LUKE: What about that one?
LORELAI: No. LUKE: Why not?
LORELAI: Too pale. LUKE: So what?
LORELAI: Pale means sickly. LUKE: Or sunscreen.
LORELAI: Or mad cow disease.
LUKE: Pale does not mean mad cow disease.
LORELAI: Have you ever had mad cow disease?
LUKE: Twice last week, and my coloring was wonderful.
I need a great dance partner this year...
someone strong, non-klutzy, with lots of stamina.
How tall is that guy?
Mrs. Coulter is about 6'2".
Four years in a row I've come this close to winning.
- Last year, I swear to God, I had it. - I know the story.
- It was hour 23. - I know the story.
I'm dancing with Henry "Ho-Ho" McAfie III...
How many people heard me say I know the story?
And Ho-Ho is fading, so I'm trying to buck him up, saying:
"Come on, Ho-ho. Stay with me, Ho-Ho."
Then suddenly he starts yelling:
"Stop calling me Ho-Ho. It's making me hungry."
There goes Tommy Tune.
And, out of nowhere, Kirk comes dancing by...
waving a McDonald's hot apple pie in the air.
Of course Ho-Ho lunges for the pie and drops my hand, and that was it.
Kirk wins, I'm out. I'm going to get that Ho-Ho someday.
- I'll help you. - I want to win.
- I know you do. - I need a partner.
You'll get one. Keep looking.
- Out there. - But...
Pancakes, right? Coming right up.
Breathe in deep, folks. Smells like fall.
- Get out, Taylor. - Why?
- Just a code I live by. - You.
Listen, I'd like to run something by you.
- I'm busy. - I was thinking how nice it would be...
if you had a coffee stand at the marathon.
Coffee stand.
These people have to try and stay up for 24 hours.
What better to help you stay up than a cup of strong coffee?
- What do you say? - Sure.
- Really? - For $1 a cup.
Luke, this marathon is a charitable event.
We have been raising money to restore that stupid bridge...
for eight years.
We're not raising money to restore the bridge.
- We're not? - No, we have that money.
The Tennessee Williams Look-alike Contest last month...
put us right over the top.
Then what the hell is this dumb thing for?
A tarp.
- A what? - To cover the bridge.
This is a first. I actually need to sit down.
You know as well as I do that if we start renovations now...
heading right into the snow and rainy part of the season...
then everything we do will get ruined, and there we are, back at square one.
If we're gonna do this right, we're going to need a tarp.
You're asking me to donate free coffee to hundreds of people...
so you can raise money to buy a tarp.
- How about 50 cents a cup? - How about I charge for cream?
You would kick Tiny Tim's crutch out from under him, wouldn't you?
If he asked for a free cup of coffee, gimpy's going down.
Look at Taylor go. I wonder who he's dancing with.
This is amazing chicken, Mom. I mean it. Really great.
Thank you, Lorelai.
It's, like, Super Chicken. I bet it could fly.
- Have you tried tossing it out the window? - All right, what's going on?
- What? I like the chicken. - Nobody likes the chicken that much.
- I'm in a good mood. - Why?
God. My ninth-grade homecoming dance all over again.
Homecoming dance?
In ninth grade I got asked to the dance. I was in a really good mood...
and Mom got so annoyed she made me go to my room.
Grandma?
She was sitting at the table giving all the peas voices.
With some encouragement...
I could've been the Señor Wences of the vegetable set.
Lorelai.
Okay, it'll come out soon enough.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, I found a dance partner.
- You did? - A good one.
What are you talking about? A dance partner for what?
There's a dance marathon this weekend.
It lasts 24 hours. The last couple left standing gets a trophy.
- A big trophy. - That sounds very nice.
- All the proceeds go to charity. - Did I mention the trophy?
- I believe you did. - Because it's big.
Charitable events are wonderful things to take part in.
There's nothing more rewarding than devoting yourself...
to making someone else's life better.
And whose life isn't better with a truly gigantic trophy around?
- Who'd you get? - Stanley Appleman.
Who's Stanley Appleman?
He's brand-new in town. Works at the hardware store.
The best part is he used to be part of the touring company of Riverdance.
Score!
I know. I am completely jazzed. How about you, Mr. Potato?
"I'm completely jazzed, too."
[Cell phone ringing]
- What's that? - I think that's me.
I've told you 100 times to turn that off when you come to dinner.
- I'm sorry. - Can't you let it go to voice mail?
I left Michel alone at the inn dealing with roofers.
I told him to call me if there was any trouble.
Is that true?
I'm going to let Mr. Potato field this one.
- I thought so. - Hello. What?
No. Don't tell me that.
Did you tell her how big the trophy is? I am really not exaggerating here.
How did your wife get a picture of me, Stanley?
That is crazy. I don't want to sleep with you!
Did you tell her I don't want to sleep with you?
Put her on the phone. I'll tell her.
Somebody has to tell her I don't want to sleep with you.
Why are you insulted all of a sudden? Stanley?
- Great. - What happened?
- Stanley bailed. - No. Why?
Miss Patty showed his wife a picture of me...
and she thinks I look like Elizabeth Taylor...
which makes her Debbie Reynolds and him Eddie Fisher.
- That's crazy. - Especially if you've seen Stanley.
He is no Eddie Fisher. Fisher Stevens, maybe.
- Can't you talk to her? - Only at my own risk.
At least she thought you looked like Elizabeth Taylor.
- I have no partner. - You'll find another one.
Elizabeth Taylor always did.
- There's someone else out there. - I guess.
- Here, have some more chicken. - Thanks, Mom.
And if you'd like, later on you can make my asparagus talk.
Maybe next week.
PARIS: Let's talk about Saturday. RORY: What about Saturday?
The 75th anniversary issue of the Franklin comes out next month.
I want it to be amazing.
- I've got great cover art lined up. - Old or new pictures?
Collage-style, with a sepia-toned finish to it.
- Very classy. - Okay. I like it. Time.
- See you. - Bye.
So what were we talking about?
Working Saturday on the 75th anniversary issue.
Thanks for asking.
But you already have some stuff planned, right?
- Madeline. Or may I call you Spicoli? - If you have to.
This is the 75th anniversary issue.
There is only going to be one 75th anniversary issue ever.
And it's on our watch.
We screw this up and we've mooned a piece of history.
- Is that what you want, to BA History? - I don't understand.
Last year was the 74th anniversary issue of the Franklin.
So?
There's only gonna be one 74th anniversary issue ever...
and we didn't do anything special for it.
I think the cover was of a deep-fried Mars Bar.
That's because nobody cares about the 74th anniversary issue.
I'll bet whoever worked on it 74 years ago did.
We're working Saturday.
"Why are we working Saturday? What's so special about the 75th issue?"
"Why does my head feel so light and yet not float away, Paris?"
What?
- What's he doing here? - I bet he's here to see you.
I haven't seen or heard from him since our date in Washington three months ago.
Maybe he wants to explain.
He was supposed to go away forever.
I already wrote his name in my revenge notebook.
He knows you're talking about him.
- What does he want? - Go over there and find out.
- What do you want? - I'm on break from school.
- I thought I'd come and see you. - But...
- you never called. - I know.
- You lost my number? - No, I memorized it.
- You didn't want to use it? - I was starting classes.
- In phone dialing? How's it going? - This year's very important for me.
I thought the last thing I needed was a distraction.
I totally understand. This year is very important for me, too.
I'm focusing on getting into Harvard, and I don't need a distraction.
Good move. You saved us both a lot of distractions.
Thank you. And good luck.
- I need my hand. - If I let go, how fast will you run away?
- 3.2 seconds. - I thought so. Hey, Rory.
Hey, Jamie. How's Princeton?
- Good. Crazy, but... - Let go.
- No. - Yes.
You don't have to be nice. You don't have to tie up loose ends.
I get it. I'm a distraction.
Either pull a Boxing Helena or give me back my hand.
Talking to you would have been a distraction.
I know. I heard you already. Find a pirate to sit on, okay?
However, not talking to you has turned out to be impossible.
What?
I flunked a Poli-Sci pop quiz because I couldn't stop thinking about you.
- You still want your hand back? - I've got another.
I've thought a lot about this. You're a distraction I'm supposed to have.
- You didn't have a bad time on the date? - Are you busy now?
No, we're done. She's free.
Good. Let's go get some coffee.
- Bye, Rory. - Bye, Jamie.
- He took my books. - Go get them back.
- Well? - Still ringing.
- He's home. - How'd he sound?
- Homey. - Nice.
I know this is a stupid question, but why can't you just talk to him?
Because yesterday he called to say...
they were still looking for a rehearsal space...
and that he'd call when he had more news.
So now I have to wait until he calls about the band.
And in between I call and hang up on him. Pathetic.
Not so pathetic. I used to hang up on Dean.
- You did? - I remember that.
When did you hang up on me?
- When we first met. - You should have said something.
- I couldn't. - Why not?
Then you would have known I was calling and that I liked you.
- But I liked you, too. - I know that now.
- You could have known that then. - Please. This is a girl thing.
Tell me when I'm supposed to pay attention again.
I'll love him forever and he'll never know.
He would if you coughed. Sorry.
At least he's at home, not out with a girl.
Very true.
He could be home with a girl.
- Sitting here, staring at my pizza. - Think he's at home with a girl?
No, I don't.
I'm gonna call again.
Pay attention to the background noise this time.
Cool, pizza.
She's calling Dave to see if she can hear a girl.
I voted that she actually say something.
You're a boy. You know nothing about this.
- What'd you hear? - Quadrophenia.
Classy, but not date-like.
- You think? - Definitely.
What if he met a girl who's a major Who fan?
- Why are you causing trouble? - Can I talk to you in the kitchen?
Sure. Be good.
Go ahead.
Okay, so what's on your mind?
I think I figured out who can be my dance partner...
- for the marathon. - Great. Who?
- Bye. - Come on.
- Forget it. - Hear me out. First of all, you love me.
- Not right at this moment. - You know how much this means to me.
- You'd never fall asleep or chase a pie. - I do not dance.
It'll be fun. We'll get all dressed up.
You're light. Easy to hold up when you get tired.
And we got the mother-daughter gimmick. The crowd will eat that up.
- I cannot dance with you. - Why not?
Because this is Dean's first marathon.
We were gonna go and watch and hang out.
He's totally looking forward to it.
I told him how Andrew gets in a fight with his date and storms off the floor.
I told him about Taylor getting punch-drunk at hour 15...
and telling stories about how he always wanted to be a magician.
Rory, please.
And I told him about how when Kirk wins...
he likes to take his victory lap to the theme from Rocky.
I was gonna show him all those things sitting down.
He can still come and see all that.
Except if you dance...
maybe that victory lap will be you and me instead of Kirk.
Okay, tell you what.
I was supposed to work on the Franklin with Paris.
- But? - I will ask her if we can reschedule.
If she says yes, then I will dance with you.
I love you.
- You should sell cars. - I should, shouldn't I?
Hello, big fancy trophy.
Take note of its form before treated.
Make sure your notes are completely legible...
since you will be turning them in with your results.
- Ms. Geller, hello. - Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Savitt.
- Is everything okay? - Yes. I overslept.
- You're kidding. - No. It won't happen again.
Good.
Okay, everyone, let's get to work.
Hi, Paris. Listen, I need to ask you something.
Shoot.
There's this big event happening in my town.
- Pig race? - Dance marathon.
- I was close. - It's Saturday.
It's a 24-hour thing, and my mother really wants to win...
and her partner bailed on her.
Long story short, I was wondering if there was any way...
we could move this Saturday's Franklin thing to next Saturday.
Okay.
- What did she say? - I don't know.
- What did you say? - I said yes.
- She said yes. - She said yes.
Are you free on Saturday?
- No. - What about you? Come on, speak.
Louise! I got two over here.
- We're done, right? - You had a good time yesterday.
What was yesterday?
Yesterday was the day you were freaked out...
about the 75th anniversary issue of the Franklin.
Today you're not.
Just because I agreed to postpone a newspaper session doesn't imply...
- You can't stop smiling. - I can, too.
- Tell me. - Okay.
We went for coffee...
and he talked about how he had a great time on our date...
and how he finds me fascinating, and how he thought about me all the time.
- Okay. There. Happy? - He likes you.
- I left an impression. - Sure did.
I still don't understand why he'd want to date me.
He's surrounded by college girls all day...
who must be prettier and more experienced than I am.
I'm sure they're all idiots, but it's the last thing a guy thinks about...
when he's looking for a date for the big game.
- Jamie must be special. - Or Ted Bundy.
Absolutely. It's either one or the other.
Hey.
- Will you do me a favor? - Okay.
Don't say anything to Madeline or Louise about this.
About Jamie? But they're your best friends.
Theoretically, but the second I mention a guy...
they'll start singing the theme from the Trojan man commercial...
and I just can't take that.
- No one knows until you give the word. - Thanks.
I have to say, for a couple of modern girls...
we have time warped with the best of them.
- How you doing there, champ? - Early.
- Yes, it's a tad early. - No sun.
- He's not up yet. - I can't even open my eyes.
That's okay. There's nothing to see.
Kirk's in a Speedo, Taylor's in a skirt, AI's in assless chaps.
My God! I'm never gonna be able to close my eyes again.
- Morning, Babette. - Morning, sugar. You guys look terrific.
Thank you.
Can I lay down on the table while Mom signs in?
Not an early bird.
I need to get her some coffee and we'll be fine.
Kirk, however, is gonna be crying like a little teeny girl.
So what else is new? Okay, you two, go get your physicals...
bring your release forms inside, and they'll get you a number.
Thanks. Come on, snoozy.
Good morning.
Wait up.
Look at you.
- Is it fabulous? - It is.
Wait till you see Jackson's suit. It makes me want to ration sugar.
Where is Jackson?
We had our checkup, so he's going to sign us in...
and scope out a good spot on the floor.
It's cool to be married. You have your own spot scoper.
- I'm gonna go say hi to Lane. - Hurry.
The sooner we get inspected, the sooner we get coffee.
I have a problem.
Sookie, it's 5:30 in the morning. How can you have a problem?
- Because I'm a multitasker. - Hit me.
Last night, I made coq au vin for dinner, so the subject of children came up.
Of course.
All of a sudden, completely out of the blue,
Jackson announces he wants four in four.
- He wants what? - Four in four.
- Four kids in four years. - Good Lord!
- I know. - Who's he gonna have these kids with?
- Me, apparently. - What did you say?
- See, here's where the problem comes in. - What?
- I think I said yes. - How is that possible?
I was totally shocked when he announced it...
so I kind of said, "Okay"...
but I think he took it as "Okay!"
So now I have to get busy.
- Do you want four in four? - No.
I mean, I want kids. You know I want kids.
- I know you want kids. - I thought maybe one.
Two if the first one is really quiet.
- You have to tell Jackson that. - I can't.
This is not like the fruit bowl his mother gave you.
You can't put four kids in the attic and pull them out at Christmas.
But Jackson and I have never had a fight.
We're still newlyweds.
We still sneak out of bed to brush our teeth and get back in bed...
and pretend we just woke up smelling like that.
It's not much of a marriage if you can't talk about the important things.
Do you think I'm crazy to not want four in four?
Four kids is a lot. And four years without a cocktail?
I hadn't thought of that.
Glad to shed some perspective on the situation.
We'll take care of this today.
Are you sure you don't need help?
That's okay. I finally got a good footing.
- What is that stuff? - Eggless egg salad.
My mom added food coloring to make the egg-like product look more eggy.
And each sandwich comes with your personal pamphlet.
"Dancing for the Devil." An illustrated look...
at the effect of dancing on your chances of spending eternity in Hell.
The flames are good.
She just bought a color printer. You can do a ton with it.
Lane, get scooping.
The minute air hits the bread it starts to stale.
I'll stop by later and say hi.
- Please do. - Bye, Mrs. Kim.
- You have a pamphlet? - Yes.
- Take one to your mother. - Next.
- Good, just in time. - Sorry.
Hi, there. This is Rory Gilmore, and I'm Lorelai Gilmore.
- Lorelai Gilmore? - Yes.
You don't look like you've recently suffered a face-altering car crash.
Excuse me?
You're also supposed to have buckteeth, a clubfoot, and alopecia.
I'm sorry, who told you this?
- My husband. - Your husband?
Stanley Appleman. Your husband is Stanley Appleman.
Very nice to meet you. Stanley said the nicest things about you...
in the one tiny, short conversation we had...
standing way far apart, you know, too far to touch...
but close enough to hear all the wonderful things he said...
about his adorable, sweet-tempered, lovable...
Can we have someone else do our physical?
Any couple without a number will be disqualified.
All couples must be touching at all times.
All couples must remain moving at all times.
The only time you may stop moving or stop touching...
is when you hear this horn.
[Horn blaring]
That sound means you have 10 minutes to get a drink, eat a snack, take a rest...
or whatever it is you can do in 10 minutes.
And in addition to the 10-minute rest periods...
every person participating has been issued a yellow emergency card.
In case of emergency, a contestant may hold up the card...
and leave the floor for 10 minutes.
If your partner remains on the floor and moving the entire time...
then the owner of the yellow card...
may rejoin them and the contest.
First aid is available in Miss Patty's.
Please remember, if you feel yourself getting light-headed...
or having shooting pains or any other stroke-like symptoms...
please move off to the side...
so your collapse will not get in the way of the other dancers.
All right, people. Lace your shoes, pin those curls...
because we only have three minutes left until we start.
I believe three minutes is plenty of time for some coffee.
- Yes, coffee, please. - We're dying. Load us up.
- It isn't ready yet. - What?
What do you mean? It's 6:00 in the morning.
Nothing says coffee like 6:00 in the morning.
You did not get this from me.
Then who do we send our kisses of gratitude to?
- The eternal question asked yet again. - Thanks, Luke.
- Strong. - Yeah? Hello.
All right, folks, everybody on the floor. We're two minutes away.
I repeat, everybody on the floor. We are two minutes away.
Lorelai.
Kirk.
- Good luck to you. - And to you.
- He's going down. - I hate to bring this up...
but Kirk has very little in his life.
He has no career, no girlfriend, no pet, no car.
He lives with his mother. She won't even let him have his own key.
The only thing he does have in his whole lonely, pathetic existence...
is this marathon.
If we win, if we take him down...
if we take away that last little piece of dignity...
then we leave him with nothing.
I wonder if he'll cry.
My mother, the Howard Roark of Stars Hollow.
Everybody, grab your partners.
Make sure your numbers are securely fastened...
and let the countdown begin.
Ten, nine, eight... seven, six, five...
four, three, two, one.
It's showtime!
[Band playing Sing, Sing, Sing (With A Swing) by Benny Goodman]
- I'm done. Let's go. - Okay.
Kirk, relax. Dancing's supposed to be fun.
You know what will be fun, Lorelai?
Jogging around your prostrate body...
with that shiny temple of silver importance...
hoisted in the air for all to see. That will be fun.
Is the serious Kirk more disturbing than the non-serious Kirk?
Actually, I think they're both about the same.
- Come on. Follow me. - You guys look great.
- You came. - You're standing.
- We had coffee. - I can tell. So how's it going?
It's been pretty quiet so far. However, I do believe...
You went out with Liam Neeson? Are you kidding?
Right on time.
Why would you ever tell me you went out with Liam Neeson?
- Why would you do that? - I was trying to be honest.
I don't believe that, A, you actually went out with him...
and B, that you choose to tell me now that you went out with him.
- Andrew! - No!
I can't stand Liam Neeson!
- See? Fun. - And no one's even thrown up yet.
Okay. Well...
I'm just gonna sit over there and watch for a while.
- Maybe I'll get lucky. - Great.
That's sweet. Spectator Ken.
Just keep dancing, you.
Flip all you want, pal. This ain't the Olympics.
It's who's left standing at the end that matters...
not how fancy you are getting there.
- Let me flip you. - No way. You are not flipping me.
- Fine. - Fine.
- You flip me. - No. You've already flipped.
- One cartwheel. - Silence.
Unauthorized persons on the dance floor.
Security!
- Look who's suddenly interested in dance. - Yeah, he's a regular Martha Graham.
- How much longer? - Chin up, soldier.
- We should be getting a break pretty soon. - I hope so.
Good. Here she is.
- Jackson, please. - Hey, guys.
Hey to you, too.
I wanted to ask you, what do you think of my hair?
What?
- How's it look to you? Any opinion? - It looks fine.
- Jackson, you're overreacting. - You think?
How about you, you think I'm overreacting?
Jackson, what?
[Horn blaring]
- My God. - What?
- The runaround. - The runaround? That doesn't sound good.
I'm so sorry, baby.
TAYLOR: Ladies and gentlemen, on your marks, get set...
and go!
Round and round they go, but when the song stops nobody knows.
But the last five couples who finish behind the red line...
are automatically out, so hold on to your partner...
and move, move, move!
You're getting too much pleasure out of this, Taylor.
Lorelai, just wondering. How's my running?
- You got an opinion on that? - Jackson, what's going on?
Nothing. He's mad at me and he's taking it out on you.
No, I'm not mad. I just didn't realize...
that when I married Sookie I also married you.
I didn't realize I was a Mormon. My mistake.
I need to interject for one second to tell you that I hate you.
- Thanks. - Quit trying to drag Lorelai into this.
- Fine. I will. - Jackson, wait!
Yellow cards right here! I got them for the both of us.
We'll be right back.
One of you is supposed to stay here. Hey!
- I think I'm going to die. - Me first.
- How much longer? - I don't know.
I just know that every year I block this part out.
From now on I'm going to remind you of it.
- Kirk, what are you doing? - I'm drafting you.
- Stop. - You can't tell me where to run.
Kirk, I swear to God, don't make me come back there.
TAYLOR: One ten-minute break. Well run.
Ten-minute break, everyone.
- What are you doing? - Trying to kick you, but I can't reach.
I would help you, but I can't move.
- Can I owe you one? - No problem.
Okay, heart returning to normal.
- I have to go find Jackson and Sookie. - I'll get us a couple of sandwiches.
Good idea.
- This is fun, huh? - Big fun.
- Not dancing? - Nope.
Why not? Too cool?
Go away. No one asked for a Tony Manero wannabe to come.
- I'm just here for the food. - Here. Enjoy. Bye-bye.
I noticed Rory's not dancing with Dean.
- Nothing gets past you. - Trouble in paradise?
Rory's dancing with her mom, nothing's wrong with her and Dean...
and you're blocking my sandwiches.
They're erecting a statue to me in the park next week.
- Who are you? - Jess.
- Ma'am. - Scoop more.
- The sandwiches are for the dancers. - I'm dancing on the inside.
- What are you doing here? - I live here.
You have nothing else to do than sit in a gymnasium...
- staring at a dance marathon? - I don't know.
Do you have nothing else to do than sit in a gymnasium...
staring at a dance marathon?
I wouldn't direct any comment toward me if I were you.
- I'm just trying to support my town. - Then go back to New York.
I've been snapped!
You think you're bugging me staring like that?
- I'm not staring at you. - How do you know I'm staring at you?
I'm dancing. I can't control where my glance goes.
And the few moments I can, my glance goes to Dean, not you.
So you can't control looking at me but you force yourself to look at him?
Sorry, man, that's cold.
- My former comment still stands. - Go home.
No thanks.
- Then get out of my way. - Didn't realize I was in your way.
There you go. It's all yours. God help you.
Where did you go? I've been sitting there for 20 minutes.
- Break's only for 10. - It's just a saying.
- Came to get food. - Good. I'm starved.
- The food is for the dancers. - Who are you, Bobby Brady? Get a life.
Rory's feeling a little territorial today.
Whatever. What is this thing?
Rory, get your stuff and let's go.
That was good.
Now say, "Then get in there and make me my supper."
I got them.
Come on.
See you in there.
I'm gonna go get a soda.
- Have you seen Sookie and Jackson? - No.
- I've looked everywhere. - How about the insane asylum...
where everybody in this room is supposed to be?
- I need to say something here. - I've been looking all over for you.
I wish you'd just drop this.
Contrary to your belief, there are some things...
you don't have the right to have an opinion on.
The rate at which I have kids and the amount of kids...
falls under that category.
What did you tell him?
Once again, my communication skills, not so good.
I didn't mean to get involved in any of this.
Telling Sookie she needs to immediately inform me...
that four in four is crazy?
Yeah, it did come out something like that.
- What's four in four? - Four kids in four years.
- That is crazy. - Good.
Yes, let's open this up to even more discussion.
One kid in four years is crazy.
Sorry. Go ahead. Drop another sucker in this mess.
Raise your hand if you're not helping.
Does anyone here understand that a man has a right...
not to have his personal life debated in a public forum?
- I am not Winona Ryder. - I know that.
I'm sorry, Jackson. I didn't mean...
My childbearing arrangements are between me and Sookie.
And the Lord. Still not helping?
- Jackson, just please calm down. - I will! I'll calm down at home.
- But what about the contest? - To hell with the contest!
I'm quitting the contest. That is, if it's okay with Lorelai or Luke...
or that strange man in the corner who I've never met!
Excuse me, strange man in the corner! Is it okay if I quit this contest?
I'm so sorry. I got tongue-tied...
and things started coming out. I couldn't stop them.
- Go. - Jackson, honey, wait!
They'll make great parents.
TAYLOR: Everybody on the dance floor. All dancers back on the dance floor.
Let's go.
And then I'd say, "What is this in your ear?"
And I'd pull out a bright, shiny penny.
And the whole room would laugh and clap.
- Yeah, I'm sure they did, Taylor. - Yeah.
- Have you ever levitated a rottweiler? - No.
Not easy.
But in a cape, with a wand...
and a shiny black top hat...
What are you doing?
- I was just... - You tried to take my megaphone.
No, I just didn't want you to drop it.
No one touches my megaphone. No one. Guards!
Guards!
How's that? Take that.
- Tell me a joke. - Knock, knock.
[Giggling]
That's a good one.
[Exclaiming pain]
- You okay? - No. My heel broke.
- What? - My heel just broke off.
- Damn, these are brand-new shoes, too. - They were made in 1943.
- I just bought them Tuesday. - I told you not to wear vintage shoes.
But the lady at the store said they hadn't been worn a lot.
- But not a lot in 60 years is still a lot. - I got to fix them.
I'll use my emergency card. I'll be right back.
No, stop.
If you go, there's no way I'll stand up on my own.
- 10 minutes. - Nighty-night.
Fine. Hold on. Dean, come here.
- What are you doing? - Is everything okay?
It's great. Stand here. Look, I'll be back in 10 minutes.
Do not let her stop or lay down. Do you understand me?
- But I... - I need you, Dean.
- The team needs you. - What team?
Pick a team. It needs you. I'll be right back.
I'm really sorry about this.
- It's okay. - You sure?
Yeah.
Actually, it's not bad at all.
I think that one's a goner, miss.
- My shoe broke. I need you to fix it. - Do I look like a cobbler to you?
- If I say yes, will you fix it? - Let me see.
I only have 10 minutes.
I think I have some glue back at the diner.
Yes! We love glue.
- I wouldn't say that loudly if I were you. - Thank you.
- Are you guys out? - No, my shoe broke. Luke is fixing it.
Listen, I just feel terrible about what happened.
- I know. How's Jackson? - He's fine.
We went home, and he calmed down, and we talked.
He totally understands, and he's open to anything I want.
- That's great. - Now tell me what I want.
- No way. - But I'm not sure.
Then flip a coin, 'cause I am staying so far out of this.
You're my best friend.
I can only remain your best friend as long as Jackson doesn't kill me.
He's a produce man. They'll never find the body...
but the squash will be especially chatty that year.
Okay, fair enough.
Take your time. That's it. That's all I have to say.
Thank you.
- Got it. - Good.
I'm going home to figure out what I want. Good luck. Call me tomorrow.
- I will. - How's that situation going?
- It's gonna be okay. - Good.
Listen...
I didn't really mean all that stuff I said earlier.
- What stuff? - The kid stuff, you know.
- It's no big deal. - Yeah, I know.
I'm not really as anti-kid as I might have come off.
"Drop another sucker..."
Okay, yes, I don't always have the patience for them.
They tend to be squishy, and that freaks me out a bit.
You don't have to want kids, Luke. Or like kids.
- It's not for everybody. - I know.
Although I'm quite happy going an entire day without having to deal...
with somebody else's bodily functions...
if I ever happen to meet the right person...
- it would be a discussion. - A discussion?
Yes, probably a short discussion, but still. Here, hold this.
You ever think about having another kid?
I don't know how much fun it would be without biology finals and headgear.
But, sure, if I ever happen to meet the right person...
another kid might be nice.
- Your shoe will be ready in a minute. - Thank you.
- One sandwich, please. - Hi. What are you doing here?
You mentioned this thing last time we talked...
and it sounded very Blue Velvet.
So I figured I'd come by and check it out.
- What do you think? - I think you held back.
I hadn't seen you in a while, so I thought I'd come down...
and we could work something out on this band issue.
- Sure. - Plus I missed you.
- You did? You missed me? - Yeah. Did you miss me?
Yeah. I definitely, definitely missed you.
Glad and relieved to hear it.
Who are you? What do you want?
- Do you know this boy? - No, actually...
I just heard a bunch of people talking about the sandwiches...
and I thought I'd come in and maybe try one.
I'm sorry. May I?
Thank you.
That's delicious.
- Really? - May I have another one for later?
Yes. That's fine. Take another one.
Thank you. My parents would love these sandwiches.
I wish I could bring them by, but they're in Bible study right now.
- Bible study? - Say, how long are you serving?
Why?
If they got out in time, I could bring them over.
The bread is only good for another 20 minutes.
After that there's no point. You chip a tooth.
So if I can get my parents back here in 20 minutes...
then you'll still be serving, but in 30, you're done?
- Right. - Great.
So if for some reason I'm not back in 20 minutes...
it means I'll be there on the church steps waiting for my parents...
so I can tell them about the great sandwiches they missed.
Okay, great. Thanks a lot, and I hope to see you soon.
I hope he comes back. He seemed hungry.
- He's still there. - What?
Jess. He's still there. I can't believe he's still there.
- Just ignore him. - Yeah.
This is a dance marathon.
You're not supposed to come and sit and watch.
You're supposed to dance.
He's just trying to bug me, sitting there right in front of me, staring.
Jerk.
I'm bored.
Okay.
There they go again.
I swear, why can't they just get a room?
Forget a room, get a park bench or a doorway...
or even a strategically placed telephone pole would suffice.
I mean, girls like Shane, what is it with them?
Don't they see what they look like? They have mirrors.
- You talking about me? - No.
- I heard you mention Shane. - Shane isn't you.
- Shane concerns me. - Shane concerns me, too, and all women.
- You got a problem here? - No.
Just a little sick of seeing you two sitting there.
If you're not gonna participate, why don't you leave?
- That works for me. Let's go. - No.
- Why not? - Because I'm not ready to go.
- Really? - Yes, really.
I'm gonna sit here as long as I like and do what I like.
If you don't like it, ignore me and pay attention to your boyfriend.
Sorry. She can't.
- I'm not her boyfriend anymore. - What?
You know, I tried to ignore this. I really did.
But I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
- What are you talking about? - You don't want to be with me.
- Yes, I do. - Please.
You've been into him since he got to town, and I've spent weeks, months...
trying to convince myself that it wasn't true...
that everything was fine between us. But now I know that I was an idiot.
You're into him and he's into you, and Shane...
who should be listening to this, because it's so obvious...
- What's obvious? What did I do? - Everyone can see, Rory.
Everyone. And I'm tired. But I'm over it.
So go ahead. Go. Be together.
There's nothing standing in your way now, because I'm out.
I don't see a yellow card.
Excuse me, young lady, whose name I don't remember right now...
- No one listens to me. - I know, honey.
Dean's a jerk.
Yelling at you like that, breaking up in front of everybody.
The guy's a total jerk.
No, he's not.
He was right.
Everything he said...
all those things about you and me, all those things about...
me lying to him and messing with his head...
he was right.
Wasn't he?
Fine. He was right about me, then. Now go away.
He was right.
About...
all of it.
So what now?
You're definitely broken up with Dean?
Yeah, I'm definitely broken up with Dean.
Okay.
I have to go take care of something, then.
They're out.
They're out. We won! We won!
Taylor, wake up. It's over. Taylor, blow the horn.
A quarter right out of your ear.
Taylor, the horn. For Pete's sake.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
Wait, what are you doing? I'm here. I'm standing. I used my yellow card.
I win!
You didn't win. I'm still here. Where's Rory?
She ran off the floor a little while ago.
- What? No! - Yes!
For the fifth year in a row, ladies and gentlemen...
the marathon winner is Donna Detain and Kirk!
[Crowd clapping and cheering]
Rory, what happened? Where did you go?