"Where's the ladies room? More coffee please."
"Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"
We do not need to know how to say that.
- Yes, we do. - Mom.
In Spain we have know how to say, "Does Antonio Banderas live nearby?"
In France, "Does Johnny Depp live nearby?"
In Rome, "Does Gore Vidal live nearby?"
You know, you look like me and yet my ways are completely lost on you.
Put that down. You've been studying all day.
- I can't, I've got finals coming up. - I know you do.
There's a piece of pie there that you've been totally ignoring.
Just let me get to the end of this chapter.
Fine.
How important is it to be able to say, "Help, I am bleeding from the head"?
- Take the phrase books. - If we learn all the phrases we need...
then the books are one less thing we have to carry.
We'll never learn all the phrases we're going to need. Bring the books.
We can learn enough. And everybody speaks English there.
- Ugly American, party of one. - Fine, we'll bring the books.
- Okay, five minutes for pie. - Finally.
- They're here, I got them. - You got what?
- The brochures from my college. - You seem chipper.
I am. I have decided to make this whole Seventh-day Adventist...
college experience a good one. I'll see the bright side...
find the silver lining and make lemonade.
- Good for you. - The campus looks pretty.
Very pretty.
It's got two parks with gardens and lakes.
- Two parks. - One for boys and one for girls.
I originally thought this was going to be a suffocating place...
with out-of-date rules and insane restrictions, but I was wrong.
For example, curfew is up to 9:30. 9:45 if you're going for your masters.
Make-up will be permitted as long as it identically matches your skin tone.
Owning a Rolling Stones CD is no longer grounds for expulsion.
You can work the demerits off in the campus clean-up crew.
- There's a separate park for boys? - My life is over.
- I didn't say that. - You didn't have to.
- Well, it is over. - It's not over.
Every kid in that brochure was awkward and panicked.
Looked like the audience during Michael Moore's speech.
Add the phrase, "Just sit there and look pretty" to your list.
I gotta get back to studying.
Does that sexy guy in the Peugeot ad...
who had a bit part in Armageddon live near here?
- Oh, God, Rory, you scared me. - Sorry.
I have been sneaking around here like an idiot trying not to wake you up.
- I've been up for hours. - Why, did you have a bad dream?
Where you meet Christiane Amanpour and she's really stupid?
I realized last night that at this rate, I won't finish my work.
- What work? - "What work," she asks.
Me and that dippy Christiane, takes us a little while to catch up.
- Here. - "Things to do before graduation."
A list, of course.
"Study, senior breakfast, senior awards, finish final edition of the Franklin..."
"Organize a new student government, convince Paris to give up student gavel..."
And I forgot. Man the yearbook distribution table...
this afternoon at the stupid Senior Palooza. Unbelievable.
I'll be manning the Booster Club grad night table at the same time.
So we can feel stupid and abused together.
I can't finish this and sleep at the same time.
You have to sleep, it's what keeps you pretty.
Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?
Okay, you have got this so completely backwards.
What is all this?
I found that if I focus too much on one subject...
I start to get a little punchy. This way, when I hit Bolshevik revolution overload...
I just shift over here: Anne Boleyn is going down.
And then when that gets too depressing, it's over to calculus.
Saving the party subject for last?
Shifting back and forth seems to produce better results.
- You're pushing yourself too hard. - I made out a schedule.
Every moment of every day from now until graduation is accounted for.
- You left off the Kiwanis' luncheon. - I did, are you sure?
- It's on Monday. - How could I forget that...
- they gave me their scholarship. - Yes, $250 scholarship.
That'll keep you in popcorn for a week.
I'll just move something around. And work Grandma in.
- What? - Grandma called and asked...
if I could help her pick a dress for my graduation.
- No. - I have to.
She's been dressing herself for years.
She's never shown up anywhere with her bra outside her clothing.
She asked. I can't say no.
Tell her about the Koala bears, she'll understand.
Stop making fun of them, we need every cent we can get. Yale is expensive.
- I know Yale is expensive. - We haven't heard from Yale financial aid.
We will, relax.
We better hear from them soon because I have a deposit to send in for my room...
supplies to buy, and I'd like everything out of the way before we go to Europe...
otherwise I'll be obsessing about it the entire time.
Okay, listen, I'm going to go out and get the paper.
Don't show it to me. I have no time for recreational reading until June.
Could we move your chill session from 4:00 tomorrow afternoon to right now?
That would be great, thanks.
Okay, little tip:
Stalking works better when you don't smash your face in the window.
- I need to talk to you. - Come inside.
- No, Rory's in there. - Since when are you scared of Rory?
- Luke, I think you can take her. - I just need to tell you something.
- Can she hear us? - Through the walls?
- I put kryptonite in her food, we're good. - Come here.
You're freaking out the freaks this morning.
Jess is gone.
- What? - I don't think he's coming back.
- What do you mean gone, like gone-gone? - Exactly like "gone-gone."
- But when? - Last night, this morning, I don't know.
I went upstairs and noticed that all of his stuff was gone.
- Luke, I'm so sorry. - Yeah, well, forget it.
I'm through with him. He's 18, he can do whatever he wants.
He's on his own, I'm through. No, it's a relief.
He was driving me crazy. Let him make his own way from now on.
Let him see how he gets without someone watching his back.
I couldn't be more relieved.
I'm just worried about Rory, I assume she doesn't know.
- She hasn't said anything. - I can tell her if you want me to.
No, it's okay. I can do it. I just have to figure out when.
- She's got lots on her mind right now. - Don't wait too long.
- She'll notice eventually. - Yes.
Okay.
- Thanks for coming over. - No problem.
- I failed him. - You did not fail him.
You supported him, you defended him, you gave him a chance.
And if he chose not to take it, there was nothing more you could do.
I should go.
Do you have any idea where he went?
Yeah, I got a pretty good idea.
There's no chill time scheduled for 4:00 tomorrow.
The one thing I really don't have time for are your jokes, Missy.
Later is good.
- You need some help, friend? - Nope.
Lived here 25 years. I could point you in a direction...
make your journey easier.
Enjoy this beautiful day.
I'll have the alfalfa sprouts and a plate of mashed yeast.
Yes, I've been holding for Mr. Hennings. I'm Lorelai Gilmore.
Great. Hi, listen...
I just received this letter saying that...
my daughter did not qualify for financial aid. Rory Gilmore?
Okay, yes, we did recently receive $75,000.
But, here's the thing, that money is gone...
I gave it to my parents, so I don't have it anymore. I swear.
You can come and search. We can open a bottle of wine and put on some Motown...
Yes, that was very inappropriate.
I owed my parents that money because they helped me put Rory through Chilton.
And I wanted her to go to Chilton so that she could get into Harvard.
But then Harvard became Yale, long story, and now that she's gotten into Yale...
I paid them back for Chilton.
It's just kind of a funny, wacky circle that we could all laugh about someday.
But since I don't have the money anymore, it seems like it shouldn't count.
There must be something we can do. Rory is the most deserving kid there is.
I don't know if you know the Kiwanis, but they gave her their scholarship and...
I understand.
Okay.
We'll just have to figure something out.
Thank you, goodbye.
[Dogs barking]
JESS: Hello, is anybody home? SASHA: Pipe down!
- You selling something? - No, does Jimmy Mariano live here?
- Does he owe you money? - No, I'm his...
I'm Jess.
- Jess... - Frodo, back off! Now!
- I'm sorry, what were you saying? - I just want to see Jimmy, okay?
- Did you ever see The Wizard of Oz? - Yes.
Remember when they go to the Emerald City and ring the bell...
the bearded guy looked out, they said they want to see the Wizard, and he said, "No."
They said, "She's got the ruby slippers," he said, "That's different, come on in"?
I'm the bearded guy and I say "no" unless you have the ruby slippers.
I'm his son.
His son?
Yes, his son.
Well, that's a horse of a different color, come on in.
- Do they bite? - Just those two.
Which two?
Great. I swear, I will bite you back.
- I didn't know you were coming. - Neither did I.
I'm Sasha.
This is Angus, Chowder, Rufus, Legolas...
Caligula, Mudball, General Lee, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis and Spot.
Jimmy's not here right now.
I can just hang out, walk around. Just tell me what time he gets home.
Why don't you come in? I'll call his work.
- You have a lot of pets. - They're not all mine.
No, some followed me home. Some of them hang out...
some just needed a place to crash. They drive Jimmy crazy, actually.
But someone's got to take care of them, right?
I'm just going to try and track him down, so just wander.
[Sighing]
SASHA: [On telephone] Lee, hi, I'm looking for Jimmy.
Okay, I'll hold.
Clowns, cats, dogs, I wonder where his tap shoes are?
Whoa!
He wasn't at work, but his guy said he'll be back soon.
Lil, Coco's going to come over and stay with you while I'm gone, okay?
And put those books back in there when you're done.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Hey.
The door.
Sorry.
LOUISE: Shut up. MADELINE: I swear.
- Jeans jackets are out? Impossible! - I opened the magazine and there it was.
- It's horrible, who decides these things? - Marie Claire, apparently.
I feel so helpless. Did you hear?
- Jeans jackets are out. - Out of what?
- Vogue. - No, Marie Claire.
Whatever, we still can't wear them.
Thanks for passing out the yearbooks for me. I needed the study time.
- No problem. - Want me to help you bring the boxes in?
- We've got that taken care of. - Halfway through.
Yeah, well, hurry up, 'cause we need to get started.
[Cell phone ringing]
God, he carries those boxes sexy.
RORY: Hello? EMILY: Rory, you haven't returned my call.
Grandma, I'm so sorry. I've been really busy.
I don't care how busy you get, you have to call your grandmother back.
- I'm sorry. - I won't be around forever.
- I'm sorry. - When are you coming over?
I need to discuss what to wear to your graduation. A suit?
- A suit is nice. - But perhaps it's too formal.
- Formal is fine. - What are the others wearing?
I don't know.
- Can you find out? - Sure. Hold on.
Louise, what is your grandmother wearing to graduation?
Hopefully the pearls I get when she kicks.
- Why don't I just come over? - That would be wonderful. Today?
Yes, as soon as I can get away.
Bring a color swatch of your cap and gown so I don't clash.
Bye, Grandma.
LORELAI: Hello.
I just got another call from Grandma.
- No. - I'm going to go over there now.
- Leaving me alone? - Where are you, I can't see you.
- I'm over here, by the Old Spice ad. - Hi.
- Come over. - I have to go.
- You can't come and talk for one second? - If I come there...
I will have to sign yearbooks, and since I am short on time...
I'll have resort to classic clams like:
"Have a good summer." "Keep in touch." "Best friends forever."
I do not want to be that person.
Plus, Paris will shanghai me and give me a million things to do.
You need to stop being intimidated by that girl.
You're going to college. You have to stand up for yourself...
and say, "Paris..."
- What are you doing? - I was just... The phone rang...
- Your hair's so shiny. - We're not even set up yet.
The tickets aren't in order... Where's the list?
- In my purse. - Terrific.
A better place for the list...
would be here on the table, where we could actually look at it.
Your hair is really shiny.
I'm going to go make the rounds, I'll be back soon. Have you seen Rory?
I'll go look outside.
Run!
- Can you pick me up from Grandma's? - If Paris hasn't had me flogged...
- then yes, I'll be there. - Thank you, bye.
Please, God, tell me I didn't forget the list.
- So the kid in the bookcase back there... - Lily.
- Is she yours? - Mine, yes, not Jimmy's.
I was married for the longest minute-and-a-half ever.
- Sweetie, how's everything? - Fine.
I love that, give Reilly a kiss.
And then I came to my senses and ran for the hills but I got Lily, so I win.
Short cut.
Anyhow, I met Jimmy about five and a half years ago...
but Lily's just crazy about him...
- Ronnie, I found your keys again. - Good, thank you, baby doll.
You've got to sew that hole in your pocket up. I mean it, today.
I'll do it for you if you don't have the time.
- You got any brothers and sisters? - Apparently not.
Lily submitted a written request for a brother by the end of this year.
I think I should be married before we have any kids.
- You guys aren't married? - You didn't know that?
- You guys had quite a talk, didn't you? - Yeah, well...
Okay, we're here.
- It looks like a jar of pickles. - I know that...
- but is it that jar of pickles? - Yes.
- Are you sure? - No.
The Chicago dills were the original pickles they sold here back in 1922.
Yes, I listen.
I tracked down the family that sold them...
I paid a substantial premium to use the original labels...
I waited weeks and now they're here, and I look at them...
and they don't look the same. Too many bumps.
LEE: Jimmy, I'm begging you, play golf.
Just call the guy and tell them they look different. Please.
Whatever you say.
- Jimmy. - Hey, Sasha.
- You have a visitor. - Yeah?
- You just get here? - Just got here.
So, Jess, I assume you'll be staying for dinner?
Yeah, sure. Stay. You'll stay. He'll stay. We'll get Abbot's, right?
Whatever you want.
Well, I have to get back.
So, I'll see you guys later.
- Sorry I didn't call. - Life's about the spontaneous, right?
- This your place? - The Inferno, yes.
- It's nice. - Thanks.
- I'll come out there. - I didn't mean to interrupt your work.
No problem. I'm going to take a break for a while.
Thank God.
- You didn't have to do that. - It's fine.
- So, first time on the West Coast? - First time on the West Coast.
The sights.
- Ocean. - I wondered what that was.
- Sand. - Keeps the ocean in its place.
- Sky. - We've got one of those back East.
And then you have the boardwalk.
- Sunglasses, smoothies, bootleg CDs. - Good ones?
Not bad. I never actually bought one. My neighbor, Stan, did.
He's not my neighbor anymore. He used to work at Lockheed.
They shut down the Burbank plant so he went to a trade school in the valley.
He installs cable now.
He sent me a postcard at Christmastime. He's Dutch.
Currently we're in Santa Monica.
You keep walking you hit Venice, that's technically where we live.
Past that, you got Marina Del Rey, lot of bike shorts in that area.
Then there are other beaches: Manhattan, Redondo, and basically that's it.
That's it? That's all of L.A?
There are these crazy rumors that if you get in a car and drive east...
away from the beach, there's some city and other stuff...
- but personally I don't believe it. - I take it you like the beach.
I would marry the beach if I could.
- Sounds serious. - I've lived in a lot of places all over...
and nothing, absolutely nothing compares to this.
So where else have you lived?
Wow, where else? Let's see. Minneapolis, Chicago, Biloxi, Maine.
- I worked on a lobster boat. - Yeah?
Let me tell you I smelled great.
Did a stint in New Jersey, New Hampshire...
New York?
Yeah, well, obviously New York.
I mean, New York was, well...
You know what New York was. So...
I didn't come here to bust your balls.
Okay, good to know.
Jimmy, I got the pickle guy, he's as worried about you as I am.
- I should take this. - Go ahead, I can just hang out.
- You sure? - I've got my book, I'm good.
Okay, you're good.
[Doorbell ringing]
I'm here to see my grandmother.
She is in the living room with Miss Celine.
- Miss who? - Right this way.
- It's stunning. - Really?
Chills, I've got chills. Turn for me, dear.
It moves, it just moves.
Ginger Rogers always insisted her dresses move just like that.
Ginger Rogers. Well.
- Of course, she didn't have your legs. - Celine.
Hey, Grandma.
- Rory, perfect. What do you think? - You look beautiful.
Well, if I do, it's all because of this lady here.
I'd like you to meet Miss Celine.
She's been our fashion consultant for years.
- How do you... - Oh, my God, it's Audrey Hepburn!
- What? - You're Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina.
- Just a waif with eyes. - Thank you.
I don't think the handkerchief works with this.
I didn't know you were here.
Richard, look at this girl. What do you see?
- Well. - It's Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina.
Now that you mention it, there is a touch of Audrey in her.
But even prettier.
Yes, and without that ridiculous affected accent.
For years I kept telling her, "Audrey, get a speech therapist."
She was very stubborn, but could she wear capris.
You know, Rory is starting Yale in the fall.
Yale, that is exciting.
- You'll need a whole new wardrobe? - Celine, I love this one.
Yes, I had that exact suit made in mint...
for Mrs. Walter Cronkite just last week.
A darling woman, we've been friends since the big bang.
- That's nice. - What do you think of this?
I like the green one with the beads, it made you look like a mermaid.
You guys know, this is just a casual graduation.
Folding chairs on the grass.
- There's going to be grass? - Yeah, it'll be outside.
You can not wear green around grass, I learned that from Tovah Borgnine.
The hard way.
Go try the red one on, red goes wonderful with nature.
- All right. - I'm going to try the gray linen.
- Yes. With this white silk shirt. - Very nice.
Yes, I had that exact shirt on Jimmy Stewart...
the night before his colonoscopy. He came through it clean as a whistle.
Never underestimate the power of a good shirt.
I never will again.
- Kathy Kim. - Check.
Next.
- Greg Aguilera. - Check.
Next.
- Brad Langford. - Check.
- Why did you do that? - It has a really bad picture of us on it.
But that page had the only picture of me in the entire book.
- There. - Next.
No one is going to buy our tickets.
- Give it time, Paris. - After an hour, we've sold eight tickets.
Grad Night is a big deal, Paris, they will buy the tickets.
Unbutton your top.
- What? - Boys are controlled by one thing.
- Unbutton your top. - No.
Me doing it isn't going to help any.
You need to relax, you need to stop worrying...
you need to stop obsessing, and stop looking at my boobs.
Man, even the stupid class poster table has a line.
Time to play let's-distract-Paris. Look at me.
- Let's talk. - About what?
Anything. Tell me what college you landed on.
- I didn't. - What's it between?
- Princeton, Columbia, and Yale. - Good choices.
I'm not that interested in Columbia...
but my mother hates the idea, so I have to keep it in the mix...
- you know? - Do I ever.
Princeton's a good school, but Jamie goes there.
- That's your boyfriend? - Yes.
If I go there, it's going to look like I went there just to be with him.
Suddenly, I'm Felicity without the hair issues...
- and I'm not very comfortable with that. - But, look at it like this.
Not going to a school you like just because your boyfriend is there...
is as bad as going to a school you don't like because your boyfriend isn't there.
- I guess. - If you want to go to Princeton, go there.
If you want to go to Yale, go to Yale.
Leave Jamie out of it, leave your mother out of it...
just decide whatever it is you want and do it.
I can try that, I guess.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
What are you doing?
- I'm giving you a hug. - Why?
Just give in to it, baby, come on, you can do it. Atta girl.
Unclench the fist, Paris. Yeah, there you go.
Sash, I'm home!
What's up, Lily Lou? Want some pineapple on your pizza?
- She do that a lot? - All the time.
- You ever find it a little weird? - All the time.
[Thudding]
- Why don't you give me a minute here? - Okay.
Make it two, two minutes. Three.
[Bottles clanking]
And do a special knock before you come in.
- Maybe a... - I passed a bookstore...
back on the boardwalk. I'll go check it out.
But I thought the knock idea was kind of cool.
Last week, when you said you were going to Sacramento...
to check out a potential supplier, you actually went...
To Connecticut to see Jess.
That was quite an elaborate story you made up.
- I do have a gift. - Of course, I didn't believe you.
- It's not a big gift, but... - Why didn't you tell me?
I don't know.
Why are you nodding your head?
You're shrugging your shoulders. You're nodding and shrugging.
Why are you nodding your head and shrugging your shoulders?
Will you stop nodding and shrugging? Sasha, come on.
- I'll get the pizza. - Have it delivered.
They get too stoned after 6:00. It'll take forever.
I didn't know how it was going to go.
I didn't know if he was going to be there or talk to me or slug me or...
- I get it. I'll see you later, roomie. - Do not do that.
We are not roomies, we are partners, we are soul mates.
You went cross-country to see your son for the first time...
since he was born and you didn't tell me. We are roomies.
- I'm sorry. - Get the extra mattress out.
- What for? - For Jess.
- For Jess to do what? - For Jess to sleep on.
- Jess is sleeping here? - Isn't he?
I don't know.
- Did you ask if he was staying the night? - No.
- Did you ask how long he's here for? - No.
- Did you ask anything? - Should I have?
He could be in trouble.
- What kind of trouble? - How would I know?
- You just said he's in trouble. - I said he could be in trouble.
He could be running from the cops...
or attempting to hop across America on one foot...
or he came all the way from Connecticut just to have pizza...
with his father who he's not seen or heard from in 17 years.
What are the odds it's the last one?
Do what you want. Talk to him or don't talk to him. I don't care.
I'll be back. Lily, come on.
Now, Sabrina, college is a very important time in a young girl's life.
You need to be properly attired.
- I'm sure, but... - Trust me.
A young girl is completely and solely judged by her appearance.
All right, let's begin.
I always start every wardrobe from the top.
The hat.
Remember, Sabrina, it's the first thing that God sees...
- when you walk outside in the morning. - Well, I'm exhausted.
I feel as if I've tried on every dress in town.
- So is it the blue? - Yes, I think it's the blue.
I think it's quite suitable for my granddaughter's graduation.
Hi, hon. Mom.
- What are you doing here? - I came to pick Rory up. Miss Celine?
Oh, my God, it's Natalie Wood!
Look, Sabrina, it's Natalie Wood.
Miss Celine, I can't believe it, you're still working.
I tried to retire once. Olivia de Havilland wouldn't hear of it.
Well, how are you? How's Mrs. Walter Cronkite?
Lovely, thank you for asking, Natalie.
I left the suits upstairs, I'll go and get them.
No, I'll get them.
It's who I am, the Keeper of the Clothes.
- It's a delight to see you again. - Same here, Celine.
My God!
[Whispering] She was like, 1,000 when I was 10. I can't believe it.
You should've seen all the clothes Grandma tried on today.
She picked a beautiful blue dress for graduation.
- I'd like to see that, Mom. - It needs to be altered.
Sure. I'll see it at graduation, I guess.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you in advance that I was coming over.
- I don't need advance notice. - You just seem tense.
No, I'm just tired. And busy. I have a very busy evening ahead of me.
I'm sure you do.
- Dinner's ready, Mrs. Gilmore. - No, it's not.
- I just checked it and it's... - I checked 10 minutes ago...
and it had 40 minutes to go.
- But it's really brown and... - Please do not argue with me.
It's not ready. Now go in there and make the salad.
- What? - The salad's ready.
- It's 7:00. - So?
- It's your dinnertime. - I don't have a dinnertime.
- You don't have a dinnertime? - No, I don't.
All the years that I grew up in this house, we did not sit down to dinner...
at exactly 7:00 every single night?
- No. - I just imagined that?
I don't know what your obsession with dinnertime is...
Dinnertime was always at 7:00, now all of a sudden it's not.
Is it because I'm here?
- That's ridiculous. - It is.
I'm here and if you served dinner, Miss Manners would insist...
that you invite me to stay, and you don't want to, so you pretend...
that now dinner is whenever you feel like it.
Lorelai, do not get dramatic. Dinner is not ready and even if it was...
I would still not be able to invite you to stay...
because your father and I have plans tonight.
We are eating quickly and then leaving.
- To go where? - The Thompson's.
- For what? - Book club.
What book?
- Lovely Bones. - Did you like it?
It's not my taste, but I respect the attempt.
- Now I know where I get it from. - We'll have dinner another time.
So are you kicking us out?
I told you, we have plans.
Or do you want to get the dinner, that's ready, on the table?
- Lorelai, please. - Tell me this.
If I couldn't stay but Rory could, would you want her to?
Of course I would, but your father and I have plans.
- So she can't stay even if I'm gone? - No, she can't.
Emily, for heaven's sake, it's 7:10, why aren't we eating?
Listen, Rory was going to stay for dinner if you guys don't have plans.
Of course we don't have any plans.
I'm thrilled Rory's staying.
You've just livened up a very boring night in the Gilmore house.
Enjoy your dinner. And, Mom, get yourself an agent.
'Cause you are wasting that talent of yours on dinner theater.
Mom, wait!
Mom, wait! Where are you going?
I am going to drive backwards, fast, to reverse the Earth's orbit...
to go back in time, to before I decided to come here in the first place.
- You came to pick me up. - What was I thinking?
You were thinking, "My daughter shouldn't have to...
- "walk back to Stars Hollow." - A 30-mile hike never hurt anyone.
- I can't believe her. - I can't believe you.
- Why? - You were gonna leave me here?
- So you could have dinner with them. - I never said I wanted to.
You said that and then you stormed out.
Okay, I'm sorry, I just... I finally realized I can't do this anymore.
- I can't come back here anymore. - I shouldn't have asked you to pick me up.
It's okay. It's good, actually. Now I can stop feeling guilty...
for not talking to them. I can go back to the way things were.
We share a nose and that's it.
- We're going? - Yes, we're going.
I have to go get my books. Please be here when I come back.
- Are you staying? - No, I have to go, Grandma.
- We'll just see you at graduation. - I guess you will.
I don't know what to do with that mother of yours.
- Everything has to be such a scene. - I think you're being really stupid.
LORELAI: So, Souplantation?
RORY: Wait, I'm near the end of this chapter.
- Okay, let the raving begin. - A room full of all-you-can-eat food?
Soup, salad, pizza, pasta, chicken wings. Ice cream! Rainbow sprinkles!
- How didn't I know about that? - I have no good answers for you.
We are going back with Tupperware.
- It's turning yellow. - Shoot.
RORY: Come on, gun it! LORELAI: I can't.
We have to get home.
Rory, I already have two tickets, I cannot get another.
I can't believe you stopped.
- You wanted me to go? - There's no one around.
Now no one's around, but when I run that light a police car...
four helicopters, the Canadian Mounties and a crew of cops...
- jump out of a dumpster and I'm toast. - Paranoid.
Because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
All right, I guess we wait.
Do you think Luke will know we went to Souplantation?
- Not unless you tell him. - Maybe he'll be able to tell.
- There'll be a glow. - An all-you-can-eat glow.
He'll see the glow and know we cheated. He won't give us extra fries again.
Mom, why did Luke just bolt away from us?
[Laughing awkwardly] Maybe he saw the glow.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just thought...
with all the stuff you were doing maybe I should wait.
What's going on?
Jess is gone.
- Gone where? - I don't know.
Luke knows but he didn't tell me.
But he doesn't seem to think he's coming back.
Neither do I.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Forget this.
[Police siren wailing]
When you say you're at a bookstore on the boardwalk...
- be more specific. - What?
I have been looking for over an hour, I've been to three bookstores.
I have been worried sick about you.
- Sorry. - Outside.
- But... - Outside.
- You in trouble? - What?
When you left home, were the cops after you?
"No" they shouldn't be, or "no" 'cause they haven't found the head yet?
- What's up, Jimmy? - You just showed up here, man.
- I know I did. - No call, no letter, just like...
Like you showing up in Stars Hollow with no letter, no call.
- Were you in trouble? - We're talking about you.
- I'm not on the run. - Why're you here?
- Why'd you come to Stars Hollow? - Mr. Double-talk, I need an answer.
So do I. You show up, don't talk to me, don't say anything...
just have a cup of coffee and leave. Why come if you didn't want to talk...
- I did want to talk to you. - You did?
I wanted to talk to you.
You think a person travels all that way just to listen to a Bowie song?
Granted, a classic off Ziggy, but still.
So what? You're telling me you just chickened out?
Yeah.
- Well, I came to see you. - Okay.
And I thought maybe I could crash here for a little while.
[Exclaiming in comprehension]
Just a little while. I don't need my own room or anything...
I could just sleep on the couch.
Or on the extra mattress we keep in the closet.
Sure, that would be fine, too.
Sasha is always right. It drives me crazy.
No matter what the situation, she's always right.
I'd love to be right just once in a while.
It wouldn't be for long.
You know she called the Super Bowl five times in a row? Is she a witch?
- You know what... Say no if you want. - Come on, you can't stay here.
- Why not? - Because you can't.
I'm asking why not, but that doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.
Look at me, Jess. I'm not a father. I was never a father.
I left you because I wasn't a father. I mean it.
When the cigar was finished, I was like, "What're you doing?"
"How will you take care of someone else?"
- That's not what I... - I can't take you in or raise you.
Raise me? I'm 18. I'm raised. I can vote. I can be drafted.
It's too late to throw me a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles party.
You came here to bust my balls?
- I didn't. - Then put the bat down.
I don't need a daddy, I just need a place to crash.
You know that it's only in the last five years...
I even started to put my life together?
You don't want to be around me. I am a screw-up. That is my genetic code.
The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
Don't say that. You're young, you can do anything you want.
- Just let me stay a month. - Are you listening?
I have nothing to offer you, nothing!
You have nothing? I have nothing!
I have no place to go. I can't stay at Luke's...
I can't stay in Stars Hollow, my mother's a whack job.
You say you're a loser who can't take me off this terrific path...
I'm headed down right now? I'm not graduating high school.
I don't know what to do with the rest of my life...
but I better find out soon...
or I'm gonna be that guy out there selling the hemp hats!
I have one of those.
It's a good hat.
Well?
- I have to talk it over with Sasha. - Just...
Tell her I'm a dog.
Great idea. You could sit there and lick yourself while she decides.
You know, help sell it.
Thank you, Jimmy.
If she says it's okay, then we'll see.
- Fine, we'll see. - It may not work out.
- I totally understand. - But I'll ask.
- And if she says it's okay, then... - We'll see.
We'll see.
Oh, my God, I'm so tired.
- How about going to bed? - I have to study.
Or better yet, make a pot of coffee, and once again get no sleep.
Just as good.
- What's this? - Yale needed my social security number.
- Look who became a soche? - What?
You got a lot of signatures in here.
Everybody signs everybody's yearbook, it's polite.
"Rory, have a great summer. BFF, Amber."
- Amber BFF'd you. - I feel truly blessed.
"Hey, Aurory borealis." You can't talk to this one ever again.
"You have been my inspiration, my rock, my light. I loved you in South Pacific."
- When did you do South Pacific? - What?
Some dipstick named Shauna thinks you were in South Pacific.
- Shauna tends to get people mixed up. - Okay.
You know what's weird?
A lot of the kids in here are calling you a valedictorian.
Is that like a dirty skank?
'Cause if it is, I will kick their plaid butts up and down the sidewalk.
- Were you named valedictorian? - Yes, and you know what that means?
One more stupid speech that I have to write...
that I have no time to write, but I have to write.
Listen.
My little Holly Hunter in Broadcast News.
I am going to let you freak out and study like a madwoman...
and stress yourself out until finals, but once they're over...
we are going to celebrate big time. Because this is amazing.
Yeah. It is.
Okay. Now go make Mommy nervous.