Okay, let's see.
Looks like Harvard definitely has the smallest class sizes.
Okay, we've got our first entry. It's a pro for Harvard.
Those are not the final, official pro-con lists.
- What's wrong? - Crooked lines and sloppy printing.
Harvard, Princeton, and Yale can't see them like that.
They won't see our pro-con lists.
What if they subpoena them?
Then I'll roll them up in a ball and eat them.
A big pro for Yale: They have 1,100 members on the maintenance staff.
- Clean, clean. - All three probably have the same number.
But Yale must be crowing about it for some reason.
Princeton might only have two.
Two? There are a total of two guys cleaning all of Princeton?
Write, "Princeton's stinking filthy," in big letters.
- I'm pretending to write it as we speak. - Good morning.
- May I interest you in a shirt? - Are you selling your laundry again?
No, these are part of my latest moneymaking endeavor...
printing daily T-shirts with a humorous topical headline...
- of things I witness around town. - Neat.
I got the idea reading about a man doing something in Portland.
- Doing what? - Printing daily T-shirts...
with humorous topical headlines of things he saw around town.
- Is that today's? - Sure is.
"Babette ate oatmeal!"
I'm keeping it real.
- It's good. - Paints a picture.
I can just see her, eating oatmeal.
They're $14.95. How many can I put you down for?
- No solicitors. - What if I cut you a piece of the action?
How about I toss the shirts out the door for you to land on?
Got it.
- What's with the lists? - You ready?
My Rory, our Rory, Stars Hollow's Rory...
- got into Harvard, Princeton, and Yale. - Wow!
I can't believe it, I feel like...
Okay.
I'm not good at hugging.
- I thought it worked. - Thanks.
Man, this is big, right?
- Very big. - What's with all the pro-con lists?
That's how we make our important decisions.
But you know it's gonna be Harvard.
- Probably. - But not necessarily.
Harvard's all you've talked of for years.
Who knew she'd be wanted by everyone?
Which school teaches making important life decisions...
without a stupid pro-con list?
Whichever one it is, add it to the pro column.
Do not mock the sciencificity of our selection process.
I've got to head to school.
Why go? You're in college. Let's go truffle-hunting.
- Maybe after I graduate. - All right.
If all the good truffles are gone, don't say I didn't warn you.
I can't believe how great that is. All three.
They have good taste.
You know, Jess also...
It's so tiny compared to this, it's gonna sound dumb.
What? Tell me.
- You know how Jess works at Wal-Mart. - Yes, I do.
It seems he was actually chosen Employee of the Month.
- Really? - I knew it'd sound tiny.
No, Luke, that's not tiny.
- That's really good. - There's probably hundreds of people...
working at that branch, and they singled him out.
It shows he can work hard and get along with people and all that.
You should be proud. Did you tell him so?
He didn't even tell me.
I got a letter addressed to the family of Jess Mariano...
inviting me down to some little ceremony they're having.
Are you going?
He'd hate me seeing him participate in some corporate ceremony like that...
being called upstanding and responsible. It would kill him.
- Yeah, I'm going. - Good boy.
Hey, Sookie! Where's Sookie?
SOOKIE: Down here. LORELAI: Down where?
LORELAI: Marco. SOOKIE: Polo.
Why are you down there?
Papaya won't eat, so I'm pretending to eat out of her bowl...
- so she'll copy me. - You named a cat?
She looks like a Papaya, doesn't she?
But it's a stray. You'll get close to it and it'll wander off...
- and you'll be sad. - I'm keeping my distance.
Come on, Papaya, lap.
All right, we're getting you up here. Come on.
Oh, boy, being a cat is hard on the knees.
Since when are you a cat person?
Since I got pregnant I've become very nurturing...
toward all living things. Jackson, too.
Well, both your bodies are changing.
Yesterday it was awful.
Jackson moved a table, just kind of nicked a spider...
he didn't see the little thing and just clipped one of its legs.
It was having trouble walking, and we were so upset.
Jackson made a new leg out of a paperclip...
but, jamming the clip into the spider, killed it instantly.
- Little Satchmo. - You named the spider Satchmo?
- After Jackson's uncle. - I'm sure he'll be very touched.
- Maybe if I wore ears. - What?
Papaya. Look at Mommy.
Look at Mommy.
Is this everyone from the Edgar Allan Poe Society?
If you mean the Sterilize-Me So-My-Disturbing-Idiosyncrasies...
Aren't-Passed on To-The-Next-Generation Society...
then yes, that's them.
Hi. Welcome to the Independence Inn.
Thank you, we're Jim and Millie Hatlestad.
Okay.
I've got you right here.
Once again, welcome.
And let me assure you there are no human body parts...
buried in the floor of your room to keep you awake tonight. Sound good?
- I guess. - Room 8.
The Tell-Tale Heart, it's a Poe story. Don't they get it?
The Hatlestads are not with the Poe Society.
Why didn't you tell me that?
If I had thought to, I still would not have.
Hi, my name is Larson, I'm checking in.
- Poe Society, right? - That's me.
Good, welcome to the Independence Inn.
There will be a complementary cask of amontillado...
on the table in your room.
If you're expecting your friends Dr. Tarr and Prof. Fether...
I'll send up another one.
You said you were with the Poe Society.
Yeah, but it's just a hobby, we're not Trekkies.
I didn't mean to imply... I mean, you're not freaks, no way.
- Here, Room 6. - Thank you.
You might want to stop trying to cute things up.
I hear that.
- Hello, sir. - Hello.
Hello, everybody, hope you're having a good day today.
You folks know we do this every month, just a little get-together...
to honor our new employee of the month.
Nothing fancy, just a quick thanks and a way-to-go.
And there's $200 in it.
I think that's how we got our honoree to even show up at this thing.
You know him as a trouper, our Mr. Reliable...
the first time he sat down on that forklift...
it was like an extension of himself.
And he's not one for small talk...
but this boy's production is out of sight. It's Jess Mariano, everybody.
- Would you like to say anything, Jess? - Nope.
That's our Jess. Give him another hand, folks, and have a good one.
- What are you doing here? - I'm so proud of my boy.
- Stop it. - Got a tissue? I'm gonna be emotional.
I mean it. Stop, now. It came with cash, that's why I'm here.
Don't forget the plaque. Hang that over your bed...
- shine a little spotlight over it. - I've got to get to work.
Yeah, the forklift's going, "Where's the extension of me?"
Saw you jawbone with our boy there.
- I'm Bill Borden. - Luke Danes, I'm Jess' uncle.
- Nice meeting you. - So he's doing good?
Wish I had a dozen more Jesses. He's my go-to guy.
- That's great to hear. - Works like a dog on his regular shift...
and if someone calls in sick, and they always do...
Jess is there even if he's already done 40 hours that week.
I am so... He never works 40 hours.
More like 45, that's what I'm saying. Good boy.
How's that possible? He's got school, he works for me. It can't be 40.
I can't say I sign every time card, but I'm pretty sure it's at least that.
- Maybe I'm mistaken. - Yeah, maybe.
Thought you might like this. Little keepsake for you.
Great, thanks.
MAN 1: "Then this ebony bird"
"Beguiling my sad fancy into smiling"
"By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore"
"'Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou, ' I said"
"'art sure no craven'"
That Poe was downright fun-alicious.
[Sighing] He was a troubled man.
He enjoyed a little bit too much of the...
- Mime? - You know what I meant.
Mime. That reminds me. Yale, best drama school, bar none.
- Put that in the pro-con. - I'm not taking drama.
No, but it means you'll have the best on-campus productions.
You'll get to see the next Meryl Streep, all goofy and 18...
doing crap like, "Name an occupation."
"Plumber." "Name a farm tool, now."
"Tractor. Hey, I'm a tractor doing plumbing."
That's what they do at the Yale drama school?
So I've heard. That's weird.
- What? - Over there.
- A second Poe? - It's like a Poe story in itself.
- The Case of the Two Poes. - The Messrs. Poe and Poe.
That's good.
LORELAI: There's Dean. Is that... RORY: That's Lindsay.
I think she's ready to go to the ghetto on you.
I don't have a problem with her. She's really nice.
And, you know, once she...
Bought you a magnet shaped like Mark Twain's head?
- Yes, I've heard the anecdote. - Sorry.
I think she should just mellow.
I mean, you've both moved on. What's the problem?
"But the raven"
"sitting lonely on the placid bust spoke only"
"That one word"
- The Raven was not this long. - It could have used some editing.
Did you put drama school on the Yale pro list?
- Nope. - Come on, do it. We'll forget.
- I don't have a pen. - Oh, jeez.
- Hi, Nicole. - Hi, Lorelai.
- [Whispering] How long is this thing? - He's got at least five nevermores to go.
- Do you have a pen? - No.
- Come on, cough it up. - I don't have a pen.
Where's the pen you take orders with at the restaurant?
I wasn't anticipating taking orders at the Poe reading.
There goes your Boy Scout badge.
Mom.
"Take thy beak from out my heart"
- Busted by a Poe. - I hope he doesn't put a curse on us.
Or complain when he goes back to being Fred Larson, Tampa dentist.
Hey Lorelai.
- You're an angel. Thanks. - I'll need it back.
Yeah, sure.
Looks like Nicole's got a little Lindsay attitude going.
Not really. Really?
How many nevermores do you think he's got to go?
We're guessing four.
Poor Edgar Allan Poe has suffered so much.
And now we've got to suffer along with him.
Yale drama, got it.
Rory, why do you waste your time on those pro-con lists?
It's going to be Harvard, we all know it.
- I know. - If the list says it is.
Right.
When you were six and took my cheerleading class...
you wouldn't even cheer for any other school than Harvard.
- That is true. - Then the list will reflect it.
"And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor"
"Shall be lifted... nevermore!"
Excellent. Bravo.
LORELAI: Very nice.
That was wonderful, wasn't it?
Thank you very much for that rendition.
Thank you.
- What's with the Poes? - They look upset.
- Want to hear the scoop? - Please.
I was here when they both arrived. They got their signals crossed.
They were to perform different things, but they both came to do The Raven.
If the Poes fight, will it punch a hole in the space-time continuum?
And take us to a universe where things are the opposite of how it is here?
Cool. There'll be funny sitcoms there.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you.
It'll allow you to compare and contrast interpretations...
of Poe's most famous work.
- Compare and contrast? - That can only mean...
Please enjoy this second recitation of The Raven.
[Clapping]
- Do we bolt? - Do we dare?
If I'd brought a flask, we could've played the nevermore drinking game.
Maybe this is what drove Poe to the bottle.
LORELAI: His own work. MAN 2: "Once upon a midnight dreary"
"while I pondered weak and weary"
"Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore"
"While I nodded, nearly napping"
Weird vibe in here, very Poe.
Very Poe.
- That was pretty good. - Come on, you can't do that thing...
where you complain, then walk out and reassess...
based on the relief that it's over.
I was able to compare and contrast between readings.
I was able to nap for 20 minutes.
- Good evening, ladies. - Hi, Poe.
- Good job in there. - I thank you.
Young miss, do correct me, but I heard tell...
that you're considering attending Harvard University.
- I am. - I myself attended West Point.
I'm embarrassed to say that I was court-martialed in 1832...
and forced to leave.
Excuse me, but I was expelled from West Point in 1831, not 1832.
No, I do believe it was 1832. It was an election year.
It was not an election year.
President Jackson was to serve five more years.
I'm sure it was '32.
I'm sad to say it was the same year my older brother William passed away.
That's not right either, Fred.
Fred? I don't know this "Fred" you speak of.
Knock it off. I'm tired.
- Will you excuse me? - Sure.
Poes are very testy people.
Got your latest topical T-shirts here, brand new topical T-shirts for sale.
What's this one say?
- "Faux Poes Foes." - Very clever, Kirk.
It was an inspiration...
but sales aren't much better than the "Babette Ate Oatmeal" shirts.
LORELAI: Keep the dream, Kirk. DEAN: Hey, guys.
Mom, this is Lindsay.
- Hi, the Mark Twain-magnet-head girl. - The what?
You don't know the anecdote? You're the star.
- The anecdote? - It's nothing, really.
It's the field trip we took to Mark Twain's house...
in the fourth grade. I wanted this magnet.
You lent me the money and I got the magnet.
- She usually tells it better. - I kind of remember.
- Congratulations on Harvard. - Yeah, thanks.
I got into Southern Connecticut State.
- That's great. - It is. That's great, Dean.
- Yeah, thanks. - I've got to get home.
And I've got to take her. So I'll see you guys.
- See you. - Bye.
- So you say she was nice? - "Was," I guess, being the operative word.
So are we going?
- No, you go on ahead, I'll catch up. - Come home in time for Charlie Rose.
Billy Joel's on, and he might cry or something.
How was Jess' Employee of the Month thing?
- It was okay. - Just okay?
- There was punch. - The punch wasn't good?
It was just, the manager came up afterwards when Jess was gone...
and he was talking about how Jess is working 40-45 hours a week.
- What? That's full-time. - That's what I said.
How does he swing it?
Double shifts on the weekends, I think.
No, he's pretty much doing it with Rory on the weekends.
Then he must be getting up super early on weekdays.
- You've seen him do that? - No. I don't trail him, either.
But you sleep in the same room with him.
The manager must be getting Jess confused with someone else.
- Or... - Or what?
- [Sighing] I don't want to say. - No, say it, go ahead.
Or he's working when he should be in school.
- Impossible. No way. - Why?
He knows the rules. He's got to graduate to stay living with me.
He's getting everything done. He's doing his work.
You've seen this work he's doing?
Not for a while, but I just know that he is.
No way he's cutting school, it's suicide. No way.
- I shouldn't have brought it up. - It's okay.
- Okay. - Good night.
Say, how can I have a career as a Poe?
It's not a career, this is just an event that we do.
I write technical manuals for a living.
Yes, but how can I have a career as a Poe?
- Mom, wake up. - What?
It's Tobin at the Inn. Something's wrong.
- What's wrong? - The fire alarm's going off.
Stupid alarm, it's always doing that.
Tell him to reset it if there's no smoke.
Tell him he's fired and I'm gonna kick his ass for waking me up.
He sounds freaked.
Tobin, what?
Oh, my God. Okay.
- Get dressed. - What is it?
[Crowd clamoring]
WOMAN: Sir, what's your status?
CHIEF BAKER: We've got first engine laddering the roof.
First engine.
And we need PD for traffic control.
Lorelai, thank God.
- What's going on? - This is Lorelai Gilmore.
In a minute, ma'am.
- Mom, let him do his thing. - You're right.
- Sookie, Michel, is everyone out? - Yes.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
We're sure. The fire department's sure, we did a head count.
We need to double-check, triple-check.
Julio. He doesn't start till 6:00, but sometimes he comes early...
because his sister-in-law drops him off on her way to work in Salisbury.
Julio, I'm so glad to see you, you beautiful man.
Ma'am, I'm Chief Baker.
- I'm sorry I jumped on you. - That's okay.
The good news is, this is almost out.
The structure's stable.
You're probably going to be able to get back in, in about 24 hours.
Excellent, 24 hours, the structure's stable. Thank you.
That's okay.
The statue of you is going up as soon as we get back in.
- Eighty feet tall. - I'm looking forward to it.
- Here we go, guys, phase two. - Loving the pace here.
We need food, computers with Internet, we need phones.
Michel, I need you on this stat. Hurry.
[Siren wailing]
Rory, help the guests with the kids.
Make sure they're not freaked out, gather and entertain them...
- so the adults can catch their breath. - Right.
I have never entertained kids, how do I do that?
Take your socks off and do a puppet show.
- You've clearly never done it either. - Get cracking.
Yes, ma'am.
Hi, everybody. Good morning, and whoa, talk about your change of plans, here.
Unfortunately, you can't get your stuff out for at least a day.
However, if you want to get home immediately...
we will check planes, trains, whatever you need.
We will send your stuff to you later as soon as we get it...
but if you can't get home yet, we will provide everything...
short of anything illegal.
That's going to start with the best breakfast of your lives.
Go to the market and get whatever food and supplies...
- we need for breakfast. - Going.
- Who are you on with? - The Cheshire Cat Inn.
Great. Find people places to sleep. Excellent.
Yes, my name is Michel Girard. I used to work at the Independence Inn...
and I was wondering if there were any positions available.
Phones, computer, I'm on it.
- Morning. - What is this?
Phase two. Into the back, guys! March!
- Hold on. Those guys can't go back there. - Lots of empty places.
- Go on and take your seats. - What is this?
- We had a fire. - Fire, where?
- Weston's Bakery. - You're kidding.
- They'll have fresh blueberries. - Perfect. Weston's, hurry.
Weston's caught fire?
- No. The Inn. - Your inn?
Move all of Luke's stuff aside, we don't need it.
- Wait a minute. - Everyone's fine, we're into phase two.
- What is phase two? - Just shove it aside.
- What are you doing? - Making breakfast.
- You can't make breakfast here. - Got any plates that aren't cracked?
- You're the one who's cracked. - Nice thing to say to a pregnant woman.
- You're pregnant? - Could you be any farther behind?
Caesar, help my guys, and there's $20 in it for you.
We both can't be making different stuff at the same time.
People who were here before we invaded, are you willing to cancel orders...
for Sookie's famous blueberry-lemon pancakes...
Belgian waffles or Bananas Foster?
- Sure. - Sounds good.
Pull all of Luke's stuff off the grill, let's get cooking.
- I'm an island. - I'm sorry about all this...
but I'm not anticipating the Inn catching fire ever again.
- So it's a one-time-only thing, okay? - Like I have a choice?
You do. Say the word and we go.
- Stay, cook, eat. I'll be upstairs. - You're a doll.
No, get rid of it! Dump it, I don't want to see it!
Where are you going? I told you to take out the garbage.
Nag, nag, nag.
I want to watch football and sit in my reclining chair.
Get back here, I'm gonna get you...
- Guys, hold on a second. - No, keep going.
Calm down there, little scooter, I'll be right back.
How's the show going?
- They're riveted. - Good.
But I stink. I keep repeating the same stuff.
- Must be working. - I named them Mr. and Mrs. Sock Puppet.
- I put no energy into this. - Come back.
You'd think a sock puppet show would bore them to tears.
It's your narrative skills. Will he take the garbage out or not?
I'm on the edge of my seat.
They won't let me stop, and I have to get to school eventually.
Go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families...
and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt...
to do sock puppets for you.
If he says no, just ask him louder. It's part of the game!
- Oh, boy! - Go!
- You're cruel and I love you. - Come check in at Patty's with me.
I love computers, I just know nothing about them.
What does pushing that F3 button do?
- Annoy me to no end. - What about the F4?
[Telephone ringing]
Hello, this is the Independence Inn Emergency Headquarters.
I'm Miss Patty, I'll be assisting you today. How may I help you?
The printer will be here in half an hour. I'll let him know.
Thank you, goodbye. The printer...
I heard. And you've got to shorten your greeting.
You don't need to recite the Gettysburg Address...
every time you answer the phone.
I was Ricardo Montalban's receptionist for six months...
and he never complained.
- Who? - Don't make me hit you.
You all set up here?
Computer with Internet, phones forwarded here...
- printer on the way. - I'm the receptionist.
- And I'm learning the computer. - And I'm looking for my cyanide capsule.
- Have you seen it? - Thanks for your help, thanks.
Half the Poe group needs to stay another night.
- We have to find places for them. - Everything is booked.
You checked the Cheshire Cat, the Maiden's Teacup, the Cookie House...
- the Sugar Bear Inn? - Every place that sounds...
like Glinda the Good Witch threw up? Yes, all booked.
Then we're going to have to take people in.
- I can take a couple in, sweetie. - I can, too. We got cots.
- Great. Michel? - Forget it.
The Poes are weird. I'd fear being killed in my sleep.
Plus I don't like strangers using my toilet.
I bet the Kims could put people up, and Taylor and AI.
And we've got our couch and my room.
Nope. They can have my room, not yours.
- No, hon. Mine's fine. - Mom, no, mine.
You are stressed out enough. You need your rest. Keep your bed.
I'll look selfish.
If anyone calls you that I'll kick their sorry butts.
- Okay, your room, under protest. - Hey, Michel...
I just hit F4...
and the Num Lock key, and the one with the little apple on it...
and it's freaking out, like it's on acid or something.
[Sighing tiredly]
[Telephone ringing]
I got it. Yeah?
- You need to say more than that. - Make up your mind.
I've got to go, but page me if there's any news.
You mean if Michel killed Babette, then Patty, then himself...
in a bizarre murder-suicide pact?
Amongst other things.
- [Sighing] We had a fire. - I know.
Bye.
O'MALLEY: It'll be the last midterm of your high school career...
so rejoice over that, if nothing else.
[School bell ringing]
Before you go, I want to say that it looks like another banner year...
for Chilton grads seeking top colleges.
I want to congratulate all those who have heard...
and advise patience for all of you who have not.
No one has left Chilton without going on to another terrific school...
- if that is his or her goal. - Good to hear.
I know that at least one of you has been accepted to Harvard.
It's an immense honor, that. Congratulations.
- Have you heard from Paris? - Heard what?
- Anything. - She's not here?
She's been gone for five days.
Didn't notice. Although it did seem like there was a lot more air in here.
Yeah?
[Knocking on door]
MAN: [On TV] I have to talk to you.
WOMAN: We have nothing to say to each other.
Come back for the tray later, Nanny.
It's not Nanny, it's Rory. Can I come in?
I guess.
Hi. I brought a bunch of school stuff from the past few days.
If there's anything missing I can bring it over later.
Thank you.
No offense, but my soap's starting.
So you're sick?
You know what's wrong. You of all people.
That's Martin.
His sister-in-law got kidnapped and he thinks his former lover is behind it.
- Juicy. - Don't you have an announcement?
- What do you mean? - Did you get in?
- You know, we don't have to... - I know you did.
You've got that Harvard glow about you, the glow of destiny.
- Just tell me. - I got in.
Amanda and Richard, I'm so over them.
So you've been incommunicado lately.
I've had Nanny hold all my calls, and the mail.
My parents are away, so I've been totally Howard Hughesing it.
- So, did you tell them about Harvard? - No.
- Don't you think you should? - No.
- Don't you think they'll find out? - How?
- Not leaving might be a tip-off. - I'll get an apartment in Cambridge.
Buy a Harvard sweatshirt, talk about Mira Sorvino a lot. It's doable.
I told my mother about having sex with Jamie.
Her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in 15 years.
Like I couldn't tell.
- What about your boyfriend? - I haven't called him either.
The only people in your life work at General Hospital?
This isn't General Hospital. I don't deserve that.
Okay, you've got to stop doing this.
What happened? Harvard was my destiny. I was looking at Harvard class schedules...
while you watched the adventures of Gumby and Pokey.
I was a Pee Wee Herman kind of gal.
It's partly my parents' fault. They didn't brand me properly.
I should've been at the 92nd Street Y or Brick Church.
- Prep schools? - Preschools, it decides everything.
But I'm not totally blameless.
I found this spot in my interview that I'm sure doomed me.
- You recorded your Harvard interview? - I meant to archive everything...
then donate it to the university upon my demise.
[Video tape rewinding]
Little did I expect that my demise would come this early.
PARIS: [On TV] ...shouldn't be considered.
This brings me to my feelings on population control.
It's hot, can we do something about it?
Population control has been successful in most European countries...
to the detriment of some, like Italy, which is experiencing...
INTERVIEWER: Do you think this has... PARIS: Let me just finish...
- But, Paris... - Please!
- You said "please." That's very polite. - I sound like a meth addict.
I may as well record the new Justin Timberlake over this.
I hate that you're torturing yourself in bed like this.
Proust wrote all 3,000 pages of In Search of Lost Time in bed.
If it's good enough for him...
Bed is not a life plan. And you, my friend, need a life plan. So here it is:
Tell your parents about Harvard.
Start taking calls, check the mail...
so you can see other universities that have no doubt accepted you...
and that are probably dying to be in the Paris Geller business.
Call your boyfriend 'cause he'll be worried about you...
and this isn't his fault. And you need to get the hell out of bed.
You didn't have to say "the Paris Geller business."
- You know what I meant. - There's no alternative to Harvard.
Except Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, Sarah Lawrence, et cetera.
- Maybe you're right. - I'm unquestionably right.
- I'm not jumping up this second. - You don't have to rush it.
And I have to keep watching this...
till Adriana's wrongful conviction for aggravated assault is overturned.
- I understand. - Thanks.
You've got your remote, your water, your comic books.
- Looks like we've got you all set up here. - Yes, ma'am.
- "Ma'am." You make me feel old. Stop it. - Yes, ma'am.
No, I mean it, stop it.
I think we're out of toothpaste.
Sorry, Fred. Below the sink there's plenty more.
- Thank you. This is kind of fun. - It's fun having you guys.
I would have done that.
- I feel weird now. - Why?
- About other people sleeping in my bed. - Honey, don't worry.
Fred and his wife don't seem like they're feeling extremely romantic.
God, that didn't even cross my mind.
It's all I would have thought of.
I'm thinking about it now, thank you very much.
- Got all your stuff for Lane's? - Yeah, it wasn't a hard packing job.
- These have really changed. - What have?
The pro-con lists. In all the hubbub, they slipped my mind.
- Yale. - What about it?
What do you mean?
Stop saying "Yale."
- It has double the pros of the other two. - Not double.
Triple over filthy dirty Princeton. It's kicking butt.
I'm not done collecting data.
You've a document the length of Nicholas Nickleby. Seems you're done.
- What? - Look at my wall.
That wall says something.
It says the Harvard merchandising department made some money off us.
But how can I go to Yale with my wall like this?
It's a wall.
Look, honey, Luke was right.
The pro-con lists have to come to an end eventually.
He also reminded us it was supposed to be Harvard...
regardless of a list. Everyone thinks that.
I don't.
I know I'm the one who said no to Yale, loudly and a lot...
but not anymore, really. I just want what's right.
I know, but it has to be right for both of us.
If it's right for you, it's really right for me.
I don't want you to hate the place I'm going.
Never.
FRED: Oh.
- Are you not ready for us yet? - We're ready.
- We hate to put you out. - It's perfectly okay.
I think you'll fall asleep as soon as your heads hit the pillow.
- [Sighing] Yeah, we're exhausted. - Have a good night.
You guys yell if you need anything.
I don't want to hear yelling for any other reason.
- So, where's Jess tonight? - Working.
He works a lot, right?
- He's saving a lot, too. - Good.
He wants a better car. His keeps stalling.
And he's still working at Luke's?
Is he doing part-time in school?
- What? - Getting work credit?
He's going full-time.
- Why do you say that? - It's just, Wal-Mart...
working at Luke's, squiring you around town.
It seems like he has no free time.
He's a senior, he's going to school full-time.
- Just wondering. - Rest.
I'll try.
Don't start the sock puppets with Fred Jr. He won't let you stop. Bye.
[Doorbell ringing]
The excitement here never stops, Fred Jr.
- Hi there. - The Hatlestads.
Hi, I thought you went home.
Breakfast was so great and the town's so nice...
and you made staying over sound so fun, that we decided to take you up on it.
- Is that okay? - It's more than okay.
- Come on in, 'cause you're staying here. - Thank you.
Your bedroom's right upstairs, you can't miss it.
Terrific, thanks.
How much room do you take up on that couch?
- Pretty much all of it. - That's what I figured.
- Who's staying in your room? - The second Poe and his wife.
For your sake, I hope they are very tired.
[Telephone ringing]
- Why? - Nothing, I shouldn't have said anything.
RORY: Hello? LORELAI: I'm a nomad.
- What? - I am the lonely wanderer.
Hank Williams would be too sad to write a song about me.
- Where are you? - I'm a Bedouin, I'm homeless.
Stop with that. Where are you?
- I'm walking aimlessly around town. - Why?
- The Hatlestads showed up. - But they went home.
Apparently, I made the whole emergency fire accommodations sound so fun...
that they had second thoughts.
- You're a terrific salesman. - And a terrific idiot.
Where are you right this second?
I'm in the middle of the street, a.k.a. my bedroom.
- Mom. - I'm by the school, Luke's area.
- Luke's good. Go there. - It's closed.
But Luke is upstairs. Ask him if you can stay.
I bet the answer's yes.
- He'll make me eat a veggie burger. - Get moving.
- Fine, bye. - Bye.
Luke!
Who is that?
What are you doing?
Enjoying some air, getting some exercise and freezing.
Go home.
- I have no home. Hunted, despised. - What?
- It's from Ed Wood, the movie. - Have you gone bonkers?
People are bunking at my place and I need somewhere to stay.
And it just occurred to you now to look for a place.
- The stupid Hatlestads showed up. - Who?
- Pipe down out there! - Go back to bed, Mrs. Slutsky.
Don't talk to me that way, young man!
- Throw your keys down. - I will not!
- No, Luke, Mrs. Slutsky. - I'll just come down.
- Do something. - Ditto.
I'm coming down.
My inn caught fire.
Hurry, Luke.
No, Young Chui, it was right to break up with her.
Why stay in a relationship that's not going anywhere?
Life's too short, exactly. No, I told you a joke last night.
I need more time to come up with another one.
It's getting late. I've got my math test tomorrow. I'd better go.
Yeah, I'll call you to tell you how it went. Good night.
Young Chui and his girlfriend broke up?
Good riddance. She was very waspish.
Did you and he break up, too?
My mom still thinks we're the perfect Korean couple.
- Weren't you supposed to break up? - Young Chui thinks it's not time yet.
Why? This is a fake relationship, you weren't really going out.
I don't know, I bring it up every night and he changes the subject.
- You talk every night? - Yes. He's a little needy right now.
- That's a lot of talking. - We're friends.
- Just friends? - What are you getting at?
He's calling you every night, he keeps putting off your break-up.
God knows when you'll be able to date Dave Rygalski.
He's asking you to tell him jokes and to let him know how your math test went.
- So? - So, it sounds like he's in love with you.
No, Young Chui is not in love with me.
It's not fair for you to take an innocent friendship like ours...
with its air of innocence, and its innocence...
Oh, my God, he loves me. That stupid boy's fallen in love with me.
It's not stupid, you're a catch.
But I'm not his catch, I'm Dave's catch, I've already been caught.
You probably need to be more direct.
That fool. I can't break up with him or my mom will never let me date.
It's got to come from him. What do I do?
[Knocking at window]
Just a second.
- Bizarro day? - Wouldn't want to repeat it.
- Inn still closed? - Just till tomorrow.
- What caused it? - Not sure. Something electrical probably.
That's usually the culprit.
Something the matter?
- No. - Good.
- So how was school? - Same old, same old.
- Doing okay? - Doing my reading, writing and arithmetic.
- And you're still going, right? - What? Where is this coming from?
- There's been speculation. - From who?
My mom asked if you're going full-time to school.
Your mom.
- Why's she so interested? - 'Cause you're dating her daughter.
Great. What else did she think I did? Start the fire, put Phil Spector up to it?
I told her you were going.
As they say on the Family Feud, "Good answer."
- So I didn't lie to her? - No.
Look, don't worry. I've got it under control.
I'm going enough.
I've been picking up some extra shifts, but I'm fine.
It's Mickey Mouse stuff, anyway.
It takes others hours to learn. It takes me minutes.
- If you're behind... - I'm not behind.
If you get behind, I can help you catch up.
Got it covered.
- If you say so. - I do.
- Okay. - So, how about you come out?
- What's this? - He was just leaving, Mama.
- Why is he here at all? - He came to borrow something.
Here.
Thank you.
- Baseball bat? - Cricket.
Good night.
- Don't do that. - Don't do what?
Don't pull the sheet back after I pull it, I need more for this side.
- You pulled it again. - I need it for my side.
- I need to tuck it in. - Me, too.
- Let's tuck it in on both sides. - You tuck a bed in on both sides?
I slip down into it, like I'm in a straitjacket.
- You must feel right at home. - I so set you up for that.
Fine, tuck it in on your side.
You know, I really should take the couch. Me taking the bed doesn't feel right.
- Now, come on. - What?
You bully me into giving you the bed.
It's no use pretending you don't want it.
I'm pretending to try to be polite.
I'm fine with the couch, you're exhausted.
- You know, I'm actually not. - Really?
I'm strangely exhilarated.
I mean, as awful as what happened today was...
I'm happy with how I handled it.
You never know how you'll react in such situations...
until something happens, and I think I did pretty well.
Yeah, I do, too.
[Telephone ringing]
Hello. Nicole, hi.
Yeah, I'm good. Not much.
There was a fire at the local inn out here. Yeah, the one she works at.
Everybody's fine.
Yeah, just a lot of chaos for a while.
So, how was your thing today?
All right, fill me in tomorrow. 7:00 is good.
Yeah. Good night.
- That was Nicole. - So I heard.
- Why didn't you tell her I was here? - Didn't come up.
You mean she didn't out of the clear blue and for no reason...
ask you if I was sleeping over?
Just didn't seem necessary.
You have nothing to hide here, you just took in a refugee.
I know there's nothing to hide, it's just that, you've kind of become...
- Become what? - A sore point with me and Nicole.
How?
On our first date I was a little nervous...
and I wasn't having any luck coming up with topics.
So I was just kind of blabbing a lot.
Then she ordered extra fries, so it reminded me of you...
and I told her a quick story about you and French fries.
That seemed fine. Then, later, she ordered a third cup of coffee.
And I mentioned you and your coffee thing...
and I noticed that Nicole kind of reacted a little...
and ever since then she's been a little sensitive to the issue.
Of course. You don't talk about another woman on a first date.
- Even if it's just a friend? - They don't exist. Not on a first date.
No other women exists on a first date, not even my mother?
You think talking about your mother on a first date is wise?
You can maybe mention a sister.
Maybe, and then you move on really, really quickly.
This is why I hate dating.
Unless you want to be a mountain man all your life...
you've got to abide by the rules and customs.
Sorry, I have to get up early tomorrow.
- No problem, what time? - 6:00.
I get up at 4:45 every morning.
- Why would you get up that early? - I don't know, to run my business?
Change businesses.
Wow, total déjà vu.
- Really? - It's the alarm clock.
I had a dream once...
that you set 18 alarm clocks to get me up, which is not a bad way to get me up.
- Where were we? - We were at my house.
I got up and went downstairs for coffee...
- and you talked to my stomach. - Why on earth would I do that?
Because I was pregnant.
- Twins. - Mine?
What am I, a dream tramp? Of course, yours.
We were married?
- Did I not mention that? - No.
You know, you shouldn't drink coffee when you're pregnant.
True.
That's probably why Rory's a caffeine addict.
You're right.
- Dream go beyond that? - No.
You talked to my stomach and then you...
- Night. - Yeah. Night.
[Luke and Jess snoring]
Luke and Sookie have worked things out.
There does seem to be a grudging respect thing going on.
Get the ricotta fritters started, I want to serve those first.
You making Cajun eggs Benedict?
- We could. - Let's do it, it was good.
The Cajun was all your doing.
'Cause I knocked the cayenne pepper into your hollandaise.
How do you think they invented the Reese's Cup and penicillin?
We could win the Nobel here.
- Morning. - You're up early.
- Got to catch me that worm. - Where're you off to?
- School. - So early?
I got a lab project going on, me and my team are meeting early.
- Have a good day. - If I have a choice.
- Good morning. - Talk to you later.
[Cell phone ringing]
- By the way, your boyfriend snores. - Didn't need to know that.
Hello?
It is?
I love you. Thanks.
We're open.
Can I have your attention, please?
That was Chief Baker...
who told me in his deep sexy voice that the inn is officially reopened.
Right now it's just me and the staffers,
but very soon you'll have your stuff back...
- and you can go home. - Thank you, Lorelai.
Listen, from our group, we want to give you this.
That's the nicest dead bird I've ever gotten. Thanks, Fred.
- It's from all of us. - Right.
Thank you, Poe Society. Coming, Sookie?
I'm coming.
Need to caramelize the hazelnuts for the brioche French toast...
add Madeira to the pear-poaching liquid...
and add some chives to the cream for the eggs.
Don't burn anything, got it.
- I've got to change for school. - Go, we'll see you later.
Let's go.
Here they are.
Michel, Chief. Don't we love our Chief?
I bet he can beat up all the other chiefs.
Can we get on with this?
Let me just unlock the door here.
First thing I want to do is get into all the rooms...
get all the guests' stuff into the lobby, and organize for them to pick up.
Go to the kitchen. Let me know what's what. Maybe we can open for dinner.
Anyone give you a heads up about what's inside?
You might want to wait till you get inside to make your plans.
And go slow.
[Cat meowing]