- Mom? - No.
- We're starving. - We're waiting for your father.
- It'll get cold. - We're waiting for your father.
- We've been waiting forever. - We have not.
Godot was just here, he said:
"I ain't waiting for Richard," grabbed a roll and left. It's been forever.
When we gather as a family, we eat as one.
We don't eat in shifts, you know that, and so does Richard.
- When did he get that antique car? - A couple of horrible weeks ago.
What happened to that oil-painting hobby?
When he couldn't foresee rivaling Cézanne he lost interest...
so he bought that car. Lorelai!
Mom, it's not dinner. It's just my private stash.
It's eating, and we're not eating.
You're bound by the rules of the Geneva Convention just like everyone else.
- No one told me it was Casual Friday. - Hello, everyone.
You haven't started?
We were waiting for you. I thought you were almost done.
I was, but this car has a mind of its own.
As I turned to leave, it began spraying a green solution at me.
- Yuck. - Yuck, indeed.
- Go on, start, no sense in waiting for me. - Coolness.
- Stop. - Gomer said...
We are waiting for you, Richard.
In 35 years, I have never started a dinner without you...
unless you were out of town or ill.
Elsa, take everything away and keep it warm.
Now please go upstairs and get ready so we can all enjoy a nice family dinner...
together.
- I'll be right back. - Right back, Dad.
Change on the way upstairs, make it a navy shower...
quick soap, quick rinse, and no excessive posing.
Hungry.
- Hey, there. Anywhere? - Anywhere you want.
- Could you move, please? - What?
Anywhere where there's no people.
Like I'm a mind-reader. I was just joking.
- That's funny. - What?
Something's different here, something's changed.
- Impossible. - No, I swear, there's something.
I'd be very disappointed if something changed in here.
Why are you so anti-change?
- Because most change sucks. - That's true, it does.
- The chalkboard. - What about it?
That is brand-new.
A new special?
His four-slice French toast has been up there since I was born.
- You have to let that go. - What can I get you?
- You have a new special. - I sure do.
- Nice, what is the special omelet? - You won't like it.
How do you know?
I know what you like, you won't like it.
- Can I hear what it is? - It's three eggs with bits of bacon...
I like bacon.
Cubed tomatoes, Swiss cheese, and a dash of oregano.
- A dash, he says. - I've got other customers.
I'm gonna go with the special omelet, with a side of bacon.
- There's bacon in the omelet. - Skip the bacon.
- The side of bacon? - The bacon in the omelet.
Can I get Jack cheese instead of Swiss? Swiss is so stringy.
Fine, Jack cheese.
I think I'm allergic to oregano, so hold that, too. And some coffee.
So just the eggs, tomatoes, and Jack cheese.
- Not too many tomatoes. - Light on the tomatoes.
Very light, just a teeny, tiny amount, practically none.
I'm skipping the tomatoes. It's an omelet with Jack cheese.
- You did this on purpose. - Did what?
French toast for me.
- That was cruel. - I know.
Look how hard he worked on that sign and everything.
Look at the handwriting. It's so precise, so determined.
It's Focused Luke.
- That's Jess's handwriting. - Really?
How do you know Jess's writing?
I lent him a book, and he wrote some stuff in it.
He vandalized one of your books?
He didn't vandalize it, he wrote in the margins, thoughts and stuff.
What, like, "play basketball, eat a sandwich," stuff like that?
No, like margin stuff.
People like Mark Twain wrote in margins.
"Pilot a steamboat, write Huckleberry Finn."
- Forget it. - No, I'm sure margin writing is common.
You didn't tell me Dean was joining us.
Hi.
- What are you doing here? - I just dropped by to say hello.
- How'd you know we were here? - You're always here.
- We're not always here. - Do you want to eat with us, Dean?
- Rory, is that okay? - Yes, you don't have to ask.
We're three.
I did the math. You gonna eat something?
Sure, yeah, I'll take the special omelet.
- You put him up to this? - No, I did not.
- You don't know what's in it. - I'm not picky.
- You'll send it back after I make it? - No.
Right, I'll come back when I've got time for this.
What was that all about?
I think it was a little something in your attitude, mister.
So is everything in the materials clear to everyone?
Pretty much.
Were we reading these now?
Yeah, that's why we've all been quiet for the past 10 minutes.
I thought it was, like, prayer time or something.
Good grief.
- I'm still reading mine. - What?
I read slow so I don't miss anything.
It's not the Bhagavad-Gita.
It's simple instructions for the business fair.
- Someone's not taking to Elba too kindly. - What does that mean?
Rory's the leader of this group, Napoleon, and you're not.
Excuse me, leader, you want to lead here? You've got anarchy.
I'm just enjoying the show.
Hi, I think this is my group.
- Brad, hey. - You remember me.
- Of course I do. - Cool.
- So you're back at Chilton now. - Yeah.
My psychiatrist convinced my parents I should face my fears...
instead of running away. My rabbi agreed, so here I am.
Nice to have you back. Take a seat.
Paris?
- Her name is Paris, right? - Brad, let me catch you up here.
There's going to be a business fair in three weeks.
Each group has to come up with a consumer product...
- for high-school kids. - Neat.
So we pick our product and we make a prototype of it.
Then we use our imaginary million-dollar budget...
to mass-produce, market, and distribute it.
And we'll present all of this at the fair.
Cool.
Brad, your festive interjections are a real kick in the pants...
but we're low on time, so can it.
That's it. In two days, we're going to reconvene and pitch product ideas.
- Class dismissed? - We haven't discussed business advisors.
Right, we're supposed to get a parent who's in business to advise us.
Anyone score?
My dad's got scheduling conflicts up the wazoo.
- No for Chip. - My dad's in Hong Kong...
but he can video-conference in, if need be.
- No for Paris. - My dad's traveling.
My dad's in court for the next six weeks.
- Lawyer? - Defendant.
We won't pry.
I have no idea what he's up on anyway.
- No one's mom works? - Working moms are so '90s.
My mom works. She's a curator at the Hartford Natural Museum.
We need experienced business advisors, not someone who poses animal carcasses.
- What about your mom? - My mom?
- That's right, she runs a hotel. - It's just an inn, a small inn.
- It's still a business. - She must keep books.
Yeah, but they're really small books.
It's not perfect, but it's a better option than Brad's mom, the buffalo stuffer.
She doesn't stuff the animals. That's taxidermy.
Who is this rabbi that encouraged you to come back here?
Give me his address, I'm gonna go pop him one.
Hold it, I don't think my mom is right for this.
You need to do whatever it takes to make it happen.
Otherwise you shouldn't be the group leader.
- A coup d'état, how exciting. - There's no coup d'état.
- I'll ask her. - Good.
30, 31, 32.
- Sookie, look. - 33, 34, 35.
Can't look. Making meringue.
- 37. Fine science. - You got a package.
- 39, got to count to 40. Can't over-whip. - I think it's your wedding invitations.
Gimme, I got to see them.
You're gonna love these.
They're pearly white with this beautiful lavender strip.
I'm gonna choke somebody by the neck until brains ooze out of their ears.
- What? They're beautiful. - The name, look at the name.
"The marriage of his daughter Susie St. James."
- Who's Susie St. James? - I think it's you.
- What am I going to do? - It can be changed.
- These have to go out in a week. - We're calling right now.
I am so not a Susie.
- Good morning. Beautiful morning. - It sucks from where I'm sitting.
Lorelai, you remember I have tomorrow afternoon off.
- I remember. Big plans? - Yes, my mother is coming to visit.
Hello, yes. Customer service, please. Thanks.
- Sorry. - About what?
- You said your mother's coming. - But I'm excited, I never get to see her.
I must be projecting. Your mother's coming for a visit!
- She's coming for three days. - She staying here?
- No, she stays with me, of course. - In your tiny place?
She's fine with it, we stay up all night gabbing and watching movies.
- We have a ball. - Wow, I can't wait to meet her.
Hello, we have a problem with some wedding invitations we ordered.
- Okay, they're transferring me. - I heard that.
He is really happy about his mother coming to visit.
- I heard that, too. - Totally foreign to me.
Hi, great. I'm going to pass you over to my friend...
who has a problem with some merchandise she ordered.
Hold on one sec.
Listen to me.
I have experience dealing with people who screwed something up.
You have a better chance if you don't get all hysterical.
- Okay. - Okay.
How dare you do this to me? You're ruining my wedding.
It's the most important day of my life.
It's my life, not "Susie St. James." Are you listening to me?
- Good girl. - You'd better be listening.
No, you be quiet and listen.
Hi.
Thought you couldn't get here till later.
Our meeting didn't go as long as I thought it would.
Lucky for me, more work for you. Here, chronological order, please.
- How was your day? - I got an "A" on my Physics test...
finished Candide, and convinced a boy that Paris wouldn't attack his rabbi.
- So, uneventful. - Pretty much.
Mom, I know you'll probably not want to do this...
Yes, I will, unless it's something I don't want to do.
Do you want to be the parent adviser on my Economics project?
- Rory, gosh. - I'm kind of in a spot.
- No one else can do it? - Nope.
- You checked, double-checked? - Yes.
And no one else can do it, so you came slumming after me?
- Of course. - I appreciate that.
- I'm totally stuck. - If you're stuck, I'll do it.
Thanks.
What about your grandfather, retired business titan?
- What about him? - He'd be perfect.
This is a business project...
and the word "business" has been taboo in that house since he left the firm.
Asking him might remind him of that and upset him.
Or he'll be thrilled that you thought of him.
You're not saying that because you don't want to do it?
No, I really think he would enjoy helping you.
Then I wouldn't have to feel guilty about being so reluctant to help you out myself.
- All right, I'll give it a shot. - Good girl.
Would you really have felt guilty?
No, but I would have felt guilty about not feeling guilty...
and that could go on forever.
Miss Gilmore in the vicious circle.
- Hey, Grandpa. - Rory, this is a surprise.
I was just in the area, and I thought I'd pay a call.
How very Continental of you.
I would hug you, but I have various forms of viscous fluid on my clothing.
- I'll take a rain check. - Very good.
- How's she running? - She's a bit obstinate today.
- Girls can get that way. - Indeed.
So, you were in the neighborhood.
Yeah, and I actually have a little favor to ask you.
Ask away.
Okay.
There's this project at school, and it's for my Economics class.
- Good subject. Pragmatic. - Yeah.
And we have to come up with a consumer product, all make-believe...
and there's sort of a contest at the end, and we sort of need an adviser.
- An adviser. - Someone who's experienced in business...
who can come to a few meetings, make suggestions.
I totally understand if you can't do it, but I just thought I would ask.
I'm not sure how much help I could be.
I've never actually created a consumer product.
That's okay. We kids haven't either.
Yes, I suppose you haven't.
If you can't do it or if you don't want to do it, I totally understand.
Things are a little bit hectic right now.
Oh.
- Yeah, I know. - And it is short notice, after all.
Very short.
You know what? Forget I even asked.
- Rory, I didn't know you were here. - Hi, Grandma.
- You didn't hug your grandfather, did you? - I took a rain check.
- I better go. - You just got here, we have cookies.
No, thank you. Mom's expecting me at the inn.
Grandpa, really, don't worry about it. I just thought I would ask.
- I'm fine, Rory. Thank you for asking. - Bye.
Ask what? What did she ask?
Something for Economics class. It's nothing really.
That doesn't sound like nothing. What about her Economics class?
No, Emily, she merely asked me to participate in some project at school...
- and I respectfully declined. - You declined?
- Leave it, Emily. - Why would you decline?
Let's talk about it later, Emily. I'm busy.
Busy? You've been poking around that stupid engine for three weeks...
and all it does is spray at you. You're not too busy.
I am in the middle of something, and I don't expect you to understand it.
- You're not going to help her? - Can we talk about this later?
- I never thought I'd see the day... - What day?
Richard Gilmore would disappoint his granddaughter like this.
- Emily, please. - Is this how it's going to be from now on?
What are you talking about?
I just want to know what to expect from you...
because the bouncing from one thing to another...
the moping in silence in your den, all of that I accepted...
but your turning your back on Rory...
I did not turn my back on her.
You adore that little girl. She means everything to you.
- Emily. - Are you that lost?
[Classical music playing on stereo]
[Shouting over music] I'm incredibly disappointed in you, Richard.
- Sales. - It's just a stupid test.
"Lane Kim, you have shown a genuine aptitude for sales."
It doesn't mean anything.
"Ma'am, I see you're eyeing the new Whip-o-Matic.
"This baby's right off the truck.
"If you're looking something..."
"To fulfill your whipping needs, you've come to the right place."
"As Devo says:"
"'If there's a problem, you must whip it' with a Whip-o-Matic."
You are good.
- Stop it. - I'll take two.
- I don't want to be in sales. - You don't have to be.
I want to do something cool.
- Sell refrigerators. - You're not funny.
You are taking this aptitude test way too seriously.
It's the fourth time it's come up "sales."
In 10 years, we will be having lunch in Paris...
and we'll not be discussing if you made your quota.
- So I'm gonna be a sucky salesman? - Changing subject.
- Hey. - Oh, hey.
- How are you? - I'm only as good as my last sale.
- She's lost her mind. - Got it.
- So what are you doing? - We're going to buy some shoes.
- And pick up a job application. - You will now face the wall.
After you're done shoe-shopping, come by my softball game.
- You haven't been to a game in a while. - I know, but...
You said you missed seeing them.
I do, but, I thought we were getting together tonight.
- We are. - I should finish my Philosophy homework.
- Do it at the game. - My homework?
Doesn't that defeat the point of going to see you play?
You can't glance up in between nihilistic theories?
- I can, but what's the point? - What?
Why don't I do my homework at home, and I will go see you play next week?
- I promise I'll be there. - Okay, sure.
- Great. So tonight? - I'll be by at 7:00.
Okay, so have a good game.
Do that pointing-to-the-outfield thing, it's always very popular.
I will.
- Bye, Lane. - Come again soon.
Here, and here. Cleaning supplier, there.
Here, staff insurance forms.
Initial here. Date it here.
And I just...
You just okayed the vaccination of all those filthy ducks in the south pond.
- Very nice. - Yes, a regular Dr. Dolittle.
- Michel! - Zilie.
You are gorgeous. Come.
[Talking in French]
What are you doing here? I was going to pick you up at the airport.
- You wicked creature. - I had to come early.
I wanted to buy presents before I see you. I know you are a materialistic vulture.
All right, back up.
Thank God I have the perfect son.
If you had been ugly, I don't know what I would have done.
- Boarding school? - In Switzerland.
Lorelai, this is my mother, Giselle.
It's very nice to meet you.
- My God, those eyes, are they real? - Yes, they are.
God is terribly cruel to bestow those eyes and that face to one person.
I'm sorry, can you be my mom, too?
- I'm going to show her around, okay? - Make sure you see Sookie.
- Why? - She wants to meet your mom.
Yes, Michel, I must meet your friends. I did not raise you to be rude.
- You did too. - No, I didn't. Come, show me off.
Have you been using those free weights I sent you?
Yes, they hold down my papers beautifully.
- Lazy, silly woman. - Cruel and vicious boy.
I really appreciate you doing this, Grandpa.
Of course.
I know you weren't really thrilled with the idea.
No, that's not true.
I told everybody to have their idea pitches prepared...
so we can get you in and out quickly.
Rory, this is an assignment. We will give it the time it requires.
- However, efficient is always best. - I totally understand.
Hey.
Everyone, this is my grandfather, Richard Gilmore.
This is Louise, Madeline, Paris, Brad, and Chip.
Nice to meet you all.
Do you want to say a few words before we start?
No, I'm just here to advise.
I'll sit back here and observe...
and advise if necessary.
Okay. I guess we can start with the idea pitches.
- Who wants to go first? - I will.
Okay, Louise has the floor.
I couldn't find my lip gloss this morning, and I'd just bought it.
It's the perfect shade of pink...
plus it has this major shine with minor stickiness...
meaning no fear of your hair sticking to your face when it's windy.
- A coup. - I know.
Of course, 15 minutes later, tardy and glossless...
I left the house, and I had to rely on Madeline for my source of lip color.
- Not an ideal solution. - Major skin-tone mismatch.
I'm sorry, group leader...
could you ask the Pigeon Sisters if there is a point to this opus?
- Louise, what's your idea? - A lipstick LoJack.
- Excuse me? - A lipstick tracking device.
You attach it to a tube, hook it up to a remote...
and the next time you're searching, just point and shoot.
I'd buy one.
Okay, Louise, that's a very interesting idea...
but I think we should think of something that appeals to both boys and girls.
- Anyone else? - Okay, I've got one.
A locker robot.
It would talk and tell you facts, help you with your homework...
carry your stuff, and you could fit it in your locker until you're ready to go home.
Okay.
But that means that we would actually have to build a robot.
Yes, we would.
- Who knows how to do that? - I don't know.
- He looks like he should know. - I've never built a robot.
But you've tried, haven't you?
Yes, I have.
Okay, let's just try to keep the ideas down
to things that we can actually accomplish.
And I guess Paris is next.
The average teenager spends seven hours a day at school.
Seven hours where he or she is walking from class to class...
indoors, outdoors, in all types of weather.
At the same time, that same teenager is going through major physical changes...
within his or her own body.
The combo of the action with the environment...
in addition to the hormonal imbalance can only lead to one thing:
- Accidents. - What are you talking about?
Monday morning, Muffin wakes up and looks in the mirror.
"Oh, no, I have a zit on my face."
"I'll just look down when I walk so Hunky Football Player won't notice."
And Muffin smacks right into the cafeteria wall. That's got to hurt.
Who's Muffin?
This is why I'm proposing manufacturing something...
that no teenager should be without.
- A first-aid kit. - A first-aid kit?
Specially designed to fit in a locker with minimum space disruption.
Band-aids, antiseptic, cotton balls, Q-tips, ace bandages, aspirin.
I don't know. It's possible.
Does anyone have any questions about it?
They sell these things in every drug store, right?
Yes, they do.
There's also a registered nurse on campus.
Her office would contain the products...
- that you're talking about, correct? - Possibly.
What makes you think you could get a young person to spend good money...
on something that they could get for free, or at least, at a lower cost?
Because I know one thing about the modern teenager.
And what is that?
You can get them to buy anything if it comes in a leopard print.
-True -Very true.
We get them with style.
We dress up the kits with sparkles, colors, pictures of bands...
sport themes for the boys, animal pictures for the puppy-and-unicorn bunch...
chessboards for the Bobby Fischer freaks. A style for every taste.
Plus we use neon band-aids, pink or blue gauze for the bandages...
anything that seems young or flashy or bright.
And that is how you intend to set the business world on its ear?
- That's right. - Tricked-out first-aid kits.
For the locker.
And you really think that's going to work.
Yes. I do.
- So do I. - Really?
It's perfect. It's simple, it's easy to produce.
The possibilities are endless. I love it.
Well, I think we've got our product.
We need to go through this point by point.
Okay, let's do it.
The secret to a great campaign is a great idea. We've got that.
Let's move on to finances.
Do any of you have dinner plans? We're going to be here for a while.
Let's all turn to Page 4.
Here we go.
Now... January projections...
[Telephone ringing]
[Exclaims in disgust]
Mom?
Hello?
That ringing is not in your head, you know?
You got to read this Mötley Crüe book.
I swear, you get to the point where Ozzy Osbourne snorts a row of ants...
and you think, "It cannot get any grosser."
Then you turn the page, and, hello, yes, it can. It's excellent.
Why didn't you answer the phone?
Because once you've experienced something 5,000 times...
- you need to move on. - What are you talking about?
- I knew who it was. - Who?
The person who's called the machine so many times that I heard it sigh.
- Dean? - Dean the Determined.
- Man. - $5 says I know who that is.
- Hello. - Rory. It's your grandfather.
- Hey, Grandpa. - He did that on purpose.
- I'd like to discuss tomorrow's meeting. - Okay.
- I was thinking that we should relocate. - Midtown?
- Here. - Your house?
It'll be more comfortable, with infinitely better snacks.
- Yeah, that sounds great. - Wonderful, I'll call the group.
Okay, then I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
What did he want?
He wanted to move the location of our meeting to his house...
and to cost you $5.
That's going well, Grandpa doing that thing with you at school?
Yeah, I think he's having fun with it.
See? Did your brilliant mother call it or what?
Yes, she did.
You're damn lucky to have that woman in your life.
It's whispered in my ear every night.
You won't let me write it in your underwear anymore.
Check the machine so I can erase the messages.
Right.
Hi, it's me. It's 4:00. Call me when you get home.
Hey, it's 4:30. I'm home. Call me.
4:45. Where are you? I'll try paging you.
5:30. Did you get mypage? Call with the answer.
They are not all from him.
I totally forgot you were getting home at 6:00.
And yet, oddly, after remembering that information...
It's 5:45 and I just thought I'd see if you got home early.
That boy would make a good drinking game.
This is crazy. Ten messages?
Plus the four I took before I stopped answering the phone.
Right.
Honey, ease up on that love potion you've been giving him...
or he's gonna start showing up at David Letterman's house soon.
- What's the matter? - 14 messages.
- Yeah, so, it's a little... - It's a little too much.
You guys fighting or something?
What are you talking about?
Did something happen to set off the phone craze?
No, everything's been fine. Everything's been calm.
No more incidents. I don't get it.
If I had to guess, I would say he's feeling insecure about something.
- Why? - Rory.
But I spend every free moment with him. I call him, I page him...
- You've been good. - Nothing seems to be enough.
Nothing seems to make things normal again.
Give it some time.
I just want things to be the way they were.
Honey, relationships are hard.
Sometimes you go through a weird patch and things get funky for a little while.
But just give it a chance. Ride it out. Things will calm down again.
I hope so.
I'm gonna erase the messages.
[Laughing]
Stop that. Stop making me laugh.
You are trying to kill me.
You're making me laugh myself to death so you can get away with a crime.
- Your mind is evil. - Your soul is empty.
- Do you want some coffee? - Yes, darling, thank you.
I'll be right back.
- Hello, Blue Eyes. - Hi, Giselle. How was lunch?
- Champagne, caviar. The usual. - Sure.
Then came mounds of pasta with terrible things in it. It was perfect.
You seem to be having a wonderful time.
I am. I will miss him so much when I go home.
But thank goodness, he will have an extra five pounds to remember me by...
after eating all my pasta today, that dirty, thieving boy.
- Michel ate pasta? - Yes, Michel loves pasta.
- He eats it all the time. - Not around us.
Here it's all no-carb, low-cal.
"Let me see if I can eat less than the lab rats do."
- Lab rats? - Better not explained.
Anyway, I'm glad you got him eating pasta. He seems really happy.
Coffee.
- This is horrible. - You will drink it and like it.
- You are a curse. - Let's go shop.
Yes, let's go buy something completely useless...
- and pay way too much money for it. - I love it.
[Saying goodbye in French]
That is so wrong.
We should have waited for Paris.
She's the one who threw a fit about leaving no later than 3:10.
She could be standing outside the school, waiting for us.
- She has my cell number. - I thought you lost your phone.
I did.
We'll call her when we get inside.
Tell her I wanted to wait, okay?
- Paris. - Hey.
You're right on time. Come on in.
Okay.
RICHARD: In the dining room, everyone.
Well.
Welcome, everyone...
to the first official board meeting of the Style Aid Corporation.
Will everyone please take a seat?
I feel like Ivan Boesky.
Rory, you are group leader, which translates into chairman of the board...
which means you sit at the head of the table.
- But that's where you sit. - Not today. Come on.
At this point, I would like to turn the meeting over to Paris...
who will bring us up to date on our latest development. Paris.
Thank you, Richard.
First, let me say that I'm glad to see you all here today...
at the beginning of what I think is going to be a very exciting experiment.
Does she have the baseball bat in her hands?
I'd like everyone to turn to Page 1 in your presentation booklets.
We haven't gotten to the pencil part yet.
Sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
the Rx 2002.
- Nice. - Very nice.
Listed in front of you are all the contents contained in the Rx 2002...
plus the additional style options, 12 in all.
Every one of them waterproof, fireproof, and comes with a five-year warranty.
Which is longer than most of your high-school careers.
He is funny.
There's also a deluxe model with extra features...
designed to personalize your kit even more specifically for your needs.
There will be a snap-in CD case which can hold up to 10 CDs.
There's a lighted vanity mirror...
and a divided compartment for makeup and knickknacks...
a picture frame, and a hidden mini-vault for valuables...
which can be locked for safety.
Terrific idea, Richard, really. Top-notch.
Thank you, Paris.
This is really amazing. I want one of these.
Exactly the point. Let's check in with our marketing department.
Madeline, Louise, what have you got for us?
Okay, first, we go for the obvious. Magazines.
You know, Teen, Young Miss, Seventeen.
Spin and Rolling Stone, especially to hit the guys.
I hear that Jane magazine also has a young, hip following.
How do you know about Jane magazine?
I have my ways, young lady.
We should also place them in certain mall stores.
I think we should go straight to the source.
- The schools? - Why not?
School bulletin-boards. Websites.
You can set up tables at football games and pep rallies.
- How is everyone doing here? - Just fine, Emily.
Good. Is there enough food?
Yes, there is plenty of food.
What about ice cream? Would anyone like...
Emily, we're in the middle of a business meeting.
I'm very sorry. Go back to your business meeting.
I think your projections...
- He's smiling. - I know!
He's smiling, and there's no oil on the carpet.
- Life is good. - Yes, it is.
Emily, please.
I'm going.
Richard, do you have the third-year projections?
Yes, Paris, I do. I have them right here.
Dean. How's it going?
- Just washing Rory's car. - I can see that.
I came by to see her and she wasn't here...
so I was just gonna wait on the porch...
but then I noticed her car looked dirty, I thought I'd wash it.
Sometimes things can get on your car. Like dirt, certain kinds of sap.
They get into your paint. It's really hard to get off.
Even water spots. After it rains, they can be a real problem.
- Okay. Would you like a soda? - No, I'm fine.
Put the squirting-water thing down and come in the kitchen.
Squirting thing down. That's it. Come on.
I really didn't mean to bother you. I can wait outside until Rory gets home.
Honey, Rory's working on her school project today.
Yeah. I guess I forgot. I mean, she must have told me that she...
- I'm sorry. I forgot. - That's okay.
- I'll just go. - No, come here. Sit down for a sec.
Are you all right?
Yeah, fine, I just don't remember Rory telling me about her studying today.
I swear I wouldn't have come over.
Can I maybe give you a little advice?
- Sure. - Okay.
First, I just want to tell you I think you are a great guy.
You're so good to Rory.
Even though I hoped she'd be the one girl in the world...
who wouldn't look at a boy until she was 38, I'm really glad she found you.
Thanks.
I know things have been a little off between you two lately.
- Did she say that? - No. I'm saying that.
I can see it. And, by the way, I get it.
Sometimes when things are out of whack, it freaks us out a little...
and makes us feel like we're losing something that's really important...
and that scares us even more...
so we try to hold on to whatever it is we think we're losing.
And sometimes we hold on a little too hard.
Too hard?
Like "calling 10 times in a three-hour period" too hard.
Fourteen times.
Okay, see, I was gonna let you slide, but an honest man, I like that.
You think I'm holding on too hard to Rory?
I don't think you mean to.
- You think I'm losing her? - I think you think you are.
I just feel like nothing I do is...
I just want things back the way they used to be.
- I know you do. And they can be. - How?
I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes...
giving people a little bit of space is actually the best thing to do.
- Space? - Just a little.
Like what? Don't call her? Don't see her?
No. Just let her breathe. Let her relax.
Let her come to you for a change.
You're not telling me this to get rid of me, are you?
Please! If I was trying to get rid of you...
I would've started with, "Let me tell you about my family."
I'm not telling you this to get rid of you.
I'm telling you because I think it might help things between you guys.
Just try it.
If it doesn't work, I promise, you can wash my car, too.
Okay.
- Do you want a soda? - No, thanks. I'm gonna go.
Don't tell Rory I was here, okay?
I'm just sitting here at the table, talking to myself. Again.
- Thanks. - Bye, Dean.
You know what? Forget it! If that's how you run your business...
I deserve this for picking you in the first place!
I hate you!
Hey?
Okay, new plan for the invites.
We're getting married May 15, 4:00, front lawn. Pass it on.
That's it. Word of mouth. They used it for the Revolutionary War.
Who the hell am I to poo-poo history, I ask you?
What the hell is wrong with you?
- With me? - Yes, you. Are you out of your mind?
What are you talking about?
Why in God's name would you tell my mother that I do not eat carbs?
- Because you don't. - That is private information about me.
Everybody in Stars Hollow knows you don't eat carbs.
- So what? - Calm down. Have some toast.
Do not talk to my mother ever again. Do you understand me?
I don't understand. You and your mother seem crazy about each other.
I assumed, since you gave up carbs a year ago, she knew.
You know what happens when you assume.
What?
Something about a donkey. It's a stupid American phrase!
You and your mother seem to have the perfect relationship.
Yes. Because I tell her nothing. We keep all subjects light and fluffy.
We talk about clothes, food, Posh Spice and David Beckham, and that is all.
Nothing of value. Nothing of substance.
I'm sorry.
Now she knows I've been hiding something from her.
Suddenly she's asking questions.
Why did I leave France at 18? Where do I go at night?
Who are my friends? What do they do? Where do they live?
Why have I chosen this career? On and on. It never ends.
I can't stand it. She's a complete pain. She won't stop.
I took a six-hour bath last night just to escape the incessant nagging.
You did this to me!
You turned my Giselle into a mother, and I hate you for it!
I hate you very much!
So, feel better now?
Yeah, I do. Thanks.
I've swept the room, and I have to tell you, all sad.
I think we're a lock.
I actually thought the locker alarm was pretty good.
No one even looks when a car alarm goes off.
How effective is a locker alarm going to be?
Nope. I feel it. We are it.
What's the word?
Every single idea in this room is completely worthless.
There's a lot of wasted cardboard in here.
- We are going to win. - Yes, we are.
Okay, the two of you need to take a timeout.
- Richard, hello. - Hanlin, good to see you.
What are you doing here?
I'm actually advising Rory on her business project. The Rx 2002.
- That's wonderful. You look great. - I feel great.
- We don't see you at the club that much. - I've been very busy lately.
- Did I hear correctly? Did you retire? - Right before Christmas.
So it's true. Biddy and I couldn't believe it when we heard that.
A man can't work forever.
No, that's true. I just can't picture you retired.
It's been wonderful lately. Best move I've ever made.
It's given me time to do wonderful things.
That does sound nice. What kinds of things are you doing?
Well, this.
There you go!
Unfortunately, some of us aren't living the good life quite yet.
I've got to get back. It's been wonderful seeing you.
- Let's have dinner soon. - I would like that very much.
- I'll have Biddy give Em a call. - You do that.
Did you see the hose-hook idea over at Table 5?
A hook on your belt for your garden hose.
There's a Buster Keaton routine waiting to happen.
How are we doing?
Paris is practicing spiking the football and doing a back flip.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. All the projects have now been reviewed.
Here we go.
Before we announce the winner, I must commend everyone for their fine work.
There are many good ideas here today. It makes me proud.
Move it along, padre.
Now I'd like to announce the winner.
Table 10. Miss Chester's class with the locker alarm.
I don't understand. How's that possible?
This is so lame. That alarm doesn't even work. I was just over there.
This is ludicrous.
- Grandpa, it doesn't matter. - It certainly does matter.
You've put in an extraordinary amount of time and effort and thought into this.
- It deserved to win. - Yeah.
I wanted to win, too, but we didn't.
- I'm going to talk to the headmaster. - I wish you wouldn't.
You were robbed, Rory, and I'm not gonna sit back and simply watch it happen.
Hanlin, good. I want a word with you.
- Is something wrong? - This contest is a disgrace!
I beg your pardon?
I've been in the business world...
- for 35 years. - I know this.
And in those 35 years, I've seen ideas come and go.
And I've learned a few things about what flies and what doesn't.
- I'm sure you have. - I am telling you...
that out there, in the real world...
there is no way that a locker alarm that doesn't even work properly...
would be a viable business investment.
We're not in the real world. We are in a school.
A school that should be training children for the real world.
- Calm down. - I demand a recount!
Very well. I just recounted. The alarm still wins.
Your project was very good. It was definitely in the running.
You should be proud.
This is not my project! This is their project. The children's project.
- Really? - Yes!
This has nothing to do with me! It's for the children!
But they're not the ones causing the public scene right now. You are.
It was awful. He looked so upset.
His face was turning red and he was practically shaking.
Did you notice when he gets mad he gets taller?
I don't know how but he actually grows!
The day I told him I was pregnant, 24 feet tall. Freaked the birds.
- I'm upset here. - Honey, you did nothing.
You went to your grandfather who you greatly admire...
and actually like hanging out with, to ask for his help and advice.
That's lovely and thoughtful.
Please help me out tonight.
No mention of work, or Chilton, or school, or retirement.
Nothing but politics and religion. Got it.
- Hello, girls. - Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Grandma. - Come in.
Dinner's almost ready. Richard, the girls are here.
Richard?
He came home today, didn't say a word...
stomped off to his study, slammed the door.
He's been holed up in there ever since.
I can't even get him to answer me.
- Are you sure he's still in there? - Of course.
The door's right there. I would have seen if he came out.
- Sorry. - Not everyone leaves this house...
by climbing out the window and jumping into a waiting hot rod.
- Someone should talk to him. - I don't know what to do.
What happened today?
Things didn't go well at the business fair.
- What happened? - It was terrible.
The 10th graders staged a hostile takeover of the 11th graders.
Our project didn't win. Grandpa took it badly.
I am at my wit's end. If that man is going to fall apart over a school project...
- It's a weird time for him. - I feel awful.
- Maybe he should go talk to somebody. - Like whom?
Like a psychiatrist.
- What? - Maybe it would help.
We do not go to psychiatrists.
Mom, there's nothing wrong with getting help.
Lorelai Gilmore, are you seriously suggesting...
that your father go to a complete stranger and talk about his personal life?
Lots of people swear by it.
Yes. Disturbed people. Deviants.
People with multiple personalities who see things and hear dogs talking...
and roam the streets talking to themselves and licking parking meters.
Next thing you know, you'll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist.
Too many comebacks. I cannot pick.
- Richard? Is that you? - Of course it's me.
Rory, you're here. Wonderful! Hello, Lorelai.
I am starving. What's for dinner?
What's for dinner? What do you mean, what's for dinner?
I thought the question was relatively clear,
but I'd be glad to rephrase it for you.
What sort of food products will appear on various plates this evening?
You come home in a huff, then you lock yourself in that study all afternoon...
I had a lot of thinking to do. A lot of thinking.
- I owe that to you, young lady. - I'm sorry.
- You should certainly not be sorry. - Richard, what...
Put that roll down and explain yourself.
This whole week, this whole experience with Rory...
and the locker first-aid kit... That is a damn good idea, by the way...
no matter what those yarn-heads at that school of yours say.
Anyway, this whole week made me realize something:
I don't want to be retired.
- You what? - I don't like it.
- I hate it, as a matter of fact. - But, Dad...
It's boring. I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself.
Frankly, I am tired of trying to find something to fill up my time.
- So what are you going to do? - I'm going to work.
- Are you asking for your job back? - God, no.
No, I have decided to go into business for myself.
- Wow. - What?
- Cool. - It is cool, isn't it?
- What are you going to do? - I'm not sure yet.
Perhaps I'll consult, maybe take on a partner.
- Maybe I'll even teach. - What?
- You don't have to say it like that. - Sorry. What?
I think 35 years of experience will qualify me...
to teach a course or two at that local business college of yours.
My God. It's Who's The Boss? The Later Years.
- Richard, are you serious about this? - As a heart attack.
I haven't felt this good in a very long time, Emily.
I have the buzz.
- And I owe it all to you. - Glad to be of service.
He's going to teach.
- Or consult. - Or consult.
So, licking a parking meter is just around the corner.
- Okay, that dinner was good. - All of Grandma's dinners are good.
- I know, but this one had the rolls. - Those were excellent rolls.
Weren't they? Hot and buttery with that split-top thing.
- I miss the rolls. - She can make more next week.
- That's okay. I got four in my purse. - You do not.
Go ahead and check.
Have you no shame?
Who's that?
It's Dean.
Really? How many pages does that make for today?
Just one.
- You're kidding. - In two days.
- Wow. - I know.
He hasn't called or mysteriously appeared by my side or anything.
- Maybe he's calming down. - I hope so.
I actually got a chance to miss him today.
- That sounds good. - It is good.
You want to grab my cell phone and call him?
No. Tomorrow's fine.
Are you sure? It's early. You guys could hook up for a little while.
- I'm hanging out with Lane tonight. - Lane?
Yeah. We have some serious CD listening to do.
We're way behind on all the Elvis Costello reissues.
I didn't think Lane could hang out past 9:00.
Her mom's at an antique fair in Woodbury until Sunday.
Her grandmother's staying with her, but she's asleep by 6:00.
So we thought we'd be really bad and sneak out to Luke's.
- You're going to Luke's? - Maybe.
Why go to Luke's? I mean, you just had 10 rolls.
No, you did, and I don't even know if we'll go. It's just a maybe.
Okay, you guys have fun.
Okay. See you later.
- Sure you don't want to call Dean? - Nope. Tomorrow's fine.
Yeah. Tomorrow's fine.
Dean?
She likes Jess, doesn't she?