No, boys. You go clockwise!
- Clockwise! Can't you tell time? - The other way, boys!
- They're not getting it, Miss Patty. - The wedding's tomorrow. We gotta get it.
It's the Ban yon boys. They won't do what I tell them.
Nice maypole, Patty! Really organized!
- Oh, shut up, Kirk! - Tough day, Patty?
I've worked with Joan Crawford. This is worse.
I don't call that a maypole.
I'd call that a "maybe-not pole."
What's with him?
He's mad because I made Chrissy my dance captain over him.
- Kirk has 43 jobs. - Would you go talk to him, please?
- I got my hands full here. - The Ban yon boys?
Lucifer tired of them in Hell and dumped them here.
- I'll talk to Kirk. - Thank you.
All right, Chrissy, let's give it another go!
Kirk, maybe you want to ease up on Patty a little.
But the maypole is an expertise of mine!
I reenacted the dwarf's maypole choreography...
from the Safety Dance video, my junior-high talent show.
Chicks were falling at my feet.
I'm less than impressed, Patty!
Take a break, please. I've seen Miss Patty get violent.
- It's not pretty. Remember that time? - That's when she beat me up.
- Yeah. Let's not repeat that. - Okay.
- They're the best I've got. - That's sad...
for you and the whole vegetable industry.
They're the best in the state. I stand by them.
- They're puny. They're tasteless. - Puny? These are not puny.
If they're small enough to shove up our son's nose, they're too small!
No way could you shove one of these up Davey's nose.
- Bet you five bucks. - Get him in here!
You probably shouldn't shove a radish up your son's nose.
Just thinking out loud.
All right, I'll take these if it's all you've got.
Don't do me any favors.
- You two are back big-time. - That actually felt good.
- Like getting a Jack La Lanne workout. - Dead or alive?
Jack La Lanne? Dead. No, alive.
[Cell phone ringing]
- Now that's gonna bug me. - Hello?
There is so much joy around me, I'm gonna hurl.
What's wrong?
You should see all the boisterous high-fiving...
going on all around me. It's just really sad. Hey, do you mind, buddy?
- Kids are in party mode, huh? - "The kids "...
are clicking their heels like there's no tomorrow.
And there is no tomorrow for those who do not have...
a final on Saturday morning, such as me. I'm pathetic.
I should stand between two of them...
and have them high-five my head from opposite sides...
and put me out of my misery.
Just one more final to go, then you'll be free.
Two more boisterous bozos just rubbing my face in it.
I do have one thing to run by you. Do you have the brain power?
- I think I can swing it. - It involves the "J" word.
Not more about Jesus. I'm sick of him and Mel Gibson.
- Jess. - What about him?
He's in town for that wedding...
and I never know where we stand on the Jess-o-meter.
I was wondering if you want me to tell you when I see him.
- Sure. - Really?
- Why not? - Okay...
it's just always so weird, this J-word topic of ours.
You don't have to refer to him as "the J word."
Call him Jess, and feel free to tell me when you see him.
I mean, if you see him eight times in one day...
you don't need to call me eight times to tell me.
- That's clearly overkill. - Sure.
You could limit the reports to just significant sightings.
If you see him 100 yards away, disappearing around a corner...
I really don't need to know that.
If he comes up to you and spits in your face, report that.
- Permission to spit back? - You know what I'm saying.
I know what you're saying. You know what I should do?
Run up, tell him I love him, then run away really fast.
A taste of his own medicine.
No! Don't do anything out of the ordinary.
I won't. Honey, I'm kidding.
- There's a horse in the dining room. - What?
- Cletus is in the dining room. - Why?
He heard about the terrific continental breakfast.
I don't know. I gotta go look at this.
Okay. Bye.
Cletus, honey!
Lorelai, I need your signature on this, please.
- Michel? - Yes?
Do you see the big-nostriled thing next to me here?
- The horse? - Yes, the horse.
- It's been here for 20 minutes. - What were you doing about it?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
It's a giant, smelly horse.
I figured someone was already taking care of it.
- He's alive! - Who?
Jack La Lanne. I just googled him.
- Hi, Cletus. - So you already saw the horse?
Yeah. Sure, he's been here, what, 20, 30 minutes?
- About 25. - Okay.
New Dragonfly Inn rule. Everyone listening?
Okay, if you see a horse in the inn...
or any other large quadruped or biped or anything that's not...
What's the word? Human...
figure no one's doing anything about it, and do something.
- Fine with me. - Yeah, same here.
If we had the rule before, I would have done something.
Okay. Great. Thanks. Bye.
Come on, troublemaker.
- Hitting the road, Glenn? - Yeah, and I got a hot date tonight.
Who's the lucky girl?
I'm getting back together with my girl from back home.
- Want to see her picture? - Sure.
Glen, this girl is, like, 12 years old.
It's her when she was little. Don't make this into something dirty!
- She drives and everything. - Have a good summer, Glenn.
Rory, perfect timing. I want you to meet somebody.
- This is my boyfriend, Chester Fleet. - Hi, Chester. I've heard a lot about you.
You can't believe everything you hear.
It's kind of a weird day to meet him because he lost a bet with me...
and that means that for the entire day he can only talk in clichés.
- It's so much fun. - Sounds it.
- It's always fun till someone gets hurt. - I'm leaving, guys.
- Rory, you get yourself a funky monkey. - What?
Everyone poured all their alcohol into a bowl. That's what's in the cups.
- Tastes gross, but does the trick. - I stashed one in the fridge for you.
It was poured for me, but I'm not having one.
Lips that touch wine shall never touch mine.
- So much fun! - Well, I guess this is goodbye.
- See you, Rory. Have a good one. - Bye, Janet.
Janet, wait!
I hate that our little clique is breaking up. It's so the end of something.
- You off your meds, Paris? - You never get emotional at goodbyes?
With people I like.
- See you. - Keep in touch.
So I made a collage of photos of people in the building...
and I'm having everyone sign. Will you two do me the honor?
- Sure. I'll honor you. - Isn't it a great keepsake?
There's Janet with her boyfriend, and Lana with hers.
That's Mark and Stacy, they're inseparable.
- And there's one of you, Rory. - That's me.
Janet and her boyfriend again, and me with Chester.
- You're the apple of my eye. - That's getting annoying now, Chester.
And there you are again, Rory, with...
That's a lamppost.
Here's a bunch of couples from Valentine's Day. You aren't in that one.
And here you are with all the cafeteria ladies.
I can make you a copy of that if you'd like.
That's okay.
Rory, you've had quite the dry spell this year.
I have not had a dry spell.
There's not one picture of you with a guy.
No, there's one, see?
- That's Rory with the statue of Eli Yale. - People are gonna talk.
I don't care what people say.
Are people talking?
Not that I've heard. You just don't get out enough.
All work and no play makes Jack...
- Say goodbye before you leave? - Will do.
Since when are you someone who defines a girl...
by whether or not she's with a guy?
You embarrassed me in front of Tanna and Chester.
Please. Before you got here they were singing The Lumberjack Song...
at the top of their lungs. They're embarrassment-proof. Here.
What's this?
- Leonard Fleming? - Asher's son.
Good-looking, runs a mutual fund, newly divorced, and on the hunt.
- I don't think so. - The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
He is one hot apple, juicy to the core.
I got it. Nice, hot apple.
- I just want you to be happy. - Don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine.
I don't want you to have a long, dry summer.
- Please stop talking about my love life. - Fine.
Wish me a merry trip to jolly old England.
Have a merry trip.
If you call Leonard and one of his kids answers, hang up.
They still think Mommy's coming back.
- Hey, Miss Kim. - Hello, Lorelai.
What can I do for you?
Do you still have the big door knockers...
metal with the chipped red paint?
You're a magician. Do you know that?
- It's great, isn't it? Big. - And good price...
seeing as how it may have belonged to James Madison.
It was commonly known that James Madison liked big knockers.
I bet a lot of the Founding Fathers liked big knockers.
I'm sorry for laughing. I'd explain if I could.
I've been in this country 20 years. I get things.
I never doubted.
- It's $90. - I'll take it.
- Here. - What's this?
Mail for Lane. I know you go to Luke's, where she works.
If you could pass this on to her, I'd appreciate it.
Mrs. Kim, hasn't this gone on long enough?
- Not for you to say. - She's your only child.
I know you miss her. She misses you.
Call her. See her. Don't avoid her.
- This is between me and my daughter. - As your mailman, I hereby resign.
Fine. It comes to $140.
- You said $90. - Wrapping charge.
[Girls laughing]
And it's not just guys.
Girls are not supposed to be monogamous, either.
- We're homo sapiens, not rocks. - That's so unromantic.
You can say that. You got lucky.
- Yeah, T.J. is yum-yum! - I did get lucky, didn't I?
We're animals, and animals in the wild don't mate for life...
except, like, tigers, but they're retarded.
- Hey, Liz. - Men are good for two things.
Make that one, and the one thing they're not that good at.
Excuse me, sorry to break up the festivities...
but do you have any idea if I'm doing this right?
Most guys don't know if they're doing it right.
Not my expertise, bro, but they smell good, if that helps.
There should have been an instruction book of some kind.
I'm so sorry this got dumped on you...
but the turkey-leg guy knew that going into that bar...
violated his parole. But you can't reason with them.
Is this how turkey legs are supposed to look?
I don't know. Take off your pants and let us see.
Weren't you guys going to a spa or something?
- Yeah, we're going, right? - In a minute.
I need to get some batteries. I'll be back.
Jess!
Come over here and meet my oldest friends.
- Watch the one on the left. - Thanks.
Girls, this is Jess.
- Hello, handsome. - Hi.
He's gonna walk me down the aisle. Is that cool or what?
- It's no big deal. - It's a very big deal.
Can I help you?
- Got a package here. - From who? I'm not expecting anything.
It's a very important package.
But there's no address on it.
- Have fun. - Have fun with what?
- This package is for Liz Danes. - That's me.
Do you accept delivery?
I guess.
- Shake it, doll, shake it! - No, don't shake it in here.
Luke, we need change! Turn these twenties into ones!
- I don't believe this, you rats! - Earn your money for mama!
Nail-polish remover, $1 .40.
Ladies' Speed Stick, $2.60.
Good choice on that one. Keeps you dry all day and into the night.
Jasmine body lotion, nice price on that.
- Might want to get a couple. - It's for my wife.
And, with your emery boards, it comes to $19.67.
Keep the change.
I'm so sorry you have a final tomorrow. I thought you'd be free as a bird tonight.
Them's the breaks.
You could have stayed at school and studied if you had to, you know.
You're playing different music.
The music, it's different. Some chick is singing.
It's Blossom Dearie. You don't like it?
No, I like it fine. You've just never played it.
You and Dad always play classical music.
We just thought we'd try something new tonight.
- "We"? - He's out of town...
but you know what I mean.
We talked about changing the music.
So when will you be done with your final tomorrow?
Around noon, depending on how fast I write.
Any friends left behind to keep you company?
Girlfriends, boyfriends?
My roommates are all gone, and I'd say 95% of the class has vamoosed.
- And you don't have a boyfriend? - Not really.
Why, do you?
I'm making a joke.
I was just wondering. We haven't talked about your love life in a while.
- I get to ask sometimes, don't I? - Sure.
- Where'd you say Dad was? - In Philadelphia.
Thanks, Mom. Philadelphia, huh?
Funny, you didn't mention that earlier. You just said he wouldn't be here.
What do you want, Lorelai? For his secretary to fax you his schedule?
No, I just want to be kept informed.
A lot of his schedule these days has to do with Floyd...
a.k.a. your ex-boyfriend's father.
I didn't know how much detail you wanted to hear.
I hear you. Blossom hears you. We're good.
- So you'll be a free girl around noon? - Around then.
I just want to be thinking about you right at that moment...
when the weight is lifting off your shoulders.
- I'll be looking forward to it. - I'll be right back.
I'm going to see if Kiki put the raspberry soufflés in.
- Dad hates raspberries. - No, he doesn't.
Sorry, thought he did. Sorry.
What is going on here?
I'm trying to get her to fess up to the separation.
No, me! Am I cloaked in loneliness or something?
Everybody has been pestering me about my love life this week.
That was not about you. It was about evading my questions.
It's a classic Sun Tzu Art of War maneuver:
If you're being attacked from the east...
attack whoever's to your west. And you were the west.
Never read it, but it's full of crap like that.
Stop attacking her so she'll stop attacking me.
You butted into my line of inquiry with your "he's in Philadelphia" stuff.
She was about ready to crack.
No, she was ready to say, "he's in Philadelphia."
Did he sound like he was there when he called?
You mean, did I hear guys saying, "Get your Philly cheese steak here"?
- Why aren't you seeing anybody? - I'm gonna throw a roll at you.
I just gotta know what's going on with them.
They're having some sort of marital difficulty, Mom...
and pressuring her like this is not going to help.
But I'm dying here!
If he's out of town, is she actually staying here...
instead of that hotel she checked into...
or is she staying here permanently, and he's the one who's at a hotel? Or...
Thank God, I checked, or we would have been soufflé-less.
- Good. Gotta have that soufflé. - So, where were we?
We were all about to switch to new subjects.
Okay.
Dad hates Chicken Kiev, doesn't he?
Who called Groton?
- I didn't. - Me neither.
Someone in this room called someone in Groton...
at 11:37 p.m. on the 16th, and it wasn't me.
That was the night you had those two trampy girls over, Zach.
- They weren't trampy. - I heard one of them call her boyfriend...
and brag that she had scored some sucker beer.
I'll pay for Groton.
[Doorbell ringing]
Does that doorbell run on electricity?
Because that's eating up money, too. We have to tell people to knock.
- Aunt Jun. - I'm here on your mother's behalf.
- She would like to visit. - Here?
- A social call. - When?
There are three times she can come this week.
If none are convenient, she will offer three more.
If those are not good, she will rescind the offer.
Does this sound reasonable?
- Very. - Fine.
- She bringing a bible? - She didn't say.
- Here's your mail. - Thank you.
- Would you like to come in? - No.
[Hard rock music playing on stereo]
Rory?
- Grandma, hi. - You busy?
No, I was just packing and having a little lemonade here.
- You're done with your final, right? - Yes. What are you doing here?
I had lunch today on campus with a friend, Cassie Sullivan.
She's with the Alumni Committee. Didn't I mention it last night?
Not that I remember.
Anyway, she has a son who's a freshman also.
- Graham Sullivan. You haven't met him? - I don't think so.
- Would you like to? - Sure.
- Is now okay? - Now?
Graham!
Graham, this is Rory.
Rory, Graham.
- Hi. - Hi.
Graham's family and ours go way back. I remember this young man in diapers.
He's one of the poor unfortunates who had a Saturday final, too.
- Chemistry. - Philosophy.
I meant to introduce the two of you ages ago.
I hate that it's last-minute like this. I feel awful.
That's okay. Don't feel bad.
Alcohol, on your breath.
Graham mentioned that he and his group were going out tonight to celebrate.
What did you call them?
- "The Saturday Orphans"? - Yes, I did.
- And he thought you might like to go. - Yeah.
- Would you like to go? - Sure.
Wonderful!
I actually tried to get your grandmother to go, too...
but she made up some dumb excuse.
You're something else, you know that? I feel good about this.
My orphan is an orphan no more. I'll go now. Bye, Rory.
Bye, Grandma.
Okay, lesson number one:
When your mom or your grandmother...
starts trying to pin down your specific whereabouts...
at a specific time and place, and she's smiling kind of weird...
begin evasive maneuvers immediately.
- Got caught in that one myself. - And lesson number two:
Never, ever let anybody outside of your family...
see you in diapers.
You were young... I hope.
- You don't have to do that. - I just taped up eight of my own boxes.
- I'm a box-taping machine. Use me. - Thank you.
So the plans for tonight, they're pretty casual.
There'll be about 10 of us. You're totally welcome to come.
I was just gonna go home, but...
I don't know, maybe.
We're gonna get some food, hang out. I'll leave you my cell phone number.
- You got a piece of paper? - Yeah.
Great.
- Leonard Fleming. - Ignore that.
- Maybe I'll see you later. - Yeah.
Enjoy your lemonade.
What is wrong with this shoe polish?
The fact that Pontius Pilate was alive when you bought it?
- Shoe polish goes bad? - Look at it. It's all chunky.
- It messed up my shoes. - Just wipe them off. They'll be fine.
- Don't you have a full-length mirror? - Don't need one.
You don't like looking at your bottom half? I love doing that.
I look down to look at my bottom half. I don't need a mirror.
You seem nervous.
I'm not nervous.
I don't see why you would be. I'm the one getting shackled today.
- Looks like old polish. - Yep.
The Queer Eye guys are very against old polish.
- He's very nervous. - I'm not nervous!
- Maybe it's time you put a shirt on. - Why, am I getting you hot?
- I need the bathroom. - Just hold on.
I am loving these tights. They're fantastic.
They lend support everywhere you need it, but they breathe.
- This one. - Thanks.
Luke, I had to borrow your deodorant. I hope that's okay.
Allow me.
Greetings, my lord.
Your lady hath arrived to be escorted forthwith.
- I didn't know you spoke Renaissance. - I'm quite fluent in Renaissance.
- You look nice. I'm loving the tie. - Thanks. You look beautiful.
Flattery will get you everywhere, my friend.
- Shall we? - Let's go.
LORELAI: A nice, manly wreath in your hair wouldn't work?
There's no such thing as a manly wreath.
I don't know. Julius Caesar pulled it off.
He was very popular with the ladies.
Cleopatra used to pull his leaves off, very sexy.
What's this?
Surely these be time travelers from the future...
in such foreign, mystical garb.
- And who be you, kind sir? - T.J.'s brother.
I got a patio-furniture store down in Nutley.
Plastic, metal, teak. Whatever you need, I can hook you up.
- Okay, thank you. - Just do me a favor.
I'm gonna try to keep a happy, proud look on my face...
to cover the smirking- and-about-to-laugh-my-ass-off face...
just underneath. Help me achieve this.
Come on! They have a community of people, of friends, you know...
who travel together, engage in silliness, dress in costume.
- I think it's nice. - Hi, Lucas.
Hi, Carrie.
- Is that a power suit? - It's my only suit.
Looks pretty powerful to me.
- So Barry stayed home. - Who?
The ball and chain. I'm flying solo tonight.
- Save a dance for me? - I don't dance.
You will dance.
How about we work on him together?
I think there's a hoofer buried deep inside there, don't you?
- I guess. - Carrie, this is Lorelai.
- I know. Hi. - Hi.
So there's gonna be a little delay.
Liz ripped her dress, and it's gonna take a while to fix it.
I'm supposed to spread the message.
Well, spread it, Carrie.
The message! The message.
- She makes me very uncomfortable. - Poor Liz.
- Does she know how to fix her dress? - She was never one for household skills.
- I'm gonna go see. She's at Miss Patty's? - Don't leave me alone.
Carrie found the guy with the codpiece. That will keep her occupied.
Hurry back.
Lorelai, thank heavens. I'm so bad with wardrobe.
I ripped it getting up. I'm such a klutz.
That's why I'm here. Patty, you have a sewing kit?
- Right here, sweetie. - I'm holding everyone up.
No, today's your day. If anyone gets to hold things up, it's you. Relax.
I'm nervous. Do I look nervous? I sound nervous.
You look great.
It's normal to be nervous on your wedding day.
This is my first wedding of mine that I've ever been sober for.
I'm probably gonna remember this one.
The ones that you remember are the ones that stick.
What was your wedding like? Were you this nervous?
- Never been married. - You got a kid!
- Found a way around that. - I see. You wanna get married?
It's inappropriate to propose to me on your wedding day.
But do you want to get married? You must want to get married.
I guess so, you know, if I meet the right guy.
I hate being single.
Ever think, if you got married today, or even in the next few years...
you could be married for 50 years. For most of your life.
Same with me and T.J. I could be married most of my life to him.
- Isn't that weird to think about? - I could be married for most of my life.
I don't want to screw up this marriage even more than I want some pot.
That's how serious I am.
Are you ready? The crowd's getting restless.
You're getting restless. Do you two know each other?
Jess and I go way back. He dated my daughter.
You broke her daughter's heart?
- I... - No he didn't. It just didn't work out.
Good, 'cause I don't want him to be like his father, breaking hearts.
I want him to be like T.J. Or my second husband.
Or like my boyfriend after my third husband, who died.
- They were good guys. - You're all done.
It's perfect!
She's a miracle worker.
- I'm gonna go tell the others. - Thanks, hon!
And thank you. You're gonna make a great wife someday...
and a great sister-in-law to some very lucky girl.
- I hope so. - Now, go on, Luke's waiting.
Unless my friend Carrie suffocated him with her boobs.
That would be festive. Here, Patty.
Let's check your hair real quick, sweetie.
Okay.
PATTY: You look absolutely beautiful.
[Playing baroque music]
- Everything okay? - Crisis averted.
- Must be starting. - Think they know any Zeppelin?
- Roses, nice. - Does she remind you of someone?
Can you say "Leslie Van Houten"?
- Now, that's impressive. - Yeah.
These tights, I'm telling you, they're the best.
I'm happy, my boys are happy, and they don't ride up.
Still dry. Thanks, buddy.
- You dried his armpits? - I don't want to talk about it.
I want one of those.
- She looks happy. - Yeah, she does.
- She looks hot. - Smoking.
Don't you say that.
Where's the minister?
[Minister singing]
Help.
- Think of something not funny. - Can't.
You may plant the ceremonial sword.
- Avalanches. Earthquakes. - Not doing it.
- Famine, and I'm out. - Hello, friends.
Isn't it a beautiful day?
The day that Liz and T.J. share their love...
in front of those they love.
Liz, do you want to tell T.J. how you feel?
Yes.
- T.J. - Yeah?
My heart just pours out to you.
You have been so good to me and for me.
I don't know where I'd be without you. I'd be worse off, I know that.
You're something else.
Nice.
T.J.
I wrote something down...
but, for all the good points about tights, and there are a lot...
they don't have pockets.
So I gotta go off the cuff.
I love you.
- That wasn't so funny. - That wasn't funny at all.
[Doorbell ringing]
- Hi, Mama. - Hello, Lane. Thank you for having me.
- You find the place okay? - Yes. Here. Multi-grain soy pudding.
Extra chunky, the way you like it.
- I bet we'll all like it. - We?
Come in, Mama.
Mama, these are my roommates, Zach and Brian.
- Hello, Mrs. Kim. - Welcome.
There's no way I could afford a place on my own, so we live together.
We share all the expenses, and a bathroom.
That's unfortunate, but we're starving artists, Mama.
These are my band mates. Zach, would you make us some tea?
- I'd be delighted. - I'll get the cups.
How about a tour? This is the living room, obviously.
That's where Zach and Brian sleep.
A solid eight hours every night.
This is my room.
Window's broken, but the landlord's on it. Kitchen, refrigerator...
Would you like to pick a tea? We have a whole selection.
Lapsang oolong, orange pekoe, Sleepy Time?
Harry, they've got turkey legs!
I was born 400 years too late. I mean, this food is amazing.
- Here's a couple of seats. - Okay.
- There were boys. - What? Where?
- At Lane's. Two boys, one with hair. - Okay, you went to Lane's?
And the place. Broken furniture, and dirt, and boys...
- and a broken window, and boys... - Slow down.
And a tiny fridge, and guitars, and boys...
- How many boys were there? - Two boys.
She stood in that room with two boys.
I didn't stand alone in a room with two boys until I was...
I've never done that.
Mrs. Kim, you know why the boys were there.
- She's dirty. - She's not dirty.
She was trying to be up front with you, and that's good.
She could have hid them from you, and she didn't.
- I wish she did. - No, you don't.
I've met those boys. They're innocent.
As innocent as if she was living with two girls.
- So think of them that way. - What way?
Think of them as girls.
- Girls? - Girls.
- I don't like girls, either. - You like them better than boys.
- True. - And Lane is trying so hard.
Girls.
Yeah, think of them as two tall, gawky, caring...
sometimes unwashed girls...
who are watching out for your daughter's safety.
Girls.
- Is she okay? - She will be. She'll be okay.
Look. Jess made a friend.
People think prison's a waste of time...
but prison's the best thing ever happened to me.
- Interesting. - Picked up skills.
Metal working, laundry, that's a skill.
Doing laundry for 600 guys, no piece of cake.
- Great. - Added fabric softener for cigarettes.
- Career guidance? - He's doing better. He's gonna be okay.
T.J.: Hey, Jimmy Ray, glad you made it.
It's like a marketing thing. Don't call them tights.
Guys don't want to wear tights.
Call them air pants. Here's your slogan, "Air pants. The pants that breathe."
I'm telling you, we gotta get in on the ground floor of this.
There they are, my two heroes.
- You saved the wedding. - I saved nothing.
And you're always my hero, my big brother.
- Congratulations, Sis. - Wasn't Jess great?
It made all the difference.
It wasn't like it was a hard thing to do, but he did it good.
- You say goodbye before you leave. - I'm just going to get more food.
- You promise? - I promise.
Come on, let's get some chow.
- Okay. Bye, guys. - See you.
- She's so happy. - Yeah, and he really loves tights.
You want to know something weird?
What?
When I was at Miss Patty's, Jess was there...
and he had his backpack, and it was open, and I saw this book.
- I thought I was seeing things. - A book?
Yes. It was a self-help book, with some goofy title...
like Learn to Love or How to Love when You're Unloved...
or something like that.
- Isn't that bizarre? - I don't know.
I'll answer for you: It is bizarre.
Maybe he's just trying to learn something, better himself.
- Have you seen this book? - I know nothing about this book.
- Those kinds of books are idiotic. - Not if they help people.
I can't believe you're not mocking this book...
which is so pathetically mockable.
Maybe it's more pathetic if people don't try.
And maybe he's trying. You ever think of that?
- No, but... - He can read whatever he wants to read.
I forgot to get something to drink. Need anything?
- I'm fine. - Okay.
No way! Duke is gonna dominate the A.C.C. again.
- No way. - Williams? Redick?
Graham, Redick has a 96% free-throw average.
- It's a done deal. - Carolina is coming back. No question.
Question!
What is that? Your patented five-beer comeback?
Seven free throws, man. All season, seven. That's it.
- You're not drinking. - I'm fine.
- So you only drink alone? - Pardon me?
- The lemonade? - That was just a roommate thing.
- I don't usually drink. - Pity.
[Guys laughing]
You want to get back to your group?
Not if it's suddenly gonna get exciting over here.
- I wouldn't count on it. - You have got to lighten up.
That's one of my favorite phrases.
[Glass breaking]
- That's a sign, boys. - Mucky duck?
Mucky duck!
Let's go.
- We just got here. - What's a pub crawl without the crawl?
JONAH: Who's got my keys?
He's driving?
He's one of the best drunk drivers in Connecticut.
Top 50, easy.
You ready?
Actually, I just think I'm gonna take off.
- What? - Yeah, I'm kind of tired.
- Rory! - Thanks for everything.
Well, do you want me to drive you home?
- We came here with Jonah. - Right.
You need money for a cab?
- I got money. - I feel kind of bad.
Don't.
Okay. See you later.
Bye.
Putz.
Excuse me, is there an ATM here?
A few blocks down. I wouldn't walk, though.
It gets dicey at night.
Hi, it's me.
I'm kind of stuck and I didn't know who else to call.
Okay, it looks like Brian's paying for call waiting...
for the next two months.
- It's not over till it's over. - Lane, door!
I'll throw in my share of next month's gas bill, I'm that confident.
You're gonna eat your confidence.
- Mama. - I'm back.
- Pause it! - Come in.
This, we'll clean up. Window will be fixed. Temporary fridge. You two are girls.
I'll have tea now.
- I'll boil water. - I'll bring you our selection.
[Too Shy by Kajagoogoo playing]
Hope ye took much pleasure in Kajagoogoo.
Methinks Oingo Boingo willst soon makest an appearance.
But first, please clear the floor for our happy couple.
[People clapping]
[Reflecting Light by Sam Phillips playing]
Yeah, I'd love to see you juggle sometime. I'm a big fan of juggling.
He juggles for money.
- You okay? - Yeah.
- We okay? - Yeah, I didn't mean to get so defensive.
I didn't mean to make fun of Jess and what he was reading.
Maybe it's good that he had it, you know. Maybe...
- He's trying. - It's okay.
I mean, that book does sound pretty dorky.
Liz and T.J. wouldst enjoy others to join them in their modest...
wriggles.
So your food's probably cold. You want to go get some more?
Sure, or we can... You know.
We can... do what?
- You want to dance? - Really?
Yeah.
- You said before you don't dance. - I'm a compulsive liar.
Okay, yeah, let's dance.
Dean.
- Thank God, a friendly face. - What happened here?
- I feel so stupid. I was on this date. - Oh, yeah?
It was a boy that Grandma saw in diapers.
And she brought him over...
and I tagged along on this stupid outing tonight.
- He was in diapers? - No, she knew him when he was a kid.
So it was this whole big group of people...
and they were all drinking in the car, smoking...
and I just thought, "these are maybe the last people on earth..."
"That I would want to die in a car crash with."
I'm glad you cut it short.
Poor Grandma. It's not her fault.
She was just thinking I was lonely, and that he was nice.
She was doing her matchmaker thing.
- Did I say that I feel stupid? - No, that's okay. It's cool.
And hungry. I haven't eaten since breakfast.
- Well, then let's eat. - I have no money.
I've got money.
- Excuse me, we'd like to order. - These are your menus right here.
- Duh, sorry. - This going on your tab?
What?
The card at the counter? It's still open.
Put your wallet away, and I hope you're hungry.
I can eat.
We will start with the sample appetizer platter...
- This was fun. - Yeah, it was.
So, hard to figure out...
which part of the evening was my favorite.
There were a few.
T.J. throwing his tights at the bachelors...
instead of Liz's garters? You ducked well, by the way.
Pure self-defense.
The choking guy being Heimliched by the court jester?
That was good.
Or the minister making out with crazy Carrie?
T.J.'s brother making out with crazy Carrie?
Or that last guy making out with crazy Carrie. Who was that?
- I think that was her husband. - Poor Barry!
And it might be the dance.
- Really? - Have you been taking lessons?
That was all God-given talent.
- It was fun. - Yeah, it was.
- Well, good night. - We should do it again.
What, you got another wedding coming up?
No, I meant have fun. You know, like a movie or something.
- I didn't think you were a movie guy. - I can be a movie guy. You like movies.
- Yeah, good, bad, and in-between. - How about next week? Sunday?
- Sunday? - Sunday. You free?
- I think so. - Okay, good.
- Good. - Good.
I'll see you.
Before then, but I'll see you then, too.
Yeah, I'll see you both of those thens.
Oh, hi.
You leaving?
Just hanging around, see if I'd catch you.
Good, I'm glad you did.
You can stay a couple more days if you want. There's no rush.
- Gotta get back to work. - Right, right.
Did you say goodbye to your mom?
Yeah, we're good. I gave her my cell phone number. Just got it.
- Left it for you on the fridge. - Good.
I want to pay you back.
- All the money... - You don't have to.
I want to.
And I appreciate it, everything...
the money, living here.
It's good to hear, but I kind of knew that.
Yeah, but, in a relationship, any relationship...
it's important to let the other person know you appreciate them...
so you don't create barriers that delay any hope for reciprocation.
- I think I read that somewhere. - Yeah?
You're hoping for reciprocation?
You got it.
I'm here, Jess. I'm always here.
Thanks.
- The tie work out? - The tie was perfect.
It's only hitting me now. My classes are done.
Done! I don't have to think about Chaucer, or Euclid...
or Kafka, or Machiavelli for months.
I can just think about Jane magazine...
and why did Uma wear that dress, fun stuff like that.
You'll still think about Kafka, and probably Chaucer.
Probably. But those other two bozos are history.
You hear me? History!
- See in there? - Yeah.
- First-semester Poli. Sci. - Which was your seat?
We didn't have assigned seats, but I sat with my back to the window...
so I wouldn't get distracted.
- This campus is huge. - And you're seeing it at a weird time...
because we're probably the last two people left.
Man, it's good to get out. It's good to laugh.
I laughed tonight. You're funny.
- I can be funny. - That's what I just said.
- Yeah, but you said it like I never am. - You're funny!
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- This is my room. - I know.
- Right, you've been here before. - Yeah.
- Thanks for saving me. - Yeah, anytime.
Dean, how is it that you can...
be out like this...
here, with me, or with anyone, for that matter?
Where does Lindsay think you are?
She thinks I'm out.
Out where?
Does it matter?
What's going on with you?
- What are you doing here? - I need to talk to you.
- Jess, what's going on?
- What are you doing here? - Rory, please.
Rory?
Go. Go home.
- No. - Yes, go. You should go.
Why won't you leave me alone? You won't go away.
- What do you want? - I don't know.
I just wanted to see you, talk to you.
- I just... - What?
- Come with me. - What?
- Come with me. - Where?
I don't know! Away!
- Are you crazy? - Probably. Do it. Come with me.
Don't think about it.
- I can't do that. - You can do whatever you want.
- It's not what I want. - It is. I know you.
You don't know me!
Look, we'll go to New York. We'll work, we'll be together.
It's what I want. It's what you want, too.
No!
I want to be with you, but not here.
Not this place, not Stars Hollow.
- We have to start anew. - There's nothing to start!
You're packed. Your stuff is all in boxes.
It's perfect. You're ready. And I'm ready.
I'm ready for this. You can count on me now.
I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now.
- You can! - No!
Look, you know we're supposed to be together.
I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago...
and you know it, too. I know you do.
No!
Don't say no, just to make me stop talking or make me go away.
Only say no if you really don't want to be with me.
No!