I hate crossword puzzles. They make me feel stupid.
- Then don't do them. - If you don't, you're not only stupid...
you're also a coward.
- Or you have better things to do. - You think people will buy that?
The people who line up on a daily basis and ask if you do crossword puzzles...
and then when you say no, challenge you as to why?
- Yes, I think they will buy it. - Look, new bag boy.
That's Marty. He's subbing for Dean while he's out of town.
Marty does the jar twirl before putting the salsa in the bag.
- Impressive. Very Cocktail. - Marty's a nice guy.
- Marty's an ambitious snake in the grass. - What?
The jar twirl. The double-bagging.
The "Have a nice day, ma'am," after every customer.
That guy's got an agenda.
- Which is? - He's out to take Dean's job.
- I don't think so. - Yes, he is.
I'm telling you. He wants that position.
Dean better hurry from his grandmother's or he can kiss his job goodbye.
- They're not going to fire Dean. - Why not?
For starters, someone stole Taylor's ladder last week...
and Dean is the only one who can reach the top shelves.
- Interesting. - What?
Just as Marty, a.k.a. Eve Harrington, shows up trying to take Dean's job...
Taylor's ladder mysteriously disappears suddenly making Dean invaluable...
no matter what fancy tricks Lon Chaney Jr. over there pulls.
Good thinking, Dean. Smart thinking, my friend.
You need to start napping in the afternoons.
LORELAI: Taylor, pulling double duty today?
I like to fill in behind the register every now and then.
Keeps me in contact with the clientele.
Also, it allows me to keep an eye on the "Take a Penny" pot here...
make sure people aren't pocketing the pennies for their personal gain...
but are legitimately using them to make exact change.
Cool. Mom, look.
Yeah, it's "Movie in the Square" night again.
- Great. - We'll be there.
- Excellent. There you are. - What's the movie this year?
- Something really great. - Really? What?
- A real winner. - What's it called?
- Show up and be surprised. - Why don't you tell me what it is?
- No. - Why not?
- Because. - Because why? What is the...
Oh, no.
- There is a line behind you. - You chose The Yearling again?
It is a fine, wholesome motion picture. Moving story. Lovely scenes of nature.
You've shown The Yearling the last three years in a row.
I'm getting a little tired of hearing you complain about this every single year.
I'm tired, too. Pick another movie.
A lot of hard work and careful planning go into those nights. You never help plan.
You never volunteer. You have never once been a ticket ripper...
as long as I have been involved in that function.
Personally, Missy, if you can't participate with a smile and a hug...
- then you shouldn't participate at all. - I shouldn't, but I am.
- Pick another movie. - No.
There's millions of great movies out there.
Any one would be better than The Yearling for the fourth time.
Fine! You do it!
- What? - You pick the movie!
- Seriously? - I've had it.
You have such strong opinions about everything...
you go out and try to find a movie that everybody will enjoy.
It's all yours. I relinquish my movie-picking crown to you!
- He relinquished his crown! - I heard.
- I got his crown! - And it looks great on you.
Cool! This is gonna be fun.
Let's go home and make popcorn and pick which movie we want.
- I get to help? - Of course.
- And can I borrow the crown? - I don't know, honey. We'll have to see.
- Wizard of Oz. - The Sting.
- Rocky. - Crimes and Misdemeanors.
- The Singing Detective. - That's a miniseries.
- So? - It's like six hours long.
- Good point. I got it. Arthur. - Yes.
- Or Sophie's Choice. - Very similar.
I can't choose. There's too many great movies.
The burden is overwhelming.
I'm sinking under the pressure. My grasp on reality is slipping.
I can't do it, I just can't... How about Cabin Boy?
[Phone ringing]
- Will you get that? - No.
- Why not? - Time?
- 6:45. - On?
Wednesday.
- Dad, hi. - Kiddo, what's going on?
Not much. Just getting ready for school and trying to think up movies.
- Movies for what? - Our town does this big movie festival...
and this year Mom gets to pick the movie.
- How'd she get that gig? - She ticked off the guy...
- that usually does it and he quit. - Sounds about right.
How are things? How's Sherrie?
Nothing much is going on here. Same old, same old.
Listen, I've got to cut this talk short...
but I sent you an e-mail, so read it.
And add 40 minutes onto my tab for next week's call.
- Deal? - Deal.
- You want to talk to Mom before you go? - No, I can't.
I really need to run. You say hello for me.
- Okay. - I'll talk to you Wednesday.
- Bye, sweetie. - Bye, Dad.
- He says hello. - He does not.
Are you going to tell me what you two are fighting about?
We're not fighting.
What aren't you fighting about that keeps you from talking to each other?
- How about Desperately Seeking Susan? - How about My Mother is two?
- Never saw it. Angie Dickinson? - You're impossible.
Right. You're impossible was the one with Angie Dickinson.
Fine. Forget it. I give. Stay in a fight. I don't care.
I'm late for school. We'll finish this later.
- After school, Luke's? - I'll be there.
- Bye, hon. - Bye.
Fifteen minutes left.
Lane.
- I need a pencil. - I don't have one.
- Then I need a pen. - You only have 15 minutes left.
- Then I need the answers. - There's a pen in my bag.
- I can't go through your bag. - Yes, you can.
My mother told me never to go through a lady's bag...
at least not until you're a couple blocks away.
Just kidding. She never said that. Though it sounds like good advice, doesn't it?
- Take it and shut up. - Boy, I tell you, it's true...
small towns sure are friendly.
[Knocking on door]
Come in.
I got a call you wanted to see me. I'm Luke Danes, Jess Mariano's uncle.
Jess Mariano? Yes...
- Come in. - Thanks.
Is everything okay? I didn't see any cop cars or fire trucks out front so...
- Mr. Danes, please, have a seat. - A seat.
So this is a seat thing.
- What's he done? - Why do you think he's done something?
You're staring at a folder that's looking a little thick there...
I get a call to come over and talk to you.
So why don't you just tell me what he's done?
Nothing.
- Nothing? - No homework, no class participation.
His attendance record is erratic at best.
His attitude to his teachers ranges from indifferent to hostile.
He shows no interest in activities or other students...
and there is the issue of the disappearing baseballs.
- The what? - Every baseball on campus...
- seems to have disappeared. - You don't think Jess seriously...
- I'll check when I get home. - I appreciate that.
I don't suspect we'll solve every problem in one meeting...
so let's focus on the most important one:
his grades.
- Not good? - Not good.
- I'll have a talk with him about that. - You have to do more than talk.
- You have to help him. - Me?
No, I'm not the one you want helping him.
I went to this school. I'm sure there's a note stuffed in there...
about me with the words "Trade School" stamped in big letters.
If you can't help, you have to find someone who can.
- Like who? - A relative.
I don't think so. Believe me, I'm the Einstein of the clan.
Maybe you need to hire a tutor.
A tutor?
Jess is flunking out. He's not going to make it.
If something is not done about that right now, he's going to repeat this year.
- I'm sorry, but that's where we are. - Okay, if that's where we are...
then I'll just have to figure something out.
Good.
- Let's not forget about those baseballs. - Right.
Been using tennis balls for a couple of weeks.
- Very different results. - I'm sure it is.
If we take off Fletch and Urban Cowboy...
we still have 75 possibilities.
- How are we gonna pick just one? - I don't know.
Maybe we should do a movie marathon weekend.
Show one movie after the other for three days...
charge a fortune, gouge them on bottled water...
have really disgusting bathrooms. It'll be like our own Woodstock.
Good. There you are.
- I have something for you. - What?
- This. - Jeez.
When you get through this and make your decision...
the number of the man you need to contact is on the first page.
What man? What is this?
The list of titles that are available for you to pick from for the movie night.
The list of titles?
- I'm sorry, can't we pick our own movie? - You're not serious?
Not often, but just there, I had some serious going.
My dear girl, movies are expensive...
and we get fabulous deals with this particular place.
They have a wide selection and they're very friendly...
and since it all goes to charity...
they agree to give us anything on that list for free.
- So we have to pick a movie off this list? - It's fun.
They put the movie title over here...
and a brief description of the storyline over here.
And believe me, there are some excellent movies on that list. Really.
- Top notch. - Arctic Flight.
"Man with plane flies charter to Alaska...
"hired by bear hunter who turns out to be Russian spy.
"Love story develops with pilot and schoolteacher.
"Eskimos do tribal dance." You made this up.
Don't I wish!
Okay, I can't wait to see what you come up with.
Bye, girls.
"Killer Shark. Shark fishermen on ocean.
"Mexican cantina with tequila and mariachi music."
"Has good scene of catching and cleaning shark."
"Where Are Your Children? Hip music and singing...
"about kids getting in trouble, sneaking booze into clubs..."
"Stealing car, fight between girls."
"Romance starts, then guy goes in the Navy."
"Sudden Danger. Mom dies of gas asphyxiation.
"Son blamed. Good kiss scene."
"Suspense. Ice skater falls in love with hired help."
Well, at least now I know how Snow Dogs got made.
Listen, have you seen Jess?
- I think I saw him go upstairs earlier. - Great. Thanks.
Good, you're here.
So, you file those under the band names?
- Genre. - Right. Genre.
That makes sense. Makes a lot of sense.
- What is that? Something for school? - No.
- Shouldn't you read something for school? - Why?
I mean, I know you like reading.
Since you like it, you might read something you'll get graded on...
so you can get graded on something you like...
because you like reading.
- What are you babbling about? - I went to see your principal today.
He says you're flunking out. He says you're not showing up for class.
He says you stole their baseballs.
You stole their baseballs? Why would you do that?
What could you possible need 500 baseballs for?
Could we talk about this later?
Why, you got a big Frisbee heist going down at 6:00?
Jess, Mr. Merton said if you don't start doing better...
they're not gonna let you be a senior.
- Bummer. - They'll hold you back.
At least I'll know where my classes are.
Jess, this is serious. You're flunking out!
You may be in the 11th grade for the rest of your life!
You'll be the kid in the back with a beard and a racing form...
babbling incoherently about Steely Dan.
The group may change. The freak in the back never does.
- I'm going out. - Don't you wanna go to college?
- Don't wait up. - What will you be when you grow up?
- About 20 miles south of where you are. - You have to think about the future.
If you don't get through high school, who'll hire you?
You won't have any skills.
- Stop. - How are you gonna work, eat, pay rent?
What are you gonna do?
Jeez, I don't know. Maybe I'll work in a diner.
- Marshmallow? - Thank you.
I have now finished going through every single one of these movies.
I've read them, reviewed their merits...
and I'm proud to announce that I have chosen our movie.
- How does The Yearling sound to you? - Perfect.
And bye-bye.
[Knocking on door]
That must be Pauline Kael rising from the dead.
Tell her, "Hey."
- Pauline! - What?
Never mind. What are you doing here?
I made some brownies. I thought you might like some.
Since I just ate a half-bag of marshmallows, six Pop-Tarts...
four bagel dogs and a really stale Cheese Nip...
it's brownie time. Thanks.
- Here's a question for you. - Yeah?
You probably have a diner full of people who'd love these brownies.
Plus, I bet they'd pay you for them.
I accidentally dropped triple the amount of cocoa powder in the batter...
so I either had to dump the batch or find someone...
with superhuman chocolate tolerance. Only one name came to mind.
God, I love being special.
- What? - Nothing, I just...
Is Rory here, by any chance?
- She's in her room. - Can I talk to her for a sec?
- Sure. Go right ahead. - Thanks.
Rory, it's Luke. Can I come in for a minute?
- What's up? - Not much. Can I...
Yeah. Come on in.
I see you're studying. That's good.
Studying is very, very good.
What you're doing right there with the books, very good.
Thank you.
I wanted to ask you a favor.
- I was wondering if you could tutor Jess. - What?
He's not doing well in school. The principal says he's not gonna move on...
unless something changes. I was wondering if you could help.
That doesn't make sense. He's smart enough to pass any subject.
It's not his lack of smarts.
More like his lack of proximity to the actual classes. That's the problem.
What subject does he need help in?
I'd say all of them, probably.
I don't expect you to work miracles...
and it doesn't have to be a full-time, everyday thing.
If you could get him through a couple of his next tests...
maybe make the school see that he can do it...
that would probably help out a lot.
Sure.
- Great. Tonight? - Tonight...
I really appreciate this.
You should get back to your studying.
Otherwise, you're completely useless to me.
I'll see you guys at dinner, probably.
Wait. Hold on. What was that all about?
Rory's gonna tutor Jess.
- She is? - Yeah. Just for a little while.
Help get him on the right track.
Okay. I should be getting back. Enjoy the brownies.
I'll see if I can screw up a cake for you later on.
Sounds great.
Luke, hang on just a sec.
Listen, about Rory doing this tutoring thing...
I really appreciate it, by the way.
I know, I just... Rory's so sweet...
and she'd never say no 'cause she loves to help...
- but I'm not sure if it's the best idea. - Why?
She's got her own studies to worry about.
I know. I promise this won't take up all her time. It's for a little while.
- Okay, but... - Rory's pretty serious about school.
She wouldn't say she had the time if she didn't.
Rory is a great student, but she's just a kid.
Don't you need a professional tutor to help Jess?
Somebody with a degree, a pipe and one of those coats with elbow patches on it?
I need someone Jess is gonna listen to.
Someone he's gonna, I don't know, look up to.
That sure isn't me, and it sure isn't some tutor. He likes Rory...
and Rory's on the path that I'd like to see Jess on: school and college.
He needs to see somebody he respects doing what he should be doing.
Rory's the only one I can think of who fits that description.
- You don't know that he'll listen to Rory. - But I gotta do something, don't I?
What would you do if you were me?
Just make sure it's not too much time, okay?
- I will. - Okay.
Enjoy the brownie.
My God.
That's good.
- I need one minute of your time. - I'll give you two because you scare me.
I hear through the grapevine that you are in charge...
of selecting the movie for the movie night.
- Yes, I am. - Okay.
I don't know if you know this about me, but I have great creative ambitions.
- I did not know that about you, Kirk. - It's true.
Don't get me wrong, I love the blue-collar work.
I enjoy the plight of the everyman.
But as much as the mailed letter delivered and the DSL line installed...
the latest J. Lo flick rented fills me with a deep sense of pride...
- in my soul, I am Akira Kurosawa. - Seven Samurai. Great movie.
- Excuse me? - Seven Samurai.
- I'm sorry, I don't... - Akira Kurosawa directed Seven Samurai.
- It's a great Japanese movie. - Japanese movie?
I'm sorry, I have the wrong person.
Who's the guy who directed The Facts of Life?
- I don't... - Asaad Kelada. Sorry.
In my soul, I know I am Asaad Kelada.
What do you need?
I've made a short film that I've been working on for five years.
If I rush, I can have it done by Thursday. I'm very proud of it.
I was wondering if you would screen it before the movie tomorrow.
It would mean a great deal to my career.
- What kind of movie is it? - You mean, is it "blue"?
No. Perfectly PG. It's not exactly Babe.
- More like Babe 2. - Got it.
- Same pig. Harder edge. - I hear you. I want to help.
Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you.
Here's a copy of the film. Take a look and call me.
And remember, I can edit out two of the
"hells," but I need to keep all the "damns."
- It's a street-cred thing. - Bye, Kirk.
At least now I have something fun to do tonight.
- You're not watching that without me. - Okay, I'll wait.
- Do you want to get some pie? - No, I'm full.
- How about some coffee? - I'm good.
- Hot chocolate? - No, thanks.
Egg cream?
I never had an egg cream, but it sounds just disgusting enough to be fabulous.
We're just going to study.
- I know. - And we'll be right here doing it.
So this stalling is completely unnecessary.
- So go. - I will.
Just finishing up the coffee that I paid for.
All right, that's enough. I'm going. Bye.
Mom? Listen, just in case, and I don't think he will...
if Dean calls, will you tell him I'm with Lane?
- I thought this was nothing. - It is.
- That you were just studying. - We are.
Then how come I have to lie?
You know that it's not gonna be okay with Dean if I'm studying with Jess.
Maybe you shouldn't, if you feel weird enough that I have to lie.
- I'm not asking you to lie. - You told me to say that you're with Lane.
I don't see Lane here. Sounds like a lie.
- Forget it. Just don't answer the phone. - Hello? I get calls, too.
I'm not What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? yet, thank you.
Tell him that I'm studying, which is what I am doing...
so you will not be lying, okay?
- Hey, Teach. - Hey.
- You guys done yet? - Just not yet.
I'll be right over there when you are.
Just can't wait for that learning to begin.
Are we gonna do some of those Schoolhouse Rock songs?
- I'll be right there. - They say if you make learning fun...
Give us a minute, okay?
Hurry, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
- I'll be home early. - Fine.
Bye, Jess.
Ma'am.
- Are you ready to start? - Yes, I am.
- Where are your books? - I don't know.
- How are we going to study? - I guess we can't.
- Too bad. So, what now? Movie? - Get your books.
- The cat ate them. - Get your books or I'm going home.
Wait there.
Explain to me the political ramifications of the Marshall Plan.
Pick a card.
That just made the trick a little bit harder.
Jess, focus.
- Where's Dean tonight? - We just went over this.
- There's no way you forgot. - Work?
I will make you write it out 50 times on the Specials board.
If he's not at work, he must be free. He doesn't care that you're here?
No, he doesn't.
- He's visiting his grandmother. - Where?
- Chicago. - He doesn't know?
- It wouldn't matter. - You'll tell him?
- We're studying. - You're studying, I'm prying.
Jess, why won't you at least try to remember the Marshall Plan?
Have you read Please Kill Me? Oral history of the punk movement.
You'd like it. You can borrow it if you want.
I'm here to help you study. If you want me to go, I'll go.
But if I'm going to stay, then you will stop distracting me...
and start paying attention, understand?
- I understand. - Good.
And, yes, I would like to borrow it. Thank you very much.
Now open your book.
Done.
- This isn't Shakespeare. - It's not?
It's the words to a Clash song.
- But which Clash song? - I'm not the one being tested.
Ten seconds.
- Nine, eight, seven... - Stop it.
- Six, five, four... - You're really starting to...
- three... - Guns of Brixton.
A-plus.
Why did you agree to this studying thing?
'Cause Luke said I had to.
You've never done anything because someone said so.
- I moved because someone said I had to. - Very different.
- Do you want to get out of here? - What?
- I'm sick of studying. - How can you be sick of studying?
You haven't done any studying.
You've done card tricks, you've made coffee...
you've explained to me...
how on earth Coldplay could be considered an alternative band...
but as of yet, no studying.
That's your car?
Yes, it is.
I'll tell you what, let's go get some ice cream, when we get back...
- I'll study. - This is a diner. There's ice cream here.
- But we don't have any cones. - Cones.
- I need cones. - So, if we go get ice cream...
- In cones. - Then you'll be a perfect student...
- for the rest of the night? - That's right.
I could not believe you less. Here. You drive.
- I'll read you Othello. Won't that be fun? - You have no idea how much.
JESS: Admit it, it's always better in a cone.
Putting ice cream in a dish? Eating it with a spoon?
RORY: What is wrong with people?
- Hold the wheel. - What?
- I'm dripping. Hold the wheel. - I can't. You're driving.
The person who drives holds the wheel. That's what they teach you in driver's ed.
I got to take that class one of these days. Take the wheel.
- I'm letting go. - Stop. Take it back.
You are taking this wheel back, and when you do, I'm going to kill you.
- I'm just letting you know that. - I appreciate the warning.
I got it.
Jeez, you look pale. You okay?
- Death. And it's going to be painful. - You're not gonna kill me.
Think how dull your life would be without me.
- Serious question? - Okay.
You're smarter than almost everybody at your school.
It takes you five minutes to finish a book.
You read and remember everything. You could ace those classes easily.
Why don't you?
You don't need a tutor.
It's crazy that they're talking about leaving you back.
- Whatever. - You could do anything.
You could be anything you wanted.
Is it, like, a "cool" thing?
- I could care less about being cool. - Inform me, please.
I'm never going to college. Why waste time in high school?
- Why aren't you going to college? - Please.
What? "Please" what? Why is that so crazy?
Ask my mother. She could give you a couple reasons.
And I'm sure Principal Merton can chime in with a few good ones.
In fact, ask your mother. She doesn't know me all that well...
but I'm sure she could improvise a few things.
Don't give me that whole...
"I'm so misunderstood," Kurt Cobain-y thing.
You are way stronger than that, and I don't want to hear it.
- You have to go to college. - No, you have to go to college.
Don't you have any plans?
- I plan to get out of Stars Hollow. - And go where?
- Wherever. - And do what?
- Whatever. - "Whenever." "Whatever."
I'll live where I live, I'll work when I need money...
- and I'll see where I end up. - You could do more.
- Here come the pompons. - No pompons.
Just me saying, "You could do more."
- So, Courtney, what about you? - What about me?
- What are your big ambitions? - Harvard.
- And after Harvard? - I'm gonna be a journalist.
- Paula Zahn? - Christiane Amanpour.
- An overseas correspondent? - Yes.
You're gonna crawl around in trenches and stand on top of buildings...
and have bombs going off in the background...
and civil wars raging all around you?
What? You don't think I can do it?
- No, I do. It just sounds a little too... - A little what?
A little too rough for you.
It's not a little too rough for me.
I hope it's not a little too rough for me. I've been talking about this forever.
I don't even know what I would do if...
I didn't mean to freak you out. I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll do it.
You will. I promise.
I'll help you practice, okay?
Tomorrow, you'll stand in the middle of the street, and I'll drive at you...
screaming in a foreign language.
You're gonna have to learn a foreign language first.
It's lucky I've got me a tutor, isn't it?
So I guess we should be getting back.
I did promise to study if you went on this ice-cream run with me.
You did.
I'll go straight, and we're back at Luke's.
Good sense of direction.
Of course, I could turn right...
then we'd just be driving around in circles for a while.
- Turn right. - As you wish.
[Phone ringing]
- Hello. - Mom.
Great. Was it the China Ball, the China Doll or the China Wall...
that had the really good shrimp balls?
- I think it was the China Doll. - Okay, these can go.
You'll be so proud of me. I'm organizing the takeout drawer.
I'm weeding out the dogs, and I'm putting happy-face stickers on the dishes...
that have been successes to make our ordering more efficient.
- Where are you? - Be calm.
- Calm about what? - Calm about what I have to tell you.
- Where are you? - I'm all right.
Of course. Why wouldn't you be all right?
- Because I got in an accident. - What?
What accident? What do you mean?
Jess and I went for ice cream and we were just driving...
and it was dark, and this dog or cat or possum...
it was small and furry, it ran out into the middle of the road and Jess swerved...
- Jess swerved? Jess was driving? - Yes.
Jess was driving, and you got in an accident?
But I'm fine, and he's fine. And the furry thing is fine.
The car's a bit messed up, but there's nothing to be worried about.
- Where are you? - I'm in the hospital.
Hi, excuse me. My daughter's here. She was in a car accident.
- Her name is Rory Gilmore. - Okay, just take a seat.
- I don't want to take a seat. - It'll be one minute.
Remember in Terms of Endearment...
where Shirley MacLaine's in the hospital...
and freaks when her daughter doesn't get a shot?
She got that from me and she toned it down.
So once again, I'm looking for my daughter, Rory Gilmore.
- First door on your left. - Thank you.
Good. Are you okay?
I'm fine. Please tell her that I'm fine.
- She's fine. - What's with the wrapping?
- There's no wrapping if she's fine. - Her arm hit the dashboard.
She sustained a minor hairline fracture to her wrist.
- She broke her wrist? - It's just a fracture.
- Let George Clooney talk here. - It's a tiny fracture. Nothing serious.
I'll put a cast on it. She'll wear it for a couple weeks.
- A cast? - It barely hurts, I swear.
That's it? Just the wrist? Everything else is fine?
- She seems perfectly healthy. - She "seems healthy"?
- You checked everything? - Almost all that could have been affected.
- Almost? - I assure you, we were very thorough.
I'm sure, I would like some extra thorough.
Anything that could have, in any scenario, affected this body...
I want it checked out.
I'll run more x-rays if it makes you feel better.
It will. Thanks.
Then we'll put the cast on so it'll be a while before she can leave.
- I can wait. - Okay.
Rory, I'll be right back. You sit still for a minute, okay?
- The car's not so good. - Nobody cares about the car.
Jess made sure he called the ambulance and I was okay...
- before he even talked to the police... - Let's just hear about the details later.
I just want you to relax now.
- You're not mad? - No, I'm not mad.
So they brought you in the ambulance?
Did they use the siren? I hope Taylor was in bed.
It was after 9:00, so there's a good chance.
Nice.
Rory, I'm gonna have the nurse take you down to X-Ray.
- Can I go with her? - No, you have to wait outside.
It'll be about an hour. If you want to grab some coffee...
Okay. Thanks. Smile pretty for the camera.
Luke.
- Where is he? - Who?
- Where's Jess, Luke? - I don't know. I just got back.
What's going on? I got here. They weren't here.
Jess!
Talk to me.
Jess, answer me right now.
What's wrong? What happened?
- There was an accident. - What accident?
Jess was driving Rory's car, and he crashed it.
- What? When? - He crashed it tonight.
- Damn it. - What happened? Is anyone hurt?
I'm talking to you.
- Where would he go? - I asked you if anyone was hurt.
Was anyone hurt? Let's see...
Rory's in the emergency room with a fractured wrist. Yes, someone was hurt.
- Rory fractured her wrist? - She has to wear a cast.
She's getting x-rays and tests.
- What about Jess? Is he hurt? - No, Jess did the hurting.
That little punk nephew of yours almost killed my kid tonight.
I'm sure it was an accident. Accidents happen.
- Not with my kid in the car. - Calm down.
- Why did you do this? - Why did I do what?
- Why did you bring him here? - What?
If you hadn't brought him here, this wouldn't have happened.
- This is my fault? - Yes, it is your fault.
You told him to come and let him stay.
Everybody hated him, everybody knew he was trouble...
but you wouldn't listen or send him home.
And now my daughter is in the hospital.
You kept pushing them together. You asked her to help him study.
You knew she'd never say no. I told you it made me nervous.
I told you I didn't like it, and I should have stopped it.
You thought Rory'd be good for Jess, never mind what he'd be to her.
- That wasn't important. - Of course it was.
Why didn't you put a stop to it at the first sign of trouble?
- Why didn't you make him leave? - He's my nephew. I had an obligation.
- I had an obligation to care for him. - You had an obligation to this town...
- to me and to Rory. Where are you going? - I have to find out where Jess is.
I'll tell you where he's not:
in the emergency room, having his arm plastered up.
I am sorry about Rory. You know I care more about her than I do myself.
At least you know where Rory is, and that she's okay.
I have to find Jess, and make sure that he's okay.
If that cuts into your screaming time, that's too damn bad!
- Go to hell! - Right back at you.
Chris?
- I made sure she was okay. - I know you did.
LORELAI: Okay, you got your TV...
your books, magazines, refreshments, CD player, assorted CDs...
Stan Freberg, Ash. You have your Sinéad O'Connor...
because when life really gets you down...
Sinéad's the one to teach you some perspective.
There's a pad and paper if you decide to write the great American novel...
and over here, you have a tiny-but-annoying bell...
in case there's something that you need...
and you want to summon the common-but-lovely house-wench...
who will leave her talking mice...
and come to fetch the Contessa whatever she needs.
I think what Contessa requires right now is sleep.
Is your arm hurting you?
But the stuff they gave me made me a little dopey.
My little Marianne Faithfull. Scooch down now and go to sleep.
- What are you doing? - Just a little feng shui. Go to sleep.
You don't have to sleep in here tonight.
- I think the chair looks nice here. - What's the blanket for?
- In case the chair gets cold. - The pillow?
To keep the blanket company. Okay, everything's in its place.
Chair seems warm, blanket seems happy. Just one thing missing.
Good night.
- Freak of sideshow proportions. - I love you, too.
Mom.
I'm sorry.
The chair is trying to sleep.
- Chris. - What?
[Lorelai shushing]
What are you doing here?
I have a really crappy mattress at home.
I drove here as fast as I could, and I went to the hospital...
but you had left, so I tried your phone, but all I got was the voicemail.
I came here but the place looked dark, so I
got the key out of the turtle and came in...
but you guys were already asleep, so I just grabbed a chair and...
And apparently my evil plan worked exactly as I anticipated.
- I'm so glad you're here. - Me, too.
- How's she doing? - She's in a cast.
- I know. - The doctor said she'll be fine.
He'll take it off in a couple of weeks.
The car is totally gone.
I have to call the insurance guy tomorrow, and I don't know...
- Did you find that kid? - Jess?
"Jess." "Dead meat." Whatever his name is.
No. Little ferret's hiding out somewhere, I'm sure.
I'm gonna deal with the car tomorrow, and I'll talk to the doctor if that's okay.
I'll need a picture of Jess...
so I don't rip off the head of the wrong kid...
'cause that would be bad.
- Look at you, all springing into action. - About time, isn't it?
- I like the superhero you. - Just trying to keep up.
Are you staying here tonight or do you have to rush back?
- I want to spend time with Rory tomorrow. - Sherrie's cool with you staying here?
Rory comes first.
- Do you want some coffee? - I'll get it.
Do you know how to make coffee?
- Yes, I do. - My coffee?
One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?
Perfect.
Oh, my God.
You know, when Rory called me tonight and said the word "hospital"...
I just legitimately thought I was having a heart attack.
And let me tell you, it was not fun. I'm joining a gym.
- That's how not-fun it was. - Can you get a two-for-one membership?
Anything could've happened.
- It could have been so much worse. - It wasn't.
- No, it wasn't, but it could have been. - It wasn't.
Everything's gonna be okay.
About the fight we had the last time you were here...
- That was a doozy, wasn't it? - I just... I didn't mean to...
- I shouldn't have... - No, but if I implied that...
You didn't. I just snapped.
- I understand. - I'm sorry.
Me, too.
Did I mention I'm really glad you're here?
I believe you did.
Good for me then.
- The Yearling? - Great movie.
You'd think they'd have gotten the genius in charge of this...
to come up with something other than that.
Picking a movie that will appeal to a large group of people is hard.
LANE: Rory.
- We'll get seats. - Oh, my God. Let me see.
That sucks.
- Does it hurt? - Only when I remember how I got it.
Here. Angry Girl for an angry arm.
- Cool. Thank you. - You're welcome.
So, tell me what happened.
It was horrible. I have never been involved in anything so horrible in my life.
But what happened?
An animal ran out into the road and we swerved and hit a pole.
- And my beautiful car... - How bad?
- Have you talked to Dean? - No, he gets home tomorrow.
- What are you gonna say? - I don't know.
- He's gonna freak. And Jess? - Not since last night.
Yeah, everyone is so upset right now.
My dad's in town and something happened between Mom and Luke...
and she won't tell me what. I don't know.
They just need time to cool off and then everything will be fine.
Everyone just needs time. Maybe I'll try to call him tomorrow.
Tomorrow. That's plenty of time. No one will still be mad then.
- Sarcasm does not become you. - Maybe not, but it does sustain me.
- Why isn't Jackson here? - He's singing to his persimmons tonight.
- They've been a little sour lately. - Right.
- Right? You just accept that explanation? - Why shouldn't I?
She just told you the man is not here because he's singing to fruit.
That's better than dancing with it. Remember last year's watermelon crop?
Yeah. Threw his back out.
Okay, I'm facing the screen now.
SOOKIE: The movie's starting? I thought it started at 8:00.
This is a little pre-movie treat.
- I can't wait to meet your family. - I'm very close to my family.
I know this. That's why I can't wait to meet your family.
Remember, Daddy is quite protective. I'm his favorite daughter.
He has good taste.
- I intend to tell him that. - I love you.
- Daddy. - You are with my favorite daughter.
- You have good taste. - Come in the house.
I love you.
- I love your daughter. - Who are you to love my daughter?
- What do you have to offer her? - Nothing.
Only this.
[Upbeat '80s pop music playing]
Wow.
- He raps later. - Jackson needs to see this.
If I can get him here quick enough...
We are so playing this again after the movie.
Great. I'll be back.
This town is like one big outpatient mental institution.
- Glad you could join us. - Yeah, me, too.
It's so nice you decided to stay for the movie.
I mean, it's really fun being able to say:
"Look, I know that person. I talk to him every day..."
"And so far, he's never bitten me."
I'm definitely coming around more often. You need protection.
- Coming around more often sounds good. - I wish I could stay longer.
You gotta get back to Sherrie.
- Don't worry. We understand. - Yeah, I wish I could stay.
Where did Sookie go? Oh, my Lord!
Quick, cover her eyes. She's just a child. She shouldn't have to see this.
- He's taking his shirt off. - I shouldn't have to see this.
- I'm going for popcorn. - Me, please.
- Me, too. - Got it. Be right back.
- I like it when he's here. - Yeah. Me, too.
Let's eat.
I did the choreography.
- Patty, doll, come here. - I'll see you later.
Bye, Patty.
How are you feeling?
Haunted by the sight of Kirk's bare chest.
PATTY: No! BABETTE: I swear to God!
- When? - Last night...
not long after the accident happened...
Luke walked him straight to the bus station...
stuck the kid on a bus, sent him home to his mom's.
I can't believe Luke would send him off like that.
I heard the kid wanted to go.
I don't know. All I know is that Jess is gone.
What will we do for entertainment around here?
Beats the hell out of me.