LANE: Are you serious? LORELAI: I am serious.
LANE: We can rehearse in your garage?
In exchange for a promise that you never pose naked...
on the cover of Rolling Stone, no matter how much trouble your career is in.
I promise. I love you.
Do you know how amazing your mother is?
No. Tell her, would you? She forgot this morning.
Because hot water is enjoyed by all, not just by you.
- I wasn't in the shower that long. - It's winter carnival time again already.
- Are you going? - I have to.
We're raising money for the marching band.
Mandatory booth-manning is involved.
Man, Lane, marching band, rock band.
- Music is my life. - Hi, Mrs. Kim.
So not funny.
Raising money for the marching band to do what?
Please let it be new uniforms.
It's for letters, so we can have letter carriers.
The powers that be think we never win at competitions...
because no one knows who we are. The fact we suck doesn't matter.
- What's wrong with our uniforms? - Nothing.
- We look stupid, right? - No.
The plumes are big and it looks like blood spurting out of our heads.
I love the uniforms.
It's bad enough I'm in the band without being mocked...
- for what is mandatory for us to wear. - I didn't mean...
Remind her that she gets to rehearse in our garage...
- 'cause I'm losing points. - Your uniforms are great.
And knowing who you are can only help. Let's just enjoy the snow, okay?
Especially since some of us are freezing since our showers this morning.
I wasn't in there that long.
Can we get back to the uniforms? On a scale of one to 10...
how much do I not want to let Dave see me like that?
- Ten. - Okay, thanks.
MAN: To evaluate the value of a function of "X" when "X" equals pi.
Split the integral into two separate integrals.
The left integral is a variable of a constant exponent.
Remember "C" is a constant. Add one and divide by the new power.
Paris, what did he say? He's talking too fast. I missed it.
- Ask Louise. - Louise, what did he say?
- I don't know, ask Paris. - She told me to ask you.
- Why would she do that? - I don't know.
- Did you guys have a fight? - Not that I know of.
The right integral, however, is more complex.
You have to use u-substitution, with "U" equals 3 feet.
[Bell ringing]
We'll pick up at the same place tomorrow.
- The bell rang. - What?
The bell. That loud metal musical contraption...
when hit loudly by a vibrating mallet...
signals the end of this particular educational experience.
- Class is over? - Yes.
- What did he talk about? - Ask Louise.
I didn't take notes. I didn't pay attention.
- Borrow my notes, you'll do fine. - Thank you.
Madeline want notes, too, please.
"Add one and divide by the new power?"
I thought it said, "Add one and divide by the Jew power."
It makes much more sense this way.
I can't believe I zoned out for the entire class.
You must have a lot on your mind.
- I do. - I'm sure.
Okay, so on to the next thing.
I don't think I'll have the prom bids ready for the student council meeting.
They need more time to get the details together...
so that leaves a little hole in our agenda. Any thoughts?
- We could cancel the meeting this week. - What?
PARIS: If there's nothing to talk about, what's the point?
You said one student council meeting a week was not enough.
Yeah, you said that was no way to govern.
That meeting once a week was lazy, ineffectual...
and if we do it like that, we might as well buy a ranch in Texas.
Fine. If you want to sit around for an hour after school...
swapping makeover horror stories, count me in.
Did I ever tell you about the time...
I plucked outside of my designated brow line?
- Man, was my face red. - I've done that, too. It's bad.
- She was being sarcastic. - I wasn't. I looked surprised for a month.
We'll take this week off, and next week go back to twice a week.
- Sounds fair. - Sounds fab.
I heard something about the supplemental student council meeting.
Anything I need to know? A new chart to be made, perhaps?
No. The agenda seems light, so I've decided to cancel it.
We can just gather at the regular meeting on Friday.
This is quite a change in plans.
- You have a problem with it? - I'm just surprised.
- You seem so attached to those meetings. - I finally got a blanky. It's much better.
Okay, no extra meeting this week.
What will I do with all that extra time? I guess I'll think of something.
Take a picture of which outfit wins, will you?
- Bye, Francie. - Bye.
- I met his parents. - You did?
He bought me a ticket, I took the train to Philadelphia...
and I spent Christmas with him and his family.
- Sounds nice. - No, not nice. It was perfect.
They had a Christmas tree 12 feet tall.
Everything was red and silver, and there was eggnog.
- Have you ever had eggnog? - Yes, I have.
- It's disgusting. - Yes, it is.
But disgusting in a really great way.
They had tiny wreaths hanging from every doorknob...
and mistletoe and candles everywhere.
I couldn't believe it. I've never had a Christmas before.
Once, I asked my mother if we could get a Hanukkah bush.
She made me watch Shoah the rest of the week.
The place smelled like cinnamon all the time...
and there was a fire in the fireplace and a ton of presents.
I mean, hundreds of presents.
I'm looking at this mound of gifts and thinking "Eight days of Hanukkah."
Who was the skinflint that thought up that deal?
Don't the eight days symbolize something?
They symbolize eight days of ripping off kids who can't have a Hanukkah bush.
- You're making me sad. - His mom got me a present.
- That says something. - What does it say?
It says Jamie likes you enough that she felt compelled to buy you a present.
I had the most amazing time. Sitting around the tree, opening presents.
They played Christmas music, and we drank apple cider. It was so nice.
Then his grandfather and I wound up in a theological discussion.
"Jesus: Messiah or nice Jewish kid with a hammer?" Got pretty heated.
Okay, skip to the end. I can't take it. How did it turn out?
- He told me he loved me. - Paris.
I never thought I'd hear a boy tell me he loved me.
- That's great. - He invited me back for Easter break.
- You're going, I assume? - Are you kidding?
And miss a chance to debate Christ rising from the dead?
- I'm so there. - Jamie's a lucky man.
[Michel speaking in Hungarian]
[People clamoring]
- Move, please. - What's going on?
I cannot talk now, please!
- They sound really angry. - They do, don't they.
- What did you say? - I don't know.
What? All you had to say was, "Welcome to Stars Hollow." That's it.
I thought I did, but they got angry and threw bread sticks and butter pats.
[Crockery breaking]
- Michel. - I'm looking.
You only had to say one word in Hungarian: "Welcome."
- That's it. How bad could it be? - Very bad.
- Very, very bad. - Be careful.
[Phone ringing]
Independence Inn. Lorelai speaking.
Your father's 60th birthday dinner is back on.
What 60th birthday dinner?
The one I had planned for Wednesday night.
Were we coming?
Of course. You think you wouldn't be invited?
Apparently, we weren't invited.
I'd started planning the whole thing...
when he declared that parties were for children and it was canceled.
Were we disappointed?
However, today, he changed his mind...
so I expect the two of you at 8:00 and bring a gift.
- But don't get him a cigar humidor. - Okay.
- I bought him a cigar humidor. - I assumed.
It's gorgeous.
It belonged to a lieutenant in the Army in World War I.
Apparently, he kept it in his field office in France.
There are carvings in the bottom...
that the dealer said could possibly be coded messages.
- Cool. - I think so, too.
- All right, 8:00. Do not be late. - We will not be late. Bye.
- Well? - It's fine.
All we have to do is pay the ransom and they will give us the busboy back.
[Phone ringing]
[Screaming]
[Knocking at door]
- Come in. Dean, hi. - Hi.
I hope I'm not disturbing anything.
- No, absolutely not. - I just wanted to...
Don't kick the cup.
I have a spider, whose previous credits...
include the bathtub scene from Annie Hall, trapped under that cup.
- The size of a Buick? - Yeah.
What are you planning to do now that you've got him trapped?
I was thinking of just giving him the kitchen...
'cause we don't use it very much anyhow, so...
- I could get rid of it if you want. - Yeah, that'd be great. Careful.
He heard me talking. Don't let him get away.
He knows I'm behind this, and he'll come after me.
[Lorelai exclaiming in disgust]
You can see why camping is out of the question.
- Got it. - Okay, great. Could you...
Yeah, no problem.
Don't let its family see you. Spiders are vindictive.
- Mom? - Rory?
Can we do pizza tonight? I've got a ton of studying to do.
- Sure, pizza sounds great. - Good. Why is the door open?
The door is open because Dean's here.
- Hi. - Hi.
Dean threw out a spider for me.
I just came by to drop off some of your stuff.
Just some books you loaned me, a couple of CDs.
- Okay, thanks. - Yeah, sure.
- Okay, so, I'm gonna go. - Thanks, Dean.
It was a really big spider. I think it had a gun.
- What are you feeling right now? - Nothing.
- Not weirded out even a little? - Why would I be weirded out?
Dean coming over, bringing your stuff back.
- No, I'm fine. - Okay.
Although, if you were weirded out a little, it would be okay.
It wouldn't mean you don't like Jess, or you made a mistake.
It would just mean the guy in your life for two years isn't there anymore.
- I was just surprised, that's all. - If you say so.
- I do. - Okay.
I'm gonna go start studying.
- I'll order the pizza. - Thank you.
It just occurred to me that we are very fortunate...
- to have good teeth. - Yes, very fortunate.
Can you imagine if braces were involved in this interaction?
It would be a bloodbath.
- I can't catch my breath. - You're not supposed to.
Listen, Thursday night is the Stars Hollow High Winter Carnival.
- I thought we could go meet Lane there. - Nope.
But it'll be really fun.
They'll have really bad games and really bad food...
and the marching band will play, and...
I'm doing some of my best work here, and you're talking right through it.
- Let's go to the carnival. - I don't go to these stupid town things.
You went to the "Bid-A-Basket" festival, the Dance Marathon.
That was when I was trying to get you. I don't have to go anymore.
- You're serious? - As a heart attack.
- Maybe it will be fun. - We can have our own fun.
- I can't miss the winter carnival. - Rory, come on.
I never have. I can't.
Just go with me, please?
Look. How about you go to the festival, meet Lane...
I'll hook up with you afterwards?
- That's my final offer, ma'am. - Fine.
RORY: We're gonna walk right in front of a car one of these days.
You want some help with your homework?
- You're going to help me? - Yes.
- Don't take this the wrong way, but how? - Come upstairs, and I'll show you.
You know how important my education is to me.
Yes, I do.
Rory. Thank God. I need help. Where you going?
- Nowhere. - See you.
Were you guys gonna go upstairs and kiss?
- Look at all the bags. - Yes.
I went shopping for my Dad's birthday present today...
which was great for 15 minutes until it all came back to me.
- What? - The fact that I suck at buying Dad gifts.
- He'll like what you get him. - If I slip him a Quaalude, he'll like it.
They're not that bad.
My intentions are good, and I never put a price limit on it.
I even followed older men around the store to see what they were buying.
It didn't help me with ideas, but I got asked to the antique car show.
- Just show me what you got. - Okay, fine.
Option number one:
a state-of-the-art, high-tech titanium bathroom scale.
What? He has weight.
Yes, but I'm not sure his birthday is the time to remind him of it.
Fine.
Okay, option number two:
a fabulous mechanical coin sorter.
You put the coins in, it sorts them. What?
- Well, it's a little generic. - Generic in a good way?
What's the third option?
Should have pulled the coin sorter out last.
- Mom. - Okay.
- A tie. - Yes, it's silk.
- It's nice. - It is?
- What's that? - It's a tie for my father's birthday.
- What, no Aramis this year? - He likes ties.
If you get the big bottle, it usually comes with a...
tote bag and a Soap-On-A-Rope.
Go away.
- My gifts suck. - It's the thought that counts.
- What did you get him? - Nothing big.
- What? - Just a thing.
What kind of thing?
Chuck Berry Live at the Fillmore on vinyl.
My God. That's perfect. He loves Chuck Berry.
- How did you come up with that? - I asked what he wanted.
- That's cheating. - Tough.
Now what am I gonna do? I can't give him a tie...
when you give him the world's most perfect present.
- You want me to go find something? - You would do that?
He gave me other suggestions. I'll see if I can find one of them.
My God, I love you. You are my angel.
- You had one more you didn't show me. - Yeah. It lights up and sings.
- Enough said. Bye. - Bye.
Sorry!
- I didn't see you. - I wasn't paying attention.
- I was looking in the window. - I was noticing the new benches.
- Sorry. - Yeah, sorry.
- It's weird. - What's weird?
How we keep randomly bumping into each other like this.
It wasn't exactly random bumping into you at your house.
- I live there. Not so random. - Though this, right now...
- Random. - Very random.
That's probably the most the word "random" has been used...
in a two-minute period in a really long time.
You wanna get a cup of coffee?
- Coffee? - Maybe talk a little?
If you prefer, we can both just head over to Weston's...
and randomly bump into each other.
- No, that's okay. I can get coffee. - Good.
So, where do you want to sit?
- There is good, if you like the window. - Window is fine.
There's that one, if you don't like the window.
The window can be colder because of the glass...
but then that one is right by the bathroom.
Being right by the bathroom makes me uncomfortable...
which isn't really fair because something has to be right by the bathroom.
Otherwise, you're cutting down on tables...
which means you're cutting down on profits, and...
- Window's fine? - Window's fine.
Let's sit down, then.
This is a very nice table.
Good pick.
Today we have an almond torte, an apple pandowdy...
and various marzipan fruits made by a sect of cloistered nuns in Toledo.
I'll have a piece of pie.
Cherry, peach, chocolate, pumpkin, custard...
- Custard's fine. - There's more.
- But custard's fine. - You don't want to hear the rest?
I am really good with the custard.
But they made me memorize 30 different flavors.
Kirk, custard is fine.
- You want ice cream? - Are there many flavors?
- Thirty-two. - Just the pie.
- Okay. What about you? - Nothing for me.
- Nothing? - I'm not hungry.
- You're not hungry? - Nope, I'm not.
- She's not hungry. - I'll be right back.
In all the time I've known you, I've never seen you not hungry.
- Yeah, well... - Thanks for doing this.
- Of course. Why wouldn't I? - Because you're incredibly uncomfortable.
It's the situation, not you.
Yeah, the situation.
You know. You and me being...
Yeah. I know the situation.
So, how are you?
I'm fine.
- You? - I'm doing okay.
How's school?
Not bad. I've got McKellan for history.
Has he done his "Napoleon having dinner with Charlemagne" bit?
Catherine the Great shows up for dessert.
He's revised it. Good for him.
- He's a unique man, but a decent teacher. - Yeah.
You know, I wanted to tell you I applied to Southern Connecticut State.
What?
McKellan wrote me a letter of recommendation.
You know Southern Connecticut State is a four-year college?
Yeah, I read the brochure.
What happened to "I'm going to community college"?
- I changed my mind. - Why?
- You. - Me?
All your Harvard talk.
Those crazy books you pushed on me, all that talk about "You can do more."
- You can do more. - So I decided to do more.
- I'm so glad. - Thanks.
If you need any help, I've become the Rain Man...
of college application requirements.
- Thanks. I might take you up on that. - Custard pie, no ice cream.
Thanks, Kirk.
Wow. Southern Connecticut State. That's exciting.
- When did all this happen? - The last few weeks.
It's funny, I got the envelope...
and I wanted to call you, and then I realized...
- I can't do that. - You could have done that.
I guess.
I can't get over how weird it is.
- I go from seeing you every day to... - I know.
I'm used to talking to you.
- That's a hard thing to just let go of. - For me, too.
I don't know, Rory. Maybe...
Is there a way we could be friends?
- Really? - If you want to.
I want to. I really want to.
But...
Don't ask me how I'm gonna deal with him. I have no idea.
Let's just take this one step at a time.
Absolutely. Slow and steady wins the race.
This is really good. Are you sure you don't want a bite?
One bite.
So, how's Clara's horseback-riding lessons going?
Not bad. She actually got within three feet of the thing last week.
- Very impressive. - She thought so.
[Chuck Berry playing]
This man was a genius. Listen to him play.
I'm glad you like it, Grandpa.
I must say, I am a very spoiled man.
Chuck Berry and the complete history of the Peloponnesian War.
Sure, because a partial history would skip all the dirty stuff.
I like the way you wrapped the books in a bow tie.
- That's very clever. - I thought it would be appropriate.
You're not forgetting your favorite gift.
Yes. My beautiful humidor from my beautiful wife.
- Thank you. - No. Thank you.
It's been a wonderful birthday.
[Doorbell ringing]
- Would you like some more champagne? - Why not?
GRAN: One of the porch lights is burned out.
Perhaps the simple act of glancing outside a window once in a while...
might have alerted someone to the situation.
- Gran? - Trix, is that you?
I'll be... What a surprise.
Mom, did you know Grandma was coming?
- Oh, my God. - Okay, "no" seems like a safe answer.
RICHARD: Emily, come here!
RICHARD: Say hello to this delightful creature that just walked in.
My God.
Come on. Let's see if she tries to make a break for it.
- Emily, did you know about this? - Why, no, I didn't.
- I'm floored. - Good.
- Hello, Lorelai. - Hello, Gran. Good to see you.
- You're well? - I'm well.
- You're working? - I'm working.
- You're single? - I'm single.
By choice, or do you scare the men with your independence?
Actually, I scare them with my Minnie Pearl impression.
The lady with the hat.
Rory, as soon as I get settled I want to hear all about...
- your schooling and college plans. - Okay, Gran.
Emily, I don't know if you realize it or not...
but it is not proper to receive guests in the foyer.
It puts one in the awkward position of having to invite oneself in.
- Yes, please. I'm sorry. Please, come in. - This way.
[Gran snickering]
- What is she doing here? - She's visiting.
She didn't call. She always calls.
It's Dad's birthday. She wanted it to be a surprise.
I'm not prepared. I haven't shopped or set up the guest room.
Her horrible gifts are still in the basement.
- What do I do? - Leave them there.
It's too late to do anything about that now. Come on.
Emily, you're still here.
Of course I'm still here. Can I get you some champagne?
If you wish me to be violently ill tomorrow, absolutely.
Do not answer that.
I've got you covered, Trix.
Now, tell me what on earth you're doing here.
You didn't travel from England just for my birthday.
I think your birthday is a good enough reason...
to travel all the way from England.
However, it also happens to coincide with some business I needed to tend to.
What kind of business?
For the past year, I've been renting my home in Hartford...
to a group of musicians.
They recently moved out...
so I had to check on the house and secure a new tenant.
- What kind of musicians? - A rock 'n' roll group of some sort.
I believe they call themselves Korn.
- You rented your house to Korn? - That's so cool!
They were fine tenants. Took wonderful care of the place.
They planted some lovely tulips in the front yard.
So, Mom, if you're going to be here for a while...
I can plan some things for you, some outings you might enjoy.
- Like what? - Like the arboretum.
I have no desire to spend an entire day with plants.
I'm not a bee.
Besides, I already know what I would like to do.
I would like to see where Lorelai works.
- The inn? - I thought we could all have dinner there.
- Sure. That would be great. - Wonderful.
Tomorrow night, then.
- Well. - What?
We were planning to go to this winter carnival at the high school.
- But we can skip it. - Absolutely not.
Rory, you're a young person who works hard.
It's equally important to have fun. You go to the carnival.
Thank you.
- Lorelai, you've had enough fun. - And then some.
Dinner will be for the grown-ups.
Now, how is the birthday going?
Wonderfully. They're spoiling me rotten. Emily got me the most beautiful humidor.
It's from 1917 and was owned by a lieutenant in World War I.
Your father had a humidor that was owned by Victor Hugo.
- Really? - I still have it if you would like it.
- I'd love it. - Fine.
I'll take care of it as soon as I get back to London.
Now, if you will excuse me, I should like to freshen up.
- I'll make sure the guest room is ready. - I can do that, Emily.
Thank you, Richard.
Emily, I expect to return in 20 minutes.
That should give you enough time to pull my gifts out of storage...
and place them around the room as if they actually stand there all year.
- You want some help with those gifts? - Yes, please.
Twelve courses, each paired with a specific wine.
For dessert, individual chocolate amaretto mousse cakes in the shape of a "G."
- Sookie, look what you've done. - Over the top?
- On a monumental scale. - Exactly what I was going for.
I'm also going to have individual menus printed up...
- and placed at each setting. - I love you for doing this.
- Your mother is on the phone. - Can you take a message?
Do I have the capability to take a message?
- Why, yes, I do. However... - I got it.
[Lorelai sighing]
- Hey, Mom. - She wants to see your house.
- What? - Tonight, before the dinner.
Okay.
That horrifying woman wants to see your house...
- the one with the monkey lamp. - Mom, relax.
- Is it clean? - Yeah, it's clean.
If I came in with white gloves, what would I find?
That you could pull a rabbit out of your hat?
I don't know what to do. I'll figure it out when I get there.
- When you get where? - I'll call you later.
- When you get where? - I'm turning onto your street.
- Mom, no! - I'll let myself in.
- I know you keep a key in a turtle. - Mom, I beg of you...
make a very dangerous U-turn and go back where you came from.
I'm here. I'll talk to you later.
Mom!
Rory. Super. Could you step in here for a sec?
Oh.
- Okay. - Thanks.
It's just so lucky I caught you.
What is this?
The supplementary student council meeting, silly.
- But Paris canceled that. - She did, didn't she?
- What's going on? - You tell us.
Francie said there was an issue that had to be discussed.
- We figured you okayed it. - I did not okay it.
Mr. Hunter, there's been a mistake. Paris canceled this meeting, and...
Francie approached me and said there was an issue...
she had planned to discuss that has a bit of a ticking clock on it.
You did not mention that you had anything.
I was so surprised Paris was canceling the meeting...
that it flew out of my head.
It was New York to London in three hours or less.
- I'll bet. - Rory, take a seat. We can get started.
I move that we postpone this meeting until Paris can be reached.
We're all here. Let's hear what Francie has to say. You can fill Paris in later.
Did anyone try to find her?
I saw her walking off with, who was that, her brother?
- Paris doesn't have a brother. - Really? Well.
- She certainly seemed to know him. - Just tell us all why we're here.
And how long we're staying.
The Wadsworth Mansion has had a cancellation...
which means we can get it for prom if we move quickly.
- Shall we vote? - Hold on.
The Wadsworth Mansion is too expensive. It's been discussed.
There are funds to cover it.
Not if we want a telescope to be the senior gift.
Not if Paris wants a telescope to be the senior gift.
- We all thought it was a good idea. - "Reach for the stars"?
Nice theme. Original.
- Was "Be all that you can be" taken? - It's a good gift.
- So is planting a nice tree in the quad. - Every class plants a tree.
Who are we to judge those who came before?
- Let's put it to a vote. - This isn't right. Paris should be here.
I agree. Paris should be here. However, she's not.
So once again, shall we vote?
As student body vice-president, I need you to call for a vote.
All those in favor of using the funds for the Wadsworth Mansion...
even though we will be cheating...
the next generation of Chilton students who'd love a nice telescope...
say "aye."
- Aye. - Aye.
- Wadsworth Mansion it is. - Meeting dismissed.
Chin up. We'll make it a really big tree.
Hold it right there. Step back and move away from the couch.
- This couch cannot stay. - Yes, it can.
- It's awful. - It can hear you.
- Please? - No.
What about the chair? Let me move it.
- The chair stays also. - We have to do something.
I brought flowers and can't find a decent vase.
All I could find was a ceramic Betty Boop head.
- You're making yourself crazy. - I know.
We'll get some tarps, throw them over everything, and tell her you're painting.
Mom, stop. What is so horrible about this room?
- Look at it. - I am. I like it.
You may like it, but your grandmother will not.
She's going to take one look at the junk-store collection...
of hobo furniture, and she's going to blame me.
- For what? - For letting you live like this...
for not teaching you, for not redecorating while you're out of town.
We're never out of town.
For not sending you out of town so I could redecorate.
Mom, you don't believe that.
Everything that's wrong in your life is my fault.
Everything that's wrong in your father's life is my fault.
Basically, everything that's wrong is my fault.
Would you sit down for a minute?
And it's lumpy. Perfect.
Mom, if I may, I'd like to give you some advice.
You would?
You need to develop a defense mechanism for dealing with her.
- What are you talking about? - You need a new mindset.
- Take me, for example. - What about you?
I know there are many things in my life you don't approve of.
- Like what? - Like this couch.
This couch is terrible.
Okay. Good. You think the couch is terrible.
At one point in my life, you saying a couch...
I carefully picked out and had to pay off over eight months is terrible...
might have hurt my feelings, but not anymore.
No? Why not?
Because one day, I decided instead of being hurt and upset...
by your disapproval, I'm gonna be amused, find it funny.
I'm even going to take a little bit of pleasure in it.
You take pleasure in my disapproval?
I encourage it sometimes just for a laugh.
- I don't know what to think of that. - Think, "That's brilliant."
Because this idea could set you free.
- What are you thinking about? - That ridiculous Betty Boop head.
So am I.
Francie. So good of you to stop by. I know how busy you are. Gum?
- What's your damage, Gilmore? - Damage?
No damage. I just thought we should chat.
- I don't have any... - I changed my mind.
I don't think we should chat. I should chat. Ready? Okay.
- That little stunt you pulled. Not good. - Stunt?
- Paris canceled that meeting. - Something came up.
- You should have brought it to Paris. - She wasn't around.
- She was off with a mystery man. - Jealous?
Of Paris' lobotomy victim? I think not.
What is wrong with you? So what if she has a boyfriend?
You don't think as hard as she works in school...
on The Franklin or student council, you don't think she deserves to have one?
No one is denying Gidget...
a chance to snag Moondoggie for the Clambake...
but the rest of us have things to accomplish.
You had one goal since the start of the year.
- To achieve the perfect liquid line. - To take Paris down.
To achieve the perfect liquid line.
I tried to smooth the path between both sides, but you know what? That's over.
- It is? - Yes, it is.
I'm finished being your go-between.
You're a jerk, and if you want to play it this way, fine.
All bets are off. I'm no longer your ally.
You want to play rough, fine.
I read The Art of War.
I can be just as big a pain in your butt as you are in Paris'.
You do not want to be my enemy, Mario Thomas.
I think I do, Tina Louise.
- Fine. - It is fine.
- Can I go now? - The door's right there.
- You're gonna be very sorry. - Am I?
- Yes. You are. - I'm good with that.
RORY: I'm running out of space.
LORELAI: How many bouquets you got left? RORY: Three.
- Can you put them on your dresser? - It's full.
LORELAI: Can you squish them in? RORY: Already squished.
LORELAI: Can you toss them out the window, like I did?
RORY: Done. LORELAI: Great.
LORELAI: Monkey lamp's in the closet, singing rabbi's in a drawer...
and all Spice Girl memorabilia is under your bed. How do I look?
Like a woman who does not own Spice Girl memorabilia.
- You look pretty, too. - Thanks.
- I want a play-by-play of the carnival. - I promise.
- You can leave out all the... - The hand-kissing sounds. Gladly.
[Banging at door]
They're here.
If she doesn't like the house, what happens then?
I think we have to move. Smile pretty.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Hi, Gran. Was your trip good?
The trip was fine. Hello, Rory.
Hi, Gran, Grandma, Grandpa.
Now that we've exhausted the greetings, kindly move aside.
- I'd like to see your house. - Come on in.
- If I pass out. - I'll yell "timber."
So, Gran, what do you think?
It's not much, probably too modest for Korn...
but Weezer would be pretty comfortable.
Let's go.
- Are we moving? - They don't know.
Lorelai, I swear to God, if you prolong this evening...
- Coming. - Have fun.
No one appreciates your sarcasm, young lady.
- It's pretty out tonight, isn't it? - Sure is.
Like a snow globe. Sparkly.
I don't think a night comes any prettier than this.
If you take a pretty night and add a corn dog...
- I'm not going to that carnival with you. - Why not?
I will be in front of Miss Patty's at 9:00 as promised.
- You are stubborn and impossible. - I'll see you at 9:00.
- Rory. - Ciara. Hi.
I haven't seen you in forever.
- Longer than forever. - She got away from me.
Buy a stronger leash.
Did you see they got the crazy psychic from Woodbury again?
You're kidding? I thought she got arrested.
She's out now and sitting right over there.
She always tells me I'll be rich and famous.
She tells everybody they're gonna be rich and famous.
- Who are you? - No one.
- Yes, you are. - No, I'm not.
That's Jess. Jess, this is Ciara.
- Are you going to the carnival? - I'm going. Jess isn't.
- Why not? - He has things to do.
Then you can go with me and Dean, right?
- I'm going. - What?
To the carnival.
- I thought you had things to do. - I don't.
She just said you have things to do.
Tattoo, just look for the plane, will you?
What?
You don't have to go. We can meet later like you said.
What? No. Come on, how many chances does a guy have...
to go to a Stars Hollow High Winter Carnival, right?
- Right. - Okay, then. Let's go.
CLARA: To the carnival. DEAN: To the carnival.
CLARA: I want a pretzel and a snow cone and a cheese steak.
DEAN: Pace yourself. CLARA: Rory never tells me to pace myself.
LORELAI: And this is our dining room. GRAN: Small.
- Or quaint. - Touché.
You're in for a real treat, Trix. Sookie is one of the best chefs around.
Here's our table, Gran.
- Why don't you sit here? - All right.
Lorelai, I must say, on first viewing...
this little inn of yours looks quite impressive.
Thank you.
It's certainly no arboretum, but it's nice just the same.
- It was just a suggestion, Mom. - Yes, it was.
- Look. A menu. - That's a nice little touch.
Sookie wanted everything perfect for tonight.
- There you are. - Michel. Great.
Gran, I'd like you to meet Michel Gerard, our concierge.
This is my grandmother, Lorelai.
- Very pleased to meet you. - Do you have a pen?
Why, of course.
Now, please take this to your chef.
These are the times I would like each course to appear at this table.
I like a brisk pace.
Twelve minutes per course is best for my digestion.
However, please tell your servers...
they are not to clear until everyone has finished.
- Thank you. - No, thank you.
It is so rare that I get to carry a note anymore.
CLARA: Is Jess your real name? JESS: Yes.
CLARA: Do you like it? JESS: It's fine.
- Would you rather be named Bill? - No.
- Frank? - No.
- Mike? - No.
- Bob? - No.
- Ed? - Does this belong to you?
- Ciara, you want a snow cone? - Yes.
Will you go get me a snow cone?
Absolutely. Stand in the middle of the street and wait. I'll be right back.
- I'll get your snow cone. - And one for Rory, too.
- Thanks.
- Do you wash your hair? - Yes, I wash my hair.
- Why does it stick up like that? - Because...
It looks crazy.
LANE: Rory!
Hey.
How's the fund-raiser going?
- The turnout looks good. - The turnout's great.
People are starved for entertainment around here.
Hurrah for bad cable reception.
Did I just see you with Jess and Dean, or do I need a new prescription?
- Your prescription's fine. - So explain.
Tomorrow at Luke's. I need to get back...
before there's a more exciting ending to the evening.
- Forget nothing. - I promise.
CLARA: You missed.
- You missed. - You want to learn how to fly?
How's everybody doing?
- Jess can't throw. - I can, too.
You missed every time.
I can't concentrate with your voice yammering on and on.
It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear.
- Here. They only had cherry. - That's all we need.
You play any other games yet?
No. I've been watching him lose.
You don't get a bear, but it's still pretty fun.
How about I beat you at ice bowling?
- You can't beat me. - I think I can.
- Let's go. - We'll be back.
Okay.
- So, how much to play? - $1.
- Okay. - I got it.
Just for the record, I'm a girl, and we are supposed to throw like this.
- Got anything you want to tell me? - I like your crazy hair.
You weren't going to the carnival with Dean?
No. Running into them was a total coincidence.
- I swear. - Okay.
Not even close.
When did you and Dean get so buddy-buddy again?
- We're not so buddy-buddy. - You weren't even speaking.
Now he's fetching you snow cones?
- He was getting one for Ciara. - You guys talking?
No, we're not talking. We talked. Once.
You've caught my interest.
We ran into each other and...
he wanted to get coffee, so I did, and we talked.
- About? - Just boring things.
Clara's horseback riding, his college application...
nothing earth-shattering.
And he asked if we could be friends, and I said, "Sure."
- Friends? - He knows we're together, okay?
It's a small town. Dean and I will see each other.
- I thought it wouldn't hurt to be polite. - So you're being polite?
Yes. Dean has never done anything bad to me, and I just...
I got it.
- You're mad. - Nope.
- Just figured you could have told me. - I'm sorry.
No biggie. You gonna throw that?
- You're really not mad? - Nope.
- And you understand? - I understand.
And you believe me?
Like you were standing with an ax next to a cherry tree.
- Are you okay with it? - Will you just throw the ball?
- My God! I did it! - Very impressive.
- Here you go. Congratulations. - Thanks.
Hello, sad, pathetic bear.
I could have bought you that thing for a quarter.
It's better that I won it. Maybe Ciara would like it.
Yes. Shoved in her mouth.
- She's cute. - [Sarcastically] Just darling.
[Rory snickering]
And, so far, knock wood, things seem to be picking up.
It's about time you went into business.
Emily, you should have encouraged him to do this years ago.
- Yes, I should have. - He's a go-getter...
- not completely dissimilar to yourself. - Thank you, Gran.
Hello. Just wanted to check and see how your dinner was coming along.
It's amazing. Gran, this is our chef, Sookie.
- The food is excellent. - Thank you very much.
Young lady!
Your uniform has a large cut down the middle of your back.
It does?
- Yeah, I did get myself. - How on earth did you do that?
I... And the chop flew, so I lunged.
And the floor slipped, and then... And I just... Flip, you know?
- I guess you just kind of had to be there. - Yes, apparently so.
Okay, nice to meet you.
I have to get back. We have a tight schedule to follow.
Yes, we do.
So, Trix, let's talk about the Hartford house.
- Do you have a new tenant lined up yet? - I do.
- Who? - Me.
What?
I wasn't going to bring this up tonight...
but since you asked...
my health hasn't been very good lately.
- What's the matter? - What's the matter is I'm not 20.
Anyhow, the weather in London is quite damp...
and I have a yearning...
to be a little closer to my immediate family...
so now that Korn has moved out of my house...
I thought perhaps I would move back in.
When, Gran?
Soon as I close up the London house and get my affairs in order.
I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm thrilled.
In fact I'm so thrilled, I'm not going to be angry with you...
for not telling me you were in ill health.
- I will be fine, Richard. - You will be fine.
Because as soon as you're back here, I'll send you to the finest doctors.
Whatever you say.
Emily and I are going to look after you completely day and night.
RICHARD You can count on us. GRAN: I knew I could.
GRAN: It's time for the next course.
Waiter, our next course, please.
I'm not done.
What do you mean? You had 12 minutes.
- I'm not done. - Fine.
We will wait.
[Whispering] That'll do, pig. That'll do.
Need some help with the big words?
Sure. Why don't you come over here...
and I'll show you which one is giving me a hard time?
- You're getting a little pathetic, man. - Thanks for the heads-up.
- "Let's be friends"? - No, thanks.
You don't think I know what you're doing? You're too transparent.
- Get out of here, Jess. - Rory's taking pity on you.
That's why the sudden interest in being your friend.
- Whatever you say. - The saddest part of this is...
Man, you like hearing yourself talk.
You think that by being her friend you're gonna get her back.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - No?
Rory and I are just friends, like you and her were just friends.
And look how it turned out for you.
Okay, I'm ready for popcorn.
- You got it. - Bye, Jess.
- Do you think Rory wants some popcorn? - I don't know. Let's go ask her.
- This is very impressive. - Not as impressive as my mother...
making four green beans...
- last an hour-and-a-half. - I wish I had seen that.
She finally got to the last bean, she cut it in six pieces.
I thought Gran was gonna lunge across the table at her.
- The student surpasses the master. - I was a little proud.
Although I'm bummed I missed the carnival.
There's a snow cone in the freezer for you.
How'd it finally end with Cheech and Chong?
Jess knows I'm friends with Dean.
Dean knows I'm dating Jess. They both seem fine with it.
What?
I just like that...
once in a while, you still seem like a little kid.
They do. I swear.
LORELAI: Let's just watch the snow.