crowd...
hip-hoppers, the Manson family?
It's a little country inn.
A perfect secluded spot for murderers to revel in impropriety.
Have you noticed? This is not going very well.
Taylor, everyone, there will be millions of questions...
some of them even legitimate, but the bottom line is: You know me.
I've been a part of this town for...
Look how big my daughter is. For that long.
Opening this inn has been a dream of mine and of Sookie's...
for most of that time.
Along with Michel, we plan to make this community...
as proud of the historic Dragonfly Inn...
as you were...
when this same team was running the Independence Inn.
You mean the place that burned down on your watch?
Can I slap him?
Now, this will also help our local economy because...
[Cell phone ringing]
Because we plan to employ... Sorry. We plan to employ...
[Cell phone ringing]
- This call is coming from the house. - Our house?
- It's flashing our number. - But we're here.
I know. That's the weird part.
Sookie, keep it going in here. I'll be just a quick second.
Okay, if you have any questions...
Yes, about the Dragonfly or deodorant...
The places to buy it, how to apply it, that sort of thing.
Hello?
I responded to activation of an alarm at your residence...
and I apprehended a prowler in the garage.
- You did? - Yes, Ma'am.
Female, approximately 18 years old, Korean.
- Kirk, that's Lane. You know Lane. - I thought I knew Lane...
but now I think she's in some kind of gang.
Lorelai, help.
Their front is some sort of musical group.
They are a musical group, Kirk. Honey, go sort it out.
Got it.
Rory's on her way over. Brown hair, blue eyes...
about 5'6". Don't cuff her.
- Ten-four. - Okay.
- We failed you. - He is a very unpleasant man.
What happened?
The second you walked out the door...
Taylor adjourned the meeting over our objections.
- Where'd he go? - He was the first one out the door.
Unbelievable.
You can run, but you can't hide.
This is cute. The Happy Doughnut.
Did we have a little misunderstanding back there?
Please don't sneak up on me like that.
- I almost blew my emergency whistle. - We weren't done.
- I thought we were. - No we weren't.
What more was there to say?
Nothing was decided. You said to explain what you're doing...
then we can start our work.
You can't do that until after the walk-through.
I'm in heels. Do you mind? What walk-through?
I and other members of the Historical Preservation Society...
need to examine the property in person.
You didn't think we'd make a decision...
based on a little chat.
- I mentioned a walk-through. - I don't think you did.
- I'm mentioning it now. - When's the walk-through?
I'd have to check with the other society members...
set something up in the next month or so.
I have workmen coming Monday, Taylor, the day after tomorrow.
- Dear. That's cutting it pretty close. - Let's do it tomorrow, please.
- Tomorrow's Sunday. - Yes.
It would have to be before church.
- Okay, so mid-morning? - 6:00?
6:00 in the morning?
Or another day. I could take it up with the society.
No, 6:00 is fine. 6:00 sharp.
- See you then. - Bright and early.
- Good night. - Good night. Thanks.
[Boys singing raucously]
That is our Stars Hollow High fight song.
Could have sworn it was Mozart.
- What is this, guys? - Pit stop!
- Bachelor party phase one is over. - Our boy Dean here is tying the knot.
Look, I was just closing up.
- Luke! - Dean!
- That's funny. - I wasn't even trying.
We need to refuel for phase two. It won't take long.
You wouldn't turn away a man on his wedding day, would you?
It's not your wedding day yet.
That's what I keep telling him. It's your last day of freedom.
- We should get strippers, right? - And cake.
My name's Luke, too. We should start a club.
That would be swell.
Look, why don't you go sit down over there?
- I'll make some coffee. - Tomorrow is the big day, man, big day.
- You're tipping there, Dean. Watch him. - I got him.
We really appreciate this, sir.
- Stop calling me that. - He's a good guy, really.
So, what was phase one?
A case of beer in the JC Penney parking lot then batting cages and laser tag.
I've decided that I really like beer.
- I'm the designated driver. - Good man.
- I'm in the Navy now, you know. - Uniform tipped me off.
My older cousins did two-year stints.
It paid for their college, so I joined up.
Of course, we weren't fighting international skirmishes...
on two or three dangerous fronts like we are now.
What are you doing?
- Sugar football. - Don't.
Come on, guys. Respect the establishment.
- They're still kids. - I got a better idea, guys.
How about I whip up some pancakes real fast...
help soak up whatever it is you drank?
Sounds good. We'll need energy for phase two.
Strippers, right? We got to get strippers.
How much do you give a stripper?
- That depends on what she does. - Are they really prostitutes?
'Cause I'd feel bad if they were prostitutes.
Guys, I got to go in the back for a couple seconds.
Don't drink any more. Don't play Jets.
Don't jump on the furniture. Just sit still, okay?
- And do what? - I don't know.
Make up a dirty version of the fight song.
- Yeah! - Great idea!
Rory.
- What did he say? - He is so toasted.
- Rory. - Did he say what I think he said?
Guys, you know what I think? I think it's real late...
and that maybe you ought to cancel phase two.
- No way. - Hear him out, fellas.
Think about it, guys, how you gonna beat laser tag?
Is Dean sick?
He just needs his rest.
Why don't you march your friends out of here?
I'll take care of the groom, and he'll see you all tomorrow.
He's right, guys. Let's saddle up.
- Aren't we getting pancakes? - I'm not feeling good.
Come on, big guy. Try to walk.
Here we are.
Okay.
She's smart, man. You know, she's so smart.
I know, I know.
- She could probably fix the world. - Right.
She could team up with Kyle. Her brains, his brawn.
- No, not Kyle. Rory. - Almost there.
She's the one, you know?
Come on, Dean, just lie down there, stop talking.
And the hair, pretty hair. She has the prettiest hair, and the head.
- What is that? - Just your shoes.
I miss her.
Why didn't she love me?
[Sighing]
Scrubbing shower grout with a toothbrush.
Sure.
Flossing with that really, really fine floss
that cuts between your teeth like a razor.
- Staring into the sun. - Till you're blind.
- I feel very ugly this morning. - Join the crowd.
That unpleasant man and his cohorts in there?
And have been for about 30 freaking minutes.
Watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Getting brain freeze from eating ice cream.
What are you doing?
We're listing all the things we'd rather be doing than this.
- What a mug. It's like he sucked a lemon. - I've really grown to hate him.
Nice?
So much potential.
- Yeah. - It needs a lot of TLC.
And we've got an abundance of it, Taylor. Patty, please, help.
He's killing me here, and you've got pull with him.
Honey, I got my own remodeling to do on my studio...
that Taylor has to approve.
I'm saving my pull for me.
Can I have just a little teeny, tiny bit of your pull, please?
He's gonna see us talking.
- Lorelai, consultation, please. - Okay.
- This porch is falling apart. - I know.
- It's got live termites. - Big, fat ones.
- It's a safety hazard. - It's the first thing to go.
To go? This porch can't go.
- You just said it's falling apart. - I didn't tell you to tear it down.
It's historical. It has to stay.
The porch is not historical. It was added in 1980.
- So? - It's a 23-year-old porch.
Unless you think Kate Hudson is historical, it's not historical.
Not now, but how do you think we get historical 200-year-old structures...
if we tear them down when they're just 23?
It's rotting away.
Which means that your guests can't walk on it.
So they should hover over it?
No, you could build a bridge over it, using appropriate materials.
Or you could build a transparent Lucite porch over this porch...
so people could walk on the Lucite porch...
and see the old porch underneath the new porch.
Build a clear plastic porch over the rotting wood porch?
With the proper permits, and those are hard to come by.
- That's it. - Lorelai, watch it. I've got church later.
What did I do to make you torture me?
I don't know what you're talking about.
The hoops, the jumping and the fire and the hoops.
It's just business, Lorelai.
I pay to shop in your store. I eat your banana splits.
I've never physically hurt you...
except for that one spit wad in the one town meeting...
but I didn't mean for it to hit your eye, and I apologize...
so put me out of my misery...
and tell me what I need to make this happen!
- I want an ice-cream truck. - What?
I want to sell ice cream off a truck.
I want to park it in front of the soda shop.
I want to ring the bell on it every day...
but the only place I can park it...
is the space that's in front of Luke's diner.
So?
- You have pull with Luke. - I guess. Maybe.
You're friends. You can get him to agree to this.
- Use my pull? - If you don't mind.
If I get Luke to agree to this, the madness stops?
- If that's what you call it. - Work begins. The porch goes?
All expedited, nice and neat.
- An ice-cream truck? - An ice-cream truck.
You can go.
This has been a very successful outing.
- Back on the bus, everyone. - Unbelievable.
Yep. When do you think you'll...
Shortcut to Luke's.
How is she going to get over Potter's Creek?
Jump it?
- Give him his ice-cream truck. - What?
I forged a stream, and I almost got attacked by a beaver...
- and I'm not leaving here till you agree. - To what?
You don't own the street. You own the building.
It's a public street. Let him park his stupid truck.
- I'm missing something. - Don't change the subject.
I don't even know what the subject is.
If you let Taylor park his ice-cream truck...
not even in front, but in front of part of the diner...
then I can start work on the inn. But if you don't say yes...
then you may not have to see his truck parked outside...
but you will have to see my body swinging from that tree...
because I will hang myself.
- I am waiting for your answer. - Sure.
"Sure" what?
- He can park it there. What do I care? - Don't kid around.
Your life's at stake. I wouldn't kid around.
That easy?
Why'd you say no when Taylor asked you before?
- He never asked me before. - He never asked?
Not about a truck...
about a giant ice-cream cone a few months back.
I said no to that.
Probably why he thought I'd say no to the truck.
- He never asked? - No.
But you're fine with this, and he could have asked?
It's a public street.
- And you would have said yes? - I'd have said yes.
And I wouldn't have had to go through all this?
- Probably not. - You know what?
I've learned something very valuable here today.
Come on in. Sit down there. Take a load off.
- Very valuable. - Good.
I've had a business epiphany.
It's like I'm Bud Fox, saying, "Thanks for the lesson, Mr. Gekko."
This will pass, folks.
The Lorelai you knew is dead. Remember her?
Eager to please, fresh of face?
She thought that success in business meant working hard...
applying yourself, and respecting your coworkers.
And she preached that to others. Little child!
You should probably get some rest.
It's about scratching backs, my friend, and kissing things...
- I won't be graphic. - It is Sunday morning.
It's dirty. That's what business is.
It's smoke-filled back rooms with exposed pipes...
and shady players chewing on fat cigars and twirling their dirty mustaches.
And when you go into those rooms, you can't be a milquetoast Muppet.
You have to have pointy teeth and jaws that snap.
The meek shall not inherit the earth!
- Thanks for the perspective. - Do you have any coffee?
- I'm not giving you coffee. - I don't have time for coffee.
I got to go find Taylor and close this deal. You think he's back at the store?
Or having his dirty mustache cleaned.
- You're good with the truck? - I'm good with the truck.
Bless you.
I'll be right with you, folks.
So, you're up.
Yeah.
I'm up.
It took me a minute or two to figure out where I am, but...
That's all right. You've never been here.
Yeah, it's not that I remember. I just kind of...
looked out the window, and that's how I could tell.
Good. Smart.
Little concoction of mine. It'll help with the hangover.
Guess I had a beer or two too many last night.
Yeah, it happens.
Hope the guys didn't bug you too much.
- No, they were fine. - Good.
So, you're all dressed there?
Yeah, you know, big day, getting married.
Getting married.
I'm due in the church in about an hour.
Dean...
- And I still got to pick up my tux. - Yeah, right.
Thanks for everything, Luke.
Yeah, sure. Good luck.
So, a total strikeout?
Total. And, you know, at first, I felt bad for them...
so lacking in talent, yet so clueless. Then I just felt bad for their guitars.
Where are all the good young musicians these days?
My ears wanted to fly off my head.
I'm going to the music store to look at things I can't afford. Coming?
- I have to go get ready for this. - Right. Tell me how it goes.
- I will. Hey, Luke. - Hey.
- Rory, where's your mom? - Around somewhere. Why?
I thought I'd find her at Doose's.
- Did she go back to the inn? - She was going back to the inn...
then she was buying a wedding present for Dean.
She hates it when people send gifts later.
Then, depending on the time...
I was either gonna meet her back at home or at the church.
- She have her cell on her? - I think it's dead. What's going on?
- Or a pager or something? - Is something wrong?
I just need to check something with her.
We can stop by after the wedding.
Don't go to the wedding. Don't go to Dean's wedding.
- Why? - I just... Don't go.
- Trust me. - Okay.
- It'd just be better this way. - Okay.
- So, you're not going? - I guess not.
Okay, good. I'll see you guys later.
- Yeah, Luke, I'll see you later. - Okay.
- Lorelai, do you have a minute? - Sure, Kirk.
- We've had a successful disconnection. - No more alarm?
- No more alarm. - Fantastic.
The roofer will be out tomorrow. The repair should take a day.
- I'm not gonna inquire about that now. - It's all taken care of.
I want to apologize for any inconvenience.
It was no big deal.
I have this strong sense of chivalry when it comes to women living alone.
That's very nice.
My family tree dates back to a 12th-century knight.
As a kid I thought that meant we were related to Ted Knight.
I wrote him a lot of letters. He never responded.
- That's cute, though. - I just want you to feel safe.
You really do, don't you, Kirk?
So, I hope you don't mind my watching out for you.
Not at all.
Thank you. I'll see you around.
See you.
I think I found the perfect wedding present for Dean.
- Sweet, not personal, classy, yet cheap. - We're not going.
What?
Luke was looking for you and ran into me, and he was all nervous...
and then he finally just said we shouldn't go.
- What does that mean? - It means we shouldn't go.
- Did he give a reason? - Not really.
- I'll go talk to him. - No, he seemed really serious.
If you saw him, you'd feel the same way.
- He was kind of upset. - About Dean's wedding?
- Yeah. - So, we're not going?
- I think it's better that we don't. - Okay. Mystery, though.
Kind of.
You've got your "nothing to do" weekend back.
Yeah, got that back.
Mom, Kirk's following us in a little clowny car.
- He's watching out for us. - Okay.
Ready?
No, no, it's got to look like we're actually demolishing the porch.
We're gonna do pretend swings.
Which would've been easier if we had pretend sledgehammers.
Why do they make these so heavy?
Even without the swing, this is a good picture...
of the two of you about to record an important moment...
for the two of you.
Michel...
I would love a copy of this for my mantel.
Such a nice moment.
You have to be in the picture, too, Michel.
- Me? I don't know. All right. - That thing have a timer on it?
It's set. I framed the shot.
Grab your hammer and smile.
[Camera beeping]
- One more for safety? - Okay.
What?
Just sometimes, it hits me. This place had a long history before us...
has a long future after us.
I keep thinking it's a part of our lives, but, really, it's the reverse.
For a little while, I don't know...
it's like we're a part of its life.
Yeah.
[Camera beeping]
[Guests clapping]