I know, how about... No.
No, you can't keep doing that.
You can't just start a thought and then say "no."
Finish them, or don't start them at all.
- You're very totalitarian today. - It just drives me crazy.
It's like if you do "shave and a haircut" without the last part, you know?
- Come on, do it. - Stop giving me half-finished thoughts.
- I promise, come on, do it. - "Two bits."
- Thank you. - Now, what were you thinking?
- Pizza and TV. - That's our fallback.
That's why I said not. I remembered it was our fallback.
- When did we become so old and pathetic? - We're neither.
We're momentarily stuck on what to do tonight.
It's a Friday night. We should be out, partying with the homies.
Our Stars Hollow homies are all in bed by now.
Kirk will be playing video trivia at the pizza place.
- We could go and watch. - Okay, we're old and pathetic.
How did it come to this?
It's our first Friday we haven't had to go...
to Grandma and Grandpa's.
I can't for the life of me remember what we did before we started doing those.
It seems like a million years ago.
Who are you calling?
It just feels weird not even to say hello to them on a Friday night.
No. Don't call them.
This rift is between you and them, I'm still on friendly terms.
It's just that they're probably sitting there, eating alone...
shivering in an unheated room, with only a single light bulb...
to make us feel spectacularly guilty at the thought.
Grandpa, it's Rory.
Rory!
- He's pretending not to remember you? - No, it's loud there.
Loud?
- What's going on there? - We're having a party.
- A party? - A party?
A last-minute thing, couldn't get too big a crowd here.
I think we wound up with 55 or 60, something like that.
Sixty people.
Here come the mushroom caps, everybody.
- They're singing and mushroom caps. - I am appalled by this.
- Sounds like a lot of fun. - It is.
Your grandmother's in the next room, dancing with Lloyd Sandstone.
Watch where you put those hands, Lloyd.
- A guy named Lloyd is feeling up Grandma. - You're making this up.
I'll let you go, okay?
Okay. Now, you're coming to visit after school on Monday, aren't you?
- Yeah, I'll see you then. - I can't wait. Bye now.
[Singing]
The Gilmore house is partying like it's 1999.
And here, it's at home with The 700 Club.
We didn't tell them to stop living their lives.
- How could they bounce back so quickly? - I don't know, but bounce they did.
Okay, they win this time, but we've got to think of something...
super-big and fantastic and cool for next Friday night.
- Okay? - Okay.
Now, think.
Mushroom caps sound really good.
Sorry.
- Hi. - Say "cheese."
I love my little digital camera, I want to marry it.
- Do you ever want to put it away? - You hurt little Digital Dan's feelings.
Sorry, D.D.
Gotcha. No, wait.
Missed. Got a good one of you, though. Nice cheekbones.
Could you focus on something non-photographic?
- I'll try. - I was asked to pass this along to you.
From Chilton? Have you been dipping girls' hair in the inkwells again?
Read it and see.
"Dear Miss Gilmore: With your daughter's final days at Chilton fast approaching..."
"Yours are, too."
Not feeling the love here.
"The Booster Club could use your help. We would greatly appreciate..."
"Greatly" is underlined three times. Trying to emphasize a word there. Got it.
"Your involvement especially in light of your previous paucity of participation."
They got me with alliteration and an obscure word.
- The bastards. - I've been summoned to duty.
- Sounds like it. - I feel like I should pack my rucksack.
- Kiss my loved ones goodbye. - So don't do it then.
Yeah, you're as good as out of there. Yale's grabbed you. It's too late.
- We don't need a thing from them. - Except my graduation tickets.
- We already got them. - We need extras.
I put in a request and it's up to them now.
So we do need one kind of big thing.
- And there's my diploma. - You get your diploma at graduation.
No, I get my diploma holder at graduation.
They would withhold your diploma based on my participation paucity?
- I don't know. - I'm screwed. I guess I've got to do it.
Guys.
- Was that necessary? - Man, you do not photograph well.
- What? - You been getting some sleep, brother?
- 'Cause that's 40 miles of bad road. - I wasn't ready.
Plus it was a bad angle, plus this is a harsh light.
A soft light would help with the thing with the eyes.
Look who knows what light he looks best in.
- Are you ready to order? - I'm gonna take a picture of the menu...
and then order off the camera.
- Yell when she's tired of it. - Give it time.
Now I'm gonna zoom in on just the breakfast meats.
Go to town.
- We all finished at the same time. - That has never happened.
The middle of that song didn't even sound like us.
Yeah, it sounded good.
It sounded great, guys, all of it. Didn't it?
- Not too shabby. - We are so ready for this gig.
- I just love the sound of that. - Where is it?
Kyle's parents are going to Marriage Encounter for the weekend.
- So he's having a party. - You got enough songs?
Enough for two half-hour sets. We just need a name.
- I've made my suggestion. - We vetoed The Harry Potters. Next.
- Yours is better? - Follow Them To The Edge Of The Desert...
is memorable and classy.
- I run out of breath when I say it. - You've got asthma.
You get breathless saying your name.
Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.
Follow Them To The Edge Of The Desert, is still too long.
But when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to F.T.T.T.E.O.T.D.
- Do you guys have any suggestions? - We wouldn't dare.
How are you going to play with your mom being so strict?
Rory and Jess will deliver my drums to Kyle's house for me...
then Young Chui is going to pick me up to take me to a fictional bowling party...
that'll last the length of our gig.
- Nice going. - I've got my own ball and shoes.
Dude. Don't tell people that.
- See you, guys. - Yeah, see you.
Bye.
- How about The We? - The We?
We are The We.
I can't talk about this anymore.
- So, any word on your car? - Nothing.
You think someone would've found it, it was one of a kind.
It's probably holed up in some chop shop. Say goodbye, it's gone...
whatever. Let's talk about something else.
I like that you're getting to know Dave.
- Yeah, he's a cool guy. - Good.
It'll be fun, the four of us going to prom.
- I forgot about the prom. - You were trying to forget about the prom.
I agreed to go, and I am a man of my word.
- How's that arm I twisted? - I got the feeling back in it.
If there is one more dance I want to go to in my whole life...
it'd be the prom, with Lane, that's a big part of it.
- I'm getting tickets this week. - And I'll pay.
Not a chance.
It means a tux, you know? I know it's geeky...
Tuxes are also James Bond, that's not geeky.
You're kind.
And going to stash a change of clothes in the limo.
LORELAI: Sookie?
Yeah?
I need love and a hug. I just had to lay off Julio.
Poor thing.
It's the third one. All I'm doing is crushing people's spirits.
But you told them that we all love them and we'll hire them back soon.
I gave them their severance checks. They were so nice...
- it made it harder. - We're gonna get them back.
- It'll all be good again. - We have to lay off Frank, too...
but I just couldn't do another one, so Michel offered to do it.
- Did he say he'd be nice? - Yes.
- And then he skipped off to do it. - Boy.
- So, what's going on with Luke here? - I don't know.
I've been keeping my distance because of what happened.
- What happened? - Well, he was lying on the floor...
pretty much like that, tinkering with stuff back there...
and I got down and leaned in to see what he was doing...
and after a while I realized...
that the whole time my hand was on his butt.
It was an accident.
It's getting very Cinemax at night in here.
- It was embarrassing. - So.
- How was it? - His butt?
- Yeah. - It's got a nice shape to it.
Will you two stop talking about my butt?
- It's all positive. - And in bad taste.
- We'll talk about it after you leave. - Which is now, because I'm done.
What's the prognosis?
What the stove company told you. The wall is burnt from the fire.
You'll have to rebuild it before you can reconnect the gas.
It's gonna take a while. Sorry.
No, Luke, thanks for doing this, it's exactly what the contractor said.
We just wanted a guy with a good butt's opinion.
- Yeah. Tom has a terrible butt. - Please stop that.
- Rory and I will see you, Saturday? - You won't.
Nicole and I are going skiing and we're getting a very early start.
That sounds fun. Why very early?
She has to drive from her place in New York...
'cause she can't stay at my place because of Jess.
If you want, why don't you have her come in Friday night?
You guys could stay here at the inn. It'll be on the house.
- No, that's okay. - No, do it, Luke.
I mean, I know we have rooms available.
It's my way of saying thanks for parading that nice butt around here.
- No kidding, really, it's a great butt. - Stop it.
- No, really, it's no problem. - Well, I don't know, maybe.
- Either way, thanks for the offer. - All right.
I'll tell Michel to keep a room available just in case.
- Okay, see you. - Thanks. Bye.
Did you know that Frank rescues Chow puppies?
He feeds and houses them on his own dime till he finds an owner.
We can't fire him, and they are so cute.
Chin Chin and Paw Paw. Paw Paw's the one with the squatty little nose.
I took them both.
Okay, good job.
I have to go buy dog food. Will you fire Frank for me?
Sure thing.
With the last function we raised enough to put us in the black.
So the school comptroller is off our back...
which is going to make our last endeavor easier.
Haven't we already talked all this stuff to death?
Yes, but we need to fill in our last-minute Booster Club add-ons here.
- You get the scary, threatening letter? - Yup.
So on to Grad Night. Our last event of the year.
- How this year's gone by fast. - I can't believe my Farrah is 18.
My kid was 18 when she was 10.
- Men. - What?
Lay low, they're setting traps. So what are we doing this year?
- We're throwing a big party on a yacht. - Fun.
The party starts at the dock, then it sails for three hours...
and concludes with a fireworks show.
- How's the fundraising going? - Terrific.
The last fashion show brought in half of what we need...
and the bake sale today brought in way more than I expected.
That reminds me.
- What's this? - Our cashbox.
- You're the Grad Night treasurer. - I'm the what?
We took a little vote and you won.
Maybe there should be a recount because I stink with money.
- The vote was unanimous. - I was late, can we revote?
Doug was late, too, and he was voted Lead Chaperone.
- Goody. - Come on, we can take them.
It's really not a tough job, you just manage the cash...
keep the simple books.
It means if you don't come to the next meeting...
we're going to assume you ran off with our money.
No, I wouldn't do that.
Hello, ladies, hope I'm not too late. And, gentleman, sorry.
- Doug is one of the ladies now. - It's good to see you all.
- Terry, Carrie, Lorelai, good to see you. - Yeah, good... Same here.
- What did I miss? - Nothing much.
- Lorelai is our Grad Night treasurer. - You up to the challenge?
Yeah, I'll watch the little box here.
Otherwise, they've been picking on you mercilessly.
- Pretty much. - I'm here to lend you gender support.
- Terry, why don't you continue? - Great.
- We were discussing Grad Night. - The yacht, it sounds great.
Now, we've already spoken to six caterers.
They're all excited to bid, but a couple are so expensive...
that I know they'll price themselves out of the running.
- Weird. Very weird. - It's as if we had no history.
He treated me the same as what's her name...
and the overly-coiffed lady and the one who jiggled her leg.
- I hate that. - It's like an earthquake.
- And he was so nonchalant. - Stand-offy?
He was just Max.
And I wanted to hook up with him after to talk...
but very conveniently he excused himself five minutes early...
for an "appointment," and I couldn't walk out early with him...
because I'm the treasurer and it would be fishy.
- They made you treasurer? - I tried to tell them.
What's with this appointment nonsense and no eye contact?
- You mean, he never once looked at you? - He did, but it lacked in meaning.
- Were you looking at him meaningfully? - No, I was trying to play it cool.
There you go, he was doing the same thing.
You were both James Deaning it, trying to keep it professional.
He was not playing at it, I was. He was really it.
- What? - Cool.
- Got it. - So...
- Maybe you two never kissed. - Me and Max? No, we kissed.
- Maybe it was an illusion. - It was not an illusion. We kissed.
Don't be sure, the same thing happened to me when I was 10.
I was so into Leif Garrett. And I fantasized about kissing him so much...
that at some point I really thought it happened.
- I kissed Max, Sookie. - I can still feel Leif's lips on mine.
- I kissed him. - What is Rory's take on all this?
I told her about the kiss at first, but it's weird.
He's back and I'm back having an involvement with her teachers.
She's dealing with finals. I don't want to stress her out.
What's the ultimate thing here? Do you want to get back with him?
I don't know what I'm feeling or what I'm looking for these days...
and I hate that. It's so wish y-washy, but it's true.
Technically, I'm still seeing Alex, although it's more intermittent than ever.
I'm not sure about being with Max. The kiss just happened out of the blue.
- The alleged kiss. - Sookie, we kissed.
Okay, calm down.
If I knew where Max was in all this I'd know better where I was.
It's like when you go to a steak and lobster place.
It's easier to know what you want after your date chooses.
You want steak if he's getting lobster because then you can share.
If he's not, you can get surf 'n' turf. You may look like a pig...
but some guys are turned on by a big appetite.
And now I'm not just confused, I'm hungry.
Me, too. Maybe lunch would take your mind off it a bit.
- Hope so. - Are you sure there was really an Alex?
Stop.
Come in.
Well, Jess Mariano, what a pleasure.
Sit down.
Just trying to buy prom tickets, they told me to see you.
Sit down.
The prom?
I wouldn't take you for someone who'd want to go.
- My girlfriend wants to. - That's too bad.
- What? Why? - Because you flunked out.
- I what? - You're not graduating, Jess.
Prom tickets are for graduating seniors only.
- Your girlfriend's out of luck. - Wait a minute.
I'm just a little behind, I can catch up, no sweat.
- You can't, you've missed too much. - Not that much.
Thirty-one days you've been out. Cut-off is 20.
- So that's it. Just like that. - That's it.
- Thanks for the warning. - The nine warning slips weren't enough?
The meetings I tried to set up with your counselor...
between you and me that you blew off, that wasn't warning enough.
I can catch up, I'm smarter than anyone here.
- And humble, too. - I can catch up, you'll see.
- There's nothing to see. You're out. - Fine.
I'll take summer school, if you want.
Good, but it's not enough. You have to take the whole year over.
- The whole year? No way. - Then no diploma.
At least let me go to the prom. What's the big deal?
- We're done here. - Come on.
You want to talk about coming back next year? My door's open.
- I'm not gonna miss this place. - Vice versa.
- No. It's impossible. - What?
I just counted the money in the cashbox and I'm $18 short.
You didn't deposit that at the bank?
Be judgmental later and help me with my fiscal crisis here.
- Did you count it when you got it? - I glanced at it.
- Boy, you are a sucky treasurer. - The job was forced on me.
It must have been short when you got it.
Or maybe a burglar broke in here.
A burglar who bypassed our TV, our stereo and our jewelry...
and went straight for the cashbox, and took $18 and left the rest?
- Some burglars are less greedy. - I'm out of answers.
Great, I'm gonna have to put $18 of my own in to ward off suspicion.
You're off to the party now?
I'm helping the band set up. I do the cymbals.
- You're not taking a purse. - Why?
- You don't need money, you don't need ID. - Where will I keep my house key?
You'll put your house key through the metal thingy on your belt.
You'll only lose it if you take off your belt, and if you're taking off your belt...
for any reason at the party, I'm not sure I want you coming home.
Brilliant.
Are your shoes okay? You've got good traction?
Traction?
There will be liquids of various textures.
- You eating there? - If they have stuff.
Eating out of a communal bowl is as bad as putting your hand in a toilet.
If you're desperate, be the person who replenishes them...
and grab a handful out of the new bag...
- and dump the rest in the bowl. - Got it.
Remember that getting up on a table and performing a song...
will haunt you forever. Trust me, been there, done that.
- I don't plan to. - Those things are never planned.
You going now?
I'm going, too. I'll lock it up.
Otherwise I'd have to undo my belt. Enjoy your meeting.
- I will. Hon? - Yeah.
I promised I wasn't going to ask you about Max...
considering the history and that he's back teaching you, at all.
- And I'm gonna keep my promise, good? - Very good.
- Okay. That's all I wanted to say. - Okay.
[Sighing]
- This setup feel right to everybody? - Cool by me.
- Me, too. - How's it look out there?
Like you're going to bullet straight to the top of the charts with a bullet.
Or a gun's gonna shoot a bullet...
and I'm not familiar with the precise terminology, but it's working. Right?
- They look like a band. - Move back more.
- Why? - When I do my double jump kick...
with slashing windmills, I'll need more room.
- Don't do it. - That sounds a little too Milli Vanilli.
If I back up, my extension cord may damage the miniature date palm.
- The what? - That's what that's called.
Don't call plants by their specific names, it's very not rock 'n' roll.
Let's finalize the set list, guys.
Need any help hiding the valuables?
Nope, stashed the snow globes, hid the Lladró...
- now we're just packing up the Hummels. - Two to go.
Marshall, watch it!
- Boy With Toothache is Mom's favorite! - Sorry.
Hey.
Did I hear the singer mention a double jump kick?
- We'll talk him out of it. - Good.
"Zealous Xylophonist." That's sweet.
Starting off with a slow tune won't work.
- Yeah, man, it's so emo it makes me sick. - I was just playing devil's advocate.
- Devil's Advocate. - Not a bad name.
Keg!
That's my cousin, Rick. He just turned 21. Pretty awesome.
Twenty-one! Yeah!
- What is that? Beer? - No, it's one of those milk kegs.
- Good one. - There's beer? Is that legal?
Well, apparently Rick is 21.
Twenty-one!
Or just really into that particular integer.
Beer.
It's a party, Lane. What were you expecting, Tang?
- No, I guess not. - The carpet, guys, lift it.
- We got it. - Marshall, go get towels to set it on.
And not the good towels. The swim towels.
- Anything I can help you with? - We got it covered, thanks, Young Chui.
Lane, you need water or anything?
You should stay away from the band area.
We've got a lot of cords and I don't want you to get electrocuted and die.
Okay.
- So he's staying for the whole thing? - He's got nowhere else to go.
- These are the good towels. - These are the swim towels.
The swim towels have stripes, and they're oversized.
Hurry, we still have to put away my dad's military icon collector plates.
- We're here a little early. - No, we're with the band.
We're the roadies, the sound crew, and I'm advising on makeup.
And I'm the keeper of Brian's food. We're busy backstage-type people.
- We're dork early. - Come on, get into the spirit of things.
Hello, Cleveland!
Guess I'll wander around a little.
- You could do the slashing windmills. - Maybe I'll skip it.
Good thinking.
- Michel, are you okay? - Do I look okay?
Are those people waiting for a bellman?
They're waiting for a unicorn to sing to a rainbow. Yes, a bellman.
There's only one, the others were laid off. And a maid called in sick.
Not only am I answering phones and checking people in and out...
I'll have to do turndown service and carry people's bags...
You're going to a bad place, take a breath, go to a good place.
I have to go home to play with my puppies 'cause the book said...
they need love and stimulation or else they'll murder you later on.
Paw Paw had fallen in her water bowl and was soaking wet...
so I had to blow-dry her...
The nice place. And I can stay and help a little bit, okay?
She could have drowned. I am a bad daddy.
Paw Paw's fine. Watch the desk, get the bellman back here. I'll do turndown.
Have you ever seen Chow puppies? You want to eat them up.
They're getting ready to go on.
They're all hyperventilating to the same rhythm. A positive sign.
What are you looking at?
The happy family. It's kind of depressing.
Come on, Mr. Sunshine.
You're spreading so much joy around you're embarrassing yourself.
- You've got to get a little more moody. - I'll try.
- Let's look around a little bit. - Okay.
- Seems a little early for that. - It never is.
- Bathroom line. - Figures.
What's up with you, guys?
- The stupid keg. - It's not working.
- Where's the tap? - The what?
It's a keg, it's sealed. You need to hook up a tap to pump the beer out.
I told you the thing in the bag did something.
- No instructions. - Jeez.
- There, start pumping. - All right!
- To Jess! - To Jess!
Yeah.
You and Springsteen: The working-man's hero.
- You ready to go on? - Only if Brian rallies.
- What's wrong? - I don't feel good.
It's his heartburn again.
I told you, dude, it's your citrus intake. Stop eating oranges.
Rory?
- You've got to do me a big favor. - Name it.
Young Chui is driving me crazy.
- What do you want me to do? - If you see any unattached girls...
who you think would go for a very available, needy, self-delusional guy...
- send them Young Chui's way. - I'll keep a lookout.
- Oh, my God, this is it. - Knock them dead.
- Brian, you with us? - I've forgotten how to play the bass.
- Perfect. - You're just nervous.
Take a deep breath. Use your inhaler.
Remember John Entwistle's hair and fingernails were still growing...
when they brought in his replacement.
- You're gonna replace me? - No, we're not. Just relax.
- Let the music flow through you. - Come on, let's go.
Yeah, come on! Rock 'n' roll!
- Zack, start. - Wait, someone's got to introduce us.
- Rory, introduce us. - Me? Why me?
- Come on, let's go! - Yeah! Crank it!
- Go. - All right.
Now, who wants to hear some tunes?
Okay, good, there's a consensus.
Here they are: Stars Hollow's rockingest band...
although they're not all from Stars Hollow...
but they practice there, so we kind of consider them our own.
Here they are... What's your name?
Follow Them To The Edge Of The Desert.
The Chops.
- Turndown. - Come on in.
Hello there, this won't take long.
- Luke. - Lorelai.
- What are you doing here? - You invited us, remember?
Us?
- Hi, Nicole. There's the "us." - Hi, Lorelai.
I don't usually do this turndown service.
I mean, I did when I started many moons ago...
but that's when I was a maid. Wow, you guys are here.
You didn't know?
I mean, I remember inviting you, it's great that you're here...
but when I told Michel I'd do the turndown service...
it must've slipped his mind that you were here.
- Paw Paw fell in her water dish. - What?
Never mind. I'll just do this and get out of your way.
- You don't have to. - Yeah, Lorelai, we can do all this.
No, you are our guests and you deserve to get what you're paying for.
We're not paying.
No, but this is "where you start paying in sweat."
- What? - Fame, right?
Yeah, Debbie Allen. "In sweat." I always loved how she said that.
- Let's see, you need towels. - You can just give them to me.
Okay, here are your towels...
and I'll draw your curtains closed.
What else? It's been a little while since I've done this.
- Do you want a fire? - I don't know. Nicole?
- A fire would be nice. - Okay, I'll light it for you.
We have these new log bags now, makes it real easy.
Okay.
[Lorelai snickering]
So...
Nothing like a fire on a cold night like this.
[Lighter clicking]
Not having much luck here.
And you know what?
We laid off the person who could light these things.
Now we can't light them. Ironically, we laid him off because of a fire.
- It's okay, forget it. I can light it. - Okay.
What else? Let's see.
Turndown, I need to turn down the bed.
- Really, Lorelai. - No. Up.
Get you all settled here, nice and comfy.
Straight lines with these covers here...
pillows nice and plump, and a couple of pillow mints.
There you go. Now you're all ready for your evening.
- Fine, that's good. - Yes, great, Lorelai.
You're all set. Call if you need anything and have fun.
Okay, thanks. We're going to take a short break and then we'll be back.
Guys, that was amazing. Really, it was awesome.
- Thanks. - Dude, you did good, you really did.
But you got a little too close to me when you were singing.
I got as close as I had to.
Your nose touched my cheek, man, that's too close.
Guys, come on, just be happy.
- We played and we didn't suck. Right? - Yeah, it was good.
Come on, let's spread the word. All drinks on coasters, please.
The coasters are there to be used, guys.
- What's wrong? I mean, we totally rocked. - We sounded great.
Then what is it?
This Young Chui thing is driving me crazy.
- Why? - Why?
Lane, when are you gonna break up with him?
It's complicated. He is very sensitive right now.
- I don't care. - If you got to know him, you'd understand.
I just want him to break up with you so I can take you to your prom.
He's acting like he's in love with you. Oh, no. Is he?
- Kind of. - Kind of?
Apparently, totally.
Young Chui's in love with you, that's why he won't break up...
so he can take you to your prom.
He knows your mom likes him and we're almost out of time.
- We have time. - The prom's in two weeks.
- I'll make it happen, I swear. - It's too late.
I'll see you for the next set.
Dave?
- So, what now? - What do you mean, what now?
Let's go.
- Go where? - Anywhere.
- It's early. - It's boring.
- Jess, we can't just go. - Yes, we can.
- The band's playing another set. - They can do without us.
I don't want to leave. Now, come on, try to have fun. Talk, mingle.
I don't want to talk to anybody else. I don't like anybody else.
I don't want to leave.
I need to stay here for Lane. Come on.
Gloomy.
- We'll go when they get done playing. - Sure, Grandpa.
We'll go then, I promise.
Hey.
You drop a chip, you pick it up. It's common courtesy, folks.
Hi, guys.
Lindsay, what did you think of Lane's band?
I liked them, although I didn't recognize most of the songs.
She's not a music freak like you.
- Well, we can't all be freaks. - True.
What kind of music do you like?
I don't know, Michelle Branch, Matchbox Twenty...
Jeez.
I like them, too. I mean, I like all kinds of things.
- You used to go to our school. - He still goes.
Really, I haven't seen you around much.
What are you, the attendance monitor?
I'm gonna go see what the hell's holding up this line.
- He's not feeling well. - That's too bad.
- We'll see you later. - Bye.
Hey, Lane.
- There's some guy looking for you. - Good, where?
And the part where Gimli the dwarf is riding a horse...
and Legolas grabs the front straps and swings on top of it...
Dude, that was awesome.
- Any more left in that thing? - Plenty.
Foam or no foam?
Anything you hand me, Kyle, I'm downing.
Very refreshing.
And at the end, when the tree's on fire...
and he puts himself out in the flood?
Hi, sorry I'm late.
Actually I'm not late, I was right on time...
but then I remembered I left the cashbox in the car.
I was not used to having to carry a cashbox...
so I went back and got it...
and I was carrying it by the handle, and the stupid thing flew open...
and money flew everywhere, and I may have lost $18 in the process.
Anyway, here I am.
So, where's Doug?
- I believe we scared Doug away. - I love scaring the Dougs away.
So you were telling us about these ridiculous dock fees.
We got a final quote from the yacht owner...
who then remembers he failed to mention an exorbitant dock fee.
- Unbelievable. - And I don't want to pay.
I made some calls and have suggestions on how to get around it.
But first, let me bring in a student from the senior class...
who wanted to give her own thoughts about the yacht trip.
Come on in.
- Oh, no. - Paris Geller.
Ladies, thank you for seeing me.
I know you're busy and have families to get home to...
so I appreciate your courtesy, and I'll make it brief.
Having Grad Night on a yacht...
is the worst idea since Neville Chamberlain told the people of England:
"Don't worry about Hitler, he's a standup chap."
Forget the inconvenience of being at sea...
with guests unable to leave a dull party, or if the band...
which'll inevitably be composed of accountants with semi-mullets...
decides to do a half-hour tribute to Kenny G.
The seasickness, abetted by snuck-in flasks and badly-cooked food...
could lead to an epidemic...
which may lead to lawsuits the school can ill afford.
These points call for a change in venue...
to a hotel ballroom or restaurant, many of which I've already called.
Here are the results.
I've included a list of maritime disasters from the past 50 years:
Capsizings, on-board fires, etc.
And trust me, it'll put you off your lunch.
Thank you for your time and cooperation.
So.
My thought is to discuss these yacht fees with the yacht owner first.
Absolutely.
- Hello, everyone, sorry I'm late. - That's okay.
I'm Barbara Epstein. I teach drama and I'll be your faculty rep tonight.
Welcome, Barbara.
I just left Max Medina. He filled me in on everything.
Good, then we'll get a running start.
We're dealing with a fee that we do not want to pay, for this yacht.
Keep going, girls, I just need... I'll be right back.
- Joan, you've got to watch the cashbox. - Will do.
Sorry, the nearest bathroom?
That way?
I'm gonna go this way. I think the farthest one is the one I want.
I told a friend I'd meet her there, so I'll just...
Gotcha.
You sure did.
- Bad time? - Kind of.
- Busy? - Real busy.
- You're avoiding me. - No, I'm not.
- Then what's with the "I'm busy" thing? - I can't be busy?
But that's avoiding me, saying you're busy.
It's descriptive of my current state.
These essays are due tomorrow, I'm way behind on my reading.
I'm eating my day-old vending-machine sandwich at my desk...
in my futile attempt to try and catch up.
- Two rotations. - What?
It's in the Booster Club bylaws. I looked it up myself.
Faculty advisors are supposed to do...
at least two consecutive rotations with the Booster Club...
- and you did only one. - I did three.
- What? - I did three. You went to my third one.
I did the previous two you weren't at.
I'm assuming you have documentation.
With Lorelai Gilmore it's trust, but verify.
I'm sure I could scrounge up a witness.
Why did you treat me so weird at the last meeting?
I treated you with respect and kindness.
That's why it was weird. It's how you treated Terry and Joan, too.
I mean, did you also kiss Terry and Joan?
Yeah, I did. And Doug. He was the best of the three.
I was playing it cool. You were, too. I was just following suit.
I was playing it cool 'cause you were. And I'm the treasurer.
The treasurer has to be cool or it'd look suspicious.
Wait, 10 feet.
Ten feet?
That's a safe distance for us. The more furniture in between, the better.
I'm not gonna attack you.
I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about me.
There are people still around, this is my workplace.
And I can't be held responsible for what I do around you.
I mean, you're like a mythological creature...
that casts a spell on me and makes me act stupid.
I'm not stupid. I don't act stupid with anyone else.
We're too close again.
I didn't bring a tape measure. I'm not good at judging distances.
You have to help me out.
It's bigger than a basketball player.
Just keep a really big basketball player between us.
I bet there's a sentence that's never been uttered before.
There are other complications with this whole thing, you know.
Just thought I'd tell you.
- What other complications? - I was seeing someone in California.
There, I said it.
You weren't living like a Trappist monk over there? I'm shocked.
That doesn't bother you?
Max, we weren't together. I mean, I've been seeing someone, too.
I'd probably still be seeing Diane if I hadn't moved back here.
That's something to think about.
You can't date ever again 'cause if you'd stayed in California...
which you didn't, you might still be dating Diane?
Yes. No.
Do you want an aspirin? I probably have a Tic Tac.
I shouldn't have teased you with that aspirin thing.
I thought we were both going to just pretend to ignore the kiss.
- Wasn't that the deal? - We had a deal? I don't remember a deal.
You had your shot, okay? You had the ring and you said no.
Yes, I did.
And you said that was right for you, too.
You went to Stanford, you dated Diane, it was right for both of us.
- So what is this now, right here? - It's us.
Well, us need to stay apart.
Max, we had a whole country between us for a year.
That's like 11,000 basketball players lying end to end.
And yet, here we are. We can't avoid each other.
I thought I was over you, and that it was safe to come back, but no, not the deal.
I think we should stay apart and never see each other ever again.
- That's impossible. - No, it's not.
Well, I'll be at the Chilton graduation and so will you.
I'll sit behind a tree.
We could run into each other at a drugstore.
I'm going to order all my drugs online.
If my car breaks down next to yours, will you stop?
I will stop, keep my eyes straight forward...
call a garage, then stay in my car with the radio on really loud...
till they come. Then I'm gone.
And I say we start being apart right now.
Okay.
- Whatever you want. - This is what I want.
When I walk out that door...
it could very well be the last time we see each other.
I'll abide by your wishes.
Goodbye, Lorelai.
Goodbye, Max.
- You said you were leaving. - My car's that way.
- I have to go that way, too. - After you.
- Two seconds, we've run into each other. - Doesn't count.
- Young Chui, have you seen Jess? - I think I saw him go upstairs.
- Have you seen Lane? - Not for a while.
She's probably with the band. Why don't you go see?
- I don't want to lose these seats. - Right.
It's just me and Marshall, Mom, honest.
Okay, kiss Uncle Newtie for me. Bye.
- Kyle, mind if I use your phone there? - As long as it's local.
- It's local distance, yeah, don't worry. - Okay.
Hello, Mama? Hi, how are you doing tonight?
It's Lane. Yeah, Lane.
Nothing's wrong. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good right now.
Had a beer and a half, nice cold beer, and I just thought I'd tell you...
I'm drumming in a band tonight at a party and we rocked.
We were The Clash and Rage Against The Machine and Nirvana combined.
And I'm in love with Dave Rygalski. He's my guy, not Young Chui.
Young Chui's a ship in the night.
Not even a ship, he's a little tugboat, tooting along...
and I'm not going to the prom with him, I'm going with Dave.
Because we rock together, Mama. The charade is over.
- What are you doing? - What I should've done months ago.
That wasn't your mother, tell me that wasn't her.
That was the mother. I am liberated, my friend.
- You're drunk. - No, I'm... Am I?
We're going on in five minutes. Can you even play?
I can hit the sticks on those brubs.
Great, but what about the drums?
Dave.
There you are. I've been looking all over for you.
I just got tired of everything down there.
Are we allowed to be up here? I mean, Kyle was kind of discouraging it.
When you have a party, you get what you get.
Yeah, I guess.
Sad boy. What's wrong?
You were looking forward to this party, what happened?
- Nothing. - Something did.
Come on, tell me.
You're not tired of me, are you?
That's a pretty good answer.
Jess, wait.
Jess.
- Not here, not now. - Fine!
- What's wrong with you? - Nothing's wrong with me.
Someone could walk in that door.
And Santa Claus could come down the chimney.
You didn't think that it was gonna happen like this?
I don't know what I think anymore.
Rory, just stop!
I did not invite you up here. You came up here on your own.
I don't know what I did.
[Jess sighing]
You didn't do anything.
Rory.
Excuse me, sorry.
- Are you okay? - Yes. No. I don't know.
What happened?
Figures.
Dean, no.
Stop it, guys!
- Young Chui, we've got to talk. - Don't touch me.
I'm not gonna touch you. I think it's time you and I had a real talk about Lane.
- Just a talk? - We'll keep it friendly, honest.
Okay.
- Get off me! - I'm trying.
- Bogus! - Break it up!
Guys!
Knock it off!
- Guys, just stop it! - Let go of me!
Cops.
- Oh, no, man, is that... - The Boy With Toothache.
You're dead.
Okay. Dump your cups and go home. Now.
Thanks a lot, man.
Jess.
[Police radio chattering]