Wow. Busy today. Has Luke been advertising?
He gets good word of mouth.
We have to start spreading bad word of mouth...
so we can always have a table.
That would be wrong, but sure.
- Vermin? - Or no potable water.
- Or no potable vermin. - That'd scare them away.
Or confuse them away.
- Weird seeing him talking like that. - Like what?
Just all friendly.
He's usually only good for a couple of gruff monosyllables, then he's off.
He is the master of the monosyllable.
He never flirts with women. Do you notice that?
- He's flirted with you numerous times. - Don't start.
Flirt with him now. We need coffee.
Luke, we are just dying for some refreshments.
Keep your pants on.
He can turn it off and on so fast.
I found a CD under the front seat of our car.
Did you lose one?
Not that I know of, but I'm sloppy with them.
- So you didn't hide it? - Why would I hide a CD?
- Don't know. Bay City Rollers? - It's not a Bay City Rollers CD.
- How do you know? - I know what's not hidden under the seat.
Because you know Barry Manilow is under that seat.
- Where's Barry Manilow? - Under Mom's seat.
- I confess I was hiding Barry Manilow. - You confess?
He was very big when I was very small.
It's the live version where he does a medley of his commercial jingles.
Don't worry. Everyone's allowed a guilty pleasure.
Very diplomatic from the girl who had the Bryan Adams poster...
- above her bed for two years. - Fink.
- Do you have a guilty pleasure? - No.
- Are you into music? - Sure.
Monosyllabic Man strikes again.
- We'll have two muffins, please. - You got them.
Do you think he's dated anyone since Rachel?
I don't know. Where would he meet anyone?
- He's either here or in his apartment. - Maybe he has a secret life.
Maybe he's got a chippy stowed away in Mt Pilot.
We'll know eventually.
- I say he's a bachelor for life. - I say there's someone for everyone.
What?
Barry Manilow.
Stop.
Looks like we made it
- Oh, yeah? Spice Girls. - Duran Duran.
- Dido. - Olivia Newton-John.
The Macarena.
You and Lane for hours and hours, for weeks on end.
We were mocking. You can't mock the mocking.
- It's getting ugly. Let's stop. - Let's be friends again.
All right.
Stop it.
- What? - The car won't start.
- What happened? - I don't know. It's just dead.
I turn the key, it makes a horrible sound.
What kind of sound?
Like... You know, but less feminine.
That's the battery.
What did I ever do to make the battery mad?
Let's see. You've kept the radio on all night, killing the battery...
you've kept the lights on all night, you've kept the door open...
which keeps the ceiling light on all night killing the battery.
Okay, I've done multiple things to make the battery mad.
- Are you gonna walk? - I'm wearing heels.
Change your shoes.
- I'd have to change my outfit. - Do it.
- I'd have to walk upstairs. - Suddenly I'm living with Zsa Zsa Gabor.
I'm gonna call Michel.
This thing is too small.
- Independence Inn. - Hold on, Michel.
- That backpack is not too small. - Miniscule.
Take your schoolbooks and leave the others.
I need all of my other books.
- You don't need all these. - I think I do.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay? - That's my bus book.
- What's the Faulkner? - My other bus book.
- So just take one bus book. - The Millay is a biography.
Sometimes on the bus, when I pull out a biography...
and I think, "I don't feel like reading about a person's life"...
then I'll switch to the novel.
And if I'm not into the novel, I'll switch back.
Still there, Michel?
- Yes, I... - Hold on.
- What is the Gore Vidal? - That's my lunch book.
Lose the Vidal or the Faulkner. You don't need two novels.
Vidal is essays.
But the Eudora Welty's not essays or biography.
- So, it's another novel. Lose it. - It's short stories.
- This is a sickness. Michel? - I am growing very old.
- Come pick me up? - I'm already here.
Put Carol on the desk and pick me up.
I'm not speaking to Carol. She ate my low-fat cheese.
Come pick me up and I will buy you some cheese.
- Low-fat cheese. - Low-fat cheese.
- Low-fat American cheese. - Low-fat American cheese.
And a meringue cookie.
- Just get over here. - Fine.
I made it all fit.
Edna, Bill, Gore, and Eudora, all safe and sound.
Cool. That's your French book.
I know.
I'm carrying my French book.
You so thought that French book was already in there.
- You have a problem. - No, I don't.
You're gonna tip over from the weight of that backpack.
No, I'm not.
I'm gonna have to buy you a forklift. Bye.
[Rock music playing]
- I startled you. I didn't mean to. - That's okay. I'm easily startled.
I'm Mrs. Burdiness, the guidance counselor.
- Your name's Rory, isn't it? Rory Gilmore? - Yes.
Hello.
I'd love to sit and talk to you. Can we do that?
Sure, anytime.
- How about after you finish your lunch? - That soon?
- I think soon would be good. - Okay. What's this about?
- We'll talk about it then. - Not even a hint?
- See you in a little bit. - Right.
Right.
[Knocking on door]
Come in.
- Hello, Rory. Have a seat. - Thank you.
Don't worry about being late for your next class.
- I'll write you a note if you want. - Okay.
I know from your records you're a stickler for punctuality.
I am a stickler, yes. I only slipped one time last year.
I hit a deer. Actually, he hit me. Or she did. Or not me, my car.
But then he or she ran away, and I think it turned out okay.
I didn't see it again, so I can't definitively say.
But I did look for him or her.
It's a big story. I'm surprised I don't tell it better.
Why don't we get to the reason I asked you here?
Headmaster Charleston brought you to my attention a few weeks ago.
He's worried. After observing you a bit, I'm worried, too.
You've been observing me?
We've been concerned about your social behavior here at school.
What about it?
You don't seem to interact much with other students.
I do, sometimes. In class, all the time.
But rarely outside of class. At lunch, you're always by yourself.
That's when I catch up on reading.
And that Walkman, it makes you very unapproachable.
You approached me.
You almost jumped out of your skin. What does that tell you?
That I'm jumpy.
On the Fourth of July, forget it, I'm a wreck.
When the Stars Hollow orchestra begins to play in the gazebo...
with the guy banging the cymbals, it drives me nuts.
Denying a problem doesn't solve a problem, Rory.
Unless something changes, this could affect your future.
But I don't understand. I get good grades. Isn't that enough?
You know it's not.
When we make recommendations to universities on behalf of a student...
that student's social skills are a big part of it.
- I assume you want to go to a university. - Absolutely.
Well, universities do not look kindly on loners.
- But I'm not a loner. - What do you think a loner is?
Loners are those guys that you see walking around wearing, I don't know...
out-of-date clothing, bell-bottoms.
And they tend to carry a duffel bag...
with God knows what inside. That's a loner.
Loners come in all shapes and sizes. Even pretty girls.
Just try to improve, Rory. Mix it up with others.
You may even enjoy it. Start with lunch.
I don't suppose there's a Lunchtime...
Reading/Walkman-Listening Club I can join, is there?
I guess that's no.
- What does she expect you to do? - She said, "Mix it up."
What does that mean?
I guess, going up to strange kids at school and saying:
"Mind if I awkwardly butt in where I don't belong and don't wanna be?"
The whole thing's ridiculous. Chilton is a cult.
- Lorelai, do you know what this is? - No.
Damn.
I don't know. Maybe there is something wrong with me.
- Don't say that. - Maybe I am a loner.
You were mocking my backpack today.
I might be one step away from carrying a mysterious duffel bag.
Don't you go doubting who you are, how you should be.
- How dare she do this to you? - It wasn't just her.
The whole meeting was Charleston's suggestion.
Well, good. It's time I called on old Schnickelfritz Charleston...
to tell him to stop messing with my kid's mind.
I don't like this. Schools like Chilton try to stamp out...
every vestige of individuality. I won't let that happen.
It's all fixed. I found a loose terminal.
I reconnected the battery and jumped it. It's set to go.
Thanks.
No charge for the time I spent stuck underneath the car.
That's great.
I just want to you know that I overheard, and you're absolutely right.
I carried a duffel bag and ate lunch by myself my entire school career...
and I turned out just fine.
I'm still going down there.
SECRETARY: Ms. Gilmore is here.
Hello, Mr. Charleston.
- Ms. Gilmore, good to see you. - Good to be here.
I checked my records to remind myself why I asked you in...
- only to find you'd called this meeting. - I did.
I'm surprised. We don't see you often. We'd forgotten what you look like.
I'm pretty much the same. Rosy-cheeked, strong of bone, sly of wit.
How nice. So why did you want to see me?
Well, I wanted to talk to you about Rory, and this ridiculous accusation...
about her being a loner and how that's something bad.
- Well, it is bad. - No, it's not bad. It's just her.
I raised Rory to do what she wants, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.
I don't see how reading a book or listening to a Walkman is hurting anyone.
- It's hurting her. - I respectfully disagree.
That doesn't surprise me, based on my research.
What research?
Seeing your name on the appointment list, I decided to have a look at the file.
Yes. Rory's file's been of a lot of interest lately, hasn't it?
I wasn't talking about Rory's file. I was talking about yours.
- I have a file? - You most certainly do.
- It's tiny. - It's very thin.
That's good. It means I haven't gotten into trouble.
On the contrary, a thin file for a parent indicates lack of participation.
Now, wait a minute, I've participated in stuff.
- You attended a bake sale. - And I sold stuff.
- Then promptly left. - I was busy.
Without fraternizing with the other Chilton parents at all.
- Busy, like a really tall bee. - Like mother, like daughter.
Hold on.
Ms. Gilmore, active participation in Chilton activities for a parent...
- is vitally important. - But...
This is a list of organizations sponsored by Chilton.
Parent groups dedicated to certain specific tasks.
Any one of them would be honored by your participation.
- Okay, my schedule is... - We're all tremendously busy.
I hope you're not too busy to do what's best for you...
- or what's best for Rory, are you? - No.
- Excellent. Let us know what it'll be. - I will.
- May I go? - Yes, you may.
I'm glad you came in today. It was a good idea.
Yes, I'm just full of good ideas.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Yeah, look Fat Albert. Get me a soda? - Mom, what are you doing here?
You were supposed to meet me in my Latin class...
after meeting with Headmaster Charleston.
Oh, my God. I was. I totally forgot. I'm so sorry.
- What happened? Did you talk to him? - I did.
I said he was completely out of line with his treatment of you...
that you're not a loner freak, you've plenty of friends.
You don't own a long black leather Matrix coat.
They should fall on their knee socks...
every day that you deign to show up at that loser school.
- And? - Then he yelled at me.
- He what? - He pulled out a file...
- and told me I was a bad Chilton Mom. - He did not.
- I don't participate in school activities. - Well, you work.
- And I don't make posters. - You have no artistic capabilities.
- I don't chaperon school dances. - Does he know you got pregnant at 16?
Basically, I'm not doing my part to help further your educational future.
So we both got busted. Great.
Now I have to pick a group or a cause or sponsor a club or something.
This sucks.
But, hey, I've been thinking.
The whole reason we did this Chilton thing is for you to get into Harvard, right?
And these fanatics that run your school...
are the ones that write the letters to the fancy colleges...
saying things like, "Hey, she's keen, look at her."
Or, "Have you seen the 'L' tattooed on her forehead?"
"'Cause it sure is a big one."
You're saying we should just go along with this?
Go along with it. Talk to some kids. I'll hang out with their moms...
and we'll get into Harvard, take over the world...
and buy Chilton and turn it into a rave club.
- What do you say? Deal? - Deal.
Look, the Chilton Cheer Society wear matching hats.
Go Harvard.
- Hey. - Hey.
There's a bad draft where I usually sit, kind of like a big downward gust.
Not exactly "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore"...
but it's still uncomfortable...
especially when you've just gotten your hair to behave.
So can I sit here?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Nice table.
It's much more level than the one over there.
- Your name is Lori? - Rory.
Right. Rory.
- What's yours? - Francie.
- You're Francie? - No, she's Francie. I'm Ivy.
- Francie's spokesman. - I am a very important person...
and very important people never speak for themselves.
I did not know that, but I do now.
That's Azure, Lily, Celine, Lana, Asia, Anna, and Lem.
- Lem. - Short for Lemon.
Oh, sure.
We were just discussing homecoming.
- Thoughts? - Great movie.
That was Coming Home. Sorry.
I truly believe the whole homecoming dance ritual should be put to sleep.
Or at least assigned a new color scheme.
- Rory, huh? Do they call you "Ror"? - Not unless provoked.
No nickname?
Actually, Rory is a nickname. My full name's Lorelai.
- Lorelai. That's a weird name. - Well, Lem, what can I say?
Sounds Southern. Are you a belle?
No, but apparently I command them.
See you later, Your Highness.
God! You're like a pop-up book from hell.
You were with the Puffs. How did you do it?
- The who? - The Chilton Puffs.
- You were at their table. - I don't know. I just sat down.
Nobody just sits down with them. You have to be invited.
Paris, it's not the Cosa Nostra.
No, they're the Puffs. The most influential sorority at Chilton.
- Chilton has sororities? - Only ten worth mentioning.
The Puffs have been number one for at least the last 50 years.
My mother was a Puff, my aunt was a Puff.
I thought only colleges had sororities.
Connections you make with them last the rest of your life.
My cousin got her internship at the Supreme Court...
- because of Sandra Day O'Connor. - She was a Puff?
Yes. She was Puffed in 1946, became the president in '47...
and in '48, she moved the group to the very table you sat at today.
It was a controversial move then, but she was just that powerful.
I had no idea.
What did you say about me? Did you tell them you hated me?
I didn't mention you.
I've been killing myself trying to get invited in.
I spent all of last year sucking up to Francine Jarvis.
You mean Francie?
- You call her Francie? - No, someone else did.
I've helped her with her homework...
secured her a prime spot for parking, organized her locker...
scrunched up the plastic strands on her pompoms to make them fluffy.
I've done everything except a manicure.
If I had any talent with an orange stick, I would've done that, too.
I know I'm not the first to say this to you, but you're insane.
Okay, look.
- I know you and me, we... - Shouldn't be around each other armed.
Yes, but you have to understand, I have to get into that group.
I just have to.
My family's name and reputation, not to mention my entire future...
- all depend on me getting into that group. - It's just a clique, that's all.
Look, all I'm asking is, please don't say anything horrible about me.
Don't tell them that you hate me.
Paris, I'm not in their group. They don't care what I say.
They let you sit at their table through lunch. You're in.
You know what? Never mind. Do what you want. I don't care.
- Who the hell names their kid Lemon? - Someone really into citrus.
Crazy people.
It's just so weird that the one table I sit down at is home to the secret society.
It's like waking up one day and realizing everyone in your family...
- can pull their face off. - Yes, it's exactly like that.
Your mother would like you to head out to the patio.
- We're barbecuing tonight. - Thanks.
- Does Grandma have a barbecue? - I don't know.
Maybe she keeps it in a secret room...
with the paper napkins and the mismatched sheets.
- Wow. She really is barbecuing. - Cool.
- What's up, Poppin' Fresh? - Corn!
Nice. Thank you.
What is this, a refugee camp? Come inside and eat at the table.
Mom, the whole point of barbecuing is to eat outside.
Animals eat outside.
Human beings eat inside with napkins and utensils.
If you want to eat outside, go hunt down a gazelle.
Make your decision. I'll be inside.
What are the odds of finding a gazelle here?
- Slim to none. - Okay, let's go.
- I'm extremely disappointed in you. - Hold on, Mom.
Okay, go ahead.
I had lunch with Bitty Charleston today.
She told me what happened with you and the headmaster.
Does someone do nothing but hide under his desk with a tape recorder?
After all we've gone through to get Rory in that school...
and then you humiliate all of us by not being involved?
That's just incomprehensible.
- She wasn't involved either. - Wow, just sitting here.
You are grown-up. Set an example.
If she's not involved with school, then she learned it from you.
How hard is it to help out just once in a while?
Join a group, attend a meeting. And all for the sake...
Mom, stop already. Please. I have joined a group, okay?
- You have? - Yes.
Which one?
I'm gonna join the Booster Club, okay?
The Booster Club. I'm going to boost.
Well, the Boosters are a very fine organization.
- That's why I picked them. - They do good work for the school.
All went into the picking process.
And the matching sweatshirts they wear are just darling.
EVA: We're certainly not doing it like last year.
- God, was that awful. - It wasn't that bad.
When we finished paying for everybody's stomach to be pumped...
there was no money left to buy bleachers.
The salsa band was wonderful.
- This is giving me a migraine. - I vote we take a break.
- Hi. Sorry to interrupt. - It's all right. Can we help you?
Yes, actually. This isn't the Booster Club, is it?
Yes, it is.
Thank God you're not wearing sweatshirts.
Excuse me?
You know what? Never mind. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. Sorry I'm late.
Please, you haven't missed a thing.
So far, we had coffee, debated Carolyn Masters' nose job.
- Too pug. - Too smushed.
And we started arguing about our fall fundraiser.
I suggested we take a break.
I ignored the suggestion. And now here we are. You're up to date.
Have a seat.
Lorelai Gilmore. You're Emily's daughter.
Yeah. You know my mother?
Very well. We're on the Philharmonic Committee together.
- She told me to keep an eye out for you. - That's nice.
She wasn't sure you'd show up.
So, fall fundraiser. What do we do?
Last year, we had the usual luncheon with the silent auction...
- and a salsa band. - A terrific salsa band.
But every guest ended up in the hospital with food poisoning...
before the auction started, and we wound up losing money.
- Whoops. - Yes, it's quite a whoops, isn't it?
This year, we've decided to do a fashion show.
That sounds fun.
- Well, Aubrey here works at Saks. - Used to work at Saks.
Sorry, used to work at Saks.
She got several designers to donate their clothes.
Now we're just trying to find a suitable caterer and location...
- and someone to plan the event. - It's all going very well.
- I still say we approach Chateau Memsie. - That space is too small, Mena.
How about something more young and fun?
- You know my stepdaughter, Kimberly... - Sarah?
Right, Sarah.
Anyhow, she told me about this new club called The Digs...
She's been married a month and can't remember the names of her stepchildren.
So the booths are in these pits, and there's sand everywhere...
Stop her.
I don't think that's exactly what we're looking for.
I run an inn.
- You do? - Which one?
The Independence Inn. It's in Stars Hollow.
I've been there. It's lovely.
We have a terrific chef who's never once hospitalized an entire function.
I don't know exactly what you're looking
for, but we do functions there all the time.
- Who's your function coordinator? - I am, actually.
Since it's for charity, I could get you a good price.
I'm sorry, I forgot to ask. Are you from heaven?
- You like the idea? - I love the idea.
I love it so much, we can finally take that break Aubrey's been dying for.
Well, this is very exciting.
Mind if I come out there tomorrow to take a look at the place?
- Make sure it's big enough for the runway. - Yeah, sure. I'll be there all day.
So, a fashion show, huh? Are we gonna get any famous models?
- Excuse me? - To model the clothes.
Any chance I'll finally see Kate Moss eat something?
- No, we're the models. - We? Who's we?
We. The women in this room. Me, you. We.
- Me? - Yes.
By the way, welcome to the Boosters. We're thrilled to have you.
Thanks. That's great.
Yours is worse than mine.
They totally just snuck that modeling thing in.
My mom's a model.
Maybe I'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now.
Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing.
Lorelai Gilmore. Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough.
You need something that stands out more. How about Waffle?
We could call you that and say you're from Belgium.
I'm crabby. I need to do something about it.
- Hey, Mom. - Hello.
I went to my first Booster meeting last night.
- Did Bitty tell you? - No, she did not.
Maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might wanna send someone out there.
It's nice to hear you're finally getting involved.
Yes. In fact, we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend...
- and I volunteered to organize it. - Well, good for you.
Since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton...
I knew you'd want to be involved, so you're one of the models.
- Excuse me? - Yeah, so it's next Saturday.
Be there at 4:00, and we'll provide hair and makeup.
- You can't be serious. - We'll need your measurements, also.
This is ridiculous.
You said you wanted me to be involved. I'm involved.
Don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future?
- All right. - Start measuring.
- You feel better now? - Waffle's very happy.
Sit with us, please.
Okay.
Here she is.
Welcome.
- We talked. We find you fascinating. - Like the monkey habitat.
So we've decided to extend an invite to you.
- You can eat here anytime you like. - Wow. That's nice of you. Thanks.
Can I ask about this whole sorority thing?
Pardon?
- Sorori-what? - I thought you guys...
- We've no idea what you're talking about. - Right.
After all, what's the point of a secret society if it's not a secret?
The whole school apparently knows about it.
No one has proof. It's just folklore.
- Like Snow White and Rose Red. - Or Mariah Carey's crackup.
Have you heard her fan message recently?
She's fine and is currently staring at a really beautiful rainbow.
Survivor, hello.
- Friend of yours? - Paris? Oh, well...
- Too intense. - Way too intense.
- She comes from a long line of us, though. - I hate nepotism.
It, however, does make the world go round.
You know, Paris, while, yes, a little intense...
is also very smart.
I drop a box of matches on the floor, she can tell me how many there are?
She's editor of the paper, amazing writer, plus funny.
- She's funny? - Yeah, hilarious.
I mean, the times that we have spent laughing together...
I tell you, she's a regular Gary Mule Deer.
She asked you to talk her up, didn't she?
- No, not at all. - Right.
Really. I think she's actually thinking of joining another non-existent group.
- What? - But her family's fully Puffed.
Don't know. Maybe I heard wrong. But I think that's what I heard her say.
A voluntary defector.
- Francie... - I know.
- Paris? - Yeah?
I think the wall can hold itself up just fine, don't you?
- What? - You should sit.
- Sit? - Here.
- Sit there? - Or here.
Or anywhere, for that matter.
Unless you've got somewhere else to be. Another table, perhaps?
Another table?
No, you have to sit right here. Come.
Okay. I guess I can sit. For a little while, anyhow.
Okay. So...
- have we discussed homecoming yet? - Not to my knowledge.
I believe the whole homecoming dance ritual should be put to sleep.
In the dining room. And don't drip water on the floor, please.
- Michel, did... - Five minutes ago.
He brought the wrong color. I sent him back.
- When will he... - Twenty minutes tops...
or I'll hunt him down and shave his beard.
- Now we need... - Yes, thanks for reminding me.
- Anything... - No.
I'm going in the dining room.
Come and get me if you need me to finish a sentence.
Will do.
- Hey, how's it coming? - Working on it.
- This cannot tilt. - I know this.
Women in heels will be walking on it. Make it not tilt.
- The lettuce is dry. - What does that mean?
- How attached are you to salad? - It's free to see anyone.
I won't make a salad with dry lettuce.
- What's the alternative? - Soup.
- Fine. - Okay, great.
- Sookie? - Yeah?
- Did we pay for the lettuce already? - Yes.
- See if you can put it in the soup. - Gotcha.
- Thank God. You brought Bert. - Right here.
My men. Follow me.
You do tell people that you're the one that named my toolbox, right?
- Toolbox. Dirty. - Oh, jeez.
- Okay, move. - What?
- I want Luke to look at it. - I put this thing together.
Yes, and I loved your work in Pisa. Now get out of the way, please.
- Okay, so what seems to be the problem? - The problem... That's not funny.
I like it when you're stressed.
- Man, he put this up all wrong. - Can you fix it?
- I don't know. I'll see. - You can fix it.
You can say it all you want, it doesn't make it true.
- You can fix it. - Not with you hovering, I can't.
Okay, I'm leaving. And you can fix it.
Oh.
Eva, hi.
- God! The place looks wonderful. - Thank you.
Let me show you to the room where we're all getting ready.
Fix it yet?
- The moron used the wrong supports. - Please tell me you can fix it.
If I told you I couldn't, would you accept?
No.
- I can fix it. - Thank you.
So, we're right back here.
Eva, the room's right back here.
- Him. There. Man with tools. Who is that? - That's Luke.
- I like Luke. - What?
He's adorable. And he looks strong. Is he strong?
I don't think he's gonna be in a sideshow anytime soon...
but he can get the lid off a pickle jar.
- Is he single? - Well, yeah, he is single.
- What kind of women does he like? - I don't know. The ones with heads.
You know, I don't really know what Luke's taste in women is.
Why don't you just go in the back, go to the right...
you'll find the dressing room. I'll be there in a sec.
- Hi, Mom. - The place isn't nearly done yet.
Why don't you just go in the back and get ready?
Did you see the clothes? What am I wearing?
I don't know. I had them hang them in the room.
I hope they're not tasteless or zebra-striped or spandex.
One good way to find out is to go on back and take a peek.
- You have to get ready, too. - In a sec.
If I'm doing this, you're doing this. I mean it.
- You fixed it. - Yep. For the time being.
But I'm gonna stick around to make sure nothing happens.
- Okay. - What?
- Don't want me to? - I didn't say that.
- Any reason I shouldn't? - It's fine.
Because I'm just doing this for you.
If this thing goes and someone breaks their neck...
- Luke, stick around. - All right, if you insist.
- Hey. Why aren't you dressed yet? - I was waiting for you.
Oh, my God. You're a paranoid woman.
- I'm Emily Gilmore. - Okay, here you go.
- Where's Lorelai Gilmore? - Right here.
- You two are together. - What?
- You're the mother-daughter team. - No, I'm...
I have outfits for one mother-daughter team.
Your names are on the outfits. You're it.
Oh, my God.
MC: I want to welcome you here...
to the Chilton Booster Club's Annual Fall Festival Fundraiser...
where all proceeds from the evening go directly into the refurbishing...
of the Chilton auditorium.
But enough about the kids. Tonight is about us.
Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen...
Saks presents a fabulous fall fashion extravaganza.
[Playing Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cindi Lauper]
Well, I must say this was definitely better than the salsa band.
The people loved it. Did you hear them?
- God, who picked that music? - That'd be me.
- The whole thing was terrific. - Thank you.
And hiring that actor to play a horrible, rude, annoying Frenchman...
- What a riot. - Yeah, I thought that'd be fun.
If you'd plan all these things, we wouldn't have any more stupid meetings.
Don't you want to see how long it takes for Aubrey to finally learn that kid's name?
Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll see you at the next meeting.
Great job. Really, it's the best event we've ever had.
- Thanks, Ginger. Bye, Mena. - Bye-bye.
- What are you looking so "ha-ha" about? - I'm not looking "ha-ha."
- Yes, you are. - All right, whatever you say.
Come on, Mom. Fess up.
- Big success tonight. - Seemed to be.
The ladies were thrilled. They adore you.
Yes, well, that's because I'm adorable.
- Funny, isn't it? - What's funny?
How nicely you seem to be fitting into the world that you ran away from.
Well...
Good night, Lorelai. Congratulations.
- Is that you? - Nope.
- How was it? - Fine.
It ran smoothly, and the food was amazing.
- Michel only made three people cry. - How was the fashion show?
I walked up and down the ramp, looked pouty and sexy...
and now I'm ready for rehab.
- I brought you some Booster cake. - Put it in the fridge, please.
Okay.
- How's Grandma? - Good.
I assume that's your piece of cake and mine is safely in the fridge.
You're cute.
- So, what'd you wear? - Look at the time. I'm going to bed.
- Nobody took a picture of you? - No, can you believe that?
- You're holding on tightly to that purse. - I really love this purse.
You have pictures in there.
- You calling your mother a liar? - Yes, I am.
That's why I ate your cake.
- Oh, my God! - Be nice.
- You look like Nancy Reagan. - Now, how is that nice?
I don't believe this.
You look so completely different. Elegant, understated.
I was wearing underwear with propellers if that makes you feel better.
- I'm going to bed. - I'll send the Secret Service up.
By the way, I would put on your good pajamas...
the cute ones with the cakes on them, and brush your hair...
- and put on a little lip gloss. - Why?
- You're being kidnapped tonight. - Excuse me?
- I got a call today from Francie. - What?
She said she and her friends would come in while you're sleeping...
wake you up, kidnap you, and take you out to breakfast in your pajamas.
Why would they do that?
- Apparently, it's fun. - That doesn't sound fun.
Told me to leave the key under the mat and money on the table.
And you said yes to this insanity?
I told you not to become a soc, but you didn't listen.
I can't believe you'd let a group of strange girls come traipsing in here...
and take away your only child, your precious baby girl...
and off to God knows where in the middle of the night.
If it's some place with doughnuts, bring me one, okay?
- Hey! - Christmas cards.
More like your grandmother every day.
[Car approaching]
- Mom, my kidnappers are here. - Okay, have fun.
[Door opening]
- Get the light. - I can't find it.
Surprise!
- What's going on? - Rise and shine.
You can grab shoes but no socks.
Wow, this is totally unexpected. I'm completely surprised.
You looked it.
Okay, let's move. We still got a couple more girls to get.
So, that's how you look when you've just woken up?
Yeah.
Nothing in my life is fair.
Okay, a little further.
Sorry.
Okay, that's far enough.
Ladies, here on this spot, tonight in this place...
where so many others have come before you...
- we invite you to join us. - Ladies, remove your blindfolds.
- We're at Chilton. - Keys, please.
- What are we doing at Chilton? - Be quiet. We're being Puffed.
What you're about to do and say will remain forever...
between the members of the Puffs, and only the members of the Puffs.
This is the headmaster's office. How did she get the keys?
I'm sure he didn't give them to her.
Stop it. We are making very important social contacts here.
I'm not looking for social contacts. I have friends. I'm fine.
How nice it must be to be you. Maybe someday I'll stumble into a Disney movie...
and be transported into your body.
After living there awhile, I'll realize the beauty of myself.
But until that moment, I'm going to go in there and become a Puff.
Now get out of my way.
The historical bell of Chilton, 120 years old.
Every member of the Puffs has stood here, under the cover of night...
to pledge her lifelong devotion to us.
I pledge myself to the Puffs. Loyal I will always be.
A "P" to start, two "F's" at the end...
and a "U" sitting in between.
Anne Sexton, right?
Once you've finished your oath, you will ring the bell three times.
- Rory? - Yeah?
You first.
- I pledge myself to the Puffs. - You have to hold the candle.
I pledge myself to the Puffs. Loyal I'll always be.
Sing out, Louise.
A "P" to start, two "F's" at the end, and a "U" sitting in between.
I wouldn't do that again, Ms. Gilmore.
Disappointment, disillusionment, frustration, astonishment.
I suppose you could say I am experiencing all of these emotions.
Finding some of Chilton's best and brightest...
acting in such a destructive, immoral, and illegal manner...
will make all of us think long and hard...
about the manner in which we're educating you.
But that is all in the future. How do we handle this now?
Well, suspension will be considered.
Detention and extra credit to maintain your current GPA standing...
- will be a given. - This is unbelievable.
- What was that, Ms. Gilmore? - Nothing.
I heard you mumbling something in a rather disgruntled tone.
- I'd like to know what it was. - I said, "This is unbelievable."
And why is this unbelievable?
I didn't even want to be here in the first place.
Now, Ms. Gilmore...
Things were going fine. My grades were good.
I joined the paper. My routine was down.
Your routine was...
I have friends. I have a steady boyfriend.
My mother and I are freakishly linked.
Lane and I have been best friends since kindergarten.
But you don't see it because I don't live here.
If you don't see it, then it mustn't be true.
You call me in here to lecture me because I'd rather read...
than discuss the euthanasia of homecoming.
Your reading...
You told me and my mom I needed to socialize. If I didn't...
it would be frowned upon and hurt me getting into Harvard.
- Yes, we did say that. - So I did it.
- I sat down at a table, a random table. - Random?
The next thing I know, I'm being pulled out
of my bed at midnight and I'm blindfolded.
Before I know it, I end up here with the Ya-Ya Sisterhood...
reciting poetry and lighting candles.
Now I'm gonna be suspended because I was trying to do what you told me?
What's fair about that?
Headmaster Charleston, the parents are starting to arrive.
Thank you, Mrs. Traiger.
We'll continue this conversation tomorrow and for many days after that.
You may go. Ms. Gilmore.
I think that maybe you and I should talk some more.
About what?
About the fact that though I do feel it is important that students socialize...
possibly we may have been a little hasty to judge in your case.
Really? So does that mean that you might reconsider my suspension?
You're an excellent student. You deserve to go to Harvard.
I wouldn't want to stand in the way of that.
- We'll talk tomorrow. - Thank you.
[Speaking in Spanish]
What happened? The reception on the phone sucked.
All I heard was "Rory," "Chilton," and "Get down here."
Who's butt do I have to kick?
- We didn't go to breakfast. - What's this about?
We came here, broke into the headmaster's office as the big initiation.
Those stupid girls.
Part of the initiation was ringing a bell.
That's what I was doing when security came and they called you.
You got busted for ringing a bell?
- That's it? Bell ringing? - Yes.
- Were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar? - Mom.
No. I mean, "Bad girl."
"How many times have I told you not to ring bells?
"They can dent or scratch, and they make dogs crazy.
"Think you're the Hunchback of Notre Dame?
- "Are you French? Circular? No." - I'm walking to the car now.
Hold on. How much trouble are you in? Should I go talk to the headmaster?
- No, I think it's gonna be okay. - Okay.
Was it a big bell at least?
- Good party yesterday. - Yeah, not bad.
Yeah, I liked the new look.
It was very high-class substitute teacher.
Exactly what I was going for.
- Coffee? - To go.
Okay.
Luke, I feel a little weird even mentioning this to you.
- What? - Yesterday, I saw you talking to Eva.
- She's in my Booster Club. - Yeah, I know who she is.
Well, good.
So anyhow, I saw you guys talking alone, and it seemed kind of private.
And she mentioned earlier that you didn't make her, you know, gag.
So I just figured you guys were making plans to hang out.
And, see, the thing is, I just think it would be a little weird...
if you started dating a Chilton mom.
Look, I know I have no right to say anything to you, but it's just...
If you did date her...
I'm in the Booster Club with her, which means I'll hear things.
I don't know, it's just...
I'd like to keep that Chilton life separate from my Stars Hollow life.
So if there's any way that you could not date her...
that would be really great.
- Boy, I tell you, you've got nerve. - Okay.
- I know this is your private business. - It is my private business.
You don't see any validity to my side?
I'm a grown man. You can't tell me who to date.
I'm not telling you who to date, but who not to date.
You can't tell me that either.
I will date who I like, and if that screws with your plans, then sorry.
If you don't wanna hear things, don't listen.
If you don't like it, just deal with it.
- Okay, I'll just deal with it. - Good.
I just thought if something was going to affect our friendship...
that you might care about that.
Because if the situation was reversed, then I would care. But, hey, that's me.
So go ahead. Date her, marry her.
Make her Mrs. Backwards Baseball Cap.
Live happily ever after. See if I care.
And by the way, I wasn't asking her out.
I was giving her directions for the quickest way back to Hartford.
It was very romantic.
I said, "You take a right at Deerfield and catch the I-5 and take it south."
Oh, man, hot stuff.
- That is so typical of you. - What?
That is not the quickest way back to Hartford.
Everybody knows you take Maine to Cherry to Linwood...
and then grab the I-11. Everybody knows that, Luke.
Everybody, apparently, but you.
[Playing It's Alright Baby by Komeda]
- Do you mind? - No.
Thanks.