LORELAI: I've decided I'm saving myself for William Holden.
RORY: It's nice out here in left field.
LORELAI: Sunset Boulevard was on last night.
I've known him for years, Sabrina, Stalag 17...
yet, last night, something snapped.
RORY: I'll say.
LORELAI: It was the monkey scene. RORY: You know he's dead?
LORELAI: The monkey? RORY: William Holden.
LORELAI: Every great relationship has its obstacles.
You'd know if you weren't dating Andy Hardy.
- This one? - No.
- Why? - It's too big. It raises expectations.
Like there's a home-cooked lunch in there?
Instead of the leftovers in our refrigerator? Exactly.
Okay. Going back on the pile now.
It's quaint, isn't it?
The women make a nice lunch basket, the men bid on it...
and the world rotates backwards on its axis.
I think it's fun.
That's because you have a pretty boy to bid on your basket.
- Yes, I do. - Did you tell him to eat lunch first?
I love him. Of course. I'm gonna look in the back.
All right, I'll hit the front.
Patty, shopping for baskets?
- Please. I bought my basket weeks ago. - Always prepared.
I'm getting that itch again.
No, Patty. You don't actually need another husband.
Need? No. But want? That's a different story.
Listen, darling, do you happen to have change for $1?
- I think so. - I don't know where my quarters go.
- Down some guy's G-string, I expect. - No. A quarter would be insulting.
- Here you go. - Oh, thank you so...
- I got it. - No, that's okay.
This is a picture of me.
- It is? - Yeah.
- Why do you have a picture of me? - Well, it's a very nice picture.
Thank you. Why do you have a very nice picture of me?
- I'm a stalker? - Or?
Or when, in my daily travels...
- I run across a nice, single guy... - Oh, God!
I like to have a visual aid to help me with the wonderful buildup I give you.
I appreciate the gesture, but I don't need you to set me up.
You're such a beautiful girl, and you deserve a nice guy.
I'll have a nice guy, but let me find him, okay?
But you're no good at finding him.
- Patty. - All right.
Thank you. I'll keep this, if you don't mind.
Stubborn girl.
Not that one.
- You get no say in the basket. - I have to bid on it.
And you have to eat what's inside, and get no say on that either.
- Hey. - Yeah?
- Is Taylor behind me? - No.
[Rustling]
What, Taylor?
- Jess. - Sorry to intrude.
Why did you?
You're having a vertical From Here To Eternity moment...
right in front of the super glue.
Not that that's not an appropriate place, but...
- Here's your glue. - Thanks. As you were.
- I really hate that guy. - He didn't do anything.
He's here, he's breathing. That's enough.
- I wish you two could start over. - Why?
He lives here. We run into him. He goes to your school. It would be easier.
- I'm fine with the whole hating him thing. - I think it's a waste of energy.
- I'll have a PowerBar. - Fine. Forget it.
So, I should probably get back to work. We still on for tonight?
- I don't know. I might be baking. - I'll pick you up at 7:00.
- Get that one. It's nice and small. - Bye.
- God! - Sorry.
Two-for-one sale.
Independence Inn. Lorelai speaking.
Sure. What dates are you looking at?
Hold on one sec.
Would you like a king or a queen-size bed? You have your choice.
I've got a room with the king-size and a room with two queens.
Well, do you think you'll make up by then?
Yikes! I would take the room with the two queens.
Oh, God! Sorry. No, nothing. Nothing's wrong.
Everything's... Yes, great.
Call me back when you know. Okay. Thank you.
So, Patty has taken it upon herself to find me a man.
- Really? - Yes.
In my hand I have the pictures and resumes of the top three contenders.
- Anyone good? - No.
Two of them have run with the bulls. This is humiliating.
I can find my own man.
- She just loves you. - Yeah, but, you know...
- Sookie? I... - Jackson, don't look! Cover your eyes!
Okay, I'm sorry. Now, why am I doing this?
Because I'm baking for the picnic, and it's supposed to be a surprise.
Sure. Never see a pie before an auction. It's bad luck.
You talk. I have to call Patty and stop the forced mating process.
I feel like Ling-Ling the panda.
One of them's seen Ghostbusters 124 times. Can you say "score"?
Okay. What's up?
I'm sorry, can I put my hand down? I need to look at you when I talk.
Hold on.
Go.
I got a call from my landlord reminding me my lease is up...
at the end of this month.
He wanted to know whether I was gonna re-up it or not.
But I told him that I had to talk to you first.
- Okay. About what? - About re-upping my lease.
So what do you think?
About re-upping your lease? Well, you have a very nice kitchen.
Yes. I know.
I like your living room, though that house across the street has that...
creepy Miami Beach blue...
which means, in the day, you can't look out your window.
- But at night it's not so bad. - Forget about the house across the street.
If you forget about the house across the street, I don't see why you shouldn't.
- You don't? - No.
Okay. Fine. I just wanted to check with you first.
I appreciate that.
So I guess I'll go re-up my lease then.
- Sounds good. - Yeah. Sounds good.
- Know what's great about the festival? - What?
It always falls on the day after trash day.
So everything you forgot to throw out, and would be stuck with for a week...
you can instead put in a pretty basket and auction off for charity.
That is wonderful.
I've got it all worked out.
I invited my cousin David to come and bid on my basket...
you know, to keep my mother happy.
Then we tell my mom we're gonna go eat at the park...
where Henry's gonna call on the payphone at 2:00 for the all's clear sign.
Then David will disappear.
Henry will arrive, and we'll have our first date.
My head is spinning.
- Stash this at Miss Patty's. - Don't you need it for David?
No, my mom packed that one.
Homemade granola, wheatgrass juice, soy-chicken taco.
Our lunches are looking good.
This is the Henry basket.
I went by Gianelli's and got meatball heroes and some chips.
I also packed a change of clothes, makeup, makeup remover...
- and three temporary tattoos. - 'Cause four is trashy.
I gotta go. Got to sneak back in my house!
I'm so excited!
Man. I remember the days of lying to my mother about a boy.
Once I had a boy hidden in the closet. Of course Mom wouldn't leave.
I finally pretended to get sick to get her out...
long enough for him to climb out the window and down the tree.
He fell. Broke his leg. To be young again.
Sold for $15 to the man in the yellow! Thank you very much.
Now, the next basket I have here is a lovely green-wicker number...
that would be a charming addition to any room once the lunch is gone.
Let's start the bidding at $5. Do I hear $5?
$5.
- Okay, I have $5. Do I hear $10? - $10.
Withdrawn.
AUCTIONEER: Okay, I'm still at $5. Do I hear $10?
$5 going once, $5 going twice.
Sold to the young man for $5!
You know what's nice? You can put extra rolls of...
toilet paper in there and stick it in the bathroom.
Decorative and convenient.
AUCTIONEER: This may not look like much...
- Mine. - Nice.
But remember, people, good things come in small packages.
How badly does he want to be hosting a game show?
He can taste it.
Let's start the bidding at $3.
$5.
He's good. He's very good.
AUCTIONEER: $5. Do I hear $10? JESS: $10.
- Okay, I have $10. Do I hear $15? - $20.
AUCTIONEER: $20, do I hear $25? DEAN: $30.
You boys don't seem to understand the way this works.
- $40. - $50.
Have either of you noticed how tiny this thing is?
JESS: $75.
AUCTIONEER: We're not talking sense, gentlemen...
- Dean's hesitating. - $80.
- He doesn't have $80 to spend on a basket. - $90.
You know, I don't think he'll have to.
Okay, we've got $90 going once, $90 going twice...
sold to the nice young hoodlum in the back for $90.
I'm trying to think in what scenario this could be construed as positive.
- Well? - No one's head is on fire.
- I better go talk to Dean. - Do you want help?
No, it's okay. I'm just officially not a fan of unpredictability.
Totally understand. Good luck.
AUCTIONEER: $5 on this one. Do I hear $5?
$5, that's good. How about $10?
BIDDER: I'll go $10.
AUCTIONEER: $10. Let's keep going. Look at its size.
I'm gonna kill him!
- He's probably just fooling around. - He was messing with me!
He was messing with me, and it's the last time, I swear to God.
- Calm down. - Why would he do this?
Maybe he was hungry.
- He's trying to make me crazy. - Don't let him.
Of all the nutty, barn-raising shindigs this town can cook up...
this one wasn't half bad.
- I'm glad you enjoyed it. - I did. Shall we?
- Shall we what? - Shall we go?
- Go where? - Go eat.
Excuse me?
Person who buys the basket wins the company of the person...
who makes the basket.
Basket. Basket maker. Guy who didn't bring enough money.
You think this is funny?
It's no Lenny Bruce routine, but it has its moments.
Bye, Jess.
- Where you going? - You're going.
- As soon as Rory's ready. - She's not going with you.
JESS: Is that true? DEAN: Yes, it's true.
Excuse me, Edgar Bergen, I'd like Charlie McCarthy to answer.
- Shut up. - Dean.
- What? - Well...
- Come on. - It's tradition.
I don't believe this.
My mother and I have been doing this every year.
So buck tradition.
Do you remember how mad Taylor was when I couldn't go...
to the turkey-calling contest?
This isn't school. You're not getting graded.
- Don't make this into a big thing. - Don't go.
- Man, she's not shipping off to 'Nam. - You so need to shut up now.
Dean, it's a picnic. It's lunch.
- We'll sit, we'll eat, it's over. - No.
- What do you think is gonna happen? - I think I'd like to hear this one also.
I don't want you to go.
- Dean... - Fine, forget it. Go.
Please don't walk away like that.
Sorry, I'd do a silly walk, but I'm not feeling very John Cleese now.
This isn't my fault. I didn't ask him to do that. I didn't tell him to do that.
You're my boyfriend. I would never do anything to hurt you.
Yeah? You're doing it right now.
AUCTIONEER: Going once, going twice...
sold for $25!
Congratulations. Thank you.
Lord, will you look at this?
Ladies and gentlemen, now this is a basket.
AUCTIONEER: Let's start the bidding on this delicious treat at $10.
- Do I hear $10? - $10.
$15.
AUCTIONEER: I have $15. KIRK: $20.
- $20. I have $20. Is that my final offer? - All right, fine. $25.
Kirk, you just offered $20. You upped your own bid.
Can we stop the bidding for just a second?
- Sookie, you know the rules. - Yes, but...
AUCTIONEER: We have $25. Do I hear $30?
- Jackson. - $30, if there's pie.
- There are no contingencies, Andrew. - $35.
- Andrew? - Jackson?
I'm not going higher without the promise of pie.
I have $35 going once, $35 going twice.
- Sold to Kirk for $35. - Yes. Finally.
If it hadn't been for me, I could have had it for $25.
What is wrong with you? I gave you all the signs.
The pointing, the waving, the mouthing, "That's my basket."
- Didn't you see the mouthing? - I saw the mouthing.
- Why didn't you bid? - I don't know. It just didn't feel right.
What are you talking about?
I made four kinds of pesto and three different desserts.
Plus, the entire basket is an edible pretzel with a goat-cheese filling.
- I hope Kirk enjoys it. - I don't understand.
- Come on, Sookie. - What?
I told you the lease was up on my apartment, and I asked you...
if you thought I should renew the lease, and you said yes.
Do you not like that apartment?
No, I love that apartment. It's perfect. The ultimate bachelor pad.
It's just big enough for one.
Only, here's the thing. We've been dating for a while...
and I thought things were going pretty well.
Things are going really well.
So I had this crazy thought that since things were going really well...
that maybe it was time to take a step forward.
You wanted to move in together?
I at least wanted to consider moving in together.
I hadn't even thought about it.
- You hadn't? - Well, no.
My mistake then. I thought we were on the same wavelength.
We weren't. No problem. Enjoy your lunch.
Jackson, I lied. I have thought about it. A lot.
Our bathroom's gonna be pink. I'm sorry.
Why didn't you say something?
I didn't want to ruin anything. We're doing so well.
We have so much fun. It's all working.
Why would living together mess all that up?
I don't know. We'd see each other every day.
We see each other every day now.
And you'd find out all my annoying little quirks.
- I've got annoying quirks, too, you know. - I know.
- What's that supposed to mean? - You might get sick of me.
- Or you might get sick of me. - No, that's not gonna happen.
If that's not gonna happen, then what's the problem?
The problem is that Kirk is gonna eat my goat-cheese basket.
Not if I have anything to say about it.
AUCTIONEER: $12. Do I hear any more? Can we get any higher than $12?
How's that for not getting sick of you?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I got a basket to get.
Next up, what?
That looks like a Doose's Market basket. Nice?
That's mine.
- I'd like to start the bidding at $5. - I bid $5.
- That was quick. - $10.
All that's in there is two stale Pop-Tarts and a Slim Jim.
- $15. - He looks familiar.
- $20. - So does he.
BIDDER: $25. AUCTIONEER: This is going very well.
LORELAI: Oh, no. BIDDER: $30.
- Those are the guys, aren't they? - Excuse me?
The guys whose pictures you sent me. You brought them here.
Darling, you can't be trusted to do it yourself.
Jeez.
- $35. - That one's a snorkeler.
AUCTIONEER: $35, now we're back on track. Keep it up.
Luke. Where is he? I need him, Caesar. Thank God!
- You gotta come with me. - What are you doing?
- I got plates here. - Caesar, you're in charge.
Do you have money? I need it. Which one opens this thing? That one?
- Stop messing with that. - You gotta come with me.
Patty gave my picture out 'cause she thinks I need a man.
You need one with a couch and a knowledge of Freud.
You have to come out and bid on my basket.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
I have never in my life taken part in one of these crazy group flip-outs...
and I'm not about to start now.
- But, right now, out there... - Just buy your own basket.
- I cannot buy my own basket. - Why not?
Because that is pathetic.
And chasing me around my diner, begging me to buy your basket?
Also pathetic, but that I can live with...
where that pathetic is truly pathetic-pathetic...
and only you can save me from the double pathetic. Please.
- I can't believe I'm doing this. - Hurry up.
BIDDER 1: $45.50. BIDDER 2: $46.
BIDDER 1: $46.50. BIDDER 2: $47.
- Go on. - $47, are you kidding?
- Luke. - $47.50.
For two stale Pop-Tarts and a Slim Jim?
You're not getting the whole saving me thing.
- Fine. $48. - $48.50.
- $49. - $49.50.
$52.50.
What? We're just supposed to go to $50.
- I have a life. - $52.50. Going once.
That's my job.
- $52.50 going once, $52.50 going twice. - Please, God.
- Sold for $52.50. - Yes!
Sorry, don't feel bad. I'm totally into Dungeons & Dragons. You've skated.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes the basket bidding.
Victors, come claim your prizes and your dates. Let the lunching begin!
- You rock. - Thank you.
- Welcome. - What do we do now?
- I guess we eat. - This?
- Yeah. - I have to buy and eat it?
The basket of botulism does come with my company.
You don't eat with your mouth open, do you?
Women don't eat. We look at food and jump on the treadmill.
All right, let's go.
- You know, there's nothing there. - Yes, I know.
- You going after him? - Not right now.
So, then, shall we?
Fine. Come on.
WOMAN 1: Yeah, I think so. WOMAN 2: I can't wait to eat.
- Kirk, I've been looking all over for you. - Any idea what this is?
Yeah, it's a pineapple-cranberry chutney.
Listen, I'd like to talk to you about this basket.
As you know, Sookie made it, and since we are seeing each other...
naturally, she assumed that I would bid on it.
Where are the carrot sticks? Every lunch has carrot sticks.
But, see, I was a little upset about a fight we had...
and so I didn't bid on the basket.
I love carrot sticks. Especially the crinkle-cut kind.
However, we just made up, and now I'd like to have lunch with Sookie.
So...
I need the basket.
This is my basket.
I'd like you to give it to me, so I can have lunch with Sookie.
I bought it. The rules are, whoever bids the highest gets the basket.
Yes, I understand the rules, but...
I bid the highest, I bought the basket, I get it.
Okay, Kirk, I'll pay you for it. I'll give you $45.
- That's $10 more than you paid for it. - No.
- Okay. $50. - No.
Kirk, this is insane! I'll buy you another basket.
I don't need you to buy me another basket.
I won this one. You can't just come by and take it away.
Just because you have a girlfriend who made a basket for you...
doesn't give you the right to bully those who don't have girlfriends...
- to make them a basket. - I wasn't trying to bully you.
Not this year, not last year, not the year before that.
- My mother didn't even make one for me. - That's very sad.
She made one for my brothers and sisters, but not me.
- That's terrible, Kirk. - Twelve brothers and sisters.
The only one without a basket, me.
Okay, Kirk, what's it gonna take?
- $250. - You're kidding me!
- Twelve brothers and sisters. - Will you take a check?
With two forms of ID.
I swear, you'd better be as pathetic as you sound.
Trust me.
- What time is it? - 3:00.
I don't understand. Henry should have called by now.
- Give me some change. - There.
- Oh, my God! It's not working. - Great.
- Can I have his lunch now? - I'll be right back.
We're supposed to be eating on the ground.
Says who?
Every picture of a picnic shows people eating on the ground.
Every time I have seen a picture of people eating on the ground...
I've thought, "What the hell are you doing sitting on the ground?"
Spring for some beach chairs, you cheapskates.
- Lorelai, do you have your cell phone? - Yeah, is everything okay?
- I just need to make a call. - Here.
I'll be right back!
Where are you going?
I am going to the diner, I am going to get us some edible food...
and I'm gonna bring it back here for us to eat.
That is so not the point of today. I made this. I am insulted.
- I will now proceed to pout. - I'll bring back brownies.
The pouting has left the building.
- Hello? - Hello, Henry?
- I've been trying to call you. - I know. The pay phone is broken.
I thought the number was wrong, so I...
- What? You what? - I called your house...
- and your mother answered. - What did you say?
I asked for you, and then she asked why.
I said because. She said because why?
I got nervous and tried to sell her a subscription to The Wall Street Journal.
Were you successful?
- Lane. - Sorry. But she doesn't know, right?
- I guess not. - Then we're still good.
- Can you meet me now? - I don't know.
It's later than we planned, but we still have a little time...
- and I saved your lunch from David. - David?
- My cousin. The decoy. - Right.
We'll rendezvous where I told you. Drive by, honk twice, go around the block.
The second time you pass, I'll jump in.
- Do you want me to slow down? - Yeah, of course.
- Not to a total stop, but... - Lane, I don't think this is gonna work.
- What? - This. You, me.
Are you breaking up with me?
How can I? I've never been out with you.
Yeah, but that's what today was supposed to be. A date.
A date where we need a secret plan and a two-honk drive-by...
- and a decoy cousin? - Well, yeah.
Lane, I like you, but I want to be able to pick you up...
stop the car, and take you out. And I want to be able to call you.
At your house.
I'm gonna tell my mother. I promise.
- When? - Soon.
Yeah. Look, I've got prom coming up...
and my friends and I are gonna rent a limo to take us there...
and I want to go, and I want to take a date.
I'm sure I can figure something out. Maybe Rory can...
I asked somebody else.
I'm sorry, I just figured you'd never be able to go and...
It's okay. You should've asked someone else.
I do like you, Lane.
Okay, well, thank you. I appreciate that.
- I have to go. - Lane.
[Door slamming]
David came by here 15 minutes ago! Said you ran off somewhere.
- Where did you run? - Nowhere.
Who is he? The boy you ran off to see?
The one who calls here pretending to work for The Wall Street Journal.
- There's no boy! - You know the rules. No boys!
Not unless I approve, and I don't!
- How do you know? - I know!
You're sneaking, you're lying. Something's wrong with this boy.
There's nothing wrong! He's perfect and he likes me...
and I was so afraid to tell you that...
that he's taking somebody else to the prom! And I blew it.
- You go upstairs and calm down! - Fine!
- Now! - Fine!
That is not calming down!
- Where do you want to eat? - Don't care.
Okay.
- Where are you going? - Thought you didn't care.
I'm not jumping in the lake.
No underwater dining. Got it.
- Now what? - Now we sit.
- Here? - Yep.
On the bridge? That's where we're going to eat?
- Okay. - I like this place.
Wow, a place in Stars Hollow you actually like. I'm stunned.
It's got some good memories.
- See right over there? - Yep.
That's where Luke pushed me in.
- That's nice. - It is.
- So why'd you do it? - Do what?
- Outbid Dean like that. - I don't know.
I guess it started as a joke just to bug him, but then he just got so mad...
and he's so tall, and I just was...
looking at him and he's standing there all tall and mad, and I don't know...
- it was really funny. - It wasn't funny.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't intend to do it.
Does that make you feel any better?
I just don't want to be in a fight with Dean.
I'm sorry about that. You want to push me in the lake?
- It's cathartic, I hear. - Maybe in a little bit.
Whenever.
- So when do we open this thing? - Go ahead.
Wow, not one thing in here that I would remotely consider eating.
I didn't make it for you. I made it for Dean.
- And Dean would have eaten this? - Yes, he would have.
- Dean is an idiot. - Dean never would have fallen for that.
[Jess laughing sarcastically]
I can't believe he wouldn't take your check.
Well, apparently, I don't look like my picture.
- He's a loon. - Yeah. It's okay.
I'm paying him off in weekly installments in crinkle-cut carrot sticks.
- I'm glad we made up. - Yeah, me, too.
And, you know, if you still wanted to talk about, you know...
what we were talking about, we could talk about it now.
- No. - Excuse me?
- I don't know. I'm having second thoughts. - You are?
Yeah, I mean, living together, big deal, right?
Oh, right. Big deal. Who cares?
Not me. No sirree Bob.
So, I'm sorry, you don't think we should live together anymore?
- Nope. - Okay.
I think we should get married.
What?
I think we should get married.
- But... - Soon.
- Are you pregnant? - What do you say?
- Sookie? - Yes!
I say yes! Oh, my God, we're getting married!
You do know that this means we'll have to live together?
- Yes, I do. - Okay, good.
You know your burgers actually taste better outside?
Good, the next time the roof in the diner's leaking...
I'll just rip the stupid thing off.
This is nice, huh? Come on. Admit it.
- Never. - What?
You'd much rather be sitting out here than inside working.
- Diner's probably on fire by now. - You are stubborn.
- I'm stubborn? - Yeah, you're stubborn.
From Miss Flexibility over here?
- I can be flexible. - Please.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it...
- I'm totally flexible. - My mistake.
Do you want a fry?
- You want a carrot? - Impossible.
Right back at you.
- So let me ask you something. - Napkin, please.
- Who did you want to get your basket? - What?
Before you knew Patty put you on the dating game...
you did pack this disgusting lunch and bring it out here.
So who did you want to get it?
Well, last year, Roy Wilkins bought it...
and I got my sprinklers fixed for half price.
And this year my rain gutters are completely clogged...
and I thought if I could get the Collins kid to bite...
- I'd get that taken care of. - Practical.
- I thought so. - So the participation in this thing...
- was for home improvement reasons? - Yes.
And I don't know, it's a nice concept.
What is?
Just having someone who you love, or have some kind of crazy crush on...
bid on your basket and then share a romantic lunch. It's a nice concept.
Well, I'm sure someday you'll manage...
to find the right guy and drag him out to this thing...
make him buy your stupid basket, then you'll be sitting here with him.
Yeah. Someday.
- You know what? - What?
This is nice.
I have to talk to you.
- Yeah, okay. I'll be right back. - I'll be right here.
- How are you doing? - I'm not great.
Dean, it's just a silly town thing.
I've been telling myself that, and I tried to forget about it, but I can't.
I'm worried about Rory.
She shouldn't be hanging out with this guy.
- Today was kind of... - It's got nothing to do with today.
Yes, it has a little to do with today, but it's more than that.
Ever since I met him, I had this feeling he was bad news.
- Jess has a few issues. - One issue is that he's a complete jerk.
He's always getting in fights at school...
that is, when he bothers to show up at all, and he just...
I don't know. Now this thing with Rory.
- It's like he's always around. - You sound jealous.
I'm not jealous. He just... She has to be nice to everyone, you know?
I know, but, hon, that's Rory.
He's gonna get her into trouble. I can feel it. I just know it.
He doesn't care about her. He's using her to drive me crazy.
- Dean, you love Rory, right? - Yeah.
So part of love is trust. You have to trust her.
- I do trust her. It's... - Him. I know.
But flying off the handle is not gonna get you what you want.
She cares about you, she's not going to do anything to mess things up.
- I know this. - I hope you're right.
RORY: Ten. JESS: Ten?
But I didn't understand a word of it. So I had to reread it when I was 15.
I've yet to make it through it.
Really? Try it. The Fountainhead is classic.
But Ayn Rand is a political nut.
Nobody could write a 40-page monologue the way she could.
Okay, tomorrow I will try again, and you will...
Give the painful Ernest Hemingway another chance. Yes, I promise.
You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you.
- Why are you only nice to me? - Excuse me?
An hour ago you were screwing with Dean, and now you're nice to me.
You see, it's the screwing with Dean...
that's an important step to getting here, so that I could be nice to you.
- So it was a plan? - What?
The whole bidding on my basket. It was a plan.
Okay, I'm officially starving.
- And officially evasive. - Come on. I'll get you a pizza.
- Answer my question. - Do you like pepperoni?
- You're not going to, are you? - We could just get it on half.
- Okay. I give. Let's go. - If you insist.
Mom?
Where have you been? I thought Taylor auctioned you off.
No, I just went to get some pizza, and I wandered around the bookstore.
- Here. - What's this?
- You wanted to read The Children's Hour. - I did? When?
When we were watching Julia, and Jane Fonda was Lillian Hellman.
Yeah, and I made the Hellmann's mayonnaise joke.
- Which no one ever needs to hear again. - Right.
- Well, thanks. - You're welcome.
- So who were you with? - What?
Pizza, book-buying. Did you have company?
- Yeah. - Who?
- Jess. - Jess?
- Yeah. - Right.
- So I'll be in my room. - Okay. Good.
- So how was the picnic? - Fine.
Good. Did you get the Dean issue resolved?
Not yet. He's coming over and we're gonna smooth things over, hopefully.
Yeah, well, smoothing's good. I love the smoothing.
So how is it with Jess?
- Fine. - Obviously.
With the pizza and the books... So good. I'm glad.
- What? - What what?
You look like you have something to say.
I have nothing to say. I never have anything to say.
- Yes, that is your reputation. - It's... I don't know.
I'm surprised that you're hanging out with him.
Why?
- He just doesn't seem like the nicest kid. - You don't know him.
No, I guess not.
You're judging him by that one time he came here.
Which, by the way, was not a rousing success.
He had just moved here. He was mad at his mom.
Trust me, he's got a really good side to him. You'll see it.
- Good, I can't wait. - Mom.
I'm sorry, I just...
I don't know, from the things I've seen, and the things I hear...
Like what things?
The vandalism. The stealing. The cutting school. The fighting.
- How do you know about the fighting? - Well, Dean told me.
- Dean? - Yes.
- You've been discussing this with Dean? - He discussed it with me.
- When? - Today. He's really upset about this.
So he went running to my mother?
- He needed to talk. - He could've talked to me.
- He couldn't. You were with Jess. - You're taking his side?
I'm not taking sides. I'm Swiss, babe.
- I wasn't off with Jess. Jess outbid him. - I know.
The rule is that if one person outbids someone else, then...
Rory, this is not about the rule.
This is about Dean being concerned that you're hanging out with someone...
- who could get you hurt. - How could he?
In the short time he's been here, he's managed to make a lot of enemies.
- When did I move to Salem? - People are concerned about you.
You're young and naive and you think that everyone has some good inside...
- if you give them a chance. - So you're saying that Jess is no good.
I've known guys like Jess. He seems cool because he's got a dangerous vibe...
and this problem with authority...
and he's seen a lot of Sylvester Stallone movies.
- Oh, my God. - But guys like this get into trouble.
Which, if you hang out with him, gets you into trouble. I don't want that.
I'm sorry, are we talking about Dean still, or are we talking about you?
- I've been there, okay? You haven't. - Been where?
We got pizza. We looked at some books.
God, I can't even believe I'm having this conversation.
With you, of all people. I don't even want to talk about this anymore.
- Rory! - No, I'm going for a walk.
- Dean is gonna be here any minute. - He probably wants to talk to you anyhow.
[Door slamming]
A cigar club?
Can you imagine a more disgusting organization to join?
Your grandfather now pays money...
to sit in an enclosed room with a bunch of men...
and blow smoke in each other's faces.
Twice a week he comes home smelling like a flophouse.
So I finally just confronted him.
I said, "Richard, I know you're going through a transitional period here..."
"And I encourage your trying out new things..."
"But this seems completely out of character for you."
- I'm sorry, am I boring you? - No, you're not.
Sorry, Grandma.
- So how are things at the Inn? - Fine. The same.
- And, Rory, how's that boyfriend of yours? - Apparently very chatty.
That's nice.
Lorelai, anything new with you?
No, nothing. It's been pretty quiet around the house lately.
Well, sometimes quiet could be nice.
Soothing.
You can hear yourself think.
All right, what's going on with you two?
- Nothing. - It's not nothing.
You've been both sitting here, not saying a word, not looking at each other.
- Are you in a fight? - I'm not.
- Please. - Please, what?
You have been freezing me out all week.
[Cell phone beeping]
I haven't had anything to say.
- Who is it? - No one.
- Why won't you tell me? - 'Cause it's no one.
- Is it Jess? - You're kidding, right?
- Jess? Who's Jess? - I'm not kidding.
- Why would you assume that it's Jess? - Why won't you tell me who it is?
- Who's Jess? - Luke's nephew.
It's not Jess. It's Dean.
You want to read it? Wait, no, Dean will probably tell you all about it later.
That's not funny.
- All week you've been... - We're not gonna get into this.
Getting into what? Is it about this Jess, the thing you're not getting into?
- You never liked Dean at the beginning. - I didn't know him.
- And now you don't like Jess? - That's because I know him.
Are you dating Jess? What happened to Dean?
- I'm not dating Jess. - But he's trying to weasel his way in.
- He's not trying to weasel his way. - In where?
In Rory's world. He has his eye on her, and he's trouble.
- He's not trouble. - Yes, he is.
If your mother thinks he isn't appropriate company, then you need to listen to her.
There. Thank you, Mom.
Excuse me, but I don't feel very hungry right now.
Kim's Antiques. We're closed. Call tomorrow.
- Mrs. Kim, it's Rory. - It's after 9:00.
- I know. - Lane can't talk after 9:00.
I promise to never again call after 9:00, but can I please talk to her now?
Just this once?
- Okay. Just this once. - Thank you.
- Lane? - What?
Phone.
- But it's after 9:00. - It's okay, it's Rory.
I don't want to talk right now.
Rory, Lane's not feeling well. She needs to call you tomorrow.
- Okay, thanks anyhow. - Yes. Goodbye.
- It's early for you to be in bed. - I'm tired.
- Come downstairs and have some tea. - No, thank you.
I know you're upset, but I have these rules for a reason.
I'm your mother. I know what's best for you.
Can we talk about this tomorrow, please?
This is exactly why I make these rules. You're too young, too vulnerable.
American boys have different values. They don't understand respect.
You get hurt. I do all of this so you don't get hurt, and now you are hurt.
I don't like this at all. Who is he? This boy who hurt you?
Henry Cho.
Cho sounds Korean.
- It is Korean. - He was Korean?
Yes, and he was smart and wonderful and cute...
- And you're sure he was Korean? - He's gonna be a doctor.
He goes to church. He's a counselor at Bible camp.
- And he liked me. - A doctor!
I'm so stupid. I should have just told you and I didn't.
Now he's gone, and I'm just stupid.
- Maybe I can call his mother. - I don't want to talk about this anymore.
You're sure he was Korean?
I swear, Mom, there's just something about that kid that...
I don't know, I hate it because he's Luke's nephew, and Rory likes him, but...
You are her mother, Lorelai.
You must set boundaries and restrictions. It's your job.
I wanted to like him, but I couldn't, and Rory can't see it.
Well, she's young.
- She won't take my word for it. - She's young.
I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm overreacting.
Lorelai, listen to me. Now, I don't say this to you very often...
but on this matter, I happen to agree with you 100%.
- Gee. Thanks, Mom. - I know Rory's a good girl...
but good girls can go bad with the wrong influences. We all know that.
No, I don't think Rory's actually gonna go bad.
Don't back down, Lorelai.
You took a stand, and you are completely in the right here.
You absolutely must keep her from that boy.
If you need to change her curfew, lock her up, throw away the key...
whatever it takes to ensure she doesn't go astray, you do it.
Her judgment cannot be trusted here. She's a young girl and knows nothing.
You are her eyes and her ears and her brain, for as long as it takes...
to make sure she doesn't make ridiculous choices in her life.
Yeah.
Would you excuse me for a sec?
[Knocking on door]
- Can I come in? - It's not my house. I can't stop you.
Just listen to me for one second, okay?
- No sighing. Just let me talk. - Go ahead.
I don't want to lock you up and throw away the key.
Well, good.
Your judgment means something, especially to me.
I can't be your eyes and your ears and your brain.
I'm trying really hard to connect the dots here.
I got spooked.
It violates the fabulous "cool-mom" clause we're supposed to have.
- But I did, and I'm sorry. - It's okay.
Now, I am concerned about Jess.
- You shouldn't be. - But I am.
However, you are a smart girl, a good judge of character...
and the fact that he seems to like you gives him a couple of brownie points.
You're not a little kid. I don't think you ever were a little kid.
I was, for about a month.
If you think he's a decent guy, I have to respect your judgment.
Thank you.
- But I'm asking you to be careful. - I will.
- Really careful. - I will.
Boy-in-the-plastic-bubble kind of careful.
I promise.
You have to cut Dean some slack. He's so crazy about you.
He didn't mean anything by coming to me, he just wigged.
I know.
- Is our fight over? - Fight over.
Good.
[Sighing with relief]
- You still don't look okay. - My mother agreed with me tonight.
- I'm so sorry. - Thank you. I appreciate that.
- I need a shower. - Don't be so dramatic.
- "I agree with you 100%." - Go upstairs.
- Find a movie. I'll be down in a minute. - Okay.
"I agree with you 100%." I may have to shave my head also!
JESS: Hello? RORY: Hi.
- Hi. - What are you doing?
- Nothing. You? - Nothing.
Why'd you call?
- I wanted to... - I'm glad you called.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Why?
'Cause maybe you could explain what this crazy woman is talking about.
- The Fountainhead. - Yes.
- Your fault. And you will pay. - I promise, commit to it one more time...
and if it still is awful for you, I will make it up to you.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Okay. I'm gonna hold you to that.